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1
00:00:05,472 --> 00:00:08,208
(groans)
I'm gonna need a stronger stream.
2
00:00:08,275 --> 00:00:09,810
Oh! Gross!
3
00:00:12,079 --> 00:00:13,413
Eh, close enough.
4
00:00:13,480 --> 00:00:15,616
Hey, Jenny, why the hell
are you cleaning out
5
00:00:15,682 --> 00:00:18,385
dookie chairs
before your shift starts, girl?
6
00:00:18,452 --> 00:00:20,087
It's called
"going the extra mile."
7
00:00:20,153 --> 00:00:21,788
I'm dropping hints
left and right to Louise
8
00:00:21,855 --> 00:00:23,857
that I deserve a raise.
9
00:00:23,924 --> 00:00:26,894
Dropping hints for a raise?
That never works.
10
00:00:26,960 --> 00:00:29,129
Well, if I just storm up to her
and demand a raise,
11
00:00:29,196 --> 00:00:31,131
she'll think
I'm being unladylike and rude
12
00:00:31,198 --> 00:00:34,201
‐and just shut me down.
‐Yeah. That's why I avoided all that
13
00:00:34,268 --> 00:00:35,969
and just gave myself a raise,
14
00:00:36,036 --> 00:00:37,971
in the form
of free toilet paper,
15
00:00:38,038 --> 00:00:40,107
cleaning supplies, and most
of the lesser ordered fish.
16
00:00:40,173 --> 00:00:43,143
I don't want sand dabs and TP.
I want cash.
17
00:00:43,210 --> 00:00:44,645
"Mon‐nee."
And I know how to get it.
18
00:00:44,711 --> 00:00:45,979
I speak "Louise."
19
00:00:46,046 --> 00:00:48,181
Watch this.
20
00:00:50,317 --> 00:00:52,386
Oh, hey, Louise.
Ugh, sorry.
21
00:00:52,452 --> 00:00:54,421
Oh, I'm out here
just cleaning out
22
00:00:54,488 --> 00:00:55,923
these real dirty high chairs.
23
00:00:55,989 --> 00:00:58,091
I hope you don't mind.
I didn't clock in yet.
24
00:00:58,158 --> 00:00:59,626
I'm just doing it
on my own time.
25
00:00:59,693 --> 00:01:01,995
(chuckles)
Totally don't mind, extra mile.
26
00:01:02,062 --> 00:01:04,831
Well, what I wish
somebody would do
27
00:01:04,898 --> 00:01:06,667
is clean up all this garbage.
28
00:01:06,733 --> 00:01:08,936
I hope somebody does that.
29
00:01:09,002 --> 00:01:12,039
Somebody might be working on it.
30
00:01:12,105 --> 00:01:13,941
Wait. What are you doing?
31
00:01:14,007 --> 00:01:17,110
Giving myself a bonus in
the form of high‐test petroleum.
32
00:01:19,146 --> 00:01:22,182
Aah! Freakin' 89 octane?
33
00:01:22,249 --> 00:01:25,285
Come on, Louise,
give me the good stuff.
34
00:01:55,349 --> 00:01:57,284
♪ ♪
35
00:01:57,351 --> 00:01:59,386
And then I went and organized
the walk‐in fridge.
36
00:01:59,453 --> 00:02:01,421
So, mission accomplished.
37
00:02:01,488 --> 00:02:03,890
Louise would have to be blind
not to get the message.
38
00:02:03,957 --> 00:02:05,759
Wait. What is the message again?
39
00:02:05,826 --> 00:02:07,928
Wayne, duh.
That I want a raise.
40
00:02:07,995 --> 00:02:09,663
Jenny, I didn't even know
the point of your story
41
00:02:09,730 --> 00:02:10,864
until just now.
42
00:02:10,931 --> 00:02:12,199
Why don't you just say it?
43
00:02:12,265 --> 00:02:14,434
I did.
I practically screamed it.
44
00:02:14,501 --> 00:02:16,236
Believe me, it's crystal clear.
45
00:02:16,303 --> 00:02:18,071
After washingthe poopy high chairs,
46
00:02:18,138 --> 00:02:19,339
I made sure to go inside,
47
00:02:19,406 --> 00:02:21,074
panting, sweatingand sighing loudly
48
00:02:21,141 --> 00:02:23,076
in her presence.
49
00:02:23,143 --> 00:02:25,445
(loud, exhausted sigh)
50
00:02:25,512 --> 00:02:27,014
That's a huge neon signthat says:
51
00:02:27,080 --> 00:02:29,082
"I am busting my ass offfor you."
52
00:02:29,149 --> 00:02:32,686
Then, to let her know,loud and clear,
53
00:02:32,753 --> 00:02:34,955
how much I need more money,I let her catch me
54
00:02:35,022 --> 00:02:36,957
fixing the strap on my pursewith tape.
55
00:02:37,024 --> 00:02:38,892
(groans loudly)
56
00:02:38,959 --> 00:02:40,961
Which screams:"Hello. I'm a poor person
57
00:02:41,028 --> 00:02:42,629
making the best of it."
58
00:02:42,696 --> 00:02:46,033
And then, while scrollingthrough my phone, I said...
59
00:02:46,099 --> 00:02:49,069
Huh. Oh, wow.
60
00:02:49,136 --> 00:02:51,071
...to get her to say...
61
00:02:51,138 --> 00:02:53,073
‐What, Jenny?
‐So that I could point out
62
00:02:53,140 --> 00:02:55,075
that the cost of livinghas gone up
63
00:02:55,142 --> 00:02:57,444
for three consecutive quarters.
64
00:02:57,511 --> 00:03:00,914
Jenny, asking for a raise
is not the time
65
00:03:00,981 --> 00:03:02,716
for the typical
passive‐aggressive
66
00:03:02,783 --> 00:03:04,918
‐Southern lady stuff.
‐Rude.
67
00:03:04,985 --> 00:03:06,219
Vi, I'm so sorry I can't make
68
00:03:06,286 --> 00:03:07,421
your parent‐teacher night
tonight.
69
00:03:07,487 --> 00:03:09,222
I swear I'll make the next one.
70
00:03:09,289 --> 00:03:10,824
Gram's been getting ready
all day
71
00:03:10,891 --> 00:03:13,193
to make her grand return
to her alma mater.
72
00:03:13,260 --> 00:03:15,062
Violet, I should warn you.
73
00:03:15,128 --> 00:03:17,164
Tonight's
parent‐slash‐teacher conference
74
00:03:17,230 --> 00:03:20,434
might end up turning into
a Oh, My Lord, She's Back!
75
00:03:20,500 --> 00:03:22,502
Slash Who, Princess Di?
76
00:03:22,569 --> 00:03:24,037
No, Better Than That
77
00:03:24,104 --> 00:03:27,708
Colon Greenpoint High's Own
Betty Jean Bryant! conference.
78
00:03:27,774 --> 00:03:30,210
Come on, Vi, I can't wait
for you to see this.
79
00:03:30,277 --> 00:03:32,112
Your stock's about to go up.
80
00:03:32,179 --> 00:03:33,847
Oh, no.
81
00:03:33,914 --> 00:03:35,348
Violet, I'm so sorry.
82
00:03:35,415 --> 00:03:37,851
Oh, Mother, no.
This is gonna be amazing.
83
00:03:37,918 --> 00:03:39,853
There's nothing
more deliciously tragic
84
00:03:39,920 --> 00:03:41,955
than someone who peaked
in high school.
85
00:03:42,022 --> 00:03:44,424
Oh, come on, now, Betty
didn't peak in high school.
86
00:03:44,491 --> 00:03:46,893
Greenpoint High School,
we make 'em say wow!
87
00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:49,429
When we walk onto the field,
it goes pow, pow...
88
00:03:49,496 --> 00:03:50,731
‐(loud thump)
‐Paah!
89
00:03:50,797 --> 00:03:53,767
Okay, I cooter‐slammed
onto a pine cone.
90
00:03:55,469 --> 00:03:56,603
(pop music playing faintly)
91
00:03:59,873 --> 00:04:01,908
(groans)
92
00:04:01,975 --> 00:04:03,877
Okay, here's
where you get your raise.
93
00:04:03,944 --> 00:04:05,712
Or, more likely,
find out that Louise
94
00:04:05,779 --> 00:04:07,848
didn't catch
any of your drifts.
95
00:04:07,914 --> 00:04:11,251
Oh, Lord, y'all. Jenny.
Just the person I want to see.
96
00:04:11,318 --> 00:04:13,520
Told you.
Somebody's drift got caught.
97
00:04:13,587 --> 00:04:15,422
Raise time!
98
00:04:15,489 --> 00:04:18,859
We have got
a serious bathroom situation.
99
00:04:18,925 --> 00:04:21,528
Some crazy woman
is hogging the stall.
100
00:04:21,595 --> 00:04:22,929
Oh, no.
We got a stall camper?
101
00:04:22,996 --> 00:04:24,898
How long's she been in there?
Five, ten minutes?
102
00:04:24,965 --> 00:04:26,900
35 minutes, Jenny!
103
00:04:26,967 --> 00:04:29,336
I'm hurtling towards a UTI.
104
00:04:29,402 --> 00:04:31,505
There's two stalls, Norma.
Just use the other one.
105
00:04:31,571 --> 00:04:34,040
Oh, Jenny, you know that other
toilet's out of commission
106
00:04:34,107 --> 00:04:35,709
due to all
the tampons and shrimp
107
00:04:35,776 --> 00:04:37,344
that people
keep flushing down it.
108
00:04:37,410 --> 00:04:39,079
Nobody saw who it is?
109
00:04:39,146 --> 00:04:43,517
All we know is she's wearing
blue Skoocher Ship‐Shapes.
110
00:04:43,583 --> 00:04:44,785
Why don't y'all just go in there
111
00:04:44,851 --> 00:04:46,720
and just tell her
to get the hell out?
112
00:04:46,787 --> 00:04:48,221
(women gasping)
113
00:04:48,288 --> 00:04:49,756
Now, I'm with Bud on this one.
114
00:04:49,823 --> 00:04:52,292
Just go knock on the door
and say, "Hurry it up!"
115
00:04:52,359 --> 00:04:55,295
Are you nuts? We don't talk
to each other in the bathroom.
116
00:04:55,362 --> 00:04:56,897
Why not?
117
00:04:56,963 --> 00:04:58,632
'Cause we don't make sounds
in there.
118
00:04:58,698 --> 00:05:00,267
We have a protocol.
119
00:05:00,333 --> 00:05:02,469
If you walk in, and there'sanother woman in the stall,
120
00:05:02,536 --> 00:05:04,304
you wait politely.
121
00:05:04,371 --> 00:05:07,574
If she needs more time,she'll give you a throat clear.
122
00:05:07,641 --> 00:05:09,676
And then the woman in waitingresponds with a throat clear
123
00:05:09,743 --> 00:05:12,846
that says,"I respect your space, honey."
124
00:05:12,913 --> 00:05:14,114
What if you have to fart?
125
00:05:14,181 --> 00:05:15,916
BOBBIE NELL:If the bathroom's empty?
126
00:05:15,982 --> 00:05:18,752
Anything goes.
127
00:05:18,819 --> 00:05:21,988
But as soon as someone walks i,you got to hold everything.
128
00:05:22,055 --> 00:05:24,057
If something is halfway out,
129
00:05:24,124 --> 00:05:26,326
you best vacuum it back in.
130
00:05:26,393 --> 00:05:27,727
What? Oh, no!
131
00:05:27,794 --> 00:05:29,329
That's insane!
132
00:05:29,396 --> 00:05:31,865
It is a system that has been
in place since time began.
133
00:05:31,932 --> 00:05:33,567
I mean, I'm assuming.
134
00:05:33,633 --> 00:05:34,734
You don't need a damn system.
135
00:05:34,801 --> 00:05:36,770
You know what we do
in the men's room?
136
00:05:36,837 --> 00:05:38,538
Anything and everything.
137
00:05:38,605 --> 00:05:40,607
(video game music playing)
138
00:05:46,112 --> 00:05:48,682
I'll take the order and sanity
of the women's room any day.
139
00:05:48,748 --> 00:05:49,883
‐Mm‐hmm. Mm‐hmm.
‐Yeah! I agree!
140
00:05:49,950 --> 00:05:52,219
Now, let's get back
to the problem at hand.
141
00:05:52,285 --> 00:05:54,054
Has anyone given her
a throat clear?
142
00:05:54,120 --> 00:05:56,089
Isn't she supposed to do
the first one?
143
00:05:56,156 --> 00:05:57,557
If you don't get
a throat clear first,
144
00:05:57,624 --> 00:05:59,292
you can initiate.
145
00:05:59,359 --> 00:06:01,695
I'm gonna go in there
and see what's what.
146
00:06:01,761 --> 00:06:04,531
(taking deep breath):
Okay.
147
00:06:08,568 --> 00:06:10,537
(clearing throat softly)
148
00:06:14,474 --> 00:06:15,909
(clearing throat loudly)
149
00:06:17,644 --> 00:06:20,213
(clearing throat)
150
00:06:22,115 --> 00:06:25,518
(drips echoing)
151
00:06:25,585 --> 00:06:26,920
What the...?
152
00:06:26,987 --> 00:06:28,855
This woman is a nightmare!
153
00:06:28,922 --> 00:06:31,324
(others chattering, groaning)
154
00:06:31,391 --> 00:06:34,094
Sorry I keep getting
recognized, y'all.
155
00:06:34,160 --> 00:06:35,695
Yes, it's me,
156
00:06:35,762 --> 00:06:38,598
Betty Jean Hart, née Bryant.
157
00:06:38,665 --> 00:06:40,834
Lord, I know this is supposed
to be about you, hon.
158
00:06:40,901 --> 00:06:42,502
It's not gonna be.
159
00:06:42,569 --> 00:06:43,870
But it's supposed to be.
160
00:06:43,937 --> 00:06:45,872
Oh, my Lord,
your gram looks amazing.
161
00:06:45,939 --> 00:06:47,874
‐What did I miss?
‐Five words:
162
00:06:47,941 --> 00:06:49,576
She went here. Glory days.
163
00:06:49,643 --> 00:06:51,111
(gasps)
164
00:06:51,177 --> 00:06:56,116
Well, if it isn't
my Mr. Erickson. (gasps)
165
00:06:56,182 --> 00:06:59,552
Wait. He taught chemistry
when you went here?
166
00:06:59,619 --> 00:07:00,954
He sure did.
167
00:07:01,021 --> 00:07:03,556
And just like David LeRoth says:
168
00:07:03,623 --> 00:07:05,992
I was hot for teacher.
169
00:07:06,059 --> 00:07:08,561
Oh, wow.
She is really feeling herself.
170
00:07:08,628 --> 00:07:11,164
These innuendos are en fuego.
171
00:07:11,231 --> 00:07:12,966
Somebody call
the fuego department,
172
00:07:13,033 --> 00:07:14,868
'cause I'm
about to fan the flames.
173
00:07:14,935 --> 00:07:19,239
You know, Mr. Erickson sure does
use a lot of Bunsen burners.
174
00:07:19,306 --> 00:07:21,207
His buns will be burning
175
00:07:21,274 --> 00:07:22,876
once I'm done
slapping 'em silly.
176
00:07:22,943 --> 00:07:26,079
Oh, we're also learning
about protons and ions.
177
00:07:26,146 --> 00:07:28,581
I have an i‐on his bulge.
178
00:07:28,648 --> 00:07:30,750
Amazing.
What can you do with...
179
00:07:30,817 --> 00:07:32,886
‐a beaker?
‐Beaker? Mm.
180
00:07:32,953 --> 00:07:35,655
Sounds like Mr. Erickson's
box spring later tonight.
181
00:07:35,722 --> 00:07:37,657
(imitating creaking):
Be‐ker, be‐ker, be‐ker.
182
00:07:37,724 --> 00:07:40,794
‐(gasps) Amazing.
‐Very high degree of difficulty.
183
00:07:42,595 --> 00:07:44,731
(huffs) This woman
is ruining everything!
184
00:07:44,798 --> 00:07:47,701
Am I missing something here?
Just be direct.
185
00:07:47,767 --> 00:07:49,235
Trust me.
It has to be handled
186
00:07:49,302 --> 00:07:51,504
in a very specific
and delicate way.
187
00:07:51,571 --> 00:07:52,906
Watch this.
188
00:07:52,973 --> 00:07:56,876
Jenny, that squatter
sure is a problem.
189
00:07:56,943 --> 00:07:59,546
(sighs)
She sure is, Louise.
190
00:07:59,612 --> 00:08:02,849
I sure wish someone
could get her out.
191
00:08:02,916 --> 00:08:04,351
Oh, preach, girlfriend.
192
00:08:04,417 --> 00:08:06,553
If someone could get her out,
that person would be
193
00:08:06,619 --> 00:08:10,190
a real valuable employee,
wouldn't they?
194
00:08:10,256 --> 00:08:14,027
Oh, my gosh,
it would be very appreciated.
195
00:08:14,094 --> 00:08:16,096
(both sigh loudly)
196
00:08:17,630 --> 00:08:19,366
Oh, my God.
Did you pick up on that?
197
00:08:19,432 --> 00:08:22,635
Well, why don't you tell me
what you think just happened.
198
00:08:22,702 --> 00:08:23,970
Clearly,
she's offering me a raise
199
00:08:24,037 --> 00:08:25,672
to get that woman
out of the restroom.
200
00:08:25,739 --> 00:08:27,707
This is the height of dumbness.
201
00:08:27,774 --> 00:08:30,343
A smart person would see
how smart it is.
202
00:08:30,410 --> 00:08:31,778
‐What?
‐Nothing!
203
00:08:36,583 --> 00:08:39,185
Folks, we interrupt
tonight's live finale
204
00:08:39,252 --> 00:08:41,187
of Who Wants A New Penis?
205
00:08:41,254 --> 00:08:44,190
to bring you
this breaking story.
206
00:08:44,257 --> 00:08:48,895
Some lady psychopath
has broken every societal norm
207
00:08:48,962 --> 00:08:51,564
by camping out
in a public restroom
208
00:08:51,631 --> 00:08:55,935
and ignoring multiple
throat clears. Ooh‐wee‐woo.
209
00:08:56,002 --> 00:08:58,338
Normally I get juiced up
by chaos,
210
00:08:58,405 --> 00:09:00,340
but this mess is a nightmare.
211
00:09:00,407 --> 00:09:02,609
There are ways of getting
a woman out of a restroom
212
00:09:02,675 --> 00:09:04,611
without asking directly
like an animal.
213
00:09:04,677 --> 00:09:06,513
It's very simple. Watch this.
214
00:09:06,579 --> 00:09:07,847
Somebody get me a boombox
215
00:09:07,914 --> 00:09:09,916
‐and a ska CD!
‐What?
216
00:09:12,585 --> 00:09:15,188
(ska music playing)
217
00:09:20,960 --> 00:09:23,930
(banging loudly)
218
00:09:27,367 --> 00:09:29,369
(leaf blower whirring loudly)
219
00:09:31,037 --> 00:09:33,506
"My Life in the Black Eyed Pea,
by Taboo.
220
00:09:33,573 --> 00:09:36,009
"Chapter One:
In the summer of 2001,
221
00:09:36,076 --> 00:09:38,378
I met apl. de. ap."
222
00:09:39,646 --> 00:09:40,914
(groans)
223
00:09:40,980 --> 00:09:43,750
♪ ♪
224
00:09:48,621 --> 00:09:49,622
(horn toots)
225
00:09:51,958 --> 00:09:53,993
(toilet flushing)
226
00:09:54,060 --> 00:09:55,495
(horn tooting)
227
00:09:55,562 --> 00:09:59,466
I saw you. You're done.
You've done your business.
228
00:10:02,435 --> 00:10:06,172
‐(gasps, groans)
‐Ooh, ooh, Jenny!
229
00:10:06,239 --> 00:10:09,375
Jenny Hart, any updates
on the situation in there?
230
00:10:09,442 --> 00:10:12,078
‐You're just gonna speak righ...
‐Get out of my face, MayKay!
231
00:10:12,145 --> 00:10:13,446
(horn tooting)
232
00:10:13,513 --> 00:10:14,614
(indistinct chatter)
233
00:10:14,681 --> 00:10:16,749
Randy, I've heard
enough talking.
234
00:10:16,816 --> 00:10:19,452
Jenny needs action
to help her get that raise.
235
00:10:19,519 --> 00:10:21,855
What would
my favorite action heroes do?
236
00:10:21,921 --> 00:10:23,957
Now, Steven Seagal would put on
Asian lady's pajamas
237
00:10:24,023 --> 00:10:26,192
and start doing
some sleepy karate.
238
00:10:26,259 --> 00:10:27,460
Okay, not that.
239
00:10:27,527 --> 00:10:29,529
Oh. Sarah Connor.
That would mean
240
00:10:29,596 --> 00:10:31,698
I would have to father
a robot‐taming baby...
241
00:10:31,764 --> 00:10:34,134
Nah, I don't have time for that.
242
00:10:34,200 --> 00:10:35,935
What I really gotta do
is get in that bathroom.
243
00:10:36,002 --> 00:10:37,737
How about through
the vents, baby?
244
00:10:37,804 --> 00:10:40,406
Oh, yeah. That's it.
245
00:10:40,473 --> 00:10:42,242
Time for John McClane.
246
00:10:42,308 --> 00:10:43,810
You about to do a Die Hard?
247
00:10:43,877 --> 00:10:45,979
With a vengeance.
248
00:10:47,013 --> 00:10:48,481
Come on. Push me harder.
249
00:10:48,548 --> 00:10:50,717
‐Lift me higher.
‐RANDY: I'm trying.
250
00:10:50,783 --> 00:10:53,720
I don't have any strength
in my limbs, baby. I'm all core.
251
00:10:53,786 --> 00:10:56,122
My arms and legs
are like noodles.
252
00:10:56,189 --> 00:10:57,457
♪ ♪
253
00:10:57,524 --> 00:11:00,593
Mmm. He's still got it.
254
00:11:00,660 --> 00:11:03,830
The good news is, so do I.
255
00:11:03,897 --> 00:11:05,832
My senior year talent show,
256
00:11:05,899 --> 00:11:08,868
we had a moment he couldn't
forget even if he tried.
257
00:11:08,935 --> 00:11:11,738
♪ All the boysthink she's a spy ♪
258
00:11:11,804 --> 00:11:17,177
♪ She's got Bette Davis eyes. ♪
259
00:11:17,243 --> 00:11:19,445
(excited chatter)
260
00:11:19,512 --> 00:11:20,947
♪ ♪
261
00:11:27,620 --> 00:11:30,657
‐Good job.
‐(exhales)
262
00:11:33,426 --> 00:11:35,929
Well, hello, Mr. Erickson.
263
00:11:35,995 --> 00:11:38,798
It's me, Betty Jean Bryant.
264
00:11:40,266 --> 00:11:42,202
Sorry, not ringing a bell.
265
00:11:42,268 --> 00:11:43,469
Wait, what? Now, wh...
266
00:11:43,536 --> 00:11:45,305
(all gasp)
267
00:11:45,371 --> 00:11:47,040
Fire drill!
268
00:11:48,041 --> 00:11:51,244
♪ Catch me, Jesus,I'm falling ♪
269
00:11:51,311 --> 00:11:53,379
Okay, y'all,
enough of this mess.
270
00:11:53,446 --> 00:11:55,915
I appreciate all your thoughts
and prayers,
271
00:11:55,982 --> 00:11:58,451
but if you are standing
in this restaurant,
272
00:11:58,518 --> 00:12:00,420
you have got to order something.
273
00:12:00,486 --> 00:12:02,355
Lookie‐loos, you got to order.
274
00:12:02,422 --> 00:12:04,357
Reverends, you got to order.
275
00:12:04,424 --> 00:12:07,327
Asian film crew,
y'all need to order, too.
276
00:12:07,393 --> 00:12:09,362
Choir, you can sing your order.
277
00:12:09,429 --> 00:12:11,698
John 3:16 guys,
you got to order.
278
00:12:11,764 --> 00:12:13,099
Y'all all got to order.
279
00:12:13,166 --> 00:12:16,002
Oh, my God, that's it.
280
00:12:16,069 --> 00:12:17,537
Somebody hand me
281
00:12:17,604 --> 00:12:20,807
‐a frickin' menu.
‐(all gasp)
282
00:12:22,075 --> 00:12:24,577
How could Mr. Erickson
not remember me?
283
00:12:24,644 --> 00:12:26,112
It makes zero sense.
284
00:12:26,179 --> 00:12:29,182
I have been told
I am medically unforgettable.
285
00:12:29,249 --> 00:12:31,184
Uh‐oh, this is real.
286
00:12:31,251 --> 00:12:34,220
I know. If it were a movie,
I'd own it in every format.
287
00:12:34,287 --> 00:12:36,589
But this
has zero rewatchability.
288
00:12:36,656 --> 00:12:38,725
If Mr. Erickson
doesn't remember me,
289
00:12:38,791 --> 00:12:41,294
then maybe
no one else does, either.
290
00:12:41,361 --> 00:12:43,630
Gram, don't worry,
we still love you.
291
00:12:43,696 --> 00:12:46,366
Of course you love me.
You're my grandbaby.
292
00:12:46,432 --> 00:12:47,767
Come on, let's just
get out of here.
293
00:12:47,834 --> 00:12:50,436
Screw that.
I know what I got to do.
294
00:12:50,503 --> 00:12:52,238
I've got to recreate
my legendary performance
295
00:12:52,305 --> 00:12:53,706
at this assembly.
296
00:12:53,773 --> 00:12:57,277
Betty Jean Bryant Davis Eyes
rides again.
297
00:12:57,343 --> 00:12:59,779
Oh, no. I think we have
to help her, David.
298
00:12:59,846 --> 00:13:04,450
Yeah. Or else act three of this
rom‐com is gonna be real sad.
299
00:13:05,985 --> 00:13:09,355
These ducts are so much smaller
than they are in the movies.
300
00:13:09,422 --> 00:13:10,923
And dirtier.
301
00:13:14,294 --> 00:13:15,395
(yells)
Oh, my God!
302
00:13:15,461 --> 00:13:17,997
‐(hisses)
‐(screams)
303
00:13:18,064 --> 00:13:19,899
Fine. Take my dumb lighter.
304
00:13:19,966 --> 00:13:21,601
It's not like you know
how to use it anyway.
305
00:13:23,169 --> 00:13:25,271
Oh, crap.
What did you do, Wayne?
306
00:13:25,338 --> 00:13:26,739
You just gave possums fire.
307
00:13:26,806 --> 00:13:29,742
‐You idiot.
‐(all hissing)
308
00:13:29,809 --> 00:13:31,511
You can't make
that poor lady order
309
00:13:31,577 --> 00:13:33,212
and eat food on the toilet.
310
00:13:33,279 --> 00:13:34,714
I mean... (scoffs)
girl, I'll eat anywhere.
311
00:13:34,781 --> 00:13:37,950
Snarfing down corn dogs
at the gyno? That's my jam.
312
00:13:38,017 --> 00:13:41,187
But on a toilet? No way.
313
00:13:41,254 --> 00:13:42,855
That's the point.
314
00:13:44,257 --> 00:13:45,858
(exhales)
315
00:13:45,925 --> 00:13:48,995
Hey, how y'all doing today?
Have you dined with us before?
316
00:13:50,129 --> 00:13:51,798
(laughs)
No worries.
317
00:13:51,864 --> 00:13:53,366
Got a menu right here for you.
318
00:13:53,433 --> 00:13:55,234
Let me tell you a little bit
about our specials today.
319
00:13:55,301 --> 00:13:57,203
We've got a stuffed flounder
which comes with a baked potato
320
00:13:57,270 --> 00:14:00,206
and our signature
jalapeño hush puppies. Yum.
321
00:14:00,273 --> 00:14:02,241
And our chef
is really letting it rip
322
00:14:02,308 --> 00:14:05,011
with a southwestern shrimp
entree on a bed of rice pilaf.
323
00:14:05,078 --> 00:14:07,647
Any of this striking your fancy?
324
00:14:07,714 --> 00:14:09,248
Yeah, you don't want
to eat on the toilet.
325
00:14:09,315 --> 00:14:11,818
Don't blame you. Kind of gross.
326
00:14:11,884 --> 00:14:12,885
(gasps)
327
00:14:22,295 --> 00:14:25,231
She wants clam strips!
328
00:14:25,298 --> 00:14:26,699
‐(all yelling, groaning)
‐No!
329
00:14:26,766 --> 00:14:28,167
Clams on the toilet?!
330
00:14:32,772 --> 00:14:34,774
‐♪ ♪
‐(horses neighing)
331
00:14:40,847 --> 00:14:43,049
Mighty nice clams today.
332
00:14:43,116 --> 00:14:45,518
Thank you, Lord,
for this bounty.
333
00:14:50,089 --> 00:14:52,091
(bell clanging)
334
00:14:54,761 --> 00:14:57,130
Great haul today, Jebediah.
335
00:14:57,196 --> 00:15:01,033
This is the saddest part.
Watching them go.
336
00:15:01,100 --> 00:15:03,069
I only wish I could be there
to witness the moment
337
00:15:03,136 --> 00:15:06,205
when some lucky person
gets to enjoy them.
338
00:15:06,272 --> 00:15:09,041
For to be in the presence
of these clams
339
00:15:09,108 --> 00:15:11,811
is to be in the presence
of God Himself.
340
00:15:11,878 --> 00:15:14,013
JENNY:
Here are your toilet clams, you weird monster.
341
00:15:14,080 --> 00:15:15,681
You happy now?
342
00:15:15,748 --> 00:15:17,583
(indistinct chatter, shushing)
343
00:15:17,650 --> 00:15:19,819
She wants tartar sauce.
344
00:15:19,886 --> 00:15:21,053
(all yelling, groaning)
345
00:15:26,159 --> 00:15:28,761
"Come out to the Last Supper,
we'll get you a quick raise,
346
00:15:28,828 --> 00:15:30,329
in and out. Yeah."
347
00:15:30,396 --> 00:15:33,232
Aha! Here we are. Showtime.
348
00:15:33,299 --> 00:15:35,234
You in there, please evacuate,
349
00:15:35,301 --> 00:15:37,370
or you will be manually
extracted through this vent.
350
00:15:37,437 --> 00:15:39,205
And trust me,
you do not want that.
351
00:15:39,272 --> 00:15:40,840
There's a nasty possum up here
352
00:15:40,907 --> 00:15:42,708
that you do not want
to mess with.
353
00:15:42,775 --> 00:15:44,744
Oh, God, it's the ceiling ghost.
354
00:15:44,811 --> 00:15:47,213
I didn't want to make
those toilet clams.
355
00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:48,681
WAYNE:
Oh, sorry. (chuckles)
356
00:15:48,748 --> 00:15:50,550
Just trying to get
to the women's bathroom.
357
00:15:50,616 --> 00:15:53,252
Uh, n‐not in the creepy way.
The hero way.
358
00:15:53,319 --> 00:15:55,021
(cheering and applause)
359
00:15:56,856 --> 00:15:59,192
And that concludes our events
for tonight's open house.
360
00:15:59,258 --> 00:16:01,694
Wrong! Hit it, David.
361
00:16:01,761 --> 00:16:04,530
("Bette Davis Eyes" playing)
362
00:16:11,103 --> 00:16:15,141
♪ Her hair is Harpo goal ♪
363
00:16:15,208 --> 00:16:19,011
♪ Her lips are speedy guys ♪
364
00:16:19,078 --> 00:16:22,849
♪ Her hands are never coal ♪
365
00:16:22,915 --> 00:16:26,052
♪ She got Betty Bryant eyes ♪
366
00:16:28,054 --> 00:16:30,022
♪ She's precoated ♪
367
00:16:30,089 --> 00:16:33,059
♪ And she knows,mm, yeah, yeah ♪
368
00:16:33,125 --> 00:16:34,994
(babbling)
369
00:16:35,061 --> 00:16:37,163
♪ Po‐bush ♪
370
00:16:37,230 --> 00:16:39,932
♪ She got Gerta Darbostandoff flies ♪
371
00:16:39,999 --> 00:16:41,734
♪ She got ♪
372
00:16:41,801 --> 00:16:47,406
♪ Betty Bryant eyes. ♪
373
00:16:50,943 --> 00:16:55,047
Remember me now, Mr. Erickson?
374
00:16:55,114 --> 00:16:56,382
(grunts)
375
00:16:56,449 --> 00:16:57,683
Ooh...
376
00:16:57,750 --> 00:17:00,753
Okay, yes.
Of course I remember you.
377
00:17:00,820 --> 00:17:02,221
You're that girl I one time
378
00:17:02,288 --> 00:17:04,457
said "good job" to, and then you
thought I was in love with you.
379
00:17:04,524 --> 00:17:06,459
I even tried to get a
restraining order against you,
380
00:17:06,526 --> 00:17:08,027
and they said
"It wouldn't look good."
381
00:17:08,094 --> 00:17:10,997
I thought I was done with you,
but now you're back?
382
00:17:11,063 --> 00:17:13,232
Ugh.
383
00:17:13,299 --> 00:17:16,369
Well, on the bright side,
at least he remembered you.
384
00:17:16,435 --> 00:17:20,239
There's no bright side.
My glory days were a fraud.
385
00:17:20,306 --> 00:17:22,975
Clearly a figment
of my imagination.
386
00:17:23,042 --> 00:17:25,845
So what I thought was my peak
was just a whiff,
387
00:17:25,912 --> 00:17:29,215
a zero, a total airball.
388
00:17:31,484 --> 00:17:33,819
Gram, you know what I think?
389
00:17:33,886 --> 00:17:36,589
You didn't peak in high school,
you're peaking right now.
390
00:17:36,656 --> 00:17:39,825
You know what everyone's gonna
be talking about after today?
391
00:17:39,892 --> 00:17:41,160
Betty Jean Bryant.
392
00:17:41,227 --> 00:17:43,229
♪ ♪
393
00:17:45,097 --> 00:17:47,066
Yeah, I guess you're right.
394
00:17:47,133 --> 00:17:48,200
Let's get out of here.
395
00:17:48,267 --> 00:17:50,803
I always was too good
for this place.
396
00:17:57,577 --> 00:17:59,445
(inhales sharply)
I'm in a bathroom
397
00:17:59,512 --> 00:18:01,847
serving tartar sauce
to a woman on a toilet?
398
00:18:01,914 --> 00:18:03,816
And why? Why did I have to go
399
00:18:03,883 --> 00:18:06,285
and tie my raise
to a stupid stunt?
400
00:18:06,352 --> 00:18:08,187
Because I have been taught
it's not ladylike
401
00:18:08,254 --> 00:18:11,023
to directly ask
for what I want, that's why.
402
00:18:11,090 --> 00:18:13,059
And look at you.
You're in the same boat.
403
00:18:13,125 --> 00:18:14,994
All you want is
to be left alone.
404
00:18:15,061 --> 00:18:18,030
Probably came in here,
accidentally let one fly,
405
00:18:18,097 --> 00:18:19,699
which is also "so unladylike,"
406
00:18:19,765 --> 00:18:22,401
and then that little voice
came into your head saying
407
00:18:22,468 --> 00:18:24,170
"You're not allowed to fart."
408
00:18:24,236 --> 00:18:26,238
"You're not allowed
to ask for a raise."
409
00:18:26,305 --> 00:18:28,541
"You're not allowed
to be president."
410
00:18:28,608 --> 00:18:31,010
Well, this ends now.
411
00:18:31,077 --> 00:18:34,347
You know what? Stay in here
as long as you want.
412
00:18:34,413 --> 00:18:36,248
WAYNE (laughs):
Oh, my God, Jenny.
413
00:18:36,315 --> 00:18:38,351
‐Great speech.
‐Thanks, Wayne.
414
00:18:38,417 --> 00:18:40,019
Are you Die Hardin' it up there?
415
00:18:40,086 --> 00:18:42,254
WAYNE:
You know it. 'Cause it was time to take action
416
00:18:42,321 --> 00:18:44,056
and get something done.
417
00:18:44,123 --> 00:18:46,425
Well, as you can see,
I just got it done.
418
00:18:46,492 --> 00:18:48,594
I still think the direct
approach would've been better.
419
00:18:48,661 --> 00:18:51,230
What's direct about
crawling around in the ceiling?
420
00:18:51,297 --> 00:18:52,665
(woman clears throat)
421
00:18:52,732 --> 00:18:54,100
(gasps)
422
00:18:55,134 --> 00:18:56,535
Oh, got it. I hear you, girl.
423
00:18:56,602 --> 00:18:57,870
Ha. You do you.
424
00:18:57,937 --> 00:19:00,006
WAYNE:
Message received. Scooting out.
425
00:19:00,072 --> 00:19:01,374
(heavy thumping overhead)
426
00:19:04,043 --> 00:19:05,878
That toilet lady
has pushed me to my limit,
427
00:19:05,945 --> 00:19:08,881
but I'm hanging in there.
428
00:19:08,948 --> 00:19:12,184
‐You just speak into the bulb...
‐I know where to speak.
429
00:19:12,251 --> 00:19:13,686
‐Everybody, listen up.
‐(others shushing)
430
00:19:13,753 --> 00:19:15,454
Instead of harassing
that poor lady,
431
00:19:15,521 --> 00:19:18,057
we should be asking ourselves
why we were so quick
432
00:19:18,124 --> 00:19:19,792
to label her a monster.
433
00:19:19,859 --> 00:19:22,528
We go in bathrooms
afraid to make a sound,
434
00:19:22,595 --> 00:19:25,798
and we go to work afraid
to stand up for ourselves.
435
00:19:25,865 --> 00:19:28,868
We are literally
and figuratively afraid
436
00:19:28,934 --> 00:19:30,803
to make a stink.
437
00:19:30,870 --> 00:19:35,508
Well, I say:
ladies, let's make a stink.
438
00:19:35,574 --> 00:19:39,912
Louise Culp, I want a raise!
Boom.
439
00:19:39,979 --> 00:19:41,647
‐(cheering and applause)
‐♪ Catch me, Jesus,I'm falling ♪
440
00:19:41,714 --> 00:19:45,051
Hell yeah. I'm gonna tell
my boss I want a raise, too.
441
00:19:45,117 --> 00:19:46,886
‐Enough is enough!
‐Yeah!
442
00:19:46,952 --> 00:19:49,188
Jenny.
(stammers)
443
00:19:49,255 --> 00:19:52,992
Well, I was gonna give you
a raise all day today.
444
00:19:53,059 --> 00:19:54,827
(toilet flushes)
445
00:19:54,894 --> 00:19:57,229
(people gasping)
446
00:19:57,296 --> 00:20:00,166
My name's Darlene Sims...
447
00:20:02,268 --> 00:20:05,204
...and yes,
I destroyed your toilet.
448
00:20:05,271 --> 00:20:06,672
(all gasp)
449
00:20:06,739 --> 00:20:08,507
(cheering and applause)
450
00:20:08,574 --> 00:20:11,277
Darlene, that is so brave.
451
00:20:11,343 --> 00:20:12,611
I was on my way to the most
452
00:20:12,678 --> 00:20:14,413
important job interview
of my life.
453
00:20:14,480 --> 00:20:19,418
And like many women,
I have chronic anxious IBS.
454
00:20:19,485 --> 00:20:21,620
Let it out, Darlene, baby.
455
00:20:21,687 --> 00:20:24,890
And I want y'all to know,
it was coming out of me
456
00:20:24,957 --> 00:20:27,593
the second
I walked into your bathroom.
457
00:20:27,660 --> 00:20:29,061
Let me paint a picture.
458
00:20:29,128 --> 00:20:31,697
JENNY:And so, Darlene Simsopenly shared
459
00:20:31,764 --> 00:20:33,866
her bathroom journeywith a level of detail
460
00:20:33,933 --> 00:20:36,268
that few womenhave publicly expressed.
461
00:20:36,335 --> 00:20:39,905
And the inspirationwas infectious.
462
00:20:39,972 --> 00:20:41,874
And as we continuedto share stories
463
00:20:41,941 --> 00:20:45,644
of struggle and triumph,one thing became clear:
464
00:20:45,711 --> 00:20:49,048
our days of holding it inwere finally over.
465
00:20:49,115 --> 00:20:51,217
Run! Possum's right behind me!
466
00:20:51,283 --> 00:20:53,486
And he's got fire, which he
totally had when I met him!
467
00:20:58,057 --> 00:20:59,825
ANNOUNCER:Please welcome to the stage,
468
00:20:59,892 --> 00:21:02,428
from the upcoming comedy
Forty‐Nine Hands,
469
00:21:02,495 --> 00:21:06,165
Carl Joharnsarnand Bethany Vallway.
470
00:21:06,232 --> 00:21:08,868
And the winnerfor best foreign‐language
471
00:21:08,934 --> 00:21:11,036
short‐form documentary.
472
00:21:11,103 --> 00:21:14,874
From Japan, Hiroki Kakatani's
A Stall Too Far: How One
473
00:21:14,940 --> 00:21:16,509
Tiny Woman
Held a Bathroom Mirror
474
00:21:16,575 --> 00:21:18,410
Up to a Small Town
and Their Beliefs.
475
00:21:18,477 --> 00:21:21,714
ANNOUNCER: This is Hiroki's15th nomination and first win
476
00:21:21,781 --> 00:21:23,783
(speaking Japanese)
477
00:21:23,849 --> 00:21:26,852
Jenny Hart...(continues in Japanese)
478
00:21:26,919 --> 00:21:28,454
‐Oh, my Lord, oh, my Lord!
‐Yeah!
479
00:21:28,521 --> 00:21:29,755
‐We're famous!
‐(cheers)
480
00:21:29,822 --> 00:21:31,824
‐(meows)
‐(horn honks musically)
481
00:21:31,874 --> 00:21:36,424
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