Original subtitles

**

( farting )

Uh, Dad say, "No more farts! "

**

* When she farts, it's always funny *

* Even if it smells

* When I fart, it's only sometimes funny *

* Depending on a lot of factors *

* But when the dog farts, it can be hilarious *

* To downright goddamn dangerous *

* That air is toxic

* Better hold your breath

* Dog farts

* How unfortunate, oh

* Dog farts

* Someone open a window

* Dog farts

* I think he woke himself up *

* With that one

I thought, at last!

Somebody's making a film about farting.

That's been a long time coming.

I have to say at first when you said that you were gonna do

a documentary on farting, and I thought,

- Oh, my. Yeah. - Who's gonna want to watch that?

The first thing I said was, "How can I be a part of this?"

* Dog farts

* How can a creature so little *

- * Dog farts - * Make a smell so huge?

Because it's-- it's a very interesting subject

and-- and underexplored,

and it's worthy of closer attention.

- ( farting ) - ( audience laughs )

I'm now going to warm up-- warm up my sphincter myself

with a bit of classical music.

( audience laughs )

Man: My name is--

Do you want my real name, or both names?

Real name is Paul Oldfield.

But my alter ego, because like any superhero

I need an alter ego when I perform

my superhuman abilities.

- ( farting ) - Man: Oh!

So I metamorphasize into Mr. Methane.

Male interviewer: How-- how do you--

how do you prepare yourself before you perform?

Um, I've been upstairs in the dressing room

doing lots of stretches and warm-ups.

- Okay. - So, I've been tensing

using abdominals so we're now fully relaxed.

- Okay, I see. - So, uh...

They say in Spain and Brazil, Señor Matano.

Okay, so, uh-- uh, what kind of activity are we gonna see first?

First of all,

I've got a little bit of fine talcum powder

and I'm going to sprinkle a little bit on my bottom

so people can actually see that I am breaking wind.

- Okay, so it's not a fake. - That's exactly--

Because obviously people sat at home...

- Uh... - ( audience laughing )

- These... - Yeah.

These-- these-- these people over here,

they've got what we call "ringside seats."

- Yeah. - ( laughing )

Okay.

Okay.

A little bit of talcum on the bottom.

There we go.

- Like that. - Okay.

Is it-- I haven't got a rearview mirror.

- Is the, um... - It looks very nice.

Is it well-covered?

- Okay. - Yes, it's fantastic.

- Here we go. - Thank you.

In Australia, I-- down under,

I hold the record for the most amount of complaints

to a television show.

From five... Five,

All: Four, three, two, one.

( audience guffaws )

All right! Very good.

**

* Can you guess where this comes from? *

( farting )

* Mr. Methane.com

Obviously, there is a Mr. Methane website out there.

'Cause, if you're not on the web now, well, that's it.

- You're not in business. - ( farting )

So, you know, I've got a website, Mr. Methane.com

* Mr. Methane.com

( farting )

Male announcer: The world's windiest website.

( farting )

Man: Lovely. Lovely.

My background field is actually American literature.

But I developed an interest in American humor.

I run the creative writing program here.

And I teach a module on how to write humor.

Farting, I happen to know,

features throughout the history of humor.

I mean, I did a project a few years back where

I went in search of the oldest joke in the world.

Um, we-- well, you can't actually find the oldest joke in the world

but the oldest joke that I could find--

the oldest recorded joke, in other words,

the oldest one-liner, if you like,

is actually a fart joke.

( wind blowing )

( chattering )

( bongo drums playing )

Man: Jim Dawson is my name, and I write books.

I write books on, uh--

mainly non-fiction books.

Well, farting was, it was--

it was a fairly unexplored topic

back in 1997 and '98

when I wrote, "Who Cut The Cheese?"

- Cut it! - Who cut the cheese?

And when I pitched it to my agent,

he-- he was extremely happy to state,

he says, "I think we can sell this book."

It seems to be, as far his humorous potential,

it seems to be fair the ubiquitous, I think,

across cultures and throughout history.

And so, the oldest recorded joke

is a fart joke

and fart jokes are featured in jest books

throughout the ages.

It's about 4,000 years old.

And I'll tell you that joke if you want to hear it.

Female interviewer: Yeah, I do. I want to hear it.

It's not...

- Don't expect too much of it. - No, it's 4,000 years old.

It's all the-- exactly, and it's the-- like all humor,

it's context dependent, I suppose.

But it goes,

"Something that's never been known since time immemorial

is a young lady who didn't break wind in her husband's embrace."

- Now, you're not laughing, are you? - No.

That's usually the response I get to that.

Well first of all, there's the sound of it.

( farting )

Or the sounds of the funny little things...

- ( farting ) - ...that come out of it.

- ( farting ) - Oh!

Woman: Yeah, because--

Or it's 'cause that they produce an embarrassing noise.

- ( fart ) - Man: Many people...

Woman: Try to hide.

( farting )

( laughter )

Ah, this is awesome!

All right. Here-- here we go. Here we go.

Here.

( rock skipping, ricocheting)

Woman: Wow.

( ricochet sound continues )

- ( farts ) - ( woman laughs )

( chattering )

( train brakes hissing )

( violin music playing )

When would you like to start discussing the said subject?

( chuckles )

* The camptown ladies sing that song *

( fart, fart, fart, fart )

No, it is not. You fart anywhere.

You fart anywhere.

In front of everybody.

* The camptown racetrack's five miles long *

( farting )

I should be able to fart anytime I want.

( woman laughing )

For God's sake.

- * Gonna run all night - ( farts )

- * Gonna run all day - (farts )

Well, I suppose you don't expect women to fart, do you?

Of course. We have the same pipe works as you do.

* I'll bet my money on the bobtail hag *

( fart, fart, fart, fart )

So what about, um, in the states,

is there a different attitude to-- to farting?

( leaves rustling )

Woman: Some of it's gonna come back up.

Woman #2: ...And once it gets to the stomach,

Woman: It-- from the production

of changing your food to poop.

Man: Have you ever heard of anybody

- lighting a belch? - ( laughs )

Well, that's because it doesn't-

Seriously, it's two different gases.

( woman laughing ) Lighting a belch.

Probably wasn't funny for the first caveman

that farted on the fire.

( laughing )

I'm just saying.

( farting )

Steve Baxter: Anyway, going back to the basis of farting,

it's-- it's a-- a metabolic process.

Quite natural.

So why do people find it obnoxious?

- Well, the thing is-- - It's rude!

it's a bit like smoking, isn't it?

When you smoke, you affect other people.

And when you fart, you can affect other people.

No, I think it's a problem of education.

Just people, society has established

that you don't do this thing in front of people,

and that's it.

But there are some people that do it.

Because men like noises.

Or a reaction.

And I have to wa-- I have to wait

to expect-- expect is the word,

I have to expect that my fart will be a silent one.

- So nobody hears it. - ( laughing )

That's when your cheeks start to bulge.

( church bells tolling )

( man farting )

I get really upset about this. Honestly.

- So you want equal rights for farting. - Exactly-- of course.

* This is for my ladies out there *

* Who have a problem with their gas *

**

- ( glass shattering ) - Man: In contrary

to what they would have you believe...

girls do fart.

Fart is the bodily function

of passing intestinal gas

also known as flatus through the anus.

Female interviewer: Have you heard of Mr. Methane?

- No. - Gentleman that does the...

I guess you could give a little...

Male interviewer: He's a professional farter.

Female interviewer: Do you know of any professional farters?

Uh, no, as a matter of fact...

No, but do you know who might pay him?

He could become one.

Oh, really? Well, they've been around,

I think, professional farters, for a--

for a number of years.

( record player needle scratches )

( man speaking French )

Jim Dawson: Because, you know in France for example,

in the late 19th century

one of the top, uh...

one of the top stars in Paris

was a guy named Le Pétomane whose act at the Moulin Rouge

was farting.

Paul Oldfield: Le Pétomane, um...

Well, Le Pétomane, whose real name

was Joseph Pujol, performed at the Pink Windmill

at the Moulin Rouge in Paris.

And he was-- where the famous can-can dancers perform,

and he was the highest paid act.

He grossed more than the pop stars of the day,

which were the opera singers,

and he performed a fart show.

Even back in the days, you know, in Roman days,

there was Le Pétomane character then.

Beyond that it's very difficult to get the actual facts.

And he could suck wind into his anus

and then he could expel it at will.

And he had such control over his sphincter

that he could-- that he could imitate

musical instruments, animals, birds,

and he would often add, "My mother-in-law."

( laughs )

Oldfield: See, you get this thing

you don't know how much he's become...

Hollywood-ized, if you like...

How much of it it's been pumped up for the movie.

And-- it's-- it's--

I suppose it's difficult to know how...

It's difficult to get to the bottom of it, really.

I would say that's the-- that's the problem.

And for a couple of years,

they would actually have

medical people in attendance

because women, especially with their corsets,

you know, with-- They would go into these hysterics over this guy.

He was so funny that they would--

they couldn't catch their breath

and they would be passing out and--

and-- and so these people would rush up

and, I guess, loosen their corsets.

But-- but he was extremely funny

and-- and-- and, you know, even today,

there are people who, you know, are still doing that like

Mr. Methane over in England.

- ( farting ) - ( audience laughing )

Oldfield: I know that I can do it.

So therefore, I know that Le Pétomane existed,

and I don't think the tale came out of--

- out of nowhere. -( farts )

It, you know, there was enough people who actually, um,

recounted this tale and it's become--

it has become folklore.

Maybe some of his abilities were a bit,

if you like, trumped up.

But still, I mean, even though the French

would laugh at farting,

you know, it wasn't something

that was socially acceptable.

In fact, I was unable to find any sort of culture

where it was truly accepted as just, you know,

"Oh, yeah, yeah, fart,"

you know, "Yeah, sure. That's okay."

- ( farting sounds ) - ( audience laughing )

( farting loudly )

And Japan even-- you know, even had a guy that did that

and there was a-- a famous scroll

which I talk about in "Who Cut The Cheese"

and it told a story-- this goes back about maybe,

uh, about 300 or 400 years or so,

and, you know, even in Japanese society,

you know, farting was funny.

In some places, like, there were some African...

uh-- uh, countries where if you farted

in front of the wrong person, you could be killed.

( farting )

Man: John Wycoff, and the degree is D.O.

Flatulence in the purest sense

is gas that's made in the intestines,

usually from the digestion of food

by various bacteria and organisms.

I don't know why people get so embarrassed about farting.

After all, it's a natural process,

isn't it?

( church bells tolling )

Some people say that you get some bloating

and distension in the abdomen

and, uh, that can be relieved by flatulence.

Sometimes some people-- they try to hold in the flatulence

and that could be, uh, can cause some discomfort.

You know, if it's a bodily function, there's cause and effect.

So something causes it.

Something causes the gas to build up.

Something causes gas to release, okay?

It's a chemical reaction.

Nothing serious is gonna happen by not passing flatus.

Female interviewer: So it's not bad for you then to hold...?

No, it's more... It's gonna cause discomfort, but noth-- nothing...

You're not gonna explode or have any problems like that.

( farting )

There are a number of theories of humor,

you know, and you can theorize

farting relative to all of them really.

Um...

It's a taboo, I suppose.

Uh, so Freud would say, it has comic potential

because it's one of those things that we repress.

It was difficult to...

Would you just excuse me a minute?

( farts )

Oh, excuse me. I just-- ah.

Uh, it was difficult to actually--

Ooh, that's a bit..

Actually, I shouldn't have done that.

- Two, one. - ( laughing )

Well, farting is-- yeah, we all do it.

Yeah, farting is something that--

it's a very, very funny, uh, for young children.

Once you reach a certain age,

and you're supposed to grow up

and grow out of childish humor.

Fart four, fart five, fart six...

Fart five, fart 11,

fart 12...

I think that, uh,

the younger generations

tend to be more open with a lot of things.

than when I was coming up.

I mean, that's just a totally different environment.

For them it's somewhat...

It's-- it's-- everything is about humor.

So, yeah, it's more accepted

because of the humorous aspect of it.

You were talking about the 16-year old

that stays in the household.

It's about "funny."

Whereas before it was about where you were at,

and if it was proper based upon who was around you.

And now, that's irrelevant.

**

Dalai Lama: We are mentally,

emotionally, intellectually,

we are same.

Man: A point he rather inadvertently proved

through an unexpected story about gas.

When in airplane,

sometimes this gas problem comes.

Then, you see, difficult to let out.

( audience laughing )

So, occasionally, you see, look around

then-- then you let it out like that.

( laughs )

Female interviewer: Now, are you the kind of person that laughs

at the general fart joke?

I laugh at fart jokes and I laugh at farting.

Right.

I laugh in situations where people fart.

I mean, because as I say,

it always has the potential to be funny.

There are a variety of reasons

why that's the case, I think.

Hi, I'm Mr. Safety, and today I'm gonna teach you

how to hide your farts in public.

We've got a tennis player called John Newcombe.

Uh, and it's, um, it's his birthday today,

so why don't we say,

uh, you celebrate his great set

of fart happy birthday

I said, and then I've got some candles,

we'll put them on the cake,

and we'll blow them out.

And, uh, that was very nice and--

( audience laughing )

You are still going, I can hear.

I'm ready, yes.

We're going to celebrate--

this is for the people at home,

who may-- and people in the audience,

who may have a birthday.

( host speaking native language )

We're going to blow the birthday cake--

- the candles out... - Okay.

- ...one at a time. - ( audience laughing )

Ah, just nice and low-- nice and...

( speaking native language )

Just-- just down there a little...

- A little down there? - There we go.

Okay, one...

two...

three...

- Is this the last one? - Yes.

- Make a wish. - Okay.

( cheers, applause )

And apparently afterwards,

the switchboard at Channel 9

it was in meltdown.

I mean, it's a surprising sound anyway.

- But it's surprising when it comes out of... - ( fart sound )

...somewhere you not expecting it to come out of.

Everybody does it, yet most people are ashamed to fart.

( fart noise )

Most people don't even like to talk about it.

They think it's pretty gross.

( farting sound )

Here at JokeStrap, we think farting's pretty hilarious.

( mouthing words ) Hilarious.

( farting noise )

You know what? It's not just us.

A bunch of my friends think farts are funny.

Ian Zagaglia: That's probably 'cause all your friends

are in junior high school. Both of them.

You know, sometimes you just gotta let it rip.

And then I get scared to death

that she's gonna walk in my office.

I think so. I mean, I think it's like with any type of, uh,

socially, uh, maybe less than acceptable symptom.

It's not something that people readily discuss.

( farting noise )

( male interviewer speaking )

My kids. Yeah.

My husband.

- My husband. - My Mom.

( laughing )

And my Dad.

Tolerated at home, but not in public or in...

And not the dinner table. That was a big thing.

- ( chattering ) - ( laughter )

Ian Mills: I'd have to say eventually, you know,

you learn your boundaries and other peoples' boundaries.

And then you're, all right, I'm not...

As soon as you're done eating,

- it's fair game. - Female interviewer: Right.

Mills: 'Cause usually, food creates that.

- ( farting noise ) - ( laughter, applause )

Being a co-worker, we were at that comfortable level where we would,

uh, fart around each other.

And they would often make me go back

and hide in the ATM room to fart

because they were smelly.

They didn't want me to do it out in--

where the customers would come in, but...

So, I don't know what I had did to her,

but ticked her off somehow.

So we were down opening a safe

where you had to have two people.

So she did her part and then I went down to do my part

and her butt was right by my head

and she farts and you can, like,

feel it on your face.

It was the most disgusting thing I've ever experienced

- in my life. - ( laughing )

I never had somebody actually fart on my head until that point.

Wow.

And I'm hoping that's the last time, but...

That's not normal in workplaces,

and it shouldn't be.

* You're fast asleep when I feel one creep *

* I try to keep it inside the bed *

* But like a good wine

* That ages with time

* Looks rotten and it's starting to spread *

* You wake up in fear

* That a fire is near

* From the smell of my own Dutch oven... *

( farting noise )

Female interviewer: Have you in present or past relationships

farted in front of your other half?

- Yup. - Yes.

- ( laughing ) - Oh, my gosh, yes.

But farting is one of those things

that is a sign of a good relationship, I think, isn't it?

Our first five years we dated, he didn't fart at all.

If you can fart in front of one another...

We got married, he farted

for a whole frickin' week.

Uh, there's a lovely "homey" quality to the relationship,

and, uh, you know, it's a positive thing, isn't it?

Female interviewer: After five years you changed your mind

and felt good to go.

- No. - No, okay.

Started eating her food.

Seriously, no women aren't supposed to fart.

- Cameraman: Why not? - Well, I don't know.

It's the way he was brought up.

Very...

I don't know who told you that.

Oh, uh...

It maybe bothers you if a woman...

Because a woman is more delicate?

- And, uh... - Ladylike.

Ladylike? But then we have to put a cork in there.

I have a crazy story that I don't even know why I'm admitting this.

But I was dating a man

and we were at a hotel

and I felt a fart coming on

and I grabbed the blanket

and I pulled it up and I stuffed it in

and it was the worst thing I ever could have done.

I don't know whether the acceptability of family farting

varies much from family to family.

I guess it must. I mean, I'm sure

the Queen and Prince Philip

don't sit there watching TV at night,

ripping them off, do they?

- No. - I'm sure they do.

So they, "Call the butler to bring the air freshener in,

will you?"

Maybe they do. I don't know.

The poor guy got to bed and he said,

"What're you trying to do, kill me?"

I couldn't be with somebody that didn't think

that was the funniest thing in the whole wide world.

I grew up with my parents having farting contests.

They would start at the top of the stairs

and see who could go down and who could keep farting down the--

- Oh, my gosh. - That's how I grew up.

People that don't think it's funny...

Did you have to eat a special meal before you did that?

Well, the cousins--

We all have special foods that we would eat

- and have farting contests. - ( all laughing )

Growing up, it was not something that was easily talked about.

It was kind of said to be something

that you didn't want to do in public.

( farting to "The Blue Danube" )

( audience guffawing )

( cheers and applause )

Yeah, the people-- like my best friend in the world

that does not think that it's funny.

So it's twice as funny to me.

So I try to, like, lock all the windows and I'll be like,

"Oh, did you-- Oh, guess what?"

I had the exact opposite upbringing.

You know, my Dad was all about farting

and, you know, just...

He, uh-- we would drive around in the car-- he's a classic rock fan,

and he would always try to fart to the tunes.

- And when-- - ( chuckles )

uh, "Smoke On The Water" by Deep Purple was on,

and that's like his shining moment

when he perfectly just released a fart to "Smoke On The Water."

It was amazing.

( farting in sync with "Smoke on the Water" )

Your story is completely different from mine growing up.

Because I didn't fart as a child.

- And-- and my brother-- - What did you do?

I had four brothers and a sister

and I would-- if they would say, Laura, did you fart today?

I would've said, "No."

Because I was so completely embarrassed by it.

( gasps ) Really?

I think it's absolutely hilarious

because usually women are so prim and proper.

And, you know, it's not prim and proper

for a lady to cut one.

But, yeah, I think it's the most hilarious thing

when you see them do it.

It's just that, you know,

you got to be open to allow it.

And when women do it, it's-- it's hilarious.

Because, you know, it's-- oops.

Yeah, you don't always expect it.

Oh, yeah, oh, yeah. That's always the cover-up,

"Oops. Oh, I'm so sorry."

And, you know, for guys it's like, "Hey, it happened."

In the most basic sense it's funny,

but it's not funny when you're taught by society

that it is something you shouldn't do.

Especially women. "You shouldn't do that."

Men can do that in the gym or in the locker room

or whatever, but women don't do that--

polite ladies don't do that at the dinner table....

- Other than your family. - I know.

My Dad's the same way. "Oh, it's not gonna smell."

And then releases the most disgusting fart you've ever heard

and then just keeps the window up.

It's like, "Come on, have some respect."

Yeah.

Oh, yeah. The sulfur from eggs.

We used to do the whole--

we'd eat my aunt's broccoli salad, deviled eggs,

and my aunt's baked beans.

And then we would all go lock ourselves in...

our "bunk house" and go to town.

Yeah, my boys, you know, have fart contests all the time.

Yeah, so there's a lot of-- lot of gas.

( laughing )

- Lots and lots of gas. - Yeah.

Well, my 16-year old, him and his buddy,

we were staying at, um...

We got a hotel room and I told them--

because they are horrible, they smell so raunchy.

I don't even know what they eat.

My sister is all about gender equality now.

So, everybody's allowed to fart, I guess.

They still do that, but it has to be in jest.

I mean, you can't really be disgusted by anything

that they do because... then you're not

in relationship the way that you should be.

On a first date, I'm not gonna do it.

Female interviewer: What if she did?

I would probably laugh about it.

It's definitely not a game changer.

- It's not a mood kill? - No. It could be depending on

what mood you're in.

We were over at the lake and it was Christmas time,

and my Dad was being so sweet.

He said, "Why don't you give me the keys to the car

and I'll go scrape off your windows,

and I'll warm it up for you?"

I was like, "That's so nice."

And so I did.

I gave him the keys to the car and stuff

and when I went out there,

he had not only scraped it, but had turned the heat on high

and had repeatedly farted in there for a good 20 minutes.

And I smelled that all the way home.

Well, one time he did this big adult fart, like...

( imitates fart )

Female interviewer #2: Where were you?

Well, we were just in the car

- driving for some... - ( fart noise )

Driving is a big issue in our family,

'cause we took a lot of road trips

and they want you to hear it and they want you to smell it.

So there's no, "I'm gonna roll the window down

even if you can't hear it,"

'cause I'm gonna wait for you to smell it.

And my sister was always the one

who would be sleeping in the backseat

and then all of a sudden it's like, "Come on!"

You have to roll the window down. You're waking her up.

- Sometimes when we're in the car... - ( blowing raspberries )

Announcer: America is facing an ongoing energy crisis.

As oil gets scarcer, gasoline gets more expensive.

And the planet suffers.

Electric cars...

Most of their electricity comes from coal fired plants

or nuclear reactors.

So, what's the answer?

How about a car that's good looking, affordable,

and runs on clean,

environmentally responsible natural gas?

( farts )

Your natural gas?

There's probably 10 kids

in the back of my friend, Sara's mother's truck,

and somebody did it.

And we didn't know who did it.

And it was probably a 10 minute drive

from the church to the house.

So the whole way home it was just the kids

back and forth and back and forth and back and forth.

And, "It was you. I know it was you."

And there was a lot of boys in the car

And everybody was just arguing

to the point of getting really angry.

And finally, her mother said,

"Would you just shut up? It was me."

And we all just stopped, like,

"Wait a minute. That's a Mom."

That wasn't supposed to happen.

Announcer: Introducing the Flatula Backfire.

It runs like the wind.

- Because it's running-- - ( farts )--

- ...on wind. - ( farts )

- Here's how it works. - ( farts )

Using state-of-the-art sanitary technology,

Flatula captures all your emissions

and efficiently channels them

directly to a powerful turbo-charged engine.

It's clean energy-- green energy.

And best of all...

it's renewable.

If something slipped out at dinner or in the car or something,

I would laugh about it, and I would probably...

It would make me feel like they were comfortable enough to do it

and-- you know, I'm-- I'm not...

gonna never call somebody again because they farted.

So you wouldn't be judgmental about it.

Oh, I would judge the hell out of 'em,

but it's not gonna make me not wanna see them again.

Announcer: The Backfire's range is practically unlimited.

But if you should happen to run low, don't worry.

You're never too far from a Flatula authorized service center.

where trained, qualified providers stand ready

to fill your tank with the gas

that's right for your driving needs.

( farting )

Flatula Backfire...

It's not just a smart car,

it's the fart car.

( farts )

( laughing )

No, I think the worst place is a funeral.

No, I think it's fine. You could do it

with your partner wherever you're at.

Oh, that would just ruin it for me.

Well, it's not exactly sexy, but, I mean...

Not everything about that encounter is always, is it?

Sometimes it's funny, so, you know.

TV shows, movies, you don't really see the women and the fart jokes.

That's-- I guess "Bridesmaids" had a scene with farting and diarrhea

that was, I thought, one of the funniest scenes in the movie.

And, I think, playing up on the social idea

that women are not supposed to fart makes it funnier.

Female interviewer: Why is it that men find it funnier than women?

Do they?

It is a man's thing.

and we find it funny that the women don't like it.

Female interviewer: Do you think that women laugh at fart jokes

as much as men?

Uh, yes, especially if it's men doing it.

Or somebody in a very proper situation.

that you just know would mortify you to death,

but it's not you so you get to laugh.

If it's on the other foot, I've often thought about this.

You know, if a woman farted, you know,

than it's a massive turnoff for a guy.

Do you know what I mean? It's like, "Whoa," you know.

I'm always one that, if you're gonna do it,

take the credit for it, you know?

It does not excuse him for holding the blankets over my head at night.

Yeah, holding the covers down.

We call that the "Dutch oven."

My Mom doesn't really make any farts.

Cameraman #2: Is she the silent type?

Yep. And then, um...

And then she, um...

Well, we always say her farts smell like roses.

'Cause they don't.

Man: Is that what she tells you to say?

* With no one else to frame *

* I take the blame

* You can't believe it's been me the whole time *

* Rotting gas

* Whoa ooh whoa oh oh, ho ooh oh oh oh *

* Smells like ass

* Oh ooo oh oh oh

- * I think I farted - * In the bed

- * I think I farted - * In the bed

- * I think I farted - * In the bed

* I think I farted

No, it's social acceptance and it's a difficult one,

because even I, as a performing flatulist,

understand that.

( farting )

People say to me, "Hey, don't break wind in here."

You know, and like, well, look, I'm a professional.

You know, I've got more control than you.

So that's rubbish, you know.

It's not dinner table subject

except at our dinner table some times,

but that's just because somebody just did it.

We had standards.

You weren't supposed to just go into church or something

and fart loud and get a high five for it,

but you know, it--

So you still had to have respect for your surroundings

and especially big public places.

And, you know, my parents would get embarrassed,

or my Mom moreso than my Dad.

My Dad would give you the high five, down low,

but, you know, keep it hidden.

I can't-- I don't know if there is any one story

people talk about having flatulence on airplanes,

in job interviews

and the social embarrassment that goes along with it

associated with that.

Work or having sex would be the worst.

That is when it's not acceptable.

I disagree.

( all laughing )

- ( farts ) - ( men shouting )

Dawson: It came out and I got more coverage on that

and sold more of that than all my other books combined.

People, remember this man

- because this man - ( speaking native language )

will be able to tell you that Mr. Methane

does trump from his bottom.

Because now, this gentleman is going to place

his left earlobe on my anus.

( laughter )

And we're going to fart in his ear.

Farting was still fairly, uh...

It was still fairly taboo in the United States

and, uh, they had all these morning zoo programs

and they were looking for any excuse they could find

just to say the word "fart"

or to play fart effects on, you know--

you know, on the air.

So, after the book came out in February of '99--

for like the next six months

I was up pretty much every morning around 4:00

doing all these morning zoo shows.

Oh man, it was just--

I was laughing so hard I was crying,

but I was totally embarrassed.

It was awful.

Welcome, sir. Welcome.

- Tommy. - Tommy.

Welcome, Tommy. Welcome.

Thanks. Thanks.

Come and put your left ear over my anus.

Nice and close.

The left not the right.

It's-- not the right,

- the left. - The left.

- The left. - Oh, okay, okay.

This is nothing gay here.

This is like men bonding like Vikings, okay?

- Make him close. - Nice and close.

- Okay? - ( speaking native language )

It does not have teeth. It does not bite.

Even closer, closer. Here we go.

( overlapping chatter )

Okay, five...

All: Four, three,

two, one.

( farts )

But that's the worst part,

when you think you have to fart

and you're really worried

that it might not be a fart.

( laughs )

Ah... Doo-doo.

( speaking native language )

Sammy, Sammy, I want to thank you...

That-- that-- that was real.

That was-- that was...?

That was definite real.

- I'm serious. - Woman: True.

You know, you walk away

and that might leave a mark.

Oh, God. Don't do that.

Uh, sorry about the mess there.

- Man: Mr. Methane? - You'll have to wash it off.

Doo-doo.

I just said "doo-doo" again.

We're just setting up the competition.

- ( laughs ) - I'm just saying.

Female interviewer: Is that when you go look

for a restroom at that point?

- Well, it might be too late. - Too late.

Uh, that was maybe a fart fret in English.

What do you think? He tried fart hard.

He tried, yes, but you've got to make sure

you don't go all the way.

You know, it's difficult.

You have to get the balance right,

'cause you can have an accident.

Okay.

This is my signature look.

I think I may have just pooped myself.

Like, there is a girl that Troy and I work with that came in--

and she came in and she's kinda higher up,

and she's like, "Well, I have a question"--

all serious.

And as she opened her mouth to ask the question,

her butt opened at the same time,

and she just farted all the way through this question

- and went, "Oops." - ( fart )

I couldn't even focus.

I just kinda...

And I thought, I'm at work. I can't laugh.

'Cause I-- it's not funny at work.

I mean, it is funny, but I would never do it at work.

And when she left, as soon as she--

I knew she got down to her office--

I couldn't control myself the rest of the day.

The day was over. Like, they should have just sent me home.

Like, she just said, "Oh, whoops."

And then walked out.

Like not even "excuse me, " but just...

I'm like, you just opened your mouth and your butt

at the same time.

How can you even face me ever again?

And being a boy, you know how it was,

we just, you gotta go, you gotta go.

- ( fart ) - Absolutely.

So, it's a natural, human bodily function anyway, so...

Female interviewer: But it was seen as rude.

It was seen as rude, absolutely.

The louder you sing, the louder I fart.

( speaking native language )

I do feel in any case, um, in company,

there's a time and a place for the farting.

And-- and-- and I don't start to fart

around the dinner table, you know,

unless I really know the people there,

and they're comfortable with it

'cause they understand that social etiquette.

- I am ready. - Let's start!

All together now. Let's do it!

( fart )

Man: My name is-- ( fart )

Yes, that's exactly what my name is.

And today, I give you the history of the whoopee cushion.

( farts )

No, but at my wedding

they tried to put a whoopee cushion on my chair,

and my kid thought that was--

My uncles are the ones that brought the darn thing.

Announcer: Ready, set--

( airhorn blares )

- ( fart ) - ( woman cheering )

The first known item that resembled a whoopee cushion

was used by a Roman emperor by the name of...

Elagabalus.

And he tried to get me to go sit down

and tried to, you know, be all nice

and lead me by my hand

and-- like he was gonna see his mother and all...

And I saw the thing underneath my seat cover

and that blew the whole thing off of him--

all of 'em. So, I didn't sit on it.

( audience cheering )

This company put the word "whoopee"

on-- on-- on-- on this cushion--

whoopee cushion-- and bingo.

Then years later in the early 1900s,

two factory workers who were experimenting

with leftover scraps of rubber...

( farting )

...discovered that if they glued two pieces

of rubber together,

they could make them "farter face."

( farting )

- ( audience cheering ) - Man: Go! Go!

It wasn't the sort of thing that you would put,

have a big advertisement in the "New Yorker," you know?

( audience cheering )

But the thing, you know, caught on and-- and--

uh, and these were like mail-order companies.

The owner of Gem Rubber Co.,

the company where the factory workers worked,

took this new item

to the marketing geniuses of Samuel Adams

of sneezing powder fame in the early 1900s,

but he passed on the product

saying that it was completely and totally undignified.

You'd see them in the back of a--

of a-- just a regular magazine comic book

and order it and they would send it to your door.

And it became part of our culture.

The rubber guy then went to Sam's competitor...

That one was silent.

...the Johnson-Smith Company.

He sold novelty items such as fake vomit,

X-ray goggles, and a buzzing handshaker.

- ( fart ) - ( audience cheering )

I don't even know if people use 'em

as whoopee cushions anymore.

I think they buy 'em just to have it, you know,

just showing somebody a whoopee cushion has the effect.

He saw the inherent value in the whoopee cushion,

and he began marketing it immediately.

At which point Samuel Adams then said,

"Hey, that's a great idea."

And made his own version of the whoopee cushion

called the raspberry cushion,

which is what the English people call farts.

You know, it's like Pavlov's dog at this point.

All you have to do is see the thing

and then they laugh.

- You know? - ( fart )

( people grunting, laughing)

Pee-ew!

( audience chanting ) Go! Go! Go!

( cheering )

Announcer: Three, two, one.

( airhorn blares )

Oh, hello and welcome to "Fart by Mail."

You might be asking yourself,

"What exactly is 'Fart by Mail'"?

In the back it said, "Farts just like Dad used to make."

Oh, that should be good.

( fart )

It's a mail order fart service

where we send farts to your friends for you.

( farting )

( man laughing )

Your friends also get a stunning

professionally printed high-gloss

full colored greeting card.

( farting )

Your custom message, a heinous odor,

and a hilarious fart sound.

I peeled something that said "peel off."

It says, "Smell here."

I think I would avoid that at all cost.

It smells like real poo.

Yeah, I guess that would be from our son.

( man laughing )

Um, I saw a fart extinguisher which had...

It was an air freshener,

but it was in a little extinguisher bottle.

It was very-- very clever. Quite a practical joke.

It would've been a gift to give you father.

Um...

You saw the Santa fart doll.

Oh.

( bell tinkling )

Woman: * On the first day of Christmas *

* My true love said to me *

'Twas the night before Christmas

and all through the house,

not a creature was stirring,

not even a-- ( farting )

Ho ho ho ho!

Santa Claus was saying "The Night Before Christmas"

and he let it rip and he'd laugh

and then he'd modify his story a little bit to include it.

It was a-- yeah, it's a strange thing.

And all the cookies, I hold in my cap,

I had just settled down to take a big--

( farting uncontrollably )

It's just--

it's beginning to smell a lot like Christmas!

( farting continues )

( laughing )

Here comes Santa Claus.

( farting )

( laughing )

Radio DJ: Ooh wee!

Ever notice how possum taters

and chicken fried antlers go right through ya?

- * She'll be comin' around - ( farts )

- * She'll be comin' around - ( farts )

* She'll be coming round the mountain *

- * When she comes - ( farts )

I think they normally complain,

but are laughing on the inside.

No, we complain about the smell.

That's a whole 'nother thing.

( speaking native language )

( chattering )

Lots of comedy in the UK is actually

based around, uh, farting, isn't it?

Good-- yeah, I like the idea. Bloody good.

He try--

I think when people onstage get nervous,

the muscle tenses up, they're unable to fart

it's very difficult to come up here and fart.

When my daughter was little, she'd sit on my lap

and she'd fart and, "Oh, my God."

Jaken, you're the king of walking by someone

and farting and then leaving.

What do we call that?

( muttering )

whispering: You know, crop dusting.

Crop dusting.

( laughing )

There was a time and a place though, but my Mom and Dad

when we would go to the grocery store,

my Dad would, you know, leave one somewhere

waiting for my Mom to walk in and it'd be like...

( laughing )

Or you're walking through the mall or something,

you're like, oh my God, what is that...?

'Cause you know it wasn't you.

But somebody left that market and there is no one there.

It was that bad that it just kinda sat there for a while.

- ( laughing ) - Never mind.

* No matter how hard I pray

* My gas won't go away

* I'll know that it's not okay *

The foul stench of flatulence

comes from the bacteria inside our intestines.

In the process of converting food into useful nutrients,

the bacteria produces a smelly byproduct called...

Fart generating ingredients include...

What's unusual is, how loud or how stinky.

That's what sets-- that's what sets you apart.

I think it's different

f you're the donor or the receiver.

( farting )

Dr. Wycoff: You know the odor issue really runs the gamut.

It probably relates more

to the type of foods that you had to eat.

So I don't think odor is something that you can reproducibly

or predictably use as an indicator.

Certainly a persistent foul odor

that's maybe different than the past

and continues maybe of some significance.

But for the clinician, it's very hard to use odor

as a gauge of what's going on.

You know, typically when you have a loud fart,

it doesn't smell.

Female interviewer: What's worse, noisy or stinky?

Oh, stinky.

No, it's a smell-noise thing, isn't it?

No, the smell is terrible, but if it's not noisy

and you don't know who's done...

Female interviewer: Is this true?

Nothing worse than a silent stinker.

You know, usually you got the noise maker

- that has no impact. - ( fart noise )

And then those silent but deadly ones

that kinda clear the room.

He's both all in one.

We got the best of both worlds.

Yeah, he's got-- he's both.

I'm a toss-up. You never know.

You never know.

And then you have-- you come into

which is the most obnoxious type, is it?

- The silent but violent. - That's bad.

Or the noisy but innocent.

Worse, in terms of producing humor, uh, I think,

noise has more potential to produce humor.

( chattering )

( farting )

( men shouting )

As far as what might make me a bit squeamish,

I think it's the smell.

I don't know if he held it in for that time or what.

You know, the noise is funny,

but when it smells so bad...

- That you can just taste it? - ...that's just gross.

That's a bonus.

Well, Jaken, do your farts reek?

No.

They really do.

I mean, I didn't mind smells

associated with farts too much

until I learned that smells are actually

produced by physical molecules.

And whenever I remember that--

whenever I think there's something physical--

from somebody else's...

insides in my nostrils,

then that tends to make me a bit queasy.

Female interviewer: Thank you for teaching me that.

Female interviewer: Yeah, there's actually particles in the air.

Yeah, we know. We don't wanna think about it.

( gasps ) Really?

Yeah, you really are tasting it.

( groaning )

Female narrator: The "escapee," which takes place

when trying to pee at the urinal

or forcing a poop.

( giggling )

It's not like you just pooped on him.

- I mean, it... - Well, sorta.

- It's in the air. - I know.

It went down his throat, right?

Female narrator: This is almost always followed

by an overwhelming sense of shame and embarrassment.

If this does take place, remain calm.

Pretend it did not happen.

If you are in the vicinity of this happening,

do not acknowledge. It is uncomfortable for all involved.

( multiple farting noises )

Well, children absolutely adore farting.

Just about every family--

no matter how proper they are, you know,

has some kind of little expression

that they use with the kids.

You know, because everybody farts

and kids fart, and kids find farts funny.

So adults have to deal with it

in one way or another.

( card farting )

( giggling )

So they would have all these expressions like,

"Somebody let Fluffy of the leash."

- ( fart noise ) - ( giggling )

Uh, "Did somebody step on a duck?"

And if you've ever farted in the shower,

you know, facing away from the shower,

you know that when you fart it-- it--

it makes a quacking sound.

- You know? - ( ducks quacking )

- Quack. - ( quacking )

When it came time for this third book,

that just seemed like a-- like a good title.

- ( farting noise continues ) - Boy: Stop!

Mother: What does your daddy do that stinks?

- He farts. - ( laughing )

Mother: Is that funny?

And I'm brilliant at making children laugh.

If you-- if I want--

if you happen to be on a long-haul flight,

and there's a child crying,

then I can-- I can stop them crying.

I can make them laugh.

And I do it by doing this.

( farting )

Within seconds, they're falling about.

Woman: Ooh!

Ah, there's just something...

With adults it doesn't work quite so well.

- ( farting ) - Woman: Never mind.

With children, they love it.

There's just something about that sound.

( blowing raspberries )

My kids like my fart app on my kindle.

Male announcer: If you need to clear a room fast

or just make someone laugh, iFart for the iPhone

may be just what you're looking for.

Select any of the sounds,

but with new features like sound recorder,

"Fart a Friend" and many more...

( various fart noises playing )

iFart charges everything.

Think of it though. It's a noise that comes out of your butt.

- Well, in the-- - How is that not funny?

* Please don't say goodbye I know that most girls *

* Try to keep their flatulence inside *

* But I can't lie

* I need a man who knows the past *

* A lot of gas, that smells the gas *

* Is here to last for infinity to beyond *

- * Rotting gas - ( vocalizing )

- * I farted - ( vocalizing )

- * Smells like ass - ( vocalizing )

- * I definitely farted - ( vocalizing )

- * I think I farted - * On a wall

- * I think I farted - * In the bed

- * I think I farted - * On the TV

* I think I fa a-a-a-a *

- * Rotting gas - ( vocalizing )

* I'll be coming round the mountain *

- * When she comes - ( fart noise )

* I'll be coming around the mountain when she comes *

( fart noise )

Uh, one candle is still...

- Oh, one left. - One left now.

Make a wish. Make a wish.

( laughs )

( grunts, farts )

My kids can't do it without announcing it.

They'll do it and of course, the whole world hears it.

- Mom, I farted! - ( laughter )

Really? Yeah, pull my finger.

( laughter continues )

Gail Hale: Well, we were-- we were on a cruise ship

and my sisters and-- we were on the elevator...

Oh, the elevator fart.

...and the elevator door opened

and these people were getting in and I said,

"You don't wanna come in here."

Do not go in there.

Female interviewer: It was him.

- Yeah. - I don't recall this story.

- It was in Alaska. - Ah.

**

* Dog farts

* How unfortunate, oh, no *

* Dog farts

* Someone open a window...

- Female interviewer: Right. - Yes.

Female interviewer: So, what would you say

is your most embarrassing fart story?

( continual farting noise )

It's embarrassing for the person that does it, isn't it sometimes?

None of them are embarrassing for me.

- He just lets it rip. - When it's time it's time.

I think, yes, it's obviously

embarrassing if you're with

complete strangers or people you've just recently met.

And, uh, I think in some circumstances

if someone does, it's followed by silence,

and, um-- awkward silence.

I'm not sure I get embarrassed about farting.

One time I had this big fart at Target...

In that sense, it's not something

that I associate with, uh--

uh, humor in my own life really.

I can imagine some very prim and proper situations

where the one that did it was probably

terribly embarrassed or mortified.

But everybody around 'em was just...

Couldn't wait to get outside to bust out laughing

You know.

Houston: Okay

Yes, of course, if it's people you know or family,

then, uh, uh--

somebody will make a witty...

- Remark? - Remark. That's right.

If I wanna fart, I just do.

It's not-- it's not me. I-- I don't fart.

Cameraman #2: If you toot, do you blame it

on somebody else?

No.

Kind of no, not really.

Cameraman #2: So you take responsibility for your own farts?

Of course I do.

Then how'd you know it was me?

We knew.

I don't know what you're hearing, but it's not me.

Uh-uh. Denial.

You normally don't raise your hand.

( laughs )

- That was me. - ( fart noise )

Yes, I...

I mean, I don't announce it, uh, obviously.

( blowing raspberries ) That was me.

( blowing raspberries ) That was me.

Actually, sometimes I do announce it.

Uh, but, I mean, it depends on the company,

I guess.

Sometimes I just-- you know, I sneak them out...

Same as everybody else does.

Female interviewer : Right. Yeah.

( fart noise )

Um, originally, when I started, obviously,

I discovered this ability to breathe, um--

with the bottom end.

I'm just gonna give you one for level.

Yeah?

( farting )

( laughing )

That was, uh, that was George Michael, that was.

( laughing )

A careless whisper.

I was introduced by Kelsey Grammer-- Fraser of Cheers...

Two, one...

( laughter )

...you know, and he gives a monologue

and then he's with a lady actress,

um, I think her name was Brett Butler,

and she says, "Oh, that farting guy was awful."

You know, his anecdote is...

it's the first thing we ever laugh at in life,

and possibly the only thing we can always laugh at.

I-- I think-- I think you know what's going on here now.

Um, then it becomes less funny and, uh,

adults who are--

who aspire to be more sophisticated and cultured

tend to try and distance themselves from that kind of humor.

Uh, but it's like any taboo, I suppose,

uh, it always has the potential to resurface

in humorous ways.

And so, it always tends to have a-- you know,

a-- a humorous potential farting.

Um, but, yes, I mean, it's--

it's more associated with, uh,

children and childish humor.

Which is a shame.

Swift, you know, wrote a lot of things

about people farting

because he saw that as an expression

of our basic humanity

that we're always trying to cover up.

And, therefore, it's always funnier than it really is.

Didn't you say something about the...

You were in the underground in London

- with a lot of people. - Oh, that's right.

- What is it? - I went to a soccer match--

football match-- many years ago,

and it was

absolutely packed, you-- like sardines...

Woman over P.A.: This is a Piccadilly line service to Oxbridge.

...and you couldn't move.

Couldn't move.

One of my colleagues from work had been

drinking beer, hot dogs, onions--

- the whole lot... - What a mixture.

Well, anyway, halfway along the journey, he dropped one.

The moment, um, I...

I tentatively made this claim,

to be the world's only performing flatulist.

There were moans and...

You could tell-- you could actually hear it

passing up the coach, the carriage

I'm not so tentative now, because I know

there are other flatulists

or other people who perform my art.

As the complaints moved up the train,

gosh, and nobody could-- you couldn't escape.

You couldn't walk away. You couldn't do anything.

- ( laughing ) - It was disgusting.

But to actually go out there and perform a show

and-- and-- and make a living out of it,

uh, which I do...

- ( farting ) - ...Strangely, I--

I still find it bizarre.

You know, and there's times when I try and retire.

And it's like a calling, it pulls me back.

It pulls me back. It says, "You won't do that.

No. You will go to Japan, you know,

and you will fart on the television on Fuji TV.

Okay. One, two...

For the entertainment value, of course.

Not-- not lots of times, but on the few occasions

I've had hostile, um, sort of reactions

from an audience.

( farting )

Luckily, it's not a lot of the time.

And I've had to sort of say, well, obviously,

it's not for you and just wind it up.

I think once was a BMW sales conference.

I am ready. Is the orchestra ready?

- Are you ready? - Yes.

( fart )

Oldfield: He said, come on the show and we'll sing a duet.

So I came on the show and we sang a duet of "Da Doo Ron Ron."

* I met him on a Monday and my heart stood still *

( farting melody )

It was, you know,

it was a piece of classic television.

* And my heart stood still

( farting melody )

That was it. I was never shown on the BBC.

And by today's standards it's quite mild.

- * And his name was Bill - ( farting melody )

But at the time, it was just, no, no.

I mean, we're going back, I think it was '90...

'97-- 1997, so, you know, attitudes were different.

( farting )

And, really, when I create something, it's a labor of love.

I just take it and reform it,

but, you know, it's still a labor of love.

This is what I do as a job.

And-- and-- and to me, that's a work of art.

* Da doo ron ron ron

- ( farting ) - ( laughing )

( sighs heavily )

It's just a fart. You know to me,

all you have to do is fart over it.

You don't realize what a lot of hard work

goes into that, um, farting, really.

You know, I once recorded a version

of "In The Air Tonight" by Phil Collins.

- * I remember - ( farting )

It's a very...

You know, music is a precious creation.

It's something they've created.

So they're very-- you like to laugh.

A lot of big artists

like the fact that I've done

"In The Air Tonight" by Phil Collins.

You know, but if you turn around to them and say,

well, could we do one of your tracks?

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.

So, they like to laugh,

but you-- we mustn't despoil their work.

( laughter, applause )

All right.

I do understand that-- that, you know,

when you create something and it's a work of,

you know, in your eyes that's a work of art--

it's a labor of love,

and then a guy comes along and farts all over it.

- * I remember-- - ( farts )

Jim Dawson: In this country, there's been some big changes

since my book came out.

In 1999, when "Who Cut The Cheese?"

came out, uh, of course,

there were a lot of films by that time

that had farting gags in 'em.

But the "L.A. Times," for example,

would not use that word.

And then over time, I saw that--

that they've started using the word "fart"

in the, you know...

If they were talking about old people, you know,

he's a, you know, he's an old fart.

We're so old, we fart dust.

And then gradually, they would start--

they would quote someone

that said something about fart jokes

because after a while,

the idea of fart jokes and films

became sort of like a big topic out here.

Because every comedy had at least

one fart joke scene.

You know, and it became sort of like, you know,

like a, um...

a bad example of comedy.

You know, is there, you know,

can there be at least one comedy film

that doesn't have a fart joke in it?

But I-- I think a lot of the--

a lot of sort of comedy cowboy movies--

Yeah, well, "Blazing Saddles" is the classic.

Well, if somebody would make a comment like that,

the "L.A. Times" would print it.

So, gradually, they would, you know, they would...

The word "fart" crept into the, um, newspaper,

and I think that really expresses

the overall acceptance

that's been going on for the last, well, let's see,

what, this is, uh, 2013.

So we're talking about,

you know, if it was 14 years ago.

I think generally it's best for people to get them out.

- Ah... - ( laughs )

- Because... - ( indistinct )

...there's nothing worse than a cooked one.

( all laughing )

A lot of humor is sho--

shock and shame, you know, that's--

that's all part of what's funny.

- We're all on the same road... - Yes.

...with an ultimate goal,

but we're all. different travelers

And also same experience of gas.

( laughing )

I don't think I'll ever forget this day.

( all laughing )

Well, it reminds us

that no matter how high and mighty

we may think we are,

we may think we're part of the--

we're-- we're-- we're part of the angels or something,

but when it comes down to it,

we're just like the dogs and the cats.

You know-- ( fart )--

when, you know, we poop and pee and fart

just like everybody else.

Like all the other animals out there.

( man speaking native language )

( farting )

Hey, Randy, are farts flammable?

Yes, Ian. Farts are flame-able.

The proper way to light a fart is to lie on your back

- with your legs up. - ( straining )

They're probably more of what I would call

one of those Internet wives' tale.

Apparently, the hydrogen sulfide that's produced in the bowel

had some potential to ignite...

Here we go.

...but I've never heard anyone that's done it.

But is it in the realm of possible?

Um, probably a good Mythbusters.

Humans fart up to about a half a gallon a day.

That's about...

Some a whole lot more.

( farting )

Cameraman: A human being farts 14 times a day.

Female interviewer: On average.

Baxter: 14 times a day? Do you know the volume?

Emilia Gortan: 14 times a day?

Cameraman: They don't have--

No, I don't think so.

How many cc's of toxic gas does that...?

Dr. Wycoff: And the mile-per-hour one is news to me.

Ah, that very well may be true.

I'm not sure how you measure that.

The 14-- I've heard anywhere from an eight to 20

as being the normal range for most people.

Oftentimes, you know, flatulence is passed

when you're sleeping or in a way

that you don't even notice you're passing it but, uh,

14 is probably right and seven miles-per-hour, it sounds good to me.

Female interviewer: Right, yeah,

- I don't know either. - I don't know how you measure.

- Right. - Maybe they have a meter.

A flat-o-meter or something.

Or a slow-motion camera. I don't know.

Maybe-- maybe that's it.

There's a whole study of flatalogy.

So, uh, maybe they've studied it.

Well, that was laid on me.

You know, the people said,

"Well, can we call you a 'fartologist?'"

And I said, "Well, sure."

And, you know-- and it-- it--

it helps sell books, I suppose.

Male interviewer: So, what is the definition of a "fartologist," I guess.

Well, a "fartologist" is somebody who has been

studying all the-- the-- the, um--

phenomena of farting.

Female narrator: When forcing a poop...

- ( fart noise ) - ...sometimes a fart will take place

in a rapid machine-gun fashion.

( farting )

Possibly as a result of drinking too much

- or of feeling sick. - ( fart sound )

When this happens, keep calm

and wait until the bathroom is cleared

before planning your exit.

I don't care anymore.

I used to keep it in or I-- I used to go to the bathroom...

In our family there was a rating system.

You know, there were--

there were five of us including the dog,

and Dad was top,

our daughter was number two stinky,

then was my son,

then was the dog, then was me,

because I made the system.

The sound-- you know, the fart sound,

I believe, it's just from the-- the anal opening--

the anal sphincter skin vibrating

as the gas is expelled through normal peristalsis,

so your colon can contract,

and as it contracts, it pushes things through

including gas.

And it can push it through at apparently

seven miles-per-hour.

So, um, the passage of the gas through the anal opening,

the anal verge produces a sound.

Most British men my age now should have a beer belly

that I can-- it's that big-- I can rest, you know,

I can rest a tray of chips and gravy on it

and eat from, you know, but I haven't.

You know, I keep-- I keep farting fit.

( farts )

I don't know. I guess everything that we can--

that we can explore

or that we can be more honest about

just breaks down more barriers.

It just, you know, like you said,

eliminate the shame, eliminate the judgment.

I mean, if we can all just agree that it's normal,

then there's not any reason to have anything

other than laughter, right?

( vocalizing )

- * I think I farted - * On your cat

- * I think I farted - * On my cat

- * I think I farted - * On a photo of Mitt Romney

* I think I fa a-a-arted *

Aw crap! I just -- my pants.

Final summation: Farting is always fun.

Farting with others is more fun.

And making it like someone else farted,

well, that's just money.

It was my pleasure.

All right, now I'm gonna go fart.

Now you can let it all out.

( farting )

* Come on, everybody. *

( man shouts )

* Let's have a farty

( farting )

**

I mean, you're misinterpreting what I do.

You know, you think I've got a gas problem.

And what I've got is a control of my gas.

Male interviewer: What do you guys think about

us doing a documentary about farting?

I think it's fabulous. I can't wait to watch it.

I can't wait to buy it and own it.

Are you gonna have to buy it?

Are we gonna have to buy it?

( laughing )

Female interviewer #2: We'll give you guys copies, yeah.

( all laughing )

( farting )

I'm gonna let it go.

Hey, you're not...?

I don't know if I wanna touch you.

( all laughing )

* May the fart be with you *

* May the fart be with you *

We're looking for the reaction.

Yeah, I have, but it's a manly thing to do.

Especially if it's a spanker.

( laughing )

( farting )

* May the fart be with you. *