Original subtitles

-Morning, Henry. -Morning, Mrs. Ling.

Give me eight pounds of ice.

Buy one more packet.

-I will emigrate tomorrow. -It will melt.

-You can put it in the fridge. -Okay then.

-Bye. -Morning, Mrs. Ling.

Morning, Mrs. Wong.

-How's your emigration process? -It's done.

-I really envy you. Bye. -Thanks. Bye.

-How about this one? -All right.

Mrs. Lei. Didn't you say you wanted to emigrate?

I've already finished my stay as an immigrant.

You're lucky. My visa has just been approved.

-Really? That's good. -Good. That's right.

Mrs. Pak, they say you've emigrated.

Yes, to the Philippines. I returned here to shop.

Why Philippines out of all countries? Have you got a relative over there?

No, our ex-Filipina maid won a lottery in Hong Kong.

So, she wrote to me to hire me as her maid there.

-It's better than nothing, right? -Yes.

Fortunes do work in a cycle. Bye.

-Bye. -Bye.

It's so cold!

You need to learn to adapt to your environment

if you want to have a strong and healthy body.

There's heater over there.

What about shoveling snow?

You need to do everything by yourself once you are there.

Why do we need to emigrate then?

It's for the sake of the next generation.

Hey. Be careful!

It's at a special price for the neighbors.

You can't get a big fridge like this with 500 dollars.

-Gosh. -Mrs. Ling.

Kid, don't touch my things.

Once broken, they can't be sold. Be good.

Mrs. Ling, how much is this pair of shoes?

It's 150 dollars.

-It's new. That's a good price. -Mrs. Ling.

-Make it 100 dollars, okay? -Okay. 100 for two chairs. Deal.

Over here.

-Finally, you came! -Yes.

-I have something for you. Come with me! -Sure.

What? You are selling me a cheongsam?

You wanted to buy pillowcases and quilt covers for Ming in Australia.

It's not like you have them anyway.

Who says? Look.

It's so big. How could you wear it?

I lost weight after I got married.

This was the dress I wore on my wedding night.

Let me tell you.

The sleeves can be made into pillowcases

and the body can be made into a bedspread. It's a set.

You can't buy this embroidered silk even with money nowadays.

What?

-The sleeves can be made into pillowcases? -Yes.

No way, then Ming will be smelling your armpit odor.

There's no smell after all these years, idiot.

Smell it if you don't believe me.

-It doesn't smell? -No.

Are you crazy?

Smell the dress, not me.

Right.

There's no smell, right?

That's right.

Look inside. It's in tatters.

-What? It's suede. -What?

Suede?

Of course. Genuine leather has a strong smell.

It comes with this perfume with six-months insurance.

A brand new cooler used for only seven years.

I'll make it 3,800 dollars for a lucky sum.

It's 3,800 dollars? Take it back.

Frankly, I won't budge even a single cent.

How much are you offering?

I only have 2,000 dollars.

-Okay, deal. -Hey.

I should've offered 1,000 instead.

I'm honest. I'll tell you what the defects of this car are.

-What? -It can't run on muddy roads.

-Why? -The threads of the tires are worn out.

Also, for every 300 meters, stop the car to cool off the engine.

Why?

Everyone needs to rest, even the car.

Don't depend too much on the brakes.

-There is no brake? -It just doesn't work all the time.

Step on the brake when there's a car 100 meters in front.

What if I don't?

The car in front will suffer.

Now, ride around and come back.

If you don't like it, I'll repossess it at half the price.

-All right? That's it. -Okay.

Hey. Are you selling a horse or a car?

I paid 2,000 dollars for this?

As they say, don't trust the old people.

Ka Ka, since no one's answering, let me use the phone first.

-I need to make a call. -I'll tell Pao about our application.

I want to tell Paul I'll soon meet him in Canada.

It's now three in the morning over there.

You may cause him a nightmare.

Nonsense, he wants me to go to Canada so badly.

Hello, Paul?

-What's taken you so long? -I told you, there's no such person!

Hello?

-Wrong number? -No!

I'll come soon. Don't cry.

He's crying out of joy.

Listen, be nice or I'll ignore you.

He really is emotional.

Mom, do you want to use the phone?

No, go on with your chat.

Paul, my mom wants me to do something.

Stop it.

It's embarrassing.

No way.

You say it first.

I love you.

No. Don't make too many demands.

Hey, is this telephone for sale or not?

Yes, let my daughter finish first.

If you can't let it go, don't sell it then!

That's all, bye.

-So you can make calls without lines? -This is 70 dollars.

I'm so done with you!

I'm rich, I've made over 7,000 dollars.

Mom, are we sleeping on the floor tonight?

Even the toilet paper has been sold.

-There's still a pile of newspaper left. -What? Newspapers?

Can we cook with newspapers?

You won't die from it, right?

How can we cook when even the pots have been sold?

Mom.

Let's have dinner at Paul's restaurant.

-Okay. -No way!

Don't go.

The last time we went there,

they thought me and your mom were their club managers.

They took you for taxi dancers too.

Are you sure you want to go there?

-Last time, Paul didn't tell his staff. -Stop dreaming.

-He won't remember you. -All right, quiet!

New furniture, fridge and stove will be brought in soon.

Did you really buy new ones?

It's purchased by installment.

We'll ship them together when we emigrate to Canada.

They'll have no way to claim from us.

You have no morals at all.

I'm not cheating the poor.

That is a Japanese department store.

I want them to pay for our loss as a refugee.

Have you been a refugee?

Why didn't they press the bell?

It was sold for 15 dollars.

Is this the Ling's family? Furniture delivery.

Yes, we are. Bring it in!

-Put it over there. -Okay.

Move them inside.

-Please put it over there. -Okay.

You don't need so much to cover for the loss as a refugee.

Watch out! Don't break my things.

-Hey. -Yes?

-Mrs. Ling, aren't you emigrating? -Mrs. Tsui.

Why did you buy new furniture?

We can still rent this place even if we are not staying.

So that the rats can stay?

Dad, don't tell her the truth or she won't pay.

Nonsense.

Mrs. Tsui is an honest person. Isn't that right?

-Right. -Put it there.

After all, you've rented my flat

-for around ten years or so. -That's right.

I'm grateful you're willing to move out.

Mrs. Chan who lives below has also moved out.

I want to sell this house before I emigrate.

One month for one year means ten months for ten years.

Well, if you can make your tenant move out,

I'll pay you one year of compensation.

-Are you serious? -Yes.

Hey. That's a waste.

Hey. Quiet.

Honesty is the best policy. Isn't that right, Mrs. Tsui?

Don't worry, I'll make it happen.

-Good. That's a deal. I'll make an offer. -Yes, great.

-Take care. -It's a deal.

Bye.

-Hey. -Yes?

You do know why Pao rented this small room for 3,000 dollars, right?

He's fooling around with Ling Ling.

He's not fooling around. He's chasing after her.

Be considerate to him.

If he knows we're emigrating, he'll surely insist on staying.

But I have an idea.

What kind of idea do you have now?

Just pay him whatever compensation you get from the landlord.

Never.

Instead of paying him, I want him to pay us.

How can you be like this?

MEDICAL STAFF

CONSTRUCTION WORKER

-An ambush again? -Sorry. Let me clean it for you.

You want to take advantage of me?

Hey.

Popo, can you behave?

You're so not romantic.

Glad you know.

Do you know how much I admire you?

Yes, that's why I've hired you.

Who'd have accepted an 800-dollars salary?

I did it for you, not for money.

Pao.

Popo, get off me.

Don't you know you have a strong smell?

-You! -Pao Yao Lou.

-You're finished. -Sir.

I'm cheated by you.

See for yourself.

What kind of goalie is he?

Sir, take a seat first.

Look. Do you want to win?

Of course, you idiot.

If our first and second goalies didn't fall sick,

we'd have won the cup for sure.

Who's your opponent for the next match?

South China, it's a strong rival.

That's why I asked for a good goalie from you.

-It was my last stake. -Hey. That's right.

Tell your team to fight hard, so that they can win the cup.

Without a goalie, they must be more determined.

Tell them they even get the goalie's share of bonus

and his half month's pay if they win.

-Will you pay? -He will.

The moment Tai goes on the field,

the fans will start cheering.

To boo him?

It's going to be a good match.

We want to make South China unhappy.

If they get a chance to shoot, squander it.

Their forwards surely would want to score more goal.

-So they shoot from 40 yards. -From 40 yards!

Even 40 yards won't work.

There was only one 40-yard goal last year.

Sir, it's back-against-wall tactics.

Doesn't it make sense?

It actually makes sense.

All right, I'll hire you.

Thank you, Mr. Wong.

-Thank you, Mr. Pao. -You're welcome. But Tai,

remember to wear one more jersey on the field.

No problem. I'll bring a hot water bottle too.

Don't forget the first half month's pay is mine.

Let's go. Let me order your boots.

What size do you wear?

Size 13 for the left foot, size five and a half for the right foot.

Are you trying to molest me?

Don't worry, I prefer to do things openly.

Good.

Here are the cruise tickets for Shanghai.

Why are there two tickets?

I was afraid you would be lonely.

I want to keep you company.

First-class cabin, for two only.

Sorry, I only like the girl in this picture.

I won't force you.

I'm conservative.

I'm as reserved as any other girl, if not more.

I know.

I thought you'd only keep your love a secret.

But you've made everything so open.

Okay. I'll forget the things that happened today

and I will still love you.

I believe my chance will come.

-One day, I'll get you drunk. -Hey.

-Then... -Then what?

I'll swallow you up.

Unbelievable!

Mom, are you done yet?

The shampoo is hurting my eyes.

Turn on the tap for me quickly.

Okay, your dad's installing the tap.

Is it okay yet?

You're hurting her eyes.

You're sacrificing our daughter's body, don't you think it's too much?

No, Pao is cunning.

No cats refuse to eat fish.

-Be sure not to expose it. -I can't be wrong.

Pao is a gentleman.

Are you so sure? I'll bet anything with you.

-Even my life. -Sure.

If Pao takes the bait, your life is mine.

If he doesn't, you get back your life.

You call that a gamble? It's unfair!

-That's right. -Mom, Pao is back.

Get me the camera quickly.

Go in and bring out your sister's dress.

Don't just sit there. Get in the room.

-Ling Ling, I'm coming in. -Okay.

Ling Ling, is the water running?

Yes.

Ling Ling, we're leaving to see a Cantonese opera.

Mom, where's my dress?

Never mind. Just come out by yourself.

There won't be anyone at home.

I hate missing parts of Cantonese operas.

-Close the door. -I feel bad about this.

All right, we're leaving.

You're clumsy.

He's coming. Let's hide!

-He's opening the door. Hurry up! -Go!

You're clumsy.

-Hide in our daughters' room. -Come to our room first.

Is it the wrong house?

It feels like a sex den.

Feng shui fish?

Even the curtain was changed.

Wooden furniture, new pattern.

Let me sit down for a while.

Look at him.

Ling Ling.

Did you see anything?

No. What's there to see?

Get a dress for me from my room.

Okay.

I finally get a chance to enter this room.

But now, I'd prefer to go into the bathroom.

You've put on weight compared to three months ago, Ling Ling.

Just get me the dress.

What a mess.

-Have you found it? -Not yet.

Pajamas?

It's worth suffocating myself just to smell it.

What? It belongs to Ka Ka.

-Where is it? -Have you found it?

-No, where is it? -In the wardrobe.

Wardrobe?

Okay? The cream one or the pink one is fine.

The cream one is here.

What the heck? Why is an umbrella here?

-Can't an umbrella be put in a wardrobe? -It opened by itself.

That's why it's called an automatic umbrella.

-Well, where's my dress? -Coming.

I have it here.

A topless dress?

Wait. Let me go get another one.

What are you up to?

It's such a mess. I can't find it.

I found it. That pink one, done.

I found it.

Open the door and come out to get it.

You wish.

Of course! Come on, there's no one around.

-How can I open the door? -With your hand.

Don't try to take advantage of me!

Fine, I'll turn around.

Come and get it.

-Come on. -Where is it?

-Quiet. -What's wrong?

Nothing.

Mom wants to test if Pao's a gentleman.

Pao, why don't you come in and put it on for me?

Come on.

Pao.

Come in.

Let's keep cool.

Are you coming?

She's calm when I'm impulsive.

When she's impulsive, I'll keep calm.

Why won't you come in?

Are you coming in or not?

I'll be mad if you don't.

No, I must control myself.

I must control myself.

I must control myself.

Got to let out some energy.

Act cool.

Why are you not coming in?

You better come out to get it. It's at the door.

-I'll turn around so that I can't see you. -Pao, don't worry.

There's no one around.

Come on.

Pao.

Pao.

Even a saint won't be able to control himself.

Stop it right there!

What are you doing?

I don't know.

-What happened? -How do I know?

Pao, Mom wants to test if you're a gentleman.

A test? You're just trying to frame me.

It's not my fault, I'm not the one who came up with this idea.

It's not me. I don't know anything.

-Where's Mom? -Mom?

Mom!

Mom!

It's cold.

Take a photo.

Forget it. What's the point?

If you want Pao to move out, tell him directly.

-You want me to move out? -Yes.

It was her idea.

-It's cold. -Pao.

Pao!

He's mad.

Of course. Put on some clothes to warm yourself.

Come on.

-Pao, why are you moving out? -Is he really moving out?

Don't touch me, I'm angry.

Let's talk it over.

Do you know why I still respect you until today?

It's because I believe one day, you will become my parents-in-law.

I can be persuaded by reason, but not by force.

-I'm returning to Shanghai. -Pao!

Don't touch my things.

Pao.

What do you want? When I'm mad, I don't give a damn.

Don't cry. Go to bed.

How can I sleep?

Take a sleeping pill, then count sheeps.

Count to 100 and you'll fall asleep.

Here.

Go to sleep.

Think no more of it.

Time to burn the midnight oil.

Mom.

This crappy car for 2,000 dollars?

Curse your family.

Go die without anyone knowing!

Follow me...

Follow me to the road of hell.

HONG KONG RESIDENT SPIRITS

Welcome...

-Follow me, hurry up. -Welcome.

Go and register now.

Check your account balance.

Check our accounts? What for?

We haven't made any deposits to this bank.

How much you have in life is how much you have when you're dead.

We're fair, we draw the line clearly.

The rich are divided into rich, very rich, richest.

The poor are divided into poor, very poor, poorest. Understand?

I'm sure we're not the poorest. Let's go over there. Come.

What's wrong? I was a billionaire. How can I be poor?

You gave your assets to your children who then fought each other for it.

Now you're the poorest. Wait for them to burn you joss papers.

I have to suffer again? I shouldn't have left my assets to them.

Poor ghost.

Poor ghost.

Officer, I'm Ling Ho Sai. We want to check how much money we have.

-Yes. -The net worth?

DOORWAY TO HELL GATE

This one.

-It's over 7,000 dollars. -Over 7,000?

Officer, are we poor or rich?

Poorest, of course.

We're investment immigrants.

We've spent over a million to buy houses.

-That's right. -This is Hong Kong.

If you want to be rich ghosts, go back to the country of your investment.

How?

IMMIGRANT GHOSTS BOARDING GATE

Joss Paper Flight 444 is ready to take off.

IMMIGRANT GHOSTS

Mr. Ox, we're new here.

We're foreign immigrants.

We don't know how to go to our new country.

That's right.

It's not as simple as you think.

We own a house over there.

Houses are for humans only.

Only those with graveyards can take this flight.

-What now, dear? -Well...

That depends on what your descendants up there do.

If they do enough good deeds, you can take this flight.

Our whole family is dead.

-We have no descendants. -That's right.

There's nothing I can do for you then.

But you can get back up there for a month.

Go get someone to buy graveyards for you all.

Then, you can take this flight.

-Great. -However,

do not commit any crimes, understand?

Yes.

-Remember not to commit any crimes. -Great.

-Dear, let's get back up there quickly. -Great.

How?

Ma Fai, I've never seen anything like this before.

There probably isn't enough for them. Hurry up.

-Get the talisman. -There's no more.

-What? -We've finished them.

We only have these yellow papers left.

No problem. Let's do it.

Here I come.

Lost souls, the government is taking care of you now.

Why are you still continuing the mischief?

Abracadabra.

Buddy, let me burn you the silver ingots.

-Chi. -What is it?

-Who has been here? -No one.

Try to remember.

It seems Sing has been here.

-Bring him to me quickly. -Okay.

Ma Fai.

Why are you so mad?

-Damn you! -What is it?

Did you steal my four stacks of paper money?

Nonsense.

My family has been poor for 18 generations.

I'm used to it. I don't need to steal yours.

There were 32 dead. I've burnt them all. Why are they not enough?

It's not my fault. We Indians are honest and loyal.

Yes, you're honest and loyal.

Don't ever think you watchmen are special.

Don't insult us Indians. There are Indian banks and goldsmiths.

With the Indians as watchmen too.

Just you wait.

-One day, there'll be Indians everywhere. -Right.

-And you'll be a watchman. -Hey!

There will only be stars above you.

Okay, I'll get some ghosts to pull a prank on you.

Mr. Leung Wai Sang died at 3:45 a.m.

He has no family, a homeless spirit.

Mr. Cheung Tai Man was killed by a drunk driver.

Mr. Cheng Wai Lun died at 4:30 a.m.

He was choked to death by fish bones and chicken bones.

The funeral procession tomorrow will go from Kowloon to Shenzhen.

-I'll help you when I wake up tomorrow. -Ma Fai...

Ma Fai...

Ma Fai...

Ouch.

Ouch.

-Ouch. -Ma Fai.

I can't do this, I need to use my earring.

Damn you.

-Ma Fai. -Ma Fai.

Mom!

Hey!

Help us now or I'll tell the spirits you performed rites for them this way.

I'll get them all to haunt you.

I'll complain about you to the Urban Council.

Here I come.

Monkey King and the deities will all appear.

Here I come.

I promise to help you. But I must make it clear that I'm broke.

Now, the stars are above you.

Now listen, you must spend lots of money this time. I'm broke.

About how much money is needed?

According to the information I've gathered,

it takes about 55,000 dollars to buy land in Canada and to ship the ashes.

That means it's over 200,000 dollars for the four of us.

Damn, we've already remitted our money to Canada to buy houses.

We don't have that much cash now.

That's bad.

Good, I can see Pao again.

Pao Yao Lou. Let's try to get his help.

-Keep watch. -Okay.

Ms. Yip, there are stone steps ahead. Watch out.

-Don't worry, I'm here. -Inspector Ho.

-Inspector Ho. -Ms. Yip.

Are you sure you remember it was Pao Yao Lou?

Yes, they gang-raped me. All six of them.

I remember someone said, "It's your turn, Pao Yao Lou."

So, I'm sure the one beside me is Pao Yao Lou.

Though I can't see his face, I'll never forget his smell.

-Smell? -Yes.

No problem. As soon as he disembarks, I'll capture him and you can smell him.

-No, he may kill me. -Be careful.

He threatened to kill me if I report it to the police.

Kill you?

Don't worry, I am here.

All right. Go and sit over there.

Hold it, don't sail.

-He's here, he's around. -Who?

Don't let him see me.

Do you see him?

-Keung, get him here. -Okay.

Mr. Pao, Inspector Ho wants to chat with you.

Come.

-What is it? -Go over and you'll see.

It's nice of you to meet me here.

-What can I do for you, Inspector Ho? -Pao Yao Lou.

-Popo? -I'm afraid of hearing his voice.

Hey. Popo.

Stop or I'll shoot you dead.

Ms. Yip, try to smell and let me know.

Okay.

Is that him?

Seems like it.

You must make sure or it'll mean trouble.

Don't move.

I can't forget his breath. Let me smell.

Breath? That's easy.

Told you I'd swallow you up.

Pao, I mean what I said.

I'll swallow you up, then desert you. How's that?

Thank you, officers. Bye.

You held me to be molested by her, inspector. Now what?

Hey! Stay where you are.

Stop.

You're charged with three counts of offense.

False report, obstruction and fooling police officers.

You're charging me? You think I'm simple-minded?

If I were an old lady who sells vegetables,

would you have taken me here to identify someone?

I'm his secretary. You were only trying to flirt with me.

You have been staring at my chest for one good hour.

You think I'm really blind? Idiot. I only wanted to make fun of you.

I enjoy fooling you men. So what?

Don't stare. Have you never seen a shrew before?

I'm a reincarnation of a fox.

Now, I can use my Iron Palm that I've practiced for years.

You deserved it.

You deserved it. Go now.

Thank goodness. It was all your fault.

-My fault? You got seduced yourself. -Of course it is.

Forget it. When will you find me some new spies?

The old ones have all emigrated.

Let me introduce to you some refugees.

No wonder we died without anyone knowing.

I never thought the man who bought the car would react so strongly.

I must be more honest from on.

-What is it? -What is it?

It's me.

What are you afraid of? Just get back into your own body.

-Mom, take a look at me. -Mom, Pao is back.

He's still mad at us.

Go and stop him, Ling Ling. I must prepare.

You've returned from Shanghai?

Pao, are you still mad at me?

Why not?

I know it was your mom's idea.

But you shouldn't have played along.

Go out for a walk with me, will you?

Okay.

Don't be mad.

We had no choice. We're going to emigrate.

Emigrate?

Yes, so we wanted to you to leave the house.

The landlord wanted it back.

You'll have to leave me then. Won't you regret it?

I...

Why is your hand so cold?

I don't know.

Pao, hold me.

Great.

-What are you doing? -Enjoying yourselves?

Don't try anything. I'll give you all my money.

Yes, money is what we want.

But not only will we steal your money,

we will also steal your girl.

Don't touch my girlfriend or I'll fight you.

Fight?

Come on, then. I'm not afraid.

He's armed.

What an idiot. But that's fine.

It won't look like rape if there's no struggling.

Don't try anything. I won't let you go even if I die.

Trying to scare me? I'd like to see a ghost for a change.

Come on!

Come on.

See how I beat you up...

using my stick!

Come on.

Don't run away, you cowards! I'll show you more.

I won't have the chance to show my skills.

I told you not to worry, Ling Ling.

Pao, you really are brave.

Why are there two lumps on her back?

Have some dessert.

It's sweetened bird's nest.

It's nourishing.

Pao, we're not asking for much.

Only 250,000 dollars within one month.

Luckily, I haven't swallowed that. You want to frame me again.

You really are a good-for-nothing.

Pao, show them you can do it.

-He can't do it for sure. -Pao.

We don't mean to frame you.

We want you to use your expertise to help us become humans again.

We need 250,000 dollars badly.

We're serious.

There's no way to raise so much money in such a short time.

Unless the guy solicits and the girls sell their body.

Let me go solicit. Anyway, I'm a--

-Dad-- -A spy?

Yes, I want you to be a spy.

But you can't earn that amount alone.

I'll sell myself.

Ma'am.

With a figure like yours, it's not possible.

And Ling Ling is underage.

Even if she is,

I won't let her do it.

I...

You're a volunteer. Don't regret.

Hey.

I should make the decision. Right, Pao?

Me.

Sir.

You can't earn enough by being an informer for the police.

You must get extra money from the criminals.

-What do you mean? -Collect money from both sides.

Tell the police about the criminals' plan.

Then, on the other hand, let the criminals know the police's plan.

That's it.

Why is Inspector Ho still not here?

-He is always late. -What does he look like?

What matters is how he acts, not how he looks.

He's disgusting.

What about his behavior?

Vulgar.

He doesn't look like it.

How do you know? Have you seen him?

Could it be him?

-Hey, man. What? -Don't make fun of me, sir.

-Is he the spy? -Yes.

Sit.

-Inspector Ho. -This is Mr. Ling.

Mr. Ling, you look presentable, but crafty.

Sit.

-You too. -Okay.

This is to punish you for defaming me.

Stop it. It was only a plastic bullet. You won't die.

What? Look, it's bruised.

Go now or I'll make you look like a beehive.

You two take your time.

Excuse me. Gosh.

Mr. Ling.

A spy should be very observative.

Did you find anything wrong after you came in?

I guess the man at the first table by the left of the entrance is a drug dealer.

You guess?

A cop's job cannot be done by wild guesses.

What now?

Over there.

Are you sure? Go and search him.

-Now? -Yes.

-Police. The one behind you. -What is it?

Get up.

-What for? -Search him.

-What are you doing? -It's fine. We're friends.

-Friends? Help yourselves. -Search him quickly.

-You possess arms. -It's not mine.

-You're bad. -Get on with it.

One stack of cards and a woman's photo.

From the way she looks, she must be a whore.

She's my wife.

Your wife?

-You forced a cop's wife to be a whore? -It's not my fault.

-You even-- -Enough!

Dude, I told you to search him. Why are you getting my things out?

-Search no more. -Hurry up.

I'll take them out myself.

He says he'll do it.

-Kit. -Yes.

Go now.

Here.

Listen.

Give it back or you'll never leave.

-Inspector Ho. -So what?

-Suit yourself. -They're going to fight.

I don't believe it. I'm going out.

-You don't? Don't go, bitch. Sit down. -What are you doing?

-Beat him! -Go to hell!

Everyone, freeze!

That gun is real!

Don't move!

-It's fake. Finish him off! -Go!

-Chop him! -Don't go!

-Where is he? -Where is he?

-Where is he? -Here!

Where?

Inspector Ho, all done.

Where's that woman earlier?

Miss, it's all right.

Thank you.

Hey.

I was helping someone. It has nothing to do with me.

You're a good sidekick. You're promising.

-It's not me. Don't arrest me! -Go now.

-Helen, Paul is here. -Is he?

He has booked all your girls for sessions.

-Who has he brought with him? -No idea.

He wants both the best and ugliest girls.

That's tricky. Where do I get the ugly ones?

It's your problem.

The beautiful one is Ka Ka, she's new here.

As for the ugly one, Lei Oi. She was ruined by plastic surgery.

Paul.

I'm making money to go to Canada because of you.

I don't know if I'm letting you down.

Back then, I wouldn't offer myself to you, no matter what you did.

Now, I have to sell myself.

Paul, don't you understand me?

To me, you're always my Prince Charming.

Who is the Prince Charming?

Who doesn't know Paul around here?

Why don't you ask who has never had sex with him?

Even I, Lei Oi was intimate with him.

-Prince Charming? -That's right!

Quiet! Paul is here. Be ready for the session.

-Hurry up. -Come on.

Could it really be him?

Come.

-Paul is here. -I'm here.

-Paul. -Paul.

Look, lots of money.

You, bark.

-Then, 1,000 dollars for you. -Me?

You're ugly. Take 1,000 dollars and get out of my sight.

You're worse.

-Fix it. You know what to do. -Come on, fix it yourself.

I will.

I'll get you a virgin to turn you on.

Don't be scared away.

A rare species? Tell her to show up.

-Hurry up. -Turn around for a surprise.

-Turn around. -Sure. What is it?

So, it's you.

So, it really is you.

I never thought you'd work here.

Back then, I could never win her favors, not even with gold and diamond.

Now, she's everybody's sweetheart.

Do you know each other?

Yes, and very well too.

Come here.

I can't stay. Get someone else for him.

Why? I've got money.

Come here.

I've never slept with you, but that doesn't mean I can't.

Let's go to bed.

-What do you mean? -How much?

Don't think money can get you anything. You're cheap.

Ka Ka.

Will you let me take a look?

-Paul, what a shame. She's gone? -What?

Ka Ka.

Ka Ka.

He's my boyfriend.

I become a whore

just to emigrate to see him.

Ka Ka, I've heard these familiar stories a dozen times.

Don't mind the man. Is it worth dying for him?

If I were you, I'd have broken up with him.

If he wants to show off, get something out of him.

-I told you she won't come back. -Did I mess up?

-How embarrassing. -So?

Paul, I'll give you another chance to count.

-One, two, three. -One, two, three.

-Look. She's back. -Look.

How is it?

Why are you so stubborn?

Come.

Let's kiss.

You're great, Paul.

First night.

Market price, 15,000 dollars.

I'm in a good mood tonight.

I'll pay you 50,000 dollars. Let's do it.

Paul, don't be too harsh.

-Are you serious? -Are you having a show?

Get out, all of you.

-Come on, get up. -Let's go to bed.

-Can't I just have a look? -Come on.

-What's there to see? I'll do it with you. -You're naughty.

Come.

-Don't be in the way. I can't see it. -I can't see.

-So soon. -No way!

-What are you doing? -Something's wrong.

Something's wrong.

-Where's the girl? -Paul.

-Paul. -What happened?

-Ka Ka! -What happened?

-Don't be in my way. Ka Ka! -What happened?

Ka Ka.

Ka Ka, come back!

Ka Ka, don't go.

-Paul. -Move.

-Paul, don't. -So?

Move!

He's good for nothing.

Ka Ka, I'll seek vengeance for sure.

What's wrong? Am I not beautiful?

Tell your parents everything's almost done.

The land in Canada is good. It's shaded by huge trees.

The verdant pasture is not bad.

Will the dogs defecate on it?

They say Canadian dogs are obedient.

They know how to go to a dog toilet themselves.

Men might be different.

-Ma Fai, hello. I'm sorry. -Mrs. Ling, how are you?

-What's wrong? -I don't know why

I've been feeling itchy as if bitten by insects.

-Ling Ling, scratch for me. -Show me your hands.

-Higher. -Mrs. Ling, you're transforming.

Transforming? Into what?

A vampire.

-Vampire? -You're crazy.

I'm too fat to be a vampire.

Scratch for me.

There are two cases of vampire transformation.

First, you're fleshy and won't decay.

Hop for years and you'll be thin. Right?

Second, you get cursed and die without decaying.

You're so fat, it's obvious.

Whether you're cursed or not, you know better.

I'm cursed? If I were, all people in Hong Kong would be dead.

You're cursed many times more than me. What a filthy mouth you have!

No wonder you're a priest who has no children.

Even if you have, they'd be freaks!

-Have you finished, Mrs. Ling? -Mom.

Ma Fai said that because he cares for us.

Look at you, mind the last days of your life.

Even if you have a lucky charm, it'll be in vain.

Look in the mirror. You have no bottom.

Never mind. I must go to the toilet. It itches badly.

It's bad. Her feet aren't touching the ground when she walks.

Crazy. Me turning into a vampire? Why am I not hopping then?

-Mom, what are you doing? -Mrs. Ling.

Mom!

A fat lady in a toilet.

What a perfect fit!

You're still laughing?

-What's so funny? -You're back.

Let me tell you something amusing.

I'll kill you if you say it.

-You can't! -What?

Kill me?

I'll tell everyone about that. Ling Ling, unchain me.

-Mom, no! -Unchain me.

It's only for fun. Don't take it seriously.

-I like to hop. So what? -Hey.

-Hop... -Stop hopping.

-Mom. -Ma'am!

Make way.

Pao!

-Hop... -Pao!

-I like to hop. -Stop. Don't crush Pao to death!

-Hop... -Don't hop. He can't stand it.

-Hop... -Stop hopping!

Hop.

Use the dumbbells to hold her legs.

Get up, try bending your waist to see if it is fine.

-Mom, are you all right? -Yes.

Are you trying to kill Pao?

No, ma'am.

That was better than a massage.

Aren't you tired hopping like that?

Mom knows Qigong, she's fine.

-Right. -Qigong.

Well, I can introduce work to her.

-To help with the money. -Right. Great!

It feels so good.

-Come here, it's my turn. -It's my turn.

-Come here, it's my turn. -Come quick.

I trample...

-It's my turn. -Coming.

-It's my turn. -Everybody has his turn.

-It's my turn. -Everybody has a chance.

-Come over to this side. -Okay.

-Great, here. -It's his turn.

-Here. -You want it?

My turn.

My turn.

You want it? You little prick! Here.

So good.

Feel good?

Here's a total of 43,500 dollars.

I made over 30,000 dollars.

-Mom, take a rest first. -That's 79,500 dollars in total.

-It's up to you, Ka Ka. -I'll take my rest now.

I won't let everybody down.

My watches, jewelry and necklaces

are all pawned.

I bought a bank draft.

Here's over 150,000 dollars. Is it enough?

That plus 70,000 dollars. It's still a bit short.

Still not enough? Hey!

Ma Fai, you shouldn't make your fee so high.

I didn't spend any of your money.

What are you staring at?

-I won't let you go. -I still have 300 dollars. Take it.

It's not my fault. Foreign currency has gone up in value.

You're still 20,000 dollars short.

We still can't make it then.

Then there's no hope.

Dad, I have it.

Pao has written me a check.

It's 30,000 dollars.

-So you and Pao-- -Don't frame him.

He knows that the whole family is working except me.

And he doesn't want me to work.

So he gave me his savings as a fee for going out with him.

That means he's buying you.

Did he make any demands on you?

No!

But I did.

But he controlled himself each time.

He said he's different.

He doesn't care about temporary possession.

He only values everlasting love.

Pao is such an idiot.

No, he's honest and straightforward.

He's rare.

Ever since the Mukden Incident on September 18,

I thought there were no more passionate men in this world.

What does that have to do with us?

Dad was born on that day.

No wonder the Japanese invaded China!

-When were you born then? -October 10th.

No wonder that day is National Day.

Okay, no more nonsense.

Ma Fai, help us finish up the process.

There has been some decay and my flesh smells.

I can't wait too long. I'd better go early.

What about Pao? Leave him behind?

What on earth do you want?

Use these for tomb-sweeping and these for visiting the sick.

Anything for wooing?

-Wooing? Who? -Yes.

Here.

The lotus is good for wooing elderly rich women.

Use tulips for married women.

She won't come to you unless she's sad.

Use bird of paradise

to make an honest woman out of a whore in the gutter.

To steal affections, use gladiolus.

It could lead to tragedies anytime.

What about normal love?

Are there still normal people around? Use roses.

It's thorny and hurts.

Last time, that woman told me to buy a cactus.

Only a mean person would use cactus to woo girls.

Look at you. You better buy plastic flowers.

You're a hypocrite anyway.

I'll buy roses. What color is good?

Yellow means you're thinking of her. Red means heart.

I'll buy red.

Yes, red for you. People with hearts have no brains.

This guy doesn't even own a car?

Yet he has the guts to woo my ex-girlfriend.

What a loser.

-Helen. -Yes, Paul?

Are you sure it's him? Don't fool me.

I don't know. He introduced Ka Ka to my place.

He should be her boyfriend. I don't know anything.

Okay. Forget about everything today.

Don't tell anyone I've been looking for him.

Understood.

-Pay her 5,000 dollars to have her leave. -Okay.

-Don't get into fatal consequences. -Okay, it's none of your business.

Leave now.

Paul, shall we kill all his family members?

I know what to do.

Drive and follow him.

Ka Ka, look!

Are we really leaving this world?

Of course.

If we must leave, can we not upset Pao?

I don't want to hide anything from him.

Love depends on honesty, not lies.

You've already lied to him. What now?

At worst, let him lie to you in another life.

He'll only feel sorry if he knows we're dead.

If he knows we fooled him too, he may hate us.

Why give him the impression that the world is so cold?

Right, we should die in front of him.

He might still think of me then.

Then, he may stay single for me.

-Isn't that too cruel? -Good idea.

He'll burn for us money on occassions like Tomb-Sweeping Day.

That's a great idea.

Why aren't you hopping?

Let me show you something.

It's beautiful. Ma Fai gave it to me.

"Down-to-earth"?

Pao's back. Act normal. Give me back the shirt.

-Pao, you're home. -Congratulations, Mr. and Mrs. Ling.

Ma Fai just told me you've all packed up and may depart any time.

Yes.

Red roses represent my heart.

Pao.

Thank you for the care you've shown us.

Enough, sir. Don't try to frame me again.

If you are, just tell me and I'll do anything you want.

-No. -There's no need for you to find ways.

I already said it's not like that.

Listen, you may address me father-in-law now.

-Right, address me as your mother-in-law. -Call me sister-in-law.

What about Ling Ling?

Anything you like.

Oh, darling.

Darling.

Darling!

-Darling! -He sounds so sad calling her like that.

It's more touching than Romeo and Juliet.

Don't cry.

I'll be your husband all my life.

Ling Ling. I've thought about it.

I've planned everything.

I can go and see you anytime.

I even have a friend at West Lake.

-West Lake? -See.

West Lake is also called Love Lake.

I plan to buy a small house there.

We'll live there forever, just the two of us.

We'll boat in the day and count stars at night by the lake.

It's true.

I value everlasting love over temporary possession.

Everlasting love.

What's wrong?

What's wrong, darling?

A temporary departure is not an everlasting one.

Don't cry.

Why has Paul never done the same to me?

Paul, how's everything? Can we go up now?

Later. We'll go up when they all have slept.

And rape her sister too.

Ling Ling, are you ready?

It's time.

Dad.

Dad, it's ready. We can die now.

Okay. Let's leave our bodies.

-Time to return to hell. -Wait.

Call Ma Fai to have him watch over Pao.

If he doesn't wake up, he'll end up dead.

-Yes. -Hurry up.

Concentrate. Strength alone won't work.

Concentrate.

Hello?

Okay.

It's for you, Ma Fai.

Tell them to call again later.

Put yourself fully into it as if it tastes good.

Hold out your tongue and blow against the hole.

Show me your tongue, hold it out.

Don't be shy.

-Why is it so slippery? -Have you washed your hand?

It's the right hand. The left hand is for the toilet.

You can't play the flute with a slippery tongue.

Eat more chili and curry.

Make it hot. That's how you play it.

Ma Fai. It's for you again.

Hello.

Mr. Ling.

You've decided to die with your family? Congratulations.

I'll take care of Pao. Don't worry.

Bon voyage.

Don't ever come back to haunt me. Bye.

Pao.

We'll meet again in a next life if fate wills it.

Ling Ling, let's go. Time's up.

-Time's up. Let's go. -Let's go.

Why is it so noisy?

What are you up to, Ling Ling?

What are you doing, Ling Ling?

Ling Ling.

Ling Ling.

Mr. Ling.

Mrs. Ling, are you okay?

-Corpses. -The whole family is dead.

Don't go!

-What are you doing? -Who are you?

You wore the gas mask to turn on the gas to kill?

You're the ones who are trying to kill.

Ling Ling.

-Call the police! -Ling Ling!

Paul, he killed your girl for you by accident.

Let's go. It's dangerous here.

Don't run!

Get hold of him!

BOARDING GATE

Calling David Chen, Li, Chang, Huang, Ho, Shih, Liu, Lam, Pai, Tsai to line up.

Calling Peter Chen, Li, Chang, Huang, Ho,

-Ou, Chou, Hu, Ma, Mak to line up. -When's our turn?

Ling Ling Ling.

-Ling Ling Ling. -Over here! He's calling you.

-Go queue up. -Go quickly.

Don't run!

Paul, the ambulance is here.

Logically, they should all be dead now.

Not really, there's still a slight chance they can be saved if they make it on time.

What if the tires all flat out?

Go out and puncture that ambulance's tires.

-That's too cruel! -That's why I told you to do it.

Hurry up.

Come.

Cover them up.

-Ling Ling. -Quick.

Ling Ling.

-Inspector Ho. -Sir.

Ling Ling.

-Sir, I'll leave it to you. -All right.

-I know you're still alive, Ling Ling. -Get up now.

-Ling Ling. -Take more photos.

-Don't be like this! -Ling Ling.

-Don't! -Don't be sad.

-Get up, Ling Ling. -Sit down.

Let me go.

-Sorry, no smoking here. -Calm down.

-Pao Yao Lou. -Inspector Ho.

It's gas poisoning. Help them.

-Let me go. -Well...

-Call an ambulance at once. -It's coming.

-They're here. -We're here, but our tires are punctured.

No need to call the ambulance.

Call the funeral parlor.

-Lock him up. -Yes, sir.

What are you doing? Let me go.

Come.

Let me go.

Let me go!

Sir.

When I came in, I saw him wearing a gas mask.

The house was filled with gas and the whole family was on the ground.

He was the only one walking about.

Isn't he suspicious?

I don't know why I was wearing a gas mask,

why there was a gas leak, why they died,

and why I'm the only survivor.

Don't you know I can sue you for murder?

-"Murder"? -Murder.

-I know. I know everything. -No entry.

-What are you doing? -Ma Fai, good timing.

-Help me. -You know him?

-Arrest him, he's also involved. -Quiet!

Who are you?

I know everything.

In fact, it's a touching love story.

Those who died have died.

-Those alive may die at any moment. -Right.

Call the asylum to send an ambulance for a new patient.

-Sir, I've spoken nothing but the truth. -Let's go.

-Sir. -Move it.

-I need to go to the washroom. -You stay here.

Then, where should I pee?

Go then.

Are you not done yet?

Sir, I can't do it now.

Whistle and you'll pee.

Whistle.

Sir, whistle it for me.

I whistle for you?

-No, you whistle for me. -What?

No, I'll only pee if I blow the horn.

What a nuisance. Blow now.

Go on.

You're such a nuisance, no wonder you're crazy.

Phantom Paper Flight Number One, spirits for Vancouver, please board.

Ling Ho Sai.

-Here. Someone's looking for you. -Me?

-There's a DHL for you from above. -DHL?

Pao is accused of murdering our whole family.

Ma Fai told us to go back to help him.

-No, the seats were difficult to get. -Please board.

Let's board.

-It's the last call. Let's board. -Pao's in trouble, we must help him.

-We have to save Pao. -You can't leave if you don't board.

-I'll go with you. -Come back.

-Me too. -Ka Ka, don't go.

Mom, don't be so selfish.

Hey, come back!

And they said daughters and getting married are good.

Hey, wait for me.

Are you finished yet? Come out.

Not finished yet? Get out.

Go!

What are you doing? Again?

-Don't move them out. -Bring him with us.

-They're still alive. -Let's go.

Let me go.

They're still alive.

They stood up!

Ling Ling.

What's happening?

What's happening? Why is it so crowded?

Coroner.

Don't ask me.

I'm confused.

-Why are they still alive? -It's all right. Pack up.

-You want me to die that badly? -Yes, and to die unburied too.

Are you disappointed now?

Paul, are you very mad?

Unfortunately, the police are here.

-You can't be mad. -Bitch.

-Don't make me angry. -So what? Slap me!

Don't look at me. If she sues you, I arrest you.

-The court will make the final decision. -Do I have to die?

-Never heard of it. -Hit me, idiot!

You think I won't?

Not so hard, you may kill her.

Why do you hit my daughter? I'll hit you!

-I'll hit you! -Stop!

-I'll beat you up! -What a creep!

Sir, I'll surrender.

I hit her on impulse. I won't die for it.

You didn't hit her, you killed her.

Killed? Quiet. Let the expert have a look.

Coroner, is she really dead?

Don't spurt nonsense.

No heartbeat, no breath.

-You're in trouble. Get hold of him. -What?

-Let go. -Move.

Arrest him! Don't run!

It's eerie here. Get the other team to do it.

Move it.

-Let me go! -Don't run!

-Ka Ka. -Ka Ka.

-Ka Ka. -Is your sister okay, Ling Ling?

-How can she die like that? -She's all right.

I was just fooling him.

What are you up to?

There's not much time left.

Let's tell him everything. There's no point in hiding it.

Pao, let me tell you something. Don't be afraid.

I'm not, I'm used to it.

Actually, we're already dead.

We're all ghosts.

-Right, ghosts. -I don't believe it. Don't fool me.

Already dead of tragic causes

Sorry to have made a fool of you

A ghost story tonight, don't be scared

Have a bedpan and paste a talisman on it

Yin and yang differ and separate

Forgive my bloody ghostly voice

I'm soft and considerate

I do admire you, I miss you so much

My knees, legs and arms

Can turn upside down anytime

My skin, eyes, tongue and eyeballs

I can give them all to you

I can swallow a whole sword

If I get diarrhea, I'll pierce my guts

I run wild like an Earth Dragon

I won't get hurt by bumping my ass On my head

Are they really dead?

Yes.

Who'll dance with me?

Turn around and walk

Darling, don't be afraid of me

I'm scared

The souls are like snowflakes

Like ones falling from horses

She's like a honey doll

With an hourglass figure

My tender love entangles you

She's fond of you

My tender love is all yours

You have a strange odor

-Come what may -Come what may

-We're excited -We're excited

-Mock at what fate has in store for us -Mock at what fate has in store for us

Shit.

A boundary line in between

A demarcation between good and bad

-A military boundary -A military boundary

Give me one more bowl of noodles.

A demarcation

-A boundary between hell and mankind -Pao!

-A boundary line in between -Pao.

A boundary between hell and mankind

Spirits.

-Let Ling Ling go at once. -Amitabha!

-Pao! -Ling Ling!

-Pao! -Ling Ling!

Ling Ling!

-Pao, goodbye. -Ling Ling!

-Goodbye. -Pao, goodbye.

-Ling Ling. -See you in the next life.

Take care, Pao.

Ling Ling!

-Are they really gone? -Yes.

Subtitle translation by Juno Mak