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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,843 --> 00:00:04,803 - Oh, whoa, whoa! Oh, ya! Jeez! 2 00:00:07,271 --> 00:00:09,951 There he goes, he's not wasting any time. 3 00:00:09,951 --> 00:00:12,591 "Pssssss. 4 00:00:12,591 --> 00:00:14,751 "Pssssssss!" 5 00:00:14,269 --> 00:00:15,909 Right, Cath, come on, in you go. 6 00:00:15,909 --> 00:00:17,189 CATHY CHUCKLES 7 00:00:20,949 --> 00:00:22,829 Well, that was good fun. 8 00:00:22,829 --> 00:00:25,309 Aye, but what about that crowd in the corner? 9 00:00:25,309 --> 00:00:27,229 I mean, it's a pub quiz, for God's sake, 10 00:00:27,229 --> 00:00:29,069 not the bloody final of Mastermind. 11 00:00:29,069 --> 00:00:30,829 Look, we raised a bit of money. 12 00:00:30,829 --> 00:00:34,229 Exactly, we raised a bit of money, we did a bit for charity, 13 00:00:34,229 --> 00:00:35,949 who cares who won?! 14 00:00:35,949 --> 00:00:39,069 �75 in Debenhams vouchers they walked away with. 15 00:00:39,069 --> 00:00:40,869 You're fucking joking! 16 00:00:40,869 --> 00:00:43,429 Eric, I'm just saying, that mob in the corner. 17 00:00:43,429 --> 00:00:44,629 Aye, who were they? 18 00:00:44,629 --> 00:00:46,749 I think a couple of them were teachers. 19 00:00:46,749 --> 00:00:50,549 Ah, well, they may be brainy but they were very flat-chested. 20 00:00:50,549 --> 00:00:52,709 Right - who's for coffee and who's for tea? 21 00:00:52,709 --> 00:00:53,909 - Coffee. - Tea. 22 00:00:53,909 --> 00:00:55,389 Large vodka tonic. 23 00:00:55,389 --> 00:00:58,909 MUSIC: S.O.B by Nathaniel Rateliff & The Night Sweats 24 00:01:05,864 --> 00:01:08,864 SYNC by DakinPEx SUBSCENE 25 00:01:12,109 --> 00:01:14,589 DOG BARKS 26 00:01:14,589 --> 00:01:17,189 - Oh, thanks, hen. - Thanks. 27 00:01:17,189 --> 00:01:21,909 Aye, it's right enough - a male fox is a dog. 28 00:01:21,909 --> 00:01:23,069 - Mm-hm. - Told you! 29 00:01:23,069 --> 00:01:24,389 Unbelievable! 30 00:01:24,389 --> 00:01:27,069 - And what did we put? - A bull. 31 00:01:27,069 --> 00:01:29,469 How have I gone through life no' knowing that! 32 00:01:29,469 --> 00:01:30,989 A male fox is a dog 33 00:01:32,269 --> 00:01:35,069 and a female fox is a.... 34 00:01:35,069 --> 00:01:37,669 - Vixen. - How do you know that, Beth? 35 00:01:37,669 --> 00:01:41,589 - I just do. - You knew tonnes of the nature ones. 36 00:01:41,589 --> 00:01:43,069 What was that other one she knew? 37 00:01:43,069 --> 00:01:44,189 Joey, joey! 38 00:01:44,189 --> 00:01:46,389 A baby kangaroo is a joey. 39 00:01:47,389 --> 00:01:50,469 Aw, remember Joey from Friends? 40 00:01:50,469 --> 00:01:52,909 I would still actually shag him, Beth. 41 00:01:52,909 --> 00:01:54,469 How do you know all that, Beth? 42 00:01:54,469 --> 00:01:56,709 I do actually have a brain, you know. 43 00:01:56,709 --> 00:02:02,509 I haven't spent my entire life in here making tea and washing clothes. 44 00:02:04,669 --> 00:02:06,989 - Tell them! - No. 45 00:02:06,989 --> 00:02:09,349 - What? - Tell them. - Tell us what? 46 00:02:10,389 --> 00:02:15,149 When I was younger, I was going to train to be a vet's nurse. 47 00:02:15,149 --> 00:02:17,469 Oh, I thought it was going to be something interesting. 48 00:02:17,469 --> 00:02:18,829 And why did you not do it? 49 00:02:18,829 --> 00:02:21,309 I don't know, I just ended up getting a job, 50 00:02:21,309 --> 00:02:23,949 - and getting married... - Oh, aye, it's my fault! 51 00:02:23,949 --> 00:02:28,109 Oh, my God, Colin, can you imagine Beth helping the farmer 52 00:02:28,109 --> 00:02:30,949 pull the wee calf out of the cow's bottom? 53 00:02:30,949 --> 00:02:33,109 You could still go to college and do it, Beth. 54 00:02:33,109 --> 00:02:35,629 - Oh, no, no. - No, she's too old, Colin. 55 00:02:35,629 --> 00:02:36,909 Mature student! 56 00:02:36,909 --> 00:02:39,029 Pound a pint, Beth. 57 00:02:39,029 --> 00:02:40,789 Look, it was a long time ago, 58 00:02:40,789 --> 00:02:43,509 and I'm not about to start any training for a job now. 59 00:02:43,509 --> 00:02:47,389 Quite right, Beth, it's easier just to do nothing. 60 00:02:50,789 --> 00:02:52,269 I tell you what, 61 00:02:52,269 --> 00:02:54,549 I'm a wee bit peckish. 62 00:02:54,549 --> 00:02:55,749 Oh, do you want a biscuit? 63 00:02:55,749 --> 00:02:57,069 No, no, no, no' a biscuit. 64 00:02:57,069 --> 00:02:59,469 I'm not hungry, Beth, I'm just enjoying drinking. 65 00:02:59,469 --> 00:03:01,789 We should've stopped off for something on the way home. 66 00:03:01,789 --> 00:03:04,669 Aye, you're right enough, Eric. Bag of chips, eh? 67 00:03:04,669 --> 00:03:09,549 - Oh, aye. - Oooh, big, fat salty chips, Eric, hmm? 68 00:03:09,549 --> 00:03:12,429 And a glass of beautiful wine. 69 00:03:12,429 --> 00:03:13,989 What do you take with yours, Eric? 70 00:03:13,989 --> 00:03:15,629 Usually a battered sausage. 71 00:03:15,629 --> 00:03:17,949 He's such a greedy bastard, Beth. 72 00:03:19,189 --> 00:03:21,789 - Anyway... - Shame we never thought. 73 00:03:21,789 --> 00:03:25,349 Here, I'll tell you what's even better than chippy chips. 74 00:03:25,349 --> 00:03:26,869 What? 75 00:03:26,869 --> 00:03:28,469 Home-made chips. 76 00:03:28,469 --> 00:03:30,549 Oh, Beth! 77 00:03:30,549 --> 00:03:32,629 - No. - Come on, Beth. 78 00:03:32,629 --> 00:03:35,669 - Home-made chips done in the pan. - Ooooh. 79 00:03:35,669 --> 00:03:36,749 Forget it! 80 00:03:36,749 --> 00:03:38,949 Home-made chips, served with salt and vinegar, 81 00:03:38,949 --> 00:03:41,149 and a big skoosh of tomato sauce. 82 00:03:41,149 --> 00:03:45,829 No. No way! I am not making chips at this time of night. 83 00:03:45,829 --> 00:03:47,069 Eric, tell them. 84 00:03:48,909 --> 00:03:50,229 Eric? 85 00:03:50,229 --> 00:03:52,709 RADIO PLAYS IN BACKGROUND 86 00:03:52,709 --> 00:03:54,429 KNOCK ON DOOR 87 00:03:59,869 --> 00:04:02,549 - Oh, hullo, Beth, you're in. - Christine, you all right? 88 00:04:02,549 --> 00:04:05,589 Fine. Well, I'm fine. 89 00:04:05,589 --> 00:04:07,429 - Pat's not. - What's wrong? 90 00:04:07,429 --> 00:04:09,949 - She got attacked by a dog. - Oh, my God. 91 00:04:09,949 --> 00:04:12,589 - Her dog, friendly fire. - What happened? 92 00:04:12,589 --> 00:04:15,309 She was just reaching into her fridge to get a bit 93 00:04:15,309 --> 00:04:18,989 of that smoked ham to tide her over till her dinner 94 00:04:18,989 --> 00:04:21,309 and, next thing she knew, it had sunk its teeth 95 00:04:21,309 --> 00:04:24,509 - into the back of her legs. - Oh, that's terrible. 96 00:04:24,509 --> 00:04:27,109 Well, she will buy that dear ham, Beth. 97 00:04:28,149 --> 00:04:30,149 Come in, you'd better come in. 98 00:04:34,789 --> 00:04:36,469 I'll not stop long, Beth. 99 00:04:36,469 --> 00:04:38,189 I'm just on my way up to the hospital 100 00:04:38,189 --> 00:04:39,469 with a bag of stuff for her. 101 00:04:39,469 --> 00:04:44,269 I said to her, "Don't you worry, Pat, I am here for you any time, 102 00:04:44,269 --> 00:04:48,669 "day or night, you can count on me, I won't let you down." 103 00:04:49,789 --> 00:04:51,149 SHE SNIFFS 104 00:04:51,149 --> 00:04:53,669 What's that smell? 105 00:04:53,669 --> 00:04:55,709 Are you doing chips? 106 00:04:55,709 --> 00:04:57,709 Where did you say Ian was again? 107 00:04:57,709 --> 00:04:59,869 Amsterdam, for a long weekend. 108 00:04:59,869 --> 00:05:03,109 Och, Amsterdam, that's all drugs and sex shows 109 00:05:03,109 --> 00:05:05,429 and prostitutes there. 110 00:05:05,429 --> 00:05:07,229 We're booked to go in October. 111 00:05:07,229 --> 00:05:09,349 If it's no' one thing, it's another. 112 00:05:09,349 --> 00:05:11,189 Christine! 113 00:05:11,189 --> 00:05:12,509 What are you doing here? 114 00:05:12,509 --> 00:05:15,189 - I'm on my way to the hospital. - What for? 115 00:05:15,189 --> 00:05:18,029 - Pat's dog's had a go at her. - Aw, no! 116 00:05:18,029 --> 00:05:19,869 Mmm, went for the back of her leg 117 00:05:19,869 --> 00:05:22,069 and then got a slice of ham off her when she was down. 118 00:05:22,069 --> 00:05:25,309 - Is she all right? - Not bad. She's had a tetanus 119 00:05:25,309 --> 00:05:27,989 and I'm just taking her up a clean pair of knickers and a tangerine. 120 00:05:27,989 --> 00:05:29,229 What about the dog? 121 00:05:29,229 --> 00:05:31,069 It's in the hut with its teddy. 122 00:05:31,069 --> 00:05:32,549 What are you pair doing here? 123 00:05:32,549 --> 00:05:34,309 Oh, we were away at a quiz night. 124 00:05:34,309 --> 00:05:36,509 - Oh, a quiz night? - Yes. 125 00:05:36,509 --> 00:05:38,989 Oh, I like a quiz. 126 00:05:38,989 --> 00:05:41,029 - Go on, give us a question. - Eh? 127 00:05:41,029 --> 00:05:42,949 Ask me a question. 128 00:05:42,949 --> 00:05:44,229 You staying long? 129 00:05:44,229 --> 00:05:46,309 - CATH LAUGHS - Cheeky bastard. 130 00:05:46,309 --> 00:05:49,189 - So, did youse win? - We came third. - Mm. 131 00:05:49,189 --> 00:05:51,109 - What did you get for that? - A bottle of wine. 132 00:05:51,109 --> 00:05:54,229 - Cheap, horrible red wine. - Where is it by the way? 133 00:05:54,229 --> 00:05:55,709 I've got it in my bag. 134 00:05:55,709 --> 00:05:57,709 You staying for some chips, Christine? 135 00:05:57,709 --> 00:05:59,309 Oh, mm, I don't know. 136 00:05:59,309 --> 00:06:01,549 I've got to get to Pat at the hospital. 137 00:06:01,549 --> 00:06:03,709 - BETH: - You're welcome if you want to, Christine? 138 00:06:03,709 --> 00:06:05,309 Mmm... 139 00:06:05,309 --> 00:06:06,589 Right. 140 00:06:06,589 --> 00:06:09,189 OK, then, I'll maybe take a few. 141 00:06:09,189 --> 00:06:11,629 - Right, no bother. - And a slice of bread. 142 00:06:11,629 --> 00:06:13,109 A slice of bread, right. 143 00:06:13,109 --> 00:06:14,669 In fact, two slices. 144 00:06:14,669 --> 00:06:17,229 Two slices. You mean like a chip butty? 145 00:06:17,229 --> 00:06:20,269 Oh, good idea, Beth. Aye, a chip butty. 146 00:06:21,749 --> 00:06:23,949 Oh, Beth, could you put the fan on? 147 00:06:23,949 --> 00:06:26,989 I don't want to have to wash my hair when I go home. 148 00:06:26,989 --> 00:06:31,829 Here, Christine, if I said to you what is a male fox called, 149 00:06:31,829 --> 00:06:33,429 what would you say? 150 00:06:33,429 --> 00:06:35,509 I'd say what the fuck are you asking me that for? 151 00:06:35,509 --> 00:06:37,669 Naw, it was a question in the quiz! 152 00:06:37,669 --> 00:06:39,509 Oh, I see! 153 00:06:39,509 --> 00:06:41,709 A male fox... 154 00:06:41,709 --> 00:06:44,389 Well, well, I don't... 155 00:06:44,389 --> 00:06:46,389 Is it no' just a fox? 156 00:06:46,389 --> 00:06:47,829 Ah, but is it? 157 00:06:47,829 --> 00:06:50,829 I mean, a female fox is a vixen. 158 00:06:50,829 --> 00:06:52,269 Oh, so it is. 159 00:06:52,269 --> 00:06:54,589 And a male fox... 160 00:06:54,589 --> 00:06:56,149 Oh, I don't know. 161 00:06:56,149 --> 00:06:57,829 Is it a stud? 162 00:06:57,829 --> 00:06:59,669 It's a dog. 163 00:06:59,669 --> 00:07:02,949 - A dog? How is it a dog? - It just is. 164 00:07:02,949 --> 00:07:06,949 Well, what's a male dog called? And don't say a fucking fox. 165 00:07:06,949 --> 00:07:09,589 Well, a dog would just be a dog. 166 00:07:09,589 --> 00:07:13,229 Fucking foxes going into bins and then running away 167 00:07:13,229 --> 00:07:14,909 when you try to pat them. 168 00:07:14,909 --> 00:07:17,269 - BETH: - Nearly there, almost done. 169 00:07:17,269 --> 00:07:20,029 Here, Beth, were you at this thing? 170 00:07:20,029 --> 00:07:22,309 They're saying a fox is a... 171 00:07:22,309 --> 00:07:23,509 What is it? 172 00:07:23,509 --> 00:07:25,389 - ERIC: - A male fox is a dog. 173 00:07:25,389 --> 00:07:27,549 - A dog, aye. - BETH: - That's right. 174 00:07:27,549 --> 00:07:30,629 And she should know, she studied to be a vet. 175 00:07:30,629 --> 00:07:34,349 A vet's nurse, Colin. She's not brainy enough to be an actual vet. 176 00:07:34,349 --> 00:07:36,909 I didn't study, I was just interested in it. 177 00:07:36,909 --> 00:07:38,789 Oh, I love animals. 178 00:07:38,789 --> 00:07:42,069 I think you'd be magic at it, Beth, you know, washing their fur 179 00:07:42,069 --> 00:07:45,549 before the operation and getting them shaved and whatnot. 180 00:07:45,549 --> 00:07:48,469 And, like, holding them down when they're angry. 181 00:07:48,469 --> 00:07:53,149 I've seen that. Angry cats not wanting the torch in their ears. 182 00:07:53,149 --> 00:07:58,109 Not just so keen on cats, they can have a temper, the wee shites. 183 00:07:59,429 --> 00:08:02,109 - Right, ask me another one. - Right. 184 00:08:02,109 --> 00:08:05,749 - Who was the second man on the Moon? - The second man on the Moon? - Aye. 185 00:08:06,829 --> 00:08:08,909 Oh, I canny think. 186 00:08:08,909 --> 00:08:11,869 Oh, you'll get it. Just think about it. Who was the first? 187 00:08:11,869 --> 00:08:14,709 - Oh, well, I know that. - Yeah? - Of course. 188 00:08:14,709 --> 00:08:16,989 Louis Armstrong. 189 00:08:16,989 --> 00:08:18,789 OK, here we go. 190 00:08:18,789 --> 00:08:20,749 Christine, your chip butty's just coming. 191 00:08:20,749 --> 00:08:22,589 Aw, bless you, Beth. 192 00:08:22,589 --> 00:08:24,789 - I'm sure Pat won't mind me... - ERIC: - Lovely. 193 00:08:24,789 --> 00:08:27,029 ..getting a wee five minutes with my chips. 194 00:08:30,989 --> 00:08:34,269 Aw, you're not putting mayonnaise in your chips, are you? 195 00:08:34,269 --> 00:08:37,029 That's what the French do, Christine. In't it, Eric? 196 00:08:37,029 --> 00:08:38,829 Aye, that's right, French fries. 197 00:08:38,829 --> 00:08:41,029 Aye, they also shit into a hole in the ground 198 00:08:41,029 --> 00:08:43,589 - but that doesnae make it a good idea. - Christine... 199 00:08:43,589 --> 00:08:46,829 ..French cuisine is some of the best in the world, isn't it, Colin? 200 00:08:46,829 --> 00:08:47,869 That's right. 201 00:08:47,869 --> 00:08:51,749 That Nando's that we went to in Calais, it's the best I've been to. 202 00:08:51,749 --> 00:08:54,469 So, how are you getting up to the hospital, Christine? 203 00:08:54,469 --> 00:08:57,429 Oh, I thought I might just get a taxi, you know? 204 00:09:00,029 --> 00:09:02,549 Well, unless any of you could... 205 00:09:02,549 --> 00:09:05,029 Well, ah, you know, I've had a couple of drinks, so I'm out. 206 00:09:05,029 --> 00:09:08,589 - Naw, listen, I've had a few pints, so... - I'm pissed. - ..sorry. 207 00:09:08,589 --> 00:09:10,189 Ah! 208 00:09:10,189 --> 00:09:12,069 Hot, hot, hot! 209 00:09:12,069 --> 00:09:14,749 Break it in half, Cathy, 210 00:09:14,749 --> 00:09:17,909 you've got to let the air in at the heart of the chip. 211 00:09:17,909 --> 00:09:19,469 And blow, that's it. 212 00:09:21,629 --> 00:09:23,869 That's it, that's it, blow. 213 00:09:24,949 --> 00:09:26,429 That's it, Eric. 214 00:09:26,429 --> 00:09:28,869 Oh, there you go, Christine. Here's yours coming. 215 00:09:28,869 --> 00:09:30,389 HE MIMICS A FANFARE 216 00:09:30,389 --> 00:09:32,709 - Give it here. - CHRISTINE LAUGHS 217 00:09:32,709 --> 00:09:33,829 Oh... 218 00:09:33,829 --> 00:09:36,429 Oh, not bad, Beth, not bad. 219 00:09:36,429 --> 00:09:41,149 But you could've snuck a couple of wee ones in at the edge there. 220 00:09:41,149 --> 00:09:42,709 Here, Beth. 221 00:09:42,709 --> 00:09:44,989 I could go a wee slice of bread myself. 222 00:09:46,949 --> 00:09:48,029 Cathy? 223 00:09:48,029 --> 00:09:49,989 No, thanks, I don't eat carbs. 224 00:09:57,629 --> 00:09:59,989 CAR ENGINE RUMBLES OUTSIDE 225 00:09:59,989 --> 00:10:01,109 What's that? 226 00:10:02,549 --> 00:10:04,309 What is it? 227 00:10:04,309 --> 00:10:06,109 Is it the police? 228 00:10:06,109 --> 00:10:07,589 No. 229 00:10:07,589 --> 00:10:08,949 Is that...? 230 00:10:08,949 --> 00:10:10,429 - Is that Ian? - Eh? 231 00:10:10,429 --> 00:10:12,389 - BETH: - No, it can't be, he's in Amsterdam. 232 00:10:12,389 --> 00:10:14,429 It is. It's Ian and Gordon. 233 00:10:14,429 --> 00:10:17,029 - ERIC: - What? - CHRISTINE: 234 00:10:17,029 --> 00:10:18,829 I don't know what they're doing. 235 00:10:18,829 --> 00:10:21,149 Eric, go out and see what's going on. 236 00:10:31,149 --> 00:10:33,709 - Ian. - Dad. 237 00:10:33,709 --> 00:10:36,469 - You all right? - Sorry, did we wake you up? 238 00:10:36,469 --> 00:10:38,389 No, no, no, we were up. 239 00:10:38,389 --> 00:10:39,989 Everything all right? 240 00:10:41,109 --> 00:10:43,789 - You all right, Gordon, son? - Hello, Mr Baird. 241 00:10:43,789 --> 00:10:45,589 How come you're back? 242 00:10:45,589 --> 00:10:47,909 Och, we just thought we'd get an earlier flight. 243 00:10:47,909 --> 00:10:51,029 - Oh, right. - Sorta seen everything we wanted to see, hadn't we? 244 00:10:51,029 --> 00:10:52,509 Well, I had. 245 00:10:54,069 --> 00:10:55,149 Right. 246 00:10:55,149 --> 00:10:57,069 Er, do you want to come in? 247 00:10:58,429 --> 00:10:59,909 Your mum's made chips. 248 00:11:07,109 --> 00:11:09,669 DOOR CLOSES 249 00:11:09,669 --> 00:11:12,629 - Oh, hi, Gordon! - Everything all right? 250 00:11:12,629 --> 00:11:14,229 Aye, fine, fine. 251 00:11:14,229 --> 00:11:17,149 Look at this, Gordon. Bread, butter and chips. 252 00:11:17,149 --> 00:11:19,469 What more could you ask for, eh? 253 00:11:19,469 --> 00:11:20,789 A triple heart bypass? 254 00:11:20,789 --> 00:11:23,509 I hear you've been in Amsterdam. 255 00:11:23,509 --> 00:11:26,309 Two naughty boys in Amsterdam, eh? 256 00:11:26,309 --> 00:11:28,469 Well, one. 257 00:11:28,469 --> 00:11:31,269 Is this you just coming straight from the airport, is it? 258 00:11:31,269 --> 00:11:34,269 Aye, we left our car here, save paying for parking, you know? 259 00:11:34,269 --> 00:11:36,029 Did you smoke cannabis, Gordon? 260 00:11:36,029 --> 00:11:40,189 I smoked it once, it made me want to watch loads of cartoons. 261 00:11:40,189 --> 00:11:42,269 Ah, the old wacky baccy, eh? 262 00:11:42,269 --> 00:11:43,909 They put it in cakes, don't they? 263 00:11:43,909 --> 00:11:45,549 Imagine that, Christine. 264 00:11:45,549 --> 00:11:47,429 Oh, yes, I can. 265 00:11:47,429 --> 00:11:50,869 Folk spiking your Victoria sponge. 266 00:11:50,869 --> 00:11:53,629 One minute it's afternoon tea, 267 00:11:53,629 --> 00:11:57,109 the next you're starring in a snuff movie. 268 00:11:57,109 --> 00:12:01,149 It's only one area that's like that, the city's actually really nice. 269 00:12:01,149 --> 00:12:04,269 Yes, it is, Ian, it is a beautiful place. 270 00:12:05,349 --> 00:12:08,269 Remember I saw that woman with the cock? 271 00:12:08,269 --> 00:12:10,349 You're back a bit early, are you not? 272 00:12:10,349 --> 00:12:13,389 Yeah, we just sort of had enough, didn't we? 273 00:12:14,629 --> 00:12:15,669 Uh-huh. 274 00:12:18,669 --> 00:12:19,949 Can I use your toilet, please? 275 00:12:22,949 --> 00:12:24,709 SHE MOUTHS: What's going on? 276 00:12:24,709 --> 00:12:26,229 BATHROOM DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES 277 00:12:29,069 --> 00:12:30,709 Mm-hm. 278 00:12:34,429 --> 00:12:36,989 Aw, look, Beth's left her chips. 279 00:12:36,989 --> 00:12:39,629 Oh, that's a shame to let them go cold. 280 00:12:39,629 --> 00:12:42,349 Cathy, pass us they chips over, will you? 281 00:12:44,309 --> 00:12:46,989 Look, we had a bit of a disagreement 282 00:12:46,989 --> 00:12:49,469 and we decided that it would be better if we just came home. 283 00:12:49,469 --> 00:12:52,629 - Disagreement about what? - Ugh, nothing that important. 284 00:12:52,629 --> 00:12:54,709 - Is it drugs? - No! - Is it money? 285 00:12:54,709 --> 00:12:58,029 - Did you spend all your money on drugs? - No! 286 00:12:58,029 --> 00:13:01,149 There's obviously something quite seriously wrong. 287 00:13:01,149 --> 00:13:02,189 Oh, aye. 288 00:13:02,189 --> 00:13:06,349 - You don't spend money on a weekend away and then come home early. - No. 289 00:13:07,749 --> 00:13:10,029 Although I did when we went to Belfast 290 00:13:10,029 --> 00:13:11,829 and I didn't like the accents. 291 00:13:11,829 --> 00:13:14,589 Maybe they didn't come home out of choice. 292 00:13:14,589 --> 00:13:17,309 - What do you mean? - Maybe they've been deported. - What?! 293 00:13:17,309 --> 00:13:20,429 Could be. I mean, we went there with the football, 294 00:13:20,429 --> 00:13:23,069 there was a couple of the boys got put on to the plane back home. 295 00:13:23,069 --> 00:13:25,149 - How, what did they do? - Nothing. 296 00:13:25,149 --> 00:13:26,789 Shat in the canal. 297 00:13:26,789 --> 00:13:28,669 We went for a night out last night 298 00:13:28,669 --> 00:13:31,189 and Gordon didn't like the place that we went to. 299 00:13:31,189 --> 00:13:33,909 Yeah, but you don't jump on the next plane home just cos of that. 300 00:13:33,909 --> 00:13:35,509 TOILET FLUSHES 301 00:13:36,549 --> 00:13:37,949 All right? 302 00:13:37,949 --> 00:13:39,309 Yeah, fine. 303 00:13:40,749 --> 00:13:43,629 - Ah, are you going to tell me what's going on? - Nothing. 304 00:13:44,789 --> 00:13:47,749 - Is it drugs? - No, but if you keep asking that I'm going to need some. 305 00:13:47,749 --> 00:13:51,869 - Well, this place you went to, what went on there? - Nothing. 306 00:13:51,869 --> 00:13:55,869 It was fine, it was just a bar, wasn't it? 307 00:13:58,709 --> 00:14:00,109 What was it called? 308 00:14:00,109 --> 00:14:01,309 The Hole. 309 00:14:02,429 --> 00:14:03,909 Oh. 310 00:14:03,909 --> 00:14:05,069 Huh. 311 00:14:05,069 --> 00:14:08,709 Remember that time I came home from Guernsey three days early? 312 00:14:08,709 --> 00:14:10,149 Oh, no' this. 313 00:14:10,149 --> 00:14:15,229 I will never, ever set foot in the Channel Islands again. 314 00:14:15,229 --> 00:14:17,949 Or play crazy golf in flip flops. 315 00:14:17,949 --> 00:14:19,389 Shhh! 316 00:14:19,389 --> 00:14:22,709 Cathy, leave them alone. It's none of our business. 317 00:14:22,709 --> 00:14:25,349 Leave them to it. Let them sort it between them. 318 00:14:25,349 --> 00:14:26,709 Mm-hm. 319 00:14:26,709 --> 00:14:29,669 It's quite natural for couples to have wee disagreements 320 00:14:29,669 --> 00:14:31,269 now and again. 321 00:14:31,269 --> 00:14:33,749 No need for us to poke our noses in. 322 00:14:39,429 --> 00:14:43,189 - Should I...? - Aye, fire in, Cathy, see what the story is. 323 00:14:44,469 --> 00:14:46,509 HE SIGHS 324 00:14:47,749 --> 00:14:50,909 Oh, sorry, I didn't realise you were in here. 325 00:14:52,789 --> 00:14:55,189 I'll just get a glass of water. 326 00:14:56,989 --> 00:14:59,269 It was absolutely disgusting. Honestly, Mrs Baird, 327 00:14:59,269 --> 00:15:00,709 I've never seen anything like it. 328 00:15:00,709 --> 00:15:02,949 It's Amsterdam, what do you expect? 329 00:15:02,949 --> 00:15:05,309 Erm, this'll be fine. 330 00:15:17,389 --> 00:15:19,909 Oh, carry on, I'm not, I'm not listening. 331 00:15:21,029 --> 00:15:22,949 I just thought... 332 00:15:22,949 --> 00:15:24,589 ..you might enjoy it. 333 00:15:24,589 --> 00:15:27,749 - Did he take you to a sex show, Gordon? - Cathy! - Did he? 334 00:15:27,749 --> 00:15:30,469 - Was there actual penetration? - No! 335 00:15:30,469 --> 00:15:33,349 It was not a sex show... 336 00:15:33,349 --> 00:15:35,349 - ..it was a bar. - A gay bar? 337 00:15:35,349 --> 00:15:36,669 Yes, a gay bar. 338 00:15:36,669 --> 00:15:39,069 Were there, like, loads of men with their tops off, like, 339 00:15:39,069 --> 00:15:41,229 - rubbing up against each other? - Cathy! 340 00:15:41,229 --> 00:15:43,229 I'm just trying to visualise it! 341 00:15:43,229 --> 00:15:47,349 You know, did they have like really short hair and great teeth? 342 00:15:47,349 --> 00:15:49,909 Look, I really wanted to go to Amsterdam 343 00:15:49,909 --> 00:15:52,989 and I was happy to go to that bar, I just didn't expect... 344 00:15:52,989 --> 00:15:54,669 I just... 345 00:15:54,669 --> 00:15:57,029 What were you doing in that cubicle? 346 00:15:57,029 --> 00:15:58,229 Boom! 347 00:15:58,229 --> 00:16:00,749 Cathy, why don't we go through to the living room? 348 00:16:00,749 --> 00:16:01,989 Oh, no way! 349 00:16:01,989 --> 00:16:04,549 Cathy, living room, now! 350 00:16:15,749 --> 00:16:17,669 Cathy! 351 00:16:17,669 --> 00:16:19,269 Living room, now! 352 00:16:24,349 --> 00:16:25,589 What's gone on? 353 00:16:25,589 --> 00:16:27,669 It's between Ian and Gordon. 354 00:16:28,989 --> 00:16:31,669 They went to a gay bar and Ian did something in a cubicle. 355 00:16:31,669 --> 00:16:32,709 Oh, dear. 356 00:16:32,709 --> 00:16:34,429 Well, what's wrong with that? 357 00:16:34,429 --> 00:16:36,669 If I was a man, I'd go in to a cubicle 358 00:16:36,669 --> 00:16:39,749 as opposed to standing at a trough with my willy out. 359 00:16:39,749 --> 00:16:42,269 Not that kind of cubicle, Christine! 360 00:16:42,269 --> 00:16:43,509 A booth. 361 00:16:43,509 --> 00:16:45,669 A gay sex booth. 362 00:16:45,669 --> 00:16:47,389 Oh. 363 00:16:47,389 --> 00:16:48,789 Oh, hell. 364 00:16:52,669 --> 00:16:54,469 You ever been to a gay bar, Eric? 365 00:16:54,469 --> 00:16:56,229 Me? No. 366 00:16:56,229 --> 00:16:58,509 - I have. Haven't I, Cathy? - Yeah. 367 00:16:58,509 --> 00:17:00,829 In London. Fair play to them. 368 00:17:00,829 --> 00:17:03,549 It was actually a very welcoming and friendly place. 369 00:17:03,549 --> 00:17:07,029 There was music on, they had a fruit machine, they even had pints. 370 00:17:07,029 --> 00:17:10,589 - Really, aye? - Aye, I got talking to this wee Moroccan guy 371 00:17:10,589 --> 00:17:13,909 - wi' a denim jacket on. I had a great night. - Ah. 372 00:17:13,909 --> 00:17:17,989 - You didn't go to the toilet, though, did you? - No chance. 373 00:17:17,989 --> 00:17:21,909 I shared a table with a lesbian in Costas, didn't I, Beth? 374 00:17:21,909 --> 00:17:23,189 You did. 375 00:17:25,629 --> 00:17:28,149 Look, I'm sorry. 376 00:17:28,149 --> 00:17:30,269 I should've asked you first, I get it. 377 00:17:30,269 --> 00:17:31,669 I just... 378 00:17:31,669 --> 00:17:34,309 I don't know why you'd even want to do that with someone else. 379 00:17:34,309 --> 00:17:35,789 It was just a bit of fun in a bar, 380 00:17:35,789 --> 00:17:37,709 it's not like I've actually cheated on you. 381 00:17:37,709 --> 00:17:38,909 You had his cock in your hand! 382 00:17:38,909 --> 00:17:40,069 Shhh! 383 00:17:43,349 --> 00:17:44,709 Look... 384 00:17:44,709 --> 00:17:47,429 ..I'm really sorry. 385 00:17:47,429 --> 00:17:50,269 I don't want this to cause any trouble between us. 386 00:17:50,269 --> 00:17:52,109 I shouldn't have done it 387 00:17:52,109 --> 00:17:54,229 and I promise it won't happen again. 388 00:17:58,829 --> 00:18:01,709 Christine, should you no' be getting up the road to that hospital? 389 00:18:01,709 --> 00:18:03,669 This is important, Eric. 390 00:18:03,669 --> 00:18:06,069 Pat herself will be very interested to know 391 00:18:06,069 --> 00:18:07,749 what went on in that cubicle. 392 00:18:07,749 --> 00:18:09,709 I think she'd rather have some pyjamas. 393 00:18:09,709 --> 00:18:13,509 Well, you say that, Beth, but these wards are like saunas, 394 00:18:13,509 --> 00:18:15,509 she'll be fine in her pants. 395 00:18:15,509 --> 00:18:17,869 - They keeping her in overnight, are they? - Aye. 396 00:18:17,869 --> 00:18:20,469 Well, best place for her. She's in safe hands. 397 00:18:20,469 --> 00:18:24,189 - I mean, thank God for the NHS, eh? - Aye. - Oh, yes. 398 00:18:24,189 --> 00:18:26,709 - BETH: - We've got Bupa, don't we? - Oh, aye. I mean, well, 399 00:18:26,709 --> 00:18:29,269 you canny muck about when it's to do with your health, you know? 400 00:18:32,549 --> 00:18:34,909 So, er... 401 00:18:34,909 --> 00:18:36,789 ..everything all right? 402 00:18:36,789 --> 00:18:38,549 - Yeah. - Fine. 403 00:18:38,549 --> 00:18:40,709 Sure? 404 00:18:40,709 --> 00:18:44,109 - Ah... - You staying for a cup of tea? 405 00:18:44,109 --> 00:18:46,069 BOTH: OK. 406 00:18:46,069 --> 00:18:47,309 Anyone else? 407 00:18:47,309 --> 00:18:50,349 - I'll take a wee glass of wine, Beth. - I'll have a beer. 408 00:18:50,349 --> 00:18:52,909 Oh, aye, me an' all! 409 00:18:52,909 --> 00:18:56,149 Gordon, would you mind, once you've had your cup of tea, 410 00:18:56,149 --> 00:18:58,429 giving me a run up to the hospital? 411 00:18:58,429 --> 00:19:00,029 Erm, sure, yeah. 412 00:19:00,029 --> 00:19:02,669 Pat's been involved in an altercation with a dog 413 00:19:02,669 --> 00:19:04,349 over a piece of ham. 414 00:19:04,349 --> 00:19:07,269 I'll fill you in on all the details on the way up. 415 00:19:07,269 --> 00:19:09,069 So, have you all been out tonight? 416 00:19:09,069 --> 00:19:10,349 Quiz night. 417 00:19:10,349 --> 00:19:12,349 Ask him the question, Colin, ask him. 418 00:19:12,349 --> 00:19:15,869 Right, what is a male fox called? 419 00:19:15,869 --> 00:19:18,069 GORDON: I know! A dog! 420 00:19:18,069 --> 00:19:19,949 - What?! - A dog! 421 00:19:19,949 --> 00:19:23,229 - COLIN: Can you believe that? - His general knowledge is amazing. 422 00:19:23,229 --> 00:19:25,109 I keep telling him he should go on Pointless. 423 00:19:25,109 --> 00:19:27,789 Aw, Pointless, is that the one with the big streak of pish 424 00:19:27,789 --> 00:19:29,309 - and the glasses? - Aye. 425 00:19:29,309 --> 00:19:30,509 - BETH: - Aw, I like him. 426 00:19:30,509 --> 00:19:34,109 Oh, Beth, you've got such shit taste in men. 427 00:19:35,909 --> 00:19:37,869 I applied to go on a quiz show. 428 00:19:37,869 --> 00:19:41,349 - Did you? - Do you remember Wheel of Fortune? 429 00:19:41,349 --> 00:19:44,269 GORDON: Oh, with the, erm, with the wheel? 430 00:19:44,269 --> 00:19:46,469 Oh, oh, I loved that! 431 00:19:46,469 --> 00:19:49,589 Who was the woman who turned the letters? 432 00:19:49,589 --> 00:19:52,989 - Eh, Carol Smillie. - Ah, that's it. Carol Smillie. 433 00:19:52,989 --> 00:19:55,749 I saw her once scraping bird shit off her windscreen 434 00:19:55,749 --> 00:19:57,029 with a debit card. 435 00:19:57,029 --> 00:19:59,109 She wasnae too smiley then, I can tell you. 436 00:19:59,109 --> 00:20:00,309 THEY LAUGH 437 00:20:00,309 --> 00:20:02,709 Here, Eric, do you ever watch Family Fortunes? 438 00:20:02,709 --> 00:20:04,229 Och, aye, it's all right. 439 00:20:04,229 --> 00:20:05,509 SHE MIMICS A BUZZER 440 00:20:05,509 --> 00:20:07,589 I tell you what, they get some crackers on that. 441 00:20:07,589 --> 00:20:08,989 SHE MIMICS A BUZZER 442 00:20:08,989 --> 00:20:10,789 Here, we go, listen to this. 443 00:20:10,789 --> 00:20:15,789 We said name something beginning with Z 444 00:20:15,789 --> 00:20:18,469 and this guy's said, wait for it... 445 00:20:18,469 --> 00:20:20,469 ..xylophone! THEY LAUGH 446 00:20:21,909 --> 00:20:25,349 Here's another one. Name something made of wool. 447 00:20:25,349 --> 00:20:27,469 Oh, I know, I know. A jumper, a jumper. 448 00:20:27,469 --> 00:20:29,909 Aye, no, but this guy's said a sheep! 449 00:20:29,909 --> 00:20:32,189 THEY LAUGH 450 00:20:32,189 --> 00:20:35,029 CATHY MIMICS A BUZZER 451 00:20:35,029 --> 00:20:37,789 Have you ever heard anything like it, Eric? 452 00:20:37,789 --> 00:20:39,669 I mean, that's just the height of stupidity. 453 00:20:39,669 --> 00:20:42,109 Aw, it can't be easy going on one of those shows. 454 00:20:42,109 --> 00:20:44,829 Aye, especially if you've only got half a brain. 455 00:20:44,829 --> 00:20:47,149 It hasnae stopped Vernon Kay. 456 00:20:47,149 --> 00:20:48,509 Here's another one. 457 00:20:48,509 --> 00:20:53,229 They were asked to name a bird with a long neck 458 00:20:53,229 --> 00:20:54,989 and they said... 459 00:20:54,989 --> 00:20:56,429 ..Naomi Campbell. 460 00:20:56,429 --> 00:21:00,149 THEY LAUGH 461 00:21:00,149 --> 00:21:03,469 I tell you, see tonight at the quiz, Ian, 462 00:21:03,469 --> 00:21:06,589 - your mum was a star. - Aw, was she? - No, I wasn't. 463 00:21:06,589 --> 00:21:08,549 - She was. - Aye, you were. 464 00:21:08,549 --> 00:21:11,509 You were, Beth! See at the science and nature round. 465 00:21:11,509 --> 00:21:14,229 Oooh, snakes, Gordon. Sssss. 466 00:21:14,229 --> 00:21:18,389 Do you know, Ian, that your mum was very nearly a vet's nurse? 467 00:21:18,389 --> 00:21:21,029 - I didn't know that. - Aw, you'd have been brilliant at that. 468 00:21:21,029 --> 00:21:22,269 That's what I said. 469 00:21:22,269 --> 00:21:25,349 Have you ever seen the cat getting the torch in its ear? 470 00:21:25,349 --> 00:21:27,909 Do you like cats, Gordon? 471 00:21:27,909 --> 00:21:29,269 Don't mind them. 472 00:21:29,269 --> 00:21:32,629 Mmm, each to their own. 473 00:21:32,629 --> 00:21:35,909 COLIN: Eric, what would you have done 474 00:21:35,909 --> 00:21:38,349 if you could've done anything in the world? 475 00:21:38,349 --> 00:21:40,509 Oh, God, now you're asking. 476 00:21:40,509 --> 00:21:41,589 Er... 477 00:21:41,589 --> 00:21:45,309 Well, I do remember when I was a wee boy, 478 00:21:45,309 --> 00:21:47,349 I really wanted to be an astronaut. 479 00:21:47,349 --> 00:21:51,349 CHRISTINE: Fuck me, the rocket would never have got off the ground. 480 00:21:51,349 --> 00:21:54,429 - CATHY: - If I could've been anything at all, 481 00:21:54,429 --> 00:21:57,669 I would've been a singer! 482 00:21:57,669 --> 00:21:59,669 Aw, can you sing? 483 00:21:59,669 --> 00:22:01,589 No. 484 00:22:01,589 --> 00:22:03,909 - But I tell you what I can do. - What? 485 00:22:03,909 --> 00:22:06,469 I can do the crab, can't I, Colin? 486 00:22:06,469 --> 00:22:08,869 - Eh? - Cathy... - You know the thing when I bend backwards 487 00:22:08,869 --> 00:22:11,149 - and I walk on my hands. - Oh, aye, aye, aye. 488 00:22:11,149 --> 00:22:12,949 - Do you want to see? - Er, no, Cathy! 489 00:22:12,949 --> 00:22:16,149 Yes. Come on, Colin, move this shit out the way. 490 00:22:16,149 --> 00:22:18,509 Move the pouffe. 491 00:22:18,509 --> 00:22:21,909 - Right, that's it. - CHRISTINE: Mm-hm. - That's it. 492 00:22:21,909 --> 00:22:23,949 - COLIN: That's you. - OK. 493 00:22:25,389 --> 00:22:27,629 - Get them to count, Col. - All right. 494 00:22:27,629 --> 00:22:32,069 - ALL: - One, two, three... 495 00:22:32,069 --> 00:22:34,149 THEY CHEER 496 00:22:37,829 --> 00:22:39,429 - Right, who's next? ERIC: - Eh? 497 00:22:39,429 --> 00:22:42,709 - Christine, what's your party piece? - Oh, she can do magic. 498 00:22:42,709 --> 00:22:45,389 - Can I? - Oh, aye, every time you come round here 499 00:22:45,389 --> 00:22:46,989 all our food and drink disappears. 500 00:22:46,989 --> 00:22:48,749 THEY LAUGH 501 00:22:48,749 --> 00:22:50,189 You do yours then, Eric. 502 00:22:50,189 --> 00:22:52,629 Aw, I know what his is, I've seen it hundreds of times. 503 00:22:52,629 --> 00:22:55,709 - What is it, Mr Baird? - The Vanishing Banknote! 504 00:22:55,709 --> 00:22:57,869 Colin, do you have a tenner upon you? 505 00:22:57,869 --> 00:22:59,909 Aye, hold on. 506 00:22:59,909 --> 00:23:01,189 - There you go. - Thank you. 507 00:23:01,189 --> 00:23:03,149 Perfectly ordinary �10 note. 508 00:23:03,149 --> 00:23:04,309 Now, watch carefully. 509 00:23:05,509 --> 00:23:08,229 Notice how the hand never leaves the wrist. 510 00:23:08,229 --> 00:23:09,309 - CATHY: - Aw, get on with it. 511 00:23:09,309 --> 00:23:11,349 - ERIC: - Aye, all right. You watchin'? 512 00:23:13,629 --> 00:23:15,069 THEY GASP 513 00:23:16,629 --> 00:23:18,909 Aw, that's good, Eric. 514 00:23:18,909 --> 00:23:20,949 - Eh, how about that?! - Oh, that's brilliant. 515 00:23:20,949 --> 00:23:23,749 - CATHY: - Oh, do it again, do it again! - ERIC: 516 00:23:27,789 --> 00:23:29,909 Fantastic! 517 00:23:29,909 --> 00:23:31,349 No' bad, eh? 518 00:23:31,349 --> 00:23:33,149 Here, Eric, gies my tenner. 519 00:23:33,149 --> 00:23:35,029 That's why it's called The Vanishing Tenner. 520 00:23:35,029 --> 00:23:37,109 - IAN LAUGHS - That's amazing! 521 00:23:37,109 --> 00:23:39,229 - CHRISTINE: - Actually, I do have one. 522 00:23:39,229 --> 00:23:41,589 - What is it? - It's a tongue twister. 523 00:23:41,589 --> 00:23:43,909 Oooh. Tongues, Gordon. 524 00:23:43,909 --> 00:23:44,949 Right. 525 00:23:46,269 --> 00:23:50,549 Round the ragged rock the ragged rascal ran. 526 00:23:50,549 --> 00:23:52,709 Aye, but faster than that. 527 00:23:52,709 --> 00:23:55,669 Ah. Round the ragged rock the ragged rascal ran. 528 00:23:55,669 --> 00:23:58,349 - Faster. - Round the ragged rock the ragged rascal ran. 529 00:23:58,349 --> 00:24:00,749 - Round the ragged rock the ragged rascal ran. - ERIC: Faster! 530 00:24:00,749 --> 00:24:03,309 Round the ragged rock the ragged rascal ran. Round the ragged... 531 00:24:03,309 --> 00:24:05,629 - Faster! - ..ragged rascal ran. Round the ragged rock... - Christine. 532 00:24:05,629 --> 00:24:07,949 ..ragged rascal ran. Round the ragged rock the ragged rascal ran. 533 00:24:07,949 --> 00:24:10,589 - Round the ragged rock... - Christine, stop! - ..the ragged rascal ran. 534 00:24:10,589 --> 00:24:13,509 Aye, right, you ragged bastard, you better fucking run! 535 00:24:13,509 --> 00:24:15,229 CHRISTINE LAUGHS 536 00:24:22,469 --> 00:24:24,189 Colin, you do yours. 537 00:24:24,189 --> 00:24:25,789 I love this. 538 00:24:25,789 --> 00:24:27,909 Gordon, wait till you see this, it's unbelievable! 539 00:24:27,909 --> 00:24:30,229 - Right, let me get set. - Shhh! 540 00:24:33,389 --> 00:24:35,189 Yes, Miss Moneypenny. 541 00:24:35,189 --> 00:24:36,629 CATHY LAUGHS 542 00:24:36,629 --> 00:24:39,069 Sean Connery, Beth, Sean Connery. 543 00:24:39,069 --> 00:24:40,909 Yes, Miss Moneypenny. 544 00:24:40,909 --> 00:24:45,109 Gordon, isn't that unbelievable? It's Sean Connery. 545 00:24:45,109 --> 00:24:46,709 Say something else. 546 00:24:48,469 --> 00:24:50,629 Hello, Miss Moneypenny. 547 00:24:51,629 --> 00:24:52,989 That's shite. 548 00:24:56,029 --> 00:24:58,909 - Beth, have you got one? - No. - ERIC: 549 00:24:58,909 --> 00:25:01,029 - No, I don't. - Does she, Eric? - No! 550 00:25:01,029 --> 00:25:03,669 Oh, yes, she does! What is it? 551 00:25:03,669 --> 00:25:05,909 - Go on, Beth, do the thing. - What thing? 552 00:25:05,909 --> 00:25:08,069 You know the thing, the noise. 553 00:25:08,069 --> 00:25:10,669 - IAN: Aw, Mum, do that, it's so funny. GORDON: - What is it? 554 00:25:10,669 --> 00:25:13,189 I'm not doing it. It's ridiculous. 555 00:25:13,189 --> 00:25:16,189 - What noise, Eric? - Oh, come on Beth, just do it. It's great. 556 00:25:16,189 --> 00:25:19,469 - It's stupid. - COLIN: Come on, Beth! IAN: Go on, Mum! 557 00:25:19,469 --> 00:25:22,669 Go on. Make the noise! Make the noise! 558 00:25:27,029 --> 00:25:28,189 Meow. 559 00:25:34,669 --> 00:25:39,429 Meowwwwwww. 560 00:25:44,669 --> 00:25:52,469 Meowwwwwwww. 561 00:25:52,469 --> 00:25:55,749 THEY LAUGH 562 00:26:01,509 --> 00:26:06,069 - Sorry, Beth, it was just... - All right, all right! 563 00:26:06,069 --> 00:26:07,909 Ian, what about you? 564 00:26:07,909 --> 00:26:10,309 He's already done his turn in Amsterdam! 565 00:26:10,309 --> 00:26:12,189 - Aye! - Oh! 566 00:26:12,189 --> 00:26:14,869 - What about you, Flash Gordon? - Aw, no, I don't really have one. 567 00:26:14,869 --> 00:26:17,469 Oh, come, on Gordon, you must be able to do something. 568 00:26:17,469 --> 00:26:18,749 I swear, honestly! 569 00:26:18,749 --> 00:26:20,869 Would you like me to teach you to do the crab? 570 00:26:20,869 --> 00:26:23,429 - No. - CHRISTINE: - I'd have a go, Cathy, 571 00:26:23,429 --> 00:26:27,029 but I think my chips would just come straight back up. 572 00:26:27,029 --> 00:26:28,869 Are you no' very bendy, Gordy? 573 00:26:28,869 --> 00:26:32,309 What about school? What were you good at at school? 574 00:26:32,309 --> 00:26:35,709 - Running. - Oh, my God, do some running! 575 00:26:35,709 --> 00:26:38,229 Run around the room. In fact, run up the stairs. 576 00:26:38,229 --> 00:26:40,589 - BETH: - He's not running up the stairs, Cathy. 577 00:26:40,589 --> 00:26:43,149 I actually got a bronze medal once for the hurdles. 578 00:26:43,149 --> 00:26:44,949 - Did you? - That is amazing! 579 00:26:44,949 --> 00:26:48,629 - Well, just jump over something, jump over the couch! - Cathy! 580 00:26:49,789 --> 00:26:52,349 IAN: Could go outside and do it. Mm? 581 00:26:52,349 --> 00:26:53,989 Yes! 582 00:26:53,989 --> 00:26:56,469 - ERIC: - Oh, now you're talking! - Come on, let's go. 583 00:27:00,149 --> 00:27:02,509 I don't, I don't, even know what it is I'm meant to be doing. 584 00:27:02,509 --> 00:27:04,709 COLIN: Just, just hurdle something. 585 00:27:04,709 --> 00:27:06,389 Jump over a car! 586 00:27:06,389 --> 00:27:07,989 A bloody car?! 587 00:27:07,989 --> 00:27:10,189 I know, the hedge! 588 00:27:10,189 --> 00:27:12,709 - Can you jump over the hedge? - Aye! 589 00:27:12,709 --> 00:27:14,549 Erm... 590 00:27:14,549 --> 00:27:16,069 Should be able to. 591 00:27:18,389 --> 00:27:21,349 - Here we go! - Go on, Gordy! Hedge, hedge, hedge, hedge! 592 00:27:21,349 --> 00:27:23,669 IAN: Gordon, just be careful, will you? 593 00:27:23,669 --> 00:27:26,149 - ALL: - Oh... 594 00:27:26,149 --> 00:27:27,629 Aww! 595 00:27:27,629 --> 00:27:29,829 - Come on, son! - We could've jumped that! 596 00:27:29,829 --> 00:27:32,269 - CHRISTINE: - Come on, Gordon. Go on yourself, son, come on! 597 00:27:32,269 --> 00:27:33,429 That's it, that's it. 598 00:27:33,429 --> 00:27:34,949 - ALL: - Oh... 599 00:27:34,949 --> 00:27:36,269 Oh, my God, there's a fox! Beth! 600 00:27:36,269 --> 00:27:37,629 - ALL: - Aww! 601 00:27:37,629 --> 00:27:38,909 - GORDON: - Ah! 602 00:27:38,909 --> 00:27:41,269 Beth, Beth, grab it, let's bring it in. 603 00:27:41,269 --> 00:27:45,029 - Are you all right? - Oh, my goodness, Gordon! What have you done? 604 00:27:45,029 --> 00:27:47,509 Ah, it's my wrist. I've done something to my wrist. 605 00:27:47,509 --> 00:27:50,189 - Ian, is he all right? - He's done something to his wrist. 606 00:27:50,189 --> 00:27:51,749 I can't move my fingers. 607 00:27:51,749 --> 00:27:53,749 Ach, you'll be fine, he'll be fine! 608 00:27:53,749 --> 00:27:57,029 - I think he'll need to go up to A&E. - Well, none of us can take him. 609 00:27:57,029 --> 00:27:58,869 - ERIC: - We've had a drink, we cannae drive. 610 00:27:58,869 --> 00:28:01,189 We'll need to phone an ambulance then. 611 00:28:01,189 --> 00:28:02,829 - CHRISTINE: - Ya beauty! 612 00:28:02,829 --> 00:28:04,269 What? 613 00:28:04,269 --> 00:28:07,109 Well, he can take up Pat's pyjamas for her. 614 00:28:07,109 --> 00:28:10,189 I'll get another shot at Beth's chips. 615 00:28:10,189 --> 00:28:12,949 - GORDON: - Ah, it's really sore. Ah! 616 00:28:12,949 --> 00:28:14,069 Aw... 617 00:28:14,069 --> 00:28:15,589 - FOX GROWLS - Ow, you sh...! 618 00:28:15,589 --> 00:28:17,029 Ow! Hey-hey, pretty baby 619 00:28:17,029 --> 00:28:19,949 With your fine old foxy self 620 00:28:19,949 --> 00:28:24,149 Hey-hey, pretty baby, with your fine old foxy self 621 00:28:25,189 --> 00:28:27,029 I wanna love you, baby 622 00:28:27,029 --> 00:28:29,749 Baby, all by myself 623 00:28:29,749 --> 00:28:30,789 Ow! 624 00:28:30,789 --> 00:28:35,349 Come on, come on, come on and follow me 625 00:28:35,349 --> 00:28:39,789 Come on, come on, come on and follow me 626 00:28:39,789 --> 00:28:42,189 ? I wanna love you, baby... ? 627 00:28:42,239 --> 00:28:46,789 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 46460

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