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1
00:00:02,300 --> 00:00:04,396
FOOTBALL COMMENTARY ON TV
2
00:00:04,396 --> 00:00:07,336
Come on! We'll pump this lot.
3
00:00:07,336 --> 00:00:10,300
I mean, Malta, for God's sake.
What have they ever done?
4
00:00:10,300 --> 00:00:11,372
A falcon!
5
00:00:11,372 --> 00:00:13,384
Sure you don't want one?
No, no, you're fine.
6
00:00:13,384 --> 00:00:15,392
I'm still on this diet
that Beth put me on.
7
00:00:15,392 --> 00:00:18,316
Diet? Oh, dear.
8
00:00:18,316 --> 00:00:20,328
I'm lucky. I can eat what I want.
9
00:00:20,328 --> 00:00:21,380
My father was the same.
10
00:00:21,380 --> 00:00:24,360
He ate chips every day of his life,
and he was like that.
11
00:00:24,360 --> 00:00:27,304
Aye, some folk are lucky.Mm.
12
00:00:27,304 --> 00:00:29,352
Heart attack, he had, wasn't it?
Three of them, aye.Aye.
13
00:00:30,384 --> 00:00:32,352
I just couldn't bear the thought
14
00:00:32,352 --> 00:00:35,336
of you sitting on your own
all night, Beth.
15
00:00:35,336 --> 00:00:38,300
Och, you didn't need to worry.
I quite enjoy a night...
16
00:00:38,300 --> 00:00:41,360
Besides, I wanted a wee catch-up,
hear all your news.
17
00:00:41,360 --> 00:00:44,380
Well, not much to tell,
really, Cathy. Um...
18
00:00:44,380 --> 00:00:46,336
Eric's been at the doctor again.
19
00:00:46,336 --> 00:00:48,320
Oh, no!Uh-huh.
20
00:00:48,320 --> 00:00:49,360
What a shame.
21
00:00:49,360 --> 00:00:52,340
Look! I had my toes done
in that new semipermanent stuff.
22
00:00:52,340 --> 00:00:54,300
It is so good.
23
00:00:54,300 --> 00:00:56,340
I kicked the tumble dryer shut
earlier, didn't chip.
24
00:00:57,388 --> 00:01:00,348
So you've been at the dentist?
The doctor's.
25
00:01:00,348 --> 00:01:02,336
Have you?No, Eric has.
26
00:01:02,336 --> 00:01:03,360
Oh, God.
27
00:01:03,360 --> 00:01:06,324
Tell you what... Open that bottle,
I want to hear all about it.
28
00:01:07,384 --> 00:01:09,356
Oh, Beth!Uh-huh.
29
00:01:09,356 --> 00:01:11,308
Bring crisps.
30
00:01:12,356 --> 00:01:14,336
Storage Wars?
31
00:01:14,336 --> 00:01:15,384
Yeah...
32
00:01:15,384 --> 00:01:18,320
Oh, Police Interceptors.
I watched that last week.
33
00:01:18,320 --> 00:01:19,352
They chased a man over a fence
34
00:01:19,352 --> 00:01:21,372
and his tracksuit bottoms
came down at the back,
35
00:01:21,372 --> 00:01:24,340
so they had to blur it out
so you didn't see his crack.
36
00:01:24,340 --> 00:01:26,368
Oh, Game Of Thrones.
Jaz, we live in Glasgow.
37
00:01:26,368 --> 00:01:28,368
If I want to watch dwarves
stabbing each other,
38
00:01:28,368 --> 00:01:31,316
I can just take a bus
into the city centre.
39
00:01:31,316 --> 00:01:32,380
All right!
40
00:01:32,380 --> 00:01:34,324
Border Force!What's that?
41
00:01:34,324 --> 00:01:37,344
People trying to get into Australia
smuggling snake meat up their jumpers,
42
00:01:37,344 --> 00:01:40,388
and Chinese women bursting
into tears when they get caught with home-cooked food
43
00:01:40,388 --> 00:01:42,392
and they've got to put it
in the bin.
44
00:01:42,392 --> 00:01:44,344
I might just go to bed.
45
00:01:44,344 --> 00:01:47,340
Are you coming, or are you
staying up? Um, I'll come.
46
00:01:49,352 --> 00:01:51,336
Ian...What?
47
00:01:53,340 --> 00:01:55,320
Do you want to move in with me?
48
00:01:56,368 --> 00:01:57,376
OK.
49
00:02:00,372 --> 00:02:02,376
I mean, I knew he was overweight.
50
00:02:02,376 --> 00:02:06,304
Oh, yeah. Remember when we had
the barbecue out the back?
51
00:02:06,304 --> 00:02:07,368
When he stepped onto that decking,
52
00:02:07,368 --> 00:02:10,348
it was like that bit
out of Jurassic Park.
53
00:02:10,348 --> 00:02:11,388
It's a worry.
54
00:02:11,388 --> 00:02:15,372
This is what happens
to a lot of Scottish men, Beth.
55
00:02:15,372 --> 00:02:18,308
Nice and chunky when they're young.
56
00:02:18,308 --> 00:02:21,300
And then they just
turn into big bloaters.
57
00:02:21,300 --> 00:02:23,340
They're saying
if he doesn't do something about it,
58
00:02:23,340 --> 00:02:25,344
he could be at risk
of a heart attack.
59
00:02:25,344 --> 00:02:26,396
Beth, Beth, Beth, Beth.
60
00:02:26,396 --> 00:02:30,360
Anything happens to Eric,
I'll be here for you.
61
00:02:30,360 --> 00:02:33,308
I'll help you get your hair cut,
62
00:02:33,308 --> 00:02:35,320
set you up a profile
on PlentyOfFish.
63
00:02:37,316 --> 00:02:40,376
This programme
contains some strong language
64
00:02:40,376 --> 00:02:43,380
Mmm-mm-mmm-mmm-mmm
65
00:02:45,308 --> 00:02:47,304
Whoa-oa-oa
66
00:02:47,304 --> 00:02:49,332
Ohh-oh-oh
67
00:02:49,332 --> 00:02:52,360
? Ohh-ohh-oh ohh-ohh. ?
68
00:02:52,360 --> 00:02:55,312
I'll tell you who's got it right
when it comes to pubs, Eric.
69
00:02:55,312 --> 00:02:56,364
The Spaniards.Aye?
70
00:02:56,364 --> 00:02:58,304
Aye. Tapas.
71
00:02:58,304 --> 00:03:00,368
Cos every time you get a drink,
you get a wee bite to eat with it.
72
00:03:00,368 --> 00:03:02,368
A wee bit of sausage, chorizo.
73
00:03:02,368 --> 00:03:04,376
A wee bit of squid, calamari.
74
00:03:04,376 --> 00:03:06,392
Wee croquette. ..Croquette.
75
00:03:06,392 --> 00:03:10,316
Oh, Christ, give it a rest with
all that chat about grub.I'm sorry.
76
00:03:10,316 --> 00:03:12,380
Let's just concentrate on the match.
That'll cheer you up, eh?
77
00:03:12,380 --> 00:03:15,364
Come on, let's get behind
these lads. Scot...
78
00:03:15,364 --> 00:03:18,300
ALL GROAN
79
00:03:18,300 --> 00:03:19,380
Shit. That didnae go in, did it?
80
00:03:27,376 --> 00:03:29,372
It's a disgrace.
81
00:03:29,372 --> 00:03:32,332
It's a... It's an absolute disgrace.
82
00:03:32,332 --> 00:03:35,360
They were humped oot there.
Humped. By Malta.
83
00:03:35,360 --> 00:03:37,364
I'll tell you what the problem is,
Eric.
84
00:03:37,364 --> 00:03:40,320
Our lot just arenae fit.I know.
85
00:03:40,320 --> 00:03:43,328
They're oot there trying to compete
with these European teams
86
00:03:43,328 --> 00:03:45,392
who are in peak condition,
87
00:03:45,392 --> 00:03:48,308
and they're just no' up to it.
88
00:03:48,308 --> 00:03:50,312
They're no' athletes, Eric.No.
89
00:03:50,312 --> 00:03:52,352
You want some chips in your pocket
to take in with you?
90
00:03:52,352 --> 00:03:54,308
No, no, no, no. You're good.
91
00:03:54,308 --> 00:03:57,312
That's right, it's your diet.
Good man.
92
00:03:57,312 --> 00:03:58,372
I'll tell you, that lot out there
93
00:03:58,372 --> 00:04:01,304
could do with taking a leaf
out of your book.
94
00:04:01,304 --> 00:04:05,304
Aye. Anyway, I'm away to my bed,
so I'll see you.
95
00:04:05,304 --> 00:04:06,360
Night. Night.
96
00:04:06,360 --> 00:04:07,392
Good night, squire.
97
00:04:10,372 --> 00:04:11,392
Aw, shite.
98
00:04:27,332 --> 00:04:28,368
Mm.
99
00:04:32,308 --> 00:04:34,352
HE SNORES
100
00:04:53,332 --> 00:04:54,384
WATER SPLASHES
101
00:04:56,348 --> 00:04:58,300
What the...?!
102
00:04:59,332 --> 00:05:00,376
Eric!
103
00:05:03,320 --> 00:05:04,336
Eric!
104
00:05:05,336 --> 00:05:06,356
What is it?
105
00:05:06,356 --> 00:05:09,372
The freezer door's been left
lying open.How the hell...?
106
00:05:09,372 --> 00:05:11,384
Well, it wasn't me!Uh-huh(!)
107
00:05:11,384 --> 00:05:15,300
So it wasn't you that cooked
the oven chips in the big Pyrex dish
108
00:05:15,300 --> 00:05:16,352
that's lying in the sink, then?
109
00:05:16,352 --> 00:05:18,308
I'll get a tea towel.
110
00:05:18,308 --> 00:05:20,364
And I'll bet you've guzzled
all my cold meat.
111
00:05:20,364 --> 00:05:22,340
Beth...
112
00:05:22,340 --> 00:05:25,324
Eric, let me into that fridge.
Beth, I was starving.
113
00:05:25,324 --> 00:05:27,348
Eric!
We got beat by Malta, Beth.Oh...
114
00:05:29,324 --> 00:05:32,380
Gone. And my lovely big lump
of Irish Cheddar.
115
00:05:32,380 --> 00:05:35,376
Away. I was going to use that
for a macaroni.
116
00:05:35,376 --> 00:05:38,344
Well, there's a tin of macaroni
in the...
117
00:05:38,344 --> 00:05:42,304
Actually, I...Look at the state
of this. I mean, just look at it.
118
00:05:42,304 --> 00:05:44,356
And you're supposed to be on a diet.
And I am.
119
00:05:44,356 --> 00:05:48,308
Oh, and look at
this lovely big leg of lamb.
120
00:05:48,308 --> 00:05:51,348
The blood's dripped right the way
through onto Ian's waffles.
121
00:05:51,348 --> 00:05:54,316
We can always refreeze it.
Don't be ridiculous.
122
00:05:54,316 --> 00:05:55,372
Look, what does it say there?
123
00:05:55,372 --> 00:05:58,364
Er... "Use by December 2008".
124
00:05:58,364 --> 00:06:02,328
Not there. There!
"Once defrosted, do not refreeze".
125
00:06:02,328 --> 00:06:04,348
Well,
you'll just have to bin it, then.
126
00:06:04,348 --> 00:06:06,352
Bin it?! I will not be binning it.
127
00:06:06,352 --> 00:06:08,380
There's hundreds of pounds worth
of food in here.
128
00:06:08,380 --> 00:06:10,356
I mean, what about my prawns?
129
00:06:10,356 --> 00:06:14,320
Forget about the prawns. You don't
have to worry about the prawns.
130
00:06:14,320 --> 00:06:15,360
Why not?
131
00:06:15,360 --> 00:06:18,304
Cos I had them with the macaroni.
Huh!
132
00:06:18,304 --> 00:06:20,348
And you need to be careful
with your health.
133
00:06:20,348 --> 00:06:24,356
Eric, I'm telling you, if you have
a heart attack, I will kill you.Ow!
134
00:06:28,320 --> 00:06:29,356
What are we going to do?
135
00:06:29,356 --> 00:06:32,332
Well, there's only one thing
we bloody well can do.
136
00:06:32,332 --> 00:06:33,348
Cook it!
137
00:06:34,360 --> 00:06:37,300
All right, Mum, see you later.
138
00:06:37,300 --> 00:06:38,324
Bye.
139
00:06:38,324 --> 00:06:39,356
What do you think?
140
00:06:40,360 --> 00:06:43,340
It's the gym we're going to,
no' a bloody Pride march.
141
00:06:43,340 --> 00:06:45,324
I'm kidding you on. You look fine.
142
00:06:45,324 --> 00:06:47,344
Listen, see instead
of going to the gym,
143
00:06:47,344 --> 00:06:49,356
would it be OK
if we went over to my mum's?
144
00:06:49,356 --> 00:06:52,320
Er, yeah, can do. What's happening?
She's making lunch.
145
00:06:52,320 --> 00:06:54,324
Let's do it.
Should I bring anything?
146
00:06:54,324 --> 00:06:57,344
Aye, some earplugs and a bottle
of Gaviscon would be great.
147
00:07:00,396 --> 00:07:02,344
DOORBELL RINGS
148
00:07:04,376 --> 00:07:07,380
Oh, hello, Beth.
Hi, Christine. How you doing?
149
00:07:07,380 --> 00:07:09,392
I'm absolutely shattered.Oh.
150
00:07:09,392 --> 00:07:12,348
Been up all night with this bladder
of mine.Oh, dear.
151
00:07:12,348 --> 00:07:14,352
Between that
and the trapped nerve in my neck,
152
00:07:14,352 --> 00:07:16,372
and our Sophie's guinea pig's
about to give birth,
153
00:07:16,372 --> 00:07:18,344
it's like a field hospital in here.
154
00:07:18,344 --> 00:07:21,312
Do you want to come in
for a cup of tea?I won't just now.
155
00:07:21,312 --> 00:07:23,364
Actually, I just popped round
to invite you to ours.
156
00:07:23,364 --> 00:07:25,396
Oh, no, I don't think so, Beth.
157
00:07:25,396 --> 00:07:29,304
I'm just not at my best just now.
Och, that's a shame.
158
00:07:29,304 --> 00:07:31,356
You know me, Beth, I'm a fighter.
159
00:07:31,356 --> 00:07:34,372
But this business with the bladder's
just about broken me.
160
00:07:34,372 --> 00:07:36,396
Mum, Dusty's nearly ready to go.
161
00:07:36,396 --> 00:07:40,376
All right, just put a towel down,
will you? I'll be in in a minute.
162
00:07:40,376 --> 00:07:42,352
Sorry, I need to go, Beth.
163
00:07:43,364 --> 00:07:46,384
Oh, what was the occasion, anyway?
Oh, nothing really.
164
00:07:46,384 --> 00:07:49,304
It's just
we've had a bit of a disaster.
165
00:07:49,304 --> 00:07:51,324
A disaster?
166
00:07:51,324 --> 00:07:53,344
Oh!All right?
167
00:07:53,344 --> 00:07:54,380
Oh, thanks, Eric.
168
00:07:54,380 --> 00:07:58,352
You know, my heart just about broke
when Beth told me.
169
00:07:58,352 --> 00:08:00,352
I know what she's going through.
170
00:08:00,352 --> 00:08:02,352
I had a soda siphon rupture on me
171
00:08:02,352 --> 00:08:05,304
up at the caravan last year,
didn't I, Sophie?
172
00:08:05,304 --> 00:08:06,368
Yeah, you did.
173
00:08:06,368 --> 00:08:10,320
DOOR OPENS
Don't panic. I am here!
174
00:08:11,360 --> 00:08:14,324
Oh, give us a hug, missus.
175
00:08:15,336 --> 00:08:17,368
How are you holding up?
Och, I'm fine.
176
00:08:17,368 --> 00:08:20,356
See, if that was me,
I'd be devastated.
177
00:08:20,356 --> 00:08:23,392
Obviously, your stuff's
not as dear. Even still...
178
00:08:23,392 --> 00:08:25,396
I'll give you
a wee squeeze, too, eh?
179
00:08:25,396 --> 00:08:28,384
There we are. All better.
You all right, eh?
180
00:08:28,384 --> 00:08:30,392
Well, nobody died, eh?Aye, true.
181
00:08:30,392 --> 00:08:33,320
But still, it's a fair old
kick in the nuts, though.
182
00:08:33,320 --> 00:08:35,308
What on earth happened?
183
00:08:35,308 --> 00:08:37,372
Eric left the freezer door open
by mistake.
184
00:08:37,372 --> 00:08:39,320
BOTH:Oh, no!
185
00:08:39,320 --> 00:08:42,320
We thought maybe it just broke down
because it was so old.
186
00:08:43,352 --> 00:08:47,308
And you can't refreeze any of it?
I don't think so, Colin, no.
187
00:08:47,308 --> 00:08:48,380
Oh, no, no, no. You're quite right.
188
00:08:48,380 --> 00:08:50,384
I did that once
with chicken breasts.
189
00:08:50,384 --> 00:08:52,340
I nearly shat myself in the car.
190
00:08:52,340 --> 00:08:54,300
It can happen to anybody.
191
00:08:54,300 --> 00:08:56,352
Just it always seems to happen
to Eric.
192
00:08:56,352 --> 00:08:58,380
Remember
when you got that lovely beanbag
193
00:08:58,380 --> 00:09:01,344
and he had
that terrible upset stomach?
194
00:09:01,344 --> 00:09:04,364
Cathy, look, please,
don't say anything about it to him.
195
00:09:04,364 --> 00:09:07,328
We're just trying to put it
behind us and move on.
196
00:09:07,328 --> 00:09:08,384
Course you are, course you are.
197
00:09:08,384 --> 00:09:11,324
It's the last thing
you're needing, though, isn't it?
198
00:09:11,324 --> 00:09:13,328
I was just saying to Col,
poor Beth,
199
00:09:13,328 --> 00:09:15,364
she has got enough on her plate.
200
00:09:15,364 --> 00:09:17,308
Not any more, she hasn't!
201
00:09:17,308 --> 00:09:18,352
BOTH LAUGH
202
00:09:18,352 --> 00:09:21,396
Anyway, look on the bright side.
Chance for a wee get-together.
203
00:09:21,396 --> 00:09:23,368
Exactly, Beth.
204
00:09:23,368 --> 00:09:26,300
What are friends for
if they can't get together
205
00:09:26,300 --> 00:09:27,392
and eat a lot of cheap frozen food?
206
00:09:29,348 --> 00:09:31,344
Anyway, best let you get on.
207
00:09:31,344 --> 00:09:34,336
Anything I can do to help,
you just let me know.
208
00:09:34,336 --> 00:09:35,368
Well, actually, Cathy,
209
00:09:35,368 --> 00:09:38,324
you could give us a hand
getting all this in the oven.
210
00:09:38,324 --> 00:09:39,380
What, now?
211
00:09:39,380 --> 00:09:41,324
Course... Course I can.
212
00:09:43,312 --> 00:09:45,316
Sophie,
can I get you a drink of something?
213
00:09:45,316 --> 00:09:47,384
Oh, just an orange juice'll
be great, thanks, Mr Baird.
214
00:09:47,384 --> 00:09:52,332
Oh, nothing fizzy for her, Eric.
No, no. Her teeth cannae stand it.
215
00:09:52,332 --> 00:09:54,316
Awfully soft enamel.Mum!
216
00:09:54,316 --> 00:09:57,312
The dentist said her baby teeth
were like putty.
217
00:09:57,312 --> 00:09:58,392
Are you all right, Christine?
218
00:09:58,392 --> 00:10:02,364
Oh, Colin, no' so great, actually.
219
00:10:02,364 --> 00:10:05,344
Ah, well. At least...
I'm back in my collar.
220
00:10:05,344 --> 00:10:08,304
Well, I noticed that.
And the bladder's away again.
221
00:10:08,304 --> 00:10:11,368
Oh, dear God.Just the old
drips and drops, you know.
222
00:10:11,368 --> 00:10:13,368
And as if that's no' bad enough,
223
00:10:13,368 --> 00:10:16,364
I've started to get
this ringing in my ears.
224
00:10:16,364 --> 00:10:18,364
Ringing in your ears?Aye.
225
00:10:18,364 --> 00:10:21,364
I'll tell you what you want to do.
What's that?
226
00:10:21,364 --> 00:10:22,396
Gie your doctor a bell!
227
00:10:32,368 --> 00:10:34,352
Cheeky wee bastard.
228
00:10:34,352 --> 00:10:38,304
Oh, hiya, Colin. All right?
Aye. There you are, Sophie.
229
00:10:38,304 --> 00:10:41,300
Here, Eric, that was a bit of
a boo-boo with the old freezer, eh?
230
00:10:41,300 --> 00:10:42,336
Oh, don't you start.
231
00:10:42,336 --> 00:10:44,348
I've been getting pelters off Beth
all morning.
232
00:10:44,348 --> 00:10:46,352
Just as well
it didnae happen to ours.
233
00:10:46,352 --> 00:10:48,396
We've got one of those ones
with the big double doors.
234
00:10:48,396 --> 00:10:51,384
Do you know how many cubic litres,
Eric? Er, no.
235
00:10:51,384 --> 00:10:53,380
1,240.
236
00:10:53,380 --> 00:10:56,392
That's a few ice poles, that, eh?
I'll tell you how big it is, Eric.
237
00:10:56,392 --> 00:11:00,300
I have got a whole salmon in it.
A whole salmon.
238
00:11:00,300 --> 00:11:02,320
I caught it myself
when we were up at the time-share.
239
00:11:02,320 --> 00:11:04,360
You want to see the size
of this thing. It's...
240
00:11:04,360 --> 00:11:06,332
Well, it's enormous.
241
00:11:06,332 --> 00:11:09,372
You ever actually held
a whole salmon, Eric? Um...
242
00:11:09,372 --> 00:11:12,320
Sophie, you ever held
a whole salmon?
243
00:11:12,320 --> 00:11:14,328
No.Christine?
244
00:11:14,328 --> 00:11:15,392
No, just fillets.
245
00:11:15,392 --> 00:11:17,384
Well, let me tell you something.
246
00:11:17,384 --> 00:11:19,376
I have.
247
00:11:19,376 --> 00:11:22,312
Right, so how long
on the goujons, Cath?
248
00:11:22,312 --> 00:11:24,312
20 minutes at 220.
249
00:11:24,312 --> 00:11:27,304
Right, OK, so they'll go in
with the apple tart.
250
00:11:27,304 --> 00:11:30,372
Oh, that was 200, though, Beth.
OK, right, so what else is 200?
251
00:11:30,372 --> 00:11:33,324
The sausage rolls
and the southern fries.
252
00:11:33,324 --> 00:11:35,364
Right, OK, so the southern fries,
the sausage rolls
253
00:11:35,364 --> 00:11:38,368
and the apple tart -
200 for 20 minutes.
254
00:11:38,368 --> 00:11:40,328
No, the southern fries are 15 to 18.
255
00:11:40,328 --> 00:11:44,308
Right, OK, so we'll put them in
for five minutes first.
256
00:11:44,308 --> 00:11:46,312
Which ones?Southern fries.
257
00:11:46,312 --> 00:11:48,348
Got you, Beth, got you.
It's all under control.
258
00:11:48,348 --> 00:11:51,312
BEEPING
What's that noise?
259
00:11:51,312 --> 00:11:52,360
It's the oven, Cathy.
260
00:11:56,360 --> 00:11:58,376
I mean, see that drive
up to the time-share,
261
00:11:58,376 --> 00:12:02,324
the scenery is absolutely beautiful.
262
00:12:02,324 --> 00:12:06,300
I mean, the hills, the lochs, the...
the wind farms.
263
00:12:06,300 --> 00:12:07,352
It's just beautiful.
264
00:12:07,352 --> 00:12:10,324
I mean, see the last time we went
up, the weather was smashing.
265
00:12:10,324 --> 00:12:13,304
We took Cathy's car,
got the roof down.
266
00:12:13,304 --> 00:12:15,304
It was gorgeous.
267
00:12:15,304 --> 00:12:17,320
Until we hit the deer.
268
00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:19,364
Oh, no.
No, no, no, it was all right.
269
00:12:19,364 --> 00:12:21,364
I mean, Cathy had wipes in her bag.
270
00:12:21,364 --> 00:12:23,336
Cream leather interior, though.
271
00:12:23,336 --> 00:12:26,336
I mean, some of the stitching's
still a bit pink.
272
00:12:30,348 --> 00:12:32,376
Right,
sausage rolls at the top, Cathy.
273
00:12:32,376 --> 00:12:34,344
Have you not got another oven glove?
274
00:12:34,344 --> 00:12:36,316
Shift that pie to the bottom
275
00:12:36,316 --> 00:12:40,324
and then we'll be able to get
some waffles in next to the cod.
276
00:12:43,380 --> 00:12:45,360
Come on!
277
00:12:45,360 --> 00:12:47,324
I've got the wine.Good.
278
00:12:47,324 --> 00:12:51,300
Got it. Wine in the bag. Can you
imagine if I dropped it? Smash!
279
00:12:51,300 --> 00:12:53,364
Broken glass, people picking it up,
trying to be helpful,
280
00:12:53,364 --> 00:12:55,368
but then ending up
cutting themselves
281
00:12:55,368 --> 00:12:58,312
and your mum
having to look for plasters!
282
00:12:58,312 --> 00:13:00,304
Sorry. I think I'm nervous.
283
00:13:00,304 --> 00:13:01,336
Why?
284
00:13:01,336 --> 00:13:04,300
Just about telling everyone
that we're moving in together.
285
00:13:04,300 --> 00:13:05,392
See, what I was thinking...
286
00:13:05,392 --> 00:13:08,392
I'm not sure today's the best day
to tell them about that.
287
00:13:08,392 --> 00:13:10,332
Oh. OK.
288
00:13:10,332 --> 00:13:13,308
Look, I'm really, really pleased
about it, honest,
289
00:13:13,308 --> 00:13:16,308
but let's just hang fire and wait
till we see my mum on her own.
290
00:13:16,308 --> 00:13:18,336
All right. Fair enough.
291
00:13:20,312 --> 00:13:21,352
That's fine.
292
00:13:23,336 --> 00:13:25,328
Does your mum even drink prosecco?
293
00:13:25,328 --> 00:13:27,356
Give it a couple of hours
and she'll drink anything.
294
00:13:28,384 --> 00:13:31,320
Hello!
Oh, right, that's Ian and Jaz.
295
00:13:31,320 --> 00:13:33,376
Let me give you that.
You hold the fort for two minutes.
296
00:13:33,376 --> 00:13:36,328
Come in, come in.All right, Ma?
297
00:13:36,328 --> 00:13:38,396
Oh!What's that smell?
Something in the oven?
298
00:13:38,396 --> 00:13:42,396
Shut your face. Hello there, Jaz.
Hello, Mrs Baird.
299
00:13:42,396 --> 00:13:45,300
How you doing?Good, thank you.
300
00:13:45,300 --> 00:13:48,304
Oh, great. Right, so are you
back at work yet?Not yet, no.
301
00:13:48,304 --> 00:13:50,356
Listen, I'm so sorry
to hear about your freezer.
302
00:13:50,356 --> 00:13:51,392
Och, don't worry about it.
303
00:13:51,392 --> 00:13:54,376
I said to Ian, I can't imagine
anything worse, honestly.
304
00:13:54,376 --> 00:13:57,352
Except maybe something happening
to your eyes,
305
00:13:57,352 --> 00:14:00,324
or having a fall and
your front teeth getting smashed.
306
00:14:00,324 --> 00:14:02,312
There you go. That's for you.
307
00:14:02,312 --> 00:14:04,356
Oh, thanks! What's this?
It's just a wee bottle of wine.
308
00:14:04,356 --> 00:14:06,364
We got it at the petrol station.
309
00:14:06,364 --> 00:14:09,300
Um, right, well, let's go through.
310
00:14:12,364 --> 00:14:14,336
Hi, guys.Hiya.
311
00:14:14,336 --> 00:14:15,396
Hello, Mr Baird.Hiya.
312
00:14:15,396 --> 00:14:18,336
Hi, Colin. All right, Dad?
313
00:14:18,336 --> 00:14:20,340
All right, son, yeah.
How's it going?
314
00:14:20,340 --> 00:14:22,320
Aye, good. All good. How's you?
315
00:14:22,320 --> 00:14:24,388
Oh, no' too bad, aye, aye.
You all right?
316
00:14:24,388 --> 00:14:26,336
Aye, aye.
317
00:14:26,336 --> 00:14:27,388
Good. Good.
318
00:14:30,340 --> 00:14:33,336
Um, this is Christine.
She lives next door.
319
00:14:33,336 --> 00:14:34,376
Hello.
320
00:14:34,376 --> 00:14:36,352
Oh, wait till I get turned here.
321
00:14:36,352 --> 00:14:37,396
Oh.
322
00:14:37,396 --> 00:14:40,324
This is Jaz, Christine.
323
00:14:40,324 --> 00:14:43,380
Oh, hello, Jaz.
So you're Ian's gay lover.
324
00:14:43,380 --> 00:14:45,344
Mum!
325
00:14:45,344 --> 00:14:46,356
Sorry.
326
00:14:48,300 --> 00:14:50,388
Have you met Sophie before,
Christine's daughter?
327
00:14:50,388 --> 00:14:54,352
Hi, I'm Jaz. I'm Ian's...
I'm Jaz. Hiya.
328
00:14:54,352 --> 00:14:57,324
Remember I told you Jaz works
for the electricity, Christine?
329
00:14:57,324 --> 00:15:00,300
Oh, does he? Very good.
But I'm off sick at the minute.
330
00:15:00,300 --> 00:15:02,352
Really? Yeah.How come?
331
00:15:02,352 --> 00:15:04,356
Stress.
SHE GASPS
332
00:15:04,356 --> 00:15:07,336
Stress! Oh, that's a terrible thing.
333
00:15:07,336 --> 00:15:10,320
Here, you come
and sit yoursel' next to me.
334
00:15:10,320 --> 00:15:12,356
You all right, then, young man?
Keeping out of trouble?
335
00:15:12,356 --> 00:15:15,316
Trying my best.
Not like your old man, eh?
336
00:15:15,316 --> 00:15:17,340
Oh, God, yeah, the freezer, eh?
What happened there?
337
00:15:17,340 --> 00:15:18,372
It was an accident.
338
00:15:18,372 --> 00:15:21,316
What it was, was we were out
watching the football...
339
00:15:21,316 --> 00:15:23,304
Oh, yeah, the football.
What was the score?
340
00:15:23,304 --> 00:15:24,372
It was 4-0.Cool.
341
00:15:24,372 --> 00:15:26,320
To Malta.
342
00:15:26,320 --> 00:15:27,360
Ah.
343
00:15:27,360 --> 00:15:30,392
I've had to have this one back up
at the doctor's an' all, Jaz.
344
00:15:30,392 --> 00:15:34,312
Have you? What's the matter?
Oh, her scalp's away again.
345
00:15:34,312 --> 00:15:36,380
Her pillow's like the top
of a Victoria sponge.
346
00:15:36,380 --> 00:15:38,388
They're saying
that's stress, an' all.
347
00:15:38,388 --> 00:15:41,388
Well, it could be.Is it, shite.
348
00:15:41,388 --> 00:15:45,328
She spends all day, every day,
sat in the house with me.
349
00:15:45,328 --> 00:15:48,316
I mean,
what's she got to be stressed about?
350
00:15:49,344 --> 00:15:52,352
Maybe the seal on the door's away.
I mean, you've had it for a while.
351
00:15:52,352 --> 00:15:54,360
We saw good deals on freezers
the other day -
352
00:15:54,360 --> 00:15:55,396
on Amazon, I think it was.
353
00:15:55,396 --> 00:15:58,300
Jaz... Jaz,
where was it we saw the freezers
354
00:15:58,300 --> 00:16:00,304
that you said to me
were a good price?
355
00:16:00,304 --> 00:16:02,304
Oh, Amazon. Chest freezer. 199.
356
00:16:02,304 --> 00:16:03,344
199?
357
00:16:03,344 --> 00:16:04,388
Excellent price, Beth.
358
00:16:04,388 --> 00:16:06,368
We're no' getting a new freezer.
359
00:16:06,368 --> 00:16:08,372
There's nothing wrong
with the one we've got.
360
00:16:08,372 --> 00:16:10,388
199, Sophie.
361
00:16:10,388 --> 00:16:14,372
Here, we need to take a run up
to this Amazon place, you and me.
362
00:16:14,372 --> 00:16:18,316
Jaz, what sort of capacity
are we talking about here?
363
00:16:18,316 --> 00:16:20,320
I'm sorry, but I don't know.
364
00:16:20,320 --> 00:16:24,348
Mind you, every time
I think about chest freezers,
365
00:16:24,348 --> 00:16:27,332
I just think about serial killers
chopping people up
366
00:16:27,332 --> 00:16:30,308
and stuffing them into wee bags.
367
00:16:30,308 --> 00:16:33,380
I'll just nip through to the kitchen
and see how we're getting on.
368
00:16:35,304 --> 00:16:36,352
Any dips?
369
00:16:40,320 --> 00:16:41,340
How are we getting on?
370
00:16:41,340 --> 00:16:45,312
Oh, you're back.
Anything else I can do for you?
371
00:16:45,312 --> 00:16:46,360
No, you're all right.
372
00:16:46,360 --> 00:16:48,312
Okey-dokey.
373
00:16:48,312 --> 00:16:50,372
Just let me know when it's time
for the broom to go up my arse.
374
00:16:50,372 --> 00:16:51,392
What's in there?
375
00:16:51,392 --> 00:16:54,384
Oriental rice and half a pork chop.
376
00:16:54,384 --> 00:16:56,384
BEEPING
Mm...
377
00:16:56,384 --> 00:16:59,364
ignore the beeping.
I'm timing it on my phone.
378
00:17:00,396 --> 00:17:02,372
That's maybe it ready now, actually.
379
00:17:02,372 --> 00:17:04,348
SMOKE ALARM BEEPS
380
00:17:06,372 --> 00:17:09,388
This ringing's awful bad today.
381
00:17:09,388 --> 00:17:12,324
I'll need to get straight down
to wee McGill on Monday
382
00:17:12,324 --> 00:17:13,356
to see about it.
383
00:17:13,356 --> 00:17:17,332
Here, Jaz... She was harping on
about that earlier.
384
00:17:17,332 --> 00:17:20,304
I says to her,
gie your doctor a bell!
385
00:17:20,304 --> 00:17:22,316
HE CHUCKLES
386
00:17:22,316 --> 00:17:24,388
You know, a bell. Ringing.
387
00:17:27,352 --> 00:17:28,384
Ah, fuck it.
388
00:17:30,340 --> 00:17:32,304
BICKERING VOICES FROM KITCHEN
389
00:17:32,304 --> 00:17:33,340
You all right, doll?
390
00:17:34,380 --> 00:17:37,364
So what you been up to?
Ach, just the usual.
391
00:17:37,364 --> 00:17:40,352
Taking my mum up to the doctor's,
then taking her to the chemist,
392
00:17:40,352 --> 00:17:42,312
then taking her back to the doctor's
393
00:17:42,312 --> 00:17:44,336
when she doesnae like
what the chemist has gave her.
394
00:17:44,336 --> 00:17:46,388
Sounds like you could do wi'
a bit of change of scene.Aye.
395
00:17:46,388 --> 00:17:50,300
But she's got a hospital appointment
soon, so...
396
00:17:50,300 --> 00:17:52,300
There you are.How are you?
397
00:17:52,300 --> 00:17:53,332
Good, aye.
398
00:17:53,332 --> 00:17:54,368
Hungry?
399
00:17:54,368 --> 00:17:56,312
Oh, so-so.
400
00:17:56,312 --> 00:17:58,380
God, that's a lot of food
your mum's got to cook.
401
00:17:58,380 --> 00:18:00,384
Lucky she's got Cathy in there
helping her, eh?
402
00:18:00,384 --> 00:18:02,344
The stuff that was in there,
403
00:18:02,344 --> 00:18:05,312
it's no' Cathy she's needing,
it's the bloody Time Team.
404
00:18:05,312 --> 00:18:09,364
And, of course, it was later on,
towards the end of 1986,
405
00:18:09,364 --> 00:18:11,348
that was when I took the septic toe
406
00:18:11,348 --> 00:18:14,316
when I was on holiday
in the Algarve.
407
00:18:14,316 --> 00:18:16,320
You ever been to the Algarve, Jaz?
408
00:18:16,320 --> 00:18:17,336
No.
409
00:18:17,336 --> 00:18:20,368
Beautiful beaches,
but very poorly served
410
00:18:20,368 --> 00:18:23,320
when it comes to
24-hour chiropodists.
411
00:18:23,320 --> 00:18:26,332
Right, get stuck in.Oh, yes!
412
00:18:26,332 --> 00:18:29,320
There's quiche, chicken wings,
apple pie. This looks great!
413
00:18:29,320 --> 00:18:34,336
And some mixed veg, braising steak,
and a bit of Arctic roll.
414
00:18:34,336 --> 00:18:40,300
Oh, here, Sophie, you get for me.
Ian, Sophie'll plate me up. Oh!
415
00:18:40,300 --> 00:18:43,340
Col?Just a bit of everything
for me, Cathy.
416
00:18:43,340 --> 00:18:46,372
Here, Eric, that's the beauty
of a buffet, is it no'? Aye.
417
00:18:46,372 --> 00:18:48,368
You get a wee bit of everything.
418
00:18:48,368 --> 00:18:50,392
He can't. No red meat for you, Eric.
419
00:18:50,392 --> 00:18:52,396
Cath, put a few sprouts
on a napkin for him.
420
00:18:52,396 --> 00:18:54,380
Sprouts? Ho-ho!
421
00:18:54,380 --> 00:18:59,328
Oh, oor Sophie's a nightmare
with them. Savoy cabbage, as well.
422
00:18:59,328 --> 00:19:03,316
Oh, I can hear her through the wall
when I'm lying in my bed at night.
423
00:19:03,316 --> 00:19:06,304
Pff, pff, pffff.
424
00:19:06,304 --> 00:19:08,344
It's like Transit van backfiring.
425
00:19:11,332 --> 00:19:14,316
Are you having a good time?
All right, yeah. Good.
426
00:19:14,316 --> 00:19:16,320
Nice chat with Christine?Yeah.
427
00:19:16,320 --> 00:19:18,324
She was just telling me
about her septic toe.
428
00:19:18,324 --> 00:19:19,352
Sausage roll?
429
00:19:20,380 --> 00:19:22,348
No.
430
00:19:22,348 --> 00:19:24,340
Here, Beth...
431
00:19:24,340 --> 00:19:26,312
Beth, here.
432
00:19:26,312 --> 00:19:28,300
You never told me that he was...
433
00:19:31,304 --> 00:19:32,360
He was what?
434
00:19:32,360 --> 00:19:34,332
That he was, you know...
435
00:19:37,316 --> 00:19:39,308
..English!Oh.
436
00:19:42,304 --> 00:19:45,364
Well, it's nice to get a seat.
437
00:19:45,364 --> 00:19:48,344
All right
if I take two minutes, is it, Beth?
438
00:19:48,344 --> 00:19:50,300
That all right, is it?
439
00:19:50,300 --> 00:19:52,352
Honestly,
she invites you round for lunch
440
00:19:52,352 --> 00:19:54,356
and no sooner
are you through the door
441
00:19:54,356 --> 00:19:56,360
and she's shoved a tea towel
in your hand
442
00:19:56,360 --> 00:19:59,300
and she's working you like a donkey.
443
00:19:59,300 --> 00:20:02,316
You have done a smashing job.
This is a lovely spread.
444
00:20:02,316 --> 00:20:03,360
FOOD CRUNCHES
445
00:20:03,360 --> 00:20:05,380
Lovely crunch in this wee...
446
00:20:05,380 --> 00:20:07,352
these wee...
447
00:20:07,352 --> 00:20:09,360
What is this, anyway, Cath?
448
00:20:09,360 --> 00:20:11,344
This jumper is stinking.
449
00:20:11,344 --> 00:20:12,392
It's cashmere, Colin.
450
00:20:12,392 --> 00:20:15,384
It's just grabbing every ounce
of fat there is in there.
451
00:20:15,384 --> 00:20:19,348
Skiddly wee kitchen with no cooker
hood. It's like the fires of hell.
452
00:20:20,368 --> 00:20:22,344
What's that, Mrs Baird?
453
00:20:22,344 --> 00:20:26,352
It's either a pakora or a Scotch egg
that's gone for a wee walk.
454
00:20:26,352 --> 00:20:28,376
I was saying to Eric,
if this had happened to us,
455
00:20:28,376 --> 00:20:30,388
we'd have been cooking
from now till doomsday
456
00:20:30,388 --> 00:20:33,304
with all that stuff
in our big doubler.
457
00:20:33,304 --> 00:20:36,348
Oh, we would have. Eric, was Colin
telling you about the salmon?
458
00:20:36,348 --> 00:20:39,300
He was, aye.
You want to see the size of it.
459
00:20:39,300 --> 00:20:41,372
What's it like, Cathy?
It's a monster.
460
00:20:41,372 --> 00:20:44,312
That's exactly what it is.
It's a monster.
461
00:20:44,312 --> 00:20:45,396
Col, away and get it.Eh?
462
00:20:45,396 --> 00:20:48,360
Go and get it and bring it in
so everyone can see it.
463
00:20:48,360 --> 00:20:51,324
Colin caught it himself, didn't you?
I did, aye. I...
464
00:20:51,324 --> 00:20:52,392
Well, I bashed its brains oot
465
00:20:52,392 --> 00:20:54,396
with this thing that the...
the gillie gave me.
466
00:20:54,396 --> 00:20:56,332
What was it called again?
467
00:20:56,332 --> 00:20:57,392
A club.It was a club, aye.
468
00:20:59,328 --> 00:21:01,340
Go and get it.
They're dying to see it.
469
00:21:01,340 --> 00:21:03,380
Look, it's fine, Colin.
Sit and enjoy your food.
470
00:21:03,380 --> 00:21:06,332
Do you want a few more...
wee brown things?
471
00:21:06,332 --> 00:21:07,372
Get it!
472
00:21:12,300 --> 00:21:13,332
DOOR CLOSES
473
00:21:15,304 --> 00:21:17,300
How are you boys doing?
474
00:21:17,300 --> 00:21:19,328
I feel as if I've hardly seen you.
475
00:21:19,328 --> 00:21:22,316
Probably cos I've been in that
bloody kitchen the whole time!
476
00:21:22,316 --> 00:21:24,372
Anywa-a-a-ay, toot-toot.
477
00:21:24,372 --> 00:21:29,316
So, you OK, Jaz, yeah?
Yeah, fine, not bad.
478
00:21:29,316 --> 00:21:31,356
Beth said you'd been off work
with the stress.
479
00:21:31,356 --> 00:21:33,396
He's going back in a couple
of weeks, though, aren't you?
480
00:21:33,396 --> 00:21:35,388
Yeah. Maybe. Hopefully.
481
00:21:35,388 --> 00:21:38,356
Aw, good.
So what was it caused it, then?
482
00:21:38,356 --> 00:21:41,332
Was it just a build-up of stuff,
or did you have a full breakdown?
483
00:21:41,332 --> 00:21:44,336
Oh, just various things.
But I'm feeling a bit better now.
484
00:21:44,336 --> 00:21:45,392
Oh, that's good.
485
00:21:45,392 --> 00:21:48,312
Mind you, must be tough being off,
486
00:21:48,312 --> 00:21:51,320
sitting in the house on your own
all day, staring at the walls.
487
00:21:51,320 --> 00:21:53,332
That'll get you down, as well.
488
00:21:53,332 --> 00:21:55,308
I'm not on my own all the time.
489
00:21:55,308 --> 00:21:56,344
Are you no'?
490
00:21:56,344 --> 00:21:57,388
No, Ian's round quite a bit.
491
00:21:57,388 --> 00:22:00,360
Not every day, though?
No, not every day.
492
00:22:00,360 --> 00:22:03,300
Well, it will be every day,
won't it?
493
00:22:03,300 --> 00:22:04,348
Will it, Ian?
494
00:22:05,384 --> 00:22:08,376
Eric, out the way, this is hot!
Right.
495
00:22:08,376 --> 00:22:11,368
Where's Cathy?
Er, talking to Ian and Jaz.
496
00:22:11,368 --> 00:22:14,356
This bloody salmon. Who brings
a fish to someone's house?
497
00:22:14,356 --> 00:22:17,300
Oh, hi, Cathy. Huh!
498
00:22:17,300 --> 00:22:19,376
Beth, you're not going
to believe it.
499
00:22:19,376 --> 00:22:21,332
What?
500
00:22:21,332 --> 00:22:23,364
Ian's moving in with Jaz.
Isn't it exciting?
501
00:22:24,388 --> 00:22:26,364
Is that champagne?
502
00:22:26,364 --> 00:22:27,368
Er...
503
00:22:30,308 --> 00:22:32,312
I didn't know what to say.
I just panicked.
504
00:22:32,312 --> 00:22:33,372
It's fine. Don't worry about it.
505
00:22:33,372 --> 00:22:35,316
She was talking and staring at me.
506
00:22:35,316 --> 00:22:37,320
Then I started looking
at her facial hair
507
00:22:37,320 --> 00:22:39,372
with the bits of make-up in it,
and I lost my concentration.
508
00:22:39,372 --> 00:22:42,320
Look, it's OK.
Maybe she won't say anything.
509
00:22:42,320 --> 00:22:45,372
Ooooh!
510
00:22:45,372 --> 00:22:50,308
Right, here's to the big move.
Here you go, you two.
511
00:22:50,308 --> 00:22:52,336
Oh, whoopsie.Er, what's going on?
512
00:22:52,336 --> 00:22:54,388
They're moving in together.
513
00:22:54,388 --> 00:22:59,320
Here, Beth, get a couple of mugs for
you and Eric, get a drink of this.
514
00:23:00,328 --> 00:23:02,304
Here she is!
515
00:23:02,304 --> 00:23:03,356
Oh-ho!
516
00:23:03,356 --> 00:23:07,372
Wait till I get a look at this.
There we go.
517
00:23:07,372 --> 00:23:12,356
Oh, Christ! look at the size
of that. It's like fucking Jaws.
518
00:23:12,356 --> 00:23:14,300
HE SINGS JAWS THEME TUNES
519
00:23:14,300 --> 00:23:16,340
It was my fault.
I wasn't meant to say.
520
00:23:16,340 --> 00:23:17,368
SHE SIGHS
521
00:23:17,368 --> 00:23:19,388
You could have told me
you were thinking about it.
522
00:23:19,388 --> 00:23:21,392
I hadn't really thought about it,
though.
523
00:23:21,392 --> 00:23:23,396
I asked him to,
last night, after dinner.
524
00:23:23,396 --> 00:23:25,320
We had corn on the cobs.
525
00:23:26,356 --> 00:23:29,324
Do you not think
you're rushing into it a bit?
526
00:23:29,324 --> 00:23:31,328
Mum, I can't stay here
for ever, can I?
527
00:23:31,328 --> 00:23:33,360
I wish I could Sellotape my mouth
shut sometimes.
528
00:23:33,360 --> 00:23:36,312
Here, Col, take that.
I'm bored of it now.
529
00:23:36,312 --> 00:23:39,376
Col, get a glass.
Ian and Jaz are moving in together.
530
00:23:39,376 --> 00:23:44,304
Oh, are you? That's nice.
Well, good on you, boys.
531
00:23:44,304 --> 00:23:47,364
S'cuse my fish fingers.
A wee flat-share, eh?
532
00:23:47,364 --> 00:23:50,336
No fighting over
the biggest bedroom, eh?
533
00:23:50,336 --> 00:23:52,332
Here, Eric, we know where to go
534
00:23:52,332 --> 00:23:56,340
if we fancy a few cans in front
of the football, eh? Oh, aye.
535
00:23:56,340 --> 00:23:59,372
Poor Beth. She'll be heartbroken.
536
00:23:59,372 --> 00:24:01,328
I'll need to make an effort
537
00:24:01,328 --> 00:24:04,324
to come over and see her
more often, cheer her up.
538
00:24:04,324 --> 00:24:07,376
Are you eyeing up that fish, Sophie?
She is, isn't she?
539
00:24:07,376 --> 00:24:09,352
Does she like salmon, Christine?
540
00:24:09,352 --> 00:24:12,396
Cathy...Sophie, look into its eyes.
541
00:24:12,396 --> 00:24:14,360
Cathy!What?
542
00:24:14,360 --> 00:24:18,380
Here, Cath, what say we give Beth
and Eric this as a present, eh?
543
00:24:18,380 --> 00:24:20,352
Something to start them off again.
544
00:24:20,352 --> 00:24:23,392
That is a brilliant idea.
Well, I'll...
545
00:24:23,392 --> 00:24:27,300
Beth, take it. I hate salmon.
Honestly...
546
00:24:27,300 --> 00:24:29,320
It's cos your freezer's
no' big enough.
547
00:24:29,320 --> 00:24:31,340
Cath, she's worried it'll no' fit.
548
00:24:31,340 --> 00:24:34,312
See, just take the head off
and bend its tail back,
549
00:24:34,312 --> 00:24:35,384
it'll fit in no bother.
550
00:24:35,384 --> 00:24:39,336
Eric, you got a wee hacksaw? We'll
just whip its head off the noo.
551
00:24:39,336 --> 00:24:42,308
What's he saying?They're going to
decapitate the fish.
552
00:24:42,308 --> 00:24:43,360
Oh, for fuck's sake.
553
00:24:43,360 --> 00:24:46,356
We'll sort it later, Colin.
But, cheers, thanks for the thought.
554
00:24:46,356 --> 00:24:48,300
Not at all, squire.
555
00:24:49,316 --> 00:24:51,340
Give it a good rinse under the tap.
556
00:24:51,340 --> 00:24:54,376
That river I dragged it out of
is no' the freshest.
557
00:24:54,376 --> 00:24:58,340
It was quite near the caravan site,
if you know what I'm saying.
558
00:24:58,340 --> 00:25:00,316
Oh, that's just great(!)
559
00:25:00,316 --> 00:25:03,380
Sophie, look, just stamp that in
with your Pumas.Leave it!
560
00:25:05,396 --> 00:25:07,388
Just leave it!
561
00:25:07,388 --> 00:25:09,324
All right, Beth.
562
00:25:09,324 --> 00:25:12,320
It's only a cheap glass.
No need to get all Mrs Nippy.
563
00:25:12,320 --> 00:25:16,364
Now, Cathy,
I've just about had enough.
564
00:25:16,364 --> 00:25:19,396
Oh, come on, now, Beth.
Here, Eric, get her a glass of wine.
565
00:25:19,396 --> 00:25:22,360
She's been up to her eyes
in breadcrumbs all day.
566
00:25:22,360 --> 00:25:27,300
Beth...Cathy, thanks for coming
over, and thanks for all your help,
567
00:25:27,300 --> 00:25:32,332
and thanks for the offer of the
salmon, but we just don't want it.
568
00:25:32,332 --> 00:25:33,376
Excuse me?
569
00:25:33,376 --> 00:25:38,344
As I say, thanks for the thought,
but we'll pass on it, thank you.
570
00:25:38,344 --> 00:25:40,336
Eric, what's the problem?
571
00:25:40,336 --> 00:25:41,368
Beth...Shut up, Eric.
572
00:25:41,368 --> 00:25:42,376
CATHY GASPS
573
00:25:42,376 --> 00:25:46,368
I came in here today, Beth,
to help you out, as your friend,
574
00:25:46,368 --> 00:25:48,352
as your neighbour,
575
00:25:48,352 --> 00:25:51,316
but most importantly, as your...
576
00:25:52,352 --> 00:25:54,312
..friend.
577
00:25:54,312 --> 00:25:59,376
And you have had me in that kitchen,
working me like a bastard, Beth,
578
00:25:59,376 --> 00:26:03,348
with scampi you could
beat someone to death with
579
00:26:03,348 --> 00:26:07,352
and tinfoil and sinks
and the heat and noises...
580
00:26:07,352 --> 00:26:10,352
Beep-beep-beep-beep-beep,
beep-beep-beep!
581
00:26:10,352 --> 00:26:13,392
And then Colin,
out of the goodness of his heart,
582
00:26:13,392 --> 00:26:16,392
offers you a beautiful gift
of a fish,
583
00:26:16,392 --> 00:26:19,316
and you throw it back in our face.
584
00:26:19,316 --> 00:26:24,308
Is that what you're doing, Beth?
Are you throwing fish in my face?
585
00:26:24,308 --> 00:26:26,344
Now, you listen to me, Cathy...
586
00:26:26,344 --> 00:26:28,376
It's no wonder
Ian's decided he's moving out.
587
00:26:28,376 --> 00:26:30,352
SHARP INTAKE OF BREATH
588
00:26:33,364 --> 00:26:36,308
Out you go. Go on.Oh!
589
00:26:37,328 --> 00:26:38,384
Fine.Take it.
590
00:26:38,384 --> 00:26:39,396
Mum!
591
00:26:39,396 --> 00:26:42,352
No, no, no, no, no.
That is your present, Beth.
592
00:26:42,352 --> 00:26:44,312
Take the salmon, Cathy.
593
00:26:44,312 --> 00:26:47,312
Colin, tell her. It's her fish.
It's your fish, Beth.
594
00:26:47,312 --> 00:26:50,352
I don't want it.
Take the salmon away.
595
00:26:50,352 --> 00:26:52,300
All right, give it to me!
596
00:26:52,300 --> 00:26:54,380
It never would have fitted
in your silly little freezer anyway.
597
00:26:54,380 --> 00:26:56,320
Ha! Right, would it not?
598
00:26:58,352 --> 00:26:59,392
Give it!
599
00:27:01,364 --> 00:27:02,392
Ah!
600
00:27:05,360 --> 00:27:08,300
Ooh!Mum!
601
00:27:08,300 --> 00:27:11,344
INDISTINCT VOICES IN OTHER ROOM
602
00:27:14,312 --> 00:27:16,312
BETH GRUNTS
603
00:27:16,312 --> 00:27:20,324
Eric, could you move...?
Just move oot the way. Mum...
604
00:27:20,324 --> 00:27:22,320
What's she playing at?
605
00:27:22,320 --> 00:27:24,348
Where's my big knife?Beth... Beth!
606
00:27:25,376 --> 00:27:27,324
Hold that.
607
00:27:31,316 --> 00:27:33,324
CRACKING
608
00:27:36,360 --> 00:27:38,312
Right!
609
00:27:38,312 --> 00:27:39,384
Everyone happy now?
610
00:27:43,364 --> 00:27:46,300
Mrs Baird.What?
611
00:27:46,300 --> 00:27:47,384
That door's not shut properly.
612
00:27:49,396 --> 00:27:52,320
Dance to your daddy,
my bonnie laddie
613
00:27:52,320 --> 00:27:54,344
Dance to your daddy,
my bonnie lamb
614
00:27:54,344 --> 00:27:56,364
Dance to your daddy,
my bonnie laddie
615
00:27:56,364 --> 00:27:58,388
Dance to your daddy,
my bonnie lamb
616
00:27:58,388 --> 00:28:01,304
He shall get a fishy
in a little dishy
617
00:28:01,304 --> 00:28:03,320
He shall get an eggy
and a bit of ham
618
00:28:03,320 --> 00:28:05,336
He shall get a fishy
in a little dishy
619
00:28:05,336 --> 00:28:07,352
He shall get an eggy
and a bit of ham
620
00:28:07,352 --> 00:28:09,388
Dance to your daddy,
my bonnie laddie
621
00:28:09,388 --> 00:28:12,312
Dance to your daddy,
my bonnie lamb
622
00:28:12,312 --> 00:28:14,332
Dance to your daddy,
my bonnie laddie
623
00:28:14,332 --> 00:28:16,396
? Dance to your daddy,
my bonnie lamb. ?
624
00:28:16,446 --> 00:28:20,996
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