Original subtitles

[opening theme music playing]

Oh, this is the greatest.

I mean, you driving for a change,

Me just sitting back and enjoying the scenery.

It's the least I can do, partner.

You know, sometimes I forget how tough our hours are.

You're telling me. We put in some overtime

on that last assignment.

All we have to do is relax for the next couple of days.

[alarm ringing]

What's that?

Emergency beeper.

It's the sycopomp.

Sycopomp? What's a sycopomp?

That's the angel dispatcher. It gives out the assignments.

Something must have gone haywire.

I'm gonna have to go up.

What do you mean, up up?

Yeah, but I'll be back as soon as I can.

Oh, Jonathan, come on.

You said we'd have a few days to relax.

Now, you--

Jonathan?

Jonathan!

I think I'll do the driving from now on.

Practice somewhere else, will you, Faith?

That goes for you, too, Charity.

Follow me, please.

Have a seat.

You'll be waited on in a moment.

Thank you very much.

Ah, Smith. Thank you.

You know why you're here?

Who was the guy that seated me? He's new.

The heavenly host, and they're Faith and Charity.

Faith. Charity.

Hi.

Hi.

And, of course, that one's--

You don't have to tell me. I can guess.

Hi, hope.

Now, down to business.

We got a real problem.

The Boss decided to install computers

to keep track of all the assignments.

Computers, modern technology

and he thought an apple was trouble

in the garden of eden.

The computer's haywire.

I've got an angel down there on the wrong assignment.

Can't you get him back?

Not until they fix the computer.

What about the Boss?

Certainly he can get him back.

You think I'm gonna call the Boss for this?

That's like calling Lee Iacocca 'cause I have a flat tire.

You've got a point.

How bad is it?

It couldn't be worse.

The assignments are Stanley and Constance Richbourne.

She wants a child, he doesn't.

The marriage is in trouble.

The angel on the assignment is Max Richbourne,

the kid's father.

The kid's father?

That doesn't sound so awful.

Smith, Max Richbourne died of a heart attack

an hour before the wedding,

screaming at his son not to marry constance.

He's gone down there to try and split them up.

Wow. It's gonna be a tough assignment.

Got any suggestions?

You're the angel.

Wing it.

Richbourne estate.

What are we doing here? What do they need us for?

All the money in the world can't buy happiness.

Yeah, but you can look for it in classier places.

Max Richbourne was born poor, but died rich...

and unhappy.

How did he make his money?

Businessman.

What kind of business?

Promise you won't laugh?

Me? Come on.

He invented the pay toilet.

Mark. Mark, you promised.

The pay toilet?

You got to be kidding me.

I'm not kidding. He made a lot of money with it.

Of course he always tried to keep it a secret, he felt it was beneath him.

Beneath him!

That's great, Jonathan.

How about, if he wanted to keep a secret,

why didn't he keep a lid on it?

Or he put in a dime, got dealt a flush.

Went right in the tank!

Mark.

What?

Now you know why he wanted to keep it a secret.

Right. Right.

Pay toilet!

[doorbell rings]

May I help you?

Yeah, we're here about the butler and chauffeur jobs.

Oh, yes.

The position of chauffeur is open

if references are in order,

but the position of butler has been filled.

Hmm. By you, right, Max?

You know my name?

You bet I do.

You don't look like the old Max,

but you're the old Max.

Are you...

Yes, I am.

What are you doing here? This is my assignment.

This assignment was a mistake and you know it.

I don't care. I've got it, and I'll handle it.

You're trying to wreck their marriage.

I'm taking over.

Over my dead body.

That was stupid, wasn't it?

Yes, it was. So was your coming here.

Well, I'm here and I'm staying until the Boss pulls the plug

and there's nothing you can do about it.

Besides, he's my son.

Who better to watch over him?

Max, I want you to listen.

No, you listen!

He married the maid.

He could have had his pick,

and he married the maid.

And you don't call that a mistake?

You told him that once.

I died before I could get him to listen.

Well, this time he's going to listen.

I want a grandchild.

And if Stanley doesn't want one with this wife,

I'll find him another.

Your friend here can have the chauffeur's job.

And you can stay around and keep an eye on me.

You'll see I'm doing the right thing for my son.

He was mad.

His face got all flushed.

Time, max?

21:18 with two laps to go, sir.

Running, running.

Hi, Max.

Ah, Smith, haven't you given up yet?

I was about to ask you the same thing.

You're wasting your time.

It's my assignment and I'll handle it.

Suit yourself. You're gonna have to pay the piper.

I'm prepared for that.

Once my son is married to the proper woman.

They sent me here to get you, Max.

What are they gonna do to me? I'm already dead.

Look at him with his number one.

He doesn't run against anybody. He just runs.

I give him credit though.

He's kept the place up.

His wife kept it up.

All right. She's efficient.

Why shouldn't she be? She was the maid.

She's a drudge.

Unsensuous, unglamorous.

And his wife. She's his wife, Max.

Not for long. I'm gonna straighten out his life.

I'm gonna get him a wife with breeding

I'm gonna get a grandson to carry on my name.

I'm gonna give Stanley some drive.

Know what my son does for a living?

Nothing.

He just runs.

I want a grandchild,

but he's killing his sperm.

He doesn't know who you really are, does he?

No. I don't look the same.

I didn't see any reason to tell him.

I think you didn't tell him because you're afraid he wouldn't listen to you.

That's nonsense.

Is it?

He didn't listen to you in the church that last day, did he?

Well, he's a little older now.

Now he knows I was right.

He knows he had lousy judgment.

Oh, great, so now you're gonna pick the right kind of woman for him?

That's right.

And what kind of woman is the right kind for Stanley?

That kind.

Nel Pritchard.

Beautiful, worldly, and as rich as Stanley.

Well, almost.

They used to play together when they were kids.

Haven't seen each other for years,

but when Nel woke up this morning she just had to see him.

Max, you oughta be ashamed.

Really, you oughta be ashamed of yourself.

Using the stuff to promote an affair between that woman and your son.

I am ashamed.

But I'll get over it.

Stanley.

Nel.

Wow.

It must be, what, 12 years?

Hello, Stanley.

I didn't know you ran.

As a matter of fact, I know you didn't run.

Well, it's been a few years now.

Really? I'm impressed.

Well, you look wonderful.

Well, thanks. So do you,

but then, you always did.

Stanley, thank you. You were always so sweet.

How's your wife?

Uh, Constance... Fine.

How's, uh, Gerard?

Gerard is no more.

Oh, he's dead?

Gerard was always dead.

He's just not moldering in my house anymore.

We're divorced.

Oh. Are you still living in the old place?

Yes and it's so big and empty without a man living in it.

It's a nice house.

We used to play hide and go seek there, remember?

Yes, of course I do.

When you'd find me, you'd get a kiss.

Yeah.

I used to let you find me.

You did? I didn't know that.

I was too embarrassed.

I didn't want you to know

how I felt about you.

Listen, I'm having a party.

I want you to come.

Saturday.

Say you will.

I don't know, uh...

Bring Constance, of course.

Okay.

Good. Good.

I wasn't going to come this way.

I'm glad I did.

Home, Jimmy.

Yes, madam.

Bye.

Ha! It's working like a charm.

I'm going to stop you, Max.

You can't.

♪ I'm gonna get a grandson ♪

♪ I'm gonna get a grandson ♪

Max!

I'm gonna tell your son who you really are

and what you're trying to do.

Give it up by sundown

or Stanley and I are gonna have a talk.

Till then, Max.

Smith?

Will you please listen to me?

I know what's best for my son!

Max?

What are you doing?

Uh...

I was praying, sir.

You always pray this loud?

Well...

You know the old saying,

"The squeaky wheel gets the most oil"?

Yeah, my father used to say that.

We'd better get you to a warm shower, sir.

You don't want to cramp up.

Oh, hi.

Are you the new driver?

Yes, ma'am, Mrs. Richbourne.

What's your name?

I'm Mark Gordon, ma'am.

I feel like a drive, Mark.

Nice day for it.

Anywhere special, ma'am?

No.

No place special.

Looks like you could use a lift.

I know it's none of my business,

my mom always used to buy a hat.

Did she?

Oh, yeah. Used to pick her right up.

Did it?

Yeah, and if she had enough money she'd go whole hog.

Get a bag, a dress, a pair of shoes.

She was really flush.

Really flush.

She would add a manicure, a facial, hair style...

She would go home a different lady.

Looking good and feeling food.

I haven't been shopping in a long time.

Any place special, ma'am?

Yes. Downtown.

We'll start at Magnins.

Yes, ma'am.

[humming]

How do you feel, sir?

Great.

I was flying out there today, Max.

You can just put that over there.

Yes, sir.

You know...

My father's name was Max.

Was it?

Yes, you don't look anything like him, though.

He was shorter and... Fat.

He built this place, though.

Stocked it with--

The finest horse flesh money could buy.

Yes...

You sound just like him.

The Richbourne estate.

200 acres of--

The best grazing in the state.

Yes, that's just what he would have said.

Would he?

How's Miss Pritchard?

I just saw her.

You know Nel Pritchard?

Yes. All her life.

You were playmates when you were children.

You loved her.

No, I didn't.

H-h-how did you know that?

I'm your father, Stanley.

Would you like to throw up now?

Ma'am.

Mark.

[whistling]

Mrs. Richbourne?

Well, uh...

Wow!

Thank you, Mark.

Mr. Richbourne is going to be very pleased.

I'm not used to all this.

Do you think the ring and the bracelet are too much?

Maybe I should return the ring.

No, no, no. Don't

A man like little glamor in his woman.

Well, some of 'em pretend like...

"Hey, what have you gone and done to yourself now?"

But they love it. He's gonna love this.

You're a nice man, Mark.

Pretty good, huh?

Hell of a house I left you. You have to admit that.

You sure you don't want to shoot some pool?

Man with wings and a computer, right?

If you're looking for logic, I can't help you.

If you're looking for Nel Pritchard, I can help.

Look, I want you out of here. You are dismissed!

A man doesn't fire his father.

My father is dead and gone.

I grant you dead, but how about forgotten?

You don't have the slightest resemblance to my father.

Your mother named you Ralph.

I said, "Ralph is out".

She said, "Ralph is in".

I said, "Okay, Ralph is in".

In the middle, his name is Stanley.

After Stanley and Livingston.

My father would never come back as a butler.

You take what's available.

Stanley Ralph Richbourne.

I was determined to give you everything.

My father died the day I was married.

You died the day you were married.

Your father came back, you can come back.

You blew it with Nel Pritchard.

I don't want you to do it again.

Now, how many grandchildren do I have?

I haven't the faintest idea.

None!

If you'd married Nel Pritchard, you would have spent your life in the bedroom

and I would have had ten grandchildren by now.

Look, whoever you are--

Try dad. Just for the sound of it.

This is ridiculous!

I mean, Nel Pritchard's no baby machine.

How many children does she have?

She married the wrong man like you married the wrong woman.

How dare you!

This is not news.

I told you once, I died telling you.

Well, Nel is back in the picture.

-Not by accident. -What?

I got you two together.

And she invited you to her party.

You knew?

Oh, my God.

I'd go, kid.

Oh, my God.

You are.

I am.

You are.

And I wouldn't tell Constance about this if I were you.

She'll think you're crazy.

All right, Max.

Time's up.

Now, do you wanna tell him, or should I?

You're a little late, Smith.

Stanley,

give your dad a kiss.

Evening, dear.

What do you think?

Of what?

You haven't looked at me.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Well?

Yes, I'm well.

When I said "well," I didn't mean, "are you well?"

I meant, well...

how do you like my dress?

It's new.

Oh, it's very nice.

You can wear it to Nel Pritchard's.

Nel... Pritchard's?

Yeah. She's giving a party Saturday night.

We're invited.

I'd like to go.

Well?

No.

I'm not well.

Dinner, kid.

What is this, snails?

Escargot. I thought--

I don't eat snails.

The cook was fixing you spaghetti and--

My special drink.

I smelled it.

It stank.

And spaghetti is fattening.

Spaghetti has carbos and the drink has zinc in it.

Runners need carbos and zinc.

You got horses around here up the kazoo,

and you're a runner.

It's a poor man's sport, kid!

For a man who made his money in the pay toilet,

you've got a lot of pretensions.

I'll get my own dinner.

It won't work, Max.

This thing with Nel Pritchard didn't fly once

and it won't fly now.

Sure it will.

She didn't get much money in the divorce.

She likes money. Stanley has a lot of money.

I'm willing to give it a shot.

My biggest problem is getting him to act like a man

instead of a little kid running all over the place.

Well, you really don't know your son.

Of course I do!

Oh, no, if you did, you'd know why he was running.

Stanley hasn't accomplished anything in his whole life on his own,

never set any goals.

Well, now he has. To be a great runner.

He needs that for his self esteem so he can feel like a man.

I don't want him to feel like a man.

I want him to feel like a father.

So I can feel like a grandfather.

Listen, I'm going to need a little miracle.

You parted the Red Sea.

This is a lot easier.

Thanks.

How you doing, Stanley?

Oh, it's you, the angel.

Leave me alone, okay?

Training for the race?

What race?

The big one, the Apple Blossom 10,000.

You got to be kidding. That's a world class race.

It's a charity race. Anybody can enter.

Yeah, it'll be a little embarrassing.

Why? What's your time in the 10,000?

Oh, about 35 minutes.

World class time is 28-29 minutes.

See what I mean?

Who were you running against?

What?

When you had your best time, who were you racing against?

Oh, nobody. I mean, running's a private thing for me.

I just do it for myself.

Oh, come on. You can't tell how good you are if you run alone.

People don't set records without competition.

Yeah, well, I'm not interested in setting records.

Afraid, huh?

What?

To compete. I know a lot of people like that.

Hey, you don't compete, you don't lose, right?

I just told you--

Yeah, I know what you told me.

Don't make a big deal out of it.

If you're afraid, you're afraid.

I'm not afraid.

Then race me.

What?

Just you and me.

Come on, I'm an angel, if you lose who am I gonna tell?

Okay.

Let's go.

I really appreciate this.

Whoa! I beat him.

Whoo. That felt great.

Great.

Take a look at your time.

How did you get here? You never passed me.

I'm an angel, remember?

Come on, take a look at your time.

I don't want to look.

Yes, you do. Take a look.

Th-that's wrong. You-you messed up.

I didn't mess up. That's right.

That's your time. Honest angel.

I don't believe it.

That's my time? That's impossible.

No, it isn't.

If you'll excuse the expression,

I think we are going in the pay toilet on this one.

First of all, she gets a whole redo,

he doesn't even notice.

Now you and Stanley are running all over the country

for no apparent reason.

Now I have to drive both of them

to the Pritchard woman's party tonight.

That doesn't exactly sound to me like cupid-type work.

Yeah, well, it's not over till it's over.

Oh, Yogi Berra double talk.

Look, I'm serious.

Max set this whole party thing up,

and I'm driving Stanley right into that woman's arms.

Mark, will you trust me?

I'll be at the party tonight, I'll keep an eye on things.

How did you get invited?

I didn't. I'll be the invisible guest.

Well, in that case, I won't see you there.

Stanley, why don't you go yourself?

She invited both of us.

She invited you. I'm not welcome there.

Oh, Connie.

I'm a usurper, Stan.

Above my station.

A maid putting on airs.

In ten years I've never been invited

to one of their houses.

So?

So you're the handsome man of the manor.

Yeah, whose father made his money on the pay toilet.

Well, I'm gonna show 'em.

What do you mean, "You're gonna show 'em"?

The Apple Blossom 10,000.

I'm going to win it.

Stan, that's crazy.

Why?

Because I've never done anything in my life?

Well, I'm going to now.

I'm going to win that race. I can.

But you've never ever run in a race before.

You can't win.

Why couldn't you have said,

"Go for it. You can do it."

Why couldn't you have said that?

"You can't win, Stanley."

Not very supportive.

Yeah, well, I'll show her. I'll show all of them.

Sure you will.

But who wants to share the glory

with someone who's not behind you?

Yeah.

At the party tonight,

why don't you tell Nel Pritchard you're going to win that race.

See what her reaction is.

Nel?

Remember, son,

behind every great man is a great woman.

Stanley!

Stanley, darling, I'm so glad you're here.

You're alone.

I so wanted your wife to come.

Oh, no, no. This is my wife.

Uh, Constance. Uh, Constance, Nel.

Forgive me. I didn't notice you standing there.

How are you?

I'm fine.

I love your dress.

I love it.

Thank you.

I always say if you have a favorite dress,

wear it no matter how out-of-style it gets.

Uh, is, uh...

Well, where's your powder room?

It's right through there, dear.

I'll be right back.

I'll wait for you, honey.

Stanley, come on.

Nel, I told her I'd wait.

Stanley, it'll only take a minute,

I want to show you something.

Okay.

Nel, nel, wait. Constance is--

She won't miss you for a few minutes.

All those handsome men.

Yeah, but she's all by herself.

Stanley, she'll be just fine.

A woman needs a little room to breathe.

You have to give her little space.

Remember this room?

You and I used to dance together right here.

Yeah, with your father watching.

I don't think he thought too much of me.

I thought a lot of you.

You did?

Well, how come you married Gerard?

I was young and foolish.

I thought...

You thought Gerard had a lot more money than he had.

It doesn't matter what I thought.

I was devastated.

Were you?

I guess we all make mistakes.

Let's sit.

So... Tell me what you've been doing.

Uh, nothing that would interest you very much, I'm sure.

Stanley...

Everything you do interests me.

It does?

Mm-hmm.

Well, I've, uh... Been running.

Running.

Has someone been chasing you?

Running.

Tell me all about it.

I'm going to run in the Apple Blossom 10,000.

Against those runners from around the world?

Yeah.

Guess you don't think I have much of a chance.

Au contraire.

I think you can do anything you set your mind to.

You do?

Of course I do.

And you know what else I think?

What?

I think you're gonna win.

You do?

Yes.

Stanley, this is so exciting.

I'll tell just everybody.

You'll have a whole contingent at the finish line.

Oh, Stanley.

Constance.

Your little plan backfired, didn't it, Smith?

And you know why?

Because he married the wrong woman,

and now he knows it.

Oh, come on. Nel's a phony.

She'll say anything he wants to hear.

She's a golddigger.

Yep. And she's fertile and desirable,

and I'm going to be a grandfather.

Good night, Smith.

I'm sorry, Smith. The new memory banks aren't ready yet.

I was hoping you'd have that glitch fixed by now.

He's got me over a barrel.

I need a back-up.

Well, I'll see who's available.

That figures.

Look who this piece of clunk gave me.

Sarah Richbourne.

Sarah Richbourne?

Yeah, Max's wife.

She died about five years after he died.

Let's try her.

Come on. We never assign relatives,

and you want two relatives?

Hey, Stanley was her son, too.

And his wife.

Come on. What choice do we have?

Okay. I think you're asking for trouble,

but you've got it.

Con...

I missed you last night.

First time we haven't slept together in ten years.

I'm sorry.

If you don't want to come today, I don't blame you.

Good luck.

Oh, excuse me, ma'am.

I came to make up the room.

I thought you'd gone to the race.

I can come back later.

No. No. That's all right.

Go on.

You're new.

Yes, ma'am. My name's Sarah.

Sarah. That was my mother-in-law's name.

At least she liked me.

I beg your pardon, ma'am.

Oh, nothing.

I was just talking to myself.

I'm surprised you're not at the race.

It's a big day for your husband.

He doesn't need me there.

Probably not, if he wins,

but a man tends to need his wife when he loses.

Losses are harder to take alone.

Oh, he has someone there to take care of him.

If you mean Nel Pritchard,

she'll take care of him, all right.

How do you know about Nel Pritchard?

Everyone knows,

but what I can't figure out is why are you taking this lying down?

You used to have a lot more guts than that.

That's why I liked you.

You even stood up to my loud-mouthed husband.

Your husband?

Max.

Max the butler?

No. Max your dead father-in-law.

Excuse us.

Hello, Nel.

Excuse us.

Hi. How are you?

I brought everybody with me.

Stanley! Everybody's here!

Runners on the starting line.

Runners on the starting line.

On your mark...

[starter's pistol]

Mark, I changed my mind.

Let's get to the race.

Yes, ma'am.

Get up, Stanley.

Come on, get up.

Why? I can't win.

I broke my toe.

Who cares if you can't win it, you can finish it.

For once in your life, you can finish something you started.

But I can't win.

You don't become a man by winning all the time.

You become a man by learning how to handle your defeats.

By not giving up no matter what.

Go back to heaven, will you?

You know, Stanley, your father was right.

You have no guts.

That's why he cares more about a grandson

than he does you.

I'll show him who has no guts.

Here comes the winner.

Come on, Stanley.

Come on, Stanley!

It's not Stanley.

Oh, he'll probably come in second.

I'm not quitting, Max.

You hear me?

I'm not quitting.

Come on, Stanley!

Come on, Stanley!

Stanley!

That's not Stanley, either.

I'm for home. Goodbye, all.

Don't go yet.

I'm gonna go find him.

Leave him alone, Max.

Madam, I don't know who you are, but--

I'm Sarah. Sarah your wife.

Sarah?

Right. I'm on this assignment, too.

And for once in your life, leave him alone.

Why not?

He's quit again, as usual.

Just one more mile, Stanley.

I can't.

I can't make it.

Your father said you'd quit.

You did it!

Home, Jimmy.

Yes, madam.

Well, there she goes.

Yes, and good riddance to bad rubbish.

There he is.

-I'll go get him. -No.

Well, you were right.

I'm so humiliated.

And I'm so proud of you.

For what, finishing last?

For finishing.

Don't you realize how much guts it took

to go on the way you did?

Well, I would have done better,

but I think I broke my toe.

So you'll get them the next time

Or the time after.

You'll be here to cheer me on?

You bet I will.

I didn't think he could do it.

I didn't think he had the guts.

Well, you never gave him a chance to show you.

You know your problem, Max?

You never gave yourself any credit.

And you figured your son didn't deserve any, either.

Why should I give myself any credit?

I was the laughingstock.

The man who got rich on the pay toilet.

You thought of it, didn't you?

Yeah. You mean it never embarrassed you?

A lot of things about you embarrassed me.

That wasn't one of them.

You ready to go up now?

Yeah.

You know, Sarah...

I didn't know you'd died

until I got back down here.

Yeah. Five years.

You know, in all those five years,

we never saw each other once.

Doesn't that seem strange to you?

No, Max. That's why they call it heaven.

Sarah.

We'll talk it over, Max.

We got a lot of time.

Well, it looks like old Max

is going to get a grandkid after all.

All's well that ends well.

You're all set now.

Everything's running smooth.

What took so long?

Hey, this was a tough one.

It was the memory banks.

Yeah. We had to replace all the memory banks.

Really? Well...

Thanks for the memories.

["Thanks for the Memories" playing]

[theme music playing]