Original subtitles

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To Gino and Edoardo

THE CYCLONE

This motorbike "Luxe" Series, registered 1979...

is the pride of my life

Never the slightest cough, a hint of rust, an undue skid, nothing.

A saint!

And to think that reasons to let itself go into scrap, it would have had quite a few...

When five of us got on to celebrate Italy's victory in the '82 World Cup...

When I loaded two carboys onto it...

one of oil and one of Morellino to bring them to Don Luigi...

When for an idiot bet I blocked the throttle...

and let it go on its own straight down a tiny street...

to see how long it would remain upright.

But most of all, it survived the arrival of new motorcycles...

Those modern black spikey monsters, which do 130 km/h uphill...

and 160 downhill...

with those absurd names: M.K.V...V.V.K.K...K.K...

W.W.F... What are they? A protected species?

In short, my bike did not want to die...

It wasn't afraid of anything and always proved all jinxers wrong.

But the Cyclone that passed in the summer of '96...

carried even it away.

Yes, because when the Cyclone comes, it doesn't warn you...

it comes, passes, and takes things away...

And you, all you can do is sit there quitely realizing that maybe...

if it hadn't come, it would have been much, much worse.

But if I pay the VAT of 19%, I use it even in products of 10...

Can't I use deduction of 9 before taxes and then make use 10 minus 9?

Carlina, there is a decree from 1985 that would prohibit it, I've always told you...

but I also told you that you have to bill everything at 19...

then, by virtue of the deduction of the withholding tax payment...

you can bring everything after three months to 15...

that way you have a reduction of 27, for a net profit of...?

- Fifty! - Fifty? Come on Carlina! Ten!

It's as if you were given six apples...

you amortize five, overcharge four...

after three months, one is free.

Levante, are you sure?

- Carlina, what grade did I have in math? - Nine

- And you? - Four

- What grade did you have in Italian? - Nine

- And me? - Four

You keep writing love letters, and I do your accounting.

But you never replied to these letters.

Carlina, do not start.

Do not start... But when it came to pleasure, you did take your pleasure.

What pleasure? We had a couple of kisses, for New Year, and because we were drunk!

And what happened at the parking lot, you don't remember?

I do remember, instead of the first gear, you put it in reverse, and you destroyed Giannelli's Twingo.

Of course, because you were putting your hands all over me!

I was trying to pull the hand brake!

And our gesture of love? Did you forget?

What gesture of love?

Carlina, we were drunk, I told you.

You are a heartless man.

All calculation and reasoning.

But where do you think you're going...?

Sooner or later, to your Carlina you have to come back.

These are on me, Ma'am. Free. Today I feel like that.

- Thank you Nello.

You're welcome.

And Mrs. Mammolotti is also done...

and she spent the usual 25,500 lire.

Leva', what's the time exactly?

It's nine thirty.

9:30... 9:30...

Now comes Master Natali and he'll have the usual three oil panini...

a tube of mayonnaise...

-- which God only knows what he does every day with a tube of mayonnaise... --

And a nectarine for his grandson.

actually two... let's say three.

Et voilà, Master Natali!

- Good morning Nello - Morning Maestro

- So, I would like... three oil panini - Three oil panini...

a tube of...

- Anchovy paste? - No! A tube of...

What's the name...

- Jam? - No! Nello, come on!

A tube of mayonnaise.

A tube of mayonnaise for Master Natali!

And then I would like a nectarine for my grandson.

- Actually two. Let's say three. - Let's say three! Here.

- Everything ready already? - I saved some time.

On the tab!

Bye, Master Natali.

And now, watch out!

Hey, do you have any scratch-and-win, you?

Hey, do you have any scratch-and-win, you?

Mine is a mission.

For more than four years now, I've been doing the bookkeeping...

for nearly 40% of the businesses of this town.

I really like it, I was born to write numbers in boxes and square up balances.

And it's always been like that. Even towards life I have a... let's say mathematical view.

Life for me has always been an equation.

X is to Y as I am to me.

True, there are even those who mock me a bit for my obsession.

You know, in a small town, it's easy to become a character.

Levante, what's Zanicchi's first name?

IVA (VAT) she is called! IVA!

- Franca, what happened? - Nothing. Nothing.

- What do you mean nothing, and this band-aid? - Yesterday I went out with Pippo.

You know he's stupid, we always hurt each other.

Really, Franca, with Pippo?

Gosh, you too! You sound like my mother.

You find me a boyfriend then!

Hey, do you have any scratch-and-win, you?

Pippo? Pippo?

Here I am.

Is my sister's bike ready?

It's ready. I added things up on a piece of paper. Do not break my balls asking for an invoice, please.

Listening to you accountants, one should even bill for the air we breath. Deducted Maremma!

Eh. Look at December.

- What would you do to one like that? - What would I do?

I would give her a nice present for Christmas.

As a minimum. I would even give her one for Easter!

You June on the other hand, you dye your hair a bit too much, you know?

And in a day Pippo, you say you've changed all these parts?

Darn! I worked on it at night too.

At night alright... Yesterday night you went out with Franca. She told me.

Ah, she told you... She can't forget!

What did you do? She has a cut on her forehead!

A cut! A cut! Look at me then!

What happened?

I'll tell you right away... This has to be told well.

We were in the car...

Night... spring, crickets, perfume...

And she wanted to make love in the car. I said: Are you crazy?

Don't you feel the nature outside, calling?

When nature calls, the man is ready.

Now, we went out, against the hood and I...

I put her in pole position. Like this, look.

- I got it! - Mamma mia!

You are not for me. You'd like, but you're not!

Now... it's complicated, but interesting.

While pushing on the left leg to give...

I slipped on gravel and she fell and hit the plate.

I try to stop her and there I got hurt...

and stopped to check on her. I'm not an animal.

- Of course. - But she...

Then, I...

I return to the task.

- There's a customer. - Yes

Here we are.

The scooter is ready for grandson.

Do not worry, I didn't get it pregnant.

Levante!

Yes, Gino?

Have you heard about Franca and Pippo?

Where did she hit her head exactly?

- On the license plate! - Where?

On the license plate!

Life in a small town is like that. There are no secrets, news flies like confetti.

One knows everything about everyone.

And in any case, the next day the Canival is over, and nobody cares anymore.

I was born here, and here was born my grandfather's grandfather's grandfather.

There's no precise address.

When someone needs to write me a letter

It's enough for them to write: "Quarini Family Farm"...

Tuscany. Italy, of course.

I live here with my dad, my brother and my sister.

And here, as it's always been, we have lunch at half past noon...

and at 7:20 pm we have dinner.

Always been this way. As in the best rural tradition.

Don't move! I got it! Don't move Father, you're grounding the signal!

Libero. Is it normal that every night to watch TV we have to play statues?

And we look like a live nativity scene.

Screw you then! Hey, if you call the technician, it's 400,000 lire.

We'll do without.

He's right though. It's the Bermuda Triangle here.

Even the cell phone, sometimes the signal goes out. TOUM! Dead. Doesn't come back, really.

Someday we'll also disappear, we won't find us anymore.

- I wish. - So let's remain isolated from the world.

Maremma parabolica! (WTF)

"L'Unita" is enough for me

I'll get it! I'll get it!

Love, uh!

Love is like the moon.

If it doesn't grow, it wanes.

Nice! Congrats! Do you have another one?

With pleasure.

When you talk to a woman about sex...

she lowers her gaze - to see if it's true.

You're a bit tired. Go to bed.

Go, go.

Good night!

Selvaggia! Is this little chain yours?

- Throw it away. - Why?

Bacause.

Who gave it to you?

You fought again. Hey Selvaggia, I don't know what to do with you anymore.

- Give me some advice. - I did, a thousand times! Split up!

Shh! Keep it down. No, not that.

- So what do you want me to say? - Tell me what I should do.

But I already told you.

- You're a stubborn one. - I know.

You know what Dad said to me yesterday?

He said: "How come your sister is so cute and no one has snatched her up yet?"

Forget Isabella.

She's not a girl for you, she has too strong a character.

Quit the pharmacy. Leave. Find another job.

- I can't, I'm a coward.

If at least it was her who made a decision. But me...

Yeah, but I mean, Selvaggina, I can't see you like this all the time.

Always nervous, always tense.

Find someone else!

- Where? - Eh, where?

Pilgrims!

Come see. I'm done.

"GOD EXISTS?"

Here. This is the most beautiful one I've done.

Libero, beautiful, it's beautiful, but...

Why don't you try painting something else?

Once to be honest, I did do another painting.

But it's quite intimate, quite personal.

- Show it to us then. - Come on.

Just because it's you.

This let's say... is something...

a bit special.

Let's say it's something...

metaphysical.

"Self-Portrait"

Look under the bed.

- My Goodness, is there a dead man? - No, there will be when the time comes.

- Whose coffin is that? - Gino gave it to me.

He doesn't not want it in his house. He says it's bad luck.

- And who gave it to him? - He bought it from Fabrizio.

He did it to help him. He wasn't selling a single one.

Hey, in America everyone buys them ahead of time. They say it's a great saving.

You, Libero, you're not normal.

You know what he wanted to do the other day? He wanted to put the cat in the fridge.

He was in heat, he was hot.

I would put you in the fridge.

You think I haven't tried? I can't fit.

Dad!

Look how strong it is here!

Levante, if you open the door too, even with earplugs I can't sleep.

Look how strong it is here!

It must be this snoring thing of Dad's Maybe it creates waves. Look.

Come on, come on. Let's put him on his side.

Come on.

Feel how heavy he is.

Oh! Finally. Good night.

Night!

Indeed, see?

No more signal.

Good night, Dad.

When did you last pass the copper?

Two weeks ago.

- Are you crazy? - Why?

I told you more than once! The copper must be given every other day! Understood?

- Are you sure? - Did you blow your brain?

Are you really like that or just acting like that?

Acting like one, what?

Eh. Goodbye, buddy!

I will give it every hour. The copper.

Gino!

Yes, Levante!

How old are you?

Seventy-seven!

How do you feel?

Good!

I saw the coffin!

Fuck off!

No, you can't sing! You can't sing! You are off tune!

I can put you in the choir...

but only to play the fish.

You open and close your mouth. But you don't sing. You can't sing!

Then listen to this!

Go away, come on!

- What, you're still managing the choir? - Yeah, of course.

I am the only one in this town with a slighly artistic soul.

Don't forget that I'm a mezzo-soprano and that I even sang at the San Carlo in Naples.

Listen San Carlo in Naples I came to tell you that starting today...

- I will not be your accountant anymore. - And why?

Apart from the fact that you leave me notes "Ciao Piripì..."

Piripì here, piripì there...

This "piripì" thing, I really don't remember it. And anyways, I quit.

What happened?

What happened Carlina is that you make up invoices!

Look here. Three and a half million in alfalfa, how are those believable!?

2.5 million in thyme. And this one...

Six million in propolis!

Do you realize? Six million in propolis you can fill up the town!

And then, the expenses...

The expenses are not there. That is, you do everything under the counter.

Under the counter. What a big word...

It is a criminal offense, Carlina.

- They'll put us both in jail! - And they'll put us together?

Carlina! You haven't paid VAT in eight months! Eight months!

The government wants the VAT back. It's not money they're gifting you.

Then tell the government not to give it to me anymore! That's a torture!

First they give it to you, then they want it back. I can't, I spend the VAT.

Carlina, it is a crime!

A crime! A crime! Let's think about things that matter.

Hi, Isabella. Is Selvaggia here?

She went to the bank. She'll be back in a bit.

- Everything okay? - What do you mean?

Nothing special... I was saying... in general.

In general, everything good.

Good no? When in general everything's good... good.

Sultry today... Sultry, sultry...

So hot.

Isn't there a pill for sultriness?

Look, I really like your sister...

but we can't continue to hide.

Isabella, you're right, but this is a small town. There are people's prejudices.

I don't give a shit about people's prejudices.

The real shame is feeling shame.

- Alright, but it's not a matter of shame. - No, uh?

And if it's not shame why has she never told your father?

Because maybe Dad wouldn't have understood.

Hypocrites! All of you! I told my dad when I was 15.

and he forgave me only three years ago.

But actually forgive what? As if homosexuality were a mortal sin.

She's right. If you're gay, say it.

Apart from the fact that we were just discussing between her and me and that's it...

Anyways it was a reasoning like that, in general.

Tell Selvaggia, I can't take it anymore.

We can't keep hiding like two thieves.

We have to get out in the open, in bright daylight.

Get out in the open, daylight.

Won't you mind your own fucking business, you?

Last night I watched for the fourth time "Indecent Proposal"

You can't imagine the dress she was wearing in the yacht scene.

Tight tight tight, long long long long With two deep deep deep side slits...

Teeny teeny teeny buttons, a nice little piping

And then a really light make-up, almost white... white...

- Eh, what was it, a mummy? - A mummy? She was stunning.

Surely even I would look good in a dress like that.

Help me... taking the stuff.

With this hand, today... I can't manage to do anything.

Not today, but yesterday yes, you did manage.

Stupid!

What, did you get tangled-up again?

Yesterday night, at my place. I sat her on the washing machine...

and then TA! I turned the centrifuge on.

Did you add fabric softener?

Fabric softener? I put in the rinse aid!

Pigs, both of you. Not only one.

Speaking of which, honeypots... Are you free tonight?

I won't go with you even if you give me a million dollars.

I know you though! For a million dollars, you'll even give me an invoice. Got it?

Then, taken by regret, you'll make a tax donation to the Catholic Church.

What an animal you are.

Yes, a stallion.

I'll be back in a second, Lele.

- Who's there? - Who's there?

- Levante, is that you?

- I don't recognize the engine!

Loo-- Look, you are mistaken!

I'm not that Leva... Levattele!

- Then who are you?

What does this guy want?

- Who are you? Let's go Lele.

- So?

Wait for me here, I'll go look for someone for the luggage.

Excuse me. Good evening, is there some--?

Who is it?

Sorry, but isn't this the "Arcobaleno"?

- What idiots we look like... - No, you were looking for the hotel?

Yes, the farm holiday Arcobaleno.

The farm holiday is the next poggio. - Sorry?

The next poggio.

Poggio? Where do I put it down?

The poggio, the hill. - Explain well. You see he doesn't understand.

Come, I'll show you the way. Come.

Sorry, I went the wrong way. It happens.

Good night. Enjoy your meal. Thank you.

It's quite easy, you get back on the path. As soon as you reach the paved road, you turn right.

Not the first intersection, the second intersection. Always on the right you have to go.

You'll recognize the second intersection because on the left there is a small Virgin Mary...

Oh, Virgin Mary...

So, you were saying, the Virgin Mary... and then?

Yeah, on the left you see the Virgin Mary...

So, there you have to go to the righ--

If you don't understand the directions well you can ask someone passing by...

or the Virgin Mary herself...

Otherwise, there's a sign...

Listen, will you kindly let me call the farm holiday?

So maybe they will wait for us for dinner.

Let the gentleman make a phone call.

Come. Come, I'll walk you. This way.

Error(es). This is not farm holiday.

This is, how to say...

Our farm(s)!

Look, stupid, it's not enough to add an "s" to speak Spanish.

But at least she understands anyways.

Do you(s) understand what I say(s) even if I don't...

hablo perfectly(s) el Spanish?

(Heavy Tuscan accent) And what are you doing here?

- Meo fratre... - No, that's Latin!

Meo hermano ask(es)-- how come(s) you guys aquì in Italie.

My Goodness the flamenco dancers!

Are you from Madrid?

Catalana?

Where is Catalana?

You ignorant. It's an expression... It does not exist...

It's like saying Atalanta, Sampdoria (football teams) Atalanta doesn't exist...

We are from here but we were born in Florence.

Darn! Everything had to go wrong today.

You wanted to stop to eat... you wanted to stop at the flea market...

They didn't see us arrive, they gave away our rooms.

Indeed, an "otro" took the rooms.

Excuse me, how far is Florence from here?

40 km, but Pitti Winter is on so the hotels are all full.

She's right. Pitti Winter is on... We do Pitti Winter in June...

What's the problem? Do you need help?

What do we do now? Where do we go?

- We're even out of gas. - What did I tell you? I told you to at the self-service!

Lele, stay quiet, just worry about driving.

Dad, for New Year's we slept here in 22 people.

And we were even quite comfortable.

Stop, stop! Look how good the image is now! The tree lit up as well!

Was I snoring?

- Lie on your side! - OK.

Good night.

Good night.

Who is it?

Just a second(s).

Coming(s)!

Oh, come on!

- You fell for it, uh! - What are you doing here?

- What's this smell? - What do you want?

Did you see how beautiful they are?

What long legs, what amazing asses!

- Levante, how can we go about this? - How can we go about what?

- You don't you want to do anything? - What would you want to do?

We're letting the night go by like this? We're wasting all this gift of God?

Selvaggia, come one, you can't come here and talk about tits and asses...

- Come on, you're not a friend of mine. - Are you embarrassed?

No, I'm not embarrassed, but you have to admit it's a bit weird.

You're my sister.

Levante, come and see where they set out to sleep.

Come!

Look where they are...

Why aren't they sleeping in the house?

I told one of them: "Come(s), I'll make(s) the bed for you"

But she replied: "Ola ola ola, going to sleep in the bed of flowers."

Come on, come on! Get inside!

Levante, help me, because tonight I can't control myself.

- Selvaggia, go to bed, come on. - Let me tell you, if I fall sleep, fine.

Otherwise, I'll go down to the lawn, jump in the middle, and whatever happens, happens.

Now you're making me angry. Go to bed. Come on. Go!

- Which one do you like? - None! Go to bed!

I like the one with the ponytail.

Libero?

Have you lost your mind?

Cap me, Levante! Cap me!

Get out of there. You're always in the mood for joking! Come on.

No. I want to die.

If tonight I don't screw at least one out of five, I want to die.

And since I already know I won't screw at least one...

Cap me, Levante! Cap me, if you love me!

Has everyone gone mad tonight...?

Selvaggia came to my room, started talking about boobs and asses...

I'll jump in the middle... Dad snores louder than usual.

What am I talking to a guy in a coffin?

I wonder how one would say in Spanish "I put the copper"...?

"I put(s) the(s) copper(s) "

"Cap me(s)"

Have you seen my sister go by, by any chance?

Right, if you see her, don't mind her.

Bacause she appears, she jumps in the middle a bit, and then leaves.

Very much calor. I'm almost burning.

Listen, I came here to ask you if you wanted...

an iced tea.

No. But maybe I'll make it hot and we can wait together for it to ice up.

Nice tamarind tea I made for you.

Now we wait the 4 or 5 hours until it ices up.

Anyway I'm not sleepy and neither are you.

Where did you say you have been with the show?

- Capri is beautiful. - Not Capri, Carpi.

Carpi, Carpi, not Capri. Carpi. People often confuse...

but one is somewhere and the other elsewhere.

Carpi is good, but Capri, prettier.

Do you... in Spain... have brothers, sisters?

I'm not doing well, right? I did a mess...

with Carpi and Capri, so... maybe...

Listen, if I asked you to come with me to a place...

while the tea is getting cold, would you come?

What does "estalejos" mean?

Is it far?

No. We can walk.

Mi name...? Levante.

Cute.

It's a noncomformist name.

My father is very revolutionary so he gave us these three slightly odd names:

Levante, Libero and Selvaggia. (Levant, Free, and Wild)

At school, even the janitor made fun of us.

- Shall we?

It's here.

- Tell me, Levante. - I want to introduce a friend of mine to you!

- That van that arrived last night?

Yes! His name is Gino.

What's your name?

- Are you a brunette or a blonde? - Brunette!

What do you do?

- Where are you from?

There it is! What did you say to each other?

- Levante? - Tell me Gino!

- Boobs and butt? - Good night Gino!

Marry her!

- What did he tell you? - He has this fixation that I have to get married.

Listen, is this perfume yours?

Yes, it's an essence that I've made with my friend Penelope.

You invented it? Great job, really... Can I smell?

Sure.

Can I smell from your neck? One can smell better...

Selvaggia, to bed!

"GOD EXISTS!! NOW I HAVE PROOF"

That path I had traveled hundreds of times...

did not seem the same to me anymore.

Those stones, those holes, those fields... They seemed different.

Or perhaps it was me, I felt more...

I don't know... weird. Much more weird!

Mr. Naldone. Please, the Mayor can see you now.

Excuse me.

I'm coming in.

So? Mr. Mayor.

What a beautiful town. What red roofs! A small Switzerland. Congratulations.

If you have a cell phone, please turn it off because I hate them.

Good. The hatred is mutual, that's right.

So... let's get straight to the point.

I talked to a local businessman and he told me to come here.

- Are there any problems? - Hm. In a way.

You were aware that your company...

did not get its approval renewed?

I was wondering why it was not renewed.

Why?

Why? I wonder myself.

With all the accountants that I have...

Let's say it to each other: why?

Hey, do you have any scratch-and-win, you?

This guy really busted my balls. Really.

It's like papaya?

Much less sweet.

A blend... mango and kiwi?

No. A more refined scent.

Less common.

- Pineapple. - Ever heard of pineapple scent?

Well, you say: "Something exotic."

I don't understand. What could it be?

It's a scent she invented. She and Penelope, the other dancer.

Their own scent, but a perfume...

-...that gets you horny. - So you tell me: when did you kiss her?

I did not tell you I kissed her.

I told you that if my silly sister hadn't opened the window...

I would have kissed her.

- Are you sure? - Absolutely!

If you smell something like this, you sniff, sniff, and then...

Oh well! Today fresh "pansies" from what I see!

He was the last thing we were missing...

Listen a teeny bit, dear pansied-up.

I'll smash this wrench on your head.

What's this business that you have ten Spanish dancers at home...

...the horny ladies... and you say nothing to your daddy?

Aside from the fact that they are not ten, they are five...

- And they are not like you say. - I'll make them like that, don't you worry

Why didn't you invite me? You know that for these things I'm like the emergency service.

I put on the siren. Pussy emergency!

- What do you want? - I want to come have dinner at your place tonight.

What dinner? They probably already left.

Left? Then what is this little Spanish music coming from your house?

One can hear it all the way here in the square.

Little music?

Come come... Left... Pff!

- What was I saying? - What are they doing?

Let's dance!

Blessed Virgin, what a hit. He's dead!

I didn't get hurt!

Don't worry, I didn't get hurt.

It was June 13th, 1996.

And my scooter Luxe Series that same night...

after a brief agony, slowly passed on.

heroically fallen on the battlefield.

I even decided to bury some remains.

And his heart, an original needle carburetor ...

I threw in the river wrapped in the vehicle registration...

Like the ashes of a great ancient warrior.

- Something wrong?

No, nothing. It's just that today is a day...

Sure, you drank three Martini in half an hour!

- Can I? - Go ahead. Go ahead.

How much is it?

Just pay for one, the rest is on the house.

Five thousand.

Thank you.

Very kind. Thank you.

Have a nice day. Goodbye.

Have a nice day.

Andrea, I'll be back soon.

Where are you running, baby? Tonight I have an idea that even just the thought...

What kind of bad cookies are these?

They taste like anise.

What got to you?

Come on, enough already, you act like a child.

- What happened? - I screwed everything up.

I wanted to get into this job.

I'm not made for this. It has come... it has come...

- What has come? - The dark day. It has come.

That is?

My father always told me.

In this business, the dark day always comes.

It's the day when everything goes wrong. And if you don't have the strenght to fight back...

- What do you do for a living? - I'm a show manager.

At least until today.

Show manager... Out of 30 nights I had, I barely did 18.

But why, what happened today?

What happened? You in this town don't have a mayor...

you have a tax attorney.

In three months of work, one can make a mistake.

There's no need to cry. This is a small town.

People are simple. They don't understand. Art of all things...

What do you do? Theater?

Flamenco.

Nice, flamenco... Where do you do that?

- Where do we do it? - Where?

Nowhere.

You have a mayor who's a... tax attorney!

Mariano has always been like that.

And now that he's become mayor...

But that's a frustrated man. His wife left him after two years.

- My wife left me after two years too. - Did I do a "graffe"?

- A "graffe"... How is it called when one makes a mistake?

A gaffe!

I wasn't really married.

Living together. Then one day I came home and find a note saying:

- "We went boom again" - Boom?

- Boom, boom. Busted, end of story. Goodbye and thank you. And you?

Me? I went boom by myself.

Come in!

So? How are you?

Better, better.

How did you do that?

I told you, the rear brake broke.

You could have stopped with the front one.

I did, and that's why I toppled over.

Bah! You seem a bit stupid to me. Take care.

Come in again.

- How are you? - Fine, fine.

- Did you take an aspirin? - Selvaggia, I fell, I didn't catch a cold.

- What was it that didn't work? - The brake.

- Do you want something to eat? - I'm not hungry.

Are you sure?

If you change your mind... you call me.

- Bye. - Bye, thank you.

- Hi - Hi

Cool! Is it hard to make it fly?

- No. You want to try? - Yes, if you tell me how to do it.

- Look, you go like this... - Like this?

Selvaggia, get out!

Come on, in the house! Come on, fast!

Oh gee. Mind your own business!

- Hi, how are you? - Fine, fine.

There's worse in life.

A bit here... Still hurts a bit but...

but I put some bandages.

You are good with the boomerang.

Thank you. Want to try?

Sure. Why not? Throw!

- Will you catch it? - Throw the(s) boomerang!

- Are you sure? - Come on!

If you tell my children, I'll cut you in two.

I haven't had a joint in maybe ten years.

I remember that in 1975 in the garden, next to the eggplant...

I planted marijuana. It took very well.

In six months I had plants that high.

A Sunday the Carabinieri sergeant came to visit me.

He saw the plants and said: "Those, what are they?"

And I, immediately: "Indian turnips".

He wanted three baskets to take home.

His wife for Easter made soup with it.

That night, they were seen in bars doing Jimi Hendrix's songs.

- What a story, uh? - Life experience.

Oh. You scared me. I hadn't heard you come in.

Want to try?

Look what you've done! I could have given you a glass!

What beautiful boobs. I wish I had them like that as well.

- Boobs - Boobs.

Boobs.

Selvaggia! Come to the phone, there's the phar--

...macist.

- Yes, I'm coming now. - Go, go!

Yes, I'm going, I'm going...

Go, she's waiting. Go!

Hello.

- Miss!

Any chance me and you... a little coppering?

Nothing?

Goodbye.

Shall I close?

I'm closing.

Goodbye.

Who's there? Levante, is that you?

You can't stop without saying who it is!

What are you doing?

I'm talking to you! What are you doing?

We've been waiting for you all day. Where have you been all this time?

Weren't we supposed to do the show tonight?

- Calm, let's stay calm - Calm my ass, you can't behave like this, understood?

- Calm and I'll explain everything. - Come on, explain! Explain!

There. That's all.

If you really want to hear it all, even the Matera date has been canceled.

I wanted to tell you tonight after the show...

but given that even this one is not happening anymore...

I officially inform you that the tour ends here.

No problem with money.

This morning I received a transfer from Spain.

I have with me all the checks for you.

- We go back home? - Yes, we go back home.

A gift.

Thank you, Gigi.

You're not coming to say goodbye?

I would have said goodbye from here, with my hand.

Here. This is for you.

- You're giving it to me? - Sure, so you can practice.

This is a perfect place to throw a boomerang.

Thanks, but it's not like with the boomerang...

I have a good relationship...

She's coming!

Caterina, what to say?

There are moments in life when one would like to say so many things...

the maybe the way to say them all...

is not to say anything.

Goodbye and thanks for everything.

Selvaggia, where did you read that?

Not read. All TV news programs talk about it, ignorant.

Speak properly, pinenut-head.

Do not talk like that to your sister, imbecil!

It's the Hyakutake comet. It passes by once every 70,000 years.

Every 70,000 years?

It takes the long route big time...

Mah. You know what I'll do guys?

I'm going to bed because tomorrow we have to spray the copper.

Did you get that? We have to spray the copper! Hyakutako!

Virgin Many, so boring this man.

Alright. If you see it, shoot me a whistle.

"Vamos a copperar".

Bye lords.

Did you see what big boobs Penelope had?

Before leaving she caressed me.

I will never forget.

As for me, she gave me a kiss and a boomerang.

- Who? Penelope? - No. Caterina.

Me too I will never forget that boomerang.

70,000 times I tried to throw that boomerang...

and 70,000 times it never came back.

It was one of two cases: either I threw it wrong...

or it means that I'm really not cut to catch things at the right moment.

What's up, Gino?

- Have you seen the comet? - No!

I did! It stopped right here, and then left!

Caterina too left, the dancer.

Don't worry, in 70,000 years...

they will both come back!

- Let's hope so. - What?

Let's hope so!

What are you doing here?

The sign fell, so I'm fixing it.

Look, you got the wrong direction, the holiday farm is that way.

I know, I know, but down there is my house.

The next time the dancers will come to my house. Not your house.

How are you getting back to town now?

Running.

It will be so much better. Between you and me, those stands where an ugly sight...

- Good morning. - Good morning my ass.

Good job, good job! The whole afternoon you were with him. Doing what?

It's my own business! I don't have to report to you!

- I'm not enough for you? What do you want? - What happened?

This lady here went to screw your friend. The dancers guy.

This Naldoni I hope will burn in hell.

His name is Naldone, not Naldoni!

She even corrects me. She has been seduced by the arts!

No, that's not true-- I fell in love.

You've known him for two days-- In love!

- Pippo, it happens. - It never happened to me!

Maybe it was a moment of weakness.

She will see him again tonight-- a moment!

You are not married. Even if she sees him again tonight...

- Tonight-- where are you seeing him tonight?! - In Florence, the company stopped in Florence.

- But we fell in love, you know? - What do I care if you fell in love-- that is, you--

What do you mean the company mean? Everybody?

- How the company? How? - How the company?

They are at the Hotel Cavour, near Piazza San Firenze.

Good morning. Naldone, a flamenco company.

- Naldone. - Naldone, with an "N".

How are you? Where is Caterina?

She just left.

- Wher-- where did she go? - To the station.

To the station?

Shall I wait here?

I'll wait here.

Don't leave, Caterina!

Excuse me, excuse me. Don't leave.

- Don't leave, don't leave. - What do you want?

- Talk with me, talk with me. - What shall we say?

- Where are you going, where are you going? - Are you stupid?

No, I'm from the national railways. I have to do a survey.

- And what's the helmet for? - What helmet?

Go, go, stupid.

"GOD WAS HERE"

Am I pissing you off with the boomerang...?

What?

What's up?

What's up...

...is that I've fallen in love...

...with you.

And now I do not care at all

about all other people

about all those people

that are not you

That's what's up!

What's the name of the restaurant?

Beatrice.

I know it.

You-- who invited you?

Penelope invited me.

And exactly, exactly-- who will be at the dinner?

I told you already: Penelope, Naldone, Franca, Caterina and...

- And? - And her boyfriend, Alejandro.

Caterina's boyfriend.

Why don't you come too? What do you care?

I come alone like a loser?

Bring somebody, no? That way she'll even be jealous.

Who do I bring? Who can I find so late, come on!

I might have an idea.

- What time did you tell her to come? - Calm down, she'll probaly be here any minute.

Did you tell her to dress well?

She said she'll be wearing the dress from her brother's wedding.

Thieves. 20,000 lire to do 600 meters.

I even broke my heel. The evening is starting well!

Did she dress like that at brother's wedding?

Sorry for being late.

See? At the end you'll always come back to Carlina.

Listen, did she explain what you have to do?

Maybe you forgot that I did one year of acting with Peter Brook...

and that I even sang as mezzo-soprano at the San Carlo in Naples.

We know, we know, but listen, you mezzo-soprano...

Tonight, and only for tonight, you have to pretend to be my girlfriend...

so behave.

Don't worry. We'll make that Spanish one burst with envy.

Let's get onto the stage!

Hi all, Spanish and not!

We entered the restaurant at 21:05...

June 14th, 1996.

And that faint, last hope that lived in my heart...

to impress Caterina...

was flushed away in the blink of an eye an hour and a half later

when Carlina competely made up...

our first sexual intercourse.

He was turning and rolling me!

What was that? It was a fury! What was that? It was a stallion!

At the end, after two hours of wild sex...

You know what he dared to ask?

You know what he dared to ask?

- Tell everyone, not just her. - No!

I have to tell the Spanish girl! He had the nerve to ask me...

More!

More!

!!!

Levante, you know that that Carlina of yours is really fun! You know what is she saying?

That yesterday you did it six times.

I'm sorry, she's ruining the night for everyone.

No, no, she's fun. Not like that idiot Caterina's boyfriend...

He's boring us to death He does nothing else but talk about big game.

See ya.

(Spanish accent) My heart was beating...

a rhino in front of me and only one bullet.

When Rhino attacks, the ground trembles...

and then it becomes really difficult to aim.

We stared at each other for an infinite time...

And then suddenly it was like... how to say...

A cloud of dust coming towards me.

I let it come closer...

Between the eyes.

Hey, does't a rhino have the horn between its eyes?

Naldone, obviously, Alejandro has special bullets, they go around.

Like boomerangs.

Hunting is everything for me.

If someone is asking:

"You can bring only one thing onto a desert island."

You think there would be any doubt...

My sniper rifle.

Good job... good job.

What would you take onto a desert island?

I would take you.

Silly! I would bring my motorcycle.

I'm too attached to it.

I'll take Franca and I'll marry her.

Then I'll bring the wedding rings.

And you Caterina? What would you take with you on a desert island?

I would take my boomerang. And you, Levante?

I'd take you.

I really like you.

But then I would also Alejandro's rifle...

So if he gets too close, I'll be the one shooting that idiot between his eyes.

That is what I would have wanted to say.

So, Levante? What would you take to a desert island?

What would I bring? I would bring some people.

Otherwise, can you imagine all day on the island how boring by yourself.

I didn't understand one thing.

On this desert island I have to be alone?

Of course. Otherwise, what kind of desert island is it?

Alone alone, or I can take someone?

Ok, you can take one person.

So if I can take someone, I take...

Sylvester Stallone! That's a stallion by name and by nature!

What a shame. What a shame. What a shame.

It broke while I was using it.

Pull today, pull tomorrow... Sooner or later, it was going to break.

Sorry, Levante, but that is not your girlfriend, right?

No, she is not my girlfriend.

I brought a friend to come with someone, but maybe it would have been better if I had come alone.

- No, no, she's... extravagant. - Hey, can I ask you something?

- Go ahead - Do you like hunting?

I hate hunting.

How about hunters?

- Blessed Virgin. - I dance flamenco too.

I am also a flamenco dancer.

That's enough! Come down, come on!

Come down, Carlina!

You want to know what our gesture of love is?

- Ok, what should we do, shall we ask for coffee? - Coffee!

Good evening. Table for one?

- Whore! - Isabella, what are you doing here?

What are you doing here?

And on the day of my birthday at that. Who's that one?

- We're amonst friends. - Friends my ass!

You had told me you were tired and going to bed...

Instead you are here purring up with her.

Calm down. Why don't you sit down with us?

Forget sit down. I don't talk to assholes!

Isabella, now you're overreacting.

Do not start breaking my balls you too!

You cannot come here and do this mess...

on this great night when we are having such fun! You've broken our balls!

Alright, what should we do? Shall we ask for the bill?

A really eventful evening, no?

Typically Italian!

Typically Italian, for sure. That one gave me a slap on my face that still burns.

Of course, you go pippirippipi...

Are you sure your sister is not getting the once over from her friend?

No, they are like that. They fight, shout, but...

They love each other.

They love each other.

Sorry Levante but you and Carlina: how are you going back home now?

That's what I was thinking. Maybe there's a bus or something later.

Why don't you stay here? The technicians' room is free.

- Right, why not? The room's already paid. - Leva', let's stay.

I can't hold myself up and I even feel like throwing up.

What are you doing? Overhearing the Spaniards?

Shut up. I can't hear anything.

Will you give me a little massage?

Come on... a little massage.

What's this ruckus?

I have no idea. They've been fighting like crazy for half an hour.

What happened?

What happened is that now it's your turn. Go. After all that's what you wanted, no?

- Go

It was what I wanted, yes.

What's better than being in the right place...

at the right time?

As always, the most vulnerable women are the ones who need to be consoled.

- Get lost you too! - Yes, exactly, sorry...

Very bad...

Sorry, Levante, but I didn't feel like talking.

I got it.

Listen.

I'm hungry.

- Thank you. - You're welcome

Little croissant.

I tried in every way.

For a while, I even forced myself to like those horrible

hunting trophies he had hanging on the walls.

Oftentimes one thinks, but it's not...

And almost always it comes out after a year.

My grandmother used to say some love stories are like cars:

You try them out the first year, then either the car works, or...

But who are you?

What do you mean who am I? Levante Quarini...

Exempt from military service, accountant with honors...

own car...

an ex girlfriend who left me because she said I was not special...

and a true passion, carnal, powerful...

for flamenco.

Since when?

It's probably already a good two or three days.

- And who are you? - I am Caterina Decantar.

23 years old, graduated from the Madrid School of Arts...

two dogs, three boyfriends...

and a true, deep, carnal passion for flamenco.

See? We already have something in common.

You want to kiss me here?

No. Not here.

What's wrong here?

We walked so much that night. Blessed Virgin, we walked so much!

I had never walked so much in my life.

But as we walked, we found at least ten more points in common.

Like, our hatred for Sundays.

Our passion for pistachios, cartoons... "bruschetta"!

Which in Spain they call "las fettuntas".

Our love for documentaries about animals...

Except for the locust, that disgusted both of us.

Our hatred for parsley which gets stuck is on your teeth.

Our passion for dogs. But above all, in common...

We had our passion for Fernando Pessoa's poems.

Even though in that case... Well, I blatantly lied.

Because Fernandos I know many...

but this Pessoa... I really didn't see who he was.

Hold on, isn't Pessoa that small guy...

plumpish, with a beard and walrus teeth?

Hey, his poems are famous, not his face.

That's true.

Listen, Caterina, here seems like an ideal place to kiss, no?

Yes, here is good.

So, what should I do, shall I go?

- Go. - Shall I go? - Yes.

It was a real kiss. Deep. Carnal.

In short, with the tongue.

Quite a bit of tongue.

Plus, we kissed a whole lot. Four or five hours straight.

And it was after that extraordinary kiss...

That she looked me straight in the eye and said:

I'm still hungry.

We did the whole thing back again. Lungarni, the San Lorenzo market...

Piazza Santissima Annunziata...

and then at 9:10, withough having slept a single minute...

We went to pick up the suitcase from the hotel Cavour...

and I took Caterina directly to the station...

where she had the InterCity train to Rome, which then would take her precisely...

to the connection with the flight to Madrid.

And there at the station I thought that trains are made expressly for goodbyes.

They start slowly, all slow. You have all the time to think about the fact that they're leaving.

I while I was watching her leave, I thought of two things.

First: if that sign with the "Farm Holiday Arcobaleno" had not fallen...

Would have I been there like an idiot at that time at the station?

And then...

Did I, in your opinion, really miss that train?

"FARM HOLIDAY Arcobaleno"

In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.

On June 16th, 1997...

Sergio Naldone and Franca Beniamini...

got united in marriage.

It was the wedding of the century.

Any I, unfortunately, missed it. Yes, because in Spain --incredible but true--

June is bulls' month and I really couldn't miss it.

Aside from the fact that bulls, Joaquin, are to be billed at 16%...

and you keep billing them at 25%. And anyway, I ordered five. Five toros.

You sent me 20. Where should I put 20 bulls?

Didn't you receive the fax?

I do not entiendo what you say(s)...

I'll need to go ask for a traducion.

- Honey!

Sorry, honey.

Sorry honey, come and talk to Joaquin.

I really don't understand him. He made a mess with those bulls.

Maremma, how fast this little son is growing...

He'll be a nice little bull!

- How are we going to call him? - Gino, Gino.

Good.

By the way...

Gino Quarini, Osvaldo's father...

that is my grandfather, died exactly on the day my Gino was born.

Poor grandpa, he always wanted to live alone...

and alone one morning he suddenly passed away.

I'll always remember what he said the day before I left.

I simply said to him:

Tomorrow I'm going to Spain!

And he answered just as simply:

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