All language subtitles for (2010)ChristmasCupid.ING

AARON: Hello?

Hey Aaron,
it's Sloane Spencer.

I was calling to check
on the arrangements

for the Snow Angel
premiere party.

Sloane, darling.
It's going to
be exquisite.

Valhalla.

We're going to have
100 white doves

preset in cages
over the entrance.

So when Caitlin Quinn arrives,
we'll release them!

Picture it. The Snow Angel

with all those gorgeous
white birds swooping
around her. Spectacular!

Wow.
I know, right?

Now, just one question.

Sure.

What happens when
you stick those birds

next to hot lights for
a couple of hours?

Hmm?

They die, brain trust!

It's like sticking them
in a rotisserie.

Do you want a
hundred charred,
roasted birds

plummeting down on
the star of our movie?

No. I didn't think...

Damn right,
you didn't think!

Now, you have exactly
one hour to call me back

with ideas for a
premier event

that doesn't belong in
a Stephen King novel.

Javier, find me some
heat-resistant doves.

JAVIER: Right away.

Hey, you can't park here.
That's a handicapped spot.

Oh, God. I'm so sorry.

Sloane!

We were starting to
think you were gonna
take the day off.

Not at all. I figured
you'd like a latte to get
you through the morning.

You read my mind.

So, how's the Snow Angel's
party coming along?

Awesome. It is gonna be
the biggest thing to ever
happen on Christmas Day.

Except for the whole
Jesus being born
thing, right?

(CHUCKLES)
It's gonna be
bigger than that.

Exactly. Where are we
with the press?

Well, I've got
phone calls out to
all the major networks.

I'm just waiting
for confirmation...

Wait, they haven't
confirmed yet?
This party is in three days!

I know when the party is.

And I'll make sure
the networks are there.

You know, I'd be
happy to pitch in,
make some calls myself,

if Sloane's feeling
overwhelmed...

I'm not. Thank you.
I've got everything
under control.

Even Caitlin?

Of course.

Sloane?

We've got
a problem.

Caitlin?

CAITLIN: (ON VIDEO)
I know you!

ANDREW: Oh, God!
She's drunk. Again.

SANTA: Oh, ho, ho!

Is she trying to
tank her career?

I shouldn't have had
that fifth margarita.

(VOMITS)
Oh, dear!

(CHILDREN EXCLAIMING)
WOMAN: All right,
we're going. Come with me.

Caitlin Quinn does not
make enough money
to behave this badly.

One of you two...
I'm on it.

I'll make sure
they take it down.

Great.

Anything I can do
to help?

Yeah. Can you get me
a Red Bull?

(SCOFFS)
I'll take one, too.

Thank God you're here,
so I don't have to deal
with this idiotic...

Caitlin!
Can you believe they sold
that video to the tabloids?

Stupid elves,
always looking to
make a buck.

I need you to fix this!

I know, I know.
It's an elf thing.

You're the victim here.
But don't you worry,

'cause Sloane is gonna
take care of everything,
all right?

All right.

This is cold.

Sweetie, listen.
You know we all love you,

but you gotta stop
doing stuff like this.

Like what?
Let me see.

Attacking Heidi Montag
at the VMAs.

She provoked me.

Getting arrested for
smuggling drugs across
the Mexican border?

They were diet pills.

Two hundred of them?

The camera adds
10 pounds.

Okay, what about
shoplifting a $4,000
coat from Prada?

(CHUCKLES)
Look, I told you,
I wasn't shoplifting.

I was just so drunk that
I forgot I'd tried it on.

Oh, okay, I guess
I should have told
the public that.

Look. Caitlin.

You're starring in
a family movie now,

and believe it or not,
there is such thing
as bad publicity.

Snow Angel, it can make
or break your career.

If you blow this,

you might not get
another chance.

So you might want
to be just a little
bit more careful

with the way you present
yourself to others.

Like now,
for instance.

Caitlin!
Hmm?

Oh, I'll put it back.

The story's contained
and Caitlin promised
to lay low

until after the
movie's released.

It's good work, Sloane.
It's really good work.

Good enough to get me
the promotion to VP?

I don't know,
that's a big step.

Well, you are the son of
the firm's president.

Is there anything
that I can do to help

influence that
decision?

Like this?

Or maybe this, or...

...this?

Mmm. Mmm-hmm.

(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

Well, that works
for me.

Just promise me you won't
try to influence my dad
the same way.

(GIGGLING)

Are you
coming over later?

It'll be a lot later.
I've got a client
meeting tonight.

But I'll tell you what,
why don't I take you out
tomorrow night

and we'll celebrate
your victory in handling
this whole Caitlin mess.

And we'll go
someplace special.
Like, say, Panache?

Really? (GASPS)
That would be amazing!

I've been dying
to go there.

I know. So, why don't you
call them and get us
some reservations. Okay?

Will do.

Okay, that's my girl.

(SIGHS)

I talked Caitlin
off the ledge.

Oh, it's a
Christmas miracle!

Well, Andrew
thought so.

You know,
I stopped caring
about who you date

exactly two seconds
after I dumped you.

(CHUCKLES)
First of all,
I dumped you.

(LAUGHS)
Second, it's just pitifully
obvious how jealous you are

that I'm gonna get
get the VP slot
instead of you.

I think it takes more than
sleeping with the boss
to get a promotion.

Yeah, it's gonna take
turning the Snow Angel party
into the event of the decade.

Once I do that,
I'm a shoo-in
for VP.

I'll get
the best clients,
the corner office,

bonus, use of
the company jet,

basically everything
you ever wanted, and
that makes you crazy.

It's not a contest,
you know.

Oh, yes, it is.

And I'm winning.

VIVIAN:
Let's go in here. Ooh!

I need to decide what
Larry's buying me
for Christmas!

Ooh, that one
would look stunning

with the red dress that
I'm wearing at brunch
on Christmas morning.

I wish you
were there
to see it.

I told you, I have to
work all day Christmas.

Of course. I just...

We used to have so much fun
on Christmas mornings.

Getting all dressed up,
posing for pictures
by the Christmas tree.

Remember?
Of course I do.

Oh, I know. Have Larry
take a picture of you
and email it to me.

Will do.

I'll see that
one, please.
Certainly, madam.

Here, hold your brother.

(SCOFFS) Mom, please
don't call him that.

Now, how come Larry
isn't getting you
your present himself?

He's in Cleveland
on business
till the 24th.

He doesn't have
time to shop.

Pretty.
Pretty expensive!

The more it costs,
the more Larry knows
he loves me.

That's not very romantic.

Darling, men come and go,
but diamonds are forever.

(CHUCKLING)
You want one? Yeah?

I think your brother
wants one.

Please don't call him that.

SLOANE: Hey, Jenny!
I know you're gonna
be shocked.

I'm late. Again.
I'll see you in five.

Oh, my God,
this is fantastic!

It is a chestnut tartlet
with a tangelo glaze.

Hey, it's insane.

Your customers must
eat this up.

Well, they would,
if we had any.

It's probably slow
'cause of the holiday.

And I would eat this
every day.

Good. I'm thinking about
making it for Christmas
dinner on Saturday.

Oh, about dinner...

You can't come.

I'm sorry,
I have to work.

On Christmas Day?

Oh, Sloane Spencer
makes a rare appearance.

It's a Christmas miracle!

Merry Christmas, Ed.

What's up
with Scrooge?

He's worried
about money.
We both are.

I don't know why
I ever thought it would
be a good idea

to open
a restaurant in LA.

Uh, because you're
an amazing chef.
Always have been.

You know,
you're the reason
for my freshman 15.

Oh, come on!

Who knew that truffle oil
was so good on top of
mac and cheese.

My specialty.

And once people realize
how irresistible
your food is,

you're gonna have a line
outside the door.

Actually, I wanted to
talk to you about that.
(CELL PHONE BEEPING)

I know that people
would love this place,
if they'd ever heard of it.

But I just don't know
how to get the word out.

So, I was hoping that
maybe you could help me,

since you are
the best publicist
in the entire city.

Flattery will get you
everywhere.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Okay, what this place
needs is star power.

Okay.
We'll get the
celebrities in here,

we'll get the paparazzi
out there, and you'll get
a full house, guaranteed.

Do you still have those
gift certificates left over
from the grand opening?

They're in
the storeroom.

Oh! Could you give them
to some of your
famous clients?

(GASPS) No.

I'll give them to all
my famous clients.

(EXCLAIMING)
I'll put them inside
our company gift bags,

and I promise you,
by New Year's,

this will be the hottest
place in Hollywood.

Oh, my gosh!
Thank you so much!

(CELL PHONE RINGING)
You have no idea...

Oh, hold on,
hold on.

Hey, Aaron.

I'll go get the
gift certificates.

Yeah, you better be
calling me with
some good news,

or you will be singing
Christmas carols
as a soprano!

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

Hi, Caitlin. What's up?

Hey, hey. Okay.

Do you know if you
need a passport to
go out in the ocean,

since technically
you're leaving the States?

Oh, God. Caitlin,
what have you gotten
yourself into now?

Nothing, nothing.
I just met this awesome guy
who owns a yacht

and he's taking me sailing!

Caitlin, no.

Do not get on the boat.
Promise me.

Oh, my gosh,
it's not a boat, Sloane,
it's a yacht!

Promise me!

Fine. I promise.

Okay, we just
talked about this.

You promised
to not get into
any trouble until...

I said fine,
party-pooper!

MAN: Here you go!

(LAUGHING)

(WHOOPS)

(CHOKING)

(RINGING)

Hello? Caitlin?

(DISTORTED CHATTER)

Sweetie, it's
a bad connection.
Call me back.

(HANGS UP)

(SIGHS) I swear,
if you're calling me from
the middle of the Pacific,

I will swim out there
and drown you myself.

(SIGHS)

(RINGING)

Hello? Caitlin? Hello?
CAITLIN: (DISTORTED)
Hello? Hello?

Hello?
(COMPUTER BUZZING)

Sloane. Sloane. Sloane.

Sloane.
Caitlin?

(STATIC HISSING ON TV)
Hello? Sloane.

(PHONE RINGING)
Sloane. Hello? Sloane.

Hello?
Hello? Sloane.

Sloane. Sloane.
Oh, my God, shut up. Shut up!

Sloane.

(BOTH SCREAMING)

Caitlin! Jeez! Oh, my...

You scared me to death!
How did you get in here?

(IN DEEP TONE)
Sloane Spencer,
time is running out.

You must
change your ways
or pay the price.

(EXCLAIMS) Oh, my God.
How good was that?

You know, I should
have totally won
Best Actress

at the Teen Choice
Awards last year.

Stupid Dakota Fanning.

Okay. you know what,
sit down. Sit down.

What happened?
Did you break up with
a boyfriend or something?

Oh, God,
please don't tell me
there's a sex tape.

This isn't about me, Sloane,
it's too late for me.

But you still
have a chance.
A chance for what?

Not to die alone.

Okay, are you drunk?

No!

Okay, maybe a little.

I mean, I only had,
like, one, two, four...

(EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST)
That bottle.

You know what,
that's not the point.

(IN DEEP TONE)
For the next
three nights,

you will be visited
by three ghosts at
the stroke of midnight.

Three ghosts?
You mean like
Dickens' three ghosts?

Exactly. They're gonna
give you your only shot
at redemption.

Okay, here's what
we're gonna do.

You're gonna
go home now,

and tomorrow morning,
we're going to go see about

getting you some
professional help, okay?

It'll be completely
confidential.

Promise.

I'm not the one
who needs help,
Sloane.

All right, that's it.
I put up with a lot with
my clients, but I've never...

How did you do that?

Listen to me, Sloane.
Listen to me!

Go away!

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

Get out of my house!

Babe, are you okay?

(SIGHS)

Yes. Yes. I am.

The craziest thing
just happened. Caitlin...

Oh, God,
you haven't heard.

Heard what?
Turn on your TV.

Quinn was dancing
on this spot
earlier this evening

when she apparently
choked to death

on an olive while
drinking her martini.

Too bad it wasn't
an apple martini,

or she'd be alive today.

Back to you.

(GASPS)

Thank you.

Hi, I was told
Caitlin Quinn
was brought here?

Are you family?

I'm her publicist.

PATRICK: Sloane.

Oh, my God.
Sloane Spencer.

Come here.
Patrick? Oh, my God!

I can't believe it!

How many years
has it been?

Too many.
I'm so happy to see you.

What are you
doing here?
I work here.

What are you doing here?
What, are you sick?

No, I'm here to see
one of my clients.

(WHISPERS)
Caitlin Quinn?

Come on.
I'll take you to her.

Wow. It's good
to see you.
You, too.

I just had to see
for myself.

I can't believe it.
She's dead.

I told her
to stop getting
into so much trouble.

Hey, you can't
blame yourself.

(SIGHS)
No, you don't
understand.

Her movie premiere
is in three days!

I know. It's hard to lose
someone so young,
with so much ahead of them.

This is a nightmare.

I'll give you
some time alone
with her.

Say your goodbyes.

(SIGHS)

Do you think that gurney
makes me look fat?

(GASPS)
No. No, no, no, no.
This is impossible.

You're dead!
That is your body.

Yeah, draped in the
tackiest sheets ever.

What is this, polyester?

All right.
This isn't happening.

Seriously.

They need to swap this out
for Egyptian cotton before
anyone else views me.

No, no, no, no, no.
You aren't happening.

How could you be
talking to me
if you're dead?

I'll give you a hint.

Boo!
(GASPS)

You're...
You're a ghost?

Yup. Just like Marley from
A Christmas Carol.

Okay, no. This isn't real.
You're dreaming.
You're dreaming.

Wake up, Sloane!
Wake up!

(GASPS)

(SIGHS)

You awake now?

PATRICK: Sloane?

What's the matter?
You're covered in sweat.

Are you okay?

I see dead people.

(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

I've heard you have
your first psychotic break
in your early 20's.

Do you think that's
what's happening to me?

No. You're not crazy.

(SIGHS)
I promise.

I had a conversation
with a dead celebrity.

It was a hallucination,
a reaction to your
friend dying.

Oh, no,
we weren't friends.

Okay, still.
Stress messes
with the head.

It makes you
see things that
aren't there.

So you don't
believe in ghosts?

Sure I do.
Really?

Absolutely.
When I was
in the tenth grade,

we had this seance
at a slumber party,

and I promise you
the Ouija board moved
on its own.

It said that
Christina Aguilera was gonna
go to the prom with me.

She didn't, but that's not
the Ouija board's fault.

Sloane! Come on.
Wake up!

You don't need an exorcist.
You need just a vacation.

I know! I need to just
chuck everything and

lie on a beach in
the middle of Hawaii.

(PHONE BEEPING)

I should be able to
get off of work
sometime in January

of 2018. (LAUGHS)

Yeah, you know what,
Sloane, you're right.

Who needs Hawaii
when you can have

LA traffic,
dead celebrities.

Hmm. Impending
schizophrenia?

I've missed you.

Whose fault is that?

You didn't have to leave.

Yes, I did.
It was med school.
It was my dream.

What else was
I supposed to do?

I know. I just...
You could have
come with me.

In fact, I thought
you were coming with me.

I couldn't.
Could you imagine me,

stuck out in the
middle of nowhere,
working as a cashier

at a Pick 'n Save,
while you're
at your classes?

What kind of life
would that have been?

(PHONE BEEPING)

You better get that.

I guess I better.

(ALARM RINGING)

(SCREAMING)
(LAUGHING)

I know, I know.
You're startled by
my good looks.

Okay. You are not
really here.

No, no.
This is a figment
of my imagination,

caused by too
much stress.

Who are you trying
to convince here,
you or me?

Leave me alone!

(GASPS)

Damn. Does he
do Pilates? Yum.

Go away!

Wow! That's a nice way
to start the day.

No. I mean, yes,
maybe later.
Go back to sleep.

(MUFFLED)
Mmm. I can't breathe.
Honey?

(SCREAMING)

(LAUGHING)

That never gets old.
What do you want?

I told you.
I was sent to
give you a warning.

"Change your ways,
(DISTORTED TONE)
or suffer the consequences."

Sent by who? God?

The universe?
Freaking Tom Cruise?

Yeah, I wasn't really
paying attention.

(SIGHS) Why not?

I thought I saw
Michael Jackson.

Morning, babe.

A little early
for vodka,
don't you think?

It's not mine.
It's hers.
It's Caitlin's.

Yeah. He can't see me,
you know.

Look.

Uh... (CLEARS THROAT)
It's in...

It's in honor
of Caitlin.

Doesn't seem like
she's really gone.

Oh, honey. I can't
believe it either.

She was so young
and full of life and...

(BEEPING)
Hey, coffee's ready!

The good news is,
I have decided
to put you in charge

of Caitlin's
memorial service.

(EXCLAIMS) Yes!

Uh, so how is
that good news?

Pulling off a good funeral
is like the litmus test
for a PR agent.

Yup.
This could get you
a lock on that promotion.

Sure can.
And since you're already
working on the premiere party,

it'll be cake.
Cake.

Besides, I only deal
with living clients.

Dead ones don't
generate revenue.

(SCOFFS)
What a jerk!

Ooh! That was
kind of fun.

Don't!

Don't what?

Um... (CLEARS THROAT)

Put your coffee cup
on the counter, please.

Wow. Okay.

I've got an early meeting,
so I'm gonna run,

but I will see you
at the office.

(GIGGLES)

Okay, you've had your fun,

you've given me your warning,
will you just please
go away, already?

Sorry.

Garlic?
I'm a ghost, Sloane,
not a vampire.

You're a pain in the ass!
Now, get out!

Mmm, I don't think so.

Until you actually
heed my warning,
you're stuck with me.

Okay, I'll heed your
warning right now.

Just tell me what
I gotta do.

Change your ways.
Change...

Change them how?
To be better.

Okay. What do you
need me to do?
Specifically.

See, that's the other thing.
I was in the bathroom when
they explained that part.

Tiny bladder.
This is so unfair.

You die, and I'm in hell.

Nice apartment.

(ELEVATOR DINGS)

Oh! Hold the
elevator, please.

Oh, sir, your briefcase!

MAN: What the...

Wait, wait.
Hey!

Morning.

Are you sure
you don't want to just
wait in my office?

By myself? Yawn.

Fine. Not a word.

CARL: Really nice work, guys.

That's exactly
the kind of event that
we were looking for.

So sorry I'm late,
everyone, I was

dealing with Caitlin
all morning.

We were just
getting to her.
Have a seat.

Hey! Respect for
the dead, missy!

You do realize this party
needs to go on as planned,
Caitlin or no Caitlin.

Yes, of course.
I'm on top of it.

Oh, really? Because you
missed your meeting with
the caterers this morning.

Oh, my God.
I completely forgot.

Don't worry.
I will go call them
right now.

Sit back down.
Jason already handled it.

You're welcome.

Now, even though
our client has expired

before fulfilling her
three picture deal,

she can still
generate revenue.

I remember '63...

Oh, Carl!
Your old wrinkled hands

would feel so good
on my young, firm...

Back off!
(CLEARS THROAT)

(SIGHS) I'm so bored.

I thought we were
going to be talking
about my memorial.

It's not a memorial,
it's a party.

Sloane, you have
something to add?

Well, since they're
doing a memorial service
for Caitlin...

(CLEARS THROAT)
For Caitlin.

And since we're handling
the premiere party

why don't we just
combine them

to make them
one big event?

Her tragedy...

Her tragedy will become
a brilliant photo op.

That is a great idea!

You know, movie stars
love opportunities

to make the public think
they actually care
about people,

and if we spin this right,
we could get every A-lister
in town to show up.

What do you think, Dad?

(CARL LAUGHING)

I love it!
We'll turn Caitlin's death
into a gold mine!

That's exactly
what Caitlin
would have wanted.

We'll make Saturday
an all-day
media extravaganza.

It will be the biggest
PR event of the year.

Oh, yeah.

I'm gonna need everyone
to work overtime between
now and then, okay?

But Saturday's
Christmas.

You said we could
take the day off.

That was before I decided
I needed you to work.

But we won't get to
see our families.

Our client is dead.

Try and have
a little heart.

(MOUTHING)

All right.
Let's make this happen.

Hey, Sloane.

I know you've got a lot
on your plate right now,

so after I met
with the caterers,

I confirmed the party
with all the networks.

Well, you're just
wasting your time because
I already did that.

I was just
waiting for them
to call me back, so...

Oh, it wasn't a waste of time.
See, Carl was getting worried,

so I figured somebody
around here needed to

stop waiting
and start doing.

Have a productive day.

(SIGHS)

(SITAR MUSIC PLAYING)

Did you see the way that
Jason sabotaged me with
that whole catering thing?

He was helping you.
Yeah, right.

There's only one
VP slot opening up
in the new year,

and he's trying to
steal it from me.

But he better watch out
because I am going to
throw the most

talked about,
star-studded event ever!

Awesome. How?

I have no idea.
Good plan.

(SIGHS)
I have three days!

Jason's right.
I'm screwed.

Sloane,
do you want to
do some yoga?

Yoga?

No, I'm too stressed.

It's just a party.

It was. Now, we got to
turn it into a celebration
of your entire life!

Good thing I died young.

I have to make a
career retrospective,

make blowups of the stills
of all the movies
that you've been in,

find other stars
to make touching
anecdotes about you,

if they even
have one.

And figure out a way
to make "death by cocktail
garnish" seem dignified.

It's three days
before Christmas.

No one's in
their office.

And even we don't
have direct numbers
to celebrities.

But I do.

What is this thing?

Aluminum man.

You paid money
for this?

Sloane, I'm a movie star.
Disposable income?

All right. Where did you say
I could find these keys?

Under one of those
little rocks.

Uh, yeah.
That's really helpful.

You know, I feel kind of
guilty breaking into
your house like this.

Shouldn't your parents
be coming over to take
care of your things?

Oh, both my parents
are dead.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

Yeah, apparently
it's hereditary.

So, what's going to
happen with your stuff?

You know, maybe I should
give some of it to my charity.

Right. Your charity.

No, seriously.

...as the new spokeswoman
for Project Pearly Whites,

I am thrilled to announce
that we have already donated

over 5,000 tooth-bleaching
kits to the children
of Uzbekistan.

They may be refugees,
but now they have
something to smile about.

That way, my legacy will
live on in their hearts
and gums forever.

Got it!

Wait. How did you...

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

Hello?
Sloane, hey.
It's Patrick.

Patrick. Hi!

Um... What's up?

You know, I know
you were pretty
upset last night.

Caitlin seemed like
an awesome girl.

Aw!

I just wanted to make sure
you were doing okay.

Oh, yeah. I'm fine.

I mean, considering.

It's really sweet
of you to call.

I must have seemed like
a total lunatic last night.

(LAUGHS)
Not to me, you didn't.

(CHUCKLES)

You still into
country line dancing?

I know this great place
in the valley.

What? Wait, wait, wait.
When was I ever into
country line dancing?

Try all through college.

No. Uh-uh.
That was you.

You were into
line dancing.

I only went along with it
because I thought
the boots were hot.

(CHUCKLES) Okay.

Well, you know, they also
have really great tacos.
You still like those?

Yes, I still like tacos.

(LAUGHS) All right.
Then how about it, huh?

Say I'll pick
you up around,
I don't know, 8:00?

You wear the sexy boots,
and I'll wear
the oversized cowboy hat.

Great. I mean...

Yeah. Well, maybe.

You know, I have to
check my schedule.

Can I call you back
and then we'll,
you know...

It sounds like a plan.

Oh, great.
Okay, thanks. Bye.

What was that?
What?

Why didn't you make
a date with him?

I'm dating Andrew.
Hello.

Please.
Patrick is so much
better than Andrew.

You're just saying that
because he complimented you.

No. I like him
because he's funny,

he's gorgeous and
he smells like cake.

I know. He does, right?

Stop. Anything with Patrick
and I is all in the past.

I'm happy with Andrew.
But Patrick...

Look. You want me to
change my ways?

Well then, help me out
with pulling off this party
and getting that promotion,

and that will change
my entire life.

Fine.

There. That ought
to do it.

I have got the phone numbers
of everyone who's anyone
in Hollywood.

Now you do, too.

Now don't you feel bad
for yelling at me
to go away before?

I do. I'm sorry.

(LAUGHS)
You should be sorry! Sucka!

Okay, I've texted,

emailed, tweeted, and IM-ed
every big name in town.

I... Ah, that's it
for me tonight.

I'm going to go home
and get some sleep.

But it's almost midnight.
So?

I told you.

(IN DEEP TONE)
You are going to be
visited by three ghosts

at the stroke of midnight
for the next three nights.

(IN NORMAL TONE)
You know, I really should
have won Best Actress.

Wait, so you mean...
(SIGHS)

You mean the crap
you said in my apartment
last night was true?

What, you think
I came back
from the grave

to hook you up
with Brangelina?

I am so not in the mood
to meet Casper tonight.

What? Where are we?

Why are you taking
your shoes off?

Oh, I miss the feeling of
fake grass beneath my toes.
(CHURCH BELL TOLLS)

(CROWD CHEERING FAINTLY)
Okay. What in the world
is going on right now?

The clock just
struck 12:00.

CHEERLEADERS:
Are we ready? Yes, we are!

Yes, yes, yes we do!

We got spirit,
how about you?

(CHEERLEADERS SCREAMING)

Oh, my God, is that...
That looks like Brad!

He was my first
boyfriend.

Well, my first
everything.

(LAUGHS) You slut!

You! Put! Out!

She! Put! Out!

(CHUCKLES)

Okay,
but what in the world
is he be doing here?

Well, since I came
here to help you
change your ways

by fixing
your love life

instead of the traditional,
ordinary, boring ghosts
like they have in Dickens,

I've arranged for you to
be visited by the spirits
of three ex-boyfriends.

Wait a minute.
Are you telling me that

Brad is the Ghost of
Christmas Past?

Actually,
as your ex-boyfriend,
he's the Ghost of Ex-mas Past!

I have got to cheer.

(WHOOPS)
Merry Ex-Mas!
All right!

That's what
I'm talking about.

(WHOOPING)
(WHISTLE BLOWING)

Wow! Brad,
I can't believe
it's really you.

Oh, my God,
are you dead?

Yes, and it's
because of you.

I guess you can die
from a broken heart.

I'm just kidding!
I'm not the actual Brad
that you dated,

I'm just his spirit.

The real Brad you know
is alive and well, I swear.

So why do you
look like him?

To help you emotionally
access your past

because, to you,
Brad represents an
idealized view of love.

It took me, like,
an hour to memorize that.

Since you and Brad
dated so long ago,

I thought he'd be
the perfect ex-boyfriend
to show you your past.

I know you.
You're in Blood Prom!

You're the one
who got decapitated.

Sorority sister
number two.

That was the first movie
I ever did.

You were awesome
in that.

I saw your boobs.
Congrats.

Ghost of Brad,
meet Ghost of Caitlin.

I hope you don't mind
if I tag along
with you guys.

Technically, I'm not
supposed to horn in on
the other ghosts' time,

but I got bored.

That's cool,
you should stay.
Hang out with us.

Yeah. It'll be a blast!

Yeah, it will.
Ready to get started?

Do I have a choice?

No.
No.

(GASPS) Oh, my God,
that's me and my mom!

Oh, you were so cute.
What happened?

This is where
it all started.

Okay, now, sweetie.
what's the golden rule?

"It's just as easy
to marry a rich man

"as it is to marry
a poor one."

Good girl.

See, it's not
really your fault
you're so shallow.

You were just taught
from a very young age.

Oh, so we're blaming
all my problems
on my mother?

Well, guess what,
I'm nothing like her.

(LAUGHING)

Are you kidding?
You're exactly like her.

Hey, Sloane.
Can I talk to you
for a second?

Hi, Darin,
what's up?

You know the
Snowflake Formal
is next week...

I know,
I can't wait.

Yeah, me neither.

Oh, are you going?

No. I mean, not yet.

I mean, I want to.
Which is why I'm here.

See, I've always
really liked you...

Oh, my God,
here comes me!

Oh, my God,
here comes Brad.

Hey, Sloane, want to
go to the dance?

(GASPS)

I was hoping you'd ask.

Dude, you totally
crotch-blocked him.

That was sweet.

(GIGGLES)

Take a picture,
it'll last longer.

(BRAD AND SLOANE LAUGHING)

Who was that guy?

So, are you going to
rent a limo?

Totally.

See that?
This was the first time

you left a guy hanging
when someone better
came along.

Not the last, though.

SLOANE: I cannot believe
Mike finally called you!

I know!

Okay, I've been crushing
on him for, like, ever.

So I need to wear
something hot,

maybe a little bit slutty,
so that when we go out...

He'll want to stay in.
Exactly!

Yes!
(BOTH CHUCKLING)

Okay, what do you
have in mind?

Okay, ideally, I would
like to find something

exactly like your
worship-me dress.

Oh, okay.
Okay.

But under 10 bucks.

Oh, what?

I know. I maxed out
my Visa getting a
plane ticket home,

so I am broke.

Well, luckily for you,
I know a little store
called Sloane's Closet.

And I think
you'll find exactly
what you want in there.

JENNY: You'll let me borrow
your worship-me dress?

SLOANE: Although,
I'm sure if you're
wearing the dress,

I'm gonna have
to keep the dorm room
cleared out for the night.

Shut up.

You know,
you're really lucky
you have Patrick

because he would
worship you even if
you were in a paper bag.

I am pretty lucky,
aren't I?

Oh, well, speaking of
clearing out...

Hi.

Oh, hey, babe.

Hey.

Hi, Jenny.
Hi, Patrick.

Oh, how sweet.
It's the guy you
dumped me for!

I dumped you because
I was going to college

and you were staying back
to work in a tollbooth.

See? Trading up.

Okay, I'm gonna go.

Bye.
Bye.

Okay, colored lights
or red lights on the tree?

Colored. And blinking.

With at least one
strand burned out.

(LAUGHING)

All right, it's my turn now.
Christmas ham
or Christmas turkey?

Turkey. Duh!

Ham is for Easter.

Never let my grandma
hear you say that.

She'll clobber you
with her basting spoon.

I'm not kidding.
All right, all right.

Frosty or Rudolph?

The Grinch!
Me, too!

Oh, I've got one.
Okay.

Letters to Santa...
Hmm.

...or sitting on Santa's lap
telling him what you want?

Oh, the lap, definitely.

Well, I always figured
I'd have a way better shot
at convincing him

to bring me the pony
if I asked him in person.

(LAUGHS)
Well, yeah,
that never happened.

Well, here's
your chance.

Go on, hop on up there.
One lap, no waiting.

Yeah, but that's
for the kids.
I'm way too old.

No, no, you're not.
Come on, it'll be fun.

Tell Santa to hear your
Christmas wish list.

You know what?
I've already got
exactly what I want.

Come on.

Hey!
Let's go, buddy.

Okay, smile.

(CHUCKLING)

Cute, Santa.
Merry Christmas.

SANTA: Ho! Ho! Ho!

CAITLIN: This picture
is adorable.

Looks like you guys
were in love.

I never said
we weren't.

Then how could you
let this happen?

What'd you do,
sneak out in the middle
of the night?

No. I waited till
he went off to class,

and then
I packed up
my car.

Come on.
He was going off to
medical school in Iowa.

What was I going
to do there?

Wear some overalls
and watch the corn grow?

It was unfair of him
to ask me to go with him.

Okay, so you didn't
trade up from a guy,

you traded up
for what?

Glamour?
A bigger paycheck?

Okay, I made a choice.

I'm allowed to breakup
with a guy if I want to.

But you didn't even
have the guts

to tell him in person
you were leaving him?

That's cold, Sloane.
Even for you.

Hey, if I want
the opinion

of some dead B-lister,
I'll ask, okay?

(MIMICS CAT MEOWING)

What? Two chicks
fighting is hot.

Okay. What do you
want from me?

He was my college
boyfriend, that's all.

It's not like we were
to spend the rest
of our lives together.

He was going
to propose?

I didn't know.
How was I supposed
to know that?

You couldn't have.

You didn't stick around
long enough to find out.

(SCOFFS)
It's barely
a quarter carat.

I would have held out
for something better, too.

Oh, you went
for something
better, all right.

You made trading up
an art form.

(INAUDIBLE)

Wait, you slept
with Jason?

You are such a slut!

I like it!

And you traded up
from him to Andrew.

And that's where
I'm going to stay.

No. What's so wrong
with trading up?

The older you get,
the more you know
what you want.

But you're not
going after what
your heart wants.

All you care about is
the shiny wrappings,
not what's inside.

Bull.
Andrew's everything
I've been looking for.

He's powerful,
ambitious,
well-connected.

His family practically
built Hollywood.

Plus, he's got an ass
you just want to
sink your teeth into.

Oh, yes, he does.

I'm not trading him in
for anyone.

Hmm. But would he say
the same thing about you?

No doubt.

You're not
the only one looking
for the shiniest penny.

What do you think he's doing
all those late nights
when he's not with you?

Meeting with clients.

Yeah, blonde clients
willing to do anything

to break
into Hollywood.

You're lying.

Nice nap?

(SIGHS)

You know, I only got
two hours of sleep,

because of you
and your damn
ghost parade.

(SIGHING)

He was lying,
wasn't he?

I thought you knew.

I mean,
everybody knows.

Did you and Andrew...

Ew! No! He's like 30.

Gross.

Jeez, Sloane,
you look exhausted.

You didn't let any clients
see you like that, did you?

(EXCLAIMS)

The hell?
What was that for?

The blonde!

Which blonde?

There was more than one?

SLOANE: I can't believe
you cheated on me.

Sloane, it was one time
and she meant nothing to me.

I can't even remember
Sarah's name!

Sarah?

Sarah, Debra...
Whatever.

Look, please give me
a chance to make this
up to you.

We've got our reservations
at Panache tonight.

Let's go out,
you and me,

and just spend
some time together,
out of the office.

Let's not let my little
mistake turn into a tragedy
by losing our table.

Little mistake?

The only mistake I made
was trusting you.

And those reservations
are mine.

I'm going to dinner
and you can't come.

Sloane...

(CHOKING) What the...

Is that vodka?

Oh, my God,
where did that
come from?

I'm sorry, Sloane.
This completely sucks.

I know.
I'm never gonna get
that promotion now.

Andrew's father
owns this firm.

Hell, he... He...

Hey!

He practically owns
half of Hollywood.

And now that
Andrew and I broke up,
he'll probably fire me.

Might even have
me blacklisted.

(GASPS) Oh, God!

I'm going to have to
move to the Valley.

And do PR for people
that are castmates
on Rock of Love.

My life is over!

Yeah, I know
how you feel.

Sorry.

It's fine.

Look, Andrew's a jerk.

You should go out
and bang someone
else to get even.

That's what I'd do.

Patrick!

I'm not going to
sleep with Patrick
to get back at Andrew.

Okay, well, why not
sleep with Patrick
for no reason at all?

Sloane! How you doing?

Uh, good, good.

You know, I am free
tonight and I wanted
to see what you're up to.

Uh, you want
to go to dinner,

Panache? 9:00?

Definitely.

See you then.

(BOTH SQUEAL)

Mission accomplished!

Hey, Sloane,

I heard you
and Andrew broke up.

Who's winning now?

(SCOFFS)

What a dill weed.

Yeah, screw him.

You know,
we'll see who's laughing
when I get that promotion.

Sloane, you know
that Andrew...

Screw him, too!

You know what?
He doesn't decide
who gets the VP slot,

his dad does.

And when I show Carl
what a kickass memorial
that I can throw,

I will get the promotion
whether I'm dating Andrew
or not.

I am loving the new you.

Screw you all!
We've got a party to plan.

SLOANE: Let's go
to your house.

Okay, you have to help me
pick out the most amazing
dress to wear

to my memorial.

I want to be
the first person ever

to make it on to
the best-dressed list
posthumously.

Sounds like fun.

Um, usually people wear
something a little more
conservative in the afterlife.

What did I die of, boredom?

You look like Big Bird.

I think
we have a winner!

Damn! I am
one hot corpse.

Okay, now what?

Well, uh,
now I got to run.

Oh! I'm going to be
late to meet Patrick
for dinner.

Okay, you cannot
go to Panache
looking like that.

I'm seeing this patient,
little girl,

and she's, uh...

She stuck six string beans
all the way up her nose,
just one after the other.

Oh, my God,
what did you do?

I told her
she wasn't eating right.

(LAUGHING)

It's like deja vu, huh?

Us having dinner.

Hmm. Me telling
terrible jokes
and you...

Molting.

(STAMMERING) Okay,
it was the only
thing that fit.

I didn't have the time
to find anything to wear.

I've been
a little stressed.

It is a good thing
you're dining
with Dr. Love.

Dr. Love?

(CHUCKLING)
Well, it's either that
or Dr. Feel-Good.

Drink two of these.
Call me in the morning.

You were always good
at making me laugh.

Yeah?

Yeah, I miss that.

I miss you.

Yeah, well,
I got to be honest.

I was a little nervous
about meeting you tonight.

What? Why?

Ah, 'cause, you know,
what if you'd changed,

and you weren't
the same girl that
I'd fell in love with?

What I was really
scared of is what if
you hadn't changed

and all those feelings
came rushing back?

(SIGHING) Patrick.

Sloane.

Come here.

ANDREW: Sloane!

Andrew? What...
What are you
doing here?

Who's this guy?

This is my...boss,
Andrew.

Andrew,
this is Patrick.

Hey, how're you doing?

I was going to wait
until Christmas
to do this, but, um...

Okay!
What's going on here?

Patrick, I am so sorry.
I have no idea
what he is doing.

Sloane, this morning
you told me that the only
way you would take me back

was that if I could prove
that I'm committed to you

and only you.

Is this proof enough?

(LAUGHING)

Marry me.

What? (LAUGHING) Okay.

(STAMMERING)
I don't know
what to say.

ALL: Say yes!

I can't believe
you did all this!

So, what do you say?

Yes!

(PEOPLE CHEERING)

SLOANE: (GIGGLING)
Don't you love it?

It's beautiful.

Ah!
Beautiful.

Wow!
It's perfect
for you.

Are you happy?

I'm ecstatic.
We're getting married!

Sweet!

(EXCLAIMS)

Still?

I thought you'd be gone.
Crossed over or whatever.

Why would you think that?

'Cause I heeded
your warning
and changed my life.

Oh, my God,
it's a glacier!

Congratulations!

Now that is quite
an improvement on the last
ring he bought you.

What are you
talking about?

That chip
Patrick bought you
in the past.

Caitlin.
I didn't choose Patrick.
I chose Andrew.

Well, good choice.

Come on!
Look, I'm going
to have it all.

The perfect job,
the perfect husband
the perfect life!

Yeah, well,
it won't be perfect.

You know, you haven't
changed your ways at all.

Not at all.

Hanging out by the
ladies' room, loser?

I came to find you.

Why, to congratulate
me on my engagement?

(LAUGHS)
No, because
it's midnight.

So what?

Do you want to tell
her or should I?

Wait, you can see her?

Duh! I'm the last guy
that dumped you.

I dumped you.
Whatever makes
you feel better.

Either way,
I'm your most
recent ex-boyfriend.

Sloane, meet
the Ghost of
Ex-mas Present.

Okay, so you're not
the real Jason,

you're just a spirit
that looks like him.

Bingo.
And I get to
show you

all the ways your
bitchitude affects
those around you.

Ooh, nice one!

Thank you.

Awesome. This is so much
more fun than celebrating
with my fiance.

Oh, you want to spend
time with the people
you care about?

Well, guess what,
so does everyone else.

Don't cry, baby.

(SOBBING)
We'll still have
Christmas, just...

a day late.

Because Mommy
has to work
on Christmas Day.

Meanie!
I know.

What? We all have to
make sacrifices for work.

But you only make them
when they benefit who?

Oh! You.

Hey, babe.

Sweetie, we should talk
about Christmas bonuses
for the staff.

We'll be lucky
to pay them at all.

It's that bad?

It is.

You know,

maybe once Sloane's clients
start using their
gift certificates,

business will pick up.

Don't hold your breath.

Oh! Oh, my God,
I forgot.

I'll just take care
of it tomorrow.

You're too late.
The firm's gift bags
are packed today.

You missed
your chance.

At least I offered.

Oh, I'm sure that'll
be a comfort to them

when the business
goes under.

ED: We're talking
about Sloane Spencer.

I don't know why
you even bother being
friends with her.

She was my roommate
in college.

What do you
want me to do,

just stop speaking
to her altogether?

If that'll stop her
taking you for granted?

Then yes.

Ed...

(SIGHS)

Oh! That was fun!
You ready to go?

You're going to
be so handsome!

(DOG WHINING)

(PHONE RINGING)

Oh! Hello?

Hey, baby. Bad news.

Uh, my business trip
got extended a few days.

I won't be back
tonight after all.

You're not coming home
for Christmas?

Sorry, Viv, but it's
a million dollar deal.

Tell you what,

buy yourself
something pretty,
that'll cheer you up.

(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

Hello again.

SLOANE: Well,
she can just spend
the day with me.

I mean, no one wants to
be alone on Christmas.

You're going to be busy
working at Caitlin's party.

Unless you think
your mom is worth
skipping it.

(LAUGHS) No,
I can't skip that,

I'll lose the promotion
for sure.

I'll just see her
on the 26th. Who cares?

Not you.
That's for sure.

VIVIAN:
I think you need
a little brother.

Purebred, show quality,
wildly expensive
little brother.

All right, one more look
at Ex-mas Present to go.

MAN: (OVER EARPIECE)
I just heard we're doing six
days on location in Mexico.

Are you happy?

Hell, yeah!
I'm ecstatic!
We're getting married!

Sweet!

You're damn right,
it's sweet.
It's fantastic.

I don't believe it.
He was on the phone
the entire time?

Yep.

Hurts when someone
you care about
ignores you, huh?

So, why are you
showing me this?

This isn't me doing
anything wrong.
I'm the victim here!

No, you're not.
He is.

Patrick.

God, he left?

Guess he doesn't
like threesomes.

I can't believe I didn't
even notice him leave.

Wait, why are we
watching this?

To try and make you
realize that your actions
have consequences.

If you go on treating
people like this,

you're going to
end up alone.

That's what I meant by
changing your ways, Sloane.

Fine. I'll call everyone
and apologize.

(LAUGHS)
It's going to take
more than words, Sloane.

All right. Well,
Caitlin's party is in exactly
33 hours and 10 minutes.

So, once that's done,
I'll make nice
with everyone, okay?

Oh! She's going to make
nice with everyone.

Hmm, imagine that.

You just don't
get it, do you?

Hi, Patrick,
it's me again.

I really
need to talk to you,
so can you call me?

Bye.

CAITLIN: Still not
calling you back, huh?

Some people are
so inconsiderate
these days.

I feel like I haven't
slept in three days.

Well, you've been running
around with ghosts all night,
what'd you expect?

I, on the other hand,

feel better rested
than I have
in my entire life!

Hmm. Death'll
do that to you.

(SIGHS)

How you doing, babe?

I'm upset.
I got in a fight
with someone,

and I'm not sure
how to make things
right with him.

Well, get him a basket
of pears from Harry and David
or something.

We can't afford to lose
anymore clients
now that Caitlin's gone.

He's not a client.
He's... (SIGHS)
A guy I knew in college.

Oh! So no biggie.

But it is.
He's my friend.

I think I hurt
his feelings and...

Babe, I'm, I'm sorry.
I'm really under
the gun here.

Can we talk
about this later?

Oh, sure, I guess.

I'll tell you what.

Go out and buy yourself
something pretty.
It'll cheer you up.

Thanks.

CAITLIN: You guys
are going to have
an awesome marriage.

Oh, my God.
I am trying, okay?

I can't fix
a lifetime's worth of
relationships in one day.

Well, try harder.

(OVER PHONE)
Hey, Jenny! It's Sloane.

Hey, sweetie,
I've got my hands full.
Can I call you back?

I really need
to talk to you.

What's wrong?
Are you okay?

Yeah, I just...

It's just
I've been thinking.

I know that my work
has been taking up
a lot of my attention lately,

and I just wanted
to tell you...

(WHISPERING) 9-1-1!

I need to call you back.

Ella, what's wrong?

I was watching
the DVD of Caitlin's
career retrospective

and it includes
the COPS episode where
Caitlin got arrested

for shoplifting
(WHISPERS)
herpes medicine.

Okay, that whole thing
was so not my fault.

What? I was gonna pay for it,
but the pharmacy guy
was smoking hot!

Okay, you want me
to go over there
and be like,

"Hello, can I buy some
ointment to put out the fire
in my underpants?"

No! It's humiliating!

Oh, and there's nothing
embarrassing at all
about stealing it?

Um...

Are you sure?

'Cause I think
it's a little
embarrassing.

We put a copy
in every gift bag.
All 2,000 of them.

Oh! I mean, yes.

You're right.
Get the gift bags
back, right away.

Got it.

You know, what I want to know
is why in the world would
someone that good-looking

become a pharmacist?

Hey, Jenny!
It's Sloane again.
I'm really sorry.

Hey! What happened?
Are you okay?

It's just I'm surrounded
by crazy people here at work

and they just won't
leave me alone.

Try being married to Ed!

Okay, he is so stressed
out, he's acting
like a total lunatic.

This morning, I literally
caught him talking
to a Cornish game hen.

(LAUGHS) As long as
the chicken's not
talking back to him.

(LAUGHING)
Seriously.

But you know what?
He's going to chill out
once business picks up

and people start using
those gift certificates
you sent out for us.

Oh! The gift certificates.

You didn't send
them out, did you?

Um...

Sloane! You promised!

I know,
and I'm really sorry.

There's just been so much
going on with work.

Did you hear?
You got the promotion!

What?

Sloane?
Uh, Jenny, I'm sorry.

I'm gonna have to
call you back again,

I'm really, really sorry.
But I need... Sloane!

I got the promotion?

(CHUCKLING)
Uh-uh! You gotta be
kidding me, right?

Of course
I'm kidding.

Why would they
promote you?

Listen, you little jerk.

So far today,
I've set up visas
with the state department

to allow the Vienna Boys Choir
to perform at the premiere.

I've arranged transpo
and housing for 23 of
Caitlin's childhood friends.

I just confirmed Lady Gaga
to sing Paparazzi,

Caitlin's favorite song,

and I just negotiated
with Elton John to rewrite
Candle in the Wind

to sing at Caitlin's
graveside.

I haven't showered,
I haven't slept,

I've got ex-boyfriends
popping up left and right

and you want to take out
your prepubescent
insecurities on me,

to make yourself
feel better?

It was just a joke.

I don't have time
for jokes!

Now, will you
please excuse me.

Oh! Have a productive day.

CAITLIN: Well done.
SLOANE: Thank you.

I've to call Jenny back.

Yes, you do.

Jenny! It's me again.

Oh, hey, Sloane.
Can you hold on
just a second?

(SIGHS)

She hung up on me.

(MIMICS CAT SCREECHING)

What? Brad was right.
Chick fights are hot.

Maybe you should
send her a basket
of pears.

11:30.

It's almost Christmas,
you know.

If you want to make
things right with Patrick,

you kind of
need to do it now.

Where do you
think I'm going?

PATRICK: Hey, man.

It is really, really late,
and you need some sleep
so Santa can come.

All right?

Did you hear that?

I think I just heard
reindeer on the rooftop.

Close your eyes. Come on.
Gotta get some sleep.

(CHUCKLES)
Goodnight, buddy.

Patrick? Uh...

Patrick! Wait!

What?

I wanted to
explain to you
about last night.

No, that's okay,
I understand.

I mean, what,
we've been apart
for years.

It would be silly for me
to think that you hadn't
met somebody else

in all this time,
but what I don't
understand

is why you felt
the need to flaunt it
in front of me.

Flaunt it?

What do you mean?

We were on a date.

And you left in the middle
of that date to get...
Oh, what was that? Engaged!

What kind of a person
does that?

Look, you don't
understand.

I thought that Andrew
and I had broken up.

He cheated on me,
see, so I called you...

To get back at him?

Kind of.

Who are you?

Excuse me?
Who are you?

I'm me, Sloane, the same
girl that you fell in love
with in college.

No, no,
you see, that Sloane,
she was warm and funny

and she cared
a lot about people.

You're nothing like her.

I can never fall in love
with a girl like you now.

That's a terrible
thing to say.

Yeah, well.

The truth hurts.

Wait.
Where are you going?

Home.

You're not going to go
straighten things out
with Patrick?

No. He made it
clear how he feels.

If he changes his mind,
he knows where to find me.

Sloane, he was just mad.

I'm sure
if you talk to him,

he'll know that you're not
as horrible a person
as you seem.

Thank you.

Come on, you know
what I mean.

Look, you have
to go back there
and apologize to Patrick.

Only thing I need to do
is go over the invites for
the final list for the party.

Seriously?

After all that,
you're still putting
work first?

It's all I have left.

Merry Christmas...

Sloane.

Midnight.

You? You mean,
you're the Ghost
of Ex-mas Yet To Come?

Really?
'Cause I'm pretty sure
I never banged Santa.

(LAUGHING)
Actually, that sounds like
something Caitlin would do.

Where did she go?

She can't come
on this one.

Her future ended
the moment she died.

But she will be there
when I wake from this,
in the morning.

What? Why not?

She's gone.

But she can't be
gone for good. I...

I'm not ready.

You do realize that
Caitlin is dead, right?

Whether she leaves
now or later,
she is gone forever.

But I never got
to say goodbye.

Well, you had plenty
of chances. You just
wasted them all.

Well, aren't you jolly!

It is time to go see what
your future holds, Sloane.

No, I really don't have
the time for this.

I'm afraid you don't
have much time left,
period.

It is now officially
Christmas Day.

Your future is
about to be sealed,

and once it is,
you can't change it.

Let's go.

(MOCKING)
Let's go.

Okay,
I'm heading out now.

Are you sure you wouldn't
like to come join my family
for Christmas dinner?

I hate the thought
of leaving you here
all alone.

I won't be alone.
I'm spending Christmas
with my daughter.

But she couldn't
come visit this year.
Remember?

What are you
talking about?
Sloane is right here.

Sloane? Sloane?
Where are you?

Where is she?
Where's my daughter?
Sloane? Sloane!

Oh! There she is!

(LAUGHING)

Bad girl! Bad girl.

Wandering away
from Mommy!

See? We always spend
Christmas together.

Merry Christmas, Vivian.

Merry Christmas!
Say Merry Christmas, Sloane!

Merry Christmas.

SLOANE: Holy crap.
She's gone insane!

SANTA: No, she hasn't.

She thinks
that dog is me.

I mean,
she always referred
to them as my brothers,

but as far as I knew,
she understood that
I'm a human being.

If she's not crazy,
then what is she?

Lonely.

That's my little girl.

Oh, you had me
so worried.

Never leave Mommy. Never.

SANTA: After her
fifth husband...

SLOANE: Larry's
her fourth husband.

I know.
Carlos is her fifth.

And after he moves out,
she will fall apart.

And since you certainly
can't be bothered
with caring for her,

she becomes obsessed
with dogs,

whom she knows
love her unconditionally.

Okay, this is ridiculous.

And you sound
like an idiot speaking
in the future tense.

That's because
it's your future.

Come on.

VIVIAN: Oh,
you had me so worried.
Never leave Mommy. Never.

Hey.
Hey.

Good lord,
what's she wearing?

When the restaurant
went out of business,

the only job she could find
was waiting tables
at the local Applebee's.

Oh, okay, I refuse
to take the blame
for that.

Sloane sent us a card.
Want to see it?

No.

Okay, that was harsh.

We're supposed to
be friends.

But you never
acted like one.

Jenny got tired
of always being
rejected by you,

so she just gave up.

Sooner or later,
everyone does.

Oh, we're visiting
Patrick now?

Awesome. I can't wait
to see how he's stopped
caring about me now, too.

No, we're not going
to visit Patrick.

Actually,
after you walked
away from him tonight,

you will never
see him again.

But I thought you said
he still loves me.

He does.
But you don't care
about love anymore.

Do you?

Okay, screw you, Santa!
Of course I care about love.
I'm engaged.

So that means
that you're lying.

And if you guys are my exes,
and I'm getting married
to Andrew,

then I'm not going to
have a future ex-boyfriend.

(LAUGHING)

Wrong again.

How can you be my ex?
I thought we get married.

Yes, we do.
We also get divorced.

What? Why?

Well, we wanted
different things.

You wanted power
and prestige.
And I wanted...

The blonde.

Oh, can the theatrics.
In the end, we both got
exactly what we wanted.

What do you mean?

You take half my assets
in the divorce.

Half my clients,
half my company.
You're set for life.

Come on,
I'll show you.

You can afford
the best of everything.

WOMAN: Much better. Yes.

(ALL CHATTERING)

SLOANE:
If we're not here
to see Patrick,

then what are
we doing here?

Where are we going?

To see what all of
your money and promotions
and power got you.

Is that...
Is that me?

It is.

But I look so young.

Where are my flowers?
Where are my visitors?
Why...

Why am I all alone?

Because this is the way
you've chosen to live.

No, no.
I didn't choose this.

I never chose
to be alone.

But this is
what you got.

All of your wealth,
success...

(SNIFFLING)

It comes to nothing.

It doesn't have to
happen like this.

I'll change.

It's too late, Sloane.

No! I can fix this!
It hasn't happened yet!

It's too late.

You've already
made your choice.

That ring is
on your finger.

Patrick's heart
is already broken.

Caitlin is in the ground.

Christmas is over.

Please! Please don't
let this happen to me!

(RINGING)

Caitlin?
Where are you?

Caitlin!

God, why are you
shouting?

(SIGHING)
I thought for sure
you would be gone.

No. The future's not
quite here yet.

What day is it?

It's Christmas.
Morning.

It's not too late?

(GASPING)

I'm not too late?
I can fix things?

Yes, but you
have to hurry.

Right.

No, Sloane,
where are you going?

The party's this way.

Sloane, come on!
We cannot be late
for my party!

I know, I know.
I gotta find something.

It's really,
really important!

More important
than my party?
I don't think so.

Sloane!
This is my night.
It's all about me.

Is that it?

This is it.
Okay. Let's go!

SLOANE: Hey, Andrew,
I need to get a couple
of things done

before the party,
so I'll just meet you
there, okay? Bye.

Does dinner come
with a show?

(CAR HONKING)

Merry Christmas!

(SCOFFS)

Hey!

(CAR HORNS BLARING)

Happy Holidays!

(PEOPLE HOOTING)

(PIANO PLAYING CAROLS)

You didn't get
a second puppy?

The breeder didn't have
any males, and Schatzi
wants a little brother.

How did you know
about that?

(LAUGHS)
It doesn't matter.

All that matters
is that I'm here.

I didn't think
I'd see you today.

Of course
I'd come see you.

It's Christmas,
we should spend it
together.

I love you, Mom.

Huh.

Well, I love
you too, sweetie.

Okay, now get
yourself together,

'cause we are
going to a party!

(LAUGHS) Oh!
Can I bring your
little brother?

(SIGHING) Oh, Mom,
don't call him that.

But, yes, you can.

(GIGGLING)

Your sister's taking
us to a party.

(GASPING)
I knew you'd come!
I knew it!

Thank you for not
giving up on me.

Never!

And you brought
your mom!

I hope you don't mind
me showing up without
an invitation.

The more the merrier!
Get your butt in here.

(LAUGHING)

I thought you had
to work today.

I do. Uh, but I just
wanted to swing by
here first.

To drop off your mom.

And to apologize
for the way that
I've treated you.

I've been losing
a lot of friends lately,

and I couldn't stand
if I lost you, too.

Never. You're not
getting rid of me
that easily.

Okay, I'm going to be
back as soon as I can.

I just need to go
take care of your
Christmas present.

But you already got me
that sweet baseball cap.

(GIGGLES)

Your real present.

You're thinking
what I'm thinking?

I am.

(CLEARING THROAT) Yeah.

I will see you later.
Okay, bye.

Okay. Hurry back!

Hello.

Hey! What are you
doing here?

You told me
we were working today.

No, no.
You know what?

Take the rest
of the day off.

Really?
Yeah, it's Christmas.

Go home and be
with your daughter.

Son. Max.

Sorry! (LAUGHS)
I'll see you on Monday.

(WHISPERING) We already
pulled all the incriminating
DVDs of Caitlin.

Oh, good.
Then there'll be
space for these.

Hey, I need you
to put one of these
in every single gift bag.

It's very important.
Okay.

What are those?

Oh, gift certificates.

Just trying to help
a friend's new
restaurant take off.

We'll have every
celebrity in town
in there

and that ought
to do it.

That's really
nice of you.

Wow, you just
called me nice.

That's never
happened before.

Can I still go home?

Of course.
Merry Christmas! Go!

Sloane! You gotta admit,
the camera loves me.

You think
Caitlin's somewhere,
watching all of this?

(SIGHING)
Oh, yeah.
Definitely.

And I think
she's loving it.

(PEOPLE CHEERING)

I'm coming to you
live from the red carpet

at the Snow Angel
premiere party,

where all of Hollywood
has turned out
in all its glamour

to honor the memory
of one of their own.

It is a moving tribute
to a fallen star.

But don't you dare
touch that remote

because we've got
this beautiful life,

cut way too short,

covered from every
imaginable angle,
right here on SHOWBIZ.

Whoo! It's going
to be a fun night.

There you are!

I need
to talk to you.

And I need
to talk to you,

Ms. Vice President!

Oh, you mean
I got the promotion?

I just got word
from my dad.

Oh, my God!
(GASPING)
That is amazing!

Congratulations.

Uh, but that...
It's gonna make
this even harder.

What?

Oh, God, uh,
how do I say this?

Uh, my whole life,

I was taught
that relationships
are based

on what
the other person
can do for you.

Right.

Financially,
emotionally,
or in your career.

Mmm-hmm.

But I realize
how wrong that is.

It's not about
what someone
can do for you,

it's about how they
make you feel when
you're with them,

or how you both feel.

Absolutely.

I don't want to feel
like an accessory.

I don't blame you.

I need someone
that can be there
for me emotionally,

that listens to me
and loves me the way
that I love him.

Andrew? Andrew!

Andrew!

Yeah, babe.

Of course.

I'm sorry.

Oh, come on, Sloane.

Mmm-mmm.

(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

(GASPS)

(CAITLIN GIGGLING)

I couldn't resist.
Once more for
old times' sake.

So, mission
accomplished, huh?

Did you get
your wings?

Actually, it's more
like a pitchfork.

No!
(LAUGHS) I'm kidding.

Yes, I'm all set.

So, then I guess
this is goodbye?

And you're gonna
be okay?

You kidding?
Heaven has an open bar!

And Heath Ledger
and James Dean...

Yeah, sounds like
heaven to me.

You know, I think
that you're going to
find a guy down here

who's almost as perfect.

Well, um,
I guess I'll be off.

Sloane, thank you
for everything.

No, I should
be thanking you.

You gave me
a whole new life.

Well, goodbye.

Bye.

(ALL CHEERING)

Excuse me.

I heard about the promotion
and I just wanted to say

there's no freaking way
I'm bringing you coffee.

(GIGGLES)
Ever.

How about tea?

Deal.

I'm out of here.

Wait. You're leaving?
Where are you going?

To get a life.

Patrick.

Patrick, um...
I'm so sorry.

For what?

For everything.

For what I said
at the hospital,

for letting you
leave the restaurant
when Andrew showed up,

for running away
instead of taking
your ring

and becoming your wife.

How do you know
about that?

I... I just know.

Most of all,
I'm sorry that it has
taken me until now

to realize
how I feel about you,

when, inside,
I've known it
all along.

I'm not that horrible
girl that you saw
at the restaurant,

at least, not anymore.

I'm me, the Sloane
you knew in college,

and I would love the chance
to reintroduce you to her.

She used to look
something like this.

Oh, my God.

I can't believe
that you kept this
all these years.

Of course I did.

It's a present
from the man
that I love.

(CHUCKLES)

Merry Christmas, babe.

Thank you.

Hey, Vivian.

Oh, my darling,
you look so good.

You look beautiful.
Haven't changed a bit.

I'm so glad
you're here.

Me, too.

VIVIAN:
Get back over there.
Get back over there.

You got her, now,
don't lose her.

(EXCLAIMS)
I'm going, I'm going!

(LAUGHING)

Did I ever tell you
the story about
my three marriages?

My first husband,
he was tall,
and I was in love.

My second husband,
he was short,
but he was rich.

And my third husband,
well, who knows,

he might be
under the table
right now.

(LAUGHING)

Are you married?

(ALL LAUGHING)

Merry Ex-mas, Caitlin.

Merry Christmas,
everyone.

ALL: Merry Christmas.