Original subtitles

The devil?!

No, sir, Secret Service.

We're here on urgent business, Mr. Taney.

All right, Sloane.

Now, mister...?

Mr. West and Mr. Gordon. Do exactly as we say.

Order everyone out of this house.

10

Immediately.

I'll be hanged if I do. Why should I?

Now that I have your undivided attention, gentlemen,

just what is this all about?

Mr. Taney--

What is it? An earthquake?

You might call it that.

Only a very special kind.

Jim!

Let's get out. Right.

Get everyone out, Taney! I'll take care of this.

27

>

I liked it better the other way, Artie.

I knew a pretty face would bring you around.

How about an introduction?

Of course. This is Arden Masterson,

Colonel Richmond's new assistant.

How do you do, Arden, and welcome.

Thank you. We were all pretty worried about you.

Are you all right now?

I'm fine. My head's just a little fuzzy,

but aside from that I'm-- I'm fine.

Uh, uh, that's General Caswell over here.

General Caswell is head

of army ordnance development.

This is my associate, Mr. James West.

How do you do, general?

Mr. West.

WEST: Artie, what about the wagon?

Oh, I'm sorry, Jim, but that house

was disintegrating around me so fast,

by the time I herded everyone out,

the wagon was gone.

And the thugs that I tangled with?

Now, gentlemen, let's get down to cases.

Now, I'm an artilleryman.

My business is demolishing things.

And your particular interest

is in how the Taney house was demolished, right, sir?

Yes, the Bergin house, the Coughlin house.

I understand you got within spitting distance

of that wagon.

Yes, sir, I did.

What sort of infernal machine

did they have aboard?

Well, I think I can answer that, general,

if you'd just be good enough to follow me.

Come on in, general. Uh, disregard the equipment.

I think it's a tuning fork device.

That demolishes houses?

Keep going, Artie.

Back in 1711, John Shore invented the tuning fork.

Ever since then, many scientists,

including Kovacs, Helmholtz, and others,

speculated on the possibility that it could be used to send

appreciable amounts of energy over considerable distances.

Whoever destroyed Taney's house and the other houses

simply succeeded in achieving it at last.

Gentlemen, I think I've wasted enough of your time.

Uh, general...

Interesting demonstration.

Tuning fork, huh?

It would be a much larger one, of course.

And a good deal more deadly, sir.

Gentlemen, in the interest of national security

I think we'd better round that thing up.

That's what we intend to do, sir.

I'll place a regiment at your disposal.

Two, if you like.

Uh, thank you very much, general, but no thanks.

What we want to do is coax that little black wagon

out again, not frighten it off.

Then what? Then, sir,

we're gonna try and find out who it is behind all this.

Oh. How's this for openers, Jim?

I didn't get a chance to show that to you before.

I found it in the rubble of what used to be Taney's home.

What is it? It's a letter

from the Cyclops Insurance Company to Taney.

Suggesting that Mr. Taney might be interested

in taking out some of their household insurance.

Well, I fail to see the importance

of a letter from an insurance company.

Arden.

The company is no more than one month old.

There is no record of anyone

buying an insurance policy from the company.

And I fail to see the importance of that.

There's a fine fishy smell about this company, general.

Extremely high premiums.

Johnny-come-lately status.

And now that I know the name of the company,

I think I'll drop by and pay it a visit.

Good. While you're doing that,

I'll rub shoulders with the wealthy set.

GORDON: See whether any of the others

have been approached as well.

And how do you go about rubbing shoulders with the wealthy?

Well, I'll talk my way into the Midas Club,

where only tycoons of long standing are permitted.

General?

I don't know, gentlemen.

I don't know whether to play it your way,

or to blanket the area with troops

and make a house-to-house search.

All right, gentlemen, we'll play it your way.

Mr. Gordon?

Yes, sir.

Is there something I can do for the Secret Service?

Yes, sir, there's a little insurance matter

I'd like to discuss with you.

Well, it's comforting to know that the Secret Service

now handles insurance, but I have all I need.

I'm delighted to hear that.

This involves the Cyclops Insurance Corporation.

Mr. Gordon, I think you'd better come up.

Gentlemen, we have a development.

We certainly have.

Morton has just raised you 500.

Are you in or out?

I was referring to our visitor

from the Secret Service, Mr. Gordon.

Gentlemen.

I'll call the raise.

And these gentlemen are--

I know, sir. Mr. Shilling, Mr. Nay,

Mr. Crandle, Mr. Decamp,

Mr. Freitag--

I'll call your 500.

--and, of course, Mr. Taney.

Well, gentlemen, it seems as though

our little group is not entirely unknown.

Not at all, sir.

It would be interesting to know just how many boards

of major corporations in this country

are controlled by the little group assembled here.

Quite a few, I should imagine.

You came up here all this way just to tell us that, huh?

Not at all, sir.

I came all this way simply to ask a question.

Have any other of you gentlemen been approached

by the Cyclops Insurance Corporation?

We all have. What about it?

I hope you decided to ignore

their offer of insurance.

Oh, sure.

That's what I did,

and so did Bergin and Coughlin.

Look what happened to us.

Gentlemen, we know a good deal more

about what we're facing now.

If you don't subscribe,

it will give us time to investigate.

We'll be ready and waiting for any reprisals.

I can guarantee that.

Can you guarantee when it's all over

that their houses will still be standing?

No, sir, I can't guarantee that.

But I can guarantee you this, gentlemen,

if you do subscribe

to the Cyclops Insurance Company's policy,

you won't be buying any insurance.

You'll be knuckling under to extortion

at an ever-increasing price.

Young man, as you've been talking,

I have just made more money than you will probably make

in your whole lifetime.

Congratulations.

So you see, as high as they are,

I can afford to pay the Cyclops Insurance Premiums.

I was hoping you'd feel you could afford not to.

I open.

Besides, if you should happen to nab the extortionists,

we could always pull out, don't you see?

Could you? I wonder.

Good afternoon, gentlemen.

Two cards.

Three.

One.

Get me a drink, will you?

You know...

you gentlemen are all like the young lady from Niger

who smiled as she rode on a tiger.

What kind of nonsense is that?

They returned from the ride with the lady inside

and the smile on the face of the tiger.

Have a pleasant ride, gentlemen.

Excuse me.

Oh.

My name's James West.

I'd like to see Mr. Singleton.

I'm sorry, sir.

What are you sorry about?

About your wanting to see Mr. Singleton.

He gave strict orders he was not to be disturbed.

Well, why don't you try and disturb him?

I couldn't do that.

You see, I've come a long, long way

to see Mr. Singleton.

Why don't you tell him that for me, please?

Excuse me, Mr. Singleton,

but there's a gentleman here by the name of--

Miss Lister, I distinctly told you

I was not to be disturbed.

See what I mean?

It was a nice try, Miss Lister,

but seeing as how Mr. Singleton

won't come out here to see me,

I'll just wander in to see him.

It wasn't such a good idea after all, Miss Lister.

Goodbye.

Miss Lister, I dis--

Get him!

Miss Lister, I distinctly told you

I was not to be dist--

It's him.

It's got to be him.

Got to be who, Artie?

Hey, isn't anyone gonna eat?

No, thank you. Yeah. Uh...

According to my theory,

a certain Dr. Tyborg Kovacs, that's who.

Oh, that's the scientist that was jailed

for selling classified information.

I remember. Right, right.

Look, whoever is behind all this destruction

would, of necessity, have to be an expert

on tuning forks, wouldn't he?

Mm-hm.

How many of Kovacs' scientific papers

did you dig up, Arden?

Over two dozen.

Covering such phases

as propagation of acoustic waves,

augmented resonance, energy transmission, et cetera.

All part of his basic research on tuning forks.

See what I mean?

Yeah, he had tuning forks on his mind.

I assume the doctor's out of jail by now?

Oh, he's been out for over a year.

You know, the one thing really lacking...

is a solid clue.

One really solid lead that links Kovacs to this case.

Artie, do you have any idea what he weighs?

You got that in your files, Arden?

Hmm.

According to the prison record, 284 pounds.

284 pounds.

Artie, here's that nice link you wanted.

Two-hundred eighty four and a half, 284,

283.

They're weight and fortune cards.

Where'd you find these?

There's a collection of those.

Cyclops Insurance office.

Excuse me, I understand what you're getting at--

Singleton is really Dr. Kovacs.

--but why would he go out of his way

to accumulate all those cards?

Oh, it's just a fat man's habit is all.

Every morning he gets up, weighs himself on the scale,

takes the card back to the office,

compares it with what he weighed the week before.

Or, uh, what he weighed the week before that,

or what he weighed the month before.

Fat men have a habit of--

Where are you going, Jim?

It's an unusual weight and fortune card,

wouldn't you say, Artie?

Yeah, I never saw anything like it before.

Artie, it occurs to me if I find the machine

those cards came out of,

I'm gonna be very close to the man himself.

Goodbye.

He's absolutely right.

The cardinal rule in all crime detection.

Cherchez la weight disk.

We won't need this anymore.

What's this?

Moelleux Chablis,

consommé royale avec cerises a belle grandé,

saumon glacé.

It's just a menu, isn't it?

Just a menu?

It's a gourmet's delight,

a le culinaire repast, an epicurean--

Arden, my lovely,

I think we're really onto something.

What is it?

The weight disks of a very fat man

and a gourmet's menu.

They go together just fine, wouldn't you say?

Oh, a moelleux Chablis!

Consommé royale avec cerises a belle grandé.

Parfait! I quite agree.

Now, if you could tell me what restaurant serves--

Saumon glacé à la Chambord.

avec Sauternes.

Très bien. Formidable!

You're quite right. Now, where would I be likely to find--

Boudin blanc à la-- Marcel, Marcel, Marcel!

Monsieur?

Please, I beg of you, this is of the utmost importance.

What restaurant would be likely to serve

a menu like this?

Ah, Monsieur Gordon, if I knew that,

I would consume every meal there.

You mean, you don't know?

Well, in, uh-- In, uh--

In Paris, in Lyons, in the Provence-- Huh?

Oh, merci, non. --mais oui.

But in America...

I see.

Well, thank you very much, Marcel. Au revoir.

I'm sorry, monsieur.

Of course, there is the Epicurean Society.

The Epicurean Society serves a menu like this?

Well, I-- I have heard it said

that the most renowned gourmets

gather from every part of the globe

to savor their cuisine.

C'est merveilleux.

Now, if you'd just be good enough

to tell me where it is, we'll drop by and, uh, visit--

Oh, impossible.

You mean, non?

Definitely non, monsieur.

You see, the Epicurean Society admits no one

who is not a member,

and one cannot apply for membership.

One is selected by secret ballot only,

and then told.

So you see, for an outsider to attend,

impossible-- Oh, pardon. --impossible.

And now, will you care to excuse me?

Oui. Oui.

Au revoir, Marcel. Vous êtes bien gentil. Merci.

Uh, pardon, monsieur. Uh...

Oh. Oh, merci, enchanté, monsieur.

Au revoir. Au revoir.

Au revoir, Marcel. Merci bien.

A total loss.

Well, not completely.

The artichoke hearts were delicious.

I mean, look, even if you could

get into the Epicurean Society,

how would you recognize Dr. Kovacs?

Do you know what he looks like?

No, but I think it would be very difficult

to overlook a man who weighs 284 pounds.

>

May I help you, ma'am?

There you are.

Hmm. Bye.

Would you like me to help you with that, son?

Mm-hm. Thank you.

Pleasure. Go ahead.

That's very good. What's your name?

Joseph.

Mine's Jim. Just a suggestion, Joseph.

Shorten up your punch. Don't pull it back.

Fire from there.

Here.

You're welcome.

Hi.

All pennies, please.

That's what I like, a big spender.

Thank you.

I hate to ask silly questions, but...

Oh-- Oh, you mean-- It's-- It's a hobby of mine.

A hobby?

Oh, yeah, it's a hobby like people who collect sea shells

and stamps and bath towels from hotels.

Mine's-- Mine's weighing myself.

Seems like kind of a waste of pennies, ain't it?

I mean, you seem like you're in pretty good shape to me.

Oh, it's not my shape that's important.

It's the shape of the cards.

Yeah, like what, for instance?

A shape like this, for instance.

I never saw anything like it.

What's so important about it anyway?

It's my collection. It's very important to me.

Thank you anyway.

Hey, there's a warehouse on Maritime Street.

The Arcade Supply Company.

They service all our machines.

Oh, please, don't stop. What's the address?

I think it's in the 700 block.

If anybody would have what you're looking for,

they would.

Thank you very much.

If I can ever return the favor...

Yeah, I'll do that.

Lovely.

Beautiful, Salvatore.

Gràzie, signóre.

They will soon be here.

Everything is in readiness, I hope?

Sí, signóre. Down to the last detail.

But...

But?

There is one small problem.

The soufflé Bellevue has fallen?

Oh, no, no, no, no, maestro.

The soufflé remains erect with pride.

It is about your distinguished guests.

Oh?

Should I not know the names

so that I may greet them with appropriate--

Silence!

You are a waiter, not a greeter.

Signóre, in Roma I was both.

Let me tell you something, Salvatore.

The members of the Epicurean Society

give themselves up completely to the savoring of food.

They have no desire to be greeted by waiters or--

They are here.

I must see to the côtelettes.

This wine is superb.

Definitely.

The selection committee has outdone itself this time.

Eh!

MAN 1: The soufflé is delicious.

MAN 2: Definitely.

WOMAN: The best I've had since Maxim's.

Oh!

I disagree, signorína.

Scusa, that I tell you so free.

I forget myself for a minute.

Indeed? Why do you disagree?

MAN: Why bother, Miss Lightfoot?

The man's only a waiter.

Because there are sermons in stones,

as dear Master Shakespeare reminds us. Go on.

Well, signorína, forgive me,

but the white sauce one can give big applause.

It is pure heaven, but the soufflé...

If it had a pinch less oregano, oh...

Hey, so I'm a little late.

Well, come on, what's the big deal?

Hey, Pasquale! Well, what are you waiting for?

Come on, serve the grub, huh.

Sí, signóre. Prèsto. Well, come on.

What have we got here?

Little wine, huh?

Boy, it's weak.

Hey, you people look hungry.

Well, come on, eat, eat! We'll talk later.

Hey, Pasquale,

what kind of a joint do you run here?

Where's the ketchup?

Ketchup? Ketchup.

I mean, ketchup.

Well, come on, come on!

Sí, signóre, ketchup.

The help nowadays.

Come on with the ketchup!

Sí, si, signóre.

Mm, good.

Very good.

How do you explain this, maestro?

According to the bylaws of the society,

a regular member may send a guest in his place.

That, Salvatore, is the guest.

One cannot help but wonder

who the regular member would be.

No penny necessary. This one is on the house.

The fortune is the best part of this card.

Why don't you read it?

"Today, a special point should be made...

to beware of unfriendly Cyclops."

So help me, Salvatore,

I think I'm going to be sick.

Look at the way he's wiping the plate with--

What are you doing?!

Scúsa, signóre, but do you have toothpicks

for your honored guest?

Toothpick?! Here?

Every hash house should have toothpicks.

Well, in case anybody here is interested--

As one gourmet to another,

how did you enjoy the cuisine?

Well, I ain't had any of that, uh, cuisine, lady,

but I'll tell you one thing,

the ketchup in this joint is okay, see?

Hey, Pasquale, you got a lot to learn

about running a restaurant.

Where do you keep the toothpicks?

I give this joint one month.

Out of business.

Where are you going?

I quit.

I am not working in no hash house.

Well, you finally decided to join us?

I hope I didn't keep you waiting, doctor.

Doctor? I?

Dr. Kovacs.

Although I must compliment you

on the fine job of playing Taney.

You hear that, boys? I'm finally unmasked.

Nothing like pulling down some time in prison

to get rid of excess weight.

All my life I've indulged my taste

for exquisitely prepared foods.

Can you imagine what that prison menu did to me?

I would imagine about 115 pounds.

120 to be precise.

The rest was easy.

You assumed a new name

and passed yourself off as a wealthy financier.

You don't mind my assistants trying out

their freshly refurbished shooting gallery, I hope.

Under the circumstances, not at all.

You see, repairing and refurbishing

penny arcade machines and amusements is my business.

You mean your front.

You also tinker with tuning forks that demolish houses.

Not houses, Mr. West, mansions.

Mansions of the very, very rich, remember?

Why?

So little tuning fork's going to have

an enormous big brother?

That's right, and can you possibly imagine

what an appetite for money big brother has had?

All those expensive months of designing, computing,

and then the ordeals and trials

of casting, forging, machining, and assembling,

and the testing yet to come?

But, for what real purpose, doctor?

Well, it seems that a government,

not our own government,

is very interested in my little device,

and prepared to pay quite generously, of course.

A government whose military knows that a device like this

can disintegrate ships, cannon, fortifications--

Even our own, perhaps?

Quite possibly. Yes, as a matter of fact.

Someone approaching, Mr. West.

Deliverance for you, perhaps?

Well... Well, how was it?

Okay, I guess.

You were privileged to draw up a chair

at the Epicurean Society table,

and you tell me it was "Okay, I guess"?

What do you want me to say?

Well, say that for a brief, golden moment,

you were suspended between heaven and hell.

Say that for a brief, brief moment,

the wings of a pure, unalloyed rapture

brushed against you.

That your earthbound grossness fell away from you. That--

Durkin, the saumon glacé au feu à la Chambord--

How was that?

You mean the fish?

Oh, it was okay, if you like fish,

which I don't.

Did you hear that? Did you hear that?

He doesn't like saumon glacé au feu à la Chambord.

Pearls before swine.

And I suppose the boudin blanc à la Richelieu

gives you boils, huh?

And the consommé royale avec cerises belle

gives you dyspepsia, is that right?

Why, you swinish lout!

Here, do the one thing you can do well.

Get rid of him.

Where in blue blazes did all you folks come from?

Wait!

Did I hear you say something

or are you one of them mumblers?

Who are you?

Well, I ain't Little Lord Fauntleroy, bub.

I'm the city gas inspector.

All right, what do you want, old-timer?

First thing you can do is change that tune of yours, sonny.

"Old man," is it?

I'll Indian-wrestle you! Three falls out of three!

Get out of here.

Get-- Is that--

All right, fatso, then I'll Indian-wrestle you.

Three falls out of three and the loser...

Well? Well, then, how about you?

I'll Indian-wrestle you

with one hand tied behind my back.

And that's not--

Well.

Hey, that's something.

A shooting gallery!

Oh, let me have a shot at that, eh, bub?

Look, what are you doing here anyway?

Well, if you must know, I am responding to a complaint

about a gas leak on the premises.

Let me have a shot, huh, sonny?

You're wrong. There's no gas leak here.

Don't you tell me nothing about no gas leaks.

I may not be able to see so good,

but I can sure smell up a storm.

And what I can't smell, Myrtle here can, see?

One whiff of gas and she topples over, see?

Come on now! Come on now! Let me have a shot, huh?

I bet you I can shoot the eye right off of that dummy.

All right, old-timer.

Why not?

Artie, the control panel!

No, no, don't!

Gentlemen.

Away from the door, please.

I owe both of you so much.

I owe you both lingering deaths

with all the lingering awareness

of the indescribable pain you're suffering,

but I haven't got time for that, so--

Think Dr. Kovacs believes in these fortunes, Jim?

I don't know, Artie. What does it say?

"You're about to start on a long, long journey."

He better believe in that one.

>

Ladies, this is Artie's special retreat

where he often tinkers.

Oh, would you look at this, Dee?

Yeah, I'm looking.

I've never seen anything so fascinating.

Well, now that we've had the grand tour,

shall we get started?

GORDON: I've got a table waiting for dinner.

Oh, yes.

Artie does a marvelous trick, girls.

Would you like to see it? Yeah.

The girls wouldn't want to see that.

Yeah, we would. We wouldn't miss it.

Artie, we have plenty of time.

Here, hold that.

Are you sure this would be interesting for you?

709 00:48:13, Mm-hm.

Well, all right.

Uh, hold that glass away from you

so you don't get hurt when it gets shattered, huh.

Now, the whole principle of this

is to set up a resonating vibration

which, when aimed at the glass--

Um...

--sets up a sympathetic vibration in the glass that...

Some days a guy can't even make a chime.

No, i-it'll work. Artie, may I please?

Sure, be my guest.

I'll be very careful.

Ready?

Mm-hm.

It's, uh, one of those bad tuning forks.

This may be one of our bad nights.

Shall we get started, ladies?

A tuning fork? Really, Mr. West.

I'm very sorry.

Well, now that we've had our little demonstration,

ladies, please.

Artie, she got it to work.

Yeah.