All language subtitles for A.Carol.Christmas.2003.720p.WEBRip.x264.AAC-[YTS.MX]

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Big show today.

You betcha, Jimmy.

Beginning to look a lot like
Christmas.

Oh, let me help you
with that, Billy.

Thank you.

God rest ye merry gentlemen.

Morning.

I'm going to put on
five pounds looking at this
table.

I know, I know, we need
Carol. I have to go talk to Hal,

and then I'll get her.

Wish
me luck.

You have to stop blaming the
rest of the world for your
mistakes.

It's about time you
took responsibility for what
you've done,

and look for a way
to make things right.

Yeah that ought to shut her up.

When live gives you lemons, you
make lemonade.

You don't whine and moan about
getting lemons.

You've got
to stop crying.

You've got to stop feeling sorry
for yourself.

And remember,

that if you don't take control
of your life,

nobody else is going
to do it for you.

Feeling sorry for yourself never
solved any problems.

Life presents us with
lots of choices.

Along the way we get to make
some good choices, and some
really awful ones.

And remember, the man
upstairs is keeping track.

And so we've got to be sure that
the good choices outweigh the
bad choices,

or you won't be happy with what
he's got in store for your
future.

I'm Dr. Bob, and
we'll be right back.

He is so full of it.

I should incorporate some of
that double talk into my show.

- It seems like a lot of cliches
to me.

Yeah. Well those cliches
have made him millions.

You should be so lucky.

- How about the camera
operators?

What did I get them last year?

- Uh, soap.

Obviously they've gone through
it, have you stood next to one
of them lately?

- Sound crew?

Soap.

- Uh, make-up?

- Well they do make me look
good,

so maybe you should
get them something
a little bit nicer.

Nah, what was I thinking?
It's not that hard. Soap.

- How about the office staff?

God, Roberta,

aren't you sensing
a trend here?

You're my assistant. Assist me
and finish the list yourself.

I don't believe this. The mayor
has announced that

this year's Good Guy Of The Year
Award is being presented to John
Joyce.

Joyce founded the Central Valley
Food Pantry and Meals On Wheels
program.

Did I tell you I used
to date this guy?

- Yeah, you've mentioned it a
few times.

I'm sure he talks a lot more
about me than I talk about him.

I have a feeling he never really
got over our breakup.

Why he'd rather spend time with
smelly old homeless people than
me, I'll ever know.

Whatever. Can you imagine me
ladling soup to some guy that
lives out of a shopping cart?

- Not really.

Speaking of shopping, what are
you waiting for? Go shop.

- Um, well I'm just going to go
pick up Lily from the sitter,
and I'll get right on it.

Lily this, Lily that.

Remember who pays your salary,
Miss Timmons. Me or that ten
year old daughter of yours.

Carol, we need you out on set to
go over a couple of things. We
go live at 3:00.

Look, it wasn't my idea to do a
live Christmas Eve show.

It was Hal's.

In fact, I hate the idea.

So go out there and tell that
executive producer of ours I'll
be out when I'm good and ready.

Okay, got it.

Uh, at the end of the show,
we're going to bring out a group

of foster kids and give
them a Christmas like
they've never had.

We got bikes, toys, video games,
all sorts of stuff.

Don't those Marines or firemen
collect toys for those kids? Why
are we spending the money?

It's Christmas.

Oh, bah humbug.

Nobody ever did anything like
that for me when I was a kid.

Jimmy, when I get out on set,

I don't want to see one
toy. You got that?

Got it.

Always keep them waiting.

That's what you taught me Aunt
Marla. You got to show them
who's boss.

Only way they'll respect you.

Why Morgan Maddox? She doesn't
exactly scream Christmas does
she?

Morgan's a good guest for the
holiday show. She always has

great stories about the
charities she works with.
'Tis the season.

For the past few years she's
helped serve Christmas meals at
a shelter.

-Yeah. Well she's had a lot of
free time on her hands ever
since my show,

-The Tillys Of Bel Aire knocked
her pathetic show off the
schedule.

-Now that's a good story.

Carol, we also have a, um,
special guest.

What kind of special guest?

Someone Hal booked. The world's
largest Santa Clause.

Oh my god.

What do you think? He's immense.

Are you kidding me?

Everybody loves jolly old Saint
Nick. You don't get any jollier
than that.

Look at him. He's got no lap,
Hal. Where are the kids supposed
to sit?

That's good. Use that when you
interview him.

No. I'm not interviewing him.

Well I'm the executive producer
of the show, and I say you are.

He's a joke.
- Yeah, yeah. A joke that
everybody's going to talk about.

Look, if Marla was still around,
you wouldn't be getting away
with this.

If Marla was still around,
there'd be two of them.

Fine. Like anyone's going to
believe only eight reindeer
could pull that guy around.

Another good one. Is anyone
writing this stuff down?

Sis.

It'll be all right, don't worry.

Now Santa, what we're going to
do here with you today, is we're
going to have a nice ...

Do you believe them? They want
me to sit on stage with some fat
Santa.

Oh.

You know, it would be a shame to
have to go home and tell your

family that you lost your job on
Christmas Eve, wouldn't it?

Pick all this up. Now.

Come on.

I figured you show up, you
always do around the holidays.

What did you get your little
sister?

- Um, actually those are from
Lindsey and Tyler, for their
Aunt Carol.

What's this? A rock.

-It's not just a rock, it's a
paper weight.

- Tyler made it in preschool
especially for you. Look, merry
Christmas to Aunt Carol.

Okay, what else? Oh, a rock
holder.

- No, it's a jewelry box.

- Lindsey wrote, Aunt Carol's
jewelry box all by herself. And
look, she even lined it in felt.

Wow.

- They made those.

I guess it's the thought that
counts, isn't it? Do tell them
thank you.

Hi. Christmas Eve, honey, won't
be long until Santa's here.

When does your Christmas start?

Soon. I just have a little more
work to do for Carol.

How come you spend more time
doing things for Carol than you
do with me?

It's my job, sweetheart.

I, um, also came by to invite
you to Christmas Eve dinner
tonight.

- Thanks, but I don't think so.

Carol, I mean, this is the same
thing every year. I invite you,
you don't come.

Come on,
the kids would
really love to see you.

- Sorry, busy.

Carol, Mom and Dad aren't with
us anymore.

We're the only family we have
left. And Christmas is a time
for families.

- You have your own family now,
and I lost mine a long time ago.

I really wish you wouldn't be
this way.

Merry Christmas, honey.

Yeah, whatever.

How about this, why don't we go
get some ice cream before we
head back to the studio?

Ai-yi-yi-yi. Hello?
- You're not back.

I'm almost finished.

Fine. Before you get back can
you pick up a couple of presents
for my niece and nephew?

No problem. What do you want me
to get them?

How should I know. You're the
one with the kid. Get something
a kid would like.

I, I'll take care of it.

And don't spend more than 20
bucks each. Got it?

- Got it.
Make it quick. I need you here.

No ice cream, huh?

Not today. But I promise I'll
make it up to you, okay?

In the meantime I have a very
special assignment that I don't
think I can do without you.

Sure, what do you need me to do?

Help me pick out some awesome
toys for Carol's niece and
nephew.

Okay, how much?

20 bucks.

Well I don't know how awesome
they'll be for 20 bucks. But
we'll try our best.

No, no, disgusting, nasty,
never. Are these all my choices?

Jimmy?

- Well how about ...
I'm not talking to you. Is this
it?

I thought they were nice.

Nice? Nice is for housewives and
grade school teachers. I want to
look fabulous.

Well fabulous will have to wait
for the New Years show.

Fine. Which one do you like?

Oh, the red one with the
snowman. It just says Christmas.

I'll wear the green. I wouldn't
be caught dead in that one. Go,
go. How long 'til the show?

Well we have lunch, technical
run through, and then, uh,

we'll have the audience in a
little over three hours.

- Fine. I'm going to lie
down. And don't disturb me
'til it's time.

Oh, sorry. Oh.

You again. If I see you one more
time today, you're fired. Do you
understand that?

Carol, he understands you
perfectly. Don't you? It's no
problem here.

- Sorry Jimmy. You can't let her
fire me.

What are you all looking at?

Get back to work unless you want
to join this klutz on the soon
to be unemployed line.

That's a lot of cookies.

Take it from an expert, the
trees, much better than the
candy canes.

I think you're going to be
very happy with that choice.

I already am.

Hey.
- Hey.

How's it going/

Okay, I guess. Christmas with
Carol is not the most wonderful
time of year.

Well working for Carol there is
no most wonderful time of the
year.

No, I'll get into the holiday
spirit once I'm done with her
and I can focus on it a little.

Well we're still going to the
Christmas tree lot after the
show, right?

-Oh I, I can't wait.

I am going to get you guys the
biggest tree they have left.

I really appreciate all you do
for us, Jimmy.

But Lily and I are going to buy
a tree we can afford.

I'll let you buy your own tree.

But I can still get you guys a
present to put under the tree,
right?

Well ...
- Let him, Mom.

I have to get back to Carol.

Mom, I want to come.

Hey Lily, maybe we should stay
here, see if we can't do some

more damage to this cookie
plate.

- Sounds good to me.

You want to share this with me?

Are you alone?

- Yes, ma'am.

Good. I didn't realize it was
bring the Tiny Tim into work
day.

-You know, I didn't think it
would be a problem, it being the
Christmas show and all.

Well you thought wrong.

Look, it's not that I hate kids.

Well, I'm not exactly fond of
them.

But her being here keeps
you from giving me your
undivided attention.

That's not
acceptable, okay.

- I'm sorry.

Apology accepted.

Here's your tea. And, uh, I'll
just wrap up these gifts and
I'll be on my way.

I want to rest now.

- But if I don't wrap the
presents, you won't have

anything to hand out after the
show.

Well you shouldn't have waited
'til the last minute.

- But we just finished the list
...

- You can wrap them after the
show, and deliver them later on.

It's Christmas Eve. I'm supposed
to be spending it with Lily.

You will, delivering gifts.

-You're the boss.

That's right. Now I want to get
a nap in before the show. Don't
wake me 'til 3:00.

Okay.

It's gotten so bad. You have to
hold their hand every minute.

Fire, fire. Why didn't anyone
wake me? I'm only the star of
the frigging show.

Carol Cartman. Carol Cartman.
Carol Cartman, what's the
matter?

You don't recognize your
favorite aunt?

What?

Aunt Marla, is that you?

The one and only.

I'm sorry. I didn't recognize
you.
-Thanks.

Well you do look kind of pale.

I'm dead. You'd look pale, too.
Weee. I'm here to help you,
lovey.

Excuse me?

Now listen carefully, I'm doomed
to wander the earth like this

because of all the ill will I
spread when I was alive.

Ill will?

My mistreatment of others. I'm
here to warn you, Carol Cartman,
and to spare you a similar fate.

You taught me how to treat
others.

Hello, am I not making myself
clear?

I was wrong.

About what?

About everything. I pushed you
and pushed you and pushed you

and pushed you and turned you
into, well, me.

- You made me a star.

I had another word in mind, but
it rhymes with rich.

Look, sure, we had some good
times. I mean, the money,

the houses, the
extravagant lifestyle.

You make it sound so horrible.

The only thing horrible about it
was how we did it.

We did it at the expense of
friends, of family. Of love.

Well it's too late for me,
Carol. But it's not too late for
you.

You still have time to
change your ways.

To save yourself. To
redeem your life.

Be nice.

What? No. This, this goes
against everything that you
taught me.

I know. I know. Everything I did
for you was wrong.

Which is why I'm here to warn
you. You're being given a gift,
Carol.

You will be visited by three
spirits.

The first at the stroke
of 12.

The stroke of 12. 12. 12
Heed my warning.

Heed my warning. Heed my
warning. Heed my warning. Heed
my warning.

Heed my warning.
Heed my warning.

... so then she said she needed
three more.

Quick.

Better safe than sorry.

What did Roberta put in that
tea? Too weird, too weird.

I always loved that song.

Who are you?

I'm the Ghost Of Christmas Past.
Didn't Aunt Marla tell you I was
coming?

No, no, no, no. I recognize you.

You're the guy that used to have
that TV show when you were a
kid.

Little Pete.
- Yeah. I used to watch that
show.

You're a fan.

I said I watched it, I didn't
say I liked it

How long did that Tilly's show
of yours run?

Five years.

Mine ran for seven years. So
drop the attitude.

What ever happened to you?

I grew up. Well, I grew older.

There's not much work for a
middle aged actor who's even too
small to be a jockey.

But enough about me, we're here
to talk about you.

That's okay, not necessary.

- I said the same thing, but I
got overruled.

It was a close
vote, though.

All that matters is you've been
given a great gift,
Miss Cartman.

Look, I'm a little busy, so ...

Too busy to save your soul?

Okay, yeah, maybe I can give you
a couple minutes.

That thunder thing always works.
Take my hand, Carol Cartman.

Why?

In order to alter your future,
we must go back to your past.

Please take my hand. Come. Come
on, come on. Left, right,

that's it. We have a lot of work
to do.

Oh my god,

that's Granny
Greshwalk. That's my
third grade teacher.

Hi, Mrs.
Greshwalk.

Oh, she can't hear you. We're
just spirits visiting the
shadows of your past.

It's me.

Sorry I'm late.

Lovey, would you
come here for a minute?

What are you holding? Myrrh?
Outrageous. The least that old
bag could have done was

give you the gold. Myrrh.

This is an insult I will not
stand for.

I'd like a moment of your
time. Oh, I can't believe this,
Miss, Miss, uh, Grisbal?

Quite a character that Aunt
Marla.

She was the only one who
believed in me.

With her as an example, I could
see why we're here today.

What is that supposed to mean?

Just watch.

What is she so sad about?

I was twice the Virgin Mary she
could have been.

- You're right. But that little
girl's mother died the year
before.

Miss Greshwalk was just
trying to give her a prominent

role to raise her spirits a
little.

Oh.

Good news, sweetie. You're going
to be the Virgin Mary.

- But Aunt Marla, Theresa's
supposed to be the Virgin Mary.
And, and she's crying.

- Oh, don't worry about that.
Better she learns about
disappointment early in life.

But I don't even know the part.

So we'll work on it after school
today, for as long as it takes.

- But there's a Christmas party
after school.

You'll have plenty of time for
other parties, kiddo.

You do what I say, and your
whole life will be a party.

I don't know.

Listen to me. I didn't want to
tell you this,

but your mother and father told
me that if you didn't get the

lead in the school play this
time,

that they were not going to
allow you to continue your
acting lessons.

Mommy and Daddy wouldn't do
that.

Oh yes they would. Now
they don't believe in you
the way I do.

They think it's a waste of
time and money to allow you to
pursue your dreams.

They do?

Now you are going to be the best
Virgin Mary.

And you are going to go up there
and prove to everyone

just how special you really are.

Okay? Go. Skedaddle.

- So, you were the big hit the
night of the play.

I was great. Got a standing
ovation.

- You liked that.

Liked it? I loved it. But the
other kids didn't like what
happened.

Well I'm sure you must have made
your parents very proud.

They didn't come. They were
working.

It sounds to me like they were
busy providing you with the
means to pursue your dreams.

Look, Aunt Marla was the only
one who was always there for me.

And she was right to force
Mrs. Greshwalk to make me
the Virgin Mary.

If it was up to my parents,
I would have been that
lousy myrrh guy.

They were never
there for me the way she was.

Look, they were only trying to
make you happy, to help you
succeed.

You know, they sacrificed a lot
to make that happen.

Yeah. Like what?

- Well like letting the daughter
they loved dearly go off and

spend more time with her aunt
than with them.

That sounds pretty
unselfish to me.

So, do you remember this place?

How could I forget it.

The Knollwood Community
Playhouse. That's where I had my
first professional acting job.

It was all part of Aunt Marla's
plan. She'd get me in small
theaters with big parts,

and then she'd get me noticed.
- Ah

I see one thing she hadn't
planned on.

That was the first time I laid
eyes on John Joyce.

He came to pick up some old
costumes the theater was

donating to the homeless shelter
he worked at.

My friend Bridgette knew
him from the shelter.
She introduced us.

It looks like you two really hit
it off.

You think?

He asked me out that
day. And a lot of days after
that.

I never met anyone quite like
you.

Really?

Really. My whole life someone's
been telling me what to do.

What class to take,
what show to be in.

Let me guess, Aunt Marla.

You're the first person who has
ever asked me what I want to do.

What I care about. And no one's
ever asked me to help serve soup

to people who haven't eaten in
days.

- Feels pretty good, doesn't it?

Not bad.

There's something else that I
want to ask you.

Oh my god, look what time it is.
I have to get to the theater.

Carol, I, I ...

I'm sorry. Um, can it wait?

Tonight there's a Christmas
party after the show. I'd like
you to come with me.

Then after that we'll have the
rest of the night to ourselves.

Yeah. Sure, okay.

Okay.

I didn't know.

What would you have said?

Where have you been?

I'm sorry, we were out. Don't
worry, I'll be ready.

You'd better be. This is a big
night, sweetie.

This could be the night we've
been waiting for.

What are you talking about?
- Shh. I'll tell you after the
show.

But tonight you've got to
be not just good, but great.

I'm great every night. I'll see
you after the show.

You've been spending a lot of
time with my niece.

Your niece is spending a lot of
time with me.

I just don't want to see you get
hurt, that's all.

I'm a big boy.

It's never going to work out,
you know.

Are you sure of that?
- Oh yes. I know Carol.

She needs to be in the
spotlight.

What can you offer her? The
chance to hand out a blanket to

some guy who lives
in a refrigerator box?

There are worse things in life.

Yeah, to be the guy living in
the refrigerator box.

Enjoy your time with her while
it lasts.

You're nothing more than a brief
stopover on our way to the top.

Are you so cruel that you'd make
her choose between us?

Merry Christmas.

Tough lady.

She was only trying to protect
me. She didn't know what John
and I had.

Did you?

Aunt Marla only wanted what was
best for me.

I could tell. That our way to
the top was a dead giveaway.

Hi, hey you.
- Hi.

So, how'd you like the show?

The show was amazing.

And how was I?

- Mmm ...
Oh.

-Fantastic.
Oh, thank you.

So what did you
want to ask me earlier?

We can't talk about it here.
We're going to have to wait 'til
we're alone together, okay?

- Where is that niece of mine?

- If it was up to me, 100 miles
away from you.

Oh, stop it. I know she can be a
little pushy, but she grows on
you.

Oh, I'm sure she will.

- Lovey. You were fabulous.
It was like you were the
only one on stage.

- Well I'm sure the other actors
would be tickled to hear that.

Carol, sweetie, there was a
talent agent in the audience
tonight.

You should have heard
him raving about you.

His name is, uh, Mel Murray.

He and some other agents are
having drinks at a bar down the
street,

and he wants me to bring
you over to meet him.

Really? That's great.

- He loved you, baby. He says
you have real talent.

I think he wants to
represent you.

- John, did you hear that?

Yeah, that's, that's great.

I told him we'd come by just as
soon as you were changed.

Oh, um, but, but what about the
party?

Carol, this is the break you've
been waiting for.

This is why I've got you working
in a hole like this.

Yeah, but my friends. We've been
working really hard.

And there will always be another
party, kiddo.

You do what I say and your whole
life will be a party.

Come on. Who cares about
you more than I do, huh?

Okay. I'll meet you outside.

Great.

Sweetheart, I'm sorry. I got to
do this.

It's what Marla and I
have been working for my entire
life.

What you wanted to ask me
earlier, can it wait?

I guess it'll have to.

Thanks.

I had to go with Marla. This was
my future.

- Maybe what John was going to
ask you was your future.

He never did ask me.

Maybe he's waiting for that
other Carol he fell in love with
to show up.

I wonder if that
Carol ever did show up again.

Let's see, shall we?

The Tillys Of Bel Aire.

Everything Aunt Marla promised
came true.

I was the star of my
own TV show.

- Did you enjoy making all these
people stand around for you?

Not really.

But Aunt Marla said, always keep
them waiting.

You got to show them who's boss.
The only way to gain respect in
this business.

- Did it ever occur to you that
Aunt Marla could be wrong?

Well she hadn't been wrong about
anything up to this point.

- Nothing?

Hey, how's it going? All right.

Hey. Ladies, how are you? Good.

Please, Carol, everybody's
waiting.

Let them wait. It's the only
thing these idiots around here
are any good at.

- Hey Rick, how's it going,
buddy?

Waiting. As usual.

Hi, sweetheart.

Hi, honey.

Hello, Marla.

- Hey, get in here.

John.

- Hey, honey, I know you got to
get going soon, but wow, you
look great.

What are you doing here?

My meeting with the city
finished early.

We got that building for the
food pantry. And the kitchen is
large enough

that we can get the Meals On
Wheels program going as well.

That's great.

Yeah, whoopee.

So I was thinking maybe we could
go out tonight and celebrate,
you know?

Just you and me.

- She can't. She's got an
interview later on, and then she
has to go to a screening.

Can you skip this one screening,
Carol? Please, this is a big
deal for me.

Well, being seen at a screening
is a big deal for her, too.

They forget about you in
this business quicker than
you can turn around.

That's pretty
selfish of you to be thinking
only of yourself.

I'm sorry, hon, Aunt Marla's
right. Part of being a celebrity
is being seen.

Marla, will you give us a
minute, please?

-It's okay.

Okay. I'll, uh, I'll just go
check on your low fat meal for
lunch,

and then I'll come back
and I'll get you when
it's time to go to the set.

- Okay.

When it's time?

Carol, everyone
is out there standing around
waiting for you now.

I know.

But Aunt Marla says, the
longer you make them wait, the
more they respect you.

- And you believe her?

Well of course I do. I wouldn't
be where I am without her.

- Okay. And what have you had to
give up?

Nothing. I've given up nothing.

You're wrong. Carol, you're not
the same person that I fell in
love with.

That's right. I'm a star now.

And maybe that's what you're
really having a problem with.

Aunt Marla told me.

What, what did Aunt Marla tell
you? That I, I'm jealous of your
fame and your money?

Well at least I'm not living in
a dream world thinking I can
really make a difference.

Is that how you really
think of me?

- I don't think I can do this
anymore.

Do what?

-I, I keep waiting for the Carol
that I fell in love with to show
up again.

I'm starting to believe that
she's gone forever.

I suppose it just took me a long
time to realize it.

- What are you saying?

I guess, goodbye.

That was so unfair of him to
make me choose.

What did he want me to do?

Just drop everything and run
after him?

She's all yours.

You know, I've got to admit, you
hung around a lot longer than I
thought you would.

But, and don't take this the
wrong way, good riddance.

I really do love her, you know.

She doesn't need your love.

And I want what's best for her.

And I'm the one who knows what's
best for her.

No, Marla, you only think you
know what's best for her.

Sure, you got her here, but now
what?

Are you going to keep
pulling her strings for the rest
of her life,

or are you going to let her live
a little?

Maybe even let her love
someone or some thing other than
her career.

I guess you're not man
enough to stick around and find
out, are you?

Bye bye.

If he had loved me, he wouldn't
have left.

Pop.

What was that?

Me bursting your bubble. Come
on, you're going to like this.

Privacy please, driver.

- Yes sir.

What are we doing here?

Same thing we've been doing all
day long. We are but flies on
the wall.

Did you have to park so close to
the studio?

It's too bad The Tillys
was canceled.

I thought for sure it had a
couple more years in it.

Well, all good things must come
to an end, right?

- Hmm. Well with your brains and
beauty, delivering queen of mean
is no problem, right?

Oh, well, Carol will do what we
tell her to do.

But remember the plan. We ease
her into it.

Yeah, yeah.

We let her have her nice little
talk show until she gets

comfortable with it, and then we
gradually move her into

an area that really sells.
Freaks.

- Well, you are going to be a
producer on the show, Marla.

It's going to make you rich.

This is what I've been working
for since she was a kid.

- Well it's nice meeting someone
who always puts the welfare of

their clients first.

Yeah.

- We're going to take daytime
TV and flip it on its ear.

I can't believe she would do
something like that to me.

Well like you said,

she's the only one that actually
knew what was best for you.

Seems like she knew what was
best for her, too.

- That explains that freak Santa
Hal's trying to put on the
Christmas show.

He's trying to move the
show into what he really wants
it to be.

-pen, the pen
Thank you.

All that time ... - It's going to be great doing this with you ...

... she was only out for
herself.

-- Bye bye, kiss kiss. Ciao.

Marla's funeral.

- Good turnout.

I'm so sorry, Carol. Your aunt
was an unusual woman.

Thanks, Hal.

I know she was a tough one for
other people to get along with

- Oh man, she ...

She had my best interests at
heart, though.

Of course. But, uh, just so you
know, we're going to keep the

show going exactly the way your
aunt wanted.

Thanks, Hal. I appreciate it.

- What a phony. Phony.

Yeah, I'm just as shocked as you
are. Somebody who's in show

business that turns out to be a
phony.

I was surprised there weren't
more people at her funeral.

Actually for her, this is good.

What does that mean?

Hey, you live your life caring
about no one but yourself, no
one there to care about you.

I've seen enough. Take me back.

Yep, you live alone, you die
alone.

Or maybe not so much
alone as secluded, isolated,

detached, unloved ...

Take me back.

... unwanted. Take me
back, take me back.

Well, that's it
for today. And for another year

Oh, what a dream.
... ho, ho, ho ...

No more green tea. Ever.

And I want to you enjoy
the holidays. And so should you.

Yes. And remember,

the holidays are not a time to
wallow in pity.

It's a time to celebrate
everything you have in life.

To celebrate and remember all
the good things.

Ho, ho, ho, ho.

A very merry Christmas to you
all.

You tell them, Dr. Bob. You tell
them what they need to hear.

I'm not talking to them, Carol.
I'm talking to you.

Dr. Bob?

Well, another time another
place, Dr. Bob.

But for our purposes, the Ghost
Of Christmas Present.

Oh, why am I not surprised?

You were expecting me?

Oh, I was expecting something or
someone. But no, not, not you.

I'll be you weren't.

I mean, it must be scary faced
with the prospect of seeing

things as they really are.

What was it you said about me?

- Uh, tell them what they need
to hear?

That's it.

Well, Carol, you'd better face
the music little lady.

You made your bed, now you got
to sleep in it.

It's time to get out of your own
way.

Do I always speak in
cliches like that?

Pretty much.

You think someone would tell me
what I need to hear? No.

Let's not get the big fellow
mad.

Let's not upset the apple cart,

let, I'm doing it again.

Yeah.

I got to work on that. But this
is your time, Carol. Let's go.

- Oh.

Ah, you, I just washed my hands

and I have this funny thing
about touching people.

I know, I know, it's something
else I got to work on.

I'll tell you what, grab a hold
of this Santa Suit,

it's a rental.
It should be okay.

Oh.

- Oh, sorry.

Don't tell me we're here to do a
Christmas drug deal.

This is where your assistant
Roberta lives.

You're kidding.

Yeah, I'm kidding.

She really lives in Beverly
Hills, and I just like to come

down here on Christmas Eve and
hang out.

- We don't have to go in there,
do we?

I mean, look at that place.

You just know that there are
cockroaches in there.

And rats. And I hate rats.

But a person has to do what a
person has to do.

Every journey begins with the
first step.

I'm doing it again,
aren't I?

Let's go.

Mommy, do you think we're ever
going to get a really big
Christmas tree?

But we've always had a small
Christmas tree, it's our
tradition.

Yeah, well, I say it's time to
start a new tradition with a
really big tree.

You know what, sweetie?
We can't afford a big tree,

so why don't we stick to our
tradition, okay?

- That's okay, Mommy. As long as
we're together.

We'll always be together, babe.

I love you, Mommy.

- Mmm.

How are those presents coming?

Are you sure you want me to wrap
these?

You're just going to tear
them apart anyway.

- That's half the fun.

- Right. But if I get a paper
cut, I'm holding you
accountable.

I don't know how I would have
gotten all of Carol's presents

delivered if it wasn't for your
help. Thank you.

The sooner we got that done, the
quicker we could get our own

Christmas started.

Do you think these are going to
fit under the tree?

I think they will fit under the
table.

Technically they'll still be
under the tree.

How could they be so happy?

Look at this place, they have
nothing.

- No, but what they have is more
valuable than gold.

Why doesn't Jimmy help them out?
He makes a good living.

Well he's offered, but Roberta
doesn't want to take charity.

What she wants is to prove that
she can make it on her own.

Stand on her own two feet. Burn
her own, darn.

Stand on her own two feet. Burn
her own, darn.

Stand on her own two feet. Burn
her own, darn.

It's really annoying...

But the operative word is earn.

If only someone would pay her
what she's really worth.

I wonder who that could be?
Maybe Santa's a little bit
early.

He's never early. Let me put
this one here ...

Frank.

Hi, Roberta.

Who's that?

Watch.

Can I come in?

Is everything okay?

This is Frank.

Hi Lily. I brought you
something.

Thank you.

Hey, Lily,

why don't you say we go over to
Mrs. Martel's and get some of
that famous hot chocolate?

- That's a great idea.

What do you want, Frank?

I want to spend Christmas with
my family.

And what family would that be?

The family that you left before
Lily was even born?

Look, I admit I made a few bad
choices.

I don't know what kind of guilt
thing you have going on here,

but it's too late.

- Look at this place, Roberta.

Is this any way to bring up a
child?

We're doing just fine, thank
you.

Are you?

'Cause I don't think so. And I
want to give my daughter some of
the things that you can't.

Your daughter? You have no right
to call her your daughter.

Look, Roberta, I've changed.

I'm married now, to a wonderful
woman.

But we can't have children.

So I want to be back
in my daughter's life.

I want her to be a part of my
family.

You don't want Lily in your life
for her sake,

you want Lily in your life
for your sake.

I'm sorry, Roberta, but you may
not have a choice.

What's this?

I'm taking you to
court for custody of Lily.

I'm going to get
her out of all this.

What?

You're just too stubborn to see
that I can give her a better
life than you can.

He can't do that, can he?

Maybe. Only the future can tell.

Pollen.

How could people live with such
stinky grass, flowers and trees.

Wait a minute, this looks
familiar.

This is my sister Beth's house.

- How long since you been here?

Too long.

- Come on, let's take a peek.
What are you afraid of?

Well after what you showed me at
Roberta's, who knows what you're
going to show me next.

I'm showing you the impact that
you have on other people's
lives.

You know, there are a lot
of people who get a great deal

of pleasure out of the simple
things in life,

and believe it or not, they get
along just fine without you.

Sorry. I promise you I will not
show you anything bad this time.

Promise.
- Promise, cross my heart.

Come on, Dad, please. Can't we
open all our presents tonight?

You know our tradition, one on
Christmas Eve and the rest on
Christmas day.

- But Dad, how are we going to
know which present Santa left
behind?

Yeah, what if our regular
presents got confused with his?

- Mm hmm.
We can really make his presents
special.

He did work all year to make
them.

Nice try.

- What a warm and cozy room. I
can almost feel the Christmas
cheer out here.

They do look happy, don't they.

- They are happy.

For what? Small house, two kids
to worry about, tons of bills to
pay.

- Hey, Beth and Jerry may not be
millionaires,

but there's more love in that
house than money can buy,

and in the end, isn't
that what's important?

Now how am I supposed to baste a
turkey with all this laughter
going on in here?

They were trying to get me to
let them open all the presents.

Nope, nope, absolutely not. I,
on the other hand, get to open
all of mine.

It's a shame that you miss out
on this sort of thing every
year.

- Stop, stop, stop, stop, I
give, I give, I give, okay.

All right, we get to open
presents.

One.

It was worth a shot.

Okay, which one do you want to
open up?

I want to open Aunt Carol's.
-Me, too.

Aunt Carol's?

Yeah. Remember when Roberta
dropped them by?

- Mm hmm.
She said Aunt Carol picked them
out especially for us.

We know her presents aren't that
good, but she's pretty busy.
- Pretty busy.

And if she can take the time to
go out and get us something, we
should appreciate it.

Yeah, appreciate it.

Well I am busy.

- Sure you are.

Not that busy.

Mom, did Aunt Carol like the
presents we made her?

Oh, honey, she loved them.

She couldn't believe that you
made them by yourself.

Tyler.

You don't suppose there's any
chance she might be stopping by
tonight?

- Wow, a Maggie Waggie doll. I
wanted one of these.

Mom, Dad, look at this.

Oh, wow.
-Those had to cost more than 20
dollars.

Roberta used some of her own
money.

Why?

To protect you.

She didn't want the only family
you have in the world to think

that you were cheap, or that you
didn't care.

Hey kids, uh, what about reading
a little bit of The Christmas
Carol before dinner?

I'll get the book.

- I get to be Tiny Tim.

I love this story.

Here, Dad.

Shame, isn't it?

What?

There's still room on the couch.

Marley was dead to begin with.

There is no doubt whatever
about that.

The register of his burial
was signed by the clergyman..

I can't watch this anymore. It's
too painful.

Look at them. They are so happy.

I know.

God bless you.

No we, we haven't got to that
part yet.

Mind, I don't mean to
say that I know

of my own knowledge what there
is ...
- Come on.

Watch your back, watch your
back.

Oh, great, great, great,
great. Excellent.

Uh, we need to get some more
going right away.

How are the mashed potatoes
coming?

- They're good.

Great.

You guys, thank you all
so much for your help, okay?

We couldn't do any of this
without you.

- Why are you showing me this?

Because you're depressed.

I thought it would cheer you up
to see

your old friend John so happy.

- And this right here is why I
love Christmas.

You were that happy once.
Weren't you?

A long time ago.

And whose fault do you think it
is that you aren't happy now?

Okay, fine. I could have made
some different choices,

been nicer to a few people. But
hey, you can't argue with the
end result.

- Okay, if that's the way you
feel about it.

No use living in the
past, huh?

Get it, living in the past?
Ghost Of Christmas Present.

Hello? Is this thing
on?

We're almost through.

I didn't need to see all that.
- Yes you did.

Where are we now?

We're at a parting of the ways.

Well hold on a second, aren't
you supposed to bring me back?

No. You're supposed to find your
own way back.

Hey, I'm a busy man, I've got
things to do.

Do you think you're the only one
who needs a visit from the Ghost
Of Christmas Present?

Well, I thought ...

No, it's time for me to move on.
No rest for the wicked.

Idle hands, you know,

I'm actually making
myself feel nauseous.

It's like I can't control it.

- Wait, aren't you supposed to
show me more?

I've shown you everything I can.

Now it's time for you to see for
yourself what you'll become.

How am I supposed to get back?

Car, waiting for you.

Car?

Oh, thank god. Boy, am I
glad to see you. Hi. Oh, yeah.

You probably heard stories about
me from other limo drivers.

Doesn't like to talk, don't make
eye contact.

Well they're all true.

No, I'm I'm kidding, I'm
kidding. That's how I used to be

but this is the new me, so
you can feel free to lighten up

and, are you the last spirit?

Nice trick.

Excuse me, can I ask you
something?

You're the third spirit, right?

Am I right?

Okay, well so far I,
I've had the past, and,

and then I had the present.

So, I mean, it doesn't
take a genius to figure out that

you must be the Ghost Of
Christmas Future.

Um, let, let me ask you
something,

it's just a little
something that's always

bothered me. Is it ghost or is
it spirit?

'Cause I could never
quite figure that one out.

I mean, some people say ghost,
and some people say spirit. Is,
is,

is there a difference?

Uh, do you guys like one over
the other?

I mean, personally,

personally I think I like
spirit. I mean, ghost is just,

it seems so pedestrian. But
spirit, now that, that conjures

up some mystery right there. And
...

Hey, hey, hey, hey. Hey.

Hello?
Hello? Anybody? Hello? Spirit?

You brought me back. You know,
you weren't as bad as I thought

you were going to be.

So I guess my future's not
looking so bad, huh?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't
worry.

Don't have to tell me
twice.

Thanks. Uh, that's okay,

I'm good. I think I know
where I'm going.

I'm sorry, closed
set. I'm sure you understand.

Come on, hello?

Come on.

Okay, now you're
freaking me out. Help.

And now, life from
Hollywood, California, it's the
Carol Show's Holiday Special.

Hello, and welcome to the
special Holiday edition of

The Carol Show. Today we have
gathered a myriad of guests who

have chosen the most important
holiday,

Christmas, to tell their family
something. I hate you.

Coming up next on The Carol
Show. Ho, ho, ho.

-That was great. I'm going to go
talk to her.

-Yeah, yeah, that as
nice, Carol.

-Now, the first guest is a young
lady who's

going to drop the bombshell on
her parents.

They've got no idea what's
coming.

- Why does she hate them?

Something about they abandoned
her, and it ruined her life or

some sort of nonsense like that.
I cannot wait to see the look on

their faces when she says, they,
they took my childhood from me.

This is going to be good.

I'm sorry Hal I, I can't do
this. I can't do this show, not
today.

What? Well why not?

Has it ever occurred to you just
how painful this might be for
them?

Well not any more painful than
the guy on yesterday's show who

had five different wives in five
different states.

You didn't have any
problem doing that.

Yesterday's show
wasn't about me.

Oh, poor little Carol. Had to
grow up without her family.

Hey, take a look around you,
sweetie pie,

you've done pretty
well without them.

This isn't what I signed up for.

This, this has turned into some
sort of freak show.

Well you didn't have a problem
with this freak show

when it went number one in
daytime. You loved it.

I just want my show back.

This is the show you are going
to do.

You've got a contract, Miss
Cartman, and either you will
honor it,

or I will drag you into court,

sue you,

and take everything you've got.

Where are you going? You can't,
where do you think you're going?

You walk off this show, you can
kiss your career goodbye.

I've seen enough, I want to go
back. Please, I've had enough.

Hi. What are we doing here?

Okay, see, this is why we have a
smog problem in this city.

Oh my god. It's me.

Former?

Could be worse.

Personal appearances can bring
in good money.

Is this what becomes of
me?

Standing on street corners
holding signs?

It's sad. She died completely
alone.

-You can't say she didn't
deserve it.

If she had chosen to be a
different kind of person,

maybe things could have been
better for a lot of people.

-Life is full of maybes.

-How's Lily?

She's okay, I guess. Married and
living in Chicago.

She never forgave me for all the
time I spent with Carol and not
with her.

We don't speak that much
anymore.

Things were never the
same after I lost custody to

Frank and I could only see her
every other weekend.

- She lost Lily.

- I thought there'd be more
people here.

Did you?

-Not really.

Well, it's nice to see you.

Yeah, you too.

Bye, Carol.

Tell me, are these things that
you've shown me,

are they shadows of what might
be, or what will be?

Please. I'm a different person
than I was before these visits.

I've got to believe that you
wouldn't show me these things

if I had lost all hope.

I can change. I want
to change.

I'm going to hold Christmas in
my heart,

and I'm going to keep
it there all year round.

Please, please. I'm going
to change, I'm going change.

I'm going to change. I'm going
to, please.

Please, I won't forget the gifts
I've been shown tonight.

All the lessons I learned,
please. I'm going to change, I
can change, please.

Please. I'll change, I'll
change.

I can change. I can change. I
can change. I'll change.

Carol? Carol? Sorry, Carol, but
we go live in 45.

I didn't miss it.

Uh, can I tell them you're
coming?

Yeah, tell them I'm coming. I'll
be right there.

I don't want anyone waiting for
me.

And Jimmy, I know you want
to help Roberta out.

Don't worry, you don't have to.
It's all going to be okay.

Okay.

I'll be right there, I promise.
But will you do me a favor?

Will you tell Roberta I want to
talk to her for a second?

- Sure.
Thanks.

They did it, Aunt Marla.

They did it in one afternoon.
Thank you. Thank you.

Roberta, get in here.

Get in here and close the door.

I want to know exactly how much
you spent on the gifts for my
niece and nephew.

- Oh, I'm sorry Carol, I, I went
a little over budget.

But I made up the difference,
don't worry.

- Well I have something to say
to you.

Thank you!

Excuse me?

Oh, thank you so much for making
me look like a good aunt.

- You're welcome.

Roberta, you've always protected
me, and I, I've never really

said thank you. But that's all
going to change. First off,

I'm ashamed at what I pay you.
And I want to double, no I,

I want to triple your salary.

- Are you feeling all right?

I have never felt this good in
my entire life.

You know that rental house I
have in the Valley?

- I know, I promise, right after
the holidays

I'll find someone for it. It's
just that you're so particular

about who you rent to, that ...

- No, I don't want you to rent
it out.

I want you and Lily to
move into it. Rent free.

It's about time you moved out of
that tiny one bedroom place you
have.

And, and in the meantime,

I want you and Lily to go buy
the

biggest Christmas tree that you
can find.

Wait, you'll need ornaments,
here, and, well

lights of course. Oh, heck, just
take the whole thing.

Get whatever you need. I want to
make sure you get something

really nice for Lily from her
Aunt Carol.

I got to go, supposed to be in
make-up.

Oh, and in my wallet there's a,
a card for my lawyer.

Take it in case something ever
comes up where you need a
lawyer.

Like, tonight for instance. Call
him. He's good. He's really good

and I'll pay for everything.

Don't worry, it's all going to
work out. It'll all work out.

He's my lawyer, he loves
sticking it to people.

Oh and, and the gifts, don't,
don't worry about delivering the
gifts.

They're, they're junk. I
don't know what I was thinking.

I have something better planned
for the crew.

Besides, you should spent
tonight with Lily.

And whoever else you might want
to spend it with.

I got to go to make-up.

Hey, you, come over here.

I'm sorry Miss Cartman. I know
you said that I wasn't ...

What do you have there?

Jimmy said to get the toys and,
uh, stuff for the foster kids

and make sure they get them
since you wouldn't let them on

the show today.

Really?

Yes, ma'am.

Well, first of all, you take
those toys back to the studio.

Because today we're going to
give them to the foster kids.

We are?
- Yes we are. And then

I want you to go to the
production accountant

and have him give you as much
money as you need

to double what we have.

-What?

Now you get moving, before I
decide not to give you that nice
Christmas bonus.

Yes, ma'am. Hmm, joy to the
world.

Morgan, we are so excited to
have you on the show.

I can't wait to talk to you
about all the wonderful charity
work you do.

- It's one of the things that's
truly brought me happiness.

You know, it's always really
rewarding, and around the

holidays it just makes it extra
special, you know.

- Well it's a good thing you're
doing helping people.

- Thank you.

Now don't be surprised if from
now on you see me down there
lending a helping hand.

- Hey, I'm going to hold you to
that.
- Okay.

- Excuse me, Miss Maddox. Uh,
Carol, we need you in wardrobe,
we're live in 30.

Jimmy, tell them I'll be right
there.

I don't want anyone waiting for
me. I'm sorry, one second.

Jimmy, now I don't want to sound
controlling or anything,

but I don't think we should use
that Santa.

Why not?

'Cause it's not right.

It's not right to make fun of
him, or this holiday.

- Well Hal's not going to be too
happy about that.

You go tell Hal that we are

going to give him a
fabulous show.

And we won't have to lower
ourselves.

- Okay.

Thank you. Morgan, I'd
love to talk to you more
later about this.

- Yeah. see you out there.
- Okay.

And we are back in five, four,
three, two ...

Welcome back to
Carol's Live Christmas Eve
Special.

I got to tell you, up until a
little while ago,

I didn't want
to do this show.

But I have been given a gift.

I have been given the best
Christmas gift ever.

I have been given the
opportunity to hold

the spirit of Christmas in my
heart.

Not just this time of year, but
all year long.

I have also been given the
opportunity to thank some
people.

And I want to thank the people
that have made this show so
successful.

My wonderful, wonderful crew.

And to thank them properly,

I want to share
my success with them.

So no soap and shampoo this
year. As soon as we get our next
break,

I am taking my entire
crew, and staff,

and their families to Hawaii.

This is what this holiday is
all about.

It's a time to help people who
might be less fortunate than
you.

It's a time to celebrate all the
good things that you have.

And it's a time to be thankful
for your blessings.

This feeling shouldn't just be
this time of year, it should be
all year long.

So I have a very special
announcement to make.

I have been hounded for years
from different companies wanting

to put my name on beauty
products, and clothing lines.

Even kitchen ware. Which is
pretty ridiculous since I don't

even know where the kitchen is
in my house.

But the bottom line
is, I didn't want to do it until
now.

So I've decided I'm going
to let them use my name.

And I've also decided that I
want all the profits to be used
to help people.

And I can't think of a better
way to make that happen, then
for the profits

to go to all the homeless
shelters around the city

that my old friend,

Good Guy Of The Year,
John Joyce has opened.

Have a wonderful Christmas, and
be nice to each other.

Happy holidays.

That's a wrap,
that's a wrap people.

- Nice job, kid.
- Great show, Carol.

- Nice going, boss.

- It was beautiful, beautiful.

I think that was an okay show.

- That was the best Carol
Cartman show ever.

Mmm, the best is yet to come.

Carol, that was fabulous.

Boy, you keep doing shows like
this,

and you're going to be on
for a long, long time.

Mmm, Hal, I plan on it. I'm
sorry about the Santa.

- No, don't worry about it. You
were right, I was wrong.

That kind of thing is not Carol
Cartman Show material. Nice job.

Mommy, can Carol come over for
Christmas tonight?

You know what? I think I, uh,
I'll take a rain check.

There's somewhere else I really
need to be tonight.

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas.

Come on, Dad, please, can't we
open all our presents tonight?

- You know our tradition. One on
Christmas Eve,

and the rest on
Christmas morning.

Dad, how are we going to know

which presents Santa left
behind?

- Yeah, what if our regular
presents get confused with his?

Mm hmm.

We could really make his
presents special.

He did work all year to make
them.

Okay, which present do you want
to open up?

Jerry, go see who
that is.

And if it's Santa, tell
him I have two very naughty

little kids in here.

Carol.

Hi.

- Carol?
- Come on in.

Carol.

Merry Christmas.

Come in, come in.

- Aunt Carol.

Hi, guys. Hi. Aww.

Wow, who are those for?

These are for you.

But you already got us a
present, it's under the tree.

Come here.

I'm going to tell you
guys a secret that I'm not
too proud of.

Those presents under the
tree, I didn't buy them.

I had my assistant Roberta go
get them.

I always thought I was too busy
to buy my family presents.

But I was wrong, I'm sorry.

- Don't worry, we still love
you.

Thanks, buddy. I hope I'm not
too late for dinner.

I'm just so happy that you're
here.

Thank you.

Merry Christmas, little sister.

Is that popcorn you guys are
stringing?

Yeah, want to help?
- More than anything, yes.

I'm going to go check on the
turkey.

Aunt Carol, did you like the
presents we made you?

Did I like them? I loved them.

I can't believe you guys made
those all by yourselves.

You know, Dad, Aunt Carol
brought all these presents,

and she's not going to be here
tomorrow. So she probably wants

to watch us open them tonight,
don't you?

Of course.

- Okay, but after dinner.

I'll get it.

John.

Jerry, how are you?

Good, yeah.

- John.

Hi, Beth.
- Hi. How you doing?

- Good, come in.

Listen I am so sorry for
intruding.

I saw Carol's show, and by the
time I got to the studio

she was gone. And I was
wondering if you knew where she,

- hi.

Hi.

Um, dinner won't be ready for a
few minutes.

So if you two want to take some
time,

you're welcome to stay for
dinner, John.

Um, I, I should, I should
probably get back

and help finish preparing the
meals for tomorrow.

We could have dinner, and then

we could still get back in time
to help out.

- We?

We.

I was hoping you'd be watching
the show today.

Yeah? I'll let you in on a
little secret. I rarely miss it.

What happened to you today to
make you say what you did?

A few friends helped me
realize I haven't been a
very nice person.

But I want to change that.

I've always said,

all you have to do is let the
real Carol come out.

The Carol that I
fell in love with.

You once said the Carol you fell
in love with had disappeared for
good.

She didn't. She was just
missing for a little while.

And to Tiny Tim, who did not
die, he was a second father.

Scrooge was better than
his word. He did it all,
and infinitely more.

And it was always said of him
that he knew how to keep
Christmas well,

if any man alive possessed the
knowledge.

May that be truly said of us,
and of all of us.

And so, as Tiny Tim observed ...

Go ahead.

God Bless us. Everyone.

- So, do you really think we got
to her?

Oh, I think we scared her real
good.

You know, there's a lot of
good in people,

and sometimes all they
need is a little jolt

to get them back on track.

Well I hope we jolted her
enough.

Oh, Carol's going to be just
fine.

Maybe she'll make the world a
better place for a lot of other
people.

Amen to that.