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1
00:00:02,020 --> 00:00:05,060
...
2
00:00:00,320 --> 00:00:02,470
Yeah, got him home this morning.
Just one night.
3
00:00:04,327 --> 00:00:07,327
He's fine. Still a bit sore,
but he seems comfortable enough.
4
00:00:08,985 --> 00:00:11,905
Do you want to try and sit up
and speak to Ian? Eh?
5
00:00:11,905 --> 00:00:15,305
That's Ian on the phone. Do you want
to sit up and speak to him? Um...
6
00:00:15,305 --> 00:00:17,745
HE GROANS
Oh, you all right?
7
00:00:17,745 --> 00:00:19,185
He's just trying.
8
00:00:19,185 --> 00:00:21,185
Oh, no! No, I cannae.
9
00:00:21,185 --> 00:00:22,585
He can't. Oh, too sore.
10
00:00:22,585 --> 00:00:24,465
"Too sore," he says.
HE GROANS
11
00:00:24,465 --> 00:00:26,465
SHE GIGGLES
12
00:00:26,465 --> 00:00:27,705
What is it?
13
00:00:27,705 --> 00:00:29,545
He says you might
not be able to sit on it,
14
00:00:29,545 --> 00:00:31,425
but he bets you can still
talk out of it.
15
00:00:31,425 --> 00:00:33,025
HE SIGHS
16
00:00:46,707 --> 00:00:48,441
...
17
00:00:49,825 --> 00:00:51,665
Ohh...
18
00:00:51,665 --> 00:00:54,745
Hello there, Nurse,
the ward open for visitors, is it?
19
00:00:54,745 --> 00:00:58,585
Oh, she looks shattered,
doesn't she, Col? Oh, done in.
20
00:00:58,585 --> 00:01:01,225
It's as if someone's scraped
you off the floor.
21
00:01:01,225 --> 00:01:04,185
Well, it's all the worry.
You know, it's the stress, worry...
22
00:01:04,185 --> 00:01:07,305
Age. Age, poor diet,
lack of exercise.
23
00:01:07,305 --> 00:01:09,345
Still, at least we're here now,
Beth.
24
00:01:09,345 --> 00:01:11,345
Ah, yes! Thank goodness for that!
25
00:01:13,785 --> 00:01:16,345
Eric, you've got visitors.
26
00:01:16,345 --> 00:01:18,105
You all right, squire?
27
00:01:18,105 --> 00:01:19,705
Oh, Eric!
28
00:01:19,705 --> 00:01:21,665
Oh, Colin, look at him!
29
00:01:21,665 --> 00:01:23,625
Look at his big legs.
30
00:01:23,625 --> 00:01:25,625
Careful, please. Careful, Eric.
31
00:01:25,625 --> 00:01:28,385
I'm all right, I'm fine.
Let Colin help you, Eric.
32
00:01:28,385 --> 00:01:30,785
He's good
at this kind of thing, Beth.
33
00:01:30,785 --> 00:01:32,985
He's pulled his dad out of a bath.
34
00:01:32,985 --> 00:01:35,425
Oh, shi... Eric!
35
00:01:35,425 --> 00:01:36,945
Oh! Too much too soon there.
36
00:01:36,945 --> 00:01:40,105
Just go and just take it easy,
let's get you back down.
37
00:01:40,105 --> 00:01:42,705
Back down, Eric, down. Lie down.
Down, Eric!
38
00:01:42,705 --> 00:01:43,785
Oh, Christ!
39
00:01:43,785 --> 00:01:45,825
Dear me! What a state!
40
00:01:45,825 --> 00:01:48,945
Oh, Beth, this is horrendous!
41
00:01:48,945 --> 00:01:50,905
No wonder you look awful!
42
00:01:50,905 --> 00:01:53,745
Listen, I'm fine, it's just a
bit uncomfortable sitting up.
43
00:01:53,745 --> 00:01:56,785
Aye, when you actually
put pressure on the... Aye.
44
00:01:56,785 --> 00:01:58,385
Anyway, how's...
45
00:01:58,385 --> 00:02:02,025
So, it's the actual bum hole itself
that's ripped, is it, Eric?
46
00:02:02,025 --> 00:02:06,545
Oh, for God's sake. Look, Cathy,
it's no big deal. Well, that's good.
47
00:02:06,545 --> 00:02:09,745
Because, obviously, me and Cathy,
we were really quite concerned.
48
00:02:09,745 --> 00:02:12,945
Uh-huh,
concerned about your bum, Eric.
49
00:02:12,945 --> 00:02:14,625
It's more inside.
50
00:02:14,625 --> 00:02:17,385
Ah, it's the lining of the arse?
51
00:02:17,385 --> 00:02:20,425
Ah, right,
it's the bum lining, Cath.
52
00:02:20,425 --> 00:02:23,745
You don't say "bum lining", Colin.
53
00:02:23,745 --> 00:02:25,265
It's anus.
54
00:02:25,265 --> 00:02:26,825
Or is it rectum?
55
00:02:26,825 --> 00:02:29,945
Beth, you'll know, what's the
difference between anus and rectum?
56
00:02:29,945 --> 00:02:31,425
Excuse me, do you mind?
57
00:02:31,425 --> 00:02:33,585
Sorry, squire.
Look, we're just curious,
58
00:02:33,585 --> 00:02:36,545
we just want to know what it is
that's actually happened.
59
00:02:37,825 --> 00:02:40,305
There's a slight tear
in my back passage
60
00:02:40,305 --> 00:02:42,225
from where they took
the camera thingy out.
61
00:02:42,225 --> 00:02:45,145
Nothing major, it's just one of
those things that can happen
62
00:02:45,145 --> 00:02:46,665
when you get the check-up done.
63
00:02:46,665 --> 00:02:49,145
They only kept me in overnight
as a precaution.
64
00:02:49,145 --> 00:02:50,945
Otherwise, I am absolutely fine.
65
00:02:50,945 --> 00:02:52,665
Well, of course, you are.
66
00:02:52,665 --> 00:02:54,985
Apart from the torn arsehole.
THEY STIFLE GIGGLES
67
00:02:54,985 --> 00:02:57,745
Aw, bloody hell!
Yes, apart from that!
68
00:02:57,745 --> 00:03:01,185
Right, here, before I forget, we've
brought you a few bits and pieces.
69
00:03:01,185 --> 00:03:02,385
Ah, that's very good of you.
70
00:03:02,385 --> 00:03:03,825
One magazine.
71
00:03:03,825 --> 00:03:06,065
Look! Car! Woooo!
72
00:03:06,065 --> 00:03:07,385
SHE IMITATES CAR REVVING
73
00:03:07,385 --> 00:03:08,745
Maltesers.
74
00:03:08,745 --> 00:03:11,265
Oooh, chocolate - yummy, yummy,
yummy!
75
00:03:11,265 --> 00:03:13,785
And...eh, a banana.
76
00:03:13,785 --> 00:03:16,465
I found it in the changing
room at the gym, Eric.
77
00:03:16,465 --> 00:03:18,945
That's very nice of you.
You didn't need to.
78
00:03:18,945 --> 00:03:20,145
Oh, not at all, missus.
79
00:03:20,145 --> 00:03:22,905
It's the least we could do,
in't that right, Cath? Uh-huh.
80
00:03:22,905 --> 00:03:24,945
We're here for you, Eric...
81
00:03:26,665 --> 00:03:28,945
..aren't we, Col? Oh, aye.
82
00:03:28,945 --> 00:03:30,705
Well, until about 5.30,
83
00:03:30,705 --> 00:03:33,225
then we'll need to go and get ready.
Mm-hm.
84
00:03:34,545 --> 00:03:36,425
We're going out for dinner.
85
00:03:36,425 --> 00:03:40,425
OK, well, I'll take these through
and put the kettle on.
86
00:03:41,585 --> 00:03:43,065
Er...
87
00:03:43,065 --> 00:03:45,225
There's a bottle of wine in here?
88
00:03:45,225 --> 00:03:48,225
I thought about Lucozade, Beth,
but it hasn't got any alcohol in it.
89
00:03:58,545 --> 00:04:02,385
I had my prostate checked,
remember that, Cath? He did, yeah.
90
00:04:02,385 --> 00:04:05,105
I didnae actually mind it.
No, he doesn't.
91
00:04:05,105 --> 00:04:07,385
I had to lie on my side,
knees to chest.
92
00:04:07,385 --> 00:04:09,265
Is that what you had to do, Eric?
Yes.
93
00:04:10,585 --> 00:04:13,065
I was just a finger in a glove
though. I mean, yours was the...
94
00:04:13,065 --> 00:04:16,185
He had the camera, yes.
Boy, oh, boy!
95
00:04:16,185 --> 00:04:18,865
I don't know if I could take that.
No, you could.
96
00:04:20,385 --> 00:04:23,665
And was it when it was on its way
in or when it was coming out,
97
00:04:23,665 --> 00:04:25,545
did you say that the
damage was done?
98
00:04:25,545 --> 00:04:28,345
Do we need to go in to all
the details? Beth!
99
00:04:28,345 --> 00:04:31,505
Look, he's been through quite a lot.
Of course, of course.
100
00:04:31,505 --> 00:04:35,065
Understood. Look,
we'll talk about something else.
101
00:04:36,265 --> 00:04:39,025
What about going to the toilet?
Oh, for goodness' sake...
102
00:04:39,025 --> 00:04:41,585
That'll be no Swiss picnic. Have you
done a poo yet?
103
00:04:41,585 --> 00:04:42,745
I don't believe this.
104
00:04:42,745 --> 00:04:45,265
Trying for a shite with your arse
in a mess like that.
105
00:04:45,265 --> 00:04:47,065
Is this meant to be making me
feel better?
106
00:04:47,065 --> 00:04:50,065
You're normally very regular,
aren't you, Eric?
107
00:04:50,065 --> 00:04:52,025
Beth gives him muesli.
108
00:04:52,025 --> 00:04:54,505
I go in the morning,
straight after my coffee, bang!
109
00:04:54,505 --> 00:04:57,785
Don't I, Cath? Yeah.
Well, he's not been yet,
110
00:04:57,785 --> 00:05:02,465
but the doctor says everything
should be fine, just not to...
111
00:05:03,505 --> 00:05:04,545
..force it.
112
00:05:04,545 --> 00:05:05,865
Ahhh.
113
00:05:05,865 --> 00:05:09,345
Happy? Everybody know all
they need to know?
114
00:05:09,345 --> 00:05:13,985
Good, so, do you think we could
possibly talk about something else?
115
00:05:13,985 --> 00:05:15,465
Course we can, squire.
116
00:05:15,465 --> 00:05:16,825
Sorry, Eric.
117
00:05:16,825 --> 00:05:18,745
You just lie there and relax,
118
00:05:18,745 --> 00:05:22,305
concentrate on getting that
arse of yours back to its best.
119
00:05:22,305 --> 00:05:23,985
HE GROANS
120
00:05:23,985 --> 00:05:25,625
Did I ever tell you about the time
121
00:05:25,625 --> 00:05:28,305
I nipped the wee bit at the end of
my knob on my car keys?
122
00:05:28,305 --> 00:05:29,705
DOOR BELL RINGS
123
00:05:31,625 --> 00:05:33,505
SHE TAPS WINDOW
124
00:05:35,305 --> 00:05:37,665
Right, I'm ready. Sorry?
125
00:05:37,665 --> 00:05:42,025
Let's get going! They've got wee
tins of spaghetti at 24p
126
00:05:42,025 --> 00:05:45,305
and if we get a move on, we can get
some of those cubes of Cheddar
127
00:05:45,305 --> 00:05:48,665
off the deli counter before
the wee homeless guy hoovers them.
128
00:05:48,665 --> 00:05:51,505
Christine, I forgot all about this.
129
00:05:51,505 --> 00:05:53,305
You're joking!
130
00:05:53,305 --> 00:05:55,905
I'm sorry,
it's just that I've been so busy.
131
00:05:55,905 --> 00:05:57,505
Oh, I see.
132
00:05:57,505 --> 00:06:00,585
Too busy to make sure
that your neighbour,
133
00:06:00,585 --> 00:06:03,865
who many people agree
should have a Blue Badge,
134
00:06:03,865 --> 00:06:06,185
gets up to Asda for her shopping.
135
00:06:06,185 --> 00:06:08,825
Look,
why don't you come in just now?
136
00:06:11,385 --> 00:06:13,065
Very disappointed.
137
00:06:13,065 --> 00:06:15,825
HE GROANS WEARILY
Very disappointed indeed, Beth.
138
00:06:15,825 --> 00:06:17,865
What's going on here?
139
00:06:17,865 --> 00:06:20,345
Eric's been in hospital. Hospital!
140
00:06:20,345 --> 00:06:22,825
Oh, my God! I'm fine.
141
00:06:22,825 --> 00:06:25,705
What's the matter with him?
It's nothing really. It's private.
142
00:06:25,705 --> 00:06:27,905
He's ripped the inside of his arse.
HE SIGHS
143
00:06:27,905 --> 00:06:31,025
He's what?!
A camera tore his hole open.
144
00:06:31,025 --> 00:06:32,985
Oh, dear God!
145
00:06:32,985 --> 00:06:34,345
Beth, come on!
146
00:06:34,345 --> 00:06:36,385
Christine, it's a minor injury.
147
00:06:36,385 --> 00:06:40,065
Oh, that's a nasty place to have
anything. Oh, aye...
148
00:06:40,065 --> 00:06:44,705
I had a fold-up chair buckle under
me when I was at the caravan once.
149
00:06:44,705 --> 00:06:47,465
A&E had me bandaged up like a sumo.
150
00:06:47,465 --> 00:06:50,025
He can't sit down properly.
151
00:06:50,025 --> 00:06:51,865
What in God's name happened?
152
00:06:51,865 --> 00:06:55,345
I had an appointment yesterday
for a colonoscopy.
153
00:06:55,345 --> 00:06:58,225
They put a camera up just to
check everything was all right -
154
00:06:58,225 --> 00:07:02,505
which it is, by the way - my colon
is in perfect working order.
155
00:07:02,505 --> 00:07:03,865
Beth gives him muesli.
156
00:07:03,865 --> 00:07:06,665
It all went fine other than
the fact that there was a slight
157
00:07:06,665 --> 00:07:09,985
problem towards the end when
they were taking the camera out.
158
00:07:09,985 --> 00:07:11,185
Did you clamp on it?
159
00:07:11,185 --> 00:07:13,465
What?! It's easy done.
160
00:07:13,465 --> 00:07:18,105
That's your body's natural reaction
to an alien object.
161
00:07:18,105 --> 00:07:19,345
Not his.
162
00:07:19,345 --> 00:07:22,465
There was a young student doctor
taking it out
163
00:07:22,465 --> 00:07:25,185
and I think she was a wee bit
nervous. She wasn't the only one.
164
00:07:25,185 --> 00:07:27,025
It's just bad luck. Uh-huh.
165
00:07:27,025 --> 00:07:29,305
Anyway, it's all taken care of now,
166
00:07:29,305 --> 00:07:34,305
so there's no need to discuss
any of it in any more detail, OK?
167
00:07:35,585 --> 00:07:37,505
Have you been for a shite yet?
168
00:07:43,825 --> 00:07:45,625
To be fair to you, Beth,
169
00:07:45,625 --> 00:07:49,025
when you forgot about my shopping
I thought to myself,
170
00:07:49,025 --> 00:07:51,665
"I could slap
this dozy bitch in the face."
171
00:07:51,665 --> 00:07:54,065
But now I see what you've been
dealing with.
172
00:07:54,065 --> 00:07:55,665
It's terrible, in't it?
173
00:07:55,665 --> 00:07:58,705
As soon as Beth phoned me, I says to
Cathy... Um, what did I say?
174
00:07:58,705 --> 00:08:01,465
He said, "It's something to do
with his arse,
175
00:08:01,465 --> 00:08:02,985
"we better go in for a bit,
176
00:08:02,985 --> 00:08:05,585
"but we'll not let it stop us
going out for dinner."
177
00:08:05,585 --> 00:08:08,985
You all right, Eric?
How's it feeling? Just the same.
178
00:08:09,985 --> 00:08:11,105
Excellent.
179
00:08:13,425 --> 00:08:15,585
Where do you do your shopping,
Cathy?
180
00:08:15,585 --> 00:08:17,065
Sorry?
181
00:08:17,065 --> 00:08:18,505
Your shopping?
182
00:08:18,505 --> 00:08:20,745
Where do yous go for it?
183
00:08:20,745 --> 00:08:22,225
Colin, what does she mean?
184
00:08:22,225 --> 00:08:25,345
We just pick stuff up from
Marks & Spencer, Christine.
185
00:08:25,345 --> 00:08:28,545
Pat bought nectarines out of there -
186
00:08:28,545 --> 00:08:30,105
perfectly ripe.
187
00:08:30,105 --> 00:08:32,945
So they fucking should be
at that price.
188
00:08:34,545 --> 00:08:37,705
Colin,
you could take Christine to Asda?
189
00:08:39,145 --> 00:08:42,665
Sorry? You could take her up for her
shopping, could you not?
190
00:08:42,665 --> 00:08:44,265
In fact, you could go as well,
Cathy.
191
00:08:44,265 --> 00:08:46,145
Colin's got his wine,
he can't drive.
192
00:08:46,145 --> 00:08:48,305
But he's only had a wee sip of it.
Eh?
193
00:08:48,305 --> 00:08:50,585
You've only had a wee
sip of your wine.
194
00:08:50,585 --> 00:08:52,305
HE CLEARS HIS THROAT
195
00:08:52,305 --> 00:08:54,065
HE GULPS
196
00:08:57,345 --> 00:08:59,985
It's a no, Christine.
HE SIGHS
197
00:08:59,985 --> 00:09:01,385
I'll take you tomorrow.
198
00:09:01,385 --> 00:09:03,905
Tomorrow's no good to me.
199
00:09:03,905 --> 00:09:05,985
I've got nothing in for my dinner.
200
00:09:05,985 --> 00:09:07,185
Aww.
201
00:09:07,185 --> 00:09:08,465
SHE TAPS GLASS
202
00:09:10,985 --> 00:09:12,785
Have you got eggs? Eh?
203
00:09:12,785 --> 00:09:15,265
Well, if you've got eggs
you're never stuck for a dinner.
204
00:09:15,265 --> 00:09:18,865
I quite often make Cathy
a wee omelette if she's wasted
205
00:09:18,865 --> 00:09:20,665
and can't get anything
solid down her.
206
00:09:20,665 --> 00:09:22,985
An egg for my dinner?
207
00:09:22,985 --> 00:09:26,225
I bet you're not having
a fucking egg for yours!
208
00:09:26,225 --> 00:09:28,585
We're actually going out for dinner.
209
00:09:28,585 --> 00:09:30,105
Oh, aye.
210
00:09:30,105 --> 00:09:32,305
It's a couple we know from
the time-share, Christine.
211
00:09:32,305 --> 00:09:36,465
Paul and Debbie. He's got his own
business and she's...
212
00:09:36,465 --> 00:09:38,345
she's his wife.
213
00:09:38,345 --> 00:09:42,225
If yous two have to make a move,
don't let me hold you back.
214
00:09:42,225 --> 00:09:43,985
No, no, no.
MESSAGE ALERT BEEPS
215
00:09:43,985 --> 00:09:46,305
Eric, what are you
having for your dinner?
216
00:09:46,305 --> 00:09:47,785
I'm not hungry.
217
00:09:47,785 --> 00:09:51,305
Ah, well, you should go round to
mine, cos there's fuck all in there.
218
00:09:51,305 --> 00:09:54,625
That's Ian - he's coming round.
He says, "Do you need anything?"
219
00:09:54,625 --> 00:09:56,785
Aye, a new arsehole!
220
00:09:56,785 --> 00:09:58,185
ALL LAUGH
221
00:09:58,185 --> 00:09:59,705
No, I'm all right. OK.
222
00:10:01,225 --> 00:10:04,225
Is that Ian, is it Beth? Uh-huh.
223
00:10:04,225 --> 00:10:07,385
And is he on his way over? Yes.
224
00:10:07,385 --> 00:10:10,225
Where is he now?
Just leaving his place.
225
00:10:17,105 --> 00:10:19,025
Pat had a camera up her bum.
226
00:10:19,025 --> 00:10:21,585
Remember I told you about that,
Beth? Yes.
227
00:10:22,585 --> 00:10:25,945
They primed her
with a finger though.
228
00:10:25,945 --> 00:10:30,305
Mind you, that's some people's
idea of fun, isn't it?
229
00:10:32,825 --> 00:10:35,425
Sometimes more than
the finger, as well.
230
00:10:36,945 --> 00:10:40,665
Some people take the whole...
Christine, more coffee?
231
00:10:40,665 --> 00:10:43,065
What's that called again?
Eh, Christine!
232
00:10:43,065 --> 00:10:44,625
What's that thing where...?
233
00:10:44,625 --> 00:10:45,825
Christine! Fisting!
234
00:10:47,025 --> 00:10:49,385
Fisting! That's it.
235
00:10:49,385 --> 00:10:50,985
WEARILY: Oh, my God...
236
00:10:50,985 --> 00:10:53,225
Though how, in God's name,
237
00:10:53,225 --> 00:10:57,145
anybody gets pleasure out of that,
I do not know.
238
00:10:57,145 --> 00:11:00,145
I mean, can you imagine it, Beth,
239
00:11:00,145 --> 00:11:03,145
the whole hand inside?
240
00:11:04,345 --> 00:11:05,625
Like Sooty!
241
00:11:10,065 --> 00:11:11,705
BOTTLES CLINK
242
00:11:14,265 --> 00:11:16,505
DOOR OPENS
Hi!
243
00:11:16,505 --> 00:11:20,665
Aw, there he is!
My personal shopper has arrived!
244
00:11:21,745 --> 00:11:23,745
How's it going, how's Dad?
245
00:11:23,745 --> 00:11:25,785
Och, he's fine, just taking it easy.
246
00:11:25,785 --> 00:11:28,545
Get those Magnums straight
into the freezer, Beth!
247
00:11:28,545 --> 00:11:30,985
Where's Gordon? Uh, he's working.
248
00:11:30,985 --> 00:11:33,425
Did you get my Peperamis? Yes!
249
00:11:33,425 --> 00:11:34,745
Did you pay for it on your card?
250
00:11:34,745 --> 00:11:36,985
Yeah,
but I'll get the cash off her now.
251
00:11:36,985 --> 00:11:39,465
Bring them in and I'll have one
with my coffee.
252
00:11:44,265 --> 00:11:46,425
Hiya, Dad. Hiya, Don. Ian!
253
00:11:46,425 --> 00:11:48,305
Ah, you've got visitors
already I see.
254
00:11:48,305 --> 00:11:50,505
Oh, yes... Ian! Yes, Christine!
255
00:11:50,505 --> 00:11:52,345
Where's these Peperamis?
256
00:11:52,345 --> 00:11:54,225
Are you comfy like that?
257
00:11:54,225 --> 00:11:55,825
Well, I was...
258
00:11:55,825 --> 00:11:58,545
He can't sit down properly, Ian. Oh!
259
00:11:58,545 --> 00:12:00,585
His bum's in a mess.
260
00:12:00,585 --> 00:12:03,825
Can't stand any pressure
on the hole at all, Ian.
261
00:12:05,625 --> 00:12:10,185
We're here for you though, Eric,
aren't we? Hmm? Aye.
262
00:12:10,185 --> 00:12:13,505
What time is it now, Col?
How much do I owe you, son?
263
00:12:13,505 --> 00:12:15,185
That's the receipt there.
264
00:12:15,185 --> 00:12:18,305
Right, thanks,
let's have a wee look at this.
265
00:12:18,305 --> 00:12:21,465
Aw, I feel sorry for you, Beth.
266
00:12:21,465 --> 00:12:25,585
Col, I feel guilty about leaving
Beth all on her own with Eric.
267
00:12:25,585 --> 00:12:27,385
Aw, I know, it's a shame.
268
00:12:27,385 --> 00:12:28,785
Will you be all right, Beth?
269
00:12:28,785 --> 00:12:30,065
I'll be fine.
270
00:12:30,065 --> 00:12:32,305
Aw, that's good, I feel better now.
271
00:12:32,305 --> 00:12:33,665
What's that?
272
00:12:33,665 --> 00:12:37,705
Wait a minute - kitchen roll, �2?
What?
273
00:12:37,705 --> 00:12:41,425
Christ, what do they absorb?
Apart from the contents of my purse!
274
00:12:41,425 --> 00:12:44,145
And what's this for cream crackers?
275
00:12:44,145 --> 00:12:45,785
Oh, that's the double pack.
276
00:12:45,785 --> 00:12:49,225
Oh, right,
I'll let you away with that then.
277
00:12:49,225 --> 00:12:52,265
Aw, aw, wait a minute!
278
00:12:52,265 --> 00:12:55,465
Sausages - �3?
279
00:12:55,465 --> 00:12:58,505
They didn't have the ones you
wanted. These are organic.
280
00:12:58,505 --> 00:13:00,305
They're what? They're organic -
281
00:13:00,305 --> 00:13:03,705
the pigs are allowed to run about
wherever they want.
282
00:13:03,705 --> 00:13:06,465
I don't care if they've been
running about
283
00:13:06,465 --> 00:13:09,705
with Peppa fucking Pig herself, son,
I'm no paying three quid for them.
284
00:13:09,705 --> 00:13:13,465
Right, well, OK,
just call it 40 quid, Christine.
285
00:13:13,465 --> 00:13:15,225
40 quid?
286
00:13:15,225 --> 00:13:18,065
Aye, well, it's �42 whatever,
287
00:13:18,065 --> 00:13:20,625
so just say 40 and that'll do us.
288
00:13:22,545 --> 00:13:24,345
38 and I get the points.
289
00:13:24,345 --> 00:13:26,425
You got any more nibbles in there,
Christine?
290
00:13:26,425 --> 00:13:28,585
I could do with a wee
something to keep me going.
291
00:13:28,585 --> 00:13:30,025
Sorry, Colin, it's...
292
00:13:30,025 --> 00:13:33,985
it's just essentials I've got in
here, you know?
293
00:13:33,985 --> 00:13:36,185
ASIDE: Beth, did you fire the
Magnums
294
00:13:36,185 --> 00:13:37,945
into the freezer for me, aye? Mm-hm.
295
00:13:37,945 --> 00:13:40,665
Woooo! Look at this!
296
00:13:40,665 --> 00:13:42,345
Cathy, put that down.
297
00:13:42,345 --> 00:13:45,025
Beth, take that off her!
298
00:13:45,025 --> 00:13:46,625
Get off me!
299
00:13:46,625 --> 00:13:48,065
I'm just joking, Eric.
300
00:13:48,065 --> 00:13:49,825
HE GROANS
301
00:13:49,825 --> 00:13:52,465
Oh, and by the way,
I got you a bag of onions,
302
00:13:52,465 --> 00:13:54,425
it was cheaper than the three pack.
303
00:13:54,425 --> 00:13:55,945
Eh?
304
00:13:55,945 --> 00:13:58,745
What am I going to do
with a bag of onions?
305
00:13:58,745 --> 00:14:00,305
Take them home.
306
00:14:00,305 --> 00:14:03,385
I tell you what you could do -
you've got leeks,
307
00:14:03,385 --> 00:14:05,425
you've got onions,
you got carrots in there?
308
00:14:05,425 --> 00:14:07,945
Well, knowing him,
I'll have a sack of the bastards.
309
00:14:07,945 --> 00:14:10,905
You've actually got everything
you need for a pot of...
310
00:14:10,905 --> 00:14:12,225
Vegetables!
311
00:14:12,225 --> 00:14:14,745
Soup! You could make soup!
312
00:14:14,745 --> 00:14:17,745
Aw, naw, naw, naw.
I cannae be arsed with that.
313
00:14:17,745 --> 00:14:21,505
Why not? All that chopping
and peeling and boiling
314
00:14:21,505 --> 00:14:25,625
and then you're farting
like billy-o for days after it.
315
00:14:25,625 --> 00:14:28,785
Did you not make me soup in
a Tupperware dish once
316
00:14:28,785 --> 00:14:32,665
when I wasn't well, Beth?
Did I? She did! Remember, Col!
317
00:14:32,665 --> 00:14:35,545
She handed it in, and I got you to
put it down the drain?
318
00:14:35,545 --> 00:14:37,625
That's what you're needing, Eric.
Eh?
319
00:14:37,625 --> 00:14:39,505
Soup for the invalid.
320
00:14:39,505 --> 00:14:42,665
Aw, Mum makes great soup.
Aw, are you making soup, Beth?
321
00:14:42,665 --> 00:14:45,345
What? Are you wanting some of my
veg? No.
322
00:14:45,345 --> 00:14:48,625
On you go, Beth, make soup -
if you get your skates on,
323
00:14:48,625 --> 00:14:50,825
we could get a chance
to have a quick taste of it.
324
00:14:50,825 --> 00:14:52,705
Now, listen, I don't think...
325
00:14:52,705 --> 00:14:54,945
Here Eric, that'll sort you out, eh?
326
00:14:54,945 --> 00:14:57,065
A big plate of home-made soup.
327
00:14:57,065 --> 00:14:58,545
How does that sound?
328
00:14:58,545 --> 00:14:59,745
I'm not hungry.
329
00:14:59,745 --> 00:15:01,385
And I'm not making soup!
330
00:15:02,865 --> 00:15:04,505
MUSIC ON RADIO
331
00:15:09,785 --> 00:15:12,825
Did you hear we're going
out for dinner, Ian?
332
00:15:12,825 --> 00:15:14,625
Oh, right, very good.
333
00:15:14,625 --> 00:15:17,905
That's why I'm not getting
too pished.
334
00:15:17,905 --> 00:15:21,185
And we're here to see your dad,
obviously. That too, yeah.
335
00:15:21,185 --> 00:15:24,345
It's a couple we met up
at our time-share, Ian.
336
00:15:24,345 --> 00:15:26,185
Debbie and Paul.
337
00:15:26,185 --> 00:15:27,225
Right.
338
00:15:27,225 --> 00:15:28,585
He's got his own business.
339
00:15:28,585 --> 00:15:29,945
And she's....
340
00:15:32,785 --> 00:15:34,225
..she's his wife.
341
00:15:34,225 --> 00:15:36,105
He's got the right idea, Paul -
342
00:15:36,105 --> 00:15:39,785
makes a lot of money doing something
he loves. What's that, then?
343
00:15:39,785 --> 00:15:40,865
He's a bailiff.
344
00:15:42,345 --> 00:15:44,505
Aw, here she is. Beth!
345
00:15:44,505 --> 00:15:46,745
How's it going in that kitchen
with the old soup, eh?
346
00:15:46,745 --> 00:15:48,225
Oh, soup kitchen, Colin!
347
00:15:48,225 --> 00:15:50,785
Aw, you'd be good at that,
Beth, eh? Wouldn't she, Cath?
348
00:15:50,785 --> 00:15:55,145
Aw, yeah, yeah -
I can see you feeding tramps, Beth.
349
00:15:55,145 --> 00:15:58,465
You need to watch with
these soup kitchens, you know?
350
00:15:58,465 --> 00:16:01,305
Pat was telling me
there's a lot of folk that go there
351
00:16:01,305 --> 00:16:04,745
that are not actually homeless.
They just go down there for a feed.
352
00:16:04,745 --> 00:16:08,305
Really? Aye, she goes down there
every Tuesday night
353
00:16:08,305 --> 00:16:09,905
with her hood up
for lasagne and chips.
354
00:16:09,905 --> 00:16:13,065
What kind of soup is it we're
having, Mum? Leek and potato.
355
00:16:13,065 --> 00:16:16,225
Aw, she's snaffled my tatties
as well.
356
00:16:16,225 --> 00:16:17,865
Ian, receipt!
357
00:16:17,865 --> 00:16:19,425
You got any bread to go with it?
358
00:16:19,425 --> 00:16:22,185
You want a slice of bread
to go with your soup, Eric?
359
00:16:22,185 --> 00:16:23,585
I don't even want soup!
360
00:16:23,585 --> 00:16:27,065
Eric wants crusty bread with his -
you any crusty bread? No.
361
00:16:27,065 --> 00:16:29,625
You got any bread at all?
I've got a loaf of wholemeal.
362
00:16:29,625 --> 00:16:31,665
Aw, no. Aw, no wi' soup.
363
00:16:31,665 --> 00:16:33,865
No. Nah, that's shit!
364
00:16:33,865 --> 00:16:36,025
Christine, what've you got?
You got a loaf in there?
365
00:16:36,025 --> 00:16:37,985
Well, it was on my list.
366
00:16:37,985 --> 00:16:41,025
There wasn't any so I got you
four finger rolls instead.
367
00:16:41,025 --> 00:16:43,265
Aw, fucking useless.
368
00:16:43,265 --> 00:16:44,625
Never again.
369
00:16:44,625 --> 00:16:48,265
What you really want with a bowl
of soup is a bit of crusty bread.
370
00:16:48,265 --> 00:16:51,545
Oh, yes, with right thick slices.
371
00:16:51,545 --> 00:16:54,465
Aye, dunk it.
Aye, dunk it and soak it.
372
00:16:54,465 --> 00:16:55,865
Wipe the bowl clean with it!
373
00:16:55,865 --> 00:16:59,185
Oh, aye, and that would save
on your washing up, as well, Beth.
374
00:16:59,185 --> 00:17:01,905
Aye, I cannae believe
we havenae got any.
375
00:17:01,905 --> 00:17:05,585
Aye, that's a shame - you'll just
have to eat your soup and go home.
376
00:17:05,585 --> 00:17:08,265
Well, not unless,
Gordon's coming over after work.
377
00:17:08,265 --> 00:17:10,065
He's what? Is he, Ian?
378
00:17:11,625 --> 00:17:13,425
He's coming over after work
379
00:17:13,425 --> 00:17:15,665
so maybe I could get him
to bring a crusty loaf?
380
00:17:23,625 --> 00:17:25,385
DOOR BELL RINGS
381
00:17:25,385 --> 00:17:26,785
I'll get it.
382
00:17:28,505 --> 00:17:30,225
In you come. Did you get one?
383
00:17:30,225 --> 00:17:31,545
Yeah.
384
00:17:35,465 --> 00:17:37,185
Aw, here he is!
385
00:17:37,185 --> 00:17:39,385
Aw, there's Gordon!
386
00:17:39,385 --> 00:17:42,465
This is turning into a great day.
387
00:17:42,465 --> 00:17:46,985
Aw, look at you, Gordon,
like a wee baker's boy.
388
00:17:46,985 --> 00:17:48,545
There he is with his loaf. Hm!
389
00:17:48,545 --> 00:17:51,545
HE HUMS: Music From Hovis Advert
390
00:17:51,545 --> 00:17:53,385
SHE LAUGHS
Aw, I remember that.
391
00:17:53,385 --> 00:17:54,665
SHE HUMS TUNE
392
00:17:56,865 --> 00:17:58,745
Here, did you come on your bike,
Gordon?
393
00:17:58,745 --> 00:18:00,705
CACKLING
394
00:18:00,705 --> 00:18:03,825
BOTH HUM TUNE
395
00:18:07,705 --> 00:18:09,345
No, I came in my car.
396
00:18:10,705 --> 00:18:12,785
Look, Eric, look who it is.
397
00:18:12,785 --> 00:18:13,945
That's Gordon.
398
00:18:13,945 --> 00:18:16,105
Say, "Hello, Gordon."
399
00:18:16,105 --> 00:18:17,785
Hello, Gordon.
400
00:18:17,785 --> 00:18:20,465
Aw, let me just give you
a little kiss.
401
00:18:21,985 --> 00:18:23,865
That's just a thank you.
402
00:18:23,865 --> 00:18:26,145
Well, let's see it then, Gordon.
403
00:18:26,145 --> 00:18:27,585
? Da-dah! ?
404
00:18:27,585 --> 00:18:29,265
That's what we're talking about.
405
00:18:29,265 --> 00:18:30,785
Let's see it.
406
00:18:30,785 --> 00:18:33,545
Oh, here, I hope you've got
plenty of butter in there.
407
00:18:33,545 --> 00:18:35,185
Butter, Beth, Butter!
408
00:18:35,185 --> 00:18:38,905
Do you know, Gordon, that is exactly
the same kind of loaf
409
00:18:38,905 --> 00:18:42,145
that I was carrying when I hit that
wee Indian man
410
00:18:42,145 --> 00:18:44,185
in the face coming off the bus.
411
00:18:46,145 --> 00:18:47,985
How are you feeling, Mr Baird?
412
00:18:47,985 --> 00:18:50,425
He's still quite sore, Gordon,
he's not done a poo yet,
413
00:18:50,425 --> 00:18:52,985
but we're going for a meal
with Paul and Debbie.
414
00:18:52,985 --> 00:18:56,705
Here, Gordon, you come over here
and sit next to me, son.
415
00:18:59,425 --> 00:19:01,145
You want a wee Peperami?
416
00:19:01,145 --> 00:19:03,785
Oh, erm, I'm vegetarian.
417
00:19:03,785 --> 00:19:05,425
It's only a half.
418
00:19:07,065 --> 00:19:09,385
So, what exactly happened, Mr Baird,
419
00:19:09,385 --> 00:19:12,785
or do you not want to talk about it?
I don't want to talk about it.
420
00:19:12,785 --> 00:19:14,665
He's ripped the inside of his...
421
00:19:14,665 --> 00:19:15,905
HE SIGHS
422
00:19:15,905 --> 00:19:19,465
Beth, did we ever find out
if it was anus or rectum?!
423
00:19:19,465 --> 00:19:21,385
My money is on rectum.
424
00:19:21,385 --> 00:19:25,025
Well, you get the Anusol for the you
know what
425
00:19:25,025 --> 00:19:26,825
so I'd go the other way.
426
00:19:26,825 --> 00:19:29,265
Were they checking your prostate,
Mr Baird? Colon.
427
00:19:29,265 --> 00:19:31,545
I've had a colonic irrigation,
Gordon.
428
00:19:31,545 --> 00:19:33,465
It was OK but I said to Colin,
429
00:19:33,465 --> 00:19:36,225
"I've had more come out of me
on a good bidet."
430
00:19:36,225 --> 00:19:38,345
I've had my prostate checked.
431
00:19:38,345 --> 00:19:40,545
Have you? So have I.
432
00:19:40,545 --> 00:19:43,585
He actually quite enjoys
stuff round there.
433
00:19:43,585 --> 00:19:44,865
Okey dokey, folks!
434
00:19:44,865 --> 00:19:46,105
Oh! Hi, Gordon!
435
00:19:46,105 --> 00:19:47,985
QUIETLY: Welcome to the asylum.
436
00:19:47,985 --> 00:19:49,745
At last!
437
00:19:49,745 --> 00:19:51,065
Aw, at last, eh!
438
00:19:51,065 --> 00:19:53,785
Smell that, Eric,
you'll take a bowl of that, eh?
439
00:19:53,785 --> 00:19:55,665
You should eat something, Eric.
440
00:19:55,665 --> 00:19:58,305
Aye, right, OK. Good man.
441
00:19:58,305 --> 00:19:59,825
You want to try sitting up for it?
442
00:19:59,825 --> 00:20:02,305
Do you want to sit up for your soup,
Eric?
443
00:20:02,305 --> 00:20:04,585
Sit, Eric! Sit!
444
00:20:04,585 --> 00:20:06,385
OK, OK, I'll give it a go.
445
00:20:06,385 --> 00:20:09,105
Col, give him a hand.
Do you want me to help you, Dad?
446
00:20:11,625 --> 00:20:13,505
Can I do anything?
447
00:20:13,505 --> 00:20:15,425
You just stay there, Gordon -
448
00:20:15,425 --> 00:20:18,785
did you see that thing on the
television last night
449
00:20:18,785 --> 00:20:22,945
where the wee baby rhino got towed
out the mud by the Jeep?
450
00:20:22,945 --> 00:20:25,305
ERIC GROANS
You all right?
451
00:20:25,305 --> 00:20:27,585
Oh, oh, oh! Careful, Eric.
452
00:20:27,585 --> 00:20:30,105
No, no, no. Too much, too much.
453
00:20:30,105 --> 00:20:31,745
You sure? Yeah, too sore.
454
00:20:31,745 --> 00:20:35,305
I'm happy to hold the bowl if
someone wants to spoon it into him.
455
00:20:35,305 --> 00:20:38,345
I'm not getting spoon-fed soup,
for God's sake!
456
00:20:38,345 --> 00:20:40,025
But you should eat something, Eric.
457
00:20:40,025 --> 00:20:41,505
Aye, have something, Dad.
458
00:20:41,505 --> 00:20:42,985
Oh!
459
00:20:42,985 --> 00:20:45,385
Gordon, I'll do that.
460
00:20:45,385 --> 00:20:46,905
No, no. I don't mind.
461
00:20:46,905 --> 00:20:49,425
I fed my grandma stewed apples
the day before she died.
462
00:20:49,425 --> 00:20:51,705
Ready, Mr Baird?
463
00:20:51,705 --> 00:20:53,825
I can do it, if you want.
No, no, I don't mind.
464
00:20:53,825 --> 00:20:55,625
Neither of you need to do it.
465
00:20:55,625 --> 00:20:57,905
And, open wide,
here comes a big one...
466
00:20:59,705 --> 00:21:02,305
Oh, good boy, Eric! Good boy!
467
00:21:03,665 --> 00:21:05,625
Oh, here's the loaf, Christine!
468
00:21:05,625 --> 00:21:07,985
Oh-ho, yes!
469
00:21:09,585 --> 00:21:12,105
There we go! I'm all right.
Thanks, Mum.
470
00:21:12,105 --> 00:21:13,385
Lovely.
471
00:21:14,625 --> 00:21:16,505
Cathy, soup?
472
00:21:16,505 --> 00:21:18,025
I'm going to save myself for food
473
00:21:18,025 --> 00:21:20,105
that's been professionally
cooked, Beth.
474
00:21:21,425 --> 00:21:22,585
But thanks.
475
00:21:25,465 --> 00:21:27,625
What do you reckon to it,
Christine?
476
00:21:27,625 --> 00:21:28,745
Mm.
477
00:21:29,985 --> 00:21:31,585
It's well salted.
478
00:21:33,145 --> 00:21:35,945
Is that the jelly stock
with the peel back lid, Beth?
479
00:21:35,945 --> 00:21:37,465
It is.
480
00:21:37,465 --> 00:21:39,585
Fresh parsley? Yes.
481
00:21:39,585 --> 00:21:40,985
Mm.
482
00:21:42,585 --> 00:21:45,745
Well, I have to say...
483
00:21:47,265 --> 00:21:50,145
It's absolutely delicious.
484
00:21:50,145 --> 00:21:52,305
Ten out of ten, Beth.
485
00:21:52,305 --> 00:21:54,785
ALL CHEER
486
00:21:55,825 --> 00:21:57,545
Oh, wait!
487
00:21:57,545 --> 00:22:01,105
A wee bit of potato there
not cooked through properly.
488
00:22:02,505 --> 00:22:04,905
Just the nine this time, Beth.
489
00:22:04,905 --> 00:22:06,465
MESSAGE ALERT BEEPS
490
00:22:09,105 --> 00:22:11,505
HE SIGHS
What?
491
00:22:11,505 --> 00:22:12,785
You're joking.
492
00:22:12,785 --> 00:22:14,825
What is it, Col? Message from Paul.
493
00:22:14,825 --> 00:22:18,945
"Sorry, we need to cancel tonight,
Debbie's tired."
494
00:22:18,945 --> 00:22:22,625
She's what?
Well, just says she's too tired.
495
00:22:22,625 --> 00:22:27,145
Too tired? How can anyone be too
tired to go for a night out?
496
00:22:27,145 --> 00:22:29,305
What will I say?
497
00:22:29,305 --> 00:22:31,465
Get him to give her a Red Bull.
Oh, Cath!
498
00:22:31,465 --> 00:22:33,585
Oh, God, what we going to do now?
499
00:22:33,585 --> 00:22:36,105
Well, we can't go. They booked
it and it's for four people.
500
00:22:36,105 --> 00:22:38,225
Well, can't he bring somebody else?
501
00:22:38,225 --> 00:22:42,505
He cannae leave her sitting in the
house on her own. Well, can't...
502
00:22:42,505 --> 00:22:43,785
Beth?
503
00:22:43,785 --> 00:22:45,105
What?
504
00:22:45,105 --> 00:22:49,785
Would you and...Gordon like to come
for a meal with us?
505
00:22:51,705 --> 00:22:54,345
I'm actually quite enjoying my soup,
Cath.
506
00:22:54,345 --> 00:22:55,985
Aw, great,
507
00:22:55,985 --> 00:22:58,385
so I'm just supposed to sit here and
watch him
508
00:22:58,385 --> 00:22:59,905
with his fat arse in the air
509
00:22:59,905 --> 00:23:02,705
and Christine dribbling soup
all over the place.
510
00:23:02,705 --> 00:23:05,305
Excuse me, I have not dribbled...
511
00:23:05,305 --> 00:23:07,145
Aw, fuck, so I have.
512
00:23:07,145 --> 00:23:09,505
Listen, don't feel you have to stay.
513
00:23:09,505 --> 00:23:11,945
Hey, hey, hey!
Listen, we're not going anywhere.
514
00:23:11,945 --> 00:23:15,865
That is the last, Colin.
We are never speaking to them again.
515
00:23:15,865 --> 00:23:17,265
MESSAGE ALERT
516
00:23:17,265 --> 00:23:19,905
Oh, that's Paul saying,
"What about next Saturday instead?"
517
00:23:19,905 --> 00:23:22,065
Yeah, that'd be all right, yeah,
yeah.
518
00:23:23,785 --> 00:23:25,505
SHE SLURPS
519
00:23:26,745 --> 00:23:28,465
SHE SIGHS CONTENTEDLY
520
00:23:28,465 --> 00:23:30,065
Oh.
521
00:23:30,065 --> 00:23:31,905
Have you had enough?
Aye, that's enough.
522
00:23:31,905 --> 00:23:34,385
Have you had enough, Eric? Aye.
523
00:23:34,385 --> 00:23:36,665
Beth. What is it? Come here.
524
00:23:41,465 --> 00:23:43,585
I think I need to...
525
00:23:43,585 --> 00:23:45,305
I think need to go to the loo.
526
00:23:45,305 --> 00:23:48,865
Oh, right, do you want to just
use that bottle again?
527
00:23:48,865 --> 00:23:51,305
Go on, and I'll get them
all to look away.
528
00:23:51,305 --> 00:23:53,265
No, no, no. I need to...
529
00:23:53,265 --> 00:23:54,585
Oh, right, right, up you get.
530
00:23:54,585 --> 00:23:56,945
Right, come on. Take my arm.
531
00:23:58,705 --> 00:24:01,065
What's happening?
He needs the toilet.
532
00:24:01,065 --> 00:24:03,825
This is him gearing up for a shot
at it now, Ian.
533
00:24:03,825 --> 00:24:05,145
ERIC GROANS
534
00:24:06,585 --> 00:24:07,825
OK?
535
00:24:07,825 --> 00:24:10,025
Yeah, fine, fine. I'll manage.
536
00:24:21,025 --> 00:24:23,985
Maybe someone should go
and make sure he's OK?
537
00:24:23,985 --> 00:24:26,545
I'll go, Mrs Baird.
538
00:24:31,145 --> 00:24:32,705
There we are.
539
00:24:33,625 --> 00:24:36,145
Thanks, son. Now, do you know where
everything is,
540
00:24:36,145 --> 00:24:39,065
you've got your sink there, you've
got your toilet paper, you've got...
541
00:24:39,065 --> 00:24:40,425
DOOR SLAMS
542
00:24:46,225 --> 00:24:47,945
HE SIGHS
543
00:24:51,145 --> 00:24:53,505
I wonder how he's doing in there.
544
00:24:53,505 --> 00:24:57,705
I tell you, this is make or break
time, this.
545
00:24:57,705 --> 00:25:01,345
Aw, poor Eric,
all alone on that toilet,
546
00:25:01,345 --> 00:25:03,545
his little face all scrunched up.
547
00:25:03,545 --> 00:25:06,385
Squeeze, squeeze, squeeze!
548
00:25:08,225 --> 00:25:11,145
Maybe we should go through
and just check that he's all right?
549
00:25:11,145 --> 00:25:13,265
Do you think?
Aye, I think we should,
550
00:25:13,265 --> 00:25:16,145
we cannae let him down at this
stage of the game, can we?
551
00:25:23,585 --> 00:25:25,945
What are you doing? Has he been?
552
00:25:25,945 --> 00:25:27,905
Shh! Are you listening
to him pooing?
553
00:25:27,905 --> 00:25:31,745
No, Cathy, we're not. We're just
making sure he's all right.
554
00:25:31,745 --> 00:25:35,025
Nothing's come yet.
Is he actually on the pan?
555
00:25:35,025 --> 00:25:37,145
He is, aye.
I heard the seat creaking,
556
00:25:37,145 --> 00:25:38,825
so he's definitely sat down.
557
00:25:41,105 --> 00:25:43,345
I think I heard something there.
558
00:25:43,345 --> 00:25:45,745
What did you hear? Was it plopping?
559
00:25:45,745 --> 00:25:48,905
No, just like a trickle of water
or something.
560
00:25:48,905 --> 00:25:50,905
He could just be starting
with a slash.
561
00:25:50,905 --> 00:25:53,985
OK, everyone, that's enough.
Let's go back through, come on!
562
00:25:53,985 --> 00:25:56,105
Let's leave him
and give him a bit of dignity.
563
00:25:56,105 --> 00:25:58,585
PLOPPING
Oh, what was that?
564
00:25:58,585 --> 00:26:01,305
MORE PLOPPING
Oh, he's away now.
565
00:26:01,305 --> 00:26:03,585
PLOPS CONTINUE
That's him now, Beth.
566
00:26:04,905 --> 00:26:07,865
That's smashing! He's doing well.
567
00:26:13,865 --> 00:26:15,225
Is that it?
568
00:26:16,425 --> 00:26:17,745
Possibly.
569
00:26:17,745 --> 00:26:19,665
He might just be having
a wee breather.
570
00:26:19,665 --> 00:26:21,465
ERIC GROANS
571
00:26:21,465 --> 00:26:23,025
No, that's him now.
572
00:26:23,025 --> 00:26:24,945
All right, Beth - quite happy?
573
00:26:24,945 --> 00:26:27,425
Maybe that soup
of yours did the trick.
574
00:26:27,425 --> 00:26:28,985
FLUSHING
575
00:26:32,465 --> 00:26:34,585
Well done, Eric, excellent work.
576
00:26:34,585 --> 00:26:36,305
Well done, Mr Baird.
577
00:26:36,305 --> 00:26:37,625
Good boy, Eric.
578
00:26:37,625 --> 00:26:40,265
Have you been stood out here
listening to me going to the loo?
579
00:26:40,265 --> 00:26:42,585
No, I was going through to the
kitchen.
580
00:26:42,585 --> 00:26:44,625
ALL MUTTER
581
00:26:47,585 --> 00:26:48,905
Unbelievable.
582
00:26:51,385 --> 00:26:53,785
Can I give you a hand, Mrs Baird?
583
00:26:53,785 --> 00:26:56,145
No, you're fine. Thanks, Gordon.
584
00:26:56,145 --> 00:26:58,785
Let her do it, son,
gives her something to do.
585
00:27:03,385 --> 00:27:05,705
What will we do for dinner then,
Cath?
586
00:27:05,705 --> 00:27:07,945
I've had enough wine,
I'll need to switch on to vodka.
587
00:27:09,345 --> 00:27:11,945
What you boys doing for your tea?
I don't know.
588
00:27:11,945 --> 00:27:14,265
Maybe get a pizza? A pizza!
589
00:27:14,265 --> 00:27:17,505
Here, Cath, when was the last time
we had a pizza?
590
00:27:17,505 --> 00:27:19,785
Ah, are you phoning a pizza?
591
00:27:19,785 --> 00:27:21,465
That would save me making a dinner.
592
00:27:21,465 --> 00:27:24,545
Cathy, did we not get a voucher
for Domino's?
593
00:27:24,545 --> 00:27:26,945
In fact, you'll have had one!
594
00:27:26,945 --> 00:27:29,465
Beth, can we use your voucher?
595
00:27:29,465 --> 00:27:31,025
Beth!
596
00:27:31,025 --> 00:27:32,105
No!
597
00:27:32,105 --> 00:27:34,225
What is it? What's the matter?
598
00:27:34,225 --> 00:27:36,385
You are not ordering a pizza.
599
00:27:36,385 --> 00:27:38,905
Aw, Eric... No way! Forget it!
600
00:27:40,625 --> 00:27:42,745
Would you prefer a Chinese or
something?
601
00:27:42,745 --> 00:27:45,465
No, I don't want a Chinese!
I don't want anything.
602
00:27:46,665 --> 00:27:49,225
I've been lying on that couch
all day listening to you lot
603
00:27:49,225 --> 00:27:53,425
go on and on about cups of tea,
glasses of wine, bowls of soup,
604
00:27:53,425 --> 00:27:55,825
Christ, I couldn't even get five
minutes sat on the pan
605
00:27:55,825 --> 00:27:57,465
without a bloody audience!
606
00:27:57,465 --> 00:27:58,865
Well, no more!
607
00:27:58,865 --> 00:28:00,065
I've had it!
608
00:28:00,065 --> 00:28:03,145
Thank you for your concern,
but there's the door -
609
00:28:03,145 --> 00:28:04,425
you may bugger off
610
00:28:04,425 --> 00:28:07,745
and leave me and my dodgy
backside in peace, OK?
611
00:28:07,745 --> 00:28:09,305
SCREAMING: Oh, God!
612
00:28:10,345 --> 00:28:12,265
Sit down
No, I can't sit down
613
00:28:12,265 --> 00:28:14,545
Sit down
No, no, I can't sit down
614
00:28:14,545 --> 00:28:17,185
Hey, girl, sit down
No, no, I can't sit down
615
00:28:17,185 --> 00:28:19,505
BOTH: I just got a message
and I can't sit down
616
00:28:19,505 --> 00:28:21,185
Sit down
No, no, I can't sit down
617
00:28:21,185 --> 00:28:22,545
Sit down, hey, hey, sit down
618
00:28:22,545 --> 00:28:24,465
Never, never, never, never will
sit down
619
00:28:24,465 --> 00:28:25,625
Go away, don't bother me
620
00:28:25,625 --> 00:28:26,665
I can't sit down
621
00:28:26,665 --> 00:28:28,745
I just got a message and I can't
sit down
622
00:28:28,745 --> 00:28:34,185
BOTH: I just got a message
and I can't sit down
623
00:28:34,185 --> 00:28:36,345
? I just got a message
and I can't sit down. ?
624
00:28:36,395 --> 00:28:40,945
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