Original subtitles

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Hello! How are you?

Take everything. I don't wanna see your things around after you've left.

Don't worry. I took everything.

Shall I II you?

- What's the point? - You're right. I was just thinking...

Oh! My umbrella!

Don't come back. Stay there, I'll get it for you.

Are you sure you've taken everything else?

Yeah, I hope I have.

All right then. Goodbye.

Goodbye.

Call me though when you get there,

so I'll know nothing happened to you on the way.

Never mind, I don't have that much credit left anyway.

I'll beep you.

That's okay, loo.

Did you take your tailcoat?

Ohh! Could you get it for me so I don't go back?

You're not at W unless you forget something.

Sorry. Bye.

Bye.

Why the heck do you come in like this?

Can't you knock!

Hey, didn't you hear to close that door?

Excuse me, baby, I didn't know you had company...

Won't you introduce me to your girlfriend?

She's not my girlfriend.

Isn't she'!

Sorry for the misunderstanding.

But you seemed really good friends when I stepped in.

Oh! You're mocking me?

Weren't you the one saying it wouldn't be a problem if I brought chicks in?

And so did dad.

Yeah, but we were thinking that... well...

...that you would talk, listen to music, watch a movie.

And where are we supposed to have sex?

In the park?

I'd rather you had other interests at your age.

You're amazing!

And when should I get lid?

When I am old and bored just like you and dad?

Your dad and I are not bored at all.

We are just two respectable people.

Oh, yeah! That's why he falls asleep in front of the TV

and you holding a book.

You hardly get laid once every two months.

Vladimir, you're counting too much on me

not having slapped you in recent years.

Yeah, whatever... Sorry.

But I told you, if only you got me a god damn computer...

Who knows what kind of crap you will lean with that!

I know there are all kinds of perverted things with those computes!

I know there are all kinds of perverted things with those computes!

There are no seats left. That's it! Go back home! All the seats are taken!

How are you, Gabi?

Fine...

We're not taking that old piece of crap this time, but an air conditioned bus.

Are you coming, Silvia?

I'll have a smoke first.

Do you have a light?

Oh, sorry! You don't smoke!

You can't come! Don't you get it? Stop it!

Are you ashamed of me or what?

That's it! Don't start it all over again!

Really, do you have to do this every time I leave?

Yes, you know you know it very well.

I thought we put a stop to it. I thought we finally got over this.

I'll sit next to you, Gabi dear.

How's your Gabi?

My wife? Fine, as usual.

Listen, are you sharing the room with Marcel?

I don't know, we haven't talked about it yet.

What a bitch! if she could, she'd put him on a leash.

Did you cut your hair? It seemed longer...

Are you really interested or you're just pretending for Cornelia's sake?

Why didn't I fall in love with you?

Not such a big deal... I'm married too.

I honestly bell you there was a moment when I said to myself: I give up.

The thought of the International Congress of Psychology was the only

thing that kept me going.

But why? Didn't you deal with anything so important before?

Never.

Symposiums, diplomatic meetings,

but never a congress.

Thing is, I panicked.

It seems you are even more efficient when you panic.

What would I have done at the congress if it weren't for you?

Well... you would have been just fine.

That's not true. I would have been a joke.

Of course, I had another option, a beige one,

but it's hardly the sane!

Had someone told me before that an oyster sauce stain

could ever be removed from a white shirt,

I would have told him off!

You're am artist of your kind!

May it bring you luck at the Congress!

Thank you. It sure will.

Goodbye, ma'am!

Oh! Could you hold on for a minute

so I may ill in your data on the computer...

Toooony!

Coming!

Good-afternoon!

Help me out!

Name!

Luxury Dry Cleaner.

Would you like a pancake, guys?

I made them this morning, chocolate filling and still warm.

Pass me one.

Do you want one Gabi?

I can't eat sweets in the morning.

Seriously? isn't that something!

I'll save one and ask you again later.

Listen! What about a schnitzel? I made some for the ride.

Yummy! They're actually good!

I'm not hungry. I ate with my wife before I left.

Ah! That's why you're not hungry.

I'll give it to you later, when you're hungry.

Or did your wife pack you a lunch box?

No... she didn't.

Great! I'll give you a schnitzel. And then pancakes.

Who are you sharing your room with?

I don't know, I haven't arranged ii yet.

Oh! I'm by myself.

Natalia, sweetheart, don't you have an extra pancake?

I don't understand anything at all. It's written in gibberish.

These people teach you as if you already knew it.

As if you were passionate and wanted to chit chat on the topic

it's really annoying.

Don't worry. We'll stay after work today and I'll show you all about it.

It's really easy.

If you buy me a been I'll explain until you get it.

What... you drink beer?

No... not a sip...

Only a six pack in one go!

Miki taught me.

Who's Miki?

A guy. My boyfriend-

Wasn't Dani his name?

Forget about that moron!

He gets out only as far as the end of his umbilical cord!

What do you mean?

He's a momma's boy, bow!

He won't drink coke in the evening 'cause mom doesn't allow it,

he won't smoke 'cause mom doesn't let him.

When he unzips he calls her to ask what the next move should be.

Thanks, but no thanks.

What are you doing with those?

Don't you ever do this again! Do you hear' me? Never!

First read the label,

see how much cotton there is if any.

This one is 60% cotton and the other is 80%.

Would you put them together?

No.

Check the labels!

60%

and 80%.

Well, how did you know it?

After so many year; you get to know these things.

Let's scram before Silvia shows up!

What about these?

Leave them here. Don't we have a concert tomorrow?

Come on, slop fidgeting! That lunatic is coming.

Well, I see you've learnt this

but let's say you filled in wrong data for a client.

A whole row. What do you do then?

I select ii and press "de-le-te".

"Delete".

And if you want to copy something from one place to another?

I press 'wow' and.

Boss, you rock! Is then-zany beer left?

Of course, You said a pack, I bought a pack.

So we can say that this little toy over here has no more secrets for me.

Huh... not so fast...

Drag the mouse to the comer... yeah,

just like that... and now press connect, good, below that red thing.

Good, put the arrow on OK and click.

What's that? Stop it! Do something!

Click twice up there.

I can't believe it!

Gosh!

This is a computer trick, right?

No, boss, these black guys have it that long.

And now drag the little arrow straight on it and slick.

I told her you needed to send an urgent e-mail

and you couldn't manage on your own, so you asked for my help...

Why in God's name would you lie to her?

Why not bell her that you don't like being with her anymore?

Because it doesn't work that way with women.

If you say such things they lose their temper

and from then on they're capable of anything.

Even of going to your wife and telling her the whole truth.

She could ruin my marriage.

Yes, that would be a shame...

Really... You don't like Natalia at all?

I do. She's really pretty.

Pretty?!

She has an XXL mouth and legs to drive you crazy.

Well, obviously she has nice legs. She's a ballerina after all.

By the way, why did she come on this tour?

We didn't have any ballet performance.

Boy, you're something for the book of records, mark my words.

For you, smut ass.

What the heck, man! None of them is at home?

And now click on it.

Wait to connect.

I'll show you the coolest chatroom around.

Only cool guys and no strings attached.

Hello! How are you?

And what do I say now?

Well, what! can you say? I'll go outside for a while, Miki's here.

Now you know what to do.

Fine, what about you?

Come on, I logged you on the coolest chat room around.

Only hot chicks looking for sex.

Give it a shot..

I'll call you when Luminita leaves.

Surf sound, see what comes up. Just surf...

I'm surfing around.

Are you at sea?

No. Surfing is what we're doing right now:

Oh! I'm sorry! I'm so dumb!

No, you're not. I don't know much about it either:

It's the first time I do this with somebody.

It's my first time too.

This tape is actually recorded by me.

I'm not an impersonator of myself oral impostor.

It's really me, on a day of my life when I was 17.

At that time I could still walk around without handing autographs.

It's best to leave something behind, some papers,

for people to know what your youth was like, so afterwards others

won't invent God knows what stories about you and make loads of money.

As a safety measure, from now on I'll also talk about the girls I screw

so the cunts won? start bragging about me fucking them

and get loaded too

I've already slept with plenty,

because from an early age I've stood out in high school

due to my manly attributes.

Last night, for instance,

I fucked one on the washing machine,

Loredana... something...

From new on I'll ask for their full name to avoid confusions in posterity.

Screwing on the washing machine isn't a big deal.

The chick said it'd be cool to turn it on so it would shake her

I don't know what the hell I pressed but just when we were coming,

I felt water at my feet.

The whole bathroom was flooded up to the hallway.

It went limp immediately and the chick went mad, obviously.

What are you doing?

She didn't give a shit 'cause it wasn't her carpet(, it was mine.

I sent her away and started to mop up the water from the floor.

Shithead!

By the time I blow-dried the carpet and what not,

it was about 3 in the morning.

Two hours latex; at 5, my mother came home.

Vladimir! You seared me!

You smoke'!!

Could I know what the deal is?

You both ran away from home or what?

Your father is on tour in Pascani, didn't I tell you?

Oh! I forgot to tell you.

And where me you while that man is working his ass off flipping pages?

Me?!

I went to

I was at.

But what is this, the Inquisition? And since when are you smoking?

Gosh! You have some nerve, don't you? You come home at 5 in the morning,

Smelling like a brewery

and you expect me to hide the cigarette when I see you?!

You don't give a shit about me, both of you.

Forgive me, Vladimir... I really didn't think you'd notice.

Are you insane or what?

You don't leave home on New Year's Eve!

How the hell could I not notice that

for the first time in my life I was home done?

And what was I supposed to think?

That something happened to one of you and the other rushed to the hospital.

You're driving me crazy, you know!

Forgive me. PI.

I don't expect you to wait for me with fond on the table

as my normal mother does,

but just give me a call

"look, Vladimir, baby, your dad's on tour in Pascani

and mum wants to screw all night long

and will come home drunkenly in the morning.

That's how they do in in civilized families.

Come here!

What now?!

I said come here.

I don't know who you are any more.

Yeah... fine, man! I mean you come home drunk at five in the morni...

In the end, she slapped me, I twitched and got an instant headache..

I don't want to hear you anymore.

But my hands were tied, because she gave me life and I couldn't hit her.

Maybe I should have a serious talk with my dad,

I think the chick is screwing Hound and he's clueless.

What happened to you, boy? When have you been until now?

Sorry for waking you up. I came in as quietly as I could.

You didn't wake me up

I called you around a quarter to 12 to tell you that Luminita had gone and

you didn't answer.

It's been turned on silent since the show.

Go to sleep, don't wake up for good.

Can't you see I am wide awake?!

Tell me what you did all night... When have you been?

Well... When could I have been?

When you left me. Did you join the beds?

Yeah. Luminita is the effusive type.

And what did you do there all this time?

I met a woman.

Marcel... she's...

You've been chatting all night?!

Not chatting. Surfing with a woman.

Surfing my foot... You rocked the boat.

And what did you talk about all night long?

Well, about...

Nothing. We talked about nothing.

Let's slap, good night!

It's really me,

I'm not an impersonator of myself or a fan.

For some time now, I've been thinking to go for a career in adult movies.

They earn loads of money and in ten year's time you can quit the job

and stop working for the rest of your life.

I hope they'll make me screw as many chicks as I can...

I've never tried it with more than one at a time.

If you do it more times in a row with one girl,

it's not like doing it with more.

Once I came very close to doing it with two chicks in the chemistry lab

but that asshole Porancea came in and the gang split up.

What's the plan?

He didn't rat on us to the class teacher

but he surely told someone cause all the chicks in high school

started looking at me with the G-spot in their eyes

? sometimes wonder

who I take my virility after and I can't really tell.

What's the plan?

What plan.

Well, I'd like to... if you want to walk around for while...

Yes..don't worry, I won't come to the room. I have a date.

Oh! 'Then I'll join you so Silvia can see I'm busy and then we split.

Fine, hurry up then. I don't want to be late.

Let's go!

Hold on!

Hold on!

Tibi's hem. isn't he handsome?

Tibi? Didn't you say Miki?

I don't talk to that moron any more.

Good bye, boss.

Bye, Toni. Good night!

Hey! Are you there?

I'm here..

What do you like most?

Most?! First and foremost.

Mom My feet touching the bottom of the sea.

Radishes.

You?

Mom.

Any kind of spirals.

Unwritten sheets of paper.

That's right.

Can I help you?

No.

Nobody cm help me.

So what do you do for a living?

What do I do for a living... right... what do I do... dam n...

I help people cheer up You?

Well... an intellectual. I knew it.

The intellectual and the laundry lady.

I help people look good.

Wooow! Plastic surgery

I'd like to be a kangaroo in its mother's pouch.

If I vanished away by magic,

nobody would notice.

I know what you mean.

I had my hair cut once

and nobody noticed

? cried

I got bald and nobody noticed.

Bald men have rhythm.

Where did you get that from?!

My vast life experience.

I'd like to take myself off as if I were a coat.

And wear somebody else.

I offer free self-undressing lessons.

I'm an expert.

How are your hands?

Beautiful I think.

Look I put them on your shoulders.

Natalia... what are you doing here? God, you scared me!

Sony, Gabi, I didn't want to scare you.

Marcel is with Luminita in my room.

Silvia's after them so they're hiding. They sent me to sleep in here.

I didn't want to scare you.

It's ok. I'll go out for a walk.

- Am I ugly? - Sorry?!

Why don't you like me? Am I ugly or what?

Natalia, you are very beautiful and you know it.

Then why won't you?

God! You startled me!

It's none of my business where you've been and what you've done.

But if in three days' time you don't con dad into getting me a computer,

I'll tell him his family man's honor is a mess.

This sounds like blackmail.

It doesn't just �sound�, it really is.

I'm tired of being the only loser in my class without a computer

while you some home at five a.m.

I won't start it again 'cause I don't want you to become violent.

This ain't the right approach to get something from me.

There was definitely something fishy about it.

When dad came home from the tour she would stick to us like a leech

so that we could not be alone for a second.

One should never trust women.

What is it? Why are you staring at me?

I'm not.

I mean... I was looking at.. how pretty you are.

Yeah, right... what's with you?

Or... are you in the mood for...'!

For...

certainly... if you want to, why not?

Wait a second...

I don't want to... only if you...

I mean I want to... but I thought you were tiled.

No, why should I be? I didn't exhaust myself working or anything...

No. I mean yes, I want to...

I'm not tired.

All right, men...

Listen, do you have a relationship?

To be honest, yes.

Ohhh, you're right!

To be honest, me too.

Sony... did I pull your hair?

Yes Move your elbow a little.

Mmm... you smell so well...

Listen, have you set the alarm?

Ohhh, you're right!

If I'm late for the general rehearsal tomorrow, I'm dead.

Dan n it! It's twelve already?

What? God! Six hours of sleep left. I'll be all dizzy tomorrow.

Listen... Maybe we should get the kid a computer.

He's been asking us for so long.

Are you asleep or didn't you hear me?

I'm not asleep. I was thinking.

So what! do you say?

He says everyone in his class has got one.

Fine. We'll buy a computer.

Next day the computer was on my desk

it was an easy victory But it made me a bit sad

I'm wondering if my dad has any suspicion at all.

When I was kid and he had concerts, he was a completely different guy.

He was a very good piano player and he had concerts abroad too.

He used to bring me stuff from abroad.

Once he brought me a baseball" glove from America.

Bye love.

...Quit college...

she wanted to become a psychologist or a shrink.

She quit so she could take care of me and dad, who was attending the Conservatory.

Now she's working at a dry cleaner's.

We always have clean sheets and shirts

but it would've been cooler with her in white gown and high heels

and people coming in, lying on the sofa

and telling her stuff about their life.

I don't know why but...

the image of the sofa and the doctor is really cool.

After that... my dad had the accident and it was all over.

It sucked big time after the accident, cause he had to give up playing and

started flipping pages while people loss talented than him performed.

He's still going abroad, but only to flip pages.

He behaves as if it were ok, but I know it's not.

I guess mum also knows it's not ok.

Things have changed between them ever since.

Before, I used to see dad caressing her hair

or telling her, in front of other people, that she is very beautiful.

Now..I don't know, they don't really mind about each other.

Mum blames herself for the accident,

dad says that's stupid that fate is to blame.

We were sitting at the table and mum asked him

to get a jar of horseradish from the pantry.

He rummaged around and got his index finger caught in a mouse trap.

And he couldn't play anymore because of that index finger.

It was a big fuss in the newspapers.

He even went to Germany for surgery but they couldn't do anything.

So no more concerts ever since

I have some CDs of dad's performances at home..

I think it's cool

but I can't carry a tune, so I wouldn't know if he made any mistake.

Wow! I can't believe my eyes! Gabi! What are you doing around here?

Nothing. I was on my way home. I wanted to walk so I made a detour.

- What are you doing here? - I live in the neighborhood.

By the you've never dropped by.

Let me treat you with coffee and amandine cakes.

I've got amandine cakes.

Natalia, you mean me ham.

Do you know how to use it? Can you manage?

Of course! How couldn't I'!! Any idiot knows..they teach us in school.

Be careful not to break it, it cost a lot of money.

You can't break a computer, mum.

Only if you pour honey in it, or God knows Whit else.

Do you need anything or are you just spying on me?

Just spying, and meaning to ask you to take the trash out.

Ok.

Like now. It's filled to the brim.

What are you doing there?

You freaked me out! Why are you sneaking like this?

I wasn't sneaking. Just entering the room.

You know how to use that thing?

Not really. You know we've got one at the dry cleaner's and I can't manage.

I was curious if this one is the sane.

Anything I can do for you?

No. I saw Vladimir going out

and I thought I'd have a look at how... this thing works.

But if you're checking it out.

No. I was just looking

...but I am dumb as a brick.

I don't understand a thing.

You take a look.

- I-low was it today? - How was what?

I don't know... what you did today Was the preview ok?

Did you go out afterwards?

Nooo... it was boring... we all went home.

Why do you ask?

Just like that... I was curious.

God, I forgot the pasta on the cooker.

What are you looking at?

Nothing.

I was checking this toy out.

Do you know how to use it?

Me? How could I?

Then how did you land in the chat room?

No clue...

Why don't you answer?

Where are you?

Are you there?

Where are you?

Good afternoon, ma'am.

Can I offer you a lift?

Yes, thank you.

How are you, Silvia?

Fine, guys. You?

Well, just talking, guys

and then rush back home to the wives ...else we sleep on the doormat...

What can you do... life is hash...

Hey"-

Shall we go?

Bye.

Did you know they hooked up?

No.

Nice piece of meal that Silvia.

Isn't that your wife?

I couldn't see. She looked like her but... it wasn't her.

She has no reason to be around here.

Off I go... see you tomorrow.

Listen!

Never mind...

Are you there?

Where are you?

I'm here..

I thought you won't be coming back.

Where were you

? tried to dump you.

Md?

I think we have a small problem.

I need you.

Oh, my.

It's really me.

I'm not an impersonator of myself or some crazy fan.

Looks like it was worth the effort of making my parents buy the computer

I found out on the internet about an audition for a porn flick.

I waited in the hallway in a line of about 50 guys

among whom I was the best specimen.

It sucks that I'm not of age yet but..

All the chicks say I look older than I am, so I'll go and say I'm 19.

I'm not saying I'll nail it for sure,

but at least it'll be interesting.

Strip!

They made me show my dick

I proved them I had no problem undressing because I look cool.

Then they brought in a chick a few years older than me

but deadly gorgeous.

And they said we could fool around

it's burning me like hell.

What's this?

Rice and milk, baby.

Last night I didn't get a moment of sleep

thinking of what to do with my life.

I know for sure I'll end up famous and rich,

but I haven't figured out how yet(.

Weird things are happening at home.

My old mm is crazy about chatting.

I caught him once while he was chatting.

He didn't want to admit it obviously,

he would have made a fool of himself

but I suspect he has a chick on the net.

Maybe I should talk to my mom...

Nope... I didn't tell him about her fooling around while he was in Pascani either:

Anyways... It's pretty weird to find out that your parents

are as depraved as you are.

Oh! There's a chick in my class who gets on my nerves.

Jipescu Miruna.

An unbearable geek,

full of pimples on her forehead

and who doesn't do anything but read all day long.

Apart from her beautiful eyes she sucks big time.

I think she's one of the most uncool chicks in the class.

Why didn't you attend the sport class?

I'm dismissed. I'm preparing for the Physics Olympics.

Bummer!

Listen...

When do you hang out in the evening?

How cm I meet you?

Maybe she has nice tits

but I can't really tell 'cause she's always bent over a book.

She told me yesterday that she despises me.

I despise you!

She was looking at me as if I were a.

She's dreadful.

Name.

I told you he's not Romanian...

Uhh... the day after tomorrow.

Boss, how do I say the day after tomorrow?

No, that means tomorrow. I don't know the day after tomorrow.

Toni...

The truth is I have a date... here.

So I'd be grateful if you left earlier...

Forgive me. I'm an idiot. There, I'm gone. I'm leaving.

Good bye, boss!

Bye, Toni! Good night!

Are you still there?

Yes.

You don't know how much I miss you all the time.

But I do.

You scared me I thought you'd never come back.

Don't be silly.

You are my most precious incident.

Gabi, sweetheart, how are you?

Ah! Good evening, Matilda! I was just... working... on something.

Can I help you?

No, Gabi, Whit cm you help me with? I wanted to see you two.

Gabi isn't I home... she hasn't arrived yet...

lately she is working overtime

I was just in the middle of something and...

Gabi, sweetheart, are you ok!

Yeah.

I can't stay with you any longer I got something to do.

I'll tell Gabi you stopped by,

she'll be so glad to hear that.

Bye.

I think I've fallen in love with you.

I fell in love right from the start.

What should we do?

Nothing, I think. It's fine the way it is.

I could talk to you forever

I keep looking at people wondering which of them is you

I'm an athletic type of guy.

How will I recognize you?

I have a glass eye.

I'll blink to you.

Did you see how beautiful the moon was last night?

Have you seen the sink pump anywhere?

Yes Ifs on the balcony. Don't ask me how it got (hem, I have no id.

Yeah... it looked just like a fingernail clipping.

How about sending me a photo of you?

I haven't got any recent ones.

Send me one of you.

You should bring such news mole often.

Come on, mum, don't be so happy, I'm not retarded.

I didn't know you were so eager for straight A's I would've brought you more.

I'm not eager for A's, I just want you to be as good as it gets,

so it'll be easier later.

I'm not interested in grades.

Next week is my birthday.

I'd like to celebrate it.

What do you mean? How would you celebrate it?

Well...

I'd have some friends over, not many, about four guys and four chicks,

get some beer for the guys, some juice for the chicks...

mum makes some

you go out for a movie till later... that's about it...

I'll be 18 after all, right?

Yes, this right. You'll be 18.

Boy, how time goes by!

Let's celebrate his birthday! Why shouldn't we?

Those girls he's hanging with...

Vladimir... those girls you are hanging with are very...

They are too slutty,

I'm not at ease with you bringing so many people, you're capable of...

Fine, thanks a lot.

I figured you wouldn't let me be happy for once in my lifetime.

You think we should let him, don't you?

Yeah...

I don't tum around when guys honk at me

but he clung to me like a fly to honey.

I turned around to set him straight but what do you know, boss?

He had an awesome car! I thought I'd drop dead.

It was Richard!

Richard who?

That Dutchman, boss, who came here yesterday when you were in a hurry.

He followed you?

Well, he didn't.

When I left he was driving out the car park and

I knew from the start he liked me, boss.

Didn't you see he gave me his business card?

I like him like crazy.

And he's also great in...

in what?

In... you know.

WW! When did you have the time to End that out?

Right then.

We kissed till we couldn't breathe, then he said �let's go to my place�

and so we went and There he is, boss!

Can I take a couple of hours off?

Go, but be careful child, because you really...

'Tibi? What about him?

If he shows up, tell him I've got... the measles.

No... ticklish scarlet fever.

Tell him I'm in the hospital with an infectious disease.

He'd better leave me alone, boss.

He's got nothing on his mind but motorbikes.

He's got this stuff for cleaning.

Make him an invoice, no discount or anything 'cause he's loaded.

Richard, darling, I quit my job if you aren't married.

Good afternoon...

Good afternoon, lovely lady!

Will you talk to me, even though my clothes don't need cleaning?

Yes, professor.

Would like a little psychoanalysis or what?

The truth is... I kinda do...

I see no point in beating sound the bush.

I like you. A lot.

I know you are married and I assume you intend to keep it that way.

The ball is in your corner.

My problem is not really my marriage

but me being very in love.

Very!

With your husband?

No.

I guess... neither with me.

Neither.

I haven't got any recent photos either.

Let's just meet.

What are you doing, Gabi?

I'm fine, Gabi.

Did you start smoking again?

No. It's the first.

The first cigarette since we quit, 12 years ago.

What about you?

It's my first one since we quit, too.

But you've already hogged the smoking place.

It's a sign I shouldn't smoke it.

It's no sign...

Come here! Let's smoke the peace pipe.

Are you in love with somebody else?

Me?

Yes You.

No.

You?

Are you in love with somebody else?

No.

When shall we meet?

As soon as possible.

Why give up your job?

Wait for another month or two and if it is meant to be...

you will be stuck with each other

for the rest of your life, till you get sick of it.

He told me to forget about dirty clothes and join him to Vietnam

when he's been sent for two months.

And afterwards?

Well, I don't know, we'll go lo his place in Holland, home of tulips.

Come on, boss, don't be upset.

What am I supposed to do? It's fate!

Fine Toni, do as you please.

I won't nag you because I'm not your mother,

but you should know I didn't like his shirts.

What's wrong with them?

They're shirts of a married man.

Boss, you're being very negative.

Are you sum?

Forgive me, I am a dreadful fortuneteller.

Look, if you want to, go for a walk, I'll stay here.

I don't feel like walking, thanks.

In fact I'd go out for awhile and return later...

The day after tomorrow, at 3?

The day after tomorrow at 3.

I'm in the bathtub.

It's me, can't hold it any more.

What is it?

Pee.

Fine, go ahead.

Do you think I'm beautiful.

Yes

God, what happened to your eye?

Why didn't you show up yesterday?

Tell me, Toni!

Did Tibi do this to you?

No, boss.

The Russian woman beat me. The Dutchman's wife.

The Dutchman is married to a Russian woman?

Yes What an asshole.

And he's Russian too.

Yesterday I went straight to his home and...

his wife opened. SM pulled me in and started hitting me.

Well, wasn't he there too?

He was, boss, poor bastard!

He got it worse than me.

Come on! She beat the Dutchman too?

He's not Dutch, boss. He's Russian.

And she beat the shit out of him.

She kept shouting in Russian - Boris this Boris that

and I couldn't understand a thing.

Only that she's his wife cause

she kept sticking her wedding ring in my eyes.

Damn jerk!

If you could only see him, naked and tied up to the bed.

I don't know how she fooled him.

I guess she pretended they were in 9 1/2 weeks

and instead of that, she beat him black and blue.

She had a knife and threatened to cut off his..

Oh! His what?

The thingy.

She was barking at him in Russian. It gave me the chills.

And he was whining in Russian too. I didn't get a thing boss..

...Except I'm not getting married.

It's safe new! The nut has left.

Did you see that bitch, boss?

Yes. She is fierce. Fooling around with those Russian women isn't smart.

Boss..

She could be Bengali for all I care, boss.

If he's married I'm not interested,

even if he's covered in gold.

Why do married people trouble the unmarried, boss?

You tell me 'calm you've been married for such a long time.

Well, you married people get bored.

They don't have much to say to each other...

Then they should get a fucking divorce!

More?

No. This enough. it's late.

When can Vladimir be?

It's Wednesday. Don't you know he has basketball on Wednesdays?

He asked me for some money to buy sneakers.

- Yes.

Do we still have that bottle of champagne from New Year's Eve?

Yes. Why?

Let's drink ii!

You want meta open the bottle?

What's the occasion?

The occasion is.. that we are together

and Vladimir is turning eighteen

and... we love each other after so many years.

Screw that champagne, we don't really need an occasion to drink it.

Open it and let's go into the bedroom!

Fine. I'll do it.

Finished? May I wash it.

Hello. Good evening...

Oh my! What's wrong with you?

I've got a headache and I feel dizzy. I'm toast.

Oh! Did you catch a cold?

Let's go to your room, I'll give you a vinegar' massage.

I'll bring you dinner to bed.

In fact I have more than a relationship

I'm a full-time wife. And mother.

I'm married too. I also have a child.

Adultery is humiliating.

I can't believe I'm doing it.

Have you changed your mind?

Do you still want to meet me?

No.

Fine.

Maybe yes.

Fine.

I don't know. You decide. You are the man.

? Just wanna see you.

Sorry...

Gabi?

What have you done to your hair?

I was I the hairdressers..

I thought...

I was bored with...

What? You don't like ii?

Oh, I like it.. I'm just not used to

you look like a different person.

What are you doing around here?

Well, the hairdresser's is up the street

and now I was looking for a bus stop.

What are you doing here?

I had a rehearsal two blocks away.

I was going to...

Home.

When are you going?

I had to take care of

but I n do it tomorrow.

Let's go home together

I'm sorry.

Me too.

Mum?! Dad? What are you doing?

Have you dyed you hair?

Stop shouting! The whole bus is watching.

It's me,

not an Impersonator of myself or some impostor.

I haven't recorded anything lately

because a lot of stuff happened.

First, I started learning Physics

I figured out that any subject you know very well is ok.

Any of them may be a ticket to celebrity status.

What's the big deal?

To know that shitty subject better than anyone in your class.

Then better than anyone in the school, in town,

in the country, in Europe and worldwide.

Invent two or three simple things nobody has ever thought of,

but which are very important for mankind.

Then you won't have to do much for the rest of your life.

So far, I tested it on my classmates.

For two weeks I've been cramming Physics 24 hours a day,

I've had very little sleep, just enough not to flake out

and I've crushed everyone in my class.

I'm in for the regional Olympiad. Just me and someone else from my class,

I don't know if I ever mentioned her, Jipescu Miruna.

- How was the show? - Fine.

What did they may?

Honestly? I have no idea.

You can't not know. You were on stage, reading the notes.

Yes Why are you so surprised? I wasn't the one playing.

What do you mean? Is this an accusation or what?

It's no accusation.

I just told you I wasn't the one playing, other guys did.

A lot worse than you, I know. You told me a thousand times.

I've never said such a thing.

Even if you didn't say it out loud, you mean it all the way.

You mean it all the time. Especially when you are silent.

I know exactly what your silence says.

You're paranoid.

I'm not, trust me, I know these things better than you.

I know them by heart.

Maybe you forgot, but you aren't the only loser in this couple.

Could we shut the fuck up until we get to (that God damn movie?

I've got love, and no use for it

I need it

Saturday was my birthday and some high school mates came over.

? Invited the geek foo,

we're on the same Olympiad team after all

we represent the high school, right?

Around 7PM, six friends and some snappy chicks

from high school came by.

Mum and dad were really cool cause they left me a fridge packed

with food and drinks and went to see a movie.

The music was on, my buddies were dancing,

I decided to go and get more beers.

And right then, it happened...

as I was going back with the cold bottles in my hands,

I remember my fingers got stuck on them,

everything started to move in slow motion

like in the movies

and I suddenly realized those people did not belong in my house

I mean my parents' house

I remembered my mom,

how nice she's sometimes when she's making me pancakes,

my dad sitting quietly in his tailcoat flipping pages during concerts,

though he's better than the guys playing

I don't know how to explain this...

Get the fuck out of here, I've got a major headache.

Do you think we'd bother him if we go now?

Yes, probably.

Let's walk for a while. You don't tum 18 every day...

True... how time goes by.

Feels like yesterday, when we took that third wheel off his bike.

God, how he was crying!

As if we were sending him to the death row.

I felt pity for him but didn't let him see it. It was the least I could do.

I loved him so.

And he loved us.

You say it as if you didn't love him anymore.

Of course! love him. I may not like him, though.

Really?

But you were ecstatic when he got that A in physics.

Yes. I liked him then. It was as if he were little again.

Let's make him a surprise!

What surprise?

I don't remember how they all left, but I realized I was alone

and decided to scold that geek for standing me up...

Why didn't you come?

Yeah, but I kicked them all out, so that you could come.

I need you to come.

You can't turn down a person on his 18th anniversary.

You can't. You are not allowed to. It's his birthday. He's 1&

I told her she couldn't turn a person down on his 18th anniversary.

She hung up, I was alone and cried

more than I ever cried in my life, even in my childhood.

I went to open up for my folks,

I was sure it was them...

they had been away longer than they promised anyway

and when I opened the door

the geek was there in the doorway. Jipescu, flesh and blood.

She was dressed in a geek dress and she was very beautiful.

So? Is there any more cake? Or you ate it all?

We stayed up all night until we both fell asleep,

she on my bed and I on a blanket, on the floor.

Which side do you wanna sleep on? Which side do you wanna sleep on? or door?

What? I don't know. You choose.

Window-side, if you don't want it.

Although the emperor penguin is a sea creature

and gets its food solely from the water;

its nest is well sheltered by a wall of ice, along distance from the shore.

Because birds incubate during the winter...

Tum off the light. The mosquitoes will get in.

...until the chicks become independent.

For this reason, some birds travel' as far as 300 kilometers...

If only I thought of bringing my book...

...the male incubates for 40 days...

You want me to change the channel?

What channel? There's nothing but crap on.

Right. There's nothing to choose from.

I told you.

Good night.

Good night.

The receptionist thought we were lovers.

Really? Could be...

Can you imagine how many come here and take a mom by the hour.

Could you?

I don't know. You can't know until you try it.

Matilda says you have a mistress.

She says she dropped by once and you didn't let her in.

Is that true?

What exactly?

Did she come and you didn't let her in?

Yes.

Were you with a mistress in the house?

No.

I was on the toilet. I got up to answer the door

and I wanted to go back as soon as possible.

Matilda thinks you're a big

when you're a big sh... shi... tter...

Or maybe I'm just a good liar.

Maybe-

Are you sleeping with Natalia?

Natalia who?

So you do sleep with her.

If you mean the ballerina in our ballet troupe,

than I don't. Do you believe me?

There are mosquitoes here.

You see it? When is it?

Come on, Gabi... what are you looking at? Do something!

Are you a man or what the heck?

Fine, I'll show you how it's done.

Come on, Gabi, it got away. Why don't you focus?

What do you mean? Are you crazy? Look, it's there. I killed it.

That's mine. I've killed it just now.

Don't brag cause you didn't kill TL.

You killed one there and one there... this is mine...

You mean I don't know my own mosquito?

Aren't you ashamed to brag with my executions?

? Dreamt of you fast night.

I felt you last night.

The regional Olympiad is in two day's time.

If we both get a ten, we'll go to Cluj, for the national contest

I want to walk through Cluj with that geek Jipescu.

She won't probably let me hold her hand,

but it will still be special: just the two of us there and no familiar faces.

And if we get a ten there as well, we'll go

together to the European Olympiad in Venice.

Don't tell me I won't get laid with Jipescu there,

no matter what a smart geek she is

I'll stop now, I have to study.

Ready! This is it! 'They said it's after the second commercial bleak.

The Regional Physics Olympics took place today.

That's me, you see?

It's gone...

Behind the girl with 'the black t-shirt.

Look, that's the sleeve of my orange shirt!

Did you see me at least? You spot me out?

Sure. Behind the girl with the black t-shirt. You look good on TV.

I don't know why they showed so little.

Most of the time that camera was on me...

Did you see me, mum?

Of course, I'm not blind...

They focused on you mostly... maybe because of the orange shirt..

Excuse me, can I have a minute of your time?

What does "rancorously" mean?

You really got words I'm so

"rancorously"?

Something anchoring people?

No.

Let him say cause he's smart!

I guess rancorously means revengeful, right?

Mars right Thank you.

I was a little nervous too.

Thank you very much. Goodbye.

Let's ask other people strange Romanian words.

What?

We had just left from work and a woman stopped us.

Two people ran eat ice cream in the street without getting laid.

Some people have three meds at home without getting lid.

Take us for instance.

Is that a reproach?

Don't count on it.

I'm not begging you.

It was only the acknowledgment of a pathetic reality.

Gabi,

I can't believe we are using this tone...

when did you feel like getting lid and I didn't?

Have you ever felt like getting laid for the last few years?

I didn't know these things add up.

At the hotel... on Vladimir's birthday...

That doesn't count. It was a sort of perversion.

You would have imagined you were with one of your chicks

in a room rented by the hour.

Look, I'm in the mood right now. Do you want to?

You're nice but I really don't feel like it.

I'm rancorous.

Maybe you feel like it with the Porsche guy you hang out with?

I want to see you.

It's me,

not an impersonator of myself or God knows who else.

I took a huge break in recording, I had reasons to and lot to tell about.

First and foremost, I went to Cluj with that geek Jipescu

and I spent the best three days of my life.

Not only did she let me hold her.

You couldn't imagine the erupting volcano inside that geek.

We were close to getting laid,

but we both decided it would be a shame not to save that for Venice.

So we could say all has gone well for me.

Except the fact that my folks are getting a divorce.

My dad's already moved to a rented studio

and he's left me and my mum in the apartment

I felt really sorry when they told me they're breaking up.

I begged them so much, I even cried.

Eventually my dad took me for a man to man conversation

and told me he and mum don't love each other anymore

and it's a shame for people to live without love, like vegetables.

A few days ago my dad invited me to a concert at the Athenaeum

and I had a major surprise.

He wasn't on the front stage flipping pages

but among the people from the orchestra.

From time to time he gently touched a triangle with magical sound.

I thought he was the coolest guy on the whole stage.

My mom is a little sad,

she's trying to be brave but I see she's not happy.

Instead she started to attend classes at a private psychology school.

She asked for my opinion and I told her it's cool.

You know what I think of women doctors on high heels

and patients lying on sofas.

Are you there?

Yes