Original subtitles

Dear Janey,

My younger days, before you was born,

me and Bartle Bone and Jim Ragg

Spent time as mule skinners for General Custer.

We were used to hunting and trapping in the Rockies,

So we didn't realise taking orders would be so hard to stomach.

By that time, the silver had run out, the railroads were coming

And everything was about to change.

But the adventures weren't quite over yet.

Calam?

Mule skinners, you say? Yes, sir.

Sure you ain't trappers?

Well, we were trappers, 25 years, but no more.

Rockies all trapped out. We're scouts, too.

We know every trail, creek, pond, river between Colorado and Canada.

We hoped Custer would need scouts,

but seeing as those positions have been filled by Bill Hickok

And a couple of Crow...

Seeing how them positions done filled, we're mule skinners.

Yeah.

You don't look like much, fella.

Sure you can crack a bullwhip?

Here.

Forward!

In them days, Janey,

There was only two ways for a woman to survive out West

Wifing and whoring.

As I weren't cut out for either one, I had to find my own way to survive.

So I lived like a man and sometimes even passed myself off as one.

It got a little sticky at times,

but it gave me a kind of freedom that few women ever knew.

Bill!

Bill Hickok!

Over here!

Well, if it isn't Calamity Jane.

Custer know he's got a female bullwhacker?

Of course he don't. Don't you go telling him.

Don't I always keep your secrets?

Where are you going? You're supposed to be scouting.

I was about to hunt some fresh meat when you tried to kill me.

If I wanted to kill you, you'd be dead.

What do you want?

All these years, I never could quite figure you out.

You never will, Hickok.

Shoot.

Come on, girls.

Bull's-eye!

No beans tonight.

I think it was sickly. Moving awful slow.

Hogwash! I ain't eating it.

I ain't up to digesting diseased animal.

Suit yourself.

I'm tired of biting your dust. Chew on mine for a while.

You're gonna run that wagon into the river, Calamity.

Better than listening to you two old ladies arguing.

Who's arguing? We didn't even draw our knives.

We didn't know it then, Janey,

But them was the last of the Wild West times,

Before everything changed and Billy Cody made a show of it.

Them last few days of wildness was our glory days.

Wild Bill Hickok, Dora and Blue, Jim and Bartle,

Buffalo Bill Cody and your mother, Calamity Jane.

I always enjoy seeing a lady in her underwear.

What you packing up for? We just made camp.

All these years, I never presumed to give you advice.

But you gotta take Bartle and Jim and get outta here.

Why? Maybe just cos you know me.

I'm telling you, good time to go.

Thanks, Bill.

Where are you heading? Deadwood

Howdy, General.

Looks like we're heading for the Bighorn.

You hoping to find more gold?

You're dismissed, Captain. Yes, sir.

Who told you that, mister?

We're gonna clear out any Indians that disobey the relocation notice.

Where did you post this notice and what language was it in?

I don't need your advice, mister. I have my own scouts.

Yeah, but they ain't Sioux.

This is hunting season. There's thousands of Sioux.

Do not tell me how to fight Indians.

I took down Black Kettle.

Yeah, we heard about it.

But we're talking about Sitting Bull and Crazy Horse.

They won't leave the hunting grounds. You only got 200, 300 men here.

We are the Seventh Cavalry.

Did you hear that? Yep.

Let's get the hell outta here.

I don't remember who first called me Calamity or why,

But it's no mystery why it stuck.

Your mother don't always think first before jumping in, Janey.

When Custer found out I was a woman,

He forced me into doing damn humiliating woman's work.

Calam!

We're moving out.

I'll catch up with you boys, soon as I can.

Calamity?

Don't take too long. That general is crazy.

He's crazy! Let's go.

Jim and Bartle were among the few left

who remembered when beaver were plentiful.

They knew every river from the Oregon Trail to the Rio Grande.

They could never figure out

That what they were searching for, they'd already used up

The Indians were dwindling, the buffalo were gone

And with them went the life we knew.

This pond used to be boiling with beaver.

I can still hear it, sometimes, when I'm asleep.

What?

That sound.

That slapping sound a beaver's tail makes on the water.

Yeah.

Sometimes I can hear it, too.

There's a time in the life of every gold town

When it either gets civilised or goes bust.

Before it makes up its mind which

Men go crazy, drinking, gambling and whoring

Cutting into each other's claims and shooting each other over trifles.

Deadwood just happened to be in its hellfire days.

Ain't this a sight for sore eyes?

Morning, Harry.

- First one still on the house? - Only for you, Calam.

I hear you got kicked out the army.

News sure travels fast, but don't that beat all?

You'd think the damn fools never saw teats before.

Alright, you debauched sinners, let's drink to my bosoms.

They got me out of Custer's Irregulars.

Bless 'em all, large and small.

- Hi, Bill. - Calam.

Dora!

This woman's spoke for... You son of a bitch!

Hell. Now she's gonna start busting out crying.

Jane!

Where have you been?

Hell.

- I've been worried about you. - I'm gonna find me another bed.

With quieter women in it.

Blue.

You alright?

Will you tell Doosie to make some ham and some eggs and some biscuits?

Just tell her it's Martha Jane.

Yeah, sure, sweetheart.

Well, you two women, you just...

Get going.

Get out of my bed. You stink!

So are you settling down finally in Deadwood?

No. It's getting mean here. You know how it is.

Where you figuring on moving to next?

Someplace closer to Blue's ranch, I guess.

Why don't you just marry him?

He's asked you a hundred times.

You know I can't do that.

Mercy, Martha Jane! You lose a hugging contest with a skunk?

You know damn well that ain't skunk, Doosie.

- It's grizz. - Yeah. I'll burn these for you.

- There's money in them pockets. - I'll find it, don't you worry.

Alright, tell me. What's different about you?

Nothing.

Something's different about you. You know you can't lie to me.

I ain't lying to you, Dora, am I?

Oh, my God, Martha Jane!

I've known you for 20 years and this has never happened to you.

- Nothing's happened to me. - You are in love.

Oh, God.

What's the point?

I'd rather die than have him know it.

- It's Hickok, isn't it? - No! Don't say that name!

James Butler Hickok. Wild Bill.

- Let me think. - No, Dora, don't start thinking.

It's a long way from hopeless.

He don't like prissies and he don't even like whores that much,

but we're gonna get him to like you.

I don't want him to like me. I just wanna die!

It's a serious condition, darling, but it ain't fatal.

Here. Get out of that tub. We've got work to do.

There.

Open your eyes.

Sweet Jesus!

Here, stand up.

You see? Aren't you beautiful?

I don't look anything like myself.

Yes, you do. You look exactly like yourself.

Think he's gonna like me?

Every man in that place is gonna want you so bad, it's gonna hurt.

I guaran-damn-tee it. Now, walk like this, alright?

Yeah, like that.

That son of a bitch ain't even here.

- Two whiskeys with water, Harry. - Water?

You want to stay in charge, you drink half of what they drink.

I'll get it, ladies.

You've been holding out on the world, Martha Jane.

Hello, boys!

Everybody! Boys!

Listen up. This here's Martha.

Now, dancing only, and we'll be watching you.

Damn!

Keep back there.

If these halfwits can do it, you sure as hell can.

Come on, Jesse. Your turn.

That's more like it.

See? You can dance.

That ain't dancing. That's grizzly wrestling.

Oh, my God!

There he is.

Go on over there and see how the game's going.

I can't.

Want to do another round of grizzlies?

- No. - No. Come on.

Come on.

Come here, darling. Have a seat.

Come meet a lucky charm.

You sure are charming.

Do you know who I am?

Sweetheart, I'm James Butler Hickok.

I've scouted for the best.

My senses are as keen as any white man's you've ever known.

Have we met before?

You ain't fooling me, darling.

Of course we have.

What's my name?

Lily.

At least it ought to be Lily.

It'd suit you a whole lot better in this get-up

than a name like Calamity Jane.

Lily.

Or Rose.

Please don't let on who I am.

Darling, I'm the soul of discretion.

Bill, you're the soul of a black-hearted liar.

Boys.

Guess who I got sitting on my knee.

It's Calamity Jane.

- Blue. - She'll be alright.

No, she won't. Not out there, not dressed like that.

This is Calamity. She can take care of herself.

She'll be back.

No, she won't. Not to Deadwood.

Don't cry, darling.

Don't cry.

It's OK, Lily.

It's Jane.

Yeah, of course it is.

That'd be real sweet.

Darling Martha Jane.

I cannot sleep with you worrying.

I can't help worrying, Blue. It's all my fault.

I never should have gotten her all gussied up.

Bill Hickok is a son of a bitch.

He sure is.

There have been times in my life I might not have made it

if it wasn't for Jane.

Yeah, you done the same for her.

I've seen it myself. Lots of times.

I know. It makes me sad that no man has ever loved her, you know?

Something they could never say about you.

When you gonna marry me, Dora?

I gotta get back to my ranch.

Come with me.

I can't.

I love you, Blue.

You know how much I love you.

But I can't marry you.

You better quit saying that, cos one day I might quit asking.

I am thinking about moving closer, though.

You know?

Maybe opening a hotel in Miles City.

You are a stubborn old catfish.

But I'm gonna reel you in a few miles at a time,...

..till eventually I land you as my wife.

No Ears.

You got any dry wood?

I would have brought some but I didn't know anybody was here.

Where you been? I ain't seen you in over a month.

I wanted to see if any of my people were left in the Dakotas.

- Any luck finding them? - A few are there.

But only their spirits.

You should not go this way.

I came to tell you this.

I'm headed for the Yellowstone. I always go this way.

Go another way.

Why?

Smell of death. Maybe 50 miles.

Well, I ain't going 50 miles out of my way. I ain't spooked by death.

I nursed the miners in Deadwood through scarlet fever.

40 of them died. There ain't nothing worse than that.

Your dog's sure lived long for one who likes to chase bears.

So have you and so have I.

Want some coffee, No Ears?

When No Ears was ten, his people got into a fight with French traders.

He woke to discover his people were dead

and his ears were cut off.

He could still hear in a whistling kind of way.

He could always sense things no one else could.

Especially death.

It was Custer.

I saw the flag.

- We should tell somebody. - Why?

Was that massacre back there...

Was that like the one where they cut off your ears and left you for dead?

I was just a child.

But all massacres are alike.

The smell of death.

The big birds to pick the bones clean.

But then, there were only Indian dead.

And only me to sing for them.

I must have eaten something bad this morning.

I usually got a stronger stomach than that.

It is because of the child.

Child?

I didn't see no child.

The one you're carrying.

You're crazy.

That's impossible.

I might be crazy, but you know it is possible.

But that can't be.

I mean, I can't.

I can't have a child.

You will, in the spring.

God Almighty!

I can't be nobody's mother. I got no place to live.

What am I gonna do?

If you need a place to go before the child comes, I know of one.

How will I live?

You will live.

You always seem to be looking out for me, No Ears.

Why is that?

These fish are ready. Come and have some.

Where is this place... where I can hole up?

The Wind River, about four days' ride.

Thanks, No Ears.

- Mind that china, now. - Here, Doosie.

- Well, Madame Dora. - I'm not French, Hickok.

- You're not? - No.

Next thing you'll be telling me you're not a madam neither.

Men like you are the reason that I'm leaving this town.

I'm sorry to hear that.

It'll be our loss.

I never really thought of myself as a woman, Janey.

I guess that's why I didn't feel like myself when I was carrying you.

I was with Dora when she had her babies. None of them lived.

Though a part of me never really let myself believe that you'd be real.

Without her babies to hold her in place,

Dora had a restlessness inside her

that kept her moving from one hotel to the next, one town to another.

She could never find any peace except when she was with Blue.

But I stayed put all those months, holed up,

waiting for you to come.

I never knew what it was to be loved by a man, Janey.

That's just a plain fact. I ain't saying it for pity.

But because of your daddy, I know what it is to love one.

I want you to know that you were born out of as good a love

as anybody gets born from, honey.

Don't you ever forget that.

The smell of death is strong. Even you must smell it.

Gunpowder, kerosene and piss. That's all I smell.

- There, see? - Whoever he is, he's no grief to me.

- Who was that they hanged? - Jack McCall.

- What did they hang him for? - Killing Wild Bill Hickok.

Well done!

He killed my friend!

- He killed my friend! - Don't shoot me.

Where's Dora?

I'll be with you in just a moment.

Where's Dora DuFran?

She's gone.

She sold out and moved away six months ago.

Excuse me. May I speak to you for a moment?

Whatever you're selling, I ain't buying.

I'm not selling anything. I'd just like to talk to you.

Please. Just for a moment.

Is this your child?

- What of it? - May I ask where the father is?

Murdered.

If I'd got here sooner, I'd have cut the liver out of Jack McCall

and hung it on a tree, Indian-style.

Did your husband leave you sufficient means?

No, he did not, and he weren't my husband.

I can see you're in a terrible predicament.

My name is O'Neill.

Captain James O'Neill.

My wife and I lost a child a short time ago.

A baby girl.

That's why we came out here.

I thought a journey out West might distract my wife from her grief.

- Where are you from? - I'm from England originally.

But we live in Illinois now, near Mary's family.

Illinois.

It's been a terribly difficult time for my wife.

Well, it's been a terribly difficult time for both of us.

We can't have any more children.

It might kill her.

Her name's Janey.

She's beautiful.

It's time to go.

We'll take good care of her.

You have a daughter.

A beautiful baby girl.

I loved you, you son of a bitch.

Dear Janey,

It's been more than five years now since your daddy was killed.

I miss him and I miss you.

I know now that the way I felt about Wild Bill

only happens to a person once in their life.

Like Dora and Blue.

It's the same kind of love.

They just don't know what to do with it.

Thou would still be adored

As this moment thou art

Let thy loveliness fade as it will

And around the dear ruin

Each wish of my heart

Would entwine itself verdantly still

It's so good to see you again.

I...

I came to tell you that the house is finished.

It's beautiful. I want you to come out and see it.

We can leave first thing in the morning.

I can't.

Why not?

I don't understand you, Dora. Why won't you come and look at it?

Because I'd probably love it and that would make it even harder.

Tell me why you won't marry me and I'll quit asking.

If you love me like you say you do...

- I do. - Then why?

You like a town? A ranch ain't lively enough for you? Is that it?

No.

I didn't build that ranch out there out of nothing

just to live out there by myself with no wife and...

..and no children.

I apologise, Dora.

I love you. I always will.

I'm asking you for the last time, Dora.

Will you marry me?

I can't.

I love you more than anything.

But I can't marry you.

Cody, looks like we're gonna get us a hot supper tonight.

- Blue. - Martha Jane.

How you doing?

What are you doing here?

I was passing through and I thought I might grab a bed for the night.

I didn't know you was having a shindig.

- Well... - Who's getting married?

- Come and dance. - I don't dance.

Sure you do. Come on.

Ain't the bride Granville Stuart's daughter?

I thought she was still a kid.

No, she's 18... 19.

Which one of your cowboys is marrying her?

The one you're dancing with.

- The hell you say! - Well, it's true.

You son of a bitch!

Simmer down, Martha Jane.

Simmer down?

You jilted the best friend I ever had. Does Dora know about this?

Couldn't you tell her? Before she finds out from somebody else.

You tell her yourself on your way straight to hell, Teddy Blue!

I ain't doing your dirty work or dancing at your goddamn wedding.

Martha Jane!

Martha Jane, you quit that!

Get up!

Now, sit down!

OK. Everybody, back inside.

It's over.

Plenty to eat and drink and music and everything.

Just go on in, enjoy yourselves.

It's all over.

I never thought you'd turn out to be a son of a bitch, Blue.

I'll tell you something. See this porch?

I built this porch with my hands. For Dora.

And a bathroom big enough to hold that copper tub she loves so much.

And a kitchen where Doosie would think she'd died and gone to heaven.

But Dora never even came to look at it.

And every time I look at it, I know she's never gonna be here

to welcome me home.

I guess I just got tired of hoping, that's all.

Well, what am I gonna tell her?

You just tell her that... nothing's changed.

I will. But it ain't true.

If you were in love with him and he married somebody else,

would I go to his wedding?

I didn't plan it that way. It just kinda happened.

Well, no true friend of mine would have gone.

Why didn't you speak up when the preacher said,

"Does anybody see a reason why these two shouldn't be married?"

I sort of missed that part.

I can't believe he did this!

You could have been the bride. He asked you plenty of times.

Now you're taking his side!

I am not taking his side. God Almighty, Dora!

Blue let you down. I didn't. If you can't see that, the hell with you!

Where's my hat?

Howdy, folks. Come along to the show, kids.

How do you do?

Come along to the show, folks.

It's Calamity Jane.

That's the woman I've come here to see.

I ain't in the mood for your fancy jaw-flapping, Billy Cody.

Martha Jane, I've travelled 1,000 miles

and gone to considerable expense to find you,

to make you a star in my show.

Billy, I got a real itch to shoot somebody this morning.

As an old friend, I advise you to stay out of my way.

Think about it. We'll play for the crowned heads of England.

I'm gonna put your name on the poster, and your face.

Yeah, I can see it now.

Calamity Jane, half man, half woman.

Right between the dog boy and the two-headed rattlesnake.

- No goddamn thank you. - You can insult me if you want to.

I'm trying but it don't seem to be taking.

Damn fool sideshow.

- Dora. - Billy.

Look at you!

- These are for you. - Fiddlesticks!

Dora ain't no child. She can't be bought with this stuff.

Doosie, if you appreciated presents, you might get some.

You made an impression on Doc Ramses.

Doc Ramses? He ain't big enough for me, Bill Cody.

And neither are you.

Billy! It's beautiful.

How did you know I would be my same size?

Dora, if you lost your figure,

half the men in the West would give up and get married.

Look at you. You already did give up and get married.

How is Lulu anyway?

That was a mistake.

I should have married you, Dora.

What brings you to Montana?

I'm recruiting talent for my Wild West show.

We're playing Queen Victoria's Diamond Jubilee.

Don't that take the cake!

Sure. I got Annie Oakley, cowboys, Indians.

Hell, I got Sitting Bull himself signed up.

Have you gone crazy?

The Indian wars are over in Missouri but not here.

I can deal with Sitting Bull.

I want you to come to Europe with me. You'll love it.

I... Do you want cream or lemon with your tea?

The hell with tea! Open your presents, Dora.

I got French champagne in here.

Billy, it's beautiful!

Dora, in my life, I've met hundreds of women.

A lot of them rich and beautiful.

But every night when I blow out my light, yours is the face I see.

We both know that I got rich telling whoppers.

But them's the truest words I've ever said in this life.

Are you gonna open that champagne?

Dora!

I dare say we're not too hard to track any more.

Probably left a trail of tobacco spit any citified dude could follow.

This was once a lively town.

Ten years ago, there were two saloons up there.

You know, we could have our own town.

No Ears could be the mayor.

I'll be the judge.

You can be the sheriff and arrest anybody that comes to town.

Perfect.

We could charge big fines for trespassing

or for spitting on the street.

It could beat beavering as a way to get rich.

What's gonna draw people?

Your good looks or my sunny disposition?

Darling Janey,

This bitter cold is something.

I had to put the ink in the coffee pot to thaw it.

It was froze solid.

But I have to write these letters so you'll know a little bit about me,

for I could someday get ate by a bear,

get my head stove in by some tough.

Someone who runs loose like I do can get killed pretty quick.

A sweet little girl like you shouldn't read this stuff.

But someday, when you're grown,

I hope you can read these letters and know something of your mother.

Martha Jane.

Damn it to hell!

- What? - What are we doing?

Sleeping. What's got you so itchy?

Looking at your sourpusses, that's what.

You look like you belong in a hospital, both of you.

One that keeps an undertaker handy.

You ain't one to be criticising other people's appearances, Calam.

I know. I look no better myself.

Probably worse.

We got no business spending our lives wandering round sleeping in the snow.

Nice catch, No Ears.

We ain't kids no more.

There ain't no more beaver. There ain't no dry firewood.

There's just three fools and an Indian.

The Indian's only in it for the company.

Except for Jim, none of us can hit a squirrel in broad daylight

unless he stands ten feet in front of us and says "cheese".

You don't usually complain.

Nobody's gonna appreciate it if you throw a fit.

My point is that Billy Cody's right.

The big adventure's over and that's that.

He's right to make a show of it and sell it.

I should have thought of a Wild West show.

I got to the West a long time before Billy.

You ain't planning on joining Billy's spectacle, are you?

No, I ain't. Not for a million dollars.

Where are you going? You ain't had breakfast yet.

I'm going nowhere. I got nowhere left to go.

But if you're smart, you'll stop sleeping in the damn snow.

One morning, you'll wake up frozen to death.

There's a white wind coming.

You stay. I will go after her.

A white wind is a particular kind of blizzard.

One that confuses everything.

Even the best scouts refuse to move in a white wind.

And I should have known better.

Skeedle! Get two blankets and some whiskey.

Martha Jane, I'm sorry for the things I said.

I didn't mean them. You're my best friend.

It's OK. You're safe. You're home.

You're gonna be alright.

Bless your heart!

Tee, come put Satan in the barn.

If things don't improve, I'm gonna have to entertain customers myself.

The more we make, the more we spend.

We never get out of the hole.

We might if we quit relocating all the time.

How's this?

- How are you feeling? - Better.

Oh, God.

What were you fools doing out in the blizzard?

We was looking for you, that's what.

That's very nice of you, but don't be so stupid next time.

I'll see about getting you guys a couple of beds.

Don't be getting any ideas about the girls. This is business.

Yes, ma'am. I mean, no, ma'am. Dora.

Thanks, Doos.

I thought I saw you beaver boys sneaking in the back door.

- Jane. Doosie. - How you doing, Billy?

I brought you something to get the chill off.

Thank you, Billy.

- This here is Doc Ramses. - Gentlemen.

- Helping me get my show together. - Much obliged, Bill.

So what are you boys doing?

Trapping beavers or what?

Mostly "or what". The beavers are all gone.

Old Jim, he's reluctant to admit it.

I know how you feel, Jim Ragg.

I feel the same way about the buffalo.

But there's no sense grieving interminably.

I got a better proposition.

I want you to join my illustrious company.

- I'm gonna make you heroes. - We ain't no heroes.

We ain't even in the army any more.

You got to think of the younger generation, Bartle.

The plains is filling up with towns.

Soon, the only way to see riding and shooting will be in a Wild West show.

Yeah. You are partly to blame, Billy.

You were the one who made a name killing buffalo.

Next thing we knew, they was all gone.

And the Indians was too starved to fight.

Now, if we had just kept those buffalo,

I believe this whole business would have lasted my lifetime.

Bartle, that is something I regret myself.

I'm buying buffalo, trying to bring 'em back.

I got over 100 head grazing on my ranch.

- You're buying buffalo? - Every one I see, Jim.

The way I see you boys is as Lewis and Clark.

It was their expedition that started the West.

- You'd be my stars. - Yeah.

I'm sorry, Billy, but me and Jim would rather spit on the flag

than make a mockery out of ourselves.

- Is there money in it? - Money?

It'd make you prosperous, Jim.

I would go further. I'd say it's gonna make you rich.

Well, I am happy to say

that we cannot be bought for 30 pieces of silver.

I can. I'm gonna be in it.

Well, more than three people in a room,

you clam up like a dummy.

There's gonna be hundreds of people watching.

- Thousands. - Thousands?

- Do I have to talk? - No.

- Then I'm in. - Good, Jim. Welcome aboard.

Now, Bartle, what about you?

- No. - Bartle!

Lewis and Clark ain't no heroes of mine.

Any jackass could walk to Oregon.

Don't be so stubborn.

Who do you wanna play? Geronimo?

You... bull!

Cody!

There you are, you old prodigal, you.

You planning to murder me for my valuables?

You got that look in your eye.

I just can't figure out what could have possessed you

to want to be part of the circus.

- I need the money. - What do you need money for?

You can't stand to sleep with a roof over your head.

I got an inspiration.

When Billy started talking about buffalo,

I figured if you can buy buffalo, why not beaver?

Buy beaver? Where on earth you gonna buy beaver?

I don't know.

Somewheres.

I figured if we bought a few pairs

and let 'em loose up in the high creeks,

they could procreate and proliferate and be plentiful again.

Is that why you joined up with Billy?

Yep. I don't know why you're so cantankerous about it.

You been wanting to join up all along.

Old bull!

Are you gonna be Lewis and I'll be Clark or what?

- I'll be Lewis. You be Clark. - No, I'm gonna be Lewis.

Martha Jane.

- Get me a beer. - The hell with that.

Drink whiskey with me.

You know I'm a reformed man, Martha Jane.

Don't tell me your child bride made you change your foolish ways.

I'm too old to start drinking whiskey at ten in the morning.

Yeah, well, I'm too old to stop.

Dora, she...

She ain't hurrying down this morning.

Listen, Blue.

She threw a mad-dog tantrum at me just for going to your wedding.

Figure out how mad she is at you.

I wish she wouldn't take it so hard.

Well, if it's not T Blue.

- What a surprise. - Billy.

Whiskey, Tee.

You look prosperous.

Circus life must be agreeing with you.

What did Bartle and Jim say?

Jim's in.

Well, if you ain't got Bartle, you ain't got Jim.

What about you, Calamity?

You reconsider my offer? You're an original.

Well, Billy, my reputation's all I got.

And it ain't for sale.

How about you, Blue?

I reckon you're still the best rider and roper around.

Even if you're looking a little over the hill.

Sure, Billy.

Next time there's a blizzard in hell.

Doosie!

You're looking... You're looking good.

You're looking better than a skunk like you has any business looking.

You got a message for me?

I got a message alright.

Yeah?

She's expecting Mr Cody in her sitting room.

If you both will excuse me. Calamity.

Blue, nice to see you.

I'm coming, Dora.

Tee, give me a whiskey.

And give one to Martha Jane.

Now, Blue, don't get all crazy.

I'm 40 years old, Martha Jane.

More, probably.

And, unfortunately, I don't shoot people for that stuff any more.

You hurt her real bad.

You know she don't care about Billy.

But it's better than crying over you.

You've been my friend a long time, Blue.

If you feel lower than scum at the bottom of a pond,

you got it coming.

Tee, give me a bottle.

Hell, Blue.

You still don't understand why Dora wouldn't marry you.

No, and I don't suppose I ever will.

When Dora was small, she grew up in a farm in Kansas.

They could barely scratch a living.

When the war came, soldiers stole the livestock.

When the sickness came, they fell to it.

Dora's sisters died. And her mother.

- The boys just run off. - I never knew that.

Finally, it was just Dora and her father.

She was 11 when he died.

She walked to Abilene. All the way, barefoot, thin as a twig.

She never forgot the feeling of being hungry and watching everybody die.

She's scared to death to live out on a farm, Blue.

Afraid you'd go off and something might happen to you.

Afraid she'd starve.

I wouldn't have let her starve.

I'd have built a barn full of beef to make her happy.

I know that, Blue.

But you can't talk to fear like Dora's.

Why didn't she tell me?

She was afraid if you knew,

you might have moved to town to marry her.

And that would have killed your spirit.

And seeing that would have killed Dora.

Thanks. Thanks for telling me that, Martha Jane.

Take care, Blue.

- Goodnight, Billy. - Dora.

Blue, what are you doing?

I'm scaling your castle walls, darling.

You're gonna get yourself killed, you fool.

It will be an honour to die for you, Dora.

Blue.

Stand back, darling. I'm coming in.

Blue!

Blue, tell me you're not dead.

Dora?

Martha...

Martha Jane told me...

Told you what?

Why you wouldn't marry me.

Why didn't you tell me?

I never would have married anybody.

I'd have learned to live in town.

No, you've got to live out on your ranch

on the land, under the sky.

That's who you are, Blue.

But I would have done it for you, Dora.

But it's too late.

I know.

What are we going to do, Dora?

The best that we can.

We'll just do the best that we can.

Can you believe Bartle's going, No Ears?

Mr Cody has invited me to join him on this great journey as well.

You ain't going, are you?

I would like to see this water they speak of.

They say it's so vast you can't see the far bank.

What's the use of all that water?

You can't drink it or water crops with it.

A prairie of water you can't drink?

No. Salt.

Do fish live in it?

Yep. Some of them are as big as a house.

These fish are as big as the boat?

Yeah. Some bigger.

Maybe we should ride around this water.

You can't. The ocean goes to the top of the world.

I would like to know more about this ocean.

It's because people fail to gather precise information

about life-threatening matters

that many of them are no longer alive.

So you're set on going, then?

I must see this water and these great fish

and bring the knowledge back to my people.

Don't forget to get me something.

- I reckon we're about to leave. - Yeah?

- That's a fine slicker, No Ears. - Check up on that paint pony.

Miss Dora.

Will you tell me all about the Queen when you come back?

I sure wish you were coming with us, Dora. I deeply wish it.

You show 'em. Show 'em how wild the West really is.

- Goodbye. - Goodbye.

Bye, Dora.

You should have come, Calamity.

- I was gonna make you famous. - I am famous.

I can't stomach all this silly hanky waving. Get outta here.

- Bye, Calam. - So long, y'all.

They hadn't been gone a week

when I got the letter that the woman I gave you to had died.

My heart ached for you, sweetheart.

I wanted so bad for you to know you had a mother.

A mother who loves you.

The captain said he'd taken you home to England.

Don't that beat all? England.

Right where my partners were headed without me.

Why didn't you tell me? I could have helped you.

Damn it to hell, Dora.

This letter's been to hell and back. It's almost a year old.

I should have gone with Billy.

Maybe you can catch up to them.

You have to try.

She needs a mother and she's got one.

A broken-down old bullwhacker's better than no mother at all.

You'll be a wonderful mother.

You can bring her back here and we can all live together.

I thought it was best for her, Dora.

There ain't a day gone by I ain't regretted it.

You did the best thing you could.

- Dora? - Yeah.

Do you think I'm doing the right thing, going after her?

Honey, if I could see one of my babies again,

even if I had to go halfway round the world,

nothing could stop me.

I don't even know where she is.

I guess I gotta find her.

If I could just see her one time, Dora,...

..I'd die happy.

You'll find her. I know you will.

You gonna miss me?

I miss you already.

Do you remember the first night that we saw Blue in Abilene?

Sure I remember.

And he was covered with dust.

And he walked up to me and said, "Ma'am, would you dance with me?"

The dust from his clothes kept making me sneeze.

And he just laughed.

And the more that I sneezed, the more we laughed.

That was when I knew that we were both done for.

Later that night, he rode his horse right up the stairs to my room,

kicked the banister right off.

What are you gonna do with a fella like that?

Ma'am.

Will you dance with me?

Come on.

I danced with a girl with a hole in her stocking

And her heels kept a-knocking and her knees kept a-rocking

I danced with a girl with a hole in her stocking

And we danced by the light of the moon

Buffalo girls, won't you come out tonight

Come out tonight, come out tonight?

Buffalo girls, won't you come out tonight

And dance by the light of the moon?

Dear Janey,

I'm coming halfway round the world to find you.

I aim to bring you home

and give you all the things I should have given you all along.

I ain't never been lucky,

but either my luck has finally changed

or God's taken pity on a confirmed old sinner like your mother.

I caught up to Billy's show in New York

as they were pulling up the anchor.

An hour later, and I'd have had to swim for it.

Billy!

Billy, damn it! Wait for me.

Martha Jane.

You almost missed your chance of me making you famous.

I told you, Billy, I already am famous.

You can make me immortal.

- I'm so glad to see you. - It's good to see you, too.

Come on. Go!

Howdy, fellas. Howdy, boys.

Howdy.

Jim!

Calam!

What are you doing here? I thought you wanted nothing to do with it.

To tell you the truth, I couldn't live without you boys.

- I cried myself to sleep at night. - Yeah, I'll buy that!

Think this rig'll get us all the way to England?

- I'll be damned. - What?

Sitting Bull. Billy's crazy.

Tell me, why have you forsaken your people?

Perhaps you haven't realised, Sitting Bull.

We are both on this boat together.

Then you will die alone in the water and I'll feed you to the fish.

Howdy, chief.

How'd you like a little smoke?

Think about trading in your life for his.

- Is it a good cigar? - Yeah, it's real good.

He has become too popular.

It has confused him about what is important.

Nah. He never knew about what was important.

What the hell is that?

Pull!

Annie Oakley? Calamity Jane.

- How do you do? - Howdy.

Pull!

Seeing as we're the only two females in this here outfit,

how about I buy you a little drink?

Thank you, but I don't drink. Pull.

Well, how about if I join you?

See how I do against the world's famous markswoman.

I only compete in the arena.

- Excuse me. I do need to practise. - Me, too. I need to practise, too.

Pull.

Damn.

Pull.

I got that one! I hit that last one.

Pull.

Were you gonna leave without saying goodbye to me?

Why do you have to go to Belle Fourche?

- This is a good town for business. - You mean it's convenient for you?

And just the right distance off so you can come and visit me

and your new little wife won't find out about me?

Don't you pull that on me.

A wife is one thing. Love is another.

I never would have married her if I'd understood.

I never would have married her if you'd told me the truth.

Dora, it's not too late to change your mind.

It is too late. It's over. I've sold this place.

- Dora... - Don't start with me, Blue!

You don't deserve feeling sorry for.

I'm not going to Belle Fourche.

- Maybe it's better that way. - Maybe it is.

If the whole point is to get as far away from me as you can,

maybe you should have gone to England.

You could have been a regular Lillie Langtry.

- Maybe you should have gone. - Yeah?

You're a better rider and roper than any of those other cowboys.

Come here.

Don't leave me, Dora.

Please.

Can't it be like it's always been between us?

I can't.

Every time, it gets harder for me to let you go.

It's gotten to the point where

I fear your leaving from the moment you arrive,

and it makes it awful hard to find any joy in life.

Don't ever think that the loving

and the hurting ain't on both sides.

- I gotta go. - No.

I gotta go.

Dora.

Darling Janey,

Your mother was not meant for sea travelling.

The boat rolls day and night.

I had no notion there was so much water in the world.

No Ears saw a whale today.

He thinks it is the most extraordinary event in his long life.

He thinks it might be the first fish,

or maybe the first creature of any kind.

He said it was so large, it might even be as old as the world itself.

We ain't even got to England yet,

and he can hardly wait to get home again

and tell his people about the whale.

I don't think I ever saw him so happy.

This London is a great place.

It ain't the same sky we have back home.

I ain't never been no great tracker,

but this place has me confounded, I can't tell which way is which.

No sun or mountains to take your bearings from.

Just buildings everywhere you look.

I can't figure out how people can tell where the hell they're going,

let alone how I can find one house and one little girl.

You boys go on exploring. I got me some business to attend to.

What kind of business you got in these parts?

You know I ain't exactly the churchgoing type, Janey.

Generally, even my backsliding goes unrepented.

But a little prayer keeps going round and round in my head.

"Please let me find my little girl."

The sun has not gone down a single day

that I ain't regretted giving you away.

I know I ain't no blue-ribbon prize, but I ain't a quitter neither.

By God, I'm gonna find you, honey, or go belly up trying.

Cos whatever else I am, I will always be your mother.

Martha Jane.

Miss Canary.

I knew you were in London. I've seen the posters for your show.

But you didn't expect to see me again.

Please, come in.

Please, come in.

May I offer you some tea?

No, thank you.

Something a little stronger, perhaps?

- No. - Thank you, Daphne. No.

I'm sorry about your wife.

Thank you. Please sit down.

Janey's just a little girl.

It seems to me she needs a mother.

I may not be much, but I am her mother.

I guess she's got a right to know it.

I can understand your feelings, of course,

and in many respects you are right.

But you must also understand that Janey knows nothing about you.

As far as she is concerned, we are her natural parents.

- That's what you told her? - Yes, it is.

We believed it would make her happy.

And she has been a very happy child.

I don't want to scare her or nothing,

but I want to take her home with me.

Miss Canary, when I first met you, you didn't have a home.

Your life was hardly appropriate to bringing up a child.

Can you tell me how your circumstances have changed?

Well, my friend Dora, that's Miss DuFran,

has offered us her house to share.

We'd be a good family to Janey. You wouldn't have to worry about that.

She'd never go cold or hungry.

What kind of house is it, exactly?

It's just, you know, a house.

When can I meet her?

I'm not sure that would be at all wise.

Mister, I'm gonna tell you,

one way or the other,

I'm coming back.

And I'm gonna see her.

How about a drink, pal?

- You want a pint? - You sell whiskey by the pint?

One hell of a country.

You must be Annie Oakley.

What?

Annie Oakley, the famous markswoman.

I ain't her.

- Pour me another one. - Come on.

Who are you, then?

I am goddamn Calamity Jane.

I can outshoot and outride that prissy little Miss Oakley

with one hand tied behind my back.

Look at this.

She-devil of the Yellowstone.

Scout for General Custer. Bullwhacker.

Damn fine shot, too.

You English are all kinda skittish, ain't you?

Alright, on your way.

- I'm putting this fella in ten. - Right.

There's a tavern in the town

There's a...

Come back here.

Yeah.

Skittish.

Where the hell are you dragging me to now?

Just wait. I got an idea.

Damn, this fog is solid.

I have never seen such a place for fog.

One minute, you can see where you're going.

The next minute, you can't hardly see your feet.

- This way. - Yeah.

Come on. That's it. That's it.

Well, I'll be blowed.

- Ain't they a sight? - Yeah.

Howdy, Calam.

Well, I'll be jiggered. No Ears said you'd found beaver.

But I didn't believe it.

Boys,...

..I need money.

- How much you got? - Not much.

I'm putting it away for something important, Calam.

It's just a loan, Jim. Did I ever not pay you back?

Yeah. Plenty of times.

Come on, Bartle, how much you got?

Well...

Here.

I need some back.

Tell her what for.

I have a weakness, Calamity.

One I don't know about, you mean?

If you're blind and deaf, you don't.

I got an overpowering fondness for red-haired ladies.

Why, Bartle Bone, I'm taken aback.

Hope it makes you happy, Bartle.

It don't usually last long.

But there are moments, Martha Jane, moments of true and outright joy.

Jim.

I gotta have it back, Calam.

I swear, Jim.

Thanks, fellas. You're true friends.

Think we'll ever see that money again?

Gentlemen, can we please try it again?

Annie is the only one in the show

still allowed to use real bullets in her guns.

I've been watching her like a hawk

and have yet to see her miss once.

I need an advance on my wages for the run of the show.

- All of it? - Yeah.

And if I get thrown in jail too many times, just let me rot in there.

Well, hell, I'll give you the money.

I don't want to hear more about this. Not another nickel till next year.

Thanks, Billy. I'll drive the hell out of that stage.

Listen. You get an idea to shoot up another saloon,

you go ahead and I'll bail you out, cos it's good publicity.

Thanks, Billy.

Howdy, gents.

I'm looking to make a small bet...

..on a shooting match tomorrow between Annie Oakley

and this duke fella y'all got shooting for your side.

Lord.

Lord Windhouvern.

There are those of us who'd put money on the English marksman winning.

Good.

- How do the odds stand? - Two to one.

Favouring the Englishman.

Let's make it a little more interesting.

The contest is best out of 1,000 shots.

What would the odds be if I bet Annie Oakley beat this guy by ten shots?

I'd say you could easily get... three to one.

Fine.

And if she beat this fella by 40 shots?

Ridiculous.

- What would the odds be? - You'd be throwing your money away.

Well, it wouldn't be the first time.

I'm looking for ten to one.

Annie beats this guy by 40 shots and I put up £200.

Anybody take that bet?

Come over here and we'll find some fella we can trust to hold on to it.

Alright, sir. You're charged with trespassing.

Just the fella we can trust.

Hold on to this for us.

There's no need to arrest this gentleman, officer.

But we would appreciate it if you'd hold the fund...

..until a small wager is settled.

Glad to do it, Lord Windhouvern.

So you're him. Well, this should be fun.

I want to know the name of the man

who would bet so heavily on my defeat.

The name's Calamity Jane.

Have a good time at the shooting match.

Miss Oakley?

Can I speak to you privately for a minute, please?

- Do you mind? - Not at all.

- What is it? - See you later.

I need your help.

But I can't very well ask you without telling you why.

I know how to keep a confidence.

Sure.

A few years ago, I had a child.

That's why I came out here. To find my little girl.

Now, I need enough money to bring her back home.

I've scraped together everything I could

and bet it all on your shooting match tomorrow.

You gambled it all? Everything you have?

Yeah. And then some.

- Am I supposed to win or lose? - Win, of course.

I might be crazy but I'm not stupid.

You're the best anybody's ever seen.

I met this English lord. He ain't much.

- How much do I have to win by? - 40 shots.

Well, I'll do my best,

but even if I hit every one out of a thousand,

that means he's still gonna have to miss at least 40.

I ain't never been lucky, but you have.

You're the luckiest person I ever saw.

Jane, when I was five, my father died,

leaving my mother with seven children to raise.

I took his old rifle off the mantel and learned how to use it.

If I missed a bird or a squirrel, we didn't eat.

I learned not to miss.

It wasn't luck. It was necessity.

I sure got plenty of that.

Well, it seems to me, in the long run,

that good and bad luck kinda balance each other out.

I ain't got time for the long run.

I gotta do everything right this time.

It's the only chance I'll ever have.

Careful. Careful!

Look out, ma'am!

Sorry.

- You sure are in a fix, miss. - Yes.

Here, let me get that for you.

Thank you.

I...

- Where was you headed, ma'am? - Actually, I'm just there.

- What's your name, mister? - Ogden. Ogden Prideaux.

Nice to meet you, Mr Prideaux.

Did she break a leg?

Good Lord, no. I just lost a shoe.

- Here's your shoe, ma'am. - Come on. Get back inside.

Now you've rescued me, would you like some tea?

- Are you fond of tea? - Tea?

Maybe you should hitch your wagon first.

We haven't been formally introduced. I'm Miss Dora DuFran.

I would be pleased if you would join me for a cup of tea.

After you've hitched your wagon, of course.

Ma'am, I intend to be right back.

He ain't coming back in them muddy boots.

Don't get all worked up.

I ain't having five pounds of mud on my floor this early.

We ain't open yet. We ain't even unpacked.

You may not be open yet, but I am.

It won't kill anybody if I have a gentleman for tea.

From the looks of him, he can drink a bucket of tea.

Then you'd best go get a bucket.

- Ogden? - Ma'am?

You seem awfully far away.

Would you mind if I sat a little bit closer?

- Sit anyplace you like, Miss Dora. - Thank you.

There. That's better.

Ogden, you take my breath away.

Am I too heavy?

No, ma'am, you're as light as a feather.

Then why don't you pick me up and carry me over to that bed?

Are you happy, Ogden?

Happy?

This has been the happiest day of my whole life.

Wouldn't it be nice if we could go on like this?

You mean me staying here?

Would you like to marry me, Ogden?

You mean like Ma and Pa?

Yeah, like Ma and Pa.

Well, will we do it today or when?

We could. Or tomorrow.

Well, let's do it today so you don't change your mind.

I'm not gonna change my mind.

Pull.

Mark.

Pull.

Mark.

Pull.

Mark.

She missed one. She's never missed one before.

For goodness' sake, she hit the first 99.

She's only human.

This ain't a good time for her to be only human.

How come? How much you got on this?

- Everything. - Everything?

The redhead money? The beaver money? On the bet?

- Are you crazy? - Goddamn calamitous is what I am.

Mark.

Billy.

Did he pick up a stone?

I think he's got a loose shoe.

I can take care of that.

You know where Dora DuFran's establishment is?

That's it, right over yonder.

Hotel Royale.

- Who's that? - His name's Ogden Prideaux.

Why's he painting Dora's?

Why? Cos he's married to her.

- That boy is married to Dora? - Yep.

Talk of the town.

I'll be in the saloon.

Oh, my God.

- You seen him? - Yes.

He must have found out or else he'd be on his way here.

What if he shoots Ogden?

If he shoots him, he'd better shoot him dead, cos Ogden's big.

What am I gonna do, Doosie?

- Tell me what to do. - Alright.

Go downstairs and give Ogden a rifle

and tell him he should go shoot an elk.

- Good. - He could take the wagon.

And tell him he's not to come back without that elk.

- Blue. - Frank. Whiskey.

I ain't seen you since the Deadwood days.

Don't you go disturbing the peace, alright?

I mean, the jail here ain't up to your standards.

I ain't disturbing the peace.

She must still like him.

There goes Ogden.

Maybe he'll use up all his ammunition hunting.

Won't have any left to kill you with when he finds you with his wife.

He ain't gonna find me with his... wife.

Blue, I'm so sorry. Don't be mad at me.

Come in.

Mark.

Pull.

Mark.

Pull.

I'm surprised you could tear yourself away from the beaver pond.

- Yep. - Yeah.

I figure the zoo's gonna send you a couple of 'em.

- Maybe? - Yeah.

- And if they don't? - Maybe I'll stay here.

And not go back.

I ain't living my life here. No way.

Well, yours is yours and mine's mine.

I have lived 35 years with you

and, by God, you would rather have the company of a beaver.

Pull.

We can't do this any more.

Dora, I keep telling you

that my marriage hasn't changed the way I feel about you.

And that's the truth as far as I'm concerned.

Did your marriage change everything?

No, not everything.

- Some things can't be changed. - No.

Don't go.

Just... five more minutes.

What if he gets an elk right away?

He's not gonna find an elk for five or ten miles.

What...

Whatever possessed you to marry that boy?

I don't know.

He carried me out of the mud.

That is the sanest reason for getting married I ever heard.

I wish I'd known that in Deadwood. There's plenty of mud there.

We could have had ten grandkids by now.

Don't talk like that. You'll make me cry.

Hush, Dora, the sky ain't falling.

You got a fine strapping youth to take care of you.

Better than a broken-down old cowpoke like me.

And I love you the most. I can't help it, Blue.

- I love you the most. - I know you do.

Sometimes, things just get away from me.

Yeah, I guess they do.

Who got married first?

Let's not argue about that.

We can argue about that till bulls grow teats. It won't make...

It won't make any difference.

And what...

What about this boy?

Is he old enough to...

- Is he old enough to talk? - Don't be mocking my husband.

He's a peach of a boy and I'm fond of him.

Well, I'm gonna call him Ox.

You know what the function of an ox is?

The function of an ox is to take you out of the mud.

And as long as you restrict him to mud duty,

you won't hear no complaint from me.

Blue, it turns out I needed somebody.

He's only a boy, but he's a good boy.

I was only joshing you, Dora.

I've joshed you a thousand times before.

What's the matter?

I don't know. I'm not myself.

Mark.

Pull.

Mark.

Everybody's gonna come see the show now.

Your Royal Highness, ladies and gentlemen.

Miss Annie Oakley,

the greatest American markswoman of all time,

has won the day.

- What's the score? I can't look? - She's gonna win. Easy.

Yeah, but how much?

The final score, Lord Windhouvern, 935,

and Miss Annie Oakley, 984.

84 minus 35.

I can't think. Is that more than 40, Bartle? Help me.

I don't know.

35, 45, 55, 60...

Good bet, madam. Well done.

Here's beaver money, redhead money

and every dime I ever owed you in my life with interest!

She did it!

You're a better shot than Cody, if that's a consolation.

It's not, but thank you.

Yeah!

I only wish you was a drinking woman.

I never wanted to buy somebody a drink so bad.

As a matter of fact, I am feeling extremely thirsty.

Here's to Annie Oakley, the greatest shot that ever lived.

No.

To all of us buffalo girls.

- We gotta stick together. - Yeah.

- Got one, Doosie. - Yeah. Come on in.

You did good.

Dora?

What's the matter?

Are you sick?

Dora?

I guess I know why you're crying.

Why?

Well, you don't want to be married to me no more.

It's alright, though. I mean, I was expecting this and all.

Ogden.

Good afternoon, Miss Canary.

Captain O'Neill.

I trust I find you well.

Yep. I'm really well, thank you.

Good.

Is Janey here? Can I see her?

No, I'm afraid she's out at the moment.

Did you tell her about me?

No, I did not.

- I told you I was coming back. - I know.

Miss Canary, I will do nothing that could disturb or upset Jane's life.

You son of a snake.

I am only considering Jane's best interests.

The hell you are! She's my daughter.

She needs the sun and the sky and the Rocky Mountains

and she needs me.

I could show her things most people just dream about.

Could you?

- Yes, I could. - Then come with me.

- You throwing me out, mister? - No, I am not.

I want to show you something. Come with me.

Come on, darling. Come on.

Daddy, did you see me? Did you see me jump that tree?

I did, my darling, and it was wonderful.

Janey, I'd like you to meet Miss Canary.

How do you do?

A whole lot better now that I get to meet you.

Miss Canary has come a long way.

All the way from America. She's a kind of...

- Kind of a cousin. - A cousin.

Have I ever met you before?

Yeah.

But you were just a little bitty thing. Too young to remember me.

That was some pretty good riding.

Thank you. Do you ride?

I got me a big black stallion. He was pretty wild in his younger days.

- I love horses, don't I, Daddy? - Yes.

I hope to have my own one day.

- I know you will. - Do you really think so?

Come on, Jane, it's getting late. We'd better go back.

Are you coming to dinner with us?

Well, I wish I could.

But I know we'll meet again.

- Come on. - Bye-bye.

Bye-bye, Janey.

I'm getting better and better.

Are you listening to your instructor?

- Of course. - What did you learn today?

I learned to go from a trot to a canter.

You had to hand it to Billy.

He sure knew how to put on one hell of a show.

He got so famous,

they put a statue of him in Madame Tussaud's Wax Museum.

He dragged me to see it

and in the basement I found the damnedest things.

Look. Here's some special glue.

How's that? Can you hear better?

I can hear many things.

The West began with Lewis and Clark,

two brave and fearless mountain men

who blazed the trail westward all the way to the Pacific.

And next, for your entertainment pleasure,

ladies and gentlemen,

the wildest woman of the West,...

..Calamity Jane!

Give me back that ear.

You have no bullets.

Sorry, I forgot.

You mess with No Ears, I'll eat your liver.

Calamity, you're on. Go!

Get on your horses!

Woman Who Walks Like A Man can walk no more.

No, Sitting Bull, it's just a show now.

Miss Canary.

Janey has been pleading with me to allow her to come and see the show.

And so finally, I had to give in and bring her.

I didn't know that you were Calamity Jane.

Is it really the last night?

Can't we come again tomorrow?

What do you say you and me go for a little ride together?

I'm not sure.

Just round the ring. She'll be safe with me.

Can I, Daddy? Please?

Very well.

Come on.

In my lifetime I've had a lot of misadventures,

but my great joys have been few.

The time I held you in my arms the day you were born

and the time I held you sitting up there in front of me in the saddle

like I imagined you hundreds of times.

You're real to me now, Janey.

And for the first time, I can finally let you go.

I'm here on behalf of the mayor of Ten Sleep, Montana.

And the judge and sheriff, too, for that matter.

We've been figuring on starting a kind of zoo of our own

and supplying it with samples of all the animals native to the area.

But we've been having trouble with the beaver.

You see, the beaver's been all trapped out.

We looked all over them parts, but have been unable to find any.

So I was wondering if you could see your way clear

to selling us a healthy pair.

One male and one female,...

..so they... so they might...

..you know.

Would you sell us a pair of your own?

It's Calamity!

Hi, darling.

This here's Comanche. He's the best horse in the show.

He might look like a big handful right now,

but you take charge of him, make him respect you.

For me? Really?

Yeah, he's for you.

I will. I promise.

- Excuse me. One moment. - I'm so glad we have the same name.

I want to be just like you when I grow up.

Well, maybe just... not just like me.

But there'll always be a streak of me in you.

And a streak of your daddy, too.

Goodbye, little Janey.

I'll write to you.

Goodbye, Calamity.

What's the matter?

You've been moping round here since Blue left.

I ain't feeling so good.

What's ailing you?

You wanted a husband, you got you one.

I think I'm gonna have a child.

Well, I'll be... You sure is!

I'd have seen it if you weren't so puffy from all that crying.

Get in bed and stay there.

You ain't gonna do a lick of work till you have this baby.

I have too much to think about.

Think laying down. You done miscarried twice.

I'm scared enough without that.

I'm trying to scare you enough to get you back in that bed.

Maybe it'll be a little girl.

It wouldn't be so dull round here if we had us a little girl.

I can't be sure, Doosie, but in my heart, I think it's Blue's child.

Well, that don't matter much. Babies got to take what they can find.

They can't be worried about this pa, that pa.

Let 'em have two pas if they could find two.

It ain't gonna hurt nothing.

Both the babies that I lost were Blue's.

The girl didn't live but three hours. The little boy lived two months.

I wouldn't have survived if it wasn't for Blue.

Well, if you want a good, strong, live baby,

please, get on up and go lay down.

I'll make you a bowl of soup.

Come on. You my baby now.

Stop!

Jim.

- We should make camp. - But it ain't close to nightfall.

We should stop now, make camp.

He don't make sense, but he ain't never wrong.

Jim?

Ain't you gonna hunt up some measly-looking critter for supper?

Bartle?

What do you figure? Five to ten years,

and the beaver'll take hold and be plentiful again?

Well, maybe.

We seen some glory days,...

..you and me.

Sure we did, Jim.

Some glory days.

Jim?

There is a god, Janey.

After all I seen, I feel certain of it.

Maybe we each had a reason for going to the other side of the world.

No Ears got to see the first fish.

Jim...

Well, there's always been something of the preacher in Jim.

The sermon just happened to be beaver.

Bartle got to see the world, shake hands with the Queen,

and have a few moments of outright redheaded joy.

As for your mother, honey,

if I'd had to go to the moon and back for one look at your sweet face,

it would've been worth all the trouble.

I'm not going with you, Martha Jane.

I'm walking north to the Platte River.

That's hundreds of miles.

I need to find my people, if there are any of us left,

and tell them about the great whale fish.

I hope you find your people.

The weather's good. It'll be a pretty walk.

I'm headed to Dora's in Belle Fourche.

You should come for the winter if you can make it.

You oughtn't to be wintering hard at your age.

I'll be listening for your coming with my new ears.

I'll be seeing you, No Ears.

Congratulations. Take possession whenever you like.

Thank you.

Ogden, I just bought a hotel. A beautiful, elegant hotel.

We're moving to Deadwood in the Dakotas.

- You mean after the baby comes? - No. After lunch.

Thank you.

Take the food out there and put it in the first wagon.

Honey, leave the piano.

We'll buy a grand one once we get the hotel prospering.

It's downright crazy to be moving now.

No, it's not. If I wait till after the baby's born, it'll be winter

and I can't wait till spring.

Look at that.

It's Martha Jane.

And Bartle.

Wonder where Jim is. Martha Jane!

Bartle?

Cody!

I'm so glad you're back.

We ain't all back. Jim's dead.

What did he die of?

Just one of them senseless things, I guess.

What's this?

A lot happened while you were away.

Yes.

Who's the sapsucker?

That's Ogden. He's my husband.

- How do? - Howdy.

I guess for once I'm tongue-tied.

Come on. Let's have a drink.

Did you find her? Janey?

Look.

- She's beautiful. - Ain't she beautiful?

She's even more precious than the picture.

She looks just like you.

Jane, I've missed you so much.

Me, too, Dora.

So what you gonna do, Bartle?

I don't know.

Maybe I'll track down Billy Cody and sign back on with his show.

I don't mind the show business. It's a job. Pays well.

Never thought I'd hear you wanting for work.

Maybe you just miss them redheaded English whores.

Maybe I do.

I expect I'll see you sometime, Bartle.

I always have.

I expect.

We seen some glory days, Bartle.

You and I.

The like of which may never come again.

Yeah.

You and me.

And old Jim.

Bye, Calam.

Bye, Bartle.

Go on, you...

..you furry little sons of bitches.

They could procreate, and proliferate...

Jim?

..and be plentiful again.

Jim!

Skeedle, tell 'em to unlock the back door.

- Isn't it grand, Doosie? - Yeah. It's fine.

But I'm telling you right now, I ain't never moving no more.

Well, never say never.

Say never about something, life'll spit it right back at you.

Look at me. I said I'd never get married.

You married, but I ain't you, and I ain't never moving no more.

Will you go lie down now?

Ogden? You got that bed put up?

Yeah, but it still needs bedding.

Get upstairs, if you can make it.

You look like you 'bout ready to drop that baby where you standing.

It's coming. The pains have started.

Landsakes! Ogden, come on, pick her up!

Where's Blue?

Hush now.

Try to sleep.

Doosie.

I'm right here.

So's Ogden. And your baby.

Where's the baby? Let me hold the baby.

She's a big, healthy girl.

She's gonna be just fine.

Doosie, promise you'll stay.

Course I'll stay.

I already told you I wasn't moving anywhere.

I'll go get you some cool milk.

Gotta start getting your strength back.

Where's Martha Jane?

She's outside pacing around.

Martha Jane?

You'd better come up now.

Come on down to the kitchen and get some food in you.

You look about ready to take sick yourself. Come on.

Martha Jane'll sit with her.

You take her, Jane.

- I'll hold her for you. - No. You take her.

You raise her for me.

She's gonna need a good mother.

Say you will.

I will.

You'd better go tell Blue.

Tell him what?

Just tell him yes.

I love you, Dora.

I know you do.

- Martha Jane. - Blue.

You turn up in the darnedest places.

Never thought I'd see you stringing wire.

Well, if you're looking for a job, you're hired.

I wish that's what I'd come for, Blue.

Is everything alright with Dora?

She had a baby girl.

This time the baby lived.

The baby lived?

She's beautiful.

Just like her mom?

Her eyes are blue.

Dear Janey,

I'm sorry it's been so long since I've written to you.

After Dora died, I lacked the spirit to take up my pencil.

The baby is well and beautiful.

Bartle has gone into show business.

He plays in a melodrama, a villain they call Black Bart.

He's married a redheaded actress who bosses him something awful.

But he don't seem to mind.

I try to stay put most times.

But, sometimes, I have to take to wandering God's foothills.

The glorious Rocky Mountains.

In my mind, I still hear Bartle and Jim argumentary as ever.

Now and then, I'll come across one lone buffalo or a beaver,

and it warms my heart.

But never a day goes by that I don't miss my darling baby girl.

I'll always be your mother.

Calamity Jane.