All language subtitles for Cake.2005.1080p

[ Chiming of P.A. signal ]

Woman: [ On P.A. ]
[ Speaking in
foreign language ]

[ Stamping of passport ]

[ Droning of plane engine ]

[ Ringing of bicycle bell ]

[ Chirping of birds ]

[ Music playing ]

[ Shouts of crowd ]

[ Music playing ]

[ Yelling ]

[ Whooping ]

I LOVE THIS!

I LOVE YOU!

PIPPA, YOU'RE
SUPPOSED TO SAY...

I CAN'T HEAR
YOU, DIEGO!

Diego:
PIPPA, YOU MISSED
IT. SLOW DOWN.

THANK YOU FOR
EVERYTHING.

I WANT YOU TO STAY.

THAT IS SO SWEET.

YEAH, BUT, UH,

I COULD COME
WITH YOU.
I'LL CALL YOU,

IF I MISS IT.

PIPPA!

[ Music playing ]

[ Sighing ]

[ Music playing ]

OH!

[ Music playing ]

AM I HAVING
A HEART ATTACK?

CAN YOU TELL ME
WHERE THIS IS?

THANK YOU.

[ Music playing ]

[ Screeching of tires ]

PLANE LATE.
TRAFFIC.

I'M SORRY.
GO.

IT'S GREAT
TO SEE YOU.
GO. GO.

[ Horn beeping ]
OH! UH, SHIT.

I ONLY
HAVE EUROS.
GO. PLEASE.

[ Sobbing/sniffling ]

SWEETIE?

HONEY? MASCARA.

PRIORITIES.

I HATE HER.

I KNOW,
SWEETHEART.

BUT YOU--
I'M SORRY!

[ Sobbing ]

I'M HERE.
I'M SORRY.

I HATE YOU.
OH!

WELL, THAT'S 'CAUSE
YOU'RE ABOUT TO BE
FOREVER FAITHFUL.

I MEAN, YOU MUST
HATE EVERYONE.

THAT'S WHY I BROUGHT
YOU SOMETHING BLUE.
[ Laughing ]

JANEY, YOU
LOOK GORGEOUS,

EVEN FROM HERE.

IT'S CALLED
A BRAZILLIAN.

[ Sniffle ]

[ Music playing ]

SHIT.

OH MY GOD.
OKAY, LET'S GO.

[ Mixed chatter ]

WELCOME BACK,
SHITHEAD.

NICE TO SEE
YOU, ASS-FACE.

LIAR.

[ Inhaling ]

[ Sigh ]

[ Music playing ]

Woman:
COME ON, MICKEY.
MARTINI?

[ Grunting ]
HUH?

OH, UH...
[ Chuckling ]

UH, KEEP
THE PANTIES.

WHOO!

[ Snickering ]

WELL DONE.
THANK YOU.

NOTHING LIKE A...
BRIDESMAID'S DRESS

TO ADD A SUBTLE
SHEEN OF DESPERATION
TO ANY PARTY.

WORKS FOR YOU.
OH, TOTALLY WORKS.

HERE.

I CAN'T TAKE IT.

IT'S LIKE NOAH'S ARK
IN THERE.

TWO BY TWO BY
SHOOT-ME-NOW.

OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT?
CRY ME A RIVER.

I'M THE ONE
STUCK HERE,

BURNING CLIFF 'N' JANE
PARTY COMPILATION CDs.

I MEAN, WHAT DID
YOU DO TODAY?

I RAN WITH
THE BULLS.

IS THAT, LIKE,
A METAPHOR?

THEN I JUMPED
OUT OF A PLANE.

ALONE?
I HAD A GUIDE.

CONDOMS?

YOU'RE THE ONE DOING THE
BUSHWHACKING OVER THERE

WITH WEDDING-
SEX-LUKE.

JEALOUS?

TOTALLY.

I'VE SLEPT WITH EVERYONE HERE.
I'M RADICALLY
OUT OF OPTIONS.

I WISH YOU WERE
STAYING LONGER
THAN THE WEEKEND.

I'M A TRAVEL WRITER.

YOU'VE BEEN
TRAVELLING FOR
EIGHT YEARS.

HEY, WHAT SIZE BRA
DID YOU GUYS BUY ME?

UH, SAME
AS ALWAYS.

OH-H-H.
I GUESS YOU
MATURED.

HEY.
[ Splash ]

Man:
NOW, MOST OF YOU KNOW
THAT JANE AND CLIFFORD

MET ON THE
TRADING FLOOR.

NOW, WE'VE ALL
BEEN STIMULATED

BY THE STOCK
MARKET RECENTLY.

NOT QUITE AS STIMULATED

AS THESE TWO FINANCIAL
LOVEBIRDS HERE.

[ Laughter ]
AW-W.

A BEAR-STEARNS MATCH MADE
IN BULL-MARKET HEAVEN.

OH MY GOD, IT'S
NOT A WEDDING.
IT'S A MERGER.

Pippa:
[ Laughing ]

OH MY GOD.

SO PLEASE RAISE
YOUR GLASSES

IN A TOAST TO THE
BRIDE AND GROOM.

TO MARRIAGE, THE
HAPPY TOMB OF LOVE.

[ Dance music ]

♪ OOPS, OH, BABY ♪

♪ BOY, YOU'RE DRIVING
ME CRAZY ♪

♪ YOU'RE SO FINE ♪

[ Laughing ]
[ Laughing ]

I'M CUTTING HER OFF.
OH, POOR BABY,
COME ON,

SHE'S CELEBRATING
WITH YOU,
NOT AT YOU.

SHE TOLD MY FATHER
THAT HE WAS HUMP-ABLE.

AND I'M SURE IT
MADE HIS NIGHT.

SHE'S WEDDING-PHOBIC.

WOO-HOO!

MY BOOBS ARE KILLING ME!

I GOT TO GO
FIND MY BRA.

I LOVE YOU
GUYS, MAN!

Man:
IT'S OVER THERE.

WHAT?

YOUR BRA. IT'S CAUGHT
ON THE EDGE OF THAT--

NO, TO
YOUR LEFT.

YOUR OTHER LEFT.

THANK YOU.
I MUST HAVE
DROPPED IT.

BEAUTIFUL NIGHT.

KIND OF MAKES YOU
FEEL LIKE SWIMMING.

NOT REALLY.

GIRLFRIEND? GAY?

WHAT, BECAUSE I DON'T
WANT TO GO SWIMMING?

DID YOUR
GIRLFRIEND
PICK THAT TIE?

WHAT'S WRONG WITH IT?

DID I SAY THERE'S
SOMETHING WRONG WITH IT?

WELL, IF YOU'VE GOT
SOMETHING TO SAY
ABOUT MY TIE,

FEEL FREE TO SAY IT.

IT'S FLOWERY.
IT'S BOSS.

BOSS. SORRY.

DON'T BE. IT'S
ALWAYS GOOD TO HEAR

WHAT A GIRL THINKS
OF YOUR TIE,

ESPECIALLY
A GIRL

IN WET, PINK TAFFETA.

I DIDN'T PICK
THIS DRESS.

I DIDN'T PICK THE TIE.

GOOD, THEN.

HEY, YOU'RE
SOAKING WET.

COME ON. LET'S
GET YOU IN A CAB.

FORGET IT. IT'S
NOT EVEN MIDNIGHT.

[ Crashing of bottles ]

IN SOME CULTURES,
THE CLOSING
OF THE BAR

SIGNALS THE END
OF THE EVENING.

WELL, IN SOME CULTURES,

MEN DON'T FOLLOW
WOMEN AROUND

WHEN THEY'RE
NOT WANTED.

UH, I THINK THAT'S
A MEASURING CUP.

THAT IS SO
REFRESHINGLY
LITERAL.

AND YOU ARE
REFRESHINGLY
DRUNK.

I AM REFRESHINGLY
REFRESHED. THANK YOU.

MAYBE YOU SHOULD GO HOME.

I JUST NEED TO
FIND SOME SOCKS
OR SOMETHING.

MY FEET ARE FREEZING.

SOCKS, OFTEN FOUND
IN HOTEL KITCHENS.

REALLY?

NO.

SO YOU'RE LITERAL AND
YOU'RE A PESSIMIST.

IF I WAS A COOK,
I WOULD DEFINITELY

HAVE A PAIR OF
SOCKS ON HAND.

FOR, LIKE,
AN UNFORTUNATE
KITCHEN ACCIDENT,

OR KITCHEN SPILLAGE.

SIT.

YOU'RE NOT
THE BOSS OF ME.

ENOUGH. OKAY?

I...
UH-HUH.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH
ONE LITTLE KISS?

I DON'T THINK
YOU'LL REMEMBER IT.

SO?

YEAH, THAT'S
KIND OF MY POINT.

WELL, WHY DON'T
YOU JUST STAY
AND HAVE A DRINK?

WE COULD TALK ALL
ABOUT YOUR VERY
IMPORTANT POINT.

I THINK I
BETTER GO.

[ Music playing ]

Pippa:
MOST OF THE TIME,
I DON'T FEEL ALONE.

I TRAVEL. I HAVE MY LIFE.

BUT SOMETIMES,

YOU KNOW, YOU COME
HOME AND IT'S LIKE...

EVERYBODY'S GOT
SOMEBODY TO DANCE WITH.

WE COULD DANCE.

[ Music playing ]

THE THING IS, JOEY,
IF WE START DANCING,

WE MIGHT AS WELL
THROW IN THE TOWEL.

START WEARING
RELAXED-FIT DOCKERS

AND HEAD OFF TO
IKEA TO EAT MEATBALLS

WITH OUR
IN-VITRO TWINS.

Pippa:
RIGHT, JOEY?

CAN YOU MAKE SURE
SHE GETS HOME OKAY?

Pippa:
I GOT MY
OWN MONEY.

EXCUSE ME, DO
YOU TAKE EUROS?

[ Departure of taxi ]
Pippa:
[ Humming ]

[ Clattering ]

[ Turning of lock ]

WHAT THE HELL
DO YOU THINK
YOU'RE DOING?

I'M HOME.

YEAH, I CAN SEE THAT.

I DIDN'T WANT
TO WAKE YOU UP.

WELL, THEN DON'T
CLIMB UP MY HOUSE

AT 2:00 O'CLOCK
IN THE MORNING.

[ Grunting ]
[ Clattering ]

AH, PHILIPPA.

THE KEY WAS
UNDER THE MAT.

DAD?

I'M SORRY.

WELL, I WISH YOU'D
TOLD ME THAT YOU
WERE COMING HOME.

[ Snapping of fingers ]
YOU WOULD'VE
BAKED A CAKE?

I SHOULD'VE.

I MEANT TO.
I WORRY
ABOUT YOU.

RUNNING AROUND DOING
GOD KNOWS WHAT.

I'M FREELANCE,
YOU KNOW THAT.

BUT I WANT YOU
TO GET A REAL JOB,

SOMETHING THAT
YOU CAN COMMIT TO,

AND START MAKING A
LIFE FOR YOURSELF.

I HAVE A LIFE.

DAD?

MADE YOU SOME BREAKFAST.

SORRY ABOUT LAST NIGHT.

I WAS A LITTLE JET-LAGGED.

DAD?

DADDY?
[ Clattering ]

[ Wailing of sirens ]

[ Music playing ]

[ Beeping of monitor ]

WHAT HAPPENED?

DADDY. OH
MY GOD, I...

I SHOULD GO
GET THE DOCTOR.
HEART ATTACK?

A STROKE?

I'M SO SORRY
ABOUT LAST NIGHT.

BOTH?
NO, NO, NO.

JUST-- JUST
A HEART ATTACK.

OH, WELL...
[ Sighing ]

WHAT A RELIEF.

I NEED MY DATE BOOK.

YOU DIDN'T BRING
IT WITH YOU?

IN THE AMBULANCE?
I NEED TO CALL IAN,

FILL HIM IN.

I'M IN TROUBLE HERE.
DAD,

YOU'RE IN INTENSIVE CARE,
I THINK YOU SHOULD
CONSIDER RELAXING.

WELL, THAT'S THE
DIFFERENCE BETWEEN US.

WELL, I'M HERE, RIGHT?
SO JUST LET ME HELP YOU.

TELL ME WHAT YOU NEED.

[ Sighing ]
I NEED A TOOTHBRUSH.

I NEED AN EDITOR

AND I NEED MY DATE BOOK.

[ Sighing ]

LUCY WARD QUIT.

ONE OF MY EDITORS.

NO NOTICE. NO, THE
IDIOT GETS AN OFFER
FROM "THE GLOBE"

SHE CAN'T REFUSE.

AH-H.

I CAN DO IT.

FINE, GOOD.

IT'S ON MY DESK.

NO, I CAN EDIT ONE
OF YOUR MAGAZINES.

I'M A JOURNALIST.
I'VE WORKED AT
A DOZEN MAGAZINES.

I CAN HANDLE IT.
OH,

THAT'S TERRIFIC.

WHICH MAGAZINE?

YOU NEVER EDITED
A MAGAZINE.

I'VE BEEN
WATCHING YOU
FOR YEARS.

I'M IN THE
BUSINESS.

JUST LET ME HELP YOU,
PLEASE, FOR ONCE.

YOU NEVER THINK I
CAN DO ANYTHING.

JUST TELL ME
WHICH MAGAZINE.

"LAWNS AND BLOOMS"?

"TENNIS QUARTERLY"?

I MEAN, IT'S JUST TILL
HE'S BACK ON HIS FEET

AND THEN HE'S GOING
TO HIRE SOMEONE REAL.

HIS WORDS.
OH, NICE.

"LOFT LIVING"?

I MEAN I GUESS
HE'S RIGHT, I NEVER
EDITED A MAGAZINE.

WELL, AS LONG AS IT'S
NOT "TRUCKS WEEKLY".

OH MY GOD.

IT'S NOT "TRUCKS WEEKLY".

"WEDDING BELLS"?
LULU...

I OFFERED TO EDIT
A BRIDAL MAGAZINE.

IT'S A SHRINE
TO COMMITMENT
AND I'M A SLUT.

I'M A FUCK-SLUT,
HALF-ORPHAN.

[ Sniffling ]
AND I START WORK ON MONDAY.
OH.

OH, SWEETIE, OH.

YOU'RE NOT
AN ORPHAN.

[ Music playing ]

SHIT!

[ Music playing ]

Man:
MISS McGEE,
I PRESUME?

IT'S PIPPA,

PLEASE. AND YOU ARE?

FRANK. NO LAST NAME.

HUH, LIKE CHER?

WHO?

YOU KNOW, CHER?

SHE'S FAMOUS.
I'M KIDDING.

FUNNY.
WELL THAT'S GOOD.

FUNNY'S GOOD
IN AN ASSISTANT,

'CAUSE I'M GOING
TO BE YOURS,

UNLESS, OF COURSE,
YOU FIRE ME.

PLEASE, DON'T FIRE ME.

I'M AN UTTER DELIGHT
IN THE BOARDROOM,

I CAN ASSURE YOU.

"BORED" BEING THE
OPERATIVE TERM.

NOW EVERYONE'S WILDLY
EXCITED TO MEET YOU,

NEVER HAVING HEARD
OF YOU, OF COURSE.

BUT LET'S PUT A
PIN IN THE TOUCHY-
FEELY STUFF,

FOR THE MASSES AWAIT.

GOOD PANTS,
BY THE WAY.

VERY SHOCK-AND-AWE.

SO THAT'S THE STORY.
[ Chuckles ]

MY DAD ASKED
ME TO FILL IN.

IT'S JUST TEMPORARY TILL
HE'S BACK ON HIS FEET.

THAT BEING SAID, I AM
COMMITTED TO MAKING
THE BEST OF THIS.

BUT, UH, I GOT
TO BE HONEST.

I MEAN, I SEE
MARRIAGE AS A
KIND OF A PRISON.

IT'S A PLACE WHERE
FREEDOM AND CHOICE
AND SENSUALITY

GO TO DIE.
[ Clicking of lighter ]

I MEAN, I'M STILL TRYING
TO FIGURE OUT WHY,

IN A WORLD OF CHOICE
AND FEMINISM AND
SERIAL MONOGAMY,

IN A CHAOTIC UNIVERSE
OF INFIDELITY AND
COUPLES' COUNSELLING,

IN A FRAGMENTED TOPOGRAPHY
OF DIVORCE AND NIHILISM,

WHY THE MODERN WOMAN
WOULD WANT TO GET MARRIED.

I MEAN, TO ME, THESE
ARE VERY INTERESTING
QUESTIONS.

[ Beeping of
fire alarm ]

ANYWAY, I GUESS WHAT
I'M TRYING TO SAY IS:

LET'S PUSH THE
STATUS QUO BUT...

NOT BE PUSHED BY IT.

LET'S KEEP THINGS
IN PERSPECTIVE.

LET'S HAVE FUN.
[ Beeping of alarm ]

Man:
I'LL CALL THEM.

[ Music playing ]

[ Ringing of telephone ]

UH, BROOK CLINIC, HELLO?

LULU?

Can you hear me?
UH, VAGUELY.

OH MY GOD, IT WORKS.
I'M JANET JACKSON.

[ Yelping ]

OH, FIRST DAY, LADY.

HEY, HOW'S IT
GOING OVER THERE?

IT'S A TOTAL NIGHTMARE,
BUT I'M FAKING MY
WAY THROUGH IT.

I MEAN, THE WALLS ARE
PINK AND I CAN'T SMOKE.

It sucks.
WELL, YOU SOUND
VERY POSITIVE.

[ Chuckles ]
UH, BAD TIME?

[ Music playing ]

HOW DID YOU FIND ME?

EXCUSE ME?

DO YOU WANT YOUR
MONEY BACK FROM
THE OTHER NIGHT?

Lulu:
Pippa? Hello?
[ Click of disconnect ]

I'M ACTUALLY SURPRISED
YOU REMEMBER.

I GUESS THAT'S FAIR.
I WAS A LITTLE JET-LAGGED.

YOU WERE LOADED.
TOMATO,
TO-MAH-TO.

RIGHT. "LET'S CALL
THE WHOLE THING OFF".

[ Music playing ]

UH, SO WHO THE HELL
IS PHILIPPA McGEE?

YOU'RE IAN?
I AM.

IAN GRAY.

MY DAD'S VICE-PRESIDENT.

I TALKED TO HIM
THIS MORNING.

HE ASKED ME TO
COME DOWN, SUPERVISE
THE FIRST FEW WEEKS.

MAKE SURE YOU
WERE SET UP.

WELL, HE SAID HE
TRUSTED ME WITH THIS.

I THOUGHT HE
TRUSTED ME.

UH, GUYS.

I'M GOING TO BE IN
THAT OFFICE RIGHT THERE.

FRANK, IS
THIS DECAF?

YES, SIR.
DECAF?

LOOK, I'M SURE
HE TRUSTS YOU.

YOU'RE HIS DAUGHTER.

YOU'RE A GROWN-UP.

I'M SIMPLY HERE TO...
[ Ringtone playing ]

UH-HUH.

MEETING'S IN AN HOUR.

MS. NIGHTLY?

MS. I.P. NIGHTLY--

NOT FUNNY. THIS
IS A PLACE OF WORK.

I WAS WONDERING
ABOUT THE SPONGE.

DO YOU THINK
IT'S TOO DRIPPY?

OH, FOR YOU, PERHAPS
I'D SUGGEST SOMETHING
A LITTLE MORE PERMANENT

LIKE NORPLANT.

FOLLOW ME.

DO YOU WANT TO
GO TO LUNCH?

I'M THINKING SUSHI.

UH, IT'S 10:30.

YOUR POINT?

YOU'RE GOING BACK
TO THE OFFICE.

THERE'S A PROBLEM.
IT'S A LITTLE
COMPLICATED.

OH. OKAY, YOU
KNOW WHAT?

IT IS ALWAYS
COMPLICATED

BUT, HONEY, YOU
ARE THE BOSS.

YOU'RE IN CHARGE.

JUST TRUST
YOUR INSTINCTS.

I HAVE INSTINCTS?

OH YEAH, YOU ARE
ALL INSTINCT.

NOW GO. I AM WATCHING.
WALK, PLEASE, WALK.

HEY. GUYS. UM, I JUST,
UH, WANTED TO LIAISE

ON THIS WHOLE, UH,
MANAGEMENT SHUFFLE
SITUATION.

LOOK, WE ALL KNOW THIS
MAGAZINE'S IN TROUBLE.

ALL RIGHT, WE NEED
TO, ONE: STRATEGIZE.

TWO: COMPROMISE.
THREE...

JAZZERCISE.

[ Chuckles ]
THEORIZE.

ROXANNE, UH,
COULD YOU TELL US

A LITTLE BIT MORE
ABOUT OUR READERS?

I MEAN, ASSUMING THAT
YOU'RE ALL RIGHT.

SECOND-HAND SMOKE, IAN,
BUT THANK YOU FOR ASKING.

OUR READERS ARE BETWEEN
THE AGES OF 24 AND 31,

ENGAGED,
PRIMARILY CAUCASIAN--

ENGAGED, MIDDLE-CLASS WHITE
CHICKS BUY THIS MAGAZINE,

THAT'S A SHOCKER.

[ Snickering ]

[ Coughing ]

IS THIS, LIKE,
AMUSING TO YOU?

UH, I THINK PIPPA'S
A LITTLE JET-LAGGED--

NO, I'M JUST CURIOUS.
I MEAN, HAS ANYONE
HERE EVER THOUGHT

ABOUT DOING SOMETHING
RELEVANT FOR A CHANGE?

SOMETHING INVESTIGATIVE?

OKAY, UH, DIVORCE
STATISTICS,

DEATH OF SEX IN
MODERN MARRIAGE.

THE RELIGIOUS RIGHT.
WIFE-BEATING.

THAT'S NOT OUR MAGAZINE.

WHY NOT?

WE'RE NOT REINVENTING
THE WHEEL HERE.

Pippa:
I DISAGREE.

THE WHEEL IS SQUEAKY,

IT'S RATTLING AND IT'S
ON A FRIGGING BUGGY.

I MEAN, GIDDY-UP,
OLD YELLER,

LET'S MOSEY
ON OVER TO THE
MONOGRAMMED NAPKINS.

OLD YELLER IS A DOG.
COME ON.

LOOK, YOU WANT TO
DISCUSS A NEW DIRECTION?
FINE. WE'LL DO IT.

BUT NOT IN FRONT
OF THE STAFF.
OH, WOW.

YOU REALLY LEARNED
AT THE KNEE OF MY
FATHER. DIDN'T YOU?

YOU DON'T LISTEN. DO YOU?

I WANT A CHANCE
TO DO THIS BY MYSELF.

OKAY.

ANYWAY, IAN HAS AGREED
TO LEAVE ME ALONE.

AT LEAST FOR
THE FIRST ISSUE.

I TAKE IT YOUR
DAD LIKES HIM.

TOTALLY, HE'S EVERYTHING
MY DAD WOULD LOVE.

HE JOGS FOR FUN.

HE TALKS ABOUT
MULTI-TASKING

AND "LIAISING".

HELLO, THAT'S NOT A VERB.

ANYWAY, HE HAS
NO IMAGINATION.

I MEAN, WHAT IS WRONG
WITH A COVER SHOOT
OF THE SKY DECK?

INSURANCE,
ACCESS, WEATHER.

OKAY, THAT DOESN'T COUNT,
YOU'RE A CONSULTANT.

YOU COULD FIND A
PROBLEM IN PARADISE

IF GOD PAID
YOU ENOUGH.
MM-HMM.

OKAY, I'M
SEEING SOMETHING

LIKE LANDMARK
KITSCH, KIND OF...

POST-STRUCTURALIST,
BRIDAL BAUDRILLARD.

OH YEAH, YOUR
DAD WILL LOVE IT.

HE'S OUT OF IT.

CERTAINLY MAKES
CONVERSATION EASIER.

Woman:
OH MY GOD.
WHAT IS THAT?

THIS IS A LESSON.

NEVER IMPULSE
BUY ON PEYOTE.

NO, NO, NO.
I LOVE IT.

I LOVE IT.
GIVE IT.

SOLD.
THANK YOU.

FUTONS ARE STILL
KIND OF ZEN, RIGHT?

SURE, IF YOU'RE 12.

WHEN DID YOU GUYS
GET SO BOURGEOIS?

OH, SWEETIE,
YOU'RE AN ADULT.

YOU'RE ALLOWED
TO BUY A BED.

THIS IS GOOD.

I'M FINE.

GOOD.

POWER TO
THE PEOPLE.

OKAY. SNAPPY.
GROOVY. ONE WORD.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH
"WEDDING BELLS"?

TWO WORDS. OKAY.
RING. ROCK.

"I DO."

UH, YOU KNOW WHAT?
THAT'S-- THAT'S TWO WORDS.

SORRY.

HI.
HI.

I THOUGHT WE HAD AN
APPOINTMENT FOR NOON,

BUT IF THIS IS
A BAD TIME--

NO, NO. THIS IS A
REALLY GOOD TIME.

PLEASE COME IN.

HEMINGWAY JONES.
FREELANCE PHOTOGRAPHER.

OH, RIGHT. OF COURSE.

FRANK, CAN YOU
GET ME A COFFEE?

Pippa:
GREAT NAME.

THANKS. MY MOM WANTED
ME TO BE A WRITER.

HEMINGWAY'S A BIG
FAVORITE OF MINE.

[ Mouthing silently ]

UH, ME TOO.

HARD TO LIVE
UP TO, THOUGH.

RUNNING WITH
THE BULLS AND A
BOTTLE OF SCOTCH?

THE FANTASY DIES HARD.

REALLY? I WOULDN'T KNOW.

OH, YOU WOULDN'T?

[ Music playing ]

DO YOU WANT TO
GET OUT OF HERE?

Hemingway:
I'VE GOT
SOME KITTENS,

SOME FIELDS OF
FLOWERS IN HERE
SOMEWHERE, HANG ON.

Pippa:
CAN I ASK YOU
SOMETHING?

HONESTLY.

WHY DO YOU WANT TO WORK
AT "WEDDING BELLS"?

HONESTLY?

I JUST NEED THE MONEY.

WHY DO YOU
DO THIS?

WHY DO I DO IT?
IT'S JUST TEMPORARY.

I'M A TRAVEL WRITER.

SO YOU'RE NOT
A BRIDAL FANATIC?

I'M NOT A
BRIDAL ANYTHING.

HMM. WHAT ABOUT LOVE?

"TOGETHER, FOREVER".

"TWO HEARTS BEAT AS ONE".

"YOU LIGHT UP MY LIFE".

"YOU DON'T SEND ME
FLOWERS ANY MORE".

"QUIT PLAYING GAMES
WITH MY HEART".

"OOPS, I DID IT AGAIN".

[ Chuckling ]

YOU'RE RIGHT.
IT'S TOTAL CHEESE.

I MEAN, FORGET THE RING.
I'LL TAKE A MULTIPLE
ORGASM ANY DAY.

AMEN.

[ Ringing of telephone ]

GOOD AFTERNOON,
"WEDDING BELLS".

[ Indistinct chatter ]

Roxanne:
MS. McGEE,

CAN WE GET ONE
THING STRAIGHT?

I RUN AD SALES.

AD SALES SELL ADS.
NO ADS, NO MAGAZINE.

WE MANUFACTURE
ANXIETY IN
OUR READERS,

AND IN RESPONSE,
THEY PURCHASE.

ROXANNE--
SUFFICE TO SAY,

I FIND YOUR
RATHER "WHIMSICAL"
EDITORIAL DECISIONS

TO BE
PROBLEMATIC.

FOR EXAMPLE,
THE UPCOMING
COVER SHOOT.

WHILE I'M SURE YOU
FIND SATIN AND STEEL

TO BE A SASSY COMMENT
ON POSTMILLENNIAL
NUPTIALS,

BETTY CROCKER WILL NOT.

WELL, I'M NOT
WRITING FOR BETTY.
THAT'S CORRECT.

YOU'RE NOT WRITING,
YOU'RE EDITING.

AND HERE'S A THOUGHT:

YOUR BLUSHING READERS
WANT THAT TOO.

FRANK?

"BAUHAUS BRIDE"?

TOO WEIRD?

ALL RIGHT, GOOD.
HOIST HER UP.
RIGHT.

WE WANT HER
FLOATING,

VERY, UH, ETHEREAL.

UH, I THINK WE
GOT A BIT OF A
NIPPLE PROBLEM.

ARE YOU ALL ON CRACK?

NO NIPPLES!

WHAT ARE YOU
DOING HERE?

PROTECTING
MY INTERESTS.

BIRKS, ASHLEY'S,
TUPPERWARE, TIFFANY'S--

ROXANNE, IT'S
NOT EXACTLY A
BEAVER SHOT.

OH, FOR CHRIST'S
SAKE, PEOPLE.

I WORK ON COMMISSION.

HELLO, AMATEUR HOUR.

COME HERE, HONEY.
COME ON DOWN.

[ Yelping ]

EASY, EASY.

OKAY, OKAY.

BRING HER
DOWN NOW.

COME HERE. I'VE
GOT SOME BAND-AIDS.

WHAT'S WRONG
WITH HER?

WHAT, BESIDES
THE HEROIN?

GUYS, I CAN SEE
THE BAND-AIDS.

WAKE UP, YOU TRACK-
MARKED FISH-STICK.

DADDY?

OKAY, AL.
CRANK HER UP.

FRANK? CALL
AN AMBULANCE.
ALL RIGHT.

Roxanne:
THE BAUHAUS BRIDE.

WHAT ABOUT THE
DEAD BRIDE?

IS THAT EDGY
ENOUGH FOR YOU?

I NEED AN AMBULANCE
TO THE R-ROOF... UH...

Frank:
WHERE ARE WE?
ARE YOU, UH...

ARE YOU SURE
ABOUT THIS?

YES.

OKAY. THAT'S ALL
I NEED TO HEAR.

[ Music playing ]

Roxanne: [ Reading ]
"WEDDING BELLS" HAS BEEN
TAKEN OVER BY ALIENS.

ALIENS FROM A
LOVELESS PLANET.

A PLANET WHERE HALF-
NAKED ANOREXICS
GOOD MORNING.

DANGLE LIKE DROWNED WITCHES
FROM BEAMS OF STEEL.

PERHAPS MS. McGEE
BELIEVES HER CYNICISM

WILL STAND OUT
FROM THE CROWD,

BUT FRANKLY--
I'VE READ IT. ALL RIGHT?

...SHE'S JUST
ANOTHER ROCK-
AND-ROLL GROUPIE,

WHO'S CRASHED THE
WRONG DAMN PARTY.

ANY ADS
PULLED YET?
ELEVEN.

UH, PHILIPPA?

PIPPA. PLEASE.

I DON'T CARE...

GOODBYE.

...DON'T CARE
WHAT YOUR NAME IS,

DON'T CARE HOW
MANY TIME ZONES
YOU'VE SKIPPED THROUGH

IN YOUR ILLUSTRIOUS
FREELANCE TRAVEL CAREER.

ROXANNE?

ALL I CARE ABOUT

IS MAKING THIS
MAGAZINE A SUCCESS.

LOOK, THE COVER'S
NOT WHAT I IMAGINED.

I WAS THINKING ANGEL.
A FLOATING ANGEL.

"GETTING WHAT
YOU'RE WORTH:

A GUIDE TO BULLET-PROOF
PRE-NUPS"?

IT'S IMPORTANT
TO BE INFORMED.

"TEMPTATION HONEYMOON:

THE TALE OF A THREE-
DAY MARRIAGE".

THAT'S A
TRUE STORY.

YOU MIGHT AS WELL
GIVE IT TO THE
MAN. SERIOUSLY.

BOB JACKMAN IS
JUST SITTING THERE

WAITING FOR THE
RIGHT MOMENT.

WHICH YOU JUST GAVE
TO HIM ON A PLATTER.

DO YOU NOT CARE THAT
YOUR FATHER IS ABOUT
TO LOSE HIS COMPANY?

ALL HIS MAGAZINES?

BOB JACKMAN'S
A NEWSPAPER GUY.

WELL, HE'S LOOKING
TO EXPAND.

THE GUY'S COLLECTED
51% OF YOUR
DAD'S STOCK.

ARE YOU SERIOUS?

I DON'T GET IT.

I MEAN, YOU'RE
RUNNING THIS THING.

YOU DON'T TALK TO YOUR DAD.
YOU WON'T TALK TO ME. IT'S--

[ Sighing ]
WHATEVER.

JUST-- YOU KNOW
WHAT? JUST CALL ME
WHEN IT'S OVER.

'CAUSE THIS
IS HORSESHIT.

DAD, YOU SHOULD'VE
TOLD ME.

I TOLD YOU I
WAS IN TROUBLE.

WELL, YOU
DIDN'T TELL ME

THAT IT WAS EVERYTHING.

I MEAN, I JUST THOUGHT
IT WAS THE ONE MAGAZINE.

SO, WHAT, YOU COULD
SCREW AROUND? HAVE FUN?

BE COOL WITH A STUPID
WEDDING MAGAZINE?

IT WAS YOUR MOTHER'S.

I THOUGHT MAYBE
THAT'D BE ENOUGH.

[ Music playing ]

Pippa:
YOU KNOW THE WORST PART?

THE MOST
EMBARRASSING PART?

IS THAT I ACTUALLY
THOUGHT IT WAS
GOING TO BE GOOD.

AND I JUST END UP
DISAPPOINTING HIM.

ALL RIGHT,
PIPPA, COME ON.

YOU CAN DO THIS.
YOU JUST NEED HELP.

YOU SURROUND
YOURSELF, UH,

WITH THE MOST
BORING PEOPLE
YOU KNOW,

AND YOU JUST, UH,
JOIN THE STATUS QUO
FOR A FEW MONTHS.

JUST LIKE THAT, HUH?

WELL, I NEED A
PARTNER IN CRIME

AND IT'S YOU. SO,
DON'T MAKE ME BEG.

THE MOST BORING
PERSON I KNOW...

CAN I HELP YOU?
COFFEE?

WHEAT GRASS?

I NEED YOUR HELP.

LOOK, I SCREWED
UP. I'M SORRY.

IAN, PLEASE.

I NEED TO MAKE
THIS WORK.

"MARRIAGE IS A
TERRIBLE GAMBLE

YET WE PERSIST
OUT OF SHEER LACK
OF IMAGINATION."

I MEAN, WHAT KIND OF
EDITOR WRITES THAT?

IT'S A WEDDING
MAGAZINE.

LOOK, THERE'S NOT
A LOT OF IRONY
IN THESE MAGAZINES.

I'M DOWN WITH THAT.

LOOK, IAN. I'M
SORRY. PLEASE.

[ Beeping of watch ]

ALL RIGHT,
I TELL YOU WHAT.

IF YOU CAN GET YOUR
STAFF BACK ON BOARD,

IF YOU CAN GET
THEM TO TRUST YOU,

RESPECT YOU MAYBE?
LET ME KNOW.

[ Beeping of watch ]

OKAY, THEN. TOMORROW.
SAME TIME, SAME PLACE?

[ Music playing ]

OH-H.

MY BOOBS HURT.

[ Music playing ]

HEY-HEY-HEY-HEY.

OKAY. THANKS.

MAKITA.

GO. PEE.

[ Barking ]

Ian:
GO.

PIPPA, IT'S 8:00
IN THE MORNING.

IT'S BARELY AN OFFENSE,

COMPARED TO THE
BUTT-UGLY THING

ON THE END OF
THAT LEASH.

I HATE THIS DOG.

EX-GIRLFRIEND?

[ Barking/snarling of dog ]

OKAY, I'M THE BOSS.
ERGO, I AM FAIR,

THOUGHTFUL, DECISIVE,
AND GENEROUS.
LOOK,

YOU WANT TO BE ABLE
TO ASK FOR THE MOON.

SO... YOU CREATE
AN ENVIRONMENT

THAT PEOPLE
ACTUALLY ENJOY.

YOUR STAFF
WORKS LATER,

HARDER, SMARTER.

WOW. YOU SOUND
LIKE THE MAN.

I AM THE MAN.

COME ON.
[ Yapping of dog ]

YEAH. THAT'S
A GREAT IDEA.

I'M WRITING
THAT DOWN.

OKAY, ROXANNE.
WHAT DO YOU WANT?

I WAS THINKING OF
A SHIRTLESS GROOM,

POPPING OUT OF
A WEDDING CAKE.
SHIRTLESS GROOM.

[ Music playing ]

HERE YOU GO.

CAREFUL, IT'S HOT.

[ Music playing ]

YOU'VE GOT TO KNOW
MORE ABOUT YOUR
SUBJECT MATTER

THAN ANYONE ELSE.

I SHOULD GET
MARRIED AND CHARGE
IT TO THE MAGAZINE.

OH, A STORAGE
SOLUTION.
THAT'S SEXY.

YOU DON'T HAVE
TO BUY IT.

YOU JUST HAVE
TO SELL IT.

[ Music playing ]

HOLD UP.

I CAN'T. I'VE
GOT A THING.

I'M COMING IN.

OKAY, COVER SHOT.
WHAT DO YOU THINK?

UH...

IT'S BORING.

THIS IS BORING.
I DON'T KNOW.

I GUESS...

YOU KNOW, I'M
NOT REALLY SURE

WHAT YOU'RE TRYING
TO SAY HERE. IT'S...

IT'S BIG, IT'S
PUFFY, IT'S WHITE.

OH MY GOD,
IT'S A FANTASY.

NUPTIAL BLISS.

A DAY TO REMEMBER.

LOVE AT
FIRST SIGHT.

[ Sighing ]
MEMORIES THAT
LAST A LIFETIME.

I'M IN A TOWN CAR
WITH THE MAGIC
EIGHT-BALL.

OKAY, LOOK, JUST
PICK A THEME
AND COMMIT.

YOU EVER THOUGHT
ABOUT A FOCUS GROUP?

JUST GET SOME
PEOPLE TOGETHER,

PEOPLE YOU TRUST.

ASK THEM WHAT
THEY WANT TO SEE

AND JUST
INTERPRET IT.

OKAY, YOU
KNOW WHAT?

GET OUT.

Pippa:
SO, IS THAT
THE EX-GIRLFRIEND?

EX-WIFE. IT'S
COMPLICATED.

I LIKE HER.

ROCK STAR? MODEL?
V.J.? SPY?

SURGEON.

HMM, BREAK A LEG.

MM-HMM.

[ Music playing ]

MARTINIQUE
WAS FABULOUS.

BUT WE WERE SO
EXHAUSTED, WE
COULD BARELY--

Pippa:
MAKE IT TO
THE BEACH?

OPENING PRESENTS,
VERY TIRING.

Pippa:
THROWING THE
HEAVY BOUQUET.

HA, HA. YOU'RE HILARIOUS.

COMMITMENT TAKES
WORK, PIPPA.

YOU'RE STILL
MAD AT ME.

I'M MARRIED.

SERENE. I'M OVER IT.

YOU WANT TO START
WITHOUT RACHEL?

OH, FUCK ME!

OH, MY FUCKING ARTICHOKE DIP

IS ON FUCKING FIRE AGAIN.
[ Cough ]

GOOD TO SEE TYING THE KNOT
HASN'T TURNED
JANE INTO A COOK.

GUESS YOU
CAN'T REGISTER
FOR THAT YET.

YEAH, WE CAN SAVE IT.

I'M NOT EATING IT.
NEITHER AM I.

NO, IT MUST HAVE
ONLY BEEN AROUND
300 THREAD COUNT.

I MEAN, THEY DIDN'T EVEN
HAVE EGYPTIAN COTTON.

OH MY GOD.
THAT'S TERRIBLE.
NO, YOU CAN'T,

Janey:
YOU JUST CAN'T.

OKAY. NOW THAT
WE ALL KNOW

THAT MARTINIQUE
KICKS FIJI'S ASS,

WELCOME TO THE
MEANING OF WIFE.

I TAKE IT YOU GUYS ALL
SAW MY FIRST ISSUE?

ARMAGEDDON WITH
SNIFF INSERTS.

OKAY, WELL,
I'VE PREPARED
SOME QUESTIONS.

Lulu:
I GOT ONE.

I'M 31, RIGHT?

SO, HERE'S MY QUESTION:

IF I SEE ONE MORE
PERKY-BREASTED,
LOFT-LIVING,

SIZE-TWO, YUMMY-
MUMMY PUSHING A PRAM

WITH HER SKATE-
BOARDING HUSBAND,

AM I ALLOWED
TO KILL MYSELF?

HONEY, YOU'RE
A VERY YOUNG 31.

OH, I ONLY GOT
MARRIED LAST MONTH.

MATURE BRIDES ARE
INCREASINGLY COMMON.

HOLY SHIT, YOU ACTUALLY
FEEL SORRY FOR US.

OKAY. ALL RIGHT, LET'S
JUST SAY LOVE IS A GIVEN.

I MEAN, WHAT'S WRONG
WITH SHACKING UP?

I MEAN, WHY DO YOU
NEED THE LACE AND
THE PLACE-CARDS--

DID YOU SEE THE
LACE ON MY DRESS?

I MEAN, BLIND
BELGIAN NUNS,

TATTING AWAY
WITH THEIR LITTLE
BLIND FINGERS--

HELLO, BETTER
TAX BREAKS.

Woman:
OH, COME ON.
I'M A DYKE

AND EVEN I
WANTED TO DO IT.
[ Ringing of door bell ]

I MEAN, HAVEN'T YOU
GUYS EVER WANTED
TO GET MARRIED?

NEVER THOUGHT
ABOUT THE BIG
WHITE DRESS?

I'VE THOUGHT ABOUT
THE BIG WHITE DRESS.

WHAT? I'M A VERY
VISUAL PERSON.

GUYS, GUYS,
I'M SO SORRY.

OKAY. TAKE RACHEL.

SENSIBLE, MODERN,
AMBITIOUS RACHEL.

DOES RACHEL REALLY
NEED THIS FEUDAL
DISPLAY OF COMMITMENT?

WELL, ACTUALLY--
DOES RACHEL REALLY WANT
TO TIE HERSELF FINANCIALLY

TO SOME POET WHO
MAKES $3 A YEAR?

HEY, THAT'S A PHASE.
IT'S TRANSITIONAL--

DOES RACHEL REALLY
NEED A PIECE OF PAPER

TO SHOW THE WORLD
WHO SHE LOVES?

MM-MM.

GUYS?

SIMON ASKED ME
TO MARRY HIM.

All:
[ Gasping ]

Rachel:
ON MY WAY
OVER HERE.

[ Squeals of excitement ]

Rachel:
I TOLD HIM THAT I
WAS COMING OVER HERE

TO TALK ABOUT BEING
SINGLE, RIGHT?

AND HE SAID THAT
HE'D BEEN THINKING,

AND HE DIDN'T
WANT TO BE
SINGLE ANY MORE.

Women:
AW-W!

IT'S ALMOST AS IF
THIS FOCUS GROUP
PROMPTED HIM TO...

I DON'T KNOW,
TO ASK.

WAY TO GO, PIP.

Pippa:
I MEAN, WHAT THE
HELL HAPPENED?

WE WERE GOING TO
TAKE OVER THE WORLD.

I MEAN, WE WERE.
EVERY SINGLE
ONE OF US.

WE WERE GOING
TO TAKE OVER THE
GODDAMN WORLD.

SO WHAT, MARRIED
CHICKS CAN'T TAKE
OVER THE WORLD?

WELL, IT'S NOT
EXACTLY IN THE FRONT
OF THEIR MIND.

[ Exhaling ]

I DON'T WANT
TO LOSE MYSELF.
YOU KNOW?

I DON'T WANT TO
JUST DISAPPEAR.
OKAY.

JUST BECAUSE YOUR
DAD IS A DICK,

DOESN'T MEAN
EVERY GUY WANTS
TO CONTROL YOU.

OKAY, OPRAH.
YOU KNOW, LUKE DOESN'T
WANT TO CONTROL ME.

LUKE...
[ Exhaling ]

LUKE TANNENBAUM?

WHAT'S TO CONTROL?

YOU GUYS HAVE SEX
ONCE A WEDDING, RIGHT?

I WATCHED MY MOM
TILL I WAS 13.

MY DAD RUNS AN EMPIRE;
MY MOM RUNS A HOUSEHOLD.

SHE STARTED
"WEDDING BELLS".

YEAH, THEN SHE DIED.

PIP, WE DON'T HAVE
TO GET MARRIED.

WHAT, AND MISS
THE HAPPIEST
DAY OF MY LIFE?

[ Chirping of crickets ]

YOU NEED TO
GET LAID.

YOU'RE SO RIGHT.

YOU COULDN'T
SLEEP, COULD YOU?

PROBABLY TOSSING
AND TURNING.

"WHY DIDN'T I CALL
THAT GUY BACK?

[ Music playing ]

SEEMS NICE.

NOT TOO SHORT.

A LITTLE
ARTSY, BUT...

AT LEAST HE'S
NOT AFRAID TO
TAKE A CHANCE.

HMM... NO.

I COULD NEVER
DATE SOMEBODY
I WORK WITH."

I DON'T KNOW
ABOUT THE DATING.

NEITHER DO I.

HMM.

BUT...

WHAT IF...

WHAT IF I
DIDN'T KNOW?

WHAT IF...

IT WAS A DARK...

MYSTERIOUS...

MYSTERY?

MYSTERIOUS MYSTERY?
SH-H.

CLOSE YOUR EYES.

[ Music playing ]

YOU DON'T KNOW WHO
THIS IS, DO YOU?

[ Music playing ]

I COULDN'T REALLY
SAY FOR SURE.

[ Music playing ]

DOESN'T IT SMELL
GREAT OUT HERE?
PROZAC?

ALL EARTH AND
GRASS AND SWEAT.

Ian:
ZYBAN? VALIUM?

Frank:
I'M ON FIRE.

THESE BUSINESS
BITCHES ARE TOAST.

I THINK FRANK'S FOUND
HIS TEAM SPORT.

WE REALLY ARE
PLAYING LIKE A
TEAM, AREN'T WE?

Roxanne:
NO YOU DON'T. NOT ON
MY WATCH YOU DON'T.

NO, SIR!

[ Cheering ]
ROXANNE.

OKAY, WHAT'S WRONG.

AD SALES ARE UP,
BUT I'D SAY SHE'S
GETTING LAID.

IS THAT THE SECRET
TO YOUR GOOD
HUMOR, ROXANNE?

HMPH.
JEALOUS.

NEXT ISSUE, YOU
PICK A THEME YET?

A THEME, RIGHT.

Hemingway:
[ Whistling ]
PIPPA.

MYSTERIOUS MYSTERY.
EXCUSE ME?

PIPPA, HONEY,
WAKE UP.

I GOT IT.

[ Cheering ]

PICK A THEME AND
COMMIT, RIGHT?

[ Music playing ]

HEY, LULU. IT'S ME.

EXCUSE ME? LUKE IS
MAKING YOU DINNER?

THIS BUILDING IS
WAY TOO EXPENSIVE.

IT'S A LEASE.

WE LOSE THE
BUILDING,

MOVE THE WHOLE
OPERATION UP
TO SCARBOROUGH.

EXCUSE ME, IS THERE
SOMETHING YOU WANT
TO SHARE WITH ME HERE?

I'M TELLING YOU.
McGEE HAS TOTALLY
LOST HIS GROOVE.

Man:
HAVE YOU SEEN THE
LATEST WEDDING ISSUE?

Jackman:
HAVE I?

Man:
TALK ABOUT INMATES TAKING
OVER THE ASYLUM.

I WANT TO GET
BACK INTO THE NICHE
MARKET, YOU KNOW?

MM-HMM.
"MONSTER TRUCKS".

"BEER WEEKLY".
NICE.

BRING IN SOME YOHO,

THROW HIM A FEW
BUCKS, TELL HIM
TO WRITE ABOUT BEER.

GENIUS.

SO JACKMAN'S IN
THE ELEVATOR,

HE'S PICKING APART
THE BUILDING,

HE'S TALKING ABOUT THE
COMPANY LIKE HE OWNS IT.

PIPPA, IT'S
NOT YOUR FAULT.

I'M TRYING SO HARD
TO PLEASE MY DAD,

BUT I JUST...

END UP DISAPPOINTING
HIM, LIKE ALWAYS.

IT'S REALLY STARTING
TO WEAR ME DOWN.

AND THEN THIS GUY--

PIPPA, LOOK AT ME.
IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT.

I MEAN, IF YOUR DAD'S
NOT GOING TO TALK TO
YOU ABOUT THIS STUFF

THERE'S NOTHING
YOU CAN DO.

I'M SORRY, I PROBABLY
WRECKED YOUR NIGHT.

YOU DIDN'T
WRECK MY NIGHT.

WHAT WERE YOU DOING?

JUST MOWING
THE LAWN.

IAN?

I WAS AT A RAVE.

COME ON.

IT'S POKER NIGHT.
IT'S NO BIG DEAL.

PLEASE DON'T TELL ME YOU
HAD A REALLY GOOD HAND.

ROYAL FLUSH.
OH GOD.

I'M SORRY.

HEY, IT'S FRIDAY NIGHT.

YOU KNOW, YOU
SHOULD, UH...

I KNOW. WORK
LATER, HARDER,
SMARTER.

NO, YOU KNOW WHAT
YOU'RE DOING?

TAKE THE NIGHT OFF.
GO, SEE YOUR GUY.

MY GUY?

THAT... GUY.

HE'S NOT MY GUY.

OH, REALLY?

I DON'T DO THAT.
DO WHAT?

YOU KNOW.
NO.

RELATIONSHIPS.
OH.

I SEE.

ANYWAY I'M JUST GOING TO STAY
A BIT AND GO THROUGH
THESE MOCK-UPS.

BUT, THANK YOU. SERIOUSLY.

HEY, UH...

HAVE A GOOD
NIGHT. OKAY?

YEAH, YOU TOO.

[ Music playing ]

DAD?

YOU SHOULD HAVE
CALLED ME.

IT'S OKAY, WE--
WE-- WE TOOK A CAB.

SUZANNE?

IF YOU WANT TO
GRAB THE BAGS--

DAD, I-I CAN
DO THIS, OKAY?

WE DON'T NEED A
NURSE. NO OFFENCE.

OH, I SUSPECT
YOUR HANDS ARE
FULL THESE DAYS.

MALCOLM TOLD ME
YOU HAD A CONFERENCE
THIS WEEKEND.

I THINK IT'S
BEST IF SOMEONE'S
WITH HIM.

I DON'T NEED TO GO.
Malcolm:
IT'S--

IT'S FINE. JUST GO
TO THE CONFERENCE.

WE'LL BE FINE.

OKAY.

WELCOME HOME.

[ Screeching of tires ]

YOU'RE NOT ROXANNE.

I SUPPOSE THAT'S A
SLIGHT CONSOLATION.

AREN'T I SUPPOSED
TO BE DRIVING HER

TO NIAGARA FALLS? I--
I THINK THAT'S RIGHT.
YES.

SADLY THERE'S A CONFLICT.

WEDDING EXPO IN
NIAGARA FALLS,

ADVERTISING
CONFERENCE
IN KINGSTON.

SHE DIDN'T TELL ME.

SHE FORGOT.

[ Screeching of tires ]

YOU DO REALIZE
YOU'RE AN HOUR
AND A HALF LATE.

I TAKE IT PRADA BOY
OPERATES BY SUNDIAL.

I WAS ONLY, LIKE,
UH, OH SHIT.

SORRY.

BUT WE'RE
NOT LATE.

YOU GOT YOUR SPEECH READY?

IT'S INFORMAL, RED.

IT'S LIKE MEET 'N GREET.

OH MY GOD.

KEYNOTE SPEAKER?

WHAT THE HELL AM I
GOING TO TALK ABOUT?

I GUESS I COULD
TALK ABOUT BEING
A BRIDESMAID.

BUT I NEVER
REMEMBER IT.

Ian:
THAT'S A PROMISING
THESIS STATEMENT.

TAKE A LEFT.

OTHER LEFT.

[ Screeching of brakes ]

Pippa:
WHAT IS IT WITH YOU
AND THE ANTIQUES?

IT REMINDS ME
OF SOMETHING.

WHAT? A HOT NIGHT
WITH LAURA INGALLS?

YOU DON'T SEE
THE POSSIBILITIES
IN THIS BED?

YOU KNOW, I WOULD HAVE THOUGHT
AN ADVENTUROUS PERSON
LIKE YOURSELF...

GOOD MATTRESS TOO...

ASSUMING YOU
LIKE THEM HARD.

UM...

YEAH.

UH, WELL, THEN YOU'D...

LIKE THIS ONE.

DON'T YOU HAVE A BED?
IT WAS MY
EX-WIFE'S.

SHE WANTED IT BACK.

YOU DIDN'T GET
ANOTHER ONE?

I'M LOOKING.

ALL RIGHT?
WELL, YOU SHOULD
GET THIS ONE.

IT'S COOL, I LIKE IT.

UH, YOU READY?

OH. I GET IT. YOU GOT
TO MEASURE THE BED,

MEASURE THE SPACE.

COMPARISON SHOPPING.

YEAH, YEAH.
COME ON.

YOU THINK YOU
KNOW HOW I LIVE?

YOU'RE A
NUMBERS GUY.

YOU GO TO BED AT 11:00,
YOU WAKE UP AT 7:00.

YOU RUN 5 MILES,
YOU SAVE 10%.

YOU PROBABLY GOT
THAT FROM YOUR DAD.

AND YOU GET THE
ANTIQUES THING FROM
YOUR OLD-MONEY MOM.

THEY MAKE YOU FEEL
COMFORTABLE IN A
COLD, COLD WORLD.

I BET YOU STILL
SLEEP ON YOUR FUTON
FROM COLLEGE.

[ Scoffs ]
I DO NOT.

OVER DADDY'S GARAGE.

HE TOLD YOU?

IT'S A LUCKY GUESS.

Emcee:
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

WELCOME TO THE INDUSTRY'S
PREMIER BRIDAL EXPO.

WE'RE GOING TO KICK
OFF THE FESTIVITIES

WITH OUR KEYNOTE SPEAKER:
[ Applause ]

PHILIPPA McGEE,

BRAND-NEW EDITOR OF
"WEDDING BELLS" MAGAZINE.

HI.
[ Squeal of feedback ]

SORRY.

HUH. OKAY. UM...

CAN I JUST LEVEL WITH YOU?

I HAVE NEVER
BEEN MARRIED.

I'VE NEVER EVEN
HAD A RELATIONSHIP

THAT LASTED LONGER
THAN A MONTH.

I HAVE NEVER
EDITED A MAGAZINE.

I HAVE NEVER THOUGHT
TWICE ABOUT DIAMONDS
OR VEILS OR HONEYMOONS.

BUT I TOOK THIS
JOB FOR MY FATHER.

YOU ALL KNOW
HIM, RIGHT?

AND I TOOK IT
FOR MY MOTHER...

THE WOMAN WHO
STARTED IT ALL.

TAKING THIS JOB MEANT...

EMBRACING A PART OF MYSELF

THAT I HAD LOCKED
AWAY EVEN FROM MYSELF.

PIPPA McGEE...
THE ROMANTIC.

SERIOUSLY, I WAS A
BRIDESMAID RECENTLY,

AND AT THE END
OF THE NIGHT,

I WAS IN TEARS...

TEARS OF ANTICIPATION
AND JOY AND HOPE.

HOPE THAT SOMEDAY SOON,
MY PRINCE WOULD COME

AND I TOO WOULD HAVE A
FABULOUS WHITE WEDDING.

[ Applauding/cheering ]

SO, EVERYONE,
LET'S DRINK UP,

BECAUSE OUR INDUSTRY
CELEBRATES THE MOST
IMPORTANT THING

IN THIS WHOLE
WAR-TORN WORLD,

AND THAT IS TRUE LOVE.

[ Applauding/cheering ]

[ Music playing ]

[ Whistling ]

[ Music playing ]

I THINK I
NAILED IT.

TO THE WALL.

WHAT A CROCK
OF SHIT.

PIPPA McGEE,
ROMANTIC,

WEEPING TEARS
OF HOPE AND JOY

AND OH-MY-GOD
ANTICIPATION.

[ Scoffs ]

YOU DON'T HAVE TO BUY IT.
YOU JUST HAVE TO
SELL IT, RIGHT?

I MEAN, PICK A
THEME AND COMMIT.
YOU'RE RIGHT.

YOU KNOW, CINDERELLA
AND HER PRINCE
TOGETHER FOREVER.

IT'S NOT ORIGINAL,
BUT IT'S DEFINITELY
AN ARCHETYPE.

OKAY.
CONGRATULATIONS.

WHY ARE YOU
MAD AT ME?
I'M NOT.

I'M...
[ Scoffs ]

YOUR SPEECH
TONIGHT...

IF YOU COULD HAVE
TOLD THE TRUTH, WHAT
WOULD YOU HAVE SAID?

I GUESS I WOULD
HAVE SAID...

THAT TO ME, IT ALL
FEELS LIKE BULLSHIT.

I MEAN,
I-- I THINK
THIS INDUSTRY

ALLOWS-- NO,
CONDEMNS PEOPLE

TO FOCUS EXCLUSIVELY
ON THE SMALL STUFF.

HEARTS, HYDRANGEAS,
HORS D'OEUVRES:

ANYTHING TO
DISTRACT YOU
FROM THE FACT

THAT YOU'RE
COMMITTING TO
SOME STRANGER

FOR THE REST
OF YOUR LIFE.

[ Scoffs ]

[ Sighing ]

CAN I BUY YOU A DRINK?

Pippa:
I'M GOING AGAIN.

Ian:
LIKE HELL,
CHEATER McGEE.

FIRST PLACE
YOU HAD SEX.

OH. HOW DO YOU KNOW
I'VE HAD SEX?

TRUTH.

HMM. A CANOE. TIPPY.

I WOULDN'T
RECOMMEND IT.

OKAY, WORST PICK-UP
LINE YOU EVER USED
TO GET LAID.

I ONCE TOLD A
GRAD STUDENT

I'D STUDIED WITH
DERRIDA IN PARIS.

AND THAT WORKED?

SHE WAS VERY INTO
POST-MODERNISM.

OKAY, BEST MOMENT
OF YOUR LIFE TO DATE.

THE NIGHT I
QUIT LAW SCHOOL.

I WALKED IN,
QUIT, WALKED OUT.

WENT DOWN TO THIS LITTLE
SAILBOAT I'D BOUGHT,

POURED MYSELF
A SCOTCH,

LAID BACK
ON THE DECK,

AND WATCHED THE
SKY GO BLACK.

[ Chuckles ]

WHAT HAPPENED
TO THE BOAT?

I GOT MARRIED.

PUT IT IN STORAGE.

DOCTOR FEEL-GOOD'S
NOT A BIG SAILOR?

NOT SO MUCH.

OKAY. UM...

WORST MOMENT
OF YOUR LIFE.

HMM.

OKAY, I WAS 13.

IT WAS MY FIRST
TIME AT SUMMER CAMP.

I WASN'T REALLY
FITTING IN,

SO I CALLED HOME
TO TALK TO MY MOM.

THE HOUSEKEEPER
TOLD ME THAT...

SHE DIED THE DAY BEFORE.

SHE THOUGHT I KNEW. SHE
THOUGHT MY DAD TOLD ME.

PIPPA, I'M SORRY.

SHE WAS SICK
A LONG TIME.

HE WAS BUSY.

SO, WHY'D YOUR
MARRIAGE END?

I DON'T KNOW.

WE STOPPED TALKING.

A SECRET NOBODY KNOWS.

THAT'S A QUESTION.

MY NAILS ARE FAKE.
I BITE THEM.

YOU?
UM...

[ Clearing
of throat ]

MY FIRST NAME
IS NOT IAN.

LAKE? LIKE...
SWIMMING IN A LAKE?

CONSIDERING MY SISTERS
ARE WHISTLER,

TRALEE AND HIYA, I
THINK I'M DOING OKAY.

HIPPIES?

[ Chuckles ]
NO SHIT.

ALL RIGHT, I'M
GOING FOR A DARE.

ALL RIGHT.

DO YOU SEE THAT
WOMAN OVER THERE?

Ian:
I'M NOT SURE
THAT'S A WOMAN.

I THINK SHE
WANTS TO DANCE.

[ Music playing ]

HI, WOULD YOU
LIKE TO DANCE?

SURE.

[ Music playing ]

GOT LUCKY.
YOU GO, GIRL.

[ Music playing ]

LUCKY BITCH.

[ Music playing ]

♪ GIRL, I'VE KNOWN YOU
VERY WELL ♪

♪ I'VE SEEN YOU
GROWING EVERY DAY ♪

♪ I NEVER REALLY
LOOKED BEFORE ♪

♪ BUT NOW YOU TAKE
MY BREATH AWAY ♪

♪ SUDDENLY YOU'RE
IN MY LIFE ♪

♪ A PART OF
EVERYTHING I DO ♪

♪ YOU'VE GOT ME WORKING
DAY AND NIGHT ♪

♪ JUST TRYING TO KEEP
A HOLD ON YOU ♪

♪ HERE IN YOUR ARMS
I'VE FOUND MY PARADISE ♪

♪ MY ONLY CHANCE
FOR HAPPINESS ♪

WHOO!
♪ AND IF I LOSE YOU NOW ♪

♪ I THINK I WOULD DIE ♪

♪ OH SAY YOU'LL ALWAYS
BE MY BABY ♪

♪ WE CAN MAKE IT SHINE ♪

♪ WE CAN TAKE FOREVER ♪

♪ JUST A MINUTE
AT A TIME ♪

♪ YOU ARE ♪
♪ MORE THAN A WOMAN ♪

♪ MORE THAN
A WOMAN TO ME ♪

♪ BABY ♪

♪ MORE THAN A WOMAN ♪
♪ MORE THAN A WOMAN ♪

♪ MORE THAN A WOMAN TO ME ♪

[ Music playing ]

Pippa:
HEY, YOU GOT TO SEE THIS.

I SWEAR TO GOD, I'M
IN ELVIS'S GROIN.

I MEAN, IF ELVIS WAS
ONE OF THE SEVEN DWARFS.

[ Chuckles ]

Ian:
OH MY GOD.

I, UH, I GOT
YOU SOMETHING.

UM, A LITTLE SOUVENIR.

ARE YOU IN?

HEY, UH...

COME ON.

CAN'T HEAR YOU.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
DOES IT MATTER?

[ Sighs ]

JESUS, PIPPA.

YES. IT MATTERS.

WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?

PUT ME IN A CAB?
SEND ME HOME.

WHY ARE YOU
SO HARD ON ME?

[ Scoffs ]

IT'S JUST...

YOU KNOW, MOST
OF THE TIME...

YOU ARE SO BRAVE.

YOU KNOW, YOU ARE
RIGHT OUT THERE,

SAYING WHAT
YOU THINK,

DOING WHAT YOU WANT. I
MEAN, I-I ENVY YOU. I--

I DO.

BUT THEN IT JUST STOPS.

I MEAN, YOU SHUT IT OFF.
YOU JUST GET SO...

COOL, YOU KNOW?
JUST COLD TO--

TO ANYTHING THAT
ACTUALLY MATTERS.

THINGS LIKE
"WEDDING BELLS"?

[ Sighing ]

I'M SUCH
AN IDIOT.
I MEAN, I--

I PLANNED
THIS WHOLE
STUPID THING.

I JUST-- I WANTED
TO GET YOU UP HERE,

TALK TO YOU.
I DON'T KNOW.

OH GOD, IT DOESN'T
EVEN MATTER.

YOU PLANNED THIS?

SORT OF.

WHY?

[ Sighing ]

BECAUSE YOU...

[ Sighing ]

BECAUSE I
REALLY LIKE YOU.

[ Music playing ]

♪ WHEN THE ROAD GETS DARK ♪

♪ AND YOU CAN
NO LONGER SEE ♪

♪ JUST LET MY LOVE
THROW A SPARK ♪

♪ AND HAVE A LITTLE
FAITH IN ME ♪

♪ AND WHEN THE TEARS
YOU CRY ♪

♪ ARE ALL YOU
CAN BELIEVE ♪

♪ JUST GIVE THESE LOVING
ARMS A TRY, BABY ♪

♪ AND HAVE A LITTLE
FAITH IN ME ♪

♪ AND HAVE A LITTLE
FAITH IN ME ♪

♪ AND HAVE A LITTLE
FAITH IN ME ♪

[ Music playing ]

♪ AND HAVE A LITTLE
FAITH IN ME ♪

♪ AND HAVE A LITTLE
FAITH IN ME ♪

[ Music playing ]

♪ AND WHEN YOUR
SECRET HEART ♪

♪ CANNOT SPEAK SO EASILY ♪

♪ COME HERE, DARLIN' ♪

♪ FROM A WHISPER START ♪

♪ TO HAVE A LITTLE
FAITH IN ME ♪

[ Music playing ]

PHILIPPA, I'M REALLY
WORRIED ABOUT YOU.

YOU ARE?

YES, I AM.

GOOD, I'M GLAD THAT...

WE COULD HAVE THIS
CONVERSATION...

'CAUSE I'M FEELING
REALLY LOST AND, UM...

I'VE BEEN THINKING
ABOUT MOM.

I'M TALKING ABOUT
THE MAGAZINE.

UH, SUZE?

SUZE?

HERE'S THAT FILE
YOU WANTED, MALCOLM.

THANK YOU.

IT'S NICE TO SEE
YOU AGAIN, PHILIPPA.

SO, AD SALES...

NOW THEY'RE STILL
WAY DOWN FROM
LAST MONTH.

WELL, WE'RE
WORKING ON
GETTING THEM BACK,

WE HAVE A REALLY
SOLID ISSUE

IN THE WORKS.
MM-HMM.

SO, YOU GOT A COVER?

WE HAVEN'T
LOCKED ONE IN YET.

BUT I HAVE SOME
GREAT IDEAS.

IAN!

HEY, COME ON IN.

HI, MALCOLM.

Suzanne:
I THINK I'LL MAKE
A POT OF COFFEE.

ALL RIGHT. GOOD.

HAVE A SEAT.

HEY, BUDDY.

SO, WHAT'S THE FIRST
THING THAT I TAUGHT
YOU ABOUT AD SALES?

A FAT MAGAZINE IS
A HAPPY MAGAZINE.

THAT'S RIGHT. AND I
NEED YOU TO MAKE SURE

THAT PHILIPPA
UNDERSTANDS THIS.
DAD...

SO, WHY DON'T WE
SAY IT TOGETHER?

HMM?

COME ON.

PHILIPPA?

Both:
A FAT MAGAZINE IS
A HAPPY MAGAZINE.

NOW, I NEED TO MAKE
SURE THAT YOU'RE
FOCUSING ON PHILIPPA.

AND GIVING HER ALL
THE HANDS-ON ATTENTION

THAT SHE NEEDS
RIGHT NOW.

OH, I'D SAY PIPPA'S
PRETTY HANDS-ON.

GOOD.

WHAT HAPPENED
THIS MORNING?

I HAD A LOT OF WORK
I HAD TO GET BACK TO.

OKAY, WHAT
ARE YOU DOING?

NOTHING.
NOTHING?

[ Sighing ]
JESUS CHRIST.

[ Music playing ]
[ Laughter ]

Hemingway:
THAT'S-- THAT'S
CRAZY. PIPPA?

YOU GOT TO
HEAR THIS.

[ Indistinct conversation ]

Hemingway:
...HE PASSED
OUT ON STAGE.

[ Sighing ]
YOU WANT TO GO GET
A COFFEE OR SOMETHING?

JESUS. WHAT?
SPIT IT OUT.

OKAY. WHAT DO YOU DO IF
YOU'RE, I DON'T KNOW,

HAVING A GOOD
TIME WITH SOMEONE?

WHAT DO YOU DO?

YOU RUN LIKE
YOU'RE ON FIRE.

ME, I JUST JUMP IN
THE BUSHES WITH HIM.

HOW GOOD?

QUITE GOOD.

YOU RUN YET?

[ Music playing ]

[ Sighing ]
OKAY.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

THIS... NO.

YOU, MY DARLING,
ARE DAMAGED.

GET OVER IT.

GO GET HIM.

[ Music playing ]

Ian:
YES, SIR, I--
I UNDERSTAND

HONESTLY, MR. JACKMAN,
I'M-- I'M READY
TO START ANYTIME.

WELL, BETWEEN YOU AND ME,
MALCOLM'S NOT IN TOP FORM.

HE MIGHT EVEN BE RELIEVED.
I MEAN, HE WOULD NEVER
ADMIT THAT, BUT...

YES, I-- I
AGREE. RIGHT NOW,
"WEDDING BELLS" IS--

IS PROVING TO BE
A LOST LEADER.

IF IT DOESN'T START
PERFORMING, WE PULL IT.

NO, I UNDERSTAND YOU HAVE SOME
VERY INTERESTING IDEAS
FOR A RE-LAUNCH.

WOW.
Pippa:
I KNOW.

IAN'S WORKING WITH JACKMAN
BEHIND MY DAD'S BACK.

THAT'S UNBELIEVABLE.

WHAT AN ASSHOLE.

DID YOU TELL
YOUR FATHER?

NOT UNTIL I
HAVE A STRATEGY.

I MEAN, IF I TELL
HIM HIS GOLDEN
BOY'S A JUDAS,

THEN HE MIGHT HAVE
ANOTHER HEART ATTACK.

WHAT A DRAG.
APPARENTLY,

THEY'RE ALL JUST WAITING
FOR MY NEXT ISSUE TO FAIL

AND THEN THEY CAN PULL THE
PLUG ON THE WHOLE COMPANY.

HEM?

NO, I GET IT.
I TOTALLY GET IT.

IT'S, LIKE, UH,
THEY'RE JUST
LOOKING FOR AN EXCUSE.

WELL, I'M NOT GOING
TO GIVE IT TO THEM.

ALL RIGHT, SO
I CAN'T TRUST IAN,

SO I WON'T TELL HIM
WHAT I'M DOING 'CAUSE...

I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING.

OKAY, COVER STORY:

CINDERELLA,
FAIRY TALES.

UH, BALLS, SLIPPERS,
SOCIETY BRIDES...

YOU'RE GOOD AT
THIS. KEEP GOING.

OH, DIPPY DEBUTANTES,
THE MEN WHO MARRY THEM.

"IN STYLE MAGAZINE"
MEETS, UH...

"THE GREAT GATSBY".

I LOVE IT.

GATSBY.

[ Music playing ]

Hemingway:
OKAY, A-ARE YOU COOL, PIPPA?
I'M COOL.

SYDNEY, YOU LOOK
"BEAUTI-LICIOUS".

ALL RIGHT. GIVE ME
A LITTLE BIT MORE.
YOU GOT A SECRET.

I'VE GOT
A SECRET.

A LITTLE MORE.

LIT--

[ Sobbing ]

I CAN'T DO THIS.

WHAT'S--
WHAT'S--

WHAT'S GOING ON?

DO YOU WANT TO
DEAL WITH THAT?

I'M SO SORRY I
WAS CRYING BEFORE,

I FEEL MUCH BETTER.

ALL RIGHT,
I'M COOL.
ARE YOU COOL?

HERE WE GO.
ONE MORE TIME.

EXCELLENT,
EXCELLENT.

I'M GETTING MARRIED.

HERE WE GO.

HOLD IT, HOLD
IT, HOLD IT.

[ Sobbing ]
I'M GETTING M--

I'M GETTING MARRIED.

JESUS CHRIST.

[ Music playing ]

[ Giggling ]

[ Music playing ]

LOVELY.

LOVELY.

[ Music playing ]

AH, CONGRATULATIONS.

YOUR SOCIETY BRIDE COVER
WAS NOMINATED FOR AN N.M.A.

IT'S A NATIONAL
MAGAZINE AWARD.

THE GALA'S NEXT WEEK.

NO WAY!
YAY!

THAT'S UNBELIEVABLE!

Hemingway:
ROXANNE, DID
YOU HEAR THAT?

YOU GUYS SHOULD CELEBRATE.

Roxanne:
CONGRATULATIONS.

THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.

OH, THANK YOU.

THANK YOU.
[ Laughing ]

I GOT CALLS FROM
LIKE, THREE--

THREE FASHION
MAGAZINES.

UH, THESE-- THESE
AGENTS CALLING,

WANT ME TO DIRECT
THEIR VIDEO.

I MEAN,
THIS-- THIS IS
MY TIME, MAN.

I-I'M ABOUT
TO BLOW UP.
FOR REAL--

WHAT HAPPENED
TO THE SARONG?

I THINK I'M ABOUT
TO GET DUMPED.

I THOUGHT I'D WEAR
SOMETHING A LITTLE
MORE MASCULINE

AND REALLY
BREAK HIS HEART.

SWEETIE, WHAT
HAPPENED?

IT'S COURIERS.
THEY'RE NOTORIOUSLY
UNWILLING TO COMMIT.

IT'S ALL THAT
TRAVELLING, I GUESS.

YOU KNOW, MY
NEIGHBOUR'S SINGLE.

STRAIGHT PEOPLE
SLAY ME.

ALWAYS TRYING
TO SET US UP WITH
THE ONE OTHER GAY GUY

THEY HAPPEN TO KNOW.

BACK OFF. I'M
A GOOD YENTA.

HIS NAME'S RAPHAEL,
HE'S CUTE.

RAPHAEL? SHIT.
A BACK-WAXER.

COME ON, YOU KNOW,
I'LL SEE IF HE'S
FREE NEXT WEEK.

YOU COULD GO
TO THE AWARDS.

SO, I GUESS
IAN'S NOT GOING
TO BE JOINING US

FOR POLE-DANCING
THIS EVENING, HUH?

IT'S NOT EXACTLY
HIS SCENE.

NO.

NOW THERE'S
A MAN I WOULD
DRESS DOWN FOR.

[ Music playing ]

CAN I GET
A DOUBLE?

[ Music playing ]

♪ I SHOULD KNOW ♪

♪ WHO I AM BY NOW ♪

[ Beep of
answering machine ]

Hemingway:
[ On answering machine ]
[ Hearty laughter ]

HEY, HEY, GIRL,
WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?

YOU, UH, YOU
TOOK OFF. LISTEN,

A BUNCH OF US
ARE HEADING OVER
TO THE MATADOR,

SO COME MEET US THERE.
ALL RIGHT? GOODBYE.

♪ YOUR NAME IS THE
SPLINTER INSIDE ME ♪

PIPPA? IT'S IAN.

I LEFT THE PROOFS
ON YOUR DESK.

THEY LOOK FINE.

UM, I'LL SEE YOU AT
THE AWARDS ON SATURDAY.

BYE.
♪ I REMEMBER THE SOUND ♪

♪ OF YOUR NOVEMBER DOWNTOWN ♪

YO, IT'S ME, AGAIN.

JUST TRYING TO
TRACK YOU DOWN.

BUT, UH, IT'S COOL.

♪ A WARM DECEMBER WITH YOU ♪
[ Distant
shouting ]

♪ BUT I DON'T HAVE TO
MAKE THIS MISTAKE ♪

♪ AND I DON'T HAVE
TO STAY THIS WAY ♪

[ Beep of
answering machine ]

Lulu: [ On answering machine ]
HEY, SWEETIE. YEAH.

YOU FREE ON SATURDAY?
ENGAGEMENT BRUNCH
FOR RACHEL.

I KNOW YOU'RE
GOING TO LOVE IT.

WE'LL HAVE FUN. TRUST ME.

♪ THE WALK ♪

♪ HAS ALL BEEN
CLEARED BY NOW ♪

♪ YOUR VOICE ♪

♪ IS ALL I HEAR SOMEHOW ♪

♪ CALLING OUT WINTER ♪

♪ YOUR VOICE IS
THE SPLINTER ♪

♪ INSIDE ME ♪
[ Remote ringing of phone ]

♪ WHILE I WAIT ♪

[ Music playing ]

♪ AND I REMEMBER THE SOUND ♪

[ Knocking ]

GOOD GOD, YOU
READ MY MIND.

I'M SORRY I'VE
BEEN HARD TO REACH.

MAN, YOU LOOK
LIKE JAMES BOND.

[ Smooching ]
HARD TO REACH?

I JUST NEEDED
A LITTLE SPACE.

Sydney:
HEY, BABY, IS
THAT THE CAB?

I JUST ASSUMED....

I CALLED YOU.

OH, MY GOD.

THAT IS SO SWEET.

YOU'RE SUCH
A DOLL.

AREN'T YOU SUPPOSED TO
BE ON YOUR HONEYMOON?

Sydney:
SWEETIE, DON'T WORRY.

I WON'T GO PUBLIC TILL
THE NEXT ISSUE'S OUT.

I MEAN, I DON'T
WANT US ALL TO LOOK
STUPID, RIGHT?

BUT, WELL,
COME ON.

BANKERS DON'T
SEND YOU POETRY.
[ Giggling ]

IT'S WEIRD.

I MEAN, I FEEL
HURT, ACTUALLY.

AND RELIEVED, WHICH IS
A BIZARRE COMBINATION.

I MEAN, I DON'T EVEN
WANT HIM, RIGHT?

I'M SINGLE.
HE'S SINGLE.

I MEAN, GIRLS
LIKE US, WE ROCK
ON OUR OWN.

WE DATE WHO WE WANT,
YOU KNOW, WHEN WE WANT.

WE ADOPT, IF WE
FEEL THE NEED.

FRANKLY...

I FEEL VERY WHOLE.

BUT PLEASE DON'T MAKE
ME GO TO THIS THING
BY MYSELF TONIGHT.

PLEASE GO INSIDE AND
PUT ON A DRESS AND...

TAKE AN ASPIRIN.

[ Flicking of lighter ]

NO.

NO.

HONEY, I'M SO SORRY.

BUT YOU WORK AT A
BIRTH CONTROL CLINIC.

I KNOW, I KNOW.

YOU'RE HAVING IT?

YOU AND... LUKE?

HE'S THRILLED.

HE'S-- HE'S ACTUALLY--

HE'S-- HE'S THRILLED.

WELL, WHY ARE
YOU APOLOGIZING?

I'M SO HAPPY
FOR YOU.
[ Sniffling ]

I'M SO HAPPY
FOR YOU BOTH.

HEY, YOU GUYS
WANT SOME TEA?

I WISH I COULD
STAY, I REALLY DO.

BUT PROMISE ME WE
CAN CELEBRATE LATER?

I'M SO HAPPY
FOR YOU.

CONGRATULATIONS.
PIPPA, DON'T--

I WANT TO BE GODMOTHER.

PIPPA!

[ Music playing ]

[ Sniffling ]

[ Sighing ]

Jackman:
A-AND THAT'S WHY

I WANTED YOU TO BE
THE FIRST TO KNOW.

LET'S TRY A LITTLE
ROUGE, SHALL WE?

WE'RE MAKING
THE ANNOUNCEMENT
NEXT WEEK.

WE'RE DUMPING
EVERYTHING.

NONE OF THE MAGAZINES
ARE TURNING A PROFIT.

DID YOU SEE THAT
WEDDING MAGAZINE?

IT'S McGEE'S KID.
TOTAL DILETTANTE.

Man:
NICE COVER.

Jackman:
BUT NO CONTENT.

Man:
YOU'RE RIGHT,
MR. JACKMAN.

[ Mixed chatter ]
[ Music playing ]

Frank:
[ Gasps ]

LOOK AT YOU,
SEXY THING.

YOU DID GOOD,
MATCHMAKER.

HI, RAPHAEL.
Raphael:
HI.

OH, HI, GUYS.

YOU REMEMBER CHAD
FROM THE MISTER TUX
AD CAMPAIGN?

HI.

THIS IS SASHA,
SASHA GRAY.

SASHA.

OH, MY GOD,
THAT'S SO WEIRD.

YOU GUYS HAVE THE
SAME LAST NAME.

Sydney:
YOU GUYS...

THIS IS SO EXCITING.

Hemingway:
HOW YOU DOING, FOLKS?

GOOD EVENING.

EVERYBODY
LOOKS GREAT.

AH.

HELLO, MR. JONES.

Female emcee:
UP NEXT IS THE
AWARD FOR DESIGN.

MANY OF YOU WHO KNOW
ME, KNOW I WENT TO
SCHOOL FOR DESIGN.

UM, AT L'ECOLE DE PHOTO.

AND, UH... WELL,
NOT NOMINATED,

BUT IT'S ALL VERY POLITICAL.

SO, YOU'RE A
DOCTOR, HUH?

I REALLY RESPECT PEOPLE

WHO, UH, GIVE BACK.

OH, YEAH, ME TOO.

Emcee:
COMING UP NEXT, THE
AWARDS FOR PHOTOGRAPHY

AND GRAPHIC DESIGN.
OKAY,

BUT FIRST,
Y'ALL, CROSS
YOUR FINGERS.

A VERY SPECIAL MOMENT.

WHERE'S ROXANNE?
THE LIFETIME
ACHIEVEMENT AWARD...

ROXANNE, OUR
AWARD'S COMING UP.

Emcee:
...A PUBLISHER WITH
OVER 10 MAGAZINES

IN HIS REPERTOIRE.

AH, I GOT IT.

DROPPED MY NAPKIN.

OKAY, I'M GOING
TO BE SICK.

Emcee:
...TOUGHER THAN NAILS,
AND WISER THAN SOLOMON.

MR. MALCOLM McGEE.

GUYS, HE'S NOT HERE.

I GUESS I SHOULD
GET IT FOR HIM?

YES, GO!

YEAH, GO.

Emcee:
UNFORTUNATELY, MALCOLM
CAN'T BE WITH US TONIGHT.

BUT HE'S ASKED
THAT HIS COLLEAGUE

AND VICE-PRESIDENT,
IAN GRAY,

ACCEPT THE AWARD
ON HIS BEHALF.

[ Applause ]

WAIT, PIPPA,
DON'T GO.

PIPPA.

PIPPA, I'M SORRY.

I HAD NO IDEA--
IT'S FINE.

IT'S NOT FINE.
ALL RIGHT?

IT'S NOT FAIR.
IT'S NOT FINE.

COME ON, AT LEAST LET
ME DRIVE YOU HOME.

I'M NOT GOING HOME.

KEEP ON RUNNING, HUH?

DON'T YOU EVER GET TIRED?
IT'S CALLED LIVING, IAN.

I WOULDN'T EXACTLY
SAY YOU'RE AN EXPERT.

LIVING? WHAT?

BUNGEE-JUMPING
OFF SOME CLIFF?

RUNNING AROUND WITH
SOME RANDOM GUY

WHO'S NOT WORTH A
MOMENT OF YOUR TIME?

YOU DON'T
EVEN KNOW ME.
BULLSHIT.

I KNOW THAT YOU DON'T
TALK TO YOUR FATHER.

I KNOW THAT YOU
MISS YOUR MOTHER.

I KNOW WHAT YOU LOOK
LIKE WHEN YOU KISS

AND I KNOW THAT
YOU HAVE NEVER,

EVER DATED SOMEONE
THAT MATTERS TO YOU.

YOU THINK YOU
MATTER TO ME?

HEY, HEY,
DON'T DO THIS.
WHY NOT?

I HEARD YOU
TALKING TO JACKMAN.

SELLING OUT MY DAD
BEHIND HIS BACK.

TELLING ME I COULD
MAKE IT WORK,

BUT THEN ASSUMING THAT
I'M GOING TO FAIL.

WELL CONGRATULATIONS,
IT WORKED.

BUT WHAT DO
YOU HAVE LEFT?

SOME EX-WIFE THAT
YOU CAN'T SEEM
TO BREAK UP WITH.

THE DREAM OF SOME
SAILBOAT THAT YOU
PUT IN STORAGE?

ACCEPTING AWARDS FOR
OTHER PEOPLES' VISION?

THAT'S NOT LIVING.

THAT'S PATHETIC.

LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT AWARD.

THAT'S BARELY
WORTH MENTIONING.

MUST NOT BE IMPORTANT

IF YOU GOT IAN GRAY
TO ACCEPT IT FOR YOU.

WELL, I'VE WORKED
WITH IAN FOR YEARS.

I'M HIS MENTOR.

AND I'M YOUR DAUGHTER.

DOESN'T REALLY COUNT
FOR MUCH, DOES IT?

I DIDN'T MATTER
TO YOU AS A KID.

I DIDN'T MATTER TO
YOU AS A TEENAGER.

"AND BY THE WAY, PHILIPPA,
YOUR MOM DIED LAST NIGHT."

YOU'RE TOO BUSY
TO LET ME KNOW.

LOOK, I WANTED TO
TELL YOU IN PERSON.

WELL, I'M HERE NOW.

I'M LIVING WITH YOU
IN THIS... MUSEUM.

I'M 29 YEARS OLD AND I'M
PUTTING MY LIFE ON HOLD,

TRYING TO MAKE
YOU PROUD OF ME.

WHAT A WASTE.

YOU KNOW, IAN'S WORKING WITH
JACKMAN BEHIND YOUR BACK.

HE'S NEGOTIATING THE
INEVITABLE TAKEOVER.

IT'S PRACTICALLY OEDIPAL.

WAIT A MINUTE. IT'S
NOT BEHIND MY BACK.

WHAT?

IT'S NOT A TAKEOVER.

I'M SELLING.

AND I ASKED IAN TO
HANDLE IT FOR ME.

YOU GOT IAN TO
DO IT FOR YOU?

DID YOU EVER THINK OF
LETTING ME KNOW, DAD?

I HOPE YOU PUT THAT
AWARD ON YOUR MANTELPIECE,

AND I HOPE YOU SHINE IT
AND LOOK AT IT EVERY DAY.

'CAUSE IT'S ALL
YOU GOT LEFT.

SO WHERE WAS I?
Man:
YOU WERE ON THE PART

ABOUT YOU BEING
A THOUGHTLESS PIECE OF SHIT.
RIGHT.

THANK YOU.
ANYTIME.

ALL RIGHT, SO
THEN I SAY,

"OBVIOUSLY, MY INABILITY TO
COMMUNICATE WITH MY FATHER

HAS AFFECTED BOTH MY
PROFESSIONAL JUDGMENT

AND MY PERSONAL
BEHAVIOR."

RUN-ON SENTENCE.

"AND THEREFORE, I HAVE
DECIDED TO REMOVE MYSELF

FROM THE EDITORIAL MASTHEAD
BEFORE I DO ANY MORE DAMAGE."

YOU CAN'T START A
SENTENCE WITH "AND".

LOOK, COULD YOU JUST NOD?

OR SMILE?
[ Chuckling ]

LADY, YOU'RE WRITING A
LETTER OF RESIGNATION

TO A GUY YOU'RE
CLEARLY HOT FOR.

LOOK, THIS GUY WOULD
NOT TOUCH ME WITH
A 10-FOOT POLE.

YOU SURE?

I MEAN, IF HE'S THE ONE.

EVEN IF HE WAS SOMEONE--

SOMEONE, THE ONE,
SAME DAMN THING.

LISTEN, GET OUT
OF HERE, OKAY?

GO SHOW THIS GUY WITH
THE 10-FOOT POLE

THAT YOU MEAN
BUSINESS.

YOUR GRAMMAR SUCKS
BUT YOU'RE CREATIVE.

FIGURE IT OUT.

[ Music playing ]

[ Knocking ]
IAN?

[ Music playing ]

IAN?

[ Music playing ]

[ Dinging of
bicycle bell ]

[ Music playing ]

IAN?

[ Music playing ]

IAN, IT'S ME. I
DON'T KNOW HOW TO
SAY I'M SORRY, BUT...

I'M GOING TO TRY.

OKAY.

PHILIPPA.

JESUS, DAD.

YOU'RE FIRED.

WHAT?

YOU DON'T WANT
TO DO THIS.

YOU DON'T WANT TO RUN
A WEDDING MAGAZINE

FOR A COMPANY THAT
IS FALLING APART.

I DON'T
UNDERSTAND.

OF COURSE YOU
DON'T BECAUSE
I DIDN'T TELL YOU.

HOW DO I SAY TO MY--

MY DAUGHTER
THAT I'M TIRED?

AND THAT I HAVE
SPENT 35 YEARS
BUILDING A COMPANY,

NEGLECTING
YOUR MOTHER,
NEGLECTING YOU.

AND THAT I'M JUST
GOING TO LET IT GO...

WITHOUT A FIGHT.

AND OF COURSE,
INSTEAD OF ASKING
YOU TO FORGIVE ME...

I KEPT YOU
IN THE DARK.

WHY?

I DON'T KNOW HOW
TO TELL YOU THINGS.

I'VE BEEN SO
HARD ON YOU.

DAD. IT'S OKAY.
IT'S-- IT'S
NOT OKAY.

LIFE'S SO SHORT.

AND YOU ARE SO...

REMARKABLE.

SO, PIPPA,
PLEASE...

GET OUT. GET
OUT OF HERE.

FIND SOMETHING
THAT YOU LOVE.

YOU CALLED ME PIPPA.

I'M TURNING IT
ALL OVER TOMORROW.

SO THAT'S IT?
IT'S OVER?

OH, I'LL STAY ON
AS CHAIR FOR A... YOU
KNOW, A FEW MONTHS,

DURING THE
TRANSITION.

[ Sighing ]

DAD, I WANT
THE LAST ISSUE.

MY GOD. ARE YOU SURE?

IT'S WHAT I REALLY WANT.

[ Music playing ]

LULU, IF WE MAKE A
DONATION TO YOUR CLINIC,

WILL YOU DESIGN A
DRESS FOR THE COVER?

Lulu [ On phone ]:
I-- I don't know
how to design a dress.

YEAH, YOU'RE
A VISUAL PERSON.

YOU KNOW, UM, THE BIG
WHITE DRESS YOU'RE
ALWAYS TALKING ABOUT,

although, frankly,
I'm thinking pink.
REALLY?

ANYTHING I WANT?

PIPPA, I'VE GOT
FIVE COUPLES

FOR YOUR GAY
MARRIAGE STORY.

IT IS YOUR GAY
MARRIAGE STORY.

ASSUMING YOU'RE
WILLING TO WRITE IT.

Frank: OH, WICKED!
OKAY, LEE, DESIGN
WHATEVER YOU WANT.

GO CRAZY.
SURPRISE ME.

GREAT. GUYS,
GUESS WHAT?

JOHN IRVING
SAID, "YES."

HE'LL WRITE A PIECE ON
MARRIAGE IN TWO DAYS.

IF I MANAGE HIS
STOCKS FOR A YEAR.

JUST CALL ME
THE RAINMAKER.
OH, MY GOD!

I'LL BE YOUR
BRIDESMAID.

I DON'T KNOW
HOW TO DO THIS.

YES, YOU DO.

"DEAR 'WEDDING BELLS',
MY FRIENDS TELL ME

THAT I HAVE
PETER PAN SYNDROME,

THAT I'M AFRAID
TO GROW UP.

WILL COMMITTING
TO SOMEONE I LOVE

MAKE THIS BETTER OR WORSE?

SIGNED, 29 FOREVER."

WAIT A SECOND.

DOES IAN KNOW
ABOUT ALL OF THIS?

NO, IT'S A SURPRISE.

KIND OF LIKE YOU UNDER
THE TABLE AT THE AWARDS
WAS A SURPRISE.

"DEAR 29 FOREVER."

"DEAR READERS,
BIRDS DO IT.

BEES DO IT.

MY BEST FRIEND ON THE
COVER CLEARLY DOES IT.

WE SHOULD ALL BE SO
LUCKY AS TO DO IT.

SO? LET'S DO IT RIGHT.

LET'S FALL IN LOVE.

YOU WANT HOTHOUSE FLOWERS
AND BLUSHER VEILS?

VEGAS, WITH ELVIS
AS YOUR WITNESS?

YOU WANT TO TIE
THE KNOT AT 90?

HAVE A BABY WITH
YOUR BEST FRIEND?

LIVE ALONE,
LIVE TOGETHER?

TAKE A LOVER,
WED A PARTNER?

IT'S YOUR CHOICE.

AND I PROMISE YOU,

IF YOUR CHOICE
HAS SUBSTANCE,

IT'S GOING
TO HAVE STYLE.

STOP WORRYING
ABOUT SILVERWARE,

AND START THINKING
ABOUT PASSION.

AND I'M NOT JUST
TALKING LUST.

PASSION IS GIVING
SOMETHING YOUR
UNDIVIDED ATTENTION.

IT'S SOMEONE WANTING
TO KNOW YOUR BEST
MOMENTS AND YOUR WORST.

IT'S SOMEONE YOU DELIGHT,
JUST BY BEING YOURSELF.

IT JUST HAS TO BE REAL.

[ Cheering ]

AND IF IT IS,

YOU'LL BE SO BUSY
FALLING IN LOVE,

YOU WON'T NOTICE
ANYTHING ELSE.

HAPPY SPRING.

LOVE, PIPPA."
WHAT ARE YOU
GUYS DOING?

I LOOK GORGEOUS.

I'LL BE ON
YOUR NEXT COVER.

OH, SWEETIE, OH,
CONGRATULATIONS.

I'M PROUD OF YOU.
Roxanne:
MISS McGEE.

IT WOULD BE SO
EASY TO HATE YOU.

BUT IT'S SELLING OFF
THE GODDAMN SHELVES.

OH MY GOD,
IT'S AMAZING.

THEY'VE GOT
INTERVIEWS--
I'VE GOT FANS.

"ROXANNE PERDUE'S
COLUMN, 'TOUGH LOVE',

IS A REFRESHING DELIGHT."

UH, PIPPA?

HEY.

CONGRATULATIONS.

I, UH, WANTED
TO COME BY.

HOW'S SYDNEY?

WELL, THAT'S THE THING...

SHE'S A NICE GIRL.

UM, SHE'S CRAZY.

[ Chuckling ]
SHE'S FUN.

SHE MIGHT MAKE
YOU HAPPY.

YOU THINK?

IT'S WORTH A TRY.

Roxanne:
ALL RIGHTY. WE'VE
GOT INTERVIEWS.

ACTUALLY, YOU
GUYS, I GOT TO GO.

WHAT ARE
YOU DOING?

Pippa:
IT'S KIND OF
ABOUT A GUY.

[ Chattering ]

Roxanne:
OH, NO, NO, NO, NO!

HEAVEN CAN WAIT.

OH, NO IT CAN'T.

Women:
PIPPA. PIPPA, WAIT!

[ Mixed shouts ]

Woman:
WAIT, WHERE ARE WE GOING?

Frank:
AN ANTIQUE STORE.

Pippa:
IT'S A LONG STORY.

I'VE COME ABOUT A BED.

SINGLE, DOUBLE, IRON... ?

Jane: PINE.
Rachel: DOUBLE.

IT'S GOT LIKE THESE
SPINDLY THINGS,

IT'S GOT A VERY
FIRM MATTRESS.

Jane:
IT'S FOR A GUY.
IT'S FOR A VERY SPECIFIC GUY.

IT'S A PRESENT.

LOOK, BUDDY, I WILL
GIVE YOU A FREE AD
IN "WEDDING BELLS".

WHAT? FRANK!

SOLD IT.

[ Shouts of
disappointment ]

Woman:
[ Whispering ]
GO, PIP. GO, PIP.

I CAN'T DO IT.

[ Shouts of encouragement ]

♪ ONE STEP AT A TIME ♪

♪ ONE JUMP AT A TIME ♪

♪ ONE JUMP AT A TIME ♪

♪ OH, YEAH ♪

[ Music playing ]

Roxanne:
FORGET HIM.

YOU'RE YOUNG,
YOU'RE CUTE.

YOU'LL BE FINE.

CALL ME WHEN
YOU HIT 40.

I'M ALMOST 40.

YOU'RE 29.

BOO-FUCKING-HOO.
IT GETS WORSE.

JUST WITH BETTER CLOTHES.

ROXANNE, I STILL
THINK THAT SHE
SHOULD TALK TO HIM.

Pippa:
HE'S FINE,
HE'S GOOD,

HE'S WITH A
VERY NICE WOMAN,

WHO SAVES LIVES.

HELLO,
CIRQUE DE SOLEIL HERE.

Pippa:
I TALKED
TO JACKMAN.

THEY'RE KEEPING
THE MAGAZINE.

ARE YOU SERIOUS?

Roxanne:
SO, WHAT ARE
YOU GOING TO DO?

Pippa:
I QUIT. I'M GOING
TO WRITE A BOOK.

ADVENTURE TRAVEL
FOR THE SINGLE WOMAN.

I DON'T WANT A NEW BOSS.

ROXANNE'S GOING TO BE
AN EXCELLENT EDITOR.

I MEAN, SHE'S SMART,
SHE'S FAIR,

SHE KNOWS
THE BUSINESS.
[ Gasping ]

PIPPA.

HEY, I WAS SIPPING.

SHUT IT, LADY, YOU GOT
FRUIT IN YOUR WOMB.

PIPPA, I REALLY
STILL THINK YOU
SHOULD TALK TO HIM.

Lulu:
OH, SWEETIE.
OH...

HE'S GOING
TO CALL YOU.

Rachel:
I DON'T KNOW.

SWEETIE. IT'S OKAY.

NO.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

I'M FINE.

[ Music playing ]

[ Ignition of engine ]

[ Music playing ]

[ Sighing ]

[ Splashing of water ]

[ Music playing ]

[ Chuckles ]
OH, MY GOD.

[ Music playing ]

Ian:
I READ YOUR EDITORIAL.

THE WHOLE MAGAZINE,
IT'S-- IT'S AMAZING.

I HEAR THEY'RE
SAVING IT.

SO YOU WENT SAILING?

YOUR DAD SAID YOU
WERE AT THE LAKE.

THOUGHT I'D
GIVE IT A TRY.

[ Music playing ]

THAT BED WAS SOLD.

YEAH.

TO ME, FOR YOU.

PIPPA, IT DIDN'T WORK
WITH HER THE FIRST TIME.

AND I'M IN LOVE
WITH SOMEBODY ELSE.

SO ARE... ARE YOU
ON THE REBOUND?

BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW
IF I CAN COMPETE

WITH SOME SUPER-HERO
SURGEON PERSON.

WHAT?

YOU DON'T LISTEN, DO YOU?

EVER.

[ Chuckling ]

I'M JUST SAYING.

IT'S OKAY.
FORGET IT.

I MEAN, I SAILED
ALL THIS WAY
BUT WHATEVER.

DON'T LEAVE.
CAN'T HEAR YOU.

PLEASE.

DON'T LEAVE.

[ Chuckling ]
OKAY.

I LIKE YOU TOO.

FINALLY.

[ Giggling ]

[ Music playing ]

[ Giggling ]

[ Music playing ]

YOU'RE STILL HERE.

[ Music playing ]

♪ HEY ♪

[ Music playing ]

♪ DO I, DO I ♪

♪ INTIMIDATE YOU? ♪

♪ DO I, DO I ♪

I'D LIKE TO
FINISH BY SAYING,

MY DARLING, DARLING
LULU HAS MOVED FROM
THE HURLY-BURLY

OF THE CHAISE-LOUNGE

TO THE DEEP, DEEP PEACE
OF THE DOUBLE BED.

AND I, FOR ONE,
DRINK TO THAT.

Woman:
CHEERS.
Man: BOTTOMS UP.

♪ DO IT FOR ME ♪

TO LUKE AND LULU.

All:
TO LUKE AND LULU.

TO LUKE AND LULU.

♪ THROW YOUR HANDS
UP IN THE AIR ♪

IT'S A DARK CHOCOLATE,
CALLEBAUT TRUFFLE FONDANT

AND A BUTTER
CREAM FROSTING.
UH-HUH.

♪ ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT ♪

WHEN I THREW IT,

IF YOU JUST GET
AT IT WITH A
45-DEGREE ANGLE,

RIGHT HERE.

Lulu:
HEY, GUYS, READY?

OKAY. ONE, TWO, THREE.

Women:
[ Shouting ]

JANE, YOU'RE
ALREADY MARRIED.

GIVE IT TO RACHAEL.

I KNOW. I'M
JUST MAKING
SURE SHE GOT IT.

THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.

Others:
YAY, RACHAEL!

[ Music playing ]

♪ FOLLOW WHAT FEELS
LIKE HAPPINESS ♪

♪ I KNOW, I KNOW ♪

♪ HEARTACHE EXISTS
I KNOW, I KNOW ♪

♪ I'LL LOVE AGAIN ♪

♪ I'LL LET LOVE IN ♪

♪ YEAH ♪

Frank:
I LOVE WEDDINGS.

♪ HEY NOW, HEY NOW
THROW YOUR HANDS UP IN THE AIR ♪

♪ ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT
HOLD ON, NOT TOO TIGHT ♪

♪ HEY NOW, HEY NOW
WE WILL SHARE THE GLOWING SUN ♪

♪ ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT
LIFE'S SUPPOSED TO BE FUN ♪

♪ YEAH ♪

♪ SUPPOSED TO BE FUN ♪

♪ YEAH ♪

♪ SUPPOSED TO BE FUN ♪

♪ YEAH ♪

♪ SUPPOSED TO BE FUN ♪

♪ YEAH ♪

♪ SUPPOSED TO BE FUN ♪

♪ DO I INTIMIDATE ♪

♪ HEY NOW, HEY NOW
THROW YOUR HANDS UP IN THE AIR ♪

♪ ALL RIGHT ALL RIGHT
HOLD ON, NOT TOO TIGHT ♪

♪ HEY NOW, HEY NOW
WE WILL SHARE THE GLOWING SON ♪

♪ ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT
LIFE'S SUPPOSED TO BE FUN ♪

♪ HEY NOW, HEY NOW
THROW YOUR HANDS UP IN THE AIR ♪

♪ ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT
HOLD ON, NOT TOO TIGHT ♪

♪ HEY NOW, HEY NOW
WE WILL SHARE THE GLOWING SUN ♪

♪ ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT
LIFE'S SUPPOSED TO BE FUN ♪

♪ YEAH
SUPPOSED TO BE FUN ♪

♪ YEAH, SUPPOSED TO BE FUN ♪

♪ YEAH
SUPPOSED TO BE FUN ♪

♪ YEAH, SUPPOSED TO BE FUN ♪

[ Music playing ]

♪ HEARD ABOUT
THIS GIRL BEFORE ♪

♪ WHAT HAPPENED TO HER,
I'M NOT SURE ♪

♪ SHE COULD NEVER
FIND REAL LOVE ♪

♪ SHE'S JUST A
CONSTANT LOVER ♪

♪ AND WHEN YOU
FIND THE TIME ♪

♪ WHEN HE'S JUST LIVIN'
OFF OF SOMEONE ELSE ♪

♪ CITY LIGHTS, MY DEAR ♪

♪ ARE LOOKING OH-SO-PRETTY
FROM THAT HILL ♪

♪ SHE GOES OOH ♪

♪ OOH OOH OOH
OOH OOH OOH ♪

♪ AND THESE VOICES
IN MY HEAD ♪

♪ OOH OOH OOH
OOH OOH OOH ♪

♪ THEY TOLD ME
I WOULD END UP DEAD ♪

♪ OOH OOH OOH
OOH OOH OOH ♪

♪ IF I FELL ASLEEP WITH YOU ♪

♪ WHAT COULD I DO? ♪

♪ WHILE HE'S PLAYING
HIS GUITAR ♪

♪ SHE KNOWS THE SONGS
AND HE'LL GET FAR ♪

♪ GIRL, KEEP YOUR BEAUTY ♪

♪ THEY SAY THAT'S
YOUR DUTY ♪

♪ AND WHEN IT
JUST AIN'T GOOD ♪

♪ AND YOU DON'T WANT
HIS KISSES ANY MORE ♪

♪ DON'T BE A RAG DOLL, DEAR ♪

♪ 'CAUSE HE'LL JUST
KEEP YOU HANGIN' ♪

♪ FROM THAT WALL ♪

♪ AND SHE GOES OOH ♪

♪ OOH OOH OOH
OOH OOH OOH ♪

♪ AND THESE VOICES
IN MY HEAD ♪

♪ OOH OOH OOH
OOH OOH OOH ♪

♪ THEY TELL ME
I WOULD END UP DEAD ♪

♪ OOH OOH OOH
OOH OOH OOH ♪

♪ IF I FELL ASLEEP
WITH YOU ♪

♪ WHAT COULD I DO? ♪

♪ HEY ♪

[ Music playing ]

♪ SHE LOVED, HE CAME ♪

♪ HE'LL COME BACK AGAIN ♪

♪ SHE LOVED, HE CAME ♪

♪ HE'LL COME BACK AGAIN ♪

♪ SHE LOVED, HE CAME ♪

♪ HE'LL COME BACK AGAIN ♪

♪ SHE LOVED, HE CAME ♪

♪ HE WON'T COME BACK AGAIN ♪

♪ YEAH ♪

[ Music playing ]

♪ HEARD ABOUT
THIS GIRL BEFORE ♪

♪ WHAT HAPPENED TO HER
I'M NOT SURE ♪

♪ SHE COULD NEVER
FIND REAL LOVE ♪

♪ SHE WAS
A CONSTANT LOVER ♪

♪ AND WHEN IT
JUST AIN'T GOOD ♪

♪ AND YOU DON'T WANT
HIS KISSES ANY MORE ♪

[ Music playing ]

♪ CITY LIGHTS, MY DEAR ♪

♪ ARE LOOKING OH-SO-PRETTY
FROM THAT WALL ♪

[ Music playing ]

♪ ALL RIGHT ♪

[ Music playing ]