Original subtitles

♪ Love is amazing ♪

♪ When planets align ♪

♪ Moons feel like honey ♪

♪ With your hand in mine ♪

♪ Friends watch the house ♪

♪ And care for the plants ♪

♪ We'll bring them something back from our cosmic dance ♪

♪♪

I am so sorry, Jonathan.

Mommy's just gotta pick up the babies

from their government jobs

and we'll head to Orion's Belt just like I promised.

[ Gasps ] Stop it!

♪♪

Wow, it really is a paradise, isn't it?

Almost makes you sick.

[ Honk! ] Oscar, Hedgehog let's go!

Some of us have love lives to live.

Thank you both for your great service to this planet

and to our love.

Oscar, don't look at Jonathan like that.

Oscar: Ooh! Ugh!

Oh King!

I've got your taffy.

♪♪

Sus', I'm not gonna lie to ya.

I'm miffed you haven't shared your taffy recipe with me.

He says this every time.

Ooooh, well, if I did, it wouldn't matter!

There isn't a single grain of salt

on this whole adorable planet.

[ Laughing ]

He doesn't usually laugh this hard.

[ Sighs ] Oh, Susie, I do enjoy our jokes.

You sure you gotta hit it?

I was about to present the slideshow of our honeymoon.

It's called "King and Puddle's Honeymoon Pics".

Sounds great, right? No!

[ Chuckles ] I mean, man I would love to,

but I told Jonathan we'd...

I mean, I wouldn't want to upset...

[ Groans ] gotta get the kids to bed...

It's 10:00 a.m.

You will be punished.

We could use some of that salty energy at the slideshow.

[ Car sputtering ]

It's not gonna work! It's not gonna work!

Please --

[ Yells ] What gives?!

Gee dangit, looks like your engine's busted.

Well, you did say you'd love to stay.

Don't worry Sus'.

I'll put my best mechanics on it.

♪♪

[ Groans ] Fine!

Congrats, King.

We're staying.

Let us convene in my office, with haste!

Thank you everyone for coming!

Please keep the sound of your breathing

and heartbeat to a minimum.

If you need to sneeze, please do so inwardly.

Yes Oscar?

What if someone needs to pee?

My dear boy, the memory express has already left the station.

Choo! Choooo! All aboard!

Last stop, a heightened understanding

of the physics of true love.

We start things off with an absolute babe save.

Here's Puddle saving everyone's life

by fixing a bridge.

And here's Puddle after we got our first hotel bill.

The avocado bar was, tragically, not complimentary.

And here's me amid the frozen geysers of X-126A,

experiencing what the tour guide called "perceived solitude"

which is when you close your eyes

and pretend you aren't surrounded by tourists.

I'd never been told to feel that way before.

In fact, we ran into countless new feelings,

each a beautiful new patch in the quantum quilt

we call marriage.

And here are just a few...

[ Gasps ] ...hundred more examples.

So they gave my hand a squeeze and my feelings of jealousy

melted away instantly.

And so we arrive at our last stop.

S-27A.

It used to be your average beach resort planet.

But this time,

sparkling salt dunes as far as the eye could see!

It was beautiful.

Did you know that salt dunes sing?

Salt dunes are alive!

Which brings me to a most thrilling announcement!

We shall bring the salt dunes of S-27A here to us!

Through a process of aggressive sugar-to-salt conversion.

We did not discuss this sugar-dumpling?

Salt-dumpling, peasant!

I mean, you told me you liked the salt!

Our planet has been sweet for millions of years!

Countless sugar species would be displaced!

Not to mention your subjects!

So dramatic!

Life finds a way and all that.

Sugar is dullsville!

Salt is the spice of life, baby!

I thought variety was the spice of life.

Exactly!

[ Feedback ]

Dear subjects, this is your king.

A great change is upon us!

For the better!

What is now a cavity causing wasteland,

shall become what it was always meant to be.

The other white spice, salt!

No chocolate river, cotton candy mountain,

or strawberry mine shall remain.

Sugar-to-salt conversion to begin immediately.

I would love to have a stern word with you in private.

Trust me, cuties!

Once you see glittering salt dunes

on the horizon, you'll understand!

Come! Yah!

King, wait!

Oscar, I thought you had to go potty?

Oh, I let loose as soon as we got to the waterfall pics.

Soooo...

I guess we should go help the King wreck the planet, huh?

No Oscar! This is very, very bad!

If this planet goes from sweet to salty,

it'll upset the balance of magic

across the entire ding-dang galaxy!

And once the strawberry mines are converted,

there's no going back!

The King knows that,

what's gotten into those marbles of his?

I can't believe I'm saying this,

but maybe we should take another look at those slides.

In this one, Puddle's wearing shorts and tiny loafers...

and in this one, they aren't...

Could be something?

The king is behaving as though

he's irrationally obsessed with salt.

He's putting his entire kingdom

and the balance of magic at risk.

It's like he's not himself.

Wait! In this one!

Is he eating raw pretzels?!

Are those pretzels raw?!

They do look... pretty soft.

[ Gasps ] We need to find Puddle.

[ Sighs ]

♪♪

Look at this, Puddle!

This is the beauty of progress!

Take it in.

Just open your lungs to that salty breeze...

refreshing!

Aah!

Ah, yes, Shortcake!

Beautiful!

Your time at the strawberry mine has served you.

I can't wait until it's a salt mine!

The well from which our beautiful saline powder

will spring eternal.

I can't imagine that's good.

It's divine.

Is this really the person I married?

This is such a quick test of our vows.

They've barely cooled and you're already off to the races

with the bad stuff.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, baby.

Gimme that good salt.

Puddle!

Puddle! Those pretzels you had on the salt planet,

were they raw or cooked?

I didn't have any, gluten makes me gassy...

but I think raw?

[ Gasps ]

Do you guys not know about food safety?

The planet you went to.

It must have been infested by the dangerous salt parasite!

And the King ate an infected pretzel!

That's why the king has been such a fiend for salt.

The king is its new host!

The King has a parasite that's turning him into a salt hound!

Oh, thank the harmonic aspects.

Puddle!

Your partner is going to destroy the magical world

and they have worms!

I just feel so much better

knowing that I'm not gonna be stuck married to that guy.

Ahh...

Puddle.

Do aliens use anti-B's to get rid of parasites?

No.

Well, what do you do then?

Uhh...

when my godmother had brain freeze,

we turned up the heat and her brain freeze melted

out of her ears.

Something like that?

Actually, yeah, sort of.

We need to make The King's body an inhospitable place for salt,

which means we have to find something

that doesn't go well with salt and feed it to him.

Like chocolate! What?

No. That's a delicious combo.

Banana?

Mmm, you'd be surprised, but salty tahini on a banana?

Mwah!

French fries?

No!

Well, I don't know!

I don't eat salt!

Ugh, this is so depressing.

Ooh, I got salt in my other eye!

Milk? Hmmm.

I dunno.

I really like drinking milk with my pizza,

and pizza is really salty.

Is that milk?!

Oscar, this could be our only chance!

Puddle! Go to your king!

Last stop. Strawberry mine!

Wait!

Stop!

Drink this! Milk!

No!

Eh...thank you.

[ Growls ]

♪♪

[ Coughs ] [ Gasps ]

What have I done?!

My love!

Are you okay?

[ Hisses ]

Hedgehog! Be Ready!

The parasite could come out at any time!

[ Growling ]

[ Groaning ]

[ Evil laughter ]

[ Demonic voice ] You thought you could me out of your king with milk?

Salt makes everything taste great!

And soon your entire planet will be mine!

Don't worry Puddle, you can all come live on our planet!

We can even bring the king, in a box or something.

There's sweet stuff on Earth too!

And there's sour stuff, and umami,

although that's kind of a controversial flavor,

some people say that it doesn't exist.

Hedgehog: Oscar! Shush up about our planet!

[ Screams ]

My next host!

Aah!

[ Laughs ]

Ugh! Ugh!

Huh? Aw, nuts.

So does this mean we can finally get going?

[ Gasps ] [ Groans ]

Oh King!

I was having the strangest dream.

Could I maybe get a glass of water?

My sweet King!

You're back!

That was so scary!

What was?

You... um, uh it's fine now!

Can you just real quick say,

"Dear subjects: stop making salt"

into the ice cream cone megaphone?

Puddle?

Are you filming a music video again?

Please say the thing!

Alien King: Dear Subjects.

Stop making salt.

[ Cheering ]

Oh look! Everyone's celebrating!

It must be our welcome home party!

Everyone!

Let's go check out our honeymoon slideshow!

Aliens: Oh, not the slideshow again!

Jerks. I know, dear.

What do we do with all this salt, Sus?

Here.

That's my salt water taffy recipe.

Use the salt to make the king a stash,

and we'll call my debt permanently repaid.

-Sounds good. -Hey, um...

What do we do with this guy?

Susie: Mmm let's just blast him back to the salt planet.

No! No!

Actually, sure, yeah.

That sounds fine.

Susie: Can you guys...

We need an extraction!

Well guys, it's been great!

All: Bye! Safe travels!

Hey guys, where's Jonathan?

♪♪

Ahh...

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