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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:01:33,427 --> 00:01:35,262 - Hi. - Hey. 2 00:01:37,464 --> 00:01:38,365 Can I help you? 3 00:01:40,300 --> 00:01:41,502 I'm a lawyer. 4 00:01:42,503 --> 00:01:43,838 - Oh! - Yeah. 5 00:01:44,739 --> 00:01:48,910 - Okay, cool. Good for you. - Yeah. It's pretty cool. 6 00:01:48,943 --> 00:01:51,478 - You like it? - Yeah, I like it. 7 00:01:51,512 --> 00:01:53,848 Is... I mean, I'm sorry... What are you doing here? Can I help you? 8 00:01:53,881 --> 00:01:56,751 Um... I have this for you. 9 00:01:56,784 --> 00:01:59,353 Um, it's Derek. 10 00:01:59,386 --> 00:02:00,588 - And... - This is a person? 11 00:02:00,622 --> 00:02:02,456 - It's a person. - These are ashes!! 12 00:02:02,489 --> 00:02:04,726 - It's a full person. Um... - What? What? No, wait. 13 00:02:04,759 --> 00:02:07,294 Why are these... I don't... Who is this? Who's Derek? 14 00:02:07,327 --> 00:02:10,464 Anderson. That... that's Derek Anderson. 15 00:02:10,497 --> 00:02:12,900 - Derek Anderson's dead? - Yes. 16 00:02:14,969 --> 00:02:16,504 - Seriously? - Yeah. 17 00:02:16,537 --> 00:02:19,239 - That's amazing! - What? Wait... - Whoa... 18 00:02:19,272 --> 00:02:21,375 No! Sorry. Oh, I'm sorry, that's rude. 19 00:02:21,408 --> 00:02:23,711 - Very rude. - He just... 20 00:02:23,745 --> 00:02:26,848 Look, we used to be friends... I hate his guts... I hated... his guts... his guts! 21 00:02:26,881 --> 00:02:29,449 I hated him. He ruined my life. He did something terrible... 22 00:02:29,483 --> 00:02:31,552 I haven't talked to him in twelve years. No, I don't care. 23 00:02:31,586 --> 00:02:33,755 Oh, I don't care at all, that's incredible! 24 00:02:33,788 --> 00:02:36,223 Okay, but you have to. 25 00:02:36,256 --> 00:02:38,826 I don't have to. I don't... If I don't want to, I can just... here, take 'em. 26 00:02:38,860 --> 00:02:41,663 I'm a lawyer, so you... you have to. 27 00:02:41,696 --> 00:02:44,197 Are you saying I legally have to spread these ashes? 28 00:02:44,231 --> 00:02:46,734 Yeah, you legally have to spread the ashes. With Harry. Your... your friend Harry. 29 00:02:46,768 --> 00:02:48,569 - Harry Davis? - Yeah. 30 00:02:48,603 --> 00:02:51,873 No! No! I hate Harry more than I hate Derek! 31 00:02:51,906 --> 00:02:53,541 I haven't talked to him in twelve years, either! 32 00:02:53,574 --> 00:02:55,677 I'm not gonna spread his ashes with Harry! 33 00:02:55,710 --> 00:02:57,545 Are you kidding me? 34 00:02:57,578 --> 00:02:59,847 - Well, I told you, you have to. - I don't think that's real. 35 00:02:59,881 --> 00:03:01,381 It's real. 36 00:03:01,415 --> 00:03:02,817 You sound like you don't understand law! 37 00:03:02,850 --> 00:03:04,619 How long have you even been a lawyer? 38 00:03:04,652 --> 00:03:08,488 I don't... Ugh. Like, twenty, twenty, twenty, um... 39 00:03:08,523 --> 00:03:11,258 - Twenty, twenty-five years. - Twenty to twenty-five years. 40 00:03:11,291 --> 00:03:14,428 - Twe... Twenty to twenty-five and a half years or something. - That's insane. How old are you? 41 00:03:14,461 --> 00:03:16,496 I'm like forty-nine. 42 00:03:17,732 --> 00:03:19,567 - Seriously? - Yeah. 43 00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:21,969 I'm sorry, no, I'm sorry to be... No, you look amazing! 44 00:03:22,003 --> 00:03:24,539 - No, I'm just saying, like, you look much younger than 49. - Thank you. Thank you. 45 00:03:24,572 --> 00:03:25,940 - Congratulations. - You know what it is? 46 00:03:25,973 --> 00:03:28,810 You stay, uh... You get a lotta sunlight. 47 00:03:28,843 --> 00:03:31,612 If you just kinda bake a little bit... Um... 48 00:03:31,646 --> 00:03:33,581 - I feel like it's the opp... no. - No, no, no, no. 49 00:03:33,614 --> 00:03:36,483 Like... You just... You... The sun really keeps you young. 50 00:03:37,585 --> 00:03:40,755 - I think it's... - And looking into it. 51 00:03:40,788 --> 00:03:42,590 Well, thank you for everything. I'm gonna throw these in the trash, okay? 52 00:03:42,623 --> 00:03:44,592 Okay. Bye. 53 00:03:50,631 --> 00:03:52,265 I... 54 00:03:54,367 --> 00:03:57,905 Oh! Come on... What the f... 55 00:03:59,439 --> 00:04:02,309 Put your fuckin' picture on the top of the... 56 00:04:03,443 --> 00:04:05,278 God damn it. 57 00:04:06,514 --> 00:04:08,950 No, I just... I... 58 00:04:09,851 --> 00:04:13,420 No. No. No. 59 00:04:23,430 --> 00:04:25,600 - Luke-ay, Luke-ay, Luke-ay! - Trevor. 60 00:04:25,633 --> 00:04:27,969 - What's up, my man, how's it goin'? - Good, dude. How you doing? 61 00:04:28,002 --> 00:04:31,539 Dude, what the fuck? Are you looking at fucking porn, you fucking horn dog, at work? 62 00:04:31,572 --> 00:04:33,741 I... I'm doing my job, man! This is the Walmart... Chicks of Walmart thing! 63 00:04:33,775 --> 00:04:35,510 I'm jerkin' your dick, my guy! 64 00:04:35,543 --> 00:04:37,745 - Dude, what is this? Seriously? - Ya got me. 65 00:04:37,779 --> 00:04:40,882 This is the Walmart one. This is the 33 hottest chicks ever spotted at Walmart. 66 00:04:40,915 --> 00:04:43,050 Oh! Fuck yeah, dude, let me see this. Oh, my God... 67 00:04:43,084 --> 00:04:45,385 - Yeah, go ahead. - Fuck! 68 00:04:45,418 --> 00:04:47,755 - Shit! - Right. With the... Yeah. 69 00:04:47,789 --> 00:04:49,023 - Fuck! - Right. 70 00:04:50,725 --> 00:04:52,425 - Shit! - Yeah, that one. 71 00:04:52,459 --> 00:04:54,361 God damn it, dude. This is gonna get a lotta clicks. 72 00:04:54,394 --> 00:04:56,697 It's a good one! Yeah. I'm just wrappin' it up, and then... 73 00:04:56,731 --> 00:04:58,800 Dude, this'll get a ton... And I'm... Most of them by... most of them by me! 74 00:04:58,833 --> 00:05:01,401 We get all our clicks from you? 75 00:05:01,434 --> 00:05:03,504 - No, not all of them... - All the clicks for your... 76 00:05:03,538 --> 00:05:05,540 You get a lot of 'em! I fucking love the stuff we put up here, man. 77 00:05:05,573 --> 00:05:07,608 - That's why I'm doing this, that's why I'm makin' this. - Yeah! 78 00:05:07,642 --> 00:05:09,442 Hey, if you love your work, that's, um... that's good, man, 79 00:05:09,476 --> 00:05:11,512 I'm proud of... I... just... just... 80 00:05:11,546 --> 00:05:15,082 Oh! Also... So, like, shit's gettin', like, political and stuff. 81 00:05:15,116 --> 00:05:17,718 All that boring stuff, everyone's angry about I don't even know what. 82 00:05:17,752 --> 00:05:22,557 So, I think for the next one, you should do, like, a, uh, political click thing. 83 00:05:22,590 --> 00:05:24,457 - Um, yeah. - Sure. Sure. 84 00:05:24,491 --> 00:05:26,694 - Election coming up. Talk about the candidates. - Mm-hmm. 85 00:05:26,727 --> 00:05:29,396 Yeah, yeah, no, but like... buzz words. Like, to, like set people off. 86 00:05:29,429 --> 00:05:30,965 - Get them to, like, click. - Mmm. 87 00:05:30,998 --> 00:05:34,602 I don't know, like, uh... Russians. Or immigrants. 88 00:05:34,635 --> 00:05:36,704 - Or, um... - Right. 89 00:05:36,737 --> 00:05:40,141 - what are they called terrorists? Or Muslims. - Hmm! Terrorist Muslims. 90 00:05:40,174 --> 00:05:42,475 Yeah, just make it, like, pretty like... 91 00:05:42,510 --> 00:05:46,479 What's it called, like, uh... propaganda-y. 92 00:05:46,514 --> 00:05:48,583 - You want me to make propaganda? - Yeah! 93 00:05:48,616 --> 00:05:50,685 - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - For your clickbait site? - Yeah. 94 00:05:50,718 --> 00:05:53,554 - I think that'll be... I think that'll, like... - Yeah! 95 00:05:53,588 --> 00:05:55,455 No, I can get right on that. 96 00:05:55,488 --> 00:05:58,025 I can make some terrorist Muslim propaganda. 97 00:05:58,059 --> 00:06:00,161 - And that'll get some clicks for ya. - Yes! 98 00:06:00,194 --> 00:06:02,763 - That's what I'm talkin' about. - Right next to hottest chicks at Walmart. 99 00:06:02,797 --> 00:06:04,497 Dude, this is why you're my fuckin' favorite employee. I'm not even kidding, man. 100 00:06:04,532 --> 00:06:05,766 Yeah. Thanks, man. Yeah, really happy to be here. 101 00:06:05,800 --> 00:06:08,002 Cool. 102 00:06:08,035 --> 00:06:12,940 I'm gonna go, uh, check out the 33 hottest chicks ever spotted at Walmart! 103 00:06:12,974 --> 00:06:14,675 - In my office! - Just don't... Okay. 104 00:06:14,709 --> 00:06:17,879 - If you hear any weird noises... - I'm not comin' in. 105 00:06:17,912 --> 00:06:19,580 You don't come in. 106 00:06:19,614 --> 00:06:21,782 Maybe I'll, uh, slip through the blinds. 107 00:06:21,816 --> 00:06:23,951 Give you... give you a wink! A thumbs up. 108 00:06:23,985 --> 00:06:25,853 - No... I'd rather you didn't. I'd rather you didn't. - I'm kiddin' dude! 109 00:06:25,887 --> 00:06:28,022 - I'm jerkin' your fuckin'. Dick... - All right! 110 00:06:28,055 --> 00:06:29,690 - All right, dude... - That's a good one, man! Jerkin' off in the office. 111 00:06:29,724 --> 00:06:31,058 - Always funny. - Dude, this is a small office. 112 00:06:31,092 --> 00:06:32,541 - It is, isn't it? - All right, see ya, man. 113 00:06:39,767 --> 00:06:41,769 How do you make propaganda? 114 00:06:56,483 --> 00:06:58,653 Did you ever watch any of those Twilight movies? 115 00:06:58,686 --> 00:07:00,955 - Yeah, yeah. - Aye, Luke! 116 00:07:00,988 --> 00:07:03,090 - What's up, guys? - Aye, man, can you check if one of those packages is for me? 117 00:07:03,124 --> 00:07:05,526 Yeah! Of course. What are you guys? Are you three? 118 00:07:05,559 --> 00:07:07,962 - What apartment are you? - Oh, just check by the name, man. 119 00:07:07,995 --> 00:07:09,830 - You know his name. - Yeah! No, of course. Name... 120 00:07:09,864 --> 00:07:12,566 - Just the name, right? - Yeah. 121 00:07:12,600 --> 00:07:15,202 Uh... Oh, weird, these labels are all... can you even tell where the names are on there? 122 00:07:15,236 --> 00:07:17,872 - Wow, man. Come on. - I can't even... 123 00:07:17,905 --> 00:07:19,740 - You don't know my name? - Oh, no! 124 00:07:19,774 --> 00:07:21,842 - You don't know my name! - I know your name. Come on. 125 00:07:21,876 --> 00:07:23,744 I thought you didn't know my name. You don't know my name, man! 126 00:07:23,778 --> 00:07:25,913 I know your name. I know your name. No, I know your name. 127 00:07:25,947 --> 00:07:27,782 - It's... Yeah, no, I know your name. - That's really fucked up, man. 128 00:07:27,815 --> 00:07:29,216 - Oh, you know my name? - Yeah! - What's my name? 129 00:07:29,250 --> 00:07:31,552 - Dave! - You see that, Dave? 130 00:07:31,585 --> 00:07:34,221 - No! It's Greg, man! - Greg! Ohh. 131 00:07:34,255 --> 00:07:35,823 - Greg! - No. 132 00:07:35,856 --> 00:07:37,191 - Wow. Dave? - You know what it is? 133 00:07:37,224 --> 00:07:39,961 Well, four letters. Same four letters. 134 00:07:39,994 --> 00:07:43,030 And then, I know another guy. I know a dude named Dave who's kind of a strong guy like you. 135 00:07:43,064 --> 00:07:44,165 All right, all right, all right, that's true. 136 00:07:44,198 --> 00:07:46,033 You know, a strong, bald guy. 137 00:07:46,067 --> 00:07:48,235 - This is kind of rude, man! - Yeah, of course! No. 138 00:07:48,269 --> 00:07:49,904 - Kinda mean! - I know, I'm just... 139 00:07:49,937 --> 00:07:51,505 You're like a... You're a bad neighbor. 140 00:07:51,539 --> 00:07:53,808 Okay. Well... I mean... I'm just bad with names. 141 00:07:53,841 --> 00:07:55,876 Everybody in the building doesn't like you, man. Everybody kinda hates you. 142 00:07:55,910 --> 00:07:57,578 Nobody in the building likes me? 143 00:07:57,611 --> 00:07:59,880 Yeah! Cause you kinda... You do this bullshit, man. 144 00:07:59,914 --> 00:08:01,949 Oh, so you guys all meet up and just talk about which neighbors you don't like. 145 00:08:01,983 --> 00:08:03,918 - Oh, yeah, Luke sucks, Luke sucks. - Yeah! We have parties! 146 00:08:03,951 --> 00:08:05,653 - Yeah, yeah. - You're invited to the parties! 147 00:08:05,686 --> 00:08:07,154 Okay, and I don't have to go if I don't want to! 148 00:08:07,188 --> 00:08:08,923 It's not my responsibility to be your friend. 149 00:08:08,956 --> 00:08:10,925 - As a neighbor. - Wow! 150 00:08:10,958 --> 00:08:12,827 I'm not being rude. I'm not being a jerk. 151 00:08:12,860 --> 00:08:15,229 I just don't know you that well. That's fine. That's my right. 152 00:08:15,262 --> 00:08:17,932 - Oof. - I can do my thing, you guys do your thing, 153 00:08:17,965 --> 00:08:19,834 whatever that may be! Have your fun. 154 00:08:19,867 --> 00:08:21,936 - Oh, whoa, what does that mean? - Whatever that may be? 155 00:08:21,969 --> 00:08:23,838 I just... It doesn't mean anything. It's just: do your thing! 156 00:08:23,871 --> 00:08:26,240 Do your thing... Okay, well... Okay, we do our thing, uh... 157 00:08:26,273 --> 00:08:28,175 who, who... who is this? 158 00:08:28,209 --> 00:08:30,578 That's... Rod, right? 159 00:08:30,611 --> 00:08:33,014 Wow, of course! Of course. Of course... of course you know his name. 160 00:08:33,047 --> 00:08:34,215 - Really? Wow. - Well, it's the hair or somethin'. Rod... 161 00:08:34,248 --> 00:08:35,783 Of course, he knows my name. 162 00:08:35,816 --> 00:08:37,318 I'm tellin' you... That's what I'm sayin'! 163 00:08:37,351 --> 00:08:38,919 I don't know, sometimes I'm good, sometimes I'm not. 164 00:08:38,953 --> 00:08:41,088 This is real... this is real fucked up, man. 165 00:08:41,122 --> 00:08:43,257 - You got some real deep, dark issues that you need to... - Okay. 166 00:08:43,290 --> 00:08:46,160 - I don't even know what to say to you, man. - Yeah! No, okay. I mean... 167 00:08:46,193 --> 00:08:48,029 Just... stop bein' a bad person. 168 00:08:48,062 --> 00:08:51,699 Okay, I'll work on it. I'm sorry, uh... shit. 169 00:08:51,732 --> 00:08:53,634 - It's Greg, man! - Greg! Yes! Greg. Sorry. 170 00:08:53,667 --> 00:08:55,569 Greg. One G. 171 00:08:55,603 --> 00:08:59,673 I got it. I'll see ya, Greg, uh... See ya, Rod. 172 00:08:59,707 --> 00:09:02,109 Jesus Christ! 173 00:09:51,859 --> 00:09:53,260 Fuck! 174 00:09:53,294 --> 00:09:56,831 You are gonna be a good lime one day. 175 00:10:25,826 --> 00:10:29,864 You have been visited by the bug fairy. 176 00:10:46,046 --> 00:10:47,748 Harry, what are you doin'? 177 00:10:47,781 --> 00:10:50,684 what are you doing... What is this? Luke! 178 00:10:50,718 --> 00:10:53,053 - Were you polishing those limes, dude? - No! I'm not... 179 00:10:53,087 --> 00:10:55,122 I'm not polishing the limes, I'm just... 180 00:10:55,156 --> 00:10:56,991 - I'm just cleaning them, there's bugs... - Oh, you're cleaning 'em. 181 00:10:57,024 --> 00:10:58,792 It's the first thing that people see when they come to my house! 182 00:10:58,826 --> 00:11:01,095 I don't want bugs on my limes, and... 183 00:11:01,128 --> 00:11:03,364 Oh, sure, because if they see dirty limes they might turn around and not come in. 184 00:11:03,397 --> 00:11:07,902 What are you doing here? Is this, like, some kind of... amends thing? 185 00:11:07,935 --> 00:11:10,371 Oh, an amends thing, sure, cause I must be an alcoholic, right? 186 00:11:10,404 --> 00:11:12,740 I'm doing the twelve steps, is that what it is? 187 00:11:12,773 --> 00:11:14,875 And wait a minute, what the hell do I even have to make amends for? 188 00:11:14,909 --> 00:11:17,211 I mean, you slashed my tires. That was kinda fucked up. Ya know? 189 00:11:17,244 --> 00:11:19,146 - So? - I missed a job interview. 190 00:11:19,180 --> 00:11:21,916 - Oh, so what? - Kinda changed my whole career path. 191 00:11:21,949 --> 00:11:24,718 Who cares, man? You got another fuckin' job, it wasn't that big a deal. 192 00:11:24,752 --> 00:11:27,354 You ruined my chances with Lindsay, dude, she was the girl of my fucking dreams. 193 00:11:27,388 --> 00:11:29,290 Oh, my God, the girl of your dreams? 194 00:11:29,323 --> 00:11:31,392 You had like a million of those. Who cares? 195 00:11:31,425 --> 00:11:33,961 That... No, I maybe had a few, but she was the big, she was it, man. 196 00:11:33,994 --> 00:11:36,063 - The number one. - She was number one! 197 00:11:36,096 --> 00:11:38,866 And you ruined my chances 'cause she was fucking disgusted with me 198 00:11:38,899 --> 00:11:41,202 after I threw up in front of the entire party, 199 00:11:41,235 --> 00:11:44,506 because for some reason, my two best friends dared me to eat 50 eggs at the party! 200 00:11:44,539 --> 00:11:48,242 Yeah, for some reason. You ever heard of a dare that you just don't do, Luke? 201 00:11:48,275 --> 00:11:50,477 - You ever just don't do the dare? - No. Honestly, no! 202 00:11:50,512 --> 00:11:53,414 You know why we did it? 'Cause you kept talking about "Cool Hand Luke", 203 00:11:53,447 --> 00:11:55,983 and he eats all the eggs in the movie, 204 00:11:56,016 --> 00:11:58,085 - and you're like "I could do that, that's easy." - I could do that. It is easy. 205 00:11:58,118 --> 00:12:01,222 - Yeah, well, that's why we dared you, stupid! - No. 206 00:12:01,255 --> 00:12:03,357 Listen, and we all know why you brought it up all the time. 207 00:12:03,390 --> 00:12:05,793 You kept saying, "Oh, the cinematography in the movie's great." 208 00:12:05,826 --> 00:12:08,028 It is. It's shot really well. 209 00:12:08,062 --> 00:12:10,297 You brought it up because you wanted us to call you "Cool Hand Luke." 210 00:12:10,331 --> 00:12:13,467 Oh, yeah, like that's such a... such a sin! It's a cool nickname! 211 00:12:13,500 --> 00:12:15,537 - So what? I wanted a cool nickname! - Yeah! 212 00:12:15,570 --> 00:12:17,972 I know it's a cool nickname. That's why they named a movie after it. 213 00:12:18,005 --> 00:12:21,442 It's lame to wanna give yourself a nickname, it's gotta happen organically. 214 00:12:21,475 --> 00:12:26,180 OK, yeah. Right. Sure. So that's so much worse than you calling your car "The Honey Wagon!" 215 00:12:26,213 --> 00:12:28,249 No, that's way different, that's a car! 216 00:12:28,282 --> 00:12:30,150 Cars can't name themselves, I have to do it. 217 00:12:30,184 --> 00:12:32,319 - Cars don't need names! - Everybody does it! 218 00:12:32,353 --> 00:12:34,822 So what? But "The Honey Wagon?"! That's a stupid name! 219 00:12:34,855 --> 00:12:37,224 Luke, it's golden! It's the color of golden honey! 220 00:12:37,258 --> 00:12:39,460 Okay. First of all; nobody thinks of honey as a color. 221 00:12:39,493 --> 00:12:42,429 Second of all; golden is cooler! Name it something gold! 222 00:12:42,463 --> 00:12:44,566 The gold... Car... The gold... You know. 223 00:12:44,599 --> 00:12:46,200 - You're terrible at this. See! This is why... - Goldmobile. 224 00:12:46,233 --> 00:12:48,570 Goldmobile! Goldmobile is already better. 225 00:12:48,603 --> 00:12:50,838 Yeah, that's an awful nickname. "The Honey Wagon" is great. 226 00:12:50,871 --> 00:12:53,007 Goldmember. Goldmember! 227 00:12:53,040 --> 00:12:54,975 - It had just come out! - I don't hate that. 228 00:12:55,009 --> 00:12:56,810 - But it's still... - Goldmember woulda worked. 229 00:12:56,844 --> 00:13:00,047 Yeah, okay. Well, listen, I don't... miss this at all! 230 00:13:00,080 --> 00:13:03,083 So... what's up? What's the... What the hell is this? 231 00:13:03,117 --> 00:13:05,352 This isn't why I came here. I just... 232 00:13:07,054 --> 00:13:08,088 Derek's dead. 233 00:13:09,456 --> 00:13:11,959 Derek died. 234 00:13:11,992 --> 00:13:14,862 - An... Derek Anderson. - Yeah. 235 00:13:14,895 --> 00:13:17,498 Oh. That's, uh... 236 00:13:20,067 --> 00:13:22,136 - So what? - Yeah! "So what?" 237 00:13:22,169 --> 00:13:25,072 It's a little so what, right? That's kinda how I reacted. 238 00:13:25,105 --> 00:13:27,408 Here's where it gets interesting: 239 00:13:27,441 --> 00:13:31,145 He, specifically, left instructions for you and me to spread his ashes together. 240 00:13:32,146 --> 00:13:34,214 No. 241 00:13:34,248 --> 00:13:36,116 No, I don't... I don't wanna do that. 242 00:13:36,150 --> 00:13:37,951 I thought you might say that. I didn't wanna do it either. 243 00:13:37,985 --> 00:13:41,088 But, look, man... Here's what I'm thinkin'. 244 00:13:41,121 --> 00:13:43,490 Clearly, there's a lot of animosity left between us. 245 00:13:43,525 --> 00:13:46,126 I think we could look at this as a closure thing. 246 00:13:46,160 --> 00:13:48,228 I think there's a big karma factor involved! 247 00:13:48,262 --> 00:13:51,031 Giving a dead man his last wishes, we don't wanna fuck with that. 248 00:13:51,065 --> 00:13:53,133 - Come on... - So, look, I think we just go do this, 249 00:13:53,167 --> 00:13:54,968 this place is only a couple of hours away. 250 00:13:55,002 --> 00:13:58,005 Bang it out, drop the ashes, no karma, 251 00:13:58,038 --> 00:14:00,174 we can say goodbye forever, never have to speak to each other again. 252 00:14:00,207 --> 00:14:03,977 All right! All right, shut up. Ya got me! Ya know I'm a karma guy. 253 00:14:04,011 --> 00:14:06,013 I do know you're a karma guy. I thought that might work. 254 00:14:06,046 --> 00:14:07,549 All right, give me like five minutes. 255 00:14:07,582 --> 00:14:09,183 I gotta go change out of my play clothes, okay? 256 00:14:09,216 --> 00:14:11,018 - Your play clothes? - Yeah! You know what? 257 00:14:11,051 --> 00:14:12,486 Listen... give me six minutes. 258 00:14:12,520 --> 00:14:14,421 Oh, you need six minutes! Sure, sure, sure. 259 00:14:14,455 --> 00:14:15,923 - Wait by The Honey Wagon, okay? - Take your time. 260 00:14:15,956 --> 00:14:17,257 - You still have The Honey Wagon? - Yeah. 261 00:14:17,291 --> 00:14:19,326 - That's pathetic! - No, it's not. 262 00:14:35,142 --> 00:14:38,145 I know I can do it, man. Fifty eggs in an hour? I could fuckin' do that. 263 00:14:38,178 --> 00:14:41,348 - No problem, dude. - Who cares? I don't care. 264 00:14:41,382 --> 00:14:45,285 I know you don't care, dude, that's what's the problem! It's pissin' me off! 265 00:14:46,353 --> 00:14:48,489 I don't see why that's a problem at all. 266 00:14:48,523 --> 00:14:50,692 What? It's a huge problem! Okay? 267 00:14:50,725 --> 00:14:53,460 It's a huge problem that you don't care, 'cause it would be fuckin' cool. 268 00:14:53,494 --> 00:14:55,697 Don't you realize how cool it would be if I actually pulled it off? 269 00:14:55,730 --> 00:14:58,332 If I ate fifty eggs in an hour? 270 00:14:58,365 --> 00:15:02,670 And that it's... it's shitty... that you... that you don't care. 'Cause that would be cool. 271 00:15:02,704 --> 00:15:04,972 And what you're really saying is that you don't think I can do it. 272 00:15:05,005 --> 00:15:06,674 And that's what really fucking gets me heated! 273 00:15:06,708 --> 00:15:08,543 - No, I don't think you can do it. - I know you don't! 274 00:15:08,576 --> 00:15:10,612 I saw you try! You didn't do it. 275 00:15:10,645 --> 00:15:12,279 - Thank you for finally saying it, at least. - Ya didn't do it! 276 00:15:12,312 --> 00:15:15,115 That time doesn't fucking count! We've already... 277 00:15:15,149 --> 00:15:19,052 Man, fuckin' Joey Chestnut ate a 141 eggs in eight minutes! 278 00:15:19,086 --> 00:15:21,689 Hundred forty-one in eight! You think I can't do fifty in an hour? 279 00:15:21,723 --> 00:15:24,124 You're outta your mind if you think that's true. Ya fuckin' lunatic. 280 00:15:24,158 --> 00:15:27,027 - Who the hell is Joey Chestnut? - Who? You don't know who Joey Chestnut is? 281 00:15:27,060 --> 00:15:28,996 No. 282 00:15:29,029 --> 00:15:30,364 He's the most famous professional eater in the world, dude! 283 00:15:30,397 --> 00:15:32,266 He's the king of the... king of the sport! 284 00:15:32,299 --> 00:15:34,368 More famous than Kobayashi? 285 00:15:34,401 --> 00:15:37,171 Oh, don't gimme Kobayashi! Kobayashi can suck a fat one, dude. 286 00:15:37,204 --> 00:15:39,273 That guy's a loser. He cheated! 287 00:15:39,306 --> 00:15:41,509 He's a hack, he cheated, he got kicked outta the whole league, man. 288 00:15:41,543 --> 00:15:44,646 - He's not even allowed back. - Well, this is news to me. 289 00:15:44,679 --> 00:15:46,614 Well, yeah, you don't even know who Joey Chestnut is. 290 00:15:46,648 --> 00:15:49,450 You're not following the professional eating news. 291 00:15:49,483 --> 00:15:51,485 I saw him on a SportsCenter one time. 292 00:15:51,519 --> 00:15:53,387 - A SportsCenter? - Yeah. 293 00:15:53,420 --> 00:15:55,590 That's not how you say it. You saw it on SportsCenter. 294 00:15:55,623 --> 00:15:57,592 On... on... A... 295 00:15:57,625 --> 00:16:01,195 Did you see a Everybody Loves Raymond the other day? 296 00:16:01,228 --> 00:16:03,163 Yeah, I saw an Everybody Loves Raymond. 297 00:16:03,197 --> 00:16:04,231 Oh, God! 298 00:16:04,264 --> 00:16:06,433 I saw a Seinfeld. 299 00:16:15,577 --> 00:16:19,046 Dude, this place is fuckin' crazy! You see all this? 300 00:16:19,079 --> 00:16:20,548 It's crazy. Look at this! 301 00:16:21,616 --> 00:16:23,651 Is that an ocean, or a lake? 302 00:16:23,685 --> 00:16:24,586 It's a lake. 303 00:16:26,621 --> 00:16:29,122 It's a huge fuckin' lake, man, shit. 304 00:16:29,156 --> 00:16:30,357 - You can see the other side! - Oh, fuck! 305 00:16:32,827 --> 00:16:36,430 Someone left a Frisbee! Who just forgets a Frisbee, dude? 306 00:16:36,463 --> 00:16:38,198 It seems not uncommon. 307 00:16:38,232 --> 00:16:40,400 Oh my, God, it's got this little surfer guy on it. 308 00:16:40,434 --> 00:16:43,170 "Malibu 110g" model, yeah, that's the good one. 309 00:16:43,203 --> 00:16:45,405 - Yeah. - The 1... the 120... 310 00:16:45,439 --> 00:16:48,342 I didn't... I wasn't crazy about. But the 110... 311 00:16:48,375 --> 00:16:50,778 Does it sound like I know what I'm talkin' about? 312 00:16:52,680 --> 00:16:54,448 All right! Well, here ya go! 313 00:16:57,284 --> 00:16:58,285 What're ya doin? 314 00:16:59,787 --> 00:17:02,422 You're gonna let the Frisbee hit your car instead of just catching it? 315 00:17:02,456 --> 00:17:04,692 I just didn't wanna play Frisbee. 316 00:17:04,726 --> 00:17:07,160 What? Come on! Just throw a Frisbee. you don't know how to throw a Frisbee? 317 00:17:07,194 --> 00:17:08,830 I don't feel like it! 318 00:17:08,863 --> 00:17:10,397 Can you not throw a Frisbee? Is that what this is? 319 00:17:10,430 --> 00:17:12,399 I can throw a Frisbee! What... 320 00:17:12,432 --> 00:17:15,570 What is this, some kinda macho head game? What is this? 321 00:17:15,603 --> 00:17:17,805 I mean, clearly you can't! You're telling me you don't want to. 322 00:17:17,839 --> 00:17:20,775 Like... it's easy, man! I'm gonna have to see it to believe it at this point. 323 00:17:23,243 --> 00:17:25,680 - Whaddya got, big boy? - Check this out. 324 00:17:25,713 --> 00:17:27,381 - Check what out? - Did you see it? 325 00:17:27,414 --> 00:17:29,449 What do you think you just showed me? 326 00:17:29,483 --> 00:17:31,819 - What do you think you're doing? - Harlem... Harlem Globetrotters. 327 00:17:31,853 --> 00:17:34,522 That... first of all, they're basketball. 328 00:17:34,556 --> 00:17:37,792 No. Behind the ba... Okay, fair enough, that's a little Harlem Globetrotter. 329 00:17:37,825 --> 00:17:39,493 - Can you throw it? - Here, watch this. 330 00:17:40,828 --> 00:17:42,697 - That's a throw! - Yeah. 331 00:17:42,730 --> 00:17:45,132 Look who can throw a Frisbee. Impressive. You ready for this? 332 00:17:45,165 --> 00:17:46,801 That was amateur hour. 333 00:17:46,834 --> 00:17:48,435 - This is what gets you to the Olympic Games, okay? - Okay. 334 00:17:48,468 --> 00:17:49,604 Here we go. 335 00:17:50,505 --> 00:17:53,106 - Agh, fuck! - Oh, shit! 336 00:17:53,140 --> 00:17:55,777 - God! Luke! What the hell'd you do that for, man? - Oh, my God. Are you all right? 337 00:17:55,810 --> 00:17:58,178 - I was just trying to do a cool throw, chill out! - That sucked! 338 00:17:58,211 --> 00:18:00,882 No, it was a cool throw. Are you okay, what happened? 339 00:18:00,915 --> 00:18:02,517 - Did it get you in the head? - I don't know, take a look. 340 00:18:02,550 --> 00:18:05,753 Oh! No, that's fine. That's actually fine. 341 00:18:05,787 --> 00:18:07,387 - Come on! - There's nothin' there, so... 342 00:18:07,421 --> 00:18:09,122 Why would you do that face and the thing? 343 00:18:09,156 --> 00:18:11,425 It's just a little red. So that kinda surprised me. 344 00:18:11,458 --> 00:18:13,661 Everything's fine overall. Can I see it one more time? 345 00:18:13,695 --> 00:18:15,697 - Oh! No! - Cuh... what is it? 346 00:18:15,730 --> 00:18:17,599 - You did the... - Um, nah. It's fine. 347 00:18:17,632 --> 00:18:19,901 You can't make a face like that. Is it okay or what? 348 00:18:19,934 --> 00:18:22,269 It's... Yeah, it's just, it's... We probably need a Band-Aid at this point. 349 00:18:22,302 --> 00:18:24,404 - Come on! What is this? - Yeah. Okay. 350 00:18:24,438 --> 00:18:26,340 Well, look, everything's fine. We just gotta go to the hospital, okay? 351 00:18:26,373 --> 00:18:28,543 - Just gimme your keys. - Yeah, no! - Gimme your keys! 352 00:18:28,576 --> 00:18:30,645 - We gotta go to the hospital, gimme your keys. - No! No, I'm drivin'. 353 00:18:30,678 --> 00:18:33,213 - I'm drivin'. - Come on! Don't be ridiculous, just let me drive! 354 00:18:33,246 --> 00:18:35,583 - I drive The Honey Wagon! I drive The Honey Wagon! Luke! - Just let me drive it. 355 00:18:35,617 --> 00:18:37,885 You can't drive in this condition. Do you really think you should be driving right now? 356 00:18:44,626 --> 00:18:47,361 Seriously? You think this is safer? You driving in this condition is safer? 357 00:18:47,394 --> 00:18:49,496 Yes, this is safer! You're a terrible driver. 358 00:18:49,530 --> 00:18:52,165 Oh, I'm not a terrible driver, I'm an amazing driver! You know it! 359 00:18:52,199 --> 00:18:55,235 No, you're not. You are a maniac. You drive like a crazy person. 360 00:18:55,268 --> 00:18:57,672 - Nobody wants to be in a car with you. - You don't know that! 361 00:18:57,705 --> 00:19:00,942 Don't say that like everybody tells you they're scared to be in a car with me, man. 362 00:19:00,975 --> 00:19:02,644 People are in a car with me all the time, dude. 363 00:19:02,677 --> 00:19:04,344 I don't wanna be in a car with you! 364 00:19:04,378 --> 00:19:06,581 I don't care, man! I'm an amazing driver, dude. 365 00:19:06,614 --> 00:19:08,783 Just because I drive a little fast, 366 00:19:08,816 --> 00:19:10,818 or I make a crazy move here and there, doesn't mean I'm a bad driver. 367 00:19:10,852 --> 00:19:13,253 The fact that I've never got in an accident, 368 00:19:13,286 --> 00:19:15,422 or never gotten a ticket while doing that, means that I'm an amazing driver! 369 00:19:15,455 --> 00:19:17,558 You're explaining exactly why you're awful at it. 370 00:19:17,592 --> 00:19:19,761 You just haven't been burned yet 371 00:19:19,794 --> 00:19:22,262 because, you know, you have some kind of dumb luck following you around. 372 00:19:22,295 --> 00:19:25,232 - It's not luck! - And I've got the Goddamn storm cloud following me around! 373 00:19:25,265 --> 00:19:27,401 Just 'cause I'm with you. It's unbelievable! 374 00:19:27,434 --> 00:19:29,671 - It's not... - It's always shitting on me, and you get off scot-free! 375 00:19:29,704 --> 00:19:32,305 - Oh, my God. Oh, my God! Get over it! - That's it. 376 00:19:32,339 --> 00:19:34,509 I get hit in the head with a Frisbee. I'm the one that's gotta go to the hospital. 377 00:19:34,542 --> 00:19:37,712 Get over it, it's no big deal, it's one little cut on your forehead! 378 00:19:37,745 --> 00:19:40,815 It's not that fuckin' big'a deal, man, you'll be fine! 379 00:19:40,848 --> 00:19:43,718 You'll look cool! You should be thanking me while we're at it! 380 00:19:43,751 --> 00:19:45,586 What the hell would I be thanking you for? 381 00:19:45,620 --> 00:19:47,421 You're gonna have a scar! 382 00:19:47,454 --> 00:19:49,624 You're gonna have a really cool fuckin' scar on your forehead, 383 00:19:49,657 --> 00:19:52,359 you're gonna be able to tell people any story you want about how you got it. 384 00:19:52,392 --> 00:19:54,762 Chicks love scars, man. It's awesome. 385 00:19:54,796 --> 00:19:56,998 This scar right here under my eyebrow? 386 00:19:57,031 --> 00:19:59,934 I got it 'cause I headbutted a guy twice my size in a bar fight, dude. 387 00:19:59,967 --> 00:20:01,936 - Whoom! One shot! Down! - I don't give a shit! 388 00:20:01,969 --> 00:20:03,971 You know that is not me? You ever think about that? 389 00:20:04,005 --> 00:20:05,673 - Maybe it's not me to get in a bar fight. - But it could be! 390 00:20:05,707 --> 00:20:07,441 - You could also enjoy it. - Maybe I don't do that! 391 00:20:07,474 --> 00:20:09,409 Maybe Harry doesn't get in fuckin' bar fights! 392 00:20:09,443 --> 00:20:12,379 Maybe I don't want that! Maybe I don't wanna be a badass! 393 00:20:12,412 --> 00:20:14,515 Okay, well... 394 00:20:14,549 --> 00:20:17,852 Fuckin' shit, dude. Too bad, you are one, look at you! 395 00:20:17,885 --> 00:20:21,923 You kiddin' me? Jesus Christ, this is the most badass thing I've ever seen you do. 396 00:20:21,956 --> 00:20:25,358 You're bleedin' all over the place, still drivin' your car. Screamin' at me. 397 00:20:25,392 --> 00:20:27,360 Not givin' me an inch in this argument. 398 00:20:27,394 --> 00:20:29,764 Holdin' your own. Fuck, man. 399 00:20:29,797 --> 00:20:34,669 I've never seen you be more of a bad ass, so... tough luck, you are one. 400 00:20:39,774 --> 00:20:43,376 - Whatever. - Ugh, whatever. 401 00:20:53,020 --> 00:20:56,791 Did you really, um... headbutt a guy twice your size? 402 00:20:56,824 --> 00:20:58,325 Oh, the scar? 403 00:20:59,426 --> 00:21:03,798 Um, no. I slipped on some butter I had dropped. 404 00:21:03,831 --> 00:21:05,700 And I hit my head on my rollerblades. 405 00:21:07,502 --> 00:21:09,804 I had rollerblades. I was trying to get into 'em. 406 00:21:09,837 --> 00:21:11,973 I still think they're actually cool. Um... 407 00:21:12,006 --> 00:21:13,875 Yeah, no, stick with the headbutt story. 408 00:21:13,908 --> 00:21:15,910 - Yeah? You like that one better? - Yeah, I think, uh... 409 00:21:15,943 --> 00:21:18,345 - Headbutt a guy twice my size. - Yeah. - That's why I tell it. 410 00:21:18,378 --> 00:21:20,948 It sounds rad. I'm embarrassed of the rollerblades but I shouldn't be. 411 00:21:20,982 --> 00:21:22,583 - 'Cause they're... Rollerblades are cool. - Yeah. You should... 412 00:21:22,617 --> 00:21:24,018 - No. - I think they're cool. 413 00:21:24,051 --> 00:21:28,355 Mmm... All right; who cool wears them? 414 00:21:28,388 --> 00:21:31,092 I bet Prince did rollerblades. Rest in peace. 415 00:21:31,125 --> 00:21:33,493 - He might have. - I bet he was a rollerblade guy. 416 00:21:33,528 --> 00:21:36,564 - That's weird. - How cool would he look? All that purple. 417 00:21:36,597 --> 00:21:39,667 - Flyin' down the sidewalk. - Well, that's not fair. I feel like he can pull off anything. 418 00:21:39,700 --> 00:21:43,871 That's a guy! That can pull it off. I'm a guy. Who knows? 419 00:21:43,905 --> 00:21:45,106 What's your favorite Prince song? 420 00:21:45,139 --> 00:21:46,574 I don't really listen to Prince. 421 00:21:48,776 --> 00:21:50,343 What were his songs again? 422 00:21:50,377 --> 00:21:52,479 "Let's Go Crazy"? That's fun. 423 00:21:52,513 --> 00:21:53,815 It was "Purple Train." And then there's, uh... 424 00:21:53,848 --> 00:21:55,616 Shut up, asshole. 425 00:21:56,851 --> 00:21:59,486 - Yeah. - All right. You ready for this? 426 00:21:59,520 --> 00:22:01,556 I'm gonna blow your mind right now. You listenin'? 427 00:22:02,590 --> 00:22:04,692 I'm sorry for slashin' your tires. 428 00:22:04,725 --> 00:22:07,094 It was an overreaction. I shouldn't have done it. 429 00:22:07,128 --> 00:22:08,029 I apologize. 430 00:22:10,097 --> 00:22:12,066 Well... All right, I mean... 431 00:22:12,099 --> 00:22:15,736 - Boom, dude! Apology. In your face, apology. - What the fuck? 432 00:22:15,770 --> 00:22:17,738 I'm the biggest man there is. 433 00:22:17,772 --> 00:22:19,874 - You... No! No! No! No! - Nobody apologizes like I apologize. 434 00:22:19,907 --> 00:22:21,809 - Nobody apologizes like I apologize. - The apology is now negated. 435 00:22:21,843 --> 00:22:23,678 - It's over. It doesn't even count anymore. - No, no! 436 00:22:23,711 --> 00:22:25,012 It counts 'cause I said it! 437 00:22:25,046 --> 00:22:26,714 You did the whole thing after! 438 00:22:26,747 --> 00:22:28,716 It doesn't matter what I did after, I apologized! 439 00:22:28,749 --> 00:22:30,618 You can't apologize and then, like, spike the ball 440 00:22:30,651 --> 00:22:32,920 and do an end zone dance after your apology. 441 00:22:32,954 --> 00:22:35,556 I can spike whatever the hell I want after a bomb-ass apology like that, dude. 442 00:22:35,590 --> 00:22:38,125 - Spike this dick! - How sincere did that sound? 443 00:22:38,159 --> 00:22:40,795 - At first, very. - Yeah! That's 'cause it's real. 444 00:22:40,828 --> 00:22:42,697 I hon... I honest to God thought it was real. 445 00:22:42,730 --> 00:22:44,765 So when you deliver a fuckin' hot, sincere apology like that, 446 00:22:44,799 --> 00:22:46,167 you can spike whatever the hell you want. 447 00:22:46,200 --> 00:22:48,135 - Well, it doesn't count. Now. - Yes, it does. 448 00:22:48,169 --> 00:22:50,738 It was so... I thought it was so nice. 449 00:22:50,771 --> 00:22:52,940 - Yeah. - And then it's gone. Just... - And then I risked it. 450 00:22:52,974 --> 00:22:55,877 - Eh! Well, I said it regardless. - Yeah. 451 00:22:57,144 --> 00:22:59,747 - This is a good-ass banana, dude. - They're fine. 452 00:22:59,780 --> 00:23:01,414 Oh, I've had better. 453 00:23:01,448 --> 00:23:03,416 I'm not gonna shit for a week. 454 00:23:03,450 --> 00:23:05,119 You know these things plug you up. 455 00:23:05,152 --> 00:23:07,054 - What? - You know that? 456 00:23:07,088 --> 00:23:09,123 - They make you constipated? - Yeah. 457 00:23:34,481 --> 00:23:36,817 - Fuck is this? - This is the worst beach I've ever seen in my life. 458 00:23:36,851 --> 00:23:39,754 This is disgusting. There's trash everywhere! 459 00:23:39,787 --> 00:23:41,555 I saw four diapers walking up here. 460 00:23:41,589 --> 00:23:44,959 That water's fuckin' green. Goddamn, man. 461 00:23:46,060 --> 00:23:48,461 Well, what do we... I don't know, do you, like... 462 00:23:48,495 --> 00:23:49,997 Do you have to put your hands in it and you spread it around or something? 463 00:23:50,031 --> 00:23:51,899 No. No, don't do that. Just, uh... 464 00:23:51,933 --> 00:23:54,068 - Just a dump? Yeah. - Well, ya know, like a shake. 465 00:23:54,101 --> 00:23:55,736 - Or scatter. Don't dump, ya know. - Oh, you shake it out. 466 00:23:55,770 --> 00:23:57,838 - You see this by the way? - Yeah. 467 00:23:57,872 --> 00:24:00,574 It's his damn picture on top of a fuckin' piece of Tupperware! 468 00:24:00,608 --> 00:24:02,176 It's unbelievable. 469 00:24:02,209 --> 00:24:04,679 Yeah, you can dump that. Yeah, do whatever you gotta do. 470 00:24:04,712 --> 00:24:07,581 Wait! You know what? Hold that... 471 00:24:10,251 --> 00:24:12,553 - Yep! - I'm gonna knock it outta the park. 472 00:24:12,586 --> 00:24:14,655 - All right! - I'm gonna hit a fuckin' homerun with Derek's ashes. 473 00:24:14,689 --> 00:24:16,489 - How about that? - Let's do it! 474 00:24:16,524 --> 00:24:17,558 So long, stupid. 475 00:25:42,810 --> 00:25:46,781 That felt fuckin' good, dude, shit! Whoo! 476 00:25:46,814 --> 00:25:49,216 - Yeah, you really smashed it, man. - Dude! Just dead center. 477 00:25:49,250 --> 00:25:51,185 - Four fifty. - Ashes everywhere. 478 00:25:51,218 --> 00:25:53,087 Goodbye, Derek! 479 00:25:55,322 --> 00:25:57,925 Goodbye, Derek. Right? 480 00:25:57,958 --> 00:26:00,027 - Yeah. - Huh. 481 00:26:02,063 --> 00:26:05,800 - Well. You wanna, uh... - Yeah, we can probably just take off at this point, huh? 482 00:26:05,833 --> 00:26:07,935 - Let's beat it. - Did what we gotta do. All right, let's do it. 483 00:26:07,968 --> 00:26:09,136 All right. 484 00:26:09,170 --> 00:26:10,971 - Uh! - Hello, boys! 485 00:26:11,005 --> 00:26:13,174 - Derek! - Yeah! 486 00:26:13,207 --> 00:26:16,043 - What the fuck are you doing here? - I'm, uh... I'm alive. 487 00:26:16,077 --> 00:26:17,678 Why? That's the problem! Why are you alive? 488 00:26:17,711 --> 00:26:19,613 I faked my own death! 489 00:26:19,647 --> 00:26:21,315 - I figured that much out! - Home run, baby! Home run, man! 490 00:26:21,348 --> 00:26:23,350 Oh, yeah, you're happy I hit a home run. 491 00:26:23,384 --> 00:26:24,985 What the fuck was that, by the way? I hit a big ole thing'a ashes! 492 00:26:25,019 --> 00:26:27,054 It was my grandma's ashes. 493 00:26:27,088 --> 00:26:28,789 Yeah, whatever, who cares. It doesn't matter. 494 00:26:28,823 --> 00:26:30,858 I just hit a home run with your grandma's ashes? 495 00:26:30,891 --> 00:26:33,194 Yeah! She was a good woman, and now you knocked her outta the park. 496 00:26:33,227 --> 00:26:34,995 - It was great. - She was a great fucking woman. We met her, dude! 497 00:26:35,029 --> 00:26:36,664 - Yeah! - You're gonna make me... 498 00:26:36,697 --> 00:26:38,399 You said goodbye to her. 499 00:26:38,432 --> 00:26:40,968 I said goodbye to you 'cause I thought you were fuckin' dead! 500 00:26:41,001 --> 00:26:43,137 - Well, I'm alive. Clearly. - This is fucking bullshit. I can't believe this, man! 501 00:26:43,170 --> 00:26:45,272 What the fuck are you doing? Why is this happening? 502 00:26:45,306 --> 00:26:49,944 I... look, I faked my own death because I need... eight hundred dollars. 503 00:26:49,977 --> 00:26:51,879 - Come on! No! - Okay? 504 00:26:51,912 --> 00:26:53,914 - Are you fucking kidding me? - No! - Eight hundred dollars? 505 00:26:53,948 --> 00:26:55,216 - Yeah, just eight hundred dollars. - Yes, exactly just... 506 00:26:55,249 --> 00:26:57,184 - It's not a lot! - It's not a lot!! 507 00:26:57,218 --> 00:26:59,787 - That's a problem. - It's not a lot! Yeah! Give it to me! 508 00:26:59,820 --> 00:27:02,156 It's a problem that you had to fake your own death for only eight hundred dollars! 509 00:27:02,189 --> 00:27:04,425 - Well... - You see? 510 00:27:04,458 --> 00:27:06,861 - It's not a lotta money. - I see where... I see where you're coming from. 511 00:27:06,894 --> 00:27:08,829 - I get that. - Oh, thank you! For understanding! 512 00:27:08,863 --> 00:27:11,265 - I just thought you guys could help me out! - We won't. 513 00:27:11,298 --> 00:27:13,734 - We don't want to. - Come on, man. 514 00:27:13,767 --> 00:27:15,302 How the fuck do you... What's the... Why do you owe eight hundred dollars? 515 00:27:15,336 --> 00:27:17,438 Why do you not have eight hundred fucking dollars? 516 00:27:17,471 --> 00:27:19,073 When you guys hear why I need this money, you're gonna laugh, okay? 517 00:27:19,106 --> 00:27:21,175 - I can't wait. - You're gonna crack up. 518 00:27:21,208 --> 00:27:22,977 - I can't wait to hear this story. - You're gonna laugh so hard! 519 00:27:23,010 --> 00:27:25,112 - Okay, so... here's what happened. - Let's go! 520 00:27:25,146 --> 00:27:27,214 - Okay. - So, I'm playin' basketball over at that elementary school 521 00:27:27,248 --> 00:27:29,717 - on Culver, right? You guys know I love to ball. - Sure. 522 00:27:29,750 --> 00:27:31,785 The elementary school we know about. 'Cause we're familiar with this town. 523 00:27:31,819 --> 00:27:33,454 They got the short hoops, right? So that I can dunk on them, ya know? 524 00:27:33,487 --> 00:27:35,856 - No. - So... I'm over there, and I'm just ballin'. 525 00:27:35,890 --> 00:27:38,692 I'm practicin'. Ya know? I'm just like... doin' what comes natural to me. 526 00:27:38,726 --> 00:27:39,994 Which is being bad at basketball. 527 00:27:40,027 --> 00:27:41,896 It's being good at basketball. So... 528 00:27:41,929 --> 00:27:44,031 You've never been good at basketball in your life. 529 00:27:44,064 --> 00:27:45,132 I always beat you, you never beat me, you didn't even beat Harry! 530 00:27:45,166 --> 00:27:47,234 It's being good at basketball. 531 00:27:47,268 --> 00:27:49,136 You couldn't even beat Harry at basketball and he's five foot six! 532 00:27:49,170 --> 00:27:51,105 - It's actually being good at basketball. So I'm... - Seven. 533 00:27:51,138 --> 00:27:53,407 - He's five foot seven! - I'm... It's... Good at basketball. 534 00:27:53,440 --> 00:27:55,476 So, uh... this woman I know, Linda, comes over, and she starts makin' fun of me. 535 00:27:55,510 --> 00:27:57,411 She starts just raggin' on me! Hard! 536 00:27:57,444 --> 00:27:59,180 - Hard raggin' on me, right? - Good for her. Makes sense, 537 00:27:59,213 --> 00:28:00,948 'cause you were probably doing badly. 538 00:28:00,981 --> 00:28:03,150 No. It's... I'm good. So, she's makin' fun of me, 539 00:28:03,184 --> 00:28:06,253 and she says, "If you can dunk the basketball, 540 00:28:06,287 --> 00:28:08,122 I will give you a hundred dollars." 541 00:28:08,155 --> 00:28:09,990 - And... - Right? 542 00:28:10,024 --> 00:28:11,892 I hate where this is about to go, where this has to go, 543 00:28:11,926 --> 00:28:13,427 because there is no way you can fucking dunk a basketball! 544 00:28:13,460 --> 00:28:15,162 Well, just wait for it. 545 00:28:15,196 --> 00:28:16,330 - Oh, there's more! - So, I say... I say you're on. 546 00:28:16,363 --> 00:28:18,766 Easy money. E. Z. Money. Right? 547 00:28:18,799 --> 00:28:22,036 So, I get the ball, and I'm runnin'... I trip... 548 00:28:22,069 --> 00:28:23,971 - Yeah. - I trip. - But wait a minute! 549 00:28:24,004 --> 00:28:26,440 I fuck up. I say, "Ehh, double or nothin." Right? 550 00:28:26,473 --> 00:28:28,309 - That's what I wanted. It's a double or nothin' situation. - Double or nothin', right? 551 00:28:28,342 --> 00:28:30,911 Two hundred bucks this time. We're talkin' two hundred bucks. 552 00:28:30,945 --> 00:28:33,314 Rethink my strategy; I'm like, okay, I need to get a better running start, right? 553 00:28:33,347 --> 00:28:35,349 So, I go back like a couple blocks. 554 00:28:35,382 --> 00:28:36,750 - I start runnin' from there! - Two blocks? - Like, two blocks. 555 00:28:36,784 --> 00:28:38,285 Yeah, like... like, two blocks. 556 00:28:38,319 --> 00:28:40,454 Why would you need to run from two blocks away? 557 00:28:40,487 --> 00:28:43,123 - You're faster when you get to the hoop! - All you need is momentum! 558 00:28:43,157 --> 00:28:45,192 Faster when you get to the hoop. So then I get to the hoop, and I'm... I'm exhausted, man. 559 00:28:45,226 --> 00:28:46,760 - Right. 'Cause you ran for two blocks! - I'm tired. 560 00:28:46,794 --> 00:28:48,262 Like more tired than I've been in a while. 561 00:28:48,295 --> 00:28:50,197 And I...- I say, look, double or nothing again. 562 00:28:50,231 --> 00:28:52,766 - I don't even wanna try this time. - Don't... Come on! 563 00:28:52,800 --> 00:28:55,336 So... it's four hundred dollars now, I'm thinkin'; I'll go back a couple more blocks. 564 00:28:55,369 --> 00:28:57,071 - No, not farther! - A little further. 565 00:28:57,104 --> 00:28:58,973 That was the problem the first time! 566 00:28:59,006 --> 00:29:01,408 - I know... I realize that now. - Ya gotta go closer! 567 00:29:01,442 --> 00:29:03,143 Because... because I... I get there this time, and I'm like... I'm like on the ground. 568 00:29:03,177 --> 00:29:06,146 I'm like sweating... I'm exhausted. 569 00:29:06,180 --> 00:29:08,916 I'm tired, man. I'm tired! So then I say, "double or nothin' again." 570 00:29:08,949 --> 00:29:11,085 - I wonder what happens next? Yeah. - This is eight hundred dollars. 571 00:29:11,118 --> 00:29:13,821 - Eight hundred dollars is on the line. - How's this dunk, go? 572 00:29:13,854 --> 00:29:15,990 You guys aren't gonna believe this; I... I... I fucked up again. 573 00:29:16,023 --> 00:29:17,825 - Unbelievable. You're right, I don't believe it! - Fucked up again. 574 00:29:17,858 --> 00:29:19,860 I owe her eight hundred dollars. 575 00:29:19,893 --> 00:29:23,364 And I need you guys to help me out with it... please. Okay? 576 00:29:23,397 --> 00:29:27,334 I know this is kinda awkward, but I... I'm in a... in a hard spot, here. 577 00:29:27,368 --> 00:29:29,336 "Awkward". Is the word you would use. 578 00:29:29,370 --> 00:29:31,472 - Yeah, awkward. - For what this fucking is. 579 00:29:31,506 --> 00:29:33,575 - It's a little awkward. - Why the fuck do you think we would help you 580 00:29:33,608 --> 00:29:35,476 after what you fucking did to us? 581 00:29:35,510 --> 00:29:39,013 - Oh, what in... what in college? - Yes! The thing from college! 582 00:29:39,046 --> 00:29:41,849 Oh, you are... you're hung up on that? Still? 583 00:29:41,882 --> 00:29:43,183 It was years ago! 584 00:29:43,217 --> 00:29:45,419 Who cares how long ago it was, man! 585 00:29:45,452 --> 00:29:48,289 You planted drugs in our apartment, called the cops on us, we got arrested, 586 00:29:48,322 --> 00:29:50,958 because we got arrested we got expelled. You fucked up our whole lives! 587 00:29:50,991 --> 00:29:53,060 - Okay, well, in my def... in my defense... - You fucked up my life. Really. 588 00:29:53,093 --> 00:29:55,496 - What? - Mostly my life. Yours was not great. 589 00:29:55,530 --> 00:29:57,599 Oh, Jesus Christ, really? 590 00:29:57,632 --> 00:30:00,100 You wanna get in on me right now? Can we focus on him please? 591 00:30:00,134 --> 00:30:02,336 - Okay. Al right, you're right. - Hear me out. 592 00:30:02,369 --> 00:30:05,172 In my defense; the drugs were in my apartment, 593 00:30:05,205 --> 00:30:07,441 'cause I lived with you guys, so I went to jail, too. Okay? 594 00:30:07,474 --> 00:30:10,177 Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's part of what makes the thing fucking stupid. 595 00:30:10,210 --> 00:30:13,080 You guys had been doing shit to each other... like the egg thing, 596 00:30:13,113 --> 00:30:15,449 and the slashing the tires, and getting mad... so mad at each other, 597 00:30:15,482 --> 00:30:19,253 that I wanted to do something to get you guys mad at me. Right? 598 00:30:19,286 --> 00:30:21,355 - How'd that turn out? - Not good, obviously! 599 00:30:21,388 --> 00:30:23,525 - How'd it do for the group? - Really not well. 600 00:30:23,558 --> 00:30:25,225 We haven't talked since, have we? 601 00:30:25,259 --> 00:30:27,361 And it's all in the past. That's what I'm saying. 602 00:30:27,394 --> 00:30:29,263 I thought that this would bring us all together, and we could just... 603 00:30:29,296 --> 00:30:31,932 you know, like old times! Have fun! 604 00:30:31,965 --> 00:30:33,601 - Help... help... help out old Derek! - Old times giving you money! 605 00:30:33,635 --> 00:30:37,071 No. No. No, no, no! No! I'm not doin' this! All right? 606 00:30:37,104 --> 00:30:39,940 I'm sick'a this shit! I'm out! I'm out. 607 00:30:39,973 --> 00:30:41,975 I didn't wanna come here, and I'm out. 608 00:30:42,009 --> 00:30:44,211 - Come on, Harry, no! - Look what you did! Now we're leaving. 609 00:30:44,244 --> 00:30:47,047 Please! Please! Please! Wait, there's... there's lives at stake here. Okay? 610 00:30:47,081 --> 00:30:49,249 What does that mean? What did you do? 611 00:30:49,283 --> 00:30:54,321 If I don't get this money to Linda, she is going to kill my best friend. 612 00:30:54,355 --> 00:30:57,659 - She just kidnapped someone? - Yes! She... she kidnapped my best friend. 613 00:30:57,692 --> 00:31:01,028 And, if I don't get her the money, she's gonna kill my Monkey. 614 00:31:01,061 --> 00:31:04,898 And I can't let that happen, 'cause Monkey is my whole life, okay? 615 00:31:04,932 --> 00:31:07,101 Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Quick question... 616 00:31:07,134 --> 00:31:08,402 - What? - Who is Monkey? 617 00:31:08,435 --> 00:31:10,938 Monkey's my... Oh, Monkey's my dog. 618 00:31:10,971 --> 00:31:13,907 Okay, hey, man, how about you lead with that part? I thought it was a person! 619 00:31:13,941 --> 00:31:15,510 Well, I thought you guys knew that! 620 00:31:15,543 --> 00:31:17,010 "My best friend! They're gonna kill my best friend!" 621 00:31:17,044 --> 00:31:18,379 You guys don't follow me on Instagram. 622 00:31:18,412 --> 00:31:19,681 You guys gotta follow me on Instagram, man. 623 00:31:19,714 --> 00:31:22,015 No we don't! We hate you, remember? 624 00:31:22,049 --> 00:31:23,117 Well, allow me to introduce you to a little dog named Monkey, okay? 625 00:31:23,150 --> 00:31:25,319 Don't. I don't wanna do this. 626 00:31:25,352 --> 00:31:26,153 When you see this dog, you are gonna help me out. Lemme tell ya, okay? 627 00:31:26,186 --> 00:31:28,389 No. No. 628 00:31:28,422 --> 00:31:30,592 Here; this is my favorite picture of us. That's us in the grass, okay? 629 00:31:30,625 --> 00:31:33,127 - Here we are in the grass. - Great. Great. Dog in a grass. Congratulations. 630 00:31:33,160 --> 00:31:35,362 This one, uh, here's another one. This is seconds later. We're in the grass. 631 00:31:35,396 --> 00:31:37,231 - Can you believe it? - Monkey's eyes are closed there. 632 00:31:37,264 --> 00:31:39,466 - Unbelievable. - Blinking, I'm pretty sure. 633 00:31:39,500 --> 00:31:41,503 - Wow. What a picture. I can't wait for this... - And then here we are, 634 00:31:41,536 --> 00:31:43,971 just seconds later, in the grass again, her eyes are open, 635 00:31:44,004 --> 00:31:45,673 she's done with the blink that she was taking in the picture before that. 636 00:31:45,707 --> 00:31:47,174 - That's fascinating, man. We're not... - Listen... 637 00:31:47,207 --> 00:31:49,209 - No. We don't... I don't care! - Luke... 638 00:31:49,243 --> 00:31:50,077 - I don't care! I don't... that's not my dog! - Luke, Luke, Luke! 639 00:31:50,110 --> 00:31:52,446 It's a real dog. 640 00:31:52,479 --> 00:31:56,584 If... his dog's gonna die, I can't live with myself if that happens, all right? 641 00:31:56,618 --> 00:31:59,319 I can't live with myself... I am a dog owner, 642 00:31:59,353 --> 00:32:02,256 I can't look at my dogs in the eye after that; and it's just not happening, okay? 643 00:32:02,289 --> 00:32:06,260 - Your dogs. How many dogs do you have? - I have six dogs. 644 00:32:06,293 --> 00:32:07,662 - It's a lot! - You have six fucking dogs? 645 00:32:07,695 --> 00:32:09,631 - That's insane. - That's a normal amount of dogs. 646 00:32:09,664 --> 00:32:12,132 - That's a lotta dogs. - That's far from a normal amount of dogs. 647 00:32:12,166 --> 00:32:14,301 - I'd say every... - This is the first time we've agreed on something, right? 648 00:32:14,334 --> 00:32:16,036 Well, don't get fucking excited, I still hate your goddamn guts. All right? 649 00:32:16,069 --> 00:32:17,672 - That's a lotta dogs... - Here's what we're gonna do. 650 00:32:17,705 --> 00:32:20,542 Listen very closely, we're gonna do you this one favor, 651 00:32:20,575 --> 00:32:22,142 we are gonna help you get your dog... 652 00:32:22,176 --> 00:32:23,343 - You're really gonna help me? - Shut up! 653 00:32:24,244 --> 00:32:26,447 - One favor: help you get your dog. - Yeah. 654 00:32:26,480 --> 00:32:28,982 Once you have your dog back, 655 00:32:29,016 --> 00:32:32,720 we're gonna go right back to never fucking talking to each other ever again. Okay 656 00:32:32,754 --> 00:32:34,622 - That's... I'll... I'll take that deal. That's fair. - Oh, you'll take it. 657 00:32:34,656 --> 00:32:36,290 You'll take it? How about you? Will you take the deal? 658 00:32:36,323 --> 00:32:37,759 - All right. - Deal or no deal? - Deal. 659 00:32:37,792 --> 00:32:39,527 Deal it is. All right? 660 00:32:39,561 --> 00:32:42,029 Jesus Christ, this whole thing is bullshit, by the way. 661 00:32:42,062 --> 00:32:45,466 I don't think this Linda fuckin' bi... tch is gonna kill a dog just... because... 662 00:32:45,499 --> 00:32:47,602 - Luke! Don't say the b-word! - She said she would, man. 663 00:32:47,635 --> 00:32:49,403 I didn't wanna say it! I hesitated, all right? 664 00:32:49,436 --> 00:32:51,104 - That's why it's bad! - I don't wanna take a chance. 665 00:32:51,138 --> 00:32:52,707 No! It was bad if I just said it confidently! 666 00:32:52,740 --> 00:32:55,309 I don't believe this Linda bitch is gonna do this. 667 00:32:55,342 --> 00:32:57,411 No, it's bad because you know better and you still did it. That's disappointing. 668 00:32:57,444 --> 00:33:00,013 - What's wrong with you, man? - Oh! Because I kne... 669 00:33:00,047 --> 00:33:02,584 because I had a problem saying it means I shouldn't have said it because I knew it was wrong. 670 00:33:02,617 --> 00:33:04,686 - I'm with Derek on this one. - Yeah, dude. 671 00:33:04,719 --> 00:33:07,655 No, that makes sense, that makes sense. All right, let's go... 672 00:33:07,689 --> 00:33:09,356 - politely meet Linda. - Okay. 673 00:33:09,389 --> 00:33:11,693 - I won't call her a bitch. - See that you don't. 674 00:33:11,726 --> 00:33:14,596 And we'll say; "This is stupid, give me this fucking dog," and then we'll leave. 675 00:33:14,629 --> 00:33:17,130 And we'll leave, I'll never see you again, I'll never see you again. Sound good? 676 00:33:17,164 --> 00:33:19,433 - That... - We already made a deal. I'm fucking... Let's go. 677 00:33:19,466 --> 00:33:21,335 - All right. - Let's fucking get outta here. 678 00:33:21,368 --> 00:33:23,303 - It was good to see you. - Don't... - This is crazy... 679 00:33:46,661 --> 00:33:49,664 Okay, so, look; these guys are... they're kinda tough, okay? 680 00:33:49,697 --> 00:33:51,766 So let me just do the talking here. We'll take care of it. 681 00:33:51,799 --> 00:33:54,501 Okay. We'll let you do the talking. That should go fantastic. 682 00:33:54,536 --> 00:33:56,804 - Whoa, whoa, whoa! - Hey, Dweeb! - Hey. 683 00:33:56,838 --> 00:33:58,372 - Derek. - Yeah. 684 00:33:58,405 --> 00:34:00,508 What's good, man? Who are these guys? 685 00:34:00,542 --> 00:34:02,109 This is Luke, this is Harry. These guys are my best friends, okay? 686 00:34:02,142 --> 00:34:04,411 No, no! We're not his best friends. Okay? 687 00:34:04,444 --> 00:34:08,448 Don't... We... we... Look; I am Luke, he is Harry, we're not his best friends. 688 00:34:08,482 --> 00:34:09,751 We're just here to help him get his dog back. All right? 689 00:34:09,784 --> 00:34:11,485 - Huh! - Yeah. 690 00:34:11,519 --> 00:34:12,754 Ya know that sounds like somethin' a friend would do. 691 00:34:14,087 --> 00:34:17,090 Sure! Yeah. It does, doesn't it? Uh, but that's not the case. 692 00:34:17,124 --> 00:34:19,594 We're not friends, we haven't been for years. 693 00:34:19,627 --> 00:34:22,630 We are here just to help this one time, that's all it is, doesn't really matter otherwise. 694 00:34:22,664 --> 00:34:26,734 Uh, so if we could just... move on from this whole thing, Dweeb, was it? 695 00:34:26,768 --> 00:34:28,101 Is your name Dweeb? 696 00:34:28,135 --> 00:34:30,404 Yeah, it is! 697 00:34:30,437 --> 00:34:32,574 Is that a nickname, or... Where'd that... Did your mom give you that name? 698 00:34:32,607 --> 00:34:35,142 I... I... I know what you're doin'. All right? 699 00:34:35,175 --> 00:34:37,645 You think that, like, because they call me Dweeb I'm dumb or something, but... 700 00:34:37,679 --> 00:34:39,581 - I didn't say... - It's actually the opposite. 701 00:34:39,614 --> 00:34:41,348 - They call me Dweeb 'cause I'm smart. - Okay! 702 00:34:41,381 --> 00:34:42,817 I can do all kinds of stuff that other people can't do. 703 00:34:42,850 --> 00:34:45,152 Okay! And... what is that, what can you do? 704 00:34:46,821 --> 00:34:50,257 Like, I could... I could take apart an iPhone and put it back together in five minutes, 705 00:34:50,290 --> 00:34:51,291 easy, no big deal. 706 00:34:52,694 --> 00:34:55,195 - You just take it apart, put it back together? - Yeah. Yeah. 707 00:34:55,228 --> 00:34:58,432 It... it's hard! Not a lotta people can do it. So, there's that. 708 00:34:58,465 --> 00:35:01,335 It's not that hard. I've... I've done it. 709 00:35:01,368 --> 00:35:03,270 - Okay, so that's... - I mean, I've done it! 710 00:35:03,303 --> 00:35:05,472 - that's two out of four in the... in the space. - Hi, Dweeb. 711 00:35:05,506 --> 00:35:08,141 - Yeah, you... Oh... - Did it take you... How long... 712 00:35:08,175 --> 00:35:09,644 - Did it take you five minutes? - Did you time it? 713 00:35:09,677 --> 00:35:11,646 No, I... I didn't... I didn't time it. So... 714 00:35:11,679 --> 00:35:14,481 No, you didn't, 'cause you couldn't do it in five minutes. 715 00:35:14,515 --> 00:35:18,318 I took it apart and put it back together in five minutes. 716 00:35:18,352 --> 00:35:19,787 - Can we come in, man? I mean is that all right? - Okay. 717 00:35:19,821 --> 00:35:21,556 Oh, yeah, yeah! No, come, come, come on. 718 00:35:21,589 --> 00:35:23,390 - I just wanna talk to Linda. - Oh! Okay, yeah, yeah. 719 00:35:23,423 --> 00:35:24,892 How do you open this thing? 720 00:35:24,926 --> 00:35:26,493 - Flip the horseshoe thing up... - Flip it... up? 721 00:35:26,527 --> 00:35:28,395 Twist it back, it opens... Push or pull. 722 00:35:28,428 --> 00:35:29,864 Either or, I designed it that way. 723 00:35:29,897 --> 00:35:32,265 - Okay. - Well, you're pushing that one up, 724 00:35:32,299 --> 00:35:34,434 - I'm pushing this one out. - It doesn't matter, you can do either or. 725 00:35:34,468 --> 00:35:36,403 - It's custom. It's custom. - It doesn't... I think it's fine, mate? It's okay. 726 00:35:36,436 --> 00:35:38,472 Do you wanna... Should we do the same way with both? Or... 727 00:35:38,506 --> 00:35:39,807 - Just open 'em split like that... - That doesn't make sense. 728 00:35:39,841 --> 00:35:41,341 And then all three of yous come in. 729 00:35:41,375 --> 00:35:43,611 That's really weird, man. All right! 730 00:35:44,979 --> 00:35:47,915 Come on. No. Hey. Leave it! 731 00:35:47,949 --> 00:35:49,216 Don't... just leave it open. 732 00:35:49,249 --> 00:35:51,284 It's just for security, Dweeb! 733 00:35:51,318 --> 00:35:53,220 - Aren't you a security guard kinda thing? - Yeah, but this isn't... 734 00:35:53,253 --> 00:35:55,188 I don't want anything bad to happen. 735 00:35:55,222 --> 00:35:56,390 Oh, actually, it doesn't make sense. Yeah, close it up! 736 00:35:56,423 --> 00:35:57,357 - Yeah. - Yeah. 737 00:36:20,982 --> 00:36:24,351 - Nice place. - Yeah. Yeah, it is. 738 00:36:25,285 --> 00:36:28,956 - Lotta animals. - Yeah. I love 'em. 739 00:36:28,990 --> 00:36:30,958 You love animals? 740 00:36:30,992 --> 00:36:32,627 Yeah, I have my whole life. 741 00:36:32,660 --> 00:36:34,595 Did you... Uh, decorate this place? 742 00:36:34,629 --> 00:36:35,997 I did! I did, yeah. 743 00:36:36,030 --> 00:36:38,566 - You did a good job. - It's good, man. 744 00:36:38,599 --> 00:36:40,568 Yeah, I like this whole forest thing. 745 00:36:40,601 --> 00:36:42,970 Sure. Kinda rainforest-y. 746 00:36:43,004 --> 00:36:45,773 Yeah, it's like wet... it's like wet forest. 747 00:36:47,307 --> 00:36:51,478 Derek, Derek, Derek. My man! 748 00:36:51,512 --> 00:36:53,548 Hey, Linda. Uh, how's it goin'? 749 00:36:53,581 --> 00:36:55,315 How's it going with me? 750 00:36:55,348 --> 00:36:56,951 Ugh! What a gentleman! 751 00:36:56,984 --> 00:36:59,787 Uh, It's going great with me. How's it going with you? 752 00:36:59,821 --> 00:37:02,890 - I'm... I mean, overall, I'm okay. - Yeah! 753 00:37:02,924 --> 00:37:04,959 - I... had some chips earlier... - Uh-huh, do you have my money? - Mmm. 754 00:37:06,027 --> 00:37:08,596 Uh... not... No, not yet. 755 00:37:08,629 --> 00:37:10,665 - We were... That's why we came over to talk about that. - Mmm. 756 00:37:10,698 --> 00:37:12,499 Right. I'll help you out here, buddy. I'll take over. 757 00:37:12,533 --> 00:37:14,736 Hi, how are ya? Luke. Nice to meet ya. 758 00:37:14,769 --> 00:37:16,037 I love everything you got goin' here, by the way! 759 00:37:16,070 --> 00:37:17,972 I like the house, I like the vibe. 760 00:37:18,005 --> 00:37:20,373 You got the big tough guy out front. That's pretty cool. 761 00:37:20,407 --> 00:37:22,375 You're comin' in with a nice powerful energy. That's pretty cool. 762 00:37:22,409 --> 00:37:24,277 - Mm-hmm! - Here's the thing; 763 00:37:24,311 --> 00:37:26,614 I know he made a bet, I know he owes you money. 764 00:37:26,647 --> 00:37:28,950 He will get you the money... 765 00:37:28,983 --> 00:37:32,352 but you can't just go around kidnapping people's dogs. K? 766 00:37:32,385 --> 00:37:35,422 That's weird, and that's messed up. It's rude. 767 00:37:35,455 --> 00:37:37,390 I can use all kinds of words for what it is! 768 00:37:37,424 --> 00:37:39,359 - It's just not somethin' ya do. - Mmm. 769 00:37:39,392 --> 00:37:42,362 So... I am thinkin'; he'll pay you back! 770 00:37:42,395 --> 00:37:44,766 - I'll stay on him; I'll make sure he pays you back! - Yeah. 771 00:37:44,799 --> 00:37:47,635 But we're gonna take the dog right now and we're gonna get outta here. 772 00:37:47,668 --> 00:37:49,604 - What do you think about that? - Ahh. 773 00:37:49,637 --> 00:37:55,510 - Wow. I think that this is a... an amazing plan! - Mmm! 774 00:37:55,543 --> 00:37:57,444 - All right! - Okay! 775 00:37:57,477 --> 00:37:58,613 - This is an amazing plan! - Amazing plan! Perfect! 776 00:37:58,646 --> 00:38:00,447 - Wow! - So you like it! 777 00:38:00,480 --> 00:38:02,583 - It's beautifully crafted. - Yes. There's craftsmanship. 778 00:38:02,617 --> 00:38:06,621 And yet, and yet! It's so... Ooh, it's exciting! 779 00:38:06,654 --> 00:38:08,956 - Yes, it's very exciting. - There's something, um... 780 00:38:08,990 --> 00:38:12,760 I have to ask. And, I mean, I think I know the answer, but, is this a, um... 781 00:38:12,794 --> 00:38:15,062 Is this a group effort? This... this plan. 782 00:38:15,096 --> 00:38:18,398 Was it sort of, he contributed, oh, he threw in a thought, and then, oh, but then. 783 00:38:18,431 --> 00:38:20,601 - Ya know? - You know what... 784 00:38:20,635 --> 00:38:23,037 Or... or, was there someone who said, "Ya know what? I have an idea." 785 00:38:23,070 --> 00:38:25,405 Was there someone like that? 786 00:38:25,438 --> 00:38:28,075 I'll take credit for that right there. That was me. No worries, guys. 787 00:38:28,109 --> 00:38:30,945 - It was my plan. I'm runnin' the show. How about that? - Wow! 788 00:38:30,978 --> 00:38:33,346 You know what? I had a feeling. 789 00:38:33,380 --> 00:38:35,415 - Yeah? - I did have a feeling. - You could tell? 790 00:38:35,448 --> 00:38:37,384 - I could kinda tell about you. - OK. I like that. 791 00:38:37,417 --> 00:38:39,587 Um, will you go get the dog, by the way? 792 00:38:39,620 --> 00:38:41,856 - What do you got there? - Yeah, I'm sorry, it's just a little house business. 793 00:38:41,889 --> 00:38:45,860 - Sure. - But, I... I... I could kinda tell, when I first walked in... 794 00:38:45,893 --> 00:38:47,929 - you're the leader of the group, aren't you? - Yeah, you picked up. 795 00:38:47,962 --> 00:38:50,064 - Ugh. Amazing... - We're... we're... we're vibin' here. 796 00:38:50,097 --> 00:38:51,899 - We're pickin' up on each other's energy... - We really...! 797 00:38:51,933 --> 00:38:53,534 - It's workin'! - It's crazy, huh? - It's workin'. 798 00:38:53,568 --> 00:38:55,703 - So...! - Yeah. 799 00:38:55,736 --> 00:38:58,005 I think we're good! We like what we're talkin' about, we're vibin', 800 00:38:58,039 --> 00:39:00,141 - we're in a good space here... - I love what we're talkin' about! Absolutely! 801 00:39:00,174 --> 00:39:02,076 - How about we take the dog and get outta here? - The dog. 802 00:39:02,109 --> 00:39:05,146 - You mean this dog! This is perfect timing! - Right. 803 00:39:05,179 --> 00:39:06,747 - Monkey! - Oh, this dog. 804 00:39:06,781 --> 00:39:08,481 - Monkey, it's me, daddy! - That's the dog. 805 00:39:08,516 --> 00:39:10,785 - It's me, daddy. Remember me? - Oh, my God, my angel! 806 00:39:10,818 --> 00:39:13,855 - No, no, no. Don't hold her like that! She hates that! - She's so cute! 807 00:39:13,888 --> 00:39:16,157 - Just take it easy. - Oh, she hates that! - She's so beautiful. 808 00:39:16,190 --> 00:39:19,594 Do you ever look at nature and think, "How did we get here?" 809 00:39:19,627 --> 00:39:23,030 - All the time! - All the time? It's stunning! 810 00:39:23,064 --> 00:39:24,732 You're stunning! 811 00:39:24,765 --> 00:39:26,000 Okay, here we go, here's a new thought for ya! 812 00:39:26,033 --> 00:39:27,969 I hope you're gonna like this one. 813 00:39:28,002 --> 00:39:31,038 You don't get to do this, okay? This is bullshit. 814 00:39:31,072 --> 00:39:34,474 You don't get to taunt him with his own dog that you've kidnapped. 815 00:39:34,508 --> 00:39:37,011 And ya know what I don't buy any of this! How about that? 816 00:39:37,044 --> 00:39:38,846 I think you guys are puttin' on a little show here! 817 00:39:38,880 --> 00:39:41,148 A little show? 818 00:39:41,182 --> 00:39:43,551 I think you guys are playin' your little characters. You got the bodyguard guy. 819 00:39:43,584 --> 00:39:45,586 You got the crime boss. Kingpin. I think you're playin' a character here! 820 00:39:45,620 --> 00:39:47,555 - Crime boss! - I think you're playin' a little character. 821 00:39:47,588 --> 00:39:49,422 - Kingpin! - You saw a movie... 822 00:39:49,456 --> 00:39:51,458 - Little character! - You saw somethin' cool... 823 00:39:51,491 --> 00:39:53,594 Little puttin' on the Ritz! 824 00:39:53,628 --> 00:39:55,663 Some guy threatened to kill somebody 'cause they owed him money, 825 00:39:55,696 --> 00:39:57,098 - you're like, "I wanna be like that." - Right. Right. 826 00:39:57,131 --> 00:40:00,001 - I'm gonna be a big tough guy. - Big tough guy. 827 00:40:00,034 --> 00:40:02,069 - I think you're doin' an act, I think you're full'a shit. - "A little act." 828 00:40:02,103 --> 00:40:03,671 I don't think you're gonna do anything! 829 00:40:03,704 --> 00:40:05,106 You don't think that I'm gonna do anything! 830 00:40:05,139 --> 00:40:07,141 I don't think you're gonna do anything. 831 00:40:07,174 --> 00:40:08,976 - You don't think that I'm gonna do, ooh, anything, huh? - Nothin'. 832 00:40:09,010 --> 00:40:11,012 - "Nothin'!" - Nothing! Whaddya think? 833 00:40:11,045 --> 00:40:13,214 I think... 834 00:40:13,247 --> 00:40:14,849 Back to the whispering. What are you saying? 835 00:40:14,882 --> 00:40:16,951 - Oh! Yeah. Okay! Yeah! - Right? Give him a kiss! 836 00:40:16,984 --> 00:40:19,486 - Aye! H! - Hey, Dweeb. 837 00:40:19,520 --> 00:40:20,855 Can I see your hand? Just for one second. Can I see your hand, please? 838 00:40:20,888 --> 00:40:22,723 - What for? - Oh, I just gotta try somethin'. 839 00:40:22,757 --> 00:40:24,926 - All right. Oww! - Oh, shit, man, what are you doin'? 840 00:40:24,959 --> 00:40:27,128 He snapped my pinky finger! 841 00:40:27,161 --> 00:40:29,730 You snapped his pinky finger, man! What the fuck! Why'd you do that? 842 00:40:29,764 --> 00:40:33,134 A quick question, you still think that I'm gonna do nothing? Hmm? 843 00:40:33,167 --> 00:40:37,138 Yes! You just did nothing, you made him do a thing! You didn't do shit! 844 00:40:37,171 --> 00:40:39,540 It's a real collaborative effort! 845 00:40:39,573 --> 00:40:41,676 You're still full... No, I don't care. It doesn't count. You didn't do shit! 846 00:40:41,709 --> 00:40:43,644 - It is! It's fifty-fifty! I'm holding the dog! - Luke, who cares? 847 00:40:43,678 --> 00:40:44,912 - Luke, shut up! - No, she didn't do it! It was just the guy! 848 00:40:44,946 --> 00:40:47,615 - Linda, we'll get the money! - Yeah... 849 00:40:47,648 --> 00:40:49,050 - I don't even care about that. We'll get the money. It's fine. - We'll get the money. It's fine. 850 00:40:49,083 --> 00:40:51,185 Okay, just calm down. Just relax. Okay... 851 00:40:51,218 --> 00:40:53,254 - I don't wanna calm down! - Easy, easy. Just wait. - Let me have this! 852 00:40:53,287 --> 00:40:55,089 You'll be fine. Just breathe. 853 00:40:55,122 --> 00:40:57,692 Oaky, look, yes. We'll go, we'll get your money... 854 00:40:57,725 --> 00:40:59,760 - Mm-hmm... - We'll come back. - Mm-hmm... 855 00:40:59,794 --> 00:41:01,796 K? 856 00:41:01,829 --> 00:41:05,566 How about this; you have 24 hours, or else I kill your fucking dog. 857 00:41:05,599 --> 00:41:07,702 - Huh? - Oh my God! 858 00:41:07,735 --> 00:41:10,071 - Let's just... let's get the money, okay? - Fine! Twenty-four hours it is. 859 00:41:10,104 --> 00:41:12,106 - Come on, let's go. - Twenty-four hours... - We're goin'. You're all right. 860 00:41:12,139 --> 00:41:14,575 - That's one day. - We know what twenty-four hours is, man! 861 00:41:14,608 --> 00:41:19,246 Okay! Hello. Nice check in. Always so sad to see the boys go. 862 00:41:19,280 --> 00:41:21,649 Always sad to watch 'em walk away. 863 00:41:21,682 --> 00:41:25,920 But they look so good doin' it. 864 00:41:25,953 --> 00:41:28,089 God, man! I don't buy this, dude. 865 00:41:28,122 --> 00:41:30,958 This Linda chick is full'a shit, and I still think that! 866 00:41:30,992 --> 00:41:32,927 - I don't buy it! - Luke, she's not full of shit! Look at my hand, man! 867 00:41:32,960 --> 00:41:35,629 I don't care! That's what I'm saying; she didn't do that! 868 00:41:35,663 --> 00:41:38,866 She... she told the Dweeb guy to do it, who I can't get a read on that guy at all, by the way. 869 00:41:38,899 --> 00:41:41,802 All right, that's just semantics. Who gives a shit who did it? 870 00:41:41,836 --> 00:41:43,904 Someone broke my hand; someone could kill a dog! 871 00:41:43,938 --> 00:41:47,675 And if they kill the dog, if they... kill the dog... we lose. 872 00:41:47,708 --> 00:41:49,210 We don't want that to happen. 873 00:41:49,243 --> 00:41:51,912 No, Derek, we understand what we're trying to accomplish. 874 00:41:51,946 --> 00:41:54,015 - Right, it's just a reminder. - Thank you for the reminder. Thank you for staying on it. 875 00:41:54,048 --> 00:41:56,751 - I'm glad you're here for that. - No problem! Anytime. You're welcome. 876 00:41:56,784 --> 00:41:59,754 Okay... so! Because Dweeb is capable of breaking a finger, he's capable of killing a dog. 877 00:41:59,787 --> 00:42:04,158 That's fair logic. My bad. So, eight hundred dollars... 878 00:42:04,191 --> 00:42:07,561 - Harry! - What? 879 00:42:07,595 --> 00:42:09,697 Do you have eight hundred dollars? 880 00:42:10,598 --> 00:42:13,000 - No! I mean, I... - How much ya got? 881 00:42:13,034 --> 00:42:14,869 - I got... - Do you have, like, a savings account, or... 882 00:42:14,902 --> 00:42:16,904 - Sure, of course, I do. - What's in... 883 00:42:16,937 --> 00:42:19,140 - That's... absolutely I have a savings account. - What's in it? 884 00:42:19,173 --> 00:42:20,074 - How much money do you have in the savings account? - How much... 885 00:42:20,107 --> 00:42:21,242 in the savings account? 886 00:42:23,044 --> 00:42:25,012 - Three hundred dollars. - Eesh. 887 00:42:25,046 --> 00:42:27,081 - That's so much money! - No. No, no, no. 888 00:42:27,114 --> 00:42:29,283 - For a savings account? That's not... - It's not? 889 00:42:29,316 --> 00:42:31,252 That's nothing. That's kind of embarrassing, dude. Why even have it? 890 00:42:31,285 --> 00:42:33,788 It's not embarrassing. I have a house! I have a lemon tree. 891 00:42:33,821 --> 00:42:35,856 It's kind of unnecessary to have a savings account if it's only three hundred dollars. 892 00:42:35,890 --> 00:42:37,591 Three... three hundred's weird. 893 00:42:37,625 --> 00:42:40,294 Don't... don't shame me for this! What do you have? 894 00:42:40,327 --> 00:42:41,796 What, total? 895 00:42:41,829 --> 00:42:43,831 Yeah, money, total, money, dollar. 896 00:42:43,864 --> 00:42:46,200 How many money dollars do you have? 897 00:42:46,233 --> 00:42:49,203 I... got like one fifty. 898 00:42:49,236 --> 00:42:51,272 - That's nothing! - But I don't have a savings account. 899 00:42:51,305 --> 00:42:53,307 - That's less than him. - That's half! 900 00:42:53,340 --> 00:42:55,609 - I don't have a savings account, though! - That's less than he has. 901 00:42:55,643 --> 00:42:57,044 It's weird that you have that much in a sav... If I had one fifty... 902 00:42:57,078 --> 00:42:58,145 So you have zero in a savings account. 903 00:42:58,179 --> 00:43:00,047 And one fifty in the checking. 904 00:43:00,081 --> 00:43:02,283 - All right. - That's four fifty. What do you have? 905 00:43:04,151 --> 00:43:06,887 - What are you... - Uh, okay, so... 906 00:43:06,921 --> 00:43:08,189 - In your wallet... - Right now... 907 00:43:08,222 --> 00:43:09,723 I have this. 908 00:43:09,757 --> 00:43:11,392 That's a five-dollar bill. 909 00:43:11,425 --> 00:43:13,260 Yeah, and I have it. 910 00:43:13,294 --> 00:43:14,728 Do you have a bank account? Where's the rest of your money? 911 00:43:14,762 --> 00:43:16,330 No, I don't have a bank account. 912 00:43:16,363 --> 00:43:18,365 Why would I have a ba... No. 913 00:43:18,399 --> 00:43:20,734 - Why don't you have a bank... - I'm not fallin' for that. 914 00:43:20,768 --> 00:43:22,203 - I'm not fallin' for that one! - Falling for what? Saving your money? 915 00:43:22,236 --> 00:43:23,838 - Putting your money somewhere? - Not... Yeah! 916 00:43:23,871 --> 00:43:26,240 - What is there to fall for? - No, thanks! 917 00:43:26,273 --> 00:43:29,910 'Cause you know, the moment they get all... The moment you open that thing up... 918 00:43:29,944 --> 00:43:31,879 - They keep your money for you. - The... the moment... 919 00:43:31,912 --> 00:43:33,314 The moment you open that up they hold your money. 920 00:43:33,347 --> 00:43:34,715 The moment you open that thing up... 921 00:43:34,748 --> 00:43:35,883 What? 922 00:43:37,284 --> 00:43:41,956 I, uh... I... I never thought about I guess, like, what they do. 923 00:43:41,989 --> 00:43:44,325 You just once heard you shouldn't do banks and now you don't do banks. 924 00:43:44,358 --> 00:43:47,394 Yeah. Well 'cause I heard a guy on TV go, "The moment they..." and then, um... 925 00:43:47,428 --> 00:43:48,996 - You just changed the channel? - Someone turned off the... 926 00:43:49,029 --> 00:43:51,132 No, it was a lightning storm, it turned off. 927 00:43:51,165 --> 00:43:53,134 So we have $455. 928 00:43:53,167 --> 00:43:57,271 Thank you. Yes. We have $455 between the three of us. 929 00:43:57,304 --> 00:43:59,840 - Yeah! - It's very embarrassing. 930 00:43:59,874 --> 00:44:02,943 But, look! Hey. That's... that's over half! 931 00:44:02,977 --> 00:44:05,279 - That's half way! - That's half way, so here's what I think... 932 00:44:05,312 --> 00:44:09,350 we give that money to her, we say, "Hey, good faith payment, down payment. 933 00:44:09,383 --> 00:44:13,754 Derek will get you the rest when he can, on his own, 'cause fuck Derek." 934 00:44:13,787 --> 00:44:17,358 And from there... she should give us the dog 'cause it's a very reasonable request, 935 00:44:17,391 --> 00:44:19,026 - a very reasonable thing to do. - Yeah. 936 00:44:19,059 --> 00:44:21,228 Well, I... I agree, I think it's reasonable. 937 00:44:21,262 --> 00:44:24,999 I... I don't think Dweeb has an ounce of reason in him. 938 00:44:25,032 --> 00:44:26,901 Oh, Dweeb, I can't... I don't know what's goin' on inside. 939 00:44:26,934 --> 00:44:28,369 He's a wild card, man. 940 00:44:28,402 --> 00:44:30,337 - Do you know that guy? - A little bit. 941 00:44:30,371 --> 00:44:32,139 - What's his deal? - We went to high school together. 942 00:44:32,173 --> 00:44:33,874 What was he like in high school? 943 00:44:33,908 --> 00:44:34,942 He kicked the shit outta me, like, all the time. 944 00:44:35,843 --> 00:44:38,879 Okay! So... Linda, hello. 945 00:44:38,913 --> 00:44:42,116 Um, unfortunately, we could not get all of the money. 946 00:44:42,149 --> 00:44:46,086 But! We do have... $455. 947 00:44:46,120 --> 00:44:47,855 - Which is most of it! - Which is over half! 948 00:44:47,888 --> 00:44:50,157 - It's most of it, yeah. - Yes! Good job, Derek. 949 00:44:50,191 --> 00:44:53,761 It's actually over half, so, I'm thinking, uh, a very fair deal at this point, 950 00:44:53,794 --> 00:44:57,164 would be we give you this $455, 951 00:44:57,198 --> 00:44:59,033 you give us the dog, 952 00:44:59,066 --> 00:45:02,203 and we get you the rest absolutely as soon as we can. 953 00:45:02,236 --> 00:45:03,804 - Soon as we can. Yeah. - Thank you, Derek. 954 00:45:03,837 --> 00:45:05,773 - Wow. - What do you think? 955 00:45:05,806 --> 00:45:07,875 - What do I think? - Yeah! 956 00:45:07,908 --> 00:45:12,780 I think that this is very, um... I think it's very interesting. 957 00:45:12,813 --> 00:45:15,082 - Okay. Interesting. - Yeah. And I think it's interesting 958 00:45:15,115 --> 00:45:18,252 because you now owe me a thousand. 959 00:45:18,285 --> 00:45:20,754 - What? - What? - So... 960 00:45:20,788 --> 00:45:21,956 What do you mean a thousand? You can't just throw two hundred dollars on it! 961 00:45:21,989 --> 00:45:23,824 - Ah, and, yet, I did. - Why? 962 00:45:23,857 --> 00:45:26,327 Why? Okay, now this is... Mwah! Now this is for two reasons. 963 00:45:26,360 --> 00:45:28,862 - Do you wanna hear 'em? The two reasons? - Two reasons. Great. 964 00:45:28,896 --> 00:45:30,998 - Can't wait to hear the list. - Two reasons. Of course. So the list is brief, 965 00:45:31,031 --> 00:45:33,767 but it goes like this: number 1; interest. Right? 966 00:45:33,801 --> 00:45:36,136 I mean, I don't know, have you guys, uh, have you heard of interest? 967 00:45:36,170 --> 00:45:38,239 - Yeah. - Yes, I've heard of interest. It takes, like, months! 968 00:45:38,272 --> 00:45:40,341 - I bet you've heard of interest. Right? Yeah. - I have, yeah. 969 00:45:40,374 --> 00:45:42,776 It's a little bit of money you put on the top of a bigger piece of money 970 00:45:42,810 --> 00:45:45,779 When people owe you money for a long period of time. Not for two hours. 971 00:45:45,813 --> 00:45:47,948 Well, it works differently in crime. 972 00:45:47,982 --> 00:45:51,118 - Can it work for two hours? - I mean, crime, rules are out the window. 973 00:45:51,151 --> 00:45:53,220 As far as I understand from TV and film. 974 00:45:53,254 --> 00:45:55,222 - Mm-hmm. - Ugh. Damn it! 975 00:45:55,256 --> 00:46:00,094 So! Reason number two, sweetheart, is, um, how fucking dare you? 976 00:46:00,127 --> 00:46:02,496 - Okay. - Huh? 977 00:46:02,530 --> 00:46:06,534 How fucking dare you come into my house, and act like you're the one in charge. 978 00:46:06,568 --> 00:46:09,236 - I... didn't say that. - When pretty clearly... 979 00:46:09,270 --> 00:46:12,072 - it's me who's in charge. Right? - I agree. Sure! You're in charge. I agree! Unh-uh. 980 00:46:12,106 --> 00:46:15,142 Need I remind you about what happened the last time you were here? 981 00:46:15,175 --> 00:46:17,845 No. I don't need a reminder. 982 00:46:17,878 --> 00:46:19,813 Because I will give you a little refresher about what happened the last time you were here! 983 00:46:19,847 --> 00:46:21,882 I remember. I remember. 984 00:46:21,915 --> 00:46:24,218 - Which is that I broke your friend's fucking finger. - Uh! Ah! 985 00:46:24,251 --> 00:46:26,521 - Do you not remember that? Do you not recall that? - I don't remember that at all. 986 00:46:26,554 --> 00:46:29,089 - I don't remember that at all. I remember he broke the finger! - Oh, really? 987 00:46:29,123 --> 00:46:30,525 - He broke the finger? Huh! - I remember you stood there and you didn't do shit. 988 00:46:30,558 --> 00:46:32,527 - Luke, shut... - 'Cause you're full'a shit. 989 00:46:32,560 --> 00:46:34,596 What's wrong with you, Luke? Shut up, you're making it worse! 990 00:46:34,629 --> 00:46:36,363 - You're gonna make this worse! - She's fake, man, she's fakin' it. 991 00:46:36,397 --> 00:46:37,865 - She's whispering to Dweeb right now! - Well. 992 00:46:37,898 --> 00:46:39,166 They can whisper if they wanna whisper. 993 00:46:39,199 --> 00:46:41,302 - Could just be a secret. - Look! 994 00:46:41,335 --> 00:46:43,538 - No! Dweeb! Fuck! - Oh, my God, dude! What the fuck are you doing? 995 00:46:43,571 --> 00:46:45,372 What are you doing? Why are you acting like you don't know what happened? 996 00:46:45,406 --> 00:46:47,107 - Dweeb! - What is this? What does this mean? 997 00:46:47,141 --> 00:46:48,409 What's wrong with you? Why'd you do that? 998 00:46:48,442 --> 00:46:50,044 Take it easy! Okay, look, here we go! 999 00:46:50,077 --> 00:46:52,479 A thousand now, we've got four... fifty-five. 1000 00:46:52,514 --> 00:46:54,948 So that makes five... Eh, he's no good for math right now. Five... Uh, five fifty-five! 1001 00:46:54,982 --> 00:46:56,850 - Five forty-five! - Five forty-five! We owe you five forty-five now! 1002 00:46:56,884 --> 00:46:58,285 - Hmm? - It's actually eleven hundred. 1003 00:46:58,319 --> 00:47:00,020 - What? - Why? - Why's it eleven hundred? 1004 00:47:00,054 --> 00:47:01,523 Because you made my man waste a bullet. 1005 00:47:01,556 --> 00:47:03,957 Uh! Bullets aren't worth a hundred dollars! 1006 00:47:03,991 --> 00:47:06,927 He really, really loves his bullets. It would just mean a lot. 1007 00:47:06,960 --> 00:47:08,929 - These are my best bullets! - Yeah. 1008 00:47:08,962 --> 00:47:11,498 Okay. Sure. No, okay. Hundred-dollar bullets. Fair enough. 1009 00:47:11,533 --> 00:47:13,967 So, eleven hundred now, that makes... six fifty-five... six forty-five. 1010 00:47:14,001 --> 00:47:16,937 - Six forty-five. Harry? - Forty-five. Agh! - Six forty-five! 1011 00:47:16,970 --> 00:47:19,206 We'll get it to you... very soon. Okay? 1012 00:47:19,239 --> 00:47:23,110 You, my friend, have 22 hours to get back to me. 1013 00:47:23,143 --> 00:47:25,279 - Okay. - Okay, let's... let's just go! Let's just go then! 1014 00:47:25,312 --> 00:47:27,649 - Yeah. - Here ya go. 1015 00:47:27,682 --> 00:47:29,617 - Come on! Come on, Harry! - Okay, come on. - Give me one second! 1016 00:47:29,651 --> 00:47:31,952 You don't get one, man. I'd like to go now. Come on. 1017 00:47:31,985 --> 00:47:34,088 - No time! Come on! - Get up. Here we go. Everything's fine. 1018 00:47:34,121 --> 00:47:36,591 - Lemme see it, lemme see it. Oh, fuck, that's bad. - Oh, shit! OK. 1019 00:47:36,624 --> 00:47:38,593 Yeah, just go. 1020 00:47:38,626 --> 00:47:41,228 - It's full'a sticky stuff! - That's blood, pal. 1021 00:47:41,261 --> 00:47:43,063 Oh, my God, dude! 1022 00:47:43,097 --> 00:47:45,399 This fuckin' Linda chick, what is her deal, man? 1023 00:47:45,432 --> 00:47:47,635 - She's clearly insane, and... - Yes. 1024 00:47:47,669 --> 00:47:50,971 ...has a very strange arrangement with this Dweeb guy. 1025 00:47:51,004 --> 00:47:52,172 What is his thing, by the way? 1026 00:47:52,206 --> 00:47:53,541 That guy is from another planet! 1027 00:47:53,575 --> 00:47:55,577 There's nothin' goin' on behind his eyes! 1028 00:47:55,610 --> 00:47:58,112 I gotta be honest though, Luke, I wish you'd just kinda... 1029 00:47:58,145 --> 00:48:00,180 settle down with antagonizing him. 1030 00:48:00,214 --> 00:48:02,249 You're making it worse every... 1031 00:48:02,282 --> 00:48:04,385 - I'm not... Well, I'm not antagonizing him. - Yes, you are! 1032 00:48:04,418 --> 00:48:06,253 - You're making it worse every time! - I'm antagonizing her, not him. 1033 00:48:06,286 --> 00:48:08,422 - Okay? - That's... She's the one that'll kill the dog! 1034 00:48:08,455 --> 00:48:10,558 I know, but it's stupid that she's hurtin' him! That's not my call. 1035 00:48:10,592 --> 00:48:13,093 I... I didn't... I didn't... tell her to hurt him. That's weird! 1036 00:48:13,127 --> 00:48:16,964 I don't like it, but, you know what, he... at least should be hurting Derek. 1037 00:48:16,997 --> 00:48:19,199 - Probably you. - Fine. Sure, me! 1038 00:48:19,233 --> 00:48:21,435 Yeah, no, I'd love to get shot in the arm, dude! That's a dream for me. 1039 00:48:21,468 --> 00:48:23,103 I've been wantin' to get shot in the arm for years. 1040 00:48:23,137 --> 00:48:25,205 That's even... That's way better than a scar. 1041 00:48:25,239 --> 00:48:26,140 - Okay, shut up, shut up. Shut up, okay, shut up! - Minimal pain. 1042 00:48:26,173 --> 00:48:28,543 Minimal blood loss. 1043 00:48:28,576 --> 00:48:31,078 We'd all love to get shot in the arm! It sounds great! You get a scar, it's awesome. 1044 00:48:31,111 --> 00:48:33,347 - It's really cool. - Look; we need money right now, okay? 1045 00:48:33,380 --> 00:48:35,482 We need $500 or my dog dies. 1046 00:48:35,517 --> 00:48:37,384 - Nope. - $645. 1047 00:48:37,418 --> 00:48:39,621 - Oh, my God!! Ugh! Six... - It's a lot. It's a lot more. 1048 00:48:39,654 --> 00:48:43,023 Okay, what can we do to make a lotta money real fast? Uh... 1049 00:48:43,056 --> 00:48:45,392 Open up a restaurant? Uh... 1050 00:48:45,426 --> 00:48:47,027 Let's open up a restaurant real quick! 1051 00:48:47,060 --> 00:48:48,630 Derek's Diner! We'll call it Derek's Diner! 1052 00:48:48,663 --> 00:48:51,098 We'll call it Derek's Diner! That'll take 20 hours. 1053 00:48:51,131 --> 00:48:53,967 Call it Derek's Diner. Come on in, my dog's gonna die. Something like that. Um... 1054 00:48:54,001 --> 00:48:56,704 Why don't we go to the bank and take out a loan? 1055 00:48:57,605 --> 00:49:00,140 - What... Uh... - What kinda loan? 1056 00:49:00,174 --> 00:49:02,075 How do we take out a loan for this? 1057 00:49:02,109 --> 00:49:07,147 Take out a loan and you just go up there and say, "Give me $645." 1058 00:49:08,148 --> 00:49:10,350 - And they say, "What's the loan for?" What do we say? - Yeah. 1059 00:49:10,384 --> 00:49:12,486 - You need to give them a reason, I think, right? - Small business, or... 1060 00:49:12,520 --> 00:49:15,355 Say it's a... it's a... none of your business loan. 1061 00:49:15,389 --> 00:49:17,357 - None of your business loan. - That's gonna make 'em really mad. 1062 00:49:17,391 --> 00:49:19,393 - They'll fall... No, they'll take that. - Yeah. 1063 00:49:19,426 --> 00:49:21,395 Yeah, they'll... Those are common. None of your business loans? 1064 00:49:21,428 --> 00:49:23,631 Those are very common. They give those out all the time. 1065 00:49:23,665 --> 00:49:25,065 - They're gonna be real... - Especially for specifically six forty-five 1066 00:49:25,098 --> 00:49:27,234 from a guy who's covered in blood! 1067 00:49:27,267 --> 00:49:30,971 I'm the most adult one here, I'll take the heat. 1068 00:49:31,773 --> 00:49:34,141 - You're just gonna... Jesus Christ. - Oh, my God... 1069 00:49:34,174 --> 00:49:37,277 This isn't your boat. Don't just spit in here. 1070 00:49:37,311 --> 00:49:40,080 - I don't care if you're losing all your blood. - Wait, wait. Wait... 1071 00:49:40,113 --> 00:49:42,182 I know somebody that has a tuba. 1072 00:49:43,785 --> 00:49:45,653 See now... When you do this, that means you're done, 1073 00:49:45,687 --> 00:49:47,120 but you have to go further than that. 1074 00:49:47,154 --> 00:49:48,422 A tuba's worth a lotta money. 1075 00:49:48,455 --> 00:49:50,157 How is a tuba worth a lotta money? 1076 00:49:50,190 --> 00:49:52,493 Ya know, ya... ya blow into it, everybody's jealous. 1077 00:49:52,527 --> 00:49:54,762 Everybody says I wish I was that guy. 1078 00:49:54,796 --> 00:49:56,631 - Tuba's are pretty cool... - It's a... it's a matter of vanity. 1079 00:49:56,664 --> 00:49:58,499 I do like tubas. It's a beautiful sound! 1080 00:49:58,533 --> 00:50:01,368 I mean... I guess they're probably hard to make! 1081 00:50:01,401 --> 00:50:04,238 You can sell that thing for twenty G's tops! And the parts alone! 1082 00:50:04,271 --> 00:50:06,641 - I mean a lotta that stuff is on spaceships. - Those things are... 1083 00:50:06,674 --> 00:50:08,475 - That's craftsmanship, right? That takes a lotta work. - Yeah. Well, yeah. 1084 00:50:08,510 --> 00:50:10,177 - For sure! - They might be worth 645! 1085 00:50:10,210 --> 00:50:12,279 - Probably! - Well, but what... 1086 00:50:12,312 --> 00:50:14,616 so this guy... this friend's just gonna give you the tuba and... 1087 00:50:14,649 --> 00:50:16,316 Let us go sell it, or something? 1088 00:50:16,350 --> 00:50:19,286 I highly doubt someone would give us a beautiful tuba. 1089 00:50:19,319 --> 00:50:24,559 Eh... I mean... They wouldn't... Probably wouldn't give it to us. 1090 00:50:24,592 --> 00:50:28,095 We just... just take it. 1091 00:50:28,128 --> 00:50:29,463 Instead. 1092 00:50:29,496 --> 00:50:30,765 Are you talking about stealing a tuba? 1093 00:50:30,798 --> 00:50:32,567 I guess, yeah, it's stealing. 1094 00:50:32,600 --> 00:50:35,168 Well... yeah! 1095 00:50:35,202 --> 00:50:36,838 I mean, unless you wanna open up Derek's Diner, I think this is the best idea. 1096 00:50:36,871 --> 00:50:40,073 Shut the fuck up about Derek's Diner. K? 1097 00:50:40,107 --> 00:50:42,510 If she gave us two years to get her the six forty-five, 1098 00:50:42,544 --> 00:50:44,244 maybe we'd have time for Derek's Diner. 1099 00:50:44,278 --> 00:50:45,847 You could sell breakfast for dinner. 1100 00:50:45,880 --> 00:50:47,682 Right now, would you promise me that if we go back there 1101 00:50:47,715 --> 00:50:49,851 and she says you have two years, we open up Derek's Diner? 1102 00:50:49,884 --> 00:50:52,620 - You're on. Two years, Derek's Diner. If she gives it to us. - Okay. 1103 00:50:52,654 --> 00:50:54,454 Yeah! Let's go steal a tuba! 1104 00:50:56,056 --> 00:50:57,491 - Is this her place? - This is... Yeah, this is it. This is it. 1105 00:50:57,525 --> 00:50:59,293 - That's gotta be it. Look at it. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1106 00:50:59,326 --> 00:51:01,128 Looks like a bank. 1107 00:51:04,464 --> 00:51:06,801 - Just go. Go in, go in! - Okay, let's go. Come on, come on! 1108 00:51:06,834 --> 00:51:08,302 Whoa, it's got two doors. 1109 00:51:08,335 --> 00:51:09,537 Harry, you gotta be quiet. 1110 00:51:09,571 --> 00:51:11,606 You gotta be quiet, Harry. 1111 00:51:11,639 --> 00:51:13,675 - It's got two doors. - Harry, shut up! - Okay... 1112 00:51:13,708 --> 00:51:15,710 - This is... what is this place? - Stop! Quiet. 1113 00:51:15,743 --> 00:51:18,145 - Listen... Do you know what we're doing? - Remember? 1114 00:51:18,178 --> 00:51:20,515 - We're stealing a tuba. - Yeah, we're... at the house. 1115 00:51:20,548 --> 00:51:22,349 - We're gettin' the tuba. - Be quiet! Be quiet. Just wait right here. 1116 00:51:22,382 --> 00:51:24,686 - Okay, go find the tuba... - I'll go look this way. 1117 00:51:24,719 --> 00:51:26,153 - We get outta here. Fast as possible. Come on! - Yeah, for sure. Okay 1118 00:51:29,791 --> 00:51:32,694 Shh! 1119 00:51:32,727 --> 00:51:34,762 Harry! Be quiet! 1120 00:51:41,268 --> 00:51:42,837 What the fuck? 1121 00:51:48,710 --> 00:51:51,278 - Derek! Derek! - I got it! 1122 00:51:51,311 --> 00:51:53,246 - Derek! - I got the tuba! I got the fricken tuba! 1123 00:51:53,280 --> 00:51:55,349 Is this your lawyer? Are we robbing your lawyer? 1124 00:51:55,382 --> 00:51:57,585 Oh. No, no, that's... that's just my friend. 1125 00:51:57,619 --> 00:51:59,854 - She's your friend? - Yeah, yeah! 1126 00:51:59,887 --> 00:52:01,856 Yeah, I mean she's... she's been my only friend ever since I lost you guys... 1127 00:52:01,889 --> 00:52:03,591 - Oh, my God... - I figured we could rob her 1128 00:52:03,625 --> 00:52:05,893 and it's no big deal! I just pay her back later. 1129 00:52:05,927 --> 00:52:08,395 It's actually is no big deal for me either because I don't like her! 1130 00:52:08,428 --> 00:52:10,531 Oh, she's a really nice girl... you gotta get... you gotta get to know her! 1131 00:52:10,565 --> 00:52:12,265 I don't mind that we're robbin' her 'cause I can't stand her! 1132 00:52:12,299 --> 00:52:13,668 Spend some time with her if you don't like her! 1133 00:52:13,701 --> 00:52:15,202 I don't wanna spend any time with her! 1134 00:52:15,235 --> 00:52:16,838 You guys, you guys, please! 1135 00:52:16,871 --> 00:52:18,489 We gotta wrap this up, okay? Let's just get outta here. 1136 00:52:18,973 --> 00:52:20,742 - Hey, what's up? - Ahh! 1137 00:52:20,775 --> 00:52:22,877 - Oh! - Oh! Oh, my God! 1138 00:52:22,910 --> 00:52:24,344 - Oh, shit! - Okay, wait, wait, wait. Wait, wait, wait! 1139 00:52:24,378 --> 00:52:26,480 Hold on, look, look, look! Wait! 1140 00:52:26,514 --> 00:52:29,249 Miriam, look. It's me, see? It's just Derek. See? 1141 00:52:29,282 --> 00:52:30,518 - It's Luke! From the ashes! - Luke. Remember? 1142 00:52:30,551 --> 00:52:32,185 Are you guys here to hang out? 1143 00:52:32,219 --> 00:52:34,254 - What? - What are you doing with my tuba? 1144 00:52:34,287 --> 00:52:35,690 Uh... 1145 00:52:35,723 --> 00:52:37,659 Yeah! Yeah, we're... we're here to hang out. 1146 00:52:37,692 --> 00:52:40,193 - We... we came in, we, uh... - Oh! Okay. - Yeah... 1147 00:52:40,227 --> 00:52:43,296 We just got your tuba out, and, uh, thought you could, like, play it for us. 1148 00:52:43,330 --> 00:52:46,500 And we'll... we'll give you some notes! You know, we'll say, ya know... 1149 00:52:46,534 --> 00:52:48,936 - Hold it higher, hold it lower. - Oh, I love that! 1150 00:52:48,970 --> 00:52:50,638 - Isn't that great? - Yes! 1151 00:52:50,672 --> 00:52:52,640 You really think that's what we're here to do? 1152 00:52:52,674 --> 00:52:54,876 What is wrong with you? We're wearin' fuckin' ski masks! 1153 00:52:54,909 --> 00:52:56,944 I just thought it was like a thing. 1154 00:52:56,978 --> 00:52:59,479 We didn't tell you we were coming. Obviously, we're robbing you! 1155 00:52:59,514 --> 00:53:01,816 We came to steal your tuba because we thought it would be worth... 1156 00:53:01,849 --> 00:53:03,951 - What? - ...six hundred and forty-five dollars? 1157 00:53:03,985 --> 00:53:05,218 It might be. 1158 00:53:05,252 --> 00:53:06,854 What the fuck is wrong with us? 1159 00:53:06,888 --> 00:53:10,490 Six hundred and forty dollars? That thing probably is worth... 1160 00:53:10,525 --> 00:53:13,594 I mean less than a hund... He bought it for me for my birthday. 1161 00:53:13,628 --> 00:53:15,630 - It was, like, a hundred dollars. - Oh, my God, I did! 1162 00:53:15,663 --> 00:53:17,865 - Yeah. - You bought the tuba? 1163 00:53:17,899 --> 00:53:20,668 I knew... I... I held it and I was, like... I... I've held this before. 1164 00:53:20,702 --> 00:53:22,402 That was the first thought I had when I picked it up. 1165 00:53:22,436 --> 00:53:24,639 Yeah, I spent, like, a hundred bucks on this. 1166 00:53:24,672 --> 00:53:27,542 But now it's probably worth... negative money. 1167 00:53:27,575 --> 00:53:28,876 This is, like, garbage. Yeah. 1168 00:53:28,910 --> 00:53:30,645 There's no way it's worth a hundred now! 1169 00:53:30,678 --> 00:53:32,412 - Miriam's, like, ruined this thing. - Yeah. 1170 00:53:32,446 --> 00:53:34,682 Cause ya fuckin' beat it to shit. It's disgusting! 1171 00:53:34,716 --> 00:53:35,750 - It's not even a good tuba! - What have you done to this, Miriam? 1172 00:53:35,783 --> 00:53:37,417 I just didn't have a case, so... 1173 00:53:37,451 --> 00:53:39,954 All right, you know what, look... I'm done. 1174 00:53:39,987 --> 00:53:42,924 Man, I'm done. I'm done with all of this, all right? 1175 00:53:42,957 --> 00:53:46,359 I can't stand this. I'm sick of all these schemes, and comin' up with shit, 1176 00:53:46,393 --> 00:53:48,629 and lying, and... just to try to get some money 1177 00:53:48,663 --> 00:53:50,430 that you need 'cause you did somethin' fuckin' stupid 1178 00:53:50,464 --> 00:53:52,734 and it's got nothin' to do with me... I was happy! Okay? 1179 00:53:52,767 --> 00:53:56,838 I was happy livin' at home, by myself, no friends, no connections! 1180 00:53:56,871 --> 00:53:58,573 Just me doin' whatever I wanted to do. 1181 00:53:58,606 --> 00:54:00,373 Now I'm here doin' your bullshit! 1182 00:54:00,407 --> 00:54:02,476 'Cause you make a stupid bet! 1183 00:54:02,510 --> 00:54:04,746 And your fuckin' dog gets kidnapped. I don't fuckin' care, man! 1184 00:54:04,779 --> 00:54:07,949 I'm sorry that you got hurt a bunch, but I don't care about you either! 1185 00:54:07,982 --> 00:54:10,551 - Whatever. - I'm done. 1186 00:54:10,585 --> 00:54:13,988 I mean... You can't be done. I mean, my dog's gonna die! 1187 00:54:14,021 --> 00:54:15,890 If we don't get the money... We're so close to getting the money! 1188 00:54:15,923 --> 00:54:18,059 - Derek! Derek! - Luke! You have to stay around! 1189 00:54:18,092 --> 00:54:20,427 - You have to stay around... - Listen to me. Listen to me! 1190 00:54:20,460 --> 00:54:22,663 I don't care about your dog. Okay? 1191 00:54:22,697 --> 00:54:26,500 I do not care if your dog dies. I don't know why I ever did! 1192 00:54:26,534 --> 00:54:28,703 I never shoulda come to any of this, okay? 1193 00:54:28,736 --> 00:54:31,338 I should have thrown those ashes in the trash like I did in the first place! 1194 00:54:31,371 --> 00:54:35,743 I shoulda left 'em in the trash! 'Cause that's where they were! Okay? 1195 00:54:37,377 --> 00:54:39,847 Fine. That's fine. 1196 00:54:39,881 --> 00:54:41,716 - Okay? - Yeah! 1197 00:54:41,749 --> 00:54:44,552 - Goodbye. Good luck. - Bye. 1198 00:54:48,589 --> 00:54:50,892 So... is this, like... still a hangout? 1199 00:54:52,560 --> 00:54:54,796 I just wasn't clear. If this was a hangout. 1200 00:54:54,829 --> 00:54:56,631 - This is a hangout, right? - Yeah. Yeah, we can hangout. 1201 00:54:56,664 --> 00:54:58,431 Okay. Cool. 1202 00:55:00,034 --> 00:55:02,502 - Oh, yeah, it's that white Prius there. - All right, cool. 1203 00:55:02,537 --> 00:55:05,438 - You can just pull right in front. - Great... great. 1204 00:55:05,472 --> 00:55:09,577 All right! Thanks, man. Um... 1205 00:55:09,610 --> 00:55:11,344 I'll just tip you on the app. Yeah? 1206 00:55:11,378 --> 00:55:13,346 Cool, yeah. How much? 1207 00:55:13,380 --> 00:55:15,016 - What? - I mean, how much, dude? 1208 00:55:15,049 --> 00:55:17,417 It's gonna be like two hours to get back home. 1209 00:55:17,450 --> 00:55:19,486 I guess... Yeah, I'll give you a good tip. 1210 00:55:19,520 --> 00:55:21,789 - Like, twe... twenty bucks. - Pfft. Yeah, good tip. 1211 00:55:21,823 --> 00:55:23,825 All right, thanks dude, that's really gonna help. 1212 00:55:23,858 --> 00:55:25,793 Have a good night! 1213 00:55:25,827 --> 00:55:27,862 Okay, sure man, you, too. Thanks for everything. 1214 00:55:27,895 --> 00:55:29,764 So sorry to inconvenience you. 1215 00:55:54,589 --> 00:55:58,391 Man... I like "Like a Virgin" Madonna... 1216 00:55:58,425 --> 00:56:01,062 way better than any other Madonna. 1217 00:56:01,095 --> 00:56:03,564 - Yeah, I mean, that is, like the best Madonna. - I think so, right? 1218 00:56:03,598 --> 00:56:04,932 - All right man, I'm goin' up. - All right, bud. 1219 00:56:04,966 --> 00:56:07,068 I'll see you upstairs, man. 1220 00:56:07,101 --> 00:56:09,136 Luke! What's up, man? 1221 00:56:09,170 --> 00:56:11,471 - Greg. - Yeah. - How are ya? 1222 00:56:11,505 --> 00:56:13,107 - Haha, you remembered! Good man, good man. - I remembered. 1223 00:56:13,140 --> 00:56:15,910 - Look at that, huh? Learnin'. - I like it. 1224 00:56:15,943 --> 00:56:19,914 Hey, uh, me and Rod are gonna go up and have some drinks. 1225 00:56:19,947 --> 00:56:23,117 Smoke a little bit. You're welcome to come through if you like. 1226 00:56:25,052 --> 00:56:26,486 You want me to come have a drink with you? 1227 00:56:26,520 --> 00:56:27,622 Yeah! 1228 00:56:28,890 --> 00:56:34,128 I... I mean... What? I... You were screamin' at me yesterday. 1229 00:56:34,161 --> 00:56:36,530 You said you hate me, everybody in the building hates me. 1230 00:56:36,564 --> 00:56:38,666 What am I... 1231 00:56:38,699 --> 00:56:40,034 And now you wanna come... You want me to have a drink with you? 1232 00:56:40,067 --> 00:56:42,136 - Yeah, man! - How does that work? 1233 00:56:42,169 --> 00:56:44,772 Aw, come on, that was yesterday, I was upset, I got it off my chest. 1234 00:56:44,805 --> 00:56:49,176 You seem like you took it all in and, ya know, it's, uh, water over the bridge! 1235 00:56:49,210 --> 00:56:51,444 Under the bridge? Over...? 1236 00:56:51,478 --> 00:56:52,680 - Water under the bridge, yeah. - Yeah, that one, that one. 1237 00:56:52,713 --> 00:56:54,447 - It's all good! - That's it. 1238 00:56:54,481 --> 00:56:55,816 - That's it! Yeah. - Just like that. 1239 00:56:57,318 --> 00:56:58,686 - Yeah! - Three... three years'a hatin' me and it's gone in a day. 1240 00:56:58,719 --> 00:57:02,189 It wasn't three years. It was just that moment in time right there. 1241 00:57:02,223 --> 00:57:03,791 - But, you know... - Okay. Sure, man. 1242 00:57:03,824 --> 00:57:06,093 Yeah, man! You gotta get over it. 1243 00:57:06,127 --> 00:57:09,764 Wow, ha... have you never forgiven anybody? 1244 00:57:09,797 --> 00:57:11,032 Have I for... 1245 00:57:12,800 --> 00:57:14,969 Whoa, whoa. 1246 00:57:15,002 --> 00:57:16,938 You haven't, have you? Oh, man... 1247 00:57:16,971 --> 00:57:19,774 I can't think of a time I have. Is that weird? 1248 00:57:19,807 --> 00:57:21,175 It is kinda weird, man! 1249 00:57:21,208 --> 00:57:22,843 Most people forgive people, don't they? 1250 00:57:22,877 --> 00:57:24,946 Yeah, I think so! We gotta work on you, man. 1251 00:57:24,979 --> 00:57:26,514 You're still a work in progress. 1252 00:57:26,547 --> 00:57:27,682 That's... Okay. 1253 00:57:27,715 --> 00:57:29,917 Forget everything I said. 1254 00:57:29,951 --> 00:57:32,653 Forget the invite. Actually, all of us neighbors are gonna get together 1255 00:57:32,687 --> 00:57:34,121 and get you evicted, bud. 1256 00:57:34,155 --> 00:57:35,957 - Yeah, that's what we're gonna do. - Yeah. 1257 00:57:35,990 --> 00:57:38,259 No. Do your thing, man. Do what you gotta do. 1258 00:57:38,292 --> 00:57:40,895 Look, I'm jokin', man. Look, look, look, come over and have a drink with us! 1259 00:57:40,928 --> 00:57:43,064 No, I know you're joking. Sorry. No, I just... I have to go take care of something. 1260 00:57:43,097 --> 00:57:45,232 Aye, well, do what you gotta do, man. 1261 00:57:45,266 --> 00:57:47,601 - All right. - We'll be up there drinking. The invite is open. 1262 00:57:47,635 --> 00:57:49,637 - Okay, thank you! Next time. - All right? I'll see ya around. 1263 00:57:49,670 --> 00:57:52,673 Yeah. Goddamn. All right. 1264 00:58:04,652 --> 00:58:06,620 - Luke! - Oh, shit! Derek! 1265 00:58:06,654 --> 00:58:09,757 Dude, thank God, you're back, man! I was panicking all night. 1266 00:58:09,790 --> 00:58:12,593 - It's day now, I guess. - Oh, my God! Okay. You live here? 1267 00:58:12,626 --> 00:58:14,128 Yeah! This is my place. 1268 00:58:14,161 --> 00:58:16,063 Oh, that's perfect! No, yeah, I was looking for you! 1269 00:58:16,097 --> 00:58:17,531 - Uh-huh. - I was going to, uh, your friend's place. 1270 00:58:17,565 --> 00:58:18,933 The one we tried to rob last night. 1271 00:58:18,966 --> 00:58:20,801 From last night? Yeah, that... She's my neighbor. 1272 00:58:20,835 --> 00:58:22,303 - She's right there! - Yeah! We hang out all the time. 1273 00:58:22,336 --> 00:58:24,071 - That's... really cool. - It's pretty cool, right? 1274 00:58:24,105 --> 00:58:25,806 That's awesome. This looks like a fun set up, man. 1275 00:58:25,840 --> 00:58:27,942 Thanks, man. Yeah, I've done a lot with it, I think. 1276 00:58:27,975 --> 00:58:29,110 That's cool, that's great, okay, look, we're gonna get your dog back. 1277 00:58:29,143 --> 00:58:31,545 - Yes, man! Yes. - Okay. 1278 00:58:31,579 --> 00:58:33,114 But look, we gotta find Harry, okay? It's gotta be the three of us, right? 1279 00:58:33,147 --> 00:58:34,648 - Just like you always wanted. - Old times! 1280 00:58:34,682 --> 00:58:36,684 - Like old times. - Like old times. 1281 00:58:36,717 --> 00:58:38,152 - Here's the problem, I don't know where Harry is. - Oh, shit. 1282 00:58:38,185 --> 00:58:39,754 I went by his house, he wasn't there. 1283 00:58:39,787 --> 00:58:41,322 So I think we just gotta run around town, 1284 00:58:41,355 --> 00:58:42,957 do whatever we can to find him as fast as we can, okay? 1285 00:58:42,990 --> 00:58:44,258 - Totally. Yeah, yeah. - I know where he is! 1286 00:58:44,291 --> 00:58:46,594 Oh! My God. Come on! That's twice. 1287 00:58:46,627 --> 00:58:48,162 Uh, great! You know where Harry is! 1288 00:58:48,195 --> 00:58:51,198 - Yeah! - Uh... and... and you're gonna tell us? 1289 00:58:51,232 --> 00:58:52,666 Yeah, sure, why not? 1290 00:58:52,700 --> 00:58:54,902 That's... Ugh, thank you so much. 1291 00:58:54,935 --> 00:58:57,038 I mean, we were just robbin' you last night and you're still gonna help us? 1292 00:58:57,071 --> 00:58:59,040 Yeah, I understand. You're just trying to get Derek's dog back. 1293 00:58:59,073 --> 00:59:00,875 - That's amazing. - What a good friend, huh? - She's great! 1294 00:59:00,908 --> 00:59:02,610 - She's great. - You're great! Thank you so much. 1295 00:59:02,643 --> 00:59:04,278 - I like the bucket hat thing. - Yeah. Aw, thanks. 1296 00:59:04,311 --> 00:59:06,147 - You got a real cool style goin'... - It's a good look. 1297 00:59:06,180 --> 00:59:07,214 - Okay, great! Where's Harry? - Oh, he's right over there. 1298 00:59:08,517 --> 00:59:10,751 - Oh, my God! Shit, that's his car. Oh, come on! - Oh! Yeah. 1299 00:59:12,653 --> 00:59:14,722 - Harry! - Whoa! 1300 00:59:14,755 --> 00:59:15,656 Harry! 1301 00:59:17,958 --> 00:59:19,193 - Harry!! - Is he alive? 1302 00:59:19,226 --> 00:59:20,327 - Harry! - Roll... Oh, my God. 1303 00:59:20,361 --> 00:59:22,363 Hey! You okay? 1304 00:59:22,396 --> 00:59:24,598 - Hey! What's up? - Can you roll your window down? 1305 00:59:24,632 --> 00:59:26,333 Roll down your window so we can check your pulse. 1306 00:59:27,968 --> 00:59:32,139 - Hey! Are you all right? - Yeah! Yeah. 1307 00:59:32,173 --> 00:59:34,075 - You sure? - Yeah, yeah! Fine. 1308 00:59:34,108 --> 00:59:36,110 You're just sittin' in your car, man. You were asleep. 1309 00:59:37,144 --> 00:59:39,080 Yeah, so could take... takin' a nap. It's fine. 1310 00:59:39,113 --> 00:59:40,815 - What a... - Did you pass out or somethin'? 1311 00:59:40,848 --> 00:59:42,183 Gotta sleep. Ya know? Everybody sleeps. 1312 00:59:42,216 --> 00:59:43,651 You just passed out in the car? 1313 00:59:43,684 --> 00:59:45,386 Come in... Your place you sleep. 1314 00:59:45,419 --> 00:59:47,388 - Okay. - Yeah... 1315 00:59:47,421 --> 00:59:49,690 - All right. You sure you're all right? - Yeah, fine, man. 1316 00:59:49,723 --> 00:59:53,627 Okay, look. Look, listen; guys, I need to say something, okay? 1317 00:59:53,661 --> 00:59:55,062 Something I should have said a long time ago. 1318 00:59:55,096 --> 00:59:56,630 Okay. 1319 00:59:57,398 --> 01:00:01,402 I forgive you. Okay? I forgive you. 1320 01:00:01,435 --> 01:00:03,838 Wh... For... for what? 1321 01:00:03,871 --> 01:00:05,940 For this... You know, the thing. That I've been holding on to, 1322 01:00:05,973 --> 01:00:07,908 the stuff with the drugs and getting arrested. And then the egg thing. 1323 01:00:07,942 --> 01:00:09,376 No, no, you should be doing... 1324 01:00:09,410 --> 01:00:11,278 I've been holding onto it all these years, and... 1325 01:00:11,312 --> 01:00:13,314 No, you should be doing the opposite thing right now, man! 1326 01:00:13,347 --> 01:00:14,882 - Oh, apologizing? Oh, no, yeah, apologizing! - Yeah! 1327 01:00:14,915 --> 01:00:16,717 - That makes way more sense. - No, yeah! 1328 01:00:16,750 --> 01:00:18,853 - No, I'm sorry about the hand... - Look what ya did to him. 1329 01:00:18,886 --> 01:00:20,955 Yeah, I'm sorry about the hand, and the gunshot, and the... the Frisbee, 1330 01:00:20,988 --> 01:00:22,923 and I'm... I'm sorry I bailed last night. That was kinda shitty. 1331 01:00:22,957 --> 01:00:24,725 - Yeah. - I'm actually sorry about everything I said to you, 1332 01:00:24,758 --> 01:00:25,860 - but... Oh, wait, what's your name? - Miriam. 1333 01:00:25,893 --> 01:00:27,194 Miriam! Wow, that's a cool name. 1334 01:00:27,228 --> 01:00:28,929 Did I never say that? She's Miriam. 1335 01:00:28,963 --> 01:00:30,297 - It fits the whole character... - Yeah. 1336 01:00:30,331 --> 01:00:32,733 But, no! I'm doin' this forgiveness thing. 1337 01:00:32,766 --> 01:00:34,268 I'm... I've realized I, uh... I've never been good at forgiving people, 1338 01:00:34,301 --> 01:00:35,202 and that's held me back in life, and I'm very alone. 1339 01:00:35,236 --> 01:00:37,438 And that's a bad thing. 1340 01:00:37,471 --> 01:00:40,107 So, uh, I am trying to forgive you guys so we can become friends again! 1341 01:00:40,141 --> 01:00:42,276 - Okay. Yeah. - I wanna be friends again! 1342 01:00:42,309 --> 01:00:43,911 Whatever you need to do, man. Yeah, I'm glad to be friends. Sure. 1343 01:00:43,944 --> 01:00:46,380 Thank you. Okay, great. Great! Here's the thing, 1344 01:00:46,413 --> 01:00:48,682 we're gonna get Derek's dog back. Okay? 1345 01:00:48,716 --> 01:00:50,784 We're gonna get Derek's dog back, but we gotta do it together. 1346 01:00:50,818 --> 01:00:53,687 All three of us. Just like old times. You in? 1347 01:00:55,022 --> 01:00:56,957 - Yeah. - All right, Harry's in! 1348 01:00:56,991 --> 01:00:58,692 That was really easy. I thought that would be harder. 1349 01:00:58,726 --> 01:01:01,061 Okay, here we go, here's what we're gonna do... 1350 01:01:01,095 --> 01:01:04,798 we go over to Linda's, get in there, grab that dog, get the heck out. 1351 01:01:04,832 --> 01:01:06,734 Yeah. 1352 01:01:06,767 --> 01:01:08,769 So wh... what is... the plan, then? 1353 01:01:08,802 --> 01:01:10,237 That's it... No, yeah. That's the plan. 1354 01:01:10,271 --> 01:01:12,740 But they're inside. 1355 01:01:12,773 --> 01:01:14,408 Oh, yeah, Linda and Dweeb. Yeah, they'll probably do something, won't they? 1356 01:01:14,441 --> 01:01:16,210 - Yeah. They'll be inside. - Uh... Okay. 1357 01:01:16,243 --> 01:01:18,212 Yeah, we probably need, uh, uh, what else can we do? 1358 01:01:18,245 --> 01:01:20,347 A diversion. 1359 01:01:20,381 --> 01:01:23,450 Oh! I have an idea. 1360 01:01:23,484 --> 01:01:26,487 - Miriam, do you wanna help out? - Yeah, I'll help. 1361 01:01:26,521 --> 01:01:28,389 Miriam's on board. 1362 01:02:16,837 --> 01:02:18,038 Eh, 'scuse me? 1363 01:02:20,241 --> 01:02:22,443 What're ya doin'? 1364 01:02:22,476 --> 01:02:26,313 Tuba girl! Cut it out! 1365 01:02:26,347 --> 01:02:28,148 I don't like that. Stop it! 1366 01:02:28,182 --> 01:02:32,319 Okay. Can we... Can you st... Oh, my... 1367 01:02:32,353 --> 01:02:34,855 What th... What's goin' on? What is this? 1368 01:02:34,888 --> 01:02:36,924 This... this... this lady is playing the tuba. 1369 01:02:36,957 --> 01:02:39,026 I don't know where she came from, I don't know what she's doin'. 1370 01:02:39,059 --> 01:02:41,795 - Ya gotta... Ma'am, ya gotta stop! - Cut it out, please! 1371 01:02:43,063 --> 01:02:44,999 - Stop it! - Could you stop it with the tuba-ing? 1372 01:02:45,032 --> 01:02:48,135 - Stop it! Say, "stop!" - Stop. 1373 01:02:48,168 --> 01:02:50,170 Go get her. Go tell her to stop. Go take it away. 1374 01:02:50,204 --> 01:02:51,438 - Why? - 'Cause it's your job! That's why! 1375 01:02:51,472 --> 01:02:53,240 Oh, okay, yeah, you're right. 1376 01:02:53,274 --> 01:02:55,577 What is this? What are we doin'? Can we stop? 1377 01:02:55,610 --> 01:02:57,945 - Stop! - Can we just stop with the tuba? 1378 01:02:57,978 --> 01:03:00,114 - Hey, I'm not... - Ma'am. - I just need you to stop. 1379 01:03:00,147 --> 01:03:02,049 - Ooh, grab the tuba! - Stop! 1380 01:03:02,082 --> 01:03:03,350 - Grab the... grab the tuba. - I don't wanna... 1381 01:03:03,384 --> 01:03:05,052 - But I'm gonna. Stop it! - Oh! Get her. 1382 01:03:05,085 --> 01:03:06,887 - Stop it! Come 'ere! Stop! - Go get her! 1383 01:03:06,920 --> 01:03:09,056 It's not funny! Stop! Stop. 1384 01:03:09,089 --> 01:03:10,424 Wait a minute, wait a minute! Wait a minute! 1385 01:03:10,457 --> 01:03:13,894 - I... I... - Can she even play the tuba? 1386 01:03:13,927 --> 01:03:15,863 No, of course, not. No, she's awful. No, she can't play. 1387 01:03:15,896 --> 01:03:17,464 - Oh, my God. All right, come on! - Okay, cool. Let's go. 1388 01:03:17,498 --> 01:03:20,134 - Oh! - Stop! Stop! 1389 01:03:21,201 --> 01:03:23,571 Okay, come on, come on. Right here? 1390 01:03:23,605 --> 01:03:26,940 Just go. Luke! Luke, this way. 1391 01:03:26,974 --> 01:03:28,842 Okay! Go, go, go. 1392 01:03:28,876 --> 01:03:30,244 - I found the door. - Shh! Shut up, be quiet. 1393 01:03:34,181 --> 01:03:35,849 Harry, what're ya doin'? Come on! 1394 01:03:35,883 --> 01:03:37,519 - I slammed my hand in the door! - Where is she? 1395 01:03:37,552 --> 01:03:39,554 Monkey! Hey, sweetheart! Hello! Monkey! 1396 01:03:39,587 --> 01:03:42,089 I gotta go pee! 1397 01:03:42,122 --> 01:03:45,125 - Stop that playing right now. - Why... Just grab her with your hands! 1398 01:03:45,159 --> 01:03:47,161 - Ooh, stop it! - With your hands grab her. 1399 01:03:47,194 --> 01:03:48,896 - What do you say? How do you call her? - It's daddy! 1400 01:03:48,929 --> 01:03:51,098 - You say, "It's me, daddy!" - It's me, daddy! 1401 01:03:51,131 --> 01:03:52,966 - Well, no, no, say I'm with daddy. 'Cause it's you. - I'm with daddy! 1402 01:03:53,000 --> 01:03:55,102 Here, I got her. Oh... I got her. Oh! I got. Here... 1403 01:03:55,135 --> 01:03:56,403 - Oh, come 'ere, come 'ere, come 'ere. Stop! - Okay. 1404 01:03:56,437 --> 01:03:58,606 Guys, what are we doin'? What is this? 1405 01:03:58,640 --> 01:04:00,974 What do you mean, "What are we doing?" We're trying to find the dog! 1406 01:04:01,008 --> 01:04:02,544 - Keep your voice down! - What are we gonna do after we find the dog? 1407 01:04:02,577 --> 01:04:04,478 - We go home! Everything's fine! - We're gonna go! 1408 01:04:04,512 --> 01:04:06,413 - You don't think Linda knows where Derek lives? - Shh! 1409 01:04:06,447 --> 01:04:07,948 - Oh, shit, no... - Dweeb's gonna kick the shit outta you! 1410 01:04:07,981 --> 01:04:09,350 Yeah, Dweeb's gonna fuckin' kill me! 1411 01:04:09,383 --> 01:04:11,251 - Does she know where you live? - She does. 1412 01:04:11,285 --> 01:04:12,986 - She knows where you live? - She knows where I live. 1413 01:04:13,020 --> 01:04:15,022 - Oh, that's a problem. - This plan sucks! 1414 01:04:15,055 --> 01:04:17,424 - I'm dea...! - But she's not gonna do anything about it. 1415 01:04:17,458 --> 01:04:19,259 - She'll probably drop it! - We didn't think this through. No. She is not gonna drop it... 1416 01:04:19,293 --> 01:04:21,028 - Is this a bad plan? - It's... a very bad plan. 1417 01:04:21,061 --> 01:04:23,430 Okay. No, it's fine. No, no, no, no, no! It's fine. 1418 01:04:23,464 --> 01:04:26,133 - Well, we'll find the... - Look, we'll find the dog. We're doing it as friends. 1419 01:04:26,166 --> 01:04:28,202 - Yeah, we're friends! - We're doing the friends thing. We're coming back together. 1420 01:04:28,235 --> 01:04:30,170 - Everything's fine. - We're friends, we're together at last! 1421 01:04:30,204 --> 01:04:30,971 Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait... Where's the tuba? 1422 01:04:32,373 --> 01:04:34,141 Shit. Okay. Find the dog! Monkey. Monkey! 1423 01:04:34,174 --> 01:04:35,209 - Ya lookin' for this? Eh? - Oh! Oh shit! - Oh! 1424 01:04:35,242 --> 01:04:37,311 I'm sorry, guys, I blew it! 1425 01:04:37,344 --> 01:04:39,346 Miriam, it's fine! Don't worry about it. It's okay, it's okay. 1426 01:04:39,380 --> 01:04:42,449 Oh, this is nice! It's kinda nice, you guys are friends. Right? 1427 01:04:42,483 --> 01:04:45,152 You got a nice little gang goin', four people. Very nice. 1428 01:04:45,185 --> 01:04:46,654 There's only one problem, though, huh? 1429 01:04:46,688 --> 01:04:48,956 Which is that you broke into my house, right? 1430 01:04:48,989 --> 01:04:50,391 And who knows what you were gonna do? 1431 01:04:50,424 --> 01:04:51,925 No one could say, really. Huh? 1432 01:04:51,959 --> 01:04:53,661 We were just trying to get the dog. 1433 01:04:53,695 --> 01:04:55,630 Get the dog, that's all we ever wanted to do! The whole time! 1434 01:04:55,663 --> 01:04:57,699 Oh, really? Well, we have no way of knowing that. Do we. 1435 01:04:57,732 --> 01:05:00,267 - Well, that's all we've ever wanted, is the dog! - That's all we ever did! 1436 01:05:00,300 --> 01:05:02,102 That's interesting. See, because all I wanted, all along, was just to get my money! 1437 01:05:02,136 --> 01:05:05,507 That I'm owed. That's it. That is all I wanted! 1438 01:05:05,540 --> 01:05:10,177 No more, ah! No less. Okay? So now, I'm in a little bit of an awkward position. 1439 01:05:10,210 --> 01:05:13,213 Right? Because I'm gonna have to do something! Aren't I? 1440 01:05:13,247 --> 01:05:15,650 I'm gonna have to do something a little drastic. Huh? 1441 01:05:15,683 --> 01:05:18,586 No. Uh... Linda! Linda, no! No, ju... just please! 1442 01:05:18,620 --> 01:05:20,622 Please, just don't do anything to her! We don't need... 1443 01:05:20,655 --> 01:05:23,357 All right, just stop, just stop, just shut up! Just stop. All right! 1444 01:05:23,390 --> 01:05:26,460 This is bull shit! It's still bull shit and I can see it in your eyes that you're fakin' it! 1445 01:05:26,493 --> 01:05:29,463 You're not gonna kill a fuckin' dog! Goddamnit. 1446 01:05:29,496 --> 01:05:32,433 So just stop it right now. And give us the dog! 1447 01:05:32,466 --> 01:05:34,569 What do you mean? 1448 01:05:34,602 --> 01:05:39,039 What have I done that hasn't proved that I'm capable of doing... 1449 01:05:39,072 --> 01:05:41,108 - You haven't done anything! - What do you mean? 1450 01:05:41,141 --> 01:05:43,745 - You haven't done shit! - Your friend's fingers got broken. Okay? 1451 01:05:43,778 --> 01:05:47,347 - By him. - He got shot. Okay? - By him. 1452 01:05:47,381 --> 01:05:52,052 What more can I do to show you that I'm gonna do something? Huh? 1453 01:05:52,085 --> 01:05:54,021 - Did you see that? - What do you mean? 1454 01:05:54,054 --> 01:05:56,390 - She's breaking. - What do you mean? I'm not breaking. 1455 01:05:56,423 --> 01:05:58,726 - She's breaking character. She's breaking character! - I'm not breaking! 1456 01:05:58,760 --> 01:06:00,628 - I'm breaking char... I'm not breaking character! - Look, she tried so hard. 1457 01:06:00,662 --> 01:06:02,229 She threw on the cool jacket, she's got the hair up in a pony. 1458 01:06:02,262 --> 01:06:04,198 The jacket's just a jacket that I have! 1459 01:06:04,231 --> 01:06:06,534 She's trying to look even cooler now! 1460 01:06:06,568 --> 01:06:08,770 - I'm not trying to look cool, what do you mean? - Look. Look, look, look! 1461 01:06:08,803 --> 01:06:10,337 - No, I got her. I got you! - What do you mean? What do you mean? 1462 01:06:10,370 --> 01:06:12,507 I got you!! You're not gonna do shit. 1463 01:06:12,540 --> 01:06:15,008 - You're not gonna do shit. - You do not wanna talk to me this way, okay? 1464 01:06:15,042 --> 01:06:17,077 - Why not? - Because! 1465 01:06:17,110 --> 01:06:19,480 - What're ya gonna do? - Because, then I'm... I'm gonna shoot the dog! 1466 01:06:19,514 --> 01:06:22,082 - Okay, go for it! - No, Luke! No, no, no, no! 1467 01:06:22,115 --> 01:06:24,418 - I'm gonna do it! - No, no, no, stay with me! Stay with me, stay with me. 1468 01:06:24,451 --> 01:06:27,488 Again, I... I've done nothing that hasn't proved that I'm willing to do this. 1469 01:06:27,522 --> 01:06:31,726 So... so don't push me. Man. Okay? 'Cause I will do it. 1470 01:06:31,759 --> 01:06:34,596 Then do it. I wanna see you do it. 1471 01:06:36,296 --> 01:06:39,166 You don't wanna, do ya? Look at that! 1472 01:06:39,199 --> 01:06:41,502 I knew you don't. I knew you've been faking this whole time. 1473 01:06:41,536 --> 01:06:44,271 Actually! You know what? At this point, I'd love to see you kill the dog. 1474 01:06:44,304 --> 01:06:46,106 - I wanna see it. - So what, who cares? 1475 01:06:46,139 --> 01:06:47,407 I wanna see you kill the dog! 1476 01:06:47,441 --> 01:06:48,776 You can't talk to me this way, man. 1477 01:06:48,810 --> 01:06:50,477 Just kill the fucking dog already, Linda! 1478 01:06:50,512 --> 01:06:52,814 You can't... Don't talk to me this way. 1479 01:06:52,847 --> 01:06:54,248 - Just prove me wrong and kill the fucking dog! - Because I will do it! 1480 01:06:54,281 --> 01:06:56,383 Oh, fuck! 1481 01:06:56,416 --> 01:06:58,185 - Oh, my fuck. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. - Holy shit! 1482 01:06:58,218 --> 01:07:01,255 - Ahh! - Oh, fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck! 1483 01:07:01,288 --> 01:07:03,257 - Oh, my God, I'm so sorry! - You fucking killed my dog! 1484 01:07:03,290 --> 01:07:05,192 I'm sorry, I had no idea. I didn't know. 1485 01:07:05,225 --> 01:07:06,728 What do you mean, you didn't know? 1486 01:07:06,761 --> 01:07:09,196 You said you were gonna do it and then you did that! 1487 01:07:09,229 --> 01:07:11,431 - I didn't know, I'm sorry! I'm so sorry. - What's wrong with you? 1488 01:07:11,465 --> 01:07:13,701 - Okay, you know what? You know what? How about this? - I'm sorry! 1489 01:07:13,735 --> 01:07:17,539 How about this? My bad. That's my bad. 1490 01:07:17,572 --> 01:07:20,307 All right, I pushed her. She shot the dog because of me. 1491 01:07:20,340 --> 01:07:23,611 - Yeah. - Um... we can chalk it up to, uh... 1492 01:07:23,645 --> 01:07:25,547 that's one for Luke! Big mistake. 1493 01:07:25,580 --> 01:07:27,515 Technically, I was right about her. 1494 01:07:27,549 --> 01:07:29,717 Can we just acknowledge that real quick? 1495 01:07:29,751 --> 01:07:31,385 Yeah, you were right about me. 1496 01:07:31,418 --> 01:07:32,820 I was right about her, she was doing an act. 1497 01:07:32,854 --> 01:07:34,622 I didn't know! I just... I li... I like movies! 1498 01:07:34,656 --> 01:07:36,691 It was a movies thing. I knew it. See? 1499 01:07:36,724 --> 01:07:39,259 - Everybody likes... Everybody likes movies! - I like movies! 1500 01:07:39,293 --> 01:07:41,194 She just took it a little too literally. She took it a little too literally. 1501 01:07:41,228 --> 01:07:43,163 I like movies, I don't do that! 1502 01:07:43,196 --> 01:07:46,099 I'm so sorry, I didn't know, I really liked the dog! 1503 01:07:46,133 --> 01:07:48,435 - Is she definitely dead? - She's definitely dead. 1504 01:07:48,468 --> 01:07:50,838 - Look at her! - Okay. Okay! Well, I say, how about this? 1505 01:07:50,872 --> 01:07:54,408 I think we should get out of the room where your dog is lying dead. 1506 01:07:54,441 --> 01:07:57,444 Do you wanna do that? Should we... should we maybe just leave the room for the moment? 1507 01:07:57,477 --> 01:08:01,214 - I've... That's... I mean, yeah. - Okay, let's go. Here we go! 1508 01:08:01,248 --> 01:08:02,884 Everybody up! We're gonna walk out right now. 1509 01:08:02,917 --> 01:08:05,185 Why don't you go that way so you don't... step in the dog. 1510 01:08:05,218 --> 01:08:06,821 Uh, well go this way. Come on. You all right? 1511 01:08:06,854 --> 01:08:08,388 - Yes. - Come on. 1512 01:08:08,422 --> 01:08:09,691 We'll go this way. You can come too! 1513 01:08:09,724 --> 01:08:11,726 - Should I stay? - No, no, you can come. 1514 01:08:11,759 --> 01:08:15,329 - Let's get outside. Let's get some fresh air! - Okay. Um... 1515 01:08:24,739 --> 01:08:26,841 Monkey was a good girl. 1516 01:08:26,874 --> 01:08:30,578 She would watch me eat breakfast and dinner. 1517 01:08:30,612 --> 01:08:34,147 And on days when I didn't have to work, she would watch me eat lunch, too. 1518 01:08:36,918 --> 01:08:38,485 Goodbye, Monkey. 1519 01:08:43,290 --> 01:08:45,093 - Goodbye, Monkey. - Goodbye, Monkey. 1520 01:08:46,460 --> 01:08:48,161 All right! That was nice, Derek. 1521 01:08:48,195 --> 01:08:49,864 Thank you. 1522 01:08:49,897 --> 01:08:55,202 Uh, so... I guess let's start hangin' out? Again? Right? 1523 01:08:55,235 --> 01:08:58,573 - I would like nothing more. - Okay. Cool. 1524 01:08:58,606 --> 01:09:00,541 - We can do that. - All right. Let's do it. 1525 01:09:00,575 --> 01:09:03,176 - Happy to have ya. - I'm excited. - Uh... next Tuesday? 1526 01:09:03,210 --> 01:09:04,779 - How's next Tuesday sound? - That works for me. 1527 01:09:04,812 --> 01:09:06,948 - Yeah! I'm... I'm free. You guys? - Okay! 1528 01:09:06,981 --> 01:09:09,717 - I think I can do that. - Next Tuesday. All right, let's go. 1529 01:09:12,486 --> 01:09:14,421 Oh, you know what we're gonna do? 1530 01:09:14,454 --> 01:09:16,356 You're gonna watch me eat fifty fuckin' eggs. 1531 01:09:16,390 --> 01:09:18,425 - Okay, yeah. - That's what we're gonna do! 1532 01:09:18,458 --> 01:09:20,327 - Here we go! Here we go. - I'm gonna fuckin' do it. 1533 01:09:20,360 --> 01:09:21,796 - I'm tellin' ya. - We got the regular, uh... 1534 01:09:21,829 --> 01:09:23,397 - Jimmy Walnuts over here. - Jimmy... Haha! 1535 01:09:23,430 --> 01:09:25,232 - No, it's Joey Chestnut. - Joey, er, yeah. 1536 01:09:25,265 --> 01:09:26,968 I actually like Jimmy Walnuts better. 1537 01:09:27,001 --> 01:09:29,236 - That's what you could start callin' me! - No! I'm not...8 1538 01:09:29,269 --> 01:09:31,739 I'll call you "Cool Hand Luke" if you want. Do you want that? 1539 01:09:31,773 --> 01:09:33,675 No, no, no, I'm over "Cool Hand Luke!" Now I want "Jimmy Walnuts." 1540 01:09:33,708 --> 01:09:35,475 Now you're over it? 1541 01:09:35,510 --> 01:09:37,512 That's a better nickname! 1542 01:09:37,545 --> 01:09:39,479 "Cool Hand" is way better! It's like you have a cool hand. 1543 01:09:39,514 --> 01:09:40,882 No, but it's old. It's too old, nobody knows it anymore. 1544 01:09:40,915 --> 01:09:43,216 Everyone knows how cool your hand is! 1545 01:09:43,250 --> 01:09:44,284 Nobody probably even knows about that fifty-egg thing anymore. 1546 01:09:44,317 --> 01:09:46,453 Yeah, it's pretty dated. 1547 01:09:53,360 --> 01:09:57,364 Okay, well, what can we do... real fast to get some money? 1548 01:09:57,397 --> 01:09:59,634 - Can we like... - We need something. Is... is there something valuable? 1549 01:09:59,667 --> 01:10:01,669 - Do you have anything valuable? - We could invent, like, a new soda or something. 1550 01:10:01,703 --> 01:10:03,437 - Maybe it catches on. - That's... Yeah, what're ya thinkin'? 1551 01:10:03,470 --> 01:10:05,673 Ginger ale for people that like, uh, so... Coke, Coke! 1552 01:10:05,707 --> 01:10:08,576 - Coke meets ginger ale? - Yeah! Together at last! 1553 01:10:08,609 --> 01:10:12,446 Honestly, not the teribblest idea. We don't have time to make a new soda. Okay? 1554 01:10:14,414 --> 01:10:17,552 - What's up? - You shave your hole? 1555 01:10:19,687 --> 01:10:21,689 - The crack? - Do I... do I shave my butthole? Is that what you're asking? 1556 01:10:21,723 --> 01:10:23,290 - Yeah! Yeah. - I don't, man. No. 1557 01:10:23,323 --> 01:10:26,426 I'm lookin' for, like... razor recs. 1558 01:10:26,460 --> 01:10:28,763 - Recommendations for... - Recommendations, yeah. 1559 01:10:28,796 --> 01:10:31,666 - I wouldn't know, man, I think... - I keep... I keep fuckin' knickin' the sphinct! 1560 01:10:31,699 --> 01:10:33,568 Well, here's the thing, I don't think you're supposed to shave it, man. 1561 01:10:33,601 --> 01:10:36,037 I think you get it waxed, like, at a... a professional place. 1562 01:10:36,070 --> 01:10:38,305 - Do you do that? - Mm-hmm. I think you're supposed to get it waxed. 1563 01:10:38,338 --> 01:10:40,340 I don't think you shave your butthole. Okay? 1564 01:10:41,475 --> 01:10:43,911 - Do they... finish the job? - It's the wax thing. 1565 01:10:43,945 --> 01:10:45,947 Yeah! They... they wax your butthole. They take off all the hair. 1566 01:10:45,980 --> 01:10:48,348 - No, do they finish the job? - What do you mean finish the job? 1567 01:10:48,381 --> 01:10:50,551 - Do they... I mean, is it one of those places where... - Like a massage place? 1568 01:10:50,585 --> 01:10:53,654 I don't think the places that wax your butthole also give you handjobs. 1569 01:10:53,688 --> 01:10:55,388 - If that's what you're asking. - Why not? 1570 01:10:55,422 --> 01:10:57,992 It doesn't sou... I don't think they go together. Okay? 1571 01:10:58,025 --> 01:10:59,894 - Let's go! - Thank you. - All right. 1572 01:10:59,927 --> 01:11:03,064 Don't! Stop it! We are not best friends, put your hands down. 1573 01:11:03,097 --> 01:11:04,599 Put your hands down! 1574 01:11:06,033 --> 01:11:08,368 I make my own beef jerky now! 1575 01:11:08,401 --> 01:11:10,838 - Come on, don't! That doesn't make sense. - What? Is it good? 1576 01:11:10,872 --> 01:11:14,542 - I'm comin' back. Okay? - Okay, no touching! 1577 01:11:14,575 --> 01:11:18,546 No touching yet. If you come back later, maybe. 1578 01:11:18,579 --> 01:11:21,616 Are you gettin' this? Cover your ears. 1579 01:11:21,649 --> 01:11:23,350 Couple'a healthy boys like that... 1580 01:11:23,383 --> 01:11:25,787 We gotta get something expensive, man! 1581 01:11:25,820 --> 01:11:30,423 We gotta, like... kidnap David from David After Dentist. 1582 01:11:30,457 --> 01:11:32,425 Ah, fuck! 1583 01:11:32,459 --> 01:11:34,629 Ah, fuck! 1584 01:11:34,662 --> 01:11:36,597 Ah, fuck! 1585 01:11:36,631 --> 01:11:38,465 Ah, fuck! 1586 01:11:38,498 --> 01:11:39,600 Ah, fuck! 1587 01:11:39,634 --> 01:11:41,569 Jesus, Luke! 1588 01:11:41,602 --> 01:11:44,005 What the hell is your problem? 1589 01:11:44,038 --> 01:11:47,942 God! Right in the goddamn noggin'! 1590 01:11:47,975 --> 01:11:50,812 - Lawyers don't make the laws. - They do. 1591 01:11:50,845 --> 01:11:52,747 No, the... the lawmakers do! 1592 01:11:52,780 --> 01:11:54,715 - I think I wrote one of the laws. - You didn't. 1593 01:11:54,749 --> 01:11:56,517 - Yeah, I did. - How did you... What was the law? 1594 01:11:56,551 --> 01:12:01,421 It was... um... Thou shall not, um... 1595 01:12:01,454 --> 01:12:03,024 - Now hold on... - Uh... 1596 01:12:03,057 --> 01:12:05,492 It's the one about sleeping with your wife? 1597 01:12:05,526 --> 01:12:07,394 I think you're talking about a commandment! 1598 01:12:07,427 --> 01:12:09,597 You're trying to say you wrote one of the Ten Commandments? 1599 01:12:09,630 --> 01:12:11,398 - Yeah, I wrote that one. - Thou shall not covet thy neighbor's wife? 1600 01:12:11,431 --> 01:12:13,000 - Yeah, I wrote that. - Come on... 1601 01:12:13,034 --> 01:12:15,736 I'm pretty old, too. I'm, like, forty-nine, so... 1602 01:12:15,770 --> 01:12:17,672 First of all; you look amazing. 1603 01:12:17,705 --> 01:12:19,507 I can't believe you're forty-nine. 1604 01:12:19,540 --> 01:12:21,108 But you would have to be way much older than fort-nine 1605 01:12:21,142 --> 01:12:23,511 to have written one of the Ten Commandments! 1606 01:12:23,544 --> 01:12:26,379 All my money's kinda tied up right now! I got, like, three hundred bucks. 1607 01:12:26,413 --> 01:12:27,715 What's it tied up in? 1608 01:12:28,816 --> 01:12:31,586 - Bonds! - James Bonds. 1609 01:12:31,619 --> 01:12:33,486 Shut the fuck up, dude. 1610 01:12:33,521 --> 01:12:35,890 - Hey, um, Derek... - Yeah? 1611 01:12:35,923 --> 01:12:37,825 You know that video I sent you of me squeezing my nuts? 1612 01:12:37,859 --> 01:12:39,392 Yeah, yeah. What about it? 1613 01:12:39,426 --> 01:12:41,095 Just don't tell anybody about it. 1614 01:12:41,128 --> 01:12:42,630 - What are you talkin' about? - Okay. What? 1615 01:12:42,663 --> 01:12:44,131 - Ma'am! - Wh... Oh! - Ma... 1616 01:12:44,165 --> 01:12:46,834 - Ah, oh! - Ma... She got away from you? 1617 01:12:48,536 --> 01:12:50,738 Ma'am! 1618 01:12:50,771 --> 01:12:52,506 You're actin' like a lunatic! 'Cause you got hit in the head, and you got a... 1619 01:12:52,540 --> 01:12:54,775 Luke, I don't give a darn! All right? 1620 01:12:54,809 --> 01:12:56,878 There's no need to get physical right now. Okay? Don't push me! 1621 01:12:56,911 --> 01:12:58,713 - Can we get a thing? - What thing? 1622 01:12:58,746 --> 01:13:00,581 Get a thing! For me! For this! 1623 01:13:00,615 --> 01:13:02,817 - Name what thing you want! - It's in the trunk of the car! 1624 01:13:02,850 --> 01:13:05,753 - It's like a cloth, wet... - Sure! Gimme the keys and I'll get it. 1625 01:13:06,787 --> 01:13:09,724 - Here! - A thing? What do you mean, you got a thing? 1626 01:13:09,757 --> 01:13:12,459 Oh, there ya go. There you go. Good! Good! 1627 01:13:12,492 --> 01:13:15,529 Now you can't even stand up. Gimme the goddamn keys! 1628 01:13:15,563 --> 01:13:16,931 Speed. 1629 01:13:18,666 --> 01:13:22,837 This is Derek's Dead, scene one, Curt in the morning... Luke in the morning! 1630 01:13:22,870 --> 01:13:24,505 So excited! 138838