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1
00:00:24,258 --> 00:00:26,827
( WHITE CHRISTMAS PLAYING)
2
00:00:32,233 --> 00:00:35,503
* I'm dreaming
3
00:00:35,569 --> 00:00:40,141
* Of a white Christmas
4
00:00:40,208 --> 00:00:44,212
* Just like the ones
I used to know
5
00:00:46,414 --> 00:00:50,518
* Where those treetops glisten
6
00:00:50,584 --> 00:00:54,288
* And children listen
7
00:00:54,355 --> 00:00:56,490
* To hear
8
00:00:56,557 --> 00:01:00,027
* Sleigh bells in the snow
9
00:01:00,094 --> 00:01:01,862
* The snow
10
00:01:01,929 --> 00:01:05,433
* But then I, I, I'm dreaming
11
00:01:05,499 --> 00:01:10,037
* Of a white Christmas
12
00:01:10,104 --> 00:01:14,342
* With every
Christmas card I write
13
00:01:17,044 --> 00:01:20,047
* May your days
May your days
May your days
14
00:01:20,114 --> 00:01:24,385
* Be merry and bright
15
00:01:24,452 --> 00:01:29,557
* And may all
your Christmases be white
16
00:01:32,826 --> 00:01:36,130
* I, I, I, I'm dreaming
17
00:01:36,197 --> 00:01:40,834
* Of a white Christmas
18
00:01:40,901 --> 00:01:45,739
* Just like the ones
I used to know
19
00:01:47,741 --> 00:01:51,512
* Where the treetops glisten
20
00:01:51,579 --> 00:01:55,483
* And the children listen
21
00:01:55,549 --> 00:01:57,885
* To hear
22
00:01:57,951 --> 00:02:01,989
* Sleigh bells in the snow
23
00:02:03,757 --> 00:02:06,527
* I, I, I, I'm dreaming
24
00:02:06,594 --> 00:02:11,799
* Of a white Christmas
25
00:02:11,865 --> 00:02:13,801
* With every
26
00:02:13,867 --> 00:02:17,271
* Christmas card I write
27
00:02:18,639 --> 00:02:21,742
May those days
May your days
May your days
28
00:02:21,809 --> 00:02:25,045
* Be merry and bright
29
00:02:25,112 --> 00:02:28,349
* Ooh, ooh, ooh
30
00:02:28,416 --> 00:02:32,720
* And may all
31
00:02:32,786 --> 00:02:35,923
* Your Christmases be white
32
00:02:47,935 --> 00:02:50,438
GRACIE:
Felix, come back here!
33
00:02:50,504 --> 00:02:54,675
You don't deserve
to be the father
of my child!
34
00:02:54,742 --> 00:02:58,111
Come back here
with that Santa Claus suit!
35
00:02:58,946 --> 00:03:00,581
(ALL GROANING)
36
00:03:01,282 --> 00:03:02,850
(SIGHS)
37
00:03:02,916 --> 00:03:05,353
You jerk!
You ruined our tree!
38
00:03:05,419 --> 00:03:07,488
That tree was
absolutely symmetrical!
39
00:03:07,555 --> 00:03:09,990
It took us two hours
to find it!
It was perfect!
40
00:03:10,057 --> 00:03:11,959
Nothing's perfect,
you cretins!
41
00:03:12,025 --> 00:03:14,127
Stop yelling.
You're gonna send
her into labor.
42
00:03:14,194 --> 00:03:17,798
She's going into labor now!
She is not! She's only
seven months pregnant!
43
00:03:17,865 --> 00:03:20,801
(ROLLERBLADERS YELLING)
All right, stop it!
It's Christmas!
44
00:03:20,868 --> 00:03:24,838
It was an accident. Show a
little Christmas spirit.
MAN: You owe us 40 bucks!
45
00:03:24,905 --> 00:03:27,575
Touch me
and I'll sue you
for a million dollars!
46
00:03:27,641 --> 00:03:32,212
I'm sure Santa will repay you.
It was 50 bucks, okay?
47
00:03:32,280 --> 00:03:35,683
We can't even afford
to have our baby.
Now look what you did!
48
00:03:35,749 --> 00:03:38,452
Mind your own business,
Mister!
You drove him away!
49
00:03:38,519 --> 00:03:40,921
This is my business.
My business
is helping people.
50
00:03:40,988 --> 00:03:42,456
Well, you know what?
51
00:03:42,523 --> 00:03:44,725
Merry Christmas!
52
00:04:04,378 --> 00:04:05,779
(SIGHS)
53
00:04:14,688 --> 00:04:17,190
WOMAN'S VOICE:
You have reached
the office of Lifesavers.
54
00:04:17,257 --> 00:04:19,159
All lines are busy.
55
00:04:19,226 --> 00:04:24,665
If you are truly on the verge
of suicide and calling from
a touch-tone phone, press one.
56
00:04:24,732 --> 00:04:26,700
If you are merely depressed,
57
00:04:26,767 --> 00:04:28,836
stay on the line.
A friendly voice will
be with you shortly.
58
00:04:28,902 --> 00:04:32,840
What am I supposed to do?
I don't have
a touch-tone phone.
59
00:04:32,906 --> 00:04:35,509
Suppose I was on
the verge of suicide?
60
00:04:37,611 --> 00:04:40,414
(PHONE RINGS)
61
00:04:40,481 --> 00:04:42,983
CATHERINE:
Merry Christmas. Lifesavers.
How may we help you?
62
00:04:43,050 --> 00:04:44,485
WOMAN ON PHONE:
I haven't slept for days.
63
00:04:44,552 --> 00:04:46,854
I'm terrified of
the Seaside Strangler.
64
00:04:46,920 --> 00:04:48,489
I know he's going to get me.
65
00:04:48,556 --> 00:04:50,991
Do you fit the physical
description of his victims?
66
00:04:51,058 --> 00:04:53,594
Are you a very attractive
woman with long, dark hair?
67
00:04:53,661 --> 00:04:55,095
Not really.
68
00:04:55,162 --> 00:04:56,564
Although, how long
do you think is "long"?
69
00:04:56,630 --> 00:04:58,432
At least to your shoulders.
70
00:04:58,499 --> 00:05:00,601
MAN OVER STATIC:
I can't stop worrying
about the planet.
71
00:05:00,668 --> 00:05:04,004
And what is it about Janet
that is worrying you?
72
00:05:04,071 --> 00:05:06,707
Not Janet, the planet.
73
00:05:06,774 --> 00:05:10,478
Would you click your phone?
There's some static
on the line.
74
00:05:10,544 --> 00:05:14,181
(STATIC CONTINUES)
You know, dear, just click
the little button like this.
75
00:05:14,247 --> 00:05:17,351
(DIAL TONE)
Hmm!
76
00:05:17,418 --> 00:05:21,188
We're not permitted
to divulge the personal
details of our lives,
77
00:05:21,254 --> 00:05:23,957
but I can assure you
I know what you're feeling.
78
00:05:24,024 --> 00:05:26,727
WOMAN: Do you live alone too?
79
00:05:26,794 --> 00:05:28,362
I live with my mother.
That's all I can say.
80
00:05:28,429 --> 00:05:32,433
Catherine, you're not supposed
to tell them about yourself.
81
00:05:32,500 --> 00:05:35,168
Oh, I could never live
with my mother.
82
00:05:35,235 --> 00:05:37,971
That's something to remember.
83
00:05:38,038 --> 00:05:39,573
No matter how bleak
things are,
84
00:05:39,640 --> 00:05:42,142
at least you don't live
with your mother.
85
00:05:42,209 --> 00:05:46,447
Thank you for calling and
don't hesitate to call again.
Merry Christmas.
86
00:05:47,748 --> 00:05:49,883
May I click for you?
87
00:05:49,950 --> 00:05:51,719
I don't think so,
Mrs. Munchnik.
88
00:05:51,785 --> 00:05:54,054
That person wasn't suicidal,
only depressed.
89
00:05:54,121 --> 00:05:56,590
But if he or she
had not spoken with you,
90
00:05:56,657 --> 00:06:00,494
he or she might have become
suicidal, mightn't they?
91
00:06:00,561 --> 00:06:01,562
(COUNTER CLICKS)
92
00:06:02,996 --> 00:06:04,998
And where do you
suppose Philip is?
93
00:06:05,065 --> 00:06:06,600
I'm sure he'll
be here shortly.
94
00:06:06,667 --> 00:06:08,602
Playing around,
probably.
95
00:06:08,669 --> 00:06:12,640
That's very unfair.
Philip is completely
true to Susan.
96
00:06:12,706 --> 00:06:16,276
Men are not true to anything.
They will have sex
with a tree.
97
00:06:16,343 --> 00:06:20,814
If you look out the window,
you'll see him pulling up
on his bicycle at any moment.
98
00:06:20,881 --> 00:06:23,116
I could be having
Christmas Eve dinner
right now
99
00:06:23,183 --> 00:06:24,985
with all of my dead
husband's relatives.
100
00:06:25,052 --> 00:06:27,988
I am not someone
with no place to go.
101
00:06:29,557 --> 00:06:31,024
I'm sure you're not.
102
00:06:31,091 --> 00:06:33,326
(PHONE RINGS)
103
00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:36,096
Merry Christmas.
Lifesavers.
How may I help you?
104
00:06:59,352 --> 00:07:02,022
Philip!
Just the man
I'm looking for.
105
00:07:02,089 --> 00:07:04,291
Merry Christmas.
You're out.
106
00:07:04,357 --> 00:07:06,560
You can't evict us.
107
00:07:06,627 --> 00:07:10,798
Lifesavers has saved
over 1,400 lives this year.
Doesn't that mean anything?
108
00:07:10,864 --> 00:07:13,066
Plus,
you are three months
behind in your rent.
109
00:07:13,133 --> 00:07:14,968
We don't exactly
have a cash flow.
110
00:07:15,035 --> 00:07:17,304
After you save
someone's life,
you can't ask for money.
111
00:07:17,370 --> 00:07:19,807
Doctors can.
Aren't you some
sort of doctor, Philip?
112
00:07:19,873 --> 00:07:21,441
No.
113
00:07:21,509 --> 00:07:24,612
Tell me, in all of your calls,
has anybody
impaled themselves?
114
00:07:25,679 --> 00:07:27,848
No.
Aw!
115
00:07:27,915 --> 00:07:30,283
Stanley, how am I gonna tell
the people who work for me
their jobs are over?
116
00:07:30,350 --> 00:07:32,586
I don't know.
Try "you're fired."
It works for me.
117
00:07:32,653 --> 00:07:35,188
Does anyone
ever drink glass?
We're broke.
118
00:07:35,255 --> 00:07:37,290
The state
has cut back
our funding.
119
00:07:37,357 --> 00:07:40,594
No, they don't drink glass.
Stanley, for God sakes,
what's the matter with you?
120
00:07:40,661 --> 00:07:42,395
Oh, they must.
They must what?
121
00:07:42,462 --> 00:07:45,733
They must drink glass.
They must.
122
00:07:45,799 --> 00:07:47,300
January 2. Out!
123
00:07:47,367 --> 00:07:49,202
You don't care,
Stanley Tannenbaum.
124
00:07:49,269 --> 00:07:51,204
You're one of the people
who doesn't care.
125
00:07:51,271 --> 00:07:54,107
(CHUCKLES)
Of course not.
I'm the landlord.
126
00:08:05,018 --> 00:08:07,254
Oh, Philip, a tree.
127
00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:10,490
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
I'm so glad you could make it.
128
00:08:10,558 --> 00:08:13,060
Are you all right?
I'm fine!
129
00:08:13,126 --> 00:08:14,928
Temper, temper.
130
00:08:14,995 --> 00:08:17,898
I'm sorry. It's just that
everything that could go
wrong, has gone wrong.
131
00:08:17,965 --> 00:08:20,701
Not everything, Philip.
At least
we're not being evicted.
132
00:08:20,768 --> 00:08:22,469
And why haven't we been?
133
00:08:22,536 --> 00:08:24,638
Where are the call sheets?
Everyone else
in the building
134
00:08:24,705 --> 00:08:27,741
has received a yellow
eviction notice.
One hang up!
135
00:08:27,808 --> 00:08:30,477
Dr. Gillespie has received
two yellow eviction notices.
136
00:08:30,544 --> 00:08:32,546
One woman worried
about the Strangler.
137
00:08:32,613 --> 00:08:35,816
One man about to slit
his wrists...
138
00:08:35,883 --> 00:08:40,153
Because his nonprofit
business is being destroyed
by a capitalist maniac!
139
00:08:40,220 --> 00:08:42,890
If we do get evicted,
I'm sure Philip will
think of something.
140
00:08:42,956 --> 00:08:44,558
That's right.
I'll think
of something.
141
00:08:44,625 --> 00:08:46,226
When he was
in the Peace Corps,
142
00:08:46,293 --> 00:08:48,295
he built an entire
Peruvian village.
143
00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:51,064
BOTH:
And solved all of their
soil erosion problems.
144
00:08:51,131 --> 00:08:54,835
You could see
the bright side
of a plague.
145
00:08:54,902 --> 00:08:56,904
I'm on my way.
146
00:08:56,970 --> 00:08:58,972
Not without your present!
147
00:09:02,810 --> 00:09:04,678
Merry Christmas,
Mrs. Munchnik.
148
00:09:06,046 --> 00:09:07,447
A fruitcake?
149
00:09:08,515 --> 00:09:11,151
Yes.
150
00:09:11,218 --> 00:09:14,387
Remarkably, like the one
I gave you last year.
151
00:09:17,725 --> 00:09:20,027
Thank you so much, Philip.
152
00:09:20,093 --> 00:09:22,029
Oh, let me help you.
153
00:09:22,095 --> 00:09:24,031
(I'LL BE HOME FOR CHRISTMAS
PLAYING)
154
00:09:24,097 --> 00:09:26,700
* I'll be home
155
00:09:26,767 --> 00:09:27,835
Merry Christmas!
156
00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:29,670
* For Christmas
157
00:09:34,742 --> 00:09:37,811
Say hello to your dead
husband's sister for me.
Thank you, I will.
158
00:09:37,878 --> 00:09:40,714
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
159
00:09:41,849 --> 00:09:45,719
* Please have snow
160
00:09:45,786 --> 00:09:50,590
* And mistletoe
161
00:09:50,658 --> 00:09:56,296
* And presents on the tree
162
00:10:08,676 --> 00:10:10,010
(SIGHS)
163
00:10:16,750 --> 00:10:18,786
Help!
164
00:10:19,987 --> 00:10:24,024
Help! Philip!
Catherine!
165
00:10:24,091 --> 00:10:26,626
It's Mrs. Munchnik!
166
00:10:29,562 --> 00:10:31,431
Hello!
167
00:10:43,376 --> 00:10:45,679
What are you doing
with that?
168
00:10:45,746 --> 00:10:47,748
It's my protection
against the Seaside Strangler.
169
00:10:47,815 --> 00:10:52,119
Oh, give me that, honey.
We don't know anything
about guns.
170
00:10:52,185 --> 00:10:55,222
Oh, Felix,
I could have sold
that Santa Claus suit
171
00:10:55,288 --> 00:10:57,357
and bought our baby
a car seat.
172
00:10:57,424 --> 00:11:01,895
We don't even have a car.
What was I supposed to wear?
You cut up all my clothes.
173
00:11:01,962 --> 00:11:03,296
I was mad!
174
00:11:03,363 --> 00:11:06,767
Honey, you were mad
the day we met.
175
00:11:06,834 --> 00:11:12,139
A man on the boardwalk comes
up to me and says, "smile."
A total stranger.
176
00:11:12,205 --> 00:11:15,242
And you screamed at him,
"shut up!" remember?
177
00:11:15,308 --> 00:11:16,777
(LAUGHS) I did, didn't I?
178
00:11:16,844 --> 00:11:18,746
You were right to.
179
00:11:18,812 --> 00:11:20,881
It was a total invasion
of your privacy.
180
00:11:20,948 --> 00:11:23,016
(LAUGHING)
It was.
181
00:11:23,083 --> 00:11:26,686
Hey! Look
what I got for you.
182
00:11:26,754 --> 00:11:30,190
This means
we can have the baby
in the hospital for free!
183
00:11:30,257 --> 00:11:32,760
All we have to do is swear
we're completely broke
184
00:11:32,826 --> 00:11:36,596
and have absolutely no way
of supporting ourselves
and never will.
185
00:11:36,663 --> 00:11:41,134
Oh, God!
Felix, I don't want
to hurt your feelings, but...
186
00:11:41,201 --> 00:11:44,537
You are the only person
in my whole life who's
never hurt my feelings.
187
00:11:44,604 --> 00:11:49,242
You're a loser.
I can't have a loser dropping
in and out of my baby's life.
188
00:11:49,309 --> 00:11:52,012
I'm not a loser,
I'm an artist.
189
00:11:52,079 --> 00:11:54,748
Why can't you paint
on canvas or paper
like anyone else?
190
00:11:54,815 --> 00:11:58,451
Because,
I'm a wall artist!
But you don't have a wall!
191
00:11:58,518 --> 00:12:00,720
But someday
I will have a wall.
192
00:12:00,788 --> 00:12:04,557
Someday I'm gonna
do my masterpiece
on a great big wall.
193
00:12:04,624 --> 00:12:06,593
Right out there
on the boardwalk.
194
00:12:06,659 --> 00:12:09,029
And you're gonna be in it
and the baby's
gonna be in it.
195
00:12:09,096 --> 00:12:11,899
And the sand
and the sea and the stars
are gonna be shining!
196
00:12:11,965 --> 00:12:14,401
Mmm, I want a businessman.
197
00:12:14,467 --> 00:12:16,870
What are you
talking about?
198
00:12:16,937 --> 00:12:20,540
I'm talking
about breaking up, Felix.
That's what I'm talking about.
199
00:12:20,607 --> 00:12:23,510
Oh, come on, honey.
200
00:12:23,576 --> 00:12:24,778
I'm leaving.
201
00:12:24,845 --> 00:12:28,415
Where you going?
I'm going for a walk.
202
00:12:28,481 --> 00:12:31,051
Gracie, honey, come on.
You're just stressed.
203
00:12:31,118 --> 00:12:33,486
And don't try
to follow me either!
204
00:12:33,553 --> 00:12:34,554
(DOOR SLAMS)
205
00:12:38,025 --> 00:12:39,860
Susan! It's Philip.
206
00:12:39,927 --> 00:12:43,230
Uh, uh, let me just
go somewhere private
where we can talk.
207
00:12:52,906 --> 00:12:54,741
(DOOR SHUTS)
208
00:12:54,808 --> 00:12:57,210
Tannenbaum's evicting us.
The bastard!
SUSAN: I'm sorry, Philip.
209
00:12:57,277 --> 00:12:59,847
You're gonna have
to get another job.
PHILIP: Susan,
210
00:12:59,913 --> 00:13:02,482
I've never asked you
for money before,
but you're a loan officer.
211
00:13:02,549 --> 00:13:06,219
And a small loan,
say $5,000,
could save us.
212
00:13:06,286 --> 00:13:08,455
I don't know what else to do.
I don't know how
to tell Catherine.
213
00:13:08,521 --> 00:13:11,724
She's sitting out there
knitting something.
A potholder.
214
00:13:11,791 --> 00:13:15,462
(SIGHS)
I hate to talk about money
at a time like this.
215
00:13:15,528 --> 00:13:17,264
A time like what?
216
00:13:17,330 --> 00:13:19,632
Oh, God,
I don't know
how to say this.
217
00:13:19,699 --> 00:13:24,838
This is really hard for me.
My psychiatrist thinks
we should break up.
218
00:13:24,905 --> 00:13:29,776
What?
I didn't know you were
going to a psychiatrist.
219
00:13:29,843 --> 00:13:35,015
I'm not actually going to one.
I've been dating one
for four months.
220
00:13:35,082 --> 00:13:36,683
This is so sudden.
221
00:13:36,749 --> 00:13:38,718
I didn't want
to tell you this
over the phone.
222
00:13:38,785 --> 00:13:43,523
I really wanted to fax you.
But you don't even have a fax.
223
00:13:43,590 --> 00:13:45,158
(DIAL TONE)
224
00:13:45,225 --> 00:13:46,593
Susan?
225
00:13:46,659 --> 00:13:47,928
Susan?
226
00:13:57,137 --> 00:13:58,906
It's so quiet suddenly.
227
00:13:58,972 --> 00:14:01,174
You'd expect
everyone to be thinking
of jumping out of windows
228
00:14:01,241 --> 00:14:03,911
or slitting their wrists
on Christmas Eve,
wouldn't you?
229
00:14:03,977 --> 00:14:06,947
(PHONE RINGS)
230
00:14:07,014 --> 00:14:09,816
Merry Christmas.
Lifesavers.
How may we help you?
231
00:14:09,883 --> 00:14:11,251
Hello? Hello?
232
00:14:11,318 --> 00:14:12,485
(STATIC CRACKLING)
233
00:14:12,552 --> 00:14:14,354
Hello?
Static again.
234
00:14:14,421 --> 00:14:16,957
Hello? Hello?
Hello?
235
00:14:17,024 --> 00:14:18,625
I can't hear you.
236
00:14:18,691 --> 00:14:19,960
Try clicking
the little button.
237
00:14:20,027 --> 00:14:22,262
I'm having a problem hearing.
238
00:14:22,329 --> 00:14:25,765
Look,
I'm at the end of my rope,
and I want to die.
239
00:14:25,832 --> 00:14:27,968
Click it.
Click it,
please.
240
00:14:28,035 --> 00:14:29,169
Go ahead.
241
00:14:29,236 --> 00:14:30,403
(GUNSHOT)
242
00:14:30,470 --> 00:14:32,072
(GROANS)
243
00:14:33,941 --> 00:14:37,110
Hmm. We were disconnected.
244
00:14:37,177 --> 00:14:40,413
If a person's really upset,
they always call back.
245
00:14:47,020 --> 00:14:49,122
(DIAL TONE)
It's working.
246
00:14:52,892 --> 00:14:55,628
* Oh, what fun it is to ride
in one-horse open sleigh
247
00:14:55,695 --> 00:14:58,999
(BLOWS RASPBERRY)
* Jingle bells, jingle bells
jingle all the way
248
00:14:59,066 --> 00:15:01,935
* Oh, so much fun
it is to ride
in one-horse open
249
00:15:02,002 --> 00:15:03,470
Help!
250
00:15:03,536 --> 00:15:06,506
(INDISTINCT SINGING)
Help! Hey!
251
00:15:06,573 --> 00:15:09,709
* I like eating cheese
it tastes very nice
Help! Help!
252
00:15:09,776 --> 00:15:12,545
I'm stuck up here!
* Everyone loves cheese
especially white mice
253
00:15:12,612 --> 00:15:17,217
Can't you hear me?
Hey, Mr. Capshaw!
* Jingle, jangle, jing
254
00:15:17,284 --> 00:15:20,020
(INDISTINCT SINGING)
I'm stuck up here!
255
00:15:20,087 --> 00:15:22,155
Can't you hear me?
256
00:15:22,222 --> 00:15:23,656
* Jingle, jangle, jang
257
00:15:23,723 --> 00:15:27,560
* I like to eat stew
it tastes very good *
258
00:15:27,627 --> 00:15:31,264
(NONSENSICAL SINGING)
259
00:15:31,331 --> 00:15:32,899
Wait!
260
00:15:32,966 --> 00:15:36,136
Wait! I'm up here!
261
00:15:37,170 --> 00:15:38,505
Are you deaf?
262
00:15:38,571 --> 00:15:40,073
(THE CHIPMUNK SONG PLAYING)
263
00:15:57,057 --> 00:15:59,926
(HIGH-PITCHED NOTE)
264
00:16:02,729 --> 00:16:07,667
(TOY TRUMPET CONTINUES)
265
00:16:16,976 --> 00:16:19,279
We could have
a charity ball.
266
00:16:19,346 --> 00:16:21,648
(SIGHS) Who would I take?
267
00:16:22,549 --> 00:16:25,052
We could have
a garage sale.
268
00:16:25,118 --> 00:16:26,986
Susan has
all my old records.
269
00:16:27,054 --> 00:16:29,722
(GROANS)
Oh, geez!
270
00:16:29,789 --> 00:16:33,326
(RINGING)
A call! I'll get it!
271
00:16:41,401 --> 00:16:42,835
Line one.
272
00:16:42,902 --> 00:16:45,238
(CLEARS THROAT)
273
00:16:45,305 --> 00:16:47,740
Hello,
this is Lifesavers.
Merry Christmas.
274
00:16:47,807 --> 00:16:49,209
CHRIS: Am I disturbing you?
275
00:16:49,276 --> 00:16:51,211
No, no, no,
not at all.
276
00:16:51,278 --> 00:16:53,780
I'm very lonely tonight.
277
00:16:53,846 --> 00:16:57,117
Is there any chance
I could stop by and talk?
278
00:16:57,184 --> 00:17:01,654
Well, it's not in the rules,
but if you are willing to make
a donation, say, five grand.
279
00:17:01,721 --> 00:17:04,157
(GASPS)
I'm kidding!
280
00:17:04,224 --> 00:17:06,693
Everyone makes fun of me.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
281
00:17:06,759 --> 00:17:10,029
Please, can't I come by?
I don't want to be alone.
282
00:17:10,097 --> 00:17:13,566
No. No, no, no.
We have rules,
but we're listening.
283
00:17:13,633 --> 00:17:16,736
Everyone at Lifesavers
is with you.
284
00:17:16,803 --> 00:17:18,505
Talk to us.
285
00:17:18,571 --> 00:17:21,541
(SOBBING)
I'm so alone.
"So alone."
286
00:17:21,608 --> 00:17:23,110
Is there anyone
in your family
you can call?
287
00:17:23,176 --> 00:17:24,344
No, they hate me.
288
00:17:24,411 --> 00:17:26,913
Hate you.
What about church?
289
00:17:26,979 --> 00:17:30,117
Please, can't I stop by?
290
00:17:30,183 --> 00:17:32,819
I'll only stay a minute.
I need to see someone.
291
00:17:32,885 --> 00:17:36,223
(SOBBING)
Please, just give me
the address.
292
00:17:36,289 --> 00:17:38,891
(CONTINUES SOBBING)
293
00:17:38,958 --> 00:17:41,060
I cannot give
out the address.
294
00:17:42,162 --> 00:17:43,230
It's Christmas.
295
00:17:43,296 --> 00:17:44,864
(SOBBING)
296
00:17:51,571 --> 00:17:55,108
It's 17 Pier Street!
Thank you.
297
00:17:55,175 --> 00:17:57,710
I'll be right over.
298
00:17:59,712 --> 00:18:00,947
(SNIFFS)
299
00:18:02,549 --> 00:18:07,454
* On the first day
of Christmas
My true love gave to me
300
00:18:07,520 --> 00:18:11,591
* A partridge in a pear tree
301
00:18:11,658 --> 00:18:13,860
* On the second day
of Christmas
302
00:18:13,926 --> 00:18:15,928
* My true love
gave to me
303
00:18:15,995 --> 00:18:17,797
Hey, Arnold Schwarzenegger!
304
00:18:17,864 --> 00:18:19,999
Come on,
hang some tinsel.
305
00:18:20,066 --> 00:18:23,303
Dad, I hate it
when you call me that.
306
00:18:23,370 --> 00:18:26,139
FAMILY: (CHANTING)
Arnold! Arnold! Arnold!
307
00:18:26,206 --> 00:18:32,345
Arnold! Arnold! Arnold!
Arnold! Arnold! Arnold!
308
00:18:34,181 --> 00:18:39,051
* On the third day
of Christmas
My true love gave to me *
309
00:18:39,118 --> 00:18:42,522
(VOICE AMPLIFIED)
Testing. Testing.
One, two, three, four.
310
00:18:42,589 --> 00:18:47,059
Help! Yoo-hoo!
311
00:18:47,126 --> 00:18:49,362
(ELECTRONIC CYMBALS)
312
00:18:49,429 --> 00:18:51,498
Hey!
313
00:18:51,564 --> 00:18:55,168
Hey! Hey, hey!
314
00:18:55,235 --> 00:18:59,806
(DRUM CADENCE)
Hey! Hey, hey!
315
00:18:59,872 --> 00:19:01,874
Yoo-hoo!
316
00:19:01,941 --> 00:19:04,110
Hey!
317
00:19:04,177 --> 00:19:08,114
(ELECTRONIC CYMBALS)
Hey!
318
00:19:08,181 --> 00:19:11,150
* I'm stuck
in the elevator
319
00:19:11,218 --> 00:19:13,753
(CYMBALS CLANGING)
Hey!
320
00:19:15,087 --> 00:19:17,290
* I'm stuck
in the elevator
get me please
321
00:19:17,357 --> 00:19:19,359
* Come to get me
on Christmas Eve
322
00:19:19,426 --> 00:19:21,394
* Mrs. Munchnik
sitting here
with nothing
323
00:19:21,461 --> 00:19:23,463
* Hey, come to get me...
324
00:19:23,530 --> 00:19:24,697
(SOBBING)
325
00:19:24,764 --> 00:19:30,069
(NEW CADENCE)
Oh! God.
Whoa! Hey!
326
00:19:30,136 --> 00:19:35,041
* Come...
Now come to get me
stuck in this place
327
00:19:35,107 --> 00:19:38,578
* Get me soon
or hit me in my face *
328
00:19:38,645 --> 00:19:41,180
(INDISTINCT MUTTERING)
329
00:19:42,415 --> 00:19:44,050
I can't believe I did it.
330
00:19:44,116 --> 00:19:46,986
I broke the rule.
I gave out our address.
331
00:19:47,053 --> 00:19:48,855
I hate it when they cry.
332
00:19:48,921 --> 00:19:50,757
Especially when the cries
have those little hiccups
at the end.
333
00:19:50,823 --> 00:19:53,192
This is the worse day
of my life.
334
00:19:53,260 --> 00:19:55,428
It's the Santa Anas.
Everyone's behaving
strangely.
335
00:19:55,495 --> 00:19:59,832
What if he's a serial killer?
What if I gave our address
to the Seaside Strangler?
336
00:19:59,899 --> 00:20:01,701
I don't think
the Seaside Strangler
phones first,
337
00:20:01,768 --> 00:20:05,838
although it could be one
of those details they leave
out of the newspapers.
338
00:20:05,905 --> 00:20:09,075
(PHONE RINGS)
339
00:20:09,141 --> 00:20:10,610
I'll handle this.
340
00:20:19,986 --> 00:20:22,855
Hello, this is Lifesavers.
Merry Christmas.
How may I help you?
341
00:20:22,922 --> 00:20:26,459
MAN: Hello.
I'm calling you because
this is my last Christmas.
342
00:20:26,526 --> 00:20:29,329
Your last Christmas.
Continue.
343
00:20:29,396 --> 00:20:32,932
I have leukemia.
I have only two months
to live.
344
00:20:36,202 --> 00:20:37,670
Hello?
345
00:20:37,737 --> 00:20:40,072
Leukemia.
I'm so sorry, sir.
346
00:20:40,139 --> 00:20:42,375
May I speak
to a woman?
347
00:20:42,442 --> 00:20:44,577
May I wish a woman
Merry Christmas?
348
00:20:44,644 --> 00:20:48,981
Absolutely.
And may I say that
I admire your courage.
349
00:20:49,048 --> 00:20:52,184
All of us here do.
Here is my colleague.
350
00:20:52,251 --> 00:20:55,588
Hello. Merry Christmas,
if it's all right to say that.
351
00:20:55,655 --> 00:20:58,391
What's your name?
Catherine.
352
00:20:58,458 --> 00:21:02,629
I want to do it to you.
I want to stick it
in you right now!
353
00:21:02,695 --> 00:21:05,832
Did he say, "stick it in"?
Oh, I'm reaming
and ramming!
354
00:21:05,898 --> 00:21:07,834
(PANTING)
Oh, you love it!
Stop it, right this minute!
355
00:21:07,900 --> 00:21:09,769
We can't have
that sort of thing!
I want you.
356
00:21:09,836 --> 00:21:11,504
Put the slut
back on!
357
00:21:11,571 --> 00:21:13,673
(DOORBELL BUZZING)
358
00:21:13,740 --> 00:21:18,277
LOBEL: Dog haters,
that awful woman
is stuck in the elevator.
359
00:21:18,345 --> 00:21:20,112
Stuck. I hope forever.
360
00:21:20,179 --> 00:21:21,814
MUNCHNIK: I'm stuck!
361
00:21:21,881 --> 00:21:23,850
(GASPS)
We're coming,
Mrs. Munchnik!
362
00:21:23,916 --> 00:21:26,018
LOBEL: I hope
it takes them years
to get you out.
363
00:21:26,085 --> 00:21:29,689
It'll serve you right
for reporting Daisy
to the landlord.
364
00:21:29,756 --> 00:21:31,624
She practically
gave me rabies!
365
00:21:31,691 --> 00:21:33,560
You don't "practically"
get rabies.
366
00:21:33,626 --> 00:21:37,196
You either get rabies
or you don't get rabies.
There's no in between.
367
00:21:37,263 --> 00:21:39,332
(PHONE RINGING)
I'll get that!
368
00:21:39,399 --> 00:21:42,535
PHILIP: What seems
to be the problem?
I'm sure I don't know.
369
00:21:42,602 --> 00:21:46,739
I am a trained mechanic,
and I would happily
fix any elevator
370
00:21:46,806 --> 00:21:49,876
that didn't have
a dog hater stuck in it!
371
00:21:49,942 --> 00:21:51,744
I'll check
the circuit breaker box.
372
00:21:51,811 --> 00:21:54,180
Well, who was that?
Another basket case?
373
00:21:54,246 --> 00:21:56,449
That was your dead
husband's sister.
374
00:21:56,516 --> 00:21:58,985
They're starting
dinner without you.
Lucky them!
375
00:21:59,051 --> 00:22:02,455
CATHERINE:
I'm calling the landlord.
Don't think I don't know
376
00:22:02,522 --> 00:22:07,827
what's really going on
between you and those dogs!
377
00:22:07,894 --> 00:22:10,597
Stanley, if you could
just come over, please.
STANLEY: I can't.
378
00:22:10,663 --> 00:22:13,099
Please, Stanley?
She can't spend Christmas
in an elevator.
379
00:22:13,165 --> 00:22:14,934
In a couple
of hours.
Thank you.
380
00:22:15,001 --> 00:22:17,437
(RINGS)
Hello. Lifesavers.
381
00:22:17,504 --> 00:22:19,271
GRACIE: Catherine.
Oh, hi, Gracie.
382
00:22:19,338 --> 00:22:23,009
Finally, you're off the phone.
Don't you ever stop yakking?
383
00:22:23,075 --> 00:22:25,211
We're supposed
to talk on the phone.
That's why we're here.
384
00:22:25,277 --> 00:22:27,814
Yes. Right.
Is something wrong?
385
00:22:27,880 --> 00:22:29,816
You've got to let me spend
the night at your place.
386
00:22:29,882 --> 00:22:32,985
Felix is acting
totally irrational.
387
00:22:33,052 --> 00:22:36,689
He ran off in my Santa suit,
which I could have sold today.
388
00:22:36,756 --> 00:22:38,525
What?
389
00:22:38,591 --> 00:22:41,961
It's not the fuse box.
Of course it's not
the fuse box!
390
00:22:42,028 --> 00:22:44,330
It is a short inside.
391
00:22:44,397 --> 00:22:46,799
I saw an electrician
fix it last week.
392
00:22:46,866 --> 00:22:51,203
All you need is a screwdriver,
and I will tell you
what to do.
393
00:22:51,270 --> 00:22:53,806
I think there's one
in the earthquake kit.
394
00:22:53,873 --> 00:22:55,174
Catherine!
395
00:22:55,241 --> 00:22:58,545
Hold on a second, Gracie!
What is it, Philip?
396
00:22:58,611 --> 00:23:01,481
Would you get the screwdriver
out of the earthquake kit?
Oh.
397
00:23:01,548 --> 00:23:04,617
Wait, wait, wait!
Do you really think
we ought to use it?
398
00:23:04,684 --> 00:23:07,920
Suppose we take it out
and forget to put it back
and then the big one comes?
399
00:23:07,987 --> 00:23:11,157
There's a law
that all businesses,
even nonprofit,
400
00:23:11,223 --> 00:23:14,126
have to have complete
earthquake kits.
Get it!
401
00:23:14,193 --> 00:23:16,395
I'll get it!
402
00:23:16,463 --> 00:23:18,631
Come here first,
and I'll take you
over to Mother's.
403
00:23:18,698 --> 00:23:20,700
She'll be terrified
if you ring the bell.
404
00:23:20,767 --> 00:23:23,803
Why? Is she gonna think
I'm the Seaside Strangler?
405
00:23:23,870 --> 00:23:27,774
She is a little nervous.
Does she fit the descriptions
of the victims?
406
00:23:27,840 --> 00:23:29,676
Uh, not really.
For me?
407
00:23:29,742 --> 00:23:30,977
Then why
is she carrying on?
408
00:23:31,043 --> 00:23:32,979
Uh-oh. There he is.
Gracie?
409
00:23:33,045 --> 00:23:35,114
I'm never speaking
to him again,
even if he begs me.
410
00:23:35,181 --> 00:23:37,950
Gracie? Gracie?
FELIX: Gracie! Yoo-hoo!
411
00:23:38,017 --> 00:23:40,453
Gracie!
412
00:23:40,520 --> 00:23:43,590
Honey, come on!
Come home.
Come back to me.
413
00:23:43,656 --> 00:23:48,528
I'll get a regular job.
You had a regular job making
pizza and you messed it up.
414
00:23:48,595 --> 00:23:51,998
The manager hated me.
You never showed up
on time!
415
00:23:52,064 --> 00:23:53,600
I'm a wall artist!
416
00:23:53,666 --> 00:23:57,103
You're a wall artist
with no wall, which makes
you a nothing!
417
00:23:57,169 --> 00:23:59,205
Yeah, you tell him, lady.
You ruined our tree.
418
00:23:59,271 --> 00:24:02,842
Shut up! You're both
materialistic idiots!
419
00:24:02,909 --> 00:24:05,344
Yeah!
(GRUNTING) Hey!
420
00:24:05,411 --> 00:24:06,813
Hold on.
421
00:24:26,032 --> 00:24:27,834
It's pajamas.
Ah.
422
00:24:27,900 --> 00:24:31,003
I knitted them.
423
00:24:31,070 --> 00:24:34,206
Thank you.
Everyone's always giving the
bride things to wear to bed,
424
00:24:34,273 --> 00:24:36,709
but no one ever gives
the groom anything.
425
00:24:38,244 --> 00:24:41,113
The thing is,
I'm never
getting married.
426
00:24:41,180 --> 00:24:43,750
Of course you are.
You're getting married
in four months.
427
00:24:43,816 --> 00:24:46,152
Be patient.
Everything comes
to him who waits.
428
00:24:47,219 --> 00:24:49,021
I don't really
believe that.
429
00:24:49,088 --> 00:24:52,491
I've been saying things
like that for so long,
they just pop out of my mouth.
430
00:24:52,559 --> 00:24:54,827
But the truth is nothing
comes to him who waits.
431
00:24:54,894 --> 00:24:56,696
(PHONE RINGING)
432
00:25:01,701 --> 00:25:03,435
Merry Christmas. Lifesavers.
433
00:25:03,502 --> 00:25:06,673
WOMAN: Hello.
I'm so upset.
I'm listening.
434
00:25:06,739 --> 00:25:11,043
I was in the supermarket
and everyone was buying
big turkeys,
435
00:25:11,110 --> 00:25:15,548
and I was standing in the
ten-items-and-under line with
a boneless chicken breast.
436
00:25:15,615 --> 00:25:16,916
I know.
437
00:25:16,983 --> 00:25:19,218
I suddenly realized
I was going to be
438
00:25:19,285 --> 00:25:22,454
in the ten-items-and-under
line the rest of my life.
439
00:25:22,521 --> 00:25:23,890
(SIGHS)
440
00:25:26,525 --> 00:25:27,560
I know.
441
00:25:27,627 --> 00:25:30,162
(SOBBING)
Are you all right?
442
00:25:31,598 --> 00:25:33,499
(SOBBING)
443
00:25:33,566 --> 00:25:35,668
Catherine, what's wrong?
444
00:25:38,004 --> 00:25:39,038
Let me handle this.
445
00:25:39,105 --> 00:25:40,840
(SOBBING)
446
00:25:42,842 --> 00:25:44,611
May I help you?
Is she all right?
447
00:25:44,677 --> 00:25:46,946
She'll be all right.
She's just so sympathetic.
448
00:25:47,013 --> 00:25:49,415
May I put you on hold
while I run to my desk?
449
00:25:49,481 --> 00:25:51,450
You're not calling from
a bridge or holding a weapon?
450
00:25:51,517 --> 00:25:52,852
No.
Good.
451
00:25:54,987 --> 00:25:57,123
(HAVE YOURSELF A MERRY
LITTLE CHRISTMAS PLAYING)
452
00:25:57,189 --> 00:26:03,029
* Have yourself
a merry little Christmas
453
00:26:03,095 --> 00:26:05,397
Catherine O'Shaughnessy,
get a grip on yourself.
454
00:26:05,464 --> 00:26:08,935
Okay, so the only present
you got is from your mother.
455
00:26:09,001 --> 00:26:13,505
So? You have nothing to do
on New Year's Eve for
the tenth consecutive year.
456
00:26:13,572 --> 00:26:17,677
You're a very lucky person.
You have a wonderful job.
457
00:26:17,744 --> 00:26:22,248
You have a wonderful job.
So there. So there!
458
00:26:22,314 --> 00:26:26,318
* Have yourself
a merry little Christmas
459
00:26:26,385 --> 00:26:30,256
* Now
460
00:26:30,322 --> 00:26:35,027
PHILIP: Well, just remember
that in every pothole
there is hope.
461
00:26:35,094 --> 00:26:39,999
Well, you see, pothole
is spelled p-o-t-h-o-l-e.
462
00:26:40,066 --> 00:26:43,903
So if you take the "p"
and add it to the "h,"
the "o" and the "e"...
463
00:26:43,970 --> 00:26:46,639
And rearrange the letters,
or contrariwise,
464
00:26:46,706 --> 00:26:50,977
remove the "o",
"t" and "l,"
you get "hope."
465
00:26:51,844 --> 00:26:53,245
So, just remember,
466
00:26:53,312 --> 00:26:55,447
"In every pothole
there is hope."
467
00:26:55,514 --> 00:26:58,785
Now, thank you for calling
and call again any time.
468
00:27:02,722 --> 00:27:04,190
Are you feeling better?
469
00:27:04,256 --> 00:27:06,993
In every pothole
there is hope.
470
00:27:07,059 --> 00:27:08,728
My father used
to say that to me.
471
00:27:08,795 --> 00:27:10,730
I remember.
472
00:27:10,797 --> 00:27:13,766
He said it to me only a day
or two before he walked out
the door and was run over...
473
00:27:13,833 --> 00:27:16,168
BOTH: By a truck
full of mixed nuts.
474
00:27:17,704 --> 00:27:19,906
Oh, I have something for you.
475
00:27:26,879 --> 00:27:28,547
Merry Christmas,
Catherine.
476
00:27:28,614 --> 00:27:30,950
Oh, Philip!
Thank you!
477
00:27:31,017 --> 00:27:32,484
(GASPS)
478
00:27:45,597 --> 00:27:47,599
Fruit of the month club.
For three months.
479
00:27:47,666 --> 00:27:49,568
First you get apples,
then you get oranges,
then you get pears.
480
00:27:49,635 --> 00:27:52,171
I'll take that wrapping.
It's okay.
I save the wrapping.
481
00:27:52,238 --> 00:27:54,006
I save it too.
I make ornaments.
482
00:27:54,073 --> 00:27:56,542
I paid for it!
Give it to me!
Give it to me.
483
00:27:56,608 --> 00:27:58,144
Give it to me.
484
00:28:01,613 --> 00:28:04,984
Philip, what's this?
This is an eviction notice.
485
00:28:05,051 --> 00:28:07,219
This says we have
to be out of the building
by the end of the year.
486
00:28:07,286 --> 00:28:09,521
Oh, my gosh!
Oh, my gosh!
487
00:28:09,588 --> 00:28:12,091
Oh, my gosh!
It's Christmas.
I didn't want to upset you.
488
00:28:12,158 --> 00:28:14,326
We have to move!
We have to find someplace!
489
00:28:14,393 --> 00:28:18,230
We don't have any money.
Philip, you can solve this.
I know you can.
490
00:28:18,297 --> 00:28:20,733
When the city of Los Angeles
was going to chop down
healthy elm trees,
491
00:28:20,800 --> 00:28:22,368
just in case they got
Dutch elm disease,
492
00:28:22,434 --> 00:28:23,803
you handcuffed yourself
to a tree.
493
00:28:23,870 --> 00:28:26,806
And called the newspaper!
I'll call the newspaper!
494
00:28:26,873 --> 00:28:31,944
Two weeks from now
I'll be home, unemployed,
with my Royal Riviera Pears.
495
00:28:32,011 --> 00:28:35,481
May I have the number
of the Los Angeles Times?
I'm gonna pray for a miracle.
496
00:28:35,547 --> 00:28:36,816
Thank you.
497
00:28:39,251 --> 00:28:43,289
MUNCHNIK:
Hey, dickheads!
I'm coming, Mrs. Munchnik!
498
00:28:43,355 --> 00:28:46,325
Don't tell her anything!
MUNCHNIK: Get me out
of this elevator!
499
00:28:46,392 --> 00:28:49,095
WOMAN'S VOICE:
You have reached
the Los Angeles Times.
500
00:28:49,161 --> 00:28:52,498
If you would like
to order a subscription,
please press one.
501
00:28:52,564 --> 00:28:56,202
If your newspaper did not
arrive this morning,
press two.
502
00:28:56,268 --> 00:28:59,638
If you would like to place
a classified ad, press three.
503
00:28:59,705 --> 00:29:03,876
If you would like to speak
to the editorial desk,
city desk, national desk,
504
00:29:03,943 --> 00:29:08,314
international desk,
sports desk, metro, view
or calendar sections,
505
00:29:08,380 --> 00:29:11,550
press the first three letters
of the desk you desire
506
00:29:11,617 --> 00:29:14,486
followed by the star key
in the case
of the first three,
507
00:29:14,553 --> 00:29:17,824
or the pound key in the case
of the latter five.
MUNCHNIK: Help!
508
00:29:17,890 --> 00:29:20,126
I'm coming!
I'm coming!
509
00:29:23,362 --> 00:29:27,466
Here you go. I'll just
pull you through the roof.
Come on, Mrs. Munchnik.
510
00:29:27,533 --> 00:29:29,701
I got you, I got you.
511
00:29:29,768 --> 00:29:31,971
I called the landlord.
He'll be here in two hours.
512
00:29:32,038 --> 00:29:35,141
I can't wait two hours!
I have to go to the bathroom!
513
00:29:38,110 --> 00:29:39,511
Just hang on.
We'll have you
out in a minute.
514
00:29:39,578 --> 00:29:42,081
I can't hold it!
Hurry up you oaf!
515
00:29:46,552 --> 00:29:48,120
PHILIP: Oh, my god!
Oh, my god!
516
00:29:48,187 --> 00:29:49,621
(SCREAMING)
517
00:29:56,128 --> 00:29:57,729
CATHERINE: Philip,
are you all right?
518
00:29:57,796 --> 00:29:59,565
Do I look like I'm all right?
519
00:29:59,631 --> 00:30:04,270
I'm slipping,
I'm going to crash.
Hold onto my wrist.
520
00:30:04,336 --> 00:30:07,306
You're hurting my wrist.
Bring the elevator back!
Bring it back.
521
00:30:07,373 --> 00:30:10,276
PHILIP:
You have two innocent people
up here dangling.
522
00:30:10,342 --> 00:30:12,144
MUNCHNIK: Who's down there?
523
00:30:12,211 --> 00:30:14,713
Whoever you are,
stop on four!
524
00:30:14,780 --> 00:30:18,417
No, three! Three!
Stop on three, not four!
525
00:30:18,484 --> 00:30:21,487
Gracie, come on!
Where you going?
526
00:30:21,553 --> 00:30:25,391
(SCREAMING)
It's coming back!
We're gonna be crushed!
527
00:30:25,457 --> 00:30:29,095
Do you have anything to say
to Susan? Any last words?
528
00:30:29,161 --> 00:30:32,098
She broke up with me!
529
00:30:32,164 --> 00:30:33,665
(GASPING)
530
00:30:33,732 --> 00:30:35,267
(TAPPING FEET)
531
00:30:36,235 --> 00:30:39,338
Push stop!
Push the red button!
532
00:30:39,405 --> 00:30:44,276
What red button?
Is someone talking to me?
I'm talking to you!
533
00:30:44,343 --> 00:30:47,346
Help. Help!
Push the red button!
Don't you hear me?
534
00:30:47,413 --> 00:30:50,449
PHILIP: God, help!
We're gonna die!
We're gonna die!
535
00:30:50,516 --> 00:30:52,985
(HYSTERICAL CRYING)
We're dead!
I knew it!
536
00:30:53,052 --> 00:30:55,922
Please save us!
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
537
00:30:55,988 --> 00:30:57,623
No! No! No!
538
00:31:00,759 --> 00:31:03,862
Ah, Gracie, come on!
Come on, honey!
539
00:31:03,930 --> 00:31:06,966
I promise I'll be a good guy.
I'll even give you
the Santa suit back.
540
00:31:07,033 --> 00:31:09,568
I have to pee! Help!
Here it is.
541
00:31:09,635 --> 00:31:11,470
I'm taking off
the goofy boot things.
Let me in!
542
00:31:11,537 --> 00:31:15,107
(GASPS) Are you okay?
Oh, please!
543
00:31:15,174 --> 00:31:17,509
Put your clothes on,
Felix.
Open this door now!
544
00:31:17,576 --> 00:31:20,679
We have an employee
who desperately needs
to get in.
545
00:31:20,746 --> 00:31:21,948
(ALL GRUNTING)
546
00:31:30,022 --> 00:31:34,026
Let me in right now!
Oh! I'm in agony!
547
00:31:34,093 --> 00:31:36,996
What is wrong with you?
548
00:31:37,063 --> 00:31:39,565
(HYSTERICAL SOBBING)
549
00:31:46,005 --> 00:31:50,509
Young lady, this restroom
is property of Lifesavers!
550
00:31:50,576 --> 00:31:51,843
You let me...
551
00:31:51,910 --> 00:31:54,480
Calm down. My God.
You don't have to
get so excited.
552
00:31:54,546 --> 00:31:56,448
Gracie, please come home
for the holidays.
553
00:31:56,515 --> 00:31:58,917
I'm never coming back!
Felix, would you
please get dressed?
554
00:31:58,985 --> 00:32:00,219
Do you know
these people?
555
00:32:00,286 --> 00:32:02,521
Yes. Gracie,
this is Philip.
Felix, Philip.
556
00:32:02,588 --> 00:32:04,190
Hi.
Yeah, we met.
557
00:32:04,256 --> 00:32:05,791
We have?
Yeah, when you
crashed into the tree.
558
00:32:05,857 --> 00:32:07,893
I didn't crash into the tree.
You crashed into the tree.
559
00:32:07,960 --> 00:32:08,995
Yeah, so we met.
560
00:32:09,061 --> 00:32:10,496
And this is
Mrs. Munchnik.
561
00:32:10,562 --> 00:32:12,331
(URINATING)
562
00:32:12,398 --> 00:32:13,966
Oh, hello.
563
00:32:14,033 --> 00:32:16,768
(CONTINUES URINATING)
564
00:32:16,835 --> 00:32:20,772
Well, you two had
better make up
before that baby comes.
565
00:32:20,839 --> 00:32:24,977
Well, I have two months
to think about it, okay?
Don't be ridiculous.
566
00:32:25,044 --> 00:32:28,014
You're going to drop any day.
It does look large.
567
00:32:28,080 --> 00:32:31,683
Of course. It's mine.
I just got out of prison
seven months ago.
568
00:32:31,750 --> 00:32:35,821
And you're the only person
who could be the father?
What?
569
00:32:35,887 --> 00:32:38,524
Excuse me?
Is it true?
570
00:32:38,590 --> 00:32:40,492
Is what true?
What she said.
Is it true?
571
00:32:40,559 --> 00:32:43,062
I'm a slut now, Felix?
Who's the father?
572
00:32:43,129 --> 00:32:45,064
Hey, hey, hey, hey, no!
This is what
I'm talking about!
573
00:32:45,131 --> 00:32:47,133
Wait a minute!
This is a nonprofit
organization!
574
00:32:47,199 --> 00:32:48,734
(GRACIE AND FELIX YELLING)
575
00:32:48,800 --> 00:32:52,004
There are laws
against this!
Felix, you're a maniac!
576
00:32:56,675 --> 00:32:58,877
Oh, Gracie,
look what you did.
577
00:32:58,944 --> 00:33:01,013
He's bleeding!
578
00:33:03,615 --> 00:33:08,487
(CHUCKLES)
Hello, Evelyn?
Yes, I'm finally out.
579
00:33:08,554 --> 00:33:11,657
Felix will need stitches.
We'll have to take him
to the hospital.
580
00:33:11,723 --> 00:33:15,427
Who's gonna pay for it?
We can't even afford to have
our baby in a hospital.
581
00:33:15,494 --> 00:33:18,297
I know.
We'll take him to the vet.
Dr. Kinsky will help us.
582
00:33:18,364 --> 00:33:21,467
MUNCHNIK:
Yes, I'll be there
in just a few minutes.
583
00:33:21,533 --> 00:33:23,835
(CLEARS THROATS)
Just a minute.
584
00:33:23,902 --> 00:33:27,606
What is it?
You'll have to stay and cover
the phones while we're out.
585
00:33:27,673 --> 00:33:31,410
I'm going to have to stay
and cover the phone.
They want me to stay longer.
586
00:33:31,477 --> 00:33:35,081
Is that incredible?
Mrs. Munchnik, you have
driven this man into a frenzy.
587
00:33:35,147 --> 00:33:36,948
It was like lighting
dry leaves with a match!
588
00:33:37,015 --> 00:33:40,119
You have a responsibility.
MUNCHNIK: They're
making me feel guilty.
589
00:33:40,186 --> 00:33:43,955
I will be at your house
sometime before
next Christmas!
590
00:33:44,022 --> 00:33:46,024
But that's all I have to say.
591
00:33:46,092 --> 00:33:49,361
Thank you.
Are you coming, Gracie?
You're okay.
592
00:33:49,428 --> 00:33:50,862
No way.
593
00:33:50,929 --> 00:33:52,631
PHILIP:
Just relax, Felix.
You'll like Dr. Kinsky.
594
00:33:52,698 --> 00:33:56,302
He's not just a friend,
he put my dog to sleep.
595
00:33:59,738 --> 00:34:02,441
(BLOWING BUBBLES)
596
00:34:07,779 --> 00:34:09,948
(BUBBLING CONTINUES)
597
00:34:11,917 --> 00:34:16,855
If you go into labor
or anything
along those lines,
598
00:34:16,922 --> 00:34:18,590
just don't expect
any help from me.
599
00:34:18,657 --> 00:34:20,826
I am not a midwife.
600
00:34:20,892 --> 00:34:22,928
I never expect help.
601
00:34:25,564 --> 00:34:27,699
PHILIP:
Dr. Kinsky's an expert
on potbelly pigs.
602
00:34:27,766 --> 00:34:29,000
You ought to get one,
Catherine.
603
00:34:29,067 --> 00:34:32,037
You can house train them,
and they can find fungi.
604
00:34:32,104 --> 00:34:34,773
If they get in bed with you,
they stick their nose
under the covers and root
605
00:34:34,840 --> 00:34:35,874
which I think is so sweet.
606
00:34:35,941 --> 00:34:37,676
I hate pigs.
How can you hate pigs?
607
00:34:37,743 --> 00:34:39,311
They have those cute
little curly tails.
608
00:34:39,378 --> 00:34:41,380
I hate their cute
little curly tails.
609
00:34:41,447 --> 00:34:44,183
* Hello, Catherine
610
00:34:44,250 --> 00:34:46,618
Hello, Louie.
LOUIE: I was just coming
upstairs to see you.
611
00:34:46,685 --> 00:34:48,554
I got a present for you.
Something...
612
00:34:50,656 --> 00:34:52,858
* Personal
613
00:34:52,924 --> 00:34:55,827
I'll be right back.
We're just taking
this man to the vet.
614
00:34:55,894 --> 00:34:57,529
Is he rabid?
PHILIP: Hardly.
615
00:34:57,596 --> 00:35:00,232
He's simply a poor,
unemployed person
in a bad relationship.
616
00:35:00,299 --> 00:35:02,868
That's what they said
about old Yeller.
617
00:35:03,835 --> 00:35:05,404
I'll see you later, Louie.
618
00:35:05,471 --> 00:35:11,042
* I'll be waiting
619
00:35:19,117 --> 00:35:22,521
(HUMMING WE WISH YOU
A MERRY CHRISTMAS)
620
00:35:22,588 --> 00:35:24,190
(SIGHS)
621
00:35:33,199 --> 00:35:36,302
Can I use your scissors
instead of these ones?
Oh, yes.
622
00:35:38,637 --> 00:35:43,475
Do you mind if I cut up
your eviction notice?
That would be just fine.
623
00:35:43,542 --> 00:35:46,678
(SIGHS)
Do you have any tape?
624
00:35:46,745 --> 00:35:49,381
I think there's some
in that drawer.
625
00:35:49,448 --> 00:35:52,284
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute!
Oh, my...
626
00:35:52,351 --> 00:35:55,654
(GASPS) Oh, that Philip!
627
00:35:55,721 --> 00:35:59,425
How dare he not tell anyone!
He is going to pay for this!
628
00:35:59,491 --> 00:36:04,930
He is going to pay
for this or my name is
not Blanche Munchnik!
629
00:36:19,445 --> 00:36:21,313
Here, lie down.
630
00:36:21,380 --> 00:36:22,714
(RINGS BELL)
Dr. Kinsky?
631
00:36:22,781 --> 00:36:24,049
(DOG BARKING)
632
00:36:24,115 --> 00:36:25,984
Hello?
633
00:36:28,086 --> 00:36:29,888
I'll be right back.
634
00:36:30,956 --> 00:36:33,425
Is anyone here?
Marshall?
635
00:36:33,492 --> 00:36:36,728
Dr. Kinsky?
Merry Christmas.
What? Oh!
636
00:36:36,795 --> 00:36:39,164
Hi, Philip.
I can't talk.
I'm in a rush.
637
00:36:39,231 --> 00:36:40,499
We got a problem.
You gotta help.
638
00:36:40,566 --> 00:36:42,268
I can't. I gotta go.
639
00:36:42,334 --> 00:36:44,202
Felix is bleeding like crazy.
He was hit in the head
with a fruitcake.
640
00:36:44,270 --> 00:36:47,539
How'd that happen?
Lovers' quarrel.
641
00:36:47,606 --> 00:36:49,808
Philip, please, don't go
anthropomorphic on me.
642
00:36:49,875 --> 00:36:52,811
I'm up to my eyeballs
in people that think
that animals have feelings.
643
00:36:52,878 --> 00:36:54,380
I don't think you understand.
644
00:36:54,446 --> 00:36:56,147
Come on, I'll help you.
I'll take care of it.
645
00:36:56,214 --> 00:36:58,850
Just do me a favor.
Spare me the melodrama.
646
00:36:58,917 --> 00:37:01,753
Take Felix
out of his box,
put him in here.
647
00:37:01,820 --> 00:37:04,356
I'll be right back.
Take Felix
out of his box.
648
00:37:04,423 --> 00:37:06,558
Hi, Pepper, Ginger,
Vinny, Duke, Scotty, Billy.
649
00:37:06,625 --> 00:37:07,993
(ALL BARK)
650
00:37:09,428 --> 00:37:11,997
Hi.
Hi, hi.
I'm running late.
651
00:37:12,063 --> 00:37:14,433
What is it now?
A cat with a concussion.
652
00:37:14,500 --> 00:37:17,869
That's the way it's
always going to be, isn't it?
The animals always come first!
653
00:37:17,936 --> 00:37:20,939
Well, Merry Christmas!
Not that you even
celebrate it!
654
00:37:21,006 --> 00:37:24,242
Wait! Wait!
No, wait! Hey! Oh!
655
00:37:24,310 --> 00:37:25,744
(DOG BARKING)
656
00:37:28,280 --> 00:37:30,316
A person named Felix.
657
00:37:30,382 --> 00:37:32,618
Before there were cats
named Felix, there were
people named Felix.
658
00:37:32,684 --> 00:37:36,187
You'll find,
if you look that up,
the opposite is true.
659
00:37:36,254 --> 00:37:39,024
Hi, Pancho.
Hi, little Pancho.
660
00:37:39,090 --> 00:37:41,259
You don't have to worry.
You don't have a dream.
661
00:37:41,327 --> 00:37:43,529
All you want
is food and love.
It's all I want.
662
00:37:43,595 --> 00:37:45,196
I want to be a wall artist.
663
00:37:45,263 --> 00:37:47,666
You can make people happy
by chasing a stick.
664
00:37:47,733 --> 00:37:51,637
I have to raise $5,000
or I'm going to hurt
two people I care about.
665
00:37:51,703 --> 00:37:54,906
I care about Gracie.
I care about Vanessa.
666
00:37:54,973 --> 00:37:58,209
I care about Catherine
and Mrs. Munchnik.
What about Susan?
667
00:37:58,276 --> 00:38:00,145
Susan's gone.
Gracie's gone.
668
00:38:00,211 --> 00:38:02,581
Vanessa's gone.
Give up women, Pancho.
669
00:38:02,648 --> 00:38:04,883
Tomorrow he will.
Ooh, that's gotta hurt.
670
00:38:04,950 --> 00:38:08,420
Oh, no. Once he takes
a couple of these,
he won't know what hit him.
671
00:38:08,487 --> 00:38:12,290
We never know what hits us,
then one day we're talking
in falsetto.
672
00:38:12,358 --> 00:38:15,193
Stay. Let me
ask you something.
673
00:38:16,762 --> 00:38:20,165
How many pillows does
Susan have on her bed?
About 12.
674
00:38:20,231 --> 00:38:24,269
See? What is it
with women and pillows?
How many do you need?
675
00:38:24,336 --> 00:38:27,939
How many do you need? Two!
One for you and one for her!
676
00:38:28,006 --> 00:38:29,541
Yeah.
677
00:38:29,608 --> 00:38:31,743
Vanessa has
all these pillows!
678
00:38:31,810 --> 00:38:35,381
She's got round ones.
She's got heart-shaped ones.
679
00:38:35,447 --> 00:38:39,851
She's got those pillows
with the...
Stuff around the edges.
680
00:38:39,918 --> 00:38:41,753
Ruffles?
Yeah.
681
00:38:41,820 --> 00:38:44,490
So you want to go to bed,
you gotta take all
the pillows off!
682
00:38:44,556 --> 00:38:46,792
Then in the morning,
you gotta put them
all back on!
683
00:38:46,858 --> 00:38:48,059
What is the point?
684
00:38:48,126 --> 00:38:50,195
Marshall! Lifesavers
is about to go under.
685
00:38:50,261 --> 00:38:51,630
I don't care about pillows!
686
00:38:51,697 --> 00:38:53,131
(CLATTERING)
687
00:38:55,200 --> 00:38:57,469
What's wrong with him?
Oh, my God!
688
00:38:57,536 --> 00:39:00,305
Come on. Come on!
Get up! Get up!
Felix! Felix! Felix!
689
00:39:00,372 --> 00:39:03,008
CATHERINE: What happened?
He took an overdose
of dog tranquilizers!
690
00:39:03,074 --> 00:39:04,776
Oh, my gosh, Felix!
691
00:39:04,843 --> 00:39:06,344
Get him up!
Get outta the way!
Walk him around.
692
00:39:06,412 --> 00:39:08,046
KINSKY: Get outta
the way!
693
00:39:08,113 --> 00:39:09,347
Keep him moving!
Keep moving!
694
00:39:09,415 --> 00:39:11,149
How can you
possibly be friends
with these people?
695
00:39:11,216 --> 00:39:13,452
I beg your pardon, Philip.
696
00:39:13,519 --> 00:39:15,286
Where did you find them?
697
00:39:15,353 --> 00:39:18,089
If you must know, I met
Gracie at an adult children
of alcoholics meeting.
698
00:39:18,156 --> 00:39:19,791
Was your mother
an alcoholic?
No.
699
00:39:19,858 --> 00:39:21,427
Was your father?
No.
700
00:39:21,493 --> 00:39:24,095
I went because someone
told me it was a good place
to meet men.
701
00:39:24,162 --> 00:39:26,665
Of course,
I didn't meet a man.
That goes without saying.
702
00:39:26,732 --> 00:39:29,568
I met Gracie, though,
and she breaks my heart.
703
00:39:29,635 --> 00:39:32,904
And because
I care about her,
I care about Felix.
704
00:39:32,971 --> 00:39:37,075
I'm not like you, Philip.
I'm not one of those people
who's only good on the phone.
705
00:39:37,142 --> 00:39:41,246
That's not true.
I'm good in person.
In person, you blame everyone.
706
00:39:41,312 --> 00:39:42,981
You did something
wrong at the office.
707
00:39:43,048 --> 00:39:45,884
You gave out our address.
Did I blame you?
708
00:39:45,951 --> 00:39:49,588
No. I blamed the Santa Anas.
709
00:39:49,655 --> 00:39:52,390
(WHIMPERING)
I don't even know
what the Santa Anas are.
710
00:39:52,458 --> 00:39:54,192
They're dry winds from
the desert that blow...
711
00:39:54,259 --> 00:39:55,661
Oh, shut up.
712
00:39:55,727 --> 00:39:56,862
(GASPS)
713
00:39:56,928 --> 00:39:59,030
(WATER SLOSHING)
714
00:39:59,097 --> 00:40:00,799
Don't just stand there.
Call an ambulance.
715
00:40:00,866 --> 00:40:02,534
That's something
you'll be good at.
716
00:40:02,601 --> 00:40:04,135
(GASPING)
717
00:40:04,202 --> 00:40:05,937
I'm glad that we're
not working together.
718
00:40:06,004 --> 00:40:08,106
I'm glad this is
our last week!
719
00:40:08,173 --> 00:40:13,111
Felix, if Gracie
had any idea what you've done,
she would be devastated.
720
00:40:13,178 --> 00:40:14,913
(PHONE RINGING)
721
00:40:14,980 --> 00:40:17,516
Oh, that's probably Felix.
722
00:40:17,583 --> 00:40:22,754
Well, I can assure you,
if you think your husband
is having an affair, he is!
723
00:40:22,821 --> 00:40:26,357
WOMAN: He says,
"I'm in my office, honey,
eating Chinese food."
724
00:40:26,424 --> 00:40:29,761
I don't care if he's dying.
I'm not gonna answer it.
725
00:40:29,828 --> 00:40:32,664
Read his mail.
Read it!
726
00:40:32,731 --> 00:40:36,702
That's the delightful way
I found out that
I'm about to be jobless.
727
00:40:36,768 --> 00:40:38,236
You're kidding.
That's right.
728
00:40:38,303 --> 00:40:40,405
(SIGHS) Fine.
729
00:40:41,473 --> 00:40:43,241
Hello?
730
00:40:43,308 --> 00:40:45,811
OBSCENE CALLER:
How can I do it to you, baby,
if you hang up on me?
731
00:40:45,877 --> 00:40:47,913
What? Who's this?
732
00:40:47,979 --> 00:40:50,816
Is this Catherine?
No, this isn't Catherine.
733
00:40:50,882 --> 00:40:53,184
Merry Christmas
to you too.
Oh, you're new!
734
00:40:53,251 --> 00:40:56,154
Who are you?
My name is Gracie.
735
00:40:56,221 --> 00:40:58,824
Gracie, I want to write
your name in cheese.
736
00:40:58,890 --> 00:41:00,025
(KISSING)
737
00:41:00,091 --> 00:41:01,693
(PANTING)
I want to bark like a dog!
738
00:41:01,760 --> 00:41:06,732
You are a disgusting,
sleazy, perverted pig!
Excuse me!
739
00:41:06,798 --> 00:41:09,768
Um, I'm sorry.
May I help you?
740
00:41:09,835 --> 00:41:13,071
The person you were
just speaking with
has not taken
741
00:41:13,138 --> 00:41:16,107
the Lifesavers
training program.
Shut up, Grandma!
742
00:41:16,174 --> 00:41:18,877
Oh.
I'm not busting your cherry!
743
00:41:18,944 --> 00:41:22,514
Oh, I'm...simply crushed.
744
00:41:22,581 --> 00:41:25,651
Here I've waited
my whole life for you
745
00:41:25,717 --> 00:41:28,186
and now you don't
even want me.
746
00:41:28,920 --> 00:41:30,121
Do go on.
747
00:41:30,188 --> 00:41:33,224
I believe you were
discussing my cherry.
748
00:41:33,291 --> 00:41:35,360
(DIAL TONE)
749
00:41:35,426 --> 00:41:39,531
I am so good at this,
and soon I will be
left high and dry
750
00:41:39,598 --> 00:41:42,901
with no outlet
for my talent.
751
00:41:42,968 --> 00:41:45,103
I have to pee.
752
00:41:45,170 --> 00:41:48,239
Have you ever been pregnant?
No, I have not.
753
00:41:48,306 --> 00:41:51,242
Listen, young lady,
when you come out,
754
00:41:51,309 --> 00:41:55,346
do not answer the phone
under any circumstances.
755
00:41:55,413 --> 00:41:58,684
Do not answer the door
under any circumstances
756
00:41:58,750 --> 00:42:02,554
because it could be
the Seaside Strangler,
and you know what he'll do.
757
00:42:02,621 --> 00:42:06,992
He'll take fishing twine
and wrap it around your neck
and your face will turn blue.
758
00:42:07,058 --> 00:42:10,428
Then your eyes will bulge out,
and then he'll knock you down
759
00:42:10,495 --> 00:42:12,631
and hike up your skirt
and bang you!
760
00:42:12,698 --> 00:42:14,700
Very funny!
Very funny,
young lady!
761
00:42:14,766 --> 00:42:18,103
No one comes here.
This is an unlisted address.
762
00:42:18,169 --> 00:42:20,572
(DOORBELL BUZZES)
763
00:42:20,639 --> 00:42:23,341
Hello? Hello, who is there?
764
00:42:23,408 --> 00:42:26,077
(GASPS)
It's the Seaside Strangler.
765
00:42:27,979 --> 00:42:30,215
Whoever you are, you are
not supposed to be here.
766
00:42:30,281 --> 00:42:31,349
(DOORBELL BUZZES)
767
00:42:31,416 --> 00:42:34,219
Oh, who is it?
Answer me!
768
00:42:36,254 --> 00:42:37,989
Do you have something
to hide?
769
00:42:38,056 --> 00:42:41,026
(ELECTRICAL SPARKING)
Did you do that?
770
00:42:41,092 --> 00:42:44,730
Did you turn out the lights
or is it just this
stupid building?
771
00:42:44,796 --> 00:42:46,898
Are you the Seaside Strangler?
772
00:42:46,965 --> 00:42:52,237
Listen, Mr. Seaside Strangler,
I am calling the police,
I am getting the reward
773
00:42:52,303 --> 00:42:55,540
and you will go
to a maximum security prison,
774
00:42:55,607 --> 00:42:57,809
where a very large,
hairy man
775
00:42:57,876 --> 00:43:00,378
is going to make you
his girlfriend.
776
00:43:03,348 --> 00:43:07,318
I am not your type.
I am short.
777
00:43:07,385 --> 00:43:10,488
And my hair is short.
I am attractive.
778
00:43:10,555 --> 00:43:13,524
I suppose I fit that part
of the description.
779
00:43:13,591 --> 00:43:16,862
But I am not young!
I have never been young!
780
00:43:16,928 --> 00:43:20,498
Although I do look...
Would you knock it off?
781
00:43:20,565 --> 00:43:22,768
What would the Seaside
Strangler want with you?
782
00:43:22,834 --> 00:43:24,069
Just... Shh! No!
783
00:43:24,135 --> 00:43:27,038
You're having a fantasy.
Oh, no, no!
Don't! Don't!
784
00:43:29,074 --> 00:43:32,744
(LAUGHS)
What a sad and horrible
Christmas Eve.
785
00:43:32,811 --> 00:43:34,045
I had to take the bus.
786
00:43:34,112 --> 00:43:36,414
I stubbed my toe
on the boardwalk.
787
00:43:38,750 --> 00:43:40,919
May I come in?
Sure.
788
00:43:49,060 --> 00:43:51,362
Is she all right?
She's fine.
789
00:43:52,597 --> 00:43:55,233
Oh, what beautiful beads.
Thanks.
790
00:43:55,300 --> 00:43:58,236
Could you do me a favor?
I'm gonna leave.
791
00:43:58,303 --> 00:44:00,806
Could you put her
somewhere out of the way?
792
00:44:00,872 --> 00:44:02,607
I'd be happy to.
793
00:44:02,674 --> 00:44:04,075
(SANTA BABY PLAYING)
794
00:44:04,142 --> 00:44:06,077
* Santa, baby
795
00:44:06,144 --> 00:44:09,848
* Just slip a sable
under the tree
796
00:44:09,915 --> 00:44:12,718
* For me
797
00:44:12,784 --> 00:44:15,586
* Been an awful good girl
798
00:44:15,653 --> 00:44:17,488
* Santa, baby
799
00:44:17,555 --> 00:44:20,792
* So hurry down
the chimney tonight
800
00:44:20,859 --> 00:44:22,828
(PHONE RINGS)
801
00:44:26,064 --> 00:44:27,298
(ELECTRICAL SPARKING)
802
00:44:27,365 --> 00:44:28,834
(CRASHING)
803
00:44:28,900 --> 00:44:33,004
* Santa, baby, I forgot
to mention one little thing
804
00:44:33,071 --> 00:44:35,707
* A ring
805
00:44:35,774 --> 00:44:38,476
* I don't mean on the phone
806
00:44:38,543 --> 00:44:40,345
* Santa, baby
807
00:44:40,411 --> 00:44:44,615
* So hurry down
the chimney tonight
808
00:44:46,584 --> 00:44:48,053
Hello. Lifesavers.
May I help you?
809
00:44:48,119 --> 00:44:49,721
OBSCENE CALLER:
May I speak to a woman?
810
00:44:49,788 --> 00:44:52,357
May I please wish a woman
Merry Christmas?
811
00:44:52,423 --> 00:44:54,025
You are speaking to a woman.
812
00:44:54,092 --> 00:44:56,061
(DIAL TONE)
813
00:44:56,127 --> 00:44:57,262
(SIGHS)
814
00:44:57,328 --> 00:44:58,696
(ELECTRICAL SPARKING)
815
00:45:00,165 --> 00:45:03,802
* Santa, cutie
and fill my stocking
816
00:45:03,869 --> 00:45:08,706
* With a duplex and checks
817
00:45:08,774 --> 00:45:11,642
* Sign your "x" on the line
818
00:45:11,709 --> 00:45:13,511
* Santa, cutie
819
00:45:13,578 --> 00:45:18,249
* So hurry down
the chimney tonight
820
00:45:18,316 --> 00:45:20,385
PHILIP: Mrs. Munchnik?
CHRIS: No.
821
00:45:20,451 --> 00:45:21,652
* Hurry
822
00:45:21,719 --> 00:45:23,188
PHILIP: Who are you?
823
00:45:23,254 --> 00:45:26,157
CHRIS: I called earlier.
You gave me the address.
824
00:45:26,224 --> 00:45:28,059
PHILIP: I remember.
825
00:45:30,161 --> 00:45:31,797
I came right over.
826
00:45:35,533 --> 00:45:37,769
Have you seen a woman
in a bad mood?
827
00:45:37,836 --> 00:45:40,071
She's resting
behind the couch.
828
00:45:46,544 --> 00:45:49,680
You were very good
on the phone.
829
00:45:49,747 --> 00:45:52,951
On the phone.
I was good
on the phone.
830
00:45:53,684 --> 00:45:55,486
Won't you sit down?
831
00:46:01,726 --> 00:46:04,930
My voice puts you off,
doesn't it?
832
00:46:04,996 --> 00:46:08,333
Not at all.
It doesn't suit me.
833
00:46:08,399 --> 00:46:12,137
In that sense, I am
exactly like Kissinger.
834
00:46:12,203 --> 00:46:14,572
Henry Kissinger?
Haven't you noticed?
835
00:46:14,639 --> 00:46:18,643
He has this odd,
little, nasal voice
and a pompous, fat body.
836
00:46:18,709 --> 00:46:21,112
Must upset
the Russians terribly.
837
00:46:22,347 --> 00:46:25,216
I met him once.
How fascinating.
838
00:46:25,283 --> 00:46:27,485
(ELECTRICAL SPARKING)
839
00:46:27,552 --> 00:46:30,221
Not that he would
remember me.
840
00:46:30,288 --> 00:46:31,622
No one does.
841
00:46:32,858 --> 00:46:34,860
I'm sure that's not true.
842
00:46:36,461 --> 00:46:39,130
Thank you.
You're very kind.
843
00:46:43,401 --> 00:46:46,137
Excuse me,
I'm just going to...
844
00:46:47,572 --> 00:46:49,507
Light these candles
in case the, uh...
845
00:46:49,574 --> 00:46:51,576
(CLEARS THROAT)
846
00:46:51,642 --> 00:46:54,645
It was at one of those clubs.
You know those dance clubs.
You know the kind.
847
00:46:54,712 --> 00:46:56,647
Here today, gone tomorrow.
You never know
where you are
848
00:46:56,714 --> 00:46:58,984
because when you look...
it's gone.
849
00:46:59,050 --> 00:47:00,118
(BOTH LAUGHING)
850
00:47:00,185 --> 00:47:02,120
(SIGHS) Who was I with?
851
00:47:03,121 --> 00:47:04,489
I have no idea.
852
00:47:04,555 --> 00:47:06,824
When you're confused,
your past is a blur.
853
00:47:06,892 --> 00:47:08,894
He wasn't dancing.
854
00:47:08,960 --> 00:47:10,195
Who?
855
00:47:11,296 --> 00:47:13,198
Henry Kissinger.
Ah.
856
00:47:14,065 --> 00:47:15,566
I'm boring you, aren't I?
857
00:47:15,633 --> 00:47:17,668
Not in the least.
858
00:47:19,504 --> 00:47:21,639
I bore everyone.
859
00:47:21,706 --> 00:47:23,841
I'm sure that's not true.
860
00:47:23,909 --> 00:47:27,678
I personally find you
very entertaining
and informative.
861
00:47:27,745 --> 00:47:32,483
For example,
I had no idea Henry Kissinger
went to dance clubs.
862
00:47:32,550 --> 00:47:35,954
Perhaps you could
come back some other time,
say, after the New Year,
863
00:47:36,021 --> 00:47:38,023
and we could
continue our chat.
864
00:47:38,089 --> 00:47:40,058
I wasn't dancing either.
865
00:47:40,125 --> 00:47:43,361
(CHUCKLING)
I have two left feet,
I believe is the expression.
866
00:47:43,428 --> 00:47:47,832
Ah. Well, let me offer you
one last piece of advice
before you have to leave.
867
00:47:47,899 --> 00:47:51,302
Did you bring a coat
or anything?
Just my cape.
868
00:47:51,937 --> 00:47:54,105
Ah.
869
00:47:54,172 --> 00:47:59,244
Have you ever heard
of the Greater Orange County
Mambo Contest of 1968?
870
00:47:59,310 --> 00:48:02,480
Well, I was scared
to enter it, and yet I did.
871
00:48:02,547 --> 00:48:06,217
And I won first prize,
dancing with my sister.
872
00:48:06,284 --> 00:48:09,254
From that moment on,
I have never worried
for one second
873
00:48:09,320 --> 00:48:12,290
about anyone's opinion,
and neither should you.
874
00:48:13,458 --> 00:48:14,692
You mean...
875
00:48:14,759 --> 00:48:17,595
You wouldn't hesitate
to dance, even with me?
876
00:48:17,662 --> 00:48:19,130
Absolutely not.
877
00:48:20,898 --> 00:48:22,267
Do you have music?
878
00:48:27,205 --> 00:48:29,941
GRACIE:
Come on, Catherine.
Let's go to my place.
879
00:48:30,008 --> 00:48:32,978
CATHERINE: Now?
GRACIE: I have
something for you.
880
00:48:37,148 --> 00:48:39,117
GRACIE:
There were 14 kids
in our family,
881
00:48:39,184 --> 00:48:43,955
so for Christmas
we each got
one pair of socks.
882
00:48:44,022 --> 00:48:45,690
CATHERINE: Really?
883
00:48:45,756 --> 00:48:50,195
Plus, we never saw our mother.
Divide 14 into 24
and what do you get?
884
00:48:50,261 --> 00:48:53,298
Two. We each
saw our mother
two minutes a day.
885
00:48:53,364 --> 00:48:54,832
You mean two hours a day.
886
00:48:54,899 --> 00:48:56,901
No, I mean two minutes.
887
00:49:01,706 --> 00:49:03,941
My mother's
always there.
Always.
888
00:49:04,009 --> 00:49:06,211
Sometimes I wish
she were dead.
889
00:49:06,277 --> 00:49:07,745
Oh, I shouldn't
say that.
890
00:49:07,812 --> 00:49:10,748
I hope you don't think
I'm a terrible person.
No.
891
00:49:10,815 --> 00:49:13,918
Suppose she dies now
and it's all my fault?
892
00:49:13,985 --> 00:49:15,520
Close your eyes.
893
00:49:19,590 --> 00:49:20,891
Open them.
894
00:49:28,233 --> 00:49:29,634
Is that me?
895
00:49:30,835 --> 00:49:32,470
Oh, my goodness.
896
00:49:33,304 --> 00:49:35,306
Oh, Gracie.
897
00:49:35,373 --> 00:49:37,208
You're so talented.
898
00:49:41,012 --> 00:49:45,616
I have spent my whole life
trying to make something
out of nothing.
899
00:49:45,683 --> 00:49:48,053
Don't take that
personally, Catherine.
900
00:49:48,119 --> 00:49:51,822
But just once
I'd like to have
something to begin with.
901
00:49:56,661 --> 00:49:59,964
Christmas is such
a powerful time,
isn't it?
902
00:50:00,031 --> 00:50:02,367
Gracie, let's make a wish.
903
00:50:02,433 --> 00:50:04,835
Hold my hand and we'll
make a Christmas wish.
904
00:50:04,902 --> 00:50:07,038
Really. I mean it.
905
00:50:07,105 --> 00:50:10,108
I'll go first so you
won't be embarrassed.
906
00:50:10,175 --> 00:50:11,542
Okay.
907
00:50:11,609 --> 00:50:13,678
It's hard to do this because
if you say your wish out loud,
908
00:50:13,744 --> 00:50:16,514
and it doesn't come true,
it's so much worse.
909
00:50:16,581 --> 00:50:18,049
But here we go.
910
00:50:19,184 --> 00:50:21,552
I wish
911
00:50:21,619 --> 00:50:24,455
there were someone
I cared for
who cared for me.
912
00:50:26,391 --> 00:50:30,095
There, I said it. Your turn.
913
00:50:32,763 --> 00:50:35,533
I wish for my baby
to have a better life.
914
00:50:36,567 --> 00:50:38,669
Love.
Money.
915
00:50:39,304 --> 00:50:40,605
(SIGHS)
916
00:50:42,173 --> 00:50:44,309
I should probably
get back to the office.
917
00:50:44,375 --> 00:50:45,876
Wait a second.
918
00:50:45,943 --> 00:50:48,179
Let's get
some Chinese food
on the way, okay?
919
00:50:48,246 --> 00:50:49,447
Okay.
920
00:50:55,786 --> 00:50:59,090
(WHAT ARE YOU DOING
NEW YEAR'S EVE PLAYING)
921
00:50:59,157 --> 00:51:02,993
* My, my, my, my
922
00:51:03,060 --> 00:51:08,633
* Maybe it's much
too early in the game
923
00:51:10,268 --> 00:51:15,906
* Oh, but I thought
I'd ask you just the same
924
00:51:17,475 --> 00:51:22,580
* What are you doing
New Year's
925
00:51:22,647 --> 00:51:24,315
I don't think...
926
00:51:24,382 --> 00:51:29,420
* New Year's Eve
927
00:51:29,487 --> 00:51:31,622
* Oh
928
00:51:31,689 --> 00:51:34,192
* I wonder whose arms
929
00:51:34,259 --> 00:51:38,929
* Will hold you
good and tight
930
00:51:38,996 --> 00:51:44,602
* When it's exactly
12:00 at night
931
00:51:46,171 --> 00:51:52,443
* Welcoming in the New Year
932
00:51:52,510 --> 00:51:56,781
* New Year's Eve
933
00:51:56,847 --> 00:51:59,250
Is it making you nervous
to dance with me?
934
00:51:59,317 --> 00:52:00,418
I'm not nervous at all.
935
00:52:00,485 --> 00:52:04,222
* Maybe I'm crazy
936
00:52:04,289 --> 00:52:08,025
* To suppose
937
00:52:08,092 --> 00:52:10,961
* I'd ever be
938
00:52:11,028 --> 00:52:14,899
* The one you chose
939
00:52:14,965 --> 00:52:18,469
* Out of a thousand
940
00:52:18,536 --> 00:52:21,172
* Invitations
941
00:52:22,940 --> 00:52:27,445
Dancing with you
makes me feel all fluffy,
942
00:52:27,512 --> 00:52:29,380
like I was dancing
on a cloud.
943
00:52:33,251 --> 00:52:35,453
In my work,
I deal with
all kinds of people.
944
00:52:35,520 --> 00:52:39,490
None of them are what
you might call conventional,
and neither am I.
945
00:52:43,160 --> 00:52:48,233
* What are you doing
New Year's
946
00:52:49,934 --> 00:52:55,940
* New Year's Eve
947
00:53:00,911 --> 00:53:02,813
You're a marvelous dancer.
948
00:53:04,249 --> 00:53:05,516
Thank you.
949
00:53:28,973 --> 00:53:30,275
(GASPS) Philip?
950
00:53:30,341 --> 00:53:32,877
(GASPS)
951
00:53:32,943 --> 00:53:37,181
This is shocking.
Completely shocking.
I am suing you.
952
00:53:37,248 --> 00:53:39,284
Do you hear?
For what?
953
00:53:39,350 --> 00:53:44,955
Withholding information,
psychic stress, stupidity.
954
00:53:46,557 --> 00:53:49,527
And obviously
improper office behavior.
955
00:53:49,594 --> 00:53:50,595
Mrs. Munchnik...
956
00:53:50,661 --> 00:53:52,297
I am calling
the Los Angeles Times.
957
00:53:52,363 --> 00:53:54,265
I am calling
the Los Angeles Times!
958
00:53:54,332 --> 00:53:55,533
They'll do a hatchet job.
959
00:53:55,600 --> 00:53:56,901
They're going to do
a puff piece on us!
960
00:53:56,967 --> 00:54:00,671
I may be temporarily
jobless, thanks to you.
961
00:54:00,738 --> 00:54:03,808
But you will be
jobless forever.
I will see to that!
962
00:54:12,983 --> 00:54:15,720
PHILIP: I was only trying
to be kind. I thought
I could figure out a way.
963
00:54:15,786 --> 00:54:17,822
We only need $5,000
to tide us over.
964
00:54:17,888 --> 00:54:21,426
That is practically
your annual salary.
You are a failure.
965
00:54:21,492 --> 00:54:23,728
I will see to it that
you stay that way!
966
00:54:23,794 --> 00:54:25,029
Mrs. Munchnik, please!
967
00:54:25,095 --> 00:54:27,131
I suppose Catherine
knew about this.
968
00:54:27,197 --> 00:54:29,667
I suppose she was in cahoots.
969
00:54:29,734 --> 00:54:34,204
That Catherine.
She is the most devious
woman I have ever met.
970
00:54:34,271 --> 00:54:38,609
Catherine is the kindest,
most gentle creature
on the face of the Earth.
971
00:54:38,676 --> 00:54:42,179
Catherine wants to rip
your clothes off, Philip.
972
00:54:42,246 --> 00:54:43,581
She does?
973
00:54:43,648 --> 00:54:48,386
Under that mousy exterior
lies smoldering lust.
974
00:54:50,888 --> 00:54:52,056
Really?
975
00:54:53,858 --> 00:54:55,326
Catherine isn't speaking
to me right now.
976
00:54:55,393 --> 00:54:57,127
I'm not at all surprised.
977
00:54:57,194 --> 00:54:59,897
Before she wasn't speaking
to me, she said she would
pray for a miracle.
978
00:54:59,964 --> 00:55:02,299
That is pathetic.
979
00:55:02,367 --> 00:55:05,703
Do not walk me to my car.
Stay right there.
980
00:55:08,506 --> 00:55:10,007
Merry Christmas.
981
00:55:11,175 --> 00:55:12,743
Merry Christmas.
982
00:55:12,810 --> 00:55:15,312
And say hello to your dead
sister's husband for me.
983
00:55:15,380 --> 00:55:19,984
My dead husband's sister,
if you don't mind.
984
00:55:29,894 --> 00:55:32,229
(ENGINE CHUGGING)
985
00:55:39,136 --> 00:55:41,472
(ENGINE STOPS)
986
00:55:44,475 --> 00:55:45,576
(WHAT ARE YOU DOING
NEW YEAR'S EVE PLAYING)
987
00:55:45,643 --> 00:55:49,980
* New Year's Eve
988
00:55:55,786 --> 00:55:57,422
(SCREAMS)
989
00:55:57,488 --> 00:55:59,557
Are you crazy?
Are you insane?
990
00:55:59,624 --> 00:56:02,960
This is all I do all day
is deal with nuts like you!
991
00:56:07,432 --> 00:56:11,636
Oh, my God!
Catherine was right.
In person, I'm a disaster!
992
00:56:12,903 --> 00:56:18,042
I am so sorry.
I really didn't mean it.
993
00:56:18,108 --> 00:56:20,678
Please.
No apology is necessary.
994
00:56:21,912 --> 00:56:23,748
I understand completely.
995
00:56:28,018 --> 00:56:29,186
Goodbye.
996
00:56:32,256 --> 00:56:33,758
(SIGHS)
997
00:56:48,973 --> 00:56:50,841
When is the
Automobile Club coming?
998
00:56:50,908 --> 00:56:51,942
In a half hour.
999
00:56:52,009 --> 00:56:54,244
Oh. I used to be
in the Automobile Club,
1000
00:56:54,311 --> 00:56:57,982
but they found out
I didn't have a car,
so they kicked me out.
1001
00:56:58,048 --> 00:56:59,249
They're a little
uptight over there.
1002
00:56:59,316 --> 00:57:00,818
Catherine.
1003
00:57:00,885 --> 00:57:03,888
Catherine, my goodness,
what have you done
to yourself?
1004
00:57:03,954 --> 00:57:05,523
You've lost your identity.
1005
00:57:05,590 --> 00:57:06,591
I have not.
1006
00:57:06,657 --> 00:57:08,325
I'm hungry. I'm gonna die.
1007
00:57:08,392 --> 00:57:09,527
Are you about to eat?
1008
00:57:09,594 --> 00:57:12,563
Allow me to
contribute a fruitcake.
1009
00:57:12,630 --> 00:57:15,600
Be sure you serve it
to that male colleague
you so admire
1010
00:57:15,666 --> 00:57:19,069
who is upstairs
at this very moment
dancing with a strumpet
1011
00:57:19,136 --> 00:57:21,038
while Lifesavers
goes up in smoke.
1012
00:57:21,105 --> 00:57:22,640
GRACIE: Catherine,
our food's getting cold.
1013
00:57:22,707 --> 00:57:25,109
Is it Susan?
Is Susan with him?
1014
00:57:25,175 --> 00:57:26,611
(LAUGHS) Hardly.
1015
00:57:26,677 --> 00:57:29,046
Catherine, you look cool.
Thank you, Louie.
1016
00:57:29,113 --> 00:57:32,149
Catherine, I was wondering
if I could come up and
sing my song for you now?
1017
00:57:32,216 --> 00:57:33,951
I'd like nothing more.
1018
00:57:36,420 --> 00:57:37,555
(SIGHS)
1019
00:57:45,863 --> 00:57:48,165
Catherine, is that... You?
1020
00:57:49,667 --> 00:57:51,068
GRACIE: Oh, I'm gonna
do you too, Philip,
1021
00:57:51,135 --> 00:57:54,104
because you and Catherine
do not go together anymore.
1022
00:57:54,171 --> 00:57:56,473
CATHERINE: Philip and I
have never gone together.
1023
00:57:56,541 --> 00:57:59,610
Well, you weren't together,
but you definitely matched.
1024
00:57:59,677 --> 00:58:02,012
Now, come on, Philip, get up.
1025
00:58:02,079 --> 00:58:04,214
What about me?
I want to match too.
1026
00:58:04,281 --> 00:58:05,850
Listen, I'll get to you
in a second, okay?
1027
00:58:05,916 --> 00:58:07,818
What's he doing here?
1028
00:58:07,885 --> 00:58:09,920
* Hello
1029
00:58:09,987 --> 00:58:13,057
I invited him.
Don't you have
someone here yourself?
1030
00:58:13,123 --> 00:58:14,692
I most certainly do not!
1031
00:58:14,759 --> 00:58:17,461
(SCOFFS) Someone
left her cape.
1032
00:58:17,528 --> 00:58:20,197
Someone left his cape.
1033
00:58:20,264 --> 00:58:21,766
Really, Philip.
1034
00:58:30,107 --> 00:58:31,842
(SIGHS)
1035
00:58:31,909 --> 00:58:33,410
Where is Felix?
1036
00:58:33,477 --> 00:58:34,579
He's at the hospital.
1037
00:58:34,645 --> 00:58:35,946
Oh, right.
1038
00:58:36,013 --> 00:58:40,551
* Felix is in the hospital
1039
00:58:42,052 --> 00:58:43,854
WOMAN ON PA:
Dr. Blair. Dr. Blair.
1040
00:58:43,921 --> 00:58:46,824
Dr. Jay Hamilton.
Dr. Jay Hamilton.
1041
00:58:48,492 --> 00:58:50,595
60 by pal.
Ten dopamine drip.
1042
00:58:50,661 --> 00:58:52,362
Okay, as soon
as we get
into the unit.
1043
00:58:52,429 --> 00:58:54,565
Okay. I'll get a 12-lead.
Let's go!
1044
00:58:54,632 --> 00:58:56,500
Does he have any family?
1045
00:59:10,314 --> 00:59:12,717
(MUTTERING)
1046
00:59:14,351 --> 00:59:15,986
(UKULELE STRUMMING)
1047
00:59:18,789 --> 00:59:24,261
* To Catherine
1048
00:59:25,796 --> 00:59:28,065
* I wonder whether your name
1049
00:59:28,132 --> 00:59:31,135
* Starts with a "C" or a "K"
1050
00:59:32,603 --> 00:59:34,471
* I wonder whether you prefer
1051
00:59:34,538 --> 00:59:37,274
* Almond Joy to Milky Way
1052
00:59:38,242 --> 00:59:41,078
* I wonder whether you sleep
1053
00:59:41,145 --> 00:59:44,248
* To the left
or to the right
1054
00:59:44,314 --> 00:59:46,817
* I wonder
who you think would win
1055
00:59:46,884 --> 00:59:50,420
* If me and Philip
got into a fight
1056
00:59:50,487 --> 00:59:55,192
* Oh, so many things
for me to wonder
1057
00:59:57,561 --> 01:00:00,197
* So very pretty
1058
01:00:00,264 --> 01:00:04,268
* I wonder when Elliott
said good-bye to E.T.
1059
01:00:04,334 --> 01:00:07,471
* Did you breakdown and cry
1060
01:00:07,537 --> 01:00:11,275
* I wonder if I gave you
pudding, eggs and flour
1061
01:00:11,341 --> 01:00:14,478
* Could you make
a Boston Cream Pie
1062
01:00:15,445 --> 01:00:18,816
* I wonder if your eyes close
1063
01:00:18,883 --> 01:00:22,219
* When you come in for a kiss
1064
01:00:23,220 --> 01:00:25,823
* I wonder if we had a baby
1065
01:00:25,890 --> 01:00:30,294
* Would you object
to having a bris
1066
01:00:30,360 --> 01:00:34,699
* Oh, so many things
for me to wonder
1067
01:00:35,565 --> 01:00:40,070
* Oh, I love grape jelly
1068
01:00:40,137 --> 01:00:41,238
(GASPS)
1069
01:00:43,573 --> 01:00:45,309
That's it?
1070
01:00:45,375 --> 01:00:48,312
It's a work in progress.
It may never be finished.
1071
01:00:49,579 --> 01:00:51,215
Oh, Louie.
1072
01:00:55,185 --> 01:00:57,788
That was so sweet
of you, Louie.
1073
01:00:57,855 --> 01:01:02,126
If it's not too much to ask,
would you mind passing
the chow mein?
1074
01:01:02,192 --> 01:01:04,661
No one ever wrote a song
for me before.
1075
01:01:04,729 --> 01:01:06,030
I can't believe it.
1076
01:01:06,096 --> 01:01:08,232
Who ate all
the water chestnuts?
1077
01:01:08,298 --> 01:01:09,734
I wrote it longhand.
1078
01:01:09,800 --> 01:01:11,902
Where are
the water chestnuts?
1079
01:01:11,969 --> 01:01:15,005
It took me eight months.
I had to quit my job.
1080
01:01:15,072 --> 01:01:19,443
Presents that you make
yourself are always the
most special. Don't you think?
1081
01:01:19,509 --> 01:01:21,411
Where did this fruitcake
come from?
1082
01:01:21,478 --> 01:01:23,380
That weird lady gave it to us.
1083
01:01:26,216 --> 01:01:27,351
What ingratitude!
1084
01:01:27,417 --> 01:01:29,053
I give her a gift from
the bottom of my heart
1085
01:01:29,119 --> 01:01:31,856
and she abandons it
as if it meant nothing!
1086
01:01:34,591 --> 01:01:36,160
(GLASS SHATTERING)
1087
01:01:39,429 --> 01:01:40,765
(WHIMPERING)
1088
01:01:45,736 --> 01:01:48,138
Oh! Oh!
1089
01:01:50,340 --> 01:01:51,408
Oh.
1090
01:01:53,343 --> 01:01:54,611
(GASPING)
1091
01:02:00,050 --> 01:02:01,986
(CRYING)
1092
01:02:08,258 --> 01:02:09,960
Look, there's
the dog hater.
1093
01:02:12,429 --> 01:02:14,932
Mrs. Munchnik?
What?
1094
01:02:17,534 --> 01:02:19,469
(SNIFFLING)
1095
01:02:19,536 --> 01:02:21,872
Mrs. Munchnik,
what can I do you for?
1096
01:02:28,979 --> 01:02:31,782
What is it? Tell me.
What can I do you for?
1097
01:02:36,020 --> 01:02:39,123
That's just
what my dead husband
always used to say.
1098
01:02:39,189 --> 01:02:40,224
What?
1099
01:02:41,458 --> 01:02:43,227
"What can I do you for?"
1100
01:02:43,861 --> 01:02:45,529
(SNIFFLING)
1101
01:02:45,595 --> 01:02:47,064
Well, um...
1102
01:02:48,966 --> 01:02:50,567
I'll, uh...
1103
01:02:50,634 --> 01:02:51,768
(SIGHS)
1104
01:02:54,171 --> 01:02:57,741
I'll tell you what you
can "do me for," Mr. Lobel.
1105
01:03:03,613 --> 01:03:05,382
(ROCK VERSION
OF JINGLE BELLS PLAYING)
1106
01:03:09,887 --> 01:03:12,923
* Jingle bells, jingle bells
1107
01:03:12,990 --> 01:03:16,426
* Jingle all the way
1108
01:03:16,493 --> 01:03:18,896
MUNCHNIK: On the beach!
On the beach!
1109
01:03:18,963 --> 01:03:21,465
* Jingle all the way
1110
01:03:21,531 --> 01:03:26,103
* We want to wish you
1111
01:03:26,170 --> 01:03:28,505
* A Merry Christmas
1112
01:03:28,572 --> 01:03:31,942
* We want to wish you
1113
01:03:32,009 --> 01:03:33,177
(MUNCHNIK EXCLAIMING)
1114
01:03:33,243 --> 01:03:34,611
* A Merry Christmas
1115
01:03:34,678 --> 01:03:38,582
* We want to wish you
1116
01:03:38,648 --> 01:03:40,684
* A Merry Christmas
1117
01:03:40,750 --> 01:03:44,554
* We want to wish you
1118
01:03:44,621 --> 01:03:46,390
* A Merry Christmas
1119
01:03:47,824 --> 01:03:49,393
I don't care
what she did to you.
1120
01:03:49,459 --> 01:03:51,561
It's dangerous
to throw things
out of windows.
1121
01:03:51,628 --> 01:03:54,264
I completely agree.
1122
01:03:54,331 --> 01:03:58,202
Do you work here?
I mean, excuse me, but we are
discussing office behavior.
1123
01:03:58,268 --> 01:04:01,838
Since you don't work here
and we do, at least
for six more days,
1124
01:04:01,906 --> 01:04:03,307
you cannot participate.
1125
01:04:03,373 --> 01:04:05,709
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
1126
01:04:05,775 --> 01:04:09,013
(LAUGHS) Somebody's not
in the holiday mood,
I guess.
1127
01:04:09,079 --> 01:04:10,614
(STRUMS)
1128
01:04:10,680 --> 01:04:12,216
Hello, Lifesavers.
I'm listening.
1129
01:04:12,282 --> 01:04:14,952
WOMAN: Is this
Kentucky Fried Chicken?
1130
01:04:17,721 --> 01:04:19,856
The crazy person is back.
1131
01:04:19,924 --> 01:04:21,725
What do you want?
Do you have any breasts?
1132
01:04:21,791 --> 01:04:23,593
I forgot my cape.
1133
01:04:25,862 --> 01:04:27,831
That's who you were
dancing with?
1134
01:04:27,898 --> 01:04:30,200
She insults me too.
1135
01:04:30,267 --> 01:04:33,803
My God, if you don't have
tits like Dolly Parton,
no one wants you.
1136
01:04:33,870 --> 01:04:35,705
Thanks for the memories!
1137
01:04:38,775 --> 01:04:40,277
Merry Christmas to all.
Hello?
1138
01:04:40,344 --> 01:04:42,812
And to all a good night.
1139
01:04:46,250 --> 01:04:48,718
Oh, my God!
Felix, what now?
1140
01:04:48,785 --> 01:04:51,788
(BARKING)
1141
01:04:51,855 --> 01:04:55,559
Gracie, come back to me,
honey, please.
1142
01:04:55,625 --> 01:04:57,494
I can't live without you.
I love you.
1143
01:04:57,561 --> 01:05:00,430
You know what?
We're in the middle
of dinner right now, okay?
1144
01:05:00,497 --> 01:05:02,832
Put that toy down instantly!
FELIX: Toy?
1145
01:05:02,899 --> 01:05:04,901
You think this is a toy, huh?
1146
01:05:04,969 --> 01:05:06,336
(GUN FIRES)
1147
01:05:06,403 --> 01:05:08,205
(WOMEN SCREAMING)
1148
01:05:10,274 --> 01:05:13,643
Felix!
What are you doing?
This is not funny!
1149
01:05:13,710 --> 01:05:14,979
You'll make him nervous.
1150
01:05:15,045 --> 01:05:17,047
All right, who wants
to be first, huh?
1151
01:05:17,114 --> 01:05:18,448
Who wants to be the hero?
1152
01:05:18,515 --> 01:05:20,150
Felix isn't such a bad guy.
He just gets upset.
1153
01:05:20,217 --> 01:05:22,886
Oh, right!
Because you're insane,
that's why!
1154
01:05:22,953 --> 01:05:25,222
Wait till I get
home with you!
1155
01:05:25,289 --> 01:05:28,525
Think about the baby!
I love you!
1156
01:05:28,592 --> 01:05:29,826
(GUNSHOT)
1157
01:05:29,893 --> 01:05:31,461
(PHILIP BABBLING)
1158
01:05:31,528 --> 01:05:32,829
CATHERINE: He loves you.
He's just having trouble
expressing it.
1159
01:05:32,896 --> 01:05:34,431
FELIX: Where you going?
1160
01:05:34,498 --> 01:05:36,733
Catherine, you're supposed
to be protecting me here!
1161
01:05:36,800 --> 01:05:38,068
Don't run away
from me.
1162
01:05:38,135 --> 01:05:40,537
This person
will protect me,
won't you?
1163
01:05:45,475 --> 01:05:47,877
So you're going to shoot
a pregnant woman?
1164
01:05:47,944 --> 01:05:50,080
No. I'm gonna shoot you.
1165
01:05:50,147 --> 01:05:51,648
(WHIMPERS)
1166
01:05:51,715 --> 01:05:55,119
Mr. Santa, listen to me.
1167
01:05:55,185 --> 01:05:59,223
I'm sure this young woman
has plenty of reason to
hate you. In fact we all do.
1168
01:05:59,289 --> 01:06:02,292
But that's no reason
to shoot someone now,
is it?
1169
01:06:03,027 --> 01:06:04,995
So, please...
1170
01:06:05,829 --> 01:06:07,831
Put the little pistol down.
1171
01:06:09,166 --> 01:06:10,567
No.
1172
01:06:15,339 --> 01:06:18,042
Hey! Hey! Hey!
Hey! Hey! Hey!
Stop! Stop! Stop!
1173
01:06:18,108 --> 01:06:19,743
(WOMEN SCREAMING)
1174
01:06:19,809 --> 01:06:21,245
(GUNSHOT)
1175
01:06:21,311 --> 01:06:22,579
(SCREAMING)
1176
01:06:22,646 --> 01:06:24,248
He shot my foot!
1177
01:06:25,215 --> 01:06:27,751
Felix, you are a maniac!
1178
01:06:27,817 --> 01:06:29,719
Everybody blames me
for everything.
1179
01:06:29,786 --> 01:06:31,821
I can't look.
Am I bleeding?
1180
01:06:31,888 --> 01:06:33,790
Oh, my God, I'm going
to bleed to death.
1181
01:06:33,857 --> 01:06:35,625
Someone call my mother!
1182
01:06:35,692 --> 01:06:39,129
Don't touch me.
I forbid you to touch me!
Just call a doctor.
1183
01:06:39,196 --> 01:06:41,065
Stop pointing that
gun at me! Stop!
1184
01:06:41,131 --> 01:06:44,134
Felix, we have to stop
playing with guns now.
1185
01:06:44,201 --> 01:06:46,836
Don't just take it.
You have to empty it.
1186
01:06:49,839 --> 01:06:52,242
Gracie, for God sakes,
what are you doing?
Give me that!
1187
01:06:52,309 --> 01:06:54,278
GRACIE: I am emptying it!
1188
01:06:54,344 --> 01:06:55,612
Let go of it!
I can't believe
you would do that!
1189
01:06:55,679 --> 01:06:58,382
I am sick of him!
He is a nut case!
1190
01:06:58,448 --> 01:07:00,950
Forget about it.
I am protecting us from him!
1191
01:07:01,017 --> 01:07:02,619
(DOORBELL BUZZING)
1192
01:07:26,910 --> 01:07:27,911
Yes?
1193
01:07:35,852 --> 01:07:38,555
It's Stanley.
Who's Stanley?
1194
01:07:38,622 --> 01:07:40,590
CATHERINE:
Stanley Tannenbaum,
the landlord.
1195
01:07:40,657 --> 01:07:43,560
I called him
to fix the elevator.
I completely forgot.
1196
01:07:43,627 --> 01:07:45,595
Oh, the elevator's fixed.
1197
01:07:47,097 --> 01:07:49,233
CHRIS: What's going on?
Is everyone dead?
1198
01:07:49,299 --> 01:07:50,667
Not everyone.
1199
01:08:12,156 --> 01:08:13,990
MAN: Hey,
what's going on up there?
1200
01:08:14,057 --> 01:08:17,794
Just a teeny, tiny accident.
Just a weeny, wooney one.
1201
01:08:17,861 --> 01:08:20,730
MAN: Well, keep it down.
This isn't the fourth of July.
1202
01:08:20,797 --> 01:08:23,800
I know. I'm sorry.
Uh, it won't happen again.
1203
01:08:26,203 --> 01:08:28,538
(PANTING) We have
to call the police.
1204
01:08:30,240 --> 01:08:33,910
Uh, dial 911.
That's their number.
1205
01:08:39,549 --> 01:08:41,985
They can't do anything.
He's dead!
1206
01:08:42,051 --> 01:08:44,053
GRACIE: Philip,
I didn't mean to do it.
1207
01:08:44,120 --> 01:08:47,457
You're not going
to turn me in, are you?
1208
01:08:47,524 --> 01:08:49,759
WOMAN: You have reached
the Los Angeles Police.
1209
01:08:49,826 --> 01:08:52,095
Please hold on. Your call
is very important to us.
1210
01:08:52,796 --> 01:08:54,631
(MAN SINGING)
1211
01:08:54,698 --> 01:08:57,601
Oh, Philip,
is this the miracle?
1212
01:08:57,667 --> 01:09:01,305
The eviction will probably
go through regardless.
This is not the miracle.
1213
01:09:01,371 --> 01:09:02,606
(SHUDDERING)
1214
01:09:02,672 --> 01:09:04,374
CHRIS: What about me?
1215
01:09:04,441 --> 01:09:06,510
Doesn't anyone
care about me?
1216
01:09:06,576 --> 01:09:08,278
I'll take care of her.
1217
01:09:09,179 --> 01:09:10,980
I'm coming.
1218
01:09:11,047 --> 01:09:12,582
Catherine, are you okay?
1219
01:09:12,649 --> 01:09:13,917
(STUTTERING)
1220
01:09:13,983 --> 01:09:17,387
I can't breathe.
I'm having trouble
breathing.
1221
01:09:18,722 --> 01:09:20,257
I'm so cold.
1222
01:09:22,692 --> 01:09:24,728
Catherine? Catherine.
1223
01:09:26,196 --> 01:09:28,164
Catherine.
Come on, come on.
I am so cold!
1224
01:09:28,232 --> 01:09:31,100
It's all right. Calm down.
Here, here, put your arms
around me.
1225
01:09:31,167 --> 01:09:33,603
Come on. Hold on tight.
Everything's gonna be okay.
1226
01:09:33,670 --> 01:09:36,673
Just calm down. Up, easy.
Over the dead body.
1227
01:09:36,740 --> 01:09:39,343
Come on. That's good. Yeah,
I've got you. I've got you.
Just relax.
1228
01:09:39,409 --> 01:09:40,910
I've got you. Come on.
1229
01:09:40,977 --> 01:09:43,347
Come on. I've got you.
I've got you.
1230
01:09:49,686 --> 01:09:53,390
Oh, my God!
1231
01:09:53,457 --> 01:09:55,625
Boy, that's just
a little scratch.
It's nothing at all.
1232
01:09:55,692 --> 01:09:58,395
Oh, my God!
My foot is completely numb!
1233
01:09:58,462 --> 01:10:01,398
I can tell
it's going to be
very painful soon!
1234
01:10:01,465 --> 01:10:04,033
Hmm. All right,
I'll get you
some aspirin.
1235
01:10:04,100 --> 01:10:05,802
Thank you.
1236
01:10:05,869 --> 01:10:09,105
Or better yet,
I'll get you some Tylenol
with the codeine.
1237
01:10:10,274 --> 01:10:12,242
Uh-uh, no.
No, no, no, no.
1238
01:10:12,309 --> 01:10:14,611
Nuprin. That's
the good stuff.
1239
01:10:17,281 --> 01:10:19,583
I got it.
Ludens Cough Drops.
1240
01:10:19,649 --> 01:10:22,752
That'll be for me though.
I got a scratchy throat.
1241
01:10:26,055 --> 01:10:29,158
Just lean here, all right?
No, just lock your knees.
1242
01:10:29,225 --> 01:10:31,295
Now I'm gonna
run you a bath,
all right?
1243
01:10:31,361 --> 01:10:33,997
Only this time, I'm gonna
put in some water and
it'll make you feel better.
1244
01:10:34,063 --> 01:10:35,899
CATHERINE: Okay.
1245
01:10:35,965 --> 01:10:42,406
CHRIS: Hello? Hello?
Is anyone there?
1246
01:10:42,472 --> 01:10:44,941
(WHIMPERING)
I'm going to get gangrene.
1247
01:10:46,175 --> 01:10:49,012
Would someone
please bring me a bandage?
1248
01:10:49,078 --> 01:10:53,650
I'm not asking for the moon.
I'm just asking for a bandage.
1249
01:10:53,717 --> 01:10:59,122
All right. Now,
just sit here, okay? Okay?
Are you all right? Okay.
1250
01:10:59,188 --> 01:11:02,892
CHRIS: Hello?
Where are you?
1251
01:11:02,959 --> 01:11:05,962
No, no, please, I'll...
I'll just get it myself.
1252
01:11:07,831 --> 01:11:09,599
(SCREAMING)
1253
01:11:24,080 --> 01:11:25,081
Your bandage.
1254
01:11:25,148 --> 01:11:27,050
GRACIE: Philip!
1255
01:11:27,951 --> 01:11:30,119
Oh, my God!
You broke my nose!
1256
01:11:30,186 --> 01:11:31,988
GRACIE: Philip!
What is it?
1257
01:11:32,055 --> 01:11:35,859
If you call the police,
my baby's going to be
born in a jail!
1258
01:11:35,925 --> 01:11:37,561
Your baby won't
be born in jail.
1259
01:11:37,627 --> 01:11:40,163
My nose is my best feature!
1260
01:11:40,229 --> 01:11:41,531
I'm sorry! I'm sorry!
1261
01:11:41,598 --> 01:11:44,368
Do you promise
it won't be born
in a jail?
1262
01:11:44,434 --> 01:11:46,570
(RASPY VOICE) I promise!
1263
01:11:47,437 --> 01:11:49,606
CHRIS: My face is ruined!
1264
01:11:52,041 --> 01:11:53,377
CATHERINE: Philip?
1265
01:11:53,443 --> 01:11:55,044
Here's your bandage!
1266
01:11:55,111 --> 01:11:57,981
Hey, how's it going?
CATHERINE:
Philip, help me!
1267
01:12:02,085 --> 01:12:04,788
Do you want Gracie
to help you get undressed?
1268
01:12:06,623 --> 01:12:09,192
Do you want me
to help you
get undressed?
1269
01:12:18,702 --> 01:12:20,103
(SIGHS)
1270
01:12:34,418 --> 01:12:36,185
Something's happening.
1271
01:12:37,921 --> 01:12:41,758
My heart is racing
and I'm feeling
all nervous and sick.
1272
01:12:41,825 --> 01:12:44,761
That's the way I've felt
since the day I met you.
1273
01:12:46,396 --> 01:12:49,065
Your sweater was
buttoned funny that day.
1274
01:12:49,132 --> 01:12:54,003
One side stuck up higher
than the other and poked up
into your chin.
1275
01:12:54,070 --> 01:12:57,707
You remember that?
I'll never forget it.
1276
01:13:33,477 --> 01:13:35,078
(SOBBING)
1277
01:13:35,144 --> 01:13:38,281
What does it look like?
No, don't tell me.
I don't want to know.
1278
01:13:38,347 --> 01:13:40,884
It's just a little
larger than usual.
1279
01:13:40,950 --> 01:13:44,788
Don't worry.
The swelling
will go down.
1280
01:13:44,854 --> 01:13:48,157
It must be nice
to have your best
feature be so prominent.
1281
01:13:48,992 --> 01:13:51,327
My best feature's my hands.
1282
01:13:51,394 --> 01:13:55,264
That's why I play ukulele.
It gets your hands
right out there, you know?
1283
01:13:55,331 --> 01:13:57,133
Are you a professional
ukulele player?
1284
01:13:57,200 --> 01:13:59,435
Oh, no. I'm a writer.
1285
01:14:00,336 --> 01:14:02,405
What do you write?
T-shirts.
1286
01:14:03,573 --> 01:14:05,709
Really?
1287
01:14:05,775 --> 01:14:07,577
I wrote,
"Save the dolphins."
1288
01:14:07,644 --> 01:14:09,513
(LAUGHS)
1289
01:14:09,579 --> 01:14:13,049
Excuse me.
What do you mean
you wrote it?
1290
01:14:13,116 --> 01:14:16,686
I wasn't the first person
to say it. I was the first
person to put it on a t-shirt.
1291
01:14:16,753 --> 01:14:17,754
Oh.
1292
01:14:18,722 --> 01:14:20,056
Did you do,
"Life is a beach"?
1293
01:14:20,123 --> 01:14:22,258
Oh, I wish!
1294
01:14:22,325 --> 01:14:26,095
I met the guy who wrote that
at a party. He kind
of snubbed me, you know?
1295
01:14:37,240 --> 01:14:40,977
We haven't been
properly introduced.
My name's Louie.
1296
01:14:41,044 --> 01:14:42,378
Chris.
1297
01:14:44,047 --> 01:14:45,248
Chris.
1298
01:14:47,450 --> 01:14:51,054
* Oh, Chris
1299
01:14:51,120 --> 01:14:56,526
* I wonder whether your name
starts with a "C" or a "K"
1300
01:14:56,593 --> 01:15:01,030
* I wonder if you have
a skinny Uncle Harry
or a fat Aunt Fay
1301
01:15:01,097 --> 01:15:06,970
* I wonder if you know
how good you look
in those pantyhose
1302
01:15:07,036 --> 01:15:09,673
* I wonder if you're happy
that I didn't mention anything
1303
01:15:09,739 --> 01:15:12,008
* About the things
coming out of your nose
1304
01:15:12,075 --> 01:15:13,376
(BOTH CHUCKLING)
1305
01:15:13,442 --> 01:15:17,681
* Oh, so many things
for me to wonder
1306
01:15:20,383 --> 01:15:22,518
* I wonder if you...
1307
01:15:22,586 --> 01:15:25,021
(NONSENSICAL SINGING)
1308
01:15:32,829 --> 01:15:37,100
We could cut him up
into pieces and wrap him up
as Christmas presents.
1309
01:15:37,166 --> 01:15:39,035
Who would we give them to?
1310
01:15:44,708 --> 01:15:47,376
(DOORBELL BUZZES)
1311
01:15:47,443 --> 01:15:50,546
Check the peephole!
(WHISPERING)
There is no peephole.
1312
01:15:51,815 --> 01:15:53,783
Oh, how convenient.
1313
01:15:54,851 --> 01:15:56,720
SUSAN: Philip, it's Susan.
1314
01:15:58,121 --> 01:15:59,856
What is it?
1315
01:15:59,923 --> 01:16:02,191
I need to see Philip.
I think I've made
a terrible mistake.
1316
01:16:02,258 --> 01:16:05,561
He's taking a bath
with Catherine.
Would you like to wait?
1317
01:16:05,629 --> 01:16:06,896
No.
1318
01:16:06,963 --> 01:16:09,866
Good, 'cause there's enough
going on here as it is.
1319
01:16:15,739 --> 01:16:18,608
If only we could
disguise him
as something.
1320
01:16:28,317 --> 01:16:30,654
(O CHRISTMAS TREE PLAYING)
1321
01:16:31,554 --> 01:16:34,624
* O, Christmas tree
1322
01:16:35,458 --> 01:16:38,194
* O, Christmas tree
1323
01:16:39,362 --> 01:16:47,303
* How lovely are
thy branches *
1324
01:16:47,370 --> 01:16:51,775
Catherine was, uh,
very distressed, so naturally,
I had to comfort her. Ah.
1325
01:16:56,345 --> 01:16:58,547
Where's Stanley?
1326
01:16:58,614 --> 01:17:01,317
Where is he?
What did you do with it?
1327
01:17:02,886 --> 01:17:04,387
He's in the tree.
1328
01:17:05,655 --> 01:17:07,023
In the tree?
1329
01:17:07,724 --> 01:17:09,492
He is the tree.
1330
01:17:09,558 --> 01:17:12,161
I wrapped him up
in those potato sacks.
1331
01:17:13,462 --> 01:17:14,964
Oh, my God.
1332
01:17:15,031 --> 01:17:18,234
They're burlap,
which is really itchy
unless you're dead.
1333
01:17:18,301 --> 01:17:22,271
Me and Felix took branches
off the old tree and we just
stuck 'em on.
1334
01:17:22,338 --> 01:17:24,307
CATHERINE: How?
FELIX: Superglue.
1335
01:17:24,373 --> 01:17:28,477
It's the most amazing
invention, Catherine.
Pull on one of those branches.
1336
01:17:28,544 --> 01:17:32,415
I'm telling you,
you could chin yourself
on this tree.
1337
01:17:32,481 --> 01:17:36,019
Fortunately,
the guy had
a good posture.
1338
01:17:36,085 --> 01:17:38,387
I admire a man
with good posture.
1339
01:17:38,454 --> 01:17:41,590
Felix has lovely posture.
Thank you, honey.
1340
01:17:41,657 --> 01:17:43,359
PHILIP: It's just as well
we're going out of business!
1341
01:17:43,426 --> 01:17:45,829
I am totally incompetent!
I'm like Job!
1342
01:17:45,895 --> 01:17:46,963
Philip, really!
1343
01:17:47,030 --> 01:17:49,265
Well, then, all right,
I'm not like Job!
1344
01:17:49,332 --> 01:17:52,135
But look at me,
pretending to save lives.
1345
01:17:52,201 --> 01:17:54,537
There's nothing
in the refrigerator!
1346
01:17:54,603 --> 01:17:58,574
I couldn't save a life
if my life depended on it!
1347
01:17:58,641 --> 01:18:03,012
We have been here
for six years, and what
do we have to show for it?
1348
01:18:03,646 --> 01:18:05,281
A dead body.
1349
01:18:05,348 --> 01:18:08,184
A dead body disguised
as a Christmas tree.
1350
01:18:08,251 --> 01:18:11,120
Thank you.
Thank you
for reminding me.
1351
01:18:12,555 --> 01:18:13,923
I got a plan.
1352
01:18:13,990 --> 01:18:18,361
Felix always has a plan.
I am so proud of you, honey.
1353
01:18:22,265 --> 01:18:25,701
We take it downstairs.
We leave it
on the boardwalk.
1354
01:18:32,742 --> 01:18:34,310
That's it?
Yeah.
1355
01:18:34,377 --> 01:18:36,545
That is not
really a plan, Felix.
1356
01:18:36,612 --> 01:18:38,447
What's wrong with it?
1357
01:18:38,514 --> 01:18:41,517
A plan is supposed
to have more than one part.
1358
01:18:41,584 --> 01:18:43,152
It's supposed to go like,
1359
01:18:43,219 --> 01:18:45,789
"First, we do this,
and then we do this,
and then we do this."
1360
01:18:45,855 --> 01:18:48,591
I don't appreciate
you talking to Felix
this way.
1361
01:18:48,657 --> 01:18:50,894
We're just trying
to help you out here,
Philip.
1362
01:18:50,960 --> 01:18:53,729
Yeah. You want a plan?
1363
01:18:53,797 --> 01:18:55,698
First we
take it downstairs.
1364
01:18:55,765 --> 01:18:59,202
Then we leave it
on the boardwalk.
Then we go home.
1365
01:18:59,268 --> 01:19:01,104
We just leave it standing
like the city put it there.
1366
01:19:01,170 --> 01:19:02,705
In a couple of days,
nobody will notice.
1367
01:19:02,772 --> 01:19:03,940
And when the city
takes it down?
1368
01:19:04,007 --> 01:19:06,375
We're outta there!
1369
01:19:06,442 --> 01:19:08,311
What's going on?
Something wrong?
1370
01:19:08,377 --> 01:19:09,946
PHILIP: Nothing at all.
1371
01:19:10,013 --> 01:19:11,580
Felix and Gracie
have turned the landlord
into a Christmas tree.
1372
01:19:11,647 --> 01:19:14,083
Now we are going
to take it down leave it
on the boardwalk.
1373
01:19:14,150 --> 01:19:16,519
Now that's a good plan.
We'll help you.
1374
01:19:18,121 --> 01:19:21,825
Be careful now.
Don't let the
branches fall off.
1375
01:19:21,891 --> 01:19:23,459
What about
Stanley's bag?
1376
01:19:23,526 --> 01:19:26,529
FELIX: We'll leave it
under the tree and
let somebody swipe it.
1377
01:19:26,595 --> 01:19:28,531
Only some of us should go.
We don't want to attract
attention.
1378
01:19:28,597 --> 01:19:31,267
I'm with you. I'm going!
Okay, the two of us.
1379
01:19:31,334 --> 01:19:33,837
We want to go too.
Yeah, we made it.
1380
01:19:33,903 --> 01:19:36,505
Okay, four.
I'd like to go.
1381
01:19:36,572 --> 01:19:38,174
I promise
not to attract
any attention.
1382
01:19:38,241 --> 01:19:39,542
All right, six,
but that's it.
1383
01:19:39,608 --> 01:19:41,344
Now, we should
try to act jolly.
1384
01:19:41,410 --> 01:19:43,646
I'll sing.
1385
01:19:43,712 --> 01:19:46,049
* Deck the halls
with boughs of holly
1386
01:19:46,115 --> 01:19:48,384
ALL: * Fa-la-la-la-la
la-la-la-la
1387
01:19:48,451 --> 01:19:50,719
* 'Tis the season
to be jolly
1388
01:19:50,786 --> 01:19:53,589
* Fa-la-la-la-la
la-la-la-la
1389
01:19:53,656 --> 01:19:56,125
* Don we now
our gay apparel
1390
01:19:56,192 --> 01:19:58,361
* Fa-la-la-la-la
la-la-la-la
1391
01:19:58,427 --> 01:20:01,297
* Troll the ancient
Yuletide carol
1392
01:20:01,364 --> 01:20:04,367
* Fa-la-la-la-la
la-la-la-la
1393
01:20:04,433 --> 01:20:05,969
* Hey
1394
01:20:07,403 --> 01:20:09,839
LOUIE: * If you get
all weird this Christmas
1395
01:20:09,906 --> 01:20:12,141
* Scooby-Dooby-Doo
pop-pop-fizz-fizz
1396
01:20:12,208 --> 01:20:14,710
* We could really
use your business
1397
01:20:14,777 --> 01:20:17,380
* Scooby-Dooby-Doo
Let's eat Cheez Whiz
1398
01:20:17,446 --> 01:20:20,649
* Sit in a garage
and turn on the ignition... *
1399
01:20:20,716 --> 01:20:22,218
MUNCHNIK: Philip! Catherine!
1400
01:20:22,285 --> 01:20:23,519
Merry Christmas.
1401
01:20:23,586 --> 01:20:25,588
Are you dismantling
the office already?
1402
01:20:25,654 --> 01:20:27,723
Exactly where
are you going
with our tree?
1403
01:20:27,790 --> 01:20:30,126
It's not our tree.
Really, it's not.
1404
01:20:30,193 --> 01:20:32,328
It is, too, our tree.
1405
01:20:32,395 --> 01:20:34,830
I recognize the red
cellophane thingy.
1406
01:20:34,898 --> 01:20:36,165
The dogs.
1407
01:20:36,232 --> 01:20:38,234
Keep those mutts away
from my tree, please.
1408
01:20:38,301 --> 01:20:39,535
(WHIMPERING)
1409
01:20:39,602 --> 01:20:42,205
May I?
By all means, Blanche.
1410
01:20:42,271 --> 01:20:45,441
Here, doggies.
Here, doggies.
There's a good girl.
1411
01:20:45,508 --> 01:20:48,711
Come to Mommy.
Yeah, what a good girl.
1412
01:20:49,745 --> 01:20:52,281
They definitely did it.
1413
01:20:52,348 --> 01:20:54,984
ALL: * Deck the halls
with boughs of holly
1414
01:20:55,051 --> 01:20:57,453
* Fa-la-la-la-la
la-la-la-la
1415
01:20:57,520 --> 01:21:01,557
* Deck the halls
with balls of holly
1416
01:21:01,624 --> 01:21:04,727
* Fa-la-la-la-la
la-la-la-la
1417
01:21:04,793 --> 01:21:09,098
* 'Tis the season
to be jolly
1418
01:21:09,165 --> 01:21:12,535
* Fa-la-la-la-la
la-la-la-la
1419
01:21:12,601 --> 01:21:16,039
* Don we now our gay apparel
1420
01:21:16,105 --> 01:21:17,140
(DOG HOWLING)
1421
01:21:17,206 --> 01:21:21,444
* Fa-la-la-la-la
la-la-la-la
1422
01:21:23,312 --> 01:21:25,915
* Follow me in merry measure
1423
01:21:25,982 --> 01:21:28,417
* Fa-la-la la-la
la la-la-la
1424
01:21:28,484 --> 01:21:30,987
* While I tell of
Yuletide treasure *
1425
01:21:32,388 --> 01:21:35,058
Oh, my God!
It's the rollerbladers!
1426
01:21:35,124 --> 01:21:37,260
It's them!
It's the tree haters!
1427
01:21:37,326 --> 01:21:39,162
Oh, no they are back!
FELIX: Let's get them!
1428
01:21:39,228 --> 01:21:41,397
Your tree is history!
Payback time!
1429
01:21:41,464 --> 01:21:42,465
Watch out!
1430
01:21:42,531 --> 01:21:43,832
Other way, other way,
other way!
1431
01:21:43,899 --> 01:21:46,535
You ruined our Christmas!
No! Don't!
1432
01:21:47,570 --> 01:21:48,871
Look out!
1433
01:21:48,938 --> 01:21:51,840
Merry Christmas from Doug
and Carol Ferguson!
1434
01:21:51,907 --> 01:21:53,042
Whoa!
1435
01:22:00,416 --> 01:22:01,550
(THUDDING)
1436
01:22:01,617 --> 01:22:02,651
(O CHRISTMAS TREE PLAYING)
1437
01:22:02,718 --> 01:22:05,821
* Oh, Tannenbaum
1438
01:22:05,888 --> 01:22:10,559
* Oh, Tannenbaum, oh
1439
01:22:10,626 --> 01:22:13,662
* How lovely are
1440
01:22:13,729 --> 01:22:16,365
* Are thy branches
1441
01:22:16,432 --> 01:22:18,001
(SIREN WAILING)
1442
01:22:23,339 --> 01:22:26,809
We've got one dead body
at 517 Ocean Park Walk.
1443
01:22:26,875 --> 01:22:29,645
Request for the coroner
and Homicide Unit
to respond.
1444
01:22:29,712 --> 01:22:30,946
(WOMAN CHATTERING ON RADIO)
1445
01:22:31,014 --> 01:22:32,648
Okay, what happened?
1446
01:22:34,817 --> 01:22:36,252
Who is this?
1447
01:22:38,287 --> 01:22:40,223
Come on. Who knows
what happened?
1448
01:22:41,890 --> 01:22:43,226
I do.
1449
01:22:44,960 --> 01:22:46,929
Our landlord,
Stanley Tannenbaum,
1450
01:22:46,996 --> 01:22:51,734
has committed suicide
out of guilt over
his condominium conversion.
1451
01:22:51,800 --> 01:22:54,237
And these two people,
these two incompetent
people,
1452
01:22:54,303 --> 01:22:58,874
but never mind, were so
tormented that they could
not prevent a suicide,
1453
01:22:58,941 --> 01:23:01,710
that they tried
to hide it from the world.
1454
01:23:03,912 --> 01:23:06,815
Actually, uh,
that's not
what happened.
1455
01:23:07,316 --> 01:23:08,551
Obviously.
1456
01:23:09,785 --> 01:23:11,487
What happened was...
1457
01:23:12,955 --> 01:23:18,561
It was Christmas Eve,
and Felix just happened
to drop by
1458
01:23:19,328 --> 01:23:21,330
with his gun.
1459
01:23:21,397 --> 01:23:23,199
OFFICER: Who is Felix?
1460
01:23:27,170 --> 01:23:31,274
All right,
I'm Felix.
I did it.
1461
01:23:31,340 --> 01:23:34,943
Okay, Felix, spread
your legs, put your hands
behind your back. Let's go.
1462
01:23:35,010 --> 01:23:38,714
Just because he's an ex-con,
you blame it on Felix.
1463
01:23:38,781 --> 01:23:42,651
Well, Officer, here's your
big murder weapon.
Don't, Gracie.
1464
01:23:42,718 --> 01:23:44,453
I did it!
No, no, Gracie, you can't!
1465
01:23:44,520 --> 01:23:46,355
Felix!
Stop!
1466
01:24:01,404 --> 01:24:04,173
Santa! Mommy, it's Santa!
1467
01:24:05,841 --> 01:24:08,677
Felix, what are you doing?
1468
01:24:08,744 --> 01:24:11,013
FELIX: I can't live
without you, Gracie!
1469
01:24:11,080 --> 01:24:13,749
If you go to jail,
I might as well be dead!
1470
01:24:13,816 --> 01:24:15,118
(SIREN WAILING)
1471
01:24:15,184 --> 01:24:17,186
OFFICER ON SPEAKER:
Everybody move back!
1472
01:24:17,253 --> 01:24:21,190
Move back immediately!
We have a very dangerous
condition!
1473
01:24:21,257 --> 01:24:23,126
Felix, it was an accident!
1474
01:24:23,192 --> 01:24:26,429
They're not
gonna convict me.
Now come down!
1475
01:24:26,495 --> 01:24:32,101
Well, what if they do?
I can't take a chance on
the criminal justice system!
1476
01:24:32,168 --> 01:24:35,271
I went to jail for nothing!
They could do it to you!
1477
01:24:35,338 --> 01:24:37,706
GRACIE: No! No, stop!
1478
01:24:37,773 --> 01:24:42,511
Philip,
you've got to do something!
You've got to save him!
1479
01:24:42,578 --> 01:24:46,682
Felix, I just want you
to know, I forgive you
for shooting me in the foot.
1480
01:24:46,749 --> 01:24:49,017
FELIX: I don't care!
Okay.
1481
01:24:50,619 --> 01:24:52,821
Felix, stop! Listen to me!
1482
01:24:58,060 --> 01:25:01,130
Don't you want to spend
Christmas with your baby?
1483
01:25:01,197 --> 01:25:04,099
Don't you want to see him
open his first present?
1484
01:25:06,535 --> 01:25:09,037
What was your
first present, Felix?
1485
01:25:09,972 --> 01:25:11,374
Hubcaps.
1486
01:25:12,241 --> 01:25:14,009
Huh.
1487
01:25:14,076 --> 01:25:16,612
Now I can't even
afford hubcaps!
1488
01:25:16,679 --> 01:25:19,348
Felix, you know something?
1489
01:25:20,583 --> 01:25:22,618
You're not upset
because you're broke.
1490
01:25:22,685 --> 01:25:25,588
FELIX: I'm not?
No.
1491
01:25:25,654 --> 01:25:27,323
You're not upset
because you're an artist
1492
01:25:27,390 --> 01:25:30,092
who may never have
any place to paint
as long as you live.
1493
01:25:30,159 --> 01:25:31,660
I'm not?
PHILIP: No.
1494
01:25:33,162 --> 01:25:36,098
And you're not upset
because the woman you love
1495
01:25:36,165 --> 01:25:39,602
may go to jail
for a very long time.
1496
01:25:39,668 --> 01:25:41,337
I'm not?
1497
01:25:41,404 --> 01:25:42,671
No.
1498
01:25:44,207 --> 01:25:48,477
You're upset
because it's Christmas.
1499
01:25:48,544 --> 01:25:52,915
Christmas is a time
when you look at your life
through a magnifying glass,
1500
01:25:52,981 --> 01:25:56,885
and whatever you don't have
feels overwhelming.
1501
01:25:56,952 --> 01:26:01,290
Being alone is so much
lonelier at Christmas.
1502
01:26:01,357 --> 01:26:05,728
Everything sad
is so much sadder
at Christmas.
1503
01:26:05,794 --> 01:26:07,763
You can't give in
to this, Felix!
1504
01:26:07,830 --> 01:26:10,299
I thought today
was going to be
the worst day of my life,
1505
01:26:10,366 --> 01:26:14,136
but, then, something wonderful
and unexpected happened!
1506
01:26:14,203 --> 01:26:16,939
First, something horrible
and unexpected happened.
1507
01:26:17,005 --> 01:26:19,642
Actually, three horrible and
unexpected things happened,
1508
01:26:19,708 --> 01:26:22,010
but then something wonderful.
1509
01:26:25,814 --> 01:26:28,217
The holidays
aren't over yet, Felix.
1510
01:26:28,284 --> 01:26:32,154
They're not over for you,
and they're not over
for Gracie. Who knows?
1511
01:26:33,489 --> 01:26:38,093
Who knows?
There's magic
at Christmas.
1512
01:26:38,160 --> 01:26:42,365
And I'll bet,
if you come down,
you'll find that out.
1513
01:26:48,471 --> 01:26:50,939
(SNIFFLING)
I love you, Felix!
1514
01:26:56,044 --> 01:26:58,213
I love you so much, Gracie!
1515
01:27:02,551 --> 01:27:05,754
Come on down, Felix.
It's almost midnight.
1516
01:27:15,398 --> 01:27:16,965
(WOMAN EXCLAIMING)
1517
01:27:17,032 --> 01:27:18,534
(ALL CLAPPING)
1518
01:27:22,438 --> 01:27:23,939
Bravo!
1519
01:27:33,949 --> 01:27:36,184
DETECTIVE:
We'll have a van here
in a few minutes.
1520
01:27:36,251 --> 01:27:39,221
We'll take you all
down to the station
for questioning.
1521
01:27:39,288 --> 01:27:41,490
This bag belongs
to Stanley.
1522
01:27:47,696 --> 01:27:49,765
(WOMAN CHATTERING ON RADIO)
1523
01:27:50,999 --> 01:27:52,368
Brian.
1524
01:27:52,435 --> 01:27:56,004
What have you
got here, Rizzo?
Whoa!
1525
01:27:56,071 --> 01:27:58,641
FP-242, notify watch
commander, please.
1526
01:27:58,707 --> 01:28:01,176
Where'd you get this?
Take a guess.
1527
01:28:02,845 --> 01:28:05,514
Gracie Barzini?
1528
01:28:05,581 --> 01:28:10,853
Yes. I'm ready.
You can take me
away now.
1529
01:28:10,919 --> 01:28:14,823
Congratulations.
You have killed
the Seaside Strangler.
1530
01:28:15,891 --> 01:28:17,225
What?
1531
01:28:17,926 --> 01:28:19,828
Fishing twine and kelp.
1532
01:28:19,895 --> 01:28:21,664
Oh, my God,
you're kidding me!
1533
01:28:21,730 --> 01:28:23,198
Stanley's the Strangler?
1534
01:28:23,265 --> 01:28:25,233
I killed
the Seaside Strangler!
1535
01:28:25,300 --> 01:28:27,235
How brilliant is that,
Catherine?
1536
01:28:27,302 --> 01:28:28,571
Isn't there a reward?
1537
01:28:28,637 --> 01:28:31,707
There's a $250,000 reward.
1538
01:28:31,774 --> 01:28:33,241
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
1539
01:28:38,681 --> 01:28:41,550
I'm the luckiest girl
in the world!
1540
01:28:41,617 --> 01:28:46,021
Philip, I could pay
for your moving expenses.
How much do you need?
1541
01:28:46,088 --> 01:28:48,123
Only $5,000!
1542
01:28:48,190 --> 01:28:50,025
$5,000?
1543
01:28:51,760 --> 01:28:54,463
Oh, fine!
1544
01:28:54,530 --> 01:28:57,966
Oh, I'm so happy!
This is great!
We're back in business!
1545
01:28:58,033 --> 01:29:02,738
Thank you! Thank you!
What can I give you?
How can I possibly thank you?
1546
01:29:02,805 --> 01:29:03,906
I know.
1547
01:29:07,676 --> 01:29:10,713
Fruitcake.
I'm rich!
1548
01:29:10,779 --> 01:29:14,617
I'm rich! I'm rich!
Rich girl! Rich girl!
1549
01:29:14,683 --> 01:29:17,520
Oh, my God!
FELIX: What is it?
1550
01:29:17,586 --> 01:29:18,887
Oh, my goodness!
1551
01:29:18,954 --> 01:29:20,789
What's the matter, honey?
My water just broke!
1552
01:29:20,856 --> 01:29:23,158
You're just going into labor.
We have plenty of time.
1553
01:29:23,225 --> 01:29:24,627
No, I'm having it!
1554
01:29:24,693 --> 01:29:26,995
CATHERINE: Are you sure?
GRACIE: Yes, I'm sure!
1555
01:29:27,062 --> 01:29:29,765
Philip?
Dr. Kinsky.
Dr. Kinsky'll help us!
1556
01:29:29,832 --> 01:29:31,033
What?
1557
01:29:31,099 --> 01:29:32,801
ALL: She's having a baby!
I'm having a baby!
1558
01:29:32,868 --> 01:29:36,238
Uh, bring her over
by the tree!
By the tree!
1559
01:29:36,304 --> 01:29:37,606
Officer, could you
please help?
1560
01:29:37,673 --> 01:29:41,877
Here, here. Wait a minute!
Lift up my leg, you moron!
1561
01:29:41,944 --> 01:29:45,848
Out of the way!
Out of the way!
Out of the way!
1562
01:29:45,914 --> 01:29:48,984
Get out of the way!
All right, put her down
right here.
1563
01:29:49,752 --> 01:29:50,953
Here!
1564
01:29:52,154 --> 01:29:55,157
Okay, okay,
you're doing great.
1565
01:29:55,223 --> 01:29:57,626
I'm having it!
I know, I know. Just relax.
1566
01:29:57,693 --> 01:29:59,294
Take it easy.
Everything's gonna be fine.
1567
01:29:59,361 --> 01:30:01,129
It's gonna come out, right?
1568
01:30:01,196 --> 01:30:03,632
No, no, no. It's gonna
come out. You're doing great.
You're in good hands.
1569
01:30:03,699 --> 01:30:05,634
I've done this hundreds
and hundreds of times.
1570
01:30:05,701 --> 01:30:07,803
Aren't you a veterinarian?
1571
01:30:07,870 --> 01:30:10,405
Yes, but it's
the same basic concept.
1572
01:30:10,473 --> 01:30:12,074
(SCREAMING)
1573
01:30:12,140 --> 01:30:13,542
KINSKY: Okay,
relax and breathe.
GRACIE: I'm not relaxed!
1574
01:30:13,609 --> 01:30:15,277
KINSKY: Then just
be anxious and breathe.
1575
01:30:15,343 --> 01:30:17,646
Breathe deep!
That's it. Okay.
It's starting to come!
1576
01:30:17,713 --> 01:30:20,215
It's starting to come!
Okay, more breathing.
1577
01:30:20,282 --> 01:30:21,884
You're telling me!
1578
01:30:21,950 --> 01:30:23,385
All right, here we go!
All right, here we...
1579
01:30:23,452 --> 01:30:25,654
Another contraction,
and then give me
another big push!
1580
01:30:25,721 --> 01:30:28,757
Big push!
There we go!
Look, I can see...
1581
01:30:28,824 --> 01:30:31,560
Would you shut up?
Just trying to help.
1582
01:30:31,627 --> 01:30:33,361
All right,
you give me
another big push.
1583
01:30:33,428 --> 01:30:35,197
(GRACIE SCREAMING)
1584
01:30:37,165 --> 01:30:40,569
The head is starting to come.
It's starting to come.
Breathe a little deeper.
1585
01:30:40,636 --> 01:30:44,707
GRACIE: Oh, my God!
1586
01:30:44,773 --> 01:30:46,308
No!
1587
01:30:53,115 --> 01:30:54,783
(BABY CRYING)
1588
01:31:03,592 --> 01:31:04,927
Yeah.
1589
01:31:13,736 --> 01:31:15,137
It's Christmas.
1590
01:31:18,641 --> 01:31:21,710
Merry Christmas.
WOMAN: Merry Christmas.
1591
01:31:21,777 --> 01:31:23,245
Merry Christmas.
1592
01:31:23,912 --> 01:31:25,180
(GIGGLING)
1593
01:31:37,325 --> 01:31:39,394
What shall we do
for Christmas?
1594
01:31:40,362 --> 01:31:42,731
I don't know.
What shall we do?
1595
01:31:46,535 --> 01:31:48,503
Let's get married.
1596
01:31:52,240 --> 01:31:54,009
This is the miracle.
1597
01:31:54,910 --> 01:31:56,845
(BELL RINGING)
1598
01:31:56,912 --> 01:31:59,147
FELIX: Merry Christmas!
1599
01:32:00,616 --> 01:32:03,185
Merry Christmas!
1600
01:32:05,320 --> 01:32:07,322
Merry Christmas!
1601
01:32:07,389 --> 01:32:08,791
(THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS
PLAYING)
1602
01:32:08,857 --> 01:32:12,194
* Children carry
through the streets
1603
01:32:12,260 --> 01:32:16,064
* A brightly painted star
1604
01:32:16,131 --> 01:32:19,568
* Angels gather
'round the hearth
1605
01:32:19,635 --> 01:32:23,171
* Strumming on guitars
1606
01:32:23,238 --> 01:32:26,074
* Men of great
renown and faith
1607
01:32:26,141 --> 01:32:29,912
* Say prayers on boulevards
1608
01:32:29,978 --> 01:32:35,417
* It's the night
before Christmas
1609
01:32:35,483 --> 01:32:39,354
* But you don't have
to be an angel
1610
01:32:39,421 --> 01:32:42,691
* To sing harmony
1611
01:32:42,758 --> 01:32:46,094
* And you don't have
to be a child
1612
01:32:46,161 --> 01:32:49,732
* To love the mystery
1613
01:32:49,798 --> 01:32:54,236
* And you don't have
to be a wise man
1614
01:32:54,302 --> 01:32:57,372
* On bended knee
1615
01:32:57,439 --> 01:33:01,243
* The heart
of this Christmas
1616
01:33:01,309 --> 01:33:04,813
* Is in you and me
1617
01:33:04,880 --> 01:33:08,050
* The night
1618
01:33:08,116 --> 01:33:11,954
* Before Christmas
1619
01:33:12,020 --> 01:33:17,893
* The night before Christmas
1620
01:33:19,461 --> 01:33:22,430
* If your heart's
been longing
1621
01:33:22,497 --> 01:33:26,434
* And you've been
afraid to try
1622
01:33:26,501 --> 01:33:29,604
* If sorrow's
kept you company
1623
01:33:29,672 --> 01:33:33,541
* And the dance
has passed you by
1624
01:33:33,608 --> 01:33:36,945
* I'll lift you up
and blaze with you
1625
01:33:37,012 --> 01:33:40,282
* Across the moonlit sky
1626
01:33:40,348 --> 01:33:44,319
* On the night
before Christmas
1627
01:33:45,788 --> 01:33:49,591
* Because you don't have
to be an angel
1628
01:33:49,658 --> 01:33:52,861
* To sing harmony
1629
01:33:52,928 --> 01:33:56,164
* And you don't have
to be a child
1630
01:33:56,231 --> 01:33:59,935
* To love the mystery
* Mystery
1631
01:34:00,002 --> 01:34:03,972
* And you don't have
to be a wise man
1632
01:34:04,039 --> 01:34:06,975
* On bended knee
1633
01:34:07,042 --> 01:34:10,545
* The heart of this Christmas
1634
01:34:10,612 --> 01:34:14,750
* Is in you and me
1635
01:34:14,817 --> 01:34:18,821
* The heart of this Christmas
1636
01:34:18,887 --> 01:34:21,824
* Is in you
1637
01:34:21,890 --> 01:34:24,226
* And me
1638
01:34:30,532 --> 01:34:34,536
* The night
1639
01:34:34,602 --> 01:34:37,605
* Before Christmas
1640
01:34:37,672 --> 01:34:40,575
* The night
1641
01:34:40,642 --> 01:34:43,111
* Before Christmas
1642
01:34:44,813 --> 01:34:48,116
* The night before Christmas
1643
01:34:48,183 --> 01:34:51,486
* And all through the house
1644
01:34:51,553 --> 01:34:55,057
* Not a creature
was stirring the night
1645
01:34:55,123 --> 01:34:58,260
* Not even a mouse
1646
01:35:02,430 --> 01:35:03,966
(MIXED NUTS PLAYING)
1647
01:35:04,032 --> 01:35:07,402
* Christmas Eve
I'm waitin'
1648
01:35:07,469 --> 01:35:10,405
* Saint Nick
I ain't fadin'
1649
01:35:10,472 --> 01:35:13,441
* This year
No slackin'
1650
01:35:13,508 --> 01:35:16,511
* Your case
I'm crackin'
1651
01:35:16,578 --> 01:35:19,514
* Them milk and cookies
ain't caught you yet
1652
01:35:19,581 --> 01:35:22,584
* Got a little something
special by the TV set
1653
01:35:22,650 --> 01:35:25,653
* Good news
Hey, Santa
1654
01:35:25,720 --> 01:35:28,656
* Cashews and pecans
1655
01:35:28,723 --> 01:35:32,127
* Hooray, hosanna
1656
01:35:32,194 --> 01:35:35,163
* Santa can't resist
those mixed nuts
1657
01:35:35,230 --> 01:35:38,266
* Chick-peas, split peas
chestnuts, Chinese
1658
01:35:38,333 --> 01:35:40,869
* Pine nuts, peanuts
and pistachios
1659
01:35:40,936 --> 01:35:43,939
* No nog, no turkey
1660
01:35:44,006 --> 01:35:47,009
* Just beer nuts
and beef jerky
1661
01:35:47,075 --> 01:35:49,978
* Tastes good
So salty
1662
01:35:50,045 --> 01:35:53,081
* With something
cold and malty
1663
01:35:53,148 --> 01:35:56,084
* All the fellas at work
say I'm out of my mind
1664
01:35:56,151 --> 01:35:59,187
* But if I stay awake
I'm gonna get you this time
1665
01:35:59,254 --> 01:36:02,224
* Good news
Hey, Santa
1666
01:36:02,290 --> 01:36:05,260
* Cashews and pecans
1667
01:36:05,327 --> 01:36:08,663
* Hooray, hosanna
1668
01:36:08,730 --> 01:36:11,733
* Santa can't resist
those mixed nuts
1669
01:36:11,800 --> 01:36:14,769
* Acorns, almonds
Barcelona, Amazons
1670
01:36:14,837 --> 01:36:17,439
* Black Carpathians,
Giant Macadamia
1671
01:36:17,505 --> 01:36:20,408
* I wake up
kind of dimly
1672
01:36:20,475 --> 01:36:23,511
* See a boot
scootin' up the chimney
1673
01:36:23,578 --> 01:36:26,548
* Jump up
and try to pull it
1674
01:36:26,614 --> 01:36:29,584
* Disappears
faster than a bullet
1675
01:36:29,651 --> 01:36:32,654
* Six empty jars
layin' on the floor
1676
01:36:32,720 --> 01:36:35,657
* Next Christmas Eve
there'll be ten times more
1677
01:36:35,723 --> 01:36:38,726
* Good news
Hey, Santa
1678
01:36:38,793 --> 01:36:41,796
* Cashews and pecans
1679
01:36:41,864 --> 01:36:45,200
* Hooray, hosanna
1680
01:36:45,267 --> 01:36:47,836
* Santa can't resist
those mixed nuts
1681
01:36:47,903 --> 01:36:50,939
* Good news
Hey, Santa
1682
01:36:51,006 --> 01:36:53,942
* Cashews and pecans
1683
01:36:54,009 --> 01:36:57,345
* Hooray, hosanna
1684
01:36:57,412 --> 01:37:00,182
* Santa can't resist
those nuts *
121788
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