Original subtitles

(suspenseful music)

- Boom! Get outta bed! (alarm ringing)

You gotta go, they're gonna kill you!

Stay in bed, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go!

Get outta the house! Run, run, run, run!

(laughing)

- What the fuck, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!

Stop, stop, stop, stop, what's, Chuck?

Why do you have a camera? What the fuck is going on?

- Oh, man, you should see your face right now.

It is priceless! - Oh, God!

God goddammit, man. - Good to see ya, brother.

(laughing)

We're makin' a movie, come here, give me a hug.

- What do you mean, we're makin' a movie?

- I'm not gonna fucking hug you, man.

- Mwah! - Stop!

- [Chuck] Look at you, you look so good,

you've gotten, like, really in shape, man.

- [Julian] All right, dude, all right all right.

Good to see ya.

- What, no, where are you going?

- [Julian] I'm goin' back to sleep.

- Hey Beth! - If you wanna make a movie--

- [Beth] What's going on?

- Why don't you just call and say, hey--

- [Chuck] No, this is so much better, man.

It's a surprise, it was real.

- All right, man, it's good to see you!

- [Beth] Oh my God! What the hell is going on?

- [Julian] You okay?

- Why are you laughing?

- 'Cause. - Why are you still filming?

- [Julian] I'm, oh, baby, baby.

Wait, hold on a second, wait wait wait wait wait wait wait!

- [Beth] I'm sorry, you just, you wake up

in the middle of the night, there's all these sirens,

and then you just got up and, and you left

Dottie and I, that's your first instinct?

But I was just runnin' outside to, to, to get--

- [Beth] It's not a really good excuse at all!

- Hey, baby--

- [Beth] Julian, you're not listening to me

and you're invalidating my feelings.

- Hey, baby, I didn't mean to--

Look, I'm not, I didn't mean to do that, I'm sorry.

I wasn't gonna leave, I was just gettin' outside

to, like, you know, establish what the danger--

I don't know, I feel bad, I'm sorry.

I don't know what I was thinkin', babe, you're shakin'!

- [Beth] Yeah, I know, I thought he was here

to murder you or something-- - Hey, I wouldn't do that!

- Why are you--

- Get the fuck outta here, dude! Goddammit!

- Hey, so I'll call you tomorrow, okay?

All right, we'll talk later. Go to sleep.

- Go home, Chuck! - Okay.

This is Julian, he's my best friend,

and honestly, one of the greatest guys I've ever met.

- This part of me won't zipper, never works--

- [Chuck] Like many millennials,

he thinks that if he works hard enough and keeps at it,

one day he'll become a movie star.

(cash register ringing)

I don't know if it's because we were all raised

on television or the rise of the internet,

or just some inflated sense of self-importance,

but it seems to me like a common theme

in my generation to wanna become famous.

(moaning) And for good reason.

Being famous looks pretty fucking awesome.

(moaning)

Julian can't do it on his own,

so I'm gonna troll the shit out of him

and try to make him a superstar.

I don't know exactly how this is gonna go.

I've thought of a few things and Julian

definitely doesn't know how this is gonna go,

but, in the end, I hope that you enjoy it.

♫ Impossible to love

♫ But with you I got

- Oh, Jesus Christ, man!

- [Chuck] Mornin', sunshine!

- Get outta the car!

- [Chuck] You're grumpy in the morning.

- Yeah, I didn't get much sleep for some reason.

- [Chuck] What are you so mad about?

I got your car warmed up, I'm all hooked up with

these cool cameras, man, this is a professional operation.

- Get that thing outta my outta my face, turn it off.

- [Chuck] Don't wave your hand at the camera.

This is a very expensive camera.

- I don't have time for this, man.

Put your seatbelt on.

Put your seatbelt on, I'm late.

- [Chuck] Where are we going?

What do you do for a living, Jules?

- Turn the camera off.

- [Chuck] Customer service, that is so very interesting!

When you were a child, a young, young Jules,

did you dream of being in the customer services?

- God, it's been a while, man.

I forgot how annoying you are.

- [Chuck] You know you love me. You love me.

- All right, I missed you. I missed you, goddammit!

- [Chuck] I know you did.

- That's a hell of an entrance, man.

That's a hell of a way to reemerge.

- [Chuck] You know I'm gonna make a good entrance.

- Are you? - I always do, right?

- I'm about to exit, though.

Stay with me, this is a tough turn.

- [Chuck] I got it, I got it.

- All right, where am I dropping you off?

- [Chuck] We're going to your job.

We're gonna see what Jules does on a daily basis.

- Let's take that back, man.

Where do you need me to drop you off?

I mean, somewhere like around here

or like, or what do you wanna?

Can you turn the camera off for a second,

so we can have a conversation like people?

(muffled office chatter)

It's amazing to me still, how these nobodies

who post crap and, like, days later,

they're, you know, they're Justin Bieber,

you know, with the planes and the bangs.

- But, I mean, you got your own videos.

You did the gay, deaf guy--

- The gay, deaf, celibate guy,

I didn't know you saw that one.

- [Chuck] What was it?

- The gay, deaf, celibate guy.

- Yeah!

- I'm waiting till mawwaige, no, I'm waiting!

- Don't touch me! - No, don't touch my penis!

- That shit was funny!

- I'm proud of, somehow, I'm proud of that one.

It's got like 30,000 views. - Really? That's a lot!

- Working on this new one, let me bring it up.

- Yeah, let me see.

- There you go, can you see that?

[With An Indian Accent] Today, I have

the spiciest ofspicy okra infuses!

Smelled like the fire god and he was pissing down my throat!

(shouts and chants)

It goes on like that for, like--

- That's weird, man.

- 15 more minutes, I'm still workin' on it.

I'm still choppin' it down--

- This is what I'm talkin' about, man,

like, the world needs to see your talent.

I think you've really got what it takes.

It's why I want to do this, you know?

This is why I wanna make this movie.

- Yeah, so what is, what is this movie exactly, why--

- Well, I think you're doing really

well with these videos, you know.

- So it's just about me?

- Yeah, I mean, it would be your rise to the top,

kind of, you know, like you're gonna make it.

- If you really wanna sell a movie,

why don't you get Lipnicki, man, he's already a name--

- I don't want Lipnicki, I want you.

You're better than Lipnicki.

- Well so, your big idea is to follow me, who nobody knows,

around with a camera and we're gonna end up

with the next summer blockbuster on our hands?

- It's a lofty goal to hit but

I think it'll be good, you know?

I want it to be good, otherwise why would I be doing it?

- Well, I don't know, to screw with me.

- Why would I screw with you?

(pleasant Latin folk music)

Okay, don't even think that, man.

She is, your wife, it's all in the past!

- She's one of the many reasons why

you might feel the need to get at me.

- Well, there are no ulterior motives, man.

I just wanna make art with my friend,

who I think is super-talented.

That's it!

- It's very sweet of you, man.

I'm touched. Are you ready?

- Yeah, let's go. - All right.

(pleasant Latin folk music)

Are you coming?

- [Chuck] Yep, coming.

Ah, you look pissed!

What was it? The boss? The coworkers?

Tell me everything! - Let's get outta here.

It's just all of it, just all of it.

- What happened? - Damn Neanderthals!

- Jeez, it's just, like, you know,

at the end of a long shift, fuckin' boss man keeps us

for 45 minutes after just to remind us to say hello when

we answer, when we answer the fuckin' phone, dude.

- What the hell? You work at a call center?

- It's a call center!

- [Chuck] That reminds me of Butt Mouth from college.

Remember her? - Butt Mouth!

Dude, I never thought about Butt Mouth--

- You better stack those chairs--

(both chattering mockingly)

Take 'em all down.

(both groaning and chattering)

- What was that throat thing, like,

did we ever find out what that was?

- I don't know, she was probably really sick.

- [Julian] Terribly sick with a terribly serious disease.

- We would just make fun of her.

- She died. She died shortly after we left.

That's for sure. - You know what you should do?

You should just go back up there and just fuckin' quit, man.

- I feel the same way, but it's, like, it pays the bills.

I'm just fuckin' tired. It's been a long day.

What the hell about you, dude?

I haven't seen you for a minute?

what the fuck is goin' on in your life?

- Oh, you know, just workin'.

Trying to get a project off the ground.

- Dude, that's right!

So, the Kickstarter for the caveman musical.

- Yeah, that was an attempt at something.

- Oh, you never got it?

- No, never got it off the ground.

But, you know, I've been ...

Well, I've been a little depressed.

- Why, about, like what about?

- It's just life, you know, it's just--

- Like what?

- Not, not thinking that I'll make anything good

or do anything good and, you know, got pretty dark,

and, I got a hotel room, and you know, tried to, you know.

- Tried to what?

- Just tried to off myself. - Dude!

- It was fine because the maid walked

in and she saw me there.

She screamed, "Ay, Dios mio!" - Really?

- It wasn't the worst. It was bad but it was a dark time.

Things are a little different now.

- [Julian] No matter how many failed projects,

you could have one or a thousand failed projects

or failed relationships or failed whatever,

it's like it's all about pushing through, man.

That's why I got that shit hole every goddamned day.

It's like, all we got is keepin' on truckin', man.

Hey, Grandma!

- Oh, hey baby.

- Put that down, please.

I brought Chuck with me. - Oh, Chuck!

You old shit head! - Hi, how are you?

- How are you? How have you been?

- [Chuck] I've been good! You look good.

- How's Ann doing? - Ann is...

We broke up in high school, but she's probably good.

I'm not sure. - Oh, that's nice, dear.

- Yeah.

- Is that a camera?

- [Chuck] It is a camera.

- Dude, what I tell you. Put it away, please.

- I'm making a movie, Dottie, about Julian.

- No, he's not. - A movie?

- He's not, actually. - About my Julian?

- [Chuck] Uh-huh.

- Oh, wonderful! (giggling)

Oh, is that the one you told me about?

- Yeah, that's the one you discussed.

- Yeah.

- Oh, I'm so proud of you two!

- Yeah, we're underway. We're just getting going.

- You know, he always gets very embarrassed

when I ask him to do this. - Oh, I'm not, Grandma.

I can't. I'm not gonna do this.

I'm not gonna do it. - Yes, come on.

- It's weird out of context. - Come on, baby.

For me? Please? - Do it, Jules.

- [In Falsetto Voice] Oh papa. Tell me a story.

Papa, one about knights and princes. Papa, oh. Papa. Oh.

(laughing) - That's the one!

- It's weird, there's a whole back story.

It's whatever. It's its own thing.

- He started doing this when he was a little boy.

- And you know what's fun, is now he's an adult

and he's still doing it. - Thanks, Chuck.

- But that's good. That's a good thing.

- [Chuck] Yeah, I love it.

- [In Falsetto Voice] Chuck's a great guy.

He's accomplished a lot too. - Yeah, you could do voices.

When they have the movies an cartoons?

- Oh voiceover stuff. - Yeah.

- I've done a little bit, I've done a little bit.

- Have you really?

- Yeah, I told you a little bit about it, yeah, it's--

- Face for radio, they say.

- For what? - Nothing.

(crickets chirping)

- You're filming me right now, aren't you?

Aunt Dottie lit up in a way I haven't seen in awhile.

- She knows the movie will make you happy.

She wants to see you happy, so you

might as well just do the movie.

(scoffs) Just do it.

- Oh. Great, okay dude. - Easy.

- No offense, man, I'm not sure if this particular project,

with Chuck Scorsese at the helm is gonna make us famous.

- Well, actually I know a guy at Fox. He's a producer.

His name's Theo and he told me he likes my idea

and if I get him some footage in the next few days,

he'd greenlight something for us.

That's what this is all about.

But if you're not into it, that's fine.

- Are you kidding me right now?

- No. - What? Dude!

- Yeah. - Holy shit, man!

- [Chuck] I know.

- You wanted to start, not by telling me that,

but by breaking into my house and fucking with me?

- It's all a master plan, man.

What do you say? You want to do this movie with me or what?

- Yeah, man. I'm in. Are you kidding me?

- Awesome. This is gonna be awesome.

- What do we have to do?

We have to get him stuff in a couple of days?

- Yeah. - Where do we start?

- Well, we're done with the first act.

The next thing is just convincing Beth.

- That's easy, man. - Yeah?

- Let's do it right now. Jesus, dude. You're kidding me.

- A real movie has drama. It has action.

We lead a really normal life. We live with your grandmother.

It's not a bad thing, it's just not dramatic, Julian.

- [Chuck] Well, it's not about drama.

This is a character study about Julian.

- Yeah, I don't buy it.

- You don't buy my character being

interesting enough to make a story about?

- I think that you are very interesting.

- That's not what you're saying.

- Baby, I think you're really interesting.

I just don't know. Something seems really strange.

- It is strange, we got Chuck lurking around

with the camera and it's really bizarre.

The thing that got me is that he's got

this guy at Fox who's generally interested.

It's like a done deal or at least promise there.

I've wanted this so badly for so long.

- I want it for you too, Julian. I really do.

- Then what is-- - I want to see you happy.

- But I'm not interesting enough to have it.

- I can't help thinking this is a really bad idea.

Chuck, god damn it. - Give us a second, Chuck.

- Here's the deal. - What the hell is goin' on?

- Look, just listen to me. I know.

He said something recently where it sounded like he tried

to hurt himself, so I feel like I don't want to humor him.

I don't want him to relapse or do something worse.

- How do we know that he is not still using?

He needs professional help, Julian.

We aren't his professional help, okay.

- I want you to be happy, so if you say no it's off.

- Okay, no. Sorry. I just don't want to ruin anything, okay?

- Okay, but just like, here's the thing that keeps me going.

More than the Fox guy, more than anything else, is the fact

that when I mentioned this to Dottie she just lit up.

She was happy and excited. She had color in her face.

She said she believes in me so much.

I want to make her proud. (sighing)

Before she goes. This is her chance to see me succeed.

- Okay.

- So what can we do to keep everybody happy?

- I don't know. And writing like a contract?

- Yeah, I got a contract. Exactly.

I should have made that from the get go.

Let's tell him right now. If he doesn't do it, it's off.

Chuck? - Yeah?

- Were you just filming us? - No.

- I want a contract. - Yes. Contracts.

I wouldn't have it any other way. Done.

- [Chuck] To you becoming the next big thing, brother.

- That should be the title of the movie.

"To You Becoming the Next Big thing".

- [Chuck] Don't like that title, but we'll think about it.

- It's like a ticket out of the

hell hole I have to go to every day.

I just think, we could actually do something big.

- Maybe after this you'll be bigger than Lipnicki, right?

- Dick sticky. (laughing)

- Dick sticky. (laughing)

- Hey, we're making a movie about being

famous so that I can become famous.

- Exactly. - Has that been done before?

- I don't think so, but if it has

we'll do it ten times better. - Yeah.

- But you gotta be 100% resolute in the goal.

You've gotta be laser focused,

willing to do whatever it takes.

Are you? - Hell yeah!

- Tell me to the camera that "I'm gonna do

"all I can to make this the best film I can."

- I'm gonna do all I can to make this the best film I can.

- [Chuck] That a boy.

- I always liked Beth, man. I was in love with Beth forever.

I just took her from you, don't think that

I don't think about that all the time.

I don't have any regrets. Head over heels.

Best thing I've ever done in my life.

But I'm sorry, man. - It's okay.

- I love you man, you know. You're my best friend.

- I love you too. You're my best friend.

Cheers. (groans)

- I'm gonna catch some heat about it if I don't ask you.

- Oh the contract. - Yeah. Here.

- [Chuck] My intentions are completely pure.

I wouldn't do anything to hurt you.

I wouldn't do anything to hurt Jules.

You know? I just need to do this.

- [Beth] You're not still using?

- [Chuck] No! I've been sober for 13 months.

Clean and sober. - Wow.

- I'm doing this. - That's really great.

- I know. I'm doing well. - Okay. And you and me?

(chuckles) - Beth.

- We're okay? - We're fine.

We were terrible. You have to admit that.

We were the worst couple. It was disgusting.

I'm just trying to make my art

and make my art with my best friend.

That's not a bad thing. - Right. Right. All right.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

- [Chuck] Thank you.

- [Beth] Just please warn me when you're gonna be here

and don't wake me up at five am please.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Okay.

- Thank you so much. - I'm proud of you.

- [Chuck] Thank you.

- [Beth] Chuck? Don't make me regret this okay?

- I wouldn't dare. - Okay.

(yawning)

- [Chuck] What in the hell are you doing?

- I'm waking up, man.

- You're acting like you're waking up.

- I'm an actor.

- Jules, we talked about this. I need real. I need truth.

It's gotta look real, otherwise it looks dumb.

- There was nothing false about that, dude.

- You wake up like that? - Well, no.

I wake up scratching my balls and

farting and drooling on the pillow.

Is that the real that you wanted?

- Wait a minute. Are you wearing makeup?

- Again! What kind of real do you want, man?

We're making a movie here, I'm reducing the shadow--

- So you are wearing makeup? - Yeah, a little moisturizer.

- Let me tell you something. - Mascara to pop the eyes!

It's like amateur hour with you, man.

- Looks terrible.

- I think that you're just inexperienced.

(sighing) Let's just take it back.

We'll split the difference for you.

So I'll, keeping the flex on--

- You're just gonna go back, doing the same thing.

Man, you are totally missing the mark here.

- I'm doing something different. I'm changing position.

- This is not what we're trying to do.

- Oh my god! - Beth!

- God! Jesus! Chuck you really, really

have to tell me when you're in here, okay?

- I'm in here. I'm in here.

- Can you get out so I can change please? Thank you.

- (whispers) See that bruising? (smacks fist)

- You hit her? - No, it was sex.

It was mid sex. She fell over doing it.

- Oh. See, why are you lying? Just be you.

- I'm trying to embellish, man.

An actor embellishes. He heightens reality.

That's what makes it interesting to watch.

- [Beth] Can I please?

- Beth, hold on a second. We're having artistic differences.

All right. Let's try it, can we just try it again?

- I can't do it. I can't take you seriously like that.

- You totally can.

Agree to disagree, but let's do it just this way.

Let's just get a different kind of idea.

- Okay, see the... What the hell?

Nobody does that! Nobody sleeps like that.

Don't smile at me. - Morning, Chuck.

- That's weird. - Morning, Chuck.

- God, you're talented though. (giggling) Look at that.

You're cute. Who's sleepy? - Me. (giggling)

- You sleepy? Go to sleep. - No.

- Wake up! - No.

- Time to start your day! (giggling)

Eww, dude. (laughing) I can't do it.

You gotta go wash your face.

(shower running)

- Jesus! Get out! Chuck! Get the fuck out!

- [Chuck] Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

(knocking on shower door)

- Out! Get the fuck out! - Yeah! Okay!

Dottie should fix the doors.

(country accent) Juuuuliann. Tell me about your childhood.

(laughing) - My childhood.

I was raised by my grandma, Dottie.

- So your parents died when you were young?

- My parents passed when I was young,

so grandma Dottie, who's an amazing woman--

- How'd they die? - That's off limits.

I'm not touching that. Okay? - Fine.

Let's talk about how you failed as an actor.

- I'm not a failure, and by the way,

could we steer clear of failures?

- But the audience needs something to relate too, you know?

You have to be flawed.

- I don't want to talk about my flaws,

whether they're relatable or not, okay?

Nobody knows me, all right?

So my good stuff is what really makes it interesting.

The other stuff is mundane,

the other stuff is boring, it's boring.

- Your parents death is by no means boring.

- I don't want to talk about my parents death!

(tires screeching)

- What did you hit?

- Get back in the car, man. We gotta go.

- You hit a raccoon. - Really? Poor guy.

Could you hang back for a second?

Let me just check with him to make sure it's okay.

- Julian-- - Mr. Shaw.

- Late again. - I know, I'm sorry.

I ran over a raccoon on the way to work.

It's kind of sad actually. - Fair enough.

Glad to see you here now. - Thank you so much, Mr. Shaw.

Hey, I actually, before I go back to work.

I have a favor to ask-- - No, no, no!

- It's a favor. - No, no.

You can not bring the raccoon into the office, okay?

- No, Mr. Shaw, why would I bring

the raccoon into the office? - That's a joke! (laughing)

- I see. You got me. You got me. You always do.

Here's the actual favor, there's a friend

who wants to shoot a movie about me

and he wants to shoot a little bit in the office.

Is that okay? - Oh, yeah.

I was wondering, you know, this guy with the camera.

What was he doing? Yeah, this guy.

- [Chuck] I'm Chuck, by the way.

- Hello.

- I just want you to know if we film here,

I won't be a disturbance, anything like that.

- What is this film about

that you're gonna make about Julian?

- [Chuck] It's not about Julian, it's about you.

- Oh! (laughing)

- He loves the spotlight. - Okay!

Story's been discovered!

- It's actually about Julian, he's got these YouTube videos.

I don't know if you're seen them.

- Oh that's good, of course I've seen the stuff

that you put, actually you're good. You're good.

- Thank you Mr. Shaw. - Julian? You're good.

You're good. - Thank you.

Appreciate it. - I like it.

If you promise me that you're not going to be a nuisance

and Julian's work is not gonna be effected,

I would let you shoot your little movie.

- Great! Thank you so much, Mr. Shaw.

- We promise.

- Only if there is a part in it for me.

- Of course there is! Here's your close up, right here!

(clearing throat) - Okay, excuse me.

I have to go rehearse my line! (laughing)

You understand? You get it? (phone ringing)

- Yeah, Mr. Thorn. I understand.

Listen, a lot of people, hello?

Yeah, a lot of people have been

complaining about their ser-- okay.

There's no need to get upset.

You simply reboot and then, tell you what.

Just give me a call back. I gave you that number.

Call me back directly and I'll help you out if

there's another, hello? - Oh my god, man.

This is the most boring thing in the world.

I want to blow my fucking brains out.

- Let's cool it on the suicide references please.

- You don't agree? This is your life.

- No, it's my living hell. It's my daily living hell.

I'm glad you get to witness it, man.

- All right. Let's spice things up, man.

Why don't you just bust out a couple characters?

- I can't bust out characters. This is my job.

I'm pretty sure they monitor this stuff.

- Come on. Just a little bit. It will be funny.

We'll get it. It will be good for the movie.

- Okay, real quick. Where's Shaw?

Okay, all right. What should I do?

- Do drunk Sean Connery, but he's

really interested in little kids.

- Okay.

(Sean Connery voice) Thank you for

calling Hoshta Clip's Dot Com.

This is Sean, how can I help you?

Fine. Do you have a son?

What is his age? (laughing)

That's perfect. (laughing)

I am the last one! Good, great.

Give me another one. - Okay, Fran Drescher.

She just fell, she was climbing a fence

and she fell directly on her pussy.

- [Fran Drescher Voice] Ahhh! My, ahhhh!

(laughing)

- Wait, go back to it. You gotta say "Ouch! My pussy!"

- [Fran Drescher Voice] Ow oww oww! My pussy!

My pussy hurts because I fell on it!

[Julian's Normal Voice] Good. That's a good one.

- Do the deaf gay guy. - Hard of hearing Harold?

- Yes, I love that guy.

- [Imitating Deaf Speech] Thank you for calling

Hotop Clip Dot Com, this is Harold.

Oh they go bye, bye. Sorry.

Sorry for offending you. Bye bye.

[Julian's normal Voice] Oh shit!

Well it's been a pleasure serving you

and I'm just happy that you're satisfied.

- Hey, Julian! - That's a crazy hat, Mr Shaw.

- Hey, Mr. Chuck. For the movie?

(laughing)

- I think you've turned the-- (laughing)

- And the hat's going on his head.

- I'm into it. - That's great.

He's hilarious.

I haven't seen this guy since my wedding.

- I know, I know. It's been a while.

- We're not that close. - Well, you know.

- I don't want to do this, man.

- No, it's fine. Look, oh. I didn't tell you.

Uh, Kai's here. - Are you fucking kidding me?

- But it will be fine. It will be fine.

He's intense, but-- - Rawr!

- [Chuck] It will be funny. Just knock on the door.

(knocking) Look at this house, dude.

We gotta put an animated mouse in our movie.

- A little Stuart Little just running around. His car.

- Obviously, it's doing wonders for him.

- Yeah. Jesus.

- Yo, wassup bitches!? - What up, man?

- How you doing? - Good.

- [Chuck] Just talk to me about how you met.

How about that? - Acting class.

- It was acting class. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Chuck, is this gonna be like super abstract

like that short film you made?

- Um... - You see that one?

It was like the Statue of Liberty becomes an orphan?

- No, I heard of it though.

- Old work. I was experimenting at the time.

But I've gotten better at it and this one's

gonna be a little more linear.

- Dude, when are you gonna make a real movie?

You've been talking about it for like 15 years!

- I'm trying to do it right now, man.

- Maybe you should just find something else to do.

- No, it's okay. Julian's an interesting guy. Right?

- Dude, you wanna make a movie? Follow this guy.

Tell him the story you told me about McLovin and--

- Oh yeah. I did a movie with Chris Mintz-Plasse.

McLovin. - McLovin, yeah.

- Basically, there's a PA on set right?

She was cute, she was fuckable.

Chris kept going, "Oh man. She wants to bang me.

"She wants to bang me."

But really, she kept staring at me.

To prove it to Chris, I took her home and fucked her.

But she only wanted to be fucked to watching Stuart Little.

- That's an insane story. - Stuart Little Dude!

- That's pretty good. - Dude, I'm telling you.

You should just follow him! - Maybe I should.

Maybe, yeah. Jonathon, what are you doing next week?

Maybe I'll just--

- Maybe you guys should work together.

See if you can come up with something

more interesting than what we got going on.

- Oh man.

- [Kai] That's not my mouse! That's my dick!

- Chuck. - Yeah?

- If you need anything, like I know...

If you need anything, I'll do like two minutes

in this movie, you can put my name on the poster.

I'll show up to the premiere. It will be great.

- Thank, man.

- Probably get a little funding, you know?

- [Chuck] Cool. That would be awesome.

- Just anything you need.

- [Chuck] I'm just gonna grab a beer here.

What's going on, man? - Oh I don't know, dude.

Why don't you make a movie about Lipnicki?

It sounds like a better idea.

- Don't get all like this, man.

It was a good--

- Dude, that fucking guy is a talentless fucking hack.

You know that shit, dude.

The only reason he's famous is

because of stupid ass Jerry McGuire.

- At least he's got cool shit to say, you know?

- What, a guy tells a cool fucking story

and you want to make it about him?

- I'm just saying-- - I'm just as interesting.

I got just as much cool shit to say.

- Well let's, I've been waiting to see it.

It's like you just haven't-- - Come here, man.

I've got a great story for you, dude.

Here guys, almost forgot about this fucking story.

Do you remember this one?

That time I pushed Lipnicki in the pool?

- [Jonathon] What are you talking about?

- You don't remember that shit?

- No, dude. That shit's hilarious, man.

- I don't think that ever happened.

- No it totally did, man. It went like this!

(splashing)

- Oh shit! - Not cool!

I had my phone in my hand. - Oh, shit.

- Not cool, dude. Not cool.

- Fuck that guy.

Rests on his morals from something he did

when he was a cute six year old.

Great. I fucking hate that dude.

But then I look like the asshole for pushing him in.

- No, man!

- I didn't know he had the phone.

- The thing was, you got that in your head.

You followed your instinct.

Honestly, it looked great for the film.

- It doesn't look great for the film, man.

The audience needs a protagonist that's relatable.

That they can follow. They can get behind.

Not somebody who loses his shit

and does something stupid, man.

- Okay, so you want to get away from this story

about your life, the reality of your life

and manipulate the plot line so that you look better?

Is that what you're saying? - Not so I look better.

So I just look like my good self, not my bad self.

Does that make sense?

- I'm willing to give it a shot, man.

- Right on.

Okay. All right. Pretty good.

Let's do it one more time and then you can cut those

together to make it look like I ran like five or six miles.

Something like that. - Yeah, we can do that.

- Hold on, just a second, for the sake of authenticity.

Is that good? Is that wet enough in front?

- Yeah, it's super wet. - Let me just get the chest.

- Looks very, very sweaty. - Good. Then, how far back?

- Why don't we do, why don't you take it back really far

so I can speed it up in post. - Great.

So I mean, further back? - Multiply that by 100.

- So pretty far? - Go as far as you can.

- Okay, that's far.

- What an idiot.

- I like to do charity work when I can,

just to make sure that I'm giving back, to really check in.

- That is unbelievably noble of you, man.

- I like to make a difference, you know?

There you go, sir.

Honestly, I feel like I don't show you how much

I appreciate you and how much I love you often enough.

This is just a feeble gesture at saying

thank you again for being my wife.

- That was a really sweet gesture.

- Excuse me, sir?

I'm gonna have to ask you to put the camera away.

- Uh can't do that.

- Our corporate offices require--

- Corporate offices? Do you hear that?

We got a corporate lackey over here.

(confused chatter)

- I'm gonna need you to put the camera away.

- Excuse me, hi. - Hello. Hi.

- What's your name? - Ralph.

- Hey, Ralph. Can you come here for a second?

So, I was given six weeks to live

and this is our first wedding anniversary

and it's gonna be our only, and I hired

this gentleman to come and film it as

a special gift to my husband. - I'm so sorry.

- I want him to have it for all the years to come.

It's just really important to me.

- [Ralph] I promise I will not get in your way again.

I do apologize. - Thank you so much.

We really appreciate it. We really appreciate it.

- [Ralph] I want to say a few prayers for you two.

You know what? Drinks are on the house.

- Oh my god. - God bless you guys.

I'll bring out some more garlic knots if you want.

- Thank you, Ralph. You're amazing.

- I'll take a beer and some knots too,

but you should apologize to me as well.

I'd like to get that on camera.

- Well-- - Just say you're sorry.

- I'm sorry. - Okay.

- [Beth] Thank you, Ralph. We really appreciate it.

- [Chuck] Don't forget those knots.

- Yeah. - Okay.

- I love you. - That was awesome, Beth.

- I know! I thought I was pretty good, right?

I'm really proud. Okay. Also, new update.

Two, count 'em, two new yoga students.

- And I want to hear all about them

and about the physiques. (laughing)

I've got a little. - What?

- A little something. - Oh my god, Julian.

- It's just a box. There's nothing inside.

It's just... - Whoa.

Oh my god. - Do you like it?

- It's like the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.

Julian, thank you so much. I, I love it.

Will you help me put it on? - Yeah.

(mumbling)

Do you think we got enough? - So good.

Perfect. That's all we need.

- [Julian] Chuck and I thought it would be a good idea

to get this scene, get the bracelet going.

But that is an arm and leg, like that's a million dollars.

We didn't want to tell you before hand

because you're not the greatest actor in the world.

Though, I say that and she does the six weeks to live thing.

- I know. - Where'd that come from?

- But we wanted a genuine reaction, we go it.

So it's--

- Doesn't seem like you're laughing. Baby.

Baby, seriously.

- How's that for bad acting, Julian?

- Baby, don't be mad. That's really expensive.

God damn it, she gave me the finger.

Now she's mad. "Oh she'll think it's funny, Julian."

- That's my bad, man.

How was I to know she was gonna react like that?

- Beth!

- [Chuck] Oh. Doin' it huh? Jesus.

No thanks.

- You can't capture me. - Whoa! Whoa!

- That was pretty good. (barking)

(laughing) (coughing)

- No.

(somber music)

Julian, just come on out. Let me see what it looks like.

- [Julian] No, man! This looks ridiculous.

- No, it's gonna look great. Trust me.

- [Julian] I'm telling you right now, it looks stupid.

I look like an idiot. - Listen.

These YouTube people, they're making dumb

puppet videos for children, they're getting

a million dollars a day, this is gonna be a hit.

Yes! Yes! (laughing) - Shut up. Don't laugh.

- No, I'm laughing 'cause it's amazing.

- Do you like the nose? 'Cause lobsters don't have noses.

- Yes, but Julian you do and that's what makes you special!

- All right, let's just get this over with. Damn.

- Do it like we rehearsed.

This is gonna be two million hits guaranteed. Trust me.

- Look at this! I look retarded.

- No, you look amazing! It's funny. It's good.

You're good in it. Let's do it. Ready and action.

- I am the lobster king! People of Crustacia.

The rumors are true! We're at war with the urchins.

They have violated our trust and raped our--

I can't do this man. This is dumb.

- Come on, no! That was getting so good.

Man, come on! - This is stupid.

- Come on, man. - This is stupid.

It's just a bad idea. - It's not a bad idea.

- It is a bad idea. While I'm in there,

maybe you can think of some more bad ideas

of unrelatable garbage that humiliate me.

Then we can do that.

- You really think this is unrelatable garbage?

- I do indeed, dude. Look at what I just filmed.

- Okay, yeah. You know what? I think you're right.

I'm just gonna call it then. I think you're right.

Let's just call it. - For the day?

- [Chuck] No, no, no. Not the day.

The whole thing. The whole thing's done.

- You're taking this out of whack.

I'm just saying, this is a bad idea. Just relax.

It's fine. - No, no, no.

You've been saying it for so long.

All our friends say it. My work sucks!

I get it! I'm gonna quit! - You can't listen to anybody.

You have to-- - no, no. I'm just gonna quit.

- The guy at Fox thinks this is a great idea.

We got some good stuff. - No, no. It's over.

It's over. I quit. - Oh come on.

- [Chuck] No, no, no. It was nice working with you, man.

I'm out of here, man.

- What's that? - Nothing. It's just a prop.

- [Julian] A prop? When do I have a gun?

- [Chuck] It's just a prop! Okay?

Let it alone. It's terrible anyway, right?

- Hey. - Hey.

- How's it goin? - I'm all right.

How are you? - I'm good.

Man, I'm sorry about yesterday.

- Me too. It was dumb. - You got great ideas.

- That was a dumb idea. You were right.

It was dumb. It was bloated.

- It wasn't your greatest idea.

But that's fine. Water under the bridge.

Back to work? - Yeah! Of course.

Let's do it. - Okay.

- You know, you did really good marrying

a pretty little thing like her.

- I know. I'm the luckiest guy on Earth. You know that.

- For sure those yoga moves come

in really handy in the bedroom.

- God, grandma! - Huh? Huh? Yeah!

- A little downward facing dog.

A little sun salutation every now and then.

- You are so bad! (laughing)

- Well, what can I say.

- I was just so pleased when you married her.

- It was the best day of my life.

- Well, I was worried that you were gonna

turn out to be one of those homosexuals.

- Whoa, wait. You thought that Julian was gonna be gay, huh?

- Nah, she's joking.

- I went into his room one day.

There was a man standing there

and he had his genitals in Julian's mouth.

- Really? That is news to probably a lot of people.

- I almost died. - That's just--

- [Chuck] Very interesting, Julian. You never told me that.

- Well, that's because it didn't happen. It's not true.

- Oh sweetheart, it did happen. Don't you remember?

- It didn't, that's not true. - You remember?

- I remember that you're a regular comedian

and you're always pulling pranks on me.

- I've always known Dottie to be a straight shooter.

I don't know if she'd lie about something like this.

- Chuck, stay out of this, please?

That's not. She's joking. - I think you guys better.

I'm tired now, you better mosey on out, okay?

It's past my bedtime.

- But just before you go to sleep,

as you're closing your eyes, you can stretch, that's fine.

- No I think we should-- - Chuck, hold on a second.

- Just let her sleep. - Just say it's not true.

Just those words.

- It's true. - Damn it, grandma.

- [Chuck] Listen, if you're gay, man, just be gay.

- Shut the fuck up. I'm not gay, dude.

- [Chuck] Okay, well bi, gay, whatever it is.

Just be the Julian that you know you can be, Julian.

- Fuck you. I'm happily married.

Beth and I have sex at least once a week. We're fine.

- [Chuck] That's it?

- Huh? - Well, nothing.

- You better finish that fucking thought right now.

- [Chuck] Nothing, it's just that when we were together,

we would, we would, we would have sex

maybe a couple of times a day.

- Bull shit, dude. Bull shit.

- It's not a big deal that my libido is bigger than yours.

That's what happens when you're a closeted gay man.

(punching) - Ow!

- God damn it! - Oh shit.

The camera goes down. It actually goes down.

Do you know how exhausting it is being filmed all the time?

I hope that hurt. (laughing)

- Oh you're exhausted? - Yeah, man.

- I'm the one who's got to hold that thing all day long.

- Yeah, well you're the one who wanted to make a movie.

Speaking of making a movie, which I don't think

this is a movie, man, you're just shooting random shit.

- You're right. You're right. It is a little topsy turvy.

A little ambiguous. A lot like your sexuality.

- All right dude, you're way gayer than I am.

(laughing)

- It doesn't matter if you're gay.

- Shut up, dude. - Just own it.

- I'm not gay. - Just own it!

- Look, I'm married. - A lot of people are gay.

I've done gay stuff before. It's not a big deal.

- You're just fucking saying that.

- I'm not just saying that.

You remember Tommy from high school?

- Spikey hair? Sideways visor, DJ, techno.

- Yeah.

- It was Sam's 16th birthday at Chuck E Cheese.

We went to his Hyandai and we--

- Oh my god!

- I wear it like a badge of honor, man. I don't care.

(laughing) - That's amazing, man.

- I'm man enough to admit it. That's the thing.

- Yeah. All right, god damn it. I'll bite.

I'll tell you something I've never told anyone before.

- Oh my god, you're gay man. - Shut the fuck up, dude.

I'm not gay 'cause I said I'm not gay.

I'm not gay, but I've experimented.

Why am I telling you this? - Keep going. It's fine.

- Fine. So it was, not a word about this.

Promise me. - I'm keeping my mouth closed.

- It was sophomore year. I was acting out a lot.

Whatever dude, so I tried something once, it wasn't for me.

But grandma walked in while it was happening.

Oh, it does not feel good to tell you this.

- Well did you like it? It seems like you liked it.

- Fuck you. Fuck you, dude. (laughing)

- Look, okay. What she said was great!

It's got to go in the movie. She's amazing, okay?

So why don't we do this? I'll get the camera.

I'll frame you up. You can do a little testimonial.

You can clear the air and say what you just told me,

but in a professional good setting.

- All right. - Yeah?

Okay. Now just stand there. I'll frame you up.

And you can do what you gotta do. Action.

- Dottie's a dumb old bitch who

doesn't know what she's talking about.

- That's intense. That's too intense.

- All right fine, so I love her to death,

but she's up there and her ammonia levels

are out of whack and unbalanced because of her liver

and she'll just say things sometimes and the whole idea

is just to go with it, so that's what I have to do.

I can't get too mad if she says I'm gay

or whatever she happens to say.

- The Dottie being a dumb bitch thing was much more concise.

We shouldn't be talking like that. She's amazing.

I can't believe we're talking like that.

And she's beautiful! She's gotta be to raise you, right?

- Especially because she didn't have much of a choice.

It was just kind of thrust in her, raising me.

- How so? - You know why.

- What happened? - Because my parents died.

She had to raise me. - How'd they die?

- They were murdered.

- How old were you? - I was 11.

- Did they ever catch the murderer?

- No. - Why not?

- 'Cause they didn't look for the murderer

because they made it look like a suicide.

- Why'd they abandon you? - Dude, shut the fuck up!

Don't ever do that. Don't ever go for that!

- Why do you do this? Every single time--

- Dude, you ask me why did they abandon me

and you expect me not to flip out?

- [Chuck] Every time we're getting in, dude.

(scuffling)

- [Julian] Give me the fucking camera dude.

All right man. Let's talk about your addictive personality

if we're gonna talk about things that are real.

- That's not fair. You were there the last time I used.

- [Julian] Oh god! How quickly shit flips.

I'm sorry. Let's get a little messier.

Let's talk about some earlier stuff.

How about when you shat yourself onstage

at the spelling bee, everybody laughed at you?

How about that, man? That was hilarious.

How about when Lisa dumped you and you fucking tried

to kill yourself like a 13 year old girl?

You coward. - That's not funny.

That's not funny because you rubbed it

in my face in front of the entire school.

- Oh my god. Are we holding grudges?

The shit actually bubbles to the

surface when the cameras turn on you.

- Give me the camera. - How about that?

What a fucking thing. I'm gonna give you the goddamn camera.

- I'm gonna go in there and tell Beth everything

you just told me if you don't give me the camera.

- You just promised me you wouldn't tell her.

- Give me the camera. - Fuck you.

Promise me again. - I promise.

Give me the camera.

- I'm gonna get something to eat.

- [Beth] Tall brown house.

- Would you turn that off?

- [Beth] Arms up, lots of energy through the fingertips.

Big broad heart, inhale. (deep breathing)

- Julian sucked a dick in high school!

- Shut up, dude. Shut up. - He just told me that.

- Who are these people?

(sobbing) - It's okay. It's okay.

It's fine. It was just a class.

- [Beth] I worked so hard for this.

- Baby, it's okay.

I'll call tomorrow and I'll make

sure everything's ironed out okay?

- They're never coming back.

- They're definitely gonna come back.

It's okay. It was just an out cry.

I have a crazy friend, like, fuck this.

I'm done with this movie. He's bringing up my parents.

He's like attacking me about my parents

and about other shit out there.

I'm done. - No, no, no, no, no.

- I was supposed to take control of the narrative today

and the guy keeps turning it around on me

and making me look like an asshole.

It's not okay!

- I know, but I never see you this

excited about something, Julian.

- I'm not excited if he's gonna

make me look like an asshole.

- I know, but that guy at Fox.

- I know, that's the thing I keep coming back to.

I don't know--

- I think it could be a good step in your career.

I know how much you want that.

- Are you sure? I'm ready to throw in the towel.

- I (sighing) we gotta keep going. It's okay.

It's okay. - That's crazy.

I don't know how you're so supportive.

(sighing) - I don't know.

- Hey.

- Julian, I'm not really in the, no I'm not really in--

- Hold on a second. Shh shh shh.

Come on. - I'm just really sad.

- It's gonna make us both feel better, come on.

- It is tomorrow, okay? Please. Please.

I'm just not really in the mood for it.

- God, that's like the classic thing.

It's like-- - The classic thing?

- I just feel like we don't. There's always something.

I feel like it's always like "let's differ".

Let's not, I just don't feel like we have sex anymore.

- Are you kidding me, Julian? - No I'm not kidding you.

Look I'm sorry. - I have to pee.

- Hold on a second. - No, no.

- Hold on a second. Baby, I'm sorry.

I just... (door slams) Shit!

(sexual sounds) (slapping skin sounds)

- Oh! Dude, get the fuck out! - No. Keep going dude.

This is fine. This is real. - Get out!

- What's going on? Are you okay? Oh my god! Oh my god!

Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god!

- What? Nothing's wrong.

- You have five seconds to get the fuck out of my house.

I'm serious. - Okay!

I'm out. I'm out. I'm out. Geeze.

- [Beth] Good bye. Good bye. Go home. Thank you.

Oh my god, I had no idea that he was doing that.

He was filming you do stuff like that. Are you okay?

- I'm asham... I'm embarrassed.

- That is not artistry. That's exploit, get out of here!

- God damn it. - This is over.

All of this shit is done. And his stupid cameras.

His stupid movie. Promise me you won't do this anymore.

This is awful. - Done. Fuck that guy.

I'm done with this. Okay? - He needs serious help.

He's seriously sick.

- This movie's helping me you guys.

- No. No. Get the fuck out of here, Chuck!

Seriously. - Ow!

I'm leaving! I'm leaving! - Never ever come back.

Go. Seriously! Never bother my family ever again!

- Surprise! - Dude!

(laughing) We're fucking done.

Put the camera away. That's it, Chuck.

- [Chuck] How are you doin, Julian?

- Jesus Christ, man. - You like that?

- Dude, no. - It looks good though, huh?

Took me all morning. - Fuck.

- Where we going? - No, don't get.

We're not going anywhere.

- How are you feeling today, buddy?

Julian, how you feeling? You look good.

We heading to work? How we feeling today?

How we feeling today, Julian? Working man.

You like my work? (chuckling)

Oh come on, man. Don't be like this.

Are you, is this how it's gonna be? Okay.

- No, Miss Simmons, I--

- [Chuck] Julian, you like that

thing right by your mouth man?

- Miss Simmons, I understand you're upset.

- [Chuck] I bet you like things floating around

your mouth, a bunch of dicks.

- The rate increase applied to everyone, it's not just you

and it's due to the fact our costs have gone up.

- I wonder how Beth feels about all those dicks

that you've sucked 'cause that would be pretty tragic.

- What's going on over here? - It's due to inflation.

Our costs are rising. Just ignore him, Terry. Please.

- [Chuck] Don't mind me, Terry.

- Not you Miss Simmons. - No, I do mind.

- Get the fuck out of here, Terry.

- Terry. Get the fuck out of here.

- Miss Simmons, are you still there?

Yeah, I understand you're upset. I understand you think...

- Julian. Julian. Just look up at the camera.

That's all I need you to do. The camera loves you, Julian.

Julian! Heeaw! Heeaw! Julian! Come on, man!

You got a dirty desk! Julian, you got a dirty desk!

You gotta clean it up! Julian! Julian!

Come on. You can't leave your desk like this.

You're gonna get fired if you leave your desk like that.

Julian! Julian! - Shut the fuck up!

Julian! Julian! Julian! It's driving me up the fucking wall.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa. What is going on here?

What is going on? - I'm sorry, Mr. Shaw.

- Don't be sorry, you are making a huge

distraction here and this is not acceptable.

- I apologize for my part of the outburst.

Chuck is invading my space. I'm sorry.

- Don't apologize. I know I said it was okay before.

But this is getting out of hand.

Apologies are not working anymore.

I'm afraid, Julian, you are fired.

- No listen, please. Mr. Shaw. I need this job.

I can't lose this job. - I gave you all chances.

- Beg for it. Get on your knees or something.

- See what I mean? He keeps egging me on.

Please, I can't lose this job.

- Okay. Okay. Only because no one has complained yet.

- Thank you so much.

- Julian, you are a good worker

and I don't want to make a big deal out of this, okay?

- I get it. I understand. - Please understand.

Next time...

- There's won't be a next time.

Thanks Mr. Shaw. I appreciate it.

- That was really heartfelt.

- You must leave and never come back.

Okay? - Yeah, okay.

- Thank you. - Whatever you say.

- All right. - Okay.

- Go. - I'm going.

What an asshole right? Shit! All right.

I'll be in the parking lot. This is bull shit.

- Fuck it.

- [Chuck] We're getting some great footage here, man.

- I've been waiting all day to tell you to fuck off!

- Oh me fuck off? - Yeah, fuck off.

You almost got me fired. - I though you were into this.

I thought you were into being famous.

- Dude you keep crossing the fucking line.

- Oh yeah? You think those stupid fucking

YouTube videos are crossing any lines man?

- Fuck you.

- [Chuck] Why do you do those fucking things, man?

- Because I love to do that shit, man.

- Oh yeah? - I don't love to do this.

- [Chuck] You know why I think you do it?

Because you're trying to fill a void

that your parents left when they killed themselves.

- Oh shut the fuck up right fucking now.

- Yeah?

- It's about to get fucking real.

- Well let's talk about how your

parents were kind of cowardly when--

- Fuck you, you piece of shit!

(scuffle)

- God damn it.

- What did I tell you?

- [Chuck] Look man, I know you're frustrated.

You have to understand everything I'm doing is out of love.

- That's bullshit, man.

You're doing this a revenge for Beth.

- [Chuck] It's not revenge for Beth.

Man, you saved both of us.

If we were still together, we probably would have od'd.

- Yeah, I know. That's how I feel about it.

That's how I fucking feel about it.

- [Chuck] Okay. All right. I understand.

I've been pushing you too hard and things have gotten

fucked up, but look, it's all for the movie.

Just give me another chance.

- I'm not gonna give you another chance.

This feels like retaliation. That's exactly what it is.

I'm done. I'm done.

- [Chuck] We've got something really good, man.

- We don't, dude! We don't.

What we have is you invading my fucking space all the time,

fucking pushing me-- - Just trust me.

There's a purpose behind it man.

- There's not a fucking purpose behind it.

(sighing)

- Please. - No.

- Please. - I'm not gonna do it.

Please fucking get out. Just get out of my life.

- [Chuck] I can't do that man.

- Then I'll break another lens. How about that?

- [Chuck] Don't do that.

- Stop fucking filming me, please!

- [Julian] Hey.

- [Mr. Shaw] Follow me.

- [Julian] What's up, Mr. Shaw?

Look did somebody complain? It's Terry isn't it?

Look, Terry is, can I just say he's a sensitive guy.

I'll write him an apology letter. I'm happy to do it.

- [Mr. Shaw] Sit down.

[Julian Shouting In Stereotypical Middle Eastern Chant]

- [Julian] I can explain that. I do a character as an actor.

- And this one? - Fuck.

- Mr. Chuck handed me a DVD this morning.

- Fuckin' asshole. - And don't come back!

(knocking on glass)

- Please step out of the vehicle, sir!

- Okay, yeah, just one second.

Is there a problem here, officer?

- Please place the camera down, sir.

- Yeah, no problem. No problem at all.

Is there something I can help you with?

- That still filming? - No. That's off, that's off.

- We received a complaint from someone

that he's being stalked by a man with a camera.

- Oh. Okay, I can see how you can assume that

I'm guilty 'cause I'm sitting in the car with the camera,

but I assure you that I have complete permission to film.

- This person said he asked you

to stop but you would not comply.

- He did, huh? I have a contract in my bag.

I can reach in-- - You may.

- Yeah, this will clear it all up for you.

It's all in there. I think it's a couple pages in.

- Back up. - Okay.

- Brought this upon yourself, asshole!

- Um, it's, you'll see that his signature's right there.

- Is this your signature, sir?

- Yes, it's my signature, but I was

coerced to sign that document.

It's under false pretenses.

There's been an invasion of privacy.

- No he actually signed it under

his own volition, I have it on camera.

You don't remember that? - Shut up, dude!

He's been-- - I got it, thanks!

You're free to go. - He's not!

- Thank you so much officer. - Trespassing!

Invasion of privacy! - Look, sir.

If you didn't want to be filmed

you shouldn't have signed the contract.

- Listen to me!

It's not about filming, it's about

what he's actually doing to my life.

You can't let him go! - Sir.

- He's literally destroying-- - Sir!

Without a physical altercation, not much else I can do.

- Fuck! Thanks a lot! - That was real classy man.

Calling the cops on your friends like that. That's great.

- Yeah, well you didn't leave me a fucking choice, man.

What were you thinking?

Every single part of my life, you are destroying.

- You know what, man? You know that I can't go back to jail.

You still did that.

- You didn't leave me a fucking choice!

You got me fired, you fucking asshole!

- [Chuck] I didn't get you fired, man!

- How am I supposed to live now?

- You know what man, I thought this was gonna help you out.

We were gonna do this together--

- Thanks for all the fucking help, you insidious

little shit, you are destroying fucking everything!

- Throw me under the bus, man.

- Get the fuck out of here!

- I'm doing this with Lipnicki. You're out.

You're fucking out, man. - Piece of shit.

- Boom, mother fucker wake up!

You gotta get out of bed! They're coming to get you!

- Huh? - Get out of bed!

They've got knives and guns! - How'd you get in my house?

- They're coming to kill you! You gotta get out!

- Oh, okay! This is for Julian, where's Julian at?

- Julian's dead! You'll never see him again!

- How about I'll film your thing in the morning.

I'll let you in. - They're outside the door.

- Can you like, turn this crap off?

- Yeah, sorry man. Get to sleep.

God. Julian's so much more gullible.

- I mean, honestly I don't see my agent

or my manager allowing me to do a small film

with a first time director, but if you go through

all the unions and shit, I'll convince them.

Want a bagel? - Yeah.

- Awesome. - Look, Lipnicki.

This is what I'm saying. Listen to me.

This is from the bottom of my heart.

Fuck your agent. Fuck your PR guy.

Fuck whoever's controlling you and let's just get there.

Get buck naked. Get buck nasty, and make this fucking movie.

- I can't do that. What even happened?

- He called the fucking cops on me.

- That does not sound like him.

You must have really pushed him.

But you know what? You two love each other.

Why don't you just, I don't know,

find it in your heart to make up with him?

I'm sure that he will do the same.

(sighing) - Fuck! You're right.

I hate apologizing more than anything,

but I think I can do it, I'll do it.

- Hey. Some things in this life are worth apologizing for.

How was that? - That was great.

- That was great?

- Yeah, you were very like, sad at the end.

I like that. But let's do one more, a little more stern.

And go, real quick.

- Some things in this life are worth apologizing for.

- That was the one, dude. - That was it?

Okay, I'm not even gonna fucking eat this, can I leave?

- Yeah, go for it. - Just eat this, leave.

Please don't come back uninvited and have a nice day.

- All right. Thank you for speaking with me, sir.

(knocking) Jules!

Come on man, open the door please!

Come on, Jules! (knocking)

- [Julian] Get away from my house!

- Look man, I've been filming you under false pretenses

and I'm here to tell you I'm sorry.

Just please come outside and let me say it to your face.

- No, fuck off! - Please, man!

- What? - Okay, look.

This movie is about you. It is.

But I also wanted it to be like a prank thing, okay.

But I knew if I told you that you'd say no.

So-- - You're fucking right, man.

- I'm sorry!

- That's the apology? That's it?

- If I had told you earlier on,

you would have just completely blown me off

and we wouldn't be where we are right now.

Am I right? - Are you done?

- No I'm not done. Have you seen the YouTube videos?

- No, what? What? The YouTube videos? What?

- Check this out.

I've been uploading the footage we've been taking.

- Chuck! What the fuck are you doing man? That's my channel.

- No, it's really good man!

The footage of you throwing Lipnicki in the pool,

it's got a million and a half views.

- Holy fuck dude. - Yeah.

And that stuff you did at the call center? Your characters?

That's at like 850,000, man. (scoffs)

I know! This is insane. I talked to the guy at Fox.

He's really excited about what we're doing.

He loves the footage and he wants us

to keep doing more content, so we got to keep going.

- Holy shit man. - We gotta keep going.

- Fuck! I've never seen this many, all right.

All right, man. All right. I'm back in.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

This is huge numbers, god damn it. What's next?

I'm not gonna fucking fight him.

- No, no, no, no. We talked about this on the way over here.

I set up all the cameras.

- I wasn't thinking clearly, man.

- Listen, you start an altercation.

It will turn into like a little wrestling thing.

- What? Dude, a little wrestling thing?

- It will be fine. Just a little bit of physicality.

- Look at the facts. Fired employee attacks employer.

That shit is not, stop it! - Listen!

It's gonna be perfect for the movie man!

- I don't fucking care about the movie.

- Hey! Hey! Hey! What are you doing?

- Mr. Shaw, hold on a second.

- You're not supposed to be here!

- I used to work here, just relax for a second.

- I don't want to hear that! What are you doing here?

- Just stop fucking yelling at me for a second!

- I said get out of here!

- Whoa!

- Don't fucking touch me again.

Otherwise, I'm really gonna fucking lose it. Is that clear?

I'm gonna fucking kick your ass if you touch me again.

Is that clear enough for ya?

- You are going to kick my ass?

- I was just trying to fucking talk to you

and you decided to put your hand on me.

- You idiot! I am not your father!

- Whoa!

- Did you fucking slap me now? Don't you ever ducking--

ahh!

- Yeah, what, what, what? Is that it?

- That's it! That's it. That's it.

- Little shit! (coughing)

- Julian. - You fucking asshole!

You piece of shit.

Crawl back in your miserable fucking lair

with the rest of the retards and make calls

until you die, you piece of shit.

Oh, let's have another two hour meeting

about saying hello on the phone.

It's a call center, you fucking sand monkey.

- Julian. What the fuck? - I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I don't know where that came from.

Mr. Shaw, it's been a real tough ride working for ya.

I'm just vitri-- I'll just, listen, just--

- Fuck! (coughing)

Listen you little shit.

You've been easily manipulated by your friend, Julian.

I feel sorry for you. And you, Mr. Chuck.

You shouldn't goat him on like this, you ass cracker.

(coughing)

- That guy is awesome. Are you okay?

- Turn the fucking camera off. (coughing)

- I'll start the car.

- What do you want me to do now? Fucking jump?

- That's fucking ironic. - What's ironic about that?

- Do you know where we are? - No.

- You have no idea? - Where are we?

- This is where your parents committed suicide, man.

- God fucking damn it. - Don't run away from this.

- Fucking, I'm leaving. - I'm trying to help you out.

How is that helping me out?

- [Chuck] Because you haven't

dealt with this your whole life.

- God, dude. Why are you doing this?

- [Chuck] Every time I ask you about it, what do you say?

You say they've been murdered and all this bull shit, man.

- It's not fucking bull shit! - It's eating you up inside.

I can tell, man.

- God, what am I supposed to do?

What am I fucking supposed to do?

- [Chuck] I mean, I don't know.

Scream. Take your clothes off.

(screaming)

- [Man] Don't jump! Don't jump!

- He's not gonna jump. - It's okay!

- We're filming a movie. - Oh.

- Yes, please. Give us a second.

(crickets chirping)

- [Beth] Hey. What's wrong?

- [Julian] Nothing, I just need to relax.

- [Beth] What happened? Talk to me.

- [Julian] I just had the worst,

like the second worst day of my life.

I got in a fight with Mr. Shaw.

Shaw beat the shit out of me. - Really?

- And then Chuck took me...

He did some research and found

the building where my parents...

you know, and he was like trying to get

a rise out of me and it worked.

But seeing the space and being there,

I mean I've just been lying about it for years.

I've said that I don't want to talk about it,

I don't want to talk about it,

I don't want to talk about it.

Just pushing it down, pushing it down, pushing it down.

Not thinking about the truth and the fact

that they made a decision. - I know.

Baby, I'm so sorry. - I just can't.

- I'm so sorry.

- I know Shaw is gonna press charges for sure.

The cops are gonna come-- - Shh. Okay, okay.

Don't worry about that, okay? We'll figure that out.

We'll figure it out.

We'll cross that bridge when we get there.

For now, you're okay. I've got you. I've got you.

- How are you so amazing and wonderful and optimistic

and I'm such a fuck up? It's incredible.

- I don't know. (laughing) I love you.

'Cause I love you. - I love you so much.

(soft moaning)

(moaning)

- Get out. - Oh my god.

- Get the fuck out! - I said no!

- I didn't know. I thought you were just going to bed.

- Get the fuck out of my house.

- I was just getting a shot of you going to bed.

I didn't know you guys were gonna so this.

- I'm sorry, baby. - Beth, I didn't know.

Really, I didn't know that this was gonna happen.

- It's too far. - You okay?

Baby stop. Where are you going?

- You were let him film us having sex, Julian?

- No, I wasn't gonna let him film us.

I had no idea he was there. - Yeah right.

- Before I went in, he asked me

if I wanted to do it, I said no.

I said absolutely not. - That is bullshit.

- Listen to me. - Bull shit, Julian!

- [Chuck] Listen, I really didn't know that--

- You need to be quiet right now, Chuck.

You have violated my trust. You listen to me right now.

You have violated my trust over and over and over again.

I am done, Julian. You guys have fun with your little movie.

- Listen to me, I would not do that. I would not do this.

Listen to me, baby. Come on. Stop. I love you.

- Not as much as you love yourself. Here.

- Baby, don't! Stop! Listen! Just open the door.

(banging on car) Beth! Please!

Listen to me. Listen! Fuck, man.

(dramatic music)

- [Chuck] That was intense.

- You fucking asshole. - I didn't know.

I didn't know that that was gonna happen.

- Julian? We have to get Dottie to the hospital.

- Why? - She's tachycardic.

I already called the ambulance.

I just need you to help me move her.

- No, no, no! (dramatic music)

- Hey man, thanks for paying for the headstone,

the burial, and all that stuff, man.

That's amazing. - Of course, man.

Whatever I can do. She was a good woman.

She loved you, you know that. - I let her down.

- No you didn't. - Yeah, I did.

I'm like self obsessed and so worried about this fame thing

and she would have wanted that.

- I've been pushing you pretty hard, man.

- No, man. You don't control me. I control my life.

You know? I made those choices. I made those choices.

I got to set some things straight.

I got to make some things right.

Will you come with me? - I'm with you.

- Thank you, man. (heavy breathing)

- You must leave. I'm calling the police.

- No, Mr. Shaw, don't call the police.

I came here to apologize.

- I do not need your apologies. I'm calling the police.

- I know you don't want to hear apologies.

I need to do this for me.

I've felt awful about what I said to you.

It's inexcusable. I offended you.

I offended your culture. There's no excuse for it.

I just hope you'll accept this feeble token

of my shame as some sort of amends.

And Terry, the way I've treated you

ever since I've known you has been unfair.

I've just been mean, I've been a dick.

I hope we can still be buds. - Yeah.

- Thanks, man. All right.

- And you, ass cracker, still are not allowed in.

- [Chuck] God, he's cool.

(knocking)

You got this brother. She's gonna come back.

- Go away. She doesn't want to see you.

- Whoa. - Please.

Just can I talk to her for a second?

- You're a jerk. Guess what?

She told me about your gay experience.

- Everybody's had a little gay experience.

It's not a big deal. Everybody get over it.

- I don't care about the gay thing.

I don't care about anything. I just want to talk to her.

Just listen to me for a second.

- Hey, that's kind of special.

- Beth! I love you! I'm so sorry for what I--

- You think that apologizing's gonna make her

forget all the bad shit you've done?

You don't deserve her.

- Wait, Beth!

- She is awful. That's her sister?

- It's all right. It's all right.

It's all right. It will take her some time.

- [Chuck] It would have been nice to get you

two getting back together, but c'est la vie.

On the upside, the movie's over. That was the last scene.

- Bullshit.

- No, I'm telling you the truth, man.

I mean, I want to get you eating dog shit or something.

Do some John Waters shoots, but that was the last shot.

- You serious? - Yeah, I'm serious.

Oh, maybe let's get a shot of you saying good bye

to your adoring fans, to your audience.

Thanking everyone. That'll be it.

- All right. Where do you want to do it?

- Action.

- Um, so thanks for watching me.

I'm sorry about, I'm sorry I said and did some

terrible things, but I hope you can see that I'm good.

I hope you like me more than you dislike me.

- Cut that was good.

- Can I try that again, actually?

- No, no, no, no. That was perfect man. That was perfect.

I got a surprise for you man. Just make your way over there.

Out onto the street. - All right.

Are you gonna make me eat poop?

- I'm not gonna make you eat poop.

You got a wrap party to go to, brother.

- What's? - Yeah, that's all for you.

- Are you kidding me, dude? - No, that's it.

I got that for you.

There's a suit inside and we're gonna party tonight, man.

The movie's over. You've done an amazing job.

- This freaks me out.

I feel like you're still fucking with me.

- No, no, no. Get inside. You won't get arrested.

Cops won't be called. You'll be fine. See?

- Holy shit, man!

- Yeah, he's gonna take you right to the wrap party.

I'll meet you there, buddy. I love you man.

You did a great job. I'm proud of you.

- Thanks, man. (somber music)

(sighing)

(jazz music)

(chattering)

(clapping)

- Cheers. Thank you very much.

You look familiar. You, are you--

- Lauren Francesca. - Lauren Francesca.

Totally absolutely. What are you doing at my party?

- This party's actually really cool.

- Why is it cool? - Your videos are so popular.

They're trending. Hard.

- No. - Yeah.

- Really? Well, that's cool.

- I should give you my number. You should call me sometime.

- Seriously? - Yes. Seriously.

- I'm not used to getting gorgeous

internet celebrities asking me out.

- You're one of us now. You should get used to it.

- Julian, my love. It's a pleasure to finally meet you.

- Hello? Who are you?

- Theo Captain, I'm the head of

development for Fox Searchlight.

- Oh right, of course.

- Chuck was showing me the dailies. You are really great.

- Thank you for saying that. I'm glad you like it.

- Listen, I'm producing a new talent show for Fox

and we're looking for someone that can host the show.

I mean really bring some life to it.

Have you ever thought about hosting?

- I want nothing more in this world than to host.

- Great, you know what to do, call my assistant Monday

and we'll set up a meeting with the other producers.

- That's amazing. Thank you so much.

- Hey! Can I have a word with the man of the hour?

- You may indeed. I think I can clear some time. What's up?

- So what happened?

Mr. Big Shot forget his so called friends?

- Oo. Big shot!

- Do I detect a hint of jealousy from the two assholes?

- Not even a little bit.

- Good, how have you guys been?

- Come on man, what do you care?

- Can I get everyone's attention please?

How's everyone doing tonight? (clapping)

Good. Thank you so much for coming to the wrap party.

Why don't we give ourselves a round

of applause for coming out, you guys look great.

How do I look? Pretty good right?

Yeah, Steve Harvey's suit, right? Nobody? Okay.

There's one person in this crowd right now

that I have to point out and that's my best friend Julian.

- This guy? - This guy right there.

- Is that the guy? - Without you, man.

This movie wouldn't have been possible

and you were brilliant in it every single day.

I know there's been some ups and downs,

but this movie wouldn't be what it is without you.

So thank you and before I start to cry and get all blubbery,

without further ado, The Next Big Thing!

(clapping)

- A movie about my Julian? - Yeah!

- [Narrator] Some are born great.

- I like to do charity work when I can,

just to make sure I'm giving back.

- [Narrator] Some achieve greatness.

- My bitches! - Hey!

- [Narrator] Others have greatness thrust upon them.

- 'Cause my parents died when I was young.

And so Dottie had to raise me.

- Julian is a great, good guy.

Gee, gee, gee. (laughing)

- I am the lobster king!

- Wake up Jules! You gotta go! Get up! Get out of bed!

- I want her to be happy, I wanted to make her proud.

- You did really good by marrying

a pretty little thing like her.

- This has gone too far. - No.

- You have violated my trust over and over and over again.

- Where are we?

- This is where your parents jumped, man.

- What am I supposed to do, face it?

(screaming)

(clapping)

- Thank you guys so much.

I'm gonna ask Julian, Julian come up here

and say a few words huh? (clapping)

- Thank you guys. Uh, yes.

I guess I really have to start by

thanking my best friend, Chuck.

While we were filming this, most of the time I hated you.

Like I really hate, more than I've ever hated anybody

or anything really, like I wanted to kill you.

I see now that after the ups and downs

that we had and after seeing this trailer,

that you're a genius man.

You've always been full of great ideas

and to see it come to fruition in a way

I've never seen from you before is exciting.

You know, you're my best friend in the world.

Thank you for this opportunity

and I love you with every part of me.

- I love you too, brother.

(clapping)

- Thank you, brother. - All right, we're good.

Let's wrap it up. That was perfect.

Thank you guys.

- Wait, what? - You guys were great.

Please, don't take anything. - What's going?

What are they doing? - Oh this was all part of it.

It's all part of the film. You did great.

- What? - You look great.

- Chuck!

- It was really great working with you.

- Working with you was great.

Thank you for the phone number,

I'm in love with somebody else, I can't.

- It was a 5-5-5 number. - Oh.

- Bye. - Bye.

Did you guys know he set this shit up?

- Dude, what are you doing? Why are you talking to us?

- Wait, what?

- We know what you said about us. We saw the footage.

Chuck showed us. Real cool talking shit on us, man.

- Out of context, it doesn't, I was,

it was, there were terms of endearment.

- It was fucking bullshit, man.

We don't believe a word coming out of your mouth.

- Guys! This is absurd. We're friends.

- We're not friends. We're friends with Chuck.

I thought you knew that. It's pretty fucking obvious.

- You got a lot of growing up to do.

- Grow, Kai, wait a sec. - Here you go.

(dramatic music) - You fucking asshole.

What the fuck was that?

- It's for the movie.

- You're not even fucking filming the movie anymore.

- Oh no? I got a camera there.

Another camera there and one right there.

Everything I've done since I started

filming has been of my design.

You've been just a character in

a plot that I've created around you.

- So everything that fucking bad that's happened to me,

my wife, my job, Dottie? - I wouldn't do that.

- You killed her for this fucking movie? Prove it.

- Fuck!

- You fucking murderer.

- No, no, no! - Fucking do it!

- I'm sorry. I couldn't be a failure. I couldn't fail again.

I had to do this one thing. I had to go big.

I'm sorry. Please. Please. Don't do this.

Please don't do this, please. - Fucking piece of shit.

I'm going home.

- What else do you have to live for?

You've got nothing left! Everybody's abandoned you.

But you know what, that doesn't even matter right now.

What matters is that you know in the pit of your soul,

that this world would be better without you in it.

Dottie knows it. Beth knows it.

I know it. Your parents knew it.

Why don't you do everybody a favor and just end it?

That's good. Now we're playing ball. Good boy.

Now pick it up, put it in your mouth, and pull the trigger.

(gun cocks)

You're gonna, (laughing) you're gonna shoot me?

You didn't have the balls to push me off this building.

You're gonna shoot me? Do it. Come on.

I'm right here. Do it. Do it!

(gun jams)

- God damn you, Chuck.

This is not the way you said it was gonna happen.

- I didn't know that he was gonna do that.

- My poor baby. Poor Julian. I'm so sorry, darling.

I'm so sorry. It was Chuck.

Chuck convinced me to fake my death for the movie.

But I didn't know anything like this was going to happen.

God damn you, Chuck.

- Dottie, you're making a big deal out of nothing.

He's totally fine. - He is not fine.

Look at him. He can hardly breathe.

- Your contract is for an additional 26 episodes.

Is this gonna be a problem? - No. Not at all.

- This is going to be a problem because he's not doing it.

(heavy breathing)

- You're gonna deprive him of the chance

to be the star of his own television show?

That's his dream. - I don't care!

I don't give a damn about the show.

I care about my grandson.

- Okay, just give me, hey.

Hey buddy, you can keep going can't you?

(sobbing)

Huh?

(light rock music)