Original subtitles

[PROJECTOR CLICKING, *...]

Downloaded from YTS.MX

Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX

[*...]

[HEARTBEAT, *...]

>> Women: * OOH...

[HEARTBEAT CONTINUES...]

[SURF CRASHES, SEAGULLS SQUAWK]

* OOH...

[HEARTBEAT...]

* OOH...

[MUSIC CHANGES]

[LIGHTER OPENS]

[*...]

[CLUNK]

[FIRECRACKERS POPPING,

YOUNG PEOPLE LAUGHING...]

[*...]

>> Woman: * IF YOU CAN'T

MAKE ME HAPPY,

GONNA WALK AWAY THE BLAME *

[*...]

* IF YOU CAN'T MAKE ME HAPPY,

GONNA WALK AWAY THE SHAME *

[*...]

* SEE, I GOT MY CUTS

AND BRUISES *

>> Women: * AH-OOH

>> * GONNA WALK AWAY THE PAIN

>> * AH-OOH

>> * AND IF YOU CAN'T

MAKE ME HAPPY *

>> * AH-OOH

>> * GONNA WALK AWAY AGAIN

[*...]

>> OH, YOU ARE UP.

I'M TAKING POSY TO AN AUDITION,

SO YOU'RE MANNING THE FRONT DESK

THIS MORNING.

>> CAN I NOT, I'M REVISING.

IS DAD NOT AROUND?

>> YOUR DAD'S WRITING.

YOU CAN REVISE ON THE DESK.

YOU HAVE TO GIVE PEOPLE

KEYS, BETH.

WON'T BE ANY DIFFERENT

TO UP HERE.

COME ON.

TAKE YOUR HAIR DOWN AND MAKE

YOURSELF A BIT MORE PRESENTABLE.

>> Woman: * WHY DON'T YOU

SEE... *

[ALL LAUGHING...]

* WHAT YOU'RE DOING TO ME?

[ALL SHOUTING...]

* WHY WON'T YOU GO?

* LEAVE ME WALKING ALONE

>> Officer: HEY!

>> Woman: * WHY WON'T YOU GO?

* IF YOU CAN'T... MAKE... ME...

HAPPY *

[*...]

>> [SLIGHT GERMAN ACCENT] MM,

DID YOU BRING COFFEE?

>> YES, THANKS.

I'M TAKING POSY TO AN

AUDITION, SO YOU'RE GONNA HAVE

TO GET YOUR OWN LUNCH AS WELL.

THERE'S SOME NICE TURKEY HAM

IN THE FRIDGE.

>> WHICH?

>> WHICH WHAT?

>> NO, WHICH IS IT,

TURKEY OR HAM?

>> IT'S TURKEY HAM.

THAT'S WHAT IT IS.

TURKEY HAM.

>> WHY DO THEY CALL IT TURKEY

HAM WHEN IT'S ONLY GOT TURKEY

IN IT?

>> IT'S FROM FLYING BLOODY PIGS,

THAT'S WHAT.

LIKE YOUR NEXT BESTSELLER.

>> Woman: * WHY WON'T YOU SEE

WHAT YOU'RE DOING TO ME? *

* WHY WON'T YOU GO?

* LEAVE ME WALKING ALONE

* WHY WON'T YOU GO?

[*...]

>> WAS EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT?

DID YOU SLEEP O.K.?

>> NO, I DIDN'T.

ALL THOSE BLOODY SEAGULLS

SQUAWKING SINCE SUNRISE.

>> THEY KIND OF COME

WITH THE SEA.

>> WASN'T LIKE THAT IN THE BOOK.

IT WAS A PEACEFUL RETREAT

IN THE BOOK.

[*...]

>> YOU'RE LUCKY I'M NOT COMING

IN TO TALK TO YOUR MOTHER

AND FATHER.

>> WELL, GOOD LUCK WITH THAT

IF YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND.

>> UM...

IS THIS ACTUALLY YOUR HOUSE?

>> YEAH.

[*...]

[SONG ENDS]

>> HMM.

I'M LATE, AREN'T I?

>> YOU'VE MISSED BREAKFAST,

I'M AFRAID.

WHICH ROOM ARE YOU IN?

>> ALL OF THEM, UNFORTUNATELY.

I'M THE NEW CLEANER.

>> RIGHT, YEAH.

I'M BETH FISCHER.

>> OH, CHARMED.

SERENA.

>> NICE TO MEET YOU, SERENA.

CAN I JUST TAKE YOUR SURNAME

FOR THE KEY LOG?

>> YEAH, UM...

IT'S SPELLED M-O-L-I-N-A.

>> GREAT.

SO YOU KNOW YOU DON'T NEED TO DO

THE ATTIC ROOM ON THE TOP FLOOR,

JUST THE GUEST ROOMS.

THIS IS EDNA, OUR OTHER CLEANER,

SHE'LL SHOW YOU AROUND.

HOW DO YOU SAY YOUR SURNAME,

JUST SO I DON'T GET IT WRONG?

>> MOLINA. >> MOLINA.

>> MM-HMM, YEAH.

SERENA MOLINA, THE CLEANER.

MEANT TO BE. [CHUCKLES]

>> RIGHT, UM, SO EDNA'S

JUST DOWN THERE.

[SHIP HORNS BLOWS IN DISTANCE,

SEAGULLS SQUAWK...]

[TOILET FLUSHES]

[GLOVES SNAP]

[*...]

>> EWW...

[*...]

[DOOR SQUEAKS]

[FLOOR CREAKS]

[WOMAN MOANING ON COMPUTER...]

[MAN BREATHING HEAVILY...]

[CLATTERING]

>> Woman: Yeah, in deep, oh...

>> Man: YOU DON'T NEED TO

CLEAN HERE.

>> ARE YOU SURE?

LOOKS PRETTY DIRTY FROM WHERE

I'M STANDING.

FILTHY, ACTUALLY.

>> [WHISPERS] FUCK...

>> IS THAT YOUR DAD THEN?

THE PERVERT YOU KEEP LOCKED AWAY

IN THE ATTIC?

>> SO YOU'VE READ THE BOOK THEN?

>> NO.

IT'S A LITTLE LIGHTWEIGHT

FOR ME-- ANY GOOD?

>> REALLY BRILLIANT.

>> [CHUCKLES]

WHAT'S HE DOING HERE THEN?

>> HE LIVES HERE.

>> NO, I MEAN HE'S GERMAN,

ISN'T HE?

SO WHAT'S HE DOING IN THIS

CULTURE VACUUM?

>> WELL, I'D IMAGINE HE'S ASKING

HIMSELF THE SAME QUESTION NOW

THAT HE'S GOT WRITER'S BLOCK.

>> MY NAME'S NOT SERENA MOLINA,

BY THE WAY.

DID YOU NOT REALIZE

I WAS JOKING?

>> OH.

I THOUGHT THE JOKE WAS ON YOU.

>> EMELIA... CONAN DOYLE.

AND YES, I AM RELATED TO THE

SHERLOCK HOLMES AUTHOR.

>> WOW.

THAT'S GREAT.

>> ANYWAY...

I'D BETTER GO,

GOTTA SKOOCH.

BYE.

[DOOR CLOSES]

[*..., SEAGULLS SQUAWK]

>> SHE WANTS TO DO IT,

SO WHY CAN'T SHE?

>> BECAUSE SHE WILL...

[QUIETER] BECAUSE SHE WILL HAVE

TO COME OUT OF SCHOOL IF THE

REHEARSALS ARE DURING THE DAY.

>> SHE IS SIX YEARS OLD,

JONATHAN.

[MUFFLED] WHAT'S SHE GOING TO

MISS, EH?

>> WHAT'S SHE GOING TO MISS?

OH, I DON'T KNOW.

JUST THE UNIMPORTANT STUFF!

READING! WRITING!

>> [SCOFFS] LOT OF BLOODY GOOD

THOSE THINGS HAVE DONE YOU,

PARKED UP HERE FIDDLING WITH

YOUR ASSHOLE AND IT'S THE REST

OF US... DO NOT TURN AWAY!

IT IS THE REST OF US

WHO ARE RUNNING AROUND,

TRYING TO MAKE MONEY OUT OF THIS

GODFORSAKEN HOUSE...

TRYING TO MAKE ENDS MEET.

IT'S A PROFESSIONAL ENGAGEMENT

SHE'S BEEN OFFERED.

AND SHE WANTS TO DO IT.

>> DOES SHE REALLY WANT TO?

>> YES, LOOK AT HER!

>> OR IS IT JUST YOU TRYING TO

MAKE UP FOR YOUR OWN FAILURES?

>> OH, WELL, I CAN ONLY BOW

TO YOUR SUPERIOR KNOWLEDGE

OF FAILURE.

YOU ARE THE GRAND POOBAH OF IT.

>> YOU ARE SO FUCKING CHILDISH.

IT TAKES YEARS TO WRITE

A GREAT NOVEL.

>> AND IT TAKES YOU JUST AS LONG

TO WRITE A SHIT ONE.

[KNOCKING]

>> GO AWAY, MUM!

I'M REVISING!

[KNOCKING]

OH.

SORRY, I DIDN'T REALIZE

YOU WERE HERE.

>> I'D SAY THE SAME GOES

FOR THIS LOT.

>> YOU CAUGHT THE SHOW THEN?

THIS IS MY GET-OUT-OF-JAIL CARD.

>> AND, UH...

IS THAT YOUR SEX HAT?

LOOK, I DON'T HAVE LONG.

I JUST STOPPED BY TO GIVE

YOU THIS.

YOU HAD A BOOK ON FAIRIES

BY YOUR BED.

>> OH, YEAH.

YEAH, IT WAS MY LITTLE SISTER'S.

BUT THAT'S LOVELY.

THANKS.

>> ANYWAY, I SHOULD GET GOING.

>> YOU SHOULD COME FOR DINNER...

TONIGHT, AS A THANK YOU

FOR THE BOOK.

>> SERIOUSLY?

WITH YOUR FAMILY?

>> YEAH.

>> THAT WOULD BE AMAZING.

>> GREAT, SO, DO YOU NEED TO

CALL YOUR MUM TO CHECK?

>> I WOULD, BUT SHE'S

A BIT DEAD.

>> OH.

SORRY.

>> IT'S O.K.

IT'S NOT VERY FAIR FOR YOU

TO TAKE THE BLAME.

SHE DID KILL HERSELF.

BUT THANKS ANYWAY.

>> FUCKING USELESS ASSHOLE.

COME ON, POSY, GET IN THE CAR.

WE NEED TO GET GOING IF WE'RE

REALLY GOING TO FUCK YOUR

FATHER OFF.

>> Posy: YOU SAID A BAD WORD!

>> [WHISPERS] NICE!

BYE.

>> BYE.

[*...]

[*...]

>> [CRUMPLES LETTER]

[THROWS IT INTO BASKET]

[*...]

>> HAVE YOU GOT ANY I.D.?

>> YEAH, DEFINITELY ME.

>> NO, ARE YOU 18?

>> YES.

>> CAN YOU PROVE IT?

>> [SIGHS]

>> THERE.

ARE THESE NOT THE BREASTS

OF AN 18-YEAR-OLD?

>> THAT'LL BE £2.99, PLEASE.

[*...]

>> I CAN'T BELIEVE WE'RE

STOOPING TO THE HIRED HELP FOR

FRIENDSHIPS NOW, BETH.

>> WHAT'S GOING ON?

>> YOUR DAUGHTER'S INVITED THE

BLOODY CLEANER FOR DINNER.

>> WHICH ONE?

>> WELL, I ASSUME IT'S

THE 17-YEAR-OLD.

PLEASE TELL ME IT'S NOT EDNA,

THE BEARDED PENSIONER.

>> SORRY, I CAME IN THROUGH THE

PRIVATE ENTRANCE.

I DIDN'T KNOW WHICH ONE

I SHOULD USE.

>> OH, HEY.

>> HELLO, MRS. FISCHER.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR

INVITING ME.

THIS IS FOR YOU.

>> OH, THANK YOU.

ARE YOU OLD ENOUGH

TO DRINK WINE?

>> YES...

IN DENMARK AND RESTRICTED PARTS

OF EUROPE.

>> HAVE YOU MET MY DAD, EMELIA?

>> NO, I DON'T THINK WE'VE

ACTUALLY BEEN INTRODUCED.

>> BETH, CAN YOU COME AND FINISH

UP THE PLATES?

>> HI, I'M JONATHAN FISCHER.

>> HMM.

I HOPE YOU'VE WASHED THAT HAND

BEFORE I SHAKE IT, MR. FISCHER.

EMELIA, HI.

>> LOVELY TO MEET YOU

PROPERLY, EMELIA.

>> CONAN DOYLE.

EMELIA CONAN DOYLE.

YES, I AM RELATED TO THE

SHERLOCK HOLMES AUTHOR.

SIR ARTHUR CONAN DOYLE?

>> OH.

I'VE READ ALL HIS WORK.

SO, I'LL GET YOU A DRINK.

WINE?

YOU CAN HAVE A GLASS OF WINE

WITH DINNER, CAN'T YOU?

WHITE, HUH?

THAT'S WHAT YOU GIRLS

PREFER, WHITE?

>> SO, TELL ME ABOUT

THE CLIFF HOUSE.

I WANT TO KNOW EVERYTHING.

>> HMM.

THERE'S NOT MUCH TO TELL.

I CAME OVER HERE TO GO

TO CAMBRIDGE.

SAW A BEAUTIFUL YOUNG ACTRESS IN

A TOURING PLAY AND WHISKED HER

AWAY TO THE CLIFF HOUSE,

JUST FOR THE WEEKEND.

WROTE THE BOOK IN IGNORANCE AT

22, STRUCK GOLD, AND NOW IT

HANGS AROUND MY NECK TAUNTING ME

WITH ITS SUCCESS.

>> YEAH, I MEANT THE HOUSE,

LIKE THE ACTUAL BUILDING.

IS IT VICTORIAN?

>> [LAUGHING]

>> NO, EDWARDIAN, ACTUALLY.

>> I'M JOKING.

I'D LOVE TO KNOW ABOUT THE BOOK.

>> ARE YOU APPLYING TO

UNIVERSITY, EMELIA?

I'M SURE BETH TOLD YOU

SHE'S APPLYING TO OXFORD.

>> UM, I'M NOT ACTUALLY GOING

TO UNI.

>> ARE YOU AT THE UNIVERSITY

OF LIFE, EMELIA?

>> YES.

>> MUM SAYS THAT'S WHAT

DOSSERS SAY.

>> HMM.

ACTUALLY, UM, I'M ALSO WRITING

A NOVEL.

>> ARE YOU? THAT'S COOL.

>> YEAH, BUT, UM, GOT QUITE A

LOT TO LIVE UP TO THOUGH,

AS YOU CAN IMAGINE.

I MEAN YOU CAN'T EXACTLY GO

LOOKING UNDER CONAN DOYLE AND

COME UP WITH SOME AIRPORT READ

CALLED DIRTY BITCH, CAN YOU?

>> THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I SHOULD

HAVE DONE.

NOTHING TO ME, ALL THIS

UNIVERSITY EDUCATION.

>> WHAT A SHAME YOU DIDN'T

REALIZE THAT BEFORE YOU WROTE

MENTAL INTERIORS.

YOU MIGHT STILL HAVE

A PUBLISHER.

>> YOU SHOULD TAKE IT ON BOARD,

MR. FISCHER.

"IT IS WITH BAD SENTIMENTS

THAT ONE MAKES GOOD NOVELS."

THAT'S ALDOUS HUXLEY,

MRS. FISCHER.

[*...]

[*...]

[DISHES CLATTERING]

>> WHO DOES THIS BELONG TO?

>> IT'S NOT MINE, IT'S EMELIA'S.

>> WELL, WHERE IS EMELIA?

[CLEARS THROAT] WHAT ARE

YOU DOING?

>> WAS HAVING A BREAK.

>> DON'T BE SMART.

GET IN.

EMELIA!

EMELIA!

>> [MUTTERING] FUCK YOU

VERY MUCH.

WHAT? I SAID THANK YOU.

LIKE, I JUST SANG IT.

* THANK YOU.

[DOOR CREAKS, SEAGULLS SQUAWK]

>> HIYA.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

>> CERTAINLY NOT WAITRESSING IF

THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE THINKING.

HELLO, POKY.

>> IT'S POSY!

>> I KNOW.

SIT IN MY SECTION.

I'LL MOVE SOMEONE.

>> HOW'S YOUR NOVEL GOING?

>> OH, WELL, YOU KNOW...

POSY, WOULD YOU LIKE

A MILKSHAKE?

>> YES.

>> I'D LIKE TO HAVE...

>> UH, LADIES FIRST.

I'LL BE BACK IN A MOMENT

TO TAKE YOUR ORDER.

>> [FRENCH ACCENT] EXCUSE ME?

I AM A VEGETARIAN.

>> THAT ISN'T SOMETHING

TO BOAST ABOUT.

[*...]

[WOMAN SPEAKS IN FRENCH]

[*...]

>> Posy: MMM, THANK YOU!

I NEED A SPOON.

>> SO WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?

>> ACTUALLY, I WAS JUST

THINKING...

>> YOU KNOW, IF YOU GET THAT

DOWN ON PAPER,

IT'S CALLED WRITING.

YOU CAN HAVE THAT LESSON ON ME.

>> ACTUALLY, I WAS THINKING

I MIGHT BE ABLE TO DO

SOMETHING FOR YOU.

SERIOUSLY.

I COULD TEACH YOU CREATIVE

WRITING IF YOU'RE STRUGGLING.

>> JUST YOU AND ME, WRITING?

>> YES.

>> SOUNDS FUN.

I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW.

[TAPPING AT WINDOW]

[*...]

[INDISTINCT VOICES ON T.V.]

>> OH, ANNIE, YOU SCARED

THE WITS OUT OF ME.

>> GRANNY, IT'S EMELIA.

NOT ANNIE.

MUM'S DEAD, REMEMBER?

[MAN CLEARS THROAT]

>> DON'T STAY UP TOO LATE NOW,

WILL YOU?

THERE'S SCHOOL TOMORROW.

>> GRANNY, IT'S ONLY FOUR

AND IT'S SUNDAY TOMORROW.

AND I'M WORKING AS WELL,

TO TIDE ME OVER FOR A BIT.

>> YES, YES.

OF COURSE.

[*...]

>> [SIGHS]

[*...]

>> Man: BASICALLY, YEAH,

I GO LIKE, "SO WHO'S YOUR

SEXUAL FANTASY," YEAH?

AND INSTEAD OF SAYING LIKE,

YOU KNOW, PAMELA ANDERSON OR

SOMETHING, HE GOES, "A MERMAID."

I WAS LIKE, "A MERMAID?

THAT IS HALF FISH YOU WANNA

SHAG, YOU SICK FUCK!"

HE GOES, "YEAH.

PRETTY MUCH IS WITH

MOST GIRLS, INNIT?"

[LAUGHS]

[*...]

>> I THINK MY GRANNY'S DYING.

>> ALL RIGHT.

WHEN MY GRANNY DIED, YEAH,

MY BROTHER, LITTLE TOMMY,

YEAH, STARTED SINGING

"BURN, BABY, BURN" AS SHE WAS

GOING IN THE OVEN. [LAUGHS]

FUCKING PRICELESS,

CALLING MY NAN "BABY".

[*...]

BABE?

BABE?

[WATER SPLASHING, *...]

[*...]

[*...]

[GLASS SHATTERS]

[STIFLING SOBS]

[SIGHS]

[*...]

[SEAGULLS SQUAWKING]

>> WELL, I, I HAVEN'T ACTUALLY

ACTED PROFESSIONALLY FOR A FEW

YEARS NOW, NO.

UM, I WAS IN A, A REALLY

POPULAR COFFEE COMMERCIAL.

UM, I USED TO BE JOA SAUNDERS.

I'M THE ONE WHO MARRIED THE

NOVELIST JONATHAN A. FISCHER.

SO, UM, I WAS JUST CALLING

BECAUSE I'M LOOKING FOR NEW

REPRESENTATION.

RIGHT.

YEAH.

YES, ALL RIGHT, I WILL.

I'LL, UM, I'LL CALL BACK

WHEN I'M IN SOMETHING.

THANKS.

[BELL DINGS]

>> MORNING, MRS. FISCHER.

HOW'S IT HANGING?

>> YOU'RE LATE.

AND I WANT TO HAVE A WORD

WITH YOU.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THINGS

THAT ARE LEFT IN THE ROOMS?

>> OH... WELL, UH...

THE BED, I'M MAKING.

THE CARPET, I'VE...

I'VE BEEN WALKING ON THAT.

AND THE CURTAINS, RECENTLY I'VE

TAKEN TO SWINGING ON THEM.

IS THAT O.K.?

>> I MEAN THE THINGS THAT PEOPLE

LEAVE BEHIND ACCIDENTALLY.

ARE YOU STEALING THEM?

>> NO.

I HAVEN'T FOUND ANYTHING

THAT'S BEEN LEFT BEHIND.

WHAT'S BEEN LEFT BEHIND?

>> WELL, THE MAN WHO VACATED

ROOM THREE ON TUESDAY COULDN'T

FIND HIS TEETH.

>> [CHUCKLES]

ARE YOU ACTUALLY ACCUSING ME

OF STEALING A SET OF OLD MAN'S

FALSE TEETH?

WHAT DID YOU THINK I WAS GOING

TO DO WITH THEM?

THESE NOT LOOK LIKE MINE?

>> I KNOW THAT YOU LIVE

WITH YOUR GRANDPARENTS.

>> YES, AND THEY BOTH HAVE

THEIR OWN TEETH.

>> IF THINGS GET LEFT BEHIND,

THEY COME DOWN TO THE LOST

PROPERTY BOX.

>> I KNOW.

I READ THE MEMO.

IT WAS... FASCINATING.

YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE WRITER

IN THE FAMILY.

>> EMELIA, YOU ARE THIS CLOSE

TO GETTING FIRED.

[*...]

[KNOCKING AT THE DOOR]

>> COME IN.

HI.

GIVE ME ONE MINUTE, LET ME JUST

FINISH WHAT I AM DOING HERE.

SIT DOWN.

[TYPING]

SORRY ABOUT THAT.

A MOMENT OF INSPIRATION CAN BE

LOST IN FAR LESS TIME IF YOU

DON'T INDULGE IT.

BUT I... CAUGHT IT.

SO, HELLO.

>> DID YOU JUST FAKE THAT?

>> NO.

YES.

SO, WHERE'S YOUR WORK?

>> I DIDN'T BRING ANYTHING

WITH ME.

>> I UNDERSTAND IF YOU'RE NOT

READY TO SHOW ME WHAT YOU HAVE

WRITTEN SO FAR.

WHEREVER YOU'VE BEEN,

I WENT THERE FIRST.

>> I'M NOT SURE I'D

OWN UP TO THAT.

>> SO CAN YOU AT LEAST TELL ME

WHAT YOUR NOVEL'S ABOUT?

>> DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING

TO DRINK?

>> NO.

>> CAN'T YOU JUST GO DOWNSTAIRS.

THERE MUST BE SOMETHING

DOWNSTAIRS?

SO YOU HAVEN'T TOLD YOUR FAMILY

ABOUT OUR LESSONS THEN.

>> NO, I HAVEN'T.

>> HMM.

I DO HAVE A STORY ACTUALLY.

IT'S ABOUT A NAUGHTY PIXIE.

>> EMELIA, COME ON,

THIS ISN'T SCHOOL.

>> GOOD, BECAUSE I GOT EXPELLED

FROM SCHOOL.

I REALLY WOULDN'T LET YOUR

DAUGHTER ANYWHERE NEAR ME.

>> SHE'S 17.

THAT'S OLD ENOUGH TO KNOW

YOUR OWN MIND.

>> IS THIS A LESSON ON SUBTEXT,

MR. FISCHER?

>> O.K., LET'S START WITH TEXT

AND SUBTEXT THEN.

I SUPPOSE THAT'S SOMETHING.

AND PLEASE DON'T CALL ME

MR. FISCHER-- IT MAKES ME

FEEL OLD.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

[*...]

>> Posy: I DON'T WANT TO EAT IT!

I DON'T LIKE IT!

>> YOU HAVEN'T EVEN TRIED IT.

COME ON, YOU HAVE TO

EAT SOMETHING.

>> NO, SHE DOESN'T.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO EAT IT,

POSY DARLING.

BETH, DON'T FORCE-FEED HER.

>> YOU WOULD HAVE MADE ME

EAT IT.

>> WELL, WE'VE LEARNT FROM

OUR MISTAKES.

HOW'S THE BOOK GOING?

[*...]

[PHONE RINGING]

>> HELLO?

EMELIA!

[VOICES AND LAUGHTER ON T.V.]

[JOA AND POSY LAUGH]

CAN I GO OUT FOR THE EVENING?

>> BUT IT'S A SCHOOL NIGHT.

>> YEAH, BUT I'M ON STUDY LEAVE.

>> TECHNICALLY IT'S

A SCHOOL NIGHT.

>> YOU CAN GO OUT.

BE BACK BY 10.

>> GREAT.

>> Joa: SHOW SOME FUCKING

BACKBONE, YOU TOTAL TOOL.

>> Jonathan: DON'T START, JOA!

YOU'D SLEPT WITH HALF OF

BASINGSTOKE BY HER AGE.

>> LUCKY FUCKING BASINGSTOKE!

[*...]

>> Emelia: WOW, LOOK AT THAT.

>> WHOA, THAT, THAT'S AMAZING.

>> BOY, I WISH I HAD A CAMERA.

>> TAKE A PICTURE ON YOUR PHONE.

>> I WISH I HAD A PHONE.

ANYWAY, WE SHOULD GRAB WHAT WE

CAN BEFORE THEY REALIZE IT'S

REACHED HERE.

OH...

[LAUGHS]

[*...]

HUGE MEN'S T-SHIRTS.

>> NOT AS GOOD AS THESE.

WOMEN'S SHOES.

>> OH, THAT'S REVOLTING!

>> LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THEM!

>> WHY IS EVERYTHING SO MASSIVE?

HERE, YOU SHOULD HAVE THIS.

>> WE CAN'T ACTUALLY TAKE THEM,

THEY MIGHT BELONG TO SOMEONE.

>> NO, YOU CAN CLAIM IT,

PROVIDED NOTICE IS GIVEN SO THE

RIGHTFUL OWNER HAS A CHANCE

TO COME FORWARD.

[*...]

WE ARE TAKING ALL YOUR

STUFF, O.K.?

>> WE'RE HAVING THE BIG T-SHIRTS

AND THE SHOES, ALL RIGHT?

>> IS THAT ALL RIGHT WITH YOU?

[SCREAMING AND WHOOPING...]

[*...]

>> HA-HA!

>> AAH...!

[*...]

[MUSIC ENDS]

[POLICE RADIO CHATTER...]

[PAPER CRINKLING]

WHAT'S THAT?

>> IT'S A JOINT.

DO YOU WANT SOME?

>> NO, THANKS.

WHERE ON EARTH DO YOU GET

HARD DRUGS FROM?

>> ARE YOU FOR REAL, POLLYANNA?

>> CAN I TRY IT?

>> YEAH.

IT'S JUST A ROLLIE THOUGH.

I JUST WANTED TO SEE YOUR FACE.

[COUGHING]

>> HOW COME YOU'RE NOT DOING

YOUR A-LEVELS?

SURELY YOU WANT TO GET OUT OF

HERE LIKE EVERYONE ELSE.

MY DAD THINKS YOU'RE

REALLY CLEVER.

>> I WAS DOING A-LEVELS.

I WAS AT THE HOLY FAMILY,

BUT I GOT KICKED OUT.

I'M QUITE PLEASED ACTUALLY.

'CAUSE MY MUM ALWAYS SAID THAT

BEING A CONAN DOYLE MADE YOU

SPECIAL AND NOW I GET TO SKIP

ALL THAT RELIGIOUS

INDOCTRINATION AND DO

SOMETHING PROPER.

DID YOUR DAD REALLY SAY THAT?

WHAT ELSE DID HE SAY?

>> NOTHING.

I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND ME ASKING,

BUT WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR MUM?

>> SHE JUMPED OFF THE FLYOVER AT

SHOREHAM 'CAUSE MY DAD DIDN'T

LOVE HER.

THAT DIDN'T KILL HER THOUGH.

SHE SQUEAKED AROUND IN A

WHEELCHAIR FOR A COUPLE YEARS

AFTER THAT.

AND THEN WHEN HE DIDN'T COME

BACK AND SAVE HER, SHE OVERDOSED

ON SLEEPING PILLS.

>> WHY DIDN'T HE COME BACK?

WHERE IS HE?

>> DEAD... DISABLED, DIVORCED.

FUCK KNOWS.

>> GOD, EMELIA, THAT'S AWFUL.

SO IS THIS WHAT YOUR BOOK'S

GONNA BE ABOUT?

>> NO.

IT'S ABOUT BESTIALITY.

>> [LAUGHS]

EMELIA?

DO YOU WANT TO COME UP TO

OXFORD WITH ME?

FOR MY INTERVIEW?

WE COULD GO FOR A COUPLE

OF DAYS.

STAY OVER.

I'LL PAY.

>> WHAT, AND HANG OUT

WITH A LOAD OF GEEKS?

FUCK THAT.

I'D RATHER CHEW OFF MY OWN ARM

AND CLUB MYSELF TO DEATH

WITH IT.

[*...]

[OBJECTS CLATTERING...]

[*...]

[MUSIC ENDS]

[*...]

>> Jonathan: UH, SORRY.

I WAS LOOKING FOR BETH.

>> YEAH, I CAN SEE THAT.

LOOKING... LONG AND... HARD.

WHAT, IS THAT QUITS NOW?

[CHUCKLES]

OH, THAT'S RIGHT.

GO BACK TO YOUR

PROCRASTURBATING.

[KEYBOARD CLICKING...]

>> Jonathan: I'M DONE WITH

MY ANSWERS... ARE YOU?

>> NO.

STOP CHEATING.

>> HOW CAN YOU WRITE LIKE THAT?

>> WELL...

I FOUND THESE MIRACULOUS,

CLAW-LIKE APPENDAGES AT THE END

OF MY ARMS, AND THEY WERE IDEAL

FOR CLUTCHING BLUNT INSTRUMENTS

SUCH AS THIS, A PENCIL.

>> I MEANT WOULDN'T IT JUST BE

EASIER TO USE YOUR LAPTOP?

I'D BE LOST WITHOUT MINE.

>> I DON'T HAVE A LAPTOP.

I COME FROM A NO-PARENT FAMILY.

WE SPEND MOST OF OUR MONEY

ON GRAVESTONES.

>> AH.

I'M SORRY.

MAYBE YOU COULD USE

POSY'S COMPUTER.

>> MAYBE I COULD.

I FORGIVE YOU.

[*...]

>> YOUR SHOES ARE MASSIVE.

[*...]

[DOOR OPENS]

>> OH, THERE YOU ARE.

>> YEP, HERE I AM.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

I THOUGHT YOU'D FINISHED

FOR THE DAY.

>> UM, I WAS WONDERING

ABOUT OXFORD.

UM, I WONDERED IF THE OFFER

STILL STANDS FOR ME TO COME

WITH YOU.

>> I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU DIDN'T

WANT TO COME.

>> OF COURSE I WANT TO COME.

>> YOU DON'T HAVE TO.

I DON'T MIND, I'M NOT BOTHERED.

>> I WANT TO COME.

>> WELL, THE OFFER'S STILL

THERE, I'D LOVE YOU TO COME.

>> WICKED.

CUP OF TEA?

>> YEAH, GREAT.

[*...]

>> WHAT'S THAT?

>> IT'S A DOGGY BAG, GRANNY.

>> IS IT BONNIE'S FOOD?

>> NO, GRANNY, UM...

DOGGY BAG, AS IN LEFTOVERS.

BONNIE'S DEAD, REMEMBER?

[CUTLERY SCRAPES AGAINST PLATE]

>> BONNIE'S DEAD?

BONNIE'S DEAD! >> YES, YES.

>> WELL, WELL, WHEN?

[TEARFULLY] WHY, WHY DIDN'T

SOMEBODY TELL ME?

OH, ANNIE....

WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?

WHY... DIDN'T SOMEBODY TELL ME?

[DOOR OPENS]

>> Joa: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

>> NOTHING.

THE USUAL-- BORING.

>> I WAS WONDERING...

IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO GO

OUT TO DINNER.

>> I CAN'T, DARLING.

I'VE GOT TONS TO DO.

>> OH, COME ON.

IT'S FRIDAY NIGHT.

>> I'M ONTO SOMETHING HERE,

REALLY, I...

I CAN'T JUST STOP NOW.

>> FINE.

STARVE THEN.

[DOOR CLOSES]

[CLICK]

>> [SIGHS]

>> YOU'RE NOT GOING TO

NEED THAT TODAY.

>> UM...

>> YOU'RE GOING ON A FIELD TRIP.

>> HMM, WHAT ABOUT THE SHREW?

>> SHE'S IN LONDON WITH POSY

FOR AN AUDITION, SO... LET'S GO.

[ENGINE REVVING]

[*...]

[*...]

>> Woman: * ARE YOU FOLLOWING ME

OR AM I FOLLOWING YOU? *

* TELL ME, HOW DO YOU DO

WHAT YOU DO... *

>> COME WITH ME.

>> Woman: * 'CAUSE THE TRUTH IS

I NEVER THOUGHT TWO... *

>> SO, WHERE ARE WE GOING?

>> YOU'LL SEE.

>> [CHUCKLES]

>> Woman: * ...COULD EVER COME

CLOSE AS WE DO. *

[*...]

[*...]

[*...]

[WATER SPLASHING AND GURGLING,

*...]

[BIRDS CHIRPING IN DISTANCE]

>> YOU ARE VERY QUIET.

HAVE I BORED YOU TO DEATH?

>> NO... THE OPPOSITE.

IT'S JUST...

MY DAD WAS NEVER AROUND

TO TALK TO ABOUT HIM...

ARTHUR.

ALL I HAVE ARE A COLLECTION

OF HIS BOOKS MY MUM GAVE ME.

>> THAT'S YOUR EXPERIENCE,

EMELIA.

THAT'S YOU.

>> [SIGHS]

>> AND IT'S YOUR EXPERIENCES

THAT SHAPE YOU AS A WRITER.

WHEN I WROTE THE CLIFF HOUSE,

IT WAS ME.

IT RIPPED EVERYTHING I HAD

FROM MY SOUL, IT DEVOURED ME.

AND IT'S LEFT ME WITH NOTHING.

BUT, FUCK, IT WAS GOOD.

>> EVEN IF YOU DO SAY SO

YOURSELF.

[LAUGHS]

>> Woman: * IF I COULD BOTTLE

YOU IN AN ESSENCE OR TWO *

* I WOULD SIP YOU FOREVER

AND NEVER NEED YOU *

* 'CAUSE I HOWL AT THE MOON

AND THE SUN AND THE SEA *

* BUT I WISH I COULD TELL

WHAT THIS SPELL IS ON ME *

* AND I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU

DO WHAT YOU DO *

* BUT SHAKESPEARE HAS NOTHING

ON WORDS LIKE YOU DO *

* DON'T KNOW HOW YOU

DO WHAT YOU DO *

* PLEASE DO IT TO ME.

[SEAGULLS SQUAWK]

>> THANK YOU.

THAT WAS ONE OF THE BEST DAYS

OF MY LIFE.

[STARTS ENGINE]

[*...]

>> THERE WAS NO ONE AT THE DESK

WHEN WE GOT IN, SO WE HELPED

OURSELVES TO OUR KEY, ONLY TO

FIND THAT THE ROOM WASN'T

CLEANED.

IT'S NOT ON.

>> NO, IT'S NOT, BUT I LEFT MY

HUSBAND MANNING THE FORT TODAY,

AND YOU KNOW WHAT MEN ARE LIKE.

>> NO.

IN THE BOOK THE ROOMS ARE CLEAN.

LOOK.

HERE AND, UH, HERE...

AND, AND HERE.

"THE ROOM SPARKLES."

IT SAYS IT.

>> WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?

>> MEETING A NEW EDITOR.

I'M JONATHAN FISCHER,

THE AUTHOR.

>> HI...

[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]

>> ACTUALLY, THE ROOM

WAS SPARKLING...

WITH ENERGY AND ATMOSPHERE.

>> YEAH, RIGHT, YEAH, OF COURSE.

>> THE ROOM IS THROUGH HERE,

IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO TAKE

YOUR WIFE FOR A TURN.

>> YEAH.

LOVELY.

>> LET'S GO.

>> COME ON, MARGARET,

BRING THE CAGOULES.

>> JONATHAN...

HOW COULD YOU NOT HAVE NOTICED

THAT THAT BLOODY GIRL

DIDN'T TURN UP?

>> OH...

DIDN'T SHE TURN UP?

>> YOU SAID "BLOODY."

>> BETHANY!

[*...]

>> Chorus: * OH, YEAH

* OOH

>> Woman: * MR. BIG STUFF

* WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?

* MR. BIG STUFF

* YOU'RE NEVER GONNA GET

MY LOVE *

* NOW BECAUSE YOU WEAR

ALL THOSE FANCY CLOTHES *

>> Chorus: * OH, YEAH

>> Woman: * AND HAVE A BIG, FINE

CAR... OH, YES, YOU DO, NOW *

* DO YOU THINK I CAN AFFORD

TO GIVE YOU MY LOVE? *

>> Chorus: * OH, YEAH

>> Woman: * YOU THINK YOU'RE

HIGHER THAN EVERY STAR ABOVE? *

* MR. BIG STUFF...

[MUSIC FADES, BIRDS CHIRP]

[*...]

>> DAD?

HAVE YOU SEEN EMELIA?

>> NO, ISN'T SHE HERE?

AND WHY ASK OF ME?

>> I ONLY ASKED IF YOU'D SEEN

HER; SHE JUST DIDN'T SHOW UP FOR

WORK THIS MORNING, THAT'S ALL.

>> HMM...

[*...]

[DOOR OPENS]

Jonathan: OH, THANK GOD.

I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO BE

ARRESTED.

>> WHY, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?

OH... [SCOFFS]

WELL, I AM 17.

UNLESS THERE'S SOME STRANGE

LOCAL BY-LAW I DON'T KNOW ABOUT

AND KISSING'S BEEN DEEMED

ILLEGAL.

WELL, ANYWAY, GOT OTHER THINGS

TO WORRY ABOUT TODAY,

STARTING WITH A SHOWDOWN WITH

THE SHREW 'CAUSE OF YOU.

>> WHY, WHAT, WHAT'S GOING ON?

WHAT'S SHE SAID?

>> ALL RIGHT, KEEP YOUR WIG ON.

IT'S ABOUT YESTERDAY.

SOMEBODY WAS SUPPOSED TO

COVER FOR ME.

YOU'RE NOT VERY GOOD AT THIS,

ARE YOU?

>> ARE YOU COMING TO POSY'S

PARTY?

IT'S A "P" PARTY, BUT...

UM...

SO SHE CAN COME AS A PRINCESS.

>> YOU CAN COME AS... A PERVERT.

OR A... PEDOPHILE.

[*...]

[BOTH BREATHING HEAVILY...]

>> FINISH YOUR FOOD, POSY.

>> EMELIA SAID TO GIVE PEAS

A CHANCE.

>> [CHUCKLES]

I LOVE EMELIA.

SHE'S GREAT, ISN'T SHE, DAD?

>> YES.

YES, SHE'S GREAT.

>> SO CAN SHE COME TO POSY'S

PARTY ON SATURDAY?

>> NO... >> OF COURSE

SHE CAN COME.

>> WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU

TALKING ABOUT?

IT'S BAD ENOUGH THAT BETH'S

DECIDED SHE'S GOING UP TO OXFORD

WITH HER-- IT'S NOT LIKE SHE'S

ONE OF OUR KIDS.

>> OF COURSE SHE CAN COME

TO POSY'S PARTY.

>> Posy: I'M FINISHED.

>> FINE, GET DOWN.

>> CAN I WATCH SEX AND THE CITY?

[DISH CLATTERS]

[DISHES AND PANS CLATTER]

>> [WHISPERS] THANKS, DAD.

[DISHES AND PANS CLATTER LOUDLY]

[LATIN MUSIC BEGINS]

>> Man: * AW... UNH!

HOO! *

[*...]

>> WHERE DO YOU WANT ME

TO PUT THIS?

>> OH, JUST THERE ANYWHERE.

IT'S FINE.

>> Man: * UNH!

[*...]

>> Girl: [BARKING]

>> HEY!

>> HELLO, PETER.

[BOTH LAUGH]

>> WHY ARE YOU WEARING

THAT MASSIVE COAT?

>> TO STASH THIS. [CHUCKLES]

AND I'D HAVE FELT SELF-CONSCIOUS

ON THE BUS WEARING THIS.

>> OH, MY GOD, YOU LOOK AMAZING.

[*...]

>> Man: * AWW... UNH!

>> BETHANY.

>> BETTER GO AND HELP MY MUM

BEFORE SHE HAS A NERVOUS

BREAKDOWN-- WAIT HERE.

[CHILDREN TALK IN BACKGROUND...]

>> Man: * OOH!

[*...]

[CHILDREN WHOOPING

AND LAUGHING...]

[*...]

>> HIYA.

>> HI.

[*...]

>> [DRUNKENLY] OOH! [LAUGHS]

>> YOU LOOK UNBELIEVABLE.

>> UM, IS THAT APPROPRIATE

BEHAVIOR FOR A MAN OF THE CLOTH?

>> I CAN'T HELP IT.

>> OH, WELL, IT'S NOT THE

SEXIEST OF OUTFITS.

WAS PIGLET TAKEN?

>> Man: * AW... UNH!

* HOO!

>> Chorus: * UNO,

DOS,

TRES *

* QUATRO,

CINCO,

SEIS *

* SIETE,

OCHO *

* AW... UNH!

[JONATHAN GRUNTING]

[BOTH BREATHING HEAVILY...]

[CLATTERING]

>> I'LL GO OUT FIRST.

DON'T COME UNTIL I'M OUT

AND AWAY, O.K.?

>> I WON'T COME AT ALL

AFTER THAT PERFORMANCE.

[SIGHS]

>> JOA.

>> WHAT WERE YOU DOING IN THERE?

>> I SPILLED FROMAGE FRAIS ON MY

ECCLESIASTICAL SMOCK.

>> WHERE'S BETH?

>> DEFINITELY NOT IN THE

CLEANING CUPBOARD,

THAT'S FOR SURE.

>> FUCK...

>> YOU STOP RIGHT THERE,

YOUNG LADY.

>> WHAT'S GOING ON?

>> I HAVE JUST FOUND, IN YOUR

UNDERAGE DAUGHTER'S BEDROOM,

THIS... AT A CHILDREN'S PARTY.

YOU ARE WEEKS AWAY FROM YOUR

EXAMS AND YOU'VE STARTED

DRINKING ALCOHOL?

YOU STILL HAVE TO WORK.

KEEP IT TOGETHER, BETH.

>> OH, WHO BLOODY CARES?

>> YOU WANT TO BE A DROPOUT TOO,

DO YOU?

LIKE THAT GHASTLY GIRL THAT

YOU'VE BEEN HANGING AROUND WITH?

>> EMELIA IS AMAZING.

YOU'RE JUST TOO...

BLOODY STUPID TO SEE IT.

>> WHILE YOU ARE LIVING UNDER

OUR ROOF, AND YOU ARE ONLY 17,

BETHANY, YOU WILL LIVE

BY OUR RULES.

TELL HER, JONATHAN.

>> I MEAN, IT'S HARDLY

A TERRIBLE CRIME, JOA.

IT'S BETH WE ARE TALKING ABOUT.

HER IDEA OF REBELLION IS STAYING

UP LATE FOR NEWS AT 10.

[*...]

SHOULDN'T WE JUST BE GRATEFUL

THAT SHE'S SHOWING SOME SPARK

FOR THE FIRST TIME IN HER LIFE?

IN FACT, I APPLAUD THAT SHE'S

BEING MORE LIKE EMELIA.

AT LEAST SHE'S GETTING

SOME SPIRIT ABOUT HER.

>> GOB-SMACKING.

UTTERLY GOB-SMACKING.

PARENT OF THE YEAR AWARD.

[*...]

>> [SIGHS]

>> [SIGHS]

>> [PANTING]

>> OH, THANK GOD.

I ACTUALLY THOUGHT I WAS GOING

TO HAVE TO GO WITH MY MUM.

>> WELL, DON'T WORRY.

I'M READY. [LAUGHS]

[*...]

>> COME ON.

[*...]

[*...]

>> Beth: WHAT DO YOU THINK HE

MEANT BY "STAIRCASE"?

>> SERIOUSLY?

CAN'T RECOGNIZE STAIRS?

DON'T THINK YOU'LL GET IN HERE.

>> DON'T SAY THAT.

>> AH, 'ELLO-- STAIRCASE 12.

>> AH.

[*...]

[*...]

>> OH MY GOD, I HAVE NEVER SEEN

SO MANY UGLY MEN IN ALL MY LIFE.

I MEAN LOOK AT THEM, LOOKS LIKE

THEY WEAR THEIR BRAINS

ON THE OUTSIDE.

>> Boy: OBVIOUSLY, I CHOSE THE

QUEEN'S COLLEGE BECAUSE OF A

LIFELONG FASCINATION WITH

JACOBEAN PLAYWRIGHT

THOMAS MIDDLETON.

I ASSUME YOU KNOW WHY ALL OF THE

COLLEGES ARE BUILT IN QUADS?

>> IS IT SO THE GEEKS ONLY HAVE

TO LOOK AT EACH OTHER WHEN

THEY OPEN THE CURTAINS IN

THE MORNING?

>> AND WHAT ARE YOU HOPING

TO READ?

>> WASN'T IT TO KEEP THE GOWNIES

SAFE FROM ATTACK FROM

THE TOWNIES?

>> GOOD GIRL.

I DO LIKE A LADY WHO DOES

HER HOMEWORK.

>> BET HE FUCKING DOES.

>> AND SO, WHEN HE ASKED ME HOW

I KNEW, I SAID, "WELL, SIR,

AS SHERLOCK HOLMES ALWAYS SAID,

'ELEMENTARY, MY DEAR WATSON.'"

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

IT WAS QUITE FUNNY, 'CAUSE HIS

NAME WAS ALSO WATSON, YOU SEE.

>> HOLMES NEVER SAID THAT.

>> I'LL THINK YOU'LL FIND THAT

HE DID IN HIS BOOKS.

BUT I WOULDN'T EXPECT YOU TO

HAVE MANAGED TO SQUEEZE IN MUCH

CONAN DOYLE DURING YOUR ROMP

AROUND THE CHICK-LIT BUCKET

AT ASDA.

>> AND I THINK, IF YOU'D

ACTUALLY READ CONAN DOYLE,

YOU'D FIND OUT THAT

YOU'RE WRONG.

IN 1892, HE USED THE WORDS,

"IT WAS VERY SUPERFICIAL,

MY DEAR WATSON" AND THE

FOLLOWING YEAR HE SAID SIMPLY,

"ELEMENTARY", BUT HE NEVER,

EVER SAID THEM TOGETHER,

YOU FUCK-TRUMPET.

>> EMELIA, I AM TRYING TO GET

A PLACE HERE.

>> YEAH, BUT HE WAS

A POMPOUS TWAT.

ALL RIGHT, SORRY.

COME ON, WE'LL GO OUT

FOR A DRINK.

>> UGH, SHARED SHOWERS

ARE RANCID.

I SWEAR THERE WAS A PUBIC

HAIR-DOLL IN THE PLUGHOLE.

AW, LOOK AT YOU, HOT PATOOTIE!

>> I LOOK RIDICULOUS.

>> NO, YOU DON'T.

>> I JUST DON'T WANT TO

BE EMBARRASSING.

>> YOU'RE NOT EMBARRASSING.

I'M NOT YOUR MUM.

DOESN'T BOTHER ME WHAT YOU WEAR.

BORROW WHAT YOU WANT.

YOU LOOK AMAZING.

>> TO OXFORD. >> OXFORD.

[BETH GASPS]

SHALL WE HAVE ANOTHER?

INTERVIEW'S NOT UNTIL FRIDAY.

>> YES.

TELL YOU WHAT, LET'S GET THEM

TO GET US ANOTHER.

>> ALL RIGHT.

COME ON THEN.

>> MY SISTER AND I WERE

WONDERING IF YOU'D LIKE TO BUY

US A COUPLE OF PINTS... OF WINE.

>> WE'RE SISTERS.

>> YEAH, SHE SAID.

GO ON THEN.

>> Woman: * YEAH, YEAH

* THEY GOT THAT SOMETHING

GOING ON *

* YEAH, YEAH

* THEY GOT THAT SOMETHING

GOING ON *

* YEAH, YEAH

* THEY GOT THAT SOMETHING

GOING ON *

* THEY'VE GOT THAT SOME...

YOU DID IT AGAIN *

* YOU DID IT AGAIN,

YOU DID IT AGAIN *

* YEAH, YEAH

* THEY'VE GOT THAT

SOMETHING, SOMETHING *

* THEY GOT THAT SOME...

YOU DID IT AGAIN *

* YOU DID IT AGAIN,

YOU DID IT AGAIN... [ECHO] *

[CLATTERING IN THE DISTANCE]

[*...]

>> [WHISPERING] EMELIA.

>> MMM?

MMM...

>> HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?

[SIGHS]

>> JUST STICK YOUR FINGERS

DOWN YOUR THROAT.

HONESTLY, YOU'LL BE FINE.

I DO IT ALL THE TIME.

[RETCHES]

>> OI!

CAN'T YOU READ?!

GET OFF THAT GRASS!

[*...]

>> WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

>> I'M GOING TO DO IT FOR YOU.

>> WHAT?

>> THE INTERVIEW.

IT'S BEEN MOVED TO TODAY.

BUT IT'S FINE.

I'M GOING TO DO THE

INTERVIEW FOR YOU.

AS YOU.

>> TODAY?

>> HOW DO I LOOK?

>> IT'S TODAY?

WHEN TODAY?

>> WELL, THERE WAS A NOTICE

STUCK TO THE DOOR,

IT SAID 2:00.

BUT... [SCOFFS] IT'LL BE FINE.

I CAN BLUFF THIS FOR YOU.

>> DON'T BE RIDICULOUS.

[*...]

COME ON, PASS ME MY NOTES.

COME ON.

[*...]

IT'S ALL RIGHT.

DON'T PANIC.

[*...]

>> Man: * WHO GIVES A FUCK

ABOUT AN OXFORD COMMA? *

* I'VE SEEN THOSE

ENGLISH DRAMAS TOO,

THEY'RE CRUEL *

* SO IF THERE'S ANY OTHER WAY

TO SPELL THE WORD,

IT'S FINE WITH ME, WITH ME... *

>> BYE.

SO HOW'D IT GO?

>> TOUCH AND GO ON ALL FRONTS.

>> I DID OFFER THOUGH.

CAN YOU IMAGINE?

>> NO, IT WAS A STUPID

SUGGESTION-- YOU KNOW ABSOLUTELY

NOTHING ABOUT MEDICINE.

>> I DUNNO, I'VE TAKEN SOME

DRUGS IN MY TIME.

>> WHY AM I NOT SURPRISED?

>> BUT YOU DID IT, BETH.

YOU JUST WENT RIGHT AHEAD

AND DID IT.

>> YOU LOOK ABSOLUTELY

RIDICULOUS, BY THE WAY. [LAUGHS]

>> Man: * WHO GIVES A FUCK

ABOUT AN OXFORD CLIMBER? *

* I CLIMBED TO

DHARAMSALA TOO,

I DID *

* I MET THE HIGHEST LAMA,

HIS ACCENT SOUNDED FINE

TO ME... *

>> WHERE DID YOU GET

THAT BOOK FROM?

>> OH, I BORROWED IT FROM

ONE OF THE ROOMS.

DO YOU KNOW THERE'S ONE

IN EVERY DRAWER?

YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE

EMBARRASSED.

I DO KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE,

YOU KNOW.

I MEAN, MY GREAT-GRANDFATHER IS

SIR ARTHUR CONAN DOYLE.

>> DON'T KNOW WHY YOU KEEP

GOING ON ABOUT IT.

I MEAN, UNLESS YOU'RE ACTUALLY

ARTHUR CONAN DOYLE, IT'S JUST A

POINTLESS HINDRANCE, ISN'T IT?

MY DAD'S JONATHAN A. FISCHER,

SO WHAT?

[SEAGULLS SQUAWK]

>> Jonathan: HELLO, DARLING.

COME ON, GIVE ME A HUG.

EMELIA, ARE YOU COMING BACK

FOR DINNER?

>> UM, NO, THANKS, MR. FISCHER.

I'VE GOT TO GET BACK HOME.

BUT I'LL SEE YOU ON MONDAY.

>> O.K., SEE YOU THEN.

>> BYE.

[*...]

>> SHE ATE IT ALL.

SHE'S NOT DOING TOO BADLY.

>> WHAT ARE YOU DOING, EMELIA?

>> I'M EATING MY DINNER,

SAME AS YOU.

SURELY YOU CAN'T FIND

FAULT IN THAT.

>> NO, I MEAN WITH YOUR LIFE.

WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO

WITH YOURSELF?

>> WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

I'M WRITING A BOOK.

I'M A CONAN DOYLE.

IT'S IN MY BLOOD,

FOR GOODNESS' SAKE.

AND I'M REALLY GOOD AT IT.

>> EMELIA... LIFE IS NOT

A FAIRYTALE.

>> WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED

TO MEAN?

>> LOOK, I'M JUST SAYING IT'S

NOT ALL THAT'S IN YOUR BLOOD.

DON'T... WASTE YOUR LIFE

LIKE YOUR MOTHER DID.

DON'T CUT YOURSELF OFF BECAUSE

OF SOME... FANTASY YOU HAVE.

>> IT'S TOO LATE TO START WITH

ME NOW JUST 'CAUSE YOUR OWN

DAUGHTER KILLED HERSELF.

[KNOCKING AT DOOR]

[*...]

>> WHERE'VE YOU BEEN?

>> NO.

>> NO?

NO WHAT?

THAT'S NOT THE ANSWER

TO THAT QUESTION.

>> NO, I'M NOT INTO YOU ANYMORE.

>> ALL RIGHT...

>> BYE THEN.

>> BABE?

[*...]

>> Jonathan: "IN MY YOUNGER AND

MORE VULNERABLE YEARS, MY FATHER

GAVE ME SOME ADVICE THAT I'VE

BEEN TURNING OVER IN MY MIND

EVER SINCE."

IT'S AN ODD FIRST LINE GIVEN THE

ABSENCE OF A FATHER CHARACTER.

IT'S GOOD.

IT'S VERY GOOD.

DON'T WORRY.

A LITTLE OVERWRITTEN.

SOMETIMES YOU GET VERY CONFUSED

BY THE USE OF A SIMILE.

BUT...

THERE'S SOMETHING THERE.

YOU SEEM VERY DISTRACTED.

IS IT THAT YOU CAN'T TAKE

CRITICISM?

>> JONATHAN...

>> Beth: DAD?

[*...]

>> Jonathan: COME ON.

HURRY. [THUD]

>> [MOUTHS] OW...

>> CAN YOU SIGN THIS, PLEASE?

>> WHAT IS IT?

>> PARENTAL CONSENT FOR MY

LEAVERS BALL.

>> DO I HAVE TO DO THIS NOW?

[PEN SCRATCHING]

THAT'S A BIT OF A LIFELESS

OUTFIT.

>> WELL, IT'S OBVIOUSLY

REFLECTING MY PERSONALITY.

[*...]

[SEAGULLS SQUAWKING, *...]

[*...]

>> [GASPS]

[*...]

>> SHE DIDN'T MAKE IT.

SHE'S GONE.

[GRANDFATHER CRYING SOFTLY]

[*...]

[SILVERWARE CLINKING]

>> ARE YOU GOING TO DRESS UP

FOR THE SCHOOL BALL?

WEAR SOMETHING SPECIAL?

[BUMP, ROLLING]

BETH?

WHAT'S WRONG?

>> NOTHING.

>> Posy: I KNOW WHAT'S WRONG.

BETH THINKS YOU LOVE EMELIA

MORE THAN HER.

YOU WISH EMELIA WAS

YOUR DAUGHTER.

[ROLLS AWAY]

>> WHAT WAS I FUCKING THINKING?

[SEAGULLS SQUAWK, *...]

>> HEY...

>> HEY.

>> JUST WONDERED IF YOU FANCIED

A CUP OF TEA?

>> OH, I CAN'T.

GOT TO GET BACK, UNFORTUNATELY.

MY BLOODY MOTHER.

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

>> MY GRANNY DIED.

>> WHEN?

WHY DIDN'T YOU CALL ME?

I'M SO SORRY.

>> [CRYING]

[*...]

[*...]

[*...]

[DOOR OPENS]

>> EXCUSE ME, HAS YOUR ROOM

BEEN CLEANED?

>> NOT YET. YOURS?

I HEARD THE LADY ON THE DESK

MOANING ABOUT THE CLEANER

NOT SHOWING UP FOR WORK.

WHAT ABOUT THAT PRETTY ONE?

IF ONLY WE WERE 20 YEARS

YOUNGER, EH?

>> [SCOFFS, DISGUSTED]

[KNOCK AT DOOR]

>> Emelia: HELLO.

>> HOW ARE YOU?

>> THERE'S BEEN A LOT TO

SORT OUT, BUT I'M FINE.

YOU LOOK BLOODY AWFUL, THOUGH.

WHAT'S UP?

>> I'VE JUST BEEN SICK

EVERY MORNING THIS WEEK.

I THINK IT'S JUST A BUG.

>> BUT ISN'T THAT

MORNING SICKNESS?

>> CAN'T BE, CAN IT?

WE USED A CONDOM.

>> DON'T WORRY.

I'LL GET YOU A TEST.

[*...]

>> EMELIA?

CAN YOU COME UP, PLEASE?

[*...]

>> EMELIA, I...

THERE'S SOMETHING...

>> JONATHAN...

>> I'M SORRY, I JUST WANT...

>> I CAN'T WRITE, I CAN'T DO IT.

>> OF COURSE YOU CAN.

I QUITE OFTEN THINK OF A QUOTE

BY TOLSTOY: "IN A WRITER, THERE

MUST ALWAYS BE TWO PEOPLE--

THE WRITER AND THE CRITIC."

WHEN I WAS WRITING

THE CLIFF HOUSE...

>> FOR GOD'S SAKE, GET OVER

THE CLIFF HOUSE.

>> WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT?

>> YOU HAVEN'T LIVED A BLOODY

DAY SINCE, HAVE YOU?

I MEAN, WHAT ELSE HAVE YOU

ACHIEVED IN THE LAST 20 YEARS?

I'VE READ YOUR OTHER WORK,

AND IT SURE AIN'T TOLSTOY.

UNLESS IT'S THE SEQUEL,

BORE AND CEASE.

[CLOCK TICKS]

[DOOR OPENS]

>> WHAT'S THIS?

>> NOTHING.

>> WHAT WAS THAT?

THAT'D BETTER NOT BE WHAT I

THOUGHT IT WAS, YOUNG LADY.

>> "WHAT'S THIS, WHAT'S THAT?"

WHAT'S IT GOT TO DO

WITH YOU, ANYWAY?

>> IT'S GOT EVERYTHING TO DO

WITH ME.

YOU THINK YOU'RE PREGNANT?

>> I'M NOT PREGNANT,

IT'S NEGATIVE, SO WHY DON'T YOU

JUST FUCK OFF!

[CRYING]

>> HAD YOUR HEAD SO FAR UP YOUR

OWN ASS, YOU CAN'T HAVE SEEN

DAYLIGHT IN YEARS.

DO YOU EVEN KNOW THAT YOU

QUESTIONED THE GREAT GATSBY?

[SCOFFS] YOU IDIOT.

YOU TOLD TRUMAN CAPOTE

HE NEED NOT TO BE SO OBVIOUS

WITH HIS METAPHORS.

>> WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU

TALKING ABOUT?

>> HALF OF THE STUFF I GAVE YOU

AS SAMPLES WEREN'T EVEN MINE.

I JUST COPIED THEM FROM BOOKS

BY MY BED.

>> WHY ARE YOU BEING SO CRUEL

AND CHILDISH?

>> BECAUSE I AM A CHILD.

I'M BEST FRIENDS WITH YOUR

DAUGHTER, IN CASE YOU

HADN'T NOTICED.

>> EMELIA, YOU DON'T NEED

TO DO THIS.

>> I CAN'T DO THIS TO BETH

ANYMORE.

AND I HATE YOU FOR BEING

ABLE TO.

[*...]

[EMELIA SIGHS]

IT'S ALL RIGHT.

IT'S GOING TO BE ALL RIGHT,

YOU'RE O.K.

[SIGHS]

[*...]

>> [SIGHS]

THANK FUCK.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

[BOTH LAUGH]

>> COME ON.

GET YOUR THINGS TOGETHER.

WE'RE GOING OUT.

>> [LAUGHS] O.K.

LET'S GO OUT.

BUT LET ME PUT SOME MAKEUP ON

MY BIG, FAT, SWOLLEN FACE.

[*...]

[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]

>> DID YOU KNOW THAT BETH

IS NOW HAVING SEX? DID YOU?

WELL, SHE IS, SO MAYBE YOU CAN

THINK ABOUT THAT NEXT TIME

BEFORE YOU CELEBRATE HER

FOR GETTING SLOSHED.

[MUFFLED:] I MEAN, LOOK AT THE

MESS SHE IS IN BECAUSE OF THAT

STUPID GIRL.

[BOTH CHUCKLING]

YOU'RE JUST SO SELFISH.

YOU LOCK YOURSELF AWAY UP HERE

AS IF YOU'RE CURING CANCER

INSTEAD OF CHURNING OUT A

POTBOILER ONCE A DECADE.

YOU THINK BUYING THIS HOUSE IS

JUST YOUR ENTIRE CONTRIBUTION TO

THIS FAMILY DONE, DON'T YOU?

THAT'S YOUR BIT DONE, ISN'T IT?

>> I'VE BEEN SLEEPING

WITH EMELIA.

>> [LAUGHS] YOU HAVE

GOT TO BE JOKING.

[MUFFLED LAUGHTER]

>> SHALL WE GET GOING, THEN?

>> FAT FUCKING FATHER YOU ARE.

YOU'VE BEEN FUCKING THE MAID?

>> IF YOU WANT TO PUT IT

THAT WAY, UM, YES, I HAVE.

>> I AM GOING TO THROW UP.

>> SHALL WE HEAD OUT, THEN?

LET'S HEAD OUT.

>> Joa: SO, WHILE I'VE BEEN

BRINGING UP THE KIDS AND RUNNING

THIS HOUSE AND THIS BUSINESS

HAS BEEN HANGING AROUND MY NECK

DRAINING EVERY LAST MORSEL OF

ENERGY I'VE GOT LEFT,

YOU HAVE BEEN UP HERE

FUCKING OUR DAUGHTER'S

BEST FRIEND!

[*...]

I'M LEAVING YOU.

ALTHOUGH, UM, I'LL BE KEEPING

THE HOUSE, SO... TECHNICALLY,

YOU'LL ACTUALLY BE LEAVING ME.

>> Jonathan: BETH...

>> I WANT YOU GONE BY MORNING.

YOU CAN CLEAR ALL OF THIS OUT.

WANT YOU TO TAKE IT WITH YOU.

>> I THOUGHT YOU WERE MY FRIEND.

>> I AM, BETH.

I AM.

>> NOT YOU, YOU FUCKING IDIOT.

>> LOOK, MUMMY, I'M EMELIA!

[*...]

[LAUGHTER, CONVERSATION, *...]

[CHEERING AND WHOOPING, *...]

[CAN CLINKS]

>> SEE, MY DAD'S RIGHT.

I CAN'T GET ANYTHING

THROUGH MY THICK SKULL.

[*...]

>> [SIGHS]

[SEAGULLS SQUAWK]

[GENERAL CONVERSATION...]

>> BETH?

BETH?

BETH, I NEED TO TALK TO YOU.

BETH, I'M SORRY.

I DIDN'T MEAN FOR IT TO HAPPEN,

ANY OF IT, I JUST...

I WANT US TO BE FRIENDS AGAIN.

>> WE CAN'T BE FRIENDS, EMELIA.

YOU'RE A LIAR.

>> NO, I'M NOT.

YOU... YOU KNOW EVERYTHING NOW.

YOU MUST KNOW WHY I HAD TO LIE.

I DID A BAD THING.

>> I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT THAT.

YOUR NAME MAY NOT BE SERENA

MOLINA, BUT IT CERTAINLY ISN'T

CONAN DOYLE, EITHER.

>> WHAT?

>> DO YOU ACTUALLY BELIEVE

YOUR NAME IS CONAN DOYLE?

[*...]

[SEAGULLS SQUAWK, *...]

>> GRANDPA, CAN I ASK YOU

A QUESTION?

>> YEAH.

>> WAS MY FATHER THE GRANDSON

OF ARTHUR CONAN DOYLE?

>> WELL, HIS NAME WAS DOYLE.

>> WAS IT CONAN DOYLE?

WAS HE RELATED TO THE AUTHOR?

>> YOUR MOTHER... DID A LOT OF

THINGS FOR THE RIGHT REASONS.

AND A LOT OF THINGS FOR

THE WRONG REASONS.

YOUR FATHER'S NAME WAS DOYLE.

BUT...

IT WASN'T CONAN DOYLE.

ME AND YOUR GRANNY FELT IT WOULD

HAVE CRUSHED YOU TO TAKE IT AWAY

FROM YOU AFTER YOUR MUM DIED.

IT SEEMED... ANOTHER CRUELTY.

WE... KNEW HOW MUCH IT MEANT

TO YOU.

>> THIS JUST MEANS THAT THE

FOUNDATION THAT MY LIFE'S

BUILT ON IS BASED ON LIES.

MY AMBITION TO BE A WRITER

IS BASED ON A LIE.

I NEED TO REWRITE MYSELF.

>> BUT YOU CAN.

YOU'RE A GREAT WRITER ANYWAY,

WITHOUT ALL THAT NONSENSE.

YOU CAN'T PUSH EVERYBODY AWAY,

EMELIA.

YOUR MOTHER WANTED YOU SO MUCH.

>> SHE CAN'T HAVE WANTED ME

THAT MUCH.

SHE JUMPED OFF A BRIDGE

ONTO A MAIN ROAD.

>> MILLIE, SHE WAS ILL.

HER MIND WASN'T RIGHT.

BUT SHE'D BE SO PROUD OF HOW

CLEVER YOU'VE MADE YOURSELF.

BECAUSE OF HIM, WITHOUT HIM,

WHAT DOES IT MATTER?

IT'S JUST A NAME, EMELIA.

IT'S JUST AN ALBATROSS AROUND

YOUR NECK, REALLY, BUT YOU

JUST CAN'T SEE THAT YET.

YOU'RE STILL SPECIAL, YOU KNOW.

>> [SCOFFS] SPECIAL BLOODY

NEEDS, THANKS TO HER.

>> YOU'LL... STOP BEING ANGRY

WITH HER, ONE DAY.

AND WITH YOURSELF.

YOU'RE A WRITER.

BUT IF YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND

AND WANT TO GO TO COLLEGE

INSTEAD, THERE'S MONEY,

YOU KNOW.

I DON'T NEED ANYTHING BUT TO,

UH, UPGRADE MY TEA BAGS

EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

>> WELL, DON'T GO BLOODY MAD.

I WANT SOME KIND OF INHERITANCE.

[*...]

[*...]

[*...]

[CAR APPROACHING]

[ENGINE IDLING]

[KNOCK AT DOOR]

[ENGINE REVS, ACCELERATES]

[*...]

[*...]

[*...]

[*...]

>> DADDY!

>> HELLO, MY DARLING.

>> ARE YOU COMING HOME?

>> NO, I'M NOT.

I'M JUST HERE TO DRIVE MY

OXFORD UNDERGRAD TO COLLEGE.

HI.

>> HI.

>> THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME

DRIVE YOU.

HI, HELLO.

>> HI.

>> HOW ARE YOU?

>> GOOD.

HEAR YOU GOT A JOB.

>> YES, I'M TEACHING

CREATIVE WRITING.

>> OH. HUH.

>> LET'S GO.

>> COME ON, THEN.

GRAB SOMETHING.

>> Jonathan: YES.

[STORE BELL JINGLES]

>> HI, UM, CAN I GET THIS

PRINTED ON A-4 AND BOUND?

>> YEP, NO PROBLEM.

JUST TAKE A SEAT.

[*...]

>> Man: * WE'VE ALL BEEN CHANGED

FROM WHAT WE WERE *

* OUR BROKEN HEARTS

LEFT SMASHED ON THE FLOOR *

* I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU

IF I CAN'T HEAR YOU *

* I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU

IF I CAN'T HEAR YOU *

[*...]

[ENGINE STARTS]

[*...]

>> Chorus: * WE'VE ALL

BEEN CHANGED

FROM WHAT WE WERE *

* OUR BROKEN HEARTS

SMASHED ON THE FLOOR *

* WE'VE ALL BEEN CHANGED

FROM WHAT WE WERE *

* OUR BROKEN HEARTS

SMASHED ON THE FLOOR... *

>> Man: * SOMEONE TURN ME

'ROUND *

* CAN I START THIS AGAIN?

* NOW SOMEONE TURN US 'ROUND

* CAN WE START THIS AGAIN?

[*...]

* WE'VE BEEN ALL CHANGED

FROM WHAT WE WERE *

* OUR BROKEN HEARTS

LEFT SMASHED ON THE FLOOR *

* I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU

IF I CAN'T HEAR YOU *

* I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU

IF I CAN'T HEAR YOU. *

[MUSIC CHANGES]

>> Woman: * I NEVER WONDERED

HOW THE WORLD KEPT TURNING *

* TILL THE MIDDLE OF MY WORLD

CAME CRASHING IN *

* AND I GOT TO WONDERING HOW

I NEVER GOT TO WONDERING

WAY BACK THEN *

[*...]

* AND YOU SEE THESE WALLS THAT

WRAPPED THEMSELVES AROUND ME *

* AND MADE ME PROMISE THAT

I'D NEVER LET YOU IN *

* AND I PRAY AND I SAY

IT IS JUST THE WAY

IT'S ALWAYS BEEN *

* SO I WISH YOU WELL

* YES, I WISH YOU WELL

* YES, I WISH YOU WELL

* OH, I WISH YOU WELL

[WHISTLING...]

* I WONDER WHAT YOU KNOW

WHEN YOU ARE HAPPY *

* AND I WONDER, DO YOU

EVER KNOW I HURT? *

* 'CAUSE ALL MY TEARS,

WELL, THEY HAVE ROOTS *

* AND THEY KEEP GROWING

IN YOUR DIRT *

* AH-AH

* OH, I WISH YOU WELL

* OH, I WISH YOU WELL

* WELL, I WISH YOU WELL

[WHISTLING...]

* YES, I WISH YOU WELL

* OH, I WISH YOU WELL

* YES, I WISH YOU WELL.

[MUSIC FADES]