Original subtitles

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

[BATS' WINGS FLAPPING]

[THUNDER CLAPS]

[CROWS CAWING]

[THUNDER CLAPS]

[LEAVES RUSTLING]

[BATS SCREECHING]

[SABRINA] Previously on Chilling Adventures of Sabrina...

Who are you?

[SIGHS] I'm you, and I've had a very long day.

The eldritch terrors are ancient entities,

culminating with the arrival of the Void.

[MINER] It was the first eldritch terror that killed us, Darkness.

[UNINVITED] I am the herald of the Void.

[ZELDA] Sabrina, where is the Uninvited?

[SABRINA] Trapped in the Yellow Room.

[AMBROSE] Now, Cousin, don't panic, but, um...

I think you may have fallen prey

to the third eldritch terror, the Weird.

[SABRINA] You will become a part of us.

Then we will be nourishment for the Void.

[FAUSTUS] Could this be the Imp of the Perverse?

The lèmò are coming,

les revenants,

the resurrected dead.

The Returned.

The latest eldritch terror, the Cosmic.

A parallel cosmos that is hurtling towards ours.

We could possibly avert this deadly impact

by sending Sabrina Morningstar

from our Earth to the other Earth.

What will the other universe be like?

If not an exact copy, very close to our own.

[RUMBLING]

[GLASS SHATTERING]

[WOMAN] Sabrina, is that you?

- There you are. Where were you? - [UPBEAT POP MUSIC PLAYS]

We were getting worried.

Not me. I haven't been worried since bottomless mimosas.

- [AUDIENCE LAUGHS] - [POP MUSIC ENDS]

- [MAN] And cut! - [BELL RINGS]

That was wonderful, dear. You're gonna fit right in here.

Oh, Sabrina, this is gonna be a laugh riot.

- Wanna see me do a spit take? - [AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

- Sorry, who are you? - Well, we're you're aunties, of course.

Very good work, Sabrina. That felt extremely authentic to me.

Father Blackwood?

No need to be so formal. Just call me Faustus.

I have no idea what's going on right now.

Don't worry, darling. You'll catch on quickly.

Or else...

[ALL LAUGH]

[FAUSTUS] No.

[CHUCKLES]

Don't worry, fearless leader.

We'll have her up to speed and prepped for tomorrow's scenes.

Very good, Hilda. Come along, Melvin.

We live and work on these stages.

Everything you could ever want or need is here.

An endless supply of delicious canned tuna for starters.

I am so confused.

Ambrose said this would be another cosmos

similar to our own, but this?

Ambrose? Who the heck is Ambrose?

Oh no! If there's no Ambrose here,

this is gonna be much harder than I thought.

Well, it's certainly not a walk in the park,

but there's only one rule you need to worry about.

Always show up prepared for work.

- "Work"? - Well, some people call it work.

I call it super fun playtime.

[GIGGLES] We're the stars of a hit TV show.

Now it's not just fun, Hilda.

You need to show up on the set with your lines memorized.

If you don't, it's a strike.

And three strikes gets you sent to the Green Room.

What's the Green Room?

Well, we don't exactly know,

but people who are sent to the Green Room

are never heard from again.

The last Sabrina was sent there.

Wait. Is this an eldritch terror?

An eldritch what now?

I have no idea what an eldritch terror is,

but I don't think so.

Unless... Is it?

Honestly, I'm not sure yet.

I'm not an expert like the other Sabrina.

Okay. Now I'm the one who's confused.

I was sent here, to this other cosmos, on a mission,

in the hopes that my presence here

would cause the cosmos to settle down

and stop it from crashing into the original cosmos...

which, I admit, is not the most foolproof plan.

But if or when I'm successful,

then I'll be able to go back home

through a portal in my bedroom mirror.

[GIGGLES] Woosh! I have no idea what any of that meant.

Wait.

[CASTS SPELL IN LATIN]

Oh no. Our witchcraft doesn't work here, does it?

Witchcraft? Oh, honey, you're a scream.

The only magic we do is what's in our scripts,

which arrive every day, top of the day, on your bedside table.

Oh, poor little poopy.

This is a lot to handle, isn't it?

You know what? Let's just call it a night.

You should hit the hay, too, Sabrina.

Got a big day tomorrow.

Actually, I think I'm gonna go take a walk.

You know, clear my head. Get the lay of the land.

That's a swell idea.

An evening constitutional.

But be careful, Sabrina. These stages can be confusing.

Especially at night. And scary.

- I'll be careful. Good night, guys. - [ZELDA] Night.

Night, night. Don't let the bedbugs bite.

Or anything else, for that matter.

And don't forget, we have an early call tomorrow.

[EERIE MUSIC PLAYING]

[ELECTRICITY BUZZING]

[DRONING]

[SIGHS]

[HILDA SNORING GENTLY]

Ambrose might not be here,

but maybe his books and research are.

[MENACING MUSIC PLAYS]

They're all props.

[MENACING MUSIC INTENSIFIES]

[SIGHS DEEPLY]

Sabrina!

You're needed on set at once.

What? Melvin [SPLUTTERING] What is going on?

What time is it?

It's 4:45. Script pages are on your nightstand.

Hey, Melvin, I had a mirror right there. I think someone took it.

Can you check?

Yeah, I'll ask around. But, Sabrina,

we really need to get you moving.

You don't want a strike on your first full day.

And we still need to get you into makeup and costume.

[CREW CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]

Finally, she arrives.

Sorry, Father... Faustus. I just... I'm still getting used to the...

Yes, yes, yes. Never mind your excuses.

We have many scenes before us,

and I fully intend to make our day.

Sabrina, I trust that you are fully up to speed with your lines?

I memorized them while I was getting ready.

- I think I got it. - Good.

Well, just stick to the text, and you'll do just fine.

- Wait. - Ooh! Sorry.

Who are those people?

They are the stand-ins, of course.

- [BELL RINGS] - [FAUSTUS] And we're ready to roll!

First up, Sabrina has transformed into a cockroach.

For your motivation, think Kafka!

Places. And...

action.

Hilda, I told you not to leave food out on the counter.

Now we've got bugs.

[HILDA] Not to worry.

A touch of wolfsbane on those muffins,

and that roach is a goner.

[SALEM] Are you kidding?

Let me at her.

Talk about a fancy feast.

- [AUDIENCE LAUGHS] - You can talk? Like, talk-talk?

Cut.

- Strike one. - Okay.

[FAUSTUS] What's the problem?

[MS. WARDWELL] Okay, okay, okay, okay.

Sabrina, we... we... we just went over this.

You said you had your lines down perfectly.

I did, but the cat talked.

Well, yeah, he did.

Salem's the star.

- Salem's the star? - [MS. WARDWELL] Uh-huh.

- Salem's the star? - Yeah.

A talking stuffed cat is the star?

Yes!

And that was strike one. And remember, three strikes, and it's...

- And it's the Green Room. - ... Green Room.

- [FAUSTUS] Are we quite ready, ladies? - Yeah.

Um, let's go from, "No, Aunties,

it's me".

And...

action.

No, Aunties, it's me.

- Sabrina? - Sabrina?

I said you bugged me before, but this is ridiculous.

[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

At least I don't puke out my own hair, you big furball.

Hey now! That is a condition I've had since birth.

[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

And scene!

Well done, everyone. [CHUCKLES]

Now we'll move on to the high school after lunch.

Mr. Saberhagen, I'm so sorry. It's her first day.

Oh no.

That can't be good.

[BREATHING SHAKILY]

Spellman and I beat the Dark.

She brought the Uninvited to my wedding.

I remember hearing about the Weird and the Perverse.

The Cosmic is what sent me here.

Then there's...

[SIGHS HEAVILY]

I know I'm forgetting one.

[SALEM] One what?

Salem.

What are you doing here?

As the star of the show, I like to welcome new cast members.

Make them feel at home.

Make sure they have everything they need.

Do you?

Actually, there is one thing, Salem.

I had a mirror here.

Now it's gone.

Can I get it back?

Your mirror? Is that all?

No problemo, kid. I'll track down your mirror.

[SIGHS]

Actually, there's one more thing, Salem.

Do you know what the eldritch terrors are?

I mean, have you heard of them, at least?

Sorry, can't say that I have.

Why? What are they?

[SIGHS] They're these entities

that are trying to destroy everything.

[SIGHS] Anyway, I'm supposed to be stopping one of them,

but I have no idea where it is.

You'll figure it out.

In the meantime, a word to the wise.

Go with the flow.

Now let me see about finding that mirror of yours.

Thanks, Salem.

I appreciate that.

In case you were wondering.

- [CREW CHATTERING] - [BELL RINGS]

[FAUSTUS] Uh, are we ready to begin, people?

And, um, from Sabrina's line.

And... action.

Why'd you wanna meet us here, Theo?

Yeah, spending my free time in the library.

What's next, the math store? Ugh.

[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

Wait. There's an entire store dedicated to math? [GASPS]

- I'm totally nerding out. - [AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

You guys, it's Billy and Carl.

They locked me in the janitors' supply room again.

It's like I came out of one closet,

and I just keep getting shoved back in another one. [LAUGHS]

[AUDIENCE] Aw!

Leave it to us, Theo.

I'll distract Billy and Carl at our next sports practice

- with, like, push-ups or something. - [AUDIENCE] Ooh!

And then I'll be there with a plan of my own.

But first...

I need the kiss of my one true love

to turn me back to human.

[ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYS]

Maybe I can help with that.

[MUSIC SWELLS]

- Oh! Oh! - [MUSIC ENDS ABRUPTLY]

- [WHISPERS] Harvey! - What? What did I do?

- Cut. Strike two. - What?

What's the problem now?

H-Harvey...

slipped some tongue while we were kissing.

[ALL] So?

So? It's very unprofessional.

And it's not like we're dating.

What are you talking about? Of course we're dating.

What? A-aren't you dating Roz?

[THEO AND ROZ LAUGH]

I wish.

The writers wouldn't dream of giving me a boyfriend.

Babe, we're Harvey and Sabrina.

We're #Habrina. We're always dating. It's canon.

But what about Nick?

But more importantly, what about Caliban?

[SCOFFS] Nick, my stand-in?

And who's Caliban?

Uh, can we try that again, Sabrina?

And this time make it a little sexier.

With lots of energy.

And... action.

But first, I need the kiss of my one true love

to turn me back to human.

[ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYS]

Maybe I can help with that.

- [MUSIC SWELLS] - [AUDIENCE CHEERS AND APPLAUDS]

[FAUSTUS] And cut!

Wonderful!

And now let's check the gate, people.

- [CREW CHATTERING] - All right.

Sabrina!

That was amazing.

Just like old times.

Hey, you... you wanna come to my place later?

My house is only, like, 20 feet from your set.

Uh, maybe.

Yeah. I'll think about it.

Okay.

Sounds good.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Hey there. It's just me, the cool auntie.

How's it goin' in here, poopy?

Well, so far, my presence here has had zero impact on anything.

So...

not great.

Don't worry. You'll get the hang of it.

[CHUCKLES] I hope so.

Harvey asked me to hang out tonight,

but I'm not sure if I should.

So, what's the problem?

Harvey's such a cutie patootie.

Truth is...

I'm married.

Married? A 16-year-old beat me to the altar?

- Okay, I give up. - [CHUCKLES]

His name's Caliban. He's back in the other cosmos.

He's a prince of Hell, and I'm the Queen of Pandemonium.

We reign alongside my father, Lucifer Morningstar.

And every day, we rule over the Nine Circles and...

try to keep balance between the Realms.

Um, okay.

So, first of all, the last show you were on sounds amazing.

No, that's...

Whatever happened on your other shows,

you're on this one now.

And this show is a sweet gig.

The cast is incredible.

The crew is beyond incredible.

And best of all,

this is the longest-running show ever in history.

Listen, we all had other lives before this show,

but you gotta give that up and be all in on this one.

This is the only thing that exists for you now.

Don't fight it.

Accept it.

Give yourself over to it.

It's just better that way.

- Yeah. - You know what?

Why don't you go over to Harvey's and give it a try?

See how it feels?

Can't hurt, can it?

Thanks for having me over, Harvey.

How was the tuna?

Was it okay?

It was healthy.

[CHUCKLES]

Brina, I know it's hard being the new person,

but everyone here is super cool. You'll fit right in.

[SABRINA] Hmm.

It'll be as if you've always been here.

[LAUGHS]

So, what do you like to do for fun when you're not working?

I like to sing and play guitar.

Hmm.

Harvey, what are those?

What?

Those drawings?

Oh, the Art Department made those for me.

Pretty cool, right?

Do you... do you know what they mean?

Not really.

I just thought they were, like, tarot cards or something.

Why? Is something wrong?

Probably. But I have no idea what,

or how I'd even begin to stop it.

Okay.

Well, in that case, do you wanna run lines together?

Get a jump on tomorrow?

I thought we don't get our script pages until the day of the scene.

We don't, but Ms. Wardwell has all the pages in her binder.

And it takes me a little longer

to memorize my lines than most others.

So sometimes I sneak an early peak, so I can get off book.

Ah.

Besides, it's a pick-up scene tomorrow, a reshoot.

- Hmm. - Do you wanna go rehearse?

Sure.

You wander into a cave,

and this wizard, who lives in the cave,

says he'll grant you all these superpowers.

What powers?

Like, can I fly?

Eventually, yes.

But the wizard, he says that in exchange for these powers,

you have to give up everything else in your life.

Your school, your friends, your girlfriend.

What would you do?

Wait.

This is so familiar.

Are you my girlfriend in this scenario?

Are you my girlfriend in this scenario?

Yes.

Yes.

Then, no, I wouldn't take them.

Really?

You'd give up flying?

There's no flying in my life...

without you, Sabrina Spellman.

There's no flying in my life without you, Sabrina Spellman.

Harvey,

you and I had this conversation.

What do you mean?

Of course we did. This is a reshoot.

No, in real life. The night before my 16th birthday.

Everything we just said actually happened in real life.

Don't you remember?

Honestly, we've had so many conversations,

day in, day out, who can keep track?

Harvey, do you have any copies of episodes I can watch?

Yeah. Do you wanna see the pilot?

Heaven yes. Show me.

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING ON TELEVISION]

[MUSIC SPEEDS UP]

This scene's my favorite.

So forget I said anything.

Harvey, listen to my voice,

hear my words, and forget I said anything.

Bless your mind and your heart. Let these painful thoughts depart.

Wait.

I don't understand.

This actually happened back in the real cosmos.

And people were watching us? Spying on us?

Recording us?

Just the crew.

Turn it off.

I can't see any more of this. Turn it off.

I don't like watching myself perform either.

- But you did amazing in this scene. - Please, turn it off.

[TELEVISION SWITCHES OFF]

What's going on?

[SIGHS] I gotta go.

I'll see you tomorrow.

[SIGHS] The Green Room.

- [SAWING] - [CRACKING]

[SABRINA GASPS] Ambrose!

You exist.

What are you doing here?

Judging by your headband, you must be new Sabrina.

Hello.

As for what I'm doing here, well, um...

Well, I'm making cat food, of course,

for the consumption of an eldritch terror.

Wait! You know about the eldritch terrors?

Which eldritch terror is this? The Cosmic?

No, the Endless.

Which is either inside the Cosmic or vice versa.

I'm not... I'm not sure which.

- I don't remember. - The Endless, of course.

But wait.

Why would the Endless want cat food, of all things?

Think about it for a moment.

The Endless is Salem?

Salem is the Endless?

By George, you've got it.

Then he lied to me.

- Right to my face. - [AMBROSE] Indeed.

When I deduced what Salem really was,

I confronted him about it, and he banished me into the Green Room.

Not to be processed by it but to operate it,

which is kinda like being under house arrest, but...

infinitely worse.

But Salem being the Endless doesn't make any sense.

Doesn't it?

Cats have nine lives, which is the same as saying...

They're immortal.

Endless.

Moreover, cats bore easily and love playing with their food.

So, Salem is bored, and he's playing with us?

[AMBROSE] I mean...

these sound stages are his whole universe.

That's why he never leaves. Because why would he?

And we...

We are but playthings to him. We are mice. We're balls of yarn.

Endlessly spinning tales

to keep him from being bored and scratching up the walls.

That's diabolical. Ambrose, what do we do?

Do? [LAUGHS]

We... we do nothing.

There's nothing we can do.

We say our lines, and we live our lives.

Constantly being recycled.

Sometimes, it's cast. Sometimes, it's crew.

And pray to the heavens and the hells that we do not

end up as cat food

for our mad god, Salem Saberhagen.

But what about the other cosmos?

What other cosmos?

Uh, the real one?

With Sabrina Spellman and everyone else back home?

Sabrina, you, we are one with the Endless.

This is your home now. Accept it.

[GRINDER WHIRRING]

[BONES CRUNCHING]

That fur-faced fink.

[ALARM RINGS]

[ALARM STOPS]

[SIGHS]

[FAUSTUS] And action!

Roz, what's wrong?

I... I really wanted to try out for cheerleading this year,

but Doc Specter says I have degenerative myopia.

Sabrina, I'm going blind.

Roz, I'm so sorry.

We heard you were thinking about trying out for the cheer squad.

- [AGATHA LAUGHS] - Please tell us that's a joke.

Yeah, you can't climb a pyramid if you can't see the pyramid.

Buzz off, you basic bitches.

- [AUDIENCE] Whoa! - [FAUSTUS] And cut!

- Excellent work. - Father Blackwood.

[SPLUTTERS] Faustus.

Have you seen Salem anywhere?

I really need to confab with him.

Uh, Salem's the star. He only shoots one day a week.

- Now if you'll kindly excuse me. - [PRUDENCE] Newbies.

Might see better without those Coke bottles on your face. [LAUGHS]

Excuse me?

Oh, it's just the scene's over,

so you can take those glasses off.

- No, I can't. - Hmm?

The writer's decided I'm going blind,

so I'm going blind.

Wait. Really?

Yeah.

But silver lining.

At least being blind gives me an arc.

And it beats getting sent to the Green Room.

Hey. Not many options, eh?

No, not really.

That's the way it always is with craft services.

Whatever the "number one" wants, the rest of us have to endure.

Like it or lump it.

We've lumped rather a lot as of late.

Oh, this one's tuna fish, at least.

Actually... [WHISPERS] I don't think it is.

- [HILDA] Hmm? - Please don't eat that.

In fact, don't eat anything that's in tins ever again.

And why not?

Uh, just stick to the chips.

So, how long have you both been stand-ins?

Well, not long.

Uh, it's actually been quite a recent turn of events.

Too long.

We used to play your aunties, you know.

We were big hits. Fan favorites.

Or so it seemed.

Then why were you replaced?

Story of my life. Always the bridesmaid, never the bride.

[ZELDA] It's a tale as old as time.

We are at the mercy of some nameless, faceless monolith,

probably male, who uses us willy-nilly.

Decides what we do, where to put us.

Discards us when we're no longer useful in his eyes.

- Oh well. Can't be helped. - [HILDA] Mm-hmm.

Still, at least we're working.

Could have been sent to the Green Room.

I am so sorry that all happened to you.

But can I ask you something?

[HILDA] Hmm?

You do realize you're trapped in an eldritch terror, right?

The Endless.

Never mind.

Wait. So, if the other aunties sleep in your...

or their beds, where do you sleep?

- Under the beds. - Under the beds.

- Elspeth? - I'm so sorry. I'll be quiet.

Okay.

[HAMMERING]

[HAMMERING CONTINUES]

[DRILL WHIRRING]

[SAWING]

Caliban?

Praise Lucifer.

I had no idea you even existed in this universe.

I'm sorry, my lady,

but we're not allowed to talk to the cast,

much less touch them.

Wait. So, you're not a prince or an actor here?

No, thank the Dark Lord.

I much prefer being part of the crew.

I mean, as an actor, I was merely a

pretty face with a gorgeous blond mane,

a set of chiseled abs.

Endlessly taking off my shirt and being objectified.

But as head of construction,

I get to build things with my hands.

And I get to decide where and when I take my shirt off.

[LAUGHS]

Why you looking at me that way?

It's just in another universe, another reality...

we're married, you and I.

- [CHUCKLES] Really? Married? - Mm-hmm.

- Must have been nice. - Yeah.

[TUTS] It had its moments.

But you're happy here as part of the crew?

Happy? Often. But content? Always.

And you, Sabrina, are you happy?

I'm more content now that I know that you're here.

And I don't know who said that the actors and the crew can't mix,

but I think that's baloney.

I think love is love.

Love always finds a way.

So, sexy,

what are you working on? An art gallery or something?

Just some sort of appliance for the next episode.

- Appliance? - Yes. A vacuum, I believe.

A vacuum?

Do you mean... like a Void?

Yeah. That's it.

I'm building a Void.

A Void.

For the next episode?

Caliban, you have to stop.

Stop? I can't stop.

If I stop, it's straight to the Green Room for me.

Well, can you at least slow down

while I figure out a way to stop the Void permanently?

I'm sorry, Sabrina, but as it is,

I'll be racing to have it finished by the morning.

Morning. Hopefully, that gives me enough time.

[MOTOR WHIRRING]

- Harvey. Harvey. - [HARVEY GRUNTS]

Hey. Harvey.

Hey, gorgeous.

No, no. Harvey, I need your help.

I need to get tomorrow's script pages tonight.

Right now.

Will you help me?

Always, Brina.

[EXHALES]

[WHISPERING] Why isn't she asleep in her bedroom?

- She doesn't have one. It was never built. - Right.

[SABRINA SIGHS]

Sorry to wake you all up, but this is important.

Everything ends tomorrow.

An eldritch terror, known as the Void,

is going to destroy everything,

these sets, the sound stages, even us.

So we need to find my magic mirror

and get out of here before it's too late.

[ZELDAS, TOGETHER] How do you know all this, Sabrina?

It's in tomorrow's script pages.

It's hard to explain this late in the game,

so you're just gonna have to trust me.

In the script, we talk about the Void being like a hurricane.

In reality, it's the end of all things, including reality.

Uh, but things never end here.

Yeah, because we're living in another eldritch terror, the Endless.

But with the Void coming, even the Endless will end.

No, no, Sabrina. You're spiraling.

This sort of thing happens once a year, it seems like.

I beg your pardon. Will you kindly let the girl speak?

I am just saying that every year, like clockwork,

the writers throw some big idea into the script

to get people excited about the show again.

What sort of idea?

Oh, sometimes it's an earthquake or a wedding.

Or a trip to Hawaii or the murder of a beloved character.

[TOGETHER] Or, in this case, the Void.

Something that supposedly changes everything,

but in truth, nothing changes. Everything just resets.

Hmm. You sure know an awful lot about this, don't you?

Well, sure.

We're professionals.

Right. But weren't you just hired as series regulars

to replace the real Zelda and Hilda?

How could you know this much about the past?

We may be recent additions on this show,

but we have been on many others before it,

and this sort of thing happens on every show.

What shows? Name them.

The point is, we're professionals.

We are all professionals, and we have a job to do.

Zelda's right.

So, unless anyone wants to get sent to the Green Room,

we suggest you go home to your respective sets,

forget all of this nonsense, and show up tomorrow,

and do the job that you are being paid handsomely to do.

She's right. Come on, Hilda. Let's go.

If you're right about this Void, don't leave without us.

No. We'll be in the Academy office,

um, just, you know, reading, knitting, passing the time.

- I'll find you. - [HILDA] Right.

I promise.

[SABRINA SIGHS]

[ALARM RINGING]

[RINGING STOPS]

The Void.

- [NICK SIGHS] - Nick, where's Harvey?

I'm Harvey.

No. Really, Nick, where's Harvey?

I'm Harvey.

I've been promoted from stand-in.

I'm Harvey from now on.

But what happened to the real Harvey?

Word is... he got sent to the Green Room.

Harvey got sent to the Green Room?

[CHUCKLES] For the last time, Sabrina, I'm Harvey.

Okay. That's it.

Good morning.

Hello? Yes. Good morning.

I have some questions about today's scenes.

So, for instance, is this the first time

I'm hearing about the Void?

Do I know the Void exists?

What exactly does the Void want?

What's my motivation vis-à-vis the Void?

Moreover, even if I don't know about the Void,

my character definitely wouldn't say this line here on page five.

There seems to be a slight misunderstanding, Sabrina.

Contrary to what you may have assumed, I'm merely the director.

The only person authorized to revise the script is the head writer.

Great. Then I'll talk to the head writer.

Anyone know where to find her... or him?

Anyone know?

Anyone know where to find the head writer?

Yes, yes, I do.

Oh, I mean, it varies, of course,

depending on where we're shooting.

But, well, I believe today

the head writer can be found in the high school.

Oh, Aunt Hilda, I could kiss you.

[GIGGLES]

[TYPEWRITER KEYS CLACKING]

Salem?

You're the head writer?

[SALEM] Why the heck do you think I get the best lines?

Head writer and the Endless?

You must not sleep.

I have a few questions about this script.

Oh, what's the problem?

In the story, you talk about the Void coming,

and people are getting ready for it like it's a hurricane.

But based on what I know,

the Void is a lot worse than a hurricane.

Oh, so now you're a weather girl too?

No... Please listen to me.

I arrived here from a different cosmos

in the hopes of stopping the eldritch terrors,

specifically the Cosmic.

But, in classic Sabrina fashion, I landed right in...

The Endless.

This is all exposition. I know all of this.

Well, do you know that the Void,

the same Void your crew is building,

is all-consuming and will devour everything,

including the Endless?

Okay, now you just sound insane.

I know all about the Void.

The Endless and the Void have coexisted since forever.

Unlike the other terrors, we're opposites.

Equals in some respects.

It's nothing.

The end of all things.

I'm never-ending.

No! Salem, the Void will be the end of the Endless.

It's hurtling towards us, doing a drive-by to destroy me,

the ultimate chaos,

before it finally arrives in Greendale, the real Greendale.

And next up on the Void's menu...

the Endless.

Listen, kiddo, I've been in this business a long time.

There is no end. There will never be an end.

Don't believe me? Explain this.

The Void arrives on page 29.

What happens on page 30?

There is nothing after page 29.

No "to be continued". No "end of show". Nothing.

So, you tell me, head writer...

what happens after page 29?

[SALEM] Uh...

[MELVIN OVER PA] Mr. Saberhagen and Ms. Morningstar,

report to Stage D.

I repeat, Mr. Saberhagen and Ms. Morningstar to Stage D.

What do we do?

[BELL RINGS]

[FAUSTUS] And action.

With the Void coming,

we need to make sure our bathtubs are filled with water.

Perfect! I'm in the mood for a bubble bath.

[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

No, Aunt Hilda, we need that water to drink,

in case of an emergency.

What do you mean "drink"?

I've got frozen margaritas chillin' in the fridge.

[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

Well, I'm going to the store to buy some candles.

[RECORD SCRATCHING]

Unbelievable.

Now, Sabrina, you know that's not possible.

You know that's not what you're supposed to say.

You're supposed to say,

"Let's make sure the shutters are closed".

You make sure the shutters are closed.

I'm gonna go out and find some candles.

Salem, can you talk to her?

I think Sabrina should go get the candles.

But that's not in the script.

I'm head writer. I can change the script.

And I say Sabrina should go get candles.

No one's going anywhere, not until the Void gets here.

Which should be any minute now.

They're servants of the Void.

I think they all are.

In that case, go get some candles and take me with you!

We told you, no one's getting out of here.

That wall behind you, it's fake.

[SABRINA PANTING]

[RUMBLING AND SHRIEKING]

- [SALEM] What's that noise? - That's the Void.

Where do we go? How do we get out of here?

I know where your real mirror is.

In prop storage, on the other side of the sound stage.

But first, we have to save as many people as possible.

[SCREECHING]

Oh crap.

[SALEM] Hilda suddenly twists her ankle.

[CRACKING]

Zelda suddenly has a sneezing fit.

[SNEEZING]

[RUMBLING AND SHRIEKING INTENSIFIES]

[SABRINA PANTING]

[SABRINA GASPS]

Prudence? Agatha? Why?

The Void, Sabrina.

The Void demands sacrifice.

Don't you hear it?

[SALEM] Prudence and Agatha turn on each other.

[BOTH GRUNTING]

[VOID GROWLING]

[SABRINA] Ambrose, the Void is coming.

Ambrose.

Caliban.

[GASPS]

Nick, you're a servant of the Void too?

Yes.

But for the millionth time,

I'm Harvey.

I'm your only boyfriend.

Harvey slips on a banana peel.

[VOID RUMBLING]

[SABRINA] No. Why?

[HISSES] The Void is here!

The Void must be fed.

We gotta go, kid.

[VOID RUMBLING]

[RUMBLING, SHRIEKING, AND GROWLING]

[SCREAMING, GROWLING]

[PERSON SHRIEKING]

[VOID GROWLING]

[SABRINA] There it is!

- [SALEM] Hurry! We're not going to make it. - Yes, we will.

Open the gate now!

[SALEM] The prop storage gate opens.

[VOID SCREECHING AND GROWLING]

- [GLASS SHATTERING] - [VOID GROWLING]

- [GROWLING STOPS] - [GLASS TINKLING]

[EERIE MUSIC PLAYING]