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00:00:06,699 --> 00:00:08,699
subtitle by peritta
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00:00:08,700 --> 00:00:11,532
You heard a couple nut sacks
talkin' about hockey the other day...
3
00:00:11,533 --> 00:00:13,532
- This kid.
- Kid is a fuckin' stud.
4
00:00:13,533 --> 00:00:15,699
- Kid's a fuckin' beauty.
- Fuckin' look at this kid.
5
00:00:15,700 --> 00:00:16,866
Fuckin' love this kid.
6
00:00:16,867 --> 00:00:18,866
- Kid lights lamp.
- Hashtag lamp life.
7
00:00:18,867 --> 00:00:20,150
Eat, sleep, lamp.
8
00:00:20,322 --> 00:00:21,866
Don't give him too much
space, buddy. He'll dangle.
9
00:00:21,867 --> 00:00:23,699
He'll dangle all the
fuckin' way to outer space.
10
00:00:23,700 --> 00:00:25,532
Suck some Martian
titties up there, boys.
11
00:00:25,533 --> 00:00:28,199
Just getting super sloppy
all over our space dinks.
12
00:00:28,200 --> 00:00:30,338
Silky mittens, top tittens. Ferda boys.
13
00:00:30,340 --> 00:00:32,119
- Ferda!
- Ferda!
14
00:00:32,121 --> 00:00:34,532
Big roadie to the big
city this weekend, Schmelt.
15
00:00:34,533 --> 00:00:35,699
Do you know what that means?
16
00:00:35,700 --> 00:00:36,866
Um...
17
00:00:36,867 --> 00:00:37,866
Suckin' city titty, idiot.
18
00:00:37,867 --> 00:00:39,532
Suckin' all that big city titty, idiot.
19
00:00:39,533 --> 00:00:41,199
All up that big city slam piece.
20
00:00:41,200 --> 00:00:42,866
Big city slams, idiot.
21
00:00:42,867 --> 00:00:45,532
Big city billet moms.
Big city billet sisters.
22
00:00:45,533 --> 00:00:46,866
Let's get our dinks sucked on, boys.
23
00:00:46,867 --> 00:00:48,100
Yes.
24
00:00:49,700 --> 00:00:51,366
Hey, how's school going, Schmelt?
25
00:00:51,367 --> 00:00:53,699
- It's going...
- Just kidding. We don't give a fuck.
26
00:00:53,700 --> 00:00:55,199
Get our pops, Schmelt.
27
00:00:55,200 --> 00:00:57,267
Big city slams, Schmelt.
28
00:01:18,367 --> 00:01:19,699
- How are ya now?
- Not so bad.
29
00:01:19,700 --> 00:01:20,933
Good and you?
30
00:01:21,700 --> 00:01:23,075
Not too bad.
31
00:01:23,590 --> 00:01:24,798
Have you shit yourself?
32
00:01:24,800 --> 00:01:26,158
You look like you've
got an awkward boner.
33
00:01:27,590 --> 00:01:29,422
- Don't.
- Don't what?
34
00:01:29,423 --> 00:01:30,922
Dan?
35
00:01:30,923 --> 00:01:32,589
Did you know that Daryl used
to get boners every morning
36
00:01:32,590 --> 00:01:34,323
in grade nine during O Canada?
37
00:01:34,590 --> 00:01:36,418
No shit.
38
00:01:36,420 --> 00:01:37,386
Yep.
39
00:01:37,388 --> 00:01:40,490
Just could not get through O
Canada without getting a boner.
40
00:01:40,757 --> 00:01:43,756
Give a young man 30 idle seconds
and he's gonna get a boner.
41
00:01:43,757 --> 00:01:44,793
We talked about this.
42
00:01:44,795 --> 00:01:46,533
Is there something you
want to talk about now?
43
00:01:46,535 --> 00:01:49,556
Well, I was wondering if this year
we could skip the birthday party?
44
00:01:49,557 --> 00:01:52,360
Skip your super soft birthday
party? Are you fuckin' high?
45
00:01:52,362 --> 00:01:53,389
Hard no.
46
00:01:53,390 --> 00:01:55,591
Daryl's super soft birthday party?
47
00:01:55,600 --> 00:01:57,822
Every year, Daryl's
mom used to throw him
48
00:01:57,822 --> 00:01:59,270
these birthday parties
when he was a kid.
49
00:01:59,272 --> 00:02:01,056
Softest birthday party on planet Earth.
50
00:02:01,057 --> 00:02:03,722
Boy band karaoke, cupcake
decoration station,
51
00:02:03,723 --> 00:02:05,389
charcuterie.
52
00:02:05,390 --> 00:02:09,056
One year, his mom had him a "Make
the world a better place" party.
53
00:02:09,057 --> 00:02:11,389
One year they dressed a
horse up like a unicorn
54
00:02:11,390 --> 00:02:13,290
and he was never really
the same after that.
55
00:02:13,557 --> 00:02:14,889
It's not funny.
56
00:02:14,890 --> 00:02:16,889
I used to take a lot of
teasing in school for those.
57
00:02:16,890 --> 00:02:19,556
Aw, should I get you a tissue, Sally?
58
00:02:19,557 --> 00:02:21,722
No, he'll have one in his purse.
59
00:02:21,723 --> 00:02:23,556
Or maybe his clutch.
60
00:02:23,557 --> 00:02:26,123
Party's happening, Daryl.
You don't fuck with tradition.
61
00:02:30,943 --> 00:02:33,109
So. The agenda.
62
00:02:33,110 --> 00:02:36,276
After your dust up over the weekend,
safe to assume you're fighting again?
63
00:02:36,277 --> 00:02:38,609
- Co-rect.
- Ten-four, good buddy.
64
00:02:38,610 --> 00:02:41,442
Well, it's gonna be a busy week 'cause
there's a few guys walking around town
65
00:02:41,443 --> 00:02:43,442
claiming to be the toughest
guys in Letterkenny.
66
00:02:43,443 --> 00:02:45,276
I'm the toughest guy in Letterkenny.
67
00:02:45,277 --> 00:02:48,442
You were the toughest guy in
Letterkenny. It's been some time.
68
00:02:48,443 --> 00:02:49,733
Now, it's safe to assume that
69
00:02:49,735 --> 00:02:52,108
that title is as important
to you now as it was then?
70
00:02:52,110 --> 00:02:53,776
Does a duck with a boner drag weeds?
71
00:02:53,777 --> 00:02:55,609
Ten-four, good buddy!
72
00:02:55,610 --> 00:02:56,875
Then it's safe to assume
73
00:02:56,877 --> 00:02:58,608
that the challengers will
be coming up around the farm,
74
00:02:58,610 --> 00:03:00,904
as that is how you've
conducted business in the past.
75
00:03:00,906 --> 00:03:02,776
Well, I was never one for an audience.
76
00:03:02,777 --> 00:03:04,942
All right, let's talk
about the challengers.
77
00:03:04,943 --> 00:03:06,776
First up, we've got Sled Ted.
78
00:03:06,777 --> 00:03:07,820
Why's he called Sled Ted?
79
00:03:07,822 --> 00:03:11,442
Well, he likes fixin'
sleds, and ridin' sleds,
80
00:03:11,443 --> 00:03:13,395
and talkin' about sleds.
81
00:03:13,500 --> 00:03:15,166
He just really likes sleddin', boys.
82
00:03:15,167 --> 00:03:18,166
Uh, he beat up a guy named Basic Jay.
83
00:03:18,167 --> 00:03:19,307
Why's he called Basic Jay?
84
00:03:19,323 --> 00:03:20,999
'Cause he's a fuckin' basic.
85
00:03:21,001 --> 00:03:23,427
And now he thinks he's the
toughest guy in Letterkenny.
86
00:03:23,429 --> 00:03:25,982
After that we have Rat Ass.
87
00:03:25,984 --> 00:03:26,999
Why's he called Rat Ass?
88
00:03:27,000 --> 00:03:29,567
'Cause he's got a hairy ass like a rat.
89
00:03:30,000 --> 00:03:31,400
Can confirm.
90
00:03:34,000 --> 00:03:35,666
He beat up a guy named Brains.
91
00:03:35,667 --> 00:03:37,832
See, his name's Brian
but he spelt it Brain
92
00:03:37,833 --> 00:03:40,166
in the computer at bowling
one time. It just kinda stuck.
93
00:03:40,167 --> 00:03:42,999
Now he thinks he's the
toughest guy in Letterkenny.
94
00:03:43,000 --> 00:03:45,499
And after that, we got Joint Boy.
95
00:03:45,500 --> 00:03:48,233
Because he smokes lots of joints, Dairy.
96
00:03:50,833 --> 00:03:53,411
Well, just plucking the low
hanging fruit is what that is.
97
00:03:53,551 --> 00:03:56,964
I've seen that guy take on four
bouncers at the rippers one time.
98
00:03:56,966 --> 00:03:58,666
He is otherworldly.
99
00:03:58,667 --> 00:04:01,499
Got a dome on him like
an Easter Island statue.
100
00:04:01,500 --> 00:04:02,900
Is he single?
101
00:04:03,500 --> 00:04:05,054
Not that it matters, I guess.
102
00:04:05,056 --> 00:04:06,146
Look,
103
00:04:06,148 --> 00:04:08,076
keep it at the end of the lane way.
104
00:04:08,078 --> 00:04:09,812
No degens on the property.
105
00:04:10,167 --> 00:04:13,067
- That's a Texas size 10-4.
- Over and out.
106
00:04:15,417 --> 00:04:16,749
One time, my cousin...
107
00:04:16,750 --> 00:04:19,249
He tore open his ball sack
trying to do a skateboard trick
108
00:04:19,250 --> 00:04:21,007
and he had to show it to his mum.
109
00:04:21,241 --> 00:04:22,789
Was it his scrotal sack?
110
00:04:22,791 --> 00:04:23,867
Well, you know.
111
00:04:23,869 --> 00:04:26,377
That dangly piece of flesh,
what hangs down behind the penis.
112
00:04:26,750 --> 00:04:28,582
- Scrotal sack.
- The nut sack.
113
00:04:28,583 --> 00:04:31,249
So, he tore his ball sack open
trying to do a skateboard trick
114
00:04:31,251 --> 00:04:32,728
and he's gots to show it to his mum
115
00:04:32,730 --> 00:04:34,718
because apparently one of
his testicles was showing.
116
00:04:34,720 --> 00:04:36,278
Was it the right one or the left one?
117
00:04:36,807 --> 00:04:38,472
Why is that of importance?
118
00:04:38,473 --> 00:04:40,306
Well, because the left
one has more sperm in it.
119
00:04:40,307 --> 00:04:41,972
Spermatozoa is what it's called.
120
00:04:41,973 --> 00:04:44,972
Tell you what, if I ripped open my ball
sack trying to do a skateboard trick,
121
00:04:44,973 --> 00:04:46,806
I'd be more worried about
seeing my vas deferens.
122
00:04:46,807 --> 00:04:48,393
Well, you'd have to tear your ball sack
123
00:04:48,395 --> 00:04:50,555
pretty near wide open
doing a skateboard trick
124
00:04:50,557 --> 00:04:52,440
if you wanted to see
your own vas deferens.
125
00:04:52,442 --> 00:04:54,582
I'm not sure I wanna
see my own vas deferens
126
00:04:54,973 --> 00:04:56,806
I think if I saw my own vas deferens,
127
00:04:56,807 --> 00:04:57,950
I'd be quite worried.
128
00:04:58,330 --> 00:05:00,599
I'd be most worried if
I tore my ball sack open
129
00:05:00,601 --> 00:05:02,305
trying to do a skateboard trick
130
00:05:02,307 --> 00:05:04,472
if I could see my accessory glands.
131
00:05:04,473 --> 00:05:08,173
Well, you don't want to go too
kooky with accessories on your truck.
132
00:05:08,187 --> 00:05:09,243
Or your jeep.
133
00:05:09,245 --> 00:05:10,515
It's okay with like, a quad, though,
134
00:05:10,517 --> 00:05:14,139
like my buddy Big T's got a snorkel
kit on his and that's pretty punk rock.
135
00:05:14,140 --> 00:05:15,472
What's an accessory gland?
136
00:05:15,473 --> 00:05:18,139
Well, if your vas deferens
is your sperm ducts,
137
00:05:18,140 --> 00:05:21,366
the accessory glands is what
supplies lubricant to the sperm duct.
138
00:05:21,709 --> 00:05:24,639
I think if I ripped open my ball
sack trying to do a skateboard trick,
139
00:05:24,640 --> 00:05:26,972
I'd be most worried about
seeing my seminal vesicles.
140
00:05:26,973 --> 00:05:29,306
Oh, like the Florida
State seminal vesicles?
141
00:05:29,307 --> 00:05:31,837
Like the sack that hangs
behind your vas deferens
142
00:05:31,839 --> 00:05:33,175
and contains fructose
143
00:05:33,207 --> 00:05:34,872
which is energy for the sperm.
144
00:05:34,873 --> 00:05:37,539
Yeah, it's like when you go in the city
there and they got them charge stations
145
00:05:37,540 --> 00:05:40,206
for the people that
drive the electric cars.
146
00:05:40,207 --> 00:05:42,773
That's pretty much
your seminal vesticles.
147
00:05:45,373 --> 00:05:47,039
I thought it was
pretty funny when I said
148
00:05:47,040 --> 00:05:49,940
Florida State seminal
vesicles and nobody laughed.
149
00:06:05,560 --> 00:06:07,226
Hello.
150
00:06:07,227 --> 00:06:09,059
Okay.
151
00:06:09,060 --> 00:06:11,559
End of the lane way.
Don't come up the property.
152
00:06:11,560 --> 00:06:12,960
Good.
153
00:06:20,393 --> 00:06:21,793
Sled Ted's here.
154
00:08:15,408 --> 00:08:18,699
Geez, Basic Jay must have been a
shit fighter to lose to that ass-hat.
155
00:08:18,700 --> 00:08:21,366
I've known Basic Jay to
be a pretty tough dude.
156
00:08:21,367 --> 00:08:23,699
He's not really a fuckin' basic.
157
00:08:23,700 --> 00:08:25,366
Guess he could have had a cold.
158
00:08:25,367 --> 00:08:26,640
Or the flu.
159
00:08:26,742 --> 00:08:28,366
Sled Ted had Bigfoot hands.
160
00:08:28,367 --> 00:08:30,032
Yeah, he's a big grimy brute.
161
00:08:30,033 --> 00:08:31,062
Shit fighter, though.
162
00:08:31,064 --> 00:08:33,620
Well, most likely Rat Ass
will be your next dude.
163
00:08:33,727 --> 00:08:35,726
I hear that he is a greaser.
164
00:08:35,899 --> 00:08:36,943
Can confirm.
165
00:08:36,945 --> 00:08:39,297
So fuckin' greasy I
almost don't want to.
166
00:08:39,453 --> 00:08:40,664
I saw him with his shirt off,
167
00:08:40,666 --> 00:08:43,142
swimming at the gravel
pit not that long ago.
168
00:08:44,060 --> 00:08:46,293
His back acne was extraordinary.
169
00:08:48,727 --> 00:08:50,559
Well, like, extraordinary how?
170
00:08:50,560 --> 00:08:53,392
Well, like, I thought about
it for a while after is all.
171
00:08:53,393 --> 00:08:56,059
Well, elaborate, 'cause I'm
likely gonna have to touch it.
172
00:08:56,060 --> 00:08:58,793
Well, like how it was cultivated.
173
00:08:59,560 --> 00:09:01,726
Well, by not showering likely.
174
00:09:01,727 --> 00:09:03,279
Likely.
175
00:09:03,281 --> 00:09:05,865
Let's get into some of those
fuckin' all dressed chips.
176
00:09:09,809 --> 00:09:11,831
Jesus, Katy, put some
fuckin' clothes on.
177
00:09:11,833 --> 00:09:13,666
- Not my forte.
- Unfortunate.
178
00:09:13,667 --> 00:09:16,417
Hey, neighbor said he's not
gonna give us a horse this year.
179
00:09:16,419 --> 00:09:17,434
What?
180
00:09:17,436 --> 00:09:19,259
Well, he said that last
year we returned him
181
00:09:19,259 --> 00:09:20,501
and his breath smelled like alcohol.
182
00:09:20,503 --> 00:09:21,619
Well, it was probably mine.
183
00:09:21,619 --> 00:09:23,498
You could have lit my
breath on fire the next day.
184
00:09:23,500 --> 00:09:24,999
Horse was half cut though.
185
00:09:25,000 --> 00:09:26,692
He said that he's
gonna give us a donkey.
186
00:09:26,692 --> 00:09:27,736
Nope.
187
00:09:27,738 --> 00:09:28,801
Might be funny.
188
00:09:28,803 --> 00:09:30,830
Gotta be a horse. You
don't fuck with tradition.
189
00:09:30,848 --> 00:09:33,299
You're really gonna pump the brakes
on a donkey dressed up like a unicorn?
190
00:09:33,301 --> 00:09:34,603
Oh, I'm stompin' the brakes.
191
00:09:34,605 --> 00:09:36,666
You put that idea right
through the fuckin' windshield.
192
00:09:36,667 --> 00:09:38,541
But it's a donkey
dressed up like a unicorn.
193
00:09:38,543 --> 00:09:39,525
Katy!
194
00:09:39,526 --> 00:09:42,666
Well, it's better than
a kick in the pants.
195
00:09:42,667 --> 00:09:45,499
Do you want this to be the
softest birthday party ever or not?
196
00:09:45,500 --> 00:09:47,676
I want this just as much as you do.
197
00:09:47,678 --> 00:09:49,499
Well, then find us a horse.
198
00:09:49,665 --> 00:09:50,722
Please and thank you.
199
00:09:51,145 --> 00:09:52,682
And don't stay out in the sun too long.
200
00:09:52,684 --> 00:09:54,268
Your skin will look
like an old saddle bag.
201
00:09:54,270 --> 00:09:55,379
Yeah.
202
00:10:06,167 --> 00:10:07,666
Hello.
203
00:10:07,667 --> 00:10:08,999
Okay.
204
00:10:09,000 --> 00:10:11,499
End of the lane way.
Don't come up the property.
205
00:10:11,500 --> 00:10:12,733
Good.
206
00:10:21,799 --> 00:10:23,407
Rat Ass is here.
207
00:10:52,413 --> 00:10:53,646
Keep it standing.
208
00:10:54,333 --> 00:10:56,067
This goes to the ground, we stand up.
209
00:10:56,667 --> 00:10:57,999
Okay.
210
00:10:58,000 --> 00:10:59,332
This goes to a clinch,
211
00:10:59,333 --> 00:11:00,666
we separate.
212
00:11:00,667 --> 00:11:02,524
Great. Let's go!
213
00:11:02,526 --> 00:11:03,926
All right. So, hit me.
214
00:11:05,333 --> 00:11:07,499
Fight him or shut the fuck up.
215
00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:08,919
I'll give you a free one.
216
00:11:10,167 --> 00:11:11,733
What the fuck is this?
217
00:11:11,833 --> 00:11:12,999
Let's fuckin' do this.
218
00:11:13,000 --> 00:11:14,567
Just fuckin' square off.
219
00:11:38,667 --> 00:11:40,499
Hey! He's pulling
hair, he's pulling hair.
220
00:11:40,500 --> 00:11:42,166
Break 'em up, break 'em up.
221
00:11:42,167 --> 00:11:43,332
Come on, come on!
222
00:11:43,333 --> 00:11:46,067
I'm gonna clock this shitty wolverine.
223
00:11:56,167 --> 00:11:58,567
Hit me. Come on. I love pain.
224
00:12:25,900 --> 00:12:29,732
- Look at the execution, boys.
- Look at the hustle, boys.
225
00:12:29,733 --> 00:12:30,899
Ding.
226
00:12:30,900 --> 00:12:32,566
You guys made the liquor run, right?
227
00:12:32,567 --> 00:12:35,485
- I was Donny Drives the car.
- I was Nicki Navigates.
228
00:12:35,567 --> 00:12:37,304
But, uh...
229
00:12:37,351 --> 00:12:39,566
We couldn't find a lot
of the stuff on the list.
230
00:12:39,668 --> 00:12:41,234
- Yeah.
- Like what?
231
00:12:41,733 --> 00:12:43,300
Uh, well...
232
00:12:44,306 --> 00:12:46,972
Uh, there's ingredients
233
00:12:47,017 --> 00:12:49,088
that I don't think you
can get in Letterkenny.
234
00:12:49,090 --> 00:12:50,090
Yeah.
235
00:12:50,183 --> 00:12:51,375
So, go to the city.
236
00:12:52,017 --> 00:12:53,682
Yeah, but we got practice
in a couple of hours.
237
00:12:53,683 --> 00:12:55,849
We're gonna crush a
couple sandos before, too.
238
00:12:55,850 --> 00:12:57,108
Grab some nappies, maybe?
239
00:12:57,110 --> 00:12:58,738
We haven't had our pre-game naps either.
240
00:12:58,740 --> 00:13:01,182
- Nappies are nappies. Ferda.
- Ferda.
241
00:13:01,183 --> 00:13:02,849
Well, we need everything on the list.
242
00:13:02,850 --> 00:13:05,270
So, what drinks do you
need ingredients for?
243
00:13:05,614 --> 00:13:06,871
Uh,
244
00:13:07,183 --> 00:13:09,349
Corebelo Love Potion.
245
00:13:09,350 --> 00:13:12,016
Uh, Purple Passion Punch.
246
00:13:12,017 --> 00:13:13,767
Lemon Gingerini.
247
00:13:14,183 --> 00:13:17,349
Apricot Toblerone Cocktail.
248
00:13:17,350 --> 00:13:19,184
Couldn't find a Flirtini.
249
00:13:19,517 --> 00:13:22,491
Couldn't find Sparkling
Mango Sorbet Float.
250
00:13:23,139 --> 00:13:25,706
Don't... Don't know really what that is.
251
00:13:26,517 --> 00:13:27,977
Well, that's all of them.
252
00:13:28,350 --> 00:13:30,341
- Ye... Yeah. Yeah.
- Yeah.
253
00:13:30,683 --> 00:13:33,122
Look, I have about a
million things to do if this
254
00:13:33,124 --> 00:13:35,509
is gonna be the softest
birthday party ever.
255
00:13:36,017 --> 00:13:38,349
If you guys don't get me
everything on the list,
256
00:13:38,350 --> 00:13:40,583
you'll be pulling each
other's horns from now on.
257
00:13:43,364 --> 00:13:44,942
Pitter-patter!
258
00:13:46,765 --> 00:13:48,115
So far!
259
00:14:01,067 --> 00:14:03,822
Big fuckin' day, Dairy. Big fuckin' day!
260
00:14:03,824 --> 00:14:04,978
- Big fuckin' day!
- Ow.
261
00:14:04,980 --> 00:14:06,420
Happy birthday, it's
your special day Dairy.
262
00:14:06,422 --> 00:14:07,732
Birthday beats! Birthday beats!
263
00:14:07,733 --> 00:14:11,232
- Ow.
- Oh, that's not polite, Katy.
264
00:14:11,233 --> 00:14:12,644
You really are a Sally.
265
00:14:12,646 --> 00:14:13,998
That's the most action I've seen
266
00:14:14,000 --> 00:14:15,968
since I gave the dairy
cows' teats a good scrubbin'.
267
00:14:16,246 --> 00:14:17,411
I don't need to know that.
268
00:14:17,424 --> 00:14:19,283
You're pretty good at
wrestling there, Katy,
269
00:14:19,285 --> 00:14:21,232
and that's what I appreciates about you.
270
00:14:21,383 --> 00:14:23,382
Is that what you appreciate about me?
271
00:14:23,383 --> 00:14:25,882
Let's go easy over
there, squirrelly Dan.
272
00:14:25,883 --> 00:14:28,549
Yeah. Oh, hey, look at you, ground.
273
00:14:28,550 --> 00:14:30,549
So, tell me about this guy, Joint Boy.
274
00:14:30,550 --> 00:14:33,049
Well, I'm not gonna sugar
coats it for you, Wayne.
275
00:14:33,050 --> 00:14:36,190
This guy looks like an Australian
rugbies player, chiseled out of stones.
276
00:14:36,317 --> 00:14:37,988
Got this big entourage of guys,
277
00:14:37,990 --> 00:14:41,130
bald-headed, bearded dudes what looks
like a whole bunch of surly uncles.
278
00:14:41,147 --> 00:14:42,174
You think we should call The Ginger?
279
00:14:42,176 --> 00:14:43,604
Mmm.
280
00:14:45,953 --> 00:14:47,119
No.
281
00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:48,786
Why not? He's tougher than hell.
282
00:14:48,787 --> 00:14:50,187
Yeah, but...
283
00:14:52,412 --> 00:14:54,645
Well, like you heard he
fucked an ostrich, right?
284
00:14:56,831 --> 00:14:58,064
He what?
285
00:14:59,180 --> 00:15:00,413
He fucked an ostrich.
286
00:15:00,847 --> 00:15:02,265
Allegedly.
287
00:15:02,847 --> 00:15:05,179
How does a fella get caught
up in that sort of business?
288
00:15:05,180 --> 00:15:08,179
Well, I guess his cousin
289
00:15:08,180 --> 00:15:10,136
had an ostrich farm
290
00:15:10,847 --> 00:15:13,179
when he thought it
might be fun to fuck one.
291
00:15:13,180 --> 00:15:14,346
Allegedly.
292
00:15:14,347 --> 00:15:15,694
So, he got hard
293
00:15:16,513 --> 00:15:17,979
somehow
294
00:15:18,847 --> 00:15:20,580
and he fucked an ostrich.
295
00:15:23,197 --> 00:15:24,346
That's fucked.
296
00:15:24,347 --> 00:15:25,913
That's a felony.
297
00:15:48,247 --> 00:15:51,079
Dairy. Hey, Dairy.
298
00:15:51,080 --> 00:15:52,746
This one's for you.
299
00:15:52,747 --> 00:15:53,813
Oh.
300
00:15:55,413 --> 00:15:56,647
Hey, Joint Boy's here.
301
00:16:07,876 --> 00:16:09,776
Which one of youse is Wayne?
302
00:16:13,413 --> 00:16:15,313
We got some business.
303
00:16:30,933 --> 00:16:33,432
You had yourself a scrap the
other weekend at Modean's.
304
00:16:33,433 --> 00:16:35,266
What's it to ya?
305
00:16:35,267 --> 00:16:37,667
You left the dude pretty banged up.
306
00:16:40,020 --> 00:16:41,020
We done talking?
307
00:17:54,137 --> 00:17:57,703
You wanna come to a
super soft birthday party?
308
00:18:08,470 --> 00:18:10,703
Happy birthday, Dairy.
309
00:18:11,970 --> 00:18:14,802
It's really more for them, ain't it?
310
00:18:14,803 --> 00:18:16,302
What is?
311
00:18:16,303 --> 00:18:17,537
All this.
312
00:18:19,717 --> 00:18:21,883
- No, it's not. It's cream cheese.
- No.
313
00:18:21,885 --> 00:18:23,003
That's cream cheese.
314
00:18:23,005 --> 00:18:24,739
- No.
- Yeah, that's cream cheese.
315
00:18:25,470 --> 00:18:26,636
Just go...
316
00:18:26,637 --> 00:18:28,066
Jesus!
317
00:18:28,068 --> 00:18:30,636
You remember they weren't allowed
to have birthday parties growing up.
318
00:18:30,637 --> 00:18:32,302
They had to go bucky at mine.
319
00:18:32,303 --> 00:18:34,969
All they do is go alls out, don'ts they?
320
00:18:34,970 --> 00:18:37,037
That's a Texas size 10-4.
321
00:18:38,303 --> 00:18:40,802
You know, if Joint Boy and
his pals hadn't showed up,
322
00:18:40,803 --> 00:18:43,203
I figure this would have been
the softest birthday ever.
323
00:18:43,970 --> 00:18:46,969
That's a small victory
for you, I suppose.
324
00:18:46,970 --> 00:18:48,636
I was worried.
325
00:18:48,637 --> 00:18:51,136
Thought I might have to get Stewart and
the Skids to come over here and start
326
00:18:51,137 --> 00:18:53,469
hoovering up that
white powder of theirs.
327
00:18:53,470 --> 00:18:55,733
Anything for a little bit
of an edge, am I right?
328
00:18:55,735 --> 00:18:57,136
The white stuff.
329
00:18:57,137 --> 00:18:58,469
The snooter.
330
00:18:58,470 --> 00:19:00,302
The devil's dandruff.
331
00:19:00,303 --> 00:19:01,969
The dander.
332
00:19:01,970 --> 00:19:06,203
I... I hoovered up a bit
of the schneef in my day.
333
00:19:06,946 --> 00:19:09,445
You ever hoovered barnyard schneef?
334
00:19:09,447 --> 00:19:12,779
I've hoovered behind
the manure pile schneef.
335
00:19:12,803 --> 00:19:15,166
You ever hoovered schneef
off a sleeping cow's spine?
336
00:19:15,168 --> 00:19:18,370
I've hoovered schneef off
of an awake cow's teat.
337
00:19:20,867 --> 00:19:23,302
What are the odds that
I ride him home bareback?
338
00:19:23,512 --> 00:19:25,178
Gonna hurt your balls, bro.
339
00:19:25,180 --> 00:19:26,580
Good going.
340
00:19:28,303 --> 00:19:29,870
Oh, yeah.
341
00:19:31,990 --> 00:19:33,989
You ever hoovered library schneef?
342
00:19:33,991 --> 00:19:35,777
I've hoovered schneef
off of the cover of
343
00:19:35,779 --> 00:19:38,829
Gordon Korman's This Can't Be
Happening at Macdonald Hall.
344
00:19:39,970 --> 00:19:41,480
You wanna come home with me?
345
00:19:41,970 --> 00:19:43,677
You can sleep in my bed.
346
00:19:43,970 --> 00:19:46,302
- He'd break it.
- He'd break your bed.
347
00:19:46,303 --> 00:19:47,802
His dick alone would break your bed.
348
00:19:47,803 --> 00:19:49,400
- I saw that too.
- I... Yeah.
349
00:19:49,402 --> 00:19:50,635
It was really big.
350
00:20:07,137 --> 00:20:08,802
You ever hoovered Sunday school schneef?
351
00:20:08,803 --> 00:20:12,370
I've hoovered schneef off the
collection plate in the rectory.
352
00:20:13,470 --> 00:20:15,370
Do you know what dick dingers are?
353
00:20:20,723 --> 00:20:21,956
Yep.
354
00:20:22,970 --> 00:20:24,852
You know that movie
355
00:20:24,854 --> 00:20:26,969
with the guy who whispers to horses.
356
00:20:26,970 --> 00:20:29,037
Brokeback Mountain?
357
00:20:29,470 --> 00:20:30,895
- No.
- No.
358
00:20:31,303 --> 00:20:33,636
That's the toughest guy in Letterkenny.
359
00:20:35,204 --> 00:20:37,204
subtitle by peritta
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