Original subtitles

Snow in the mountains, really something to see

so wax up your skis and come along with me

we're all gassed up and ready to leave

so pick me up about quarter to three

after skiing all day and parties at night

with 5 feet of snow, what a beautiful sight

there's plenty of chicks, enough for everyone

and even the beginners will be having fun

the d.j's are saying that the snow reports are good

we'll get some alcohol and put it under my hood

we're being left alone like a ski party should

we'd stay about a month if we could

after skiing all day and parties at night

with 5 feet of snow, what a beautiful sight

there's plenty of chicks, enough for everyone

and even the beginners will be having fun

there'll be groovy little chicks

with sweaters real tight

skiing all day and having parties at night

gonna ride every lift while it's still light

we won't be seeing the sights

after skiing all day and parties at night

with 5 feet of snow, what a beautiful sight

there's plenty of chicks, enough or everyone

and even the beginners will be having fun

let's have a ski party

let's have a sky party

...and so we see the male becomes the most romantic

between the ages of 17 and 19.

Sounds like my mating call.

Mine's much noisier.

While the female doesn't reach her

romantic peak until her 35th year.

This, as we can well imagine

presents certain social problems for the college male

such as extreme anxiety, frustration, tension.

All we have to do is find a 35-year-old girl

who doesn't yet qualify under medicare--

sure, there's lots of those gals around. Just gotta dig a little.

Well, sure.

In the ground, they're buried everywhere.

Girls, girls, girls, listen,

i'll tell you what i'm gonna do

i'll race you to the locker room

and the first girl there gets to buy me dinner.

Hi, men.

Hi!

How does freddie do it?

We all go to the same school, right?

Right.

Then what are we doing wrong that he's doing right?

I don't know, why don't we ask him?

Think he'd tell us?

I don't know. If you were him, would you tell us?

No, would you?

No, but it'll give me a good excuse

to break his nose when he doesn't.

Oh, great, that'll solve all our problems.

That's what john wayne would do.

I don't care what john wayne would do.

Well, i dig him. We're the same kinda guy.

Sure, you are. We are.

You know the shaving commercial he does?

Yeah.

We use the same blade exposure, number 5.

Will you look at that?

He's at it again.

How do you figure it?

Here we are, breaking our bones

playing basketball, football, baseball,

track, and that bum fools around in swimming, tennis,

the chess team, the bridge team. Hey, wait a minute.

That's it.

That's what?

Don't you see?

We've been playin' in front of the girls, he plays with them.

You can say that again.

How stupid can 2 guys be?

Todd, let's go beat him up.

We'll feel better. Less frustrated.

Calm down, buddy. Save your energy.

I've finally done it for us.

Like what? What?

2 dates in a row with the same girls.

Not those 2 beatniks we met at the ban the bomb meeting?

No, no. Linda and barbara.

Linda hughes and barbara norris, you're kidding?

Great. Where are we taking the girls tonight?

Tonight? The date's 2 weeks from next thursday.

...when i tell you this,

but i have been a woman a long, long time

and never have i felt like the way i do

when you kiss me.

Oh, she's too much.

Stop it, will you? Haven't you ever seen

2 people make love in a sink before?

I'm sorry.

First, i will start with your toes.

Dry them off first, dry them off.

Very funny. $6.85 down the drain.

Will you just listen to those 2 laughing back there?

We gotta be doing something wrong.

They don't take us seriously.

What would freddie do?

First of all, he'd get the girls to pay for the tickets.

At least we learned something.

What's that?

The food, water and climate must be terrific in rome.

Just look at that great shape

that 35-year-old sexpot's in.

Man, she doesn't look a day over 19.

Hang on, buddy, the evening's young.

Be back in a minute.

Arthur?

Arthur?

Hey, arthur?

Are you a cop,

or somebody who has really run out of gas?

Neither. It's me, todd. Todd armstrong.

Pull up a little.

What for? I'm doing all right.

No, you idiot, the car.

Oh!

Ask stanley to pull back.

Come on, arthur.

All right.

Would you excuse me for a moment,

prof. Roberts?

All right, now listen.

The last time, linda and i took a walk

and left you and barbara the car.

Are you sure?

Positive. Don't you remember?

When you tried to kiss her,

she burnt your nose with her cigarette.

Oh, yeah. Then it's my turn. How long do you think--

half an hour.

Half an hour! Hey, it's cold out tonight.

Shh!

20 minutes, ok?

Ok. Synchronize your watch.

11:12 and 30 seconds.

11:12 and 30 seconds.

That's 35 seconds.

11:12 and 35 seconds.

11:12 and 40.

11:12 and--

todd, it's just you and me out here.

Who are we trying to kid?

I'm getting out of here!

Oh!

Hey!

Come on, todd!

Todd, stop!

Stop that! Help!

Don't, todd!

Now what's the matter?

You're kidding.

Italian movies.

You've been reading too many books, todd.

But i don't understand.

Why won't you let me kiss you?

I don't know, i--i just don't feel like it.

But why? I mean, look,

i'm a nice, clean-cut american boy with a c-plus average.

Oh, look,

i don't know why.

With you, i just don't feel it.

You mean, not like freddie, huh?

Oh!

Oh, well, freddie...

oh, well, freddie.

2,190.

Boy, we are a couple of losers.

We couldn't even kiss 'em goodnight.

Kiss them goodnight?

We couldn't even walk them to the front door.

2,191-- i don't get it.

They said they like us.

I heard them say it.

2,192...

hey,

are you sure you weren't listening to the radio?

2,194.

Hey, craig, look who's coming.

Who? Who? Who?

I promised your housemother

to have you back before dawn.

Mr. Operator.

Janet, please! Let me go.

Leave her alone, you dirty young man, you!

Yeah!

My lips are exhausted.

Look, you'll have another date with me

again sometime soon, i promise.

Before we graduate, anyway.

Just another 5 minutes. Please, freddie.

Look, we'll have a whole week in the snow together.

Oh, sure, with indian

and barbara norris and linda hughes

and all the rest of them.

A lot of fun that'll be.

Oh, freddie, do we have to go?

Yes! Look, janet,

i am president of the ski club.

If i'm not there to see that things

run smoothly, then who will?

Mmm-mmm!

Todd.

Oh, they'll be back in a week.

Maybe they'll forget us.

Start packing warm clothes.

You're kidding.

I'm not kidding.

But why?

Look, don't argue. Opportunity is knocking.

Isn't this our first chance to get involved in a girl-boy sport?

That's not what you're thinking about. It's the girls.

What girls? Barbara and linda.

Here we finally get a 2nd date

with a couple of beautiful girls.

If they spend a week without us, in the snow

with freddie, we'll never see 'em again.

Then what are we waiting for?

Oh, unless you'd rather hang around here

during mid-term vacation doing push-ups.

You're right.

Oh, uh, uh...

todd.

Yeah?

One problem.

What's that?

We don't know how to ski.

Don't. Don't know who,

don't know how. Did that stop edison?

Did that stop alexander graham bell?

Oh, well, as long as those 2 guys are coming.

Just so long as we're not going to be the only 2 there

who don't know how.

Start packing.

Sunshine, lollipops and rainbows

everything that's wonderful is what i feel

when we're together

brighter than a lucky penny

when you're near, the rain cloud disappears, dear

and i feel so fine

just to know that you are mine

my life is sunshine, lollipops and rainbows

that's how this refrain goes

so come on, join in, everybody!

Sunshine, lollipops and rainbows

everything that's wonderful

is sure to come your way

when you're in love to stay

sunshine, lollipops and rainbows

everything that's wonderful is what i feel

when we're together

brighter than a lucky penny

when you're near, the rain cloud disappears, dear

and i feel so fine

just to know that you are mine

my life is sunshine, lollipops and rainbows

that's how this refrain goes

so come on, join in, everybody!

Sunshine, lollipops and rainbows

everything that's wonderful

is sure to come your way

'cause you're in love

you're in love

and love is here to stay

oh, todd!

Oh, just smell that air.

Look at the snow.

Look at that blood.

Well, hi there, gang.

Gang, welcome. Welcome to your ski country

where boys become men

look on the steps.

It's a bird. It's a plane.

It's a creep.

Please hurry, i do not have all day here.

We have several...

ah.

Now, in there...

is the infirmary...

how'd he figure that out?

Where we have 3 full-time doctors

setting an average of about 9 broken legs a day.

And, uh, how are they on broken necks?

Or black eyes?

We might just find out.

Now, then, shall we get to living arrangements?

Oh, i am delighted to report

that i have received

letters from all the fathers of the boys

informing me that chaperones would not be necessary.

I like that.

Unfortunately, i have received no similar letters

from the fathers of the girls.

Therefore, we shall employ the honor system.

Hey, that's great. You trust us and, in return, we behave.

Just like west point, right?

Wrong, more like sing sing.

The boys will be over here--

oh!

To the right in rooms 205,

206...

be careful, this is all very carefully arranged.

Here, now.

It's a tape. Mail-order psychoanalysis.

Operation screwball.

But there will be 2 of you to a room, and...

uh, uh...

are you sure?

Of course i'm sure. I've got it all--

i mean about my father writing you a letter. He can't write.

His father can't write.

He only went as far as the 2nd grade, then he got married.

The--the 2nd grade?

To his teacher. You know her, todd, my mother.

Oh, yeah.

That nice lady i say hello to every time i go to your house.

Yeah. Her. My mother. Your mother.

Would you wait just a moment, please?

Now, look. The 2nd grade?

That is utterly impossible.

Oh no, no, it isn't. He was big for his age.

Yeah, his age.

Oh. Uh, uh...

how old was he?

Or--or shouldn't i ask?

Either 18 or 23.

It's kind of hard to tell with my father.

He's got good bones.

Good bones.

Go--go find--find your own room.

I-i just have to...

i've got a hunch he won't be around much longer...

to lock us in our rooms at night.

I see. I see.

Not as much as i do.

Oh, wow.

Where are our bathing suits, bobby?

In the green overnight bag, gene.

Um, we'll see you kids later.

Much later.

I, uh, i think i'll

get a little more comfortable, myself.

Yeah, that's a good idea.

Maybe we forgot to brush after breakfast.

Will you just look at that?

Yes, with just one thing on their minds.

2.

You're right, indian, that's all they think of.

What are we waiting for?

We've got bikinis, too. Come on.

But i didn't bring my bathing suit.

That's all right. I'll lend you a pair of shoelaces.

This is war!

When i touch you

baby, do you like it?

When i kiss you

baby, do you like it?

Well, if you like the things i do

then i've got news for you

'cause there's lots, lots more where that came from

lots, lots more where that came from

when i hold you

tell me, does it thrill ya?

When i love you

does it really kill ya?

Well, if you want more of the same

just call out my name

'cause there's lots, lots more where that came from

lots, lots more where that came from

every time we kiss

my heart is really in it

so when we're like this

let's make the most of every minute

if you want me

come on, baby, show it

if you need me

just you let me know it

say that you want me to stay

and i'll never go away

and there's lots, lots more where that came from

lots, lots more where that came from

yeah, there's lots, lots more where that came from

lots, lots more where that came from

lot's more!

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Gene, she says yes to everything.

I know. Something's wrong.

What's your name, honey?

My name is nita. What is yours?

No wonder she's so friendly, she's a southerner.

Say, what part of the south are you from, popcorn?

I am from stockholm.

Stockholm?

All right, please, gang. Please, gang.

Here are the orders of the day.

Here's what we're going to do.

In the first place, i am delighted...

jack! Jack!

Firstly, i'm delighted to tell you

that advanced ski instruction will commence

in exactly...

52 minutes on slope number 5

for those of our fellows from the gang

who'd like to brush up for tomorrow morning's activity.

Now, then, for our pretties over here, ha ha.

We all... oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

We have ski instruction for our pretty ladies

on slope number 6.

Now, then, it does look like

a rather good day, doesn't it?

So, let's all go and have fun, fun, fun, hey?

Jeez, don't.

Oh, freddie, i just love...

why doesn't she leave him alone?

Yeah, and give us a chance.

I can't look down.

Why not?

My eyeballs are frozen.

I've heard of 2 guys being close friends,

but this is ridiculous.

Hey, where you going?

Back to the lodge. I just forgot something.

What's that?

I'm a coward.

Come on, craig, we're only gonna practice.

"Practice." The last time i heard that was from a football coach

and 10 minutes later, i had a broken collarbone.

Todd?

Yeah?

Forget it.

A little late, boys, aren't you?

You and ollie show us how to bring

an injured skier off the mountain.

Very sloppy.

Sloppy. Very sloppy.

Now, let's see if you 2 boys can do a little better than...

achtung! Voss ich losch!

Boys, boys, come back.

Where are you going?

Ach, just like stalingrad.

Achtung! I say, halt!

Coward, this is your last chance!

I feel like we're in the middle of a world war ii movie.

What's that?

Sounded like girls laughing.

We must be near the swiss border.

Now we are going to learn how to do the snowplow.

First we pick up our poles this way

and we bend our knees

and point our inner edges in, this way.

Bend your knees and bob up and down.

Ah.

This must be the place.

Yeah, slope 6.

Oh, boy.

Craig, now that's the way to learn how to ski.

Nice and easy and slow.

Yeah. Yeah, it's too bad we're not girls.

You know, a few lessons here, in the basic fundamentals

and we'd be able to clobber freddie, like that!

You really think we could catch on that fast?

Are you kidding?

We're natural athletes.

We are?

I've got a great idea.

Just a second.

What're you gonna do now?

I'll spell "help" in the snow.

The last time you had a great idea

i got suspended for 2 semesters.

Look at the new competition.

I can't. I just had lunch.

All right, now, look.

If we don't disguise our voices,

we'll never pull it off, old girl.

Now, once more, from the top.

The...

"the rain in spain

"falls mainly in the plains."

Right. Now the other.

"Hurricanes hardly ever happen

"in hampton, hartford or hereford."

"She's got it.

"By george, i think she's got it."

Thank you. Nothing.

Tell me, jane, one question.

What's that, dear?

Do blondes really have more fun?

Tallyho, there.

Toodle-oo.

Tallyho, there.

The man here at the lodge said

the girl's ski class is on slope 6.

And since we're girls--

at least we were the last time we looked.

We thought we might just try our hand at it.

We're here on a holiday from school.

Just like you chaps or chicks, uh, uh, lassies?

I didn't know there were any english exchange students here.

Oh, yes, yes, we exchanged everything.

A long time ago.

At least 10 minutes.

Shall we?

To the slopes.

Be careful.

What for?

It feels good.

That's right, very good.

Just keep your toes pointed like this.

Good, in the snowplow.

Good, good, very nice.

Nita, could you come over here for a minute?

Oh, stay where you are, jane.

I'll be right back, just stay.

Hey, hey, don't leave me like this.

Where's the brakes on these darn things?

My, your friend's a fast learner.

Look how nicely she's doing.

Good show, todd!

Todd?

Todd, uh, jane todd.

Todd, t-o-d-d, one of the oldest families in england.

Whoo!

Stretcher bearers!

Stiff upper lip, jane! I'm coming, old girl.

But you can't ski either, nora.

Are you serious? Of course i...

can't.

Nita! Nita!

You keep practicing, girls, i'll be right back.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Jane got away. Quick, down there.

Why did she do that?

You tell her to get back here right now, linda.

I've got no time to argue with you.

I'll get her.

Wait for me, dearie.

Nora, you can't ski.

Whoa!

Oh, craig!

Help!

Watch out!

And i'll never cheat in exams again.

And when i grow up,

i promise never to make a long-distance phone call

and charge it to a wrong number.

Whoa!

Whoa!

Of course, keeping all these promises won't be easy.

But i'll try starting with the easy ones first.

Like, i promise to brush after every meal.

Yes, that's a good start.

My lips are getting chapped.

What good is a book like this without pictures?

All right! All right!

What's your license number, buddy?

Hey, hey, hey!

What's your phone number, honey?

Say, how would you like a kick in the mouth?

Great. Play hard to get, 'cause i just love it.

You know something?

No, what's that?

That was a mistake.

Hey, they don't make girls like you anymore.

Oh, i hope not.

Ha. Ha.

Whoa!

Oh, jane.

Must have made a wrong turn.

I'll break it.

Ha, ha, ha. Oh, yeah.

Come on. I dare you to.

Nora!

For crying out loud, linda,

will you clear out of here?

Can't you see we want to be alone?

Nora!

Sorry, but he tried to get fresh with me.

I don't like him at all, jane.

I don't blame you.

Oh, nora!

How can you talk that way about our freddie?

Why, all the girls in school just love him.

She's right, you know, every one of them.

Come on, baby. I'll walk you back to the lodge.

I say there, but you really do dig pain, don't you?

Oh, nora!

Nora, could i speak to you for a moment?

Privately?

Of course, my dear.

Toodle-oo.

Oh, hey, are all you english girls like that?

Oh, only before we're married.

Yeah, what happens afterward?

Karate. Chop, chop!

Looks like i've got to teach you about men, nora.

Men? Ha! I know all about men.

My governess told me years ago.

The birds and the bees.

The bees jump on the flowers

and get their feet all sticky,

then they go to another flower

and get them even stickier.

Doesn't really sound like very much fun.

Although, i would like to get married someday

if the right bee, uh, boy should come along.

Well, then, uh,

i don't know how things are done in england,

but, well, what you just did to freddie

is--is not the way to get and keep a man here.

Oh, tell me more, linda, please.

All right, but raise your right hand first.

Oh, this is so exciting.

Now i want you to swear,

"i, nora, do solemnly swear never to reveal

"to any boyfriend, fiance, husband,

"son or grandson of mine,

"the following information which i am about to hear.

"So help me liz taylor."

Liz...

i swear it.

All right, first...

in order to comply with the government's

request to keep the population explosion

going at full blast,

the sound will be turned off for the next few moments.

Do you think it would be all right

if i called jane over to listen?

She's a girl, isn't she?

Man, if she isn't, momsie is going to be awfully upset.

We've been sharing the same nylons for 3 months.

Well, then she's entitled.

Jane.

Oh, i'm coming, dear.

Oh, and, uh, it was fun.

Hey, let's be better friends.

If only you meant that, freddie.

I do.

Don't hurt me.

I saw the way you looked at nora.

Yeah, you're very perceptive.

With nora, it's...

it's more than friendship.

Sorry. Still want to shake?

Oh, well, at least you're honest.

Sure i do.

Hey, i said i was sorry.

Painting the town

painting the town

we're gonna turn this whole town upside down

oh, when the sleigh ride

sure gets cold

when you have no love to hold

got to find me a love instead of hanging around

when i find me a love i'll be painting the town

painting the town

painting the town

we're gonna turn this whole town upside down

oh, mr. Moon's hanging low

how he shines on the new fallen snow

and that twinkle of love in your eyes

makes me feel reindeer really can fly

gonna try

painting the town

painting the town

we're gonna turn this whole town upside down

got a feeling i can't hide

when you're right here by my side

got to live while you can

instead of hanging around

if you live and you love

you'll be painting the town

painting the town

painting the town

we're gonna turn this whole town upside down

painting the town

painting the town

boy, are you unoriginal.

All right, all right.

What do you think of, uh, finnegans wake?

I didn't even know he was sick.

That's what i thought. Come here.

Now you'll have to marry me.

I heard bells. I swear it. I heard bells.

How do you like that?

It's the sleigh, silly.

For a minute there, i thought you were the avon lady.

I'm beginning to like you.

What are you gonna be when you grow up?

When i...

always putting me on. All right,

go ahead, if it makes you feel better.

Honestly...

do you really like me?

You tell me first.

No, i asked you first.

All right. I'd marry you tomorrow if i could get a raise.

I didn't know you had a job.

I don't. I meant a raise in my allowance.

Oh.

Well,

it's the thought that counts.

I really do like you, barb. Very much.

We'll see.

We'll see? W-what does that mean?

I don't know.

I saw barbara stanwyck say it in a movie once

and she wound up with cary grant.

One favor, please.

Mmm.

Don't be funnier than me.

Can i be prettier?

Yes, but not funnier.

I wouldn't even try.

Linda.

Linda, i want you to be my girl. Seriously.

I mean, see only me while we're up here.

You mean, like, um, go steady in the snow?

You've got to.

Todd, i don't "got to" do anything.

You can't tell a girl to be your girl.

It has to come from her. Slowly.

You're too anxious.

Yeah, i guess you're right.

My technique's nowhere.

You even said it that night at the drive-in.

Just be honest.

Then linda, what am i doing wrong?

Oh, i know, everything.

You always answer your own questions.

Why do you always do that?

Then tell me what's the right technique, linda,

to get a girl to care for you.

A girl like you.

Oh, todd, a girl doesn't tell a boy something like that.

They don't?

No. They might tell another girl

how to spot a phony from a real guy.

Oh, sure. Yeah, sure, sure.

Women are much too competitive to help each other.

Oh, no. That's not true.

Why, just this afternoon,

i was straightening out 2 english girls about american boys.

You were?

Yeah, i was going to tell them more

as soon as we get back to the lodge.

I see. Then you'll probably give them

the rest of the scoop tomorrow, huh?

Well, actually, i was going to invite them

up to our room for cocoa

after the sleigh ride,

but i don't know where they live.

Oh, well, uh, if i see them,

i'll, uh, i'll tell them to drop over.

Oh, great. They were really lots of fun.

More than craig and me?

In a different way.

Never change 'em

never change 'em

we'll never change 'em, they'll always be the same

never change 'em

we'll never change 'em, it's such a foolish game

never change 'em

no matter what, what we say

you know they'll always have their way

we'll never change 'em

never change 'em

we'll never change 'em

never change 'em

we'll never change 'em, we'll never make 'em see

never change 'em

we'll never change 'em, it's plain as it can be

never change 'em

we never want to let 'em go

don't you know that we love 'em so?

We'll never change 'em

never change 'em

we'll never change 'em

never change 'em

maybe we should forget about 'em

maybe we should say goodbye

what would we ever do without 'em?

Right or wrong, we know they're still our guys

right or wrong, we know they're still our guys

we'll never change 'em, we feel it deep inside

never change 'em

we'll never change 'em, they've got to have their pride

never change 'em

we wouldn't try, if we could

that's why we want it understood

we'll never change 'em

never change 'em

we'll never change 'em

never change 'em

maybe we should forget about 'em

maybe we should say goodbye

what would we ever do without 'em?

Right or wrong, we know they're still our guys

right or wrong, we know they're still our guys

we'll never change 'em, we feel it deep inside

never change 'em

we'll never change 'em, they've got to have their pride

never change 'em

we wouldn't try, if we could

that's why we want it understood

we'll never change 'em

never change 'em

we'll never change 'em

never change 'em

we'll never change 'em

never change 'em

where did you girls learn how to do the fish?

It was too much.

Do it again!

Hot cocoa, anyone?

Oh, just what i need on a cold night.

Me, too. I'm freezing.

You look warm.

Sure you wouldn't be more comfortable with that bathrobe off?

Yes, why don't you take it off?

No! No! No, i'm just fine. Thank you.

Hey, listen, speaking of dumb boys,

did i tell you about the time i taught craig gamble a lesson

for arriving late on our first date?

No, but we're just dying to hear, aren't we, nora?

Just dying.

Well, we were parked up on mulholland drive, in the dark

and he decided he had to kiss me.

What did you say?

I said no, naturally.

Boy, that kinsey was some liar.

What happened?

Well, first of all, he locked all the car doors

and then he tried to tie my arms

behind my back with my hair ribbon.

So, i fixed him.

I let him kiss me.

That's getting even?

I had a cigarette in my mouth at the time.

And his nose and his chin, and his eyebrows

so, it turned out to be a very passionate kiss.

Oh, you know, boys are all right.

You just have to watch them every minute. That's all.

Why, just tonight, todd tried to put his arm around me.

What happened?

Anybody want a date with a nice-looking boy with only one arm?

He never tried that again. At least, not with me.

Is he all right now?

Oh, yes, he's coming back to school next semester

that is, if his parole comes through in time.

Oh, well, it's getting kind of late.

Nora and i had better be going.

Nora!

Tomorrow's a big day.

Too-too.

Too-too.

Bye.

Pillow fight.

Free for all.

Shall we?

You had to ask.

Ohh! Ohh!

"Never have so few done so much for so many."

Couldn't have put it better myself, old girl.

Somebody turn out the lights.

Beddy-bye.

Nighty-night, little angels.

What do we do now?

Craig.

What's the average age of our audience?

15?

Out.

No, no, no, miss sally.

I will not have every room searched.

That is not our policy here.

My dear miss sally, please.

I have an entire day's activities

uh, to get started.

Give me a description of the missing articles

and i'll see what i can do.

Look, all i want to do is

learn how to ski,

so i can get out of costume

and spend some time with barbara.

After all, that's why we're here, isn't it?

Not to play some like it hot.

Besides, this girdle's killing me.

Today's the last time.

As soon as we learn how to ski.

Good morning, mr. Pevney.

Oh, good morning, girls.

Lovely day.

Oh, it's, oh, it's, it's...

too-too.

Too-too.

Smoky blonde...

with little bangs?

What are you doing? Where are we going?

Shh.

Take off your wig.

I'll catch a cold.

Boy, do you have a bad memory.

Operation screwball.

Oh, yeah. Make pevney crack.

Into 1,000 little pieces.

Scattered everywhere.

What are you gonna do?

Watch.

Softer, swept,

pageboy, in the back.

That--that does sound nice.

I forgot something.

No, no. No, i-i...

look, i'm sure the wigs won't turn up in another state

dyed a different color.

I know they do that with stolen cars.

The hot-wig racket?

I see.

I've got it now.

Say, would you mail this for me, please?

I presume that means "yes." Thank you.

I thought i was getting better.

Come on, mitzer.

Come on, mitzer.

Whoa!

Now, come on, girls, let's go.

Put your skis on. Best of luck, then.

Come on. Hurry, hurry.

You, too, jane, you get on the skis.

Only this time, you be more careful.

I'm always careful.

Oh, oh, tell me, nita,

uh, uh,

you've been here longer than nora and i, haven't you?

For 3 months.

Well, then, uh, what's wrong with the american girl?

You know, it's funny that you ask me that.

I was just going to ask you the same thing.

Games, games. All they do is play games.

And talk.

Talk all the time.

You know, in sweden, it's very different.

In stockholm, when the boy and girl meet

and they like each other,

no games and very little talk.

Yeah! Yeah!

I dig it. He likes... she digs, likes it.

"It's the only way to fly."

Have you got a friend?

A friend?

Yes, you know, like, uh,

like nora and i are friends.

Same town, same place, same ideas.

Helga, she works in the town.

Yes, helga?

Well, uh, would you excuse us for a minute, dear?

Yeah, but you hurry back

because we start the ski lesson in just 10 minutes.

Yes. Just 10 minutes. That's it. Yeah.

Now, look,

i'm going back to the hotel to get out of this wig.

But the ski lessons, i mean, barbara and linda.

That's the whole point.

I've been thinking about the secret of freddie's technique.

Now, he has lots of girls, right?

Right.

Well, then, don't you see?

Girls are only interested in boys

that are interested in other girls.

Oh, i see.

If we go with nita and helga,

then barbara and linda will become--

absolutely.

Let's go.

Wait a second.

It'll look kind of funny for the both of us

to suddenly disappear as nora and jane

and, 15 minutes later, come back as todd and craig.

That's no good. I'll go, you stay here.

Uhh! I get nita.

Helga. Nita.

I said helga.

Come on, what if she's a dog?

Nita! Nita!

Yeah! Yeah!

Tell me about your friend helga. Is she pretty?

She is a lot of fun.

She's got a nice personality.

She's a dog.

Well, i'll be back in 15 minutes.

Listen, when i come back as me

you don't know me.

Come on, what do you think i am? Stupid?

Look, uh, have a coke or something.

Nothing's going to happen for at least 10 minutes.

Hi, beautiful.

I've been looking all over for you.

This just isn't my century.

Have you been avoiding me?

Like the plague.

Well, thought you might like to go for a little ride.

Lots of luck!

Oh, ho.

Hot cocoa. I brought it for you.

Thought you looked in need of a little warming up.

Look, go take your hot cocoa and...

oh!

Oh, thanks.

Ah, good, huh?

Mmm. Yummy.

You know, you're obnoxious, but you're not dumb.

You do know something.

I know how to treat a woman.

Oh?

How's that?

Why don't you just, uh, climb aboard,

and, uh, maybe i'll show you.

I think it would be safer for your bluecross rates

if you told me instead.

Ok, it's a deal. You first.

Yeah.

Are you sure you know how to work this--

look. Relax, baby, will you? Huh?

It's just like driving a car.

Oh!

Nora! Nora!

Oh, i say, this is fun,

and much safer than skiing.

I guess it just wasn't meant to be.

Whee!

Beep! Beep!

Whee!

Hi, i didn't know there was a ski jump over here.

There isn't.

Oh, how wonderfully thrilling it must be

to go hurtling down a steep, snow-covered ski jump

and then go flying into midair.

Hundreds of people-- freddie!

Help!

Freddie, help!

Remember

to tell

doctor

on next tape...

i had same dream again.

The one where my mommy...

wishes i had

been born a girl

instead of a boy.

May i have 2 airmail stamps, please?

Of course you may.

Here you are.

Thank you.

It's happened! Look!

It's happened! Look!

Don't you see?

Mama's wish has come true.

I'm a girl.

I'm a--i'm a girl!

Oh, i'm a girl.

Men are such rats.

Pevney.

You, pevney?

Why you? What for?

You, too. You, too.

Ah! You, too.

It's contagious! It's catching!

That's the last straw!

That's the last straw!

Nita?

Ja?

Forget it.

You say it stays completely dark

for 8 months of the year in stockholm?

This is true.

You must have big light bills.

No, no, we, uh, try to keep the lights out

in the house as much as we can during the winter.

You mean to tell me you live inside the dark for 8 months?

Ja.

You must bump into each other a lot.

No, we do not walk around much in the winter.

And, um...

eat, how do you eat?

We do not eat much, either.

But, work? I'm sure you--

no, we do not work much, either.

Well, then...

forget it.

Pretending to be secretary of the ski club.

"Golly, miss elksberg. We just gotta have

"an interview for the school newspaper.

"Otherwise, nobody will believe we were really here."

I hate him. He's so obvious.

What did you ever see in him, anyway?

I don't know, but i do now.

I'd like to have a picture of you for the paper.

Yeah, well, i have one in my room.

I just felt you did.

You want i should bring it to you tonight at dinner?

No, i hate to look at pictures while i eat.

By the fire then, in the lodge.

You meet me there at 9:00?

Oh, yeah, that'll be great. Just great.

Just you and me by the roaring fire. The 2 of us.

We found him out there.

You better put him by the fire.

It's mr. Pevney.

Darn!

We thought it was the abominable snowgirl.

Hey, are you really the ski patrol?

You were expecting maybe rock hudson?

Look at these dogs.

Vodka martini.

Whiskey sour.

Anything we can find.

That's why we really came. We needed refills.

Have you saved many lives lately?

4.

4? How wonderful. Who?

Well, first there was barney,

then 2nd, lloyd,

then me, twice.

Oh, i know who you really are.

You're james brown and the flames.

I have all your records.

Shh. Don't tell my mother.

She still thinks i'm in the army.

You're gonna sing for us, aren't you?

Sure, come on.

Outta sight.

Oh, i feel good

i knew that i would, now

i feel good

i knew that i would, now

so good, so good

i got you

i feel nice

like sugar and spice

i feel nice

like sugar and spice

so nice, so nice

'cause i got you

when i hold you in my arms

i know i can't do no wrong, now

when i hold you in my arms

my love can't do me no harm

and i feel nice

like sugar and spice

i feel nice

like sugar and spice

so nice, so nice

i got you

when i hold you in my arms

i know that i can't do no wrong

and when i hold you in my arms

my love can't do me no harm

and i feel nice

like sugar and spice

i feel nice

like sugar and spice

so nice, so nice

'cause i got you

oh, i feel good

like i knew that i would, now

i feel good

i knew that i would

so good, so good

'cause i got you

so good, so good

'cause i got you

so good, so good

'cause i got you

hey!

Yeah!

Gone.

Gone, lost out there, somewhere in that wilderness.

Freddie, don't worry about nora too much. She'll be all right.

She's pretty tough, you know.

Oh, i know.

That's what i love about her.

I don' t know why you should be angry with me.

You're right. I don't even know you that well.

Look, what you do is your own business.

What did i do?

Nothing.

Except no one, including me,

has seen you for the past 24 hours

and 7 people saw nora go in and out of your room 4 times today.

No--

oh, oh, the little, uh, english girl.

She's there right now, isn't she, in your room?

And she went in at 4:15.

Look, can i help it if todd and i dig european women?

And linda and i were so nice to them.

Well, what are you so happy about?

Are you kidding? You heard barbara.

I'm having a big scene with myself.

What?

Never mind.

You know,

i don't know why you 2 guys

even bothered to come up here in the first place.

2 days, and neither of you has even had the guts

to try on a pair of skis.

Gin.

We were thinking of going up tomorrow, freddie.

Mmm-hmm. Well, tomorrow's the club ski-jump championship.

Oh, too bad. Maybe the day after, then.

We're going back the day after.

Well, as the dodgers always say,

"wait till next year."

Chicken.

"Sticks and stones will"--

you could win tomorrow if you wanted to.

Of course, i could.

I like winners.

He's never jumped in his life. He's afraid to.

That is true?

You're afraid?

Such a waste of energy.

You jump for me.

But--but--but i...

you win the championship tomorrow.

You want me to risk my life for a little gold cup?

No, todd, you win more than the gold cup.

If you win tomorrow, we play the american game.

Spin the bottle.

Well, what did you expect?

This is an american picture.

All right, i'll jump.

Todd!

That voice sounds vaguely familiar.

I hate you.

I do hope you win.

Perfect feminine logic.

"I hate you. I do hope you win."

That's logical.

We, who are about to watch you die, salute you.

Until tomorrow.

Well, what choice did i have?

I don't know. We could have stayed home and done pushups.

Come on in.

I got it.

It's lucky i remembered the morning weather balloon.

I never knew helium was so heavy.

Here, bring it over here.

Let's see. I got everything?

Mmm-hmm.

This goes in here.

Ok?

Now, let's strap this on with a couple of my belts,

and we'll be ready to go.

Do you think it'll work?

Why not? It works in movies.

Now, our next contestant is...

uh...

fred car--

fred carter.

Boo! Boo!

Good luck, freddie.

Luck? Who needs it?

236 feet.

Our next skier is, uh, gene rosson.

Last chance, todd.

Ah, may the best man win.

Gene rosson, 221 feet.

The leader is still freddie carter.

Now, the last participant is a new jumper

named, uh...

todd armstrong.

9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, now!

It works!

I wonder if president johnson

will talk to me when i come down.

He's still going up.

Sir isaac newton just turned over in his grave.

Just a little more.

Just a little more.

Whoa!

He's so fat. Why's he so fat, craig?

What?

Oh, well, he, uh, had a big breakfast.

Todd always eats a big breakfast before jumping.

Pull the string, you nut.

The wind's changing. I'd better pull it.

I can't find it.

Oh! Oh!

The string! The string!

I can't find it!

"Play spin the bottle." I'm a very sick boy.

Oh!

What can we do?

Well, uh, when he reaches the coastline,

our radar will probably pick him up.

Then a couple of jets will take off and shoot him down.

Shoot him down?

Whoa!

You think he's all right?

You all right, todd?

I think it's broken.

Yeah, it's broken.

No, my leg.

Ow!

It's broken, too.

Ow!

Ow!

But, doctor, i got a date tonight!

A big one.

Can't you just put a band-aid on it?

I'll come back tomorrow for the splint.

Oh!

Oh!

Todd, you've got a broken leg.

You can't go out tonight.

Oh, yes, i can.

Nita left me a note, along with a map to her house. Read it.

"Hurry. I am waiting, darling." Signed, "nita."

"P.s. bring the milk bottle."

Todd, you can't go out with that leg.

Craig, if i don't go, think what it'll do

to the american image overseas.

Bad, huh?

The peace corps will have been for nothing.

Oh, and, uh, don't wait up.

And remember to call linda 10 minutes after i leave

and tell her where i'm heading. Got it?

Got it. Got it.

Good luck.

Darned if i'll be without a date our last night here.

Room, uh, 211, please.

Hello, linda? Is barbara there?

Yeah, she's here.

How's todd?

In terrible pain. Terrible.

They gave him something and he went to sleep for about a half hour.

Then he woke up, got his milk bottle and left.

Could i speak to "you know"?

"You know," it's craig.

Tell him to get lost.

Barbara.

All right, i'll tell him myself.

Uh, craig, she says she has a terrible headache. She'll call you later.

Goodbye. I'll bet. Thanks a lot!

Room 206, please.

Hello, freddie? Is that you?

Ah.

Let me see.

"A left turn in the fork of the road

"across the field."

Ah!

Only about 2 more miles to go.

It can't be much further. It can't be.

How i love a challenge.

Get out.

Come in, darling.

Well,

i came as soon as i could.

Well. Get up.

What for?

The time has come.

What's the matter?

Nothing.

Then come here.

You promised to play spin the bottle with me.

I don't understand.

Talk to me.

Talk?

Yeah, like--like you do to the american girls.

I've been watching, and it looks pretty nice.

Nita.

Nita, don't make fun at a time like this.

I'm not making fun. I want you to talk to me

and treat me like you do the american girl.

The ameri...

nita, i thought that we were gonna--

no, first we talk

and then candy...

and then, after that, we'll.

Then more talk.

Then, we can hold hands.

No.

Then you ask for the kiss on the cheek.

And then, maybe, the kiss on the cheek.

Then...

then, what comes next?

I don't know.

That's as far as i ever got.

Hi.

Now, what are you doing dressed like that?

We're pinned.

Oh, congratulations.

I'm sure you and barbara will make a very--

barbara? What barbara? Freddie.

Oh, come on, knock it off. Very funny.

I'm not being funny. He gave me his fraternity pin.

But he can't do that.

He's a boy and-- and so are you.

We'll work it out.

You mean that. I really...

i'm getting you out of here, tonight. Take this.

Who is it?

What are you doing in there, todd?

I said, what are you doing in there?

Nora? Nora?

He's so jealous.

Nora! Nora!

Let's go. Out the window.

That freddie's pretty hip.

I've never been treated so nicely in my whole life.

I said, out!

I'm going to do something terrible.

I mean really terrible!

Better open up, todd!

Todd!

You better open up!

Freddie thinks i should get a nose job this spring.

I may give you one, tonight. Let's go.

Nora!

You know, he comes from a very good family.

His great-great--

shh! In that window.

Let's go. Let's go.

The least we can do is leave him a note.

I said, let's go.

It just isn't fair!

Nora!

No!

Nora! Nora!

Taxi!

Where to, buddy?

Just head west. I'll tell you where to stop.

In. I said, in!

What happens when they arrest us

for not paying our bill?

We should only get that lucky.

Hello there.

Hello. Follow that cab.

What are you talking about?

Just follow that cab!

I'm a very sick man.

I don't want to have to ask you again.

All right. All right.

But at least help me aim it in the right direction.

That's a good boy. Watch it, careful.

We've got to catch them, you idiot.

All right. Let me start it.

Nora!

Bob, wake up everybody,

and don't forget the driver!

What for?

Never mind, go on!

Janet, wake up all the girls and make sure they're dressed.

Mickey, have the bus brought in front.

Indian, we'll get the skis and poles.

Nora!

Todd, i was kidding. You know i was kidding.

You had me scared there for a minute.

Let's go back.

I'm all right, todd. I swear it.

You want me to turn around?

No, wait. Let me see if that one light's still following.

Come on, turn around. I was kidding.

You may be kidding. But that nut on that bike isn't.

Keep going.

Some boyfriends we picked.

Which one? Yours or mine?

Both of them.

One runs away with an english girl,

and the other one disappears completely.

Well, we did it to them.

We drove them to it.

Every time todd put his arm around me and tried to be nice

i laughed in his face.

You must be kidding.

I can't believe my ears.

You can't, huh?

What next?

Oh, just hang around.

I don't feel like laughing anymore.

Is anybody here?

Look, they must still be sleeping. It's only 6:30.

Wake up! Wake up!

We need gas.

Wake up, i say!

Oh!

Who the devil are you?

We want some gas. Would you...

fill her up, please?

Only takes about 18 cents' worth of regular.

Come on, hurry up. We don't want her to get away.

Yes, we do.

No, we don't.

Yes, we do.

Come on!

I just don't know anymore.

Why did they run off?

You really love that nut, don't you?

Don't you love yours?

Yeah, i guess i do.

I know what i did wrong.

But i don't know what you did wrong.

What did you do wrong?

Guilt by association.

Listen, have a piece of fruit. You'll feel better.

Wanna bet?

Hey, look, the pacific ocean!

You mean, it didn't move?

Isn't anybody home at the beach house?

No, dad took mom to vegas for the week.

We'll have the whole weekend just to sit around

and soak up the sun in privacy.

Great.

If i see snow again before i'm 60, it'll be too soon.

Buddy, make a right turn at the brown house.

Park in the driveway.

You're the boss.

What should i do with these? Burn them?

Don't waste a match.

Just throw 'em on the beach.

When the tide comes in, poof!

I'll see you inside.

10 hours when i wake up.

Look, uh,

use any bedroom on the 2nd floor.

I'll sleep right on the beach.

Fine, suit yourself.

You must be pretty tired, too, huh?

I'm bushed. Could you loan me a blanket?

I could sleep on the beach myself.

Sure, come on.

Wait a second.

I still got to figure out a way for me to pay you.

How much, $560 something, right?

Yeah.

Look, come on, it's the hondells.

I told you, they'd be here the beach house.

There'll be groovy little chicks

with sweaters real tight

just skiing all day and having parties at night

we're gonna ride every lift, while it's still light

but we won't be seeing the sights

after skiing all day and parties at night

with 5 feet of snow, what a beautiful sight

there it is.

And even the beginners will be having fun

why don't you go ahead?

I'll stay here with you.

Please?

Look, don't...

all right.

It was late at night when he first hit town

his eyes were cold and blue

he gunned his bike once, then he laid it down

like he had a job to do

the gasser's what they called him

'cause he always acted rough

the gasser's what they called him

'cause he always acted tough

he'd ridden all night, all through the rain

though no one really knew why

he acted real strange and never gave his name

for he was a real strange guy

the gasser's what they called him

'cause he always acted rough

the gasser's what they called him

'cause he always acted tough

no one knew just where the kid went

when the weather broke that night

and no one knew how his time was spent

if he was doing wrong or right

the gasser's what they called him

'cause he always acted tough

the gasser's what they called him

'cause he always talked real rough

hi.

Todd?

What are you doing here?

We followed you.

You mean, all the way from...

thank you.

Look, i, uh...

i know i don't have any right to ask you this.

But has she gone?

Nora?

Has she?

Oh, yeah, she's gone. In fact,

she never was.

Oh, look,

you don't have to explain.

I was wrong.

Linda,

for once, listen.

There was no nora. Craig was nora.

Craig?

And i was jane.

Oh! We really fooled you girls.

It was one big put-on.

See?

But why?

It could have worked.

And then freddie fell in love with nora,

i mean, craig.

And i broke my leg

trying to make you jealous.

And then nita,

nita decided to become an american girl.

You mean...

you went to all that trouble, just for me?

Because you wanted me that badly?

I'm a wipeout for redheads, you know that.

Nora!

Hey!

Here, take it.

Nora!

Nora!

Nora! Have you seen nora?

Have you seen nora?

None of you have seen her?

Nora? You haven't seen her either?

Have you seen her? She's got hair that sort of, well...

where is she?

Who?

Nora, you idiot.

Oh, uh, uh, can you take it, old man?

Hurry up and tell me before i flip out!

Where is she?

Let's have a talk.

Excuse me for a second, honey.

Just for a second.

Come on.

You still haven't told me a thing.

Why are we stopping here?

Do these look familiar?

Nora!

They're nora's. Where?

Out there somewhere.

You see, when she heard you were coming,

she started swimming in that direction.

Right now, i'd say she was somewhere

between here and japan.

That's about as close as i can get.

Oh, no. Nora!

Nora! I'm coming, darling!

Nora!

Remember, float on your back, darling,

if you get tired.

If you hurry, you might catch her somewhere near guam.

Nora, i'm coming, darling!

Pretty mean thing to do, huh?

Well, don't worry. We'll tell him the truth tomorrow...

if he comes back.

Dear doctor lansdorf,

i--i really feel that i am getting better.

Except, doctor, there are some very strange things happening

like all of a sudden, the--

the skis have gotten much fatter.

The d.j.'s are saying that the snow reports are good

we'll get some alcohol and put it under my hood

we're being left alone, like a ski party should

we'd stay about a month if we could

after skiing all day and parties at night

with 5 feet of snow, what a beautiful sight

there's plenty of chicks, enough for everyone

and even the beginners will be having fun!

There'll be groovy little chicks

with sweaters real tight

just skiing all day and having parties at night

we're gonna ride every lift

while it's still light

we won't be seeing the sights

after skiing all day

and parties at night

with 5 feet of snow

what a beautiful sight

there's plenty of chicks, enough for everyone

and even the beginners will be having fun

let's have a ski party

let's have a ski party