All language subtitles for First.Reformed.2017.720p.BRRip.x264-titler
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Filipino
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hindi
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Igbo
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Javanese
Kannada
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Malayalam
Maltese
Maori
Marathi
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese
Punjabi
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Sundanese
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Tamil
Telugu
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Xhosa
Yiddish
Yoruba
Zulu
Odia (Oriya)
Kinyarwanda
Turkmen
Tatar
Uyghur
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:03:07,067 --> 00:03:11,067
www.titlovi.com
2
00:03:14,067 --> 00:03:15,652
I have decided to keep a journal.
3
00:03:16,361 --> 00:03:19,739
Not in a word program or
digital file but in longhand,
4
00:03:20,699 --> 00:03:23,910
writing every word out so that
every inflection of penmanship,
5
00:03:24,244 --> 00:03:27,914
every word chosen, scratched out,
revised, is recorded.
6
00:03:29,332 --> 00:03:31,542
To set down all my thoughts
and the simple events
7
00:03:31,625 --> 00:03:34,086
of my day factually
and without hiding anything.
8
00:03:36,255 --> 00:03:39,049
When writing about oneself,
one should show no mercy.
9
00:03:40,801 --> 00:03:44,179
I will keep this diary
for one year, 12 months
10
00:03:45,013 --> 00:03:47,641
and at the end of that time,
it will be destroyed.
11
00:03:48,183 --> 00:03:51,854
Shredded, then burnt.
The experiment will be over.
12
00:04:10,496 --> 00:04:11,581
Please rise.
13
00:04:16,961 --> 00:04:20,089
What is thy only comfort in life and death?
14
00:04:20,840 --> 00:04:22,258
That I, with body and soul
15
00:04:22,341 --> 00:04:25,595
both in life and death, am not my own
16
00:04:25,803 --> 00:04:29,849
but belong unto
my faithful Savior, Jesus Christ.
17
00:04:29,932 --> 00:04:31,726
Who with his precious blood...
18
00:04:31,809 --> 00:04:34,728
These thoughts and recollections are
not so different from those I confide
19
00:04:34,811 --> 00:04:35,812
to God every morning.
20
00:04:38,315 --> 00:04:39,232
When it is possible.
21
00:04:40,108 --> 00:04:41,151
When he is listening.
22
00:04:46,490 --> 00:04:48,825
Bread of life. The cup of salvation.
23
00:04:55,207 --> 00:04:57,584
The bread of life. The cup of salvation.
24
00:05:00,962 --> 00:05:02,964
The bread of life. The cup of salvation.
25
00:05:03,048 --> 00:05:04,966
This journal is a form of speaking...
26
00:05:06,383 --> 00:05:09,303
of communication from one to the other.
27
00:05:10,179 --> 00:05:12,306
A communication which can be achieved simply
28
00:05:13,140 --> 00:05:15,726
and in repose without
prostration or abnegation.
29
00:05:18,604 --> 00:05:19,730
It is a form of prayer.
30
00:05:21,106 --> 00:05:23,692
Bread of life. The cup of salvation.
31
00:05:33,828 --> 00:05:36,330
There is a leak in the men's restroom.
32
00:05:36,413 --> 00:05:37,330
No, I fixed it.
33
00:05:37,413 --> 00:05:41,793
No. I was just there. It's still leaking.
Same place. Under the hot faucet.
34
00:05:41,876 --> 00:05:44,462
- What about the women's room?
- The women's is fine.
35
00:05:44,796 --> 00:05:46,506
Do you want me to call
the plumber from Abundant Life?
36
00:05:46,589 --> 00:05:47,966
No, let me have another crack at it.
37
00:05:48,049 --> 00:05:50,301
I hate always bugging them
for extra little costs.
38
00:05:50,385 --> 00:05:52,095
They don't mind.
That's what they're there for.
39
00:05:52,178 --> 00:05:54,806
- And you're totally within your budget.
- Still, I don't want to.
40
00:05:56,391 --> 00:05:57,433
Have you posted the sermon?
41
00:05:57,892 --> 00:05:59,644
Yes. I did it this morning.
42
00:06:01,437 --> 00:06:02,355
- Oh...
- Reverend?
43
00:06:02,438 --> 00:06:04,482
Yes, Mary, right?
44
00:06:04,566 --> 00:06:06,860
- Mary Mensana.
- Yeah, nice to see you again.
45
00:06:07,193 --> 00:06:09,111
I wanted to talk, if that's okay.
46
00:06:09,194 --> 00:06:10,571
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come on in, Mary.
47
00:06:10,654 --> 00:06:13,365
- I'll be right back.
- Mary, how can I help you?
48
00:06:13,448 --> 00:06:14,533
I was wondering if you would talk
49
00:06:14,616 --> 00:06:16,368
- to my husband, Michael.
- Oh, sure. I...
50
00:06:16,451 --> 00:06:18,287
Actually, not now.
He has to... he has to go to work.
51
00:06:18,370 --> 00:06:19,705
He has to fill in at Home Depot.
52
00:06:22,541 --> 00:06:23,458
Mary?
53
00:06:25,085 --> 00:06:27,129
- What is it?
- I'm worried about him.
54
00:06:27,838 --> 00:06:29,673
He's involved in the Green Planet movement.
55
00:06:29,756 --> 00:06:31,425
- It's an activist group.
- Mm-hmm.
56
00:06:31,508 --> 00:06:33,260
And he was in jail in Canada.
57
00:06:33,886 --> 00:06:35,387
And he just got out two weeks ago.
58
00:06:35,762 --> 00:06:38,640
He just sits around at home.
He doesn't... he doesn't go out.
59
00:06:38,724 --> 00:06:42,476
I got him to fill out a temp form
for Home... for Home Depot.
60
00:06:42,560 --> 00:06:44,145
- Okay.
- So that's good.
61
00:06:44,228 --> 00:06:45,938
Are you sure you don't want
to go to Abundant Life?
62
00:06:46,022 --> 00:06:47,857
They have a whole team
of counselors over there,
63
00:06:47,940 --> 00:06:49,859
- who are trained and...
- I know, but he doesn't want to.
64
00:06:49,942 --> 00:06:51,777
He thinks it's more
of a company than a church.
65
00:06:52,153 --> 00:06:54,071
And so, he said he would talk to you.
66
00:06:56,282 --> 00:06:57,199
Uh, all right.
67
00:06:58,284 --> 00:06:59,201
Tomorrow?
68
00:07:00,077 --> 00:07:01,621
- After lunch?
- Great. Great.
69
00:07:01,704 --> 00:07:03,789
I'll just need the...
I just need an address.
70
00:07:04,415 --> 00:07:05,666
And can you tell me a little more?
71
00:07:06,876 --> 00:07:09,879
Oh, he applied for compassionate release
when he found out.
72
00:07:09,962 --> 00:07:11,964
He was at Fort Providence.
They let him out early.
73
00:07:12,048 --> 00:07:14,966
- Wait, now, found out what?
- That I was pregnant.
74
00:07:15,050 --> 00:07:18,178
Oh. Hmm, congratulations.
75
00:07:18,887 --> 00:07:19,804
Thanks.
76
00:07:21,398 --> 00:07:24,734
He thinks it's wrong to bring
a child into this world.
77
00:07:28,196 --> 00:07:30,490
He wants to kill our baby.
78
00:07:35,787 --> 00:07:38,373
I assisted Sunday the youth group
at Abundant Life.
79
00:07:38,832 --> 00:07:41,501
The young people were
so excited, so full of life.
80
00:07:41,918 --> 00:07:43,878
They were open. They welcomed communion.
81
00:07:48,298 --> 00:07:50,592
Maybe I shouldn't care about
whether people like me.
82
00:07:52,651 --> 00:07:54,653
Did Jesus worry about being liked?
83
00:07:58,824 --> 00:08:01,201
I look at the last lines
I wrote with disdain.
84
00:08:05,038 --> 00:08:05,956
Twelve months.
85
00:08:07,249 --> 00:08:09,209
Can I keep up an exercise that long?
86
00:08:23,723 --> 00:08:26,517
When I read these words,
I see not truth, but pride.
87
00:08:32,732 --> 00:08:34,442
I wish I had not used the word pride.
88
00:08:35,735 --> 00:08:37,194
But I cannot cross it out.
89
00:08:42,658 --> 00:08:44,118
If only I could pray.
90
00:09:41,358 --> 00:09:42,275
Hi, Reverend.
91
00:09:42,359 --> 00:09:45,820
- Hi. Is Michael home?
- Yeah. Come on in.
92
00:09:45,904 --> 00:09:46,988
Okay. Yeah.
93
00:09:51,117 --> 00:09:53,243
- Hey. Good to see you.
- Nice to see you.
94
00:09:53,786 --> 00:09:55,496
Um, would you like some coffee?
95
00:09:56,372 --> 00:09:59,375
- Yes, but, um...
- We're... I think we have some tea.
96
00:09:59,458 --> 00:10:00,584
Yes. That would be better.
97
00:10:00,668 --> 00:10:01,585
- Okay.
- Thanks.
98
00:10:04,588 --> 00:10:06,090
Let me take your coat?
99
00:10:06,924 --> 00:10:08,300
No, it's okay. I got it.
100
00:10:09,426 --> 00:10:10,344
Come on in.
101
00:10:15,766 --> 00:10:18,811
- Yeah, I don't know why Mary...
- There's no need to apologize.
102
00:10:19,144 --> 00:10:21,855
No, she told me
that you've been up in Canada.
103
00:10:22,898 --> 00:10:25,942
Yeah. Fort Providence.
104
00:10:26,943 --> 00:10:30,071
It's in the Mackenzie Delta.
It's way in the north.
105
00:10:30,154 --> 00:10:31,823
Yeah, beautiful country, I imagine.
106
00:10:31,906 --> 00:10:33,116
Yeah, it is.
107
00:10:37,328 --> 00:10:38,830
Mary said things have been getting you down?
108
00:10:41,624 --> 00:10:45,545
Uh, yeah, things.
Yeah, you could say that. Yeah.
109
00:10:46,879 --> 00:10:48,339
Oh! Thank you very much.
110
00:10:49,007 --> 00:10:50,049
- It's hot.
- Perfect.
111
00:10:51,175 --> 00:10:52,093
Thank you.
112
00:11:01,810 --> 00:11:03,729
- So Mary is pregnant.
- Hmm.
113
00:11:04,479 --> 00:11:08,358
- Yeah. How far along is she?
- Twenty weeks.
114
00:11:08,692 --> 00:11:10,110
- Congratulations.
- Thanks.
115
00:11:18,702 --> 00:11:21,329
Hey, how old are you, Reverend?
116
00:11:23,832 --> 00:11:24,750
I'm 46.
117
00:11:28,586 --> 00:11:29,879
Uh, 33.
118
00:11:31,797 --> 00:11:34,925
That's how old our child will be in 2050.
119
00:11:35,009 --> 00:11:36,594
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah.
120
00:11:36,677 --> 00:11:39,388
You know, that's
two years older than I am right now.
121
00:11:39,472 --> 00:11:40,514
Mm-hmm.
122
00:11:41,974 --> 00:11:44,351
- You'll be 81.
- Yeah!
123
00:11:45,269 --> 00:11:49,315
Hey, you know what the world
will be like in 2050?
124
00:11:49,398 --> 00:11:52,193
- Hmm. Hard to imagine.
- Yeah, you think?
125
00:11:53,778 --> 00:11:59,491
I mean, Reverend,
the world is changing so fast.
126
00:12:00,617 --> 00:12:01,701
And right in front of us.
127
00:12:01,785 --> 00:12:06,331
I mean, one-third of the natural world
has been destroyed in your lifetime.
128
00:12:07,791 --> 00:12:11,377
You know, the earth's temperature
will be three degrees centigrade higher.
129
00:12:12,378 --> 00:12:13,671
Four is the threshold.
130
00:12:15,048 --> 00:12:19,010
You know, "Severe, widespread,
and irreversible impacts. "
131
00:12:19,094 --> 00:12:23,014
And when scientists say
stuff like that, you know?
132
00:12:23,098 --> 00:12:25,517
And National Center
for Atmospheric Research...
133
00:12:27,852 --> 00:12:31,063
Lawrence Livermore,
Potsdam Institute. Reverend...
134
00:12:31,146 --> 00:12:32,856
He went on like that for some time.
135
00:12:33,649 --> 00:12:36,902
By 2050, sea levels two feet
higher on the East Coast.
136
00:12:37,361 --> 00:12:40,030
Low lying areas underwater across the world.
137
00:12:40,280 --> 00:12:42,783
Bangladesh, 20% loss of landmass.
138
00:12:42,866 --> 00:12:46,036
Central Africa, 50% reduction
in crops due to drought.
139
00:12:46,411 --> 00:12:48,038
The Western reservoirs dried up.
140
00:12:48,122 --> 00:12:51,208
Climate change. Refugees.
Epidemics. Extreme weather.
141
00:12:51,667 --> 00:12:52,709
You know, the...
142
00:12:54,419 --> 00:12:56,338
the bad times, they will begin,
143
00:12:56,421 --> 00:12:58,549
and from that point,
everything moves very quickly.
144
00:13:00,467 --> 00:13:05,012
You know, this social structure
can't bear the stress of multiple crises.
145
00:13:06,430 --> 00:13:09,976
Opportunistic diseases, anarchy,
martial law, the tipping point.
146
00:13:10,059 --> 00:13:12,061
And this isn't in some,
like, distant future.
147
00:13:12,145 --> 00:13:13,437
You will live to see this.
148
00:13:14,355 --> 00:13:18,526
You know, my children
will experience this un-livability.
149
00:13:18,609 --> 00:13:19,735
This, uh...
150
00:13:20,528 --> 00:13:22,321
Yeah, I'm sorry. I just... you know, I...
151
00:13:23,322 --> 00:13:25,241
I thought things could change, you know?
152
00:13:25,324 --> 00:13:27,118
I thought... I thought people would listen.
153
00:13:27,869 --> 00:13:29,245
Do you have thoughts of harming yourself?
154
00:13:31,914 --> 00:13:32,832
No.
155
00:13:34,082 --> 00:13:36,126
Why? Did Mary say something like that?
156
00:13:36,209 --> 00:13:37,127
No, no.
157
00:13:37,460 --> 00:13:39,296
No, I'm not worried for myself.
158
00:13:39,880 --> 00:13:43,758
I just... this world is gonna be what it is.
159
00:13:45,051 --> 00:13:46,970
- But can I ask you a question, Reverend?
- Mm-hmm.
160
00:13:49,139 --> 00:13:51,975
How do you sanction
bringing in a little girl...
161
00:13:52,684 --> 00:13:56,188
Uh, for argument's sake,
let's just say that, uh...
162
00:13:56,646 --> 00:13:59,733
Mary and I's child, it's a little girl.
163
00:14:05,030 --> 00:14:07,364
You know, a child that's so full of hope...
164
00:14:09,241 --> 00:14:13,829
and naive beliefs into a world
where that little girl, uh...
165
00:14:15,789 --> 00:14:19,668
she grows up to be a young woman
and she looks you in the eyes
166
00:14:19,752 --> 00:14:22,630
and she says that you knew
this all along, didn't you?
167
00:14:27,468 --> 00:14:28,385
You see, that...
168
00:14:30,638 --> 00:14:33,140
I mean, what are you supposed to say then?
169
00:14:36,602 --> 00:14:38,478
There's something growing inside Mary.
170
00:14:39,145 --> 00:14:43,691
Something as alive as a tree, surely.
171
00:14:44,275 --> 00:14:46,152
As an endangered species.
172
00:14:47,278 --> 00:14:51,491
Something full of the beauty
and mystery of nature.
173
00:14:54,077 --> 00:14:56,996
You said sanction, hmm?
174
00:14:58,539 --> 00:15:00,083
You think Mary should have an abortion?
175
00:15:00,792 --> 00:15:02,293
This birth, is that your right?
176
00:15:02,377 --> 00:15:03,419
Is that your decision?
177
00:15:03,878 --> 00:15:05,463
Have you asked Mary what she thinks?
178
00:15:11,760 --> 00:15:15,639
Look, this isn't...
it's not about your baby.
179
00:15:16,640 --> 00:15:17,641
It's not about Mary.
180
00:15:19,893 --> 00:15:21,103
It's about you...
181
00:15:22,437 --> 00:15:24,648
and your despair. Your lack of hope.
182
00:15:26,275 --> 00:15:28,652
Look, people have throughout history
183
00:15:28,735 --> 00:15:32,739
have woken up in the dead of the night
confronted by blackness.
184
00:15:33,282 --> 00:15:35,409
The sense that our lives
are without meaning.
185
00:15:37,202 --> 00:15:38,495
The Sickness Unto Death.
186
00:15:38,578 --> 00:15:40,247
Yeah, but this is something different.
187
00:15:40,330 --> 00:15:42,164
Yeah, no, man's great achievements
188
00:15:42,248 --> 00:15:45,918
have brought him to the place
where life as we know it
189
00:15:46,002 --> 00:15:47,753
may cease in the foreseeable future.
190
00:15:47,837 --> 00:15:48,879
Yes, that's new.
191
00:15:50,131 --> 00:15:51,090
But the blackness?
192
00:15:53,759 --> 00:15:54,677
That's not.
193
00:15:55,011 --> 00:15:57,013
We're scientific people.
We want to solve things.
194
00:15:57,096 --> 00:15:58,764
We want rational answers.
195
00:15:59,181 --> 00:16:03,394
Right? And if humankind can't overcome
196
00:16:03,477 --> 00:16:06,939
its immediate interests enough to ensure
its own survival, then you're right.
197
00:16:07,023 --> 00:16:09,442
The only rational response is despair.
198
00:16:11,068 --> 00:16:15,113
But do you think that
there's any existence apart from this?
199
00:16:15,947 --> 00:16:17,407
This here, right now?
200
00:16:17,490 --> 00:16:18,825
- Yes.
- Yeah, right, before us.
201
00:16:18,908 --> 00:16:19,826
- After us.
- Yeah.
202
00:16:19,909 --> 00:16:21,911
- Yeah,
- Wait, so you're talking about
203
00:16:21,995 --> 00:16:23,288
the next lifetime? Huh?
204
00:16:23,788 --> 00:16:24,831
You really... you just, uh...
205
00:16:24,914 --> 00:16:28,043
I felt like I was Jacob wrestling
all night long with the angel.
206
00:16:28,835 --> 00:16:30,045
Fighting in the grasp.
207
00:16:31,296 --> 00:16:34,883
Every sentence, every question,
every response, a mortal struggle.
208
00:16:35,967 --> 00:16:37,260
It was exhilarating.
209
00:16:38,011 --> 00:16:39,804
You believe in martyrdom, Reverend?
210
00:16:39,888 --> 00:16:41,222
I'm not sure I know what you mean.
211
00:16:41,306 --> 00:16:42,724
You know, the Saints of God?
212
00:16:43,141 --> 00:16:46,018
The early Christians
who wouldn't renounce their faith?
213
00:16:46,518 --> 00:16:49,313
The missionaries who were attacked
in the fields of the Lord.
214
00:16:49,396 --> 00:16:51,273
Do you believe that they died for a purpose?
215
00:16:51,357 --> 00:16:53,067
- I do.
- Well, every week,
216
00:16:53,150 --> 00:16:56,653
activists are killed
trying to protect the environment.
217
00:16:58,530 --> 00:17:01,700
A hundred and seventeen were
killed last year for their beliefs.
218
00:17:04,036 --> 00:17:05,162
I mean, right there.
219
00:17:05,245 --> 00:17:08,207
This is Jos� Cl�udio Ribeiro da Silva.
220
00:17:09,291 --> 00:17:11,794
Huh? And that's his wife, Maria.
221
00:17:14,213 --> 00:17:19,801
Uh... they were... they were gunned down
in 2011 in the Amazon.
222
00:17:21,344 --> 00:17:24,880
You know, they were protesting
free cutting of the rain forest.
223
00:17:25,765 --> 00:17:29,852
Hey, this is Dorothy Stang, 2005.
224
00:17:29,936 --> 00:17:32,814
She was a nun from Ohio.
225
00:17:35,400 --> 00:17:37,610
And what was the purpose of their death?
226
00:17:45,201 --> 00:17:48,870
You know, in 2010, the IPCC predicted
227
00:17:48,954 --> 00:17:52,165
that if drastic action wasn't taken by 2015,
228
00:17:53,667 --> 00:17:55,836
environmental collapse
would be irreversible.
229
00:17:57,045 --> 00:17:58,130
And nothing was done.
230
00:18:01,633 --> 00:18:03,385
And now it's 2017.
231
00:18:04,636 --> 00:18:07,389
You said you respected me.
What I've been through.
232
00:18:09,766 --> 00:18:14,604
- Yes.
- So you know my story, hmm?
233
00:18:15,188 --> 00:18:16,982
- Yeah, you were a chaplain.
- Uh-huh.
234
00:18:17,607 --> 00:18:21,444
My father taught at VMI.
I encouraged my son to enlist.
235
00:18:21,527 --> 00:18:22,945
It was the family tradition.
236
00:18:23,988 --> 00:18:28,325
Like his father, my father before me, hmm.
237
00:18:28,409 --> 00:18:29,910
A patriotic tradition.
238
00:18:33,664 --> 00:18:36,834
My wife... was very opposed.
239
00:18:37,877 --> 00:18:39,295
My son enlisted anyway.
240
00:18:39,795 --> 00:18:42,840
And six months later,
he was dead in Iraq.
241
00:18:43,257 --> 00:18:44,540
Right?
242
00:18:45,455 --> 00:18:50,239
I talked my son into a war
that had no moral justification.
243
00:18:52,307 --> 00:18:53,975
My wife could no longer live with me.
244
00:18:55,018 --> 00:18:56,102
I left the military.
245
00:18:57,896 --> 00:18:58,813
I was lost.
246
00:19:01,691 --> 00:19:04,027
And Reverend Jeffers from Abundant Life,
247
00:19:04,110 --> 00:19:08,031
he gave me this position
at First Reformed and here I am.
248
00:19:08,114 --> 00:19:10,533
And Michael, I can promise you...
249
00:19:11,951 --> 00:19:16,956
that whatever despair you feel
about bringing a child into this world
250
00:19:17,540 --> 00:19:21,836
cannot equal the despair
of taking a child from it.
251
00:19:34,223 --> 00:19:36,058
Hey, what was his name?
252
00:19:37,267 --> 00:19:38,185
Your son?
253
00:19:40,729 --> 00:19:41,647
Joseph.
254
00:19:43,690 --> 00:19:44,650
The boy thrown down the well.
255
00:19:44,733 --> 00:19:46,652
- Yeah, I remember.
- Mm-hmm.
256
00:19:46,735 --> 00:19:49,363
- The dreamer.
- The dreamer, yeah. Yeah.
257
00:19:54,326 --> 00:19:55,993
And you were able to just go on?
258
00:19:57,161 --> 00:20:00,998
Courage... is the solution to despair.
259
00:20:01,332 --> 00:20:05,044
Reason... provides no answers.
260
00:20:07,171 --> 00:20:09,090
I can't know what the future will bring.
261
00:20:09,173 --> 00:20:11,926
We have to choose despite uncertainty.
262
00:20:13,177 --> 00:20:16,129
Wisdom is holding two
263
00:20:16,156 --> 00:20:20,375
contradictory truths in
our mind, simultaneously.
264
00:20:21,060 --> 00:20:22,895
Hope and despair.
265
00:20:22,979 --> 00:20:25,189
A life without despair
is a life without hope.
266
00:20:25,273 --> 00:20:28,942
Holding these two ideas
in our head is life itself.
267
00:20:44,416 --> 00:20:45,750
Are you a drinking man, Reverend?
268
00:20:47,002 --> 00:20:49,963
- It doesn't help.
- No, I suppose not.
269
00:20:57,887 --> 00:20:59,055
Can God forgive us?
270
00:21:04,018 --> 00:21:05,769
For what we've done to this world?
271
00:21:08,230 --> 00:21:09,231
I don't know.
272
00:21:11,942 --> 00:21:13,402
Who can know the mind of God?
273
00:21:15,904 --> 00:21:16,864
But we can choose...
274
00:21:19,700 --> 00:21:20,743
a righteous life.
275
00:21:22,077 --> 00:21:23,078
Belief.
276
00:21:24,163 --> 00:21:25,331
Forgiveness.
277
00:21:27,499 --> 00:21:29,877
Grace covers us all.
278
00:21:32,754 --> 00:21:33,838
I believe that.
279
00:21:42,805 --> 00:21:44,515
Let's meet again.
280
00:21:44,974 --> 00:21:45,892
Want to?
281
00:21:46,559 --> 00:21:48,436
Tomorrow after lunch, same time.
282
00:21:49,437 --> 00:21:51,356
Okay, yeah. It's a... it's a plan.
283
00:21:55,318 --> 00:21:58,446
I went over everything that was said,
what should have been said,
284
00:21:58,529 --> 00:22:00,323
what could have been said differently,
285
00:22:00,406 --> 00:22:01,783
what could have been said better.
286
00:22:03,784 --> 00:22:07,329
"I know that nothing can change
and I know there is no hope. "
287
00:22:08,914 --> 00:22:10,207
Thomas Merton wrote this.
288
00:22:13,460 --> 00:22:16,338
"Despair is a development of pride so great
289
00:22:16,421 --> 00:22:18,465
that it chooses one's certitude
290
00:22:18,548 --> 00:22:22,010
rather than admit God is
more creative than we are. "
291
00:22:23,553 --> 00:22:25,472
Perhaps it's better
I didn't say that to him.
292
00:23:04,176 --> 00:23:05,970
Who am I to talk about pride?
293
00:23:26,156 --> 00:23:30,577
Well, to begin, the church
was constructed in 1767
294
00:23:30,660 --> 00:23:32,537
in a style we now call Dutch colonial.
295
00:23:33,079 --> 00:23:36,750
It was made by settlers... follow me...
using local timber.
296
00:23:37,250 --> 00:23:39,793
First Reformed took seven years to build.
297
00:23:40,627 --> 00:23:41,545
The Vei Plancks.
298
00:23:42,129 --> 00:23:44,923
Effie here, her tombstone
dates back to 1787.
299
00:23:45,424 --> 00:23:49,595
The church was partially rebuilt
in 1837 following a fire.
300
00:23:50,304 --> 00:23:52,848
This section remains preserved.
301
00:23:53,474 --> 00:23:57,186
If you look closely behind
the Continental Army flag,
302
00:23:57,269 --> 00:23:59,438
you'll find two bullet holes
303
00:23:59,521 --> 00:24:03,025
from shots fired during
the Skirmish of Snowbridge.
304
00:24:04,193 --> 00:24:07,821
In two months we're celebrating
our 250th anniversary.
305
00:24:08,739 --> 00:24:11,365
Here is an example of some
of the church's chinaware
306
00:24:11,449 --> 00:24:12,867
brought over from the Netherlands.
307
00:24:13,159 --> 00:24:15,453
And the first chalice. It's beautiful.
308
00:24:15,828 --> 00:24:19,248
And here, this is the original key
from the front door before the fire.
309
00:24:19,332 --> 00:24:20,666
Isn't that neat? Yeah.
310
00:24:20,750 --> 00:24:24,295
And in that cabinet we have
souvenirs that are for sale.
311
00:24:24,378 --> 00:24:29,300
We have mugs, caps, postcards,
key chains, pens, t-shirts.
312
00:24:29,383 --> 00:24:30,343
What size are these?
313
00:24:30,426 --> 00:24:31,844
Unfortunately, they are all small.
314
00:24:31,928 --> 00:24:34,597
I have some more on order,
but I'm waiting for them to come in.
315
00:24:34,680 --> 00:24:35,890
The caps are great, though.
316
00:24:37,099 --> 00:24:38,392
It's a one-size-fits-all.
317
00:24:40,478 --> 00:24:44,940
The pulpit was donated in 1879
by William Mercer.
318
00:24:45,023 --> 00:24:47,234
And the church organ,
319
00:24:47,317 --> 00:24:50,028
which unfortunately
isn't working at this time,
320
00:24:51,404 --> 00:24:53,990
was manufactured in England by A.G. Hill.
321
00:24:55,325 --> 00:24:57,828
Did you hear the one about
the choir mistress and the minister?
322
00:24:59,579 --> 00:25:00,997
- No.
- She chased him
323
00:25:01,081 --> 00:25:02,916
around the church
and caught him by the organ.
324
00:25:05,043 --> 00:25:08,922
Huh. Oh, no, I hadn't heard that one.
325
00:25:09,381 --> 00:25:10,757
All right, come on. Follow me.
326
00:25:12,050 --> 00:25:14,093
All right, thank you all very much.
327
00:25:14,927 --> 00:25:16,011
- Be well.
- Thank you.
328
00:25:16,095 --> 00:25:18,054
Yeah, thanks a lot.
329
00:25:21,475 --> 00:25:22,601
Drive safe.
330
00:25:25,771 --> 00:25:26,689
Thanks.
331
00:25:33,254 --> 00:25:35,781
Are you washed
332
00:25:35,865 --> 00:25:38,409
In the blood?
333
00:25:38,492 --> 00:25:43,414
In the soul-cleansing blood
Of the lamb?
334
00:25:43,497 --> 00:25:45,957
Are your garments spotless?
335
00:25:46,040 --> 00:25:48,751
Are they white as snow?
336
00:25:48,835 --> 00:25:53,423
Are you washed
In the blood of the lamb?
337
00:25:54,090 --> 00:25:59,095
Are you walking daily
By the Savior's side?
338
00:25:59,178 --> 00:26:03,725
Are you washed
In the blood of the lamb?
339
00:26:04,225 --> 00:26:09,397
Do you rest each moment
In the crucified?
340
00:26:09,480 --> 00:26:13,568
Are you washed
In the blood of the lamb?
341
00:26:14,485 --> 00:26:16,779
Are you washed
342
00:26:16,863 --> 00:26:19,573
In the blood?
343
00:26:19,656 --> 00:26:24,661
In the soul-cleansing blood
Of the lamb?
344
00:26:24,745 --> 00:26:27,205
Are your garments spotless?
345
00:26:27,289 --> 00:26:29,958
Are they white as snow?
346
00:26:30,042 --> 00:26:34,713
Are you washed
In the blood of the lamb?
347
00:26:35,213 --> 00:26:37,883
Are your garments spotless?
348
00:26:37,966 --> 00:26:40,761
Are they white as snow?
349
00:26:40,844 --> 00:26:45,349
Are you washed
In the blood of the lamb?
350
00:26:45,933 --> 00:26:48,602
Are your garments spotless?
351
00:26:48,685 --> 00:26:51,562
Are they white as snow?
352
00:26:51,938 --> 00:26:54,144
Are you washed
353
00:26:54,211 --> 00:26:59,794
In the blood of the lamb?
354
00:27:00,196 --> 00:27:01,489
Okay, take five.
355
00:27:06,077 --> 00:27:10,247
- Penny for your thoughts?
- Oh, Joel wanted to talk to me.
356
00:27:10,873 --> 00:27:13,209
- Nothing serious, I hope.
- Oh, I assume not.
357
00:27:14,585 --> 00:27:15,795
You want to have lunch?
358
00:27:16,671 --> 00:27:20,383
Well, I have something after but yeah,
I could sit with you for a second.
359
00:27:23,927 --> 00:27:25,178
Oh, remember that?
360
00:27:25,679 --> 00:27:26,596
What?
361
00:27:27,430 --> 00:27:29,182
When everything was ahead of you.
362
00:27:30,600 --> 00:27:33,770
Yeah. But try telling them that.
363
00:27:34,646 --> 00:27:35,647
See you then.
364
00:27:57,084 --> 00:27:58,002
Hello.
365
00:27:58,627 --> 00:27:59,545
- Reverend Toller.
- Yes.
366
00:27:59,628 --> 00:28:00,546
- Oh, go right in.
- Okay.
367
00:28:00,629 --> 00:28:01,797
He's expecting you.
368
00:28:09,304 --> 00:28:12,391
Um, this is... that's my wife's stuff, so.
369
00:28:13,559 --> 00:28:15,328
Go ahead and deal with it.
370
00:28:16,603 --> 00:28:19,648
Oh, good! Reverend Toller. Come on in.
371
00:28:20,858 --> 00:28:23,610
Roger, make sure you get back to me
as soon as you can on that.
372
00:28:23,694 --> 00:28:24,902
- Hey, Reverend.
- Good seeing you.
373
00:28:24,986 --> 00:28:26,195
Why don't you have a seat there?
374
00:28:27,655 --> 00:28:29,615
Roger, okay to leave that door open.
375
00:28:29,699 --> 00:28:32,618
- Can I get you a water or anything?
- Oh, no, I'm good, I'm good.
376
00:28:33,286 --> 00:28:36,497
- So how are things over at First Reformed?
- Oh, busy. You know how it is.
377
00:28:36,581 --> 00:28:39,959
You do one thing to the other,
next thing you know it's Sunday again.
378
00:28:40,209 --> 00:28:41,961
Yeah, tell me about it.
379
00:28:42,045 --> 00:28:45,923
Well, I brought you in, I wanted to ask you
about the 250th reconsecration.
380
00:28:46,007 --> 00:28:47,884
Now, that's just around the corner.
381
00:28:47,967 --> 00:28:50,428
Yeah, of course. It's only eight weeks away.
382
00:28:50,511 --> 00:28:52,138
And how's the planning going on that?
383
00:28:52,722 --> 00:28:55,058
Well, your office is
handling the invitations
384
00:28:55,141 --> 00:28:56,641
and I'm a little worried about seating.
385
00:28:56,725 --> 00:28:59,519
I mean, because we have your staff,
we have the elders, we have the deacons.
386
00:28:59,603 --> 00:29:02,814
We have the governor, his people.
The mayor, his people.
387
00:29:02,898 --> 00:29:04,274
We don't have any room for spillover.
388
00:29:04,357 --> 00:29:05,984
You know, it's the sanctuary and that's it.
389
00:29:06,485 --> 00:29:10,155
You know what, I think we'll simulcast
the ceremony here, in the main room.
390
00:29:10,238 --> 00:29:11,615
- All right.
- So that's 5,000 seats.
391
00:29:11,698 --> 00:29:12,866
Yeah, okay. Well, then...
392
00:29:12,949 --> 00:29:14,993
We can do the reception in the rotunda.
393
00:29:15,619 --> 00:29:18,163
The organ at First Reformed.
394
00:29:18,246 --> 00:29:19,915
- Is that fixed?
- Yeah, no, it's not.
395
00:29:20,874 --> 00:29:23,543
We're waiting on some pieces.
396
00:29:23,627 --> 00:29:26,797
I don't... it was... it's just more
complicated than we thought at first.
397
00:29:26,880 --> 00:29:30,007
Well, we can't have a reconsecration
without an organ.
398
00:29:31,801 --> 00:29:33,886
"A Mighty Fortress is our God. "
399
00:29:33,969 --> 00:29:35,763
That's all organ.
400
00:29:35,846 --> 00:29:39,308
Did you know that
Martin Luther wrote that in an outhouse?
401
00:29:39,391 --> 00:29:40,434
Oh, yeah.
402
00:29:40,518 --> 00:29:45,439
"A Mighty Fortress"...
403
00:29:47,066 --> 00:29:48,859
I think every seminarian knows that one.
404
00:29:48,943 --> 00:29:51,821
Oh, man, I cannot get
that image out of my mind.
405
00:29:51,904 --> 00:29:56,158
I mean, whenever I see that song going on,
and I can look around the congregation
406
00:29:56,242 --> 00:29:58,786
and know everybody's
thinking the same thing.
407
00:29:58,869 --> 00:30:03,248
This man, oh, goodness. Oh, makes me laugh.
408
00:30:03,331 --> 00:30:06,126
Anyway, have you prepared your remarks?
409
00:30:06,209 --> 00:30:09,504
Oh, no. Not yet, but I will.
410
00:30:10,839 --> 00:30:12,924
- So how are you?
- Oh, I'm fine.
411
00:30:13,883 --> 00:30:14,801
No, really.
412
00:30:15,677 --> 00:30:18,138
I mean, it's been awhile since we've talked.
413
00:30:18,221 --> 00:30:20,306
And you know, even a pastor needs a pastor.
414
00:30:21,432 --> 00:30:22,433
We should do it, okay?
415
00:30:23,101 --> 00:30:24,185
I'd like that.
416
00:30:24,269 --> 00:30:26,271
Good. And come by here more often.
417
00:30:26,604 --> 00:30:29,607
You should get out.
Come on by and be a part of things.
418
00:30:29,691 --> 00:30:31,775
So many activities you can do, and...
419
00:30:31,859 --> 00:30:33,402
- And the kids like you a lot.
- Mmm.
420
00:30:33,485 --> 00:30:34,778
They always speak highly of you.
421
00:30:34,862 --> 00:30:37,156
So you can get out of that...
what is the play?
422
00:30:37,239 --> 00:30:38,866
What do they like to call it
over where you are?
423
00:30:38,949 --> 00:30:43,203
- The museum.
- The souvenir shop.
424
00:30:43,829 --> 00:30:45,122
They call it the souvenir shop.
425
00:30:45,205 --> 00:30:47,583
Well, good. Well, good.
You're doing a great job.
426
00:30:49,001 --> 00:30:50,669
I'm grateful for the opportunity.
427
00:31:21,365 --> 00:31:22,909
How was Jeffers?
428
00:31:22,992 --> 00:31:25,536
Oh, he wants me to meet Ed Balq.
429
00:31:26,078 --> 00:31:29,498
Balq Industries, Balq Energy,
Balq Paper, Balq Peanuts...
430
00:31:29,582 --> 00:31:30,499
Why?
431
00:31:31,125 --> 00:31:34,670
Well, it's all about the reconsecration.
432
00:31:34,754 --> 00:31:37,297
And apparently Mr. Balq wants
to make sure he gets
433
00:31:37,881 --> 00:31:40,008
proper credit for underwriting
the whole thing.
434
00:31:40,091 --> 00:31:41,092
Well, he should.
435
00:31:41,176 --> 00:31:43,511
First Reformed would be a parking lot
if it wasn't for him.
436
00:31:43,595 --> 00:31:44,512
I guess.
437
00:31:46,264 --> 00:31:47,515
Did you see the doctor?
438
00:31:49,351 --> 00:31:50,894
Yes, I made an appointment.
439
00:31:50,977 --> 00:31:53,480
There was a bit of a hang up
with the insurance company, but...
440
00:31:54,314 --> 00:31:55,690
God, they make it so difficult.
441
00:31:57,025 --> 00:31:59,986
- Yeah, well, that's what they do.
- Mm-hmm.
442
00:32:01,154 --> 00:32:02,906
You need someone to take care of you.
443
00:32:06,284 --> 00:32:10,287
Esther, we tried that.
I'm not made for that.
444
00:32:10,971 --> 00:32:14,208
For what? Love?
You're not made for love?
445
00:32:16,168 --> 00:32:17,419
My marriage was a failure.
446
00:32:19,296 --> 00:32:21,882
No marriage can survive the loss of a child.
447
00:32:28,264 --> 00:32:29,181
It's not right.
448
00:32:33,769 --> 00:32:34,812
Is that what you think?
449
00:32:35,771 --> 00:32:37,356
That what we did together was a sin?
450
00:32:37,439 --> 00:32:40,942
- That we transgressed?
- No, that's not what I think.
451
00:32:41,901 --> 00:32:45,113
I've seen enough real sin
to know the difference. It's just...
452
00:32:46,990 --> 00:32:47,907
Okay?
453
00:32:48,324 --> 00:32:49,242
Okay.
454
00:32:50,159 --> 00:32:51,327
I understand, I...
455
00:32:52,662 --> 00:32:54,497
I care about you. I want you to be happy.
456
00:32:57,458 --> 00:32:58,584
Well, I am happy.
457
00:33:05,735 --> 00:33:07,862
Some are called for their gregariousness.
458
00:33:08,822 --> 00:33:10,489
Some are called for their suffering.
459
00:33:12,282 --> 00:33:14,284
Others are called for their loneliness.
460
00:33:15,661 --> 00:33:16,703
They are called by God
461
00:33:16,787 --> 00:33:18,664
because through the vessel of communication,
462
00:33:18,747 --> 00:33:19,873
they can reach out
463
00:33:19,957 --> 00:33:21,959
and hold beating hearts in their hands.
464
00:33:24,294 --> 00:33:26,713
They are called because
of their all-consuming knowledge
465
00:33:26,797 --> 00:33:28,757
of the emptiness of all things
466
00:33:29,258 --> 00:33:32,427
that can only be filled
by the presence of our Savior.
467
00:33:38,308 --> 00:33:40,060
- Yes?
- Reverend Toller?
468
00:33:40,144 --> 00:33:41,145
- Oh!
- It's me.
469
00:33:41,228 --> 00:33:42,146
Yes, Mary?
470
00:33:43,187 --> 00:33:45,523
I got your message about rescheduling.
471
00:33:45,606 --> 00:33:47,984
You must come over. Now.
472
00:33:49,193 --> 00:33:51,696
- Is Michael there?
- No, he's at work.
473
00:33:51,779 --> 00:33:55,283
- You must come over now.
- Okay. Okay.
474
00:34:20,360 --> 00:34:21,278
Thanks for coming.
475
00:34:25,448 --> 00:34:26,449
Follow me.
476
00:34:44,384 --> 00:34:48,262
I was looking for some batteries
'cause we were out.
477
00:34:48,345 --> 00:34:50,973
And I thought maybe
there'd be some in here, you know?
478
00:34:51,056 --> 00:34:54,143
And then something just didn't seem right.
479
00:34:56,270 --> 00:34:58,147
Okay, I put everything back
the way I found it,
480
00:34:58,230 --> 00:35:01,984
'cause I wanted you to see how it was.
481
00:35:18,585 --> 00:35:19,753
Explosives?
482
00:35:21,171 --> 00:35:22,505
It's a suicide vest.
483
00:35:23,757 --> 00:35:25,091
And there's other elements in there, too.
484
00:35:25,175 --> 00:35:30,055
There's batteries and detonators
and tubes of jelly.
485
00:35:32,807 --> 00:35:35,769
You know, he'd been working
in the garage lately,
486
00:35:35,852 --> 00:35:38,938
and he said he was fixing a motor.
487
00:35:39,814 --> 00:35:41,232
And I didn't question him.
488
00:35:41,316 --> 00:35:42,609
'Cause I was just happy
489
00:35:42,692 --> 00:35:44,903
that he was doing something
that made him happy.
490
00:35:45,320 --> 00:35:46,988
But you had no idea
that he was thinking of...
491
00:35:47,072 --> 00:35:50,199
No, no suspicions. Nothing like this.
492
00:35:50,282 --> 00:35:52,868
All right, well,
I'm gonna take this, all right?
493
00:35:52,951 --> 00:35:54,495
This cannot remain here.
494
00:35:54,578 --> 00:35:58,457
I'm gonna take it and dispose of it. And...
495
00:35:58,540 --> 00:36:00,209
You're not gonna go to the police?
496
00:36:00,793 --> 00:36:02,461
No, I won't... do you... do you want me to?
497
00:36:02,544 --> 00:36:05,422
- No! No, no, no.
- I don't think it'd help.
498
00:36:05,506 --> 00:36:07,299
I don't think anything good
499
00:36:07,383 --> 00:36:09,093
will come from him feeling threatened.
500
00:36:09,593 --> 00:36:12,638
I'm gonna come over tomorrow. Tomorrow.
501
00:36:13,681 --> 00:36:17,226
Somehow, through conversation,
I will address this.
502
00:36:19,478 --> 00:36:20,688
I'm so frightened.
503
00:36:20,771 --> 00:36:22,730
You don't mean
that he... you're afraid of him?
504
00:36:22,814 --> 00:36:24,273
- That he's gonna hurt you, right?
- No.
505
00:36:24,357 --> 00:36:26,234
- No, no, no. I'm afraid for him.
- No? Okay, all right.
506
00:36:26,317 --> 00:36:27,485
You know, are there other activists,
507
00:36:27,568 --> 00:36:29,821
- like, coming around, calling?
- No. There's nobody.
508
00:36:29,904 --> 00:36:32,824
He has no friends.
He's barely even sociable, so.
509
00:36:33,491 --> 00:36:34,575
All right, but he has you.
510
00:36:36,035 --> 00:36:36,994
- Yeah.
- You'll stand by him?
511
00:36:37,537 --> 00:36:40,123
- Yeah, absolutely.
- All right. Well, so will I.
512
00:36:54,720 --> 00:36:57,514
Discernment intersects
with Christian life at every moment.
513
00:37:00,350 --> 00:37:01,268
Discernment.
514
00:37:04,396 --> 00:37:07,858
Listening and waiting for God's wish
what action must be taken.
515
00:37:23,707 --> 00:37:26,083
My petty ailments have made me bad-tempered.
516
00:37:27,334 --> 00:37:30,504
I fight the urge not to write down
the thoughts which come to my mind.
517
00:37:35,342 --> 00:37:38,228
The desire to pray itself
is a type of prayer.
518
00:37:39,388 --> 00:37:43,768
How often we ask for genuine experience
when all we really want is emotion.
519
00:37:48,814 --> 00:37:51,150
My hands shake as I write these lines.
520
00:38:11,753 --> 00:38:13,588
I wasn't expecting you
for another couple of weeks.
521
00:38:14,752 --> 00:38:16,295
We got a message from the boss.
522
00:38:16,378 --> 00:38:18,005
He said it was a top priority.
523
00:38:18,088 --> 00:38:19,673
You're having some kind of big event here?
524
00:38:20,174 --> 00:38:23,511
Yeah, the church is having
its 250th anniversary.
525
00:38:23,594 --> 00:38:26,597
Abundant Life is planning
quite the ceremony.
526
00:38:33,394 --> 00:38:35,063
Hmm. "A Mighty Fortress. "
527
00:40:31,287 --> 00:40:32,705
Jesus.
528
00:40:36,166 --> 00:40:37,483
My God.
529
00:41:01,608 --> 00:41:02,692
Yeah, see that?
530
00:41:03,610 --> 00:41:05,070
I mean, he had been
fighting with depression.
531
00:41:05,153 --> 00:41:06,654
That's why I was supposed to meet him.
532
00:41:07,571 --> 00:41:09,365
I never imagined anything like this.
533
00:41:10,449 --> 00:41:12,368
Were you in touch with the immediate family?
534
00:41:12,451 --> 00:41:14,078
Well, his wife, Mary.
535
00:41:14,161 --> 00:41:16,413
She's the one who first
asked me to meet with him.
536
00:41:17,122 --> 00:41:18,457
Did she know about your text?
537
00:41:18,999 --> 00:41:21,752
No, but she was concerned. We both were.
538
00:41:22,378 --> 00:41:25,214
Hmm. Have you notified her?
539
00:41:27,257 --> 00:41:30,177
- No.
- I guess that's where I'm headed.
540
00:41:30,719 --> 00:41:32,054
All right. Okay.
541
00:41:32,471 --> 00:41:34,598
All right, do you mind
if I follow behind you?
542
00:41:34,890 --> 00:41:37,976
- All right.
- I knew his father.
543
00:41:38,852 --> 00:41:42,063
- Really? What's he like?
- A businessman.
544
00:41:42,772 --> 00:41:46,317
Morbid son of a bitch.
I guess it runs in the blood.
545
00:41:56,994 --> 00:41:58,162
Thank you, Reverend.
546
00:42:00,915 --> 00:42:03,334
Mrs. Mensana, hey again,
I'm sorry for your loss.
547
00:42:03,418 --> 00:42:05,253
If there's anything else that
we can do, please let us know.
548
00:42:05,336 --> 00:42:06,963
- Thanks.
- Thank you, Reverend.
549
00:42:07,046 --> 00:42:07,964
Thank you.
550
00:42:22,769 --> 00:42:24,187
You didn't tell the police, right?
551
00:42:25,730 --> 00:42:26,648
About?
552
00:42:27,399 --> 00:42:28,316
No.
553
00:42:29,526 --> 00:42:30,444
No.
554
00:42:32,112 --> 00:42:35,282
If you find anything else...
555
00:42:36,950 --> 00:42:39,953
like that, get rid of it.
556
00:42:41,163 --> 00:42:43,414
As long as it's safe, I mean.
Burn it, bury it.
557
00:42:44,832 --> 00:42:47,293
Michael was troubled but his cause was just.
558
00:42:47,376 --> 00:42:50,004
There's no reason to bring
disrepute on that cause.
559
00:42:52,238 --> 00:42:54,091
Are you an activist as well?
560
00:42:55,968 --> 00:42:57,595
I share Michael's beliefs.
561
00:43:00,222 --> 00:43:03,225
But not his despair. I mean, I wanna live.
562
00:43:03,309 --> 00:43:04,351
- I wanna be a mother.
- Right.
563
00:43:04,435 --> 00:43:06,520
I wanna have this child.
564
00:43:07,897 --> 00:43:09,565
Do you have family nearby?
565
00:43:09,648 --> 00:43:11,901
My... yeah, my sister. She's in Buffalo.
566
00:43:11,984 --> 00:43:13,944
- You might want to call her.
- I will.
567
00:43:24,162 --> 00:43:26,706
So he went into the garage?
568
00:43:29,501 --> 00:43:30,418
Yeah.
569
00:43:33,046 --> 00:43:33,963
What did he say?
570
00:43:35,798 --> 00:43:36,716
Nothing.
571
00:43:47,726 --> 00:43:49,269
Well, from a police point of view,
572
00:43:49,353 --> 00:43:53,607
I imagine this is
a pretty cut-and-dried case.
573
00:43:53,690 --> 00:43:58,779
Still, I'd probably clean up the office,
maybe get rid of his laptop.
574
00:44:04,701 --> 00:44:05,619
You...
575
00:44:31,227 --> 00:44:32,228
Open it.
576
00:45:05,468 --> 00:45:06,678
I'd sensed it.
577
00:45:08,013 --> 00:45:08,930
What?
578
00:45:10,932 --> 00:45:11,975
He was absent.
579
00:45:15,228 --> 00:45:17,272
He was becoming someone I didn't know.
580
00:45:21,151 --> 00:45:22,776
Like, before I was pregnant even.
581
00:45:25,529 --> 00:45:28,198
And he was just so full of anger, you know?
582
00:45:33,787 --> 00:45:35,664
Yeah, I should probably call my parents.
583
00:45:36,498 --> 00:45:37,416
My sister.
584
00:45:40,336 --> 00:45:42,713
They should... they should know.
585
00:45:45,424 --> 00:45:47,217
I stayed while she called her sister.
586
00:45:47,968 --> 00:45:49,720
Her sister was going to drive down
587
00:45:50,846 --> 00:45:52,973
and her parents would come
for the final rights.
588
00:45:58,311 --> 00:45:59,479
Hey, Bill. Chicken or beef?
589
00:46:00,063 --> 00:46:01,397
- Beef.
- Beef. Okay, great.
590
00:46:02,023 --> 00:46:02,940
How've you been?
591
00:46:03,316 --> 00:46:05,318
- I'm all right. Yeah.
- You okay?
592
00:46:08,112 --> 00:46:10,448
- Is that enough for you?
- Thanks a lot, Reverend.
593
00:46:11,824 --> 00:46:13,242
Did you want the chicken or the beef?
594
00:46:13,534 --> 00:46:16,120
- Uh, the beef, thank you.
- Beef? Yeah.
595
00:46:17,664 --> 00:46:20,291
There you are. Careful, it's hot.
596
00:46:21,626 --> 00:46:23,419
Reverend, I wanted to ask you...
597
00:46:23,503 --> 00:46:25,046
Oh, sh...
598
00:46:25,254 --> 00:46:27,881
Damn, I'm sorry, Joseph! I'm so sorry.
599
00:46:28,799 --> 00:46:29,716
Terrible night.
600
00:46:30,926 --> 00:46:34,012
No sooner than I shut my eyes,
desolation came upon me.
601
00:46:36,056 --> 00:46:38,475
What is one's last thought
as you pull the trigger?
602
00:46:40,519 --> 00:46:41,687
"There goes my head. "
603
00:46:42,479 --> 00:46:45,023
Or, "Jesus, watch over me. "
604
00:46:45,565 --> 00:46:46,483
Or neither?
605
00:46:48,193 --> 00:46:49,778
I'm going to tear these pages out.
606
00:46:50,862 --> 00:46:52,447
This journal brings me no peace.
607
00:46:53,407 --> 00:46:55,492
It's self-pity. Nothing more.
608
00:47:32,986 --> 00:47:34,904
I awoke at 3:00 with a cry.
609
00:47:36,072 --> 00:47:39,409
It's been five months
since I sensed the first warning signs.
610
00:47:43,872 --> 00:47:46,624
I went into the church
and fell asleep on a bench.
611
00:47:53,381 --> 00:47:55,425
How easily they talk about prayer,
612
00:47:56,134 --> 00:47:57,761
those who have never really prayed.
613
00:48:04,391 --> 00:48:05,476
Excuse me?
614
00:48:08,061 --> 00:48:09,271
Oh, my goodness!
615
00:48:11,231 --> 00:48:15,869
Well, since I made my commitment,
I have felt the Lord moving in my life.
616
00:48:16,252 --> 00:48:19,673
If happiness came in pill size,
it would have JC stamped on it.
617
00:48:21,617 --> 00:48:22,993
Continuous release size.
618
00:48:24,203 --> 00:48:26,997
I wake up feeling better.
619
00:48:27,080 --> 00:48:31,877
My relationships are better
and I got a raise last week.
620
00:48:32,585 --> 00:48:35,254
I find myself in prayer
without even thinking about it.
621
00:48:37,548 --> 00:48:40,510
Thank you, Jason. That is very inspiring.
622
00:48:41,385 --> 00:48:45,223
Praise Jesus. My every breath is a prayer.
623
00:48:46,224 --> 00:48:49,852
Thoughts? Reactions? Yes? Cynthia.
624
00:48:50,853 --> 00:48:52,897
Three months ago, my father got laid off.
625
00:48:54,273 --> 00:48:55,399
He can't find any work.
626
00:48:55,900 --> 00:48:58,069
Nobody loves the Lord more than my father.
627
00:48:58,152 --> 00:49:00,905
He is always testifying, he volunteers.
628
00:49:02,073 --> 00:49:03,241
Did he do something wrong?
629
00:49:07,234 --> 00:49:10,372
You all know Reverend Toller
from First Reformed.
630
00:49:11,456 --> 00:49:13,542
- Hello.
- Hey, yeah. Hi. Yeah.
631
00:49:14,459 --> 00:49:17,337
How do you answer this, Reverend?
632
00:49:18,338 --> 00:49:21,216
Well, Cynthia, I'm sorry
that happened to your father.
633
00:49:21,716 --> 00:49:26,304
There's a lot of church people,
good Christians, who see a connection
634
00:49:26,388 --> 00:49:29,391
between godliness and prosperity.
635
00:49:30,225 --> 00:49:31,935
But that's not what Jesus teaches.
636
00:49:32,519 --> 00:49:33,687
That's not what Jesus lived.
637
00:49:33,770 --> 00:49:35,605
There's no dollar sign on His pulpit.
638
00:49:36,188 --> 00:49:37,815
There's no American flag either.
639
00:49:38,732 --> 00:49:42,236
I think, Cynthia, what your father
is experiencing is...
640
00:49:42,319 --> 00:49:43,863
Christians shouldn't succeed.
641
00:49:44,655 --> 00:49:47,408
That's what he means.
Christianity is for losers?
642
00:49:47,867 --> 00:49:49,368
Jake, Jake!
643
00:49:49,451 --> 00:49:51,287
I just get tired of turn the other cheek.
644
00:49:51,787 --> 00:49:53,330
Jesus didn't turn the other cheek.
645
00:49:53,831 --> 00:49:54,832
Why stand for anything?
646
00:49:55,541 --> 00:49:56,876
Take prayer out of the schools.
647
00:49:57,418 --> 00:49:59,879
Give money to people
too lazy to work for it.
648
00:49:59,962 --> 00:50:01,630
And whatever you do,
don't offend the Muslims.
649
00:50:03,090 --> 00:50:04,758
I mean, no sooner do I mention the poor,
650
00:50:04,842 --> 00:50:06,886
and this teenager jumps down my throat
651
00:50:06,969 --> 00:50:09,387
like I just took a shit
on the American flag.
652
00:50:09,470 --> 00:50:12,891
Forgive my language. Oh, God!
653
00:50:12,974 --> 00:50:13,892
I know. Roger told me.
654
00:50:13,975 --> 00:50:16,769
He was great. He was terrific.
He's a good man.
655
00:50:16,853 --> 00:50:18,146
Well, he said you kept your cool
656
00:50:18,229 --> 00:50:19,272
and he admired you for that.
657
00:50:19,814 --> 00:50:21,482
There's just no middle ground
with these kids.
658
00:50:21,566 --> 00:50:23,359
Everything is so extreme.
659
00:50:23,735 --> 00:50:25,486
It's the times. These are frightening times.
660
00:50:25,570 --> 00:50:27,822
These kids, they grow up in a world
661
00:50:27,906 --> 00:50:30,158
that you and I, we wouldn't even recognize.
662
00:50:30,533 --> 00:50:34,370
Global warming, a sea of pornography,
663
00:50:34,454 --> 00:50:36,456
hyper violent video games.
664
00:50:36,539 --> 00:50:37,874
It's a world without privacy.
665
00:50:38,374 --> 00:50:41,585
Each kid isolated, communicating on media.
666
00:50:42,336 --> 00:50:43,545
It's a world without hope!
667
00:50:44,171 --> 00:50:45,714
You don't know what it's like
to raise a kid in this...
668
00:50:45,797 --> 00:50:46,965
No, I did raise a kid.
669
00:50:49,009 --> 00:50:51,303
- I didn't mean it like that.
- I know you didn't.
670
00:50:53,055 --> 00:50:54,640
They're just frightened.
671
00:50:54,723 --> 00:50:56,642
- These kids, they want certainty.
- Mm-hmm.
672
00:50:56,725 --> 00:50:58,769
You know, don't think: follow.
673
00:51:01,146 --> 00:51:03,023
But they fall prey to extremism.
674
00:51:03,607 --> 00:51:06,109
Jihadism is everywhere.
675
00:51:06,610 --> 00:51:07,527
Even here.
676
00:51:07,611 --> 00:51:10,739
It's just... that's not
the church that called me.
677
00:51:10,822 --> 00:51:11,948
Nor me.
678
00:51:12,031 --> 00:51:15,076
It's up to us. We have to listen and guide
679
00:51:15,159 --> 00:51:19,497
and encourage our young members
to express themselves
680
00:51:19,580 --> 00:51:20,748
without judging them.
681
00:51:21,290 --> 00:51:22,333
We have to lead by example.
682
00:51:23,542 --> 00:51:24,710
We have to be patient.
683
00:51:35,348 --> 00:51:39,517
Oh, this sounds great. I'm gonna have to
sharpen my chops for the reconsecration.
684
00:51:40,009 --> 00:51:41,644
Do you know what they want to play?
685
00:51:41,727 --> 00:51:43,979
No, I have no idea.
Abundant Life is handling everything.
686
00:51:44,062 --> 00:51:45,271
Invites, the seating.
687
00:51:45,772 --> 00:51:47,357
Basically, I just introduce Joel.
688
00:51:47,857 --> 00:51:51,695
And then he does his spiel,
introduces the governor, maybe Ed Balq.
689
00:51:51,778 --> 00:51:55,323
- Oh, why him?
- It's sort of his whole deal.
690
00:51:55,407 --> 00:51:58,159
I mean, he's underwritten the whole thing,
paid to have the organ fixed.
691
00:51:58,910 --> 00:51:59,828
I do have another...
692
00:51:59,911 --> 00:52:02,755
- Oh, take it from the top.
- ... musical question for you.
693
00:52:16,301 --> 00:52:19,596
It's actually
a... kind of sad bit of business.
694
00:52:19,680 --> 00:52:21,640
- Hmm?
- The Michael Mensana memorial.
695
00:52:21,724 --> 00:52:25,310
The scattering of his ashes.
He's asked me to arrange it.
696
00:52:26,729 --> 00:52:27,730
He's asked you?
697
00:52:29,106 --> 00:52:32,401
Well, he wrote a letter.
He had some requests.
698
00:52:37,406 --> 00:52:39,033
Then the Lord spoke to Job,
699
00:52:39,700 --> 00:52:40,784
stepped from the storm.
700
00:52:42,077 --> 00:52:44,455
He said, "Where were you
when I laid the earth's foundations,
701
00:52:44,538 --> 00:52:48,166
marked out its dimensions,
laid its cornerstone?
702
00:52:51,669 --> 00:52:53,254
When the morning stars sang,
703
00:52:54,756 --> 00:52:58,342
and the angels
shouted with joy, where were you?"
704
00:53:02,055 --> 00:53:03,681
These surroundings were chosen by Michael
705
00:53:03,765 --> 00:53:06,100
as the repository for his physical remains.
706
00:53:06,768 --> 00:53:08,394
I say physical because his memories
707
00:53:08,478 --> 00:53:10,063
and spirit live on with us,
708
00:53:10,938 --> 00:53:12,106
as does his mission.
709
00:53:13,357 --> 00:53:14,859
Michael cared about this world.
710
00:53:16,277 --> 00:53:17,361
Perhaps too much.
711
00:53:19,071 --> 00:53:22,407
The Abundant Life youth choir
will now sing for us
712
00:53:23,075 --> 00:53:24,367
a song chosen by Michael.
713
00:53:36,973 --> 00:53:42,052
Protect the wild, tomorrow's child
714
00:53:42,844 --> 00:53:47,516
Protect the land from the greed of man
715
00:53:48,225 --> 00:53:53,062
Take out the dams, stand up to oil
716
00:53:53,687 --> 00:53:58,150
Protect the plants and renew the soil
717
00:53:58,943 --> 00:54:03,155
Who's gonna stand up
And save the Earth?
718
00:54:04,073 --> 00:54:08,285
Who's gonna say that she's had enough?
719
00:54:08,953 --> 00:54:13,332
Who's gonna take on the big machine?
720
00:54:13,833 --> 00:54:17,920
Who's gonna stand up
And save the Earth?
721
00:54:18,379 --> 00:54:22,590
This all starts with you and me
722
00:54:26,427 --> 00:54:28,555
End fossil fuels
723
00:54:29,055 --> 00:54:30,890
Draw the line
724
00:54:31,307 --> 00:54:35,520
Before we build one more pipeline
725
00:54:36,271 --> 00:54:38,064
End fracking now
726
00:54:38,606 --> 00:54:40,525
Let's save the water
727
00:54:41,109 --> 00:54:45,280
And build a life
For our sons and daughters
728
00:54:46,030 --> 00:54:50,285
Who's gonna stand up
And save the Earth?
729
00:54:50,994 --> 00:54:54,955
Who's gonna say that she's had enough?
730
00:54:55,831 --> 00:54:59,877
Who's gonna take on the big machine?
731
00:55:00,669 --> 00:55:04,715
Who's gonna stand up
And save the Earth?
732
00:55:05,132 --> 00:55:10,012
This all starts with you and me
733
00:55:33,117 --> 00:55:34,160
- I'm good.
- All right.
734
00:55:47,215 --> 00:55:48,507
- Mr. Balq!
- Hey!
735
00:55:48,591 --> 00:55:50,009
- Hello!
- How are you?
736
00:55:50,092 --> 00:55:51,594
- Very good, very good.
- Good, good, good.
737
00:55:53,471 --> 00:55:57,266
Hey. Sorry I'm late. I got... I got held up.
738
00:55:57,682 --> 00:55:59,351
Oh, good. You know Reverend Toller, right?
739
00:55:59,434 --> 00:56:00,977
Well, only by sight. Ed Balq.
740
00:56:01,061 --> 00:56:02,479
- Good to meet you.
- It's nice to meet you.
741
00:56:04,189 --> 00:56:05,106
Just bring me a coffee
742
00:56:05,190 --> 00:56:07,108
- and the apple pie, all right?
- Okay. Thank you.
743
00:56:08,360 --> 00:56:09,277
The apple pie.
744
00:56:09,361 --> 00:56:11,905
I know it's a cliché
but they make it right here.
745
00:56:11,988 --> 00:56:13,740
It's organic. It's local.
746
00:56:14,532 --> 00:56:16,201
I have a surprise for you.
747
00:56:16,284 --> 00:56:21,039
I stopped by the printer on the way over.
748
00:56:23,875 --> 00:56:24,793
Oh.
749
00:56:25,627 --> 00:56:29,130
Oh, nice. Nice. They did a great job.
750
00:56:29,214 --> 00:56:32,299
Yeah, all the guests
at the reconsecration will get a copy.
751
00:56:32,383 --> 00:56:34,134
And then there will also be a mailing.
752
00:56:34,218 --> 00:56:36,512
And of course it will be
available at the bookstore.
753
00:56:36,929 --> 00:56:38,055
So how are the plans coming?
754
00:56:38,764 --> 00:56:40,015
Is the organ repaired?
755
00:56:40,099 --> 00:56:42,351
Oh, yeah. It sounds beautiful.
Better than ever.
756
00:56:43,060 --> 00:56:47,481
Okay. We drew up a little seating chart.
757
00:56:48,065 --> 00:56:49,817
Now, Mayor Wilson will be there,
758
00:56:50,234 --> 00:56:51,193
as well as the governor.
759
00:56:51,277 --> 00:56:52,319
Well, at least he's going to try...
760
00:56:52,403 --> 00:56:53,988
All of those mighty men of God,
761
00:56:54,905 --> 00:56:56,323
servants of the cross.
762
00:56:56,407 --> 00:57:00,786
Years of service, baptisms,
confessions, funerals, sermons.
763
00:57:00,869 --> 00:57:02,245
The hours in prayer,
764
00:57:02,704 --> 00:57:04,247
the afflictions suffered.
765
00:57:04,789 --> 00:57:06,165
Did God give them strength?
766
00:57:06,791 --> 00:57:08,418
Reverend Toller will introduce me.
767
00:57:08,668 --> 00:57:10,670
I'll go up, I'll introduce the governor.
768
00:57:11,004 --> 00:57:12,922
There'll be a song selection.
Now, the main...
769
00:57:13,006 --> 00:57:14,757
There won't be anything
political though, will there?
770
00:57:15,508 --> 00:57:17,593
No. No, why would there be?
771
00:57:18,386 --> 00:57:19,679
Well... oh, sorry. Do you mind?
772
00:57:19,762 --> 00:57:20,763
Here you are.
773
00:57:21,180 --> 00:57:22,390
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
774
00:57:22,473 --> 00:57:24,684
- Well, I ask...
- Enjoy.
775
00:57:24,767 --> 00:57:27,770
...only 'cause this came to my attention.
776
00:57:28,813 --> 00:57:31,107
It's a printout from a website.
777
00:57:31,858 --> 00:57:35,068
Well, both First Reformed
and Abundant Life are mentioned by name.
778
00:57:35,152 --> 00:57:39,072
It was a political event.
A Neil Young protest song?
779
00:57:40,073 --> 00:57:43,785
I was just respecting the wishes
of the deceased and his widow.
780
00:57:43,869 --> 00:57:46,371
It was their instructions
for the memorial service.
781
00:57:46,455 --> 00:57:49,666
At a toxic waste site
with the press in attendance?
782
00:57:49,750 --> 00:57:51,043
There was no press invited.
783
00:57:51,126 --> 00:57:52,961
No, this is just Mensana's friends.
784
00:57:53,045 --> 00:57:54,296
It was a political act.
785
00:57:54,379 --> 00:57:57,466
And you and the choir represented
the Abundant Life Church.
786
00:57:57,549 --> 00:58:00,260
And the Hanstown site,
by the way, isn't even polluted.
787
00:58:00,344 --> 00:58:02,054
It was cleaned up with EPA superfunds.
788
00:58:02,846 --> 00:58:04,514
- Well, Hanstown...
- No, no, of course not,
789
00:58:04,598 --> 00:58:06,807
but just give me some credit, all right?
I'm in the energy business.
790
00:58:06,891 --> 00:58:08,267
It's my business to stay informed.
791
00:58:09,435 --> 00:58:10,519
Look, sorry.
792
00:58:10,936 --> 00:58:13,898
Reverend Toller didn't understand
the implications here.
793
00:58:15,666 --> 00:58:17,334
- May I ask a question?
- Yeah, go ahead.
794
00:58:17,668 --> 00:58:18,836
Will God forgive us?
795
00:58:22,506 --> 00:58:25,050
Will God forgive us for what
we're doing to his creation?
796
00:58:25,134 --> 00:58:27,845
That's what Mensana asked me
when I visited him.
797
00:58:29,138 --> 00:58:33,016
This... there's been a lot of loose talk
about environmental change.
798
00:58:33,100 --> 00:58:36,103
There is scientific consensus.
Ninety-seven percent...
799
00:58:36,186 --> 00:58:39,147
The man who says nothing
always seems more intelligent.
800
00:58:39,772 --> 00:58:41,732
Why couldn't I just keep silent?
801
00:58:43,317 --> 00:58:45,027
It's a complicated subject.
802
00:58:45,111 --> 00:58:46,028
Not really.
803
00:58:46,654 --> 00:58:48,239
I mean, who benefits?
804
00:58:49,031 --> 00:58:50,116
Cui bono? Who profits?
805
00:58:50,199 --> 00:58:51,450
That's what I keep asking myself.
806
00:58:51,534 --> 00:58:55,663
Besides the Biblical call to stewardship,
who profits when we soil our own nest?
807
00:58:55,746 --> 00:58:57,540
- What's to be gained...
- Can we just agree to keep politics
808
00:58:57,623 --> 00:58:59,000
out of the reconsecration service?
809
00:58:59,083 --> 00:59:01,711
- Yes.
- Yeah, but this isn't politics.
810
00:59:01,794 --> 00:59:05,631
- I mean, what God wants is for...
- Oh, you know the mind of God?
811
00:59:05,715 --> 00:59:07,300
You spoke to Him, personally?
812
00:59:07,842 --> 00:59:09,467
He told you His plans for Earth?
813
00:59:12,679 --> 00:59:15,849
Look, I understand, you're upset.
814
00:59:18,852 --> 00:59:20,812
I mean, you found the body, correct?
815
00:59:22,314 --> 00:59:23,231
Yes.
816
00:59:24,755 --> 00:59:25,672
How?
817
00:59:32,012 --> 00:59:34,514
I was supposed to meet him.
818
00:59:35,349 --> 00:59:40,603
And he texted me and...
a change of location.
819
00:59:41,145 --> 00:59:42,063
And?
820
00:59:44,565 --> 00:59:45,983
And I went there and he was dead.
821
00:59:50,029 --> 00:59:51,614
So you counseled him, Reverend?
822
00:59:53,282 --> 00:59:54,200
Yes.
823
00:59:54,825 --> 00:59:57,870
You counseled him, then he shot himself?
824
00:59:58,662 --> 00:59:59,580
Ed?
825
01:00:01,665 --> 01:00:02,583
Yes.
826
01:00:05,961 --> 01:00:07,880
Well, I think you need
to step back, Reverend,
827
01:00:09,090 --> 01:00:11,842
and take a look at your own life
before you criticize others.
828
01:00:13,051 --> 01:00:13,968
Hmm?
829
01:00:34,450 --> 01:00:36,327
Mary and I rode the park trail.
830
01:00:38,579 --> 01:00:41,707
I had not ridden a bicycle,
I think, in 20 years.
831
01:00:47,582 --> 01:00:49,084
I was afraid I would fall.
832
01:00:55,549 --> 01:00:59,052
It's amazing the simple,
curative power of exercise.
833
01:01:04,933 --> 01:01:06,143
It's God-given.
834
01:01:14,484 --> 01:01:15,860
Thank you again.
835
01:01:16,527 --> 01:01:19,947
Michael and I used to cycle twice a week
and I've missed it so much.
836
01:01:20,031 --> 01:01:21,490
Oh, I enjoyed it.
837
01:01:22,283 --> 01:01:24,118
It's been a long time.
838
01:01:24,201 --> 01:01:25,536
But it was under protest.
839
01:01:26,704 --> 01:01:29,165
- I asked my doctor.
- Really? Still.
840
01:01:31,292 --> 01:01:33,377
- Can I ask you another favor?
- Sure.
841
01:01:34,128 --> 01:01:37,214
Could you box up Michael's things?
Or find somebody to do it?
842
01:01:39,717 --> 01:01:41,510
You sure you want to give them
away so quickly?
843
01:01:42,219 --> 01:01:44,597
Not, like, not give it away, just, you know.
844
01:01:44,680 --> 01:01:47,849
Just box them up.
It just, you know, I feel...
845
01:01:48,767 --> 01:01:53,730
it's just difficult to be around
so many smells and memories, you know?
846
01:01:54,105 --> 01:01:55,940
Yeah, I can... I can do it.
847
01:01:56,024 --> 01:01:56,941
Okay.
848
01:01:57,358 --> 01:01:58,693
Have you decided what's next?
849
01:01:58,777 --> 01:02:02,363
Um, the rent's paid for for two months,
so there's no hurry.
850
01:02:02,447 --> 01:02:05,325
But I'm gonna stay
with my sister and my brother-in-law.
851
01:02:05,408 --> 01:02:07,285
- Hmm, are you?
- Until the baby is born.
852
01:02:07,368 --> 01:02:08,828
So you'll relocate there?
853
01:02:08,912 --> 01:02:09,829
Yeah, I think so.
854
01:02:10,663 --> 01:02:12,707
She contacted an obstetrician.
855
01:02:14,876 --> 01:02:16,169
Are we talking pink or blue?
856
01:02:17,378 --> 01:02:18,463
- Blue.
- Blue.
857
01:02:18,546 --> 01:02:20,255
- Blue! Thanks.
- Ah, congratulations.
858
01:02:20,339 --> 01:02:21,465
- That's wonderful.
- Yeah.
859
01:02:23,675 --> 01:02:27,930
Oh, hey, I have a question
for you if it's not too painful.
860
01:02:31,934 --> 01:02:35,354
Do you think he really
would have harmed someone?
861
01:02:40,150 --> 01:02:41,068
Um...
862
01:02:42,236 --> 01:02:46,532
He'd been a part of some...
nonviolent protests.
863
01:02:47,616 --> 01:02:50,327
We both had. He'd been put in jail.
864
01:02:51,577 --> 01:02:52,495
He had a temper.
865
01:02:53,454 --> 01:02:56,290
I mean, he'd start yelling at police,
but no, I don't think he was...
866
01:02:57,625 --> 01:02:59,293
No. I don't think he was violent.
867
01:03:02,630 --> 01:03:03,589
I just, um...
868
01:03:05,466 --> 01:03:09,137
I can't help but keep wondering
what I should have done differently.
869
01:03:13,391 --> 01:03:14,684
He didn't want to live.
870
01:03:19,230 --> 01:03:21,482
He was not a religious man, you know.
871
01:03:23,775 --> 01:03:26,236
He didn't care for the church. That was me.
872
01:03:26,319 --> 01:03:27,988
I was the one who asked him to come.
873
01:03:28,655 --> 01:03:32,200
I was raised in the church
and I never could quite let it go.
874
01:03:33,201 --> 01:03:35,537
I'd be in a strange city and I would just go
875
01:03:35,620 --> 01:03:37,497
to a church and sit down, you know?
876
01:03:37,581 --> 01:03:39,249
I was the spiritual one.
877
01:03:45,172 --> 01:03:46,089
Thanks.
878
01:03:46,715 --> 01:03:50,177
Yeah, I'll... I'm gonna go get some boxes.
879
01:03:50,260 --> 01:03:51,595
- I'll come back for the clothes.
- Okay.
880
01:03:55,806 --> 01:03:57,308
Reverend? Um...
881
01:04:00,394 --> 01:04:02,980
would you... pray with me?
882
01:04:05,608 --> 01:04:07,651
I just...
I find it difficult to do it alone.
883
01:04:07,735 --> 01:04:10,487
Just, the words just don't come.
884
01:04:12,573 --> 01:04:14,074
Are you uncomfortable
with me asking you that?
885
01:04:14,158 --> 01:04:17,119
- No. No, no, no. Of course not, yeah.
- Okay.
886
01:04:21,624 --> 01:04:22,708
Dear Heavenly Father...
887
01:04:24,752 --> 01:04:27,420
we invite you into this room,
into our heart...
888
01:04:27,921 --> 01:04:30,673
I held her hand, I spoke,
889
01:04:32,008 --> 01:04:33,593
and the words came out of my mouth.
890
01:04:34,552 --> 01:04:38,473
"By thy words, you shall be justified
and by thy words, you shall be condemned. "
891
01:05:43,247 --> 01:05:45,124
I can no longer ignore my health.
892
01:05:46,333 --> 01:05:48,544
I have postponed my checkup too often.
893
01:05:50,296 --> 01:05:52,631
Yesterday, I could literally barely stand.
894
01:06:51,021 --> 01:06:53,607
No, I have not lost my faith.
895
01:08:13,579 --> 01:08:16,540
"And the rich man said,
'I will pull down my barns
896
01:08:16,624 --> 01:08:17,950
and build greater. "
897
01:08:19,710 --> 01:08:21,629
"And I will say to my soul,
898
01:08:21,712 --> 01:08:25,215
take thine ease, eat,
drink, and be merry.
899
01:08:25,716 --> 01:08:27,384
"But God said unto his disciples,
900
01:08:27,468 --> 01:08:28,928
take no thought for your life,
901
01:08:29,595 --> 01:08:30,804
what ye shall eat. "
902
01:08:33,265 --> 01:08:36,352
Neither for the body, what ye shall put on.
903
01:08:38,979 --> 01:08:41,147
The life is more than meat,
904
01:08:42,565 --> 01:08:45,234
and the body is more than raiment. "
905
01:08:46,152 --> 01:08:48,947
Thus ends the reading of the Lord.
Praise be God.
906
01:08:49,739 --> 01:08:51,282
When did he come back?
907
01:08:51,366 --> 01:08:53,618
Well, he was out most of Friday.
908
01:08:54,243 --> 01:08:55,870
So he went to Albany for his checkup?
909
01:08:55,954 --> 01:08:58,498
I asked him, but he didn't
give me any details.
910
01:08:58,915 --> 01:08:59,832
You know how he is.
911
01:09:00,833 --> 01:09:02,251
Perhaps I can check.
912
01:09:02,335 --> 01:09:04,545
- Esther.
- It's just...
913
01:09:04,629 --> 01:09:07,215
I know. I know.
914
01:09:11,260 --> 01:09:13,971
- Okay, all right. Bye.
- See you.
915
01:09:26,566 --> 01:09:29,152
We'd like to do a gastroscopic exam.
916
01:09:29,236 --> 01:09:32,531
We lower a fiber optic camera
down the throat and esophagus
917
01:09:32,614 --> 01:09:33,532
and take a look around.
918
01:09:33,615 --> 01:09:35,575
It's an outpatient procedure,
local anesthetic.
919
01:09:35,659 --> 01:09:37,327
You should be able to leave by midafternoon.
920
01:09:37,411 --> 01:09:39,371
Still, that doesn't...
that doesn't sound too good.
921
01:09:39,454 --> 01:09:42,374
Well, we'd like to check
for evidence of malignancy.
922
01:09:42,457 --> 01:09:43,375
Cancer.
923
01:09:44,417 --> 01:09:47,169
Cancer's not the fearsome
medical foe it once was.
924
01:09:47,878 --> 01:09:48,796
Mm-hmm.
925
01:09:51,549 --> 01:09:53,676
What's the treatment for that?
926
01:09:55,136 --> 01:09:57,847
It depends on how far advanced the tumor is.
927
01:09:58,931 --> 01:09:59,849
But?
928
01:10:00,099 --> 01:10:02,143
You stated you've been
experiencing discomfort.
929
01:10:02,852 --> 01:10:03,769
Uh-huh.
930
01:10:04,186 --> 01:10:05,604
- Yeah.
- Six months?
931
01:10:07,440 --> 01:10:11,235
Well, diet, medication, chemo, even surgery.
932
01:10:11,318 --> 01:10:13,446
We have a variety of diagnostic tools.
933
01:10:14,113 --> 01:10:15,281
Have you had any bloody stools?
934
01:10:20,785 --> 01:10:21,703
Recently?
935
01:10:24,789 --> 01:10:28,251
Okay. I'd like to schedule
the gastroscopy as soon as possible.
936
01:10:28,334 --> 01:10:31,838
We have an open slot week after next.
937
01:10:32,881 --> 01:10:33,798
Okay.
938
01:10:34,174 --> 01:10:35,091
What's your diet?
939
01:10:35,800 --> 01:10:37,093
My diet? Um...
940
01:10:38,136 --> 01:10:39,220
I'm hungry, I eat.
941
01:10:39,304 --> 01:10:40,680
- Smoke?
- No.
942
01:10:40,764 --> 01:10:41,681
Drink?
943
01:10:43,141 --> 01:10:44,934
Mmm, in moderation.
944
01:10:45,018 --> 01:10:45,935
That needs to end.
945
01:10:46,686 --> 01:10:49,146
I'm gonna call in a prescription to help
with the stomach pain.
946
01:10:49,229 --> 01:10:51,440
And I want you to take
nutritional supplements.
947
01:10:52,441 --> 01:10:53,358
Okay.
948
01:10:54,359 --> 01:10:55,527
Are you in pain now?
949
01:10:56,987 --> 01:10:58,113
No, I feel good.
950
01:11:00,365 --> 01:11:04,286
We tend to think that anxiety and worry
951
01:11:04,369 --> 01:11:08,123
are simply an indication of how wise we are,
952
01:11:08,749 --> 01:11:10,626
yet it is a much better indication
953
01:11:10,709 --> 01:11:12,544
of how wicked we are.
954
01:11:13,420 --> 01:11:18,675
Fretting arises from our determination
to have our own way.
955
01:11:19,717 --> 01:11:21,636
Our Lord never worried
956
01:11:22,261 --> 01:11:23,763
and was never anxious.
957
01:11:25,431 --> 01:11:27,100
- I'll be back in a bit.
- Because His purpose
958
01:11:27,183 --> 01:11:31,062
was to accomplish not His own plans...
959
01:11:35,900 --> 01:11:38,069
- Reverend?
- Hi, Esther.
960
01:11:38,152 --> 01:11:40,029
I didn't know you were coming.
961
01:11:40,113 --> 01:11:41,155
Well, Joel's office called.
962
01:11:41,239 --> 01:11:43,199
They want to talk to me about
the reconsecration program.
963
01:11:43,282 --> 01:11:44,283
Did they talk to you?
964
01:11:44,951 --> 01:11:46,494
I'll be at First Reformed.
965
01:11:46,577 --> 01:11:49,122
And Stanley will be with
the full choir here for the simulcast.
966
01:11:49,205 --> 01:11:50,331
Mm-hmm, nice.
967
01:11:50,414 --> 01:11:51,748
The acoustics will be wonderful.
968
01:11:51,832 --> 01:11:52,749
- I mean...
- Stop.
969
01:11:52,833 --> 01:11:54,000
Really wonderful.
970
01:11:54,835 --> 01:11:56,086
Did you hear from Albany?
971
01:11:56,169 --> 01:11:58,171
- Yeah, I did.
- Well, what did they say?
972
01:11:58,255 --> 01:12:00,966
- Nothing, just some more tests.
- A gastroscopy.
973
01:12:03,218 --> 01:12:04,136
And you know this how?
974
01:12:05,720 --> 01:12:06,555
I called.
975
01:12:06,638 --> 01:12:09,432
- I'm worried about you.
- Leave me alone!
976
01:12:11,143 --> 01:12:13,645
- I just want to try...
- I know what you want!
977
01:12:13,728 --> 01:12:17,899
All right, and I cannot bear your concern,
your constant hovering, your neediness.
978
01:12:17,983 --> 01:12:20,443
You... you're a constant reminder
979
01:12:20,527 --> 01:12:23,445
of my own personal
inadequacies and failings.
980
01:12:23,529 --> 01:12:27,199
You want something that never
was and never will be.
981
01:12:28,117 --> 01:12:30,286
- Don't make me do this, 'cause I...
- Esther, Esther, Esther.
982
01:12:30,619 --> 01:12:32,371
Pull yourself together, okay?
983
01:12:32,454 --> 01:12:34,206
- You don't take care of yourself.
- Look at yourself.
984
01:12:35,416 --> 01:12:36,333
I despise you.
985
01:12:37,877 --> 01:12:40,212
I despise what you bring out in me.
986
01:12:40,963 --> 01:12:42,423
Your concerns are petty.
987
01:12:43,424 --> 01:12:45,259
You are a stumbling block.
988
01:12:58,354 --> 01:12:59,814
I suddenly feel much better.
989
01:13:00,523 --> 01:13:05,403
I awoke early, clearheaded,
and immediately set about my daily tasks.
990
01:16:25,013 --> 01:16:26,523
"The nations raged"...
991
01:16:28,525 --> 01:16:30,018
"But your wrath came
992
01:16:31,520 --> 01:16:33,772
and the time for the dead to be judged.
993
01:16:36,691 --> 01:16:39,527
And for rewarding your servants
and prophets and saints
994
01:16:40,861 --> 01:16:42,655
and for those who fear your name
995
01:16:43,572 --> 01:16:44,824
both small and great.
996
01:16:47,576 --> 01:16:50,413
And for destroying
the destroyers of the earth. "
997
01:16:54,875 --> 01:16:57,420
Revelations 11:18.
998
01:17:22,360 --> 01:17:24,362
I have removed the previous pages.
999
01:17:24,446 --> 01:17:25,905
They were written in delirium.
1000
01:17:27,282 --> 01:17:29,367
But I am determined to continue.
1001
01:17:31,578 --> 01:17:34,038
It's hard to struggle against torpor.
1002
01:17:35,290 --> 01:17:36,583
I must set pen to paper.
1003
01:17:59,855 --> 01:18:00,772
Shit.
1004
01:18:15,828 --> 01:18:18,289
- Oh, hey, Mary.
- Hi. Can I come in?
1005
01:18:18,372 --> 01:18:20,249
Yeah, of course. Come on in.
Come on, come on.
1006
01:18:20,333 --> 01:18:22,627
Come in. Do you need anything?
1007
01:18:22,710 --> 01:18:24,504
Do you want... can I take your coat?
1008
01:18:24,587 --> 01:18:26,797
- Yeah.
- Hey, are you all right?
1009
01:18:27,632 --> 01:18:30,760
- Um...
- Let me get this.
1010
01:18:30,843 --> 01:18:31,886
No.
1011
01:18:35,264 --> 01:18:37,558
I'm just... I'm really frightened.
1012
01:18:37,642 --> 01:18:39,227
I'm, like, I'm frightened of everything.
1013
01:18:42,605 --> 01:18:45,982
I woke up and my heart was pounding
and I thought, like, the roof,
1014
01:18:46,066 --> 01:18:47,984
the ceiling, was just gonna fall in.
1015
01:18:49,402 --> 01:18:52,030
- So I had to get out.
- Yeah...
1016
01:18:52,113 --> 01:18:54,074
And I just drove around and I...
1017
01:18:54,908 --> 01:18:57,160
I didn't put any makeup on. Sorry.
1018
01:18:57,244 --> 01:18:58,245
I'm glad you came.
1019
01:18:58,870 --> 01:19:01,998
Do you want some water or some tea...
1020
01:19:02,082 --> 01:19:02,999
Without warning...
1021
01:19:05,252 --> 01:19:07,170
this dark curtain just fell.
1022
01:19:08,255 --> 01:19:11,049
I'm scared of everything.
1023
01:19:11,132 --> 01:19:12,676
Well, you did the right thing coming here.
1024
01:19:12,759 --> 01:19:14,094
I just can't stop my thoughts.
1025
01:19:14,177 --> 01:19:16,221
They just keep going on and on.
1026
01:19:16,304 --> 01:19:17,429
They repeat and repeat.
1027
01:19:19,098 --> 01:19:21,016
Did this ever happen before Michael's death?
1028
01:19:22,726 --> 01:19:23,644
A little.
1029
01:19:24,853 --> 01:19:26,188
Yeah, not like this, though.
1030
01:19:27,815 --> 01:19:30,109
I read online that they used to believe
1031
01:19:30,192 --> 01:19:32,653
that pregnancy made you happy,
but now they feel like
1032
01:19:32,736 --> 01:19:34,655
it just makes your feelings more extreme.
1033
01:19:38,617 --> 01:19:39,535
Michael...
1034
01:19:41,996 --> 01:19:44,039
he was just really strong.
1035
01:19:44,540 --> 01:19:45,457
How so?
1036
01:19:49,085 --> 01:19:51,254
Um, he listened. He was kind.
1037
01:19:53,965 --> 01:19:57,135
We used to do this thing
called the magical mystery tour.
1038
01:19:58,303 --> 01:20:00,763
It sounds silly, but, um...
1039
01:20:01,889 --> 01:20:03,600
we would share a joint
1040
01:20:04,642 --> 01:20:07,103
and lay on top of each other fully clothed.
1041
01:20:08,980 --> 01:20:11,816
We would try to get as much
body to body contact as possible.
1042
01:20:13,026 --> 01:20:14,402
We'd have our hands out and...
1043
01:20:15,820 --> 01:20:18,156
we would just look straight
into each other's eyes
1044
01:20:19,198 --> 01:20:23,076
and move them in unison,
like, right, left, right, left.
1045
01:20:23,160 --> 01:20:25,871
And then we would breathe in rhythm.
1046
01:20:32,919 --> 01:20:34,171
You want me to do this?
1047
01:20:37,007 --> 01:20:39,259
No. I didn't mean that.
1048
01:20:41,219 --> 01:20:43,096
- All right.
- I mean, I...
1049
01:20:46,058 --> 01:20:49,519
Yeah. I mean, yeah. I guess,
I... yeah, I guess I did.
1050
01:20:50,646 --> 01:20:51,563
Okay.
1051
01:20:52,480 --> 01:20:53,606
Uh, show me.
1052
01:20:54,440 --> 01:20:57,860
Well... you lay on your back
1053
01:20:57,943 --> 01:21:00,154
and with your arms
and your legs stretched out.
1054
01:21:00,780 --> 01:21:01,781
Do we need music?
1055
01:21:02,657 --> 01:21:04,367
No, we just listen to the breaths.
1056
01:21:05,701 --> 01:21:08,162
Just... lie down?
1057
01:21:09,205 --> 01:21:11,582
Yeah. And then, yeah.
1058
01:25:25,786 --> 01:25:27,288
Go, go, go! Come on, come on, come on!
1059
01:25:27,371 --> 01:25:29,498
- There you go, you got it.
- Come on, Benny. Come on, Benny.
1060
01:25:29,582 --> 01:25:32,960
Okay, guys, let's all get seated
in the first pew right here.
1061
01:25:33,044 --> 01:25:34,086
All the way down.
1062
01:25:38,924 --> 01:25:40,008
All right, good job, guys.
1063
01:25:40,091 --> 01:25:43,637
Okay, so last week,
we read The Patchwork Path
1064
01:25:43,720 --> 01:25:46,848
about the Underground Railroad,
which was not a railroad, but...
1065
01:25:47,974 --> 01:25:50,310
- Rosa?
- It was a slave trail.
1066
01:25:50,727 --> 01:25:53,396
It was an escape route
from the South to the North.
1067
01:25:53,480 --> 01:25:57,651
And this church, First Reformed,
was one of the stops on that route.
1068
01:25:57,734 --> 01:25:58,652
Reverend Toller?
1069
01:25:58,735 --> 01:26:01,780
Yeah. Slaves fleeing north to Canada
1070
01:26:01,863 --> 01:26:05,575
were often helped, fed, hidden
by homes and churches
1071
01:26:05,659 --> 01:26:06,743
along this route.
1072
01:26:06,826 --> 01:26:10,496
Calvin Verlander was the dominee,
the minister here at First Reformed.
1073
01:26:10,579 --> 01:26:12,706
And he was very active
in the Abolitionist Movement.
1074
01:26:13,290 --> 01:26:14,208
He assisted in...
1075
01:26:15,084 --> 01:26:17,169
No, Ms. Surya, let me try this.
1076
01:26:17,252 --> 01:26:18,796
Why don't you all stand up for a second?
1077
01:26:18,879 --> 01:26:19,880
Take a look right here.
1078
01:26:19,964 --> 01:26:22,341
Do you see one part of wood
that seems different
1079
01:26:22,424 --> 01:26:23,968
- than the other part of the wood?
- Yeah!
1080
01:26:24,176 --> 01:26:25,803
You all see that, don't you?
1081
01:26:25,886 --> 01:26:27,096
But does this seem a little bit
1082
01:26:27,179 --> 01:26:29,515
- like a secret door, hmm?
- Yes.
1083
01:26:29,598 --> 01:26:31,517
- Yeah, what's your name?
- Benny.
1084
01:26:31,600 --> 01:26:32,643
Benny, will you give me a hand?
1085
01:26:32,726 --> 01:26:33,936
- Come on over here.
- Mm-hmm.
1086
01:26:34,019 --> 01:26:36,021
You see, there used to be a pew over this.
1087
01:26:36,105 --> 01:26:38,232
And they would move it
and then they would lift this up.
1088
01:26:38,315 --> 01:26:39,233
Can you do it? Help me.
1089
01:26:41,193 --> 01:26:44,362
Yes! Oh! Come around, everybody.
1090
01:26:44,445 --> 01:26:45,363
Can you hold this up?
1091
01:26:45,446 --> 01:26:47,573
Slaves would hide in here.
Sometimes whole families.
1092
01:26:47,657 --> 01:26:49,492
Be really careful. All right.
1093
01:26:50,243 --> 01:26:51,369
Can you imagine that?
1094
01:26:52,537 --> 01:26:53,454
In the dark.
1095
01:26:54,205 --> 01:26:55,415
The air hot,
1096
01:26:56,332 --> 01:26:57,208
shaking with fear.
1097
01:26:57,291 --> 01:27:00,128
The sound of the slave hunter's
horses outside.
1098
01:27:00,920 --> 01:27:03,006
On their knees, holding each other's hands,
1099
01:27:03,089 --> 01:27:04,632
praying for God to save them?
1100
01:27:11,431 --> 01:27:13,515
Do you want me to pack up
anything here in the kitchen?
1101
01:27:13,598 --> 01:27:16,101
No, I can get it later. Thanks.
1102
01:27:20,772 --> 01:27:22,274
I'd love to meet your sister sometime.
1103
01:27:24,276 --> 01:27:26,278
- You wanna come to Buffalo?
- If I'm invited, I'd love to.
1104
01:27:26,361 --> 01:27:28,238
- You gonna visit me?
- I would, yeah!
1105
01:27:28,739 --> 01:27:29,948
I'd love to meet Michael, Jr.
1106
01:27:31,158 --> 01:27:32,743
You've been such a help to me.
1107
01:27:33,869 --> 01:27:37,205
My great-grandfather
was a pastor in Muskegon, Michigan.
1108
01:27:37,289 --> 01:27:38,290
The Saint of God.
1109
01:27:38,999 --> 01:27:41,710
And the bank in town
was a two-story building,
1110
01:27:41,793 --> 01:27:43,378
the first building to have an elevator.
1111
01:27:44,171 --> 01:27:45,172
And one Monday,
1112
01:27:46,380 --> 01:27:48,799
Granddad got the boys all together
1113
01:27:48,883 --> 01:27:51,302
and they went into town
to deposit church funds,
1114
01:27:51,927 --> 01:27:53,054
as they did every Monday.
1115
01:27:53,137 --> 01:27:54,889
And they needed to go talk to the managers.
1116
01:27:54,972 --> 01:27:57,475
They got on the elevator
and he had a heart attack.
1117
01:27:59,643 --> 01:28:01,812
And he took off his hat.
1118
01:28:01,896 --> 01:28:03,189
Apparently, he always wore a hat.
1119
01:28:03,272 --> 01:28:04,940
And he took off his hat and he said,
1120
01:28:05,024 --> 01:28:09,862
"Boys, take off my shoes.
I'm standing on holy ground. "
1121
01:28:11,447 --> 01:28:12,364
And then he died.
1122
01:28:13,783 --> 01:28:15,743
Somewhere between the
first and second floor.
1123
01:28:18,536 --> 01:28:21,998
Yeah, I think about that story
when I think about Michael.
1124
01:28:24,793 --> 01:28:27,504
'Cause I believe he was standing
on holy ground when he died.
1125
01:28:39,974 --> 01:28:40,892
Thank you.
1126
01:28:42,435 --> 01:28:44,104
So I'll see you in Buffalo?
1127
01:28:44,813 --> 01:28:47,023
I think I'm gonna go to the reconsecration.
1128
01:28:48,525 --> 01:28:50,692
Oh. No, you don't need to do that.
1129
01:28:51,235 --> 01:28:53,237
- But I want to.
- Yeah, but it's not necessary.
1130
01:28:53,987 --> 01:28:56,365
Yeah, but you've been there for me
and I want to be there for you.
1131
01:28:56,448 --> 01:28:58,700
It's very nice of you to offer,
1132
01:28:58,784 --> 01:29:01,745
but it's just a bunch of rich guys
patting each other on the back.
1133
01:29:01,829 --> 01:29:03,497
- But you're gonna be there.
- But I have to be there.
1134
01:29:03,580 --> 01:29:05,666
- So I'm gonna go.
- Please don't come.
1135
01:29:06,834 --> 01:29:08,043
Okay? I don't want you to come.
1136
01:29:08,919 --> 01:29:09,837
You understand?
1137
01:29:12,548 --> 01:29:13,465
Okay.
1138
01:29:15,968 --> 01:29:17,719
Right. Have a nice evening.
1139
01:29:46,664 --> 01:29:49,625
"Be strong in the Lord
and in His mighty power.
1140
01:29:50,918 --> 01:29:54,212
Put on the full armor of God
1141
01:29:54,296 --> 01:29:58,800
so that you can take your stand
against the devil's schemes.
1142
01:29:58,884 --> 01:30:01,928
For our struggle is not
against flesh and blood
1143
01:30:04,055 --> 01:30:07,934
but against the rulers,
against the authorities,
1144
01:30:08,852 --> 01:30:11,813
against the powers of this dark world. "
1145
01:30:50,809 --> 01:30:56,147
Balq Home Products,
makers of paper goods, fertilizers,
1146
01:30:57,232 --> 01:31:00,026
everyday items for the household,
1147
01:31:00,109 --> 01:31:02,528
was among the first companies
1148
01:31:02,612 --> 01:31:07,283
to realize the need
to address environmental concerns.
1149
01:31:07,784 --> 01:31:10,119
Sir? Are you joining us?
1150
01:31:11,412 --> 01:31:16,000
This unit makes recyclable plastic markers.
1151
01:31:16,417 --> 01:31:20,588
Balq has facilities
or production arrangements
1152
01:31:20,672 --> 01:31:24,509
with 18 countries around the world.
1153
01:31:31,765 --> 01:31:34,559
Today, I stopped. I had Miso and fish.
1154
01:31:38,855 --> 01:31:40,440
Such simple pleasures.
1155
01:31:43,819 --> 01:31:45,445
Why do we deny ourselves?
1156
01:32:40,206 --> 01:32:44,127
Every act of preservation
is an act of creation.
1157
01:32:44,794 --> 01:32:47,255
Everything preserved renews creation.
1158
01:32:48,381 --> 01:32:50,508
It's how we participate in creation.
1159
01:33:40,390 --> 01:33:42,433
I have found another form of prayer.
1160
01:34:02,787 --> 01:34:04,038
- Reverend Toller, come on in.
- Hey.
1161
01:34:04,872 --> 01:34:05,998
Close the door.
1162
01:34:07,666 --> 01:34:08,708
Why don't you take a seat?
1163
01:34:12,838 --> 01:34:14,214
We're concerned about you.
1164
01:34:15,424 --> 01:34:16,341
Who is?
1165
01:34:16,800 --> 01:34:17,717
How's your health?
1166
01:34:20,262 --> 01:34:21,596
Well, I'm having some tests.
1167
01:34:22,639 --> 01:34:24,766
Hmm? Have you gotten your results?
1168
01:34:24,850 --> 01:34:25,767
No. No.
1169
01:34:26,893 --> 01:34:28,061
What about your diet?
1170
01:34:28,645 --> 01:34:30,897
You know, I'm gonna be honest,
you just don't look so good.
1171
01:34:32,232 --> 01:34:33,150
I've had some...
1172
01:34:34,860 --> 01:34:36,111
some stomach issues.
1173
01:34:38,113 --> 01:34:39,905
And I understand you've been drinking.
1174
01:34:41,782 --> 01:34:44,326
Hm. What?
1175
01:34:45,244 --> 01:34:46,704
It's just a little wine with dinner.
1176
01:34:46,787 --> 01:34:48,205
- Wine?
- Yeah, yeah.
1177
01:34:49,915 --> 01:34:50,833
Well...
1178
01:34:51,917 --> 01:34:55,504
that's not recommended
for someone who has stomach problems.
1179
01:34:55,588 --> 01:34:56,839
I understand, all right?
1180
01:34:56,922 --> 01:34:58,591
I'll start taking better care of myself.
1181
01:34:59,800 --> 01:35:01,218
You're always in the Garden.
1182
01:35:02,178 --> 01:35:05,598
Even Jesus wasn't always in the Garden
1183
01:35:05,681 --> 01:35:07,349
on his knees, sweating blood.
1184
01:35:08,267 --> 01:35:09,351
He was on the mount.
1185
01:35:10,019 --> 01:35:13,521
He was in the marketplace.
He was in the temple.
1186
01:35:13,605 --> 01:35:16,816
But you, you're always in the Garden.
1187
01:35:16,900 --> 01:35:19,903
For you, every hour is the darkest hour.
1188
01:35:20,612 --> 01:35:23,114
I wasn't aware that I had offended.
1189
01:35:24,240 --> 01:35:25,909
Jesus doesn't want our suffering.
1190
01:35:25,992 --> 01:35:27,660
- He suffered for us.
- Mmm-mmm.
1191
01:35:28,244 --> 01:35:31,664
He wants our commitment and our obedience.
1192
01:35:31,748 --> 01:35:32,999
And what of His creation?
1193
01:35:33,583 --> 01:35:35,418
The Heavens declare the glory of God.
1194
01:35:35,502 --> 01:35:36,836
God is present everywhere,
1195
01:35:36,920 --> 01:35:41,257
in every plant, every river,
every tiny insect.
1196
01:35:41,341 --> 01:35:45,385
The whole world is a manifestation
of his holy presence.
1197
01:35:45,469 --> 01:35:48,805
I think this is an issue
where the church can lead.
1198
01:35:48,889 --> 01:35:50,682
But they say nothing.
1199
01:35:50,766 --> 01:35:51,767
The...
1200
01:35:53,352 --> 01:35:55,812
the U.S. Congress
still denies climate change?
1201
01:35:57,231 --> 01:35:59,650
Where were we when these
people were elected?
1202
01:36:00,275 --> 01:36:03,779
The... we know who spoke
for big business. Right?
1203
01:36:03,862 --> 01:36:05,572
But who spoke for God?
1204
01:36:08,325 --> 01:36:13,622
"The creation waits in eager expectation
of liberation from bondage. "
1205
01:36:15,957 --> 01:36:18,626
That's Romans 8:23. You understand?
1206
01:36:20,002 --> 01:36:22,672
So we should pollute so God can restore?
1207
01:36:23,089 --> 01:36:25,424
We should sin so God can forgive?
1208
01:36:25,508 --> 01:36:27,718
I don't think that's what the apostle meant.
1209
01:36:27,802 --> 01:36:29,303
I think we're supposed to look
1210
01:36:29,387 --> 01:36:32,223
with the eyes of Jesus into every living...
1211
01:36:32,306 --> 01:36:33,724
You don't live in the real world.
1212
01:36:33,808 --> 01:36:35,226
- I...
- You don't.
1213
01:36:35,309 --> 01:36:38,854
You are a minister
at a tourist church that no one attends.
1214
01:36:38,938 --> 01:36:42,400
Do you have any idea what
it takes to do God's work?
1215
01:36:42,483 --> 01:36:46,695
- I'm trying to...
- To maintain a mission of this size?
1216
01:36:46,778 --> 01:36:49,155
The staffing, the outreach,
1217
01:36:49,239 --> 01:36:51,491
the amount of people that we touch each day.
1218
01:36:52,826 --> 01:36:54,828
Who's that priest that you like so much?
1219
01:36:56,121 --> 01:36:57,831
- Thomas Merton?
- Thomas Merton.
1220
01:36:57,914 --> 01:36:59,791
- He didn't live in the real world either.
- Yes, he did!
1221
01:36:59,874 --> 01:37:01,293
- No. He was a monk who lived...
- He would...
1222
01:37:01,376 --> 01:37:03,962
...in a monastery in Kentucky
and wrote books!
1223
01:37:04,045 --> 01:37:06,047
Well, somebody has to do something!
1224
01:37:06,464 --> 01:37:08,341
It's the earth that hangs in the balance.
1225
01:37:08,425 --> 01:37:11,636
Well what if this is His plan?
What if we just can't see it?
1226
01:37:11,720 --> 01:37:14,097
You think God wants to destroy His creation?
1227
01:37:14,180 --> 01:37:18,350
He did once. For 40 days and 40 nights.
1228
01:37:26,317 --> 01:37:30,154
Look, Abundant Life, we're with you.
1229
01:37:30,237 --> 01:37:31,405
Okay, we care.
1230
01:37:32,489 --> 01:37:33,490
We do.
1231
01:37:33,574 --> 01:37:38,829
And I know this is a hard time for you,
but we're gonna help you with that.
1232
01:37:39,997 --> 01:37:42,458
Once we get through
the reconsecration service,
1233
01:37:42,541 --> 01:37:44,460
you need to go to rehab.
1234
01:37:45,044 --> 01:37:48,005
You need to go check yourself
into a medical institution.
1235
01:37:48,922 --> 01:37:53,760
All right, maybe go to Nicaragua
and preach the gospel or build houses
1236
01:37:53,843 --> 01:37:56,304
but do something in the real world.
1237
01:37:56,971 --> 01:37:59,766
And if you can't do the ceremony,
I'll understand that.
1238
01:37:59,849 --> 01:38:01,719
You're expected to be there, but,
1239
01:38:01,821 --> 01:38:04,245
look, we can just say that
you were sick, which is true.
1240
01:38:04,280 --> 01:38:05,938
No, it's not...
it's not about the ceremony.
1241
01:38:06,022 --> 01:38:07,398
All right? I can... I will...
1242
01:38:07,482 --> 01:38:09,484
I want to be there. I have to be there.
1243
01:38:09,567 --> 01:38:12,153
It's my church. It's 250 years.
1244
01:38:12,236 --> 01:38:15,031
I want to be there.
I want to introduce you. Please?
1245
01:38:17,450 --> 01:38:21,662
Well, Ed Balq has decided
that he would like to make comments,
1246
01:38:21,745 --> 01:38:23,372
so the governor will introduce him.
1247
01:38:23,997 --> 01:38:25,624
- Will that be a problem?
- Not at all.
1248
01:38:26,833 --> 01:38:27,751
Not at all.
1249
01:38:28,543 --> 01:38:30,128
Well, good. Good.
1250
01:38:32,047 --> 01:38:34,466
Listen, we'll get
through this reconsecration.
1251
01:38:34,549 --> 01:38:35,926
It'll be special.
1252
01:38:36,718 --> 01:38:39,429
And then we'll deal with these other issues.
1253
01:38:45,102 --> 01:38:46,144
Thank you.
1254
01:39:42,866 --> 01:39:43,867
Thanks.
1255
01:42:42,205 --> 01:42:45,542
- Where is Reverend Toller?
- I'm not sure, ma'am. Inside.
1256
01:44:12,292 --> 01:44:13,419
- Have you seen him?
- No.
1257
01:44:27,016 --> 01:44:28,517
- Where is he?
- I don't know.
1258
01:44:41,697 --> 01:44:42,780
Toller!
1259
01:44:46,124 --> 01:44:47,785
Toller, you in there?
1260
01:45:13,644 --> 01:45:14,811
Begin the service.
1261
01:45:43,006 --> 01:45:47,093
What a fellowship
1262
01:45:47,176 --> 01:45:51,514
What a joy divine
1263
01:45:51,597 --> 01:45:53,819
Leaning
1264
01:45:53,964 --> 01:45:59,501
on the everlasting arms
1265
01:45:59,605 --> 01:46:03,984
What a blessedness
1266
01:46:04,068 --> 01:46:08,239
What a peace is mine
1267
01:46:08,322 --> 01:46:10,491
Leaning
1268
01:46:10,562 --> 01:46:15,994
on the everlasting arms
1269
01:46:16,330 --> 01:46:20,083
Leaning
1270
01:46:20,266 --> 01:46:23,044
Leaning
1271
01:46:23,545 --> 01:46:26,798
Safe and secure
1272
01:46:26,881 --> 01:46:31,845
From all alarms
1273
01:46:31,928 --> 01:46:35,807
Leaning
1274
01:46:35,990 --> 01:46:39,602
Leaning
1275
01:46:39,786 --> 01:46:41,812
Leaning
1276
01:46:41,821 --> 01:46:47,006
on the everlasting arms
1277
01:46:47,610 --> 01:46:51,780
Oh, how to sweet to walk
1278
01:46:51,864 --> 01:46:55,576
In this pilgrim way
1279
01:46:56,076 --> 01:46:58,202
Leaning
1280
01:46:58,294 --> 01:47:03,800
on the everlasting arms
1281
01:47:04,042 --> 01:47:08,088
Oh, how bright the path
1282
01:47:08,172 --> 01:47:12,301
Grows from day-to-day
1283
01:47:12,384 --> 01:47:14,602
Leaning
1284
01:47:14,605 --> 01:47:19,884
on the everlasting arms
1285
01:47:20,392 --> 01:47:24,103
Leaning
1286
01:47:24,287 --> 01:47:27,231
Leaning
1287
01:47:28,065 --> 01:47:30,818
Safe and secure
1288
01:47:30,902 --> 01:47:35,990
From all alarms
1289
01:47:36,073 --> 01:47:39,785
Leaning
1290
01:47:39,969 --> 01:47:43,032
Leaning
1291
01:47:43,706 --> 01:47:45,967
Leaning
1292
01:47:45,987 --> 01:47:51,131
on the everlasting arms
1293
01:47:51,631 --> 01:47:55,592
What have I to dread
1294
01:47:55,675 --> 01:47:59,763
What have I to fear
1295
01:47:59,846 --> 01:48:02,599
Leaning on...
1296
01:48:03,600 --> 01:48:04,517
Ernst?
1297
01:48:07,604 --> 01:48:11,441
...I have blessed peace
1298
01:48:11,524 --> 01:48:14,945
With my Lord so near
1299
01:48:15,612 --> 01:48:17,666
Leaning
1300
01:48:17,766 --> 01:48:23,043
on the everlasting arms
1301
01:48:23,203 --> 01:48:26,914
Leaning
1302
01:48:27,097 --> 01:48:30,417
Leaning
1303
01:48:30,501 --> 01:48:33,587
Safe and secure
1304
01:48:33,671 --> 01:48:38,467
From all alarms
1305
01:48:38,550 --> 01:48:42,179
Leaning
1306
01:48:42,363 --> 01:48:45,891
Leaning
1307
01:48:46,075 --> 01:48:48,325
Leaning
1308
01:48:48,399 --> 01:48:53,104
on the everlasting arms
1309
01:48:53,691 --> 01:48:56,985
Leaning
1310
01:48:57,568 --> 01:49:00,822
Leaning
1311
01:49:01,406 --> 01:49:03,453
Leaning
1312
01:49:03,524 --> 01:49:08,437
on the everlasting arms
1313
01:49:08,913 --> 01:49:12,792
Leaning
1314
01:49:12,875 --> 01:49:14,252
Lean
1315
01:49:14,253 --> 01:49:20,131
- Subtitle -
sync, fix: titler
1316
01:49:23,131 --> 01:49:27,131
Preuzeto sa www.titlovi.com
100704