Original subtitles

( barrel organ being played )

( monkey gibbering )

The Jupiter Corporation board meeting,

where is it being held? It's a closed meeting, sir.

Well, this is extremely important.

I'm sorry, only board members are allowed.

Yes, sir. Third floor.

Last room on the right.

Thank you.

( clicking )

But gentlemen, you all know the rules as well as I.

Confound it. These meetings are supposed to start at 2:00.

But we're not all present yet.

Well, I consider it a blasted nuisance.

( grunts )

Well, what do we have here?

Maybe it's our missing member.

( all laugh )

Looks like you.

There is a singular resemblance.

Here you are, little fellow.

What the devil--?

How did you get in here? Who are you?

Get down!

( all cough )

In answer to your question, sir,

my name is James West.

And I'm with the Secret Service.

( upbeat western theme playing )

( dramatic theme playing )

( indistinct chatter )

MAN: Mr. West.

What's all this about?

( door closes )

Gentlemen, someone is trying to kill you.

Who--? Who would want to kill the board of directors

at the Jupiter Corporation?

I don't know.

But obviously it's someone

that wasn't here when the bomb exploded.

That would seem to point the finger to me,

wouldn't you say?

This is James West, Amelia.

Yes.

The guards have already told me about Mr. West,

and the department he works for,

and the bomb he saved us from.

"Us," Amelia?

As I recall, you were conveniently absent

when the bomb went off.

( chuckles )

I'm Amelia Bronston.

How do you do?

I'm acting chairman of the board.

And this is my secretary, Kyra Vanders.

How do you do?

In his charming way,

Mr. Van Cleve has raised an interesting point.

I wasn't here. Aren't you going to grill me?

All right.

Why were you late for the meeting?

I'm always late for meetings.

It's a woman's prerogative.

However, I'd like to ask you a question.

Did any of my, uh, esteemed colleagues

think to ask you how you knew about the bomb?

Oh, I didn't.

I'm just naturally suspicious

when a monkey attends a board meeting, gentlemen.

Excuse me.

And I do know about your two late colleagues,

Mr. Devoe and Mr. Carney,

and their, um, so-called accidental death.

"So-called"?

Gentlemen, I believe they were murdered.

Preposterous.

Mr. Kessel, Mr. West has already provided us

with considerable evidence that he knows his job.

I suggest you listen and stop objecting.

Well, last week, President Grant received

a very interesting letter.

It strongly suggested

that Mr. Devoe and Mr. Carney were murdered

and the rest of you board members were in serious danger.

That's why I'm here.

But what interest does the government have

in a private corporation?

I assume that since we are the major supplier

of the country's defense needs,

the government naturally has a very urgent interest.

Who wrote the letter?

Oh, it wasn't signed.

( Amelia sighs )

I think there's something more to this,

like a proposal Mr. West is waiting to lay before us.

Perhaps you are here

to protect the rest of us from our alleged slayer.

I want a free hand to ensure the security of this board.

Absolutely. MAN: Certainly.

Very well, gentlemen.

Then I move that we vote on Mr. West's proposal.

Aye.

MEN: Aye. Aye. Aye.

Aye. Aye.

I vote no.

( bangs gavel )

You see, Mr. West, by the board's own rules,

a favorable motion requires a unanimous vote.

Good day.

This is outrageous.

Most high-handed stunt she's pulled yet.

( all argue indistinctly ) ( gavel bangs )

We need protection. We need security.

For your own good, find a way of making her change her mind.

Good day.

( dramatic theme playing )

( indistinct chattering )

Mr. Gorhan, how are you, sir?

Fine, thank you.

Thank you, Carl.

WEST: Drink up, Mr. Gorhan,

and let's talk.

West.

What are you doing here?

I can't be seen talking to you.

You won't be, sir.

It's time we talked about the letter you wrote the president.

That I wrote?

All right.

But how did you know?

You have a very distinctive handwriting, sir.

It wasn't difficult to trace.

What makes you think Devoe and Carney were murdered?

The way they died. I knew them both too well.

Devoe drowned, but he was an extremely strong swimmer.

It's hardly likely that Carney, the master horseman,

would be thrown by his favorite horse, but he was.

And they died within two days of one another.

Makes a lot of sense.

Who do you think is behind this and why?

The motive was money. Millions.

It was a dump-and-panic scheme.

Devoe and Carney, as directors,

held huge blocks of Jupiter stock.

Someone sold them on the idea of dumping this on the market

to create a-- A selling panic wave.

( men laughing ) MAN: And I tell you,

the way this administration is running this government in debt,

something's gotta be done about it.

I'm gonna go down to Washington and see these people myself.

Go on.

Then when the stock hit the bottom of the storm cellar,

they were gonna make a killing.

Step in and pick up the pieces for pennies.

They came to me.

They wanted me to sit in on the deal.

Who is behind all of this?

They wouldn't tell me.

But I found out in my own way.

Jim West, you don't mind if I sit, do you?

You don't remember me.

No, I'm sorry, but I don't remember you.

Well, it was some time ago, but-- But still--

Would you excuse me? I-- I'm expecting someone.

Why don't we just have a drink.

Uh, we don't have to run off yet, do we?

( Gorhan grunts, screams )

How dare you interrupt my meditation!

Can't a woman have a drink

by herself in a public place without--?

Gorhan.

( action theme playing )

( suspenseful theme playing )

My name is James West.

I'd like to see Miss Bronston, please.

Do you have an appointment? No, sir, I don't.

Miss Bronston doesn't see anyone without an appointment, sir.

I realize that, but if you'll mention my name...

On second thought, I think I'll just write a letter.

Good day, gentlemen.

Bye.

( upbeat theme playing )

( playing )

♪ A maiden voice ♪

♪ Is a heart's refrain ♪

♪ And sings of feelings ♪

♪ Warm within ♪

♪ The sun of love ♪

♪ Must be all in vain ♪

♪ For the one that she loves ♪

♪ Will not hear ♪

♪ Dreams, dreams ♪

♪ Of a lady's life ♪

♪ All clothed in laces And finery ♪

♪ A poor maid's dreams Are all tinted in blue ♪

♪ For alas They shall never come true ♪

♪ Though winter softens ♪

♪ Into the spring ♪

♪ And melting white ♪

♪ Gives way to green ♪

♪ Still no one hears ♪

♪ The song I sing ♪

♪ My tears remain unseen ♪

♪ Dreams, dreams Of a lady's life ♪

♪ All clothed in laces ♪

♪ And finery ♪

♪ A poor maid's dreams Are all tinted in blue ♪

♪ For alas They have never come true ♪

You've got a lovely voice.

Mr. West-- Oh, don't be alarmed, please.

I'm just here to pay Miss Bronston a visit.

Do you usually come calling through second-story windows?

Only when I'm not permitted in the front door.

Mr. West, if Miss Bronston should find out that, uh--

Miss Bronston, I haven't had a very good day.

And before I take it out on your helpers,

I think you'd like to know what happened to the late Mr. Gorhan.

Late? He's dead?

Yes, he's dead.

You too, Kyra.

Was he murdered?

That makes three of the board members.

How did it--?

No, don't tell me.

The point is, you've come here

thinking that since there's been another victim,

surely Miss Bronston will change her vote

and allow you to protect the rest of the board members.

Is that correct?

That's exactly what I was thinking.

WEST: Your brother Simon?

AMELIA: Yes.

Late chairman of the board of Jupiter Corporation.

But he was more. Much more.

Simon was the Jupiter Corporation.

It all began with him.

He planned and designed its entire growth.

He spent every waking moment dreaming, scheming,

plotting out all the chess moves

that made the corporation the colossus that it is.

And all the while, the board harassed him,

obstructed him, fought him,

until finally his overburdened heart failed

and he died.

Now, like frightened children,

that panicky bunch of snivelers

expects the cooperation and protection

of their late victim's sister?

Well, it's not forthcoming, Mr. West.

Even if they are in danger, I won't lift a hand.

They can stew in their own juices.

That was really very well done, Lionel.

Thank you, Amelia.

I thought I was quite sharp today.

How sharp are you without weighted gloves?

What are you talking about?

Who's your friend, Amelia?

Uh, this is Mr. West, dear. He's with the government.

This is my nephew, Lionel. Simon's son.

How do you do? Miss Bronston, don't you think

we should finish our talk?

What the devil did you mean about the weighted gloves?

I meant very simply that they're weighted.

I'll show you I don't even need gloves.

Lionel.

I wouldn't do that if I were you.

Never lead with the right hand.

Get out!

Oh, one more thing, Miss Bronston.

It wasn't the board's dissension that killed your brother.

He was murdered.

( suspenseful theme playing )

( ominous theme playing )

( knock at door )

Miss Bronston, Lionel, won't you please come in?

You knew we would rise to the bait and come to see you,

didn't you, Mr. West?

Well, let's just say I was hoping you would.

Won't you please sit down?

All right, enough of that, West.

Let's you and I get down to cases.

Who murdered my father?

I don't know, Lionel.

Then why are you so sure he was murdered?

There were three board members murdered.

I assume your father was also murdered.

If I find the killer of one,

I think I'll have the killer of all.

All right. I won't stand in your way.

But after the murder of my father is cleared up--

You're gonna come for me.

That's right.

Remember, West, we have a date that we're going to keep.

( door closes )

An Albanian refugee in Chicago

makes up those cigars for Lionel.

Really?

I can guess who makes up his weighted gloves.

( chuckles )

Need I give the reasons why?

Life's a jungle. Is that, uh--? Is that a good beginning?

Well, let's say big business is a jungle.

May I have a glass of sherry, please?

By all means.

One of these days, Lionel is going to take

his father's place as head of the corporation.

But before that happens,

he's going to have to learn to be tough,

to master the art of going for the jugular,

the way his father used to do.

I don't like you, Mr. West.

You make me feel threatened.

That happens sometimes.

But only with women that are out to prove

that it's not a man's world.

And I don't like your neatly wrapped,

homegrown analyses, either.

( chuckles )

But to get down to cases, as Lionel insists on saying,

when Simon died, it was the end of the world.

Somehow, we all thought of him as indestructible.

Then when the shock wore off,

the board began acting like what they are:

a pack of jackals, yapping and snarling

at the big, juicy carcass of Jupiter Corporation.

Then they voted me in as chairman

because they thought they could control me.

But I've been a big, big disappointment to them

because I insist on acting like a chairman.

I've called a special meeting of the board for 2 tomorrow.

I hope you'll be there.

I think you'll find it very interesting.

I like interesting meetings.

( both chuckle )

And now Gorhan.

This has got to be stopped.

We must have protection.

( gavel bangs )

AMELIA: The meeting will come to order.

Please be seated.

Gentlemen, yesterday I vetoed Mr. West's proposal

to undertake to provide for the board's security.

I thought then, and-- And I still think,

that it's unfair to Mr. West

to burden him with such a great responsibility.

You made your attitude perfectly clear yesterday.

Unless, I was about to add,

unless Mr. West is given a position

commensurate with his responsibilities.

VAN CLEVE: Such as?

AMELIA: I'll put it in the form of a motion.

I move that until Mr. West's task is completed,

he be made acting chairman of the board.

KESSEL: That is absolutely preposterous!

VAN CLEVE: I'll second that.

( gavel bangs )

AMELIA: Gentlemen, I want to make something very clear.

Unless Mr. West is made chairman,

I will continue to veto any move for the board's security.

I don't have to remind you what that means.

Carney. Devoe.

And now Gorhan.

Now, we can spend the whole afternoon

debating the proposal, or we can take a vote.

Mr. Van Cleve, will you do the honors?

I vote...

yes.

MEN: Yes. Yes. Yes.

Well, now that I'm acting chairman,

what makes you think I'm qualified for that job?

Because the way things stand now,

that job calls for a man.

A man with all the qualities you have.

Besides, you'll have a most capable assistant.

An assistant?

AMELIA: Yes, he was brought up in the business.

He knows every aspect of it.

You'll find Lionel invaluable.

Oh, Amelia, you can't be serious.

I don't like Mr. West any better than you do, Lionel.

But he is going to find your father's murderer for us.

I know-- And

you are going to help him in every possible way.

Is that understood?

All right.

Come on.

( door closes )

Well, where do we start?

Lionel, you can start

by telling me how a dump-and-panic scheme works.

Its primary function

is to drive the market price of a stock down.

You get your hands on as much stock as possible,

then dump it, sell,

which scares others into selling.

And which forces the prices down.

At which time, you buy back all you can

at very cheap prices.

And if you get enough of the stock,

you get control of the company.

Uh, how can you find out who is doing the buying

in a situation like this?

Well, if they're trying to be innocent,

they're probably using a variety of phony names.

And phony addresses.

No, not necessarily.

Since only the names are registered on the daily sales,

the manipulators might have just one phony address

for all those names.

Then we've got to find that address.

Well, if it's Jupiter stock you're talking about,

all you'd have to do is get ahold of the brokers

and get their records and dig through them.

Okay, Lionel, start digging.

Me?

You.

That's a clerk's job.

Lionel, I don't care what they call it.

Get going.

Make me.

It's a fine job for the chairman of the board.

( dramatic theme playing )

( knock at door )

Come in.

More deliveries from the stockbrokers.

You've been doing nothing

but look through all those dreary papers.

When are you going to rest?

When I find what I'm looking for.

How's your eye?

It's healing nicely.

It's not the first time I ran into a lamppost.

A lamppost named West. I hate him.

Good night, Kyra.

If it was only a fair fight, you'd beat him.

I don't know.

At times, I'm just sure I can thrash him.

And then at times, I-- I don't-- I don't know.

It's hard to lay a hand on him.

( sniffs )

What's that I smell?

Uh, it's my perfume. Do you like it?

It's a little strong.

Kyra, I have got to get back to work.

But Lionel...

Kyra, I-- I know I--

Great Scott, this is it!

What is what?

This is the address. 842 McNider Court.

Look at all these names. 842-- Here's another one.

And another one.

( calliope music plays ) ( people chatter indistinctly )

Ho! Hey!

( applause )

Name it.

Tell me, have you seen a J.P. Cantwell around here?

Never heard of him.

All right. How about Godfrey Brandt?

No.

Lester Padgett?

No.

Duncan Brice? John--?

Hold it. Did you say Duncan Brice?

Yeah.

Find him in the back room.

Fine. Thank you, my good man.

All right.

Hello? Is anybody...?

Ah. Ah, there you are.

Which one of you is Duncan Brice?

Oh, now, don't force me to use violence.

I'd hate to be responsible for any injuries.

( suspenseful theme playing )

( dramatic theme playing )

All right, Kyra, let's go over it one more time.

Again? Again.

I've gone through every single one of those papers,

and the address Lionel found is not among them.

Now, what does that mean?

Really, Mr. West, what are you gaining

by bullying the girl this way?

Results, I hope.

Well, Kyra?

I forget.

It means he took the address with him.

Lionel doesn't need your help.

WEST: Where did he go?

KYRA: I tell you he doesn't need you.

If you found out something, I have to know.

No.

You listen to me. If that boy runs across the killers,

you'll never see him alive again.

Kyra, if you know something about Lionel, tell Mr. West.

He's here to help us.

842 McNider Court.

Thank you.

I've called a meeting of the board for 2:00.

If I'm not there by then,

you see that everyone waits for me.

My poor Lionel.

He just wanted to try it himself.

Oh, I'm sure you've done the right thing, dear.

Mwah.

( upbeat theme playing )

Thank you.

Giddyup.

( calliope music playing )

( indistinct chattering )

Yes, sir. Whiskey, please.

Quite a crowd you have here.

Yeah, it's a busy place.

Uh, you can do me a favor.

I'll try. ( pours )

I'm looking for a friend, and I don't, uh--

I don't see him here.

He's, um, blond, young,

wearing a turtleneck with a jacket.

I can't say as I've seen him.

Well, thank you.

Bartender.

Yeah?

He smokes cigars like these.

I'll tell you, mister.

I've only been on duty about 15 minutes.

Why don't you have a seat over there?

I'll check with Adolf. He had the late shift.

Thank you.

BOTH: Hiyo, hiyo, hiyo! Yeah!

Hiyo! Ha, ha!

( applause )

( applause )

Here they are, ladies and gentlemen,

the greatest seal act you've ever seen.

Everybody clear, back up to the bar.

You're all right there, sir.

( seals bark )

How about a three-trick salute?

Come on, let's get our hands up.

That's a boy. Now, what about--?

How about it, Nipper?

Okay, now Corky, you want to give him a kiss?

That's it.

Now, how about a great big handstand?

Come on, let's get our-- Get our tails up high.

( both bark )

Corky, Corky. ( audience laughs )

Corky, come on, let's get them up.

That's a boy.

How about the whistle? You're gonna blow the whistle?

Nipper. Nipper. Pick it up. Come on.

Come on. Come on, come on.

( blows whistle )

( audience applauds )

Nipper, Nipper, come on, Nip.

Come on, Nip. Get over here. Come on.

How about a handstand? Come on, get your tail up.

Come on. ( audience laughs )

That's a boy. Now, take your seat.

Nipper. Corky.

That's a boy. Come on, let's go.

Come on. Come on. Nipper, Corky, come on.

Nipper again. Come on. ( audience applauds )

Okay, Nipper, come on, Nip. Come on. Over here.

Right over here, boy.

Turn around. Turn around. Take the ball.

Now in a handstand. Get your tail up. Get your tail up.

Come on, get it up. Come on, now. Get it up.

Take your seat. Take your seat. Take your seat.

All the way up. Now, I want a handstand now.

You have to get your tail up high. Let's get it up high.

Way up high.

Hey, what's going on? What happened?

I don't know.

Get him.

Come on.

( action theme playing )

( loud bang )

( mumbling )

Oh, wait till I tell you what those unspeakable--

Those-- WEST: Let's get out of here.

Hey, West, look at this.

It's made of wood.

A replica of the boardroom.

And mannequins as board members.

There's an answer here someplace, Lionel.

It's becoming more and more obvious.

This wasn't all put here by accident.

( suspenseful theme playing )

( ominous theme playing )

Are you all right, West?

Be all right as soon as I get my morning coffee.

Did you see who hit us?

Well, apparently all the board members weren't mannequins.

Sure went to a lot of trouble. You got any idea why?

The idea, Lionel, is for us to stay

right where we are for the next five minutes.

LIONEL: Why for the next five minutes?

Because it's going to take about five minutes

for that candle to burn through the leather.

And we're going to become a bull's-eye

for the largest arrow you've ever seen.

Arrow? Well, both of us?

Me first. Then you.

That-- That's too bad.

It-- It looks like I won't get that chance to--

That chance to thrash me?

Honestly, Lionel, I'd like you to have that chance right now.

Lionel, try rocking with me.

See if we can loosen these chairs.

I'd like to know what this is all about

before we end up as bull's-eyes.

Duplicate boardroom. Duplicate board members.

Why?

I think it's a dry run.

Huh? What does that mean?

Everything in this room is for a rehearsal.

Mr. X went to a lot of trouble for this.

Well, what's his plan?

To eliminate all the board members.

I'll give you odds that the machine gun

in the real boardroom is a real machine gun.

( indistinct chattering )

Well, our new chairman is off to an auspicious start.

Calls for a meeting at 2:00 and fails to show up himself.

Wait a minute, gentlemen. Listen to this.

"I may be unavoidably detained for a few minutes.

"Please bear with this. Sit down and wait for me.

James West."

Let's wait, gentlemen.

Yeah. We have no choice.

( sighs )

( suspenseful theme playing )

Let's try-- Let's together, Lionel. Together.

That's it.

How's that candle doing?

Very nicely.

Right now, I think we better give it everything we have.

One, two, three.

( upbeat theme playing )

( rushing footsteps )

BOTH: Get down! Down!

Everyone stay down and be absolutely quiet.

Sorry, Miss Bronston.

Didn't work out.

You're not an easy man to beat, Mr. West.

But perhaps I can.

With lovely, little Kyra and a gun.

You?

Now, stand back, all of you,

before an accident happens to Kyra.

Aunt Amelia.

Aunt Amelia.

How typically brilliant of you, Lionel.

Why can't you be clever like Mr. West?

I'm sure he's already figured out about your father.

What do you mean?

She'll tell you, Lionel.

He was a fool.

A stupid, pompous, overstuffed fool

like this prized collection here.

But at least Simon knew,

and he let me run the show behind the scenes.

That was until you made the mistake

of bringing him into your scheme.

He refused, so you had to kill him.

Then Devoe. And then Carney.

Of course I had them killed. They were all fools.

I would have made them wealthy beyond their dreams.

But I needed the stocks they held.

And once they learned my scheme,

they tried to cut me out.

They thought they could stop me, but they didn't.

It took a while,

but I finally bought all the shares I need.

I must say, you-- You surprised me, Lionel,

when you bumbled your way

onto that address in the records.

But it doesn't matter. You'll die with all the rest.

And I will finally control this company.

No, not Lionel!

Jupiter Corporation's finest achievement:

the mercury phosphorous grenade.

The newspapers will make a great deal

of the unfortunate accident

that wiped out the entire board membership,

including their brand-new chairman.

( laughs )

Miss Bronston, please look behind you.

Such an obvious trick.

I expected better of you, Mr. West.

( screams )

( loud thud )

( upbeat western theme playing )

Would you read that back to me, please?

"Needless to say, I have already submitted my resignation

"as chairman of the board of the Jupiter Corporation.

"And I think it's safe to assume

that it will be accepted by the directors."

Mm. You do that very well.

Thank you.

Would you like to continue this in the morning, Mr. West?

You seem to be expecting someone for dinner.

Well, as a matter of fact, I am.

( knock at door )

Come in.

West, I think it's time you and I had a little talk.

Not now, Lionel.

Yes, there are some things I have to get straight.

First of all, thanks to your recommendation,

I have just been elected chairman of the board.

Secondly, thanks to you,

I think I know how to handle the job now.

And third, thanks for everything.

It's my pleasure.

And fourth, you and I have a date to keep.

The 20th of the month.

Lionel and I are being married.

Lionel, you've got a lot more sense

than I gave you credit for having.

Miss Drost, that will be all.

Good night, Mr. West.

Good night.

Why don't you come in.

Thank you. Thank you.

Now, this calls for a celebration.

Right.

You're having someone for dinner?

Yes, as a matter of fact, I am.

Why don't you join me.

Oh, no, we couldn't do that.

I'd be highly honored if you would.

Lionel, as a matter of fact,

this might be a good opportunity

for your future wife to get some practical experience.

In the kitchen.

Come on.

( laughs )

Lionel, you've got to break these women in right.

( upbeat theme playing )

( upbeat western theme playing )