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1
00:00:01,101 --> 00:00:03,297
For all we know, this old
guy could be dead by now.
2
00:00:03,370 --> 00:00:06,772
Too bad you can't prove it. As his
only relative, the fortune would go to you.
3
00:00:06,840 --> 00:00:08,741
How many zeroes in fortune?
4
00:00:08,809 --> 00:00:11,210
Tonight on Murder, She Wrote.
5
00:00:11,278 --> 00:00:14,339
That unidentified corpse
is not Uncle Charlie.
6
00:00:14,414 --> 00:00:15,939
It isn't? But it will be
7
00:00:16,016 --> 00:00:17,644
as soon as we identify the body.
8
00:00:17,718 --> 00:00:20,313
You're not the first people
to lay claim to John Doe.
9
00:00:20,587 --> 00:00:21,885
You're not even the second.
10
00:00:22,055 --> 00:00:23,489
He's right.
11
00:00:23,690 --> 00:00:26,751
The shoe's too
small. It was murder.
12
00:00:27,127 --> 00:00:31,258
Honey, this isn't going to
look good on your résumé.
13
00:01:26,486 --> 00:01:27,920
Oh, hello.
14
00:01:27,988 --> 00:01:30,480
You've caught me at the
tail end of my newest book.
15
00:01:30,991 --> 00:01:33,460
I've been at it almost ten
hours a day for the past week
16
00:01:33,527 --> 00:01:36,861
and I am sore from
my fingers to my back
17
00:01:37,331 --> 00:01:38,993
and elsewhere.
18
00:01:39,533 --> 00:01:43,971
You know, every time I start
a new novel, it's an adventure
19
00:01:44,071 --> 00:01:47,041
and I really never know what
I'm gonna come up against.
20
00:01:47,441 --> 00:01:50,104
Some are pure agony, like
having your wisdom teeth yanked
21
00:01:50,177 --> 00:01:52,169
by a sadist with
a pair of pliers.
22
00:01:52,713 --> 00:01:57,174
And others just flow from the
typewriter like sap from a maple tree.
23
00:01:59,953 --> 00:02:02,320
That's the way it was
with Good-Bye Charlie.
24
00:02:02,422 --> 00:02:04,186
I wish they were
all this much fun.
25
00:02:04,725 --> 00:02:07,160
Our hero... Well,
now let me see,
26
00:02:07,361 --> 00:02:10,627
is hero the right word
for Frank Albertson?
27
00:02:10,797 --> 00:02:12,197
Maybe not.
28
00:02:12,299 --> 00:02:14,791
I promise you,
he's not very heroic.
29
00:02:15,736 --> 00:02:20,265
Actually, he's a lost soul looking
for one good shot at the brass ring.
30
00:02:20,907 --> 00:02:24,844
The story opens on a spring
day in sunny Hollywood,
31
00:02:24,911 --> 00:02:29,815
land of orange groves, movie
stars and private detectives.
32
00:03:45,358 --> 00:03:46,951
Smile and say, "Cheating."
33
00:03:48,795 --> 00:03:50,263
Lousy private eye!
34
00:04:08,548 --> 00:04:10,710
Well, thank you, Mrs. Albertson.
35
00:04:10,784 --> 00:04:13,362
When you brought me into the
bedroom I didn't expect anything like this.
36
00:04:13,386 --> 00:04:16,322
Well, I hope you're
not disappointed.
37
00:04:16,523 --> 00:04:17,957
Oh, no, no. I mean,
38
00:04:18,024 --> 00:04:21,825
you've been absolutely incredible.
Really. You've made my day.
39
00:04:21,895 --> 00:04:24,091
Sunny, I'm home!
40
00:04:24,698 --> 00:04:28,294
Oh, hi, honey. We're in
the bedroom. Come on in.
41
00:04:32,172 --> 00:04:35,040
Who are you? And what are you
doing with my Uncle Charlie's watch?
42
00:04:35,876 --> 00:04:38,937
Honey, he was
just looking at it.
43
00:04:40,313 --> 00:04:41,679
What happened to you?
44
00:04:42,449 --> 00:04:44,611
Business. Who is this guy?
45
00:04:45,051 --> 00:04:46,246
A lawyer.
46
00:04:46,386 --> 00:04:48,878
Ray Fleischer. Rathbone,
Gilder and Hellman.
47
00:04:48,955 --> 00:04:50,116
Lawyer?
48
00:04:50,323 --> 00:04:53,760
Look, if you're gonna tell me I'm
gonna be sued, I was just doing my job.
49
00:04:53,860 --> 00:04:55,192
Honey, just listen to him.
50
00:04:55,262 --> 00:04:59,063
We are the executors of the estate
of the late Elizabeth Flack of Detroit.
51
00:04:59,332 --> 00:05:02,029
She's left everything to one
Charles Kenneth Albertson.
52
00:05:02,435 --> 00:05:04,961
Uncle Charlie? Why would
she do a thing like that?
53
00:05:05,038 --> 00:05:07,337
Her will refers to
him as an old love.
54
00:05:07,941 --> 00:05:10,581
I was just showing him some of
the stuff Uncle Charlie left behind.
55
00:05:10,644 --> 00:05:11,771
And look...
56
00:05:11,845 --> 00:05:14,056
The inscription on the back
of this old broken watch says,
57
00:05:14,080 --> 00:05:16,709
"To Charlie with love
from Liz." It's proof.
58
00:05:16,783 --> 00:05:19,582
Look at this picture of
Uncle Charlie in his sailor suit.
59
00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:22,755
Well, the faces are
a little blurry, hon.
60
00:05:22,823 --> 00:05:24,689
Read what it says on the back.
61
00:05:26,526 --> 00:05:28,654
"Me and Liz, 1943."
62
00:05:29,296 --> 00:05:33,290
I also showed Mr. Fleischer some of
the other stuff Uncle Charlie left behind.
63
00:05:33,500 --> 00:05:36,902
The monogrammed money
clip, the expired library card,
64
00:05:36,970 --> 00:05:38,802
the monogrammed cigar clipper,
65
00:05:38,872 --> 00:05:41,000
and also Uncle
Charlie's Navy dog tags.
66
00:05:41,107 --> 00:05:42,575
Sit down. Thank you.
67
00:05:42,642 --> 00:05:45,271
Did you forget about the two-headed
nickel and the loaded dice?
68
00:05:45,345 --> 00:05:46,438
Frank...
69
00:05:46,546 --> 00:05:50,677
Mr. Albertson, I am convinced that
Charles Kenneth Albertson is your uncle.
70
00:05:50,784 --> 00:05:54,084
Now I'd appreciate it very much if
you could tell me where I could find him.
71
00:05:54,354 --> 00:05:55,686
I really don't know.
72
00:05:56,890 --> 00:05:59,826
Look, the guy dropped in for a
weekend and stayed three years.
73
00:06:00,093 --> 00:06:03,586
That's 36 months of eating my food,
drinking my beer, and wearing my shirts.
74
00:06:03,697 --> 00:06:06,633
I got a little fed up. I gave him
100 bucks, put him on a bus.
75
00:06:06,733 --> 00:06:08,065
How long ago was that?
76
00:06:08,468 --> 00:06:10,268
I don't know. Two, maybe
two-and-a-half years.
77
00:06:10,871 --> 00:06:13,102
We got a couple of
Christmas cards from him.
78
00:06:13,173 --> 00:06:15,642
The last one had a
return address in Reno.
79
00:06:15,976 --> 00:06:20,346
But when I sent him a card, it came
back stamped "Not known at this address."
80
00:06:20,413 --> 00:06:23,076
Yeah. I mean, for all we know,
this old guy could be dead by now.
81
00:06:23,149 --> 00:06:27,109
Too bad you can't prove it. As his
only relative, the fortune would go to you.
82
00:06:31,491 --> 00:06:33,585
How many zeroes in fortune?
83
00:06:33,760 --> 00:06:35,251
In this one, six.
84
00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:36,624
Six?
85
00:06:37,430 --> 00:06:41,834
Well... Hey, I mean, I
loved the old guy. Really.
86
00:06:41,902 --> 00:06:45,100
But, I mean, if he's
dead, he's dead.
87
00:06:45,672 --> 00:06:47,140
Who do I see?
88
00:06:48,108 --> 00:06:51,340
Here's my card. Give me
a call in about five years.
89
00:06:52,312 --> 00:06:54,781
Five years? Well, you
haven't heard from him in two
90
00:06:54,848 --> 00:06:57,682
and he can't legally be
declared dead for seven. Sorry.
91
00:06:57,951 --> 00:06:59,613
Wait. Wait a
second. Ray, listen...
92
00:06:59,753 --> 00:07:01,551
Goodbye, good luck.
93
00:07:01,988 --> 00:07:03,479
Goodbye. Thank you.
94
00:07:04,891 --> 00:07:06,223
Lawyers.
95
00:07:10,363 --> 00:07:14,061
Frank... Frank, what's so funny?
96
00:07:17,170 --> 00:07:19,696
What was so funny,
at least to Frank's mind,
97
00:07:19,773 --> 00:07:22,402
was the irony of the situation.
98
00:07:22,709 --> 00:07:26,271
For three years he and Sunny
had supported this old moocher.
99
00:07:26,479 --> 00:07:28,175
Now, suddenly, Charlie was rich
100
00:07:28,248 --> 00:07:30,843
and they were facing
repossession and dispossession,
101
00:07:30,951 --> 00:07:33,944
not to mention the loss of
Frank's one and only client
102
00:07:34,721 --> 00:07:36,553
because of the way
he'd bungled the case.
103
00:07:36,623 --> 00:07:38,751
Luckily, the client was
a forbearing woman
104
00:07:38,825 --> 00:07:40,987
who decided to give
Frank another chance.
105
00:08:05,185 --> 00:08:06,847
Hey, honey. Yeah.
106
00:08:07,153 --> 00:08:09,179
Isn't that the guy
we saw yesterday?
107
00:08:10,523 --> 00:08:13,049
I told you we should
have gone someplace else.
108
00:08:14,327 --> 00:08:16,125
I'll kill him.
109
00:08:27,574 --> 00:08:28,906
I don't get it.
110
00:08:29,242 --> 00:08:32,906
Why should I be interested in some
poor guy who's been hit by a train?
111
00:08:33,546 --> 00:08:35,224
Oh, surely you must be
able to think of one reason
112
00:08:35,248 --> 00:08:37,808
why we both might
be interested in him?
113
00:08:41,888 --> 00:08:43,618
Uncle Charlie? Uncle
Charlie. Yes! Yes!
114
00:08:43,823 --> 00:08:46,383
Yes! Frank, Frank, Frank!
115
00:08:46,459 --> 00:08:48,291
Stop it! What's the matter?
116
00:08:48,795 --> 00:08:51,959
It's horrible! Poor
old Uncle Charlie!
117
00:08:52,832 --> 00:08:57,236
Honey, that unidentified
corpse is not Uncle Charlie.
118
00:08:58,171 --> 00:08:59,298
It isn't?
119
00:09:00,073 --> 00:09:04,101
Honey, the body was found on a
railroad track outside of Huckabee, Nevada.
120
00:09:04,377 --> 00:09:06,471
It's about 50
miles east of Reno.
121
00:09:06,780 --> 00:09:10,444
You remember Reno, where Uncle
Charlie's last Christmas card was from?
122
00:09:11,117 --> 00:09:13,143
Sun, it's not Charlie.
123
00:09:13,319 --> 00:09:16,084
But it will be as soon
as we identify the body.
124
00:09:18,191 --> 00:09:21,719
Oh, Frank, you
won't get away with it.
125
00:09:21,861 --> 00:09:25,798
Somebody must know who
the person really is... Was.
126
00:09:25,865 --> 00:09:28,096
John Doe has been
on ice for three days.
127
00:09:28,168 --> 00:09:30,330
Not one person, not
a relative, a friend,
128
00:09:30,403 --> 00:09:33,271
and a neighbor has come
forward to claim that body for burial.
129
00:09:33,706 --> 00:09:35,197
If nobody claims it
by noon tomorrow,
130
00:09:35,275 --> 00:09:37,471
it's gonna get dumped
into an unmarked grave.
131
00:09:38,044 --> 00:09:39,842
But, if we claim it,
132
00:09:39,979 --> 00:09:43,814
he's gonna get a funeral, and a
decent burial, and a tombstone.
133
00:09:44,117 --> 00:09:46,018
With Uncle Charlie's name on it.
134
00:09:47,821 --> 00:09:50,178
Honey, look, if Charlie
did drop dead out
135
00:09:50,202 --> 00:09:52,816
there somewhere without
our knowing about it,
136
00:09:53,259 --> 00:09:57,026
maybe he got planted in some
potter's field in an unmarked grave.
137
00:09:57,363 --> 00:10:00,663
The stone we get for this poor sucker
will serve as a monument to Charlie.
138
00:10:00,900 --> 00:10:02,528
He'd want it that way.
139
00:10:25,358 --> 00:10:26,587
Coroner's Office.
140
00:10:27,060 --> 00:10:29,529
No, this is his
assistant, Lon Ainsley.
141
00:10:29,729 --> 00:10:32,858
Mr. Yamoto is out of
the office. Can I help you?
142
00:10:33,333 --> 00:10:36,132
Yes, sir. I was
reading about this
143
00:10:36,302 --> 00:10:38,100
poor John Doe fella,
144
00:10:38,338 --> 00:10:42,241
and I got the crazy notion
he might be my brother Bubba.
145
00:10:42,942 --> 00:10:45,810
You cannot make an
identification over the phone.
146
00:10:46,045 --> 00:10:48,139
All right, sir, just
give me a yes or no.
147
00:10:48,214 --> 00:10:51,184
John Doe... Rather
my brother Bubba,
148
00:10:51,317 --> 00:10:54,617
he's got a tattoo of Betty
Boop on his right forearm.
149
00:10:54,721 --> 00:10:57,486
It's hard to tell what was
on John Doe's forearm.
150
00:10:57,690 --> 00:10:59,784
But there are no
tattoos anywhere else.
151
00:11:00,326 --> 00:11:02,295
No tattoos, huh?
152
00:11:02,428 --> 00:11:05,865
Well, what about a dueling
scar on his left cheek?
153
00:11:06,399 --> 00:11:08,197
Let's just forget
about his face.
154
00:11:08,635 --> 00:11:10,866
How old is your Bubba?
155
00:11:11,237 --> 00:11:14,105
Oh, well, sir,
he's older than me
156
00:11:14,207 --> 00:11:18,975
which, I would guess
would make him around 40?
157
00:11:19,145 --> 00:11:22,377
Sorry. This man is old
enough to be your dada.
158
00:11:27,587 --> 00:11:29,351
You have a resonance
in your voice that says
159
00:11:29,422 --> 00:11:32,153
you're a tall, muscular
man, Mr. Ainsley.
160
00:11:32,825 --> 00:11:36,762
I do try to take care of myself.
161
00:11:37,130 --> 00:11:40,328
Now, is your missing
father a tall man?
162
00:11:44,204 --> 00:11:46,230
He's on the short
side. About 5'6".
163
00:11:47,207 --> 00:11:50,905
Now if it wasn't for the train,
what sort of shape would he be in?
164
00:11:55,682 --> 00:11:59,278
Well, not so great, he's
on the paunchy side.
165
00:11:59,586 --> 00:12:02,021
Very, very good! I think
we may have a match here.
166
00:12:02,188 --> 00:12:04,054
Now give me one more particular.
167
00:12:04,924 --> 00:12:06,620
I can't think of anything.
168
00:12:08,328 --> 00:12:11,196
Well, there is something
about his right leg.
169
00:12:11,898 --> 00:12:13,196
What exactly?
170
00:12:13,333 --> 00:12:14,562
It's wooden.
171
00:12:15,702 --> 00:12:17,432
And we were so close.
172
00:12:18,037 --> 00:12:21,007
Well, I hope your daddy
turns up. Bye, now.
173
00:12:22,308 --> 00:12:23,674
Bye.
174
00:12:24,310 --> 00:12:27,041
Voilà. There you
have it. Meet John Doe.
175
00:12:28,314 --> 00:12:30,840
These stats add up to
a delicious six zeroes.
176
00:12:31,184 --> 00:12:32,184
Great.
177
00:12:32,252 --> 00:12:35,518
Hey, by the way, how did you
come up with short and paunchy?
178
00:12:35,588 --> 00:12:37,828
Do you have some sort of
second sight I don't know about?
179
00:12:37,857 --> 00:12:39,018
No.
180
00:12:39,792 --> 00:12:42,694
Actually, I was
describing Uncle Charlie.
181
00:12:51,638 --> 00:12:54,733
Well, having pumped
the coroner's assistant
182
00:12:54,807 --> 00:12:57,902
dry of every drop of pertinent
data on the unclaimed corpse,
183
00:12:58,378 --> 00:13:00,370
Frank and Sunny
headed north to Nevada,
184
00:13:00,446 --> 00:13:03,006
unaware that they
were about to lock horns
185
00:13:03,082 --> 00:13:06,917
with Huckabee's unique
version of law and order.
186
00:13:07,754 --> 00:13:10,986
I understand you folks drove all
the way up from L.A. last night.
187
00:13:11,624 --> 00:13:14,856
That's right. Frank Albertson,
Sheriff. This is my wife, Sunny.
188
00:13:16,362 --> 00:13:17,523
Something wrong?
189
00:13:17,830 --> 00:13:18,957
It's his back.
190
00:13:19,165 --> 00:13:21,600
We had to sleep in our
car, Frank had the front.
191
00:13:21,668 --> 00:13:24,137
Yeah. Bucket seats with
the stick-shift in the middle.
192
00:13:25,071 --> 00:13:27,233
We were going to stay at
a motel, but it was closed.
193
00:13:27,307 --> 00:13:31,244
Yeah. Old Roscoe believes
in early to bed, early to rise.
194
00:13:31,311 --> 00:13:33,803
Says anybody sneaking
into town late at night
195
00:13:34,347 --> 00:13:37,545
is up to no good.
Have a seat, folks.
196
00:13:39,585 --> 00:13:40,848
Well, your...
197
00:13:41,487 --> 00:13:43,979
Your identification
was first-rate.
198
00:13:44,590 --> 00:13:46,821
Not much I can tell
you about the accident.
199
00:13:47,327 --> 00:13:49,387
John Doe was
pretty badly mangled.
200
00:13:50,530 --> 00:13:53,500
The force of the train knocked him
right out of his shoes. They were...
201
00:13:53,866 --> 00:13:55,664
They were found beside the body.
202
00:13:56,169 --> 00:13:58,570
If it's any consolation
to you, it was quick.
203
00:14:01,507 --> 00:14:04,067
Can you think of any reason
why your uncle would have been
204
00:14:04,377 --> 00:14:06,437
near the railroad track
here in Huckabee?
205
00:14:07,146 --> 00:14:09,138
Yes, Sheriff, I can.
206
00:14:09,949 --> 00:14:13,010
I don't know how many times
Uncle Charlie used to tell us about
207
00:14:13,086 --> 00:14:15,112
the Great Depression
of the 1930s.
208
00:14:15,288 --> 00:14:17,382
He was out of work.
Couldn't get a job.
209
00:14:17,557 --> 00:14:20,391
And like so many of the
other unemployed at the time,
210
00:14:20,460 --> 00:14:22,656
Uncle Charlie became a hobo.
211
00:14:23,129 --> 00:14:27,066
He traveled across the country in
empty boxcars, living off the land
212
00:14:27,133 --> 00:14:28,897
and sometimes even stealing.
213
00:14:28,968 --> 00:14:30,266
Mostly chickens,
214
00:14:30,570 --> 00:14:33,597
which he cooked over a
spit in some hobo forest.
215
00:14:33,906 --> 00:14:34,906
Jungle.
216
00:14:36,876 --> 00:14:40,745
Then you're saying that he got
killed trying to hop on that freight train?
217
00:14:41,414 --> 00:14:44,111
He went back to
his old way of life.
218
00:14:45,485 --> 00:14:47,147
But he just couldn't cut it.
219
00:14:48,755 --> 00:14:51,850
Do you know of any reason why he
didn't have any identification on him?
220
00:14:52,158 --> 00:14:54,525
Well, what does a
hobo need with a wallet?
221
00:14:54,594 --> 00:14:55,926
His pockets were empty.
222
00:14:58,464 --> 00:15:00,695
A man usually has
something in his pockets.
223
00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:02,366
Are we almost finished?
224
00:15:02,735 --> 00:15:04,328
Yeah, that'll do it for me.
225
00:15:04,904 --> 00:15:07,169
Unless, of course, you
wanna view the remains.
226
00:15:07,340 --> 00:15:08,899
No! No! No...
227
00:15:08,975 --> 00:15:12,912
I think we'd prefer to remember
Uncle Charlie the way we saw him last.
228
00:15:13,346 --> 00:15:14,609
In one piece.
229
00:15:14,680 --> 00:15:15,680
Yeah.
230
00:15:15,882 --> 00:15:19,978
Oh, but listen, if it's okay, we would
like to arrange for a decent burial
231
00:15:20,052 --> 00:15:21,315
right here in town.
232
00:15:22,021 --> 00:15:24,115
Normally, that would
be the procedure.
233
00:15:25,691 --> 00:15:27,887
But you see, there's
a flag on this play.
234
00:15:30,129 --> 00:15:32,689
You're not the first people
to lay claim to John Doe.
235
00:15:33,132 --> 00:15:34,657
You're not even the second.
236
00:15:35,201 --> 00:15:36,499
You're the third.
237
00:15:38,271 --> 00:15:40,240
What are we going to do now?
238
00:15:41,374 --> 00:15:43,070
Guess you'll have
to take a number.
239
00:15:50,216 --> 00:15:53,482
Oh! Oh, Sunny, that is so good.
240
00:15:54,086 --> 00:15:56,612
Oh, yeah, right there.
Oh, don't stop! Oh...
241
00:15:56,856 --> 00:15:59,382
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
242
00:16:00,827 --> 00:16:03,319
Maybe we should just
forget it and go home.
243
00:16:03,563 --> 00:16:07,227
Oh, now that would not be fair to
the memory of Uncle Charlie, hon.
244
00:16:07,834 --> 00:16:10,531
I mean, the man spent
three long years living with us.
245
00:16:10,603 --> 00:16:13,300
At no time did he ever
say forget it and go home.
246
00:16:13,372 --> 00:16:14,738
He didn't have a home.
247
00:16:14,941 --> 00:16:18,002
I know. And if we can't pay the
rent, we're not gonna have one, either.
248
00:16:18,144 --> 00:16:21,376
Oh, that is the
spot. That... Yes.
249
00:16:22,815 --> 00:16:24,408
You know, honey, it's just that
250
00:16:24,617 --> 00:16:27,314
if it was only one other
person identifying the body,
251
00:16:27,386 --> 00:16:30,652
I would say, "Yeah, okay, we gave
it our best shot, let's hit the trail."
252
00:16:31,123 --> 00:16:34,525
But two other people making
different identifications?
253
00:16:34,861 --> 00:16:37,421
Uh-uh. Only one of those
people can be telling the truth.
254
00:16:37,497 --> 00:16:39,762
Which means the odds
are both of them are lying.
255
00:16:39,832 --> 00:16:41,130
And we aren't?
256
00:16:41,234 --> 00:16:44,602
Listen, hon, would you roll me
over and get me a shirt, please.
257
00:16:49,475 --> 00:16:50,966
What are you gonna do now?
258
00:16:51,077 --> 00:16:54,343
Oh, well, first, I'm
gonna try to get up.
259
00:16:54,614 --> 00:16:56,344
And then, I'm gonna
go look for a man
260
00:16:56,415 --> 00:16:58,577
whose name I read upside
down on the Sheriff s desk.
261
00:17:27,813 --> 00:17:28,813
Hi.
262
00:17:29,815 --> 00:17:34,515
Say, I was told I could find
a Mr. Bart Mahoney in here.
263
00:17:34,787 --> 00:17:36,983
Yeah, well, that depends
on who wants to find him.
264
00:17:38,524 --> 00:17:39,753
Mr. Mahoney.
265
00:17:40,126 --> 00:17:41,685
I think this'll explain it.
266
00:17:43,329 --> 00:17:44,888
Yeah, let's see.
267
00:17:46,766 --> 00:17:49,258
Private eye, huh?
Frank Albertson.
268
00:17:49,335 --> 00:17:50,997
Well, what can we do for you?
269
00:17:52,371 --> 00:17:54,806
What do you know about
a man called John Doe
270
00:17:54,874 --> 00:17:56,740
who got himself hit by a train?
271
00:17:56,809 --> 00:18:00,246
Well, I do know that it
rearranged him pretty good.
272
00:18:00,580 --> 00:18:02,446
What are you drinking?
273
00:18:03,115 --> 00:18:05,175
Beer. Just beer.
Beer. Hey, Jake.
274
00:18:05,785 --> 00:18:07,378
Draw one for my friend here.
275
00:18:07,920 --> 00:18:11,152
Mr. Mahoney, according to my
information, you identified the body.
276
00:18:11,223 --> 00:18:13,818
Well, that's right. His
name was Roper Bailey.
277
00:18:14,360 --> 00:18:17,592
Everyone here knew old Roper,
right guys? You all know old Roper?
278
00:18:18,397 --> 00:18:19,626
Yeah, except for you.
279
00:18:20,499 --> 00:18:23,025
Roper was a devoted
father and a sole-provider
280
00:18:23,102 --> 00:18:26,470
for his grieving daughter,
Marcia Mae, my client.
281
00:18:27,273 --> 00:18:31,233
And would your client happen to be the
railroad or the train that ran him down?
282
00:18:35,514 --> 00:18:37,039
You're gonna sue, right?
283
00:18:37,617 --> 00:18:40,849
Well, let me put it to you
this way. That signal light was
284
00:18:41,387 --> 00:18:43,549
out of order at the
nearest crossing
285
00:18:43,623 --> 00:18:46,183
when Roper decided
to take a shortcut home.
286
00:18:46,258 --> 00:18:49,228
I mean, now how was he to
know that there was a freight train
287
00:18:49,295 --> 00:18:51,594
roaring down the
track behind him, huh?
288
00:18:52,064 --> 00:18:55,330
The light was only part of
that signal. There was a bell.
289
00:18:56,535 --> 00:18:58,697
Did I fail to mention
Roper was deaf?
290
00:18:59,372 --> 00:19:02,035
He lost his hearing when
he was a rodeo performer.
291
00:19:02,341 --> 00:19:05,334
Some ornery bull went and just
tossed him, went right on his head.
292
00:19:05,711 --> 00:19:07,771
Boy, it sounds like all
your bases are covered.
293
00:19:07,913 --> 00:19:11,213
Well, you see, by not replacing
that signal light at the crossing,
294
00:19:11,283 --> 00:19:14,447
the railroad as good as
murdered that fine man.
295
00:19:14,687 --> 00:19:20,058
That hardworking, that decent and loving
daddy of that tragic little orphan girl,
296
00:19:20,159 --> 00:19:21,787
Marcia Mae Bailey.
297
00:19:23,262 --> 00:19:27,358
John Doe's face is gone and
most of his body is torn up, too.
298
00:19:27,466 --> 00:19:31,494
Now how is little Marcia Mae
gonna prove that that's her daddy?
299
00:19:31,837 --> 00:19:34,966
Well, now, don't you think
if a child says it's her daddy,
300
00:19:35,174 --> 00:19:41,307
a jury of honest, decent folks with honest,
decent feelings is gonna call her a liar?
301
00:19:41,614 --> 00:19:45,346
Son, you sure got a warped
view of our legal system.
302
00:19:49,889 --> 00:19:50,889
Damn!
303
00:19:52,692 --> 00:19:55,423
Frank, what's wrong?
Didn't you find him?
304
00:19:55,561 --> 00:19:57,223
Yeah, I found him.
305
00:19:57,430 --> 00:20:00,867
Bart Mahoney, the local
shyster. The man's a toad.
306
00:20:03,536 --> 00:20:06,563
Calm down. It's not that bad.
307
00:20:06,639 --> 00:20:09,541
Yes, it is. The man's
trying to steal our stiff!
308
00:20:10,142 --> 00:20:13,340
Poor baby. You need a nap.
309
00:20:13,579 --> 00:20:16,447
No, I don't. You weren't there.
You didn't hear what he said.
310
00:20:16,515 --> 00:20:18,484
He's got this client
and he's going to...
311
00:20:25,925 --> 00:20:27,086
Wrong number.
312
00:20:27,159 --> 00:20:29,219
Mr. Albertson? Sheriff Ten Eyck.
313
00:20:30,663 --> 00:20:33,258
Hello, Sheriff.
314
00:20:33,999 --> 00:20:36,059
I just got a call
from Bart Mahoney.
315
00:20:37,036 --> 00:20:38,664
He said you met
him a little while ago.
316
00:20:39,138 --> 00:20:41,937
I bumped into him, yes.
317
00:20:42,475 --> 00:20:44,019
Yeah, well, he's kind
of peeved about that.
318
00:20:44,043 --> 00:20:46,035
Said you told him you
worked for the railroad.
319
00:20:46,145 --> 00:20:47,670
I gave him my card.
320
00:20:47,747 --> 00:20:51,514
Yeah, but you didn't tell him
you were laying claim to John Doe.
321
00:20:52,017 --> 00:20:54,111
He didn't ask.
Look, Sheriff, if...
322
00:20:54,186 --> 00:20:56,451
You come on down to my
office in about ten minutes.
323
00:20:56,756 --> 00:20:59,920
I want you to meet a little
lady that might be a kin of yours.
324
00:21:04,897 --> 00:21:07,059
I just thought it was
time that the two of you
325
00:21:07,133 --> 00:21:09,034
and Tilly Bascomb
here got together.
326
00:21:09,335 --> 00:21:10,633
Why, Sheriff?
327
00:21:10,903 --> 00:21:13,896
Well, with you claiming that
John Doe is your Uncle Charlie,
328
00:21:14,707 --> 00:21:16,801
Ms. Bascomb claiming
it's her husband...
329
00:21:17,576 --> 00:21:20,068
That would make
her your Aunt Tilly.
330
00:21:21,147 --> 00:21:24,015
Do you happen to have a picture of
your Uncle Charlie by any chance?
331
00:21:24,150 --> 00:21:25,209
I have.
332
00:21:25,284 --> 00:21:27,685
Do you still have
that snapshot of Mort?
333
00:21:30,756 --> 00:21:32,224
This is Uncle Charlie.
334
00:21:34,293 --> 00:21:35,591
And this is Mort.
335
00:21:35,928 --> 00:21:37,590
That's not Uncle Charlie.
336
00:21:38,130 --> 00:21:40,065
I can't tell anything from this.
337
00:21:40,432 --> 00:21:43,869
It's so blurred the sailor
doesn't even have any features.
338
00:21:44,370 --> 00:21:45,838
Neither did John Doe.
339
00:21:47,173 --> 00:21:49,540
That didn't keep you
from swearing it was Mort.
340
00:21:50,142 --> 00:21:51,940
Well, it just has to be.
341
00:21:52,711 --> 00:21:54,441
My husband has insomnia.
342
00:21:54,847 --> 00:21:58,511
Many a night he took long walks so
that he could make himself sleep better.
343
00:21:59,118 --> 00:22:00,450
On the railroad tracks?
344
00:22:01,353 --> 00:22:02,480
Well, why not?
345
00:22:02,555 --> 00:22:04,217
They're not far from our house.
346
00:22:04,456 --> 00:22:06,357
It's quiet and peaceful there.
347
00:22:06,759 --> 00:22:07,852
Safer, too.
348
00:22:07,927 --> 00:22:12,194
Easier to spot rattlesnakes when they
crawl out of the brush onto the tracks.
349
00:22:12,464 --> 00:22:14,057
Oh, yuck!
350
00:22:14,266 --> 00:22:16,997
Ms. Bascomb, what
was your husband doing
351
00:22:17,069 --> 00:22:20,528
hopscotching rattlers in the moonlight
without any I.D. in his pockets?
352
00:22:21,407 --> 00:22:24,605
Well, I'm sure that he had his
wallet when he left the house.
353
00:22:25,010 --> 00:22:27,536
I have no idea
what happened to it.
354
00:22:29,348 --> 00:22:34,309
Unless the train's velocity
whipped it out of his pocket.
355
00:22:34,887 --> 00:22:37,550
Yeah. Well, then it's
still probably there.
356
00:22:37,957 --> 00:22:41,189
Sheriff, I suggest we organize a search
party to comb that area of the tracks.
357
00:22:41,360 --> 00:22:44,694
My deputy's gone over that
ground, he didn't find anything.
358
00:22:45,231 --> 00:22:47,632
Why would you wanna
search for her husband's wallet?
359
00:22:48,167 --> 00:22:50,762
Well, I believe John
Doe is my Uncle Charlie.
360
00:22:50,836 --> 00:22:54,466
But if he's not, I'd like to find out
the truth so I can get on with my life.
361
00:22:54,540 --> 00:22:56,168
If that's all right
with you, Sheriff?
362
00:22:56,408 --> 00:22:58,843
Well, it would be,
363
00:22:59,678 --> 00:23:02,409
except I only got two
deputies available.
364
00:23:02,648 --> 00:23:05,140
And we spent a lot of
hours out there the first time.
365
00:23:06,352 --> 00:23:09,618
Hey, does Huckabee have a
pony league baseball team?
366
00:23:09,989 --> 00:23:10,989
Sure does.
367
00:23:11,457 --> 00:23:13,016
My son-in-law is the coach.
368
00:23:13,092 --> 00:23:15,425
Think they might like to
make a few extra bucks?
369
00:23:15,728 --> 00:23:17,162
What kid wouldn't?
370
00:23:17,663 --> 00:23:19,291
I'll have them
turn out at sun up.
371
00:23:32,845 --> 00:23:33,904
Stop! What?
372
00:23:34,246 --> 00:23:35,646
I'm sure I saw
something slither.
373
00:23:35,714 --> 00:23:37,444
Did it rattle? I don't think so.
374
00:23:37,516 --> 00:23:39,075
Well, when it
rattles, let me know.
375
00:23:39,151 --> 00:23:41,052
Look, here's a
good place to start.
376
00:23:41,287 --> 00:23:42,846
Shine the light in here.
377
00:23:44,056 --> 00:23:45,183
All right.
378
00:23:45,257 --> 00:23:47,453
First the monogrammed
cigar clipper.
379
00:23:50,596 --> 00:23:51,894
They want proof,
380
00:23:53,365 --> 00:23:54,924
we'll give them proof.
381
00:24:01,674 --> 00:24:03,836
Well, having salted
the railroad tracks
382
00:24:03,909 --> 00:24:06,435
with Uncle Charlie's last
few remaining possessions,
383
00:24:07,012 --> 00:24:10,710
Frank approached the following morning's
search with ill-concealed enthusiasm.
384
00:24:11,517 --> 00:24:13,315
His joy was short-lived.
385
00:24:14,119 --> 00:24:16,953
The Huckabee Hornets had
problems hitting the curve ball,
386
00:24:17,022 --> 00:24:20,220
and the fastball, and they weren't
all that good at judging pop-ups.
387
00:24:20,492 --> 00:24:24,122
They were definitely not very
good at finding the obvious.
388
00:24:32,171 --> 00:24:34,037
How come she doesn't sweat?
389
00:24:37,810 --> 00:24:38,869
Tilly.
390
00:24:42,114 --> 00:24:43,878
You shouldn't be
out in this heat.
391
00:24:44,416 --> 00:24:46,180
Let me take you
back to the office.
392
00:24:48,787 --> 00:24:50,255
I wanna stay.
393
00:24:51,123 --> 00:24:52,887
They're looking
for Mort's wallet.
394
00:24:53,993 --> 00:24:55,962
Yeah, well, they should
have found that days ago.
395
00:24:58,897 --> 00:25:01,025
Who's the man with
Mrs. Bascomb, Sheriff?
396
00:25:01,900 --> 00:25:03,926
That's her cousin, Jerry Wilbur.
397
00:25:04,737 --> 00:25:06,831
Works for her husband's
microchip company.
398
00:25:07,906 --> 00:25:11,035
Matter of fact, he's been running
it ever since Mort disappeared.
399
00:25:28,594 --> 00:25:32,361
Ed, I object to this
high-handed, unauthorized
400
00:25:32,464 --> 00:25:34,365
trampling of the
scene of the crime.
401
00:25:34,566 --> 00:25:36,865
Yeah. What crime is that?
402
00:25:37,102 --> 00:25:38,695
Well,
403
00:25:38,771 --> 00:25:42,538
the railroad's gross negligence in
the untimely death of Roper Bailey.
404
00:25:43,142 --> 00:25:45,008
Roper Bailey? That old drunk?
405
00:25:45,411 --> 00:25:48,040
Oh, wait a second
now, that dead old drunk.
406
00:25:48,380 --> 00:25:51,976
Just zip it up, Bart. You
ain't talking to no jury now.
407
00:25:52,184 --> 00:25:53,914
I authorized this search.
408
00:25:54,520 --> 00:25:56,785
Mr. Mahoney, hi. So
glad you could make it.
409
00:25:57,022 --> 00:25:58,354
Where is your client?
410
00:26:09,468 --> 00:26:10,993
Oh, wow!
411
00:26:13,739 --> 00:26:18,439
Bart! Why do I have to sit in that
refrigerator freezing my butt off?
412
00:26:19,211 --> 00:26:20,543
Morning, Marcia Mae.
413
00:26:23,715 --> 00:26:27,846
So that's poor, tragic little Marcia Mae
who's gonna make a jury weep, huh?
414
00:26:27,986 --> 00:26:28,986
Damn it!
415
00:26:31,690 --> 00:26:33,625
I told you to wait in the car!
416
00:26:36,161 --> 00:26:38,460
Hey, Sheriff, I found
something over here.
417
00:26:39,631 --> 00:26:40,997
Hey, we found something!
418
00:26:41,400 --> 00:26:43,631
They found Mort's
wallet. Sheriff, look at this.
419
00:26:43,902 --> 00:26:45,894
I found something, too, Sheriff!
420
00:26:47,773 --> 00:26:49,765
How many wallets
did they find out there?
421
00:26:55,747 --> 00:26:57,409
This is what we got, sir.
422
00:27:05,657 --> 00:27:07,956
It's too bad all those
kids handled all that stuff.
423
00:27:08,060 --> 00:27:10,188
Now we can't get
any clear finger prints.
424
00:27:10,295 --> 00:27:14,198
There's an inscription in the watch
that says, "To Charlie with love from Liz."
425
00:27:14,900 --> 00:27:15,900
Mmm-hmm.
426
00:27:22,307 --> 00:27:23,707
"C.K.A."
427
00:27:29,581 --> 00:27:30,844
"C.K.A."
428
00:27:33,318 --> 00:27:36,379
"Charles Kenneth Albertson."
429
00:27:37,122 --> 00:27:38,385
Uncle Charlie.
430
00:27:47,966 --> 00:27:50,299
I was just wondering how
many things I had in my pocket
431
00:27:50,369 --> 00:27:51,496
with my initials on them.
432
00:27:52,938 --> 00:27:54,270
The answer is none.
433
00:27:56,708 --> 00:28:00,509
Well, you know, Uncle Charlie was
having a lot of trouble with his memory.
434
00:28:00,579 --> 00:28:03,481
And I guess he felt it
needed to be primed a bit.
435
00:28:03,782 --> 00:28:04,782
Uh-huh.
436
00:28:08,020 --> 00:28:12,219
So, all of this stuff just flew out of
his pockets when the train hit him.
437
00:28:13,292 --> 00:28:15,352
Well, what other
explanation is there?
438
00:28:17,396 --> 00:28:20,560
See, my deputies searched
up and down that track
439
00:28:20,866 --> 00:28:22,835
right after the body
was discovered,
440
00:28:23,669 --> 00:28:25,535
and they didn't
find diddley-squat.
441
00:28:26,004 --> 00:28:29,702
Well, you know how kids
are, they never miss a thing.
442
00:28:30,576 --> 00:28:34,343
Their eyes are so sharp and
they're so close to the ground.
443
00:28:44,489 --> 00:28:48,085
Look, Sheriff, I don't
mean to hurry you,
444
00:28:48,627 --> 00:28:51,324
but we are getting just a bit
concerned about the fact that
445
00:28:51,463 --> 00:28:53,955
Uncle Charlie has
not been buried yet.
446
00:29:07,646 --> 00:29:08,705
All right.
447
00:29:11,383 --> 00:29:14,512
Take this over to Jack
Yamoto, he's the coroner.
448
00:29:15,587 --> 00:29:17,749
He'll give you a
proper death certificate
449
00:29:18,056 --> 00:29:20,150
and he'll turn over
your uncle to you.
450
00:29:21,093 --> 00:29:23,653
Thank you, Sheriff.
Thank you for all your help.
451
00:29:25,998 --> 00:29:27,193
Appreciate it.
452
00:29:27,666 --> 00:29:29,828
Uncle Charlie thanks you, too.
453
00:29:36,375 --> 00:29:38,810
The first thing you have
to do is get rid of that car.
454
00:29:38,877 --> 00:29:40,277
It's a ghastly color.
455
00:29:40,345 --> 00:29:42,371
It's a detective's car,
honey, nondescript.
456
00:29:42,447 --> 00:29:45,440
What are you gonna buy with
the inheritance? A brown Ferrari?
457
00:29:45,717 --> 00:29:48,152
No, a red one. 'Cause
I'm out of the business.
458
00:29:51,356 --> 00:29:52,722
Mr. and Mrs. Albertson?
459
00:29:52,858 --> 00:29:54,053
Yes, we are.
460
00:29:54,126 --> 00:29:56,960
The Coroner's expecting you. He
had to step out for just a moment.
461
00:29:57,029 --> 00:29:58,554
You may wait in his office.
462
00:29:59,631 --> 00:30:02,066
Oh, you're Mr. Ainsley.
463
00:30:02,401 --> 00:30:04,302
Well, yes. How did you know?
464
00:30:04,870 --> 00:30:06,168
I'm good with names.
465
00:30:06,772 --> 00:30:08,900
Stick around and
she'll guess your weight.
466
00:30:09,608 --> 00:30:10,608
Excuse me.
467
00:30:12,477 --> 00:30:16,471
I'm sorry. I heard his voice and that's
the first thing that popped into my head.
468
00:30:16,548 --> 00:30:18,540
We are too close
to screw it up now.
469
00:30:18,617 --> 00:30:20,142
What if he recognized my voice?
470
00:30:20,218 --> 00:30:22,517
He didn't. He just
thinks you're weird.
471
00:30:22,988 --> 00:30:24,149
And so do I.
472
00:30:24,389 --> 00:30:25,584
Hey, look.
473
00:30:29,161 --> 00:30:31,790
That's Junior. He died 100
years ago out in the desert.
474
00:30:31,963 --> 00:30:35,161
Hello, I'm Jack Yamoto.
Hey, Jack, Frank Albertson.
475
00:30:35,233 --> 00:30:37,225
And my wife, Sunny.
Glad to meet you.
476
00:30:37,369 --> 00:30:40,203
And I have this from
the Sheriff for you.
477
00:30:40,272 --> 00:30:42,070
Okay, please, be seated.
478
00:30:42,140 --> 00:30:43,199
Thank you.
479
00:30:43,275 --> 00:30:45,075
No, no, not you. I want
you seated at my desk.
480
00:30:45,143 --> 00:30:47,112
I've got some documents
for your signature here.
481
00:30:47,212 --> 00:30:48,212
Okay.
482
00:30:48,447 --> 00:30:51,815
Now, sign each of these
here, here, and here.
483
00:30:51,950 --> 00:30:53,077
You got it.
484
00:30:54,019 --> 00:30:55,487
That's one down.
485
00:30:55,887 --> 00:30:58,550
Why do I feel like I'm
buying a car, Jack?
486
00:30:59,157 --> 00:31:00,750
That's good.
487
00:31:02,794 --> 00:31:04,660
Thank you, Mr. Albertson.
488
00:31:04,730 --> 00:31:08,189
Oh! Here's a card for the Bright
Haven Mortuary and Cemetery.
489
00:31:08,266 --> 00:31:11,212
They'll treat you right. Mention my name
and they'll give you a deal on a coffin.
490
00:31:11,236 --> 00:31:12,676
You can also get
a bargain plot, too,
491
00:31:12,704 --> 00:31:14,400
if you don't mind the
sunny side of a hill.
492
00:31:14,639 --> 00:31:16,938
Oh, Uncle Charlie
loved to lay out.
493
00:31:17,109 --> 00:31:19,271
Oh, he'll be laid out
for a good long time.
494
00:31:20,245 --> 00:31:23,704
Here's a copy of the death certificate
for Charles Kenneth Albertson.
495
00:31:23,949 --> 00:31:27,249
I'll have the mortuary arranged for
the picking up of the remains. And...
496
00:31:27,319 --> 00:31:28,514
Do you want flowers?
497
00:31:28,720 --> 00:31:30,154
No, thank you.
498
00:31:30,222 --> 00:31:34,922
But Uncle Charlie had
an allergy. So, no flowers...
499
00:31:38,096 --> 00:31:40,190
In a hurry, are
you, Mr. Albertson?
500
00:31:41,633 --> 00:31:44,728
Well, yes, Sheriff, we
have a funeral to arrange.
501
00:31:46,938 --> 00:31:49,703
Just after you left my
office, I got a phone call from
502
00:31:50,509 --> 00:31:52,740
Sheriff Walldecker
over in Dry Flats.
503
00:31:54,279 --> 00:31:56,839
His deputy brought
in a vagrant last night.
504
00:31:56,915 --> 00:32:01,876
Seems that this vagrant had found
a very expensive-looking wallet,
505
00:32:03,021 --> 00:32:04,512
about $200 in it.
506
00:32:06,158 --> 00:32:07,820
A wallet? Mmm-hmm.
507
00:32:09,027 --> 00:32:11,622
Says he found it by the
railroad track near Huckabee
508
00:32:12,998 --> 00:32:14,626
right after the accident.
509
00:32:16,001 --> 00:32:18,493
The fella's name in the
wallet was Mort Bascomb.
510
00:32:19,204 --> 00:32:22,538
We know that 'cause he had his
name on his driver's license and about
511
00:32:22,874 --> 00:32:24,536
a dozen credit cards.
512
00:32:25,243 --> 00:32:27,269
See, what I don't
understand now, sir,
513
00:32:28,613 --> 00:32:30,809
is if John Doe is Mort Bascomb,
514
00:32:32,417 --> 00:32:34,818
how is it your Uncle Charlie's
belongings are scattered
515
00:32:34,886 --> 00:32:36,582
all over the
landscape out there?
516
00:32:39,191 --> 00:32:40,716
Would you turn around, sir?
517
00:32:40,892 --> 00:32:42,258
Appreciate it.
518
00:32:44,629 --> 00:32:48,896
Honey, this isn't going to
look good on your résumé.
519
00:32:49,334 --> 00:32:51,894
Wait, don't I even
get to call a lawyer?
520
00:32:51,970 --> 00:32:53,939
Well, there ain't
but one in town.
521
00:32:54,773 --> 00:32:56,366
Bart Mahoney? Yeah.
522
00:32:56,575 --> 00:32:58,567
Well, you can call
him if you want to.
523
00:32:58,910 --> 00:33:01,243
Strikes me as a
conflict of interest.
524
00:33:02,647 --> 00:33:05,583
Look, Sheriff, you've gotta
believe me, this is flim-flam. That...
525
00:33:05,684 --> 00:33:08,415
That wallet was
planted. Is that so?
526
00:33:08,587 --> 00:33:09,680
Yeah.
527
00:33:09,855 --> 00:33:13,792
Well, whose word are you gonna take,
mine or some wallet-stealing vagrant's?
528
00:33:14,259 --> 00:33:15,659
Supper's at 6:00.
529
00:33:15,894 --> 00:33:19,888
We're having pork chops, mashed
potatoes, rice pudding for dessert.
530
00:33:20,966 --> 00:33:24,130
Hey, wait a minute! Sheriff...
531
00:33:24,936 --> 00:33:27,933
I know my rights!
532
00:33:37,382 --> 00:33:39,544
Hi. I'm Al Capone.
533
00:33:41,887 --> 00:33:43,321
You can't have my shoes.
534
00:33:44,055 --> 00:33:45,921
Well, you can't
have mine, either.
535
00:33:46,057 --> 00:33:48,356
You wanna shake on
that, or wait for contracts?
536
00:33:48,460 --> 00:33:50,122
You're a wise guy, ain't you?
537
00:33:50,495 --> 00:33:53,932
Yeah, when I'm
nervous or scared.
538
00:33:55,433 --> 00:33:56,662
Right now I'm both.
539
00:33:56,835 --> 00:34:00,397
Hell, kid. I won't hurt
you. I'm Clarence.
540
00:34:00,772 --> 00:34:02,536
Hi. Frank.
541
00:34:03,408 --> 00:34:04,899
You said you was Al.
542
00:34:05,710 --> 00:34:07,110
It's an alias.
543
00:34:17,255 --> 00:34:19,622
Why are you stuffing
paper into your shoes?
544
00:34:20,025 --> 00:34:21,323
They're too big.
545
00:34:22,761 --> 00:34:24,320
What would you stuff in them?
546
00:34:28,633 --> 00:34:30,465
What would you do if
they were too small?
547
00:34:30,769 --> 00:34:33,466
Then I wouldn't be able
to wear them, would I?
548
00:34:34,639 --> 00:34:36,039
What a dummy!
549
00:34:37,676 --> 00:34:39,304
A dumb dummy!
550
00:34:40,612 --> 00:34:41,910
Dummy!
551
00:34:48,787 --> 00:34:50,585
Hey! Hey, Sheriff!
552
00:34:51,022 --> 00:34:52,513
Run that by me again.
553
00:34:53,291 --> 00:34:56,955
I said, if he was knocked out of
his shoes and dragged by the train,
554
00:34:57,362 --> 00:35:00,730
the shoes would be 100 yards
down the track, not laying beside him.
555
00:35:01,166 --> 00:35:04,659
They were left there to make it
look like he was walking on the tracks.
556
00:35:05,337 --> 00:35:09,001
And then he was probably dumped on
the tracks just before the train was due.
557
00:35:09,107 --> 00:35:11,827
That train comes through about
the same time every night, doesn't it?
558
00:35:11,910 --> 00:35:13,401
Yeah, but... Okay,
559
00:35:13,478 --> 00:35:17,108
that's when the killer noticed that
John Doe was in his stocking feet.
560
00:35:17,449 --> 00:35:19,281
So he took off his own shoes,
561
00:35:19,351 --> 00:35:21,718
intending to put them
on John Doe's feet,
562
00:35:22,787 --> 00:35:24,346
but the shoes were too small.
563
00:35:24,489 --> 00:35:26,481
He couldn't jam John
Doe's feet into them.
564
00:35:26,791 --> 00:35:29,022
But the victim
had to have shoes.
565
00:35:29,995 --> 00:35:32,021
That's when he decided to
move back from the tracks
566
00:35:32,097 --> 00:35:35,192
and just let the train
rumble over poor John Doe.
567
00:35:35,467 --> 00:35:39,234
And then after the train was gone,
he left the shoes with the torn-up body.
568
00:35:54,119 --> 00:35:55,119
Thanks.
569
00:36:00,325 --> 00:36:01,520
He's right.
570
00:36:01,860 --> 00:36:04,955
The shoe's too
small. It was murder.
571
00:36:11,369 --> 00:36:14,635
Yeah, that Mahoney's
a blow-hard.
572
00:36:15,106 --> 00:36:17,098
Always was, even in high school.
573
00:36:18,243 --> 00:36:20,178
Yeah, I noticed when
I was in here before
574
00:36:20,245 --> 00:36:23,044
you had trouble keeping a straight
face when he was spouting off.
575
00:36:23,581 --> 00:36:26,427
Yeah. I been thinking about getting
me a pair of earplugs and sticking them in
576
00:36:26,451 --> 00:36:28,682
every time I see Mahoney
walk through that door.
577
00:36:29,254 --> 00:36:33,589
Yeah, you really turned off when
he started talking about Roper Bailey.
578
00:36:34,726 --> 00:36:37,389
He's little Marcia Mae's
missing daddy, right?
579
00:36:38,930 --> 00:36:41,798
Yeah, Roper's Marcia's daddy.
580
00:36:42,600 --> 00:36:44,296
All that stuff about
581
00:36:44,636 --> 00:36:48,573
Roper Bailey being
Marcia Mae's sole provider...
582
00:36:50,842 --> 00:36:53,971
That's USDA, prime bull.
583
00:36:56,147 --> 00:36:57,667
Marcia Mae's been
providing for herself
584
00:36:57,716 --> 00:37:00,618
since she was 16 years
old with no problem.
585
00:37:00,685 --> 00:37:02,153
Mahoney know about that?
586
00:37:04,489 --> 00:37:06,321
Who do you think pays her rent?
587
00:37:07,125 --> 00:37:09,890
Bart Mahoney, that's who.
And her grocery bill, too.
588
00:37:10,195 --> 00:37:11,891
See, bartending ain't all I do.
589
00:37:12,030 --> 00:37:14,056
I got me a little grocery store,
590
00:37:14,232 --> 00:37:16,827
and Marcia Mae, she does
all her food shopping there.
591
00:37:17,035 --> 00:37:19,129
See, she lives right
across the street.
592
00:37:19,204 --> 00:37:21,139
You know, she never
pulls her blinds down.
593
00:37:21,372 --> 00:37:22,965
That girl's some piece of work.
594
00:37:23,508 --> 00:37:26,672
I'll bet. So, she does her
food shopping at your store.
595
00:37:26,745 --> 00:37:29,010
Yeah. She always
buys the same stuff.
596
00:37:29,214 --> 00:37:33,151
She buys diet soda for herself,
she buys Mexican beer for her daddy.
597
00:37:33,218 --> 00:37:36,882
She buys chewing gum for herself,
she buys chewing tobacco for her daddy.
598
00:37:38,323 --> 00:37:40,815
You know, it's been five days
since they found old John Doe
599
00:37:40,892 --> 00:37:42,053
out on the tracks.
600
00:37:42,227 --> 00:37:44,253
Mr. Bart Mahoney,
big-brain lawyer,
601
00:37:44,329 --> 00:37:46,093
well, he's saying
602
00:37:46,765 --> 00:37:49,257
that John Doe is none other
than Roper Bailey hisself.
603
00:37:50,068 --> 00:37:51,502
That is purely bogus.
604
00:37:51,903 --> 00:37:53,269
You know that for a fact?
605
00:37:53,371 --> 00:37:56,933
What I know is that Marcia Mae
come into my food store yesterday.
606
00:37:58,109 --> 00:37:59,805
You wanna guess what she bought?
607
00:38:03,014 --> 00:38:05,142
Mexican beer and
chewing tobacco.
608
00:38:07,585 --> 00:38:10,521
Son, you win the worm in the
bottom of the bottle of tequila.
609
00:38:18,663 --> 00:38:21,599
I was in the store this morning
and saw her make the purchases.
610
00:38:21,699 --> 00:38:23,099
This is the receipt.
611
00:38:23,201 --> 00:38:25,830
Today's date, along with
a list of what she bought,
612
00:38:25,937 --> 00:38:29,465
including Mexican beer
and chewing tobacco,
613
00:38:29,707 --> 00:38:32,302
and Marcia Mae's signature
and charge number.
614
00:38:32,644 --> 00:38:33,644
Uh-huh.
615
00:38:34,746 --> 00:38:36,339
I'll tell you what this proves.
616
00:38:37,448 --> 00:38:40,509
If we find Roper Bailey
in Marcia Mae's attic
617
00:38:40,652 --> 00:38:42,280
with a six-pack and a spittoon,
618
00:38:43,488 --> 00:38:45,980
she didn't have no
reason to kill John Doe.
619
00:38:47,292 --> 00:38:48,988
See, I don't think
Mahoney thought up
620
00:38:49,060 --> 00:38:50,858
his scheme to defraud
the insurance company
621
00:38:50,929 --> 00:38:52,955
until he read that
story in the newspaper
622
00:38:53,264 --> 00:38:55,699
and realized, "Hey,
nobody's claiming John Doe."
623
00:38:55,867 --> 00:38:57,028
Could be.
624
00:38:57,602 --> 00:38:59,298
He arrived the same day you did.
625
00:39:00,138 --> 00:39:01,834
Which leaves the widow Bascomb.
626
00:39:02,006 --> 00:39:03,201
Yeah, but why?
627
00:39:03,274 --> 00:39:04,799
Maybe they weren't getting along
628
00:39:04,876 --> 00:39:06,811
and she would have
lost too much to a divorce.
629
00:39:06,911 --> 00:39:09,039
You did say something
about a micro-chip company...
630
00:39:09,314 --> 00:39:10,314
Yeah.
631
00:39:11,182 --> 00:39:14,448
A small company, large
government contracts.
632
00:39:15,854 --> 00:39:17,618
And now Tilly gets it all.
633
00:39:18,122 --> 00:39:20,591
With her cousin, Jerry,
the hunk, in charge.
634
00:39:29,033 --> 00:39:30,365
Who is it?
635
00:39:32,604 --> 00:39:34,038
Sheriff Ten Eyck, ma'am.
636
00:39:35,773 --> 00:39:37,674
Like to ask you a
couple of questions.
637
00:39:37,742 --> 00:39:39,938
You get out! Get out of here!
638
00:39:40,111 --> 00:39:41,511
What? What?
639
00:39:42,513 --> 00:39:45,574
What is this, a police state?
640
00:39:46,818 --> 00:39:49,310
You just can't barge
into a lady's bedroom.
641
00:39:50,188 --> 00:39:52,180
Looks like Jerry's
a kissing cousin.
642
00:39:52,657 --> 00:39:54,057
At the very least.
643
00:39:54,525 --> 00:39:57,393
Now you just listen to me,
before I get a little bit testy.
644
00:39:58,196 --> 00:40:00,995
I wanna talk to you about
your husband's murder.
645
00:40:02,066 --> 00:40:03,762
Just whose idea was it?
646
00:40:04,636 --> 00:40:07,629
I told you we wouldn't get away
with this! Didn't I tell you that?
647
00:40:08,206 --> 00:40:09,640
You idiot!
648
00:40:10,141 --> 00:40:13,475
Well, I didn't kill anybody.
I didn't kill anybody!
649
00:40:13,945 --> 00:40:15,811
He killed him! He
killed my husband.
650
00:40:16,214 --> 00:40:18,774
Excuse me, ma'am, would
you mind... Appreciate it.
651
00:40:21,052 --> 00:40:22,213
Didn't you hear me?
652
00:40:23,054 --> 00:40:24,420
He killed Mort!
653
00:40:25,390 --> 00:40:28,087
Yes, ma'am, I heard you.
654
00:40:28,993 --> 00:40:31,622
And you know what, he
buried him in the backyard!
655
00:40:32,797 --> 00:40:36,564
Oh, God!
656
00:40:53,418 --> 00:40:55,216
That's Mort Bascomb all right.
657
00:40:55,954 --> 00:40:59,254
But, Frank, if that's Mort,
then who's John Doe?
658
00:41:03,594 --> 00:41:06,257
According to Tilly's
confession, 27 pages,
659
00:41:06,331 --> 00:41:07,959
the longest I've ever seen,
660
00:41:08,933 --> 00:41:12,426
she talked her second cousin,
once-removed, Jerry Wilbur,
661
00:41:13,037 --> 00:41:15,666
into killing Mort so they
could take over his business.
662
00:41:16,441 --> 00:41:18,933
They didn't decide to
get married until a lot later.
663
00:41:19,744 --> 00:41:21,474
But the trouble is,
she had told people
664
00:41:21,546 --> 00:41:23,310
that Mort was on
a business trip.
665
00:41:24,515 --> 00:41:27,314
She couldn't very well dig
him up with three .38's in him.
666
00:41:27,919 --> 00:41:30,252
So they decided to
claim your John Doe
667
00:41:30,321 --> 00:41:32,847
as Mort so that Tilly
could go public as a widow.
668
00:41:33,358 --> 00:41:36,021
And after a decent interval,
she'd be able to remarry.
669
00:41:36,594 --> 00:41:39,029
But how did Mort's wallet
get next to the railroad tracks?
670
00:41:39,597 --> 00:41:42,897
Well, Jerry put it there so
my deputies would find it
671
00:41:43,368 --> 00:41:44,802
and I would take it that
672
00:41:45,503 --> 00:41:46,971
Mort was John Doe.
673
00:41:47,605 --> 00:41:49,335
But the bum found it first.
674
00:41:51,843 --> 00:41:52,843
Well, son,
675
00:41:53,344 --> 00:41:55,336
looks like you're
the only claimant left.
676
00:41:56,948 --> 00:41:58,644
You know, about that, Sheriff...
677
00:41:58,883 --> 00:42:02,376
Well, the fact is, I'm sick
and tired of all this business
678
00:42:03,955 --> 00:42:05,651
so if you want him,
you can have him.
679
00:42:05,957 --> 00:42:07,118
We can?
680
00:42:07,492 --> 00:42:08,983
Honey, did you hear that?
681
00:42:09,127 --> 00:42:11,153
We can have Uncle Charlie.
682
00:42:11,929 --> 00:42:14,455
I still have some
strong doubts about that,
683
00:42:15,833 --> 00:42:19,429
but you did give
the best description.
684
00:42:20,071 --> 00:42:22,597
And it'll save the county
the expense of a burial.
685
00:42:23,207 --> 00:42:27,941
So, I'm gonna give you back this
death certificate I took away from you.
686
00:42:28,679 --> 00:42:31,649
I suggest a brief ceremony
and a quick departure.
687
00:42:34,685 --> 00:42:36,677
Be sure and shut the
door on your way out.
688
00:42:39,357 --> 00:42:40,825
Hello, house.
689
00:42:42,026 --> 00:42:44,427
I am going to bed and
sleeping for a week.
690
00:42:44,495 --> 00:42:46,862
And you, young lady,
are more than welcome
691
00:42:46,931 --> 00:42:50,868
to join me as long as you promise
not to touch me for the next 168 hours.
692
00:42:50,968 --> 00:42:52,163
Mmm-hmm.
693
00:42:54,238 --> 00:42:56,207
Call the lawyer first.
694
00:42:56,307 --> 00:42:59,141
Oh, honey, it's Detroit.
It's too late. He won't be up.
695
00:42:59,510 --> 00:43:02,207
I know, but leave a
message on his machine.
696
00:43:02,313 --> 00:43:04,544
And tell him Uncle
Charlie had a lovely funeral.
697
00:43:04,849 --> 00:43:05,849
All right.
698
00:43:31,676 --> 00:43:32,974
Uncle Charlie!
699
00:43:35,580 --> 00:43:38,500
If I knew you were gonna make a
fuss like that, I wouldn't have come back,
700
00:43:38,616 --> 00:43:40,448
I'm looking for
my stuff I left here.
701
00:43:40,651 --> 00:43:45,316
My gold watch, my cigar
clipper, my lucky dice,
702
00:43:45,756 --> 00:43:47,019
my dog tags.
703
00:43:47,091 --> 00:43:50,027
Where the hell have you
been? We gave you up for dead.
704
00:43:50,428 --> 00:43:51,657
Oh, yeah?
705
00:43:52,029 --> 00:43:54,555
Hey, I still got a few
good years left in me.
706
00:43:55,066 --> 00:43:56,932
I gotta use the john.
707
00:43:58,302 --> 00:44:00,100
That's funny. That's funny.
708
00:44:01,139 --> 00:44:02,300
Yeah, that's funny.
709
00:44:03,441 --> 00:44:05,603
But Uncle Charlie
is dead. He's...
710
00:44:06,010 --> 00:44:08,707
I have the death certificate
right here. No, Frank.
711
00:44:09,914 --> 00:44:13,043
But you can't kill a man
twice. That's all I'm saying,
712
00:44:13,117 --> 00:44:14,642
is no one would ever know.
713
00:44:15,186 --> 00:44:16,745
You're not serious?
714
00:44:19,157 --> 00:44:22,150
No, of course I'm not serious.
715
00:44:22,860 --> 00:44:24,294
But who would ever know?
716
00:44:24,395 --> 00:44:26,159
Charlie, baby, I'm back.
717
00:44:26,864 --> 00:44:28,162
Oh, hello.
718
00:44:28,566 --> 00:44:30,535
You must be Francis and Sandra.
719
00:44:30,701 --> 00:44:32,693
I'm Doreen, Charlie's wife.
720
00:44:34,639 --> 00:44:36,904
Well, I see you've
met the little woman.
721
00:44:37,108 --> 00:44:38,940
Ain't she a pip?
722
00:44:39,911 --> 00:44:42,403
The Porsche is all
gassed and ready to go.
723
00:44:42,880 --> 00:44:43,880
Porsche?
724
00:44:44,115 --> 00:44:47,483
Yeah, if we take the limo,
we'll have to take the chauffeur.
725
00:44:47,652 --> 00:44:49,985
And who needs him
on a honeymoon?
726
00:44:50,221 --> 00:44:52,918
Say, did I tell you kids that
I came into some money?
727
00:44:53,090 --> 00:44:54,850
Show them the rock,
sweetheart. Look at that.
728
00:44:54,959 --> 00:44:58,259
If you think that's big, you
ought to see my lavaliere.
729
00:44:58,563 --> 00:44:59,997
It's the darnedest thing.
730
00:45:00,298 --> 00:45:03,996
An old girlfriend of mine in
Detroit died and left me millions.
731
00:45:04,635 --> 00:45:07,070
Now I don't see how me and
Doreen's gonna spend it all,
732
00:45:07,271 --> 00:45:08,933
but we're sure gonna try.
733
00:45:09,006 --> 00:45:11,703
We're on our way to Las Vegas.
734
00:45:12,143 --> 00:45:13,702
Of course. Where else?
735
00:45:13,911 --> 00:45:15,971
I just come by to
tell you kids that
736
00:45:16,047 --> 00:45:19,040
you don't have to worry about
old Uncle Charlie anymore.
737
00:45:19,617 --> 00:45:21,108
Goodbye, Frank.
738
00:45:22,220 --> 00:45:23,745
Nice seeing you again.
739
00:45:24,121 --> 00:45:26,716
And, Frank, you
look a little peaked.
740
00:45:27,225 --> 00:45:29,057
Try not to work
so hard, all right?
741
00:45:29,994 --> 00:45:31,986
Hurry, Charlie, we'll
miss Wayne Newton.
742
00:45:32,063 --> 00:45:34,055
Oh, who could miss
that guy, he's terrific.
743
00:45:34,165 --> 00:45:35,531
Isn't he wonderful?
744
00:45:37,335 --> 00:45:40,499
Uncle Charlie and Aunt Doreen.
745
00:45:42,506 --> 00:45:43,735
Who would have known?
746
00:45:46,310 --> 00:45:47,471
Epilogue.
747
00:45:48,279 --> 00:45:50,111
With Charlie on his way
to Vegas with Doreen,
748
00:45:50,181 --> 00:45:52,844
and Mort Bascomb
disinterred from Tilly's backyard,
749
00:45:53,117 --> 00:45:55,450
and Roper Bailey back
drinking Mexican beer,
750
00:45:55,519 --> 00:45:57,988
a nagging question
keeps coming to mind.
751
00:45:58,356 --> 00:46:00,848
Who was the John Doe
found by the railroad tracks,
752
00:46:00,925 --> 00:46:02,689
and more to the
point, who killed him?
753
00:46:03,427 --> 00:46:04,827
Well, the pieces
all fell into place
754
00:46:04,895 --> 00:46:08,093
about three days later when an
ad appeared in local newspapers
755
00:46:08,165 --> 00:46:09,656
all over the country.
756
00:46:10,101 --> 00:46:14,163
"Reward Offered.
$100,000 for information
757
00:46:14,238 --> 00:46:17,140
"regarding the whereabouts
of Jason T. Rucker,
758
00:46:17,608 --> 00:46:19,770
"President of Santa
Carmela Savings and Loan,
759
00:46:19,877 --> 00:46:22,005
"who disappeared on June 4th,
760
00:46:22,280 --> 00:46:26,342
"one day prior to a scheduled
audit by state banking officials.
761
00:46:27,251 --> 00:46:29,447
"Rucker is 66 years old,
"Rucker is 66 years old,
762
00:46:29,920 --> 00:46:32,788
"gray-haired, heavyset..."
"gray-haired, heavyset, about five-ten,
763
00:46:34,492 --> 00:46:37,087
"last seen wearing
a brown windbreaker,
764
00:46:37,428 --> 00:46:39,659
"tan slacks and
white oxford shoes.
765
00:46:41,165 --> 00:46:44,693
"Also wanted for questioning is
the man Rucker was last seen with
766
00:46:45,670 --> 00:46:48,265
"identified as a
freight-train hopping hobo
767
00:46:49,307 --> 00:46:50,969
"named Clarence Dobkin."
60954
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