Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:05,559
This programme contains some
strong language
2
00:00:05,560 --> 00:00:08,039
What do you think? Aye.
3
00:00:08,040 --> 00:00:10,679
You don't know what I've done,
do you? Nah.
4
00:00:10,680 --> 00:00:12,799
Well, I've moved that lamp
and I've shifted the rug,
5
00:00:12,800 --> 00:00:14,559
so it's in line with the sofa.
6
00:00:14,560 --> 00:00:17,799
Oh, aye, now you say, aye.
Everything all right upstairs?
7
00:00:17,800 --> 00:00:20,479
Aye, I've hoovered the hall,
I've pulled the blinds down
8
00:00:20,480 --> 00:00:23,199
in the bedroom and I've put the
ironing board back in the cupboard.
9
00:00:23,200 --> 00:00:25,439
Great.
Oh, and I've lit a wee candle
10
00:00:25,440 --> 00:00:27,799
in the bathroom.
Aww, you didn't need to do that.
11
00:00:27,800 --> 00:00:29,040
No. I did.
12
00:00:47,960 --> 00:00:50,079
Hi, Michelle. How you doing?
13
00:00:50,080 --> 00:00:51,239
Not too early, are we?
14
00:00:51,240 --> 00:00:53,919
Oh, no, no, no, don't be daft.
Hi, Alan.
15
00:00:53,920 --> 00:00:55,559
They're early.
16
00:00:55,560 --> 00:01:00,200
Come in, come in.
Aww, thanks, Michelle.
17
00:01:02,200 --> 00:01:03,240
Ohh!
18
00:01:05,400 --> 00:01:08,279
Oh, this is lovely, Michelle.
19
00:01:08,280 --> 00:01:10,159
Isn't this nice, Eric?
Oh, looks good.
20
00:01:10,160 --> 00:01:13,359
Oh, look at the fireplace there
with the lights.
21
00:01:13,360 --> 00:01:15,839
Oh, and I like that rug too.
22
00:01:15,840 --> 00:01:19,399
I love it, it goes just nicely
with the suite.
23
00:01:19,400 --> 00:01:21,079
Took me ages to find one the right
colour.
24
00:01:21,080 --> 00:01:23,159
Oh, no, it's perfect.
25
00:01:23,160 --> 00:01:24,399
Oh, thanks, Beth.
26
00:01:24,400 --> 00:01:25,919
Oh, lovely big telly.
27
00:01:25,920 --> 00:01:27,520
Yeah, Alan picked that.
28
00:01:29,320 --> 00:01:32,359
Take Beth's jacket, would you,
please, Alan? Right, aye.
29
00:01:32,360 --> 00:01:34,999
You needing fags or anything
out the pocket?
30
00:01:35,000 --> 00:01:36,600
Er, no.
31
00:01:37,880 --> 00:01:40,399
Oh, before I forget, this is for you.
32
00:01:40,400 --> 00:01:42,279
Oh, you didn't need to bother.
33
00:01:42,280 --> 00:01:43,719
Oh, it's just a wee something.
34
00:01:43,720 --> 00:01:44,959
Oh, thanks so much.
35
00:01:44,960 --> 00:01:47,919
Och. Look, Alan, Beth got
us a little house-warming pressie.
36
00:01:47,920 --> 00:01:49,759
It's not a candle, is it?
37
00:01:49,760 --> 00:01:51,839
It's like the fucking chapel in here
as it is.
38
00:01:51,840 --> 00:01:53,120
Ha!
39
00:01:54,120 --> 00:01:55,199
Oh, look.
40
00:01:55,200 --> 00:01:58,199
Oh, if you want to exchange it
for something else,
41
00:01:58,200 --> 00:01:59,759
I might still have the receipt.
42
00:01:59,760 --> 00:02:01,799
Don't be daft. Where is it out of?
43
00:02:01,800 --> 00:02:03,599
Er, Asda.
44
00:02:03,600 --> 00:02:05,399
Take it back and swap it for food.
45
00:02:05,400 --> 00:02:07,720
Just put it on the table, please, Alan.
46
00:02:09,440 --> 00:02:10,959
Now, what would you like to drink?
47
00:02:10,960 --> 00:02:12,759
I'm going to do some cocktails later on,
48
00:02:12,760 --> 00:02:15,399
but I thought we could start with
a wee glass of wine or something?
49
00:02:15,400 --> 00:02:17,679
Oh, yes, a white wine would be
lovely, Michelle.
50
00:02:17,680 --> 00:02:20,239
Eric? Er, I'll take a glass of wine,
aye.
51
00:02:20,240 --> 00:02:23,479
Do you no' want a lager, Eric?
I've got the wee Belgian ones, 7%?
52
00:02:23,480 --> 00:02:25,720
Oh, aye, a beer, sure thing.
53
00:02:27,840 --> 00:02:31,239
Take a seat anywhere you like.
54
00:02:31,240 --> 00:02:32,279
DOORBELL RINGS
55
00:02:32,280 --> 00:02:33,600
Oh, excuse me.
56
00:02:37,880 --> 00:02:40,479
Oh, Christine.
57
00:02:40,480 --> 00:02:42,279
Take that and guide me in.
58
00:02:42,280 --> 00:02:43,360
Oh.
59
00:02:44,360 --> 00:02:45,800
I think it's quite nice, aye.
60
00:02:48,400 --> 00:02:49,800
Oh, hi, Christine.
61
00:02:51,360 --> 00:02:52,479
Oh, my goodness.
62
00:02:52,480 --> 00:02:54,359
Oh, for God's sake.
63
00:02:54,360 --> 00:02:57,079
I'm all right, Michelle.
Bless you, bless you.
64
00:02:57,080 --> 00:02:58,199
What happened?
65
00:02:58,200 --> 00:02:59,959
I've scratched my eye, Beth.
66
00:02:59,960 --> 00:03:01,079
You what?
67
00:03:01,080 --> 00:03:04,759
I've scratched my eyeball. I caught
it in the edge of my newspaper.
68
00:03:04,760 --> 00:03:07,679
Oh. Oh, dear, bad news right enough,
eh?
69
00:03:07,680 --> 00:03:09,439
HE CHUCKLES
Are you all right?
70
00:03:09,440 --> 00:03:11,919
Oh, I've been very, very lucky, Beth.
71
00:03:11,920 --> 00:03:15,319
The wee doctor said that
if it'd been my Take A Break,
72
00:03:15,320 --> 00:03:17,239
it could've been much worse.
73
00:03:17,240 --> 00:03:18,799
Oh, you poor thing.
74
00:03:18,800 --> 00:03:22,159
I've been told to rest
but I didnae want to disappoint you.
75
00:03:22,160 --> 00:03:24,279
I brung you a wee cactus.
76
00:03:24,280 --> 00:03:25,439
Aww, thanks.
77
00:03:25,440 --> 00:03:27,840
Aye, 50p.
78
00:03:29,160 --> 00:03:30,719
All right, Christine?
79
00:03:30,720 --> 00:03:32,679
Oh, oh, wait a minute, wait, till...
80
00:03:32,680 --> 00:03:34,959
wait till I get turned round,
who's this?
81
00:03:34,960 --> 00:03:36,679
Oh, it's you, Alan.
82
00:03:36,680 --> 00:03:38,119
Hello, Alan.
83
00:03:38,120 --> 00:03:39,239
What's happened to you?
84
00:03:39,240 --> 00:03:41,159
She's hurt her eye.
85
00:03:41,160 --> 00:03:43,599
Aye, the white bit, Alan,
quite a deep scratch.
86
00:03:43,600 --> 00:03:46,479
Now the doctor's given me drops
and painkillers
87
00:03:46,480 --> 00:03:49,079
and I've had my blinds shut all
afternoon.
88
00:03:49,080 --> 00:03:50,319
Can you still see out of it?
89
00:03:50,320 --> 00:03:52,839
Well, no' when I'm wearing
this fucking patch, no.
90
00:03:52,840 --> 00:03:55,599
Christine, can I get you a wee drink
of something?
91
00:03:55,600 --> 00:03:59,319
Mm, I don't know,
I'm on quite a heavy antibiotic.
92
00:03:59,320 --> 00:04:00,919
A lemonade?
93
00:04:00,920 --> 00:04:04,280
Aye, brandy and lemonade,
that'll be lovely, Michelle.
94
00:04:09,480 --> 00:04:12,399
Alan, see when people arrive,
could you offer them a drink?
95
00:04:12,400 --> 00:04:14,279
Right.
Instead of me having to ask them
96
00:04:14,280 --> 00:04:15,919
and then ask you?
DOORBELL RINGS
97
00:04:15,920 --> 00:04:17,919
Right. Will I...?
No, you get the drinks!
98
00:04:17,920 --> 00:04:21,159
I'll go to the door. Right.
99
00:04:21,160 --> 00:04:24,119
Where did you get this rug, Michelle?
100
00:04:24,120 --> 00:04:26,479
I got it online.
It's nice, isn't it?
101
00:04:26,480 --> 00:04:28,959
I think we should do something
with our lounge, Eric.
102
00:04:28,960 --> 00:04:31,799
Hey? Like what?
Well, a new rug would be nice.
103
00:04:31,800 --> 00:04:34,239
Nothing wrong with the one we've
got. Really?
104
00:04:34,240 --> 00:04:35,559
Aye, hides that big stain
105
00:04:35,560 --> 00:04:37,879
in the carpet perfectly.
SHE SIGHS
106
00:04:37,880 --> 00:04:38,919
Hey.
107
00:04:38,920 --> 00:04:42,559
BETH: Oh, hi, Cathy.
You all right, Cath? Colin?
108
00:04:42,560 --> 00:04:44,479
Hello, hello, hello, we're here!
109
00:04:44,480 --> 00:04:46,359
Who's this?
110
00:04:46,360 --> 00:04:48,240
It's Colin and Cathy.
111
00:04:49,280 --> 00:04:51,439
Oh, dear, what's happened here?
112
00:04:51,440 --> 00:04:53,919
I scratched my eyeball, Colin.
113
00:04:53,920 --> 00:04:55,799
How the hell did you manage that?
114
00:04:55,800 --> 00:04:57,519
I caught it on the edge of my newspaper,
115
00:04:57,520 --> 00:05:00,719
the doctor's given me drops
and painkillers.
116
00:05:00,720 --> 00:05:02,319
And was it him that gave you the patch?
117
00:05:02,320 --> 00:05:06,519
No, I thought it was fancy dress
and I came as a fucking pirate.
118
00:05:06,520 --> 00:05:08,799
Is this it, Michelle?
119
00:05:08,800 --> 00:05:11,959
Well, tonight's really just a night
for the neighbours, you know?
120
00:05:11,960 --> 00:05:13,519
Oh, aye, very nice.
121
00:05:13,520 --> 00:05:16,279
In fact, we brought yous
a wee pressie so here you go.
122
00:05:16,280 --> 00:05:17,919
Aww!
123
00:05:17,920 --> 00:05:19,559
Oh, it's not another fu... Alan!
124
00:05:19,560 --> 00:05:22,039
Eh, some difference in here, hey, Colin?
125
00:05:22,040 --> 00:05:23,679
Oh, aye, it's...
126
00:05:23,680 --> 00:05:27,720
It's looking good. Do you remember
what it used to be like? Oh, aye.
127
00:05:29,040 --> 00:05:30,920
May I offer yous a drink?
128
00:05:31,840 --> 00:05:33,999
Yes. What do you want?
129
00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:35,679
Well, what have you got?
130
00:05:35,680 --> 00:05:38,159
Well, I was actually going to do
some cocktails.
131
00:05:38,160 --> 00:05:41,039
Oh, brilliant, Michelle,
well, let's have a cocktail.
132
00:05:41,040 --> 00:05:43,399
I can do you a mojito
or a strawberry daiquiri.
133
00:05:43,400 --> 00:05:46,839
Oh. Or the wee beers with 7%?
134
00:05:46,840 --> 00:05:49,399
Strawberry daiquiri, Michelle.
135
00:05:49,400 --> 00:05:52,479
Aye, I'll have a daiquiri too.
136
00:05:52,480 --> 00:05:54,200
Alan!
137
00:05:55,200 --> 00:05:57,800
It's an M&S candle, Michelle.
138
00:05:58,920 --> 00:06:00,520
I don't know how to do them.
139
00:06:04,640 --> 00:06:06,360
Alan, honestly?
140
00:06:19,640 --> 00:06:20,799
So, all right, Beth?
141
00:06:20,800 --> 00:06:23,279
Yes, fine, thanks, Cathy.
142
00:06:23,280 --> 00:06:26,479
Oh, it's nice in here, isn't it?
143
00:06:26,480 --> 00:06:29,159
Oh, lovely. She's done a great job.
144
00:06:29,160 --> 00:06:32,399
Yeah, if you like things quite...
quite plain.
145
00:06:32,400 --> 00:06:34,639
Cathy. What?
146
00:06:34,640 --> 00:06:36,999
She has put a lot of work into this
place
147
00:06:37,000 --> 00:06:39,919
and it's very nice of her to have us
over, so just don't...
148
00:06:39,920 --> 00:06:41,399
All right, all right.
149
00:06:41,400 --> 00:06:43,799
Is that all the hard work over,
then, is it, Alan?
150
00:06:43,800 --> 00:06:45,839
Michelle wants a bigger
extractor fan in the loo
151
00:06:45,840 --> 00:06:47,279
but apart from that it's just...
152
00:06:47,280 --> 00:06:50,679
Oh, you've done some job with it.
I remember when old Archie had it.
153
00:06:50,680 --> 00:06:52,039
Aye? Oh, aye.
154
00:06:52,040 --> 00:06:56,159
Newspapers piled up over
there, cats' litter tray there
155
00:06:56,160 --> 00:06:59,479
and some sort of frame with
a harness in it there,
156
00:06:59,480 --> 00:07:01,120
don't know what it was.
157
00:07:02,760 --> 00:07:04,479
Wee Asian doctor, Eric,
158
00:07:04,480 --> 00:07:07,599
that's what you want
for anything to do with your eyes.
159
00:07:07,600 --> 00:07:09,199
Really?
160
00:07:09,200 --> 00:07:11,599
Asian for your eyes,
Chinese for your back
161
00:07:11,600 --> 00:07:15,120
and maybe take a plain British
one for stitches.
162
00:07:16,440 --> 00:07:17,479
There you go.
163
00:07:17,480 --> 00:07:18,800
Oh, thank you.
164
00:07:20,840 --> 00:07:25,079
And thank you, Michelle, for having
us in your beautiful home.
165
00:07:25,080 --> 00:07:27,239
Some difference, Michelle.
166
00:07:27,240 --> 00:07:30,119
I'm just saying to Alan how
different it is since Archie had it.
167
00:07:30,120 --> 00:07:31,239
Yeah?
168
00:07:31,240 --> 00:07:32,839
Oh, aye, and it smells much better too.
169
00:07:32,840 --> 00:07:36,359
You'll have put some value onto the
place with all the work you've done.
170
00:07:36,360 --> 00:07:38,439
Aye, they certainly will, Eric.
171
00:07:38,440 --> 00:07:42,119
As a matter of fact,
I've been meaning to get mine valued
172
00:07:42,120 --> 00:07:45,279
since I had that handrail
put round my front step.
173
00:07:45,280 --> 00:07:48,239
Well, are you wanting a look around?
174
00:07:48,240 --> 00:07:50,880
Well, I wouldn't mind. Cathy?
175
00:07:51,880 --> 00:07:53,119
Oh, go on, Michelle.
176
00:07:53,120 --> 00:07:56,960
Let's see how many different shades
of beige you've managed to find.
177
00:08:01,480 --> 00:08:04,119
So this is my kitchen.
178
00:08:04,120 --> 00:08:07,239
Oh, yes, this is nice.
179
00:08:07,240 --> 00:08:09,759
Isn't this lovely, Cathy? Oh, yeah.
180
00:08:09,760 --> 00:08:13,519
Yeah. I mean, it's great how
everything's so close together.
181
00:08:13,520 --> 00:08:16,479
You can just get the food
straight from the fridge
182
00:08:16,480 --> 00:08:17,999
to the cooker to the bin.
183
00:08:18,000 --> 00:08:20,319
Oh, it just makes me want
to cook something.
184
00:08:20,320 --> 00:08:23,239
Does it, Beth? What do you want
to cook, Beth? Potatoes?
185
00:08:23,240 --> 00:08:25,479
I'm just saying it's a lovely kitchen
186
00:08:25,480 --> 00:08:27,559
and it looks ideal for cooking in.
187
00:08:27,560 --> 00:08:30,279
See since we got it done,
I've been cooking every night.
188
00:08:30,280 --> 00:08:32,199
You have, haven't you?
189
00:08:32,200 --> 00:08:34,519
Shall we see upstairs?
Yeah, come on!
190
00:08:34,520 --> 00:08:37,079
Let's go and look at Michelle's toilet!
191
00:08:37,080 --> 00:08:41,279
See if you think it's
ideal for shitting in.
192
00:08:41,280 --> 00:08:43,679
Nice big telly you've got.
I was saying that.
193
00:08:43,680 --> 00:08:45,079
It's a beauty, innit?
194
00:08:45,080 --> 00:08:48,519
Is that the 55 incher, Alan?
Aye, you want it on?
195
00:08:48,520 --> 00:08:49,959
Well?
196
00:08:49,960 --> 00:08:51,479
Wouldnae mind a wee look.
197
00:08:51,480 --> 00:08:52,880
Aye, stick it on, Alan.
198
00:08:55,520 --> 00:08:57,160
Oooh!
199
00:08:58,240 --> 00:08:59,719
Oh, look at that.
200
00:08:59,720 --> 00:09:03,959
Look at the colours on it, Eric.
Is that high definition, Alan?
201
00:09:03,960 --> 00:09:09,039
High definition, surround sound,
internet, voice control.
202
00:09:09,040 --> 00:09:10,159
What's voice control?
203
00:09:10,160 --> 00:09:12,479
Well, you just say what you want to
watch and it puts it on.
204
00:09:12,480 --> 00:09:14,359
Eh?
You say the name of the programme
205
00:09:14,360 --> 00:09:17,159
that you want to watch
and it automatically switches to it.
206
00:09:17,160 --> 00:09:18,599
Oh, that's clever, that.
207
00:09:18,600 --> 00:09:20,839
We've been looking into getting
a new telly
208
00:09:20,840 --> 00:09:22,999
but I never knew they did them
with voice...
209
00:09:23,000 --> 00:09:24,880
Bargain Hunt!
210
00:09:27,360 --> 00:09:28,999
Bargain Hunt!
211
00:09:29,000 --> 00:09:31,679
Oh, this is nice.
212
00:09:31,680 --> 00:09:34,319
Oh, this is where the magic
happens, Michelle?
213
00:09:34,320 --> 00:09:36,039
Don't know about that.
214
00:09:36,040 --> 00:09:37,479
King size mattress.
215
00:09:37,480 --> 00:09:38,960
Beth, let's try it.
216
00:09:40,880 --> 00:09:42,239
Oooh!
217
00:09:42,240 --> 00:09:46,039
Oh, Beth, come and try this.
218
00:09:46,040 --> 00:09:47,359
No, I won't.
219
00:09:47,360 --> 00:09:49,120
Come on, I won't touch you.
220
00:09:54,920 --> 00:09:57,399
Oh, yes, very comfortable.
221
00:09:57,400 --> 00:09:59,279
What side of the bed are you on?
222
00:09:59,280 --> 00:10:00,959
That side.
223
00:10:00,960 --> 00:10:03,240
Beth, check the drawers,
see if she's got a dildo.
224
00:10:07,520 --> 00:10:10,759
Aye, he came off that cushion
a bit heavy, did he no', Eric?
225
00:10:10,760 --> 00:10:11,800
Uh-huh.
226
00:10:13,080 --> 00:10:16,279
His positional play is very sloppy.
227
00:10:16,280 --> 00:10:17,840
Oh, aye.
228
00:10:19,720 --> 00:10:20,800
SNOOKER BALLS CLACK
229
00:10:22,120 --> 00:10:24,000
And again.
230
00:10:27,800 --> 00:10:29,679
Alan!
231
00:10:29,680 --> 00:10:31,919
All right?
What you doing with the telly on?
232
00:10:31,920 --> 00:10:34,559
Here, Beth, shout Emmerdale
and see what happens.
233
00:10:34,560 --> 00:10:36,999
Switch it off.
But they wanted to see it.
234
00:10:37,000 --> 00:10:38,359
Put it off. Lorraine!
235
00:10:38,360 --> 00:10:40,159
No, you need to shout it into
the remote.
236
00:10:40,160 --> 00:10:41,839
Alan, just switch the television off.
237
00:10:41,840 --> 00:10:43,400
Rogue Traders!
238
00:10:46,360 --> 00:10:48,599
Oh, what we going to do now?
239
00:10:48,600 --> 00:10:50,679
Oh, Alan, they don't have drinks.
240
00:10:50,680 --> 00:10:53,880
Do yous want another one, aye?
Aye, go on.
241
00:10:55,560 --> 00:10:57,359
What about everybody else, Christine?
242
00:10:57,360 --> 00:11:00,119
Would you like a wee cocktail?
I'll take another one, honey.
243
00:11:00,120 --> 00:11:02,639
I couldn't really taste
the spirits in that one, though.
244
00:11:02,640 --> 00:11:05,479
Oh, I don't know if I should, Michelle,
245
00:11:05,480 --> 00:11:07,999
what with this heavy antibiotic.
246
00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:09,239
Would you prefer a soft drink?
247
00:11:09,240 --> 00:11:11,079
Mm, what are you drinking, Beth?
248
00:11:11,080 --> 00:11:12,359
What was there again?
249
00:11:12,360 --> 00:11:13,959
Mojito or strawberry daiquiri.
250
00:11:13,960 --> 00:11:16,399
I'll take a daiquiri, Michelle.
251
00:11:16,400 --> 00:11:17,959
No, I'm going to try a mojito.
252
00:11:17,960 --> 00:11:21,039
Ah, fuck it, give me
a wee bit of both, Michelle.
253
00:11:21,040 --> 00:11:22,439
Beth?
254
00:11:22,440 --> 00:11:25,519
Er, I'll take a mojito, Michelle.
Oooh!
255
00:11:25,520 --> 00:11:28,439
Did you get a look upstairs, did you?
256
00:11:28,440 --> 00:11:32,519
We did. Oh, it's absolutely
beautiful.
257
00:11:32,520 --> 00:11:33,879
Well, I wouldn't say it was...
258
00:11:33,880 --> 00:11:35,280
It's beautiful.
259
00:11:36,600 --> 00:11:40,319
Alan, any chance you could do a wee
bit of work in my place?
260
00:11:40,320 --> 00:11:42,079
Aye, what you wanting done?
261
00:11:42,080 --> 00:11:45,199
Well, I'm thinking of turning
my dining room into a bedroom.
262
00:11:45,200 --> 00:11:46,879
Where will you sit and eat your dinner?
263
00:11:46,880 --> 00:11:49,879
In my bed, son, that's the whole point.
264
00:11:49,880 --> 00:11:51,199
Right, here we are.
265
00:11:51,200 --> 00:11:52,399
Oooh!
266
00:11:52,400 --> 00:11:55,839
Oh, here we go.
Beth, that's yours. Cathy.
267
00:11:55,840 --> 00:11:57,799
Thank you.
268
00:11:57,800 --> 00:12:00,479
And Christine, there you go.
269
00:12:00,480 --> 00:12:01,720
Thanks, Michelle.
270
00:12:06,120 --> 00:12:11,040
Oh, that's better,
I can nearly taste it now, Michelle.
271
00:12:19,360 --> 00:12:23,399
So, listen, thank you,
everyone, for coming tonight
272
00:12:23,400 --> 00:12:25,279
and for all your lovely gifts.
273
00:12:25,280 --> 00:12:27,759
You've really made us feel
so welcome here.
274
00:12:27,760 --> 00:12:30,399
Oh, no problem at all, honey.
275
00:12:30,400 --> 00:12:33,920
We love the house, but what's really
the most important thing...
276
00:12:34,960 --> 00:12:36,919
..is that we've got such
nice neighbours.
277
00:12:36,920 --> 00:12:39,839
Aww!
Well, you've done a grand job.
278
00:12:39,840 --> 00:12:41,719
We're pleased you're settling in.
279
00:12:41,720 --> 00:12:44,399
Yes, and it's great to have such
a lovely, young couple
280
00:12:44,400 --> 00:12:47,239
in the neighbourhood, it really is.
DOORBELL RINGS
281
00:12:47,240 --> 00:12:48,480
Who the fuck's that?
282
00:12:53,960 --> 00:12:58,479
Louise! Oh! Come in!
283
00:12:58,480 --> 00:13:00,719
It's a nice suite, hey, Cath?
284
00:13:00,720 --> 00:13:02,400
Meh.
285
00:13:04,040 --> 00:13:06,040
Everyone, this is my friend Louise.
286
00:13:11,320 --> 00:13:13,440
Beth, Beth, she's... Yes.
287
00:13:15,080 --> 00:13:16,200
All right?
288
00:13:24,960 --> 00:13:27,439
Michelle, is she deaf?
289
00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:29,279
Yeah, sorry, Louise is deaf.
290
00:13:29,280 --> 00:13:32,239
Beth, she's deaf. But if you just
speak a little bit slower,
291
00:13:32,240 --> 00:13:33,839
she'll be able to lip-read you.
292
00:13:33,840 --> 00:13:36,960
Oh, right. Hi, Louise,
my name is Beth.
293
00:13:39,160 --> 00:13:40,479
And this is Cathy.
294
00:13:40,480 --> 00:13:41,559
Hi, Louise.
295
00:13:41,560 --> 00:13:42,760
SHE MOUTHS
296
00:13:44,320 --> 00:13:46,439
Oh, my God, Col,
she's so young, it's so sad.
297
00:13:46,440 --> 00:13:49,839
And this is Christine.
298
00:13:49,840 --> 00:13:52,839
Hi, Louise, good to meet ya.
299
00:13:52,840 --> 00:13:56,640
My friend Pat knows a wee girl
with a hearing aid.
300
00:13:57,560 --> 00:14:00,040
Do you know her? Katrina.
301
00:14:08,080 --> 00:14:09,399
What's she saying?
302
00:14:09,400 --> 00:14:12,239
Er, she doesn't think so. Ah.
303
00:14:12,240 --> 00:14:14,759
This is Eric.
304
00:14:14,760 --> 00:14:18,639
This is Colin.
Beth and Cathy's husbands.
305
00:14:18,640 --> 00:14:21,960
I... I... I'm Cathy's,
tell her I'm Cathy's.
306
00:14:29,960 --> 00:14:31,959
Oh, you're driving?
307
00:14:31,960 --> 00:14:33,439
Oh, she drives a car, Colin.
308
00:14:33,440 --> 00:14:35,839
Can you do it too, Alan? What?
309
00:14:35,840 --> 00:14:37,760
The sign language? A wee bit.
310
00:14:41,840 --> 00:14:43,759
Well, what did you say to her?
311
00:14:43,760 --> 00:14:45,759
I just says, "You all right?"
312
00:14:45,760 --> 00:14:47,359
Oh, and what did she say?
313
00:14:47,360 --> 00:14:49,079
She says she's good, aye.
314
00:14:49,080 --> 00:14:50,600
Oh, that's amazing, isn't it?
315
00:14:53,920 --> 00:14:57,359
I bet she's got a very good sense
of smell.
316
00:14:57,360 --> 00:15:01,959
See, that's what happens
when you're deprived of one sense,
317
00:15:01,960 --> 00:15:04,240
the others kick in to compensate.
318
00:15:05,200 --> 00:15:08,639
Here, my ears could pick up the slack.
319
00:15:08,640 --> 00:15:10,399
How long have they been pals, Alan?
320
00:15:10,400 --> 00:15:11,999
Oh, a long time.
321
00:15:12,000 --> 00:15:17,320
Louise, Eric's saying how long
have you...?
322
00:15:20,440 --> 00:15:21,839
Oh, I'm shite at it.
323
00:15:21,840 --> 00:15:23,280
Get a pad.
324
00:15:24,520 --> 00:15:27,080
How long have you and Michelle been
pals for?
325
00:15:28,160 --> 00:15:29,399
23, is it?
326
00:15:29,400 --> 00:15:33,479
23 year, Eric. 23 years, eh?
327
00:15:33,480 --> 00:15:39,839
My daughter is 25 but she has went
away to live in Wales.
328
00:15:39,840 --> 00:15:43,680
It is a shite-hole, Louise.
329
00:15:49,400 --> 00:15:52,919
So you learned to sign, did you,
Michelle?
330
00:15:52,920 --> 00:15:55,599
Yeah, well, she helped me a wee bit.
331
00:15:55,600 --> 00:15:58,199
Oh, that's nice, isn't it?
CATH CLAPS HANDS URGENTLY
332
00:15:58,200 --> 00:16:01,280
Hey!
SHE MOUTHS
333
00:16:03,880 --> 00:16:04,999
Louise?
334
00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:06,879
CHRISTINE CLICKS HER FINGERS
Louise.
335
00:16:06,880 --> 00:16:10,719
ENUNCIATES CLEARLY: I have never met
a deaf person before
336
00:16:10,720 --> 00:16:14,439
but I have met a man with a false hand,
337
00:16:14,440 --> 00:16:16,639
I've met a woman in callipers
338
00:16:16,640 --> 00:16:19,359
and I've shared a table in Costa
339
00:16:19,360 --> 00:16:22,720
with a lovely wee Down's syndrome boy.
340
00:16:35,520 --> 00:16:37,439
Is everybody else all right for drinks?
341
00:16:37,440 --> 00:16:40,199
Aye, go on,
another one of these wee beers.
342
00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:43,520
Aye, I'll take another one,
Michelle. I'll have a Stella.
343
00:16:44,560 --> 00:16:47,039
Alan, why don't you head
out to the garden?
344
00:16:47,040 --> 00:16:50,199
Take Eric and Colin with you,
show them your decking
345
00:16:50,200 --> 00:16:52,639
and then YOU can get them a drink
when you're out there.
346
00:16:52,640 --> 00:16:54,719
Do yous want to see it?
347
00:16:54,720 --> 00:16:55,919
Yeah, why not?
348
00:16:55,920 --> 00:16:58,079
Right, come on.
Well, scuse us ladies.
349
00:16:58,080 --> 00:16:59,879
Louise?
350
00:16:59,880 --> 00:17:01,599
Decking...
351
00:17:01,600 --> 00:17:06,960
er, for... for a nosey at it.
352
00:17:12,800 --> 00:17:16,079
Oh, Colin, look at this.
353
00:17:16,080 --> 00:17:19,439
You do all this yourself, did you,
Alan? I did, aye.
354
00:17:19,440 --> 00:17:22,719
Remember what this was like before
when Archie had it, Eric?
355
00:17:22,720 --> 00:17:25,719
Aye, kind of. It was just this
kind of area here
356
00:17:25,720 --> 00:17:28,359
where he used to tip his
wee basins onto.
357
00:17:28,360 --> 00:17:31,559
Michelle's wanting decking
so she can have her coffee outside.
358
00:17:31,560 --> 00:17:34,759
I tell you what you should get,
one of these wee chiminea things.
359
00:17:34,760 --> 00:17:36,119
Oh, yeah. What's that?
360
00:17:36,120 --> 00:17:39,119
Oh, it's like a wee kind of
wood burner type of thing.
361
00:17:39,120 --> 00:17:40,359
Aye, they're great.
362
00:17:40,360 --> 00:17:42,799
Aye, you and Michelle
get parked in front of that,
363
00:17:42,800 --> 00:17:45,479
a wee rug over your laps,
a glass of wine
364
00:17:45,480 --> 00:17:48,839
and sat out the back here
into the wee small hours.
365
00:17:48,840 --> 00:17:50,679
And do what?
366
00:17:50,680 --> 00:17:53,320
Well, chat.
367
00:17:54,360 --> 00:17:55,679
Nah.
368
00:17:55,680 --> 00:17:57,760
I don't fancy that.
369
00:18:01,640 --> 00:18:03,800
SHE SIGHS DEEPLY
370
00:18:07,560 --> 00:18:11,239
Well, this is a great night, this,
isn't it?
371
00:18:11,240 --> 00:18:12,919
Sorry?
372
00:18:12,920 --> 00:18:14,919
It's supposed to be
a party for her neighbours
373
00:18:14,920 --> 00:18:17,519
and she's sat over there
chatting to her pal.
374
00:18:17,520 --> 00:18:21,079
Cathy, I don't think
she knew Louise was coming.
375
00:18:21,080 --> 00:18:23,720
She's neglecting her guests, Beth.
376
00:18:29,360 --> 00:18:31,720
CATH IMITATES
A REVERSING VEHICLE
377
00:18:34,480 --> 00:18:36,439
Sorry, Louise.
378
00:18:36,440 --> 00:18:39,320
Michelle,
could you ask her to budge up a bit?
379
00:18:40,600 --> 00:18:44,319
So are you OK, Michelle, honey, yeah?
380
00:18:44,320 --> 00:18:45,959
Er, yeah.
381
00:18:45,960 --> 00:18:47,559
Aye, settling in OK?
Feeling at home?
382
00:18:47,560 --> 00:18:49,519
Yeah, yeah.
383
00:18:49,520 --> 00:18:54,400
Yeah, so tell me
all about your big silver ornaments.
384
00:18:58,600 --> 00:19:00,320
Ah! Got you now.
385
00:19:01,440 --> 00:19:05,559
Good telly there,
all-singing, all-dancing,
386
00:19:05,560 --> 00:19:08,080
good big subtitles for you!
387
00:19:09,800 --> 00:19:11,680
Subtitles!
388
00:19:13,840 --> 00:19:15,640
Subtitles!
389
00:19:18,200 --> 00:19:21,519
So, er, how's it going
with your other wee project?
390
00:19:21,520 --> 00:19:22,639
Oh, the pond?
391
00:19:22,640 --> 00:19:25,999
No, no, the, you know,
getting Michelle pregnant.
392
00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:28,479
Oh, right, aye, er, nah, not yet.
393
00:19:28,480 --> 00:19:31,279
Plenty of time eh?
Aye, plenty of time.
394
00:19:31,280 --> 00:19:33,199
Just keep plugging away.
395
00:19:33,200 --> 00:19:34,279
Mm?
396
00:19:34,280 --> 00:19:36,999
I'm just saying,
you've gotta keep at it.
397
00:19:37,000 --> 00:19:39,119
Mind you, it could become
a bit of a chore.
398
00:19:39,120 --> 00:19:41,039
You're still enjoying it,
though, are ya?
399
00:19:41,040 --> 00:19:43,799
Aye, I'm still liking it.
Ah, well, that's good.
400
00:19:43,800 --> 00:19:46,519
So have you got any plans to...
Because there's always ways
401
00:19:46,520 --> 00:19:48,559
to mix it up if it gets a bit,
you know, samey.
402
00:19:48,560 --> 00:19:50,559
Oh, for crying out loud! What?
403
00:19:50,560 --> 00:19:53,799
I'm just saying, Eric,
this is important,
404
00:19:53,800 --> 00:19:55,399
they're trying for a baby.
405
00:19:55,400 --> 00:19:59,200
Michelle does sometimes look kinda,
I dunno, kinda...
406
00:20:00,480 --> 00:20:02,959
..fed up during it. Does she?
407
00:20:02,960 --> 00:20:04,479
Aye, a bit.
408
00:20:04,480 --> 00:20:07,199
Well, you maybe want to try
something a wee bit different.
409
00:20:07,200 --> 00:20:09,559
What? Like up the hoop? No!
410
00:20:09,560 --> 00:20:11,719
Oh, for Christ's sake!
411
00:20:11,720 --> 00:20:14,399
No, I'm just meaning, you know,
introduce a bit of variety,
412
00:20:14,400 --> 00:20:15,719
you know, ring the changes.
413
00:20:15,720 --> 00:20:17,479
What... what about a different room?
414
00:20:17,480 --> 00:20:20,439
I mean, you've got a lovely house,
you know, make the most of it.
415
00:20:20,440 --> 00:20:22,159
Aye, saying that,
there's that big couch,
416
00:20:22,160 --> 00:20:25,439
I could just take the cushions off
that and pump her on the floor.
417
00:20:25,440 --> 00:20:26,759
Well, there you go.
418
00:20:26,760 --> 00:20:29,239
And the kitchen's nice.
The kitchen, aye.
419
00:20:29,240 --> 00:20:31,839
Mind you, there's raw meat getting
cut up in there, that's...
420
00:20:31,840 --> 00:20:32,999
What about the bathroom?
421
00:20:33,000 --> 00:20:35,359
I thought we'd had a tour
of the house already?
422
00:20:35,360 --> 00:20:38,319
I'm sorry, Eric,
I'm just trying to help Alan.
423
00:20:38,320 --> 00:20:40,999
Look, if you're sticking to the bedroom,
424
00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:43,399
you might want to think about
a wee change of position.
425
00:20:43,400 --> 00:20:47,800
Oh, no, we tried that, the minute
I go on my back I just fall asleep.
426
00:20:49,760 --> 00:20:52,279
I watch Robot Wars during the night
427
00:20:52,280 --> 00:20:54,999
with the wee woman at the bottom
corner of the screen.
428
00:20:55,000 --> 00:20:57,519
Oh, she gets right into it.
429
00:20:57,520 --> 00:21:01,559
She does all the facial expressions
to match what they're saying.
430
00:21:01,560 --> 00:21:06,159
Michelle? Michelle? Could you ask
Louise something for me?
431
00:21:06,160 --> 00:21:07,679
Yes, sure. Could you ask her
432
00:21:07,680 --> 00:21:10,719
if she'd mind teaching me
a little bit of sign language?
433
00:21:10,720 --> 00:21:12,800
Oh, that's a good idea.
434
00:21:15,080 --> 00:21:18,280
Beth wants to learn some sign language.
435
00:21:31,880 --> 00:21:33,159
MICHELLE LAUGHS
436
00:21:33,160 --> 00:21:34,999
What did she say?
437
00:21:35,000 --> 00:21:36,519
She said she's enjoying the party.
438
00:21:36,520 --> 00:21:40,080
Oh, teach me some, Louise,
teach me something.
439
00:21:47,280 --> 00:21:48,479
What am I saying?
440
00:21:48,480 --> 00:21:50,439
How are you? Oh!
441
00:21:50,440 --> 00:21:54,119
Not bad, Louise,
but this patch is doing my head in.
442
00:21:54,120 --> 00:21:56,920
Oh, do another one, do another one!
443
00:22:14,640 --> 00:22:16,039
What did I say?
444
00:22:16,040 --> 00:22:18,799
You said how upset you are about
your eye.
445
00:22:18,800 --> 00:22:20,320
Teach me, teach me!
446
00:22:28,200 --> 00:22:29,359
Oh, God!
447
00:22:29,360 --> 00:22:34,440
Oh, I love it! What did I say?
You said I'm a friendly neighbour.
448
00:22:35,920 --> 00:22:37,479
Oh, here, I'll need to go to the loo.
449
00:22:37,480 --> 00:22:39,759
I'll tell you, Alan,
see when you get to my age,
450
00:22:39,760 --> 00:22:42,399
there's a price to pay
for drinking lager all night.
451
00:22:42,400 --> 00:22:43,719
Just go there, Eric.
452
00:22:43,720 --> 00:22:44,959
Sorry?
453
00:22:44,960 --> 00:22:47,080
Just go up there.
454
00:22:48,080 --> 00:22:50,759
I'm not doing that. Listen, see when
I was doing the decking,
455
00:22:50,760 --> 00:22:53,039
to save me trailing all the dust
through the house
456
00:22:53,040 --> 00:22:55,439
I was just going up the back and
doing a piss on the ground.
457
00:22:55,440 --> 00:22:58,920
Makes sense, Eric.
Honestly, it's nae bother.
458
00:23:01,200 --> 00:23:03,440
ALL LAUGH EXCEPT CATH
459
00:23:07,600 --> 00:23:10,719
Oh, you should see her on a night
out, she has us all in stitches.
460
00:23:10,720 --> 00:23:14,079
Oh, you should come with us some
night, Beth.
461
00:23:14,080 --> 00:23:15,520
Oh, I'd love that.
462
00:23:19,080 --> 00:23:20,679
Right, who's for a wee top-up?
463
00:23:20,680 --> 00:23:22,799
Aye, I'll take another one, Michelle.
464
00:23:22,800 --> 00:23:24,799
I'll have another strawberry thing,
honey.
465
00:23:24,800 --> 00:23:27,479
Michelle, I'll get them,
you've been on the go all night.
466
00:23:27,480 --> 00:23:28,599
Oh, no, it's fine.
467
00:23:28,600 --> 00:23:30,000
No, no, no, you stay there.
468
00:23:31,560 --> 00:23:33,439
I'll need to take another
one of my pills.
469
00:23:33,440 --> 00:23:35,559
Right, I'll get you a glass of water?
470
00:23:35,560 --> 00:23:38,400
No, one of these strawberry things
will be fine.
471
00:23:44,960 --> 00:23:46,000
LAUGHTER OUTSIDE
472
00:23:50,800 --> 00:23:52,440
TRICKLING
Ohh!
473
00:23:53,840 --> 00:23:56,199
Eric! Shit!
474
00:23:56,200 --> 00:23:58,199
Eric, what are you doing?
475
00:23:58,200 --> 00:23:59,959
Er, I was just, um...
476
00:23:59,960 --> 00:24:02,879
Are you doing the toilet?
It's these wee beers, Beth.
477
00:24:02,880 --> 00:24:04,840
Eric, stop that right now!
478
00:24:06,160 --> 00:24:07,760
Don't waggle it!
479
00:24:14,240 --> 00:24:16,960
Have you got a boyfriend, Louise?
480
00:24:18,160 --> 00:24:21,120
Has she got a boyfriend, Michelle?
481
00:24:23,680 --> 00:24:25,679
She's seeing someone.
482
00:24:25,680 --> 00:24:30,120
Oh, just as well,
cos you cannae fucking hear them!
483
00:24:33,720 --> 00:24:35,359
He's quite like Colin actually.
484
00:24:35,360 --> 00:24:37,679
Is he? Yeah.
485
00:24:37,680 --> 00:24:40,000
Oh. Except younger...
486
00:24:40,960 --> 00:24:42,720
..taller.
487
00:24:47,840 --> 00:24:50,680
Right, I'll go and help Beth
with these drinks.
488
00:24:55,160 --> 00:25:00,119
Honestly, what kind of person does
the toilet in someone else's garden?
489
00:25:00,120 --> 00:25:02,319
And at their house-warming party.
490
00:25:02,320 --> 00:25:05,359
I'm honestly no' bothered, Beth,
I've done a few up there myself.
491
00:25:05,360 --> 00:25:07,120
What's going on?
492
00:25:09,000 --> 00:25:11,079
I'm really sorry, Michelle.
493
00:25:11,080 --> 00:25:13,439
Well, what is it? What's happening?
494
00:25:13,440 --> 00:25:15,120
Well, tell her.
495
00:25:16,120 --> 00:25:17,160
I...
496
00:25:18,640 --> 00:25:20,559
He went for a piss up the back.
497
00:25:20,560 --> 00:25:22,199
What?
498
00:25:22,200 --> 00:25:25,079
I am so sorry, Michelle,
I don't know what he was thinking.
499
00:25:25,080 --> 00:25:28,319
I said he could,
seeing as we're out here.
500
00:25:28,320 --> 00:25:29,759
I really am sorry, Michelle.
501
00:25:29,760 --> 00:25:31,639
Oh, no, it's fine, Beth.
502
00:25:31,640 --> 00:25:33,159
No, it's not fine.
503
00:25:33,160 --> 00:25:36,439
Eric, apologise to Michelle.
Oh, God.
504
00:25:36,440 --> 00:25:37,879
Eric!
505
00:25:37,880 --> 00:25:40,119
Look, I'm... I'm sorry, Michelle.
506
00:25:40,120 --> 00:25:43,919
If you get a rake or something,
I'll pull a bit of the soil over it.
507
00:25:43,920 --> 00:25:47,319
No! Look, it's OK, Eric.
508
00:25:47,320 --> 00:25:49,399
It's more him that I'm annoyed with,
to be honest.
509
00:25:49,400 --> 00:25:51,639
What have I done?
510
00:25:51,640 --> 00:25:54,239
Well, I've been saying to you all
night to look after our guests
511
00:25:54,240 --> 00:25:55,759
and I turn my back for one minute
512
00:25:55,760 --> 00:25:58,599
and you're telling them to take
a piss up the back of the garden!
513
00:25:58,600 --> 00:26:02,279
Oh, what's the big deal?
I've pee'd down there mysel.
514
00:26:02,280 --> 00:26:04,799
I was saying
it's those wee beers, Michelle.
515
00:26:04,800 --> 00:26:07,800
In fact, I'm gearing up for one mysel.
516
00:26:08,800 --> 00:26:10,240
TAPPING ON DOOR
517
00:26:15,120 --> 00:26:17,000
What is it?
518
00:26:18,000 --> 00:26:19,839
Oh, no!
519
00:26:19,840 --> 00:26:22,560
I had an accident, Michelle.
520
00:26:27,680 --> 00:26:29,039
What happened?
521
00:26:29,040 --> 00:26:32,159
I spilled my drink.
It was an accident, Beth.
522
00:26:32,160 --> 00:26:34,919
No, on your beautiful rug, Michelle.
523
00:26:34,920 --> 00:26:37,879
What, is it?
Oh, just get out of my way, Alan.
524
00:26:37,880 --> 00:26:40,519
Honestly, Cathy! What? Don't
blame me, I was only trying
525
00:26:40,520 --> 00:26:42,839
to make conversation with bloody
Louise there.
526
00:26:42,840 --> 00:26:45,080
If you hadn't come,
none of this would've happened.
527
00:26:47,240 --> 00:26:49,399
Nah, no use.
528
00:26:49,400 --> 00:26:52,519
What's on the other side,
can you no' just turn it over?
529
00:26:52,520 --> 00:26:56,399
It's ruined. It's totally ruined!
530
00:26:56,400 --> 00:26:58,039
Here, I'll have a rub at it.
531
00:26:58,040 --> 00:26:59,080
No point.
532
00:27:00,120 --> 00:27:01,560
Whole night's just been...
533
00:27:05,200 --> 00:27:09,839
You see, that's why
I avoid having visitors in, Louise,
534
00:27:09,840 --> 00:27:12,360
well, that, and the smell
off the gerbils.
535
00:27:15,000 --> 00:27:19,240
Oh, she's away again. No-one knows
what you're saying, love.
536
00:27:20,880 --> 00:27:23,479
Um, sorry, I'm still not getting it
537
00:27:23,480 --> 00:27:28,119
but... but why don't you see
if you understand this?!
538
00:27:28,120 --> 00:27:31,559
You have come to a party
539
00:27:31,560 --> 00:27:34,399
that you were not invited to
540
00:27:34,400 --> 00:27:37,719
and you've... you've made everybody
have to talk really slowly
541
00:27:37,720 --> 00:27:42,279
and then you made me spill my drink
on... on Michelle's cheap rug
542
00:27:42,280 --> 00:27:48,600
so now it really is time
that you went fucking home!
543
00:27:49,600 --> 00:27:50,960
Do you think she understood?
544
00:27:52,680 --> 00:27:53,959
Oh.
545
00:27:53,960 --> 00:27:56,159
I think she did.
546
00:27:56,160 --> 00:27:57,919
SHE SLURPS
547
00:27:57,920 --> 00:28:00,759
? Come on over to my place
548
00:28:00,760 --> 00:28:05,079
? Hey, girl, we're having a party
549
00:28:05,080 --> 00:28:08,879
? We'll be swinging, dancing and
singing
550
00:28:08,880 --> 00:28:11,479
? Baby, come on over tonight
551
00:28:11,480 --> 00:28:13,239
? Yeah, yeah, yeah
552
00:28:13,240 --> 00:28:15,279
? Come on over to my place
553
00:28:15,280 --> 00:28:16,919
? Hey, you
554
00:28:16,920 --> 00:28:20,119
? Hey, you, we're having a party
555
00:28:20,120 --> 00:28:23,559
? We'll be swinging,
dancing and singing
556
00:28:23,560 --> 00:28:27,760
? Oh, baby, won't you come on over?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! ?
557
00:28:27,810 --> 00:28:32,360
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
41256
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.