All language subtitles for Disenchantment.S01E01.A.Princess.an.Elf.and.a.Demon.Walk.Into.a.Bar.720p.NF.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.1
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1
00:00:13,013 --> 00:00:14,431
Hey!
2
00:01:02,354 --> 00:01:05,357
Rise and shine, Princess.
It's your big day.
3
00:01:05,440 --> 00:01:07,276
Hope you got your beauty sleep.
4
00:01:07,359 --> 00:01:09,528
Ugh! She did it again.
5
00:01:10,279 --> 00:01:12,698
Please, let me go on a crusade!
6
00:01:12,781 --> 00:01:15,200
Anything's safer
than guarding that princess.
7
00:01:22,040 --> 00:01:23,542
All in.
8
00:01:25,210 --> 00:01:26,545
Call.
9
00:01:29,631 --> 00:01:31,174
Two pair.
10
00:01:31,258 --> 00:01:32,426
Not so fast.
11
00:01:33,093 --> 00:01:34,803
Three me's.
12
00:01:34,886 --> 00:01:36,555
That's only two.
13
00:01:36,638 --> 00:01:39,433
One, two, me.
14
00:01:40,017 --> 00:01:40,892
Money's mine.
15
00:01:42,811 --> 00:01:44,563
Not when I got the knife.
16
00:01:47,149 --> 00:01:49,026
Hmm.
17
00:02:41,244 --> 00:02:42,746
See you guys tomorrow.
18
00:02:44,539 --> 00:02:47,793
You've had your fun.
Now it's time to get married.
19
00:02:48,585 --> 00:02:51,213
Would Your Highness care to get in?
20
00:02:54,925 --> 00:02:56,802
- Morning, Princess!
- Lovely day, miss!
21
00:02:56,885 --> 00:02:58,053
How's it hanging, Princess?
22
00:02:58,136 --> 00:03:01,390
- Sorry I can't make your wedding.
- You wanna switch places?
23
00:03:01,473 --> 00:03:02,516
No, I'm good.
24
00:03:03,892 --> 00:03:06,144
- Enjoy your special day.
- You, too.
25
00:03:07,145 --> 00:03:10,065
Morning, Princess.
Care to try my new cure-all?
26
00:03:10,148 --> 00:03:11,733
It wards off deadly plague.
27
00:03:11,817 --> 00:03:14,986
I'm actually hoping for death.
Thanks, though.
28
00:03:17,656 --> 00:03:19,658
Gah! Quit judging me, Dad.
29
00:03:38,218 --> 00:03:39,594
Mmm.
30
00:03:39,678 --> 00:03:43,682
This one needs royaling up.
More columns, more frosting.
31
00:03:43,765 --> 00:03:46,184
And neither of these looks like me.
32
00:03:46,268 --> 00:03:49,438
Make them both look like me.
Then, get rid of one!
33
00:03:58,530 --> 00:03:59,865
Ugh. Cakes.
34
00:04:00,532 --> 00:04:02,659
Did you make sure to add extra frosting?
35
00:04:02,743 --> 00:04:05,787
Of course, I... Hey! Where were you?
36
00:04:05,871 --> 00:04:07,330
Oh, I understand, darling.
37
00:04:07,414 --> 00:04:10,625
On my wedding day,
I also had butterflies in stomach.
38
00:04:10,709 --> 00:04:12,627
I shouldn't have eaten so many.
39
00:04:13,211 --> 00:04:17,883
I just wanted to have a last bit of fun
before the happiest day of my life.
40
00:04:17,966 --> 00:04:22,262
Silence! The delegation from Bentwood
arrives any moment.
41
00:04:22,345 --> 00:04:26,016
Take off those common clothes
and come down looking like a princess!
42
00:04:26,099 --> 00:04:27,601
As you wish, Father.
43
00:04:31,521 --> 00:04:35,275
Anybody looks at her,
they get their head chopped off.
44
00:04:38,028 --> 00:04:40,822
Oh, boy, did I look at her!
45
00:04:43,283 --> 00:04:44,201
What?
46
00:04:55,587 --> 00:04:59,299
Great. I have to wear this crazy veil
and pretend I'm a virgin?
47
00:04:59,382 --> 00:05:02,761
It's not a veil, ma'am. It's your corset.
48
00:05:02,844 --> 00:05:06,640
See? It pushes all the mincemeat
to the top of the pie.
49
00:05:06,723 --> 00:05:10,018
All this wedding hassle
for a stupid political alliance?
50
00:05:10,101 --> 00:05:13,313
I thought that I'd get married
for true love, or because I was wasted.
51
00:05:13,396 --> 00:05:15,690
Lots of reasons to get married, ma'am.
52
00:05:15,774 --> 00:05:17,692
I got married for a goat.
53
00:05:17,776 --> 00:05:21,154
Now, let's hurry. The prince will be here
any minute to marry you
54
00:05:21,238 --> 00:05:23,740
and, time permitting, meet you.
55
00:05:26,326 --> 00:05:27,494
Eh? Huh?
56
00:05:27,577 --> 00:05:29,621
How do I look? Spiffy, right?
57
00:05:29,704 --> 00:05:32,249
I had the dogs lick me clean twice.
58
00:05:46,054 --> 00:05:49,307
Announcing the King and Queen of Bentwood,
59
00:05:49,391 --> 00:05:52,561
Lorenzo the First and Bunny.
60
00:05:54,104 --> 00:05:56,439
Welcome, Your Highnesses.
61
00:05:56,523 --> 00:05:58,900
My new King-and-Queen-in-laws.
62
00:05:58,984 --> 00:06:02,487
Or should I just call you
brother and sister?
63
00:06:02,571 --> 00:06:05,031
We are brother and sister. What of it?
64
00:06:05,115 --> 00:06:06,992
And their son-slash-nephew,
65
00:06:07,075 --> 00:06:11,413
hero of the Battle Against That Bird
That Flew Into The Room One Time,
66
00:06:11,496 --> 00:06:15,250
groom-to-be, Prince Guysbert of Bentwood.
67
00:06:17,210 --> 00:06:19,087
Va-va-voom!
68
00:06:20,046 --> 00:06:22,048
You never do that for me.
69
00:06:24,968 --> 00:06:28,305
- I hate this feeling.
- Sobriety, ma'am?
70
00:06:28,388 --> 00:06:32,350
No, I just feel like my life is ending.
I can't even smile.
71
00:06:33,768 --> 00:06:37,355
Don't worry. We'll make your cheeks
look nice and rosy.
72
00:06:37,439 --> 00:06:40,984
Whores rouge. Ladies leech.
73
00:06:41,693 --> 00:06:46,323
You ever wish you could live in a place
where people are really, truly happy?
74
00:07:27,864 --> 00:07:31,159
Elfo! Kissy!
No tummy touching!
75
00:07:31,242 --> 00:07:35,038
Kissy, save your lips for the prepackaged
candy assortments.
76
00:07:35,121 --> 00:07:39,334
And, Elfo, it's like you don't appreciate
your assembly-line job.
77
00:07:39,417 --> 00:07:42,128
Yeah, uh, it's kinda not the one I wanted.
78
00:07:42,212 --> 00:07:45,882
I'm kinda not always... happy?
79
00:07:47,175 --> 00:07:48,677
But we're singing.
80
00:07:48,760 --> 00:07:53,348
Yeah, singing while you work's
not happiness. It's mental illness.
81
00:07:53,431 --> 00:07:54,683
Wha...
82
00:07:54,766 --> 00:07:57,936
Ugh! I'm sick of being happy all the time.
83
00:07:58,019 --> 00:07:59,729
Just once, I wish...
84
00:07:59,813 --> 00:08:03,650
I wish I could go somewhere
where people are miserable.
85
00:08:14,577 --> 00:08:15,412
Hmm.
86
00:08:18,289 --> 00:08:19,833
What is going on with this gift?
87
00:08:19,916 --> 00:08:22,836
Open the gates of...
I mean, the ribbon.
88
00:08:28,174 --> 00:08:29,259
Princess Tiabeanie,
89
00:08:29,884 --> 00:08:34,347
you are hereby cursed
from the deepest depths of the underworld!
90
00:08:34,431 --> 00:08:35,432
Oh! What?
91
00:08:35,974 --> 00:08:38,852
You look great, though.
Nice to meet you. They call me Luci.
92
00:08:40,645 --> 00:08:42,105
- Guards! Guards!
- Shh! Shh!
93
00:08:42,188 --> 00:08:44,983
A weird ghost guy is attacking
and complimenting me.
94
00:08:45,066 --> 00:08:46,568
Shut up!
Silenzio!
95
00:08:48,737 --> 00:08:50,155
First up, not a ghost.
96
00:08:50,238 --> 00:08:51,823
Ghosts are losers that got murdered.
97
00:08:51,906 --> 00:08:54,868
- I am a demon.
- You're a demon?
98
00:08:54,951 --> 00:08:57,662
That's right.
In fact, your personal demon.
99
00:08:57,746 --> 00:08:59,080
Get used to it,
100
00:08:59,164 --> 00:09:01,666
'cause you are stuck with me
for all eter...
101
00:09:08,298 --> 00:09:09,507
...nity.
102
00:09:14,304 --> 00:09:17,140
And so the demonic binding begins.
103
00:09:17,223 --> 00:09:20,769
Yes, our emissary will steer her
towards the darkness.
104
00:09:20,852 --> 00:09:22,854
It may take months, even years.
105
00:09:22,937 --> 00:09:24,522
So, we'll need chairs.
106
00:09:24,606 --> 00:09:26,316
Dark chairs.
107
00:09:32,739 --> 00:09:35,075
Oh, Elfo, you're so naughty.
108
00:09:35,158 --> 00:09:37,285
Why is everyone always saying that?
109
00:09:37,368 --> 00:09:41,039
Just because I'm not jolly all the time
doesn't make me a weirdo.
110
00:09:41,122 --> 00:09:43,458
Hey! Get outta here, Weirdo!
111
00:09:45,085 --> 00:09:47,253
But it's like you do
the slightest thing here,
112
00:09:47,337 --> 00:09:49,589
- and everyone freaks out.
- Mmm-hmm.
113
00:09:49,672 --> 00:09:52,300
It's like they all have
peppermint sticks up their asses.
114
00:09:52,383 --> 00:09:53,218
Oh, yeah.
115
00:09:53,301 --> 00:09:56,763
- Your whining really turns me on.
- There's more where that came from.
116
00:09:56,846 --> 00:09:59,849
We spend all day making candy
to earn candy.
117
00:09:59,933 --> 00:10:01,559
It doesn't make any sense!
118
00:10:01,643 --> 00:10:04,562
You're so sad. You're a sad little elf!
119
00:10:04,646 --> 00:10:07,482
Kissy! What in humping heavens
is going on?
120
00:10:07,565 --> 00:10:08,900
Nothing, Father!
121
00:10:08,983 --> 00:10:11,945
Weirdo doesn't take his pants off
for nothing. Elfo?
122
00:10:12,028 --> 00:10:13,113
Oh! Ow.
123
00:10:13,196 --> 00:10:16,116
This is the last straw.
You're going to be punished.
124
00:10:16,199 --> 00:10:19,035
What are you gonna do? Give me a paddling
with a big wollypop?
125
00:10:19,119 --> 00:10:22,789
This is serious. You'll be hanged
from the Gumdrop Tree.
126
00:10:27,961 --> 00:10:32,215
Oh, this is all me fault, my boy.
I got something to tell ya.
127
00:10:32,298 --> 00:10:33,633
Oh! Pops!
128
00:10:33,716 --> 00:10:37,137
Well, it's gonna take a while,
so let me pull up this chair.
129
00:10:37,220 --> 00:10:38,096
Hey.
130
00:10:38,179 --> 00:10:40,056
- Now, what was I saying?
- Ow!
131
00:10:40,140 --> 00:10:43,268
Oh, yeah, it all started
when I first laid eyes on your mother.
132
00:10:43,351 --> 00:10:44,310
I mean, hands.
133
00:10:44,394 --> 00:10:45,937
I couldn't keep them to myself,
134
00:10:46,020 --> 00:10:47,814
and all of a sudden,
she gave me a right hook,
135
00:10:47,897 --> 00:10:49,190
- and I was in love.
- Pops!
136
00:10:53,403 --> 00:10:54,237
Whoa!
137
00:10:55,947 --> 00:10:56,781
Olé!
138
00:10:59,075 --> 00:11:00,451
I'm already cursed enough.
139
00:11:00,535 --> 00:11:03,204
I don't need some demon
making my life worse.
140
00:11:03,830 --> 00:11:04,664
Oh!
141
00:11:04,747 --> 00:11:06,207
That's no ladies' mace.
142
00:11:09,544 --> 00:11:13,965
Yeah, look, you're stuck with me forever,
so just take a deep breath and...
143
00:11:14,048 --> 00:11:15,425
Ow!
144
00:11:15,508 --> 00:11:17,343
Ow! Ow! Ow!
145
00:11:20,013 --> 00:11:23,933
And that, my friend,
is how one returns a gift.
146
00:11:24,017 --> 00:11:27,395
If you don't calm down,
this is gonna be a long forever.
147
00:11:28,646 --> 00:11:30,231
Okay, you win.
148
00:11:36,196 --> 00:11:38,656
I told you elves are too light to hang.
149
00:11:38,740 --> 00:11:40,992
The last guy we hanged died of old age.
150
00:11:41,075 --> 00:11:42,535
Fine. Stab him!
151
00:11:43,828 --> 00:11:44,996
Father, stop!
152
00:11:45,079 --> 00:11:47,498
You can't just kill every guy
that kisses me.
153
00:11:47,582 --> 00:11:48,875
Sure I can.
154
00:11:57,800 --> 00:12:00,011
Run, Elfo! Run far away!
155
00:12:00,094 --> 00:12:01,054
Come with me!
156
00:12:37,257 --> 00:12:41,052
Kissy, you've come this far.
Don't you want to see the outside world?
157
00:12:41,135 --> 00:12:44,889
Elfo, I've never said this before,
but I can't go all the way.
158
00:12:47,433 --> 00:12:49,811
Elfo, no! It is forbidden.
159
00:12:49,894 --> 00:12:52,021
I don't know why we keep that lever there.
160
00:12:52,105 --> 00:12:53,773
Elfo, I warn thee.
161
00:12:53,856 --> 00:12:57,151
For centuries,
no elf has ever left Elfwood.
162
00:12:57,235 --> 00:13:00,029
- Except Leavo.
- Speak no more of Leavo, Speako!
163
00:13:00,113 --> 00:13:02,323
Please don't open it.
164
00:13:02,407 --> 00:13:07,078
All will be forgiven
as long as you obey the Jolly Code.
165
00:13:07,161 --> 00:13:10,331
Ugh... Scribeldy-scrobeldy-screw
the Jolly Code!
166
00:13:10,415 --> 00:13:11,708
Wha...
167
00:13:11,791 --> 00:13:14,502
I wanna taste something
other than sweetness.
168
00:13:14,585 --> 00:13:17,046
I want to cry salty tears,
169
00:13:17,130 --> 00:13:18,589
learn bitter truths.
170
00:13:18,673 --> 00:13:23,136
I want to take a big, meaty bite
out of life and dip it in mustard.
171
00:13:23,219 --> 00:13:28,057
Mustard, vinegar, anchovies?
These are the ravings of fools.
172
00:13:47,910 --> 00:13:51,289
Take one step further, you're on your own.
173
00:13:51,372 --> 00:13:55,001
No elf has ever returned,
not even Returno.
174
00:13:55,084 --> 00:13:57,253
Elfo, you'll die out there.
175
00:13:57,962 --> 00:14:01,799
I'd rather die a big death
than live a small life.
176
00:14:21,903 --> 00:14:22,737
Wow.
177
00:14:22,820 --> 00:14:26,449
For the first time in my life,
I feel completely calm and...
178
00:14:36,250 --> 00:14:37,585
Personal demon.
179
00:14:37,668 --> 00:14:39,670
- So, you'll do my bidding?
- Uh, no.
180
00:14:39,754 --> 00:14:44,133
I'm a princess. I can't do my own bidding.
How are you even useful?
181
00:14:44,217 --> 00:14:45,468
Okay. Hmm.
182
00:14:45,551 --> 00:14:48,388
You know that voice in your head
that says to do the right thing?
183
00:14:48,471 --> 00:14:50,139
I'm the guy yelling over it.
184
00:14:50,223 --> 00:14:54,560
Yeah, I'm the guy that makes you feel good
about doing bad things.
185
00:14:54,644 --> 00:14:57,522
- You're like a terrible friend?
- I never said I'm your friend.
186
00:14:57,605 --> 00:14:59,107
Look at this cake.
187
00:14:59,190 --> 00:15:02,026
It's not even about me.
It's about the stupid alliance.
188
00:15:02,110 --> 00:15:05,321
Shame you're a princess and too dainty
to do anything about it.
189
00:15:10,535 --> 00:15:14,205
I think you'll be very pleased
with the revised cake, Your Highness.
190
00:15:15,957 --> 00:15:19,168
Nice likeness. Competent latticework.
191
00:15:19,252 --> 00:15:23,089
Moving down, sugar columns
seem structurally sound.
192
00:15:23,172 --> 00:15:27,969
Back looks good. And just a cursory glance
at the bottom tier.
193
00:15:28,052 --> 00:15:29,220
And it says...
194
00:15:29,303 --> 00:15:31,222
"Get Bent, Dad."
195
00:15:31,305 --> 00:15:33,057
Isn't that... What?
196
00:15:33,641 --> 00:15:35,017
Bean!
197
00:15:40,022 --> 00:15:43,985
Caramel can be a coating,
a filling, or a candy unto itself.
198
00:15:44,068 --> 00:15:47,447
Now, a cousin to caramel is nougat,
which essentially is...
199
00:15:58,708 --> 00:16:01,627
Oh. Hi, I'm Elfo. And you are?
200
00:16:01,711 --> 00:16:03,504
Busy. We're at war here.
201
00:16:03,588 --> 00:16:04,505
What's war?
202
00:16:13,055 --> 00:16:14,432
Wee!
203
00:16:14,515 --> 00:16:16,392
Now we're meeting new people.
204
00:16:20,229 --> 00:16:21,397
Yikes.
205
00:16:22,356 --> 00:16:23,191
Huh?
206
00:16:44,378 --> 00:16:45,796
Hi, I'm Elfo.
207
00:16:50,301 --> 00:16:51,677
Yeow!
208
00:16:57,266 --> 00:17:01,270
Well, I like war,
but I wouldn't say I love it.
209
00:17:21,290 --> 00:17:22,124
Wha...
210
00:17:22,208 --> 00:17:23,459
Ooh.
211
00:17:23,543 --> 00:17:25,962
- I'm glad you can't see this. Bye!
- Huh?
212
00:17:31,968 --> 00:17:33,261
- Oh!
- Ah!
213
00:17:33,344 --> 00:17:36,430
Tonight is wedding night,
so is time we had talk.
214
00:17:36,514 --> 00:17:39,517
- I know I am not your mother.
- Please don't.
215
00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:42,895
- But I do have sex with your father.
- God, Oona. Ew.
216
00:17:42,979 --> 00:17:45,898
I do not need a sex talk
from my stepmother.
217
00:17:45,982 --> 00:17:49,777
Tonight, you will be expect
to perform your wifely duties.
218
00:17:49,860 --> 00:17:53,197
I mention because it was difficult
for me with the tentacles.
219
00:17:53,281 --> 00:17:54,615
I don't have tentacles.
220
00:17:54,699 --> 00:17:56,951
Your husband will have tentacles.
221
00:17:57,034 --> 00:17:59,120
Are you trying to say testicles?
222
00:17:59,203 --> 00:18:03,291
I don't know. Just leave your eggs
on the nightstand and get out of there.
223
00:18:07,420 --> 00:18:08,462
Hmm.
224
00:18:22,310 --> 00:18:24,061
Man, I'm starving.
225
00:18:24,145 --> 00:18:27,231
I should've grabbed one of those gumdrops
when they were hanging me.
226
00:18:32,820 --> 00:18:35,364
I'm Elfo, by the way. What's your name?
227
00:18:35,448 --> 00:18:37,033
We are but humble people.
228
00:18:37,116 --> 00:18:39,493
We have no names,
but you can call me Farmer.
229
00:18:39,577 --> 00:18:41,287
Our food is not flavorful,
230
00:18:41,370 --> 00:18:43,664
but we humbly offer it
for your sustenance.
231
00:18:43,748 --> 00:18:46,208
Are you kidding me?
This stuff looks amazing.
232
00:18:46,292 --> 00:18:47,835
All I've ever eaten is candy.
233
00:18:47,918 --> 00:18:50,004
Candy? Are you a king?
234
00:18:50,087 --> 00:18:51,422
No.
235
00:18:51,922 --> 00:18:53,758
Mmm. Mmm! Oh!
236
00:18:53,841 --> 00:18:56,510
I am sorry our food will bring you no joy.
237
00:18:56,594 --> 00:18:57,678
This is delicious!
238
00:18:57,762 --> 00:19:01,015
I beg you, sir.
We are far too humble to receive praise.
239
00:19:01,098 --> 00:19:03,476
I can't help it. You deserve praise.
240
00:19:03,559 --> 00:19:07,104
- We deserve to be beaten with our food.
- I would rather eat it.
241
00:19:07,188 --> 00:19:11,525
- It's so incredibly good!
- Now you've praised us too far.
242
00:19:11,609 --> 00:19:14,362
- You must leave our humble home!
- Get out, praiser.
243
00:19:15,780 --> 00:19:18,157
Thanks again! It was delicious!
244
00:19:18,240 --> 00:19:20,159
You're ruining our lives!
245
00:19:29,752 --> 00:19:32,922
Announcing King Zog,
Queen Oona and... Who cares?
246
00:19:37,051 --> 00:19:38,427
What do you see?
247
00:19:38,511 --> 00:19:41,055
Ooh! Everybody got shoes.
248
00:19:43,182 --> 00:19:47,395
How long is this gonna last?
I'm not exactly comfortable in a church.
249
00:19:50,648 --> 00:19:52,108
That's communion wine.
250
00:19:54,527 --> 00:19:56,987
- You could use some, though.
- I really shouldn't.
251
00:19:57,071 --> 00:20:01,033
Times when you really shouldn't
are exactly when you really should.
252
00:20:04,620 --> 00:20:09,083
Drinking wine with a demon.
Not exactly the wedding day I wished for.
253
00:20:16,632 --> 00:20:17,466
Hmm!
254
00:20:22,722 --> 00:20:24,932
I'm supposed to be surrounded
by people I like.
255
00:20:25,015 --> 00:20:26,600
I don't even have my real mother.
256
00:20:28,936 --> 00:20:31,272
Who needs a mother
when you've got bridesmaids?
257
00:20:31,772 --> 00:20:33,315
- No bridesmaids?
- No.
258
00:20:33,399 --> 00:20:34,859
- How about friends?
- Uh-uh.
259
00:20:34,942 --> 00:20:36,277
Only drinking buddies.
260
00:20:37,111 --> 00:20:38,279
To drinking buddies.
261
00:20:38,362 --> 00:20:40,948
Better than bridesmaids.
Better than mothers.
262
00:20:41,031 --> 00:20:43,951
I was raised
by a pack of drinking buddies.
263
00:20:45,745 --> 00:20:47,455
And I came out perfect.
264
00:20:49,790 --> 00:20:54,879
Dearly beloved, as we stand here
in this overly large building,
265
00:20:54,962 --> 00:20:57,673
designed to make us feel small
and inadequate,
266
00:20:57,757 --> 00:21:00,885
we ask the invisible God
we think is up there,
267
00:21:00,968 --> 00:21:03,846
to watch over us if He, She,
268
00:21:03,929 --> 00:21:07,767
or It is even capable of things
like watching over us...
269
00:21:07,850 --> 00:21:10,394
This religion is still
in its early stages.
270
00:21:10,478 --> 00:21:12,146
Nobody knows anything for sure,
271
00:21:12,229 --> 00:21:17,651
but if I talk with confidence,
you dopes will believe anything I say.
272
00:21:20,279 --> 00:21:21,322
Whoa! Pops.
273
00:21:21,405 --> 00:21:25,534
I'm just kicking back
with my new cat.
274
00:21:25,618 --> 00:21:28,621
Me? Ow. Meow. That's what cats say, right?
275
00:21:28,704 --> 00:21:30,456
I'm not here to answer cat questions.
276
00:21:31,457 --> 00:21:34,001
Now get up and make your dad proud,
you drunk.
277
00:21:36,629 --> 00:21:38,881
- Are you trying to make a jerk out of me?
- Yes.
278
00:21:46,639 --> 00:21:48,098
Wow!
279
00:21:48,182 --> 00:21:49,975
It's so small.
280
00:21:50,476 --> 00:21:52,728
Oh, wait, I'm far away.
281
00:21:58,818 --> 00:22:02,696
Do you, Guysbert,
most Exalted Prince of Bentwood,
282
00:22:02,780 --> 00:22:04,156
Slayer of Metallica,
283
00:22:04,240 --> 00:22:08,118
take this woman
to be your lawfully wedded wife?
284
00:22:08,202 --> 00:22:09,787
Duh...
285
00:22:09,870 --> 00:22:10,913
Okay.
286
00:22:10,996 --> 00:22:14,667
And do you, Princess Tiabeanie,
a single woman,
287
00:22:14,750 --> 00:22:17,837
take this man
to be your lawfully wedded husband?
288
00:22:27,638 --> 00:22:28,931
No!
289
00:22:34,937 --> 00:22:35,771
Ah.
290
00:22:38,941 --> 00:22:41,569
I didn't mean for that.
I'm so sorry.
291
00:22:42,611 --> 00:22:44,280
He's dead.
292
00:22:44,363 --> 00:22:48,659
Uh, I think I'm still alive.
No, wait. Nevermind.
293
00:22:48,742 --> 00:22:50,327
I want my gift back.
294
00:22:50,411 --> 00:22:53,289
- Wait! Wait! Wait!
- Don't leave! Stab that guy.
295
00:22:56,667 --> 00:22:59,461
- This wedding is all messed up.
- We've got to save the alliance.
296
00:22:59,545 --> 00:23:01,338
- What are we gonna do?
- We've got another son.
297
00:23:01,422 --> 00:23:03,173
Why didn't you say so? What's his name?
298
00:23:03,257 --> 00:23:06,176
- God... Uh, Merkimer.
- Merkimer.
299
00:23:06,260 --> 00:23:08,304
Okay, watch this. Here we go.
300
00:23:08,387 --> 00:23:10,848
Everybody, sit down.
301
00:23:10,931 --> 00:23:16,478
In consultation
with Guysbert's grieving parents,
302
00:23:16,562 --> 00:23:19,356
we've decided
the princess can still marry.
303
00:23:19,440 --> 00:23:20,357
What?
304
00:23:20,441 --> 00:23:23,068
Presenting Guysbert's younger brother,
305
00:23:23,152 --> 00:23:27,406
the new heir to the throne of Bentwood,
Prince Merkimer.
306
00:23:27,489 --> 00:23:28,616
Don't be sad.
307
00:23:28,699 --> 00:23:30,659
She would have left him for me anyway.
308
00:23:30,743 --> 00:23:35,205
Uh... Actually, I'd be fine if someone
could just slide my head up a bit.
309
00:23:35,289 --> 00:23:37,708
Hush! There's a wedding in progress.
310
00:23:38,792 --> 00:23:41,962
Do you, Prince Merkimer of Bentwood...
311
00:23:42,046 --> 00:23:44,298
You gotta be kidding me.
Father, you can't make me...
312
00:23:44,381 --> 00:23:46,216
The king can make anyone!
313
00:23:46,300 --> 00:23:48,302
You do. You do.
314
00:23:48,969 --> 00:23:50,304
Say "man and wife."
315
00:23:50,387 --> 00:23:52,806
I now pronounce you man and...
316
00:23:55,267 --> 00:23:58,395
Uh... Hi, I'm Elfo.
317
00:23:58,479 --> 00:24:00,022
What are all your names?
318
00:24:00,105 --> 00:24:01,273
What the hell is that?
319
00:24:01,357 --> 00:24:03,192
- An elf.
- A magical elf.
320
00:24:03,275 --> 00:24:05,694
Elves haven't been seen in centuries.
321
00:24:05,778 --> 00:24:07,571
Imagine the possibilities.
322
00:24:07,655 --> 00:24:11,241
With elf magic,
I could progress far beyond card tricks.
323
00:24:12,701 --> 00:24:16,163
A shiny gold Zog
to whoever seizes the elf.
324
00:24:20,709 --> 00:24:22,670
Oh, I'll get you, wee elf!
325
00:24:23,879 --> 00:24:24,713
Oh!
326
00:24:25,631 --> 00:24:26,465
Ah!
327
00:24:38,811 --> 00:24:39,895
Ah!
328
00:24:45,776 --> 00:24:46,735
Whoa!
329
00:24:52,449 --> 00:24:53,409
So how'd it go?
330
00:24:56,161 --> 00:24:57,621
That good, huh?
331
00:24:59,415 --> 00:25:03,460
The wedding is ruined.
The demon is performing exquisitely.
332
00:25:03,544 --> 00:25:08,507
But look. There's a complication.
They've been joined by a tiny dork.
333
00:25:08,590 --> 00:25:09,425
Ow.
334
00:25:09,508 --> 00:25:11,802
It's fire, Cloyd. It's hot.
335
00:25:11,885 --> 00:25:14,346
I know. I was there.
336
00:25:17,266 --> 00:25:20,394
Elfo has left the building with Bean.
337
00:25:20,477 --> 00:25:24,356
No worry. I'm an expert hunter,
and I'll track down the woman I love.
338
00:25:24,440 --> 00:25:25,899
Keep the champagne chilled.
339
00:25:25,983 --> 00:25:28,736
I shall return
before the last uncle passes out.
340
00:25:28,819 --> 00:25:32,406
My Knights of the Zog Table will aid you.
Knights!
341
00:25:33,907 --> 00:25:36,577
Pendergast, who are your best trackers?
342
00:25:36,660 --> 00:25:38,954
That would be Stryker and Bolt, sire.
343
00:25:39,038 --> 00:25:42,041
But they're lost,
so, it'll be Turbish and Mertz.
344
00:25:43,125 --> 00:25:45,377
We won't get tired this time.
345
00:26:06,148 --> 00:26:09,860
It was sweet of you to wreck my wedding,
but you're kind of slowing us down.
346
00:26:09,943 --> 00:26:11,278
Mind if I give you a ride?
347
00:26:11,361 --> 00:26:13,405
Mind? I don't mind at all.
348
00:26:24,124 --> 00:26:28,295
Well, it took all day,
but I finally got my winnings...
349
00:26:37,012 --> 00:26:38,639
Oh, no.
350
00:26:40,808 --> 00:26:42,434
Stand back, chumps.
351
00:26:42,518 --> 00:26:45,145
Watch as a non-chump chumps these chumps.
352
00:27:04,623 --> 00:27:07,376
Before today,
we had neither riches nor magic.
353
00:27:07,459 --> 00:27:12,131
Then today, for one blessed second,
we almost had both.
354
00:27:12,214 --> 00:27:13,882
And now you got bupkis!
355
00:27:15,425 --> 00:27:16,885
Oh, no.
356
00:27:28,063 --> 00:27:29,857
Ow, ow, ow!
357
00:27:31,400 --> 00:27:32,901
Ow, ow, ow!
358
00:27:32,985 --> 00:27:34,403
Oh! Ah!
359
00:27:34,486 --> 00:27:35,487
Why me?
360
00:27:38,991 --> 00:27:41,451
No one could survive
that many tumbles.
361
00:27:41,535 --> 00:27:43,412
Oh.
362
00:28:01,221 --> 00:28:04,683
I've never had a nightmare. Is this one?
363
00:28:13,525 --> 00:28:15,611
The footprints
stop dead right here.
364
00:28:15,694 --> 00:28:18,614
- Where did they go?
- Only one place they could have gone.
365
00:28:18,697 --> 00:28:19,865
Start digging.
366
00:28:19,948 --> 00:28:22,201
I have theory. Maybe they go up.
367
00:28:22,284 --> 00:28:25,495
I won't even dignify that
with an upward glance.
368
00:28:25,579 --> 00:28:26,413
Ugh.
369
00:28:31,376 --> 00:28:32,669
Hey, there.
370
00:28:32,753 --> 00:28:36,340
I haven't seen you in this tree before.
You looking for a good time?
371
00:28:36,423 --> 00:28:39,676
A fairy? Maybe she can help us.
Do you do magic?
372
00:28:39,760 --> 00:28:43,180
Sure, I've done a trick or two.
What do you have in mind?
373
00:28:43,263 --> 00:28:46,516
I was forced into a wedding,
and I wish I had my freedom to...
374
00:28:46,600 --> 00:28:48,602
Hey, I'm gonna stop you right there.
375
00:28:48,685 --> 00:28:51,355
Wishes sound free. I don't do free.
376
00:28:51,438 --> 00:28:55,025
But you look like sweet kids.
You ever heard of the Wishmaster?
377
00:28:55,108 --> 00:28:56,735
I've never heard of anything.
378
00:28:56,818 --> 00:28:59,029
It's true. He just thinks
you're a real friendly lady.
379
00:28:59,112 --> 00:29:01,615
An old girlfriend of mine
used to work the mountain.
380
00:29:01,698 --> 00:29:05,786
She said this Wishmaster guy
was the real deal. Thataway.
381
00:29:05,869 --> 00:29:09,122
This is so helpful.
How can we ever repay you?
382
00:29:09,206 --> 00:29:11,375
Cash. Leave it on the branch.
383
00:29:23,762 --> 00:29:26,807
Cool night air, sky full of stars...
384
00:29:27,391 --> 00:29:29,226
This sucks. How much further?
385
00:29:32,104 --> 00:29:34,231
It's getting late, boys.
We'd better stay here.
386
00:29:41,238 --> 00:29:42,823
Okay, so if we get three wishes,
387
00:29:42,906 --> 00:29:45,575
I want to be in charge of my own destiny,
388
00:29:45,659 --> 00:29:47,202
to have my mom back, obviously,
389
00:29:47,286 --> 00:29:49,705
and to find a boyfriend
who's a great listener.
390
00:29:49,788 --> 00:29:51,123
What do you wish for, Elfo?
391
00:29:51,206 --> 00:29:52,416
To be a great listener.
392
00:29:52,499 --> 00:29:55,419
And whatever that thing is
you said about your mom.
393
00:29:55,502 --> 00:29:58,839
I would get rid of all the diseases
plaguing mankind,
394
00:29:58,922 --> 00:30:01,008
and replace them with worse ones.
395
00:30:01,091 --> 00:30:02,843
Ooh! And make Elfo die alone.
396
00:30:02,926 --> 00:30:06,221
Hey, he's making fun of my dreams.
397
00:30:06,305 --> 00:30:08,098
That's what friends do.
398
00:30:08,181 --> 00:30:11,601
We got a long journey in the morning.
Let's get some shut-eye.
399
00:30:11,685 --> 00:30:14,688
You two sleep down by my feet.
I call it the friend zone.
400
00:30:14,771 --> 00:30:17,316
Get comfortable.
You ain't never getting outta here.
401
00:30:18,442 --> 00:30:21,486
What's this weird feeling
I don't want to drink away?
402
00:30:21,570 --> 00:30:23,447
That's hope. That's hope!
403
00:30:23,530 --> 00:30:26,241
You know what we say in Hell?
"Hope's for dopes."
404
00:30:26,325 --> 00:30:28,368
Well, good night, everybody.
405
00:30:28,994 --> 00:30:32,247
I'll be entering your dreams
tonight in the form of a laughing skull.
406
00:30:32,331 --> 00:30:37,377
Yeah, that's me. That's me.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry about that.
407
00:30:44,468 --> 00:30:47,971
An elf with a human girl?
That ain't right.
408
00:31:01,610 --> 00:31:02,444
Ah...
409
00:31:08,700 --> 00:31:11,495
Mmm... Guys, hey! Wake up.
410
00:31:11,578 --> 00:31:15,040
Come on. We've got a long way to go
to the Wishmaster's lair.
411
00:31:15,123 --> 00:31:16,083
Mmm...
412
00:31:16,625 --> 00:31:17,459
Oh.
413
00:31:23,215 --> 00:31:24,800
I wish you guys would help.
414
00:31:24,883 --> 00:31:26,259
Save it for the Wishmaster.
415
00:31:51,118 --> 00:31:52,369
Seek ye me?
416
00:31:52,452 --> 00:31:54,121
Yes, are you...
417
00:31:54,204 --> 00:31:55,622
The Washmaster.
418
00:31:55,705 --> 00:31:57,457
Wait, the what-master?
419
00:31:57,541 --> 00:31:59,251
You heard me. The Washmaster.
420
00:31:59,334 --> 00:32:03,088
People far and wide seek me out
to wash their clothes.
421
00:32:06,550 --> 00:32:07,717
No!
422
00:32:07,801 --> 00:32:11,221
Well, now we know something
we didn't know yesterday.
423
00:32:15,809 --> 00:32:20,147
Ah, there you are, my love.
I've come to take you back to our wedding.
424
00:32:46,631 --> 00:32:47,466
Oh!
425
00:32:59,895 --> 00:33:00,729
Ah!
426
00:33:04,941 --> 00:33:06,818
I might as well give up and accept
427
00:33:06,902 --> 00:33:09,029
that I'll never be anything more
than a wealthy queen
428
00:33:09,112 --> 00:33:11,698
of a fabulous faraway kingdom.
429
00:33:12,574 --> 00:33:13,700
It's my destiny.
430
00:33:13,783 --> 00:33:15,285
Bean, no!
431
00:33:15,368 --> 00:33:18,705
You are beautiful,
and your skin is so soft,
432
00:33:18,788 --> 00:33:21,791
and your hair smells like butterscotch,
but you're wrong!
433
00:33:21,875 --> 00:33:25,378
Pardon my language,
but destiny is baloney!
434
00:33:25,462 --> 00:33:28,715
Your future is not foretold.
It's what you make of it.
435
00:33:28,798 --> 00:33:30,300
He's right, my darling.
436
00:33:30,383 --> 00:33:31,885
Let's make a future together.
437
00:33:31,968 --> 00:33:35,096
I've loved you
since the moment you killed my brother.
438
00:33:38,892 --> 00:33:41,436
Give me your hand in marriage, Bean.
439
00:33:52,447 --> 00:33:53,448
Ah...
440
00:33:53,532 --> 00:33:55,742
- You're magic, right?
- Yep.
441
00:33:56,826 --> 00:33:58,453
Not that kind of magic, though.
442
00:33:58,537 --> 00:34:01,289
- What about you?
- Maybe I am.
443
00:34:02,207 --> 00:34:03,041
Nope.
33118