Original subtitles

Guess the hero doesn't always win!

What's that Mr. Hughes?

Framed for murder by that wall-crawling menace!

We don't know that.

Captain told me there was plenty of evidence.

Ah, bullshit Robbie!

Craven tried to rid this city of a pest!

...And Spiderman set him up!

That man's a hero!

Look, you also say that Nixon was misunderstood.

Who asked you anyway, Parker! What good are you?

This morning Spiderman and that Juggernaut knocked down a building...

...where were you? Where are my pictures?

Well, I guess I can't be everywhere at once.

We're not gonna run that story.

According to the Fantastic Four, Spiderman tried to stop Juggernaut.

That's right. Tried and failed!

Just like this little prick, I pay you to be everywhere!

You know what Parker? You're fired!

Fired! F I R E D! Fired!

Get out of here! Out! Out! Get out!

Well, he's a...mellowed out in his old age.

Well Peter....

Peter Parker, did you get fired again?

As a mater of fact I did.

But, this week I made it all the way to Wednesday. So...

...making progress.

Well, keep your head down and photograph something.

I'll try.

But uhh, ... I got a funeral to get to.

Norman Osborne!

You're friends with his son.

I guess pictures would be declasse?

Yeah, thought I'd leave my camera at home for this one.

Yeah.

See you guys later.

Hey can I talk to you about the sexual harassment story?

Sure.

Sexual harassment?

Too subtle?

Oh, god! That's so fucking good, you sexy girl!

That's so good!

Is that what you call sexual harassment?

I won't tell if you won't.

I need a glass of whiskey and a shotgun!

You don't need to resort to that! I know you're better than that.

You know me? You don't know me!

You're supposed to be my best friend! You don't know a damn thing about me!

You're just like my father.

Hello dear.

How are Harry and Liz?

Liz is OK.

But umm, given some time I think Harry will be OK too.

I remember Harry Osborne.

Uhh....

Hello...

Peter, don't you remember Mary Jane Watson?

She used to live next door.

I used to beat you up.

When we were like...

...five.

You've a...certainly changed.

Yeah, a little.

You've filled out too.

Mary Jane's back in town completing her masters at ESU.

I told her she could stay here.

I expect you to show her around town.

Let's face it tiger...

...you've just hit the jackpot!

Feel's good!

Good god!

I like this cock!

Fuck your beautiful face!

That feels good!

I like that, feels so good.

I'm coming! I'm coming!

Thanks again for taking me to that great club!

I'm such a huge fan of Dazzler!

I thought it would give you a little taste of home.

Well it worked.

Are you OK? Yeah.

No, umm...

Oh, I think I left my phone in the club.

I'm gonna run up and get it.

What've we got here?

What's up little girl?

Who left you out in the cold for us to play with?

Yeah.

We ain't looking for no money.

I'll cut you if you move.

Don't fucking move!

Move! Who are you?

Back off! Or I'm gonna cut this bitch's throat?

You're real?

[Laughs] I take that as a yes.

Wait!

Newspaper's say you're a criminal.

What do you think?

I think you saved him.

Sorry about that.

Dazzler found my phone and...

Security was just hassling me.

No worries.

We got it though.

Don't worry about it. Just a bunch of bums.

Kingpin...

...Mr. Dylan...

I'm curious. Ever thought of grounding yourself.

What?

Wrap a wire around the ankle.

...drain the power out.

She don't leave a trail of dead hookers in your wake.

Is there a point to this meeting?

My patience is becoming finite.

That's a horrible handicap.

Mine is not.

Well I guess my time is your time.

There's an item I need you to procure.

And I think that your talents...

...are uniquely suited for the job.

So what am I stealing?

Huh...that...

...is my business.

You need only concern yourself with the where and the when.

Costume or no costume?

That is entirely your discretion.

Costume...

How's it dragging today? Smoke.

But no fire.

Parker, I thought I fired you.

As a matter of fact you did, but you know...

...but like the spring...I always come back.

Yeah, so does Herpes! Now go do your job!

Electro is back...and I need pictures of him beating Spiderman.

Electro?

How do you know that?

Police found another dead hooker...with Electro's MO.

Cock therapy.

Language Ms. Brant! This is a family newspaper.

Damnit!

Hey Peter....see this.

Well, that's why he's so jovial.

Yeah.

Figures she's getting under Spiderman's skin.

I'm sure he is Robbie.

I'm sure he is.

Maybe I missed the point.

Was the girl supposed to turn into a swan or...?

That's so sweet.

What?

He's kidding right?

No, he's not kidding.

You still can't blame it on a good ole' movie about ballet dancers.

Well you know, Flash...

...ballet is like the gay version of football.

Hardly!

That one chick going on the other chick, though...

...that was odd.

Yeah it was.

What Stacy...

...never thought I would hear you say that!

Hey Pete, you did eventually lose your virginity right?

We used to date.

Oh. Just when things seemed like they couldn't get any more awkward.

Oh. It's shut. That's good.

Do you have any candles?

Just as kama sutra one says...

It's not just this building guys. It's the whole city.

This is bad.

This city doesn't do well in the dark.

What was that?

Oh...umm...

I've got to go. Got to check on Aunt May.

OK.

Where's he going?

He's gonna check on Aunt May.

Ah...I think maybe I should...

...go with him?

Oh, no. You don't want to go...

...have a little cuddle puddle.

Well like in high school?

[Laughs]

I don't know...

You can stay. Peter is gone.

I would hate for you to be alone in a city like this...

It's dangerous out there.

Alright. Here.

Thank you.

Yes. I'm just gonna sit over here.

Watch the beautiful show.

Let's go.

There you go. Rub each other's titties together.

Gorgeous! You like that?

Oh yeah!

I'm going to come!

Hurry up you idiots!

You know, if you wanna knock out the whole city....

...probably wouldn't be so obvious which building you were in...genius!

Spiderman, I was hoping you'd show.

We've got a score to settle.

I really don't think another lawsuit will do much for your ego.

That's it! There's no sprinklers or rain puddles here this time!

Go...I'll deal with Spiderfuck!

You better wise up wise ass!

You're all done!

You superheroes think you're so smart!

Electro is a big joke...

Well this joke....has been siphoning...the energy...

...off this entire town!

This joke...is about to cook your brains inside of your skull!

Spiderman!

Hey I know you.

You're a....Hawkeye's girlfriend, right?

...shouldn't you be out like...

...making sure he doesn't tear himself apart?

We are but...we need to ask a favor.

A favor? From me?

Look lady, I'm not a member of your little club.

I don't even know the secret handshake.

You're too funny. You should do standup.

I prefer upside down.

Electro...

...before you got to him, he broke into a Shield warehouse and stole something that belongs to us.

What's that?

I'm afraid that's classified.

Hah. OK, just let me get this clear...

You want me to do you a favor, helping you find something...

...but you're not gonna tell me what it is.

Electro wasn't working alone.

Yeah, I guess not.

That dumbass isn't smart enough to pull off a Shield job.

Why should I care anyway? I mean...

...don't you have plenty of superheroes in your little club to take care of something like this?

You know Electro better than anyone.

You can help us find out who's behind this.

You know what...

...I'm gonna get back to....

What can I do to convince you?

Oh, suck my cock!

Your cock is stretching out my tight little ass!

Your cock is so deep!

Are you gonna help me figure out what I need to know?

Are you ambushed now Spiderman?

Oh...you're so deep!

Come baby!