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I figured you'd be here.

The movies seem like the best place to be when you're depressed.

Yeah, I had a feeling having three girlfriends was going to be trouble.

Especially when one of them was the boss's daughter.

Tough luck, though, you getting fired.

And without a job, I'll never get next year's tuition.

Cheer up.

Mr. White says you saved his show. He wants to help you.

He's got this friend, Carl Laemmle, runs Universal Pictures.

He says for you to go see him.

There may be a job for you in moving pictures.

That's great!

No.

Hi, I'm here to see Mr. Laemmle.

The elevator is right there on the right.

Okay, yes, sir.

Mr. Laemmle will see you now.

- Can I take your coat? - Thank you.

Mr. Jones, come in.

My good friend, George White, tells me you're smart,

that you ran his show like clockwork,

and that you saved, you should pardon the expression, his bacon, that right?

Well, I guess so, sir.

Wonderful!

And in a month's time you're going back to the University of Chicago,

where you're studying to be an orthodontist.

- An archeologist. - Wonderful! You're just the guy I need.

- What for? - Mr. Jones, I got a problem.

Out on the coast, I got a moving picture shooting and it's out of control.

The director is a madman, a genius.

But meshuge, he thinks money grows on trees.

Look how we're having to advertise!

"He's going to make you hate him

"even if we have to spend a million dollars of our money to do it."

A million dollars!

- But where do I come in? - You don't come in, you go out.

Go out where?

To Hollywood as my personal representative,

I want you to get out there and take charge.

Tell that lunatic, von Stroheim,

he finishes the picture in ten days, or else you pull the plugs.

Close it down! Here's your railroad ticket.

Plus $100 expenses.

You get $200 more when you finish the job.

This gives you my personal authority

to do whatever you think is necessary, okay?

Mr. Laemmle, isn't there someone already running the studio?

My brother-in-law, lzzy Bernstein.

Well, why doesn't he just go down...

Nice guy, but a shlimil.

Won't answer my cables, doesn't take my calls.

Then there's my nephews, I got scores of them out there, hundreds maybe.

I lost count already, but not one of them can do a damn thing!

Well, Mr. Laemmle, I think you ought to know

that I don't know anything about motion pictures.

You don't have to.

All you have to do is tell von Stroheim, he finishes in ten days or else it's kaput.

What do you say?

Well, I think that $300 is an awful lot of money

just for delivering a message.

I'll pay you an extra $300 bonus if you come through.

Mr. Laemmle, you've got yourself a deal.

Mazel tov!

Watch your step.

Watch your step.

Welcome to California.

Excuse me, sir, do you know Universal Studios?

The funny farm? Yeah, who doesn't?

Watch your step, Mac.

Hi, Indiana Jones here to see Mr. Bernstein.

Straight ahead, sir.

Good luck, buddy.

Okay. Thanks.

Thanks!

Mr. Jones! Welcome to Universal City, Mr. Jones.

- Mr. Bernstein. - Have a cigar?

- No, no, I... - That's all right.

I'd like to introduce you to some of my associates.

This is Abe Laemmle, Sol Laemmle, Manny Laemmle,

- Morrie Bernstein and Joe Bernstein. - Gentlemen.

Have a seat.

Well, I guess you all know why I'm here.

Of course, it has to do with the...

Foolish Wives.

- Is Uncle Carl a little bit mad? - No.

No, Uncle Carl's not a little bit mad.

No, he's very mad.

He seems to think that the picture is completely out of control.

Manny, why is the picture out of control?

Yeah, Manny, why is the picture out of control?

It's not my fault.

Only last week, Stroheim ordered a battleship.

A thousand pair of silk underwear for the extras?

To make them feel more like aristocrats.

- With monograms yet. - Plus 6,000 pairs of silk stockings.

- Gowns ordered straight from Paris. - Caviar from Russia.

Crystal, porcelain, tapestries...

I told you!

I can't control him! Nobody can!

Gentlemen!

This picture's got to be completed in ten days.

- That seems pretty clear. - But who is going to tell Stroheim?

- Someone has to tell von Stroheim. - But who?

Me, that's why I'm here.

This letter from your uncle gives me complete authority.

He's right, that's why he's here.

So, where do I find this Stroheim?

- I'll take him. - Thank you, Irving.

- I'll take him. - Thank you, Irving.

Thank you.

Gentlemen.

- I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name. - Irving Thalberg.

Indiana Jones. So are you a relative, too?

No.

I was Mr. Laemmle's private secretary.

He sent me out here a couple of months ago.

So what do you do now?

Just observing, you know, learning the business.

This is a business?

Oh, yeah, like any other. Only it's an art form, too,

which makes it little peculiar.

You could say that again. I've seen a lot of strange things.

Oh, geez!

- Is it always like this? - Mostly.

It's really not as chaotic as it seems, it's really pretty efficient.

Or it could be, if it was structured the right way.

Universal City is the largest motion picture studio in the world.

Tour costs a quarter, Mr. Laemmle says it's great publicity.

- Like that! - Roll camera!

Get even, the both of you!

Hit him over the head with the rolling pin!

Great!

All right, cue the snow!

Stop! Stop. Stop.

The trouble is, the market for these two-reelers is shrinking.

There's still money to be made.

But the real future of the industry lies in features.

Quality, full-length pictures.

And now you're about to see one of the most expensive features

that's ever been made.

Are you sure you want to go through with this?

How tough can this be?

I wouldn't miss this for the world.

Excuse me, could you tell me...

- Excuse me, could you tell me... - You must be quiet!

I need to speak to Mr. Stroheim.

He's not even doing anything.

He's thinking.

- Tough! - No, you mustn't disturb him!

Excuse me, Mr. Stroheim?

My name is Jones, I just got in from New York.

Mr. Laemmle sent me and...

Well, as you can see from this letter...

Well, we have a serious problem and I'm here to fix it.

Now, I'm sure you're a reasonable man so...

You have ten days to complete the picture,

or I'm going to close it down. Is that clear?

Okay, great, well, Mr. Stroheim...

Von Stroheim!

Erich Oswald Hans Carl Maria Nordenwall von Stroheim.

Okay, I...

My father was an Austrian count, my mother a German baroness

and lady in waiting to the Empress of Austria.

I was a member of His Majesty's bodyguard.

But more, I am an artist.

Here, in my studio, I create.

I paint with light and shadow. I reach into the depths of my very soul.

What do you know of my agony?

You, with your pathetic little shopkeeper's mind!

With your ridiculous talk of ten days!

Tell Mr. Laemmle,

only von Stroheim decides the fate of a von Stroheim picture.

Not some stupid, ignorant, pathetic,

imbecile errand boy.

Places now, we begin.

Places, everybody! Places, please!

Right away, please.

Places, please!

- Well, you sure told him. - Yeah, thanks, thanks a lot.

Look, how much of this movie has he already shot?

About 30 reels.

How many reels do you need to make a picture?

- Ten. - Ten?

- How many more does he need? - Enough to finish telling the story.

- Claire! One of our best writers. - You want to see me?

- Claire, this is Indiana Jones. - Yeah.

- Indiana Jones, Claire Lieberman. - We've met.

No broken bones, I hope.

No, not yet.

Claire, how much more does Von have to shoot?

It's hard to say. He keeps adding things.

There's the storm sequence, the fire in the castle...

Fire, real fire?

Of course, this is a von Stroheim picture.

That sounds expensive.

How long does that take? A day? Half a day?

No, you don't burn down a real castle in a day.

- It's scheduled for three weeks. - Three weeks?

No, it's impossible!

- Oh, why? - Because I've only got...

Von Stroheim's only got ten days. Lose the fire!

- It's an important story point, Mr. Jones. - Yeah, but you see...

Lose it, and the picture makes no sense.

Look, you don't understand. Look, what is this movie about, anyway?

- You don't know? - No.

Well, then I suggest you find out, Mr. Jones.

You see this? It's called a script.

I think you'd better read one before you start

making any more stupid suggestions.

Good day, Mr. Jones.

Irving, give me a script.

Will you help me, please?

There's just so much here that doesn't seem necessary.

Like the fire?

No, the fire's important. It shows that the Count's really a coward.

What about the storm sequence? Is that vital?

I don't know. I'm so close to it.

This is impossible.

All right, hold on. Hold on a second.

Jack, do you have a minute?

Jack, this is Indiana Jones.

- Hi, I'm Jack Ford, I make Westerns. - Good to know you.

- Of course, Claire. - Hi, Claire.

We have a problem.

Well, does it have a German accent?

Yeah, and how much has he cost you so far?

Over a million, and still climbing.

I can make 25 pictures for that kind of dough.

What we really need is to finish shooting the picture, but in the script...

No, forget the script. What does the footage look like?

The film that's already been shot, have you seen it yet?

No.

Well, I suggest you take a look at it.

Because it's not what's on the page that counts, it's what's up on the screen.

Okay, thank you.

It's good, it's very good.

It's great.

This could be one of the best movies ever.

All the more reason to save it, wouldn't you say?

Yeah.

Mr. Thalberg, you really shouldn't be here.

Ed, relax.

Yeah, but if Mr. Von ever finds out I let you see this...

Relax, Ed, nothing's going to happen, trust me.

Well,

we've just seen four hours of film.

How much more of this is he planning on shooting?

He thought up three new scenes this morning.

Okay. Ed, let's roll it again.

- How's your headache? Any better? - It's worse.

Well, if it's any consolation, I have one, too.

I had no idea making movies was this hard.

I thought physics class was tough.

You know something? It's a cinch compared to this.

- Where to now? - Back to my hotel, I guess.

Unless you have a better idea?

Feeling better?

Yeah, thanks for taking me.

I figured we both needed to get away from that loony bin.

I figured we both needed to get away from that loony bin.

Yeah.

- Irving says it's not run properly. - For him, it goes deeper than that.

He wants a revolution.

What do you mean?

A whole new system.

You see, in motion pictures now, the director is king.

And Irving wants the producer to be king.

Would that work?

If the producer is a genius. Maybe Irving is, I don't know.

But if the Bernsteins of this world ever get a hold of real power...

Yeah, I know what you mean.

So, where do the writers come in?

Usually? Last.

What, are you serious?

Perfectly.

There's a time around the beginning when you're important.

Because all they have

is what's here.

But once the script is written, the writer is the lowest of the low.

"A necessary evil," as Irving says.

So why do you do it then?

Because for me, making movies is the most important thing in the world.

I love it.

Yeah, I know.

You ready to go?

You're beautiful.

Indy, I have a boyfriend.

You don't want to be here?

- That's it! I got it! - You got what?

Indy, I know how we can finish the movie.

Great.

So this is perfect. All we do is we lose the storm scene

and move the fire scene off till later.

Combine it with the gambling scene from the villa.

- And we practically got an ending. - That was Claire's idea?

It's brilliant!

- I could kiss her. - I already did.

Fired? Who fired you?

Von Stroheim. Who else?

Somebody must have told him we'd saw the footage yesterday.

It wasn't me, Mr. Thalberg. Honest.

Who cares who it was? All I know is I'm off Foolish Wives.

Don't worry, Claire, I'll recommend that you're put on the movie Sex and Satan.

- Really? - My word of honor.

Okay, Ed, get out the stuff we saw yesterday.

- I don't have it, Mr. Thalberg. - What?

It got taken away first thing this morning.

- Who took it? - Need you ask?

I want to see Mr. Von Stroheim.

Thank you.

Morgen, Herr Jones.

You would care to join me.

No, thank you, Mr. Von Stroheim. No.

You sure? Because it's beautiful.

Now, you listen to me...

Willingly, but somewhere more relaxing.

Come.

Glass of oxblood, Mr. Jones?

No, thank you.

Delicious.

Some caviar?

No, I already ate. Listen, Mr. Stroheim, I want that film back.

Film? What film?

The film you took from the cutting room this morning.

From the cutting room? I have no film.

Listen, I'm getting tired of horsing around.

Von Stroheim never horses around.

Then give me the film back.

You are calling me a liar?

- He denied it? - Absolutely.

Short of raiding his castle, I don't know what else we can do.

Relax, I've just been talking to the lab.

They still have the negative, we can strike another print.

That's great.

So, what's the plan?

Well, there's only one vital sequence we need to finish the story.

- The sewer scene. - And the sewer scene is...

Where von Stroheim's body is thrown into the Monte Carlo sewer,

floats out to sea and gets eaten by an octopus.

- No, but the octopus is out. - Yes!

But if you just shoot the first part...

Don't you see? The story is over.

This is perfect!

Then all we have to do is kill him. Von Stroheim has to die.

Yes!

What are you thinking?

About you.

Really?

No, not just you.

Well, so, who then?

- Tony. - Tony?

How different he is to you.

How I wish I could have both you and him in the same person.

I thought Tony was history.

History?

Never!

The day I lose Tony is the day I lose my sense of humor.

If I lose that, I may as well die.

No, I love the guy.

But I thought you said that you loved me.

I do love you.

But you're going to be gone in two weeks.

Haven't you ever loved two women?

Yeah.

Well, I have three loves.

Three? Who else?

You, Tony and the movies.

So what if we're two ships passing in the night?

Let's enjoy it.

And God knows, you're only young once.

Wait!

I don't see a sewer scene here. Where's the sewer scene?

- No, it's not scheduled till next month. - Next month?

We've got all that stuff with the Italian prince to shoot first.

Oh, no!

What Italian prince?

Prince Massimo, I forgot.

Who the heck is Prince Massimo?

A real Italian prince von Stroheim brought in specially.

Von loves his accent.

Loves his accent? But there's no sound!

These are silent pictures! Send him back!

No can do, Mr. Jones, he starts work Monday morning.

This is insane.

What if he doesn't show up?

Then we shoot something else.

Like the sewer scene, right?

- Right. - Okay.

- What are you going to do? - I don't know. I don't know.

All I know is Stroheim is not going to win.

I'm going to beat him if it's the last thing I do. If I have to...

Wait a minute.

- This is beautiful. - What's beautiful?

We kidnap him!

You nuts?

No. He's a foreigner.

All we have to do is drive him down to Mexico and dump him.

Dump him?

Exactly, he doesn't have a passport, they'll never let him back in.

- Indy, this is madness! - No, it might work.

No, this will work. This will definitely work.

Are you with me?

Chuck, is the set built for the sewer scene?

- Built and ready, Mr. Thalberg. - Schedule it for Monday.

- Built and ready, Mr. Thalberg. - Schedule it for Monday.

- But Mr. Von said... - That's an order.

Yes, sir!

Chuck, you didn't hear any of this, right?

No, sir.

So where do we find this Massimo?

Doug Fairbanks and Mary Pickford are giving a party tonight.

The prince is sure to be there.

Allow me to be of assistance.

Welcome to Pickfair.

Okay, so where's Massimo?

- There he is! - Where?

He's a prince?

- Looks more like a waiter. - So, do we grab him?

No, we make sure he's nice and plastered first.

No problem.

Here goes, join me later.

Pardon me, are you Prince Massimo? I've heard so much about you.

- Well, shall we dance? - Love to.

Okay, see if you can see him.

They're not ready yet.

Hi, Rudy, hi, Pola.

Okay, check again.

Yeah.

There's the signal.

Principe Massimo, I want you to meet Claire.

Indiana Jones.

- Hi, how are you? - I'm fine.

How are you enjoying the party, Your Highness?

It's so boring.

- Do you agree? - Yeah. Bad.

- Terrible! - Horrible party!

I know where there's a great party, though.

Really? Where?

It's just south of here. Would you like to go check it out?

That's a great idea. What do you say, Your Highness?

I say...andiamo!

- Goodness! - There we go.

Be careful, Your Highness.

Right this way, Prince.

- Wake up, wake up, Your Highness! - We're at the party!

This man's very sick, he needs tequila.

My friend here is sick, please...

Indy, are you sure about this?

I'm positive, when he wakes up he'll have no idea he ever left Beverly Hills.

Great, let's go!

See you back in the trenches.

Well, that was easy.

With the prince stuck in Mexico, Von will have to shoot the sewer scene.

I don't know, actors can be funny about their death scenes.

- What do you mean? - Superstitious.

No, Claire, this will work, trust me.

You're pretty amazing, you know that?

You're pretty amazing, too.

Indy,

I think I'm falling in love with you.

I think I'm falling in love with you, too.

Do you think he's going to go for it?

You're in shtuke if he doesn't.

Was ist das?

The sewer, Mr. Von.

Dummkopf, I know it is a sewer. What is it doing here?

Well, you see, sir...

- Where is the Principe Massimo? - That's the problem, sir.

- He's disappeared. - Disappeared?

Which is why we set up the sewer, this is the scene...

I know, where I'm supposed to die.

Where is Claire?

Quick, he's calling you.

- Claire! - Go, go!

Claire, darling, I have had an inspiration.

I am a genius. Write this down.

But, Mr. Von Stroheim, you fired me.

I fired you? Lmpossible!

Now, write, write!

We're not in a sewer, but by the sea at Monte Carlo.

Count Karamzin invites the wife of the American ambassador

into his little boat.

Heady perfume, silken froufrou, atmosphere of seduction.

Sensuous, erotic.

Get me 100 gondolas.

A million flowers!

And actors in ten minutes, and we rehearse.

- He just keeps making things up. - Yes, he does.

And it's so wonderful.

What are we shooting tomorrow?

The duel, where the Count fights with the American ambassador.

- The duel? If there's a duel... - Forget it, the Count wins.

There's got to be a way. There's just got to.

- Indy, we're getting worried about you. - Well, don't.

I'll think of something, even if I have to kill von Stroheim myself.

- Indy! - Indy!

- Bring me the pistols. - Yes, sir.

They are loaded?

Only with blanks, Mr. Von.

- I am supposed to use blanks? - Yes.

- Very well, today I make an exception. - Thank you.

Yes, Mr. Von. Exactly. Okay.

- Where's Indy? - I don't know, he said he'd be here.

Indy!

- What kept you, Indy? - I had to go to the toy store.

- The toy store? - I'll explain it to you later.

- What's happening? - Von's rehearsing the duel.

We take six paces, we turn, you raise your pistol.

- Understood? - Yes, Mr. Von.

But then you hesitate,

because I, as Count Karamzin, do not raise my pistol.

I stare at you

taunting, gloating.

- It is a moment of great tension, ja? - Yes, Mr. Von.

You can bear it no longer, so you fire, but you are pathetic, you miss.

What is that?

You bought marbles? What for?

I'm going to roll them on the ground at Stroheim's feet when he fires.

What?

The tension is unbearable, women in the audience faint.

Then slowly,

I raise my pistol

and shoot you between the eyes.

Wonderful, Mr. Von.

Places, we shoot!

Places, we shoot!

If we can get him to fall over, it'll look like he's been shot.

We'll have a death scene, we can finish the movie.

You must be out of your mind!

Do you have any better ideas?

No.

Quiet! This will be for picture.

All right, settle, everyone.

Ready when you are, Mr. Von.

Music, camera!

Action!

- Cut! - Gott im Himmel

What is going on here? Cut!

What is going on here?

I don't know, Mr. Von, they just fell over. Do you want to go again?

No. The mood is ruined.

We try again after lunch.

It was a perfectly good idea.

Oh, I see. Von's up to his old tricks again, huh?

- Well, what is it this time? - He won't fall over.

He won't fall over?

We need to make him literally, but we can't think of a way.

Well, why don't you slip him a Mickey, like one of these?

Are those any good?

Well, they work on horses, I don't see why they wouldn't work on Krauts.

Who's going to slip it to him?

Me. I owe Von one.

Jack Ford, you are an angel.

No, I'm just a guy who makes Westerns.

Seventh Cavalry to the rescue.

- What if Von sees him do it? - No. Don't say that, look.

Go, go, go, down the hatch.

Quiet now. Settle please.

Find your positions. Stand by to shoot.

Quiet, quiet, quiet.

Ready when you are, Mr. Von.

Mr. Von?

Sir?

- He's asleep already! - We're all ready for you, sir.

- No, no, no, no. - Yes, he is.

Mr. Von?

Sir, we're ready for the shot.

We're all set for the shot, sir. Cameras are ready, Mr. Von.

Sir?

Was ist das?

- Ja, danke. - We're ready for the shot, sir.

Pistol.

That's your pistol, Mr. Von.

Forgive me.

Get on with it!

I seem a little...

Start the scene!

- Music. - Music.

Camera.

He's asleep again.

Und action!

Turn!

Fire!

Fall, you square head!

Jones!

Jones.

Cut!

We did it! Fantastic!

- Here's to you, Indy! - No, here's to us.

Ten days to the day, one more day and I'd have blown it.

- Looking forward to your bonus? - Oh, you could say that again.

Well, you deserve it.

Most of all, I'm looking forward to telling Stroheim that this is where he gets off.

I saw the rushes from the duel scene. It's terrific.

I'm sorry, but the picture's finished.

Mr. Stroheim?

Tomorrow, I'm laying off the cast and crew.

Congratulations, Mr. Stroheim, you've done a great job.

No, Herr Jones.

It is I who must congratulate. You have beaten von Stroheim.

- You have won. - No hard feelings?

My dear chap, I am a realist.

And I recognize a worthy opponent when I see one.

A last farewell, if you will permit me.

Sure.

Goodbye, my glorious dream.

No, Mr. Stroheim, I...

Don't be so hard on yourself.

I'm sure the picture will turn out just great.

You are right.

I am a sentimental fool. Enough!

Tonight, you will celebrate your great triumph.

Well, I haven't really thought about it.

Wait, wait, I have an idea.

There is a gala premiere I was planning to attend, but under the circumstances,

you will take the beautiful Claire.

But I... Gee, I don't know what to say.

"Thank you," will be sufficient.

Mr. Jones, welcome to Hollywood, at last.

We're going have to thank Stroheim for this.

He gave up too easily.

Stroheim? Don't worry about him. I've got him nailed.

Then why do I have this feeling like it's not over yet?

You think he's going to try and pull a fast one?

It wouldn't be the first time.

Now look, I'm going to wake up early in the morning,

I'm going to the studio and I'm gonna lay off the whole crew.

There's nothing he can do about it.

So smile, it's great, we all won.

I've got next year's tuition, you get to do Sex and Satan...

There's Gloria Swanson, I need to talk to her, I'll see you later.

Gloria!

Poor Irving, he can't stop thinking about movies.

How are you?

I guess you'll be leaving soon.

Classes don't start for a couple of weeks so...

- I was thinking maybe... - Yes?

I was thinking maybe I'd stick around here and spend them with you.

- Really? - Would you like that?

Darling, I'd adore it!

What if he hasn't accepted it? What if he's still in there working?

- He wouldn't dare. - He would dare, and you know it.

What if the crew is still on his side?

Then I'll fire the whole bunch of them.

One squawk out of anyone, and I'll have them thrown off the lot.

Attention, ladies and gentlemen, I have a small announcement...

Where the hell is everybody?

George, where'd they go?

- George, where is everybody? - They all went to Mexico.

To Mexico?

They came in last night, Mr. Von Stroheim's orders.

Crated everything up, and took off.

What's this?

But how did he know?

"Dear Von, stranded here in Mexico. Stop. Only you can save me. Stop.

"Come quickly. Massimo."

- Paging Mr. Thalberg? - That's me.

- Paging Mr. Jones. - Darnedest thing I ever saw.

- Telegram for you, Mr. Thalberg. - Thanks.

- And for you, Mr. Jones. - Thank you.

Thank you, sir, have a beautiful day.

It's from Mr. Laemmle. I've been fired without my bonus.

It's from Mr. Laemmle. I've been fired without my bonus.

You think you've got problems? This is from Laemmle, too.

I've just been made head of Universal Pictures.

- You know what my first assignment is? - Take control of von Stroheim.

- So, Irving's going down to Mexico? - He already left.

Now I'm stuck in Hollywood, with no money, no job.

Indy, I could always loan you some money.

No, it's all right. It's very sweet of you.

I'm sure I'll get myself out of this somehow.

I'll be right back.

Tony, you silly!

What were you thinking?

See you later.

- Who's that? - See you!

- That's my friend Tony. - That's Tony?

- Tony, what is he? A slapstick artist? - No, he's a writer.

He's a smart guy, he just doesn't look where he's going sometimes, that's all.

Claire! Jones!

- I heard you two got fired. - Yeah.

Stroheim is still shooting.

I guess my Mickey Finn didn't work.

No, it worked.

Well, then I guess it wasn't strong enough.

No, any stronger and you'd have killed him.

That's exactly what I mean.

And where is young Mr. Thalberg?

- He's still trying to stop him. - He won't.

Claire, you busy? I need an assistant.

You're too late, Jack.

- I'm working on Sex and Satan. - A comedy.

How I wish!

What about you, Mr. Jones?

You want to come work for me?

- Doing what? - Assistant.

Pay's not good, but it'll get you that ticket.

I've got to be back in a couple of weeks, so...

That's all the time I got.

Two-day prep, five-day shoot, three-day edit.

Well, what's it called, Jack?

How do I know? I haven't picked up the script yet.

Well, do you want the job, Jones?

Yeah, yeah, sure, I...

That's Hollywood for you.

Studio executive one day, gofer the next.

All right, let's head 'em up.

- You mean now? - Yeah, we're burning daylight.

Right, right.

I'll come by for you when I finish.

You do that.

Hi, guys.

Here's your first job. Carry these.

Six Steps To Hell?

- Yeah, by Alphone Studders. - Who?

Exactly. Let's go find Harry and we'll see what he thinks.

Indy? Where did you get a name like that? From your dog?

Yeah, as a matter of fact I did.

Well, I suppose it's as good a name as Ford.

Ford's not your real name?

O'Feeny. Sean Aloysius O'Feeny.

- So, you're Irish. - You ever been there?

Yeah, I was in Dublin during the Easter Uprising.

Why did you change your name?

Sounds like you named yourself after a car.

I didn't, my brother did. He came out here first.

- Francis Ford, you heard of him? - No.

- Good, glad to hear it. - Why? Should I have?

He's quite a director, learned most of what I know from him.

Like you, I was hungry and he took me on.

- Doing what? - Stunts.

That was good of him.

Yeah well, he almost got me killed more than once.

Well, you're named after a dog, I'm named after a car,

we should get along fine. Harry!

Jack. They said you were coming over.

Well, it's another piece of junk.

Even worse than the last.

I think Mr. Jones here could have probably written a better script.

- Excuse me, sir, but perhaps... - I wasn't serious about that, Jones.

A good assistant should be seen and not heard.

- What did we do this time last year? - Feuding farmers and ranchers.

Let's just reverse that.

Take some notes, Mr. Jones.

We'll call the ranchers the Flints.

- Flints. - Farmers can be the Sims.

Good.

Okay, we open right before you return.

So old Flint calls on you.

An embittered, freelance outlaw.

Now old Flint, he wants the farmers out.

So, what does he do?

Sets up my only best friend to get me.

A marksman.

- Killer. - Yeah, killer.

All right, so now you see old Flint and this man for what they really are.

They are your evil sign.

They have broken every sacred code

that you have now committed your life to.

They have to die.

What do you think, Harry?

It's going to have to be the best gunfight we've ever done, Jack.

Jones, I want you to go over to the Waterhole.

It's on Hollywood and Cahuenga.

It's where the rodeo cowboys hang out and wait for bit parts in movies.

Ask for Wyatt Earp.

Wyatt Earp?

- Tombstone Wyatt Earp? - Tell him Harry and I sent you.

Right.

Can I help you?

Yes, ma'am. I was told...

- Is Wyatt Earp here? - In the back.

Hi, I'm looking for Wyatt Earp. Do you know where I can find him?

Who wants to know?

Indiana Jones.

Mr. Earp?

I hope I'm not disturbing you.

I was sent out here to see if you wouldn't

mind coming back to Universal City,

to give us some information on a Western we're shooting.

Mr. Ford, Jack Ford,

and Harry Carey sent me.

Well, why didn't you say so?

He's okay, boys.

Harry, now!

One more.

Harry, now.

See what I mean?

.45s are simply used to scare off the critters.

You want to kill somebody, you got to be able to hit him.

Here's a shell.

- What if you didn't have a rifle? - Then you got killed.

So, rifles it is.

How'd you fight back if you didn't have a rifle?

Well, you had to ambush them back.

- That's if you survived their ambush. - But how?

Was it a showdown? Man to man?

There was no such thing as a face-to-face shootout.

The OK Corral was a fluke.

Never should have happened.

Yeah, well, I need a good gunfight. Something real.

Like it was.

Well, the way an ambush worked...

- You mean a gunfight? - I mean an ambush.

All right, an ambush. How'd it work?

Well, first you overawed your man,

and then got as close as you could.

Come up on him from behind

and plug him through the back with a Winchester.

Well, I can't have Harry shoot somebody in the back.

Why not? It's what happened.

Because it's not heroic.

Heroic. None of these men were heroes.

Well, we've got to make him a good guy.

Good guys, bad guys, I wish it had been that simple.

Okay, let's make Harry a good bad guy.

A good bad guy?

Yeah, they wouldn't face each other.

They'll hide behind rocks, like you said, Wyatt.

Good.

Then you can draw their fire, trick 'em out into the open,

and shoot 'em face on.

Well, I wish I had tried that. Sounds like it might have worked.

Scene Number 108.

Kitty catches up with Harry. It's sunset.

It's going to be a five-reeler, Jack.

Don't worry about it. Keep typing, Indy.

- "It's sunset." - All right.

Kitty tries to convince Harry to stay, but Harry tells her to go back to Slim,

and try and start afresh.

She agrees and heads back towards the farm, heartbroken.

You got it?

"...farm. Heartbroken."

All right, Harry watches her go,

turns into the sunset, alone.

The end.

"The end."

You're wrong, Harry.

This isn't a five-reeler, it's an eight.

But it's going to be the best eight reels I ever shot.

I know we can do this.

Gentlemen?

- To Six Steps To Hell. - Six Steps To Hell.

It's 3:00 in the morning, and you're still working?

Yes.

But I'm almost finished.

How did it go with Jack?

Great, we just got finished re-writing the script. It's...

I can see why you love doing this.

You can?

Yeah, creating a world and characters and bringing them to life. It's...

Yeah, it's hard, though.

Yeah, I wish I could do it.

You could.

I got some invites to a party at Rick's.

And I tried to find you to tell you, but I couldn't.

You want to go?

Let's just get something to eat.

My place?

Yeah.

How hungry are you?

Very hungry.

- Ham and eggs okay? - Sounds great.

Put that energy to some use.

Go see what's in the icebox.

Did you find the eggs?

What's the problem?

There's no problem.

Yes, there is.

You have that sulky, little boy look.

- No, I don't. - Yes, you do.

Like somebody ate all of your candy. I know that look.

He's my boyfriend, remember?

I thought I was your boyfriend.

That doesn't mean I don't have feelings for Tony.

Well, that's just a little hard for me to accept.

Well, you're going to have to.

Why can't you just dump him?

What?

Dump him, you know, get rid of him.

I don't believe this.

Listen, you belong to me.

I don't belong to anybody.

- What gives you the right? - Because I love you.

Well, that doesn't mean you own me.

I didn't say that.

No, but you think it.

You think you have exclusive rights over me.

Like I'm some piece of merchandise.

Well, think again.

That's not what I meant.

Well, if you knew me, you'd know that I don't think like that.

Maybe we just don't know each other very well.

No, I guess we don't.

We just need some time together.

Real time.

How?

You're leaving for Chicago.

Well, except for one day on location, I'll still be around for two weeks.

And that's plenty of time to get to know somebody.

If we feel the same after we know each other then...

What?

I'd like you to come back with me.

Indy!

I have a job here.

- A whole life. - But I love you.

Look, it'd be easier if you stayed with me.

- Yeah, but... - Absolutely.

I'd have to change careers, but all you'd have to do is switch schools.

- It's the easiest way, isn't it? - Yeah.

Well, we don't have to decide for two weeks.

What about Tony?

If things work out between us, I'll be honest with Tony.

He'll understand.

I hope so.

You know, you two could become friends.

God, this is beautiful, Claire.

Claire?

Jack?

Jack.

You can't do this.

- I can't do what, Pete? - Look at these days.

You'll have to shoot 15 minutes of screen time each day, to say the least.

I can do that.

Not on this budget, you can't.

Look, we'll shoot from sunup to sundown.

Jack, this is meant to be a two-reeler.

- A two-reeler, Pete? - Yes.

Hell, all they ever give me to shoot are two-reelers.

Now, if they will not give me the time and money to shoot a feature,

then I will shoot a feature with what they give me.

They might try to stop you.

Not where we're headed.

Mr. Ford.

I managed to get a wonderful selection of Colt.44s.

I said no handguns, I want him to carry a rifle.

- Exactly what I was thinking. - Mr. Ford, how's this?

- No. No. - Jack.

You expect me to get four times the amount of stock I've got budgeted?

Yes, that's what I expect, Pete.

Yes, that's what I expect, Pete.

And this is not what I want.

I don't want anything fancy, I don't want anything new.

I want something very simple. Give me a shawl or something like that.

And don't forget that phonograph. He's gone.

Indy, go down to Properties and tell them not to forget that phonograph.

And while you're down there, tell Transportation we are going to be gone

the entire six days, instead of one.

We're not coming back till we get this thing in the can.

Does that answer your question, Pete?

Have I ever let you down?

No, but there's always a first time.

- Six days? When do we leave? - Sundown today.

- I thought we didn't... - Wake up, kid.

If we get there tonight, I get an extra day.

Hey, Indy, where you going?

I was just going to go tell a friend of mine that I'm going away.

Go raise that flag over there.

And let those out-of-work rodeo boys know

we're making a cowboy picture over here.

How you doing? I heard I was going to be working with you.

Nice to see you again.

All right, fellas, let's make a Western.

Larry, get up here. Jerry, Logan, Bob.

Jones, our actors have arrived.

Kitty.

- Hello, John. - You look terrific.

Now, how many directors actually meet you at the cab?

- Your script, Jack. - Hello, young fellow, glad to have you...

- Hi. - Nice to meet you.

- Let me in on it. - This is Indiana Jones.

Let's go into the office and we'll talk about what's going on.

All right.

Everybody into your vehicle. Get ready to roll.

Hey, Jones! Get back here. You're riding with Jack and Pete.

Yeah, I was just going to go talk...

The maps. I was just going to get some maps.

Yeah, well, hurry up. We leave in two minutes.

Tony.

I love your hands.

- Indy! - Hi.

Hi, come in.

No, I've only got a couple minutes, I just...

We're leaving for Newhall,

and we're going to stay out there for the whole shoot.

I thought the story was set in a town.

Yeah, I know, but Jack wants vistas so...

So much for our two weeks.

Well, won't you have any time when you get back?

Classes start on the 5th. As it is now I'll already be two days late.

Well, this is Tony.

Tony, this is Indy.

- Hi. - Nice to meet you.

You're lucky to be working with Jack, he's one of the best.

It's good to meet you.

Well, if I don't get to see you again, you've got to write me.

I'll see you.

Yeah, I know.

I...

Bye.

Hey, Indy, let's go.

Jones, where you been?

- I thought you was murdered, son. - No such luck.

That's what Jack said, you'd better keep out of his way.

- Who we waiting for now? - Wyatt Earp.

Forget him, we got to get going. Let's move.

Good morning, Mr. Ford. A great day for a western, hey?

You made it! I knew you would.

Would you look at that sunset forming?

Yeah, it's beautiful. It's a shame we can't shoot it.

Who says we can't?

Stop the car! Pull up.

- What, now? - Stop the car!

All right, here. I want the camera right here.

Mr. Jones, go get me those baby legs.

Pete, get Harry and Kitty up here right away.

And, Carl, let's put the camera real low.

I want this to be the last shot of the picture, okay?

Here we go.

- Oh, who packed this? - Why do they always do this to me?

We've only got the tall legs, Mr. Ford. We're going to have to dig a hole here.

The hell with that, we'll put them on boxes.

- Planks and a level, step on it, kid. - Yes, sir.

- I need reflector boards. - No, forget the reflectors.

We're gonna shoot this in silhouette.

We'll wait for the sun to hide, go behind that strip of clouds and break it up.

- Okay. - Thank you.

Miss Mayfair, could you move a little closer please?

Close enough so you can touch.

That's it.

I need music.

Mr. Flannegan, if you would?

- Carl? - Almost, Jack.

- There! - Okay.

Quiet, please.

And we're rolling.

And action!

All right, Kitty, I want you to take his hand.

You don't want him to go.

Gaze into his eyes.

Slowly let his hand slip away.

Still looking.

Take one step back very slowly.

Turn.

And back to the farm.

And to Slim.

- She's out of frame. - It's all yours, Harry.

Cut.

"Dear Claire, I've been thinking about our relationship."

So, you can understand why Black Jack felt justified in killing Tyke.

Tyke had broken the code.

Code? What code?

Well, one, he lied.

Two, horse-stealing, three, woman-stealing,

four, cowardice, five, double crossing a friend,

and six, murder.

He broke the code and he deserved to die.

How you doing, Jones?

I'm fine.

You some kind of loner?

No.

Why don't you come over here and join us?

Ladies and gentlemen, I think Mr. Jones misses his woman.

Well, then he should get himself a horse.

I mean it.

Oh, writing her a letter?

Yeah, I just really don't know what to say.

That don't surprise me, you've been gone hours now.

- This is Claire, right? - Yeah.

I thought she was with that writer, what's his name?

Yeah, his name is Tony. She's with him right now.

So, you were setting to steal his woman?

- No, I... - Sounds like it to me.

No, I just thought we'd have some time together before I go back to Chicago.

What are you going back to Chicago for?

Mr. Jones is studying to be an archeologist.

You're kidding me.

Well, does she love you?

- Yeah, I think so. - Then take her with you.

No, she wouldn't do that, she's a writer.

Then she don't love you, does she?

- She said she does. - Talk is cheap in this business, kid.

- Yeah, maybe you're right. - Of course I'm right.

In a couple of years, you'll be digging up some Egyptian pharaoh's tomb

and you won't even be thinking about her.

Yeah, exactly.

It's no life for a woman.

Sharing a bed with a man and his mummy.

Harry.

I know what you should write.

What?

Tell her she's better off with the other man.

And no matter how much you love her, that you've got to let her go.

You gotta do what a man's gotta do.

I guarantee you, if you let her go,

she'll be driving out here to share your sleeping bag.

Well, I don't think so, but thanks anyway.

Just phrase it differently.

Or she'll recognize the lines.

She will.

Yeah, I'm telling you.

All right, we're rolling.

Action, Edwin!

I think we're having an earthquake!

Keep going!

Go with the horses!

Jack!

Jones, get in there and put that fire out.

Stay with the horses!

- You all right, Carl? - Yeah!

All right, keep rolling. Keep rolling.

Hey, kid, that's gas!

I don't think that was water.

Is anybody in there?

All right, keep rolling.

Property! Get some of Kitty's possessions back in there.

And get Harry's horse up here.

Kitty, get back in there! Carl, go with Kitty!

Clear the frame and let's get Harry's horse up here.

Indy! Get Harry's horse.

All right, Kitty, now your house is burning down. Go with it!

Go with it!

How could they do this to us?

Good, all right, more. Now say, "My home, my farm!"

My home! My home!

All right, "My farm!" Say, "My farm!"

My home! My farm!

- Getting this, Carl? - Yes, I am, Jack.

Okay, Kitty, now I'm going to send Harry in galloping on the horse.

He's going to try and save you from running back into the burning house,

to save your things, everything you own is in there.

Harry, ready? Go now!

- No! - Save her, come on!

Good, now fight him. Fight him with all your heart.

Give everything you've got! With all your heart!

All right, that's good. Give me more! Give me more!

Oh, my God! A snake!

Snake! Snake!

- You got the snake, huh? - Snake!

- Run! - Keep rolling!

- Keep rolling! - Okay, okay, I'm rolling.

Harry, if you can I want you to go inside, try and save some of her things.

Flannegan, get up here with that squeezebox.

Play When Irish Eyes.

Coming right up.

All right, Kitty!

It's dangerous, try and stop him.

No, Harry! Don't!

Great.

Okay, pick it up. Now, really look at it.

Great.

Really look at it.

Okay, Harry, now come in behind her and touch her very gently.

Oh, great, tilt down, Carl.

Now bend down, and help her pick up the pieces.

Cut!

That's a wrap.

I've never seen anyone run so fast as when you saw that snake.

I hate snakes.

What are you afraid of?

It's a long story.

Hey, looks like the supply truck.

It is the supply truck.

Mail! And booze!

- I'm sorry. - I'm sorry.

Kitty, did anything come for me from the studio?

No.

Yeah.

Maybe you should have done what Jack said and written a letter.

Yeah.

Hey, I'm sorry I burned down your house.

Nothing like a series of disasters to move the story along.

Mr. Jones, would you bring my script over here, please?

Yeah, but it's going to be a very tricky situation, Jack. I mean...

Thanks, son.

Right, what have we got here?

Well, there's still one more scene to shoot in the house.

What about the scenes before the fire?

The story won't make any sense without them.

Are you deaf? Have you heard what I've said?

Jack, we need an house.

- A what? - The house.

We still have the doorframe. Why don't we just rebuild the house?

Not on this budget, son.

We'll shoot the scene in the doorframe.

Camera's ready, Jack.

Well, for Christ's sakes, where's Edwin?

He was pretty drunk last night.

He's still out for the count, Mr. Ford.

Well, drag him down here,

we'll prop him up in the doorframe and shoot over his shoulder.

You don't mind acting with a corpse, do you, Kitty?

What's new?

Get that hat on.

Carl, you got a frame?

Yes, back up a little more there, Jack.

Okay, you're out of frame. Drop your arms. Thank you very much.

All right, turn over.

Slate!

Action, Kitty.

You do what I tell you, you understand, Slim?

You go back to your father and you tell him I'm not moving.

Make it smaller, Kitty.

You do what I say, you understand, Slim?

Tell him you're not moving us.

A little bit smaller.

Hold the look.

All right, cut. Print that. Next set-up.

Edwin, Edwin!

Edwin?

He's not drunk, he's dead!

What's that, Wyatt?

Sorry, folks.

Looks like Edwin wasn't alone last night.

Oh, well, um...

Jack?

All right, let's take a break.

Oh, God, now wait a minute.

Edwin was one of us.

I don't know what to say.

Let's just take a moment.

Okay, back to work. Props?

Jack, excuse me.

We've got to stop filming.

We've got to.

How are we going to finish without a Slim?

What?

Harry returns with Kitty, it's the first time you've seen him.

Now you're meant to recognize him.

You tell all the others not to trust him.

All right, let's turn over.

Action, Harry!

All right, sort through your saddlebag, Mr. Jones.

Right, right.

No, slower.

All right now, look at them.

Not at me, look at them, Harry and Kitty. Look at them.

- All right now, saddle your horse. - Yes, sir.

Cut!

What are you doing, Mr. Jones?

Sir, it's the saddle. It's just...

Quiet!

Ladies and gentlemen,

anyone who cannot put one foot in front of the other

without falling flat on his face has yet to make it out of the nursery.

I've never seen such basic lack of coordination in one human being.

That's lunch.

- Thank you. - Good job, kid.

- See? It worked. - What worked?

Jack bawling you out in front of the whole company.

Now you got everybody pulling for you.

Before they were just waiting to see you fall on your face.

Well, I did fall on my face.

I'm from New York.

If I can make a living out of playing cowboy, so can you.

It all seems really easy until you actually have to do it.

Hi, Indy, hi, fellas.

- Hi, Kitty. - Hi.

- So how do you do it? - What?

Act.

Don't look at the camera or Jack,

and keep your hands out of your pockets.

Just loosen up.

How?

Look, Jack didn't hire you just because the hat fit.

He's a better director than that.

You can do this, and he knows you can.

The farm is theirs, and I intend to see it stays that way.

You grabbed a branding iron by the hot end, pal.

Let it go.

There's three steps to hell, Johnny Flint.

According to what I know of your lousy record, you've taken all three of them.

No, wait!

Go, go, go!

No, no, that's my pa!

- That first one is for lying. - Oh, he hit me!

Two, that's for stealing.

Three, murder.

Cut. I want to print that.

Cut!

Sorry about that, Indy, guess I got a little carried away.

Harry, that was perfect.

What do you think, Wyatt?

Right on the money, Jack.

Good job.

Action, Harry!

All right, now!

- Come on. - It's broken.

Here we go.

I don't know what you guys are going to do without any stuntmen.

Well, I'm sure Mr. Ford will think of something.

Excuse me, would you mail this for me? Thank you.

Don't move.

Stretcher!

- Hey, car's coming, Harry. - Yeah, it's not the mail truck, Wyatt.

Think the studio's coming to shut you down?

Yeah, we'll find out soon enough.

But, Jack, we're a day behind.

How many pages have we been doing a day?

Ten.

Ten.

Let me see your script.

One, two, five, not that one, seven, eight, nine, ten.

Now we're back on schedule.

Claire!

What have they done to you, Indiana Jones?

What do you mean?

Oh, this is my costume. Didn't you get my letter?

That's why I'm here.

- Do you always write letters like this? - What do you mean?

"No one can stop me loving you, Claire.

"But I'm just not the right man for you.

"You need someone steady, reliable and smart, like old Tony."

I nearly vomited over my waffles when I read this.

And who are you to tell me who's right for me and who isn't?

Well, you look better in that hat, it fits.

You try it.

What do you think?

Every time I see this hat,

it'll remind me of you,

and the desert and the movies.

Come on! Get some muscle into it!

We haven't got all day, come on!

This is great, this is just perfect.

Don't worry, Jack, we'll get this one up for you.

Don't worry, Jack.

Oh, come on, Jack, there isn't time.

We've got to get this in the can

and we ain't got no more stuntmen.

- Well, I got the kid. - Come on, you got to be joking, Jack.

I don't have a choice.

Jack!

- Good morning, Mr. Jones. - Morning.

- Well, it's the last day. - Yeah, the last day.

But we should all be home by sundown, if everything goes well.

How did you figure that?

Well, let me show you.

You see, it's like this.

Originally, there were five long scenes, where Slim saved Kitty but

we've had to narrow it down to one scene,

where he saved her from a runaway wagon.

That looks pretty dangerous. Is it going down or up?

Oh, it's going down.

That looks...

Don't worry about it, it's going to be fun.

Kitty's going to be right here alongside you.

Not today, Jack, no stunts for me.

Call me when you want me for my close-ups.

Well, you know, Kitty's right.

I guess I could just double her with a dummy.

But you, Mr. Jones...

Well, you're indispensable.

Without this shot, I haven't got a movie.

How much would you pay a stuntman?

Claire, this is between me and Mr. Jones.

Tell him how much you pay a stuntman for a job like that, Jack.

$50, $55.

- I'll do it for $60. - $60?

Done.

Big mistake.

- No, Claire, that's most of my tuition... - Big mistake.

Claire, I can do this. It's not a big mistake.

Yes, it is. He would have paid you $100.

All right, Mr. Jones. This is the shot.

You ride up alongside the wagon, you jump from your horse to the team.

I'll be filming it from the truck. Good luck.

Just don't forget, once you're on the wagon,

pull 'em up as soon as you can.

There's no time to waste. Those final curves are fatal.

Yes, sir.

All right, let's get this done. Roll cameras!

Action, wagon!

Action, Jones, action!

That looks good, Indy, keep coming!

All right, go on, Indy!

Go on! Come along this side!

Okay, Indy, jump on the horse!

Jump!

Big mistake this was!

Wake up, wake up.

- Great. - Nice work, Jones.

Thank you.

I'd say you have a future here, if you want one, son.

Are you sure you don't want to stay, Indy?

I think I'll stick to archeology, it's safer.

We'll miss you, Indy, so drop us a line sometime.

- Take care of that leg. - Take care.

Come back soon and take care of your foot.

Okay.

- Good luck, kid. - All right, thanks.

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