Original subtitles

RuPaul: It's a new year

and a new season

with all new surprises.

[RuPaul laughs]

Girl!

[laughs]

From the hood to Hollywood.

I'm Kandy Muse, and I'm a Dominican doll

from New York City. Meow.

My drag style is kind of like

if you took a sex doll and threw her in the Bronx,

that is literally me.

My most impressive drag talent is my mouth. [pop]

I'm a good lip syncer. I'm a loud-ass bitch.

You know, everyone can be a drag queen,

but not everyone's gonna be a star.

I'm a star.

First one!

Oh, my God, bitch, Season 13.

Most people might recognize me from the former Haus of Aja.

And when we dismembered and broke up,

I was definitely a loudmouth,

and I would say things about Aja

that maybe I should have kept to myself.

But I also think that she was a little jealous of me.

Come on, Miss Anastasia Beverly Hills.

I want a sponsorship, thank you very much.

She used to always be, like,

"Well, you're not famous, so tone it down."

But now I'm here.

Well, no, I'm here.

[laughs]

That's so shady.

First one. Seems correct.

I'm here to prove that I am more

than just Kandy Muse from the Haus of Aja.

I can stand as an entertainer by my damn self.

I look fucking stunning.

Being the first bitch to walk in the competition

after waiting years to get on Drag Race

is such a fucking dream.

I am so excited to be here.

Come on, now!

And now, any bitch that walks in after me,

second place. [laughs]

- Ooh. - Filler queen.

"Filler queen?"

My name is Joey Jay,

and I'm the dumbest bitch you'll ever meet.

She's wacky, she's crazy, she's an adrenaline rush.

I can perform the house down, boots back, bareback.

To be here, it is a dream come true, so...

I lost my train of thought.

- Aah! - Oh, what up, bitch?

Come on, Season 13. Good, girl.

- Hi, baby! Mwah, mwah. - Hi, babe. Kandy.

Joey. Oh, my God, I'm molting, girl.

Miss Thing is wearing a chicken-feather coat.

Chicken feathers.

There are feathers all over the floor.

Bawk bawk bawk bawk bawk.

Come on, chicken feathers.

Chicken feathers are the least expensive feathers

that there are in the planet.

Girl, not even a marabou coat?

So wait. You do drag full-time in your city?

No, I don't. I work for a software company.

This is just my little nighttime gig.

Oh, okay. Werk. How many shows a week do you do?

- Just one. - Just one?

Y'all think I'm a basic bitch.

You're not wrong.

I can't eat spicy foods,

I like Vanessa Carlton.

But don't underestimate us Vanessa Carltons.

Really, bitch, I'm gonna be in that top four.

Filler queen.

Plot twist.

This is my third time auditioning.

Oh, this is my fourth.

Word. [alarm, thunder]

Ooh, girl.

She done already done had herses.

Girl, what?

What?

There's only two of us?

- Aah! - What is going on here?

Welcome, my queens.

What? You weren't expecting to see me so soon?

No, ma'am.

Well, I hope you like surprises,

because I've got a big one,

and it's right around the corner.

Racers, please report to the main stage.

Ooh.

Like, now.

Girl.

God. I am so confused right now,

and I have no idea what's about to go down.

Girl, I am poofed and gagged.

[RuPaul laughs]

♪ Cover girl, put the bass in your walk ♪

♪ Head to toe, let your whole body talk ♪

And what?

Welcome to the main stage of RuPaul's Drag Race,

and we are serving Season 13

with some serious safety, honey.

Michelle Visage, what do you think of the new judges' panel?

Baby, I feel like I'm the head teller

at RuPaul's Savings and Loan.

Wanna make a deposit?

[all laugh]

The hilarious Ross Mathews. Now, what do you think?

You know what, I love it,

and I even brought my own squeegee.

Hi! Oh, Carson, hi!

Michelle!

And style superstar Carson Kressley.

Are you ready to read some lips?

Which ones?

[laughs] Both sets.

[all laugh]

Tonight we're doing things just a little differently.

For the first time in Drag Race herstory,

we're kicking off the season

with six lip syncs for your lives.

Now, some will shantay

and some will sashay away.

Wow.

Ooh, child, you ain't ready for this.

[all laugh]

Racers, start your engines,

and may the best drag queen win.

What the fuck is going on?

Yo, I just walked into Drag Race

and now I'm standing on the main stage

and I don't know what is about the happen.

I can't even look at RuPaul in the eyes,

because I'm getting so nervous.

I'm already feeling scared as fuck and insecure,

but I signed up for this.

Get it together.

Welcome, ladies. Surprised to see me?

You've made it to the main stage of RuPaul's Drag Race,

and so soon.

We'd like to take this moment

to get to know you a little bit better.

Judges, say hello to Kandy Muse.

- Hi, Kandy. - Hi, Kandy.

- Hello. - I would love to know

what makes this a signature Kandy Muse look.

It's sexy, it's slutty, it's denim,

it's from Brooklyn, it's New York.

I heard you're a member of the Haus of Aja?

That's the former Haus of Aja, but yes.

- [laughs] - Well, what house now?

The dollhouse, with my drag sis Dahlia Sin from Season 12.

Part of the broccoli bunch.

She is a broc-ally.

International House of Pancakes here.

[all laugh]

Judges, say hello to Joey Jay.

Tell us about your look, Joey.

Well, I like chicken, I like to cluck, I like a butt,

so I decided to dress up as all three.

Cluck, cluck. [tongue pop]

[laughs]

What inspired you to do drag?

Self-expression, and cluckin' and buckin'.

Thank you, Joey.

Thank you.

Ladies, your charisma, uniqueness, nerve, and talent

got you here.

Now let's see what you can do with it.

Two queens stand before me.

Prior to tonight,

you were asked to prepare a lip sync performance

of Call Me Maybe by Carly Rae Jepsen.

In a moment, I'll ask one of you to shantay

and one of you to sashay away.

Bitch, excuse me?

We just walked into the competition,

and now we have to lip sync for our lives?

One of us is about to go home. It ain't gonna be me.

Ladies, this is your first chance to impress me

and save yourself from...

getting the porkchop.

The time has come... [thunder]

for you to lip sync...

[echoing] for your life.

Even though I'm shook as fuck on the inside,

I'm a lip sync assassin. Eat it.

Good luck, and don't fuck it up.

[music plays]

[all chuckle]

♪ I threw a wish in the well ♪

♪ Don't ask me, I'll never tell ♪

♪ I looked to you as it fell ♪

♪ And now you're in my way ♪

♪ I trade my soul for a wish ♪

♪ Pennies and dimes for a kiss ♪

♪ I wasn't looking for this ♪

♪ But now you're in my way ♪

♪ Your stare was holding ♪

♪ Ripped jeans, skin was showin' ♪

♪ Hot night, wind was blowin' ♪

♪ Where you think you're going, baby? ♪

♪ Hey, I just met you and this is crazy ♪

♪ But here's my number, so call me maybe ♪

♪ It's hard to look right at you, baby ♪

♪ But here's my number, so call me maybe ♪

♪ Hey, I just met you and this is crazy ♪

♪ But here's my number... ♪

Well, Miss Ru, I just met you, and this is crazy.

♪ And all the other boys... ♪

Whatever this bitch next to me is doing,

girl, I can give two fucks,

because this stage is mine.

Take out your dollars, bitch.

♪ Before you came into my life, I missed you so bad ♪

♪ I missed you so bad ♪

[echoing] ♪ I missed you so, so bad ♪

♪ Bad, bad, bad ♪ [laughs]

♪ It's hard to look right at you, baby ♪

♪ But here's my number, so call me maybe ♪

♪ Hey, I just met you and this is crazy ♪

♪ But here's my number, so call me maybe ♪

♪ Before you came into my life, I missed you so bad ♪

♪ I missed you so bad ♪

♪ I missed you so, so bad ♪

♪ Before you came into my life, I missed you so bad ♪

♪ And you should know that ♪

♪ So call me maybe ♪

[laughter and applause]

Ladies, I've made my decision.

This is a one-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

I'm not going home before I even start.

Fuck.

RuPaul: The winner of RuPaul's Drag Race

receives a one-year supply

of Anastasia Beverly Hills cosmetics,

and a cash prize of $100,000.

♪ RuPaul's Drag Race ♪

♪ May the best woman ♪

♪ Best woman win ♪

Ladies, I've made my decision.

Kandy Muse, shantay you stay.

Thank you so much.

RuPaul just called my name,

and I tried to stay real calm and bow down.

Thank you so much.

But, bitch, I'm inside, I'm like, ooh, bitch,

I won the motherfucking lip sync! Ha-ha-ha!

Joey Jay, I'm sorry, my dear,

but that means you're getting the porkchop.

You are and will always be Drag Race royalty.

Now sashay away.

Mwah. Thank you so much.

I'm really sad to leave the competition.

I worked so hard to get here, just to go home early.

I don't wanna go home, girl.

RuPaul: Let's see who's next.

Let me break the ice.

I'm Denali, and I am Chicago's ice queen.

So I am icy, spicy, and a little bit dicey.

Okay.

First one in. Winners come in first.

I do drag. I'm a professional ice skater.

I am drag's gold-medal bitch.

And I might not have made it to the Olympics in figure skating,

but I did make it to the Olympics in drag.

I am competitive, and I'm here to win that crown.

Oh, what you say, what you say?

LaLa Ri is here to slay.

I am the sensational, dynamic LaLa Ri.

She's ratchet, she's sexy, she gives you a little glamour.

LaLa Ri is like a Olive Garden pasta

with, like, Popeye's chicken tenders on the side

for the razzle-dazzle.

Most of all, she's entertaining, girl.

- Hi! - Hi!

Oh, my God, nice to meet you.

I'm Denali.

LaLa Ri.

Girl. Not gonna lie.

I was expecting a little bit more.

Your entrance look is a basic bodysuit, a blazer,

and this kind of like flat wig.

Okay, cute.

We're the first two in, bitch.

I know. First two in, last two out.

[alarm, thunder]

RuPaul: Ooh, girl.

She done already done had herses.

But...

Bitch.

Wait. What's going on?

What... what alarm?

One plus one equals two,

but if you carry the three, minus the four,

bitch, that don't add up.

What is really the tea?

Hello, dolls.

The competition has started without you,

so get your sassy selves to the main stage.

We're waiting!

Uh, okay.

Holy shit, this is crazy.

There's two of us.

Why would we be going to the main stage already?

I am feeling just gagged.

I'm sorry, floors.

Welcome, ladies.

I'm so glad you could join us.

You know, people come and go so fast around here.

We'd like to take this moment

to get to know you a little bit better.

Let's start with Denali.

Hey, Denali.

Hey, Michelle.

So tell me about this look.

Well, I'm a professional figure skater outside of drag,

so I love to mold the two worlds.

Just when I thought the show couldn't get any gayer,

now we have figure skating?

[RuPaul laughs]

But I have a serious question for you, okay?

Are you more of a Tonya Harding or a Nancy Kerrigan?

I'm definitely more of a Tonya, if you know what I mean.

I know what you mean.

[imitating Nancy Kerrigan] Why?

Why?

[all laugh] Why?

Next up, LaLa Ri.

Hey, LaLa Ri.

- Hey, girl. - You know, I always love

when a queen comes out missing her trousers.

[all laugh]

But she got her jacket on.

So tell us about what does this look say to you.

Yes, LaLa Ri is very sexy, but a little classy,

so this represents the class and the sex.

And the ass.

- Of course. - There you go.

LaLa, I wanted to ask you,

do you think you could beat Denali in a lip sync?

Of course I think I can beat Denali in a lip sync.

I mean, she's a lovely girl and all, but bring it.

Well, we will see about that.

We're doing things a little differently this season.

Two queens stand before me.

Lip sync?

I absolutely am a lip sync assassin,

but not in ice skates.

Ladies, this is your first chance to impress me

and save yourself from getting the porkchop.

The time has come... [thunder]

to lip sync...

for your life.

I'm an entertainer first and foremost,

so Miss LaLa Ri is about to give you hell,

about to bring you fire.

She'll give you everything you need, plus more.

Good luck, and don't fuck it up.

♪ Boys call you sexy ♪

♪ What's up, sexy? ♪

♪ And you don't care what they say ♪

♪ See, every time you turn around ♪

♪ They screaming your name ♪

♪ Dark child ♪

♪ Now I've got a confession... ♪

Boom, I automatically just hit my performance mode.

I'm thinking, okay, bitch, it's time for you to shine.

♪ But I ain't complaining ♪

♪ We all wanna be famous ♪

♪ So go ahead and say what you wanna say ♪

I was not expecting to lip sync.

This is not a lip sync outfit, but Imma make it work.

♪ When I grow up, I wanna be famous ♪

I decided to do a cartwheel. Okay.

Nobody got a haircut.

♪ I wanna be have groupies ♪

♪ When I grow up, be on TV ♪

♪ People know me, be on magazines ♪

♪ When I grow up, fresh and clean ♪

♪ Number one chick when I step out on the scene ♪

♪ Be careful what you wish for ♪

♪ 'Cause you just might get it ♪

♪ Hey! You just might get it ♪

♪ Hey! You just might get it ♪

♪ I see them staring at me ♪

♪ Ooh, I'm a trendsetter ♪

♪ Yes, this is true 'cause what I do ♪

♪ No one can do it better ♪

♪ You can talk about me ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm a hot topic ♪

♪ I see you watching me, watching me ♪

♪ And I know you want it, oh ♪

♪ When I grow up ♪

♪ I wanna be famous, I wanna be a star ♪

♪ I wanna be in movies ♪

♪ When I grow up, I wanna see the world ♪

♪ Drive nice cars, I wanna have groupies ♪

♪ When I grow up, fresh and clean ♪

♪ Number one chick when I step out on the scene ♪

♪ Be careful what you wish for ♪

♪ 'Cause you just might get it ♪

♪ Hey! You just might get it ♪

♪ Hey! You just might get it ♪

♪ Hey ♪

Whoo!

[laughter and applause]

Ladies, I've made my decision.

I didn't come here to go home early.

I'm just gonna pray on it.

Throw it up and bring it down.

Ladies, I've made my decision.

LaLa Ri, shantay you stay.

Aroo? I'm, like, do I say thank you or what?

Okay, girl.

Well, shantay I stay, thank you, girl.

Denali, I'm sorry, my dear,

but you're getting the porkchop.

Now sashay away.

Feeling icy, feeling spicy.

[exhales]

I'm unbelievably devastated.

I'm just kind of, like, oh, my God,

I'm going home without showing anything on Drag Race.

What the fuck is up on here?

- I'm Denali. - I'm Joey.

- Nice to meet you. - A pleasure.

I'm, like, I don't understand.

Was I not the only one eliminated?

Oh, no, look it.

They're all the first girl outs.

I see on the wall the porkchop loading dock,

and all of these pictures

of first-eliminated queens from Drag Race.

Oh, no.

Porkchop herself, Shangela,

Miss Vanjie, Dahlia Sin.

There's some sort of trickery. I don't know what's going on.

I feel like something's gonna jump out of a box.

So here we are, trying to figure out

what the fuck has just happened to us.

Are we being sent home?

Am I about to de-drag at the airport?

Can I call my mom?

Don't let the smooth taste fool you, baby. [laughs]

My name is Symone, I am 25 years old,

and I am the ebony enchantress.

Queen number one, all right.

Let's do it.

My drag is very real woman, very female illusional.

This is gonna be my spot, front and center, honey.

I love strong women who've been through things,

and if you Black, that's even better.

I'm here, bitch! [laughs]

Symone is the confidence, the essence.

She is a goddess, she's everything.

Holler at me. I know you know me.

Holler at me. I know you know me.

Tamisha is here.

I am Tamisha Iman,

one of the baddest in the art form of female impersonation.

I am sassy, I am lovable,

but at the same time, I can be W-I-T-C-H if need be.

- Hi. - Hi, how are you?

Nice to meet you. I'm Tamisha.

It's lovely to meet you, too. I'm Symone.

- It's nice to meet you, Symone. - Thank you.

I love the power shoulder.

Thank you, I'm into fashion.

There we go. Pageant gal?

- Of course. - Of course.

Yes. Of course.

And the matriarch of the Iman family.

Word!

I'm the mother of the dynasty.

- Come on, dynasty. - Yeah, it's a dynasty.

Miss Tamisha is very...

Now, no shade, no shade.

Like a mother figure.

But also, like, you know

that she is here to play and slay.

[alarm, thunder]

RuPaul: Ooh, girl.

She done already done had herses.

What the hell?

Maybe they hit the button too soon.

Just two of us?

We ain't even done nothin' yet. We just walked in.

Well, hello, my queens.

I wanna see both of you on the main stage.

Hit it!

What the hell?

Come to the floor?

You supposed to come in the room.

We don't supposed to come to the floor.

Welcome, queens. Surprised to see me?

Now it's time

to make a positive first impression on the judges...

starting with Symone.

So I see you've got little mini Polaroids as your dress.

Oh, yes.

Are they pictures of you?

Each one of them are pictures of me,

a little couple faces, a couple of shoes,

a couple of asses pictures, too.

[all laugh]

So does that tell me that you love yourself?

Yes, I do love myself.

- Good. - I love my drag persona.

- Great. - It saved my life.

Where did you grow up?

I grew up in Conway, Arkansas.

I dated a guy from Pine Bluff, Arkansas.

Oh!

Is he your grandfather?

[all laugh] I think so.

I knew he said something about a cross-dresser.

[all laugh]

So we might be related.

[all laugh]

All right, Tamisha Iman.

I see that you have found what I have lost.

- Oh! - Yep.

I did get 'em.

Yeah, you sure did. You got 'em, girl.

How long have you been doing drag?

30 years.

What?

- Yeah, 30 years. - Wow.

Do you think your vast experience

is going to be helpful

or be a hindrance in the competition?

Well, I'm not as great as I used to be,

but I'm still as good as I should be.

I'm recently getting over cancer.

Because you were cast on Season 12.

Yes. On that Friday,

I got the call to say, "Hey, you made it!"

On that Sunday, I got the call from my doctor

stating that I had stage three colon cancer,

and they had to start immediately radiation and chemo.

So it devastated me.

You know, I got so bad to where I couldn't walk.

The cancer and the radiation took such a control over me.

And knowing that I could possibly fight

to get back here just one more time, I fought it.

So within a year, I'm...

I'm a conqueror,

and I'm so thankful that you gave me this chance.

So I'm blessed. Whatever happens, I'm blessed.

- All right. - God is good.

Thank you, Tamisha.

Ladies, I have just one more thing to say.

Oh.

Two queens stand before me.

H-h-h-huh?

Ladies, this is your first chance

to impress me and save yourself from getting... the porkchop.

The time has come... [thunder]

for you to lip sync...

for your life.

I ain't been here five minutes and y'all doing all this.

This is crazy.

Good luck, and don't fuck it up.

[music plays]

Whoo!

♪ You might think I'm crazy, but I'm serious ♪

♪ It's better you know now ♪

♪ What I thought was happiness was only part-time bliss ♪

♪ You can take a bow ♪

♪ It was all just one big night out on the town ♪

♪ Riding in your limousine ♪

♪ We turned right and I say wrong ♪

♪ Which brings us to a stop ♪

♪ As the light is changing ♪

♪ Oh, my meter's running, so I got to go now ♪

♪ It's the pleasure principle ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

[laughs]

♪ It's the principle of pleasure ♪

♪ Oh, oh ♪

♪ It's the pleasure principle ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

[RuPaul laughs]

♪ I know... ♪

Tamisha is giving you Janet Jackson concert vibes.

Arms, movements, da, da, da, da, da.

I was, like, oh, no, ma'am.

♪ You know... ♪

This is my stage,

I can't let her have it.

This is not her Janet Jackson moment, it's mine.

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, hey, yeah ♪

♪ It's the pleasure principle, principle ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ You might say that I'm no good for you ♪

♪ I wouldn't trust your looks, baby, if I could ♪

♪ Love me ♪

♪ Love me, yeah ♪

♪ Pleasure principle ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

[laughter and applause]

Ladies, I've made my decision.

The thing about watching the show,

you think you know until you get here,

and now you don't know nothing.

Let me take a deep breath,

because I don't know what's about to happen.

Ladies, I've made my decision.

Symone, shantay you stay.

Aah!

[laughs]

Sorry.

In the seven minutes that we are here,

I have literally walked through the werkroom,

went to the main stage, and won a lip sync.

What is going on, America?

Whew.

Tamisha Iman, I'm sorry, my dear,

but that means you're getting the porkchop.

Now sashay away.

Thank you. I'm always gonna be a Ru girl.

Thank you. Mwah!

[applause]

Wow.

I'm totally destroyed, because this is my second chance,

and it's over that fast.

Just that fast, in the blink of a eye.

- Hey, cutie. - Well, well, well.

I'm Denali. Nice to meet you.

Joey Jay.

Nice to meet you, Joey. I'm Tamisha.

I'm still in shock and awe.

They're excited.

"Hey, girl, how are you?"

I'm like, "Why are we here?"

We're here in a room full of first eliminees.

Oh, are we? [laughs]

Our picture is gonna go there for next season.

No, I don't feel like it's the end, exactly.

It felt like the end to me.

I got eliminated on that stage, and it hurt like...

Yeah, but you know it's not RuPaul's Drag Race

without a twist.

Bitch, I don't know what you feeling,

but at the end of the day, the lady said go home.

The bags are packed, we all in this room.

They just letting us come together

so it'll be one van

to take us all to the airport.

You're very hopeful,

and I get it, but, you know...

I'm holding on because I am not accepting elimination just yet.

This ain't no twist.

The twist is we twisting to the door.

The lady said go home.

Time to crash the system.

I'm Gottmik, and I'm ready to kill it.

My drag is inspired by fashion

and designers like McQueen, Galliano.

Picasso's paintings inspire me a lot.

I love putting shapes on my face

where they probably shouldn't be.

She's just a campy, spooky,

clown artistry thing, I guess.

Not the first person here.

I cannot.

I'm so excited to be here on RuPaul's Drag Race.

Thank you. Hold the applause. [laughs]

I think I'll bring a different angle to this competition.

I am a transgender man,

so born a girl, transitioned to a guy,

dress like a girl for money.

Very that. [laughs]

But, I'm so psy...

No one saw that.

I am an extravagant celebrity makeup artist.

I'm gonna have, like, a buffalo bump on my hair.

I've painted Cindy Crawford, Heidi Klum, Paris Hilton.

And so the biggest misconception about me

is that I'm just a makeup artist.

I'm so much more, and I cannot wait to show these bitches.

Ah-choo!

She's sickening.

I am Utica Queen, and I am from Utica, Minnesota.

See what I did there?

I'm the queen of the unexpected.

I am the wacky, inflatable, waving-arms tube queen.

I'm always dishing a hot dish of ridiculousness to an audience.

I'm so excited to spread smiles

to all the wonderful people in the world.

Hello!

Hi, I'm Gottmik. Nice to meet you.

A pleasure, Utica. Nice to meet you.

- Go ahead, you look gorg! - God, your paint.

Good morning, hello, and good night.

Hi, how are you? [laughs]

This is crazy!

So what type of drag is she?

What does she do?

So I'm really kooky.

Uh-huh.

It's kind of like if your best friend's a supermodel.

Like, she walks into the room,

but then she trips and falls on her face

and eats her own booger.

Uh, that's me. [both laugh]

[alarm, thunder] Oh, no.

RuPaul: Ooh, girl.

She done already done had herses.

The alarms are going off, the lighting is changing.

Oh, my God, I love this lighting, though.

It's matching my outfit, so I'm living for that.

Welcome, queens.

Meet me on the main stage,

because I wanna see you sweat.

I'm already sweating.

Aah! What's happening?

Welcome to the main stage.

- Whoo! - Thank you!

Thank you for having us.

Now, listen, we just wanna get to know you a little better.

So starting with Gottmik, we're gonna talk to the judges.

Hey, Gottmik.

Hey, Ross. How are you?

How would you describe your drag?

I like everything to be kind of Pierrot inspired,

clown, black and white,

but with, like, a vibrant, campy touch to it.

We can obviously see that you are great with makeup,

and you've got a great fashion sense.

Thank you.

Would you describe yourself as a lip sync assassin?

I'm not a lip sync assassin,

but I can lip sync the house down for sure.

Okay.

Thank you, Gottmik.

Thank you.

- Up next, Utica. - Hi.

I wanna know how this outfit describes who Utica is,

and why is there a strawberry on your head?

So the strawberry,

I used to be allergic to strawberries growing up,

and it's kind of a testament to me getting through it.

[laughs] So... That's so crazy.

- It's so dumb. Whoo-oo. - I love it. Okay, go on.

And, yeah, I would say my style

is if you took this pattern and that pattern

and this pattern and this pattern and put it in a jar,

and then shook it all up and then there you go,

but with a touch of polish.

Just a touch.

Are you a little nervous?

Feel it in my nuggets.

- You feel what? - I feel it in my nuggets.

Oh, okay. We all love nuggets.

[laughs]

Ladies, I have a question.

How well do you perform under pressure?

Actually, you know what? Don't answer that.

I think we're about to find out.

Two queens stand before me.

What? Right off the bat?

Ladies, this is your first chance to impress me

and save yourself from getting the porkchop.

The time has come... [thunder]

for you to lip sync...

for...

your...

[echoing] ...life. Hah!

I'm cracking my knuckles right now.

But, like, getting ready, like, focused.

No one is sending me home on the first episode.

Good luck, and don't fuck it up.

[music plays]

♪ Saturday, steppin' into the club ♪

♪ There'll be someone wanna tell DJ turn it up ♪

♪ I feel the energy all around ♪

♪ And my body can't stop moving to the sound ♪

♪ But I can tell that you're watching me ♪

♪ And you're probably gonna write what you didn't see ♪

♪ Well, I just need a little space to breathe ♪

♪ Can you please respect my privacy? ♪

♪ I'm tired of rumors starting ♪

♪ I'm sick of being followed ♪

♪ I'm tired of people lying ♪

♪ Sayin' what they want about me ♪

♪ Why can't they back up off me? ♪

♪ Why can't they let me live? ♪

♪ I'm gonna do it my way ♪

♪ Take this for just what it is ♪

♪ Here we are back up in the club ♪

♪ People taking pictures ♪

♪ Don't you think they get enough? ♪

♪ I just wanna be all over the floor ♪

♪ And throw my hands up in the air ♪

♪ To the beat like, what? ♪

♪ I've gotta say, respectfully ♪

♪ I would like it if you take the cameras off of me ♪

♪ 'Cause I just want a little room to breathe ♪

♪ Can you please respect my privacy? ♪

♪ I'm tired of rumors, rumors ♪

♪ Followed, followed, followed ♪

♪ Followed, followed, followed, followed ♪

♪ But they follow me ♪

♪ Why can't they... They... they... they... they ♪

♪ Let me live? ♪

♪ Take this for just what it is ♪

♪ I'm tired of rumors starting ♪

♪ I'm sick of being followed ♪

♪ I'm tired of people lying ♪

♪ Sayin' what they want about me ♪

♪ Why can't they back up off me? ♪

♪ Why can't they let me live? ♪

♪ I'm gonna do it my way ♪

♪ Take this for just what it is ♪

Whoo!

[laughter and applause]

Ladies, I've made my decision.

Oh, what's gonna happen next?

This is crazy!

Ladies, I've made my decision.

Gottmik, shantay you stay.

Oh, my God, thank you.

I fucking just won a lip sync on RuPaul's Drag Race.

Hello!

Utica, I'm sorry, my dear,

but that means you're getting the porkchop.

Now sashay away.

Thank you very much for this opportunity.

Oh! No!

It can't end this soon.

I'll get you for this, RuPaul!

[laughing]

Hey!

Oh, my God, I am the first one here.

I could have gone to the dentist.

My name is Rosé, and I reside at the busy intersection

of Wit Avenue and Fashion Boulevard.

Rosé is a comedy queen,

kind of like if Robin Williams and Jim Carrey had a child.

What a horrible daughter for the two of them to procreate.

[laughs]

Got a little stage going on here.

I'm not gonna step on that. It might collapse.

I had breakfast today.

I'm a singer and a dancer.

I was on The Voice and America's Got Talent.

I'm very competitive. I don't like to lose.

But I usually win. [laughs]

I should, uh, probably wipe off this tooth,

since no one's gonna see it.

I'm basically doing shtick for an empty house,

which is not something Rosé's used to, I'm proud to say.

Lux be a lady tonight.

I'm Olivia Lux, and I like to light up a room

whenever I walk into a space.

I consider Olivia Lux as that diva,

but that, like, really nice diva,

like Diana Ross and the Supremes.

Oh, my God! [both laugh]

- You look so good. - Mwah, mwah.

You look amazing.

It's so good to see you.

You, too, baby. I think the last time

I saw you in drag was literally Lady Liberty.

Yeah, where I was a contestant and you were hosting it.

I look up to Rosé so much.

She's, like, New York City drag royalty.

And now we're in America's biggest drag pageant together.

Like, whaaa.

At that time, I had been doing drag

for, like, what, six months?

Wait, how long have you been doing drag?

Like, a year and a half.

A year and a half? Okay, girl.

I'm a little surprised to see Olivia here, to be honest,

because I would expect Olivia

to take just a little bit longer to be really ripe enough.

But her smile is stunning,

and I can't wait to knock her teeth out one by one.

[laughs]

[alarm, thunder]

RuPaul: Ooh, girl.

She done already done had herses.

Welcome, ladies. What?

Were you expecting more?

Good, because so am I.

Meet me on the main stage.

Ha!

Pronto!

Okay, the main stage.

- Let's go! - Let's go!

Oh, it is about to start, honey.

Welcome, ladies.

Breathe deep and take in

the charisma, uniqueness, nerve, and talent

of the queens that came before you.

The smell of hairspray and desperation.

[both chuckle]

Now, the judges wanna get to know you a little bit better,

starting with Rosé.

What does this outfit tell us about you, Rosé?

RuPaul always says that if you wanna make money,

you should wear a suit.

And I never understood that, so I wore this instead.

[all laugh]

I think I recognize you from New York.

Are you part of the girl group with Jan?

Yes, I am. Stephanie's Child.

Are you planning on lasting a little longer than Jan?

I am absolutely planning on lasting longer than Jan.

- Ooh. - Okay.

Up next, Olivia Lux.

Hi.

I would love to know what this outfit says about Olivia Lux.

Well, I do love a good Showgirl moment,

and I thought I'd go with something

that reminded me of a theater curtain.

And a large purse for all those things you have in it.

Exactly.

I like to carry my extra eyelashes in this.

[all laugh]

If I were to go see an Olivia Lux show,

how would it be different than any other drag queen show?

I really like to incorporate live drag elements,

so you may see me sit down at the piano for a bit, you know.

Well, I love a big organ.

[all laugh]

Ladies, we're doing things a little differently this season.

It's all come down to this.

Two queens stand before me.

Ladies, this is your first chance to impress me

and save yourself from getting the porkchop.

The time has come... [thunder]

for you to lip sync...

for your life.

For our life?

On day one?

And against Rosé?

Good luck, and don't fuck it up.

[music plays]

♪ Well, I had me a boy, turned him into a man ♪

♪ I showed him all the things that he didn't understand ♪

♪ Whoa ♪

♪ And then I let him go ♪

♪ Now there's one in California who's been cursing my name ♪

♪ 'Cause I found me a better lover in the UK ♪

♪ Hey, hey ♪

♪ Until I made my getaway ♪

♪ One, two, three, they gonna run back to me ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm the best baby that they never gotta keep ♪

♪ One, two, three, they gonna run back to me ♪

♪ They always wanna come, but they never wanna leave ♪

♪ Ex's and the oh, oh, oh's, they haunt me ♪

♪ Like gho-oh-osts, they want me ♪

♪ To make 'em, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ They won't let go ♪

♪ My ex's and the oh, oh, oh's, they haunt me ♪

♪ Like gho-oh-osts, they want me ♪

♪ To make 'em, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ They won't let go... ♪

It sounds so cliché and band camp

to say that I am one with the music,

but, honey, I am one with the music.

[guitar solo]

I'm an incredible lip syncer.

I'm gonna show the judges

that I've got a few tricks up my sleeve

and I'm the bitch to watch.

♪ But they never wanna leave ♪

♪ My ex's ♪

♪ And the oh, oh, oh's, they haunt me ♪

♪ Like gho-oh-osts, they want me ♪

♪ To make 'em, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ They won't let go ♪

♪ Ex's and the oh, oh, oh's, they haunt me ♪

♪ Like gho-oh-osts, they want me ♪

♪ To make 'em, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ They won't let go ♪

♪ Ex's and oh's ♪

[laughter and applause]

Ladies, I've made my decision.

Olivia Lux, shantay you stay.

Aah! [laughs] I can't believe it!

Thank you.

I'm shocked!

Rosé, I'm sorry, my dear,

but that means you're getting the porkchop.

What? Wait, what?

Now sashay away.

Thank you.

Oh, wait, I'm so confused.

Me, too. [laughs]

I just got here.

I haven't done anything.

I haven't even opened my suitcase.

Am I supposed to, like, leave with a zinger?

I'm not sure what's going on, but bye, I think.

[siren]

Didn't your parents ever teach you not to play with fire?

Now let's turn it and burn it, bitches!

I'm Tina Burner,

and I'm New York's premiere costume comedy queen.

I have been a staple in the drag community for 10 years.

I am just large and in charge.

I'm The Muppets Take Manhattan, okay?

[chuckles]

I have a reputation of being, like, loud and outspoken.

I got a lot to say, and I will not be silent.

The fireworks show is on... ooh...

Oh, clean brushes. Thank God.

I am literally gonna light this place up.

Ah, fire. Oh, my gosh, did I just do, like, Showgirls?

I did!

[laughs] Whoo!

The Mackie doll is finally out of her box.

I'm Kahmora Hall,

and I'm Chicago's premiere Mackie Barbie doll.

Kahmora Hall is always living that rich, white woman fantasy.

She is just dripping in luxury.

You can smell the privilege off of her.

And my drag is all about the glitz and glam.

Shine and sparkle never go out of style.

- Hey! - Hi!

Oh, my God, Miss Big Red, how are you?

Mwah, mwah!

- Kahmora Hall. - Kahmora Hall?

Kah-mora, okay?

Not Kim-mora, Kah-mora.

- Get it right. - Kahmora Hall, got it.

That's right.

- Tina Burner. - Oh, I know you, girl.

I know who Tina Burner is.

She is a local legend,

and even though she's the only one there right now,

I just know that she's one to watch out for.

So who are you wearing?

I'm giving you a firefighter, honey.

I'm just giving you the whole Tina Burner experience

from head to toe.

I see.

You look like a sexy hot dog right now.

Kahmora is shady, bitch.

I'm, like, yes, you can be on Team Burner.

Oh!

♪ I'm the queen you want to see ♪

♪ Elliott with 2 Ts, okay? ♪

♪ Uh, uh, uh, uh-uh-uh-uh ♪

Okay? Get into it.

White girls can't dance, huh?

[both laugh]

My name is Elliott with 2 Ts,

and I'm the most famous drag queen

you ain't never heard of. [laughs]

My drag is very much a housewife with a secret.

I've been doing drag since I was 15 years old,

dancing, acting, singing.

I didn't practice my autograph since I was a baby for nothing.

She looks fun.

- [laughs] - Sis.

She got a windbreaker on and some pants,

and I'm just, like, sis,

do you just go power walking with my mom?

- Hi! - Hello, hello.

Hi. I'm Kahmora.

I'm Elliott with 2 Ts.

- Hi, Elliott with 2 Ts. - Hello.

All I can think about is ET.

Elliott...

And I was, like, ooh, girl.

She needs to phone home

and get a new outfit for the werkroom entrance, girl.

I've seen you before.

You were at a drag brunch in Las Vegas.

I sure was.

That's where I'm from.

Is this look very Vegas or something?

I'm just curious what your inspiration was.

Here we go with the shade.

That is not shade!

Here you go. Watch out for her.

[alarm, thunder]

RuPaul: Ooh, girl.

Is this really happening right now?

My queens, main stage, now.

[laughs]

Get to the main stage. Is that what they said?

I don't understand. What's going on?

Trying to raise my eyebrows, but they don't raise right now.

All that pumping.

Wait, let me get my purse!

Are they moving? [laughs]

Welcome, ladies. Surprised to see me?

Say hello to the judges.

- Hello, judges. - Hi!

They're dying to get to know

a little bit more about each of you.

Starting with Tina Burner.

Little bit of a New York legend here with you.

I'm glad to see you here.

That just means I'm old.

Well, join the club, sweetheart.

You've got your whole fire department thing going on.

Does this speak to us and tell us who you are?

I'm, like, a campy, comedy, sassy queen.

So, like, Tina Burner, turn it and burn it,

burning down the house.

And so, we're here to put that fire out

with my large hose.

Yeah. [laughs]

Sss.

Is it true that you were in a boy band

when you were 19 years old?

Yes, I was in a boy band.

After three years, I had to say Bye, Bye, Bye.

[all laugh]

You guys are no longer N'Sync?

No. No. We're more like the Back Door Boys now, you know?

Well, that's a fascinating back story.

We got a lotta back going on today.

Back to you, Ru.

[all laugh]

- Up next, Elliott. - Hi.

You look like a member of Exposé.

Okay.

Yes, I love that outfit.

Thank you.

What does it say about you?

I love an eighties throwback, I love a good structured moment.

I grew up as a dancer,

so the big dancing female divas of the eighties

really speak to me.

What kind of dancing did you grow up doing?

Well, not to Brooke Lynn Hytes myself,

but I was a ballet dancer my whole life,

and I worked on cruise ships for a while as a dancer.

And what was your favorite port of call?

My favorite was Cozumel.

You like to party, don't you?

A little bit. Just a little bit.

[all laugh]

Last but not least, Kahmora Hall.

You know, I just watched

Beyond the Valley of the Dolls last night

again for the eightieth time,

and your hair is serving Beyond the Valley of the Dolls.

That was definitely the inspiration.

You look stunning.

Thank you so much.

I really love this look that you have on.

Who's the designer?

It's an original Bob Mackie.

I bought it from an auction house,

and I just had to have it.

What?

They had it reconstructed to fit my body,

because I'm sample size.

- That is insane. - Wow.

I love it.

Kahmora Hall, any relation

to our queen Jaida Essence Hall?

Jaida Essence Hall is my big sister.

The House of Hall.

We're known for great shoulders and great clavicles.

Yes. [laughs] That's always good to know.

Well, those are some very big shoes to fill.

She got some big feet, so, yeah.

Exactly. [laughs]

Thank you, Kahmora.

Thank you.

Ladies, show of hands.

Who likes surprises?

- Me! - Love 'em!

Oh, goodie.

Three queens stand before me.

What?

Ladies, this is your first chance to impress me

and save yourself from getting the porkchop.

The time has come... [thunder]

for you to lip sync...

..for your life.

Nobody puts Burner in the corner, okay?

Because I'll tell you what.

I didn't come all this way to watch these bitches beat me.

Good luck, and don't fuck it up.

♪ Hey, sista, go, sista, soul sista, flow, sista ♪

♪ Hey, sista, go, sista, soul sista, flow, sista ♪

♪ He met Marmalade down in old Moulin Rouge ♪

♪ Struttin' her stuff on the street ♪

♪ She said, hello, hey, Joe, you wanna give it a go, oh ♪

♪ Gitchie, gitchie, ya-ya, da-da ♪

♪ Da, da, da ♪

♪ Gitchie, gitchie, ya-ya here ♪

♪ Ooh, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Mocha chocolata, ya-ya... ♪

Thank God Bob Mackie works for all occasions.

I'm feeling confident and beautiful.

I'm killing it.

♪ We come through with the money and the garter belts ♪

♪ Let him know we 'bout that cake straight out the gate ♪

♪ We independent women, some mistake us for whores ♪

♪ I'm sayin' why spend mine when I can spend yours? ♪

♪ Disagree? Well, that's you, and I'm sorry ♪

♪ Imma keep playing these cats out like Atari ♪

♪ Wear high-heel shoes, get love from the dudes ♪

♪ Four badass chicks from the Moulin Rouge ♪

♪ What? Creole lady Marmalade ♪

[all laugh]

♪ One more time, come on ♪

♪ Marmalade ♪

♪ Ooh, yeah ♪

♪ Hey, hey, hey, oh ♪

♪ Touch of her skin, feeling silky smooth ♪

♪ Hey! Color of café au lait... ♪

I'm a Clydesdale in this battle right now.

I'm not no little My Little Pony.

It is time to bury these girls.

- ♪ More ♪ - ♪ More ♪

- ♪ More ♪ - ♪ More ♪

♪ Gitchie, gitchie, ya-ya, da-da ♪

♪ Gitchie, gitchie, ya-ya here ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh, yeah ♪

♪ Mocha chocolate, ya-ya ♪

♪ Creole lady Marmalade ♪

♪ Ooh, yes ♪

[laughter and applause]

Great.

Ladies, I've made my decision.

This is not what day one is supposed to be.

I'm just trying not to throw up.

Ladies, I've made my decision.

I would give up masturbating for a year

just to hear, "Tina Burner, shantay you stay."

Tina Burner, shantay you stay.

Thank you so much.

Damn, I just won!

And the choices I made I will deal with.

That means Kahmora Hall and Elliott,

I'm sorry, my dears,

but you are both getting the porkchop.

Porkchop?

I don't like pork chops.

- Hey, ladies. - Hi!

- Hello! - Hi!

Okay, what is going on?

Hi, hi, hi.

I'm seeing all these other girls.

I see Denali, my Chicago sister.

I'm normally the queen

that knows all the twists and the gags and the goops.

But this is throwing me for a loop.

So you all just both lip synced.

- We just lip synced. - Yeah.

Oh, my God.

- Porkchop. - Yeah.

Welcome to all the people who went home first.

They can't send us home.

They can kind of do whatever they want.

No!

I object.

We're trying to figure out what's going on.

This is what we've been talking about this whole time

is is this the real tea?

Here we all are in the porkchop lounge,

who famously went home first.

So is that what's gonna happen to all of us?

I'm not okay with that.

I wonder what the winners are doing right now?

[all laugh]

We won our first challenge, essentially.

I know!

Clearly Team Talent.

[all laugh]

Oh, shit.

- Oh! - Aah!

Yes!

- Diva! - Winner's circle!

Child, everyone in New York City

knows Tina auditions every year,

and God bless her heart.

She is ancient.

I love her to death,

but she needed to get on before she died.

- Hi, mama! - Hi!

New York is in the house!

Oh, goodness.

Okay, we've got a New York girl

that is a comedy queen and a campy queen.

You always gotta watch out for those girls, honey,

because they may not be gorg in the face,

but that don't mean shit.

Competition register locked.

So I'm guessing you won your lip sync as well?

I did. Did you?

Mm, well, we're sitting right here, bitch.

We're all the winner's circle, all right.

- All right! - Winner's circle!

I lip synced against a New York sister.

Oh.

Rosé.

Rosé's here?

Oh, here we go.

Olivia beat Rosé in a lip sync?

Miss Olivia Lux, who's been doing drag for 10 seconds?

So I'm thinking Rosé's beside herself.

Because, like, Rosé is, like,

a little more of a seasoned queen.

She got, you know, America's Got Talent.

She is... "I was on The Voice," you know, "I can sing."

Well, I guess you couldn't lip sync.

Wait, so are the other girls gone?

Do you think they're still here?

- They have to be. - They have to be.

- It's not us. - I have no idea.

But what I do know is that we here.

Aah! [laughs]

We're stunning, we're winners,

and, baby, may the best woman win.

Come on, Season 13!

Yes!

Did you guys lip sync against each other?

It was us and then one other queen.

Who were you against?

Tina Burner.

Oh, fuck.

She's here! [laughs]

Tina's from New York.

So are you from New York, too?

I'm from New York.

And Tina won against you beauties.

That fucking bitch.

[all laugh]

Me and Tina work in the same circles.

I like Tina.

I don't think Tina likes me.

What in the heck do you think is about to happen next?

We're gonna de-drag at the airport...

Our picture's gonna be on the wall

with the rest of the girls.

[bells play]

RuPaul: Attention, queens in the porkchop loading dock.

Oh, that's us.

The departure van will be arriving soon.

On behalf of the judges,

we want to wish you safe travels,

wherever your final destination may be.

Okay, so everything I just said, forget it.

I guess we're going home instead.

Mm, girl, I told you.

The lady said... go home.

The lady said go home.

For me, this is really, really emotional,

because this means the world to me.

Like, this is my dream.

And, like, not getting to show the world anything

of what kind of drag queen you are,

it's just the period on a really shitty day.

- Uh, Ru? - Yes?

You do realize

you just eliminated half of the cast, right?

Oh.

Oh, okay, hold up.

[clears throat]

Attention, queens in the porkchop loading dock.

All is not lost.

You all have a chance to return to the competition.

First, you must give one of your fellow queens the chop.

What kind of All Stars bullshit is this?

This is just bonkers.

We don't know each other!

I repeat: You all have a chance to return to the competition,

but first, you must give one of your fellow queens the chop.

And remember, no matter what happens next,

please enjoy a complimentary copy of my album,

You're a Winner, Baby.

Let the voting begin.

Wait, for real-real?

I don't know.

But I'm the only Black girl, so don't vote me off.

[laughter]

Oh, my God.

Girl, we're gagged.

We just met, and now we have to send one of us home.

I thought I was already eliminated.

Well, guess what, filler queen?

You might be eliminated again.

RuPaul: Next time on RuPaul's Drag Race...

You need to perform a show-stopping version

of my song Condragulations.

♪ Condragulations, you're number one ♪

You're somebody that I could not take my eye off of.

Racers, more twists and turns

are just around the corner.

What the fuck?

[bells play]

I don't wanna vote anyone off. I don't know any of you yet.

We've literally just met.

We have to vote someone off.

This is a competition.

This is what we signed up for.

Shit's about to go down.

♪ I'm a winner ♪

♪ I'm a winner, baby ♪

♪ I'm a winner ♪

♪ I'm a winner, baby ♪

♪ I'm a winner ♪

♪ I'm a winner, baby ♪

♪ I'm a winner ♪

♪ I'm a winner, baby ♪

♪ Losers, weepers ♪

♪ I'm a winner, baby ♪

♪ Finders, keepers ♪

♪ I'm a winner, baby ♪

♪ Losers, weepers ♪

♪ I'm a winner, baby ♪

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