All language subtitles for The.Watch.S01E01.720p.hdtv

- Is this heaven?
- It's hell.

I am with someone!

Sorry.

Oh. They're an absolute
nightmare today.

Is this death?

Obviously.

How did I...
How did I get here?

Watch, Sam Vimes, watch.

Stop, citizen.

Sam, what are you
doing here?

It's just a patrol.

You know him?

- You said only the captain.
- You said you'd do it.

What's the matter with you?
You've been in there a month.

As long as people that
are dead have all the power,

we stay in the gutter.

You made a promise.

Keep it.

Get our brothers and sisters
out of there.

Finish off Keel.

Do I have to watch
all this again?

Actually, you do.

What happened to
Sergeant Swires?

Carcer Dun.

Got your whole gang
locked up.

Not my whole gang.

One of them works for you.

Is that why you joined up?

- Do it, Sam.
- Don't listen, Sam.

- Come home.
- He is home.

Who saved you
from the streets?

Kept you alive.

The Watch is
just another gang.

See, that's where
you're wrong, Sam.

The Watch is hope, justice.

It could save this city
as could Sam.

In 20 years' time,
he'll become a captain.

An inspiration.
A symbol of good.

You...

...have the right
to remain silent.

Where were we with this?

Are you
paying attention, Vimes?

Help! Help me!

The kid's insane.

I told you to watch.

I'm gonna piss on you.

Oi, stop
that thief, mate.

Just hold it
right there.

Hey, hey! Stop him!

Sergeant Detritus.

Captain, where is your suspect?

He got away.

Again.

We'll get him next time.

Let's go get pissed.

Hey, stop! Thief!

You're dead,
you know that? Dead.

What is wrong with you?

I'm Constable
Carrot Ironfoundersson.

Just transferred in from
the Copper Red mountains.

Stop struggling.

We'll be at
The Watch House, soon.

- We're going to The Watch House?
- Is that okay with you?

All right. Laugh it up.

See if it's so funny
in a few years

when you're doing
hard time in there.

Welcome to the home
of Ankh-Morpork's

finest crime fighters.

You get anything other

than fresh air and flowers

in the mountains?

Like, news maybe?

Wow.

There's more pigeons
than police in here.

It's the ring
of Vulgaris.

Only find that blossom
in the mountains.

You're late, Constable.

Corporal Angua.

Got a detective
on our hands.

I caught this bag snatcher.

I'll take him
down to the cells.

A punishment for
laying his hands on me.

- His death.
- What?

I wanna watch
the execution.

Am I missing something?

Don't forget your swag.

Vetinari will hear of this.

He's head of
the Thieves' Guild.

But he stole
in broad daylight.

They're allowed to steal.

Welcome to Ankh-Morpork.

What exactly
do we do here?

My Lord, he's here.

And I'm afraid
he's brought his troll.

Look, go easy on
the floor tiles, Sarge.

Don't worry.
I've lost weight since the last time.

Yes, that's quite far enough,
Sergeant Detritus.

I'm sorry to interrupt your
very important work, Vimes.

But perhaps you could
explain to me

why the head of
the Thieves' Guild

said he was arrested...

...for stealing.

Uh, mistakes are a mistake.

No, the allegation
was very clear.

Constable Ironfoundersson.

Ah, well,
there you go, sir.

No one of that name
in The Watch.

- So we'll go about my duties.
- Captain. Captain.

The new boy. The dwarf.

Oh.

Come here, Vimes.

Go on.

- Your...
- Hmm?

Oh. Sorry.

- A moment.
- I know you feel your status

couldn't get any lower

in this city after the growth
of the guilds.

And that you have...

...catastrophic
low self-esteem.

But I want you to marshal all
the resources at your disposal.

The Librarian from
Unseen University

has reported that a book has
been stolen from his shelves.

He says that it's very red.

Popular title, sir.

The colour, Vimes.
Red scalehide.

So, uh, you want me to use

all the resources
at my disposal

to find a library book?

This is very serious, Vimes.

A Librarian's happiness
is at stake.

And he insists that
it was stolen, not lost.

Well, I'll... I'll...

...give it all I've got, sir.

Send for the stonemason,
would you?

The troll has wrecked
my floor again.

Let's go.

Uh-huh. Got you.

Eyes down, ears on me.

- Constable...
- Carrot.

My name's not
because of my hair, you know.

My body shape tapers
down from my shoulders.

What I'll tell you is more
interesting and it'll keep you alive.

Twenty years back,
there was a massive crime wave.

Gangs running so wild,
The Watch couldn't keep up.

So Vetinari brought
the ancient guilds

out of the shadows
and legalised them.

Figured if crime's
gonna be so normal,

might as well
organise it yourself.

You want to steal,
join the Thieves' Guild.

Need somebody killed,
go to the Assassins' Guild.

Where I'm from, that's murder.

Here they call it information.

Even leave a receipt.

As long as everyone keeps
within their quotas,

crime stays lower
than it's ever been.

- And The Watch?
- They'll have to work twice as hard to cut crime.

All the guild's
got to do is...

Work less.

Breed them smart
in the mountains.

Bet no dwarf criminal saw
the sun when you were around.

Well, actually, I'm a dwarf.

Also not a dwarf.
I was adopted,

but I've got the best deduction
rate of anyone in my unit.

- 23 colours.
- I'm sure.

Well, also not.

You won't be taking anyone
down here.

It's a good gig
for laying low.

I didn't come here
to lay low.

I came here because

Captain Sam Vimes personally
requested my presence.

Really? All the way
from the mountains?

The blossom.

It took me five days to
hike down here from home.

How come you can
still smell it on me?

Are bar fights illegal?

Depends who's fighting. Hey!

Really?

Let's go. Come on,
let's get out of here.

Angua!

Say this for
the new boy, Captain.

Taking a long time to get
himself killed in there.

You're coming with me,
drug-dealing scum.

What are you doing,
Constable?

You're Captain Vimes?

But you were trying to
urinate on that dog.

Pissed on another dog, sir?

It was pissing
on me first, Angua.

We're really gonna
nail that wee bastard.

Uh-huh.

This man was carrying
a large supply

of the narcotic I believe
you call Slab.

He freely admits to it.

And to the trafficking
of the drug.

Wait.

This too?

Hong. Alchemist Guild. 12:42.

You gonna execute him?

Sir, his dispute with
another Alchemist

has led to public disorder
and damage.

Surely both within
our jurisdiction.

I think on this
occasion we can forget

about the disorder
and the damage.

Vetinari's gonna
destroy The Watch for this.

I don't like it either, kid,
but I don't make the rules.

Rules?

With all due respect, Captain,
none of this makes sense.

No one said
anything to me about...

Watch,
Sam Vimes, watch.

Watch closely, now.

Carcer Dun...

I'm arresting you.
You have the right to remain silent.

Okay. We can solve this.

Yeah, it's all right.

How could you
do this to us?

Where'd you go?

Sam knows that this
is his second chance

and he won't
throw it away.

No!

What have you done?

What have you done?

Captain. Captain.

You're the captain now.

You...

...have the right to remain...

Oh, this is gonna hurt.

...silent.

...poison in him.

- It's not poison.
- Actually, it is poison.

But good poison.

Klatchian coffee.

It'll sober you up
quicker than anything.

- I've gone blind.
- Only temporarily.

No, wait,
I'm having a vision.

See?

Stars, the universe...

So many worlds.

- Is he supposed to be...
- He's totally fine.

That's only happened
once before.

Must have gotten
the wrong concentration.

It's driven him back through sobriety and
out the other side where no mind should go.

This will help him out.
Hey, Captain.

Captain... Captain.

Oh, you need another sip.

Otherwise you'll start seeing that
pixie in the corner of your eye.

His name's Trevor.
He cannot be reasoned with.

Cheery's our forensic officer.

Nothing she doesn't know about
potions and powders.

- She?
- She.

Me.

Oh.

Well...

Morning, team.

From Vetinari. We are to use
every resource at our disposal.

I can look at that, sir.

Are you wearing
sandals, Constable?

Get downstairs and get yourself
a pair of boots, boy.

A library book.

You heard your captain.

Your liver is
gonna leave you

if you keep on
treating her like this.

You believe in ghosts, Cheery?

Only those two goth ghosts
that keep following me around,

staring at me from the balcony
on Thursdays.

Want me to join their band.

They won't take no
for an answer.

Earlier on, I, I thought I...

No, I know. I saw the man...

who did this.

Carcer Dun is dead, Captain.

No, he was standing
right in front of me.

- Sir...
- Like you are now.

- He can't have been.
- I should have arrested him.

Maybe this is
your second chance.

If you're so sure,
prove it.

You're a cop.

Find him.

Hold it right there.

Constable Carrot
Ironfoundersson of City Watch.

Oh, yeah? Where you going
in such a hurry?

Good evening, Mrs Gob Swallow.
I... Oh.

You're under arrest.
Stop or I will...

You! I know it was you.

You stole it, didn't you?

You're stole the library...

The library book.

Pathetic.

I thought
you were very commanding.

What?

Did you see all of that?

That's a great arse.

Another one.

Found that book yet?

No, I haven't found it

because weirdly
nobody cares about

a stolen library book
around here.

I've been looking through
your paperwork.

And all any of you have done

in a city full of
thieves and killers

is shoot a bunch of innocent
pigeons and chase a dog.

Bad dog.

I don't think it's gonna
work out for me here.

By the way,
whatever monster

you've been keeping
in cell 19 is out.

No monster.

Hey, take it easy, Sarge.
It's okay.

I'm giving Captain Vimes my
resignation and I'm going home.

You won't find him.

He'll be asleep in some
gutter by now.

My turn.

Huh?

Sorry.

- Who's that?
- I'm Sam Vimes from the City Watch.

Piss off, I'm painting.

I order you to
give me that slide.

I'll bite your finger.

Who do you think you are?

Watch, my arse.
How dare you interrupt an artist.

Who saved you?
Kept you alive?

The Watch has just never cared.

Carcer, stop.

There's nowhere to go.

Nowhere for
you to go either, Sam.

Unseen
University warns you,

all citizens to keep
away from the sewers.

A creature
has escaped his lab...

Oh. Where are you two going?

Keep away from the sewers.

Keep away...

I always thought
we were brothers.

Told you.

I'll leave him a note

and you'll never
have to see me again.

It's father's handwriting.

Why would he be sending
the captain a letter?

Yeah, we shouldn't be in here.

"He's a good kid,
but he's grown so big.

"The other day
he hit his head on a hoist

"and nearly brought down
the entire mineshaft.

"People are scared.

"I'm scared."

That hoist was way too low.
The shortest dwarf...

Why don't you
join us downstairs?

"We think he'll be safer
if he's in the big City Watch.

"So will we."

Captain didn't ask for me.

Did he?

My father wanted rid.

That's who Sam Vimes is.

Helps people who
have nowhere else to go.

Never trust
an alchemist.

Carrot, why did you
become a cop?

I always thought
I was just...

...a large dwarf.

Special.

When I was 16,
my parents came and sat on my lap

and told me that my height and
width wasn't down to good nutrition.

I was just human.

Someone threw me
down a mineshaft.

Like I was nothing.

I landed on the woman who'd go
on to become my dwarf mother.

Now, who does that?

Now, who throws a baby...

...down a mountain mine...

...at a dwarf?

So you became a cop to stop people
from throwing babies at dwarves?

At least you were
accepted in your mine.

Buried all us kids
under beards.

First thing I did when
I got here was shave.

Were you adopted as well?

You seem very tall
for a dwarf.

We come in all sizes
down there.

What about you, Sarge?

Why did you join The Watch?

Why did you have to go
and save me? Huh?

He doesn't like
to talk about it.

But I'll show you why I'm here.

You asked how I could still pick up
that blossom scent after five days.

I'll look after anything she can
hurt herself with after she turns.

Turns?

You're a werewolf.

Didn't I say we've got
a detective on our hands?

Why don't you just
keep the light out?

Stay like this?

Because I'm not just this.

Like you're not just a human.

Most humans would have run
by now or tried to kill me.

Sarge?

Shame. No monster.

Here she comes.

Whoo!

Well...

I hope you're better behaved
than he is today.

Excuse me.

We raise hands
if you want to speak.

- You...
- Hands.

- Uh...
- Hand?

-You...
- Raise your hand. Hand?

Raise your hand.

- Yes.
- You're on fire.

Oh. So I am.

He always gets like that
when I try to worm him.

Good morning, class.

Good morning, ma'am.

Who here would like to explain
to our new classmate

what these sessions
are all about?

Anyone?

No?

All right, I'll do it.

I brought you here because
you've been brainwashed

into believing that crime
is a legitimate profession.

But I am here to save you
from this delusion.

- Um...
- Hand.

Oh.

Yes.

I'm not a criminal.

Good.

You're not a criminal.

You're a victim.

Of a system designed
to make things better

but actually only perpetuates...

No, no, no. I'm...
I'm really not a criminal.

I'm not even a member
of a guild.

I haven't done anything wrong.

I'm...

...Captain Vimes
of The Watch.

- The Watch?
- Mmm-hmm.

You're interfering
with an official investigation.

Into what?

Tell us, I'm sure we'd all
love to hear it.

Yes.

It's, uh,
classified information.

Are you investigating the fact
that our streets

are crawling with assassins who
not only murder with impunity

but with professional pride?

Meanwhile...

everybody just carries on.

Going to work...

...eating, sleeping,
not running around in

a constant state of panic, wondering how
everyone around you can just carry on

without ripping
their tongues out

and strangling each other

at the state of it all.

So...

Mr Police Officer,
I'll make it easy for you.

You have ten seconds to tell me
or I'll feed you to Goodboy.

Goodboy?

Ten seconds.

- Can I just...
- Shh!

- But...
- Shh!

Quiet. Some old clients are trying
to recruit a new band member.

I've told you.

I'm not interested.

Ghosts again?

It's harassment.

What's that?

Clack machine.

Today's cases.

Tree stuck up a cat,
witch being sarcastic,

sewer monster
eating another street.

- So you think this shows...
- Carcer Dun.

...who's come back from
the dead after 20 years,

hasn't aged a day
and is now stockpiling Slab.

After a double crossing
and murdering an alchemist.

Also crushing an imp.

- An imp?
- Hmm.

I don't think
I introduced myself.

My name is Lady Sybil Ramkin.

Is this absolutely necessary?

I'm afraid it is.

I'm warning you.

I might not be in the best
shape but I will hit a woman.

You're in appalling shape.

You need help.

- Me?
- No meat on the rump.

Barely any length of bone.

Taking on the guilds...

Your vigilante act is the most
deranged thing I've ever seen.

Bet you haven't been
wormed in years.

You're a terrorist.

You know...
I suppose I am.

What happened to you?

What happened to you?

Sarge?

So, a public drinking
fountain's been blocked.

They can all drink
somewhere else, can't they?

It's blocked because
there's a dead body in it.

- Drowned.
- What, after their throat was cut?

Then it's an inhumation.

There's no mention
of a receipt.

If it was the Assassins' Guild,
wouldn't there be one?

Says here the body
was found in Sator Square.

There you go. Suicide.

Anyone walking alone around
there is committing suicide.

Then I'll be
committing suicide.

Stop right there, Constable.

Your buttons are all
over the place.

This...

Angua, this is a murder.

It's time
we stopped watching.

Go get the others.

Why are you
trying to change people?

I don't want to be changed.

Everyone is so busy
just surviving this place,

they never stop to think about
what's wrong with it.

What happens when they do?

I run them to the edge
of the city and shoo them off.

Well, you're not worming me.

Not ever.

We'll see about that.

Locked.

I think this
is where Carcer is...

You're boring me.
Out of the way.

No one here.

30 kids used to sleep in here.

Carcer was kinder to me
than this city ever was.

And how did they repay him?

Arrest me, then!

Come on, arrest me!

What are you waiting for?

Out!

- "Arrest me"?
- Carcer...

...killed Captain Keel.

It should have been
my first arrest.

But he died before I...

So someone's messing with you.

I know what I saw.

Oh, yes.

Oh, there's no point growing it
when Goodboy insists

on burning it off at the
slightest sign of a syringe.

Goodboy?

The thing you keep
in your basement?

Lady Ramkin?

You were right.

I really do need your help.

Throat's the city's
best snitch.

But her information
doesn't come cheap.

This is a family heirloom.

Better be worth it, Vimes.

This alchemist turned up
dead yesterday.

We're trying to find whoever's
with him in the slide.

Sorry, Captain.
No idea.

A murdered guild member.

I think he's illegally
stockpiling Slab.

We never touch that stuff.

You know what the guild
would do to freelancers like me

if we so much as breathe
on their turf?

I hear that mime artist is
back in Catmere Street.

Smearing his bits up and down the
shop windows, frightening kids.

- Filth.
- Vimes.

Aren't The Watch more concerned with
noisy neighbours and dog shit these days?

Slab?

Personal supply.

Very personal.

"Never touch that stuff."

My bitches will make it quick.

Make it quick, bitches.

We've got business
to be getting on with.

Let me guess. You are unarmed.

Mimes just mime it.

Goodboy bit a mime once.

Man didn't make a sound,

but his expression...

That's Goodboy?

I thought you'd got some
monster locked up.

Come on.

Piss off, then.

They'll just...
They'll just be a bit singed.

It's over.

I think.

You know he had six kids,
don't ya?

And the other one?

Did a lot of charity work.

Those dragons
are meant to be...

Lighting our city while they
suffocate on their own fumes?

He spent the first year of his
life enslaved in a streetlamp.

I think it stunted his growth.

Projectile weapons
are against the law.

- The law!
- Which also prohibits the ownership of magical...

Necklace and answers.

Now, please.

There's somebody new in town.

Buying up every last
bit of Slab.

His crew are stopping by
any minute

to collect it all.

Now piss off. You're not
gonna arrest me, are you?

In you go.

Just put the brake
on for you.

Vimes! Let's hide.

Your foot's sticking out.

We're supposed to be hiding.

Better?

Bundel Prong.

Head of the Alchemist Guild.

I think he might be dead.

There's no receipt. They're the two
alchemists from the bar fight yesterday.

I mean, it has to be connected.
We need to get some twine around this.

Huh?

Stop the scene from being disturbed.
You know, preserve evidence?

Never mind.

Locals aren't used
to seeing us around,

so make it fast, Cheery.

Hey, this is the first job I've had
that doesn't involve picking up litter.

I want to savour it.

Don't savour it
too long. Hurry up.

Yeah.

That is a fingerprint.

Fingerprint?

What's a fingerprint?

If Carcer wasn't your
first arrest, who was?

A troll.

He was seeing out his days...

propping up a bridge when
I came across him.

It was dark.

Mind was in a bad place.

Well, I...

...fell off the bridge.

He pulled me out
of the water.

Bridge collapsed.

I was furious.

Didn't want to be saved.

It was only later I realised
we'd both saved each other.

So I gave him a job.

Sometimes I wonder if Sergeant
Detritus wasn't better off

propping up that old bridge.

Sometimes I could swear

there's more going on beneath
those helmets than people think.

They're coming.

Wouldn't hold
out hope of a match.

The Watch stopped bothering
to take prints years ago.

But let's see.

Oh, that's
a fingerprint!

That's a lot of Slab.

Match.

It can't be.

Arrest me.

Sam!

Come on, arrest me!

You asked
why we became cops?

This is the captain's reason.

His best friend.
They were in the same gang.

Just gonna
stand and watch then?

Come on then! Arrest me!

Sam! What are you waiting for?

Vimes,
someone's coming.

What's that
they're carrying?

Whatever it is,
they've left it behind.

Vimes, should we call...

Is "backup" the term you use?

Yeah, but there's
no clacks here.

If that is Carcer,
then who's doing business with a ghost?

I guess
it's up to Goodboy then.

Be safe, Goodboy.

- Ready?
- Yeah.

You breathe
like an old lady.

Red Scalehide.

I know this book.

Noble dragon?

Nobody's seen one
of these in centuries.

All this Slab for a little
library book about dead dragons.

Don't underestimate
little things.

A book
can burn the world.

Carcer?

Friend who let you fall.

You look
exactly the same.

Impossible.

A rat can become a captain.

He brought you along,
Lady Ramkin.

- Good.
- You know me?

Still letting other people do
the ugly stuff for you, Sam?

The hard stuff?

What are you here?
For that book?

How are you even here?

It's my time now, Sam.

You should have arrested me.

No!

Enjoy all that?

It was a little expository
in the middle there,

but it picked up, didn't it?

So this is the end?

Actually, it is only
the beginning.