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Once upon a time,

a very wealthy man had
the great misfortune

to fall out of a plane.

As he fell,

the wind stripped him
off his designer suit,

his Italian patent
shoes, crocodile wallet,

gold watch, everything.

And when he eventually
hit the Earth he was

all but naked.

The strange thing was

when they found his broken body

he was smiling,

but that never made
any sense to me.

Hey that's me done,
I'm out of here.

You've only got
yourself to blame.

Look at this,

look at it; phone, gas,
electric, all final demands.

They're taking the telly back,

'cause we haven't paid him.

You know Oprah was
my only salvation.

All these years, all
these years I've wasted

on mediocrity and look
where it's got me.

What's it got me, aye?

I haven't even got
a pot to piss in.

Yeah, I know how that feels.

Yeah well, that's
about to change.

I've met someone else.

What?

Someone who can take
proper care of me.

Just say something to me.

What do you want me to say?

I mean anything.

I mean that dress is
a bit short, isn't it?

Don't do that.

Here you go.

There you go.

Get yourself down
the pawn shop, aye,

go and buy yourself
a consolation beer,

or better still get
yourself a new suit, aye.

Nice.

What was I thinking
an insurance salesman.

- I'm a loss adjuster, Angie.
- Aye, yeah.

Well, deal with this loss,

and I won't be needing
these anymore either.

Someone in
North London can get

to claim the winning
lottery ticket.

What are you looking
at you old bint?

Martin, open the damn door.

Please Martin.

Angie, Angie.

Hey, I got you Angie,
Angie, I can't let you...

- Martin.
- It's me.

It's still me, Angie.

Oh, damn it.

Hello Polly.

Hello, Mr. Dyer.

You're hard to get
hold of this morning.

I hope you aren't
avoiding me.

Anyway, I've got you
now and it's a busy day

- ahead for you.
- There's no need.

Polly, I'm sorry, I don't
think I can do this...

One moment, I've got multiple
calls coming through.

Good morning, Glipton
Millgrove, Polly speaking,

could you hold the line, please?

Sorry about that.

Right, so your first
appointment is scheduled

with Mrs. Rogerton-Sykes.

She's at 9:15.

Quite close to actually,
Highgate, a burglary.

Nice and simple.

Police verified everything,

but she's since added
a few more items.

No, no, but...

Next up is Mr.
Gimpole in Totteridge.

Someone has chopped down
his prize rhododendrons

that he was planning to enter

into the Chelsea
Flower Show next year,

so you'll need to establish
the size of the plants

before we can entertain
the size of the claims,

bit tricky that one but
I'm sure you'll manage.

And next, Mr. And Mrs.
Smallwood in Finchley,

a house fire claiming for
absolutely everything, so...

- Polly stop.
- No wait,

forget the Smallwoods.

Fire Service's haven't
filled their report yet.

- Oh and your favorite,
- Polly stop.

dear old Dr. Wicksteed.

Can you believe the lodges
flooded the bathroom

through the ceiling again?

Polly, my wife left
me today.

Oh, and he's absolutely adamant

that he won't see anyone
else apart from you.

I mean, it's not
surprising really,

you don't get voted the company's
number one loss adjuster

three years running
without being the best.

Oh yes, okay, okay, just
e-mail the details to me,

and I'll...

Yeah, I already done, Mr. Dyer,

I sent you last night.

You have a lovely
day and be sure

to give my best to
Mrs. Dyer, okay?

Yes, I'll be sure
to tell her, bye, bye.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

I just got here.

Well, happy Christmas.

It would have been
cheaper to stay in bed.

Yes.

Yes, hello, this is Mr. Dyer
for Mrs. Rogerton-Sykes.

Enter.

Okay, let's do this.

Hello there, Mrs.
Rogerton-Sykes.

Mr. Dyer, you are late.

Yes, I know the
traffic was very...

Yes, the traffic usually is

that's entirely predictable

and should be planned
for, don't you think?

Yes, absolutely, I apologize.

You have a lovely home.

This way.

Do you take tea?

I have Lapsang
Souchong or Earl grey?

Oh, that's lovely, maybe
a coffee would be nice.

Coffee?

I'm afraid
we don't take coffee.

Not to worry then.

Shall we get on with it?

Okay, yes, of course.

So Mrs. Rogerton-Sykes I see,

in addition to the items
listed in your police report,

I see that you've noted a
few extra missing items.

Missing, are you suggesting
they might actually

not be missing?

Oh my goodness, no, I wouldn't,

Mr. Dyer, do I look like I need

to defraud an insurance claim?

No, no but you...

Mr. Dyer, this has been
the most terrible shock,

an absolute violation.

I think that I listed
everything correctly,

but in my distressed
state maybe I,

it was obviously an oversight.

I am the victim after all.

Of course, you are.

This is really just a formality,

and these are question I
have to ask unfortunately.

I should have insured
with Legal and General.

My late husband always
said that we should.

As usual, he was right.

He was a sanctimonious bastard.

They wouldn't have treated
me like a fraudster.

I'm so sorry for your loss,

I really am.

Was it recent?

Not that long ago.

If I didn't know any better,

I would have thought he
planned the whole thing,

and now he just leaves
me alone in my prime.

Well, no and of
course, I doubt that,

I mean you know
a charming figure

of a woman like you.

Oh, you really think so?

Have you experienced
loss, Mr. Dyer?

Well, actually I
have, very recently,

well, this morning,
my wife she left me.

Oh, no, oh, what
a terrible shock,

and right before Christmas,

oh, you must be in pieces.

Let me get you a whiskey.

Oh no, thank you.

I'm driving and everything.

Come.

Really, okay.

Did you love her madly?

Yes, I suppose I did.

Well, of course you did,

and so here we both are
lonely, abandoned, lost.

There's only one cure
for a fall, Martin.

Can I call you Martin?

Yes off course, please do.

Get back on the horse.

You know, my husband
wasn't a very tactile man,

and he always made
me feel lonely

even when we were married.

How do you mean?

He never made me feel
like a real woman.

I'm sure you are
extremely special

to your husband, Mrs. Rogers.

- Please call me Margaret.
- Okay, Margaret, okay.

Yes, well, Margaret,

I believe we can approve all

of the missing
items on your list,

and I really think
there's no need

to make you suffer any
more than you already have.

I think it's a very unfortunate
burglary if I'm honest.

Oh, I don't mind going through
the details again with you,

- It does.
- I really don't,

and if you like I
can find some coffee

for you in one of the cupboards.

I'm sure the cooks
left something there.

You've gone to so much trouble
for me today, really...

Thank you, Martin,
you're so kind.

They said you were.

They did?

Yes, they said that you're
kind, and compassionate,

and that you only
cared for others.

Well, thank you, Margaret.

I do try my best.

You know, Martin, it's only
when you've lost everything

that you realize what
you're really missing.

Well, what about you
stay for a spot of lunch,

I could get a cook
to do some oysters?

I'm sure you know about
oysters don't you...

Yes, yes, of course, it is
a lovely offer, Margaret.

I really do have to
get going though.

It's getting late.

Well, another time then.

Maybe we could go shopping.

Shopping?

Yes, you could
accompany me to the Ivy,

after I bought you a new suit

just a little
Christmas gift from me.

Just the coffee actually.

Oh, that's okay.

Look, I realize
you're very busy,

but I really would like it.

Yes.

And I really would like if
you could call me sometime.

- Yes of course.
- Would you?

Yes.

Martin?

- Merry Christmas.
- Oh, Merry Christmas.

That's the European way.

It's very charming.

Thank you, Margaret.

Thank you, thank you, Margaret.

- Thank you.
- Goodbye.

Mr. Dyer, Ms. Rogerton-Sykes has

just been on the phone,

only there's a few
items she forgot about,

and wondered if you
could pop back later.

No, it's okay.

Polly it's okay, whatever
she puts on the list please

just approve it, it's okay.

Okay, for sure.

I'm more than okay.

No need for me to go back again.

Right okay, bye, bye, bye.

Goodness me.

I'm staying here
with the two of these...

Martin, Martin, my name.

Mr. Dyer, Mr. Dyer,
Mr. Dyer, goodness me.

So the news
my local news is

that somebody near me has
won the lottery ticket,

so if you live in
Highgate or Totteridge,

please check your tickets.

Tell me Nicodema
did you check yours?

[Woman[ I didn't even
enter It, Donnie.

Polly, could I, actually I
need to ask you a question.

Yes, Mr. Dyer?

Actually not a work
related question.

Do you think there's
something wrong with my suit?

Polly?

Sorry, I have another
call, I have to go.

What?

You tosser!

How about this one?

Oh, I like that.

It's lovely, thank you.

I think she will like this.

She's a lucky lady.

Well, I think I'm the
lucky one, actually.

So how many?

How many years have
you been married?

Sorry five years.

- Congratulations.
- Thank you.

Do you think she will like this?

Well off course.

All women love flowers.

You know, it's lovely here.

I can't imagine who'd
ever get bored of it.

No, never.

- Okay.
- Yes.

Enter your pin, please.

Oh, this changes,
it's a new card,

I don't understand.

Is it a joint account?

Could your wife have a little
surprise for you perhaps?

Yeah.

Thank you.

Mr. Dyer.

Yeah, hello.

Mr. Gimpole, nice
to see you today.

Call me Gimp.

Gimp.

Everyone else does.

Follow me, lad.

Follow me.

You know much about
flowers, do you Dyer?

Well, not really, Mr. Gimp.

It's a, oh, dear, but I do
know what a rose looks like.

I thought as much
not that it matters,

I'll show you what's happened,

and you'll get an idea.

Oh dear.

Sorry, I thought you'd
be more prepared,

otherwise, I had had a
found you some wellies.

You see these specimens here.

Oh yes, they're
very nice, Mr. Gimp.

No Dyer, they are nothing
compared to my rhododendrons.

The bastards knew I
would win of course.

Bastards.

Next May's Flower show, Dyer.

They cut down what was
to be my prize exhibits.

Well you don't know
what to say, Mr. Gimp.

Well, there's nothing
you can say really.

But I would imagine of course
that the priority here is

to establish exactly what
these rhododendrons are worth

to you, Mr. Gimp.

Nothing that money can replace.

Their beauty was priceless,

the color, the shape,
the very touch.

Can you zip me up darling?

Okay.

Why it's not just the
prestige, you know,

the honour of
receiving an award.

Of course Mr. Gimp.

Dyer?

These were a hybrid you see.

A complete one off I'd the spent
years affecting the species

A new species.

Oh my, this must be
akin to losing a child.

Wow, I guess it's similar.

As in fact as you, you
feed it, you water it.

You shower it with
love and attention.

You cherish it.

You protect it,

and then some bastard
runs off with it.

I know exactly what you mean.

My God, you've lost a child.

Oh no, Mr. Gimp,

but somebody did nick my wife.

Martin, Martin, thank you
so much for coming out.

Do come in.

Good to see you again.

So good to see you.

Come in.

Oh, it's okay, you
have something.

Oh, please let me
give it to you.

That feels nothing important.

Oh my goodness, thank
you, there we go.

Come in, come in.

Welcome, welcome.

Oh my goodness, I'm sorry
to have ask this question,

what's that awful smell?

Yeah, a rat.

A rat where?

A dead one under there,

judging from the
concentrated potency.

Oh dear, have you called anyone?

Environmental health.

They can't get anyone
round till Monday,

but this smell is intolerable,

so I have to get the
little devil up myself.

No, please Norman,
let me help you.

- Wait.
- Well, look at this.

- That's a non-invented cause.
- Yes.

Okay, come on, let me help you.

I'm gonna need a
flat head screwdriver

and oh, a hammer if you have...

I have the toolbox is there.

Are you sure about this, Martin?

Well, as long as he's dead.

Yes.

Also do you have
any plastic bags?

Yes, yes, I do.

The twins save them for me.

It's part of their
green intentions,

but they never remember
to reuse them.

I have a drawer full.

- Oh, thank you.
- Would you like a peg?

I'm okay.

Yeah, I think the
plastic bags are fine.

Can I do anything to help?

Oh, one of your lovely
coffees will be great.

Right, I'm way ahead of you.

The coffee is already made.

- Careful.
- Thank you.

- Have you found it?
- I think I have.

Ah, let me see.

Have a look.

Right there, you see him?

My goodness, look
at the size of it.

It's a bit of a monster.

Must be a sewer rat.

Got him.

Oh, well done, Martin.

Oh thank you so much.

Oh, thank you.

Well, that's a nice bag.

Ah shit, maybe I can
give this to the wife.

- Aye?
- Nothing.

Oh look, might have you have
turn those taps back off

- I'd hope.
- No.

How many times has it
been there, Norman?

A fair few.

I am sorry, Martin.

I hadn't meant to
be a burden to you.

Norman, please don't
say such a thing.

I have to be honest with you

if they didn't flood you out

every few months I think
I might be disappointed.

Really?

Well, to be honest,
I kind of I would be

with this old
friends you and me.

You mean you don't go rat
catching for all your clients?

Now come on let's straighten
out your living room,

we've gotta sort your claim out.

We got him.

Oh, remove the thing.

- Oh, yeah.
- Yeah.

Still stinks.

Good coffee.

So Martin, something's
troubling you.

I'm here to look after you.

Of course, but you are
troubled, I can tell.

It's good to talk, you know.

I used to tell that
to my patients.

Did it help?

Nah, not really.

But I got a few extra
Christmas cards.

Now there's a bonus.

Life is short yet
we spend nearly all

of our time pretending
that we're fine

when we're anything but.

It cannot have
escaped your attention

that I'm of an age that
defies much more longevity.

Stop that Norman you're
fighting fit and raring to go.

Fighting fit,

raring to go.

Raring to go, I suppose I am.

Norman, is everything okay?

I never had children you know.

I'm confused, what
about the twins?

Oh, they're not mine.

No, their mom was my patient.

I've known them since
they were babies.

They're very sweet.

They do some shopping
and laundry for me.

No, my late wife
couldn't conceive,

and after she went
back in the '70s,

I fell in love with the freedom

that comes with
the bachelor life.

Wow, '70s, huh?

She must have been so young.

Sorry, I know, she didn't die.

No, she buggered it
off with the neighbor.

Oh dear, it must be catching.

Aha, so it's wife troubles.

Yes.

I'm sorry to share this,

but my wife left me
this morning, Norman.

Oh Martin,

I'm so sorry.

It's funny you know, it's
been a long time coming,

and I'm sure I would
have seen the signs

if I had just been looking.

You do love me,
don't you, Aiden?

Yes, my life.

Why did you have
to go for so long?

Glasgow is a long way, aye babe?

24 hours traveling,
there and back

plus two days to recuperate,

that brings the month
down to 24 days,

that's barely three weeks
to finish the legals,

and I don't work weekends,

so that's really only 15 days.

After closing
joint bank accounts

that would be at
least three days.

Three?

There's a process.

Got to get appointments
with the managers

which will give me 12 days.

Then I have to pay off the joint
bills, terminate the leckie

and gas accounts, another
two days, so 10 left.

I can't go halfway
around the world

without visiting mom and
dad for a couple of days.

Then my sister and
she aint close.

Do have you any idea
how how big Oz is?

Two days driving there and back,

plus a day with her at least,

that'll give me...

Five, five days left.

Yeah, right, five days
in which to sell my car,

pack up my life and move
the other side of the world.

No biggie, right?

Okay, just because I want
you back here with me

as soon as possible that's all.

Well, be patient.

In a month, I'll be
free to be with you.

I'm sorry.

Okay, I understand all this,

why don't you come back to bed.

I have a pub to run.

Well, can't Rob manage
by himself for once.

Rob?

He's only a bar man.

Well, so how is he
gonna manage then

when the landlord's away?

Well, maybe he won't,

and then I'll have no
business to come back to.

Did you sort out the money?

Yeah, I transferred
it yesterday.

It should be in by Friday.

It is gonna be enough isn't it?

'Cause I'm not sure I can
get my hands on anymore.

Yes, my love.

Thank you.

Oh, and babe, slip out
the back door, will you?

We don't wanna attract
attention, aye.

I'm so sorry.

Where has she gone?

I don't know, Norman.

To be honest with you it
could be a number of men.

I see.

Money is the issue?

I really
don't wanna bore you

with my financial
difficulties, Norman,

but my wife she
wants a better life.

The life of Riley.

I see and don't we all.

But payback comes to Riley in
the end one way or another.

What do you mean?

What goes around comes around.

Look at it positively.

She can't nag about your suit,

or tell you to shave your beard,

or throw out your beer cans.

The glass is always
half full, Martin.

Being a single man
can be liberating.

I've never been.

You mentioned my suit.

I was being
metaphorical, Martin.

I think you are truly
rather remarkable.

You really must learn
to appreciate the value

of your virtues,

but you're too modest by far

which in itself is
another of your virtues.

Martin, I wish I'd had a son,

it's my greatest regret,

but you have made
me realise that

if I had had a son

I would like him to
have been just like...

Norman.

Norman.

Norman.

Norman.

- Hey.
- Hello.

I'm friends with Norman.

I can help.

Who are you?

Sorry, I know Norman.

Oh, you know him.

What is this?

I'm here to help him clean up.

Okay, yes come in.

So, how can I help you?

That's a nice tie.

Excuse me, you can't
just barge in here.

Oh that is a terrible
stink, is that the rat?

Oh yes, it is actually.

Hold on how do you
know about that?

Oh no, please don't
touch him, he's not well.

You can say that again.

Is he okay?

Of course, he's not okay.

He's brown bread.

Oh goodness me.

This day is really turning
out to be the most awful day.

Yeah, I don't think his is
turning out too great either.

Excuse me, what are you doing?

What?

It's not like he needs
any more anymore.

I think you shoved your
missus under the floorboards

if I didn't know any better.

What, wait what?

Do you want another coffee?

You look like you need it.

Oh no, thank you, actually,

I'd rather have
something stronger.

It's good idea.

Screw it.

There you go, here.

Would you.

No thanks.

But you said.

I said it was good
idea but I don't drink.

Poor Norman.

All right, come on
mate get a grip.

He's just another client to you.

No, he's not.

He's a lovely lovely old man.

He was.

Okay, fair enough he
was, and who you are you?

You're not the bloody
tenant, are you?

What?

No.

The bedsit's empty.

I don't understand that
doesn't make sense,

because I'm here
because of this,

it just happened.

I'm the loss adjuster.

I know who you are,

but the place is empty.

Trust me, I know these things.

I'm the hoover man.

Hoover man, what does that mean?

I keep the place clean.

- You get me?
- No.

Okay, ambulance.

If you think that's wise.

Why is that?

Who is that?

How the hell should I know.

Go and see.

Well, what about Norman?

I'm sure he won't mind.

I don't mean like that,
what do we say about him?

It doesn't matter what
you say about him,

because no one's ever
gonna know I was here,

and I aint got prints all
over the gaff unlike some.

What are you trying to suggest?

Well, from the way I see it,

you've came in, upended
his floorboards,

moved his furniture around,

and last thing I see you've
giving the old bloke a hug,

now he's out and your
DNA is everywhere, mate.

He just keeled over.

From where I'm standing.

it doesn't quite look like that.

Steed honey,

Mummy is here, you naughty boy.

Your boy's got a tart.

Shut up, shut up.

Where are you?

What do I say to her?

Tell her he's sleeping,

just get rid of her.

- Sleeping?
- Yeah.

Okay, that works.

That's good stay here.

Hello there

- Hello there lover.
- Hello.

He didn't say there'll
be three of us today.

Three of us.

- But I'm fine with three.
- All right, that's me.

Especially if the third
one is as cute as you.

Hello madam, you are?

- I'm Purdy.
- Hello Purdy,

and he's my steed.

- Get it?
- Oh steed.

Excuse me, madam, madam.

Aw, my
baby is sleeping, aw.

Oh, and he's not very warm.

Poor darling.

What in the hell's
name is that smell?

Oh, it's a rat, it's a dead rat.

Does it smell that bad upstairs?

Well, I actually, I don't
think it does actually.

Well thank the lord,

'cause it doesn't
exactly whet my appetite

if you know what I'm saying.

Get my Steedy a blanket,

and join me upstairs.

Ms. Purdy, probably I
must tell you I'm, I'm...

Shy honey.

I honestly I'm a
little out of shape,

but I'm just a loss adjuster.

Role play, whatever
you want honey.

Yowza!

What was that?

What that was Martin,
is the funniest thing

I have ever seen.

How do you know my name?

Hey, you tell me who you are,

and what you're
doing here right now?

Yeah, all right,
keep your hair on.

Oh dear, the smell
of that thing.

Uncle Norman, it's
us, Georgia and Mimi.

Who are you?

Who are you?

Oh, the twins.

Oh, we asked first.

Oh yes, yes, yes,
right, I am, I'm Martin.

- Oh, you're Martin.
- Oh, you're Martin.

Yes, yes.

- You look awful.
- I do?

Doesn't he Georgia?

And he smells funny too.

Well, actually I
don't really smell.

It's something.

And I'm sure you know
where everything is.

What am I doing?

You don't even think
about it, get back in.

Oh, you again?

Didn't your mama
teach you any manners?

How about You try knocking?

I think you do enough
knocking for all of us.

That's very rude young lady.

You can put them away
and then you can scram.

I thought she only
came on Thursdays.

And Mondays honey.

Where's uncle Norman
he owes us 20 quid?

For a service wash
that's robbery.

Yeah well, not all of us
earn our money lying down.

Some of us actually
graft for our money.

Young lady, I never...

Save it.

We really don't wanna know.

Our mom says you're
his strumpet.

One thing, could you
find a new body lotion?

It's a nightmare to
get off the sheets.

Brats.

- Tart.
- Tart.

Oh, hello there, how are you?

Uncle Norman owes us 20 quid,

do you know where he is?

He's actually
sleeping right now?

Sleeping, where?

Oh, he's the sofa just resting.

Can you wake him up?

He's got an aerobics session
with Holly Golightly upstairs,

and she's getting cranky.

Well, I'm sure, I mean, I
don't think he's gonna be up

for that today if I'm honest

but you know what? I can
pay you the 20 pounds.

Oh, that's 20 each.

- Each?
- Yeah.

One second.

Here you go.

Oh, what is at stink?

You see it's not me actually,
it's a rat a dead one.

Oh woozy bad.

Let me see.

- Where is it?
- Here you go.

No, you really don't
want to see it.

It's dead and it's in the bag.

It's horrible.

You touched it,
bloody disgusting.

Just like your
language young lady,

and in front of Norman.

I thought he was sleeping.

Well, yes, he is sleeping.

Well, he can't hear
us then can he?

Yes, have a lovely day goodbye.

- Sucker.
- One born every minute.

Thanks, say
hi to uncle Norman

when he wakes up.

Little terrors.

Okay, I need to get going.

You're not going anyway
not until you explain

to me what's going on here?

I'll tell you just stop
gripping my Ralphie.

Your what?

My hoodie, it's Ralph Lauren.

I like nice clothes.

It looks pretty expensive
for a kid like you.

Perks of the job.

Oh yes, that's
right a hoover man.

So how do you know me?

You know more importantly
how do they know me?

Well, Norman was
pretty fond of you.

It's probably how they know
you, me, I know your Angie.

I never actually met you though.

What did you say?

Angie, you mean my wife, Angie?

Yeah, she's shacked
up with my dad now.

You really aint got a clue, huh?

No, I don't,

but it might have something
to do with the fact

of the day I had
before I even got here,

and I lost a very
dear friend today.

On top of that, I just
found out that my wife,

my wife is playing
housie with your old man.

Do you really think I don't know

that this suit might not
be the height of fashion?

Time is money honey.

What's taking you boys so long.

It's truth time.

What is your name?

Sam.

Okay Sam, start talking.

Okay, do you remember

when Angie ran up those
massive credit card bills?

Are you okay, babe.

Am I?

I'm just worried that you,

I don't understand Angie
it's a brand new card.

I'm confused how can we
be maxed out already?

Just months on months
and I didn't realise.

It's five.

Look, I'm sorry.

Just a, you know, it
adds up sometimes.

You need another one?

Hey, Rob.

Rob?

Hey, give us a minute, I'm busy.

All right, another for Angie
and when you get a second

a pint for me, thanks.

Where this other guy?

Hey, Rob, what's the name
of the guy that works here?

Aiden.

That's his name isn't it?

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Guys back in Australia, man.

Australia what's he doing there?

He got deported.

He's visa ran out.

It's good riddance to him I say,

lazy flipping jiggalo.

I've got it, its
all right darlin'.

Sweetheart, are you okay?

- Yeah.
- Do you feel all right?

- Yeah, I'm all right.
- Yeah?

He said he loved me, bastard.

Oh darling, what bastard?

He promised me we'd set
up home to get there,

he told me he owned the place.

Set up home?
really, the bastard.

He lied to me, Angie,.

He was never coming back.

He was only the bloody barman.

Never, bloody bastard.

He stole 10 grand from me.

10?

Absolute bastards, all of them!

I just don't know how
I'm gonna replace it.

I maxed out on all
my other credit card.

Babe, what?

Just how many cards do you have?

Oh, you need help.

You need like, one of
those fixer people.

What?

Not a loan shark, Gilda.

No, no, no, nothing like that.

I can personally recommend him.

We went on a very
hot date last week.

Did you?

Yeah, you're sorted.

That's what he does.

Look, Lee has got a
very personal touch.

I gave him nine out of 10.

Huh, only nine.

Well, I'm never going to
give a score of 10, darling.

Lee.

Hello, darling.

I'd like to introduce
you to a friend of mine.

Yeah, she's gorgeous.

No, I haven't but I can
take a selfie of us.

No.

Oh, sorry, Lee.

She's just gone the bog.

Oh, I mean, she's just
gone to the loo, er

when she comes back, yeah.

Yes, so yes, her name's Angie,

and I'm sure you're
gonna like her.

Known her for ages.

Tomorrow afternoon?

Yeah, yeah, that's great.

Okay, good luck to the
both of you, all right.

Sorted.

Came to my dad to
help pay them off.

I don't understand how did
she arrange to pay him back?

That's probably how I fit in,

because she didn't
have regular income,

he had to come to
another arrangement,

you were the inspiration.

I will tell.

I'll tell you.

The suspense is killing me, Sam.

So 10 grand and you
need it straightaway.

Ideally, yeah.

What do you do?

You spend your old
man's money, yeah?

Something like that.

But you're a bad girl.

Angie, I love to lend you
the money of course I would,

but the big question is, will
you be able to pay me back?

You know, that's
what I'm thinking.

But I have a soft
spot for bad girls,

especially once
as lovely as you.

Let me see what I can do.

Okay.

So does that mean you think
you can help me, Mr. Leicester?

Why don't you call me Lee?

You know what?

I think we could work
quite nicely together.

Your old man the loss adjuster.

He could prove to
be quite useful

in our little business venture.

You should have the e-mail.

The burglary has upset them
rather profoundly Mr. Dyer,

and the Henderson's
are very long standing

and important clients,

and I promised we would
send over our best man.

He's really giving
me a hard time.

Please, please, could
you just squeeze them in?

Yeah Polly, I've
got the e-mail here.

Don't worry about it, I'll
sort you out leave it with me.

Okay, bye, bye.

Ah, thank you.

That was Polly another burglary.

Now.

I have to get running.

- Gotta go.
- Okay.

- I'll be back at six.
- Okay.

- Love you.
- Love you.

- Bye.
- Bye.

Hey, darling, it's me.

Ang.

Yeah, I've got
another one for you.

Oh yeah.

All right look,
I'll tell you what,

why don't you come over
here and take it from there?

- Yeah.
- Good.

- All right, I see you soon.
- Yeah.

Sounds like Ang is coming good.

Nice.

Nobody ever gets everything.

They don't have enough time
or they miss something.

Miss something,
what do you mean?

A piece of jewellery
or a piece of art.

Or a painting.

All right, you get in
there like a ghost,

quick as you can.

- Okay.
- Go on in.

Come on, Sam.

Sorted?

Sorted.

Good boy.

I know people like the
Henderson's are properly insured,

because you were called in,

so they get paid.

Angie gets to pay down her loan,

and I get a bit.

Everyone's happy.

Are you sure about that?

Right, it was over here.

Mr. Dyer, in your own time.

I don't know how I actually
didn't notice it, Mr. Dyer.

For goodness sake, it's been
in my family for generations.

Of course, I understand,
Mr. Anderson.

It's extremely
unfortunate, I'll be sure...

Unfortunate?

It's a downright bloody
disgrace, bastards.

Yeah bastards.

Did you know?

This is the second time I've
been burgled in 12 months.

I mean, what do the
police actually do?

I'll tell you stopping motorists

and not catching drug addicts.

Oh yes I do, drug addicts, yes,

Yes, I do agree with
you, Mr. Henderson.

Do you, do you really?

I don't think you actually do.

so how much hoovering
have you done, Sam?

Who might you be?

Actually, he is
just a hoover man.

Norman never said there
will be three of you,

and anyway you look way
too young for me honey,

cleaner or not.

- No.
- Actually, Ms. Purdy,

he's just a virgin.

Virgin?

I can be gentle to you honey.

Oh, my days, I can't
stand the smell in here.

It stinks.

God, I need some air.

Tell me you haven't been
robbing from poor Norman.

What?

No, how could you think that?

Because you dress
for a robbery, Sam.

Yeah, I saw you pull out a rat,

it seemed reasonable.

So what are you doing here?

I promised Norman I
wouldn't tell you.

I don't think he'll
hear us anymore, do you?

I guess.

A promises is a promise.

Now, go and have a look.

Go on.

It's the nurse.

Hello, Dr. Wicksteed
is expecting me.

A nurse.

Yes, I have an appointment.

He didn't mention
no medical fetish,

and I just don't
do girl on girl.

Sorry, I think there's
been some confusion now...

Look at you.

Can you make more effort?

Heels, stockings, damn liberty.

I've had enough.

Sorry.

I can't just leave.

I'm so sorry.

Please, come in and
do excuse the smell.

Oh, what's causing it?

Oh, decaying flesh, I'd imagine.

Oh my God, when did it happen?

Well I don't know exactly, but
it's good we've wrapped it up

in plastic bags and
it's ready to throw,

so it's fine.

Sorry, I need to
do an examination.

What do you need to do that?

Hold on?

You're gonna have to pay me,

'cause I'm not waiting
here any longer.

And if my Steedy has decided
to get himself a new playmate,

No he's actually...

then you're gonna
have to compensate me.

How much?

Just 100 to you sweetheart.

Give my best to Steedy
won't you for me.

Oh, and keep that cute little
virgin boy 'til next time,

won't you?

Thanks Ms. Purdy.

Oh bless you Dr. Wicksteed.

I was just being too silly,

I thought you were
talking about a rat.

We just removed a rat from
under the floorboards.

I'm so sorry for your loss,

and I didn't get here sooner.

Hey, what?

You weren't expecting
it to be so sudden.

Well, I wasn't really
expecting it at all.

He didn't tell you?

I'm so sorry, tell me what?

It was only a matter of days.

He insisted he remained at home.

You mean he knew he was dying?

Yes.

You're Martin, aren't you?

Yes, yes, I am.

He said he wanted to see
you before he passed.

I'm so glad that he did.

So am I, thank you.

Bless you, Norman.

I'm so sorry, you've been
called out unnecessarily.

The coroner is on his way now,

so I think he was
just panicking,

he didn't know what to do.

Hello there.

I'm sorry, we don't
take dead bodies.

What?

You don't take what?

Martin, it's all right,
the coroner is on his way.

Okay.

Please don't worry
about anything.

Dr. Wicksteed made sure

that all the arrangements
were in place.

- Oh, he did?
- Mm-hmm.

Okay, good, that's
very reassuring.

Thank you for letting me know.

Thank you.

Oh, shit.

- I'm sorry.
- You need a new car mate.

I need a new everything, Sam.

Right, come on, help you
change it for the spare.

Oh, I don't have a spare.

I guess it's the
bus for you then.

Yes.

Sam, I really don't mean to pry,

but you really haven't
told me anything.

Yeah, I know.

I promised Norman.

Yes, jeez I know you said that.

And you know I really
do respect that,

but I just want some
closure, you know,

maybe some understanding
if that makes sense.

I see why Norman liked you.

You do?

You know, I do understand,
a promises is a promise,

but Norman meant so much to me.

What kind of work
did you do for him?

I know this might come as a bit

of a surprise to you, Martin,

but our dear old Norman,

he wasn't quite what
he appeared to be.

What do you mean?

Look, I've got to go, I'll
catch up with you later.

What do you mean, Sam, Sam.

for Christmas.

Come on, get to it.

What's in the bag, mate?

Another lottery, aye.

- What do you got?
- No, no, no.

- What's in the bag?
- Listen, I gotta get home.

No, nothing's in the bag.

- What's in the bag?
- Do you know him?

- Who?
- Sam, what's in the bag?

You want a lift or something.

Nothing's in the bag?

It don't look like
nothing to me.

- Nothing.
- What's in the bag?

Come on.

I'm just, I'm going home,
I'm trying to get home,

that's what I'm doing.

Okay, okay, okay, okay.

Go on.

Take it if I can go home.

- Yeah.
- Just take it.

- Sod off.
- Okay.

Kinky.

So what is there?

God only knows, but if
it's wrapped up this good,

it must be must
be pretty special.

Geez man, what is that stink.

Oh my God.

Oh hello.

What's happening?

I'll explain, please close
the door, close the door.

Hey, have you seen a punk
in a shitty grey suit?

Oh, I don't think so, no, sorry.

It's all over my hands.

Hello, hello, hello
is anyone there.

- Hello.
- Hello.

- They're gone?
- Yes.

Come on.

- Here you go.
- Thank you so much.

You too.

That's very kind of you.

You're welcome, Martin.

We know each other?

Yes, you bought some
flowers from me a while back

for your anniversary.

I'm Emily.

Well, you have a very,
very good memory, Emily.

- You have such a lovely name.
- Thank you.

I remember now.

The declined credit card.

- Yeah.
- Oh, so embarrassing.

So was I right,

did your wife have a
little surprise for you?

Oh yes, quite a big one.

That's nice.

No, not really,

but everybody must
think I'm crazy.

I'm so sorry, I've had
quite a bit of a day.

This is so sweet of you.

What do I owe you for this?

Oh no, It's my treat for
locking you in the black hole.

Well, actually, I'm kind
of glad you did.

Shall I hold this for you?

Why were they chasing you?

Well, kind of a strange story.

I gave them a dead rat in a bag.

I do, true story, I'll
explain I promise.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

But it looks like something
stronger is in order.

Can I buy you a drink?

Be spontaneous, there is
no dress rehearsal in life,

this is it.

Oh, I'd love to, but
I can't I'm so sorry.

Yes, yes, of course.

Your wife will be
expecting you and...

Oh no, no, no, no,

she's actually not
expecting me at all.

Look to be honest.

I really just don't think

I'll be very good company
this evening that's all.

Of course.

Yeah, I understand.

Another time maybe?

Sure.

You know where I am.

Yes, I do.

Yes, I do.

Well, do you need any help?

Don't.

Good night, Emily.

Good night, Martin.

Any spare change mate?

Oh, change, change.

Oh, I see, you know what?

I actually don't
have any change,

but I would give it to you...

Yeah right, what? just
a wallet full of notes.

Have a great day.

What!

What are we talking about?

I mean what use would I
have for my own money, huh?

Oh here, here, here take it.

I'm sick of this.

Aye, thanks you didn't have
to be be snarky about it.

- It's nearly Christmas.
- Snarky?

What the, I was being snarky?

Yeah, you were.

We're homeless,
we've got nothing.

Well, you want me to treat
you like God almighty

because you dropped
me a few quid.

It's not a few quid,
it's all I've got left,

you hear me, everything.

What are you talking
about it's all I had.

Calm down mate.

Briefcase, suit, what are you
an accountant or something?

Oh, of course, of course,
I didn't please you, sir.

I didn't please you.

I wasn't generous
enough was I, huh?

Take the bloody suit,
I don't want it.

I'm sick of it.

I don't want it either.

What do you mean
you don't want it?

Suit's not exactly
well tailored is it?

And anyway it's no use
without the trousers.

I don't believe this.

Such wisdom, such wisdom.

No suit without trousers.

How bloody wise of you.

Here, hey, you know what?

Here take 'em, take
'em I don't need it.

Here, have my bloody shoes,

and I've got a good idea what
you're gonna ask for next.

Do you want the shirt
off a back, huh, is that?

That's what everyone does to me.

Huh, here we go.

How do you like this
one, has it suit you?

You think it's nice, huh?

You like this one?

Here we go.

Here we go.

You like that.

Here, just take
the bloody thing.

Anything else I can do for you.

Happy Christmas.

It's got no buttons on it now.

come on.

Sorry, governor.

Once upon a time,

a very wealthy man had
the great misfortune

to fall out of a plane.

As he fell the wind stripped
him of his designer suit,

his Italian patent shoes,

crocodile wallet, gold
watch, everything.

And when he eventually hit the
Earth he was all but naked.

You're pawning or
you're selling?

I'm selling.

You know what they say

there's plenty of
fish in the sea,

if you fancy a swim let me know.

Hello.

Nice.

Tell me about Norman and the
kind of work you did for him.

It can wait until he's buried.

No, because I think now
he might appreciate you

telling me the truth, Sam.

They were on to him.

Who?

Everyone.

Why?

He had fake patients
on his books.

What?

Ghost patients.

Now, I know what you mean.

Like you don't know what I mean.

They were literally ghosts.

Come in.

Anna, how very kind.

I take it I'm finished.

Yes, that's your lot
for today, doctor.

Well, you get yourself
off home now then.

Don't work too late.

Good night, Anna.

Good afternoon, nice to see you.

Nice to see you.

Good afternoon.

I didn't know you
was a real vicar.

Good afternoon.

Don't worry, your
secret's safe with me.

Nice to see you, good afternoon.

You're in church ain't
you got no shame.

You need to put those
creased up baps away.

Excuse me.

Oh, dum dum and dudu.

- Whatever.
- Whatever.

Why would he do that?

Suppose he wanted
to help people.

I'm lost Sam.

Have you heard of
the postcode lottery?

Mm-hmm.

Different people were
eligible for different levels

of care depending
on where they live.

Yeah, I know that's terrible.

Well, Norman would write
prescriptions for dead patients

in order to give
medicines to patients

who weren't eligible for them.

I'd pick up the prescriptions
and drop them off.

Hey, that means you know
about Norman's condition.

What?

No.

Look, I was just skint.

When a doctor offers
you some pocket money

you don't just assume he's bent.

Sam, didn't you consider
getting a proper job, Sam?

- I can't.
- Why?

'Cause I'm still in school.

What?

Jesus!

Sorry.

I'd like to extend a very
warm welcome to all of you,

as we gather in united
grief to mourn the loss

and celebrate the life
of Dr. Norman Wicksteed.

So, you knew what
Norman was up to?

No, I just thought
he was a doctor.

It's fraud, Sam.

I know.

- They caught him.
- Who?

Some tosser shopped him.

A lot of the letters you
picked up in his house.

Yeah, I saw them.

A lot of them were bills
but, I guess why pay them

when you know you're gonna die.

- Some of them,
- At the age of 18.

some of them were from lawyers.

The doctors were
taking legal action

cost the government
a small fortune,

They wanted it back.

He believed that
his particular talent,

Oh Norman.

were best served in
the care of people,

and the healing of the sick.

He enrolled in
many good schools.

His heart was in the right
place, wasn't it Sam.

And qualified
as a general practitioner

in the 1970s.

- Always was.
- His practice

Yeah.

His health declined
in late '80s,

but he never lost his
passion.

It doesn't make sense Martin.

One of the hardest
things about life.

Norman was an
anonymous author I believe.

- It'll be okay.
- Which best sums up Norman

to know even one life
has breathed easier

because you have lived.

This is to have succeeded.

In the name of our
Lord, Jesus Christ.

Amen.

Doing okay?

He was well liked was Norman.

A lot of people
paying their respects.

He must have helped
a lot of people.

I'm sure he did.

They were gonna take everything,

seize it all and sell it.

That's what they do
these days, right?

Come on.

What are they gonna do
take his house, his car?

No, not his car.

Why not?

He transferred it to me.

He arranged for the
papers, the logbook,

and the keys to
me, post it to me.

At first I thought
it was a joke,

but I saw the previous owner
was Norman, It all made sense.

He didn't tell you.

No.

The way he was.

Really nice thing to do.

Yes, it was.

I just need to pass my test now.

That's the easy part.

Oh, this was in the glovebox.

Strict instructions
to give it to you.

- From Norman?
- Yeah.

Bless him.

Oh, and also all the
claims on the house.

he faked those.

Like I said there was
no one living upstairs,

it's just him.

Just alone, huh?

Bless his heart.

I never checked I just thought
he was telling me the truth.

Yeah.

He was a really lonely but
very, very kind old man.

Yes, he was

You're not going to the wake?

No, it's not really my thing.

It's not mine either Sam.

I'll see you.

You know there's only one
cure for a fall, Martin,

get back on the horse.

You really should learn

to appreciate the
value of your virtues.

Be spontaneous, there is
no dress rehearsal in life,

this is it.

Hello.

Hello.

It's a lot more fun being
this side of the door

than it is over there.

Hey, you look very smart.

I hardly recognize you.

It's either a
wedding or a funeral?

Well, unfortunately it's a...

- Oh, it's a funeral.
- Yeah.

- I'm so sorry.
- It's okay.

Is there anything that I can do?

Well, I need a drink,

and I thought it would be lovely

if you have time of
course to join me.

Well, I'm only buying
if you promise not

to kick it over.

Sounds fair, but I think
I owe you, come on.

♪ Silent night ♪

♪ Holy night ♪

♪ All is calm ♪

♪ All is bright ♪

♪ Round yon virgin ♪

Merry Christmas.

- Thank you.
- Of course.

I think it's this way actually.

Warmer in here.

Here we are.

Hello sir, how are you?

Good, thanks, how are you?

I'm good, thank you.

What would you like?

Surprise me.

In that case, I think
a bottle of champagne.

- Champagne?
- Yeah.

- Sure.
- Thanks.

Wow, you didn't need to do that.

I thought it would be fun.

Yeah, would you
excuse me a moment?

Sure, okay, sure.

I'll bring it outside to
your table if you like.

Thank you, sir, it's
very nice of you.

You've put your hair
down it looks beautiful.

Oh, thank you.

Thank you sir.

Have a wonderful evening, sir.

- Merry Christmas.
- Thank you.

What's wrong?

Nothing.

Actually, everything,

but right now nothing.

Do you mind me asking who died?

He was a client.

Actually he was a dear friend.

His name is Norman.

I'm so sorry.

Thank you.

He was very sick.

I just, I didn't know
he never told me.

To new beginnings.

Yeah, absolutely.

You know, my life has
been pretty terrible

for some time now.

The day that Norman died
it was a crazy day probably

if not the worst day of my life,

and then you know, you,
you saved me.

I've been thinking about this
story of this very wealthy man

who'd unfortunately
fallen from an airplane.

Oh my God.

He had a clearly much
worse day than mine,

but as he fell to Earth the
force of the wind stripped him

off everything; his crocodile
wallet, his gold watch,

his Italian shoes, designer
suit, all of it gone.

And then he finally
hit the Earth,

and they found him all
but naked in a field.

He was smiling,

and I never understood why,

and I think finally,
I do understand now.

Yes.

Well, the possessions,
the belongings,

the responsibilities, you
know, maybe they tied him down

to a life that wasn't
truly him, you know?

Maybe in those last few moments,

in those last few moments
he felt free you know,

totally free, you
know what I mean?

And how about you?

Are you free?

I think I have some
pain to walk through,

but maybe I am.

Maybe I am.

I mean I feel I got nothing.

- Nothing left to lose.
- Nothing left to lose.

Exactly, right?

It kind of gets easier
in some crazy way.

But you have you.

Thank you.

Yes, I do.

Yes, I do.

I'm glad.

So am I.

Merry Christmas, Martin.

Merry Christmas, Emily.

I'm glad you're here.

You know, I've got this
something, it's from Norman.

You think he might have
wanted you to open it?

Mm-hmm.

Well, so sweet, look.

Bless him, look at what he did.

Dearest Martin,

you're the winner.

The son I never.

Oh, what does he
mean I'm the winner?

Does he mean what
I think he means?

Look, look, take a look.

Please, here.

Oh my God, oh my God, you won.

- What, what we won.
- This is the winning ticket.

You won.

- Oh my God.
- It is.

Norman, thank you.

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