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English Subtitles.
Two and a Half Men S03E08 - That Voodoo That I Do Do - Web-DL [KoTuWa]
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Thank you.
3
00:00:05,338 --> 00:00:09,008
Oh, I knew it.
There's no extra foam in my latte.
4
00:00:09,175 --> 00:00:10,343
You ask for extra foam...
5
00:00:10,509 --> 00:00:13,846
...you might as well be asking for
a piggyback ride, know what I mean?
6
00:00:14,305 --> 00:00:15,556
Charlie?
7
00:00:15,723 --> 00:00:17,266
Charlie?
8
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Oh, of course.
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00:00:20,478 --> 00:00:22,688
Man's got a heat-seeking missile
in his pants.
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00:00:24,148 --> 00:00:26,776
Is it too much to ask that
when we go out for coffee...
11
00:00:26,943 --> 00:00:31,155
...you stay within earshot, so I'm not
talking to myself like a crazy person?
12
00:00:31,697 --> 00:00:34,784
And again, I'm talking to myself
like a crazy person.
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00:00:35,117 --> 00:00:36,369
Look.
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Yes, I see.
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Girl pretty. Charlie like.
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No, girl magnificent.
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00:00:46,128 --> 00:00:47,546
Charlie buy her Lexus.
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00:00:49,715 --> 00:00:52,051
I thought we were gonna
hang out together...
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00:00:52,218 --> 00:00:55,262
...but obviously your neurotic need
for sex is more important...
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00:00:55,429 --> 00:00:57,640
...than spending time
with your only brother...
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...who despite everything continues
to love you and is, by the way...
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...your best hope for
a viable kidney transplant.
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You can get yourself home, right?
24
00:01:11,737 --> 00:01:14,031
What makes you think
that she's even available?
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Maybe she's married, maybe she's gay,
maybe she's a guy.
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00:01:18,369 --> 00:01:22,164
Hey, I don't see a ring,
a girlfriend or a bulge.
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If you'll excuse me, it's time to do
that voodoo that I do do so well.
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Hi.
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- I'm Charlie.
- Don't care.
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- And you are?
- Not interested.
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How do you know?
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I know.
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Okay then.
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You think it's over?
Because it's not over.
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Oh, I'm sorry.
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I guess I was mislead by her complete
and utter indifference to you.
37
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Yeah, well, watch and learn.
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- So...
- Go away.
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How about now? Is it over now?
40
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It's not an exact science, Alan.
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Look, if you knew me at all and shut
me down, that would be one thing...
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...but to be dismissed on a simple hello,
well, that's a tough pill to swallow.
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Would you rather I give it to you
in a suppository?
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- Well, to be perfectly honest...
- Goodbye.
45
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- Hey, hey, did you hear that?
- What?
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It's a... It's a fat lady...
47
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...and she's singing.
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- You'd give up right now, wouldn't you?
- Charlie, Elvis has left the building.
49
00:02:48,334 --> 00:02:51,378
I think giving up is
a little moot at this point.
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00:02:51,545 --> 00:02:53,714
Well, that attitude
is why you sleep alone...
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00:02:53,881 --> 00:02:57,468
...with a copy of Monster Boobs
magazine under your pillow.
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Stay out of my room.
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Waverly Dance Studio,
3737 Waverly Street.
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Got it.
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Westwood Academy of Dance,
14001 Pico Boulevard.
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What's going on?
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00:03:40,243 --> 00:03:42,120
I'm mapping out
all the dance studios...
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- ...within a five-mile radius.
- Why?
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00:03:44,623 --> 00:03:47,918
I can't stop thinking about
that girl I met. I have to find her.
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Shame you can't let your penis
sniff a piece of her clothing.
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Look, I know her name, Mia.
It was written on her coffee cup.
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I know she's a dancer.
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She was wearing leg-warmer-thingies
and reading a dance magazine.
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00:03:59,971 --> 00:04:02,599
Reading a dance magazine
doesn't make you a dancer.
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00:04:02,766 --> 00:04:04,601
Why not? You're a monster boob.
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00:04:07,437 --> 00:04:09,439
Will you both stay out of my room.
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00:04:11,191 --> 00:04:13,944
Tell me, why do you want to
go to all this trouble...
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00:04:14,111 --> 00:04:17,155
...to track down a girl who showed
less than no interest in you?
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A girl who seemed actually repulsed
by your very being.
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A girl whose skin visibly crawled
at your mere proximity.
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Yeah, but did you see her butt?
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It was like a ripe little peach.
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That's your answer?
Her ass reminded you of fruit?
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00:04:35,465 --> 00:04:37,134
Berta, explain it to him.
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00:04:37,300 --> 00:04:40,387
A lot of the times a peach
will have a subtle cleft in it...
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00:04:40,554 --> 00:04:43,181
- ...that is reminiscent of a woman's...
- No. Thanks.
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Thanks, I got the picture.
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00:04:45,475 --> 00:04:49,146
Alan, do you know why Sir Edmund
Hillary wanted to scale Mount Everest?
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00:04:50,147 --> 00:04:53,108
Because it reminded him
of a big pointy melon?
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00:04:53,650 --> 00:04:56,736
That's part of the reason,
but the main reason was...
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...he wanted to do it because
everyone thought it was impossible.
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I'm missing the connection here.
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00:05:02,367 --> 00:05:04,369
If a girl like Mia were easy to climb...
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...her head would be
covered with flags.
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00:05:07,372 --> 00:05:09,499
- So you're looking for a challenge.
- Exactly.
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00:05:09,666 --> 00:05:12,502
No one takes a picture of the fish
that jumps on your boat.
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00:05:13,044 --> 00:05:15,881
I... I'm confused.
Is she a mountain or a fish?
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Doesn't matter,
either way I'm gonna scale her.
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00:05:22,053 --> 00:05:24,097
And you,
why do you enable this behavior?
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00:05:24,639 --> 00:05:27,350
Why? I'll tell you why.
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Because your brother is the embodiment
of the roll-up-your-sleeves spirit...
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...that made this country great.
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00:05:33,106 --> 00:05:35,859
He never gets discouraged,
he goes after what he wants...
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...and he doesn't know
the meaning of quit.
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If the day should come when any man,
no matter how humble...
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...can't go out there and soil the loins
of some hot little dancer...
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...well, I don't wanna live
in that America.
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Okay, very good. Now reverse.
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Oh, leave me alone.
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00:06:10,477 --> 00:06:11,603
Keep going.
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Hey, you're a teacher.
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Hey, you're a stalker.
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00:06:15,273 --> 00:06:18,360
No, no. I was passing by
and happened to look in the window.
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00:06:18,526 --> 00:06:19,653
What's the map for?
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00:06:20,195 --> 00:06:22,697
Oh, this? I had to go to
eight other dance studios...
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...before I found the right window.
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I suppose that could be
interpreted as stalking...
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...but it could be just as easily be seen
as sincerity, persistence...
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Mental illness?
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00:06:35,251 --> 00:06:37,629
Come on, I'm clearly smitten.
Throw me a bone.
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- Charlie...
- You remembered my name.
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I wrote it down
in case I needed to call the cops.
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I don't have time for dating right now.
I'm completely focused on my work.
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Well, let's talk about work.
I've always wanted to learn to dance...
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- ...can you teach me?
- I only teach children.
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You don't have a class full of
large, slow kids I could be part of?
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00:07:00,860 --> 00:07:03,196
All right, how about this.
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00:07:03,363 --> 00:07:04,656
My nephew loves to dance.
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00:07:04,823 --> 00:07:08,201
A gifted little boy.
Moves like a gazelle.
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00:07:08,743 --> 00:07:11,413
- How old is he?
- I don't know, 11, 12.
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00:07:11,579 --> 00:07:13,832
It's hard to say, he's got a big head.
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Frankly I'd love to have
a boy in the class.
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00:07:16,793 --> 00:07:18,878
It's hard to get males
excited about ballet.
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Jake is just ballet this and ballet that.
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Yeah, I'm sure.
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Why don't you bring him
by tomorrow?
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- Great. Maybe afterwards you and l...
- Charlie, listen carefully.
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You and I, never gonna happen.
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Understood. See you tomorrow.
130
00:07:42,152 --> 00:07:45,071
Charlie to base camp,
I am beginning my ascent.
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00:07:50,618 --> 00:07:54,205
How you liking the pizza your old
Uncle Charlie bought for his buddy?
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00:07:54,372 --> 00:07:55,415
It's good.
133
00:07:55,623 --> 00:07:58,793
Save room, I've got a half-gallon of that
fudge brownie ice cream.
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I don't know, I'm pretty stuffed.
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00:08:00,920 --> 00:08:04,424
- You sure?
- Maybe after I poop.
136
00:08:05,675 --> 00:08:06,718
What are you doing?
137
00:08:07,343 --> 00:08:09,929
- We're eating dinner.
- He had dinner an hour ago.
138
00:08:10,138 --> 00:08:13,433
- Well, then he won't need breakfast.
- Yes, I will.
139
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You've had enough to eat.
140
00:08:17,353 --> 00:08:20,190
Hey, Jake, you know what I like to do
after a nice big meal?
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00:08:20,398 --> 00:08:22,192
- What?
- Learn to dance.
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- Charlie.
- Yeah?
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Private word.
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Sure.
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- What's up?
- Shame on you.
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Is that it?
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00:08:38,416 --> 00:08:39,459
You found that girl...
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...and now you have a plan
to use my son as bait.
149
00:08:42,462 --> 00:08:46,090
Yeah, so? It's not like he pays rent.
Why shouldn't he pitch in a little?
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I will not allow it.
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00:08:48,426 --> 00:08:50,678
Come on, it's just a couple
of ballet lessons.
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Ballet? Him?
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I think he has a quiet grace about him.
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He doesn't have to be good,
he just has to show up.
155
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One lesson, I'm begging you.
156
00:09:02,232 --> 00:09:04,651
You know what,
it really doesn't matter what I say.
157
00:09:04,817 --> 00:09:06,903
You will never convince him
to take ballet.
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If I can, will you stay out of it?
159
00:09:09,197 --> 00:09:10,782
- I guess.
- Great.
160
00:09:10,949 --> 00:09:12,533
Hey, Jake.
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00:09:13,743 --> 00:09:16,621
Okay, that might have been
bad parenting on my part.
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00:09:17,205 --> 00:09:18,581
I've got a surprise for you.
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00:09:19,415 --> 00:09:20,708
It's not more food, is it?
164
00:09:20,875 --> 00:09:23,378
Because I'm starting to feel
a little dizzy.
165
00:09:23,586 --> 00:09:27,131
You're gonna get to do something
that no other boy in your class has done.
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00:09:27,298 --> 00:09:31,094
If it's sex, Mitchell Fineman
already saw his cousin naked.
167
00:09:31,302 --> 00:09:33,388
- No, this is better than sex.
- What?
168
00:09:33,972 --> 00:09:35,765
How would he know?
169
00:09:36,516 --> 00:09:39,978
- You're gonna learn to dance ballet.
- Wanna bet?
170
00:09:42,939 --> 00:09:44,941
Okay, let me put it this way.
171
00:09:45,483 --> 00:09:49,070
How much money would I have to give
you to take ballet lessons?
172
00:09:49,404 --> 00:09:52,365
- I want $10.
- Wait, hold on.
173
00:09:58,329 --> 00:10:00,039
I want $1000.
174
00:10:03,710 --> 00:10:05,253
That's really unethical.
175
00:10:05,461 --> 00:10:08,297
Oh, yeah, I'm the one
on shaky moral ground.
176
00:10:10,007 --> 00:10:13,302
- Okay, I'll give you $500.
- Split the difference.
177
00:10:13,511 --> 00:10:15,221
- Two-fifty.
- Done.
178
00:10:26,274 --> 00:10:27,775
Come on, let's go.
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00:10:27,942 --> 00:10:29,444
I changed my mind.
180
00:10:29,610 --> 00:10:31,738
You took my money.
181
00:10:32,530 --> 00:10:34,115
I'll give it back.
182
00:10:34,282 --> 00:10:36,576
Jake, we're here.
You may as well give it a try.
183
00:10:36,743 --> 00:10:40,413
Yeah, give it a try.
Who knows, you might like it.
184
00:10:47,712 --> 00:10:50,256
I will never forgive you for this.
185
00:10:59,056 --> 00:11:01,392
You didn't tell me
I'd be the only boy here.
186
00:11:01,600 --> 00:11:03,894
So? The odds are on your side.
187
00:11:04,436 --> 00:11:07,106
The odds for what? I'm 11.
188
00:11:08,232 --> 00:11:10,693
- I wanna go home.
- I thought we had a deal.
189
00:11:10,901 --> 00:11:13,070
You can't make him stay
if he doesn't want to.
190
00:11:13,278 --> 00:11:15,447
I love you, Dad.
191
00:11:17,449 --> 00:11:18,826
All right, let's get started.
192
00:11:19,743 --> 00:11:22,037
- Who's that?
- Your teacher.
193
00:11:22,579 --> 00:11:24,331
- Come on, let's go.
- Hang on, Dad.
194
00:11:24,498 --> 00:11:26,458
Maybe we should give this a chance.
195
00:11:28,002 --> 00:11:29,128
Hi, I'm Jake.
196
00:11:29,670 --> 00:11:33,465
- Hi, Jake. It's nice to meet you.
- Yeah.
197
00:11:34,258 --> 00:11:38,137
- Your uncle tells me you like ballet.
- Yeah.
198
00:11:39,096 --> 00:11:41,223
Okay. How about you
line up with the girls...
199
00:11:41,390 --> 00:11:43,767
- ...and we'll get started.
- Yeah.
200
00:11:44,351 --> 00:11:45,811
How about that?
201
00:11:45,978 --> 00:11:47,938
He's got a crush.
202
00:11:48,105 --> 00:11:50,274
It's like watching a dog chase a car.
203
00:11:50,441 --> 00:11:54,278
He'll never catch it, and even if he did,
he couldn't drive it.
204
00:11:55,571 --> 00:11:58,157
He's still doing better than you.
205
00:11:59,783 --> 00:12:02,369
Everyone, I'd like you to meet
our new student Jake.
206
00:12:02,536 --> 00:12:06,081
- Hi, Jake.
- Yeah, hi.
207
00:12:07,332 --> 00:12:11,003
Okay, let's start in first position.
Jake, do you know first position?
208
00:12:11,545 --> 00:12:13,964
Is that like the missionary position?
209
00:12:18,552 --> 00:12:21,221
And one, and two...
210
00:12:21,388 --> 00:12:24,933
...and three, and four.
211
00:12:28,562 --> 00:12:31,023
I will never forgive you for this.
212
00:12:31,190 --> 00:12:33,650
What? He's having a great time.
213
00:12:33,817 --> 00:12:36,153
The clueless knucklehead.
214
00:12:36,820 --> 00:12:38,947
Okay, very nice, class.
215
00:12:39,156 --> 00:12:41,325
Yeah, good hustle, everybody.
216
00:12:42,117 --> 00:12:43,202
Much better, Jake.
217
00:12:43,744 --> 00:12:46,914
- That's because I have a good teacher.
- Thank you.
218
00:12:47,080 --> 00:12:48,749
All right, that's it for this week.
219
00:12:48,916 --> 00:12:51,168
Remember, life is a dance,
live it gracefully.
220
00:12:51,376 --> 00:12:52,753
That's my motto.
221
00:12:58,425 --> 00:12:59,718
Well, that settles it.
222
00:12:59,885 --> 00:13:02,012
I wanna be a ballet dancer
when I grow up.
223
00:13:02,554 --> 00:13:05,224
Really? There's a load off my mind.
224
00:13:05,432 --> 00:13:07,935
It's not as easy as it looks.
It's pretty hard.
225
00:13:08,143 --> 00:13:10,270
Yeah. It's pretty hard to watch.
226
00:13:11,230 --> 00:13:12,856
Thanks.
227
00:13:13,649 --> 00:13:16,777
Did you see how far Mia
could put her leg over her head?
228
00:13:16,944 --> 00:13:19,321
I did notice that, yes.
229
00:13:20,030 --> 00:13:23,534
So, what do you think,
Fred Astaire or Fred Flintstone?
230
00:13:23,700 --> 00:13:26,620
- He's got a lot of enthusiasm.
- He gets that from me.
231
00:13:26,828 --> 00:13:28,205
I thought you were his uncle.
232
00:13:28,372 --> 00:13:31,041
That's the whole
nature and nurture debate, isn't it?
233
00:13:31,208 --> 00:13:33,585
- So listen, Mia...
- I'm not going out with you.
234
00:13:34,127 --> 00:13:35,921
I know, you made it very clear.
235
00:13:36,088 --> 00:13:39,216
My question was is there anything more
we can do to help Jake?
236
00:13:39,383 --> 00:13:41,385
Extra classes? Private tutoring?
237
00:13:41,551 --> 00:13:44,012
The three of us in Cabo
for a long weekend?
238
00:13:45,305 --> 00:13:49,059
If he comes to class regularly,
I think you'll be amazed at his progress.
239
00:13:49,268 --> 00:13:51,645
Good, I'd hate to think he's peaked.
240
00:13:51,853 --> 00:13:53,605
We're having a recital next month...
241
00:13:53,772 --> 00:13:56,858
...and with a lot of work and
a little luck, we can include him.
242
00:13:59,528 --> 00:14:01,071
Charlie to base camp...
243
00:14:01,238 --> 00:14:04,032
...pretty cold up here, visibility zero.
244
00:16:06,321 --> 00:16:07,364
Call me.
245
00:16:09,199 --> 00:16:10,534
Okay.
246
00:16:21,795 --> 00:16:23,046
I hope you like this.
247
00:16:23,213 --> 00:16:26,341
It's an impertinent little Cabernet
with oaky overtones...
248
00:16:26,508 --> 00:16:28,843
...and just the hint of a floral finish.
249
00:16:29,386 --> 00:16:33,306
- Wow, you really know your wines.
- I just read it off the box.
250
00:16:34,599 --> 00:16:37,269
What's the plan? Get me drunk
and take advantage of me?
251
00:16:37,477 --> 00:16:39,437
Oh, good, you've done this before.
252
00:16:44,651 --> 00:16:46,319
I had a very nice time tonight.
253
00:16:46,903 --> 00:16:49,406
Was it worth all the trouble
I put you through?
254
00:16:50,073 --> 00:16:51,283
You tell me.
255
00:16:51,825 --> 00:16:53,618
Ask me again in the morning.
256
00:16:55,870 --> 00:16:57,038
Charlie to base camp.
257
00:16:57,205 --> 00:16:59,165
I can see the summit.
258
00:17:03,295 --> 00:17:06,172
- Hey.
- Hey, Jake.
259
00:17:06,423 --> 00:17:09,217
- What are you doing up?
- Why shouldn't I be up?
260
00:17:09,759 --> 00:17:11,303
Isn't it past your bedtime?
261
00:17:11,845 --> 00:17:13,722
I don't know
what you're talking about.
262
00:17:13,888 --> 00:17:17,434
- I don't have a bedtime.
- Okay.
263
00:17:17,600 --> 00:17:19,311
- So, what's going on?
- Not too much.
264
00:17:20,103 --> 00:17:21,146
Where's your dad?
265
00:17:21,688 --> 00:17:24,441
I don't know,
why don't you go look for him?
266
00:17:26,318 --> 00:17:28,653
Look, Jake, Mia and I
are kind of busy right now.
267
00:17:29,321 --> 00:17:31,239
- Busy doing what?
- Talking.
268
00:17:31,781 --> 00:17:35,035
Okay. What are we talking about?
269
00:17:35,410 --> 00:17:38,163
We are not talking about anything.
You're going to bed.
270
00:17:38,330 --> 00:17:40,373
Why don't we let Mia decide?
271
00:17:41,082 --> 00:17:43,126
Jake, I think you should go to bed.
272
00:17:43,335 --> 00:17:46,296
Are you sure?
You don't have to decide right now.
273
00:17:47,088 --> 00:17:50,425
Your uncle and I would like to spend
some alone-time together.
274
00:17:52,886 --> 00:17:53,928
All right.
275
00:17:55,138 --> 00:17:56,765
You want me to tuck you in?
276
00:17:57,307 --> 00:18:01,102
I'm too old to get tucked in, you...
You ass-face.
277
00:18:02,687 --> 00:18:06,316
Okay, then, sleep tight, little camper.
278
00:18:09,694 --> 00:18:11,029
Kids, huh?
279
00:18:11,196 --> 00:18:13,323
Yeah, kids.
280
00:18:14,032 --> 00:18:16,910
He never called me
an ass-face before.
281
00:18:17,452 --> 00:18:20,789
- I think he's a little jealous.
- Yeah.
282
00:18:21,706 --> 00:18:23,208
I remember feeling like that...
283
00:18:23,374 --> 00:18:24,876
- ...when I was his age.
- Really?
284
00:18:26,252 --> 00:18:27,462
Cafeteria lady.
285
00:18:28,797 --> 00:18:30,673
Looked like Valerie Bertinelli...
286
00:18:30,840 --> 00:18:35,178
...but, you know, with a hairnet and
just the cutest whisper of a mustache.
287
00:18:36,763 --> 00:18:38,556
She didn't know I was alive.
288
00:18:38,723 --> 00:18:40,058
You poor thing.
289
00:18:41,810 --> 00:18:44,270
I'm sorry, Mia. I can't...
I can't do this to him.
290
00:18:44,813 --> 00:18:46,147
Do what to him?
291
00:18:46,689 --> 00:18:49,317
One afternoon I saw the cafeteria lady
holding hands...
292
00:18:49,484 --> 00:18:51,653
...with the shop teacher
in the parking lot...
293
00:18:51,820 --> 00:18:53,655
...and it just killed me.
294
00:18:53,822 --> 00:18:57,033
Mr. Dinapoli. I'll never forget it.
295
00:18:57,200 --> 00:19:00,161
She was holding the hand
with the missing thumb.
296
00:19:03,164 --> 00:19:05,959
You know what,
I've gotta take you home.
297
00:19:06,125 --> 00:19:07,752
- I understand.
- You do?
298
00:19:07,961 --> 00:19:09,379
You love Jake.
299
00:19:09,546 --> 00:19:12,882
You'd rather give up spending the night
with me than risk hurting him.
300
00:19:13,091 --> 00:19:14,551
Right.
301
00:19:14,926 --> 00:19:18,471
Although when you spell it out like that,
it sounds incredibly stupid.
302
00:19:19,556 --> 00:19:21,099
You're a very sweet man.
303
00:19:21,307 --> 00:19:22,433
Thank you.
304
00:19:31,067 --> 00:19:32,694
I was kidding. Let's go upstairs.
305
00:19:33,403 --> 00:19:35,697
Charlie, take me home.
306
00:19:36,239 --> 00:19:39,117
Let's talk about this.
He's 11, he'll get over it.
307
00:19:39,284 --> 00:19:41,995
I got over one-thumb Dinapoli.
308
00:19:50,920 --> 00:19:51,962
You asleep?
309
00:19:55,174 --> 00:19:58,761
- You can quit faking, I took her home.
- Really?
310
00:20:00,137 --> 00:20:01,931
- Yeah.
- How come?
311
00:20:02,473 --> 00:20:04,391
It's part of the guy code.
312
00:20:04,558 --> 00:20:08,229
When two friends like the same girl,
one of them has to step aside.
313
00:20:09,522 --> 00:20:13,234
Unless she's a good sport, then it's
like Saturday morning at the bakery.
314
00:20:14,568 --> 00:20:16,320
It's a complicated code.
315
00:20:17,571 --> 00:20:18,697
Don't worry about it.
316
00:20:18,864 --> 00:20:21,033
Bottom line is,
I'm out of the Mia business.
317
00:20:21,242 --> 00:20:22,326
Cool.
318
00:20:22,910 --> 00:20:24,745
Now, go to sleep.
319
00:20:26,372 --> 00:20:28,332
- Uncle Charlie?
- Yeah?
320
00:20:28,874 --> 00:20:31,377
I'm sorry I called you an ass-face.
321
00:20:33,170 --> 00:20:34,672
Oh, yeah.
322
00:20:35,256 --> 00:20:36,298
I forgot about that.
323
00:21:16,922 --> 00:21:18,591
No woman is worth this.
324
00:21:21,760 --> 00:21:23,679
I am so proud.
325
00:21:23,846 --> 00:21:26,223
Our little boy is growing up.
326
00:21:50,372 --> 00:21:52,458
Subtitles by
SDI Media Group
327
00:21:52,625 --> 00:21:54,710
[ENGLISH]
25337
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