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1
00:00:00,444 --> 00:00:02,776
Self,
I don't buy it.
2
00:00:02,863 --> 00:00:04,694
And you
say to me, self.
3
00:00:04,778 --> 00:00:06,678
I say,
yeah, who's...
4
00:00:06,761 --> 00:00:08,729
[explosion]
5
00:00:08,811 --> 00:00:13,248
Yeah, self, I got
bigger fish to fry.
6
00:00:13,348 --> 00:00:15,179
The six-ton
guppy in the room
7
00:00:15,263 --> 00:00:17,390
is to find my
father's killer.
8
00:00:17,481 --> 00:00:19,244
Everywhere
I go, I look.
9
00:00:19,329 --> 00:00:22,492
And everywhere
I look, I see clues.
10
00:00:22,589 --> 00:00:24,079
Son!
11
00:00:24,168 --> 00:00:27,137
It was you
who killed me!
12
00:00:27,225 --> 00:00:29,090
What kind
of stupid
13
00:00:29,174 --> 00:00:30,368
name is Yoohoo?
14
00:00:30,451 --> 00:00:32,646
Well, when I
find that demon,
15
00:00:32,736 --> 00:00:34,897
I shall slay him...
to death.
16
00:00:34,988 --> 00:00:36,888
Yoohoo!
Yoohoo!
17
00:00:36,971 --> 00:00:38,097
No, no, no, no.
18
00:00:38,181 --> 00:00:39,170
No, not Yoohoo.
19
00:00:39,255 --> 00:00:40,449
It was you,
damn it!
20
00:00:40,532 --> 00:00:42,227
You, Xavier...
you killed your
21
00:00:42,314 --> 00:00:44,874
own father!
22
00:00:44,968 --> 00:00:46,299
Me?
23
00:00:46,379 --> 00:00:47,812
It was I who...
24
00:00:47,892 --> 00:00:49,223
I killed my...
25
00:00:49,303 --> 00:00:50,668
No!
26
00:00:50,748 --> 00:00:54,514
[Echoing]
No!
27
00:00:54,612 --> 00:00:56,705
The pride I
feel for finally
28
00:00:56,797 --> 00:00:58,890
fingering my
father's killer is
29
00:00:58,981 --> 00:01:01,108
dampened only
by the fact that I
30
00:01:01,198 --> 00:01:03,098
promised to
kill my father's
31
00:01:03,181 --> 00:01:04,239
killer.
32
00:01:04,323 --> 00:01:06,951
I fingered
myself to death.
33
00:01:07,046 --> 00:01:09,241
That closed
circle of violence
34
00:01:09,331 --> 00:01:11,322
ends here at
the tip of this
35
00:01:11,413 --> 00:01:14,075
razor of justice
against my throat.
36
00:01:14,169 --> 00:01:14,999
Die, killer.
37
00:01:15,076 --> 00:01:17,306
Goodbye,
killer slayer.
38
00:01:17,395 --> 00:01:18,487
What you
doin', boy?
39
00:01:18,571 --> 00:01:19,401
[Neck cracks]
40
00:01:19,478 --> 00:01:20,945
Fulfilling a promise
41
00:01:21,024 --> 00:01:23,015
I made to a
worthless murderer.
42
00:01:23,108 --> 00:01:24,905
I was just
about to cut one.
43
00:01:24,989 --> 00:01:26,047
Well, don't.
44
00:01:26,132 --> 00:01:28,157
You're sitting
on my hat, freak.
45
00:01:28,249 --> 00:01:29,307
Please.
46
00:01:29,392 --> 00:01:30,324
Leave me alone.
47
00:01:30,400 --> 00:01:32,868
I've got a piece
of business to attend to.
48
00:01:32,953 --> 00:01:35,148
Y'all got a
business license?
49
00:01:35,238 --> 00:01:36,899
No, I don't.
50
00:01:36,985 --> 00:01:39,044
What is you,
a Wisenheimer?
51
00:01:39,136 --> 00:01:41,036
Hold the heimer.
52
00:01:41,118 --> 00:01:43,450
I'm just a man of great wisen.
53
00:01:43,538 --> 00:01:45,369
Now squeeze
that heimer till it
54
00:01:45,454 --> 00:01:47,422
pops, like a
ballonafor feasting
55
00:01:47,503 --> 00:01:49,198
on the lifechops
of his own
56
00:01:49,285 --> 00:01:50,309
demise.
57
00:01:50,394 --> 00:01:51,554
[Neck cracking]
58
00:01:51,636 --> 00:01:53,399
That's it!
Hold my books.
59
00:01:53,484 --> 00:01:56,180
I'm gonna rip
you a new a-hole.
60
00:01:56,274 --> 00:01:57,571
Oh, yeah!
61
00:01:57,652 --> 00:01:59,882
Provide him
with a fresh rectum.
62
00:01:59,970 --> 00:02:01,767
Hold my wallet
and sunglasses
63
00:02:01,852 --> 00:02:02,944
while I whoop him.
64
00:02:03,029 --> 00:02:04,519
Oh, you're
going down!
65
00:02:04,608 --> 00:02:06,371
Best hold my
contact lenses,
66
00:02:06,456 --> 00:02:08,151
too, and
my silk shirt.
67
00:02:08,236 --> 00:02:10,670
Don't want to
get any blood on it.
68
00:02:10,757 --> 00:02:11,724
Oh, yummy!
69
00:02:11,798 --> 00:02:13,197
There gonna
be blood!
70
00:02:13,277 --> 00:02:14,972
Please,
walk away.
71
00:02:15,058 --> 00:02:16,889
I can't be
responsible for what
72
00:02:16,974 --> 00:02:18,839
I'll do if you
beat me to death.
73
00:02:18,922 --> 00:02:19,980
That tears it.
74
00:02:20,064 --> 00:02:21,088
Hold my prosthesis.
75
00:02:21,174 --> 00:02:23,005
Oh, you are
in for a nubbin'.
76
00:02:23,089 --> 00:02:25,080
I've got no
beef with you.
77
00:02:25,172 --> 00:02:26,366
I'm woefully beefless.
78
00:02:26,449 --> 00:02:28,781
Well, I'm about
to make you teethless.
79
00:02:28,869 --> 00:02:30,131
Oh, hold on
to my teeth.
80
00:02:30,213 --> 00:02:31,703
[Muffled]
And hold on to my
81
00:02:31,792 --> 00:02:33,089
tattoo and
my robotical.
82
00:02:33,170 --> 00:02:34,831
I ain't never
seen him this
83
00:02:34,918 --> 00:02:36,215
heated since
the incident.
84
00:02:36,296 --> 00:02:37,661
Please,
hop away.
85
00:02:37,740 --> 00:02:38,968
You seem like
smart guys.
86
00:02:39,051 --> 00:02:40,882
Don't turn
stupid all of a sudden.
87
00:02:40,966 --> 00:02:41,898
That's slander!
88
00:02:41,975 --> 00:02:43,340
All we gots
to do now is sit
89
00:02:43,419 --> 00:02:45,512
back, let the
judicial system do
90
00:02:45,603 --> 00:02:48,436
its job, and
watch the dollars roll in.
91
00:02:48,527 --> 00:02:49,357
Come on!
92
00:02:49,434 --> 00:02:50,560
Or... I could let
93
00:02:50,644 --> 00:02:53,112
Clarence Thomas
here serve out
94
00:02:53,198 --> 00:02:55,860
his own brand
of black justice.
95
00:02:55,953 --> 00:02:57,853
Oh, you want
I should hold
96
00:02:57,936 --> 00:02:59,494
your toupee,
too, while you fist
97
00:02:59,582 --> 00:03:00,412
him up, boss?
98
00:03:00,490 --> 00:03:02,822
You weren't supposed
to tell about the...
99
00:03:02,909 --> 00:03:03,739
T-that's it!
100
00:03:03,816 --> 00:03:05,078
Take that.
Taste the pain.
101
00:03:05,161 --> 00:03:05,991
Take that.
102
00:03:06,067 --> 00:03:07,432
Taste the
tou-tou-tou-pain.
103
00:03:07,512 --> 00:03:09,241
You might as well
104
00:03:09,327 --> 00:03:10,760
just finish me off.
105
00:03:10,839 --> 00:03:12,932
I's gonna do
you one worse.
106
00:03:13,023 --> 00:03:15,014
I'm gonna shave
you down and
107
00:03:15,107 --> 00:03:18,076
make me a
wrist-hair moustache.
108
00:03:18,164 --> 00:03:21,156
This W.H.M.
Is gonna be sweet!
109
00:03:21,256 --> 00:03:22,086
Huh?!
110
00:03:22,163 --> 00:03:23,858
I-I didn't know.
111
00:03:23,944 --> 00:03:25,707
I-I'm sorry, mister.
112
00:03:25,793 --> 00:03:27,090
Come...
come on, tater.
113
00:03:27,171 --> 00:03:28,604
What happened, boss?
114
00:03:28,682 --> 00:03:30,115
These numbers.
115
00:03:30,195 --> 00:03:31,560
What could
they be from?
116
00:03:31,639 --> 00:03:32,867
I need
concentration.
117
00:03:32,950 --> 00:03:34,474
Concentration...
That's it!
118
00:03:34,563 --> 00:03:35,723
It's a
phone number.
119
00:03:35,806 --> 00:03:37,501
It must be
my reprieve, a
120
00:03:37,587 --> 00:03:39,555
last-minute
cosmic pardon from
121
00:03:39,637 --> 00:03:42,037
the governor
of circumstance.
122
00:03:42,124 --> 00:03:42,954
[Dial tone]
123
00:03:43,031 --> 00:03:44,055
[Telephone rings]
124
00:03:44,140 --> 00:03:45,266
Self:
Hello? Hello?
125
00:03:45,349 --> 00:03:46,281
Hello?
126
00:03:46,358 --> 00:03:47,416
Self:
Who's this?
127
00:03:47,501 --> 00:03:48,627
Who's this?
128
00:03:48,710 --> 00:03:50,575
Self:
I'm asking the questions.
129
00:03:50,659 --> 00:03:51,591
I called you.
130
00:03:51,667 --> 00:03:53,396
No, I called you.
131
00:03:53,482 --> 00:03:55,313
And you sound
like the ugliest
132
00:03:55,397 --> 00:03:56,955
son of a bitch
I ever heard.
133
00:03:57,044 --> 00:03:58,568
Self:
You sound like the
134
00:03:58,656 --> 00:04:00,317
physical
manifestation of some
135
00:04:00,403 --> 00:04:01,665
loser's
inner demons.
136
00:04:01,748 --> 00:04:03,306
Well, you sound
137
00:04:03,394 --> 00:04:04,759
like some
total chode's
138
00:04:04,840 --> 00:04:06,330
inability to
confront the
139
00:04:06,419 --> 00:04:08,284
reality of his
past actions.
140
00:04:08,367 --> 00:04:10,130
Self:
If I ever get your
141
00:04:10,215 --> 00:04:12,240
stinky mug in
my line of sight,
142
00:04:12,332 --> 00:04:14,163
I swear to
jack off, I'll cock
143
00:04:14,248 --> 00:04:15,078
your clock off.
144
00:04:15,155 --> 00:04:16,520
Well,
I'm going to be
145
00:04:16,600 --> 00:04:17,897
the bigger man
and hang up fi...
146
00:04:17,978 --> 00:04:18,842
[receiver clicks]
147
00:04:18,919 --> 00:04:21,752
Damn it!
148
00:04:21,842 --> 00:04:23,309
Listen,
we don't cotton to
149
00:04:23,388 --> 00:04:24,855
freaks
'round these parts.
150
00:04:24,934 --> 00:04:26,026
Scram, weirdo.
151
00:04:26,110 --> 00:04:27,441
Self:
Oh, yeah?
152
00:04:27,521 --> 00:04:29,045
I don't
polycotton to
153
00:04:29,135 --> 00:04:30,966
copingtropes,
even my own.
154
00:04:31,050 --> 00:04:32,312
So why
don't you split?
155
00:04:32,393 --> 00:04:34,486
Looks like
I already did.
156
00:04:34,578 --> 00:04:36,341
You're the
sad figment of my
157
00:04:36,426 --> 00:04:38,690
twisted psyche's
tragic dividend.
158
00:04:38,778 --> 00:04:39,938
You're the un-me.
159
00:04:40,022 --> 00:04:41,011
I'm the real me.
160
00:04:41,097 --> 00:04:42,223
You want
to be me?
161
00:04:42,307 --> 00:04:44,036
Self:
Kiddo, I was the real
162
00:04:44,121 --> 00:04:46,385
me when you were
still in my short pants.
163
00:04:46,474 --> 00:04:47,839
Hate to break it to
164
00:04:47,919 --> 00:04:49,147
you, but I
wore them first.
165
00:04:49,229 --> 00:04:50,924
Me bequeathed
thee the
166
00:04:51,010 --> 00:04:52,375
psychopathological
167
00:04:52,455 --> 00:04:53,285
hand-you-down.
168
00:04:53,362 --> 00:04:54,693
Self:
So you're the one who
169
00:04:54,774 --> 00:04:55,604
stained them.
170
00:04:55,680 --> 00:04:57,705
Whoever found
it browned it.
171
00:04:57,798 --> 00:04:59,129
Self:
You'd like me to be
172
00:04:59,209 --> 00:05:00,073
you, wouldn't me?
173
00:05:00,150 --> 00:05:01,048
But it's too late.
174
00:05:01,125 --> 00:05:02,114
You snoze,
you loze.
175
00:05:02,200 --> 00:05:04,065
You sleeped,
you weeped.
176
00:05:04,149 --> 00:05:06,208
Self:
You nap-uh, you get slap-uh.
177
00:05:06,299 --> 00:05:08,267
You slumber,
a cucumber.
178
00:05:08,349 --> 00:05:09,782
Self:
You catch up on some
179
00:05:09,861 --> 00:05:11,351
zeds, you get
out of my heads.
180
00:05:11,440 --> 00:05:13,431
You slumber,
ham... burger!
181
00:05:13,524 --> 00:05:14,650
I don't want
to talk about
182
00:05:14,733 --> 00:05:15,563
nothing else.
183
00:05:15,641 --> 00:05:17,040
Self:
Listen, this psyche is
184
00:05:17,119 --> 00:05:18,108
not big
enough for two
185
00:05:18,195 --> 00:05:19,184
metaphysical
seekers.
186
00:05:19,270 --> 00:05:20,532
You couldn't seek
187
00:05:20,615 --> 00:05:22,207
your way out of
a cardboard bag.
188
00:05:22,295 --> 00:05:23,887
Self:
Yeah, I know, 'cause it
189
00:05:23,974 --> 00:05:24,872
would be an egg.
190
00:05:24,949 --> 00:05:26,211
[Thinking]
Ooh!
191
00:05:26,294 --> 00:05:27,886
This guy might
be better than me.
192
00:05:27,974 --> 00:05:28,998
Self:
You're right.
193
00:05:29,082 --> 00:05:30,014
I am better than me.
194
00:05:30,090 --> 00:05:31,352
Look,
buddy, know
195
00:05:31,435 --> 00:05:32,527
when you're defeated.
196
00:05:32,610 --> 00:05:33,804
Accept your defecation.
197
00:05:33,887 --> 00:05:34,945
Self:
No, thanks.
198
00:05:35,030 --> 00:05:36,520
I'm full, 'cause
I eat pussies
199
00:05:36,609 --> 00:05:37,803
like you
for breakfast.
200
00:05:37,886 --> 00:05:39,046
Look at you.
201
00:05:39,130 --> 00:05:40,563
You look so
superficial, you
202
00:05:40,642 --> 00:05:42,132
probably judge
things by their
203
00:05:42,221 --> 00:05:43,188
physical appearance.
204
00:05:43,263 --> 00:05:44,127
Self:
Oh, yeah?
205
00:05:44,204 --> 00:05:45,398
Your mom's
so shallow, she
206
00:05:45,481 --> 00:05:47,381
probably thinks
this quip is about her.
207
00:05:47,464 --> 00:05:48,863
You're about
as deep
208
00:05:48,942 --> 00:05:50,500
as a bowl of
soup, and your
209
00:05:50,589 --> 00:05:52,113
tongue is about
as sharp as a
210
00:05:52,201 --> 00:05:53,031
soup spoon.
211
00:05:53,108 --> 00:05:54,871
Self:
Hey, say what you want
212
00:05:54,956 --> 00:05:56,719
about me, but
lay off the soup.
213
00:05:56,804 --> 00:05:58,533
If you love soup so
214
00:05:58,619 --> 00:06:00,416
much, why don't
you marry soup?
215
00:06:00,501 --> 00:06:02,059
Self:
'Cause I'm already
216
00:06:02,148 --> 00:06:03,308
married...
to justice.
217
00:06:03,391 --> 00:06:05,052
Yeah,
only a blind
218
00:06:05,138 --> 00:06:06,503
girl would
marry you.
219
00:06:06,583 --> 00:06:08,175
Self:
I know everything
220
00:06:08,263 --> 00:06:10,356
you're gonna... say.
221
00:06:10,447 --> 00:06:12,915
And I know everything
you're gonna...
222
00:06:13,001 --> 00:06:13,831
Self:
Don't.
223
00:06:13,909 --> 00:06:14,933
Oh, yeah?
224
00:06:15,018 --> 00:06:16,451
Well, when God
was passing out
225
00:06:16,530 --> 00:06:17,895
insight, you
thought he said
226
00:06:17,974 --> 00:06:19,908
that when God
was passing out
227
00:06:19,991 --> 00:06:21,925
holy prophets,
you thought he
228
00:06:22,007 --> 00:06:23,872
said,
"oily faucets," 'cause
229
00:06:23,956 --> 00:06:26,015
your soul has
diarrhea of the
230
00:06:26,107 --> 00:06:27,165
mouth faucet.
231
00:06:27,250 --> 00:06:29,241
Self:
Are you so dumb you
232
00:06:29,332 --> 00:06:30,765
even answer rhetorical
233
00:06:30,845 --> 00:06:31,675
questions?
234
00:06:32,223 --> 00:06:33,884
I don't know.
Do you?
235
00:06:33,970 --> 00:06:36,564
Self:
We can play this game all night.
236
00:06:36,658 --> 00:06:37,317
First of all, it's
237
00:06:37,397 --> 00:06:40,059
daytime, and
this is no game.
238
00:06:40,152 --> 00:06:41,119
Self:
Checkmate.
239
00:06:41,195 --> 00:06:42,025
Oh!
240
00:06:42,102 --> 00:06:43,330
So you admit
that you're
241
00:06:43,412 --> 00:06:44,970
checking me out and
you want to mate.
242
00:06:45,562 --> 00:06:46,392
Self:
Ooh!
243
00:06:46,470 --> 00:06:47,937
You got a
license to sell
244
00:06:48,016 --> 00:06:49,210
hot dogs,
chico man?
245
00:06:49,293 --> 00:06:50,191
No.
246
00:06:50,268 --> 00:06:51,792
They wouldn't
give it to me
247
00:06:51,880 --> 00:06:53,575
because when
I was filling out
248
00:06:53,661 --> 00:06:55,288
the application,
my penis was
249
00:06:55,376 --> 00:06:56,206
sticking out.
250
00:06:56,282 --> 00:06:57,340
Self:
Oh, yeah?
251
00:06:57,425 --> 00:06:58,687
You only got
one peni?
252
00:06:58,769 --> 00:07:00,100
Let me see it.
253
00:07:00,180 --> 00:07:01,545
See with
your eyes,
254
00:07:01,626 --> 00:07:02,558
not with
your mouth.
255
00:07:02,634 --> 00:07:03,999
Self:
I'll call your bluff.
256
00:07:04,079 --> 00:07:05,410
I'll see your
penis with your
257
00:07:05,490 --> 00:07:07,253
mouth, and I
raise you with my hand.
258
00:07:07,338 --> 00:07:08,327
Ante up.
259
00:07:08,413 --> 00:07:09,471
Self:
Oh! Damn it!
260
00:07:09,555 --> 00:07:10,783
What's wrong?
261
00:07:10,867 --> 00:07:12,858
Self:
I crapped out, but I'm tough.
262
00:07:12,949 --> 00:07:13,881
I can suck it up.
263
00:07:13,957 --> 00:07:14,821
Okay.
264
00:07:14,899 --> 00:07:16,366
Count of three,
we show what's
265
00:07:16,444 --> 00:07:18,105
under the loincloth.
266
00:07:18,192 --> 00:07:19,557
Wiener take all.
267
00:07:19,636 --> 00:07:23,595
Both:
One, two, three.
268
00:07:27,869 --> 00:07:29,666
Self:
I guess there's only
269
00:07:29,751 --> 00:07:31,241
one way to settle this.
270
00:07:31,331 --> 00:07:34,562
Both:
A Shakashuri blowdown.
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00:07:34,657 --> 00:07:36,181
Self:
I assume you're
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00:07:36,270 --> 00:07:38,170
familiar with
St. Louis rules.
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00:07:38,252 --> 00:07:39,344
Fine.
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00:07:39,429 --> 00:07:40,953
We'll blow
to the death.
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00:07:41,042 --> 00:07:44,409
Self:
Okay. Ladies first.
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00:07:47,998 --> 00:07:49,124
[Grunting]
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00:07:49,207 --> 00:07:50,196
Fine!
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00:07:50,283 --> 00:07:52,114
I'll blow first.
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00:07:52,198 --> 00:07:55,429
[Low-pitched melody plays]
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00:08:00,902 --> 00:08:04,030
[High-pitched melody plays]
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00:08:08,529 --> 00:08:11,726
[Low-pitched melody plays]
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00:08:18,509 --> 00:08:22,036
[High-pitched melody plays]
283
00:08:27,279 --> 00:08:30,442
[Low-pitched melody plays]
284
00:08:36,857 --> 00:08:40,384
[High-pitched melody plays]
285
00:08:45,728 --> 00:08:51,758
[Low-pitched melody plays]
286
00:08:51,877 --> 00:08:54,971
[Unicorn grunts]
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00:08:55,070 --> 00:08:57,834
[High-pitched melody plays]
288
00:09:04,209 --> 00:09:07,110
[Low-pitched melody plays]
289
00:09:14,391 --> 00:09:17,451
[High-pitched melody plays]
290
00:09:21,616 --> 00:09:24,779
[Low-pitched melody plays]
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00:09:28,672 --> 00:09:31,835
[High-pitched melody plays]
292
00:09:36,804 --> 00:09:39,739
[Low-pitched melody plays]
293
00:09:47,692 --> 00:09:50,684
[High-pitched melody plays]
294
00:09:50,784 --> 00:09:52,649
[Low-pitched melody plays]
295
00:09:52,732 --> 00:09:54,700
[High-pitched melody plays]
296
00:09:54,782 --> 00:10:01,119
[Low-pitched melody plays]
297
00:10:01,234 --> 00:10:04,032
[High-pitched melody plays]
298
00:10:15,482 --> 00:10:18,280
[Low-pitched melody plays]
299
00:10:29,527 --> 00:10:35,295
[High-pitched melody plays]
300
00:10:35,408 --> 00:10:40,675
[Melodies harmonize]
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00:10:40,785 --> 00:10:42,116
And that's time.
Whoa!
302
00:10:42,197 --> 00:10:43,630
Heck of a
Shakashuri match with
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00:10:43,708 --> 00:10:44,697
a lot of fast action!
304
00:10:44,784 --> 00:10:45,716
What did you think,
305
00:10:45,792 --> 00:10:47,123
Tad B. Holyburn
in the scoochie booth?
306
00:10:47,203 --> 00:10:48,192
I think a lot
of things, but
307
00:10:48,278 --> 00:10:49,176
you're probably
gonna cut...
308
00:10:49,253 --> 00:10:50,618
you know the
stakes, Tad.
309
00:10:50,697 --> 00:10:52,221
Whoever wins
gets his own show.
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00:10:52,311 --> 00:10:53,710
And guess what,
folks at home.
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00:10:53,789 --> 00:10:54,619
You get to decide.
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00:10:54,696 --> 00:10:55,526
That's right.
313
00:10:55,604 --> 00:10:57,071
Write down on a
postcard who you
314
00:10:57,150 --> 00:10:58,344
think won
and send it off.
315
00:10:58,427 --> 00:10:59,621
Send it where?
You decide.
316
00:10:59,704 --> 00:11:01,934
You choose.
It's up to you!
317
00:11:02,022 --> 00:11:05,389
[Echoing]
It was you.
318
00:11:05,439 --> 00:11:09,989
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