Original subtitles

THE END OF OLD TIMES

Whenever a hog puts on a duke's underpants, it always busts through.

My name is Bernard Spera.

I used to be a librarian in the Kratochville castle.

It lost its owner in the 1918 revolution.

My Lord, Duke Prokovsky, fled to the Tyrol when Indpendence came.

Everyone was ready to take over the castle.

The result was a lot of squabbling and damage to the property.

The National Assembly had to appoint a regent.

Mr. Josef Stoklasa got the job.

He wasn't a nobleman.

He was loaded with money.

He didn't know how to address servants properly.

He was a widower with two daughters: Michaela and Kitty.

And two governesses...

Today's mail.

Ellen was a teacher of uncertain age and sex.

For a French tutor, he engaged the Parisienne Susanne

Since Josef Stoklasa was wealthy,

he wanted to buy the whole estate.

But the laws of the new republic didn't permit it.

This led to all kinds of hassles.

He engaged Mr. Yakub Lhota,

leader of the wealthy Agrarian Party, to secure the sympathy

of influential people.

On the other side, he engaged

the lawyer Mr. Pustina,

who was the head of the peasants wing in the same Party.

We're working hard and gaining ground.

The peasants are the backbone of the state.

In other words, the big landowners

are enemies of the State?

Give people a bit of land, not too much, not too little...

You'll avoid the sweetness of humanitarianism and the inclination

toward the negative ideals of socialism.

You're an advocate of a reactionary economy.

I'm defending the peasant's interests.

I thought you were defending Stoklasa's.

True! Through theirs, I'm defending his.

Interesting. You sound like a lawyer, Mr. Pustina.

In the end, it was decided to revive old customs and hold a banquet,

a banquet as splendid

as any ever seen before.

Bay leaf, cloves, thyme...

And don't forget the anise!

It was also decided to call a hunt so elaborate

that nothing could match it.

Got it.

I'll oil the saddles, clean the stirrups...

the bridles, prepare the guns,

rifles, chains for the partridges, hunting knives for the deer...

A hunt is a wonderful pretext for a feast,

the feast a pretext for splendor,

and the splendor of the feast an opportunity

to silence the slanderers

You played beautifully.

To add to the glitter they invited Count Alfred Koda,

the most illustrious of our neighbors.

They prepared the best guest room for him.

I was asked to invite him to the hunt and the banquet.

But the Count was an arrogant devil.

It was beneath him to talk to commoners.

And so my mission failed.

However, I didn't have the courage to tell my master.

Knowing how it would disturb him,

I was afraid of his reaction.

- Has Count Koda arrived yet? - Not yet.

- Has Count Koda arrived yet? - Not yet, sir.

A true aristocrat always arrives last.

- Welcome, my dear friend! - Greetings, everyone!

- Has Count Koda arrived yet? - Count Koda?

- Maybe he's on his way. - What do you mean, "maybe"?

He hasn't been seen in society for several years.

- He's an odd man. - Odd, but an aristocrat.

My son, Jan.

My daughter.

Marvelous!

Even the last Duke couldn't manage a hunt like this!

That will shut them all up. Pardon.

Michaela, you are charm itself.

I'm going to change.

If Count Koda arrives, tell him to catch up with us.

I told you that a nobleman always arrives last.

But the Devil never sleeps.

A few yards before the finish we broke a wheel.

This set off a series of extraordinary events

which eventually put an end to my peaceful life.

and irreversibly changed the mansion.

Get out of the way!

Wait!

Leave me alone!

Aren't you Count Koda?

The Count!

Count Koda has arrived!

I'm Prince Alexei. My servant Vanya.

Your Highness, please.

- That's no count! - Count or prince...

All nobles are the same. You can't tell them apart.

Champagne!

And where is the caviar?

Lecherous old man!

What are you gaping at?

Where have we met before?

Weren't you Mr. de Monfre's secretary?

- Not I... - You dust the books in the library,

Your kidneys are shot, and you're not worth a cent.

True, I'm a librarian.

- As for my internal organs... - We'll see when you start drinking.

Let us eat and drink! Taste the food,

rich cheese, game meat, chicken, all that's born alive

or hatched from eggs.

all that ripens in the sun,

all that has fins,

snails which are eaten in civilized countries.

To read and sleep, to drink wine extravagantly -

there's nothing wrong with that.

It all depends on who's doing it.

A slob lets the best book fall out of his hands.

He'd turn the best bed into a pigsty.

The finest wine will become bitter on his tongue.

All he gets from it is a terrible headache.

Such a slob should just go to hell.

He shouldn't pretend to passion or love,

or that he works when he's idle,

that he's in love when he thinks about himself.

You're electric!

May I read your fortune?

You're fortune's child. Men will fight over you.

- One, two, whole armies of men! - What else?

The man of your dreams,

from a good family, will come running for you.

- Who's that fellow? - An acquaintance of Lhota.

Is that the company that Lhota keeps?

Who is that fellow?

An acquaintance of Stoklasa.

I can see...

a well-educated man, well-read, near you.

You don't know this yet, but his soul is pure and waits to merge with yours.

- You're French, then? - Yes

What keeps you here is the faint hope that something extraordinary

will happen to stir your proud heart.

- Proud? - And he'll make it beat.

A miracle awaits you... in the form of a man

He's loving and wealthy,

and his plain looks conceal a fiery heart.

- Fiery? - Cache un coeur ardent...

Cache un coeur ardent...

Your friend is a great entertainer.

- My friend? - You're kidding. Jakub, he's your guest

Mine? No!

Kotera, who is it?

The man you've been expecting for so long.

Please, no gentlemen!

Telling the fortune of gentlemen is usually boring.

May I have your hand, Madame?

Sir...

I'd like to show you the best shot...

- Yes... - ...that I've ever seen.

Got it.

Ladies!

Come and have a look!

Indeed, a divine shot! Who took it?

I did.

Are you so blind that you can't tell a female from a male?

It was part of the plan. The deer are overbreeding...

- But she was pregnant! - Sir, who are you?

We're discussing the deer now!

When I was in Lipno, a fellow shot a pregnant doe.

You know what happened? Count Porazhki sprayed him with pellets.

His rear end was riddled.

And you're making excuses! What's your job?

How did you come by the gun?

Idiot, pretending you love hunting! Why go to the forest?

You pen-pusher, afraid of everything!

- Out, you peasant! - What do you believe in?

You're a man without adventures and without imagination.

You're just concerned with filling your purse and belly.

Sir...

The lawyer, with whom you've had such a sharp exchange,

is my friend.

Maybe you should put the matter to an end.

This man is a fraud!

I'm Prince Alexander Megalrogov, Colonel to Nicholas II.

Thank you for your pleasant company.

What a pity!

Why did he leave?

That was a great show!

Sir!

Not even my former Duke

gave me such a generous tip!

- He is a Prince... - I knew that from the start!

Aristocrat...

Daddy, call His Highness back, please!

- Your Highness! - Mr. Colonel!

- Where are you? - Your Grace!

Your Prince was magnificent! I'm enchanted!

Congratulations on your Prince! A noble joke.

- I love you. - Not now...

Michaela !

Let me go...! We have to go back.

The Prince is here!

Your Highness!

Eat and drink as much as you like.

Enjoy yourself!

Allow yourself everything, for this time of plenty

will give way to one of hardship.

Gorge on pâté,

and when you are offered a plate of cookies, eat them all.

Do everything you can now, my friend.

because lean times are not far away.

As for women, Vanya, be prudent.

But if you come across a lusty wench, feel free to indulge!

I see I'm in distinguished company. Good morning!

Cornelia !

You only want to take, Bernard!

Tonight, Cornelia, tonight!

Again!

Catch!

- Pardon. - Sir, you should be ashamed!

Court etiquette demands

demands exercise on a horse or bannister.

Both firm up the posterior.

You cheat!

Your Highness, go to the courtyard or the fields!

Rubbish, Bernard!

This is a wonderfully flat floor.

Children!

Go play the piano!

Pardon.

What are you gaping at?

Haven't you got anything to do? Get plucking!

Why waste your time? Why feed him? What are you expecting?

He's a fortune hunter, he'll make a fool of you.

Yes, the Prince is a cheerful fellow.

People like your Prince are only after free food and drink!

- But he's a Prince. - A crackpot!

He brightens Kratochville and helps my intentions.

Helps?

If he makes us look ridiculous in the eyes of decent folk

and we're thought of as reactionaries,

it will only happen because of your propensity for

such people!

Summon him.

I invited you, Colonel...

- To... finally... - I understand.

I understand, you need advice.

Your Kratochville estate is magnificent, sir.

It only lacks a riding school and kennels.

- Don't you realize it's not mine yet?

Nowadays renting would be better than owning.

Lhota and the lawyer keep promising but nothing happens...

Back to the point!

Build a large riding school

according to the plans that I shall deliver tomorrow.

Sir...

- What is it, Kotera? - Visiting cards.

All the local gentlemen are inviting our Prince.

You see, they all envy us, Your Grace!

I remain faithful to my host.

How come Your Highness speaks Czech so well?

Thank you for not recognizing my accent. How flattering!

My mother comes from this region.

Is she of noble birth?

Could you tell us her distinguished name?

Perchta Rosenberg.

My father was General Megalrogov, Prince of Kiev.

I don't know any Perchta around here.

Doctor, you'd do better to attend to what I hired you for.

But I don't want anyone to make a fool of you.

Spera - what do the books say?

The Rosenberg Chronicle mentions a lady Perchta...

Nonsense! There's no Perchta.

I won't allow anyone to besmirch my mother's name.

What are you doing?

A minute's silence for her heavenly soul...

Perchta was the White Lady!

Would you prefer her in black?

She lived 300 years ago!

So...

If she was a hundred when you were born, Your Highness,

you'd be at least 200 years old now.

So what?

Do you know how old I really am?

- La nature. - La nature.

La nature.

En automne, se change.

- se change... - se change...

Elle s'habille

A year ago I nearly got what I wanted. And now what?

Surveyor after surveyor, commission after commission,

ministries, property registers...

It's that smart lawyer of yours

God knows who'll finally get the mansion.

The way things are, you won't get it anyway.

What?

Why won't I get it?

I don't want it for free. I want to buy it.

Have you made an offer yet?

- No. - Just as well.

Please, don't show them that you're rich.

Today we have to do three things:

wear worn-out shoes,

eat sausages, and talk yourself up.

Eventually we'll come out fine.

Don't make waves around here.

Couldn't you get Charousek on your side?

Charousek? Who's he?

He's... a good fellow.

The Vice President's of the peasant's wing

Hey! Who'se stealing our wood?

- That's the peasant Charousek. - So, a peasant!

I knew he couldn't be a pauper!

He's taking good wood, not just kindling.

What do you want, scarecrow?

You're trespassing. Get out of here!

- Let me be, scarecrow! - I'll "scarecrow" you!

You yokel! You loafer!

I'll "scarecrow" you!

You... you... you'll pay for this!

With pleasure!

I'll "scarecrow" you!"

Of course we'll still have our hands full.

The only way to get the estate

is to start a cooperative.

What kind of cooperative? Who'll be in it?

You, me, your daughter, my son,

Charousek, and a few other decent people.

- Michaela and Jan? - Are you blind, my friend?

All that's left is to agree on the wedding date.

What a farce!

I've hardly seen the bride and they've got us married.

Jan!

What's he saying?

That the blue is prettier...

than the pink.

Mate!

Cornelia...

tonight!

Eduard Fuchs MORAL PRACTICE- Illustrated Edition

Two people in amorous silence

Never think of parting...

Having said my morning prayers as usual...

- What are you writing, Your Highness? - The regimental journal.

Nothing will divert me from my military duty.

Mr. Lhota's arrived!

Come on girls, it's a nice day! I brought Jan along.

He'll take you out.

Good day.

That's good. Let's go.

You greedy bastard!

Aren't all your cronies enough?

Why bring in a spy?

Kindling's worthless. We've taken wood since the Duke's time.

And no one asked a question!

Now, that we have a Republic,

that servant of yours breaks my barrow and takes my axe.

I'll show you at your meeting!

Just wait and see if you can get Kratochville!

Are you crazy? Who are you?

Charousek!

Charousek! Charousek!

He's your friend, sir.

You're being too hard on his petty thievery.

I don't mean you, But that scarecrow, Prince Alexei.

Don't be frightened!

I tell you again, send that deserter to the devil.

Then I might be able to pacify our Vice-President.

What?

Is Mr. Charousek the Vice-President of your Party?

Yes, and your Prince beat him up.

I told you not to overdo it.

But you listen only to Mr. Jakub Lhota.

Lhota's interests are different from yours.

You're wrong. He has influence, but he's my old friend.

Friend?

Can't you see? He's planted his dandy son on you

to get Michaela and Kratochville in one move.

Charousek'll do what I ask him to do.

His outburst was a warning

not to stray too far from your allies.

Jakub Lhota's influence has been worrying us.

Did I offend you?

I won't be a pawn in our fathers' game.

I don't know what you mean...

You're playing along with your father.

He wants to evade the law with a wedding.

If my father's involved, I just won't go along.

Stop!

Want to go for a walk?

Let's take a walk in the forest.

Go!

Home! Go home!

At your service!

Get out of the way!

Let's go!

Watch out!

The aristocracy are coming!

- Do you speak French? - Yes.

Thank you, your French is charming.

I told Charousek that you and that scarecrow Prince

had nothing in common. And so...

And so I forgive you for the damage done to my body and goods.

I apologize again, Stoklasa.

You can count on me where Kratochville is concerned.

Mr. Lhota was right - you're kindness itself.

There's one condition: I demand an apology.

I can still feel the beating he gave me.

We'll see to that.

You're friend's a big mouth and a cheat.

I love Michaela.

I'd do anything for her.

Give me her hand and I'll get Kratochville for you.

- If she consents, you... - My car!

My automobile!

The Prince is the best horse driver I've seen.

You've handled horses a lot, haven't you?

True, there were dozens of them on our estate.

Judging by your behavior, you also groomed them.

Sir, if you wan't an argument, this won't do it.

Find another pretext less conceited and less transparent.

Don't act like a lover wanting to punish a lady

who doesn't give a damn about him.

Don't drag her into our fight

just because you tighten your hat...

and your face reminds me of a wooden toy.

Jan can't help being involved with the young lady.

Excuse me, but I don't need your help.

You seem to have all the luck.

Nothing like the luck of a captain I knew.

That man

had a dog so clever

that it seemed almost human.

Our captain never knew when to end a game.

He would sit at the table,

determined to win at any cost,

and when he had a decent pile in front of him,

he staked everything on that one card.

The dog got out from under the table,

stared at his hand after he waved

until he pocketed the money.

The captain felt obliged to keep playing

But the dog, whose name was Stella,

went for him viciously,

and he had to defend himself with his cane.

They all tried in vain to chase it

Only killing it would make it stop.

But the captain wouldn't hear of it.

Pass.

So he had to do what the dog wanted and leave.

- Pass. - I must leave.

Thank you for the game, gentlemen.

The cheat thinks it's as easy as that.

First he turns us on, then he ignores us.

Don't touch me!

You Judas, you've exceeded all limits!

Spera dear, since when have we been on familiar terms?

Have a drink!

Isn't Cornelia enough for you? You need Susanne as well?

You're in your fifties, you should be ashamed!

45.

Let's say it outright.

You sponge on other people.

You play with other people's girls.

Bernard Spera, calm down and have a drink.

I don't owe Stoklasa anything.

He's only an innkeeper, he deals with tables and bedding.

But after what you've said, I have to leave.

Vanya, pack up!

French women have beautiful skin, eh?

I hate you!

I don't return it,

but I"m still obliged to slap your face.

Vanya, turn around!

You've no grounds to say I'm on the side of your enemies.

I deserved a different treatment from what I received.

You'll wish you hadn't humiliated me.

I'll fight you with your own weapons, believe me.

I intend to make things hot for you.

The Prince acts as if there were two regents here at Kratochville.

He's an intriguer and a coward.

I called him a scoundrel and slapped his face, but he didn't return it.

Really? The Prince didn't defend himself?

Let's come together and give him what he deserves.

Do you have something personal against him?

Our only concern has to be to protect Stoklasa's name.

I'm also concerned with honor.

We need to send the Prince off with his tail between his legs.

To the side... to the side...

Lunge... parry... lunge...

Excellent, mademoiselle...

- How do you hold the sabre? - So as to wound!

I know many fencing schools,

and I see that you prefer the Oriental school,

which permits all kinds of tricks and vague rules.

We stress graceful and elegant movements.

I could easily knock the weapon from your hand and hit any spot you name.

It's fortunate you have no reason to attack.

Your Highness, don't let them interrupt us.

They obviously had a bad night.

Excellent!

I surrender!

Your Highness, Mr. Charousek's arrived.

He's an arrogant chap but I need him.

- I don't want any regional squabbles. - I see.

Well...

Plague on you! Put that down!

Apologize.

What for?

For that wood you stole?

That's ridiculous! Stole!

Stealing in a forest that's practically mine anway?

Practically yours...

Aren't you ashamed?

Did you really think that you'd take over the castle?

That you'd sit with the nobility?

You're deluded.

What would you say if I asked for half your land?

You're a lout who only pursues his own interests!

Do you think Mr. Stoklasa's that stupid?

You've had your fill!

- Mr. Stoklasa...

- When all this is finished and the property is ours,

you'll be sent packing with a swollen lip!

What an idiot I am!

Instead of taking care of the cows, I go to castle to be insulted!

Never put your trust in Princes!

Get stuffed!

Didn't I get it straight?

Isn't that what you were thinking?

What do you think? I have my pride too!

As long as you can dull your anger on some young wench,

as long as poachers make your blood boil,

the world will be a beautiful place,

for it all happens deep in the forest.

What right do you have to insult Mr. Stoklasa's friend?

Mr. Pustina, I'd never allow

anyone, whenever and wherever, to deceive or steal from my host.

And I'd never call you "man"...

you're so far away from one, you're not even from the same country.

- He swindles at cards. - I lost 900 crowns last night.

- And I lost 300!

Which game do you have in mind?

The one you won last night.

Last night's winnings are in the drawer.

Spera, open it.

Good Lord, Your Highness! What if someone stole it?

Let me remind you of one of your little games

You said you were a good fencer.

My friends and I want to rid you of that illusion.

- Are you challenging him to a duel? - Are you going to fight?

Just a joke.

If he wins, we are obliged to believe everything he told us.

I swear before the ladies, Your Highness,

we'll accept every word you said.

If you lose, you accept our verdict.

- Do you want me to? - Yes

Gentlemen, I accept your challenge.

- What is it? - A secret.

First, listen to our conditions, Your Highness.

If you lose, we'll choose an appropriate mask for you.

Agreed.

Let's start.

Pardon.

This is useless!

Once, there was a captain who fought like this.

You know what happened?

He lost his hand!

But he wasn't hit.

It turned black... from all that vigorous waving!

Wait, Your Highness!

We've brought you the insignia that you lost a century ago.

Baron Munchhausen's hat!

Listen, Michaela.

I love you!

I asked your father if I could marry you.

You're drunk!

Your beauty makes me drunk.

I've been fighting for the mansion because of you.

Mr. Baron,

what about matching the hat with long johns?

Why not?

Scoundrels!

Out of my kitchen!

Scoundrels!

Get out of here, the lot of you!

You've taught me a lesson.

You're a good student of the Flemish school.

Another few lessons and I'd be scared of you.

I'll show you Flemish school you bastards!

I'll show you lessons!

Get out, the lot of you!

All of you! I'll show you!

You too!

Clean it up.

You should've known he was a good fencer.

You've made a mistake.

You'll have to apologize to the Prince.

Well, if you think so. But it wasn't my idea.

I didn't pretend to be better than the Colonel.

Spera persuaded me.

And who brought in the hat?

And what was all that about Baron Munchhausen, Mr. Spera?

I'd burn that hat.

I'll keep it.

It's a breeding ground for all kinds of thoughts

Wearing it, I can say anything

without causing trouble.

Good-bye, Regent.

Good-bye, my little money-bank.

What do you mean?

May you have much success, high interest rates.

Keep your liver warm.

Buy up the land and hang on to Charosek.

Let me tell the lawyer's future.

He won't get married.

He'll get fat and drink beer from the brewery.

I don't get it.

Stoklasa's changing his mind. He's fed up with you.

Take it easy.

No, let's really play the Munchhausen game.

This slicked-down hair, this detachment. You'll get tangled in politics.

Good-bye, imbecile, pretending you're in the old times.

Tomorrow I"m leaving.

Why don't you settle down?

What for? For a floozy and a square meal?

Shame on you, you greedy bastard!

Women again!

First you turn them on, then you take off.

Silence! Duty obliges us to...

- Good evening. - Good evening.

What is it?

Mr. Colonel...

We want to go with you.

I've got an old blanket.

We won't be any trouble, Your Highness.

I appreciate your loyalty, my dear friends.

I'll send for you.

You even turn on the kids!

I'm not going anywhere!

And neither are you!

What are you doing! Stop!

Give back my clothes!

How dare you? Stop when I tell you!

Stop!

I'll shoot you!

For treason!

I'll send you to Siberia!

Help! It's dark! I'm scared!

May you starve to death!

Where are you taking me, Your Highness?

What about Paris?

But wait till tomorrow. And now to bed...

Mr. Stoklasa's White Witch!

Have a drink!

My vintage wine!

Spera, how long have you been robbing my cellar?

My antique chamber pot!

You will be gone by tomorrow morning!

Mr. Stoklasa,

I want to forget everything and to come to an understanding.

You want the castle.

We want the land.

We need neither the lawyer nor Lhota.

We'll set up a cooperative without them.

Is that a deal?

Mr. Charousek,

the future belongs to people like you!

THE END OF OLD TIMES

THE END

Script by Jiří Blažek, based on the novel by Vladislav Vančura

CAST