All language subtitles for Kentucky Ayahuasca S01 E03

Brenna: It came on pretty quick,
and it was just waves.

I started panicking.

She scared the living daylights
out of me.

Steve: I've been
a lot of things in my life.

I've been a bank robber
and a prisoner,

but being a shaman
is my calling.

Ayahuasca
is a schedule‐I narcotic,

the same as heroin and LSD,

but it's not a drug,
it's medicine,

and in my church,
it's a sacrament.

We can do in two days

what conventional therapy
may take years to do,

but only if you are willing
to step in to the pain.

♪♪

♪♪

Tony York's restaurant was
a breath of fresh air for me.

After I'd served time in prison,

I'd gotten out.

I got car payments to make.

I got rent, so I took this job
working here

at Tony York's restaurant ‐‐

chef, cook, bottle washer,
anything he asked me to do.

Tony: One day, Steve came
to me and said,

"In case someone says
something to you,

I am a convicted bank robber,
but I have served my time,"

and basically I laughed
and said, "Really?"

And he's like, "Yeah,"

and I was like,
"But you're not wanted now?"

And he's like, "No,"
and I'm like,

"Hey, man, if you've served
your time,

it's no problem for me, man."

That was one of the few times
that I've ever told somebody

about my past that they
just openly accepted me

without any further information.

Now, the harder part of that
conversation is

when I had to tell him I robbed
the bank across the street.

Even as I sit here,

my adrenaline is starting
to pump a little bit.

I sat right in this exact
location several times,

looking right over there,
watching the employees park,

seeing who was coming
and going at the bank,

finding the cycles of the bank.

This bank was picked off a map,
some satellite imaging,

and the reason was, it's within
4 miles of an interstate.

We're within about 6 miles
of a county line.

Mind you, I ain't dumb.

I'm not gonna walk in there
in camo and ski masks

so everybody knows
what I'm doing.

I'm gonna come in dressed
as an old man,

hiding my identity.

I want you to imagine
what it's like

when you walk into that
[bleep] bank,

when you grab
ahold of that door

and everything in you
goes to ice.

You never know what's going
to happen in that bank

the moment you say,
"This is a robbery."

I've had tellers sit down
and pee themselves

right in the middle
of the floor.

I've had other people who all
they did was just blank out,

and they wouldn't understand
what you were telling.

I was fortunate.

I had a very experienced older
teller behind the counter,

and she never batted an eye
and never blinked,

and, boom, boom, boom,
the money was in the bags.

There was no dye packs,

and I was out the door
with my heart in my throat.

When you're coming out
hot like that and especially

if shit has gone wrong
and all of a sudden,

there's a cop where
it wasn't supposed to be,

and the next thing
you know, bam, bam,

the glass is shattering
around you,

and you're [bleep]
ducking and dodging

and [bleep] shit
is happening so fast.

I'm taking curves as fast
as I can.

My heart is still
[bleep] pounding,

but it's just starting to slow.

I'm coming up on the church

where I'm gonna switch out
this stolen ride.

This is where I jump out.

I got a vehicle parked
right there that's clean.

I take that vehicle,
and I go home.

I had just committed
my 17th bank robbery.

15 years, 16 years later,

and I'm across
the street washing dishes,

which at the time was
humiliating, but guess what?

I see this was the other side
testing me to no end,

you know, making sure I had
just enough money

to barely get what I need while
dangling this carrot right here

because you know how many times
I sat in Tony's parking lot

watching the armored car pull up
and looking at my watch going,

"Damn, that bitch comes
every day at 2:00"?

You know how many times
I sat here

and watched every member
of this bank go in there,

knowing damn good and well
the only that stood between me

and $280,000
was two women and a glass door?

You talk about a test.

This was my test, and I
passed because I didn't hit it.

[ Bell dinging ]

[ Train whistle blows ]

♪♪

♪♪

The military and U. S. Army

just brings up a lot of pride
and love for me.

I came from a military family
many generations back.

I wanted to help people.
I wanted to do something good,

and that was my avenue
to do it at the time.

♪♪

But at the same time, being in
the military has given me,

um, some, some...
It's given me PTSD.

I've come home from Afghanistan
with PTSD.

I was this badass medic
over in Afghanistan.

Like, I ‐‐ I ran up a mountain
while people were shooting

RPGs and AKs
at us like it was nothing,

and now you want me to go
to the grocery store,

and sometimes I'm not doing it.

The last time my PTSD
was triggered,

there was
a really drunk dude,

and the bartender
had cut him off.

I just looked at him and said,

"Dude, she's just
cutting you off.

Go home.
You're stupid drunk,"

and he told me to go back
to Afghanistan and die,

and the next thing I knew,
I was outside with him

pinned up against the wall
by his throat.

From taking part
in this ceremony, uh,

I am hoping that I will
finally fully process

at least one of the situations
from Afghanistan.

♪♪

Travis: I have seasonal
bipolar disorder,

and it's very difficult for me
to function in society.

In summertime, I feel invincible
like I can do anything,

and then the winter,

it's kind of
like the story of Cinderella.

When the clock strikes midnight,
the carriage turns to a pumpkin,

and everything just
kind of falls apart.

Assume this is me right here.

I do ask my parents for money

because I'm unable to work
during the winter.

That part is still
kind of embarrassing,

being 24
and living at home.

What I hope to gain from this

is definitely the ability
to live on my own

and not be worried about falling
into this depression again.

Teri: If y'all would like
to get your stuff,

we're going to go downstairs

and show you all
the ceremony area

and where you will be
staying the next two days.

Steve: Hello.
Please take a seat.

Place your bags over there
next to a bed.

For this ceremony,

we have Brenna coming up
from Florida,

Walter,
who's from here in Kentucky,

and we have Travis from Indiana.

When I first laid eyes
on this group

as they came down
the stairs one by one,

of course,
my first sense was tension.

I mean, their body language,
they were bound up tight.

You could tell it almost
even hurt them to speak.

Walter
is a returning member.

I love having returning members
coming into the ceremony

because those are the people
who remember much more closely

that first cup
that was in front of them,

how harrowing it was to get
through that first experience

so you could learn
to trust Mother Aya.

Main thing I could advise you
right now is just relax.

It's all gonna be good.

I know that's easier
said than done.

I remember my first cup as it
was set in front of me,

and it was unnerving
and rightfully so.

This is no little thing.

Now, Teri will be pouring
your cups tonight.

Teri will be in charge
of your drink,

and so we're gonna
start you off incrementally.

We're not here to throw you
off a cliff.

Your first night, we're here
to get you your balance

within the medicine.

It's kind of like alcohol, okay?

You ever been out drinking,
and two or three beers,

you're feeling pretty good?

Get to six or seven,
instant asshole.

Well, it's kind of like that
with ayahuasca.

Too much is not good
because what'll happen,

you'll get overwhelmed,
and you'll become fearful.

I have done this personally
over 400 times.

Trust us.

This lady right here has gotten
more people

through rough experiences
and rough patches.

I...It's phenomenal
how she handles them,

the same with Tlawil.

Nik has a view that I swear
is very calming,

very grounding.

Trust the medicine.

Trust yourselves and trust us.

Travis: My fear of taking aya
is that it doesn't do

the positive work for me
and that instead, I come away

feeling even worse
about my life.

Brenna: When I got that glass
in my hand,

I just thought to myself,

"Here we go.
You know, strap in for it.

You're fixing to be on a ride."

Steve: Once they drink that cup,
there is no turning back.

There is no ayahuasca antidote.

There is only one thing that
will take ayahuasca off of you,

and that is time.

Ayahuasca
is a hallucinogenic tea

made with plants
from the Amazon,

and it is the strongest
psychedelic known to man,

but this isn't like LSD.

Ayahuasca is a portal
to your inner self,

your subconscious,
and through that portal,

you're gonna meet
a goddess we call Mother Aya.

When your journey
first takes off,

you may feel euphoria
until, boom, the spike hits,

and the purge begins.

You may laugh.

You may cry, and you may
do both at the same time.

You may puke or shit.

But each of those purges
are a physical manifestation

of an emotional release.

That's when you truly
find healing.

You ready for more,
babe?

Yes, ma'am.

Thank you.

Walter: When I was in the throes
of addiction,

my vice was pain pills.

I started getting a lot
of anxiety

when I was younger
when I was trying to figure out

what I wanted to do
with my life.

Then I started
having family issues.

[ Laughs ]

That never gets old.

Things really got bad
right after high school,

and I fell into a depression.

I felt worthless,
and all of a sudden, you know,

somebody just
reached out their hand,

and there was a pill in it,

and, you know, I took it,
and then it was like, "Wow."

I mean, it did make me
feel better about myself.

It was a reprieve from all
this negative

self‐talk
that was going on.

I thought it was the greatest
thing ever,

and I had no idea that there was
a physical dependency in store,

withdrawal in store.

You know, I went through
about two years

right before I got sober
of trying to, you know,

to break
that physical addiction.

Once I got sober back in 2009,

a lot of these anxieties that
I carried with me came back,

and being sober,
there's no drink.

There's no drug to turn to.

I can't say that ayahuasca
has saved my life,

but she's brought me
back to life.

Steve: Mother Aya come
in that first night,

and she grabbed Walter
by the chest

and threw him on the bed.

Walter:
Everything was magnified.

Steve: People will watch me
drink in ceremony.

You don't realize all
the multitasking I'm doing,

even when it looks like
I'm doing absolutely nothing.

I'm watching the spirits.

I'm seeing them enter the room.

I'm feeling them.

Mother Aya is walking by

and just caressing me
across my neck.

She's just letting me know,
"I'm here, and all is good,"

but to you, it's going
to appear like nothing

is going on with me.

I want you to think of me
like a service dog,

and when the spirits
put on my harness

and they buckle me up,
that's when I'm working.

I'm in the harness of a shaman,

and I'm in flow,
and I'm in touch,

but when the harness is off
and the ceremony is over,

I am just like you.

♪♪

Brenna:
It came on pretty quick,

and I started to feel relaxed.

The muscle tension started
kind of dropping out.

It just...
It kind of helped settle me in.

I was a medic for the Army
for eight years.

I was on a F. O. B. with 250 guys,

and I was the senior
medical person on that F. O. B.

I did some surgeries while I was
over there

and a lot of stuff
that some paramedics and nurses

don't get to do stateside.

My job was to get them back home

to their wives
and kids and parents.

Personally, I lost, um,
seven ‐‐ seven U. S. soldiers.

You can't save everybody.

Still, I have a really hard time
accepting that fact, so...

♪♪

‐Yeah.
‐Okay.

Steve:
You could tell from Brenna,

first meeting her
and her energy,

she had a lot going on
behind the scenes.

She wore her mask well, yet
you could tell it was a mask.

She was in a lot
of spiritual agony.

I served in the Army
for three years,

and I know
what soldiers go through.

Starting to feel
the medicine...
Yeah.

‐...take effect?
‐Yeah.

Well, I'm gonna ask you to
trust a soldier one more time.

With PTSD, what I have found
working with people with it,

there is no normal

because there is no
normal event that causes PTSD.

For some, it's one huge, big
trauma that rocks their world.

For others, it's drops of rain
that finally drowns them.

If you wouldn't mind,

I'd like you to take me
back to that time.

What do you feel was
your greatest moment

and your greatest accomplishment
during your service

being a medic?

I think it was
the little kid...
Okay.

...that came in
with a closed head injury.

He was brought to us
by the parents,

and, um, we just ‐‐
we kept him alive

until ‐‐ until
the flight medics got there.

Would you mind sharing
with me your worst?

Um...

Where do you think
the trauma began?

I think it was when Doc James
committed suicide.

‐Doc James?
‐Mm‐hmm.

Could you elaborate
a little more or...

‐Uh, it was August 4th...
‐Okay.

...2008, and, uh, he had been
helping people sign up

for college,
and he walked in his room

and looked at his roommate
and said,

"I can't take it,"
and shot his self.

Was that overseas
or here?

Yeah, that was
in Afghanistan.

That was in Afghanistan,

just said
he couldn't take it and...

‐Mm‐hmm.
‐...took the way out.

I take it you were close
with him.

There was only three medics
on the F. O. B.,

so we all kind of laughed
and joked together.

Right.

Well, all we can do
is forgive ourselves,

forgive those who
have already crossed

and just remain open
to what's gonna come through.

The more you wall off
and contain guilt,

it seeps through the cracks,

and that was very evident
when I talked to Brenna.

She had a person there who was
a leader to her in her unit,

and when he took his own life,

she felt, in her mind
and her heart and her spirit,

"If this tough man
that I looked up to

couldn't handle
the stress of this place,

how do they expect me to?"

And at that moment,
the walls started going up

because she was still
in a hostile environment.

She still had to function.

Her team depended on her,

but yet the guilt
of this was growing

just as fast as her courage.

♪♪

Travis:
Ayahuasca starts to work.

First thing I feel is kind of
physical sensation,

like, kind of a buzzing up
my mouth and my head.

Then I feel like my feet
are a mile away from me,

and then I kind of start to lose
sense of, like, having a body.

♪♪

Music has been my passion
for as long as I can remember.

When I was a kid,
I was walking around

with cables
at my dad's shows.

He played for a rock band
back in the '90s.

It's really the only thing
that I enjoy actually doing.

I have seasonal bipolar
disorder.

It's been going on for a while,

but recently the last five years
have been the most obvious.

My slow season for what I do
coincides

with my depressed season,

so I'm even less motivated
to go out and get work,

so I could be playing, like,
every night during the summer,

and then, all of a sudden,
winter comes.

I might get two gigs
in the winter if I'm lucky.

In this industry, you need
to be a consistent person.

To, you know, pursue a dream,
to pursue a passion,

you need to always
be going after it,

and I want that motivation
and that love for life again.

♪♪

Steve:
When Walter first came to us,

he had already dealt with a lot
of his addiction demons.

He had been through AA.

He had been sober
for eight solid years,

but somewhere along the way,

this anxiety started
welling up in him.

‐Just a little bit anxious?
‐Yeah.

I'm nervous.

A lot of these anxieties
that I've carried with me

for a few years now came up.

Everything was magnified
to the point where I just...

I felt very uneasy.

I did not like the feelings
that I was having,

and I had this energy
just turning in my chest.

Steve: Mother Aya come in that
first night,

and she grabbed Walter by the
chest and threw him on the bed,

and she pulled from him his
anxieties from his shadow self

and brought them all
to the forefront,

and this really rattled him.

Walter was totally off‐balance,

and she put him
through the ringer,

but what he didn't understand
at that moment,

the spirits,
they're testing him

because they're very interested
in working through him as well.

With Brenna, you could tell
she was a little unnerved.

Brenna: I was starting
to scramble around,

and then, at some point,

Doc James came to me.

♪♪

Tlawil:
...back of your heels.

Walk your fingers forward.

Inhale.

Steve:
Tlawil is very skilled in yoga,

and I find that to be
a very, very beautiful thing

before going into
the second ceremony

when Tlawil is able to work
with them through yoga.

And relax.
Bend your knees.

Relax your back,
your head,

your shoulders,
your elbows.

Walter: When I woke up
this morning, I just ‐‐

I felt a release from all
that pressure and anxiety

that I had yesterday.

It takes a lot of courage
to sit with ayahuasca,

sit with Mother Aya

because when you're really
facing all your hard‐core stuff,

she will bring out the good,
the bad, and the ugly.

When I first came
across ayahuasca,

my father had just passed away
a few years before,

and I was at
a breaking point emotionally.

My dad was awesome.

We were close.

Once he was diagnosed
with lung caner, he passed away.

I think it was three months
afterwards.

After my father passed away,

I was angry at everything
and everybody.

Why did things have to
take place like this?

Why'd my father have
to pass away?

For being such a awesome man,
why did this happen to him?

I started having vivid dreams,
and during these dreams,

I would have a black jaguar
that would come and visit me.

To find out that the jaguar
represents ayahuasca,

I felt like ayahuasca
sought me out.

During that first ceremony,

Mother Aya made me feel love
for the first time.

A lot of comfort and healing
has come from being in ceremony

and having that experience.

Like someone is lifting you up
from the...

Teri: Walter has been through
a lot of shit in his life.

He's been through addiction.

He's been through ups, downs,
sideways,

a little bit of everything,
and inevitably in every ceremony

he's in, people just tend to
gravitate to him at some point.

You know, they will
confide in him,

and he is more than happy
to sit down

and, you know, talk with them
and help them out if he can,

and I genuinely feel
with every fiber of my being

that Walter was put here
to help people.

♪♪

♪♪

‐Well, hello.
‐Hello.

How are we all doing?

Ready for our
second adventure?

‐Yes.
‐Yeah.

Brenna: This brew
looks a little darker.

Oh, yes, little darker,
little stronger

and gonna come at you faster.

The second night,
don't come into it thinking

this is gonna be a roller
coaster ride and woo‐hoo,

and it's gonna be fun.

You got to come into it

knowing the seriousness
of this ceremony.

♪♪

Now, from here on in,

you raise your hand
and tell us when you want more.

You're your medicine person.

Find your spot.

Just because it's poured
doesn't mean you have to drink.

Again, this is no drinking game.

This is no tough‐guy match.

This is your healing,
your journey,

your individual process.

The second night, I want to pull
their pain from them.

I want to bring it
to the surface,

and I want them to let it go
and allow it to dissipate.

I want to take them out
of their comfort zone

because that is where
the growth is.

Mm‐hmm.

With Brenna, when she came out
of that first night,

you could tell
she was a lot raw.

You could tell she was
a little unnerved,

but you could also see
in her eyes that something

had shifted, not completely,
but it had started,

and I knew if we could get her
through to the second night,

she was ready to have
a breakthrough like no other,

and there's nobody that I wanted
it more than a fellow soldier.

♪♪

Brenna: It came on pretty quick,
and it was just waves.

You'd go in deep to a vision
for a little while,

and then you'd kind of surface,

and then you'd drop back
down into it.

First thing that I remember is,
I was put into a tube,

and the tube was filled up
with water,

and there was a woman
on the other side of the tube

telling me to just...
"It's okay. It'll be okay.

Just relax,"
and she was just very calm,

and her eyes kind of smiled.

I was starting to scramble
around in the tube,

and as soon as I relaxed

and just let the water
come up over my face,

it was just...
went on to the next thing.

And then, at some point,

Doc James
came to me and sat with me.

He told me it wasn't my fault.

There was nothing I could do.
It was his time to go.

You know, he said that I didn't
have to forget

what happened in Afghanistan.

I didn't have to forget
my friends, but that

if I didn't forgive myself
that I would never get better,

and I would just
keep getting worse.

He just made me realize
I'm not God, you know?

I'm not...It's...
You can't save everybody.

I think it was just a relief
that I didn't fail him, I guess.

You were angry at yourself,
your friends.

You felt abandoned.

Oh, I could just imagine
what you went through.

♪♪

Steve: Tlawil is my apprentice,
and Nik is my assistant shaman.

As an assistant shaman,
Nik is being taught how to brew.

As an apprentice,
Tlawil is being taught

the ceremony room right now.

Tlawil: Okay.

To be an apprentice
and to come in brand‐new,

you must start
from the ground up.

As an apprentice, you're going
to have to come in,

be willing to dump puke buckets,
clean toilets because I do it.

Everybody else does it,
and you're not above it.

You know, as an apprentice,

I look at you like
a shamanic healer in training.

What is that acronym?

You're a SHIT.

That's what you are.

We start off as SHIT,
and we end up as SHIT,

and as a shaman,
you must make peace with that,

and that's exactly
where you start off

as a shamanic healer
in training.

You're a SHIT.

Knowing that Travis
was so musically inclined,

I had him bring his guitar.

I knew this was the quickest way
to his heart.

It was the quickest way to find
that scar

and soothe it so he could step
beyond his own limitations.

Now, I understand that you
have seasonal depression.

Am I correct?
‐Mm‐hmm.

Was there a trigger?

Yeah. I had a ‐‐ a concert
that I put a lot into

and not a lot of people
showed up for it.

Well, to a lot of us,
that would seem trivial,

but it's not by no means.

So you put
all this together?

I put it all together.
Yeah.

‐And it flopped?
‐Mm‐hmm.

How'd you promote it?

Uh, posters.

Posters around
on telephone poles.

Yeah.

And so it wasn't
your gift of music.

Mm‐hmm.

It was the promotion
that failed you.

That's called
a learning experience.

Mm‐hmm.

It wasn't a rejection of you
and your art.

Now, if I asked you right now
to play me a song

that is one of your ‐‐

that is the nearest to your
heart, what would it be,

the one that brings you
the most joy?

It'd be a song
that I wrote...

‐Would you mind playing it?
‐...called "Pretty Eyes."

Sure.
‐Thank you.

♪ Hey, pretty eyes ♪

♪ Take it in ♪

♪ Don't trouble
your mind ♪

♪ Knowledge comes
with time ♪

Travis was fragile,
and that's because of his art.

He's a musician.

He feels things very deeply,

and he expects the world to
love him as he loves the world,

and it kind of sets him up
for a lot of pain.

Did you play the whole concert
to an empty audience,

or what did you do?
‐I did.

I played it out, and, I mean,
I gave it my best.

Put a lot into a concert

that not very
many people showed,

and I think
that is the seed

of your seasonal
depression.

Yeah.

You were angry at yourself,
your friends.

You felt abandoned.
‐Mm‐hmm.

Oh, I could just imagine
what you went through,

and artists, their pain
is their stock and trade.

There will be a day

that that pain puts together
something so beautiful

musically for you, but you got
to make peace with it.

Travis: Just talking to him,
strumming that guitar outside

definitely opened something up
inside of me

that either I closed off

or, you know, hasn't been
awake for a long time.

I wasn't really focused
on anything else.

I was just, you know,
letting this music

come through me
that I wrote.

♪ Feels like ecstasy ♪

♪ I never thought,
oh, no ♪

♪♪

As ayahuasca started
hitting my system,

I did feel relaxation
just come over my whole body

and just a peacefulness
and calmness kind of like

listening to ocean waves
on the beach.

What I saw in my own world

was these geometrical,
colorful patterns

but almost as
if they were eluding me

when I tried to pay
too much attention to them.

At one point, I felt like I was
throwing watermelon

out of my fingers.

Yeah. I was like,
"Look what I can do."

[ Laughing ]

And I thought
everyone else saw it,

and they were laughing,

saw watermelon
coming out of my hands.

The more I laughed,
the lighter I became,

and, like,
almost by laughing,

I was releasing these negative
blockages and energies.

[ Laughter ]

Steve: Laughter is
the best purge.

Steve: I'm not putting him
through things for fun.

These are shamanic ordeals.

He came to me during the
ceremony from the other side.

♪♪

Tlawil:
When I am on a ceremony,

it's like the medicine itself
takes over my body,

and I just allow myself
and the medicine just go do

what it needs to be done.

It can be singing.
It can be moving a rattle.

It can be just a quick

go bring some aromatherapy
for this person.

Take this one with you.
‐Thank you.

Yeah.

♪♪

I do feel like I bring
just a sparkle,

a touch of magic
into the mixture

just because magic
is all over the place,

and I like to point it out,
and that's it.

♪♪

Steve: Now, I'm very interested
in working with Walter

as an apprentice
to become a medicine man,

but here is the deal ‐‐
he has to choose it.

Due to the way
you have handled

your failures
through life,

I am very interested
in you progressing

as a medicine person,
but we have to see

if you want to progress
as a medicine person,

and that's what
we will be after

as we enter this chamber.

We're gonna take ayahuasca
into a hostile environment.

Tonight for Walter,
I set up a modern sweat lodge.

This is a shamanic test.

We're gonna use a tent.

We're gonna use a propane
heater to heat the tent

to a high rate of temperature,

and I am gonna be flowing
some intense energy

right directly
through his eyes.

Walter needs to embrace
the chaos of his anxiety

and find his balance
among it.

Where do you think this
anxiety comes from, Walter?

I feel it's my ego trying
to remain in control.

But you have the power
to influence your ego

through your inner dialogue
and through your spirit.

Just breathe.

I know it's getting hot,
starting to get warm.

Starting to feel it
a little?

Yes, sir.

How old were you
when your dad passed?

35.

How did Mother Aya help you
reconcile that

with your father?

He came to me during a ceremony
from the other side.

What did he share
with you?

That he wanted me
to heal,

and he wanted me
to step into my power.

Now, Walter,
let me ask you,

what was gonna be
your first step

if that anxiety wells
back up in your life?

To walk through it.

And the better part of it is,
you got to harness it

because that anxiety is also
your ace in the hole

because that also will increase
your awareness in ceremony.

You know, the worst
medicine man in the world

is the one who thinks
he has it under control.

Right.

Now how you're not sweating
right now

while I got beads running down
all over me is amazing.

I feel comfortable
where I'm at.

Good.
I'm glad to hear that.

We're in a womb.

This is us, you and I.

Steve: An apprentice must trust
your guide.

Beyond anything else,
he has to trust me

no matter
what I put him through,

and I'm not putting him
through things for fun.

These are ordeals.

These are shamanic ordeals.

That sweat lodge
was a shamanic ordeal,

and when he didn't have
a drop of perspiration

as the temperature rose,

I knew the spirits
were shielding him.

They were protecting him,

and they were also
conveying to me

that he is almost ready
to take this step.

Well, let's sit here and just
take a moment of silence

and kind of enjoy
our energy together.

‐Yes, sir.
‐That work?

‐Yes, sir.
‐Excellent.

♪♪

Walter:
When I was sitting in the tent,

Mother Aya came to me,

and she showed me the healing
that I had gone through with her

in these past several months,
and she told me that,

"Together, we have done
a lot of healing,

so what are you gonna do?"

And at that time,
the jaguar came down,

and he just locked eyes with me,

and it was a serious,
stern look.

He was strong.

He was powerful, and that was
a reflection of the healing

that had taken place
with Mother Aya.

I don't know what Mother Aya
is up to,

and I believe
working with ayahuasca

and helping other people heal

is a part of my path,
and I'm excited.

I'm very ‐‐ I'm very hopeful
for this path.

♪♪

Walter: After this weekend
and these ceremonies,

this is the first time
in a long time

that I have felt
this comfortable with myself,

and I feel whole.

You know, Steve offering me
to become his apprentice

has meant the world to me.

Now, could you tell me
what you were feeling

as we were doing
the ceremony last night?

Last night, I felt a deep
connection to you

like I was right exactly
where I was supposed to be

at this moment
in this time.

That's powerful.

The spirits are comfortable
with you,

and I feel you're ready
to take the next step

if you choose.

I don't want you to take
this decision lightly

because it's gonna be
a lifetime commitment.

Once you choose this path,
it is your path,

and you must
follow it through.

Right now, he has a choice,
but once he makes that choice,

he needs to follow
through completely.

Thank you.
This is an honor.

Thank you.

Mm!

Brenna: I definitely feel like I
had a breakthrough last night.

I think I let go of a lot of,
um, a lot of guilt and shame

that I've been putting
on myself.

Now, what's gonna be
your number‐one priority

when you get home?

Just chilling and ‐‐

and letting everything
kind of settle,

not getting back
into the same habit of ‐‐

of getting angry and judgmental
and everything

of ‐‐ of everything
that happens around me.

Right. And is there any
questions for me...

‐Huh.
‐...before we depart?

No, sir.

I just, uh, I have something
for you guys.

Um, I just want to give you
that, and thank you so much.

Thank you.
Thank you.

Now, from one soldier
to another,

I know what this means
to you.

This is your combat medic badge.
‐Yes, sir.

‐Am I correct?
‐Yes, sir.

Are you sure you wish
to give this to me?

Yes, sir.
You guys have...

‐I am honored.
‐...helped me out a lot.

I am so honored.

Thank you so much.

You will be in my thoughts
and prayers.

Thank you.

‐And this will be on our altar.
‐Yeah, and I hope you...

I hope you guys
keep doing it.

You guys
are saving lives.

This will be sacred.

Thank you.
‐Thank you.

Steve: She gave me
her combat medic badge

that she had in Afghanistan.

As a soldier, I know what
that combat badge meant to her.

That, to me, was a symbol
of her healing

because when she gave
that to me,

she let go of Afghanistan.

I was in awe.

I was humbled and honored.

I feel we have a lot of healing
that was accomplished

in the last few days.

The difference that I see
from the people

that walked through this door

and the people that are walking
out of this door is huge.

Your energy is lighter.

I feel that you all have
the coping mechanisms

to make the changes
that you feel is necessary.

The biggest lesson
that I learned from Steve is,

it's okay to fail.

Each failure is just one
step closer to success.

Oh, thank you.
I appreciate it.

Brenna: I don't feel angry at
all right now, which is amazing

because I've been angry
or depressed

for at least
the last six months.

So this is, uh, this is awesome.

Walter:
The healing that I've received

from the first ceremony
to this weekend,

I'm forever grateful
and indebted.

It's a beautiful thing to see
somebody broken

and beaten down find
some healing, find that release,

make that connection
and find a sense of purpose.

It's a true gift and a blessing

to be able to do that
for somebody.

Watching them leave one by one
and knowing I just casted

another handful of seeds into
the world to spread some love,

some understanding,
some compassion,

that makes my world
a better place.

It makes my grandchildren's
world a better place,

and it makes my heart
a better place.

♪♪

♪♪

Brenna: On the whole,
I'm doing a lot better.

I'm getting out of the house
a lot more now,

dealing a lot better with people
on a day‐to‐day basis.

I think I'm a lot better

at being
empathetic and sympathetic.

♪♪

♪♪

A month after taking ayahuasca,

I decided not to waste
any more time

and just move to L. A.,
so here I am in Los Angeles.

♪♪

♪♪

I've accepted my apprenticeship,
excited,

can't wait to get started,

and I can't think
of anything better to do,

to bring the medicine
to the people.