Original subtitles

[WIND HOWLS]

[CLOCK TICKING]

[OBJECT THUDS]

HO, HO, HO. YES, YES, THIS IS LOVELY.

OH, THIS ONE CERTAINLY.

LET ME CHECK MY LIST.

SCHMEIKERT, SCHMUCKLY, AND SCHMUCKER.

YES.

* GOT A WIFE AND TWO KIDS, ALL GATHERED AROUND *

* A 20-POUND TURKEY *

* SNOW ON THE GROUND *

* WHO SAYS THERE AIN'T NO SANTA CLAUS? *

* ERIC WANTS A GLOVE, HE TEARS INTO A BOX *

* HIS EYES ARE WIDE WITH WONDER *

* I SIT BACK AND WATCH *

* WHO SAYS THERE AIN'T NO SANTA CLAUS? *

* I HAVEN'T HEARD A SINGLE REINDEER *

* RUNNING ON MY ROOF *

* I JUST LOOK INTO MY CHILDREN'S EYES *

* AND THERE I SEE MY PROOF *

* AND COULD IT BE THAT JOLLY OLD MAN *

* RIDING IN HIS SLEIGH? *

* IS REALLY JUST THE KID IN US *

* ON EVERY CHRISTMAS DAY *

* WHO SAYS THERE AIN'T NO SANTA CLAUS? *

* MOLLY GETS A DOLL, AND MOMMA'S CAMERA CLICKS *

* GUESS WE ALL GET THE PUPPY *

* HE'S GETTING IN HIS LICKS *

* WHO SAYS THERE AIN'T NO SANTA CLAUS? *

* I'M TRYING TO READ A CARD IN CROOKED RED AND BLUE *

* ONLY PART THAT REALLY MATTERS IS "DADDY, WE LOVE YOU" *

* WHO SAYS THERE AIN'T NO SANTA CLAUS? *

* I HAVEN'T HEARD A SINGLE REINDEER *

* RUNNING ON MY ROOF *

* I JUST LOOK INTO MY CHILDREN'S EYES *

* AND THERE I SEE MY PROOF *

* AND COULD IT BE THAT JOLLY OLD MAN *

* RIDING IN HIS SLEIGH? *

* IS REALLY JUST THE KID IN US *

* ON EVERY CHRISTMAS DAY *

* WHO SAYS THERE AIN'T NO SANTA CLAUS? *

[MALE NEWSCASTER] IS IT ANIMAL CRUELTY OR JUST SENIOR PRANK FUN?

GOOD MORNING, ARIZONA. I'M ANDERSON HEMMER.

THERE'S BREAKING NEWS OUT OF WASHINGTON, D.C. THIS MORNING,

WHEN THE NATIONAL MOVEMENT

TO BAN THE BELIEF IN SANTA CLAUS

CAME TO A HEAD EARLY THIS MORNING.

THE SENATE OVERWHELMINGLY APPROVED THE VOTE

82 TO 18

TO BAN THE BELIEF IN JOLLY OL' SAINT NICK.

AND SPEARHEADING THE NATIONAL MOVEMENT ON THIS

IS OUR OWN ARIZONA U.S. SENATOR MAX SCHMUCKER.

AS A GENERATION, WE HAVE FAILED

BECAUSE OF OUR GREED AND OUR FOLLY.

OUR CHILDREN FACE A HARD FUTURE

RIFE WITH STRUGGLE AND TURMOIL.

WE CAN'T PREPARE THEM FOR THIS HARD FUTURE

BY FEEDING THEM A LIE

ABOUT A JOLLY, FAT MISANTHROPE

WHO COMES IN THE NIGHT AND GRANTS THEIR WISHES.

WE MUST TEACH THEM THE LESSONS THAT WE HAVE LEARNED.

WE ARE ALL, EACH ONE OF US,

IN CHARGE OF OUR OWN DESTINY,

AND THEREFORE MUST GRANT OUR OWN WISHES.

ON THE LOCAL FRONT--

WHAT'S UP WITH THAT GUY?

WHY AREN'T PEOPLE BELIEVING IN SANTA ANYMORE, DADDY?

I DON'T KNOW, SWEETHEART.

DAVID BAXTER SAYS IT'S BECAUSE NO ONE CAN SEE SANTA.

WHO CARES WHAT STINKY OLD DAVEY BAXTER THINKS ANYWAY.

JUST BECAUSE SOME SENATOR DOESN'T BELIEVE IN SANTA CLAUS

DOESN'T MEAN THAT WE CAN'T, RIGHT?

YEP. THAT'S RIGHT.

[ALARM BEEPS]

ALL RIGHT, THAT'S THE BUS, GUYS.

LAST ONE TO THE BUS IS A POOPER SCOOPER.

YOU GOT YOUR HOMEWORK? GOT IT.

ZACH, YOU GOT YOUR HOMEWORK?

WAIT UP, ZACH. OKAY.

SENATOR SCHMUCKER, WHAT ARE YOUR PLANS FOR THE PRESIDENCY?

SENATOR, ARE YOU CONSIDERING A CAMPAIGN?

LISTEN, IF A RUN FOR THE PRESIDENCY'S IN THE CARDS,

I'LL CERTAINLY TAKE IT VERY SERIOUSLY,

BUT IN THE MEANTIME

ALL OF MY FOCUS IS ON REMOVING THE SANTA MYTHOS

FROM OUR CULTURE AND CERTAINLY OUR SCHOOLS.

NOW, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, I HAVE OUR GOVERNMENT'S WORK TO DO.

SENATOR--

VULTURES, EACH AND EVERY ONE OF THEM.

THEY'RE NOT LIKE VULTURES, MAX.

THEY WON'T UNTIL YOU DIE BEFORE THEY EAT YOU.

YOU KNOW, MAX, I HOPE YOU DON'T GET CAUGHT UP

IN THIS WHOLE SANTA THING.

IF THEY WANT YOU TO ANSWER QUESTIONS ABOUT THE ECONOMY,

ANSWER THE QUESTIONS ABOUT THE ECONOMY. OKAY?

I WILL. IF THEY ASK SMART QUESTIONS, I WILL ANSWER THEM.

TEETH.

MM, LOVELY.

YOU KNOW, I DON'T HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING YOU SAY.

WELL, THEN DON'T.

DRIVE, CAN WE JUST MOVE ALONG, PLEASE?

CAN YOU BACK UP FIRST?

SO ABRAHAM LINCOLN

AND STEPHEN A. DOUGLAS

TOURED THE COUNTRY DEBATING THE MORALITY OF SLAVERY

AND THE LOGIC BEHIND IT.

NOW, WHO REMEMBERS WHAT YEAR THESE DEBATES TOOK PLACE?

MILEY. WHAT'S THAT, MILEY?

IT'S SANTA. HE'S SAD BECAUSE NO ONE BELIEVES IN HIM ANYMORE.

EXCEPT FOR ME AND ZACH.

I BELIEVE IN SANTA CLAUS.

YOU DO?

MS. PIPKIN, MAY I HAVE A WORD WITH YOU, PLEASE?

LEGISLATION BANNING SANTA CLAUS HAS PASSED.

THERE'S NO MORE SANTA CLAUS.

YOU DON'T TALK ABOUT HIM IN CLASS.

NO PICTURES, NO SANTA CLAUS.

YES, SIR, I UNDERSTAND.

THANK YOU.

THAT'S ALL FOR TODAY, CLASS.

HOMEWORK WILL BE DUE FIRST THING TOMORROW MORNING.

BYE, MILEY.

BYE, ELISA.

THEY'RE GETTING RID OF SANTA, AREN'T THEY?

I'M AFRAID SO, SWEETIE.

NONE OF THIS WOULD HAPPEN

IF SANTA WOULD JUST SHOW THE WORLD HE'S OUT THERE.

OH, MILEY--

[GRUNTING]

HEY.

[SIGHS] HEY.

I GUESS YOU HEARD, HUH?

YEAH.

WHY DO THEY HAVE TO BAN SANTA FROM CHRISTMAS?

I MEAN, WHY?

I DON'T KNOW.

HEY, HOW Y'ALL DOING?

[MILEY] HI, DADDY. HI, SASHA.

WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO WITH THAT RUMPLED OLD POSTER?

UH-- [SIGHS]

[RUMBLING]

YOU WANT SOME OF THIS? YOU WANT SOME OF THIS?

LOGAN POWER. [GRUNTS]

THERE'S SOMETHING IN THE--

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

OH, GOD, CAN'T YOU KNOCK?

COME ON. THERE'S SOMETHING IN THE BARN. COME ON, COME ON.

OH, MY GOD!

[SHOUTING]

DID YOU SEE THAT?

WHAT?

COME ON. HURRY UP.

DO YOU NOT SEE ME RUNNING?

WHAT DO YOU SEE?

[MAN] HO, HO, HO, DON'T WORRY.

WOW.

WHAT IS IT?

SANTA.

SANTA?

WHERE'S SANTA?

HE WAS HERE.

I SAW HIM.

YOU'RE JUST IMAGINING THINGS.

NO, HE WAS HERE.

ASK LEROY.

OKAY, FINE, I'LL ASK LEROY.

HEY, LEROY, WAS SANTA HERE?

DOESN'T SOUND LIKE IT.

LISTEN, WE SHOULD GET BACK TO THE HOUSE.

MOM AND DAD WILL WONDER WHERE WE ARE.

BUT I KNOW HE WAS HERE.

COME ON.

I'M TELLING YOU, I KNOW WHAT I SAW.

YEAH, YEAH, I'M SURE YOU DID.

YOU BELIEVE ME, PLEASE.

WHATEVER.

SANTA WAS THERE, I PROMISE YOU.

YEAH, AND THE EASTER BUNNY'S IN THE KITCHEN.

COME ON.

I'M TELLING YOU. YOU SAW THE LIGHT.

IT WAS MAGICAL,

AND SANTA WAS THERE.

YOU BELIEVE ME, DON'T YOU?

MILEY, COME ON. I MEAN, SERIOUSLY.

[CHUCKLES]

JUST FOLLOW ME.

BE GENTLE.

SO WHAT ARE THESE COOKIES FOR?

THEY'RE FOR SANTA. WHO ELSE WOULD THEY BE FOR?

MAN, THESE COOKIES MOM MADE ARE REALLY GOOD.

YOU FEED LEROY. I GOT DUKE.

[MUTTERS]

DUKE, WANT A CARROT?

[MILEY GIGGLES]

LOOK. OH, YEAH, YOU LIKE THAT.

THAT WAS A HARD BITE.

[WHISPERING] MILEY.

YEAH?

GOTCHA. YES!

HEY! HEY! WHO TURNED OUT THE LIGHTS?

COME HERE, YOU LITTLE BOOGER.

HOLD STILL. WE AREN'T GOING TO HURT YOU. I PROMISE.

YOU CAN COME OUT.

WE HAVE YOUR LITTLE FRIEND.

YEAH, COME ON OUT. GAME'S UP.

WE MEAN NO HARM, SANTA.

HONEST.

[SANTA] HO, HO, HO.

HO, HO, HO, HO.

HO, HO, HO, HO, HO.

WOW. YOU'RE BIG.

IT IS YOU.

HO, HO, HO, HO.

CLEVER LITTLE ONES, AREN'T YOU?

TOO CLEVER.

SORRY ABOUT THAT.

HO, HO, HO, HO.

THIS WILL GO ON THE NAUGHTY LIST, YOU KNOW.

OH, THERE, THERE, ELLIOT.

YOU'RE THE ONE WHO COULDN'T RESIST THE COOKIES.

WELL, DASHER AND DANCER, I KNOW, BUT...

BESIDES, WE ARE GUESTS IN THEIR HOME.

YOU CAN BE A GUEST ANYTIME, SANTA.

WE SAW THE GLOW EARLIER.

MY SISTER SAID SHE SAW YOU.

HM, IT SEEMS SHE DID.

BUT HOW DID YOU GET HERE?

WELL, THAT IS A GOOD QUESTION.

WE GOT HERE--

HM. WE GOT HERE--

HOW EXACTLY DID WE GET HERE, ELLIOT?

I DON'T REALLY THINK YOU SHOULD--

YOU SEE, WE TRAVEL

THROUGH A SERIES OF MAGIC PORTALS

THAT TAKE US ALL AROUND THE WORLD.

PORTALS?

YES, LIKE A MAGIC DOOR

OR A PASSAGE.

RIGHTEOUS.

RIGHTEOUS INDEED.

SO THE LAST THING I REMEMBER,

WE WERE GOING AROUND THE WORLD

AND CHECKING TO SEE IF THE CHILDREN HAD BEEN NAUGHTY OR NICE

IN THE FINE TOWNS OF TIMBUKTU

AND KALAMAZOO

WHEN ALL OF A SUDDEN WE FOUND OURSELVES HERE

IN HOPE, ARIZONA

INSTEAD OF THE NORTH POLE.

THERE MUST'VE BEEN A SHORT IN THE SYSTEM.

HM.

SO WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO BACK?

WE CAN'T.

WHATEVER THE GLITCH IN THE SYSTEM IS,

WON'T ALLOW US.

SYSTEM?

YOU'VE USED ALL YOUR QUESTIONS.

OH, ELLIOT, IT'S OKAY.

THE TRUTH IS THAT WE DON'T KNOW.

THE MAGIC PORTALS ARE NOT WORKING THE WAY THAT THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO AT THIS MOMENT.

THAT MEANS YOU'RE STUCK HERE WITH US?

HM, IT WOULD SEEM SO.

YOU CAN STAY HERE FOR EVER, SANTA.

[CHUCKLES] OH, MILEY LOGAN.

YOU HAVE ALWAYS HAD AN EXTRA SPECIAL HEART.

HOW DO YOU KNOW HER NAME?

ZACH, I KNOW ALL THE NAMES

OF ALL THE CHILDREN AROUND THE WORLD.

WOW, SO IT IS TRUE.

[CHUCKLES]

SO WHAT NOW?

WELL... [CLEARS THROAT]

FIRST OF ALL,

YOU MUSTN'T TELL ANYONE ABOUT US.

IT'S ONE OF THE SPECIAL RULES THAT WE HAVE TO FOLLOW.

RULES? OH, YES.

EVEN SANTA HAS RULES.

IN FACT WE HAVE A RULE BOOK.

WHOA, THAT'S BIG.

THERE'S ONLY ONE PAGE?

I HEARD THEY HAVE WRITER'S BLOCK.

[CHUCKLES] RULE NUMBER ONE.

NEVER SHOW YOURSELVES TO MORTALS.

OH, UH, UNLESS WE ENCOUNTER THE OCCASIONAL ACCIDENT, OF COURSE,

LIKE YOU SEEING US.

RULE NUMBER TWO.

WE CAN NEVER USE OUR POWERS FOR EVIL.

WHO WOULD WANT TO?

I DON'T KNOW.

I DON'T EITHER. RULE NUMBER THREE.

AND PROBABLY THE MOST IMPORTANT RULE OF ALL.

WE MUST NEVER INTERFERE WITH THE LIVES OF MORTALS

IN ANY WAY.

HM.

WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU BREAK A RULE?

DON'T KNOW. NEVER DONE IT.

YOU THINK WE COULD TRUST THEM?

YOUR SECRET'S SAFE WITH US, SANTA.

SCOUT'S HONOR.

I BELIEVE YOU, ZACH.

YOUR PARENTS WILL BE BACK SOON.

HOW DO YOU KNOW?

YOU BEST GET HOPPING.

OKAY.

WAIT, IF YOU FIX YOUR GLITCH IN THE SYSTEM,

YOU WON'T LEAVE WITHOUT SAYING GOOD-BYE, WILL YOU?

OF COURSE NOT.

SCOUT'S HONOR.

OH, WAIT.

IT WOULD BE A SERIOUS MAR ON MY REPUTATION

IF YOU LEFT MY PRESENCE WITHOUT A LITTLE SOMETHING.

THANKS, SANTA.

WHOA, LET ME SEE. COME ON.

STEVE WAS FINISHING SHOEING BUCKY, AND HE KICKED,

AND STEVE ABOUT JUMPED OUT OF HIS BOOTS,

AND, WELL, AND SOMETHING ELSE.

SO HOW WAS SCHOOL?

FINE, I GUESS.

THEY STARTED TAKING DOWN THE SANTA DECORATIONS.

SO THAT'S WHERE THE POSTER IN YOUR ROOM CAME FROM.

MM-HM.

WELL, I LIKE IT. IT WAS, LIKE, LIFE-SIZE.

LIFE-SIZE? NOT EVEN CLOSE.

HE'S A GOOD 6' 7" AT LEAST.

REALLY? [CHUCKLES]

OH, YOU KNOW, SO I'VE BEEN TOLD.

I MIGHT'VE READ IT SOMEWHERE.

HM.

WHERE'D YOU GET THAT NECKLACE?

GUMBALL MACHINE AT SCHOOL.

ANYWAY, THAT SCHMUCKER GUY HAS NO CLUE WHAT HE'S TALKING ABOUT.

WELL, HE'S ENTITLED TO HIS OPINION.

EVEN IF WE DON'T LIKE IT.

HE'S ENTITLED TO A LOT MORE THAN THAT. HM.

LOGAN POWER. [CHUCKLES]

HONEY.

I'M GOING TO GO DO THE BARN CHECK BEFORE DARK.

NO, DAD. WHY DON'T YOU LET MILEY AND ME DO IT?

YEAH, DAD.

I APPRECIATE THE OFFER, BUT DON'T Y'ALL HAVE SOME HOMEWORK TO DO?

AT LEAST LET US HELP YOU.

WE'LL GET OUT HOMEWORK DONE.

PROMISE.

HUH, I DON'T FEEL A FEVER.

READY TO DO IT, THEN?

MM-HM. LET'S GO. GO.

ALL RIGHT, HOMEWORK RIGHT WHEN YOU GET BACK.

LOVE YOU. LOVE YOU.

DON'T KEEP THEM OUT TOO LONG.

I WON'T.

WAIT, WAIT, YOU CAN'T GO IN THERE.

WHAT IS IT?

UM, YOU CAN'T GO IN THERE.

YOU SEE, LEROY AND DUKE MIGHT NOT BE READY FOR YOU YET.

MM-HM.

LEROY AND DUKE MAY NOT BE READY?

YEAH, DADDY.

ANIMALS NEED THEIR PRIVACY, TOO.

[CHUCKLES] IS THAT SO?

YEAH, THEY TAUGHT US THAT IN SCHOOL.

OH. MY TAX DOLLARS HARD AT WORK, HUH?

OKAY. [WHISTLING]

THINK THEY HAD ENOUGH TIME?

I'LL CHECK.

OKAY, COAST IS CLEAR.

THEY TAUGHT US THAT IN SCHOOL, TOO.

NOW I'LL SLEEP BETTER AT NIGHT KNOWING THAT.

ALL RIGHT.

HEY, LEROY, HOW YOU DOING, BUDDY?

HEY, LEROY.

HEY.

Y'ALL EAT ALL THOSE?

WELL, WE WEREN'T SURE

WHAT TIME YOU AND MOM WERE GOING TO BE BACK,

AND WE WERE-- WE WERE--

WE WERE HUNGRY.

REALLY.

YOU KNOW ABOUT SWEETS BEFORE DINNER.

WE KNOW.

CAN'T SAY I BLAME YOU.

PRETTY DARN GOOD, AREN'T THEY?

[CHUCKLES] ALL RIGHT.

Y'ALL TAKE THIS WHEELBARROW OVER THERE AND CLEAN SOME STALLS.

DAD, DO YOU WANT ALL THE STALLS

OR JUST DUKE'S?

THANKS.

ANYTIME, JOE.

I GOTTA LAY OFF THOSE HABANERAS

CLEAN THEM ALL.

OKAY.

MAN, YOU ARE SO CLEANING THE FIRST ONE.

MILEY.

LET'S GO.

WOW. COOL.

HO, HO, HO.

IF ELLIOT AND I CAN'T BE AT THE NORTH POLE TONIGHT,

I THOUGHT I MIGHT BRING A BIT OF THE NORTH POLE TO US.

HOW LONG DID THIS TAKE?

OOH, NOT LONG AT ALL.

NOW YOU SEE IT, AND NOW YOU DON'T.

WOW.

COOL. DO THAT AGAIN.

HO, HO, HO, HERE WE GO.

NOW YOU SEE IT.

AND NOW YOU DON'T.

UH, NOW YOU SEE IT. NOW YOU DON'T.

UH, NOW YOU SEE IT. NOW YOU DON'T.

OOH. WHAT'S WRONG, SANTA?

I'M NOT SURE.

IT'S LIKE TONIGHT, WHEN DAD WAS HERE,

THAT WAS A CLOSE CALL.

[MILEY] YEAH. THE GLITCH IN THE HITCH.

MUST BE WORSE THAN I THOUGHT.

WHERE DID THAT HITCH OF YOURS COME FROM?

WHY, FROM YOU OF COURSE.

ME? I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING--

FROM ALL OF YOU,

FROM THE WHOLE WORLD IN FACT.

YOU SEE, IT'S YOUR BELIEF IN ME

THAT PROVIDES THE MAGICAL MOMENTS

THAT SURROUND ME.

IT'S QUITE SIMPLE REALLY.

SO IF PEOPLE STOP BELIEVING.

THEN THE MAGICAL MOMENTS STOP AS WELL.

SAD BUT TRUE.

WHAT WOULD HAPPEN TO YOU, SANTA?

WELL, I SUPPOSE EVENTUALLY I WOULD CEASE TO EXIST.

NO, YOU CAN'T, SANTA.

OH, NOW, NOW, NOW.

WE MUSTN'T WORRY ABOUT THINGS THAT WE DON'T KNOW ABOUT.

ALL WILL BE FINE. ALL IN GOOD TIME.

OKAY.

SANTA'S NOT DONE YET.

IT MUST HAVE TO DO WITH MAX SCHMUCKER'S PLAN

TO BAN YOU FROM CHRISTMAS.

SCHMUCKER?

HE WAS ON THE NAUGHTY LIST FOR YEARS AS A KID.

OH, SWEET LITTLE BOY. A BIT DIFFICULT, I SUPPOSE.

HE WAS NOTHING MORE THAN--

NOTHING MORE THAN A SAD LITTLE BOY

WHO NEEDED LOVE AND AFFECTION.

IF THERE'S ONE THING WE'VE LEARNED IN THESE MODERN TIMES,

IT'S THAT MONEY CAN'T BUY YOU HAPPINESS.

YOU THINK HIS PLAN TO MAKE PEOPLE STOP BELIEVING IN YOU

IS CAUSING YOU TO LOSE YOUR MAGICAL POWERS?

WELL, IT IS A CAGEY COINCIDENCE.

IT MAKES PERFECT SENSE, SANTA.

THE DAY AFTER SCHMUCKER CALLED FOR THE VOTE

THIS ALL STARTED TO HAPPEN.

WELL, WE'VE WEATHERED THE STORM OF NONBELIEVERS BEFORE,

AND WE'VE ALWAYS COME OUT ALL RIGHT.

BUT THIS IS DIFFERENT. THIS IS A GLOBAL MOVEMENT.

OH, DEAR.

YOU MAY BE RIGHT.

YOU'VE GOT TO LET THE WORLD KNOW YOU'RE HERE, SANTA,

THAT YOU EXIST.

BUT IT'S IMPOSSIBLE.

WE CAN'T WILLINGLY SHOW OURSELVES TO MORTALS.

YOU REMEMBER.

EVEN IN A STATE OF EMERGENCY?

EVEN IN A STATE OF EMERGENCY.

MORTALS SPOTTING US IS ONE THING,

BUT US WILLINGLY SHOWING OURSELVES, IT'S IMPOSSIBLE,

NO MATTER WHAT.

OH, HAVE FAITH, LITTLE ONES.

THE MAN UPSTAIRS HAS A PLAN.

HE ALWAYS DOES.

NOW, I SEE TWO CHILDREN WHO OUGHT TO BE IN BED.

THE NAUGHTY AND NICE RULES STILL APPLY

DESPITE THE PRESENT CIRCUMSTANCES.

AND I DO BELIEVE

THAT THE TWO OF YOU

SNUCK OUT OF YOUR HOUSE

WITHOUT PERMISSION.

NOW, ELLIOT, I BELIEVE WE CAN MAKE AN EXCEPTION

IN THIS ONE CASE.

BUT I--

BUT WE ARE GUESTS, LIVING IN THEIR BARN.

WHAT ELSE IS IN THERE?

NOW, THAT'S A CONVERSATION FOR ANOTHER TIME.

COME ON, NOW, OFF TO BED.

OKAY, GOOD NIGHT. GOOD NIGHT.

GOOD NIGHT. MAY YOU DREAM OF CANDY-CANE KISSES

AND MILK-CHOCOLATE STARS.

OKAY, I THINK THEY'RE STILL ASLEEP.

AWESOME.

HOW ARE WE GOING TO HELP SANTA?

WOW. OH, I GOT IT.

WHAT?

SANTA SAID HE COULDN'T KNOWINGLY SHOW HIMSELF TO OTHERS, RIGHT?

RIGHT.

BUT HE DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE

DISCOVERING SANTA ON THEIR OWN.

LIKE WE DID.

OKAY, SO?

SO ALL WE'VE GOT TO DO IS GET SMUCKER, THE MEAN DUDE,

TO DISCOVER SANTA FOR HIMSELF.

ONCE HE SEES SANTA'S FOR REAL,

HE'LL HAVE TO CALL OFF THE MOVEMENT.

AND SANTA WILL GET HIS MAGICAL POWERS BACK.

THAT'S A GREAT IDEA.

BUT HOW ARE WE GOING TO DO THAT?

LEAVE THAT UP TO ME.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

YOU'LL SEE.

I'M GETTING US OUT OF SCHOOL TOMORROW.

KIDS, COME ON. LET'S GET A MOVE ON.

BUS IS GOING TO BE HERE.

[ZACH GROANING] ZACH?

ZACH?

IS EVERYTHING OKAY?

[GROANS]

OH, MY.

ALL RIGHT, BABY, JUST WAIT RIGHT HERE, OKAY?

I'LL BE RIGHT BACK. OKAY.

JOE. JOE.

YES!

MOMMA, MY TUMMY HURTS.

WHAT'S GOING ON?

THE KIDS ARE SICK.

OH, COOKIES. HUH, BUDDY?

UGH, LESSON LEARNED.

ALL RIGHT, GO GET IN BED.

[GROANS] OKAY.

JUST TRY AND GET SOME GINGER ALE OR SODA WATER

OR SOMETHING DOWN THEM, OKAY?

HONEY, I'M GOING WITH YOU.

NO, YOU'RE STAYING HERE.

STEVE'S HERE. HE CAN LOOK AFTER THEM.

STEVE? REALLY.

YEAH. BABY, PLEASE?

JUST STAY. IT'S A CHECKUP. I'LL BE FINE.

ALL RIGHT? JUST LET THE SCHOOL KNOW.

AND IF YOU LEAVE, USE THE WALKIE'S, ALL RIGHT?

ALL RIGHT. I LOVE YOU.

LOVE YOU. CALL ME ON YOUR WAY HOME.

I WILL. ALL RIGHT.

HUH, NOTHING LIKE A SUGAR COOKIE.

ALL RIGHT, I'M GOING TO THE TURN OUT.

I'M GOING TO WATCH STEVE RUN THAT COLT. ALL RIGHT?

OKAY, DAD. WE'LL BE IN OUR ROOMS.

CALL ME IF YOU NEED ME.

WILL DO.

ALL RIGHT. BE GOOD.

WE'RE IN BUSINESS.

OKAY, I THINK THE COAST IS CLEAR.

WHAT NOW?

NOW CAN YOU TELL ME WHAT YOU'RE DOING?

WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?

YOU'LL SEE.

[BEEPS]

[BEEPS]

THAT SHOULD DO IT.

YOU SEE, THOSE MOTION SENSORS

SENDS A SIGNAL TO THIS BOX

THE SAME WAY THE SCHOOL BUS DOES

WHEN IT COMES ONTO THE DRIVEWAY.

THAT WAY WE'LL KNOW WHEN DAD COMES THROUGH THE GATE.

GREAT IDEA.

AND ALL WE GOTTA DO IS RUN BACK TO THE HOUSE

AND WAIT FOR OUR CHECK-IN.

I GOTTA HAND IT TO YOU ON THIS ONE, ZACHY.

NOT BAD FOR FIFTH GRADE, HUH?

PLAYING HOOKY FROM SCHOOL.

THAT'S DEFINITELY A VIOLATION.

OH, ELLIOT.

NOW, YOU TWO LOOK LIKE YOU'RE UP TO SOMETHING.

WELL, WE FIGURED, SINCE SCHMUCKER'S MOVEMENT IS PROBABLY BEHIND ALL THIS,

WE THOUGHT WE'D CHALLENGE HIM.

CHALLENGE HIM?

YEAH, TO A DEBATE.

A DEBATE?

YEAH, LIKE LINCOLN AND DOUGLAS.

ZACH AND ME AGAINST HIM.

TWO KIDS AGAINST A WORLD RENOWNED POLITICIAN?

WE FIGURED WE HAVE THE ONE SECRET WEAPON THAT HE DOESN'T.

OH, WHAT'S THAT?

WE KNOW YOU EXIST.

HO, HO, HO.

SO TELL ME THIS.

HOW DO YOU PROPOSE TO GET MR. SCHMUCKER HERE?

[GIGGLES]

SO WHAT DO YOU SAY, MR. SCHMUCKER?

MANO-A-MANO, WINNER TAKE ALL.

UNLESS OF COURSE YOU'RE AFRAID OF LOSING TO A LITTLE GIRL.

OOH. HO, HO, HO, HO...

NOW I'LL I'VE GOT TO DO IS POST IT.

OKAY. COOL.

THAT WAS WONDERFUL, MILEY.

THANKS.

[BEEPS]

[BEEPING] WHAT'S THAT?

IT'S DAD.

OH. OH, NO.

IS HE HEADED TOWARDS THE HOUSE?

NO, HE'S HEADING TOWARDS THE BARN.

OH. THE DECORATIONS.

OH, NOW YOU SEE THEM. NOW YOU DON'T.

[GROANS]

OH, BELLS OF HOLLY, WE'RE IN TROUBLE.

NOW YOU SEE THEM. NOW YOU DON'T.

ALL RIGHT, I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW.

HE'S STILL GETTING CLOSER.

WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO DO THIS THE OLD FASHIONED WAY.

LET'S GET BUSY!

[CLAMORING]

CHILDREN, ELLIOT.

WE MUST WORK TOGETHER.

[CHATTERING]

[ZACH ON WALKIE-TALKIE] ZACH TO PAPA JOE. COME IN, PAPA JOE.

HEY, ZACH.

DAD, YOU NEED TO COME TO THE HOUSE, LIKE, RIGHT NOW.

I'M FIXING A SADDLE DUKE.

I'LL BE UP IN A FEW MINUTES. ALL RIGHT?

DAD, IT'S LIFE OR DEATH. JUST PLEASE COME TO THE HOUSE.

ALL RIGHT, I'LL BE RIGHT THERE.

THIS KIND OF THING ISN'T GOOD FOR MY BLOOD PRESSURE.

WHAT'S GOING ON, BUDDY?

I'M HUNGRY.

YOU'RE HUNGRY.

YEAH, A MAN HAS TO EAT.

THAT HE DOES.

I GUESS YOU'RE RUNNING ON EMPTY, AREN'T YOU?

GUESS SO.

WELL, WHAT DO YOU SAY WE GO DOWN TO THE KITCHEN

AND SEE WHAT WE CAN SCARE UP?

OH, I'M GOING TO HAVE SOME PA-TATERS.

PA-TATERS? LET'S GO, BUDDY.

ALL RIGHT, WE GOT THE WORLD FAMOUS PB&J

FOR MY NUMBER-ONE FAVORITE SON.

NOW, NEXT TIME YOU CALL ME, IT'S GONNA BE AN EMERGENCY.

ATTA BOY. BE GOOD. ALL RIGHT?

ON TO PHASE TWO.

OKAY, SO I UPLOADED OUR VIDEO

ONTO ALL THE MAJOR SITES.

YOU NAME IT-- NEWS CHANNEL, YOUTUBE, HULU, FACEBOOK, TWITTER,

DOT THIS, DOT THAT, EVERYTHING.

IT'S THE WHOLE ENCHILADA.

EXCELLENT.

NOW WHAT?

I'M NOT REALLY SURE.

MAYBE WE JUST SIT BACK AND WAIT FOR ALL THE COMMENTS TO ROLL IN.

YEAH, MAKES SENSE.

GET READY, SMUCKER.

GET READY.

HOW LONG HAVE WE BEEN ASLEEP?

NOT SURE.

[GASPS]

WE'VE SLEPT FOR THREE HOURS.

LET'S SEE HOW MANY HITS WE GOT.

THREE.

THREE?

THREE.

TRY THE NEXT SITE.

THIS ONE SAYS TWO.

THAT'S WORSE THAN THE FIRST ONE.

MI-MILEY.

MILEY. WHAT?

THESE KIND OF THINGS TAKE TIME.

THAT'S JUST IT.

SANTA DOESN'T HAVE TIME.

HE'S LOSING HIS MAGICAL POWERS

WITH EVERY SINGLE SECOND THAT GOES BY.

ALL BECAUSE OF ONE MAN.

YOU DON'T KNOW THAT--

YES, I DO.

AND WE NEED TO GET HIM HERE.

I KNOW. I KNOW.

I GOT AN IDEA.

OKAY, SO THE MOMENT DAD LEAVES...

[WHISPERING]

OKAY, THE COAST IS CLEAR.

OKAY.

YOU GOT THE KEYS?

YEP.

LET'S GO.

SANTA, ELLIOT, WE'VE GOT AN IDEA.

WHAT DID YOU HAVE IN MIND?

[LAUGHS]

[ELLIOT] WHY AM I DRIVING?

[SANTA] BECAUSE I ONLY DRIVE THE SLEIGH.

I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M DOING THIS.

IT'S OKAY, ELLIOT.

IT LOOKS SO EASY ON TV.

JUST KEEP HER NICE AND STEADY.

YOU'VE ONLY GOT ABOUT, LIKE, FIVE MORE MILES.

FIVE MORE MILES!

[TIRES SCREECH]

ELLIOT. ELLIOT.

WHY FIVE MORE MILES?

THAT'S WHERE TOWN IS.

AND WHY IS THAT SO IMPORTANT AGAIN?

WE CAN GET ON THE LOCAL NEWS

AND SPREAD THE WORD ABOUT OUR CHALLENGE.

CLEVER LITTLE GIRL.

[GIGGLES]

OKAY, I THINK WE'RE GOOD TO GO.

[MAN] WHERE DO YOU WANT THIS EQUIPMENT AT?

I DON'T KNOW, COFFEE. WHAT IS IT?

SOUNDS STUFF.

PUT IT IN MATT'S OFFICE. I'M GOING ON MY BREAK.

GET OUT OF THE WAY.

LET'S GO.

OKAY.

WHOA, LOOK AT ALL THIS STUFF.

WHICH ONE DO YOU THINK IT IS?

WILL IT BE OVER THERE?

THAT ONE. HERE, GIVE IT TO ME.

OKAY.

OKAY, LET'S OPEN THIS UP.

COME ON.

HEY!

WHAT ARE YOU KIDS DOING IN HERE?

UH, WELL, WE'RE--

SPIT IT OUT. WE'RE LOST.

WE'RE TRYING TO FIND THE BATHROOM.

BATHROOM? MM-HM.

WHAT HAVE YOU GOT BACK THERE? GIVE ME THAT.

GIVE ME THAT.

YOU WERE GOING TO STEAL OUR KYLE COULD CHRISTMAS SEGMENT?

WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU KIDS?

YOU GUYS ARE IN TROUBLE. I GOTTA CALL SECURITY.

HEY, YOU GUYS ARE ON TV.

LOOK, WE DID IT.

YOU KNOW, YOU GUYS COULD'VE GOT ME FIRED OVER THIS.

WHAT'S REALLY GOING ON HERE?

YOU WANT ME TO TELL YOU A SECRET?

YES, I DO.

WELL, FIRST, DO YOU BELIEVE IN SANTA CLAUS?

YOU KNOW WHAT? I DO.

OKAY, SO THE PLAN IS--

IT MIGHT SOUND CRAZY,

BUT ZACH AND I WERE THINKING.

OH, HERE THEY COME.

HOW DID IT GO?

LET'S BEAT IT!

YOU EVER HEAR OF NASCAR?

WELL, DUH, WE GOT TV.

WELL, THEN PEDAL THE METAL, DALE.

BAM!

HO, HO, HO, HO, YOU'RE DOING GREAT, ELLIOT.

JUST LIKE AN OLD PRO.

YOU REALLY THINK SO?

OH, YES. MOST DEFINITELY.

[GIGGLES]

[POLICE SIREN BLARES]

UH-OH, WE GOT COMPANY.

I KNEW IT. I KNEW THIS WAS A BAD IDEA.

WHOEVER HEARD OF AN ELF GOING TO THE SLAMMER?

SOMEBODY DO SOMETHING.

I MAY HAVE JUST THE THING. TRY THIS.

WHAT IS THAT?

[CLEARS THROAT]

GOOD AFTERNOON, OFFICER.

LICENSE AND REGISTRATION.

WELL, YOU SEE, WE DON'T REALLY HAVE THAT.

ENOUGH WITH THE SMALL TALK. LICENSE AND REGISTRATION.

HEY, YOU GUYS THE ONES TAKING PICTURES OVER AT THE MALL?

OH, NO, SIR, WE-- [CLEARS THROAT]

JUST PASSING THROUGH.

NEXT TOWN OVER MAYBE.

I SWEAR I'VE SEEN YOU SOMEWHERE BEFORE.

I GUESS WE JUST GOT THOSE KINDS OF FACES.

WELL, ALL RIGHTY.

SO DOES THAT MEAN YOU'RE GOING TO LET US OFF WITH JUST A WARNING?

NO.

YOU WERE DOING 90 IN A 25.

I'D PULL THE POPE MOBILE OVER DOING 90 IN A 25.

[CHUCKLES]

OKAY.

GO, ZACH! GO!

IS HE DEAD?

OF COURSE NOT.

THIS IS SANTA WE'RE TALKING ABOUT,

NOT JACK THE RIPPER.

IT'S ONLY SLEEPING SAND, ZACH.

HE'LL BE FINE IN A COUPLE OF HOURS.

OKAY.

IN FACT HE'LL FEEL BETTER THAN HE HAS IN MANY YEARS.

[SANTA CHUCKLES]

ALL RIGHT.

HEY, I THINK DAD'S STILL IN THE CORRAL.

WE MADE IT.

OH, NOT SO FAST.

QUICK. EVERYBODY OUT OF THE TRUCK AND INTO THE BARN.

INTO THE BARN. QUICK.

OH, MY... WHAT?

HELLO, SANTA.

YOU CAN TALK?

YEAH, IT'S WILD. HUH?

DUKE AND I REALIZE WE HAVE A LOT IN COMMON.

THERE'S ALWAYS BEEN THIS LANGUAGE BARRIER.

THE GRAIN. THE GRAIN.

YEP.

WHAT EXACTLY IS IN THE GRAIN?

IT'S THE SAME THING THAT'S IN ALL OF THEIR STUFF.

MAGIC.

HO, HO, HO, HOW ELSE DO YOU THINK MY REINDEER COULD FLY?

THE TALKING IS AN UNWANTED IF SOMETIMES COMICAL SIDE EFFECT.

SPEAK FOR YOURSELF, BIG GUY.

I CAN SEE THAT.

CHECK IT OUT, MAN. I CAN DO BACK FLIPS.

WHOA, DUDE.

THIS IS AWESOME.

GOOD BECAUSE I THINK I HEAR YOUR FATHER.

[HORN HONKS] DAD'S COMING.

GO! GO! GET INTO THE HAY.

INTO THE HAY, ELLIOT.

DUKE, LEROY.

DUKE, LEROY, PROMISE ME YOU WON'T SAY ANYTHING, OKAY?

RELAX, KID. IT'S NOT MY FIRST RODEO.

STAY DOWN.

WELL, THAT PB&J MUST'VE DONE THE TRICK, HUH.

OH, YEAH, I'M FEELING, LIKE, LOADS BETTER. YEAH.

[CHUCKLES] MILEY?

I ATE THE OTHER HALF OF ZACH'S. RIGHT, BUDDY?

WELL, I GUESS I KNOW WHAT I'M GOING TO EAT

NEXT TIME MY BELLY HURTS, HUH?

SO WHAT ARE Y'ALL UP TO?

W-WELL, WE WERE-- WE WERE, UH...

WE WANTED TO HELP WITH THE AFTERNOON CHORES.

REALLY.

MUST BE SOMETHING IN THE WATER, HUH.

HEY, MILEY AND I ARE ALL WRAPPED UP IN HOLIDAY SPIRIT.

THAT SOUNDS GOOD.

WHY DON'T YOU WRAP YOUR HANDS AROUND A SHOVEL

AND CLEAN SOME OF THESE STALLS.

[DUKE] DON'T SKIMP ON THE SAWDUST.

WHAT'S THAT?

DON'T SKIMP ON THE SAWDUST.

DUKE SHOULD HAVE EXTRA SAWDUST FOR HIS BEDDING.

WELL, YOU KNOW WHERE IT IS. GO GET HIM SOME.

MILEY, WHY DON'T YOU CHECK ON LEROY'S FEED, IF YOU DON'T MIND.

FILL 'ER UP. I'VE GOT FOUR STOMACHS, YOU KNOW.

FOUR STOMACHS?

YEAH, YOU DON'T KNOW THAT, DAD?

ALL GOATS HAVE FOUR STOMACHS.

WELL, THAT'S IMPRESSIVE.

[CAR HORN HONKS]

HUH, SOUNDS LIKE MOM'S HOME.

WELL, YOU BETTER GO SEE HOW HER APPOINTMENT WENT.

WE'LL KEEP WORKING HERE.

YEAH, DAD. GO SEE MOM.

HUH. I THINK I WILL.

LATER.

CHECK IT OUT. I'M SUPER GOAT.

OKAY.

[LEROY] OOH. [CACKLES]

HOW LONG UNTIL THAT WEARS OFF? YEAH.

IT DEPENDS ON HOW MUCH HE ATE.

YOU KIDS GO AND CHECK IN WITH YOUR MOM.

ELLIOT AND I WILL HAVE A WORD WITH DUKE AND LEROY.

OKAY. SEE YA.

NOW, THEN, MR. GOAT. [LEROY LAUGHING]

MAMMA. WHAT'S WRONG?

IT'S NOTHING, BABY.

BUT YOU'VE BEEN CRYING.

IT'S OKAY, ALL RIGHT? I PROMISE.

IS IT YOUR COUGH, MOMMA?

HONEY, WHY DON'T Y'ALL GET WASHED UP FOR DINNER. OKAY?

COME ON, MILEY. BUT.

LET'S GO.

U.S. SENATOR AND NOW PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE MAX SCHMUCKER,

WHO INITIATED WHAT SOME ARE CALLING THE SANTA BAN,

DECLARED TODAY'S VOTE A, "MORAL VICTORY."

TODAY WAS A GREAT DAY FOR AMERICANS

WHO WERE TIRED OF THE LIES.

NO LONGER WILL PARENTS HAVE TO LOOK INTO THE FACES

OF THEIR SWEET, INNOCENT CHILDREN

AND PURPOSELY LIE TO THEM

ABOUT A LEGEND THAT NEVER EXISTED.

YOU OKAY? YEAH, BABY.

FOR THAT FATEFUL DAY

WHEN THEIR TINY HEARTS ARE BROKEN

OVER A FANTASY THAT WILL NEVER BE.

SENATOR SCHMUCKER IS IN HIS HOME STATE...

I CAN'T LISTEN TO THIS GUY ANYMORE.

...TAKING A VICTORY LAP FROM CITY TO CITY,

BUT THERE'S ONE LITTLE GIRL

IN HOPE, ARIZONA,

YOU'RE RIGHT, MOM. LET'S TURN IT OFF.

[JOE] HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY.

IT'S OKAY, MR. SCHMUCKER, HERE'S THE DEAL.

THE WORLD NEEDS SANTA CLAUS.

AND I CAN PROVE IT.

IT'S OKAY TO BELIEVE IN HIM

BECAUSE HE STILL BELIEVES IN US.

THEREFORE I CHALLENGE YOU, MR. SCHMUCKER,

TO A DEBATE.

WHENEVER AND WHEREVER.

ALTHOUGH MY BARNYARD WOULD BE A LOT MORE CONVENIENT FOR ME.

SO WHAT DO YOU SAY, MR. SCHMUCKER?

MANO-A-MANO,

WINNER TAKE ALL.

UNLESS OF COURSE

YOU'RE AFRAID OF A LITTLE GIRL.

YOU HEARD THE LITTLE LADY, SENATOR SCHMUCKER.

THE BALL APPEARS TO BE IN YOUR COURT.

IN OTHER NEWS, POLICE OFFICER--

WHAT IS GOING ON?

[MOCK LAUGHS]

I GUESS THE CAT'S OUT OF THE BAG.

CAT'S DEFINITELY OUT OF THE BAG.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT BAG THE CAT WAS IN.

HOW? WHEN? WHEN DID YOU GUYS--

WELL, THAT'S A GOOD QUESTION. THEY CAME TO OUR SCHOOL.

WE HAD TO DO IT, MOMMA.

SANTA NEEDS US.

SOMEBODY HAS TO STAND UP TO SCHMUCKER BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE.

MILEY, HONEY,

I LOVE THAT YOU BELIEVE IN SANTA SO MUCH.

I DO, BUT--

BUT WHAT? DON'T YOU BELIEVE, MOMMA?

YOU SAID YOU DID.

I DID.

I DO. I JUST-- [COUGHS]

YOU KNOW, I'M BEAT.

LET'S HASH THIS OUT IN THE MORNING, OKAY?

I JUST-- HE SAID, SHE SAID.

CAN I JUST PLEASE GO TO BED, DAD?

YEAH, LET'S GO TO BED.

OKAY?

OKAY. THIS CONVERSATION IS NOT OVER.

WE UNDERSTAND.

COME ON, ZACH.

[HEMMER] SO COME DOWN WITH AN UNWRAPPED TOY

AND GET IN SOME HOLIDAY SPIRIT.

OUR VERY OWN MILEY LOGAN,

THE LITTLE GIRL WHO PUT HOPE, ARIZONA ON THE MAP

BY CHALLENGING U.S. SENATOR MATT SCHMUCKER TO A DEBATE

HAS THE WORLD TALKING.

BY UTILIZING SOCIAL MEDIA OUTLETS, MILEY...

RENAE, KIDS, GET IN THE KITCHEN.

...HIS BAN ON THE BELIEF OF SANTA CLAUS.

AND AFTER SEEING THIS LITTLE GIRL IN ACTION...

WHAT, DADDY? LOOK AT THIS.

WE HAVE NOW LEARNED THAT THE LITTLE GIRL

THAT PEOPLE ARE BEGINNING TO CALL SANTA'S LAST HOPE...

COOL. [RENAE] WHAT IS IT?

YEAH, COOL. LOOK, MOMMY.

THE WHOLE WORLD'S TALKING ABOUT THIS.

WE LIVE?

WE'RE HERE AT THE FAMILY HOME

OF MILEY LOGAN, THE LITTLE GIRL FROM HOPE. [DOORBELL RINGS]

THAT'S ME.

OH, BOY. THEY'RE HERE? JOE.

HI, SWEETHEART. ARE YOU MILEY LOGAN?

ARE YOU SANTA'S LAST HOPE?

UH...

GO BACK INTO THE PARLOR. GO.

[MILEY] DADDY?

LISTEN, Y'ALL. MILEY WILL BE PREPARED TO MAKE A STATEMENT IN ABOUT AN HOUR.

ALL RIGHT? SO HANG TIGHT. THANK YOU.

[FEMALE REPORTER] THANK YOU.

MAX, WE GOT PROBLEMS.

THOUGHT IS SAID I DIDN'T WANT TO BE DISTURBED

WHILE I'M IN THINK-TANK MODE.

SURE. LISTEN, I THINK YOU'RE GOING TO NEED TO SEE THIS.

WHAT IS IT?

MILEY, IS THERE ANYTHING THAT YOU'D LIKE TO SAY TO SENATOR SCHMUCKER

IF HE'S LISTENING?

YEAH. MY CHALLENGE STILL STANDS.

ANYTIME, ANYWHERE.

BUT SINCE I CAN'T DRIVE, MY BARNYARD WOULD BE IDEAL.

WOULD IT?

SANTA EXISTS, AND I CAN PROVE IT.

SENATOR SCHMUCKER'S TAKING ON POLITICIANS.

NOW LET'S SEE HOW WELL HE DOES AGAINST A NINE-YEAR-OLD GIRL.

YOU KNOW WHERE TO FIND ME.

AND THIS IS ONE REPORTER

THAT CANNOT WAIT FOR THIS DEBATE.

LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING.

THE PHONES HAVE BEEN RINGING OFF HE HOOK.

THAT'S WHAT PHONES DO, SUSAN. SO WHAT?

THIS LITTLE PROBLEM HERE

IS NOT GOING AWAY, MAX.

OF COURSE IT IS.

LIKE ALL CONTROVERSIES,

JUST LEAVE IT ALONE LONG ENOUGH,

AND EVENTUALLY IT'S YESTERDAY'S NEWS.

GLOBAL WARMING, GLOBAL DEFORESTATION,

AND NOW SANTA CLAUS.

TRUST ME. THEY'RE ALL THE SAME.

YOU COULD BE RIGHT.

OF COURSE I AM.

BUT IF YOU'RE WRONG,

YOU WILL NOT ONLY BE IGNORING THE CHALLENGE

PRESENTED BY A HARMLESS LITTLE GIRL.

YOU'LL OPEN YOURSELF UP TO CRITICISM

FROM ALL YOUR OTHER CHALLENGERS.

ON THE OTHER HAND, MAX.

IF YOU WERE TO MEET WITH THIS LITTLE GIRL

AND INDULGE HER IN HER LITTLE FANTASY...

WIN HER OVER.

PRECISELY.

TURN THE LION INTO A FRIEND,

AND THE REST OF THE DEN WILL FOLLOW IN LINE?

MM-HM.

PERFECT.

AND THEN SOON THEY'LL ALL FORGET ABOUT SANTA CLAUS

AND HIS PITIFUL BAND OF LITTLE ELVES.

YOU SAY THAT AS IF YOU ACTUALLY BELIEVE IN HIM.

DON'T BE RIDICULOUS.

SOMETIMES YOU SCARE ME, MAX.

[PHONE RINGING]

HELLO?

HE'S COMING. HE'S COMING.

HE'S COMING. HE'S COMING.

WHO? WHO?

SCHMUCKER. HE'S COMING TO HOPE TOMORROW.

[CHUCKLES] THAT'S WONDERFUL, MILEY.

YOU ROPED A BIG FISH.

OH, I HEAR YOUR DAD.

GO ON, GO ON.

OKAY.

DO YOU THINK IT'S STRANGE

THE KIDS HAVE BEEN SPENDING SO MUCH TIME IN THE BARN LATELY?

I DON'T KNOW.

COULD BE WORSE. AT LEAST THEY'RE HANGING ON THE RANCH.

BEFORE YOU KNOW IT THEY'RE GOING TO BE IN HIGH SCHOOL,

DOING THEIR OWN THINGS.

FORGETTING WE EVEN EXIST.

THEY'RE GOING TO BE IN HIGH SCHOOL.

JOE, I FELL IN LOVE WITH YOU WHEN I WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL.

MY DADDY COULDN'T SEE IT.

MY MOM WAS ALWAYS THERE TO REASON WITH HIM.

SORRY, BABY.

WE GOTTA TELL THEM, JOE.

NO, YOU ARE.

OH, NO, I'M NEVER MAKING IT TO THE BUS FIRST.

HI, MOM.

WHAT'S WRONG?

IS IT ABOUT SCHMUCKER?

BECAUSE WE'RE ONLY DOING WHAT WE THOUGHT WAS RIGHT.

NO, SWEETIE.

IT'S NOT ABOUT SCHMUCKER.

YOU'RE-- YOU'RE SICK AGAIN. AREN'T YOU, MOM?

NO. YEAH, MOMMA'S SICK AGAIN.

NO, MOMMA, YOU CAN'T BE.

MILEY, SOMETIMES WE JUST DON'T HAVE CONTROL

OVER THINGS LIKE THIS. OKAY?

DOES THIS MEAN-- ARE YOU GONNA DIE?

DYING IS A PART OF LIVING.

THAT'S WHY WE HAVE TO APPRECIATE EVERY DAY WE HAVE WITH EACH OTHER.

IS THE CANCER BACK?

AND IT SPREAD.

NO, YOU CAN'T HAVE CANCER.

YOU CAN'T.

YOU CAN HAVE CHEMO. YOU CAN BEAT IT. RIGHT, MOMMY?

MAYBE I CAN'T THIS TIME.

PLEASE, MOMMY. I LOVE YOU. PLEASE DON'T DIE.

I'M SORRY.

NO. I'M SORRY.

MILEY! MILEY!

SANTA, WHAT'S WRONG?

THE CHILDREN. SOMETHING DREADFUL IS WRONG.

I NEED YOUR HELP, SANTA.

MY MOM, SHE'S SICK, VERY SICK.

YOU NEED TO HELP HER.

MILEY, I--

PLEASE, SANTA, YOU HAVE TO. PLEASE DON'T LET HER DIE.

I'M SORRY. I CAN'T.

BUT YOU'RE SANTA CLAUS.

MILEY, EVEN IF I COULD,

MY POWERS HAVE ALREADY LEFT ME.

I'M AFRAID MY TIME HERE IS SHORT AS WELL.

NO, BECAUSE I BELIEVE.

YOU WOULD DO SOMETHING...

MILEY, STOP THIS.

LET ME GO!

JUST LISTEN TO ME, OKAY?

THIS ISN'T ANYBODY'S FAULT.

THIS ISN'T SANTA'S FAULT. THIS ISN'T EVEN SCHMUCKER'S FAULT.

MOM HAS ALWAYS BEEN THERE FOR US.

THIS TIME WE'VE GOT TO BE THERE FOR HERE.

OH, DEAR ONES, I'M SO SORRY.

I'M SO SORRY.

CAN I SLEEP IN YOUR BED?

THERE YOU ARE.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN MIRACLES, MOMMA?

I WANT TO.

I REALLY DO.

YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE I WANT?

WHAT?

FOR YOU TO KNOW IN YOUR HEART,

THAT NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS,

I WILL ALWAYS BE WITH THE TWO OF YOU.

JUST LIKE SANTA?

YEAH, JUST LIKE SANTA.

NOW, YOU NEED TO GET SOME SLEEP

BECAUSE YOU HAVE A BIG DAY TOMORROW.

OKAY.

GOOD NIGHT, ZACH.

ZACH.

I LOVE YOU.

I LOVE YOU, TOO.

* SILENT NIGHT *

* HOLY NIGHT * [COUGHING]

* ALL IS CALM *

* ALL IS BRIGHT *

* ROUND YON VIRGIN

* MOTHER AND CHILD *

* HOLY INFANT SO TENDER AND MILD *

* SLEEP IN HEAVENLY PEACE *

* SLEEP IN HEAVENLY PEACE *

[CROWD SHOUTING]

ARE YOU READY?

I THINK SO.

YOU'RE GOING TO DO GREAT.

THANKS.

JUST SPEAK FROM YOUR HEART.

YOU CAN'T GO WRONG.

OKAY.

[SHOUTING]

[GROANS]

[CROWD CHANTING] WE WANT SANTA! WE WANT SANTA!

WELCOME, SENATOR.

THANKS VERY MUCH.

YOU'RE HERE.

UH, MAX. YES.

IF THINGS GO SOUTH,

JUST REMEMBER.

HM? USE IT.

GOOD DAY.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR COMING.

AND NOW I WOULD LIKE EVERYONE TO WELCOME

THE ESTEEMED SENATOR

FROM OUR GREAT STATE OF ARIZONA,

THE GRAND CANYON STATE,

SENATOR MAX SCHMUCKER.

SENATOR SCHMUCKER WILL ANSWER A FEW QUESTIONS

BEFORE WE BEGIN.

SENATOR SCHMUCKER.

THANK YOU. THANK YOU SO MUCH.

SENATOR SCHMUCKER.

THANK YOU.

WHAT A BEAUTIFUL DAY WE HAVE IN HOPE.

I LOOK FORWARD TO AN EQUALLY BEAUTIFUL DEBATE WITH YOUNG MILEY.

FIRST I UNDERSTAND YOU HAVE A FEW QUESTIONS UP FRONT. YEP.

SENATOR SCHMUCKER, YOU'RE CURRENTLY KICKING OFF

WHAT MANY EXPECT TO BE A LENGTHY PRESIDENTIAL CAMPAIGN.

WHY TAKE THE TIME TO DO ALL OF THIS?

WHY? DEMOCRACY, FRIEND.

CHILDREN ARE OUR FUTURE.

THEY DESERVE TO BE HEARD

EVEN WHEN THEIR IDEAS

ARE A LITTLE, SHALL WE SAY, MISGUIDED.

SO YOU THINK MISS MILEY'S BELIEF IN SANTA CLAUS IS MISGUIDED?

[CHUCKLES] I-- [MAN] HEY, THERE SHE IS.

[CROWD GASPS]

WHY DON'T WE ALLOW YOU TO DECIDE FOR YOURSELVES.

[MAN] YEAH, MILEY.

[MAN #2] YEAH, MILEY.

OH, MILEY.

UH, THANKS.

KILL HER.

GOOD DAY, EVERYONE.

MY NAME IS ANDERSON HEMMER,

AND WELCOME TO THE CITY OF HOPE DEBATE

BETWEEN ARIZONA STATE SENATOR SCHMUCKER...

AND OUR VERY OWN MILEY LOGAN.

[CROWD CHEERING]

THANK YOU. WE'RE ABOUT TO BEGIN.

SENATOR SCHMUCKER, YOU WON THE COIN TOSS,

SO YOU MAY CHOOSE TO DEFER OR BEGIN.

WELL, SINCE MILEY HAS THE HOME-FIELD ADVANTAGE,

I THINK I SHOULD PROBABLY TAKE THE OPPORTUNITY TO GO FIRST

IF THAT'S OKAY WITH MILEY.

UH, SURE.

EXCELLENT.

FOLKS, I MUST ADMIT

I'M NOT JUST HERE TO TALK ABOUT SANTA CLAUS.

I HAVE MUCH GREATER CONCERNS.

OUR CHILDREN.

GROWING UP AT A TIME WHEN DISTRUST OF GOVERNMENT

IS NO LONGER AN ACT OF REBELLION.

GROWING UP COMFORTABLE

WITH THE IDEA THAT ALL POLITICIANS ARE LIARS AND CROOKS

THIS COULD ONLY LEAD TO APATHY.

I CAME HERE TODAY

TO SHOW AT LEAST ONE CHILD

THAT THE GOVERNMENT CARES DEEPLY

ABOUT THE TRUTH.

DEMOCRACY IS NOT MAKE BELIEVE.

FAR TOO MANY HAVE GIVEN THEIR LIVES

FIGHTING FOR ITS VIRTUES

AND VALUES.

SANTA CLAUS...

IS MAKE BELIEVE.

WE DON'T NEED TO BELIEVE IN SANTA CLAUS.

WE NEED TO BELIEVE IN OURSELVES.

WE NEED TO BELIEVE IN OUR COUNTRY.

WE NEED TO BELIEVE IN EACH OTHER.

[CROWD APPLAUDING, BOOING]

THANK YOU, SENATOR. MILEY, IT'S YOUR TURN.

I'M NOT HERE TO TELL YOU WHAT'S REAL

AND WHAT'S MAKE BELIEVE

BECAUSE I'M NOT SURE I EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS.

YOU KNOW, WHAT IS MAKE BELIEVE?

LET'S SEE. IS LOVE MAKE BELIEVE?

IS HAPPINESS MAKE BELIEVE?

IF SO, I GUESS MR. SCHMUCKER'S RIGHT.

SANTA'S MAKE BELIEVE, TOO.

[CROWD] NO.

BUT IF LOVE AND HAPPINESS ARE REAL,

THEN SANTA'S REAL, TOO

BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT SANTA IS.

IT'S NOT WRONG TO BE HAPPY

JUST BECAUSE OTHER PEOPLE ARE SAD.

I AGREE A HUNDRED PERCENT WITH THAT.

[SIGHS]

[CHEERING, BOOING]

QUIET, PLEASE. QUIET, PLEASE.

I KNOW THERE ARE SAD THINGS.

THERE'S A LOT OF SAD, SAD THINGS.

BUT IT SEEMS LIKE WE BELIEVE IN THE SADNESS

MORE THAN WE BELIEVE IN HAPPINESS.

LIKE WE THINK WE DESERVE TO BE SAD. ISN'T THAT WEIRD?

BUT I'LL TELL YOU WHAT I BELIEVE,

WHAT MY FAMILY HAS TAUGHT ME TO BELIEVE,

FOR STAYING STRONG IN THE SAD TIMES,

FOR BELIEVING EVEN WHEN THINGS ARE AT THEIR WORST,

WE DESERVE TO BE HAPPY.

WE DON'T JUST NEED SANTA.

WE DESERVE SANTA.

THAT IS VERY SWEET.

I APPLAUD YOU.

ISN'T SHE SWEET, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN?

LET'S GIVE HER ANOTHER HAND.

MILEY, MILEY.

YOU HAVE A MOST UNIQUE IMAGINATION.

YOU TRULY BELIEVE THERE'S A SANTA CLAUS,

A SANTA CLAUS

WITH A BAND OF MAGICAL FLYING REINDEER.

OF COURSE I DO

BECAUSE HE IS REAL.

HE EXISTS BECAUSE OF OUR BELIEF IN HIM,

AND WITHOUT IT--

WITHOUT IT, I GUESS MR. SCHMUCKER'S RIGHT.

THERE IS NO SANTA CLAUS

BECAUSE PEOPLE LIKE YOU WON'T LET THERE BE.

SO I ASK YOU ALL,

DO YOU WANT TO LIVE IN A WORLD

WHERE THERE'S NO SANTA CLAUSE

OR DO YOU WANT TO LIVE IN A WORLD

FULL OF MAGIC, LOVE, AND HOPE

BECAUSE THAT'S WHO SANTA IS

AND WHERE HE CAN BE FOUND.

[GIGGLES]

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, PLEASE.

FOLKS, EXCUSE ME.

GAVE THE YOUNG LADY THE OPPORTUNITY TO SPEAK.

I ONLY ASK FOR THE SAME.

MILEY ISN'T LYING

WHEN SHE SAYS THAT SHE TRULY UNDERSTANDS GREAT SADNESS.

HER MOTHER RENAE IS SUFFERING FROM TERMINAL CANCER.

[CROWD GASPS]

DON'T. DON'T.

I ONLY JUST FOUND OUT MYSELF.

FIRST OF ALL, I WOULD LIKE TO OFFER

TO PERSONALLY REIMBURSE THE FAMILY

FOR ALL OF MRS. LOGAN'S MEDICAL EXPENSES.

SECONDLY, MILEY, I HAVE TO ASK,

WHILE YOU MOTHER IS FIGHTING FOR HER LIFE,

YOU WANT TO WAIT FOR SANTA TO CURE HER

OR DEPEND ON THE TIRELESS EFFORTS

OF HER DOCTORS,

DOCTORS WHO WILL USE TREATMENTS

WROUGHT FROM DECADES OF RESEARCH,

EXPERIMENTATION, AND EVIDENCE.

CAN YOU, MILEY, OR ANYONE ELSE HERE,

OFFER ONE SINGLE SHRED OF EVIDENCE

THAT SANTA CLAUS EXISTS, ANY?

ANYTHING.

NO.

NO, I CAN'T.

WELL, I GUESS THAT SORT OF SETTLES THINGS, THEN. DOESN'T IT?

[CROWD GASPS]

HEY. HEY, SCHMUCKER!

[RENAE] MILEY! MILEY! COME HERE! LET GO OF ME.

STAND DOWN, PAPA BEAR. I'M JUST GOING TO TALK TO HER.

BACK OFF!

RENAE. [COUGHING]

I'M REALLY SORRY, SANTA.

IT'S ALL RIGHT, MILEY.

WE HAD A GOOD RUN.

OH.

THIS MEANS YOU'RE LEAVING US.

DOESN'T IT, SANTA?

I MIGHT BE LEAVING.

BUT THERE'S SOMETHING I WANT YOU TO REMEMBER.

WHAT?

I WILL ALWAYS BE WITH YOU IN YOUR HEART,

AND I WILL ALWAYS BE GRATEFUL TO YOU

AND TO ZACH

FOR BELIEVING IN ME WHEN OTHERS DID NOT.

WELL, LOOKIE-LOOKIE, WHO'S GOT THE COOKIE.

HELLO, MAX.

SANTA.

WAIT, YOU KNOW SANTA CLAUS?

WE'VE MET.

THEN WHY DID YOU SAY HE DIDN'T EXIST?

WHY?

THIS IS WHY.

WHY WOULD YOU GIVE THIS TO A SEVEN-YEAR-OLD BOY?

WHY?

I'VE WONDERED MY WHOLE LIFE.

WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS?

LOOK AT IT.

BLACK PIECE OF ROCK.

MY DEFINING MOMENT,

EVERYTHING WAS BECAUSE OF THIS,

WAS BECAUSE OF YOU.

WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELF?

YOU HAD SO MUCH, MAX.

YOU HAD A BEAUTIFUL HOME,

YOU HAD A BOUNTIFUL TABLE

AND EVERY TOY THAT ANY CHILD COULD EVER WISH FOR,

EVERYTHING THAT MONEY COULD BY,

BUT YOU REALLY ONLY NEEDED ONE THING.

OH, YEAH? WHAT IS THAT?

LOVE.

LOVE, MAX.

THAT-- THAT'S ABSOLUTELY--

OH, IT'S ABSOLUTELY THE TRUTH.

AND IT IS NO FAULT OF YOURS.

YOUR PARENTS THOUGHT ALL THOSE TOYS AND THINGS

WOULD MAKE YOU HAPPY,

BUT REALLY ALL ANY OF US NEEDS...

IS LOVE.

MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE...

[CRUNCHING]

I WANTED YOU TO LOOK INSIDE, MAX.

NOT AT ALL THE TOYS AND THINGS

THAT YOU HAD ON THE OUTSIDE,

BUT AT THE LOVE THAT YOU WANTED

AND NEEDED

ON THE INSIDE.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.

SAY NOTHING.

LOVE IS SILENT.

LOVE IS STRONG.

LOVE IS ETERNAL.

AND YOU CAN KEEP THAT

IN YOUR HEART

FROM NOW ON.

EXCUSE ME.

SOMETHING I GOT TO DO.

[COUGHING]

SENATOR SCHMUCKER IS HERE,

AND HE WILL ADDRESS THE CROWD.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I'VE MADE A TERRIBLE MISTAKE.

WHAT? I--

I'M SORRY. THE SHOW IS OVER, FOLKS.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I WANT OFF THE RIDE. IT'S OVER.

IT'S TOO LATE FOR THAT.

SIR-- TECHNICAL ISSUE.

[SCREAMS]

[CROWD] OH!

YOU WERE SAYING SOMETHING, SENATOR.

[SOBBING]

YES.

I JUST WANTED TO SAY

THAT I'VE-- I'VE SEEN THE TRUTH.

WE NEED TO BELIEVE IN SANTA CLAUS.

THANKS TO THIS HARD-WORKING, HONEST FAMILY

I'VE LEARNED SOME LESSONS TODAY

THAT I SHOULD HAVE LEARNED A LONG TIME AGO.

I WON'T TAKE UP ANY MORE OF YOUR GOOD PEOPLE'S TIME.

I KNOW YOU HAVE FAMILIES TO GET HOME TO.

I JUST WANT TO LEAVE YOU WITH ONE LAST THOUGHT.

AS CHRISTMAS APPROACHES,

LET US ALL EVERYONE LOOK INSIDE,

DEEP INTO OUR HEARTS,

AND EMBRACE THE MOST MAGICAL GIFT...

LOVE.

MS. SATCHER, MS. SATCHER, WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELF?

CARE TO COMMENT? PLEASE.

NO QUESTIONS. NO QUESTIONS AT THIS TIME.

[SOBBING]

HO, HO, HO, HO, HO.

OH, THANK YOU.

ALWAYS REMEMBER YOU.

THIS HAS BEEN A VERY SPECIAL TIME FOR US.

OH, DEAR ONE.

I LOVE YOU.

OH, MILEY.

I LOVE YOU.

THANK YOU.

WE HAVE TO GO NOW.

OKAY?

OH.

THAT A TEAR, I SEE, ELLIOT?

NO. S-SOME HAY IN MY EYE.

HO, HO, HO, HO, HO.

HO! HO! HO! HO! HO! HO! HO! HO! HO! HO!

SHH.

ZACH. WHAT IS IT?

SHH.

[SIGHS]

[RUMBLING]

[GRUNTING]

OH, BOY.

UH, UH, UH...

WHAT JUST...

HAPPENED?

I BROKE A RULE.

IT'S GONE.

THE MAGIC.

I THINK I UNDERSTAND.

THAT'S THE PRICE.

I'M MORTAL NOW.

I'M-- I'M NO LONGER SANTA CLAUS.

THIS CAN'T BE RIGHT.

ELLIOT.

THE WORLD JUST STARTED BELIEVING IN SANTA.

YOU CAN'T BE GONE.

THE WORLD HASN'T LOST SANTA CLAUS, ELLIOT.

YOU CAN'T BE SANTA WITHOUT YOUR MAGIC.

NOT ME, MY FRIEND. YOU.

YOU'RE THE HEAD HONCHO NOW.

I I CAN'T THINK OF ANYONE MORE FIT FOR THE JOB.

I CAN'T BE YOU, SANTA.

OH, OF COURSE YOU CAN.

YOU KNOW THE RULES BY HEART.

YOU KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN NAUGHTY AND NICE

BETTER THAN ANYONE ELSE.

AND, MY FRIEND,

YOU HAVE THE LARGEST HEART

I HAVE EVER KNOWN.

YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE A WONDERFUL SANTA CLAUS.

JUST PROMISE ME ONE THING.

ANYTHING.

CUT THE KIDS SOME SLACK EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE.

WE ALL BREAK A RULE EVERY NOW AND THEN.

I PROMISE, SANTA.

OH, CALL ME NICK.

HO, HO, HO, HO, HO.

DO YOU LIKE IT? I LOVE IT.

THANK YOU, SWEETIE.

ZACH, ZACH, THE SNOW MAN ANGEL.

ALL RIGHT, MILEY, IT'S THE LAST PRESENT,

SO OPEN IT SLOW.

OKAY.

OR NOT.

PINK COWBOY BOOTS! IT'S JUST WHAT I WANTED!

[JOE] MOMMY KNEW THAT.

THANK YOU.

YOU THOUGHT I FORGOT. DIDN'T YOU?

WE GOT THOSE SPECIAL.

MERRY CHRISTMAS.

MERRY CHRISTMAS.

OH, AAH, AAH, AAH.

OKAY, WHO WANTS PANCAKES?

WHO WANTS PANCAKES?

NICK'S BEEN SLAVING AWAY.

WAIT, WHAT ABOUT THIS ONE?

DID YOU?

NO, DID YOU?

NO. YES, YOU DID.

WELL, OPEN IT.

WHAT IS THAT?

[MILEY AND ZACH] "SOME RULES ARE MADE TO BE BROKEN."

WELL?

I THINK... NICK.

YEAH.

NOW YOU SEE IT. NOW YOU DON'T.

NOW YOU SEE IT. NOW YOU DON'T.

[GROANS]

YOU'RE STILL MAGICAL TO ME, NICK.

MERRY CHRISTMAS.

* DECK THE HALLS WITH BOUGHS OF HOLLY *

* FA LA LA LA LA *

* FA LA LA LA LA *

* FA LA LA LA LA *

* LA LA LA LA *

* TIS THE SEASON *

* TIS THE SEASON *

* TIS THE SEASON TO BE JOLLY *

* FA LA LA LA LA *

* FA LA LA LA LA *

* FA LA LA LA LA *

* LA LA LA LA *

* DON WE NOW OUR GAY APPAREL *

* FA LA LA, LA LA LA, LA LA LA *

[SANTA] HO, HO, HO,

YOU KIDS LOOK LIKE YOU'RE UP TO SOMETHING.

WELL...

WHAT IS IT?

WELL-- I'M SORRY.

WHERE DO YOU WANT THE SOUND EQUIPMENT?

I DON'T KNOW, COFFEE. WHAT IS IT?

[LAUGHING] SOUND EQUIPMENT.

[LAUGHING]

SORRY.

IT'S ALL RIGHT. MY FRIEND.

RULE NUMBER THREE.

SAY IT AGAIN.

RULE NUMBER THREE.

WE MUST NEVER INTER--

[HORSE NEIGHS]

LOVE! [LAUGHING]

ARE YOU-- ARE YOU HIDING A CARROT IN YOUR POCKET?

[CREW LAUGHING]

[LAUGHING]

BAM!

BAM!

I JUST-- AW, MAN.

GET YOUR--

[ZACH] I'M TRYING

THIS IS OUR PLAN.

WHAT ARE YOU GONNA--

HEY, MR. J?

YES.

WOULD YOU SING US A CHRISTMAS CAROL?

* WE WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS *

* WE WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS *

[MILEY AND ZACH] * WE WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS *

[TOGETHER] * AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR *

I'M TAKING YOU GUYS RIGHT NOW TO SECURITY.

[MILEY] HEY!

[ZACH] OH, NO, YOU DON'T.

[MILEY] HEY, MR. TRACE,

WOULD YOU SING US A CHRISTMAS SONG?

* YOU BETTER WATCH OUT *

* YOU BETTER NOT CRY *

* BETTER NOT POUT, I'M TELLING YOU WHY *

[WHISPERING] HE'S COMING TO TOWN.

[CHILDREN GIGGLE] [SANTA LAUGHS]

[MAN] CUT!

[WHISPERING]

[TOGETHER] KRAMPUS, KRAMPUS COMES IN THE NIGHT.

KRAMPUS, KRAMPUS, TAKES A BIG BITE.

[CHOMP] KRAMPUS, KRAMPUS, PUTS YOU IN A SACK.

KRAMPUS, KRAMPUS, MAKE YOU A SNACK.

[CHOMP]

HO, HO, HO, HO, HO...

* FA LA LA, LA LA LA, LA LA LA *

* HEEDLESS OF THE WIND AND WEATHER *

* FA LA LA LA LA *

* LA LA LA LA *

* FA LA LA LA LA *

* LA LA LA LA *

* WHOA, YEAH *