Original subtitles

-What would Jesus do? -If He robbed a bank?

PREVIOUSLY ON TUFF MONEY

I call on your conscience.

This is stolen money!

Truth doesn't make anything right, it just exposes the sin.

I think the bank heist was an inside job.

It was someone who had access to information.

You're this poor town's heroes.

The news say you stole a lot.

No thought for politics?

There's a new player.

I won't let you destroy us. I'll save us both.

The spoils are already divided.

Find a dead cat to bury behind your building.

The Bucharest guy suspects us.

-There's an alarm. -What alarm?

A sack with money has been found this morning

at the top of this lamp post.

The serials match those of the money stolen from the armored van

of Euro Est Bank.

It was hidden in a stork's nest...

Good Lord.

That's good news, right?

The stork had scattered it...

The police spokesperson is here to give us details on the case.

-Hello. -Hello.

Following a call at the emergency number,

our vehicles arrived at the scene in six minutes.

And here is the caller. Maria, right?

Yes, Maria Leonte, in high school. I called the police.

And they got here in 46 minutes, not six, as the gentleman says.

Forty-six minutes?

I assure you it was no more than 16 minutes.

Only, you see, I made sure to time it on two different watches.

It was 46 minutes.

Let's say 30 minutes. My colleagues did their duty and--

Maria, why the two watches?

This is a regular watch. According to it, the police got here

in 46 minutes.

And this is a "Balkan watch". Hours and minutes are dilated

to make unpunctual people seem punctual. Like the police.

More details on my website, www.eeuropewatch.com.

Giving the quiet treatment to your marriage witness?

Not much left to say, is there?

I said, "Don't hide it at home."

I said, "Out of the way."

Your living room sofa doesn't qualify.

-And the stork's nest did? -Yes!

And it made the news!

It was out of the way!

Not out of the stork's way!

I didn't expect it to poke around!

That's why I want to know where you hid mine!

Ionel.

You want to send me to prison to ease your conscience?

Doru, I'd never betray you.

But I'm afraid you'll betray us both by mistake.

Where did you hide it?

Somewhere out of the way.

We told everything to the Captain.

Instead of arresting them, he offered to help for a share.

-Unbelievable! -It's true.

-So what? -He said they'd divide the money.

They even roughed us up a few times in front of the precinct.

They actually beat me--

"So what"?

The idiots went to the local newspaper, owned by the Mayor.

And Madam Mayor says she'll keep the secret

for a slice of the pie.

-How big a slice? -A quarter.

But not of the real amount.

Of the amount you declared.

-Tough luck. -Meaning?

Meaning it's your problem.

Let's chip in, none of us has that much!

I'm not paying.

Think of how much we risk!

We?

Problem solved, see you.

Mr. Adi, wait!

Mrs. Evelina, please!

Good luck.

-Got everything? -Yes.

Six cheap phones, six prepaid SIMs.

Pass me one, please.

112, state your emergency.

There's a stork's nest on my street, money is falling out of it.

-Out of what? -The nest.

Money falling from a stork's nest?

Yes, and there's a lot of people.

What street are you on?

-Oinac Street. -Your name?

Ana. Ana Lina.

Wait there, we'll send someone.

Throw it away.

Do this around town with the other five.

See you at the office.

-Seriously, here? -Why not?

-It's not a good hiding place. -Why not?

For one thing, it's open to everyone!

LIBRARY

I didn't know our town had a library.

That's the idea. Go to French Literature.

-Doru! -Yes.

This is Fiction and History.

This one's Fiction and History.

I said French Literature!

-Where's that? -I don't know.

It looked different before.

What are you doing here?

I have a French Literature test.

You couldn't find another shelf?

This one has des livres de la littérature Française.

-Say what? -Scram!

-I'll fail my test! -Just scram!

-Miss librarian! -Shut it!

Or else!

Hurry up.

-You sure? -Not like we have a choice.

It's been nothing but trouble. Money is a double-edged sword.

Are you feeling happy?

"Dear Euro Est Bank, we hereby return all the money we have from you."

Doru, what did you do with what you borrowed?

I put it back. I only needed to see where you kept it.

Not "understanding".

"Compassion".

"Respectfully"...

Who?

Us.

-Who didn't steal anything. -"Us who didn't steal anything."

I am glad the authorities are making great progress in this famous case.

To this end, the bank wishes to support

the authorities' efforts.

We offer a 100,000 lei reward for any information

helpful to the case.

Thank you.

Today, we will learn how to handle negative emotions.

Are you angry with someone?

Is someone bothering you?

The first step is learning to forgive,

both others and ourselves.

"Because err is human, but to forgive is divine."

I know it by heart.

-Hello, I live here. -Your ID, please.

I want all the collected money retrieved. Any house left unchecked?

Doru!

How much did you pick up?

-I heard it rained money. -I didn't pick up any.

Everyone on our street did, all the neighbors!

Well, I didn't.

So you're smarter than them?

Mom!

-Did you at least pick any? -No.

I called the police.

Hello, we're from Police Station 4. May we?

Of course, if you must.

-I didn't take a dime, though. -We know.

Neighbors say you were the only family that didn't pick up money.

Can you tell us who you've seen taking money?

I'm sorry, I don't snitch.

You're in the wrong place, this is the House of Honor!

We take fairness damn seriously.

We're smarter!

-We just print our money! -We don't.

Excuse her.

She's nervous, we're witnesses at someone's wedding tomorrow.

-Thank you. -Thank you.

-Have a good day. -You too.

How come they're the only ones who didn't take any money?

Cultists?

The Mayor keeps calling.

Hello, Mayor.

I'm not avoiding you, I've been on the phone.

They've been ringing off the hook.

You want the reward?

I didn't raise my voice, Madam.

I apologize if I did.

The woman is crazy.

Yes, she is.

She's swamped us with her reward idea.

Oh, you meant the bank manager.

False alarm, sir.

We've been there too. Just nests with eggs, no money.

-The one on Lămâitei Street too? -Not even nests there.

-I see. -Now what?

-Come back. -No!

Respond to all calls.

They're false alarms meant to spread us out.

It's the law, I have to respond to every call.

Continue!

Doesn't their opinion matter? They're the bride and groom.

They matter, not the witnesses and guests!

You're walking all over them!

They decide, from the witnesses to the toothpick brand!

Right, Elena?

Looks like they're doing fine to me, why replace them?

Exactly! See, we women agree.

We're not stepping back.

We'll just have four witnesses.

-Hello. -Hello.

-Is this a bad time? -No, I was waiting.

Your message said this was urgent.

-What happened? -I just wanted to offer my condolences.

It must be hard.

No photos of the cat?

They reminded me of her, so...

Of course.

I actually came to have a private word with you.

I thought the Captain might intimidate you

and hoped we could discuss things in his absence.

-What things? -Any things.

You're a smart guy.

The kind we need in Bucharest.

-Expecting anyone else? -No.

I didn't know you were here, Investigator. Excuse me.

Please, come in.

-What brings you here? -Well...

I'm here to pay my...

-Respects? -Yes, last respects.

To the one who was...

-Fru... -Frufru.

-You've decided on Frufru? -We've decided that...

she'll forever be in our hearts.

And you, Sir?

Baby, I'm staying over tonight

I'm staying over tonight

Yay! I'm at a friend's, I'll be back in an hour.

The Inabit Watch The Time You Want It to Be

-Dad! -Yes!

Come quick!

-What? -Look!

What's that?

Fundraising. Like Kickstarter, but smaller.

You've lost me.

People can donate on the webpage for my watch.

After I was in the news, it started coming in!

-You were in the news? -Yes, for calling the police.

Date and sign it, Father.

Alright.

Father,

I can't thank you enough for this information.

Your statement is like oxygen for this case.

Good. Thieves must be caught.

Indeed.

Out of curiosity,

is Confession still holy and secret?

Yes it is.

But if it's to make things right, disclosing secrets is forgiven.

Lovely words, Father.

-Have a good day. -You too, Father, thank you.

-The reward? -He's handling it.

I'll call you.

-You have my number? -Yes.

-God bless. -Thank you, Father.

Look at this.

I've never met anyone this stupid.

Watch the old fox, he may know more.

May I--

-What's this smell? -His cigarette.

I told you not to smoke here. Now that paper's on fire.

-I didn't know you smoked. -Oh, I do!

-No thanks, I've just had one. -I insist.

Bucharest quality!

Thank you.

What if it was an important document?

I guess we'll never know.

Maybe...

-Get me an envelope. -A what?

An envelope.

In Bucharest we have this new, high-tech scanner.

It scans ashes as negatives,

then turns them into positives.

An ash reader!

-Really? -No. Just testing your reaction.

We'd actually need one, we have some...

Take up smoking.

-I've never smoked! -It's an order.

Get no-filters, they're better for beginners.

-I'm sorry. -Why won't they let you come?

I made a little mistake at work.

And they grounded you?

I'm always with you both.

On the phone. Alright?

-Okay, bye. We love you. -Bye.

Bye.

Come in.

Come on in.

Captain, this was sent to Bucharest. Fortunately...

I had a look and thought it might be connected to that heist.

-You open people's parcels? -Not always, Sir.

Why did you bring it here?

I was hoping for a little reward.

You opened the honey pot and didn't even lick your fingers?

No, I'm an honest man.

Get moving, that's why your deliveries are always late!

Many happy years together!

Many happy years!

To the bride and groom

Many happy years together!

Please move forward for the photo.

-Hello? -Are you both complete idiots?

Who is this?

Your grandma! It's me, the Captain!

One hides the money in a stork's nest,

the other returns it by courier?

You think you can just send it back?

Anything wrong?

No.

Look here!

Smile, everyone!

Any tires left?

I could buy some.

Two, three?

This is perfect timing.

After Mrs. Mayor shook me down.

Get two, to be sure.

I'll take this to the garage.

What's that?

Some...

Some?

You won't believe it!

This just came in.

What's with the money?

"Dear Euro Est Bank, we hereby return all the money we have from you.

We deeply regret the situation.

We were very forced to do it.

All we ask for is forgiveness and compassion.

Respectfully,

Us who didn't steal anything."

How's that for a stunner?

Bride, be good and bend your neck Keep that barbed tongue in check

Keep those feet quick like a flame

Keep that mouth quiet and tame!

Your hands should strive tirelessly Doing wife's work quietly

Mayor, I haven't forgotten.

But it will take a while.

And here I've been calling you all day.

With all this time to think, I've had a revelation.

I'm listening.

I've realized it's not fair to ask for a share.

It's your spoils, you know?

It's only fair you keep it all,

and I send the recording to the authorities.

Mayor!

Please don't hand it in.

I'm begging you, please accept a sign of our appreciation,

a share of the earnings.

Lead me not into temptation!

Didn't you say it will take a while?

Only a short while. We'll take care of it today.

I don't have the whole amount, things got complicated.

But please accept my entire share.

Fine, then.

I'll take what you have and we'll see.

-On the run? -Sort of.

-How are you? -Studying.

Good girl.

Sort of.

I don't mind you keeping them here.

Found a better garage?

No, that's not it.

-I'm not one to change garages. -What, then?

Got a puncture.

On three wheels?

Potholes. And your test?

-I cheated. -Good girl.

-So I'll pass. -My kind of girl!

Gorgeous, this new restaurant!

We didn't have cars like this in our day.

We didn't have a lot in our day.

Weddings weren't this fancy, no cool cars, no festivities.

Look how beautiful!

Now this is a real wedding!

Who's a sweet little kitten?

The servant of God Ionel is crowned for the servant of God Mirela,

in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.

Male witnesses.

Amen.

The servant of God Mirela is crowned for the servant of God Ionel,

in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.

Female witnesses.

Captain, you promised!

I deserve that reward, for God's sake!

I kept waiting for you to arrest him, and nothing!

I even broke the Seal of Confession, what the hell!

Hello?

The waiting is killing me.

I know.

But you must hang on.

Transplants can take up to ten hours.

It will be alright.

I know.

Housewives' Circle

Flowers spread out their perfume

Petals spill out their palette

Fly to me, love, come here soon With the first tram you can get!

I'll send back the tires.

After I get the air out of them.

All the guests are hearty

It's a week-long party

Everybody dance, dance

Dance 'til dawn and raise your hands!

Nobody move!

Hands up!

Freeze!

The bride is stolen!

This beloved tradition requires the groom to ransom her in drinks.

It's the third night I've tried to report this!

I don't know whose car it is!

What if it's stolen?

I don't know, but it has a big hole in the windscreen.

No!

Alright, but--

It's been here for three days!

Now that the bride has been ransomed,

let the fireworks begin!

The police have found the car used in the Euro Est Bank robbery,

the red Dacia Duster behind us.

Officials have arrived to take fingerprints.

This is a major operation, a genuine gauntlet for the local police.

Unfortunately, these are all the details we have,

as there has been no press release.

We promise to keep you up to date.

For those who have tuned in late,

a Euro Est Bank armored van

was robbed of 21.5 million lei.

The culprits have not yet been found.

Fingerprints are being lifted from...

At least a down payment on the house?

This is for the restaurant,

the photographer, the band, the fireworks, then the...

You have to pay another 5,000 lei.

Now we're in debt, too?

Wasn't it lovely, though?

I'll go take out a loan.

Here's our suspect. Got the pictures?

Bring them here.

The courier from yesterday recognized him.

A Public Works employee under a false name.

Costică Brâncusi.

How do you know it's false?

It's that famous sculptor.

Right, the artist.

I know, I donated so the state could buy The Weird-dome of the Earth.

-Why didn't he say anything sooner? -There was no reward.

But that's our man.

-They don't look alike. -Brown hair, black hair.

-Let's get serious. -Let's.

There, now it's done.

Put this away.

How about taking that off?

To be more comfortable?

No, I want to consummate our marriage after I take a nap.

Let me have some rest.

-Hello? -They're coming to arrest you.

When?

Fifteen minutes tops.

Get some clothes and money and run.

To where?

Abroad.

I'll delay the red notice for the border.

-Take a flight from Bacău. -With what money?

The money you sent back, Mr. Freaking Honesty!

You promised we wouldn't go to prison.

Only idiots go to prison. I thought you had half a brain.

I won't run.

Don't break in! It's open

Officer, sir, I know I'll be arrested.

But will it be much longer?

I was told a quarter of an hour, it's been three quarters.

If you want, I can take a taxi to the station.

The police spokesperson is here with details.

Police! Freeze! Get down!

Get down!

-Who else is here? -My wife, who else?

I asked you not to break in.

Ionel, what's happening?

She's out, she's fine!

She'll be fine!

Good.

I'm going to talk with the doctor. Love you, bye!

Drinks for everyone! Pass the bottle!

Give everyone a round.

This is a happy man!

Wait. Ionel! Please, wait!

Why are they taking you away?

Ionel!

No, why?

I love you!

Ionel!

No!