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"I'm warning you, I'm
going to get angry. Do you see?

"We are going to have fun
on this island, understand?

"We are going to have fun
on this island.

"'Come now, ' said the
Lord of the Flies.

"Get back to the others and
we'll forget the whole thing.

"This has gone quite far enough,
my poor, misguided child.

"Do you think you know
better than I do?"

Okay, so we have civilization
versus savagery,

and reason versus impulse.

So many exciting themes
in one little book, right?

Over the break, I want you to
read the next three chapters.

That's three chapters, and
I want you to write two pages...

on either one of our themes,
your choice.

Demerius.

Care to read us out to the bell?

No, no, no, not that one.
The one that you have on your lap there.

What is it?

Uh... Demon Sword Z.

Okay, let's hear it. Oh, come
on. Let's finish class strong.

"Now I have the power
of the five souls.

"Let us see what the
Gauntlet of Destiny...

"has to say about that,
demon lover.

"Then, the squid leg splits
Okami-san in half.

"Blood sprays everywhere."

This is 26% stronger than
anything else on the market.

It lasts up to four hours.

Not only are the lips fuller...

they're the most fantastic color.

Slight tingle at first,
but it's so worth it.

- Better than collagen.
- Where is this from?

The Orient... a lot of the
formulas are secret.

- I own the North American rights.
- Oh, that's lovely.

And this would be an exclusive
for Harold's.

That's really starting to work.

What kind of comic is this?

It's not a comic, it's manga.

"Put your demon powers in me,
squid.

"I want to feel your might
deep within."

Damn, its tentacles are like
its dicks.

- Zack, your right.
- "Hold back nothing, my pet.

- After I summon the demon, all you..."
- Mr. Moss. Hello.

We found some surprising
thematic similarities...

between Lord of the Flies...

Okay, all right.
You owe me two pages.

Have a really good break.

- Where is this from?
- Asia.

D-P-R-K... isn't that
North Korea?

You're trying to sell Harold's
a North Korean product?

Maybe.

The North Korea against which
the United States has an embargo?

Now, that embargo is kind
of like Cuba, you know?

It's sort of symbolic.

20 years, Kate. Seen it all.

Right.

Well, maybe not sex
with an octopus. That was a first.

- That was mine, too.
- Please.

I wanted your help to strategize
a big picture issue...

because I see something
we both share.

A deep love for this school.

Go Falcons.

I wanna do a little
right-brained thinking...

about a left-brain problem.

Are we talking about
the ARB test scores?

I'm talking about empowerment.

I'm saying let's be the change.

Let's not squander our energy
on acrimony and recriminations.

Um... are you firing me?

- What?
- I'm sorry.

I'm trying to ground floor
the discussions...

so we don't waste our school's
resources on arbitration...

and severance packages.

Those things threaten the school
that we love.

Yeah, of course. Absolutely.

Sometimes a school can avoid
all that heartache...

if a teacher simply vacates
his or her post.

- You want me to quit?
- No.

That's a personal decision.
What I want doesn't matter.

But I will say this...

I see you flourishing in as slightly
less urban teaching environment...

or perhaps in an
altogether different...

Can I admit something?

You always have great hair.

Perhaps you'd be happy
cutting hair.

Look, I took this meeting...

because Lucas spoke
highly of you.

He better have.

But I don't think this
is a good fit for Harold's.

- Best of luck.
- Seriously? That's it?

Just because of where
a product's made?

A bit racist, don't you think?

Okay, we're done.

No, you're done.

Because I'll take my business
elsewhere.

- Where's the bathroom?
- Uh, there.

Oh my god. Oh...

What the fuck?
That's my fucking car! Fuck!

- There she is!
- Hey...

- how'd it go?
- Come dance with me!

- What's going on?
- Shake that bony ass of yours!

- What is happening? Did you sell it?
- Party bump!

Meg, did you sell it?

Can we finally get rid of all
these boxes?

Remember all those little
North Korea stickers...

we peeled off the bottles?

Yeah, of course. There were,
like, 10,000 of them.

Well, it turns out
there's 10,001.

- Oh, no.
- Oh, yes.

I am totally and thoroughly
fucked.

On the other hand my car
got towed.

- How was your day?
- Meg, it's...

I can't.

I don't even wanna talk
about it.

Wow, how much did you spend?

Oh, I'm gonna bring it back.
But I'm gonna keep some socks.

- How was school?
- Great.

- Moss asked me to quit.
- What?

He thinks that I'd be happier
cutting hair.

Did you point out that
he's bald as fuck?

No, I didn't tell him
he was bald as fuck.

Are you getting fired?

Excuse me.
I gotta get going.

Okay.

- Can I get my clothes?
- Oh, right.

Sorry. I can't seem to...

- Shirt, pants...
- Hi.

- pink underwear...
- Hi.

Nope, that's mine.

Thanks for the lift.

You're gonna give me
a good review, right?

Five stars.

You buy socks and I suck...

Okay, okay, I got it, I got it.

- Hey, ladies.
- Hey!

What?

- She's back?!
- Oh my god!

- Holy shit.
- How's it going?

That haircut took balls, you
have to hand it to her there.

Are we still drinking?

Hells to the yeah, mothafucka.

Sweet.

I'm 28-years-old, I've had a
lot of success, and I'm ready.

Meg, you're missing the abs.

With whom I spend
the rest of my life.

Why do these girls
play hard to get?

If it was up to me I'd have his
pants around his ankles...

by the first commercial.

Well, it's a game.
They're playing strategy.

Actually satisfy me
on a day-to-day basis.

I actually think I'd be pretty
good on this show.

- What's that supposed to mean?
- You're hardly competitive, dear.

You don't have an aggressive
bone in your body.

Against these girls, you'd have
to put on your big-girl pants...

or they'd have you for lunch.

I think I'd describe myself as
definitely thinking outside...

Whatever.

I march to the beat
of my own drum.

A really nice day for me
is wak...

I actually like the whole
construction worker thing.

You know, the whole, like,
works with his hands,

salt-of-the-earth motif.

The only thing salty about him
is his balls.

- Lovely, Meg.
- Doesn't that just roll off your tongue-

You can have him, if I can have
the fireman from last season.

- Oh, that fireman.
- He was a panty-dropper.

Yes. Yes, yes, yes.

And for the record, just because
I don't sleep around...

doesn't mean I couldn't compete
against a group of women...

Did you just take a shot at me?
Was that a drive-by?

You drive-by-ed me.
"Big-girl pants"?

That was a slick move.
She's definitely getting a rose.

I know it's crazy to give out roses
before the first rose ceremony...

- but I don't care.
- Oh my god...

You know, it's been a long day.
I think I'm gonna go to bed.

I just opened a new bottle.

- Come on, let's finish it.
- No, I'm going to bed.

No morning re-cap.
I'm watching the rest.

These girls mean nothing to me.

This is a nightmare.

Kate?

- Kate, wake up.
- What, is there a fire?

- No, there's no fire.
- What's wrong? What's going on?

We're screwed up. Our lives,
things aren't going well.

Is it really 4:15?

Remember in the ninth grade when
you got stung by that jellyfish and...

- I peed on you and you got really mad?
- Did you take one of my pills?

You were really mad until it
stopped hurting...

- right?
- Yeah.

When you're faced with a
life-threatening problem...

which we are, you step away
from the problem...

and in a calm, adult way,
you self-medicate...

until the solution presents itself.

Okay.

Preferably on a beach
with a margarita.

- Okay, let's talk about it.
- Yes! That's my girl.

- Can we plan this in the morning?
- No, we gotta go.

- What? Where?
- Fort Lauderdale.

- I used your Sky Miles.
- Today?

Now! Our flight's in three hours.

Meg, absolutely not,
that's crazy.

I'm not going on vacation right now.
You're completely insane.

We are going to miss this flight!
This is completely insane!

Why even ask me, if you're gonna
just make us miss the goddamn flight?

- Sir, we can get out here.
- Stop. Stop. Stop!

- Don't yell at the poor guy.
- Thank you, sir.

You pay the driver,
I'll get the bags.

Oh my god. Look at this line!

We are going to miss
this flight!

I cannot believe this.

I kept telling you
that we had to leave.

This happens every single time.
Look at this line!

There's no way we are making this flight.
These are non-refundable tickets.

I told you you can
take a bath...

or you can poach an egg
and not both.

Meg. Meg. What're you doing?

- Hold on.
- Get in line!

Excuse me.

My friend and I are about
to miss our flight.

Is there any way
we can come in this line?

Are you first class
or an Elite Club member?

We're first-class ladies.

Actually, I think I am
an Elite Club member...

if it didn't expire.

Hold on, let me check.

No, it's not...

Shoot. I guess not.

Sorry about that.

Thanks for your help.
And thanks for keeping us safe.

I just do check-in.

- Why do you always do that?
- Do what?

It's embarrassing.

Told you.

You can't just cut in front
of all these...

Sorry.

Sorry. Sorry.

Sorry. Sorry.

Oh my god,
you are the sweetest thing.

Don't worry about it.

You hungry?

You could have checked your bag.

I was trying to save some money.

- You okay?
- Yeah.

You got your headphones,
pills, neck pillow...

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's gonna be fine.
It's gonna be epic.

- Yeah.
- Deep breath.

Ma'am, no liquids
above 3.4 ounces.

You can dispose of it in that
trash can right there.

You want me to get rid of it?
Sure thing.

- It's easier when it's a beer.
- Have a good flight.

Deep breath, girl.

We're going to Florida.
It's gonna be so much fun.

Think of the beach,
think of the sunshine.

Here's your neck pillow.

Six hours in the air.
Up and down.

- Please don't say "down".
- We're still on the ground.

Yeah, I know, but we're
high enough already.

Middle seats are for suckers,
right?

You know what? I actually think
it'd be better if we switched.

I would,
but I need extra legroom.

It's sort of a Gandalf-Bilbo
situation.

- And I'm the hobbit?
- Oh my...

I'm just saying, I'm taller.
Here, take a pill.

- I already took a pill.
- Take another.

Okay.
I'll get you a water.

- No, I don't need any water...
- Excuse me...

can she get a water
so she can take her anti-anxiety pill?

Certainly.

Can we please keep this
to ourselves?

I was just trying to help.
It's not like I gave him your social.

Just quit with the flirty routine,
it's getting really old.

I wasn't. Geez.
Take a deep breath, girl.

I'm surprised you
didn't show him your bra.

I think he might try
and wear it, am I right?

Oh my god.

- Oh my god!
- Soda's coming up.

Oh, Jesus Christ, Meg.

I feel like I am in your intestines.

- Take it.
- Stop it!

- Oh my god!
- I got one more comin', too.

Excuse me. I think
I'm in the middle there.

Thank you.

Hi.

- Here's your water.
- Thank you.

Dear lord.

- I'm Meg, by the way.
- Ryan.

So what is it, Ryan?
Business or pleasure?

It's a wedding, actually.

Ah, which can sometimes
feel like work, right?

I feel like last year,
I was at somebody's wedding...

- every other weekend.
- Yeah, they come in waves, don't they?

Yeah.

How about you?
What brings you out?

- I have...
- A girl's trip.

I kinda hate that expression,
but it's true.

We are on a trip and we are girls.

- Okay, so you two are together?
- Yeah, we're best friends.

We're just sitting in these
seats because, you know...

middle seats are for suckers.

Ah, my, uh, reputation
precedes me.

I love weddings.
As long as they're other people's.

- Yeah, that's the truth, right?
- Single ladies in the house.

- I'm Kate, by the way.
- Hey, Ryan. It's good to meet you.

- You too.
- I'm still Meg. Look at us!

Meg Ryan.
We're America's sweetheart.

Do you remember that deli scene?

Yeah, yeah, the, uh,
"I'll have what she's having".

I think that my roommate
is trying to do a scene...

from When Harry Met Slarry.

When Harry Met Smarly.

- When... Smarly Met...
- You okay?

- Is she having a stroke?
- She's fine.

- She's just terrified of flying.
- Smarly... met Marley.

She took some pharmaceuticals.
- Marley...

- Stay there.
- I'm jealous.

It's gonna be all right.

Well, I'll stop bothering you guys.

Oh, you're not bothering...

Hello, folks.
This is your captain speaking.

Hurricane Cindy has headed
toward the Carolinas...

but it looks like she's
taken a bit of a turn...

and now they're re-directing
us to land in St. Louis.

We'll keep you updated as we
receive additional information.

- Oh, man.
- Since when is there a hurricane?

It's... been in the news,
like all week.

I'm not much of a news junkie.
I'm more of a bookworm.

This is just a hate-read.

Excuse me, ladies,
I'm gonna need you to...

Oh, god. Really?

Did you need something?

Put your seat up,
and your friend, too, please.

Kate? Kate. Wake up
for the male steward.

It's "flight attendant".
I'm moving her forward.

We're landing soon.

Holy shit.

Is she... is she okay?

Let me just...

We're good. We're good.

Welcome to The Sheraton.

This is the pits.
Fuck you, Cindy.

- Who's Cindy?
- The hurricane.

I dunno, it looks like kinda
good weather for a hurricane.

The hurricane's in Florida,
we're in St. Louis.

Jesus, you took
way too many pills.

Welcome to the St. Louis
Sheraton, I am Anuj.

- How are we today?
- Not good, Anuj.

- The airline says they lost my bag.
- They did? Did they lose mine?

No, they didn't.
You didn't check a bag.

Oh, right, I didn't check a bag.

My apologies, we're tight on space
because of the annual jewelry convention.

Jewelers have conventions?

However, I can put you both
in a lovely junior suite.

Now, while you're here,
please enjoy our four-star restaurant...

pool, spa,
and complimentary shuttle service...

to the majestic St. Louis Arch
and finally, Tut's Tomb...

the number one nightclub
in St. Louis two years running.

For that,
take the elevator down to P1.

That's super, but we're
only here for one night.

Excellent. Well, if you enjoy your stay,
I do hope you'll consider Yelping us.

Oh god. This is what we get
for being spontaneous.

Oh my god, what is that color?

It's not a lipstick,
it's my Lip Lacerater.

Oh, it's fantastic.

Thanks.

Oh, hey, it's my seat mates.

- Good to see you among the living.
- Yeah, thank you.

Okay, I need to go down
one more I think.

I'm gonna work off some travel
frustration at the gym.

- Oh, god, your friend's wedding.
- Yeah, yeah. It's not for a few days.

I was, uh, going down early
for the bachelor party...

but those guys'll be fine.

No natural disaster's gonna stop my buds
from getting embarrassingly drunk.

Hey, um, you guys wanna get
a drink later on tonight?

Might as well
make the best of this, right?

- Yeah. Yeah, sure, yeah.
- Sure. Yeah.

- I like... I like to drink.
- She does.

Not a lot, not to excess, but...

Alcohol.

Cool. How about 8:00?

- Yeah, yeah, it's a date.
- Well, not a date, but a plan.

Yeah.

- Have a good workout.
- Stretch, don't forget!

- Now don't... do gym.
- Don't hurt yourself.

- Oh, not bad.
- And it smells nice, too.

- Not bad at all.
- Yeah.

And look at us,
having drinks with a hot guy.

Hey, he's having drinks with us.

Right.

And who knows? Maybe one of us
will hook up, if he's lucky.

He might go for you.

Or you. You're gorgeous,
especially when you're loaded.

I am not, I look like
Mickey Rourke.

Enough with Mickey Rourke.
Why do you always say that?

- It's how I feel.
- Stop it.

You're beautiful.

This is called
"Man Getting Out of Cold Lake".

Thank god I packed my Spanx.

Oh my god, my bag.
Can I borrow a dress?

Oh, I'm so sorry,
I only packed one.

Can I wear it?

No.

- Well, what if you...
- No.

Anuj.
Is there a mall around here?

Can you hold on one second,
please?

- What's that?
- The closest mall?

That would be the Westgate
Pavilion near the arch.

- How far is the arch?
- 30 minutes without traffic.

- Damn it. I need a dress.
- We can call a taxi for you.

- June, will you please call...
- No, I need one now, tonight.

- What would you like me to do?
- Fine.

Sir, are you still there?
Yeah, Okay, so those last three digits...

How do I leave a review on Yelp?

Can you hold on just
one more second, please?

Hey. Wow.

Right?

Where's your other half?

I don't know. Might just be me.

Well, you uh,
you look very nice.

Thank you. I didn't pack too much
'cause it's really just a girl's trip...

but I thought, you know,
I'd try something with what I have...

Holy shit.

- You look amazing.
- You like it?

- I wasn't sure I could pull it off.
- No, no. You look great.

Meg's an expert
at pulling off a dress.

Okay, uh, let me go see
if I can snag us a booth.

- Where did you get that?
- The Indian dude at the front desk.

His mom loaned it to me.
Crazy, right?

That is so crazy.

Hey there, you ladies
here for Jewel Con?

No, uh, we're just...
we're meeting some friends.

Yes, yes, you are... us.
Namaste.

I'm Craig, precious gems
are my specialty.

Chuck here is in, uh,
high-end watch repair.

Shahar does imports.

"Shahar" is Hebrew
for "sunrise"...

which you will experience
tomorrow morning in my bed.

- That was smooth. Very smooth.
- She didn't refuse, that's good.

- Yeah, well...
- I have cocaine.

Whoa, Chuck, put it away.

He's very excited he has cocaine.
He's been showing it to everybody.

I smuggled it on the plane
in my underpants.

Enough about us,
and you guys are...?

Undercover federal agents
investigating a counterfeit diamond ring.

So you can either step aside
and let us do our job...

or I'll give Kate here the green light
to shove her taser in your ass...

- and light you up.
- Okay, sorry, officers.

Let's go.

Hey. I glommed on to
some fellow travelers.

This is Roger and Nancy,
Kate and Meg.

Oh my god, you look like
a fucking princess.

Thanks, it's a sari.

Honey, you got nothing
to be sorry about.

Roger and Nancy are celebrating
their anniversary.

Ten years
and I think I'll keep her.

- That's sweet.
- Shit.

Category four?

- So much for losing steam.
- No one's getting out of here tomorrow.

I'm not gonna make
the rehearsal dinner.

Oh, come on,
don't think like that.

Yeah, hurricanes are
notoriously unpredictable.

That's why they name them
after women, right?

It was a slam-dunk case,
see this guy didn't have a prayer...

but he did have this gorgeous
defense attorney.

Gorgeous and gifted
defense attorney.

- All charges were dropped.
- Well, not entirely...

I did manage to negotiate
into the plea bargain...

that Nancy go on a date with me.

First time in my career,
I got two men off in one day.

More than once, as I recall.

- I could have you dis-barred, you know?
- Yeah? I could have you mounted.

- I'll mount you.
- Did you bring the cuffs?

- I'll blindfold you first.
- Oh, interrogation.

Or Q & A?

I think we lost them.

What about you guys?
What do you do?

I'm a CEO.

- Wow.
- I sell a line of skin care products.

You know Michelle Obama?

Is she a client?

Well, obviously I can't talk about it...
but how about her skin?

Damn. Damn.
What about you, Kate?

I'm a teacher...
I teach high school.

Oh, nice.

Special needs high school.

Wow. Is that hard?

You know what's hard is not
being with them right now.

A lot of people think that
I teach them... but...

but really, you know,
they teach me.

Yeah.

The blind teach me
how to listen better...

and the mute teach me...

you know, not to talk so much,
so I'm gonna stop.

Man, I can't compete with you two.

I'm just a firefighter.

All right, what's up,
everybody? Come on.

Eh-yo, this is DJ Spooj,
rhymes with Anuj...

'cause we both gonna be on
your face by the end of the night.

All the junkies in the house say "ho".
- Ho!

All the wacky knickers
in the house say "eh-yo".

Eh-yo!

All right, let's get to it.
Have a good night, everybody.

- You guys wanna dance?
- Who me?

If you're having a good time.
You guys know what to do.

Yelp us.

Oh shit, let's get a muh-fuckin
dance circle up in here!

Show DJ Spooj what you got!

Meg! Hey!
Your boob is hanging out!

Got it.

How long was it out?

20 seconds.

That's the length of a fucking
Geico commercial.

You know, I'm impressed anyone could
have upstaged that flight attendant.

Well, this is you, guys.

I had a...
I had a really good time tonight.

Yeah, me too...
despite, you know...

- Night.
- Night.

Hey.

- Yeah?
- What's up?

You know, since we're gonna be
stuck here tomorrow...

it may be nice to see the city.

Maybe get a little crazy, buy a
St. Louis magnet for the fridge?

- Yeah, I actually need a magnet.
- I have a fridge.

Great. Let's just connect
in the morning then.

- Okay. Goodnight.
- Goodnight.

Hey, you know what?
I, uh, I'm actually gonna ride up with you.

The, uh, the ice machine
on our floor is broken, so...

- Oh.
- What do you need ice for?

- Ice water.
- Wait, you can't go.

- I need you to open our door.
- We... we both have keys.

I left mine in the room.

- I think that's the bell...
- Well here, whatever...

you can just take mine.

You know what?
I'll just go with you.

Don't be silly, you don't need
two people to get ice.

I just thought it would be
easier for you.

Elevator's closing,
good luck with the ice, guys.

- Oh, goodnight!
- Goodnight!

Ice? Really?

- At least I didn't pull my boob out.
- Do you think I did that on purpose?

- I know that you did. You have great tits.
- That's insane!

Listen, I know you wanna
do your thing...

- Not the great tits part.
- But I actually like him.

Well, I love him.

- You love him?
- Yes, I love him.

- You don't even know his last name.
- So?

Do Romeo and Juliet
know each other's last name?

Yes! Montague and Capulet.

Oh, I'm an English teacher.

I want him.

Not this time.

You want me to choose?

Whichever,
we're totally cool with it.

Yeah, totally. I'm cool, too.

Well, I mean, they say the
St. Louis art museum's pretty great...

but what a day to hit
the botanical gardens, right?

Or door number three.

Boom! A hot air balloon ride!

- Now that is rad.
- A balloon?

He said he wanted to see the city.
This way he can see all of it.

Aw, man, this seems way more fun
than paintings and plants.

Yeah well, you know,
it's not just paintings, it's...

it's furniture and sculptures...

Oh, I forgot your fear of heights.

Oh... oh, we don't have to
do the balloon ride.

Oh, no, I know.
How about you hit the museum...

Ryan and I will go
in the balloon...

and then we can all meet up
for dinner later.

- Yeah, if you're scared of flying.
- No, I'm not scared. I'm not scared.

It's just airplanes, so I'll go.
I'm going.

- You sure?
- Yeah, absolutely. It'll be an adventure.

All right then... go ballooning.

The ride should last
about an hour.

My brother will follow us
in the chase car.

Make sure all personal
belongings are secure.

Also, for the lovers, we have
cold champagne for purchase.

Okay, any questions?

Um, I don't mean to be rude,
but can you see?

Uh, don't worry, ma'am.
I, uh, see just fine.

Just messing with you.
All right then.

Let's touch the sky!

Here we go!

Yeah!

Wow. Beautiful, isn't it?

St. Louis doesn't look so bad
from up here.

It's pretty spectacular, right?

Yeah, it's really great.

You okay?
You're sweating.

Yeah, no, I'm good.
I'm just... I'm really hot.

It'll be nice and cool when we
hit about 2,000 feet.

- How high are we right now?
- 500.

You, uh, you sure you're okay?

Yes, yes, yes.

No, no, no, no, no!
You get me down right now!

Get me down right now!

Ma'am, ma'am, we gotta go
up to catch the current.

Fuck the fucking current!

- I think she's having a panic attack.
- Oh, great.

She's fine.

Breathe. Breathe.

Find your breath. Look at me.
Find your breath.

I'm sorry. I didn't want
to disappoint you.

Now let's take my hands,
stare into my eyes.

They're... so beautiful.

Like... like a... robin's egg.

Let's sing a song,
you and me, okay?

Is that Pink?

I don't know, it was the first
song that came to my head.

- I kinda like her.
- I like her, too.

- Ready?
- Yeah.

- Oh, jeez.
- Gosh, this is fun.

This is so fucking fun.

- Jeez.
- How much for the champagne?

$100 with tax.
I take credit cards.

Are you insane?
That's a $20 bottle of brut.

You're welcome to shop around.

I'll take the fucking champagne.

Look who has bubbly.

Let's drink some champagne and
really take in this view.

You know, I'm not sure alcohol
is a good idea for her right now.

I wasn't talking about her.
She's fine.

This happens all the time.

Oh, you should go and have fun.

Hey, I am having fun.

Me, too. So much fun.

- Oh, shit! Shit!
- My eye!

I'm sorry! I'm sorry!

- Did you hit him in his good eye?
- She hit me in my only eye!

What?!

Here, let me take a look,
let me take a look.

- Is it bad? I can't see.
- Yeah, you got a small cut.

- Oh god, he's crying blood!
- Your pupil is red.

- I don't think it's too serious.
- Shit! Shit!

- There's a little bit of blood.
- Oh my god we're gonna die!

Everybody calm down!
No one's going to die!

We're just gonna have to land
a little early, okay?

- Okay.
- Okay.

Now, I just gotta ask:
has anybody ever piloted...

a hot air balloon before?

What?

- What the fuck are you talking about?
- Calm down! It's gonna be all right!

- Are you okay?
- No!

Oh my god! Oh my god!

Can somebody call
for an ambulance?

Please! Please be quiet!

Shut the fuck up!

Please! Oh my god! Oh my god!

Que pasa?

Hey, how was the balloon ride?
Nice view of the arch, right?

It was great.

I have some good news
from the airlines.

The flight's back on?

No, they found your bag.
I'm so sorry, I should have led with that.

Yes! Thank you, Anuj.

Well, shall we celebrate
being alive?

Honestly, I think
I'm just gonna relax.

I'm gonna go upstairs,
call Florida, maybe hit the pool.

- Oh, I'll join you! I love the pool.
- I'll come with you.

Now that I have a suitcase,
I don't have to go naked.

Maybe I'll just go naked.

Oh my god, I hate myself.

I think I'm ready.

Oh, cute suit.

I'll see you by the pool.

Lacerater.

Can I get two Mai Tai's
over here?

Hey!

This is amazing.

You've got to try it.

It looks very inviting.

I was actually wondering if
you're not doing anything later-

First, I wasn't talking to you,
and second, it's not gonna happen, okay?

Um, this is closed.

And it's not what you think,
that you're not hot enough...

because you're totally hot enough.

I've dated way lower.

This seat is taken.

Guys, leave the seat
next to Meg open.

Come on, scoot.

There you go.

- Seriously? What are you doing?
- Yeah, I don't know.

Hey!

Hey, Ryan!
Look, I snagged us a chair.

Oh my god.
Oh, Jesus mother fu...

Oh... oh my god.
Oh my god, oh...

I think I might just
lay out for a bit.

- Wow, you look great.
- Oh, thanks.

Stop.

See, this is a definition
of "cock block".

I'm really sorry about today.

Thank you so much. I'm really...
I'm embarrassed.

Embarrassed?
I'm the one that sang Pink.

I have the feeling that
that's not the first time...

that you've sang that out loud.

No comment.

Wanna take a dip?

Um, actually I think we're
just gonna hang out here...

- Yeah, I wouldn't mind swimming.
- Yeah, me, too. I'd love to do that.

I'll come, too.

- You don't see that much.
- What?

A hotel pool
you can actually dive in.

We love diving!

- We used to go every summer at your...
- At my dad's houseboat!

You were so nervous to jump
in at first, remember?

You told me there were
piranhas in the lake...

and it freaked me out...
that was so mean of you.

You're just mad 'cause
I always beat you at diving.

That's 'cause your dad was the judge.
I would have won with an impartial jury.

- I was so much better than you.
- That's funny.

Well, you got one now.

Okay, let's start with the basics.
Jack knife.

You call that a jack knife?
That was more like a belly flop.

And deduct points for splash,
that's the Olympic rules.

Got it.

Now, a jack knife...
the right way.

Whoa.

Oh, shit.

Impartial judge gives you
a five... both of you.

Time to step it up, back flip.

Go on, do it.

Okay!

Nice!

That was your best back flip?

What're you doing?

Forward one-and-a-half tuck.

What? What is that?

Are you crazy?
That is so dangerous.

- Still scared, I guess.
- No, I'm not scared. It's gonna kick out.

Okay, fine, go ahead, go ahead,
do what you want.

Front one-and-a-half tuck.

Oh my god.

That hurts.

Meg? Meg, are you all right?

Why are you just sitting
down there? Are you okay?

Meg? Are you coming up?

Meg, are you alive? Meg!

Hi.

Hey.

Are we drinking?

She'll have a Screwdriver.

Not so much ice.
Just three cubes.

Are you okay?

Yeah.

Actually, no. I think I
turned my eyelid inside out.

Oh, there's my girls.

Can I have two Tequila Sunrises?

Did you hear the weather report?

They said that the hurricane
has passed through...

so you two might get a little
beach time after all.

Great.

Ah, great.

Yeah, a few days of a time share
isn't as good as a week...

but you know,
I'll take what I can get.

I'm not gonna see Roger
again for a month.

- Is he traveling?
- Back to the wife and kids.

- Thank you.
- I-I'm sorry, back to where?

Roger's married, just not to me.

You were celebrating
your anniversary.

Of a love affair.

Fuck you, don't judge me.

'Cause I don't like that.
'Cause let me tell you something.

I am a lady
who demands perfection, okay?

Is it fair to his wife? No.
Is it fair to his kids?

No.

I don't care.

Because I would do anything
for Roger.

I would die for that man.

- Wow.
- It's true. I'd kill for him.

I'd kill his family,
I'd kill his wife.

Anybody got in my way, I'd kill 'em.
Right there. Kill 'em.

I'd kill you, I'd kill you,
I'd kill everyone.

And I know how to do it, too,
'cause my brother's a Navy Seal.

- I'm just kidding!
- Oh...

It was a joke.
But seriously, you know?

Sometimes you just gotta
take what you want, whatever the cost.

Because at the end of the day,
nobody gives a shit...

whether you're happy or not,
you know what I'm sayin'?

You can put their drinks
on my tab.

Thanks for everything, guys.

- Ryan!
- Ryan!

- No, no, no!
- Wait! Wait up!

- Oh, hey!
- There he is.

- Hey.
- Oh, hey.

I, uh, was actually
looking for you two.

Oh, well,
look and you shall find.

Yeah, I wanted to see you guys
before I left.

There's my road buddy.
Hey.

- Ladies.
- Hi.

- How's your eye, Meg?
- It's fine.

- It looks a little...
- You're leaving now?

Yeah, didn't you see
the weather report?

Our flight's gonna be back
on any moment.

I'm out of time. I just,
you know, can't take the chance.

If we drive through the night,
I can get you to Fort by morning.

What fort?

Oh, local speak,
Fort Lauderdale.

You're going on a road trip
with a complete stranger?

He could be a serial killer
for all you know.

I'm not a serial killer.

That's exactly what
a serial killer would say.

You're something, you know that?
Let's hit the road.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Serial killer. That's great.

Awesome meeting you both.

- Bye.
- Bye.

All right.

Yeah, okay.

- Bye.
- Wait!

- Got room for one more?
- Oh, shit.

I'll just be one minute.

Hey, you know what?
Make that... make that two!

I'll be right back, okay?

I can't help it.
I love fucked up women.

I gotta say,
I did not see this coming.

A little company,
a little conversation.

Usually I'd just be
blasting my tunes.

Uh, by the way, are you guys
on Google Plus?

- No.
- No, I'm on Tinder.

Well, get on it. We should all
be in each other's circles.

- How long is the drive?
- Oh, it'll be no time at all.

I know all the back ways.
Uh, 17 hours?

I've got a million songs on this thing,
so we're all covered on music.

Right now we're listening
to the "south on I-24 mix".

Please wait four songs
before complaining.

This is gonna be fun.
Seven hours, no sweat.

Seventeen.

Oh.

I'm going to Fort Lauderdale
and I'm bringing an apple...

a banana, an egg, a frog,
a um...

griffon, a haberdasher,

an icicle, a jackalope,
and a knight.

Ha! It was "k",
and you're an English teacher!

No, it is "k", it's "k",
like a knight in shining armor.

I'm going to Fort Lauderdale
and I'm bringing an apple...

a banana, a Chihuahua,
a dolphin, an egg, a frog...

a griffon, a haberdasher,
an icicle, a jackalope...

a knight, and a labradoodle.

- Meg, it's your turn!
- Nice work!

Okay, I'm going to Fort Lauderdale
and I hate this fucking game.

- Gin.
- Son of a bitch.

- You know what? I wanna sit in the back.
- I'd hate me, too.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa. No, no switching!
- It's my turn!

- No, no, hey, hey, no switching!
- What're you doing?

- Get back in the front.
- Just get right there.

Go, so I can sit here!

- What're you doing?
- It's my turn!

- Hey.
- Thank you.

They always put
too much ice in this.

Ah, what're you doing?

Come on.

Oh my god. Oh my god,
did you seriously do that?

That is disgusting.

- Oh my god. Open the window!
- Come on, dude!

For God's sakes!
That is disgusting!

- It smells nice.
- It's lavender.

It's great for dry skin.
Not that you have any.

Feels good.

Minerals, essential vitamins,
and extracts.

Also a shit ton of honey.

It's like sticking your hand
in a beehive.

Careful, don't get stung.

Oh my god.

- What?
- It's from Meg's mom.

I texted her to wish her
a happy birthday and...

It's not her birthday.

She sent me this photo of when
we were in high school.

What photo?

Oh my god.
When is this from?

- It's, uh, prom.
- What is that on your head?

- It's um... It's a helmet.
- It's nothing, it's just a hat.

- It's a protective helmet... for her skull.
- Uh, may I see?

Oh, yeah,
my nephew had one of those...

when he was three and a half months old,
'cause his head was shaped like...

a zucchini and they were
trying to reshape it.

- Was your head shaped like a zucchini?
- No, I just had migraines.

She had this really rare condition.
It was, um, what was it?

- It was complex...
- Complex chiari malformation.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's it.
Malformation. It was horrible.

The kids just called her
horrible names.

She wore the thing for six
months. It was terrible.

That sucks. Man, kids can
be so mean, you know?

Yeah.

Scrotum head.

Reservoir tip.
Captain Retard.

Soft-skull Smurf...

It was horrible.
I just tried to be there for her, though.

No matter what the kids
called her.

Well, she's lucky to have you
as a friend.

I actually feel really lucky
because her struggles...

really, they inspired me to...
to teach special needs kids...

so... so, thank you, Meg.

Oh yeah.

Scrotum head...
That's pretty good.

- I'm gonna run to the ladies' room.
- You guys want something to drink?

- I'm buyin'.
- Oh, I'm good.

Oh, I'm good, too.

Oh... hi.

- Hi, how are you today?
- Oh, not bad.

Oh, yeah, thank you.

Oh my god.

Oh my god.

Oh god.

Occupied!

Okay.

Meg, is that you?

It's Scrotum head, bitch.

Hello?

Hello? There's an unsafe
level of feces in here!

Hey.

Listen, Kate may be a while.
She's having an issue.

Everything okay?

Unusually heavy flow.
Don't say anything.

I would normally never tell you,
but she'd be mortified...

if everyone thought
it was the diarrhea.

That's mostly cleared up.

Okay, well, we'll just wait.

Look what I got,
the most expensive of the two.

Good idea.

It's crazy, isn't it?

We've only known each other
for a few days...

and yet I feel like
I've known you my whole life.

Well, you know,
we've been stopping a lot.

We'll pick up the pace.
You know...

Sorry, I gotta take this.
Hey, you maniac!

Yeah, yeah man,
I'm just outside Valdosta...

I should be getting
in about 10:00.

Yeah. You guys having fun?

Get... Fucking bumblebee!

- Jesus.
- Everyone wants a bite of that guy.

There's not really honey
in the hand cream.

Hey. Yeah, uh, sorry. No.

- Gassed up and ready to roll.
- Good for you.

Where's Kate? We should hit it.

- Calm down.
- I am calm.

I just thought we were trying
to make it to a wedding.

That's why I've been speeding
the whole time.

67? That's your idea
of speeding?

Traditionally, when someone
does you a favor, you say "thank you".

Well, I'm a rebel.

Just keep me posted.
Okay, buddy.

Ryan!

Ryan, is everything okay?

Uh, yeah, yeah.
These guys are animals.

- We'll leave it at that.
- Awesome.

Anyway, I was thinking,
I'm not gonna have much to do.

Kate's obsessed with looking
for shells on the beach...

so after you finish the wedding stuff
and maybe you wanna hook up...

or even if you need a date,
I brought a dress.

It's really more...

Oh my god!

- Are you okay? What happened?
- What happened?!

Someone locked me in the bathroom!
That's what happened!

- Why? Who would do that?
- That homeless guy.

You know what?
I smelled meth on him.

Guys, what is taking so...
Oh my god!

Are... are you okay?

Oh... you got something on your...

Where are we?

I think that's poop.

Don't touch me!

I wasn't going to.

Motherfucker!

Oh my god!

- Oh, god.
- You okay?

Yeah, it's just... my neck.

I think I tweaked it
when I fell.

- Here, come here.
- Oh yeah, sure. Thank you.

- Right here?
- Yeah.

Here, just... right there.

Oh yeah.

Oh god yeah, right there...

Oh, oh my god, that is so good.

Yeah, you got a big knot
right here.

Oh yeah.
Oh! That's awesome.

Jesus, you two, get a room.

Finally.

Sorry you hurt your neck.

Yeah, I bet you are.

I am. Want a sip?

It might help loosen
up your neck.

- No, thank you.
- Nah, me neither.

That's what I get for traveling
with a bunch of stiffs.

What're you doing? Stop!

- You don't know me.
- I know you're the driver.

I thought you were a rebel.

- How much do you weigh?
- What?

You've been driving for a while.
Want me to tap in?

Look, I'm on the road like six,
seven days a month.

A haul like this
is nothing to me.

Just get some sleep.
Everything's fine.

Are you insane?!

Okay! We're okay. We're okay.
What'd that sign say?

Are you insane?

I'm screwed, man.
I'm really fucking screwed.

- I'm not gonna make the wedding.
- Yes, you are. Yes, you are, bucko.

- When is it?
- Tomorrow.

Oh.

Oh, geez, I feel weird.

- Help you?
- Yeah...

the, uh, headlamps
are out on our car.

- Is there a garage in town?
- Yeah.

You think the guy could open up
and maybe take a look?

- Oh, no, I doubt it.
- Can we rent a car?

- Sure.
- Now?

- Oh, oh, no. Not tonight.
- Tomorrow?

- How long will it take us to get a car?
- I ate one of those um...

Well, it'd have to come
from the airport.

- I think they open around 8:00.
- Uh, you know.

Would they deliver it here?

I don't know. Maybe. No.

Can we borrow your car?

- It was at the gas station...
- No.

- And when you don't use bread...
- Okay, well, shit.

Nothing we can do tonight.
Uh, we'll take two rooms.

I think it starts with a "T".

Uh, three rooms, actually.
I'd like my own room.

- Three rooms.
- Okay, even if we cab it to the airport...

we could be on the road
by maybe 9:30-10:00.

There you go. This one's out the door,
up the stairs, to the right.

There's a restaurant out back
towards the interstate.

- You can walk it.
- All right.

It's... open 'til 10:00.

I'm wanna get this guy in bed.

I'll, uh, park the car later on.

You know, for food poisoning,
this ain't bad.

Goodnight.

See ya.

Yeah.

He's yours, okay? He's yours.

I don't want him.

I just didn't want you
to have him.

Oh, hey.

Don't be so excited.

Where's Ryan?

On the phone, wedding stuff,
thought I'd give him some space.

You okay?

Yeah. Yeah.
Just got quite the buzz going on.

Thought some alcohol
would add nicely to it.

Hey, can I get a shot of Turkey?
Thanks.

I'm gonna go play some pool.

You can sit next to me.

You sure?
I don't wanna give you cooties.

Look at that handsome guy
with that hag.

Two smiles in one night.
I'm on my game.

Finally getting your ice.

I hate ice, it hurts my teeth.

Oh.

Where's, uh...

She's at the bar.
She's probably waiting for you.

Goodnight.

Wait.

What're you doing?

You two were always together.

I'm gonna kiss your mouth now.

Okay.

Wow.

Oh, I know. It's crooked.

- Was it, like, an accident or something?
- No, no, just kinda born that way.

I've been told that
it enhances the experience.

Right.

All right, here we go!
Here we go!

Oh, it's good, isn't it?

Mary, mother of God!

- You okay?
- Yeah, just gonna do one thing.

Okay. Oh, shit. That's okay.

Here, let me just try...
Oh yeah, that's better!

You okay?

You know,
we don't have to do this.

Yes. We. Do.

Oh! Here we go!

Yes!

Long story short,
that is how I became a jeweler.

Screw you, Dad. Right?

Okay.

I give up.

What?

You know, I carry all kinds
of gemstones in my store.

Hundreds.

Precious, semi-precious,
uncut, faceted.

Every time a woman walks
into my store...

all she wants is one thing...
diamonds.

Don't get me wrong,
I love diamonds...

but there are so many other
stones out there...

with such amazing qualities.

Imperial jade, the texture
of a jacinth stone...

the way, if you add just the
smallest amount of iron to amethyst...

it produces the truest shade
of violet you've ever seen.

I'm the imperial jade,
in case that wasn't clear.

- No, I got it.
- All right, too much bourbon.

Gotta go. 'Night.

Spear of butter, a little bit
of cinnamon on a King's Hawaiian...

is the ultimate comfort food.

- Hi.
- Hey.

- Mind if I join you?
- Shut up.

This raisin bran is amazing,
by the way. You should get some.

What's with you?

Nothing.

We have to stop. This is insane.

You're the most important person
in my life.

You know that, right?

I'm not gonna throw that away
for some doofus.

I mean, geez, right?

He's cute and everything,
but there's not much more there...

than killer abs and a bent dick.
Look into young Ryan's eyes...

and I have serious doubt that
there's anyone home.

There you guys are.
I was knocking on your doors.

- Not now, Craig.
- Ryan's gone.

- What?
- Yeah, he stole my car.

Are you serious?

What is the matter with you?

- What's the matter with you?!
- You told me that I could have him!

That is what you said to me
and then you went and you...

- slept with him anyway?!
- No, I...

How do you know he has
a bent dick?!

- What?!
- You slept with Ryan.

You are unbelievable, Meg.
I am done with you!

- I am so done...
- Wait a second, we are not done...

and how do you know
he has a bent dick?

Because I spent the night
with him, Einstein!

Whoa, whoa!

- That was a kill shot!
- What?

I take Krav Maga at the Y!
That was a straight up kill shot!

You took a fucking kill shot at me?!
What the hell is wrong with you?

I didn't mean to take a kill
shot, are you okay?

No, I'm not okay!

- I hate you!
- Okay, maybe we should...

I hate you!

Will you grow up?!

Me grow up?
I paid for this trip!

- Ouch! Stop!
- I paid for everything!

You didn't pay for this breakfast!

It's a continental! It's free!

Oh god, just once I wish you
would say "I am so sorry."

"I am dead broke again, would
you please pay for my fro-yo?"

For you, it's just a bunch
of heaped-on toppings!

Why do you even bother
with the yogurt?

Why don't you just go
to a fucking candy store?

- Is there anything you're not afraid of?
- You think you are so strong.

You quit everything that you try
or you do something stupid...

to make sure that you fail.
You are the coward!

I'm a coward? That's rich.

Had enough?

Oh, shit.

Freeze, lesbians.

Okay, I've gotten statements...

from the witnesses
and the motel owner.

From what I gather,
the altercation appears...

to be over a man that you've
both been intimate with?

- Not at the same time.
- I was first.

Okay, the fella who stole your car.
What was his name?

He didn't steal my car,
he left a note.

I overreacted when I said that.
He didn't steal my car.

Okay. What was his name?

Uh, Ryan... Ryan...

Ryan, um...

You had sexual relations with this man
and you don't even know his name?

I didn't have... relations...

The desk clerk said you came in
last night with the damaged car.

Officer, I have no memory of it.

I'm still gonna need
the other fella's name.

Oh, he accepted my Google Plus request.
I'll show you a picture of this guy.

I'll show you his name,
his likes, his dislikes...

That would have been helpful.

Oh.

Well, he's definitely
going to a wedding.

His own.

- He's getting married?
- Oh my god!

You two are having a bad day.

- Officer!
- Sit down!

There is a woman out there
who's about to give her life over...

to a liar and a cheat
and we have the opportunity...

to stop him and to save her,
so please...

I appeal to you,
not as a police officer...

but as a woman, please.

And we'll pay for all
the damage. Everything.

Please?

- You called for a cab?
- We're going to the Fort.

- Where?
- Fort Lauderdale.

Seriously?
That's gonna cost you.

Well, we're just gonna
put it on my credit card.

- We can split it three ways.
- No, I'll find my way home.

Are you sure?
You don't wanna see how this thing ends?

No, I really don't.

Come on!
Let's go ruin a wedding!

Let's go!

Hey, ladies, we're almost there.

- Game face. Game face!
- Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Excuse me, hi.
Um, the wedding, we're a little late...

but can you tell us
where the wedding is, please?

There's a wedding in Ballroom H.

- Ballroom H, thank you, thank you.
- Just off the lobby.

- There she is. Stop!
- Listen! Listen to us!

- You're making a mistake, don't do it!
- You're making a mistake.

Look, I know
you don't know who we are...

but I slept with your future husband.

We both did, last night...

but we did not know that
he was getting married.

He lied to us and
he will lie to you.

- What have I been...
- Shut up, Dad!

You deserve better.

You're a piece of shit, Carlos!

Carlos?

- I feel bad about that.
- That was bad. That was on us.

Hi. Would there possibly
be another wedding...

at this hotel right now?

Shit! We missed it!

Son of a bitch went Asian.

I'm not being racist,
I was just surprised.

There he is!

Let's go!

Hey, Karen.

Sorry!

Hey, how're you doing?
You look beautiful.

- What're you doing here?!
- You lying, fucking...

piece of bent dick shit!

Okay, okay!

You're pissed off, but please,
please do not screw up my...

Hey, you guys. Thank you
so much for coming.

It's great seeing you.

You lied to us, asshole!
You took advantage of us!

I liked you.
I flew in a hot air balloon for you!

- I concussed myself for you!
- Hold the fuck on!

You two were throwing
yourselves at me...

from the minute
I got on that plane.

That was a game, right? I mean,
you two were trying to prove...

I don't know what you were
trying to prove.

But it sure as shit
had nothing to do with me.

So, we kinda cancel
each other out.

Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god.

Oh, that was the most
beautiful ceremony.

Thank you so much, Meemaw.

These are my friends,
Meg and Kate.

Oh. I'm sorry to
break in like that.

Vernon! Would you excuse us
for just one minute?

Vern, tell Ryan what you said.

Shit. Is he right?

Yeah.

- Wait! Right?
- Yeah!

- It was beautiful, wasn't it?
- Sorry, excuse us for just one minute.

Sorry.

You got married
ten minutes ago...

and you slept with
two different women last night?

- What is wrong with you?
- I know. I'm an asshole, I know.

Asshole? It's like biblically
more than that.

I want to punch you
in the mouth.

Will you just listen to me
for one second?

I have been with Genevieve since
freshman year of college...

and hopefully I'm gonna spend
the rest of my life with that woman.

But freshman year.

And two girls like you?
You're like every guy's dream.

I know you're not gonna
believe this...

but nothing like this has ever
happened to me before.

- Yeah, okay. You... you lied to us.
- Okay, okay, okay.

Why didn't you tell us that you
were the one who was getting married?

I didn't lie to you.
You never asked.

Please don't destroy my wedding.

Ryan. What're you doing?

Hey!

- Aren't you wearing a watch?
- Yeah, I...

Hon, I said 5:50.
Not 6:00, not 6:05.

- I'm sorry.
- What is this?

Oh, I-I was just doing a...

Seriously, Ryan?

Hi. I'm Genevieve.
And you are...?

Gen, this is, uh, Meg and Kate.

They were on the plane with me.
I told you. We, uh, drove down together.

Oh, wow. You guys have been
through such an ordeal.

Yeah, you have no idea.

Well, thank you for
returning him to me safely.

I was spazzing.

- I'm sorry. Sorry.
- It stretches out the material.

Oh, that...
that'll come right out.

- I think it's the ham coquette.
- Did you talk to your parents?

- I'm on my way.
- No, I'll do it.

Do you think you can make it
to the garden by yourself?

Yeah.

Sorry, we were supposed to start
photos seven minutes ago.

- Um, are you two...
- What?

Staying?

No, no, I think we just...
We-we just came to um...

- To see your dress.
- Oh, the dress!

- I love it.
- Oh, yeah, no.

- It's Christopher Perry.
- It's so gorgeous.

It was his idea,
he came here to design it.

- I hope I can do it justice.
- Are you kidding me?

I think that justice is very
well served, right, Meg?

Absolutely.

Well, it was lovely to meet you.

- Ryan?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Wow.

Oh my god.

- That was...
- Karma's a bitch.

Ryan!

I think our work here is done.

Well, it looks like a nice one.

Yeah, not bad.

We have almost four hours
'til our flight.

You wanna go mess up
another wedding?

Go to the beach?

What do you wanna do?

Pardon me, I'm in the market
for a precious stone.

Something lesser known,
perhaps a nice zinc?

Zinc's not a stone,
it's an element.

I know it's not a stone.
I was being poetic. Jesus.

Well what, are you, stalking me
to bust my balls?

No, I... Fuck!

Can we start again?

Hello, Craig, I'm an asshole.

You were trying to be nice
to me and I was rude...

and condescending and I didn't
even give you a chance.

And I didn't want to walk
away from this...

whole fucked-up trip
without telling you that.

Okay. Thanks.

Okay, bye.

Wait, that's it?

That's all I had planned.
I'm trying to be responsible.

This is new for me.

Okay, well... take care, Meg.

What the hell.

How about this?

Yeah, that works, too.

Bye, Craig.

Who was that?

Well, now I'm not so sure.

- Hi.
- Hey.

I was starting to get worried
about you.

- Did you find him?
- Yeah.

How'd it go?

- I did most of the talking.
- Well, good.

At least you got it
all out there.

Almost.

I don't think we can live
together anymore.

It's me. I'm a mess.

I need to get my shit together.

And I can't, if I keep letting
you bail me out of everything.

You're too good to me.
I don't know why...

'cause I can be a real asshole
to you sometimes.

Ladies and gentlemen, we are now
boarding flight 770 to Seattle.

Please have your
boarding passes ready.

This doesn't mean...

- that we won't see each other.
- No, of course not.

You're the most important
person in my life.

You are, too,
ever since fifth grade.

- We'll see each other as much as ever.
- Probably more. Yeah.

Okay. Yeah.

Wait. You're an amazing person,
and you always have been.

I've always wanted
to be more like you.

If anything,
I rely on you too much.

I always cry at transitions.

Miss Jeffries!

Oh, hi, Demerius.
You're here early.

Computer club.
I, um, did the report.

You said two pages?

So, is it okay that
I did it like that?

- You drew this?
- Yeah, I finished the book.

What they did to Piggy?
That was whack.

Yeah, that was absolutely whack.

So, is it okay?

Yeah, it's okay.

Miss Jeffries, hold up a second!

- All right, I'll see you in class.
- See you in class.

Gosh, you look great.

Will you stop it?
I'm not gonna quit my job.

Who asked you to quit your job?

- You did.
- No, I didn't.

- Yes, you did.
- No.

I'll check my notes, but I'm...

I'm pretty sure you
misunderstood me.

No, on the contrary,
I'm here to offer you...

the assistant volleyball
coach position.

Mrs. Garcia's out
on maternity leave.

Did you know she was pregnant?

- No.
- Neither did I.

Uh, well, just think about it.
Get back to me, okay?

- Principle Moss!
- I can't, I got a board...

No, no, come here,
I want you to see this.

Demerius, that kid with
the comic, he did this.

This is amazing. Look at that.

You know what?
I was thinking about it over break...

and I wanna shift the paradigm...

of the left-brained
didactic teaching structure...

to a more right-brained,
outside-the-box learning style.

Do you follow?

- I...
- I'm so sorry.

It's such a bore when people
talk like assholes, isn't it?

What I'm trying to say
is I want your support...

to do more stuff like this.
Oh, and you know what?

I looked into cutting hair
and you are absolutely right.

Hairdressers make
a goddamn fortune.

It almost sounds like
you're threatening me.

Stanley... Stan... relax.
We are on the same team, here.

I am just trying to keep
your instructional scaffolding in place.

Especially right before testing.

Oh, and you know what?

Yes to volleyball.
Sounds like an adventure.

Go Falcons!

Edgeworth, he brought math
to economics.

He wrote the essay on
application of math...

to moral science, 1881.

Leon Morris...
Theory of General Competitive-

Hold on.

Hello? Yes. I know, I know.
I'll be there.

- Who is it?
- Sorry, it was Kate.

Well, you know, I gotta get to
bed anyway. I'll see you later?

Sixteen days.

Sixteen days.

Give me something
to dream about.

Oh, you scamp.

Come on.

Oh my goodness!

Oh boy. You are the mo...

Hey.

I'm here. Has it started?

I don't think that Kalynn's
going any farther.

She's cracking.

This is too hard.
I don't know if I can...

Who acts like that?

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