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Dear diary: Feels a little strange saying, "Dear diary."
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I haven't kept a journal or anything since I was, maybe,
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12? I guess I like talking to real people more. More than to
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a video camera, anyway. But that's not an option anymore.
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Not up here. Not up here. In the vast silence and space,
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alone with my thoughts, my memories echo in my mind,
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the voices of the people that I once knew,
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the questions they had, the challenges they faced,
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the fear, at the end. Now, I sit alone
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talking to myself, reflecting, asking myself questions, trying to understand
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this journey, but I suppose we all do strange things when we're lonely.
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It's 2024, and God is dead. Riots continue for a third straight week after
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the announcement from London. Police urge citizens to stay in their homes.
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All across Boston, National Guard units have been mobilized to try and to
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contain the situation. Rioters protesting the government's announcement
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as a hoax... As this problem continues to grow, a state of emergency
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has been issued from the governor's office. I remember what some people
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said about New Orleans, back when Hurricane Katrina hit:
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That it was God's punishment falling on a sinful city.
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It was the same with The Great Obscure. Preachers told their flocks that
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the world full of heathens, and evil, and war, and ignorance,
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had brought this on itself. At first, a lot of people listened,
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and they prayed that God would forgive us all.
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But when they began to realize that no matter how hard they prayed,
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no matter how much they loved God, he was taking them all down,
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right alongside the nonbelievers and the sinners. That was when God started
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to die. Hardly anyone believes in God anymore; and those that still believe,
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they're angrier than ever. One day, it's "Jesus saves" and "God is love,"
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and the next, the next, is when people stopped. You need to fucking pay
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attention. And the silence came. Watch where the fuck you're going!
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That deafening silence when people stopped going to work, stopped going
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to school, stopped caring about anything. And when you don't even care about
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yourself, well... So, how did I end up in a space ship, traveling
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faster and farther than any human ever has before, trying to find
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him? How, indeed? Just like the Passover and the four questions,
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"If God is dead, why am I looking for him? What makes me
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even think I know where he is? How did I end up in
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a space ship? And what do I intend to do if I actually
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meet God?" So, this is the story that answers my four questions.
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I need to tell it all, to remember it all, and
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I need to remember it all, because... Because it's all I have left.
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Back in 2014, I was in graduate school.
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My favorite teacher was Dr. Mann, because he really made us think about
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things. Today, we'll be talking about what many feel is the end of
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existence: Death. This may be the most important question you ever have
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to ask yourself. Do we exist for a higher purpose,
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or do we simply exist? Is there a God that has a plan
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for us, or are we simply chemicals and minerals, beings that cease to
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be when the arrangement breaks down? Please don't hate me for this,
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but I sincerely wish each one of you
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will be able to see death in person,
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to see the transition, how people deal with it, and then use that
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experience to figure out how you'll deal with your own someday. So what
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did he say? He said I was pulling a solid B in the
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class. Well, that's good, right? It's very good, considering how many people
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are even passing in class. Hold on, I wanna see this. Scientists here
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at the Grand Mountain Observatory have announced what should be a major
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visual event for watchers of the night sky. What is it? Up until
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now, only telescopes like the Hubble and the one here at Grand Mountain,
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have had the ability to witness the results of comets crashing into our
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sun, which I assure you happens quite regularly and is harmless. It's akin
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to throwing a firework into a volcano, basically. It's a light show. Three
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days ago, though, we detected a mass on a trajectory towards our sun so
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sizeable that it should be easily viewed through consumer telescopes. Whichever
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half of the hemisphere gets the daytime sun should be able to set
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their filters as they would to an eclipse and see quite an event. An event
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is right, but for all you amateur astronomers out there, don't go buy
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your telescopes just yet, because the impact with the sun isn't expected
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until the year 2020. Seven years? Who cares? I thought you were psych major,
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anyway. Doesn't mean I can't be curious about astrophysics.
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That was incredibly nerdy, wasn't it? Uh huh. It was always on my
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mind, though. It had meaning to me. Dr. Hammond?
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Yes? Hi. I'm Miriam Raskin. You're not in my class.
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No. I'm actually just kinda curious about the stories on the news. The mysterious
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mass heading towards us. Yeah. They really don't know what it is?
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Jury's still out. Well, like I said, I was just curious.
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You should be. It's the new frontier. What do you think it is?
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It's a question, a puzzle for us to solve.
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We all strive to make sense of our world,
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scientists especially. But be careful, not all questions have answers.
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Or could be just a giant rock. I wouldn't lose too much sleep
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over it yet, and you got another seven years for that.
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Okay, thank you. They started calling it The Great Obscure,
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and to say it captivated our attention doesn't capture the magnitude of
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the phenomenon. It slowly became everyone's greatest obsession.
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A great question without an answer. There was a huge research effort to
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figure out what it really was. It was soon after that that they
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made the announcement. Hundreds, thousands of scientists met in London,
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and the world waited to hear what they had to say.
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We're here live outside the STC Facility in downtown London. The police
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have set up barricades around the building as the crowds continue to gather
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in anticipation of the press conference that has gathered members of NASA,
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the Russian Space Program, the Chinese. And I'm now getting word that the
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press conference is about to begin. We will now go live inside the
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STC Facility. Ladies and gentlemen, it is with the greatest... It is with
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the greatest regret that I have to announce that our initial theory
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was... Was wrong. What we thought was simply just a comet heading towards
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our sun is a matter of fact something else.
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The mass we detected heading towards our sun matches similar properties
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that we found in another cosmic event we witnessed 12 years ago,
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when a similar mass came into contact with a distant star.
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The result was an explosion that destroyed the star's solar system.
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Please... Please, everyone. No one said anything about an apocalypse. If
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you'd just try to calm down and let me explain. Hey, Dad. If you'd sit down
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and let me try to explain. Yeah. Wait, hang on. The mass... The
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mass is in fact a cloud, but unlike any cosmic body in our
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universe, it's not following the gravitational orbit. It... Its trajectory
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is perpendicular to the planetary orbits, and specifically,
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it's heading towards our sun. What? You're gonna correct an astrophysicist?
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I gotta go. Tell Mom I love her. Immediate plans are underway to further
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validate our initial findings. Groups from around the world have pledged
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to help us research and develop a solution. Love you, Dad. How was your
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dad? He thinks that it's just some big mistake, that they're all wrong.
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It's on every channel. At first, there was only chaos:
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An entire world in denial of what was coming.
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Of course, the findings were questioned, new tests were performed.
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Governments redirected billions of dollars towards science trying to prove
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it all wrong. But nothing could change the truth.
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The Great Obscure was headed straight toward us.
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Months went by as science fiction became a reality. New space programs were
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announced almost everyday, privately funded programs, government programs,
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escape plans, plans to pre detonate the cloud. This comes at a critical
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time since a major setback hit the Earth, our colony program today.
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The system's two rocket went off course and had to be destroyed,
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a first for the program which began construction in early 2015.
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A spokesman for the project says the cause of the malfunction is unknown.
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We've reached a critical juncture. One or two more setbacks, the reality
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is the Earth, our colony vessel, won't be completed in time. It seemed
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that if God really existed, he wasn't going to let us catch a
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break. And after the news spread, then came the silence.
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I couldn't accept that God could be so cruel and vindictive,
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and even after years of telling myself that I didn't believe,
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I also couldn't accept that he didn't exist. Joining us today is Dr.
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Helen Wright, spokesperson for the joint NASA STC mission, which is sending
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high speed probes toward The Great Obscure in order to learn more about
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it. Thank you for taking the time to talk with us.
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It's important that people understand the gravity of the situation that
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we're in. Let's not waste any time, then.
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In layman's terms, tell us about the original phenomenon which The Great
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Obscure... Hey... What? I... I'm sorry, I just wanted a... Coffee?
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I'm sorry. Whatever. The system also has three smaller terrestrial planets
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and two gas giants orbiting the star. The system first came to our
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attention when observing telescopes noticed that a part of the system was
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being obscured from view, which eventually led to the discovery of the first
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mass heading toward the system. Here you go. Hey. Why are you even
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still coming to work? What the hell else am I supposed to do?
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Sorry, I didn't mean to sound like... No, tell me! What else am
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I supposed to do? I ask myself that every morning, "Why am I
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still coming to work? Why do I get out of bed in the
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morning? Why do I even bother doing anything now?"
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I don't know... I don't know. What caught our attention, though,
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was not only the perpendicular trajectory of the mass, but that as it neared
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the system, it seemed to spread out, enveloping the system.
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It was soon after that the explosion of the star was detected.
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Part of me really wanted to believe in God,
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like my sisters did, like I used to believe.
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I went to Sunday school at our synagogue every week. After 40 days
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and 40 nights, the rain stopped and Noah and his family saw a
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rainbow in the sky. Hashem told them this was a sign of his
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covenant. Can anyone tell me what that covenant was? Miriam? Hashem promised
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that he would never send another flood to destroy the Earth. That's right.
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Now, can anyone tell me the names of those children?
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Back then, I really did believe, and I prayed to God.
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I prayed into the dark, asking for his help. Why do I even bother?
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You don't care! I should care? You get home at 10:00, 11:00. You
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don't call. You even treat this house like a motel! Motel? That's a fine
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idea! I won't have to come home to be this disrespected, 'cause someone's
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punishing me for working hard! Please, God. Barukh ata Adonai. Blessed art
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thou, oh, Lord. Where are you going? Didn't we just discuss this?
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A hotel. I'll start looking for an apartment tomorrow. Please, God! Please
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don't let my mommy and daddy get a divorce!
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Please, God. Sounds good. You've been working on that for a while,
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haven't you? Yeah, I have. What's it about? I'm not sure yet. You'll
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figure it out. I thought you were going away.
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Oh, no! No, honey. Your mom and I get mad sometimes and we
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yell, but we love each other. Besides, I'd never leave you and your
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sisters. Play some more for me. In my 11 year old mind, that night, God
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had heard my prayers, and answered them. Maybe if time had stopped when
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I was 12. But it didn't. Time marches on, doesn't it? And it sweeps away
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everything in its path like an army of ants. Time is sweeping away
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everything: My friends, my family, and all the billions of humankind. But
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this isn't the first time you thought about it, is it? You've always felt
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it. Those questions, that feeling, gnawing at the back of your mind, just
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out of sight. And that's when you first saw the nothing,
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that empty, black void where there is no structure. But you keep on,
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keep on setting rules for the nothing. See where that gets you. So, what
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do you think? What do you think DeMarco is gonna pick for his spring
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Shakespeare? Does it even matter? She'll probably turn it into something
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bizarre, anyway. Ah, true. Sad, but definitely true.
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Okay, people, settle down, take your seats. Today, we're gonna start up
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with one of your favorite exercises. I want all of you to lay
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back on to the floor. Butter day? Butter day. Alright. Listen carefully
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to the sound of my voice. We're going to take a journey that
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will help you to relax and clear your mind. It will help sedate you so you
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don't question what people are afraid of. Imagine yourself to be made of
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butter. Your entire being: Soft, smooth, creamy, and warm.
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Lying on a field of grass on a summer's day.
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You feel the warmth of the sunshine on your face.
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You feel warmth rising from the ground, enveloping you. You're beginning
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to soften, to loosen. You're melting into the ground. You're totally relaxed
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and one with the earth. Having fun yet? Think this New Age crap is
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gonna help you? Now, I want you to gather together your being.
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The grass beneath you has absorbed your essence.
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When I count to three, though, you will leave the earth and fly
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into the sky, and follow me on your journey.
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One, two, three. Open your eyes. God, I wish Miss DeMarco was here.
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Did I really just say that? But now I'm all alone,
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just me and my thoughts and memories of so much time wasted.
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I swear sometimes I think there might be something wrong with me.
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And now you're trapped up here, just you, me, and all this time
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to think about our mistakes. Does it even matter anymore?
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You know, the tree falls in the forest?
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Without society to judge me, can I even become mentally ill?
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I think I'm freaking out. I don't know why, but it feels like
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I'm getting closer. To what, though? The end?
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Of course, I have no real way of knowing
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when it'll actually happen, or if. But I suppose I'm taking a leap
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of faith here anyway, right? I will either find God or I won't, and
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no one is going to know either way.
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So why did I go looking for him?
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When the announcement first came out, everyone held it together pretty well.
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At first. I mean, sure, people were freaked out, but I guess all
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the doomsday predictions of the past prepared people somehow.
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Some people planned on just leaving, but to where, is what people would
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ask. To the giant desert of space in search of an oasis?
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And then there was the Space Ark, the one big idea that somehow
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a piece of ourselves could survive. But the world was growing dark,
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and the Space Ark wasn't everyone's priority. Israel has joined the US,
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China, and other countries and have their entire aerospace industry committed
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to the Space Ark program. They're currently re purposing ballistic missiles
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and manufacturing plants to make space launch vehicles. Unfortunately, several
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extremist sects and neighboring countries and in Europe have remained committed
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to their anti Israeli and anti Ark stance, and violent outcries have been
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made in response to this move. They don't understand how important it is
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that everyone devotes production and resource toward the Space Ark program.
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That's just it, the leaders of both the ISA in Iraq and the
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LFA in Czechoslovakia are preaching that The Obscure's God's wrath coming
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to cleanse the earth. They insist that only the global one position and
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strict enforcement of religious law can stop The Obscure. But whose religious
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law? The Ark program was without precedents, and with only four years left
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until The Obscure makes contact with our sun, the loss of a single
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country's cooperation in the program could be crippling. The tensions have
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indeed been far felt. The UN Security Council issued a strong statement
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stating that the Space Ark program is of paramount critical importance to
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the entire world, and that interference with the project will not be tolerated.
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It only took a few years, though, before people just started losing it,
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and I'm not talking "joined a cult and drink the Kool Aid"
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losing it; people just stopped caring about each other.
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After all, it's hard to care about someone else when you don't even
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care about yourself. It was like the whole world was a terminal cancer
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patient, and they were all going through the stages of grief.
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Some people went the whole carpe diem route: Sex and drugs and rock
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and roll all the time. Other people went in the entirely opposite direction.
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Miriam! Hannah banana! Hava! What are you guys doing here? Well, we're here
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to see you. Well, I wish you would have told me.
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Come on in. So, how have you guys been?
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Wait, aren't you supposed to be in school? A lot of the teachers
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stopped showing up, so, they cut class down to half week now.
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Yeah. So what are you doing today? I don't know, I just got up. You
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wanna hang out with us for a bit? Well, yeah, but I have
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to be at work later. You're still going to work?
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I am. Come on! Call in sick or something. Alright! What do you
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guys have planned? I guess we haven't thought that far ahead yet.
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I have an idea what we can do.
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I didn't even know we still had this.
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Yep, you never got it back out of storage after they moved.
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We're not gonna get in trouble for this, are we?
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Not if you don't tell dad. Can I drive? Good idea,
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huh? Hey, watch this. I feel like I'm flying! Hey, how fast do
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you think this thing will go? Hava! Hava! You know we have a
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few years left, right? Yeah? And what are you gonna do with those
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years? Quit joking around! Are you just gonna keep going to your job?
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Are you just gonna keep sitting in your apartment alone, just waiting for
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the end? Would you take the wheel? Why?
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Because... I know where I'm going. I'm sorry about earlier. I've had a
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lot on my mind lately. I didn't mean to scare you.
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I used to love coming here with Dad when we were kids.
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I know. Hey! Can we get ice cream after this? Some things never change.
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Hey, why don't you guys stay the night with me tonight?
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We can't! We have to get an early start tomorrow.
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You're going somewhere? Well, hopefully, we all are.
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That's why we're here, to take you with us.
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We're taking a trip! What? Where? Not far.
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There's a community, a place where there's still love and hope.
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You're not talking about one of those cults, are you?
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No! It's not a cult. It's not a cult. It's like going to
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temple. Everyone gathers together to wait for The Great Obscure.
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We're going to prepare ourselves! You seriously think that cloud is God?
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God has hidden himself in The Great Obscure so that only the enlightened
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would perceive his coming. Hava, honey, God is not in that cloud.
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You can't see him? Hannah, God's not coming. Okay?
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We're on our own here. No! Shut up your lying. Hannah, I didn't mean to
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upset you, but what you think is nuts. You just can't see him, I
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know he's there and he loves us and he wouldn't leave us! It's not real!
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It's not real. It's okay, Hannah, she's just not ready.
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Have you told Mom and Dad about this? It's not up to them!
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Uh, yes, it is. Hannah's a minor. You think that matters now?
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We're going to prepare ourselves. Prepare yourselves? God, our Heavenly
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Father, is coming and we're gonna be ready. We can't just let God
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leave you behind! Hannah, I'm pretty sure if God wants to find me,
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he knows my address. I'm sorry you feel that way, Miriam. Look.
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Maybe there's no point in hanging out with Mom and Dad,
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but you could stay with me. Would that be any less pointless?
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At least they weren't like all those people who hated God,
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either for dying or for not existing in the first place.
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And they weren't like the people who thought they can bend God's will
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to their own. Again, a series of explosions just moments ago,
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onboard the Space Ark. And... They gambled that they could save the whole
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world instead of just a tiny piece of it. A video published online
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00:31:53,240 --> 00:31:57,120
just moments ago claims that the LFA is responsible for the attack on
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the Space Launch facility in France... But they were wrong, and the end
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was still coming. And with the end of the Space Ark program,
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it was the end of all humankind. Until that moment,
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it was still possible to rationalize everything, The Great Obscure, the
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end of the world, because I believed that somehow,
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some remnant of mankind could survive somewhere out in space.
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Maybe I wouldn't be a part of the human legacy, but at least
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there would be a legacy. If there really was a God,
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then he had decided our destruction would be complete.
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Are you waiting for me? Yeah. Do you have a minute?
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Sure. Walk with me to my next class.
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So how's the education business? Strangely enough, it's more enjoyable than
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ever. Why is that? Young people aren't scrambling to get their degrees for
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jobs anymore. The kids that we do get are here because they love
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learning. Sounds like they're just burying their heads in the sand.
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We all have to find our own way to cope.
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As soon as they get their degrees, though,
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it's just gonna be ash and cinder, and then nothing.
331
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Well, maybe that's as good a place as any
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to await the inevitable. What about the Iranians? They believe they could
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change God's mind. Yeah, but they were right about one thing:
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Only a miracle could cause The Great Obscure to change course or evaporate
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before it reaches the sun. If that happened, I guess I'd have to
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start believing in God. Of course. Yeah, we all would.
337
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But it violates the laws of physics that undermine the universe.
338
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And if God created those laws for the universe, he must have done
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so for a very good reason. If God exists, why would he make
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the world and all the people in it if he would just gonna
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00:34:20,340 --> 00:34:24,974
end up destroying it? Well, the only one who can answer that question
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is God himself. Maybe I should ask him, then.
343
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What's the real reason you came to talk to me today?
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I just can't live like this. I need to know
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why. I wish I had the answer, too. How do you deal with
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it, the fear? Look, stay for class. We could talk more after.
347
00:34:59,600 --> 00:35:04,180
Thanks, but I think I know what I need to do now.
348
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If God does exist, I'm gonna ask him.
349
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And I think I know right where he'll be. Where is that? The front
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row. Well, I guess I'll just say good luck, then. If God was
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really there, I needed to ask him to his face
352
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how he could be so cruel, so heartless.
353
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It may sound crazy, but it wasn't that hard.
354
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First, I got a gun, a 0.44 magnum, like in Taxi Driver.
355
00:35:50,140 --> 00:35:54,960
Well, do you have anything for a novice? Well, you probably wanna start
356
00:35:54,970 --> 00:36:01,000
with something simple, maybe a little revolver. What about this one?
357
00:36:09,980 --> 00:36:17,560
You want some MREs, too? Excuse me? You a survivalist type? Who in
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their right mind would do that? There is no surviving this.
359
00:36:21,020 --> 00:36:24,080
There's just gonna be a huge nothing in space where the earth used
360
00:36:24,080 --> 00:36:31,480
to be. Yeah. Well, not everybody's in their right mind. I mean, look
361
00:36:31,480 --> 00:36:35,800
at me. I keep showing up everyday to this shitty job.
362
00:36:36,890 --> 00:36:41,180
I probably will to the end. If you think it's so crazy,
363
00:36:41,500 --> 00:36:47,420
why do you keep doing it? Guess I just figure, I keep punching
364
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that time card, everything will stay exactly the same.
365
00:36:54,720 --> 00:37:00,780
Hey, if it works for you, why not? Why not, indeed.
366
00:37:02,160 --> 00:37:06,540
Why the hell not. So I think I want this one.
367
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Okay, I'll get some ammo. MREs didn't sound like a bad idea,
368
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actually, especially where I was going. And so I headed off,
369
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to what I hoped was left of the Ark program. Hey, lady.
370
00:38:19,480 --> 00:38:24,860
What are you doing with a gun? Stealing a ship. Well,
371
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we don't keep them in here, it's the cafeteria.
372
00:38:28,640 --> 00:38:34,660
Try the launch pad. Well, I was also thinking I could get some
373
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help to get it off the ground? Nah, it's easy. You light the fuse,
374
00:38:39,300 --> 00:38:46,300
hop right in. You wanna escape? You wanna find another planet,
375
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live on it? Long happy life? No, I just have someone I need
376
00:38:52,180 --> 00:39:01,940
to see. Who? God. Heh! Have you tried prayer?
377
00:39:04,220 --> 00:39:10,480
Or drugs? I'm not running, or trying to hide until all this is
378
00:39:10,480 --> 00:39:14,880
over. I need to meet God face to face so he can understand
379
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what he's doing. Don't you think he should?
380
00:39:20,140 --> 00:39:25,660
Everyone's looking for answers. What makes you so special, why do you need
381
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a ship? Like I said, to meet him.
382
00:39:31,960 --> 00:39:44,220
He's already on his way here. You really believe that?
383
00:39:46,860 --> 00:39:53,120
I do. You know what you're asking? Yes.
384
00:39:58,760 --> 00:40:10,380
Alright, follow me. Wait. Just like that? Yep.
385
00:40:12,160 --> 00:40:16,320
You heard what I said, right? I need a ship and someone who
386
00:40:16,320 --> 00:40:24,745
could launch it. Yeah. And I can have it? Huh. You're kinda self centered,
387
00:40:24,849 --> 00:40:29,120
aren't you? Don't you guys have like missions or something?
388
00:40:30,580 --> 00:40:33,206
You know notice how easy it was for you to just walk in
389
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here with a gun... Yeah, we don't really have a lot going on
390
00:40:37,540 --> 00:40:43,360
these days. Hey, guys, if I could have your attention, we have ourselves
391
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a new astronaut recruit. A recruit? Yes, this is...
392
00:40:50,510 --> 00:40:59,920
Miriam. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Well, this is Reyes, she handles propulsion force,
393
00:40:59,986 --> 00:41:03,760
and Patia takes care of guidance. Perkins here, she handles payload...
394
00:41:04,280 --> 00:41:07,900
Oh, I'm O'Riley, by the way. I'm your launch team manager.
395
00:41:09,160 --> 00:41:13,420
Pleased to meet you all. Well, welcome to the Space Ark Program.
396
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Or what's left of it. So what brings you here today?
397
00:41:18,080 --> 00:41:20,300
Oh, she needs to borrow one of our ships.
398
00:41:21,480 --> 00:41:24,900
We really need to start locking the doors around here. Don't be rude,
399
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Reyes, it's not like we're using them. So you have a destination in
400
00:41:30,760 --> 00:41:36,340
mind? I do. She does. So, if you'd be so kind,
401
00:41:36,340 --> 00:41:45,700
let's go to the auditorium, we'll explain. This thing on?
402
00:41:47,680 --> 00:41:51,940
Okay, thank you everyone for taking time out from your busy day of routine
403
00:41:51,940 --> 00:41:58,480
maintenance. I'd like to introduce Miriam here, who I believe will be proposing
404
00:41:58,500 --> 00:42:05,560
a new mission for us. Yes, Milton. Why does Miriam have a gun?
405
00:42:06,800 --> 00:42:10,620
Oh, right, hah, forgot to mention, we're all hostages now.
406
00:42:13,460 --> 00:42:15,900
Are you planning to steal the ship at gun point?
407
00:42:17,540 --> 00:42:22,940
I wasn't planning on it. When you're in the capsule, who's gonna hold
408
00:42:22,940 --> 00:42:26,720
the gun down here? I just wanted to ask for your help.
409
00:42:28,460 --> 00:42:35,400
To escape? No, to find some answers. Where do you expect to find
410
00:42:35,400 --> 00:42:45,440
these answers? The Obscure. Do you even know what it is?
411
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It's the end. The end of everything. But that's where I need to
412
00:42:56,320 --> 00:43:02,560
go to ask my questions. Ask your... Who do you expect to give
413
00:43:02,560 --> 00:43:05,780
you these answers, young lady? God Almighty himself?
414
00:43:07,460 --> 00:43:12,320
As a matter of fact, yes. You really believe that?
415
00:43:13,480 --> 00:43:17,400
I do. And you're willing to throw your life away for it.
416
00:43:18,540 --> 00:43:21,920
Throw my life away? The world is ending.
417
00:43:22,680 --> 00:43:25,340
It's not like I'll be able to grow old and retire someday.
418
00:43:29,040 --> 00:43:33,800
Why you? Did God send an angel down to tell you where to
419
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meet him? No. You're not some sort of prophet? No! God doesn't speak
420
00:43:39,620 --> 00:43:46,700
to you? No! Look, I'm not special. Okay?
421
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God doesn't speak to me. I'm looking for answers, and that's where I
422
00:43:52,680 --> 00:44:04,120
need to go. Guys, with the end of the Earth Ark Program,
423
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we all lost something. I don't just mean the mission, I mean our
424
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purpose. Milton, you're tracking boxes that are going nowhere. Reyes, you're
425
00:44:18,420 --> 00:44:24,130
plotting trajectories for ships that aren't leaving the ground. Patia, Perkins,
426
00:44:24,140 --> 00:44:30,580
Benson, what flight crew are you supporting? This is more than just a
427
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job for us. She's not the only one here searching for something;
428
00:44:35,660 --> 00:44:40,340
we all are. So what do you say?
429
00:44:42,160 --> 00:44:57,420
Shouldn't we help her? I say yes. Me, too.
430
00:44:58,960 --> 00:45:09,060
Okay. I explained what I thought, that God was on the other side
431
00:45:09,060 --> 00:45:12,840
of The Great Obscure, and to get there, I would need to go
432
00:45:12,840 --> 00:45:17,340
through the eye of the storm. And fortunately, the work courses of the
433
00:45:17,340 --> 00:45:20,100
Ark project were still stabled at the launch facility,
434
00:45:20,740 --> 00:45:25,340
the Sisyphus II, heavy lift rockets, designed for transport of materials
435
00:45:25,340 --> 00:45:30,780
and to orbit to the Ark's construction. Being there and working with them
436
00:45:31,260 --> 00:45:33,460
almost took my mind away from it at times.
437
00:45:34,560 --> 00:45:37,360
Some days, it even felt like life had returned to normal,
438
00:45:37,820 --> 00:45:41,080
as if this was all some dream we would wake up from.
439
00:45:41,080 --> 00:45:44,160
This a bunch of times. I checked and re checked all the numbers.
440
00:45:44,170 --> 00:45:46,200
Why don't you just tell me what it is that you think?
441
00:45:46,900 --> 00:45:48,620
I don't think your first plan is gonna work.
442
00:45:49,340 --> 00:45:53,640
Look, I ran the simulations countless times. We could get her much closer
443
00:45:53,640 --> 00:45:56,240
to her goal speed, if we can just give the engine some more ions to
444
00:45:56,240 --> 00:46:00,660
work on. You don't even know if those are ions in any conventional
445
00:46:00,660 --> 00:46:05,100
state. The Obscure? Do we have any other options?
446
00:46:05,880 --> 00:46:10,840
Okay, if these ions do not interact with the engines, it will be
447
00:46:10,840 --> 00:46:15,220
like a belly flop, like diving board 10 kilometers up in the sky.
448
00:46:15,600 --> 00:46:18,380
Without enough speed, though, she'll get caught in the sun's gravity and
449
00:46:18,380 --> 00:46:21,060
be pulled in. Can we talk about this later?
450
00:46:23,580 --> 00:46:26,660
Well, Benson should be done with the heating modifications anyway. Right,
451
00:46:26,720 --> 00:46:38,940
right. Are they always that adamant? They're not just worried about getting
452
00:46:38,940 --> 00:46:45,760
you through. When you reach the edge of The Obscure, the sensors on
453
00:46:45,760 --> 00:46:48,200
the ship will start sending them back information.
454
00:46:50,160 --> 00:46:52,040
Are they still hoping they can stop it?
455
00:46:54,000 --> 00:47:00,200
No, they just wanna study it. It's how they wanna deal with the
456
00:47:00,200 --> 00:47:14,320
end. So, how long will it take? Our time, just about three weeks.
457
00:47:16,540 --> 00:47:21,900
That seems fast. Yeah, well, you'll be traveling
458
00:47:23,770 --> 00:47:32,460
fast. At your current departure date, you should reach your destination
459
00:47:33,480 --> 00:47:39,920
approximately the same time The Obscure will hit the sun. But let's get
460
00:47:39,920 --> 00:47:44,040
something clear: This is a one way trip.
461
00:47:47,540 --> 00:47:50,000
It's not like there's gonna be anything to get back to.
462
00:47:51,940 --> 00:48:21,940
You're okay with that? Yeah. I am. Finally sinking in? Yeah. I suppose
463
00:48:21,940 --> 00:48:33,100
it is finally starting to sink in. Are those your children?
464
00:48:34,400 --> 00:48:39,020
Yes, they are. How old are they? My son is six,
465
00:48:39,140 --> 00:48:46,680
and my daughter is four. Four? That means you had her after all this started.
466
00:48:51,400 --> 00:48:59,540
Life goes on. Until it doesn't. Even before The Great Obscure,
467
00:48:59,540 --> 00:49:03,020
we had to face the fact that our kids wouldn't live forever.
468
00:49:05,900 --> 00:49:14,220
And you're... Able to be happy? The only difference between before and
469
00:49:14,800 --> 00:49:20,060
now is that now we know we'll all face it together.
470
00:49:23,360 --> 00:49:30,880
I guess that's something. That might have been the first time I thought
471
00:49:30,880 --> 00:49:35,980
clearly about dying, but even then, I only understood it on an intellectual
472
00:49:35,980 --> 00:49:44,640
level. And what about now? Out here, all alone? Out here,
473
00:49:45,920 --> 00:49:48,660
I know it in my gut, and in my heart.
474
00:49:50,840 --> 00:49:53,060
And to be fully prepared for my own death,
475
00:49:54,240 --> 00:49:56,440
I can't try to shut down the emotions.
476
00:49:58,280 --> 00:50:03,220
I can't try to dull them with distractions or drugs or delusions.
477
00:50:04,260 --> 00:50:08,680
I have to drown in the sorrow. I have to feel the pain,
478
00:50:09,420 --> 00:50:19,500
because I have to remember. There were months left before the launch and
479
00:50:19,500 --> 00:50:23,340
I wasn't able to contribute anything to the preparations, so I went to
480
00:50:23,340 --> 00:50:31,380
see my parents and my sisters. Hey, you two. Is there any coffee
481
00:50:31,380 --> 00:50:43,680
left? Yeah, I just made a fresh pot. So, how you been? You doing okay,
482
00:50:43,680 --> 00:50:49,900
honey? Fine, Dad, for the third time. Don't mind him, sweetie.
483
00:50:49,960 --> 00:50:52,520
It's just that we haven't seen you in so long.
484
00:50:55,200 --> 00:50:59,720
Will you be staying? I don't know. For a little while.
485
00:51:00,040 --> 00:51:02,440
Now, you stay as long as you'd like.
486
00:51:03,800 --> 00:51:10,480
Have you heard from Hava and Hannah? No,
487
00:51:12,320 --> 00:51:17,160
not since they went to that... Cult. But we're hoping that they come
488
00:51:17,160 --> 00:51:23,740
for Thanksgiving this year. Well, I was thinking maybe tomorrow we could
489
00:51:23,740 --> 00:51:27,160
go see them. Oh, I'd like that. What do you think,
490
00:51:27,160 --> 00:51:31,120
honey? Why don't the two of you go and bring them back?
491
00:51:31,780 --> 00:51:33,760
It'll be good to have everyone here together.
492
00:51:34,960 --> 00:51:41,020
I think so, too. You're the psych major. Why do you think we
493
00:51:41,020 --> 00:51:45,680
haven't heard anything from your sisters? Well, cults thrive on isolation.
494
00:51:46,000 --> 00:51:50,060
They don't want their members being exposed to outside influences.
495
00:51:50,620 --> 00:51:53,060
Great. You think they'd wanna come home with us?
496
00:51:54,240 --> 00:51:59,600
No. But if you make it clear that it's just for a visit
497
00:51:59,620 --> 00:52:03,360
and you're not trying to question their new beliefs, they might agree.
498
00:52:04,620 --> 00:52:09,180
Make it a challenge, like if you really are secure in your beliefs,
499
00:52:09,540 --> 00:52:13,860
they'll survive a visit with your mom. Yeah, something like that.
500
00:52:28,900 --> 00:52:34,860
Hey, this is Hava, leave a message, or don't. Hey, sis. Look,
501
00:52:35,120 --> 00:52:39,000
I know you had your reasons for leaving, and we didn't really see
502
00:52:39,260 --> 00:52:43,360
eye to eye last time we talked, but I hope you're happy,
503
00:52:44,180 --> 00:52:52,320
you and Hannah. Tell her I said hi. Uhm, sorry, that's not really
504
00:52:52,330 --> 00:52:56,180
why I called, me and Dad are on our way to come see
505
00:52:56,180 --> 00:53:02,400
you. Don't be mad, okay? Mom really misses you guys.
506
00:53:03,220 --> 00:53:07,040
We all miss you, and that's not your only family up there.
507
00:53:09,240 --> 00:53:21,640
Anyway, we should be there in about an hour. See you soon. Yeah,
508
00:53:21,660 --> 00:53:32,900
he said we're on the right road. How did we end up so
509
00:53:32,900 --> 00:53:40,280
far apart? What? I was just thinking, it seems like only yesterday,
510
00:53:40,280 --> 00:53:44,140
we were all still living together, your mom packing your lunches in the
511
00:53:44,140 --> 00:53:52,920
morning before school. Now look at us. Hey, Dad.
512
00:53:56,620 --> 00:54:02,080
Did you ever really wanna leave Mom? Well, what kind of a question
513
00:54:02,080 --> 00:54:09,460
is that? I don't know. All those years you spent fighting, I was
514
00:54:09,460 --> 00:54:22,540
just kind of always afraid you would. Yeah,
515
00:54:26,260 --> 00:54:33,860
I'm sorry for that. Really, I am. I used to pray that you'd
516
00:54:33,860 --> 00:54:40,380
stay together. I guess it worked. But why did it work?
517
00:54:41,400 --> 00:54:46,480
Why didn't you leave? I could never do that to you.
518
00:54:47,060 --> 00:54:50,320
Any of you. You, your sisters, your mother.
519
00:54:52,080 --> 00:54:56,640
She drives me crazy sometimes, but I know she loves me.
520
00:54:57,740 --> 00:55:04,840
Yes, she does. So we'll go get your sisters,
521
00:55:05,660 --> 00:55:07,240
and we'll all be together again for a little while.
522
00:55:33,720 --> 00:55:35,880
I'm gonna need to ask you folks to turn around.
523
00:55:36,840 --> 00:55:43,320
Well, what's going on? Road's closed. Please turn around, sir.
524
00:55:45,180 --> 00:55:53,860
Excuse me. My father and I, we're looking for my two sisters.
525
00:55:54,460 --> 00:56:00,060
They were living out here with this... With this group. We're trying to
526
00:56:00,060 --> 00:56:09,920
find them. The cult? Yes. Go ahead and turn left here,
527
00:56:10,640 --> 00:56:12,620
follow that road on up to the main building,
528
00:56:13,400 --> 00:56:16,140
there's a deputy up there. He'll help you.
529
00:56:26,940 --> 00:57:10,990
There... Are some things you just can't prepare yourself for. God... Goddamn!
530
00:57:11,000 --> 00:58:49,800
Everyone, clear out for a few minutes. Why? There was a letter.
531
00:58:51,060 --> 00:58:53,960
They all signed it. It's something about meeting God with pure heart and
532
00:58:53,970 --> 00:59:02,520
grace. "Pure heart and grace," what the fuck does that even mean?
533
00:59:06,200 --> 00:59:13,540
I don't know. You know what that means? It means they were ready.
534
00:59:16,660 --> 00:59:20,118
It means they couldn't wait 'till the very end, 'cause that would mean running
535
00:59:20,120 --> 00:59:23,840
the risk of letting the terror overwhelm their... What was it?
536
00:59:25,000 --> 00:59:35,350
"Pure heart and grace." You think they did the right thing? Oh, no. No!
537
00:59:35,360 --> 00:59:39,860
You think this proves anything? You really think they're on their way to
538
00:59:39,870 --> 00:59:43,380
some clouds in space right now? No. No. No, of course,
539
00:59:43,380 --> 00:59:44,800
I don't think they did the right thing!
540
00:59:52,540 --> 01:00:34,000
I just think I understand why they did it. How... How do we...
541
01:00:43,000 --> 01:00:54,800
We don't. We don't! Can you handle that?
542
01:00:58,440 --> 01:01:00,040
If you can't, I'm leaving you in the city.
543
01:01:04,600 --> 01:01:09,520
I can handle it. But what do we
544
01:01:11,390 --> 01:01:16,920
say? We'll tell her that they're coming for Thanksgiving.
545
01:01:18,540 --> 01:01:26,880
What happens when Thanksgiving rolls around? That's my problem.
546
01:02:20,160 --> 01:02:23,580
Do you remember when you used to take us to the old park
547
01:02:24,040 --> 01:02:45,300
when we were younger? Yeah, I remember. Welcome back.
548
01:02:49,680 --> 01:03:02,100
How was the trip? It was fine. You must be exhausted from that
549
01:03:02,100 --> 01:03:22,840
drive. Yeah. Do you... Want any coffee? No, thank you. I'll let everybody
550
01:03:22,840 --> 01:03:26,660
know that you're back. You can crash in the apartment if you want.
551
01:03:28,460 --> 01:03:50,640
I appreciate it. It was a pfft trip. Mind if I sit down
552
01:03:50,640 --> 01:04:04,980
here? Sure. You know, Miriam, we haven't had a lot of time to
553
01:04:05,240 --> 01:04:20,460
really talk, but... Are you alright? Paul, do you believe in God?
554
01:04:24,240 --> 01:04:37,420
No. Not at all? No. Well, I'm sorry if my answer offends you.
555
01:04:38,300 --> 01:04:47,220
No. I'm not offended; I just... What do you suppose comes
556
01:04:47,820 --> 01:04:52,880
afterward? You mean after we die? Is it
557
01:04:53,800 --> 01:05:05,120
light, or darkness? I think... I believe that there's nothing.
558
01:05:06,920 --> 01:05:10,740
Once our biochemistry grinds to a halt, what we are,
559
01:05:11,940 --> 01:05:22,540
who we are, ceases to exist. What's that like, do you suppose? Is
560
01:05:22,540 --> 01:05:32,500
it fear? Or joy? Or peace? What was it like before you were
561
01:05:32,500 --> 01:05:40,820
born? It's nothing. At the end of all this, we just...
562
01:05:41,960 --> 01:05:46,960
Become memories. How do you keep going, then,
563
01:05:47,660 --> 01:05:52,460
if you think there's nothing after? There doesn't have to be.
564
01:05:56,440 --> 01:06:00,560
There doesn't have to be anything after for me to find meaning in
565
01:06:00,560 --> 01:06:06,100
my life, now. I choose what's important to me,
566
01:06:06,640 --> 01:06:11,720
the things that I value. I make goals in life, I follow my
567
01:06:11,720 --> 01:06:19,480
dreams. You're not afraid that there's just nothing after this
568
01:06:20,310 --> 01:06:26,720
life? I am. I am afraid of death, and I do think about
569
01:06:26,720 --> 01:06:30,440
it. I guess knowing that everything is going to come to an end
570
01:06:30,440 --> 01:06:37,540
soon, that's what keeps me going. And if I'm gonna die one day,
571
01:06:37,940 --> 01:06:40,080
then I'm gonna live the best that I can
572
01:06:40,660 --> 01:06:44,260
now, and I'm gonna keep living, right up until the end.
573
01:06:54,280 --> 01:06:59,860
I gotta go meet with O'Riley. You gonna be okay here?
574
01:07:01,000 --> 01:07:08,420
Yeah. I'm fine, go. And thank you. Sure.
575
01:07:45,680 --> 01:07:53,460
Memories, is that all we become? The people we love,
576
01:07:54,420 --> 01:08:02,680
our hopes, our dreams? And what will happen when everyone else is gone?
577
01:08:03,940 --> 01:09:45,260
Who will remember us then? Hava... Hannah... And that's the story of how
578
01:09:45,260 --> 01:09:48,920
I got here, alone in a spaceship with
579
01:09:49,840 --> 01:09:52,380
nothing to keep me company but the stars
580
01:09:53,100 --> 01:09:58,140
and you, little diary. I've been up here a week now,
581
01:09:58,700 --> 01:10:04,200
thinking about the past, but for where I'm going, I need to prepare,
582
01:10:04,740 --> 01:10:13,274
I need to concentrate. Because soon, I will arrive. Soon, you will arrive.
583
01:10:13,333 --> 01:10:22,040
Soon, I'll arrive. Soon, you'll arrive. I need to concentrate.
584
01:10:23,920 --> 01:10:25,960
What am I gonna say to God when I meet him?
585
01:10:26,660 --> 01:10:30,240
If I meet him. What are you gonna say to the nothing when
586
01:10:30,240 --> 01:10:38,700
you meet him? I need to focus. Imagine that I am made of
587
01:10:38,700 --> 01:10:43,660
butter. You are made of butter. I am made of butter.
588
01:10:44,040 --> 01:10:49,420
You are made of butter. Smooth, soft. Creamy butter.
589
01:10:51,620 --> 01:10:56,760
My body is relaxing. Your body is relaxing. My body is melting.
590
01:10:56,770 --> 01:11:01,800
Into the big bowl of butter, and just float around the capsule. Rise up
591
01:11:01,800 --> 01:11:05,180
from the ground, visit all the people you love, who are dead or
592
01:11:05,790 --> 01:11:10,880
are going to die, just like you. The sun is shining.
593
01:11:11,000 --> 01:11:16,740
Yes, it is. The sun is shining, and I am... I'm...
594
01:11:16,750 --> 01:11:21,294
Dying, just like everyone else. With all your questions left unanswered.
595
01:11:21,383 --> 01:11:24,900
The sun is shining. I'm melting into the ground,
596
01:11:25,480 --> 01:11:29,600
becoming one with... One with the earth? The earth you'll never see again?
597
01:11:29,610 --> 01:11:35,040
I am melting into the ground. The sun is shining. The sun is
598
01:11:35,040 --> 01:11:38,740
shining. Is not that the problem? And it's gonna keep shining brighter and
599
01:11:38,740 --> 01:11:46,460
brighter until everything you know burns. Stop! I know I'm going to die.
600
01:11:46,980 --> 01:11:52,100
It's inevitable. And I don't mean, like, I know one day as a
601
01:11:52,100 --> 01:11:56,370
mortal, I'll die. I know that as soon as I get to wherever
602
01:11:56,380 --> 01:12:04,340
I'm going, I'm dead. But until then, I will not stop living.
603
01:12:05,740 --> 01:12:09,280
I will not succumb to the fear, and I won't give up.
604
01:12:10,860 --> 01:14:24,280
I will not give up. Oh, hey. Sorry, I didn't think anyone would
605
01:14:24,280 --> 01:14:29,420
be up here. It's alright. I was up here working earlier,
606
01:14:29,460 --> 01:14:38,480
I left some things. Hey, Milton? Can I ask you a question?
607
01:14:39,600 --> 01:14:45,020
Sure. What's that? When I first got here and told you everything that
608
01:14:45,020 --> 01:14:48,860
I wanted to do, what made you agree to help me?
609
01:14:54,400 --> 01:14:59,980
I agreed to help you because what I do still means a lot
610
01:14:59,980 --> 01:15:05,560
to me. But the Earth Ark Program is over.
611
01:15:17,860 --> 01:15:23,660
Working here as long as I have, I've seen a lot of things.
612
01:15:26,320 --> 01:15:31,120
I've seen our space program compete with the Russians and the Chinese
613
01:15:32,460 --> 01:15:37,440
simply because of politics. I've seen those same programs come together
614
01:15:37,440 --> 01:15:39,920
to help each other. But through it all,
615
01:15:40,700 --> 01:15:47,180
what kept me going was... I was never focused only on the end
616
01:15:47,180 --> 01:15:55,840
result. To work, to face the challenge of each new mission,
617
01:15:58,280 --> 01:16:07,360
that's why I stayed. And seeing you, seeing someone else who's worked so
618
01:16:07,360 --> 01:16:14,020
very hard for their goals, despite the fact that
619
01:16:14,920 --> 01:16:20,560
it will all be ending very soon, well...
620
01:16:21,880 --> 01:16:30,180
I guess that reminded me of why I'm here. Hm. I've never thought
621
01:16:30,180 --> 01:16:40,300
about it like that before. Don't overlook the value of the work you've
622
01:16:40,300 --> 01:16:47,020
done and the experiences you've had just getting this far.
623
01:16:50,680 --> 01:17:40,780
So I guess you were the one that named this shuttle? O'Riley? I
624
01:17:40,780 --> 01:17:48,020
didn't think anybody else was up here. Is everything alright?
625
01:17:49,140 --> 01:17:55,900
Yeah, I'm good. I can leave if you need some privacy.
626
01:17:56,900 --> 01:18:19,900
No. No, stay. It's good you're here. Sit, please. It's incredible,
627
01:18:19,910 --> 01:18:30,040
isn't it? Like a flood, black water rising up to our doorstep.
628
01:18:33,020 --> 01:18:44,200
What's it doing? You know, I remember when the Earth Ark Project was
629
01:18:44,200 --> 01:18:48,700
in full swing. All I could think about was getting it completed,
630
01:18:48,700 --> 01:18:52,040
getting it ready for departure, I never thought about The Obscure.
631
01:18:56,760 --> 01:19:04,700
Now I can't think about anything else. You still gotta get me ready
632
01:19:04,700 --> 01:19:13,100
for departure. I wanna believe that, I really do. I... I feel like
633
01:19:13,100 --> 01:19:19,600
I'd be working in vain, though. I understand.
634
01:19:23,680 --> 01:19:30,860
I... I need you to do me a favor. What? I want you
635
01:19:30,860 --> 01:19:36,720
to tell the others... I'm leaving. Just like that?
636
01:19:37,400 --> 01:19:44,080
You're quitting? You don't need me to get that rocket off the ground.
637
01:19:45,840 --> 01:19:49,760
Maybe I need your faith. Maybe the others need you to tell them
638
01:19:49,760 --> 01:19:56,180
that their work still has meaning. If I lie to you all,
639
01:19:56,180 --> 01:19:59,900
it wouldn't make any difference. You're gonna get in that rocket,
640
01:20:00,780 --> 01:20:04,080
because that's what you need to do to find your answers.
641
01:20:04,090 --> 01:20:08,620
And the others, they're gonna help you, 'cause that's what they need to
642
01:20:08,620 --> 01:20:12,960
do to find their answers. What will you
643
01:20:15,090 --> 01:20:19,480
do? I'm gonna be with the woman I love.
644
01:20:23,080 --> 01:20:30,870
Visit where we first met. Relive all the days after that for as long as
645
01:20:31,098 --> 01:20:36,180
we've got. So, why are you sneaking off like this?
646
01:20:37,020 --> 01:20:42,980
The others would understand. Maybe they would. Maybe.
647
01:20:49,380 --> 01:21:12,350
I'll tell them for you. Thank you. A family, a dog,
648
01:21:12,360 --> 01:21:17,200
a normal life, would I have been happy with those things?
649
01:21:18,600 --> 01:21:21,800
Everyone chooses how to spend their limited time.
650
01:21:23,040 --> 01:21:25,280
I guess life could be simplified down to that,
651
01:21:26,120 --> 01:21:37,760
just a series of choices. And my choices led me here. I didn't
652
01:21:37,760 --> 01:21:42,760
know how my father planned to explain my sisters' absence at Thanksgiving.
653
01:21:44,640 --> 01:22:09,860
I decided not to ask. Hey, honey, did the girls call?
654
01:22:10,600 --> 01:22:16,630
Yeah, they'll... They'll be here soon. I hope so. Dinner's almost ready.
655
01:23:04,840 --> 01:23:10,220
Dad? Happy Thanksgiving, honey. Happy Thanksgiving. I didn't wake you,
656
01:23:10,830 --> 01:23:15,580
did I? No. No, I was up. How are you doing,
657
01:23:15,580 --> 01:23:23,510
honey? You doing okay? Yeah, I'm alright. That's good, honey. I just called
658
01:23:23,520 --> 01:23:25,180
'cause your mom and I wanted to let you know
659
01:23:25,960 --> 01:23:29,520
we love you very much. I love you guys, too.
660
01:23:35,680 --> 01:23:41,620
Is... Is everything... Okay? Yeah, we're both alright. Is mom there?
661
01:23:42,220 --> 01:23:52,920
Can I talk to her? Oh, sure. Hang on. Hey, honey. Mom, it's
662
01:23:52,920 --> 01:23:56,540
good to hear your voice. You, too. How are you?
663
01:23:57,580 --> 01:24:07,120
Missing you. Missing everyone. I know. Me, too. I wish I could have
664
01:24:07,120 --> 01:24:15,620
come back. It's alright, Miriam. I... I understand the choices you and your
665
01:24:15,674 --> 01:24:25,040
sisters made. Mom... I love you, Miriam. You've made me so proud.
666
01:24:30,140 --> 01:24:35,080
Thanks, mom. I love you, too. So much.
667
01:24:41,000 --> 01:24:43,380
Can I talk to dad again? Of course.
668
01:24:43,980 --> 01:24:56,680
Hang on just a second. Hi, honey. I really didn't expect to hear
669
01:24:56,680 --> 01:25:01,240
from you guys after Thanksgiving came. I figured
670
01:25:02,060 --> 01:25:09,600
you and mom would... Miriam. You know, I actually did try to keep
671
01:25:09,600 --> 01:25:15,549
it from your mother. I wanted to protect her, but she knew. Your mom
672
01:25:15,797 --> 01:25:20,900
surprised me. Not the first time, dad. Yeah.
673
01:25:24,820 --> 01:25:29,880
Well, we're still here, and we will be in case you decide you want
674
01:25:29,880 --> 01:25:40,400
to see us. Dad, what I'm doing, I won't be able to come
675
01:25:40,400 --> 01:25:53,700
back. Pretty soon, I won't even be able to call. I... I understand,
676
01:25:53,710 --> 01:25:57,900
honey. You're... Doing what you need to do.
677
01:25:59,800 --> 01:26:05,160
Thank you, daddy. I love you. Your mom and I will be right
678
01:26:05,160 --> 01:26:13,280
here, thinking of you and sending you our love. It was the last
679
01:26:13,280 --> 01:26:17,560
time I talked to my parents. It never seemed like they were all
680
01:26:17,560 --> 01:26:27,080
that far away, not until now. Now, even across the darkness,
681
01:26:28,200 --> 01:26:31,800
across the silence, I can still feel them.
682
01:26:33,000 --> 01:26:43,220
They're still with me. I'm closer now. I'll either find my answers,
683
01:26:43,220 --> 01:26:52,260
or they'll find me. But I can still feel it, the hurt
684
01:26:52,920 --> 01:26:58,440
and the anger clouding my mind. It would be
685
01:26:59,140 --> 01:27:02,500
so much easier if I could just accept
686
01:27:03,120 --> 01:27:10,100
the unknown things in my life. But I can't live without knowing why.
687
01:27:11,840 --> 01:27:17,040
It's just who I am. And I will face the end asking my
688
01:27:17,040 --> 01:27:24,800
questions and looking for answers. If there is an afterlife or another world,
689
01:27:25,560 --> 01:27:29,620
something bigger beyond the known, then I wanna enter it
690
01:27:30,240 --> 01:27:34,000
with a pure heart and grace. I will not let the fear take
691
01:27:34,000 --> 01:27:38,960
over. I will not succumb to panic. I will be strong.
692
01:27:40,900 --> 01:27:47,220
I'm not even really sad about my own death. I suppose I've finally
693
01:27:47,220 --> 01:27:52,020
come to accept it. I do not deny that I'm
694
01:27:52,920 --> 01:28:01,940
scared. But I'm no longer angry. I do not deny that very soon,
695
01:28:02,600 --> 01:28:15,960
everything will end. Guess it's starting. I suppose I could pray. I could
696
01:28:15,960 --> 01:28:19,360
start talking to God, since that was the point of this journey.
697
01:28:19,370 --> 01:28:24,220
But coming this far, seeing all that I've seen,
698
01:28:25,320 --> 01:28:28,920
all the beauty, and the love, and the pain,
699
01:28:30,240 --> 01:28:35,180
I believe that God is weeping. He loves us. He built the world
700
01:28:35,180 --> 01:28:37,280
for us to do with it as we pleased.
701
01:28:38,760 --> 01:28:43,380
He isn't angry with us, nor is he responsible for what happened.
702
01:28:44,440 --> 01:28:51,220
God only created everything; he doesn't control any of it. He is sorry,
703
01:28:51,520 --> 01:28:56,100
I think, that this happened. He wants us to know that.
704
01:28:57,200 --> 01:29:01,620
He wants us to forgive him. Imagine that.
705
01:29:02,460 --> 01:29:12,560
God wants our forgiveness. If you can hear me, God, I forgive you. I don't
706
01:29:12,560 --> 01:29:17,580
blame you for what happened. You gave us life and a whole world
707
01:29:17,580 --> 01:29:22,380
to live in. We spent far too much time hating and hurting each
708
01:29:22,380 --> 01:29:26,080
other instead of being grateful to you for the chance to love and
709
01:29:26,080 --> 01:29:32,480
care for each other. For that, God, I beg your forgiveness,
710
01:29:33,480 --> 01:29:42,440
for me and for all humankind. And I want to say goodbye, because
711
01:29:42,450 --> 01:29:48,720
up here, up here, I can believe that they can hear me.
712
01:29:49,880 --> 01:29:59,130
And if I believe it, it can be true. Goodbye, Reyes, Patia, you wonderful
713
01:29:59,140 --> 01:30:03,500
people who gave your precious last days to send me on this quest.
714
01:30:03,510 --> 01:30:07,520
I hope I helped you find some meaning
715
01:30:08,420 --> 01:30:15,760
in this chaos. Goodbye, Milton. You saw something in me
716
01:30:16,540 --> 01:30:20,800
and you helped me find value in my journey despite what the outcome
717
01:30:20,800 --> 01:30:27,880
might be. Goodbye, Benson. Thank you for reminding me what joy there is
718
01:30:27,890 --> 01:30:31,860
in a human connection. I hope you found what you were looking for.
719
01:30:35,140 --> 01:30:40,420
And goodbye, O'Riley. You were the one who first believed in me
720
01:30:41,060 --> 01:30:43,360
and gave me a chance to find my answers.
721
01:30:44,120 --> 01:30:49,660
You understood why, and you helped me, and for that, I can never
722
01:30:49,660 --> 01:30:57,940
thank you enough. Goodbye, Mom and Dad. I'm sorry for everything bad I
723
01:30:57,940 --> 01:31:01,460
ever did. I'm sorry for making you worry,
724
01:31:02,080 --> 01:31:04,440
and for making you feel like I didn't appreciate you.
725
01:31:05,180 --> 01:31:09,180
I love you both, and I always felt so lucky to have parents
726
01:31:09,180 --> 01:31:17,680
that truly cared. Goodbye, Hava and Hannah, my poor little sisters.
727
01:31:19,300 --> 01:31:21,840
I know I wasn't always the best role model for you.
728
01:31:23,000 --> 01:31:28,220
I wanted to be, but I was too selfish. I hope now you
729
01:31:28,220 --> 01:31:32,840
can be proud of me and look up to me as your brave big sister,
730
01:31:33,940 --> 01:31:37,300
the last earth girl who went to space to find God.
731
01:31:39,680 --> 01:31:44,800
And goodbye to my life, to myself. I should have loved you more
732
01:31:44,800 --> 01:32:07,229
when I had the chance. I hope you find the answers you're looking for. I
733
01:32:07,725 --> 01:32:13,160
spent my entire life trying to figure out how to be this
734
01:32:13,680 --> 01:32:21,152
peaceful. My old screen name was even Seule Silence, which means "Only Silence"
735
01:32:21,324 --> 01:32:25,500
in French, and that is exactly what I have now:
736
01:32:26,960 --> 01:32:34,440
Only silence. And for once, for the first time in my entire life,
737
01:32:35,940 --> 01:32:38,860
that silence does not frighten me.
70709
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