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1
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You ready to do our affirmations?
2
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Do we have to?
3
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It's stupid.
4
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Uh-oh, sounds like someone needs
5
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a little gratitude in their attitude.
6
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Joy floods my thoughts and my life.
7
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Joy floods my thoughts and my life.
8
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My efforts are being supported by the universe.
9
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My efforts are being supported by the universe.
10
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Oh, no, no, no, n-n-no.
11
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No, don't break on me, I'm begging you.
12
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Oh, come on, keep going,
13
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you piece of crap!
14
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I respond peacefully in all situations.
15
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I respond peacefully in all situations.
28
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So, uh,
29
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I bet you're wondering why I asked you to come over.
30
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I know what I'm hoping for.
31
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I'm not gonna sleep with you.
32
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I just need some help.
33
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Don't worry, I'm not asking
34
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for the child support you owe me.
35
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Awesome.
36
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But I really need you to pay me back
37
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the money I lent you to buy the van.
38
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Oh, okay.
39
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Well, your timing is good 'cause I'll have that money very soon.
40
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So never.
41
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I am, as we speak,
42
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in phase two of a surefire business deal.
43
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Was phase one smoking pot and watching TV?
44
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You know me so well.
45
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Check this out.
46
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A couple weekends ago, I was stoned, watching golf on TV,
47
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and I noticed something very interesting.
48
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Every other commercial is for boner pills.
49
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It's like they know old white guys are watching.
50
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Why were you watching golf?
51
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The announcers whisper; I find it very soothing.
52
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Anyway,
53
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I took the $3,000 I had buried in your backyard...
54
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There was three grand buried in the backyard?!
55
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Not the important part of the story.
56
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Follow me here.
57
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I wired all the money to a Tijuana pharmacy
58
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and bought 10,000 knock-off Viagras.
59
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I'm driving down there in the morning,
60
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and on the way back up I'm gonna stop
61
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at every golf course I can find
62
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and bone up old white guys at ten dollars a pop.
63
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Ka-ching.
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Quick question.
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You don't make a habit of burying money
66
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in my backyard, do you?
67
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I'm not really sure that's any of your business.
68
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Mom, what are you doing?
69
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Just trying to get our car fixed, honey.
70
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Go back to bed.
71
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Thanks for taking me to the meeting.
72
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Of course.
73
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Just remember, if I meet a cute guy...
74
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I know, I know, I have to find my own way home.
75
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Recovering from the fatal disease of alcoholism
76
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doesn't mean I can't get some strange every once in a while.
77
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You should sew that on a pillow.
78
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Listen, I have to ask you a question.
79
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Ask away unless it's about your father.
80
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No, it's not.
81
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I'd know him if I saw him.
82
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Sure.
83
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So, what is it?
84
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Okay, well, I hate to do this,
85
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and I wouldn't if I wasn't really up against it,
86
00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:03,900
but is there any way
87
00:04:04,150 --> 00:04:05,460
you could lend me a few grand
88
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until the end of the month?
89
00:04:07,580 --> 00:04:08,520
Oh, boy.
90
00:04:08,980 --> 00:04:11,420
It's always so awkward when relatives ask for money.
91
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Relative?
92
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I'm not some second cousin who tracked you down on Facebook.
93
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I'm your daughter.
94
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See, it's already uncomfortable.
95
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Come on, you know I'm good for it.
96
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- Do I? - Mom!
97
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I would help you if I could, but I'm strapped, too.
98
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I'm going paycheck to paycheck.
99
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Okay, thanks.
100
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You know, I do have an idea that might buy you a little time.
101
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Great, what is it?
102
00:04:41,280 --> 00:04:43,040
Why don't I move in with you and the kids
103
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and we'll share expenses?
104
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Yeah, that is an idea.
105
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We'd be roomies.
106
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Yeah, roomies.
107
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So, what do you say?
108
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Ooh, it's a tough one.
109
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I say no and I might be broke and homeless,
110
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living on the street, scavenging for food like a dog.
111
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I say yes and I'm living with you.
112
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So?
113
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I'm thinking.
114
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Then I thought, "Well, that's crazy, you don't drink anymore."
115
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But I looked up, I was already in the beverage aisle.
116
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Since I had come all the way across the store,
117
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Looks like she's having a tough time.
118
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She's got Louboutin shoes and a Prada handbag.
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She's doing fine.
120
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Do you want a tissue?
121
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Thank you.
122
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Be right back.
123
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- Wait. - What?
124
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Hi.
125
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Um, Christy.
126
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Okay.
127
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Ooh, love the purse.
128
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Thanks.
129
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- Wait. - What?
130
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A-Are those Louboutins?
131
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- Yeah. - Eh, gorgeous.
132
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I had a pair once, but I had to ditch 'em,
133
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running away from a car fire.
134
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What a night.
135
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Boy, you drunks are a chatty bunch.
136
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Yeah, well, that's what we do here--
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share war stories.
138
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Sounds great, but I don't belong here.
139
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I'm not an alcoholic.
140
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That's funny.
141
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That's exactly how I felt my first meeting.
142
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No, you clearly belong here.
143
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What's going on?
144
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Oh, um, I just thought that we could invite...
145
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Regina.
146
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...Regina out for a cup of coffee.
147
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Oh, how nice.
148
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Why would we do that?
149
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We're supposed to help each other.
150
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That's just a suggestion, it's not a rule.
151
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Um, Regina, this is my mom Bonnie.
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Hi.
153
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Why do you want to buy me coffee?
154
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See, it's not just me.
155
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I just thought you might need somebody to talk to.
156
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Yeah, well, I don't.
157
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Got it.
158
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I'm sorry to have bothered you.
159
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Love, love, love the shoes.
160
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Hang on.
161
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I guess there's no harm in a cup of coffee.
162
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Aw, damn it.
163
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You'll have to forgive my mother,
164
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and if you do, please tell me how.
165
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So there I am, drunk off my ass,
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driving down the 5 freeway on a stolen lawn mower
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in the car pool lane
168
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topless.
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Oh, good times.
170
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I got one for you.
171
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I walked into the kitchen one morning
172
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to make my family some breakfast, and I realized,
173
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"This isn't my house, that isn't my family.
174
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And what the hell am I doing in Vancouver?"
175
00:08:14,830 --> 00:08:16,760
But the reason I stopped drinking is
176
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because I came to the horrifying realization
177
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that I was turning into my mother.
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Hey.
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- Oh, I'm sorry, did I hurt your feelings? - Yes.
180
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Well, you ruined my life, so we're even.
181
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So, Regina, tell us about you.
182
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Oh, I don't have any stories like that.
183
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I had a great childhood,
184
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great parents,
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did well in school.
186
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Hmm, no wonder you were having
187
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a nervous breakdown at an AA meeting.
188
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I don't like you.
189
00:08:48,410 --> 00:08:50,800
I'm just going through a tough time right now.
190
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My job is really stressful.
191
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I'm a money manager.
192
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People trust me with millions of dollars.
193
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And on top of that, I'm in the middle of a nasty divorce,
194
00:09:01,410 --> 00:09:05,340
so yeah, maybe I like to take the edge off
195
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at the end of the day with a couple of bottles of wine,
196
00:09:09,220 --> 00:09:13,660
a few shots of tequila... and a fistful of muscle relaxers.
197
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But so what?
198
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Every morning at 6:00 A.M.
199
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I pick myself up off that floor...
200
00:09:22,490 --> 00:09:24,580
steal some of my kid's Ritalin...
202
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and start the day anew.
203
00:09:30,390 --> 00:09:33,130
So, if you need to save somebody,
204
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go save somebody who needs saving.
205
00:09:34,540 --> 00:09:37,560
Because I don't have a problem.
206
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You heard her, let's go.
207
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This is ridiculous; I should go home.
208
00:09:53,870 --> 00:09:55,330
Yeah, I don't think it's a good idea
209
00:09:55,330 --> 00:09:56,480
for you to be alone tonight.
210
00:09:56,480 --> 00:09:58,650
And this'll be fun-- like a slumber party
211
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but, you know, for broken people.
212
00:10:01,640 --> 00:10:02,740
What about my car?
213
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It'll be okay.
214
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We'll, we'll get it in the morning.
215
00:10:06,110 --> 00:10:07,790
All right, I guess I'll stay.
216
00:10:07,790 --> 00:10:08,340
Good.
217
00:10:08,340 --> 00:10:10,110
You two have a great time, I'll see you tomorrow.
218
00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:11,920
Hey, where do you think you're going?
219
00:10:11,920 --> 00:10:13,980
Home-- I sleep better in my own bed.
220
00:10:13,980 --> 00:10:16,290
I know a dozen men who think otherwise.
221
00:10:17,690 --> 00:10:18,920
Come on, you heard her.
222
00:10:18,920 --> 00:10:20,290
She's not very fond of me.
223
00:10:20,290 --> 00:10:21,380
That's what I like about her.
224
00:10:21,380 --> 00:10:22,290
Now stay.
225
00:10:23,250 --> 00:10:24,070
So,
226
00:10:24,080 --> 00:10:25,310
where's the guest room?
227
00:10:25,980 --> 00:10:27,020
Right this way.
228
00:10:28,390 --> 00:10:29,290
Welcome.
229
00:10:30,980 --> 00:10:31,960
All right.
230
00:10:32,100 --> 00:10:33,550
Do I have my own bathroom?
231
00:10:33,860 --> 00:10:35,560
I don't have my own bathroom.
232
00:10:36,940 --> 00:10:38,440
It's over there.
233
00:10:39,090 --> 00:10:40,500
- Hold on. - What?
234
00:10:40,550 --> 00:10:41,750
Show me the bag.
235
00:10:41,930 --> 00:10:42,670
I don't want to.
236
00:10:42,680 --> 00:10:43,590
Give it to me.
237
00:10:43,740 --> 00:10:44,480
Mom, what are you doing?
238
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Helping. Give.
239
00:10:49,800 --> 00:10:50,730
Thank you.
240
00:10:56,470 --> 00:10:58,180
I do a lot of entertaining.
241
00:11:01,920 --> 00:11:04,110
Sometimes I entertain musicians.
242
00:11:07,100 --> 00:11:10,230
Those are for injuries sustained while entertaining.
243
00:11:10,700 --> 00:11:12,260
- Can I pee now?! - Maybe.
244
00:11:12,260 --> 00:11:14,160
What do you got going on with your cleavage?
245
00:11:14,310 --> 00:11:15,510
I'm a full-figured woman.
246
00:11:15,510 --> 00:11:18,240
Yeah, and I want to motorboat you all night long. Now give.
247
00:11:23,890 --> 00:11:26,000
Ah, cocaine.
248
00:11:26,000 --> 00:11:28,060
I miss the '80s.
249
00:11:28,150 --> 00:11:30,430
Oh, please. You were doing it three years ago.
250
00:11:31,680 --> 00:11:33,750
- We good? - You're free to urinate.
251
00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:36,170
Not like there's anything else I can do in there now.
252
00:11:40,750 --> 00:11:42,880
What are we gonna do with all this stuff?
253
00:11:43,120 --> 00:11:44,020
I don't know.
254
00:11:44,020 --> 00:11:45,390
I guess just throw it away.
255
00:11:45,530 --> 00:11:46,490
Really?
256
00:11:46,690 --> 00:11:48,970
Shouldn't we save it for when I relapse?
257
00:11:49,690 --> 00:11:50,210
Mom.
258
00:11:50,210 --> 00:11:52,310
Oh, come on. We all know it's comin'.
259
00:11:58,670 --> 00:12:01,510
What is a "Limp Bizkit"?
260
00:12:03,580 --> 00:12:04,740
It's a band.
261
00:12:04,900 --> 00:12:07,230
My ex-husband tried to get rich
262
00:12:07,230 --> 00:12:09,840
selling counterfeit rock and roll T-shirts.
263
00:12:10,180 --> 00:12:12,820
If you like it, I've got 6,000 more in the garage.
264
00:12:13,090 --> 00:12:14,090
This'll do.
265
00:12:15,030 --> 00:12:17,760
Well, um, you know where the bathroom is,
266
00:12:17,770 --> 00:12:20,310
the kitchen's right there and if you need anything,
267
00:12:20,320 --> 00:12:22,140
my mom and I are in that bedroom.
268
00:12:22,270 --> 00:12:23,100
Thank you.
269
00:12:23,300 --> 00:12:24,290
Good night.
270
00:12:24,310 --> 00:12:25,230
Good night.
271
00:12:30,520 --> 00:12:32,990
Regina, I know this is difficult for you,
272
00:12:32,990 --> 00:12:35,600
but I just want you to know I think you're doing great.
273
00:12:35,640 --> 00:12:37,820
Really? 'Cause I think I might snap
274
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and kill you and your mother in your sleep.
275
00:12:42,440 --> 00:12:44,960
Well, you haven't lost your sense of humor.
276
00:12:45,910 --> 00:12:47,430
I don't have a sense of humor.
277
00:12:49,290 --> 00:12:50,420
Okay.
278
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Sleeping with one eye open.
279
00:12:56,720 --> 00:12:57,750
Night-night.
280
00:12:57,930 --> 00:12:58,920
Night-night.
281
00:13:06,940 --> 00:13:07,740
That's my side.
282
00:13:07,740 --> 00:13:08,860
I'm a guest.
283
00:13:10,190 --> 00:13:11,710
I don't care. Move over.
284
00:13:13,100 --> 00:13:14,550
How's the train wreck?
285
00:13:15,910 --> 00:13:17,030
I don't know.
286
00:13:17,570 --> 00:13:19,530
- The point is, we're doing a good deed. - Yeah.
287
00:13:19,530 --> 00:13:22,220
Assuming she doesn't melt down and try to kill us in our sleep.
288
00:13:24,100 --> 00:13:25,320
Why would you say that?
289
00:13:26,450 --> 00:13:27,360
I was kidding.
290
00:13:28,410 --> 00:13:29,280
Okay.
291
00:13:32,370 --> 00:13:33,320
Good night.
292
00:13:33,530 --> 00:13:34,670
Good night.
293
00:13:37,280 --> 00:13:38,630
You know, if we were roomies,
294
00:13:38,630 --> 00:13:40,630
we could do this every night.
295
00:13:44,640 --> 00:13:46,360
Of course, if I moved in, I'd want to...
296
00:13:46,930 --> 00:13:48,560
zhush up the place a little.
297
00:13:49,220 --> 00:13:50,140
What's wrong with it?
298
00:13:50,140 --> 00:13:51,480
Eh, it lacks zhush.
299
00:13:52,420 --> 00:13:53,590
It's zhush-less.
300
00:13:55,090 --> 00:13:56,170
Well, I think it's homey.
301
00:13:56,180 --> 00:13:58,860
Yeah, you also think you can catch a man with sweatpants.
302
00:14:01,550 --> 00:14:02,490
Christy?
303
00:14:05,260 --> 00:14:06,390
Come on in.
304
00:14:08,480 --> 00:14:09,660
Sorry to bother you.
305
00:14:09,660 --> 00:14:11,340
Oh, no worries. What's up?
306
00:14:11,630 --> 00:14:13,630
I'm not gonna be able to sleep until I tell somebody
307
00:14:13,640 --> 00:14:14,990
what's really going on.
308
00:14:16,300 --> 00:14:17,270
Okay.
309
00:14:19,230 --> 00:14:20,610
I saw a lezbo porn movie
310
00:14:20,610 --> 00:14:22,210
start just like this.
311
00:14:27,630 --> 00:14:30,760
I kind of got bigger problems than I let on.
312
00:14:31,240 --> 00:14:32,460
Financial problems.
313
00:14:32,470 --> 00:14:34,720
Oh, no shame in that.
314
00:14:34,720 --> 00:14:37,240
My car just broke down, I can't afford to fix it
315
00:14:37,240 --> 00:14:39,970
and I have credit card debt like you wouldn't believe.
316
00:14:39,970 --> 00:14:41,130
Really? How much?
317
00:14:42,200 --> 00:14:43,410
Nineteen...
318
00:14:43,450 --> 00:14:45,640
thousand... dollars.
319
00:14:46,280 --> 00:14:48,100
You are so cute.
320
00:14:49,540 --> 00:14:51,240
Try $3.5 million.
321
00:14:51,240 --> 00:14:52,240
What?
322
00:14:52,810 --> 00:14:53,850
You know how I told you
323
00:14:53,850 --> 00:14:55,380
people trust me with their money?
324
00:14:55,380 --> 00:14:56,270
Yeah.
325
00:14:56,270 --> 00:14:57,280
They shouldn't.
326
00:14:59,620 --> 00:15:01,620
I embezzled from my clients.
327
00:15:02,480 --> 00:15:03,230
Why?
328
00:15:03,230 --> 00:15:04,900
What kind of question is that?
329
00:15:05,220 --> 00:15:07,020
- What's the better question? - How?
330
00:15:09,390 --> 00:15:11,690
You got to be good at math and have a face people trust.
331
00:15:11,690 --> 00:15:13,460
And the dream dies.
332
00:15:14,640 --> 00:15:15,630
Anyway...
333
00:15:17,440 --> 00:15:19,850
the real reason I came here tonight was...
334
00:15:20,180 --> 00:15:23,430
I think the police might be waiting for me at my house.
335
00:15:26,240 --> 00:15:27,610
It's all gonna be okay.
336
00:15:27,650 --> 00:15:28,840
How can you say that?
337
00:15:28,840 --> 00:15:30,910
Oh, not for you. I was...
338
00:15:31,430 --> 00:15:33,090
kind of saying it to myself.
339
00:15:34,330 --> 00:15:35,240
What?
340
00:15:35,580 --> 00:15:36,840
I thought I was in trouble,
341
00:15:36,840 --> 00:15:37,770
but, listening to you,
342
00:15:37,770 --> 00:15:39,500
I realized I have great problems.
343
00:15:39,500 --> 00:15:41,370
I love them! I love my problems!
344
00:15:42,520 --> 00:15:43,380
You done?
345
00:15:43,380 --> 00:15:45,520
Yeah. I'm sorry. Tonight's about you.
346
00:15:45,520 --> 00:15:47,030
I just got excited. Go on.
347
00:15:48,550 --> 00:15:50,050
I don't know what I'm gonna do.
348
00:15:51,370 --> 00:15:53,680
Well, whatever it is,
349
00:15:53,680 --> 00:15:55,360
you don't have to go through it alone.
350
00:15:57,830 --> 00:15:58,710
Thank you.
351
00:16:01,550 --> 00:16:02,630
Regina, wait.
352
00:16:04,740 --> 00:16:05,630
Come on.
353
00:16:05,970 --> 00:16:06,900
Snuggle in.
354
00:16:08,390 --> 00:16:09,460
Maybe I will.
355
00:16:15,090 --> 00:16:16,840
Bow chicka wow wow.
356
00:16:23,030 --> 00:16:25,430
Mom, why is the couch all ma...
357
00:16:42,440 --> 00:16:44,180
- Mom. - What?
358
00:16:44,560 --> 00:16:45,760
Regina's gone.
359
00:16:45,860 --> 00:16:46,840
Okay.
360
00:16:48,500 --> 00:16:49,920
- Wake up. - What?
361
00:16:50,720 --> 00:16:52,610
- We got to go find her. - Oh, for God's sake.
362
00:16:52,610 --> 00:16:54,020
Haven't we helped enough?
363
00:16:55,200 --> 00:16:57,090
She doesn't have her car. We can still catch her.
364
00:16:57,090 --> 00:16:57,960
All right.
365
00:16:58,300 --> 00:17:00,700
Hey, you suppose there's a reward for her capture?
366
00:17:02,100 --> 00:17:03,700
- You'd really turn her in? - Oh, honey,
367
00:17:03,710 --> 00:17:05,960
if there was a big enough reward, I'd turn you in.
368
00:17:10,350 --> 00:17:11,460
Do you think that's her?
369
00:17:14,300 --> 00:17:16,160
Do I think that's her?
370
00:17:23,240 --> 00:17:24,210
Hey, Christy.
371
00:17:26,910 --> 00:17:28,180
Where you headed?
372
00:17:28,560 --> 00:17:29,500
Canada.
373
00:17:30,770 --> 00:17:32,340
Gonna build a whole new life there.
374
00:17:33,400 --> 00:17:35,760
You know, you can be extradited from Canada.
375
00:17:36,300 --> 00:17:37,220
Are you sure?
376
00:17:37,280 --> 00:17:38,650
Oh, I'm positive.
377
00:17:40,760 --> 00:17:41,670
Okay, then.
378
00:17:46,380 --> 00:17:47,390
Mexico.
379
00:17:57,760 --> 00:17:59,420
I'll tell you what, if I stole that kind of money,
380
00:17:59,420 --> 00:18:01,090
I'd make damn sure I had a getaway plan
381
00:18:01,090 --> 00:18:02,750
that didn't involve a tricycle.
382
00:18:04,420 --> 00:18:06,660
You're right. I should've just whipped out my boobs
383
00:18:06,660 --> 00:18:08,110
and grabbed a lawn mower.
384
00:18:13,070 --> 00:18:16,020
Calm down, ladies, you're both gangsters.
385
00:18:19,640 --> 00:18:21,270
Hey, the sun's coming out.
386
00:18:21,270 --> 00:18:22,380
Thank you, Annie.
388
00:18:30,040 --> 00:18:31,640
How about that.
389
00:18:32,330 --> 00:18:34,500
First time I've gone the whole night without a drink
390
00:18:34,500 --> 00:18:37,430
in, like, 16, 17 years.
391
00:18:38,270 --> 00:18:40,560
Oh, damn, I am an alcoholic.
392
00:18:41,750 --> 00:18:43,920
Cheer up. There's lots of meetings in prison.
393
00:18:45,340 --> 00:18:46,930
I really don't like you.
394
00:18:47,740 --> 00:18:50,120
That's okay. I like myself enough for the both of us.
395
00:18:54,350 --> 00:18:55,490
You need some money, Christy?
396
00:18:55,490 --> 00:18:56,760
Yeah, why?
397
00:18:57,040 --> 00:18:58,340
I still have some stashed away,
398
00:18:58,340 --> 00:19:00,070
and the Feds are just gonna take it.
399
00:19:00,070 --> 00:19:01,260
Let me help you out.
400
00:19:01,740 --> 00:19:02,620
Really?
401
00:19:06,250 --> 00:19:07,300
Do it.
402
00:19:13,230 --> 00:19:14,780
Gee, I-I don't know.
403
00:19:15,380 --> 00:19:16,690
Take it.
404
00:19:20,640 --> 00:19:23,120
No, Regina, I don't want your money.
405
00:19:23,530 --> 00:19:25,060
Damn it.
406
00:19:27,300 --> 00:19:29,400
It's technically not my money.
407
00:19:30,230 --> 00:19:31,870
Even still. It's just...
408
00:19:31,870 --> 00:19:33,500
It's not what this is about.
409
00:19:35,400 --> 00:19:37,120
You're a good woman, Christy.
410
00:19:37,800 --> 00:19:38,840
Thank you.
411
00:19:39,670 --> 00:19:40,800
And Bonnie?
412
00:19:42,010 --> 00:19:42,910
Yeah?
413
00:19:43,920 --> 00:19:45,870
I think you know where we stand.
414
00:19:47,380 --> 00:19:48,390
I do.
415
00:19:48,750 --> 00:19:51,510
When you go to prison, can I have your purse?
416
00:20:02,850 --> 00:20:06,200
Bill, bill, bill.
417
00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:10,260
Oh, crap, I'm gonna have to live with my mother.
418
00:20:12,900 --> 00:20:14,020
Hey, got a minute?
419
00:20:14,550 --> 00:20:15,720
Sure, come on in.
420
00:20:17,340 --> 00:20:18,860
Lot of holes in the backyard.
421
00:20:19,510 --> 00:20:21,730
Yep, I was trying to rob your bank.
422
00:20:23,010 --> 00:20:24,280
No need.
423
00:20:24,690 --> 00:20:27,040
Thank you, Mexican Viagra.
424
00:20:29,710 --> 00:20:30,250
What?
425
00:20:30,250 --> 00:20:32,930
I sold all of it before I got out of San Diego.
426
00:20:35,210 --> 00:20:36,260
This is unbelievable!
427
00:20:36,260 --> 00:20:37,550
And that's just your share.
428
00:20:37,550 --> 00:20:39,190
- There's more?! - No.
429
00:20:41,380 --> 00:20:42,380
You know what? Uh...
430
00:20:42,390 --> 00:20:43,460
I don't care.
431
00:20:44,730 --> 00:20:47,120
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
432
00:20:48,040 --> 00:20:50,170
I took one before I came over
433
00:20:50,860 --> 00:20:53,280
just in case you want to really thank me.
434
00:20:54,080 --> 00:20:55,490
Sure! What the hell.
28222
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