All language subtitles for The Unicorn 2x04 - Work It (English)

Hey, hey, guys, look what I found

when I was cleaning out the garage.

Who's up for some cornhole?

Ew, it's covered in spiderwebs.

So?

Well, I don't know, uh, spiders
would be my main concern.

No, no, no, no. It's fine.

- Here, grab it from that side.
- Just...

- All right, let's do this.
- Ew.

What's up with you? Are you drunk?

I'm-I'm actually a little drunk.

Yeah. This sangria
really sneaks up on you.

No, I'm just happy.

You know, me and Shannon,
we're doing so good.

I mean, she's going out
of town for the weekend

and-and I already miss her.

- Ah, yeah?
- Yeah, she's going to Asheville

to her ex-mother-in-law's second
wedding to her first husband.

What?

Oh, well, it's nice that
her life is so colorful.

Uh... oh?

Sangria and cornhole? Now
that's what I'm talking about.

You're in a good mood.

- Yes.
- He's been like this for weeks.

It's that hotel job. Ooh,
the developer loves Ben.

Calls him Mr. Can Do.

I'm installing entertainment
centers in 120 rooms.

- Wow.
- 5.1 surround sound in every one of them,

three business centers
with smart screens,

72 miles of HDMI.

- Wow.
- Whoa, 72. That's a lot miles.

So Shannon's going to a
wedding with her ex-husband?

I get it.

Wade's love life is more interesting

than my HDMI cable.

But impressing Trey isn't easy.

He can be a bit fickle.

He fired his landscape guy today.

Really?

Any chance he's looking
for somebody new?

I guess so.

You think maybe you could
throw my name in the ring?

Ooh, that's, uh, kind
of a big ask, Wade.

I don't know about that, man.

Oh, I'm-I'm sorry.

Wow. Awkward.

Ha! I'm just messing with you, man!

- What?
- I talked you up all day today.

He wants to meet you tomorrow.

- Really?
- Yes.

Oh, Ben, you're the best, man.

Wow, man, a job that big?

I mean, I'd probably
have to rent a trencher.

I mean, the irrigation
lines alone, oh, my God.

I'd probably have to call
the city and get a variance

so we can put in a dedicated water line.

Wow, this makes me want to
hear more about that HDMI cable.

72 miles.

- Get out.
- Mr. Can Do.

Wow.

What do you guys want to do?

We should probably study.

We have that anatomy test on Monday.

What? No. We're
obviously not doing that.

- Let's watch a movie.
- Ooh.

We have to watch Caddyshack.

I watched it and it's amazing.

I didn't even know I liked golf.

Wait.

It's rated R?

For language, adult humor

and brief nudity.

I give it four stars.

Mom, can we watch Caddyshack?

What? What are you doing?

Why do you always have
to belittle miss perfect?

Caddyshack?

Seriously?

Noah's seen it.

It's fine.

Girl, he hears worse than
that on the playground.

And most of the bad stuff
goes right over his head.

Oh, really?

Like Rodney Dangerfield
talking about his testicles?

'Cause he talks about
his testicles quite a bit.

Oh, yes, he does.

Hey. You know what, Noah,
find something else to watch.

What? This is censorship.

- No, it isn't.
- As of this moment,

you are on double secret probation.

That's from Animal House.

You let him watch Animal House?

Mm-hmm.

Hey, there he is. Mr. Can Do.

Wow. He-he actually calls you that.

Yeah, I'm kind of a nickname guy.

And let me tell you something, Tan Man,

this man does amazing work.

So, Wade, I got the work
samples that you sent over.

Very impressive.

- Thank you.
- When can you start?

Wow, really? Just-just like that?

Yeah, I'm about a month
behind on this project,

and if you're as good
as Ben says you are,

- I say we just do it.
- Wow.

Uh, thank you. Thank you.

I'll, uh, start on a plan, and, uh,

get you some numbers, and, uh,

- my guys can begin prep on Monday.
- Yeah.

Fantastic. Listen, hold that thought.

I want to talk about the entrance, okay?

- Yeah.
- I'm thinking something big here,

something special. Give me a canopy,

thick, beautiful, lush,

the whole nine, all right? Wisteria.

Yeah, wisteria. That's good.

Yeah, you know, wisteria is beautiful,

I mean, it-it's so beautiful,

but it doesn't flower for years,

and it is bare all winter.

Y-You know, let me, uh,

let me work up some
other options for you.

In addition to the wisteria?

Instead of the wisteria.

I'm confused, uh, 'cause I was
just telling you what I wanted,

And then you were telling me...

- What were you telling me?
- That he's gonna do

everything possible to
make your dreams a reality.

Great. That's all I ask.

Thank you, Ben, for making that happen.

All right? I won't forget it.

Tan Man!

See you later.

Later.

Man, I'm so jealous you and Wade

get to work together every day.

Hey, maybe I should learn a trade, huh?

I don't know, man.

Yeah, I got soft hands anyway.

Delia says they're like suede.

N-No, it's just, uh...

I know it's the first day,

but the guy's shooting down Trey's ideas

the second he gets the job.

You know Wade, right? He
has very strong opinions.

Yes, I know that, but after
I stuck my neck out for him?

And I don't want to make it a big thing

or anything, but, you
know, maybe if it comes up,

you could have a word with him?

- Yeah, of course. Yeah.
- Thank you.

- Hey.
- Of course.

Hey, buddy.Yes.

- Ah...
- All right.

- Here you go. Yeah.
- Thank you.

Hey, Wade, I just wanted to say sorry

for not warning you about
what a character Trey is.

Ha. Yeah, he is that.

He's just the kind of guy that
doesn't like to hear the word no.

So I always say, "Oh, I'll get into it,"

or "Huh, let me have a look."

You see, that buys me the
time to see what I can do.

- You get me.
- Yeah, yeah, no, I totally get you.

I mean, I don't, I don't
need to buy the time,

because I know that wisteria won't work,

but, yeah, I-I totally get you.

Yes, absolutely.

Cool, cool.

Go get us some more mozzarella sticks.

- You forgot, buddy.
- Ah. Thanks, man.

All right.

Oh, my God, wow.

This new job is tricky.

Yeah,

but it seems like Ben knows
how to keep this guy happy.

I don't know, man, it just
feels like Ben wants me to agree

with everything that this guy says.

You know, that's-that's not how I work.

I mean, you get that, right?

Oh, yeah. Yeah. I mean,

it's like, why recommend you for the job

if-if he doesn't want
you to do it your way?

- Yes. Thank you.
- Yeah.

I'm so glad you see it my way.

Look, uh...

Uh, hold on.

Sure, of course.

Hi, honey.

- Oh, how are you?
- Oh, hey.

You were tossing and turning all night.

Did you have the turtle dream again?

Worse.

- Worse than the turtle dream?
- Yeah.

It's this thing with Wade and Ben.

I kept having these nightmares
that I had to take sides,

but they both made really good points.

And-and, also... there
was this turtle there.

Yeah, and he... and he just
kept coming for me, man.

Coming for me, you
know? Slow and steady.

- Slow and steady.
- Slow but steady, yeah.

So, yeah, I guess it was
kind of the turtle dream, too.

I'm sorry, honey. I know
how you hate to pick sides.

Yeah, and this is even worse.

I mean, these are my best friends.

They're saying opposite things...

- and I'm agreeing with both of them.
- Mm.

It's like I have no backbone.

Why would you say that?
You have a backbone.

Okay, I'm sorry. I have a backbone.

All right, well, let's
get the blood moving.

- Start the day.
- Yeah.

Forrest!

We've been TP'd.

What? Who would do this?

I do know a certain Caddyshack fan

- who's out for revenge.
- Wow.

I'm impressed. Noah's got quite an arm.

Forrest.

But this is unacceptable, of course,

and I'm very, very, very mad right now.

I don't know, it's-it's
oddly beautiful in the wind.

Addie, sweetie?

Something upsetting has happened.

Somebody toilet-papered our house.

Oh.

I could clean up. I don't mind.

Wow.

Well... that's solved.

No, Forrest, it's not solved.

We have to talk to Michelle,
we have to let her know

that-that Noah's acting out.

Because if she doesn't
take this seriously,

this could be a real problem.

Are we sure that it's Noah?

Forrest, you know what
a prankster Noah is.

Last time he was here for dinner,

I made him eat cauliflower,
so he ordered us ten pizzas.

Oh, right, yeah.

Oh, God, those pizzas
were so good, though.

Hey, can we get pizza
for dinner tonight?

That's not the point.

It isn't the point, no.

All right, what do you think
here, huh? Got the flowers,

got the banyan tree, got the waterfall.

- Huh?
- Yeah.

- Not bad.
- Yeah, yeah. Not bad.

It-It's beautiful.

But, uh, that-that's Hawaii.

This is North Carolina.

Exactly. I'm bringing Hawaii here.

Aloha, bitches!

Right, right, but if you, if you bring

a banyan tree here, it'll die.

You'll figure it out.

Well, I-I don't know
if I can figure out

how to make North Carolina tropical,

but what I can do is find
you some local options

with a similar feel.

Oh, boy, here we go with
the options again, huh?

Hey, Trey, just finished
wiring up the speakers

in all the suites. Want to check it out?

Already did. Loved them.

One thought.

Let's put them in the ceilings, huh?

Instead of the walls.
Where they are now.

Yeah. That won't be a problem, will it?

Uh, let me see what I can do.

Uh, won't you have to
tear out all the drywall

and rewire everything?

Oh, you never know.

After all, I am Mr. Can Do.

Yes. You are Mr. Can Do.

- Hey, real quick. Uh...
- Mm?

Is there an issue with your guy?

Wade? No, no. He's good.

Yeah. Well, you-you
keep telling me that.

Hey, Delia.

Hi, Michelle. How are you?

Okay, what's going on?

What? Why? Wh... I'm not even...

Why-why do you think
something's going on?

Ooh, must be bad.

Okay, well, um, fine.

It is possible

that Noah may or may not have
kind of, uh, TP'd my house.

Noah, did you TP Delia's house?

No.

He says he didn't do it.

You don't mind if I talk to him, do you?

You know, as a doctor,
uh, I find that children

tend to really respect
me as an authority figure.

You think he's gonna confess to you

because he respects you so much?

Well, I-I did.

Hmm.

Okay, Noah, so I'm just gonna
ask you a few simple questions

and if you answer them
as honestly as you can,

you will get this cookie.

What?

What?

No, that's for after you answer.

Oh. I wasn't clear on that.

Well, luckily I came prepared.

So, here you go.

Now please just answer... Noah!

Okay, you know what,

just admit that you TP'd my house, okay?

I don't think I did.

But another cookie might jog my memory.

Okay, look, Noah, you're
not in trouble, all right?

Even if you did TP my house,

I get it. It's not your fault.

Whoa. Wait a minute.

So whose fault would it be?

Uh, excuse me?

Well, you said it's not his
fault, so whose fault is it?

My fault?

Because I let my kids watch

a few bad movies, I'm a bad parent?

What?

No. No, no, no, no, no.

Really? Is that...

That's what you got from... Really?

No.

So what are you saying?

I'm saying... What
I... What I am saying is

that it's not your fault.

You know, I should go.

- Yes, that might be best.
- Yeah.

Did you... Did he what?

Nothing.

All right, men, what'll it be?

Uh, a pitcher, some wings?

- Great, yeah. Sauce on the side.
- Got it.

Ooh, whoa. I don't know, Wade.

Think about it, they may not
want to make 'em that way.

Uh, I don't think they're
gonna mind, it's fine.

- Sauce on the side.
- Oh, that's right,

- because you're the customer.
- Really?

Wow. Okay, I see what you're doing.

I don't. What is he
doing? What are you doing?

Forrest, if somebody
hired you to do something,

you'd find a way to do
it, like plant a tree,

or put the sauce on the side.

Okay, well, what if it wasn't sauce?

What if it was poison they wanted you

to put on the side, would you do that?

Wait a minute, so every
idea you hate is poison.

The guy asked you for a tree.

You told him it was a bad idea,

he said, "I still want the tree."

Now, either you give him the
tree, or somebody else will.

That's the job, Wade.

How is it the job to pretend

that something that is wrong is right?

It's called playing the game.

And you cannot win the game if
you don't play the game, Wade.

Look, it's not a game to me, Ben.

- It's my job, man. Come on.
- Yeah.

That's because I got it for you.

- That's how you got that job.
- Okay. Okay.

Forrest totally agrees
with me, don't you? Right?

Remember what you said?
Go ahead, tell him.

Oh.

Tell him.

I-I did say that.

Seriously, Forrest?! Come on, man.

- You said you were on my side with this.
- And I am.

- No, no, no, no, no.
- Okay. Well, great.

- Are you kidding me?
- Well, he's sitting right here.

- Why don't you just tell him?
- Okay, okay.

The truth is...

that you both make a lot of good points.

- Ah, come on!
- Pick a side, Forrest.

Come on, man!

This is my literal nightmare.

Where's the turtle?

You guys are the turtle.

Yeah, you guys are the turtle.

Okay, here are your
lunches, and let's-let's go.

Oh, a banana, a pencil
and a tape measure.

Hey, I didn't get a tape measure.

Just two dumb sandwiches.

Okay, uh, one of the dumb
sandwiches belongs to your sister,

and the tape measure belongs to me.

And I'm sorry,

I may be a little distracted
by this thing with Ben.

I mean, he thinks I'm stubborn.

Oh.

What? You think I'm stubborn?

What? No. You? Never. No. Mm-mm.

Okay, yes,

- I have opinions.
- Oh, no kidding.

Yeah, remember that time at soccer

when you were reffing
and disqualified Amanda

for wearing softball cleats?

She was our best player.

Are you seriously still
mad about "cleatgate"?

What? Of course I'm still mad.

We lost the game, and
because of your dumb rules,

we didn't make it to the playoffs.

Okay, they weren't my dumb rules,

they are the rules.

And I am sorry if it made
people a little upset.

The whole team hated you.

Well, you know what, I didn't
become a ref to be popular.

Oh. Then you nailed it, Dad.

And those were the only cleats
that Amanda had at her dad's house.

And then, when she didn't get to play,

it made her so sad.

I didn't mean to make her sad.

And, okay, yes, I guess
I can be kind of...

A jerk?

- Well, I was gonna say stubborn.
- Yeah.

That's what Natalie meant.

Michelle was so mad at me.

She thinks I'm saying
she's a bad parent.

- Oh, that's crazy.
- Yeah.

- But, I mean, weren't you, though?
- What? No.

No, of course not.

But we have to admit

she does give her kids a long leash.

Yeah. I mean, I understand
her defending her children.

Right? But then again,
you make a great point

about the leash thing.

Oh, no. Oh...

I'm getting worse!

- That is hilarious.
- Just make a decision.

You are such a badass.

Yeah.

Addie is such a badass. Why
are we saying that, though?

No reason.

- Okay.
- Okay. Gotta go.

- Bye.
- Bye.

- What were you two up to?
- I wasn't up to anything.

Why would you think
I was up to anything?

'Cause I wasn't.

Addie,

is there something going on, or...

No.

Fine. Stop grilling me.

I confess... I TP'd our house.

What?

It's been killing me all week.

I'm sorry for the mess
and the obvious waste.

It was recycled.

But that's not the point.

W-W-Wait. Wait.

Okay, okay, I...

I see what's going on here.

It's Natalie. She's a bad influence.

Oh, come on, Delia.

And-and-and Forrest, Forrest,

you are spending too
many late nights at work.

Deels. And obviously

it's my fault, too... I let
you watch that Netflix show

with the vampires and the
drugs, and... the Wild West?

Why? Why was that?

- That's just so high-concept.
- Delia!

- What?
- Stop!

She TP'd her own house.

And then she cleaned it up after.

It's not because of Wade's kids

or-or because of The
Badlands of Nosferatu, it's...

it's-it's because
she's not six anymore.

She's 13. She's gonna act out.

And you know what?

That's okay.

It's okay. She has to
test her boundaries.

She should. She needs to.

But... she's a good kid.

So we got to give her some space.

- Okay? Yeah.
- Yeah.

- Yeah.
- I guess I was just tired

of being little miss
perfect all the time.

- Aw.
- Oh.

- Thanks, Dad. You get me.
- Yeah.

Oh.

She is miss perfect.

Yeah, she is.

But, Forrest.

Yeah?

That was a lot of backbone.

Well, I'm sorry, I just...

- it had to be said.
- Yeah.

I liked it.

- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.

That's the kind of thing you like, huh?

- Yeah.
- Shoot. Well, do you like the part

where I was like, "Stop"?

- Oh...
- What?

- What is going on? What?
- Oh. Michelle...

is going to kill me.

Whew.

Can you believe Delia?

Questioning my parenting?

- Man, oh, man.
- Hmm.

- You must have been furious.
- Mm.

She's got no right to
judge you like that.

No, she does not. I was fit to be tied.

Huh.

Oh, we're having dinner
with them on Friday.

- What?
- Mm-hmm.

- We are?
- Mm-hmm.

So just like that, you're over it?

No. But it's only Tuesday.

By Friday, I'll be good.

Yeah, but Delia needs to learn

how to keep her nose out of everything.

And when is that gonna happen?

I mean, yes, she is a pain in the neck,

but she's also my best friend.

I can't stay mad at my friends
forever for being who they are.

I'm not five.

Damn it.

What's wrong?

I'm five.

Hold that. Stop it. Stop it.

Wade, what are you doing?

I'm-I'm... planting a banyan tree.

Will you stop it?

- They can't live here.
- I know.

- I'm playing the game.
- No.

No, you don't play the game.

You're the one who wanted
me to play the game.

Yeah, well, now I don't
like it. It was a bad idea.

Hey. Hold that! Just hold that.

Norwood, don't listen to him.

- Put it in.
- Wade, will you stop?

This is all my fault.

I can't be mad at you
for being who you are.

What I am is stubborn and inflexible.

What the hell is that?

That is the ugliest tree I've ever seen.

That's a banyan tree.

Dear God. Is it really?

Wow. I mean, now that I see it,

that's not gonna work at all.

But I just had to have
it shipped from Florida.

Wade. The man said he
doesn't like the tree.

So how about we just get him a new tree?

- Right?
- Y-Yes.

Yeah, yeah, okay, all right, uh,
we'll get you some more options.

That's all I ask.

Thank you...

Mr. Can Do 2.

Oh! There it is! There it is!

You got it.

That's gonna stick. You watch.

Ooh-hoo, I got to go.

Okay, Norwood, take it out.

- Okay!
- Hmm.

Hey, Wade, we good?

Always.

Come here.

Hey. Where's the mustard?

Oh. You know what?

Maybe Addie took it.

Okay, yeah, guess I deserved that.

Yeah, and-and have
you seen the napkins?

Should we check Addie's backpack?

Michelle, I'm sorry, again.

How many times do I have to say it?

More would be nice.

I never, ever intended

to make you feel like
you were a bad parent.

I'm the one with the
out-of-control kid.

Oh, yeah, she's a real bad seed.

Oh, well, we had to punish her,
of course, and that's tricky,

'cause we've never done that before.

Anyway, first it was all,

"You got to clean your
room," and then we thought,

who are we kidding, it's immaculate.

- Hmm.
- Anyway,

my point is, I never, ever
should have judged you...

or your kids.

They're great.

Thank you.

Hey, uh...

someone just delivered ten
pizzas for a Mrs. Caddyshack.

Could I get four slices of Hawaiian?

Damn it, Noah.

For one minute, I had
the moral high ground.

Yes! Ha!

- Really?
- Sorry.

Synced and corrected by Octavia
- www.addic7ed.com -