All language subtitles for Young Sheldon 4x05 - A Musty Crypt and a Stick to Pee On

Previously on Young Sheldon...

All right, let me start

by saying that I owe you an apology.

I want you to know that
I'm trying to change.

What do you want from me?

One more chance.

Thanks again for giving me another shot.

Well, I'm trying to get
better at forgiving people.

Well, I'm glad to hear you say that,

'cause I'm the one who
egged your store last night.

Hmm, forgiving people sucks.

Should we say grace?

Heck yeah!

Oh, cool, let's say grace.

Well?

It's very...

colorful.

Check out the best part.

Want to try it out?

As long as I can remember,

unlocking the mechanisms that
govern the physical universe

was my greatest passion.

- Whatcha workin' on?
- Dungeons & Dragons.

Hey, even Hawking took

a roll through the park once in a while.

I'm working on a new campaign
to play with Tam and Billy.

You know how I feel about that game.

I'm aware, which is why
the most wicked thing

in it is my sense of humor.

I still don't like it.

But you are playing with other
kids, so I'll take it as a win.

Not just playing with other kids,

controlling every aspect

of their destiny as their
Dungeon Master overlord.

I didn't believe in God but
I sure loved acting like one.

Hey, Mary.

Wayne, come on in. Thank you.

George just ran to pick up some beers.

It's funny when he runs, ain't it?

Oh, hey, Darlene wanted

to know if you were gonna
packanything nice to wear.

For what?

The coaches conference.

I wasn't going to that.

Darlene's going?

A free weekend in San Antonio?

Hotel on the river?

Of course she's going.

Oh.

Did George not invite you?

No, he didn't.

Honestly, what is wrong with that man?

Game time!

What?

Mom's just mad I'm
playing Dungeons & Dragons.

Oh, good.

I didn't know
he was bringing his wife.

And of course it didn't
even occur to you to ask me?

Well, no, but isn't that better

than thinking about it
and then not doing it?

They both make you a jerk.

Since when are you interested

in a coaches conference?

I am interested in a weekend

at a nice hotel by a river.

Hotel is pretty nice.

What's up?

Watching the game with your dad.

Where is he?

Getting yelled at by your mom.

Cool.

Any chance you might want to
watch the kids this weekend?

- Sure, no problem.
- Good.

I thought you and Dalemight have plans.

We might hang out, but...

it's fine.

Something going on?

Mm-mm.

Sounds like something.

Well...

he's trying to be a
better person, and...

it's weird.

Weird how?

Just doesn't seem natural.

I don't follow.

Like when you see a
dancing bear at the circus,

and you know it just wants
to rip some clown's head off.

That's graphic.

Where are y'all going?

George has a coaches
conferencein San Antonio.

Oh, and you weaseled
your way in? Good for you.

I didn't weasel.

So it was his idea?

Not exactly.

Ladies and gentlemen, we have a weasel.

Congratulations.

Getting ready for your trip?

Yep.

Dale told me you're taking his camper.

Yeah. We're gonna head down
with Wayne and his wife.

Cool.

Just out of curiosity,

when exactly are you and Mom leaving,

and when exactly are y'all coming back?

You're not bringing
your girlfriend here.

Excuse me for taking an
interest in your life.

Besides, your grandma'll
be here the whole time.

Never mind.

Wait.

So her house'll be empty?

Look, I used to be your age,

but can you try thinking
with your brain for once?

If you used to be my age,

I think you know the answer to that.

All right, baby,

we're leaving here in a few minutes,

but we'll be back on Sunday
and your meemaw'll be here.

Sheldon?

What?

We're leaving.

Where are you going?

To San Antonio.

When are you leaving?

In a few minutes.

When will you get back?

- Sunday.
- But who's going to watch us?

Meemaw.

Okay. Bye.

Can you at least give me a hug?

I can.

Hey. Just finishing up.

See you again soon.

How you doing?

All right, I guess.

Uh, Dale here?

He went to go hang out with
my meemaw, who, by the way,

is at my house all
weekend, so that's a no-go.

Okay.

What do you want to do later?

Movies? Putt-putt?

I was thinking maybe
we could go get a test.

What kind of test?

The... pregnancy kind.

We're closed.

But the sign says...

We're closed!

This can't be happening.
How sure are you?

I'm not sure. That's why
I want to get the test.

Well, you don't look pregnant.

That's not how it works, Georgie.

I know. I'm just freaking out right now.

- Let's just go to the drugstore.
- Right.

I feel like I'm gonna throw up.

Please don't say that.

So you've stayed at this hotel before?

Oh, yeah. It's nice.

They got an indoor pool and
a killer breakfast buffet.

There's even a real nice
gym we'll walk right past

on the way to the breakfast buffet.

Why didn't you tell me there was a pool?

I would've brought my bathing suit.

Hotels have pools... didn't
think I needed to mention it.

Well, it would have
been nice if you did.

They also have beds in the rooms.

Did you remember your pajamas?

Okay, you don't have to act

- like that.
- Well, you don't need to blame me

'cause you forgot your bathing suit.

Well, I guess we're
not going in the pool.

Maybe you're not.

I packed my suit.

Are you gonna behave
like this all weekend?

What? Responsible and fun-loving?

Probably.

You are such a...

monkey butt.

Come on.

There's got to be more
insulting name you can call me.

I am sure there is, but
they're about to get in

and they do not need to hear us arguing.

Whoo-wee! Ha-ha! Hey, Mary.

- Darlene, good to see you.
- Oh, hey.

George, how's it going?

Good, good. We were
definitely not arguing

ten seconds ago.

I figured we'd order pizza.

Okay.

What do you want on it?

Everything except onions,

green peppers, mushrooms,

- spinach...
- No vegetables. Got it.

How about a little salad, too?

If you like wasting money.

Spoken like a true Texan.

So what's Sheldon like?

A pain in the ass.

No, he means, what does
Sheldon like on his pizza?

Oh.

Sheldon! What do you
want on your pizza!?

Still glad you came?

Actually, I am.

I don't want any pizza.

See? Pain in the ass.

Well, we can get something else.

I don't want anything. I'm not hungry.

Well, what's the matter?

My friends were supposed to play

Dungeons & Dragons with me,

but they cancelled.

Aw. Sorry.

We can play it with you.

Really?

Dale, that's nice, but...

I don't think you'll like it.

Afraid I might beat you?

Actually, there's no one
winner. It's a cooperative game

where you use your imagination
to explore a fantasy world

with the help of the Dungeon
Master's preplanned scenarios

and the rolling of polyhedral dice.

Still sound fun?

Yeah.

Sorta.

I got it.

- Anybody see you?
- No. And I didn't

recognize the guy behind the counter,

but I used an Italian
accent just in case.

Please tell me you're joking.

Oh, I'm-a no joking.

Oh, God.

- Here. Do it.
- I can't do it here.

I have to pee on it.

Okay, fine.

Although we've done
crazier stuff in this truck.

Oh, by the way, I made
reservations tonight

at that, uh, steakhouse
on the Riverwalk.

- Ooh, fancy.
- Well, yeah.

Nothing says fancy like
a two-pound slab of meat.

Oh, shoot.

I didn't pack my dress shoes.

See, George? It might be helpful

if you mentioned some of
these things ahead of time.

- Here we go.
- Wayne's always doing stuff like this.

I'm glad to know it's not just us.

That's why I packed
his shoes last night.

You did? Baby, you're the best.

Well, how can I be
the best when you are?

It is just us.

So, how does this work?

You start by creating your character.

I want to be a Ninja
Turtle Princess of Power.

Put me down for that, too.

You have to choose from one
of the character classes.

There's thief, druid, paladin, wizard...

- Ooh, wizard. I want that.
- All right.

Then I'll use my magic to turn me

into a Ninja Turtle Princess of Power.

No.

W-Wh... Wait a minute. What's a paladin?

A paladin is a holy knight who
crusades in the name of good.

Oh, I like that.

I want to be that.

- Really?
- Yeah, I've been meaning

to do more crusading
in the name of good.

Okay.

You say you got thief on that list?

I'll be a thief.

That sounds like fun.

Okay, I think I got it.

It takes ten minutes for the results.

You want me to go in with you?

To watch me pee on a stick?

I'm being supportive right now.

You could try the same.

I'm pregnant. You
sure I'm not too heavy?

No, I got it.

I guess it's time to do what people do

on their wedding night.

Georgie, we're gonna be parents.

We don't do that anymore.

Oh, right.

Besides, my water just
broke all over your bed.

Dadgum it.

Stop having fun, and help
me take care of these babies.

But I just got home from my day job.

And I only have ten
minutes till my night job.

That's ten minutes you could be helping.

Now go change whichever this one is.

Georgie,

there's a band called
Guns N' Roses on the phone.

Really?

Yeah. The guitarist hurt his hand,

and they want you to fill in.

Tell them I can't. I'm a dad now.

Okay.

This is a long ten minutes.

Ooh, this camper is so cool.

We borrowed it from my mom's boyfriend.

Yeah, you might not want
to poke around too much.

You find my mother-in-law's bra,
I'm driving into a brick wall.

Maybe we get one of these.

Spend our summers

driving around, just the two of us.

That sounds amazing.
Where would we go first?

Does it even matter?

We don't even have to
take it out the driveway.

You got that right.

- Can you guys not do that?
- Do what?

Be so happy. You're
married. Act like it.

How do you put up with him?

That's a good question.
What's your secret?

Communication.

Oh, God.

- Well?
- I'm not.

- Really?
- We're good.

Oh, thank God.

- What a relief.
- I know.

We better stop hugging,

or you're gonna need
another stick to pee on.

You enter a dark and musty crypt.

Torches along the walls fill the room

with a flickering light.

In the center of the room is
a mysterious glowing chest.

What do you do?

I open the chest.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

It's a chest in the middle of a crypt.

That's a little
suspicious, don't you think?

I don't know. I'm not
even sure what a crypt is.

Aah!

It could be booby-trapped.

Thieves have the
ability to check for traps.

Good for me, I can do that.

Hold it. This chest
does not belong to us.

So?

I'm a paladin.

It's not a very... paladin-y thing to do.

You didn't want to steal the key,

You didn't want to fight the goblins.

You wouldn't even kill the spider.

You put it in a cup and took it outside.

Well, that wasn't in the game.

I know.

It was in real life, which is worse.

Could me and your meemaw
have a little privacy, please?

We can leave,
but we're still gonna listen.

Also, you find no traps.

What is your problem?

You act like Mr. Goody Two-shoes,

and you expect meto believe that's real?

- Yeah.
- Well, I don't.

Sheldon said there were no traps.

Now, I know it's hokey,
but at least once a day,

Darlene and I say one thing that
we appreciate about each other.

Isn't that sweet?

It was Wayne's idea.

I appreciate you saying that.

And I'm gonna vomit.

It's fine.

We-we know we appreciate each other.

Mary, is it fine?

I guess it wouldn't hurt

to hear it once in a while.

George?

What? Now?

You got something better to do?

Come on, George.

This is ridiculous.

Just do it, you baby.

Fine. Mary, I appreciate you.

That's the best you can do?

Baby, you have any single
friends for this poor woman?

Mary, I appreciate how much
you take care of the house

and... all of us.

I know it's not easy.

Thank you. That means a lot.

I love it. Mary, you're up.

Well, George...

I appreciate how hard you work.

I know you make a lot
of sacrifices for us,

and you don't get
enough credit for that.

Thank you.

Now, let's hear how
much you appreciate me

for fixing your marriage.

Shut up, Wayne.

I wonder who came up
with blue raspberry.

Raspberries ain't blue.

- It should be blueberry.
- You'd think.

But blueberries ain't blue
either, they're purple.

The whole blue food situation
in this country needs some work.

So, what do you want to do?

Probably something with our clothes on.

No kidding. That was scary.

- Terrifying.
- I was afraid

I was gonna have to marry you.

Afraid?

Shaking in my boots.

And what, exactly, would be so terrible

about marrying me?

I didn't say terrible.

You can be afraid of
things that are great.

Like what?

Uh...

Oh, roller coasters.

You're an idiot.

Roller coasters is a good answer.

I didn't say sharks, which
is what I thought of first.

You're making it worse.

How is I worse? I didn't say it.

Roller coasters is a good answer.

What happened to you?
You used to be fun.

Come on, I'm playing this stupid game

- with your grandkids.
- That's rude.

Cut the crap. We both
know this isn't you.

Oh, I can't win with you.

- What does that mean?
- Forget it.

No, I'm not gonna forget it. Talk to me.

- I don't want to.
- Missy, help me out here.

Communication is important.

- I learned that on the Fresh Princeshow.
- Oh...

I asked you to marry me
and you turned me down flat.

Are you still mad about that?

Oh, hell yeah I'm still mad about that.

He proposed?

He just said he did. Pay attention.

And you didn't even take it seriously.

I didn't take it seriously
because you were drunk.

That's when I'm the most honest.

You can ask anybody at the bar.

Okay, fine. That still
doesn't change the fact

that I'm not interested

- in getting married again.
- Why not?

I don't have to explain myself to you.

- I'd like to know.
- And I'd like to play D&D.

We've been through this.

I like my life just the way it is,

and if you can't work
with that, then, well...

Well what?

Tough knuckles.

Whoa.

Huh.

Well, that's good, then.

I don't have to pretend to be

mister water-drinking nice guy anymore.

That's what I've been
trying to tell you.

Yeah, well.

Will you all excuse me?

Where you going?

I'm gonna get myself a beer.

So you're standing in a crypt
looking at a locked chest.

What do you do?

Pull a beer out of it.

Get out of my way.

I'm a thief, and I'm opening this chest.

Have at it. I'm a
paladin with a buzz on.

Success.

The chest opens, revealing a scroll

with ancient writing
in a strange language

you don't recognize. What do you do?

I say this is boring...

and turn myself into a Ninja
Turtle Princess of Power.

This game just got good.

- High five.
- Yeah.