Original subtitles

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I don't want to be in love.

What is this? Tuesday?

I don't want my last day to be a frickin' Tuesday!

I can't believe this is happening!

This...this...can't be!

Not in this uncomfortable tuxedo!

We had a deal!

I mean...I know the deal wasn't written in stone! but...

Still! This wasn't supposed to go down like this!

It's so ironic!

I just bent down to pick some flowers!

What the hell?!

Why did they do that?

Was it on purpose?

I don't want my story to end!

I don't want to end up all alone!

Not on Tuesday!

Not on a Tuesday!

Thanks for the sweater.

It's great...You're the best!

But doesn't it make you kind of mad?

You know, that you don't have somebody more significant to spend your time with?

what do you mean?

My best friend...and we spend...

...all of our time together.

What else do I need?

Well what about a girlfriend?

What about a wife?

I mean you're 34 years old, Maxie boy.

But I like ... booze!

...and hookers...

...and dogs, I mean...

...let's face it. This are a few of my favorite things.

Anyway, let's blow this Popsicle stand. I gotta meet Frank outside.

Blow out your candle. Make a wish birthday boy.

Let's go.

Hey Max...I got a proposition for you.

Since it's your birthday and all....

Well I was thinking....

...what do you say, if we don't find anybody better by your next birthday...

...that ...we just marry each other.

You're kidding right? No.

I get it, you're drunk.

I'm sorry, let's go, right?

Thank you...

Thanks. How you doing? Let's go.

Gee...what is this? Our third date or something? And you didn't even bring me flowers?

You didn't even bring me flowers!

Ahh...see a true gentleman.

Hey,...uhh...what are you trying to do? Make me look bad in front of my girl, buckaroo?

Uhh...I think you're doing that all by yourself.

You guys have fun. You bet. See you sweets. Come on.

See you sweets.

If we don't find anybody better by your next birthday, we just marry each other.

Alright. I'm trusting you.

It's all about trust.

Now, I'm gonna start eating your pussy.

Now I want you to lay back.

I'm sure.

Spread those legs.

This is making me kind of nervous.

Oh, baby, that's so good!

Give me more!

Oh, yes! Give me that hot fucking knob!

Fuck yes! Do it!

Hey! Hey!

You liked that didn't you? Uhh huh.

Yeah. You're awfully sneaky.

Well, it's okay. It's just a ....

I wanna see your little pussy!

.... Okay.

You sure that's what you want?

You want to do what?!

She's gonna eat your pussy!

She's gonna ...Suck your cock? Oh, yeah.

Like that?

Oh, yes! Suck his cock!

Rub those pussies together!

Fuck your mouth, huh?

I'm having fun!

Choke on that big fucking dick!

Does that feel good? Does that feel good on your dick?

Doesn't that feel good? Huh?!

Yes, bury your cock in her!

Put your big dick in her fucking hole!

Lick that pussy with your hot tongue!

Yes, you like that?

You like it...Say it!

Fuck that nasty little slut!

Taste that little pussy!

taste it some more!

Take that pussy! Make it yours!

You like that hard cock!

Spit on my pussy.

Lick that cock clean!

I just want everything to be picture perfect.

To be as wonderful and glorious...

...to be with the woman I love....

...to show her that...I was the one worthy of loving.

...to show her i was the most deserving.

But the one she had to settle for...

...but the best.

...like she was for me.

The dream come true...

...not the middle of the road...

...if she could just hold my hand...

...if she could just hold my hand and tell me that...

...everything was going g to be okay...

Everything is going to be okay.

Everything is going to be okay.

I'm positive!

Your work is awesome!

They're gonna buy it!

But, I'm a terrible writer!

I don't know what I'm doing.

Everybody just seems interested in the lowest common denominator.

but...this artsy crap that I'm doing...

I mean...all they want to read about is...

...chicks with big boobs and...

...guys with guns and fast cocks.

Baloney!

Don't be such a worry wort!

You're great! They're gonna buy it! Now be a good boy and eat your sandwich.

Okay.

So what do you got going on tonight?

Hot date!

Nah, more of a lukewarm kind of thing.

Just some guy I met online...

Total DMB.

DMB?

You know, dinner...movie...and a blowjob.

Nothing more.

I see...Quite clever.

I have my moments!

Pervert!

you think I'm a pervert?!

I don't think it, I know it!

What are you talking about?

so...do you love this woman?

Tell her you love her.

I make her love you back.

Mmmhh?

She does love me.

Just as...a ...friend...

Baahhh!

She loved you more than a friend.

Yeah. Now suck my thumb.

Yes, mistress.

You, just cannot wait until your birthday?

You must do it now!...

...You have to do it sooner!

She'll find somebody better!

She'll find fancy car...

Pretty dresses for her?!

But she's not into all that!...

She wants love not money.

I mean... I know her.

I've known her all my life!

We've always been each other's best friends!

Then, put your penis inside her!

...the ring on her finger. Go make babies ....

Mmmhh?

You're not getting any younger. You're not spring chicken.

What?!

go tell her you love her!

Tell her you want to marry.

Your life is happening now!

This moment is all you have!

Mmmh?

So choose love, huh? What?

No buts!

You will just say, yes! Follow your heart...

Tell the girl I love her.

yes, mistress.

i will follow my heart. And tell the girl I love her.

Good boy!

Now...

The penis in ...

...and we make sperm for fun.

Yeah?

Yes, mistress.

yes, mistress.

Yes, mistress.

Very good. So!

Would you tell her?

Yes, mistress.

So I had a great time tonight, I guess.

Thanks for buying me dinner.

Your welcome. You know, you don't have to be so formal.

I don't?

No.

You can relax.

It's okay. I like you. You can just be yourself.

Really?

Yeah. You know, don't go whipping out your salami, right away.

It's okay. I won't bite.

Can I kiss you?

Yeah.

Let's go....

Okay. Totally!

Dianne!

Dianne!

Why didn't you wait for me?

It was supposed to be just a DMV.

Why? It was because I needed someone who wasn't afraid to say he loved me!

I needed somebody brave.

You had our chance.

Sorry. That's that.

Make a wish, birthday boy!

so what'd you wish for?

I'm not telling.

It won't come true.

Don't be such an old lady. Tell me what'd you wish for?!

Maybe it will come true.

Fuck me all over with your tongue!

Make me all wet! Make me all wet and juicy for you!

Now I'm your bride and you can do whatever you want to me!

Fuck my little mouth?

Yeah, fuck my hot little mouth!

Is that your wish?

That's my wish.

Any chance of it coming true?

Umm...well...I kind of have something to tell you.

You know how we had that deal? The one about marriage?

Well...

Viggo...Viggo kind of asked me to...

...To what?!

Future bride to be....

Future what now?!

Aren't you happy for us?

But of course.

Oh,...cupcake!

Now, I should've been happy. Right?

But it's not what I felt.

Inside....Inside I felt sad.

...and broken hearted.

I finally told...her...you know...

I finally told her that I was in love with her.

...that my fantasy was to be with her.

And what'd she tell me...?

...that she could never be with me.

But the worst part is that they invited me to the stupid wedding!

Of course, then again, how can I complain?

I had a chance for that.

I knew it was up to Fay.

She didn't know that I really loved her.

She didn't know.

she gave it up to chance and she found someone.

Just go to the center...

...celebrate your best friend's big day.

Be a good friend!

Hell, be a good guy.

After all....

... if I wasn't spending all my time...

...messing around with hookers... and picking up strangers from bars...

...maybe I could've made more of the moment.

Maybe.

Maybe.

Maybe that one girl was right.

All we have is now. You know?

So...why complain?

This is the moment....

...this is all that we really have.

We choose our lives.

Our lives don't choose us.

So why complain about it?

Uhh...why not just try to make the most out of it?

Why not just be here now?

Just go to the reception, you putz!

Bring her a flower and wish her good LUCK!

Oh my, are you okay?

Oh my god! No!

Oh! No! No!

[ambulance sounds]

Fuck!

Why not just be here now?

In this moment.

And make the most of the time we have now.

And the company at hand.

Ohh!

Give it to me there!

All we have is now.

Who could ask for anything more?

... Jump back and scream!

That's good! Good! Good!

Look at the camera again.

What's with you looking at the camera?

yeah.

At least give me a cock to look at.

I said BREED!