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Big show today.

You betcha, Jimmy.

Beginning to look a lot like Christmas.

Oh, let me help you with that, Billy.

Thank you.

God rest ye merry gentlemen.

Morning.

I'm going to put on five pounds looking at this table.

I know, I know, we need Carol. I have to go talk to Hal,

and then I'll get her.

Wish me luck.

You have to stop blaming the rest of the world for your mistakes.

It's about time you took responsibility for what you've done,

and look for a way to make things right.

Yeah that ought to shut her up.

When live gives you lemons, you make lemonade.

You don't whine and moan about getting lemons.

You've got to stop crying.

You've got to stop feeling sorry for yourself.

And remember,

that if you don't take control of your life,

nobody else is going to do it for you.

Feeling sorry for yourself never solved any problems.

Life presents us with lots of choices.

Along the way we get to make some good choices, and some really awful ones.

And remember, the man upstairs is keeping track.

And so we've got to be sure that the good choices outweigh the bad choices,

or you won't be happy with what he's got in store for your future.

I'm Dr. Bob, and we'll be right back.

He is so full of it.

I should incorporate some of that double talk into my show.

- It seems like a lot of cliches to me.

Yeah. Well those cliches have made him millions.

You should be so lucky.

- How about the camera operators?

What did I get them last year?

- Uh, soap.

Obviously they've gone through it, have you stood next to one of them lately?

- Sound crew?

Soap.

- Uh, make-up?

- Well they do make me look good,

so maybe you should get them something a little bit nicer.

Nah, what was I thinking? It's not that hard. Soap.

- How about the office staff?

God, Roberta,

aren't you sensing a trend here?

You're my assistant. Assist me and finish the list yourself.

I don't believe this. The mayor has announced that

this year's Good Guy Of The Year Award is being presented to John Joyce.

Joyce founded the Central Valley Food Pantry and Meals On Wheels program.

Did I tell you I used to date this guy?

- Yeah, you've mentioned it a few times.

I'm sure he talks a lot more about me than I talk about him.

I have a feeling he never really got over our breakup.

Why he'd rather spend time with smelly old homeless people than me, I'll ever know.

Whatever. Can you imagine me ladling soup to some guy that lives out of a shopping cart?

- Not really.

Speaking of shopping, what are you waiting for? Go shop.

- Um, well I'm just going to go pick up Lily from the sitter, and I'll get right on it.

Lily this, Lily that.

Remember who pays your salary, Miss Timmons. Me or that ten year old daughter of yours.

Carol, we need you out on set to go over a couple of things. We go live at 3:00.

Look, it wasn't my idea to do a live Christmas Eve show.

It was Hal's.

In fact, I hate the idea.

So go out there and tell that executive producer of ours I'll be out when I'm good and ready.

Okay, got it.

Uh, at the end of the show, we're going to bring out a group

of foster kids and give them a Christmas like they've never had.

We got bikes, toys, video games, all sorts of stuff.

Don't those Marines or firemen collect toys for those kids? Why are we spending the money?

It's Christmas.

Oh, bah humbug.

Nobody ever did anything like that for me when I was a kid.

Jimmy, when I get out on set,

I don't want to see one toy. You got that?

Got it.

Always keep them waiting.

That's what you taught me Aunt Marla. You got to show them who's boss.

Only way they'll respect you.

Why Morgan Maddox? She doesn't exactly scream Christmas does she?

Morgan's a good guest for the holiday show. She always has

great stories about the charities she works with. 'Tis the season.

For the past few years she's helped serve Christmas meals at a shelter.

-Yeah. Well she's had a lot of free time on her hands ever since my show,

-The Tillys Of Bel Aire knocked her pathetic show off the schedule.

-Now that's a good story.

Carol, we also have a, um, special guest.

What kind of special guest?

Someone Hal booked. The world's largest Santa Clause.

Oh my god.

What do you think? He's immense.

Are you kidding me?

Everybody loves jolly old Saint Nick. You don't get any jollier than that.

Look at him. He's got no lap, Hal. Where are the kids supposed to sit?

That's good. Use that when you interview him.

No. I'm not interviewing him.

Well I'm the executive producer of the show, and I say you are.

He's a joke. - Yeah, yeah. A joke that everybody's going to talk about.

Look, if Marla was still around, you wouldn't be getting away with this.

If Marla was still around, there'd be two of them.

Fine. Like anyone's going to believe only eight reindeer could pull that guy around.

Another good one. Is anyone writing this stuff down?

Sis.

It'll be all right, don't worry.

Now Santa, what we're going to do here with you today, is we're going to have a nice ...

Do you believe them? They want me to sit on stage with some fat Santa.

Oh.

You know, it would be a shame to have to go home and tell your

family that you lost your job on Christmas Eve, wouldn't it?

Pick all this up. Now.

Come on.

I figured you show up, you always do around the holidays.

What did you get your little sister?

- Um, actually those are from Lindsey and Tyler, for their Aunt Carol.

What's this? A rock.

-It's not just a rock, it's a paper weight.

- Tyler made it in preschool especially for you. Look, merry Christmas to Aunt Carol.

Okay, what else? Oh, a rock holder.

- No, it's a jewelry box.

- Lindsey wrote, Aunt Carol's jewelry box all by herself. And look, she even lined it in felt.

Wow.

- They made those.

I guess it's the thought that counts, isn't it? Do tell them thank you.

Hi. Christmas Eve, honey, won't be long until Santa's here.

When does your Christmas start?

Soon. I just have a little more work to do for Carol.

How come you spend more time doing things for Carol than you do with me?

It's my job, sweetheart.

I, um, also came by to invite you to Christmas Eve dinner tonight.

- Thanks, but I don't think so.

Carol, I mean, this is the same thing every year. I invite you, you don't come.

Come on, the kids would really love to see you.

- Sorry, busy.

Carol, Mom and Dad aren't with us anymore.

We're the only family we have left. And Christmas is a time for families.

- You have your own family now, and I lost mine a long time ago.

I really wish you wouldn't be this way.

Merry Christmas, honey.

Yeah, whatever.

How about this, why don't we go get some ice cream before we head back to the studio?

Ai-yi-yi-yi. Hello? - You're not back.

I'm almost finished.

Fine. Before you get back can you pick up a couple of presents for my niece and nephew?

No problem. What do you want me to get them?

How should I know. You're the one with the kid. Get something a kid would like.

I, I'll take care of it.

And don't spend more than 20 bucks each. Got it?

- Got it. Make it quick. I need you here.

No ice cream, huh?

Not today. But I promise I'll make it up to you, okay?

In the meantime I have a very special assignment that I don't think I can do without you.

Sure, what do you need me to do?

Help me pick out some awesome toys for Carol's niece and nephew.

Okay, how much?

20 bucks.

Well I don't know how awesome they'll be for 20 bucks. But we'll try our best.

No, no, disgusting, nasty, never. Are these all my choices?

Jimmy?

- Well how about ... I'm not talking to you. Is this it?

I thought they were nice.

Nice? Nice is for housewives and grade school teachers. I want to look fabulous.

Well fabulous will have to wait for the New Years show.

Fine. Which one do you like?

Oh, the red one with the snowman. It just says Christmas.

I'll wear the green. I wouldn't be caught dead in that one. Go, go. How long 'til the show?

Well we have lunch, technical run through, and then, uh,

we'll have the audience in a little over three hours.

- Fine. I'm going to lie down. And don't disturb me 'til it's time.

Oh, sorry. Oh.

You again. If I see you one more time today, you're fired. Do you understand that?

Carol, he understands you perfectly. Don't you? It's no problem here.

- Sorry Jimmy. You can't let her fire me.

What are you all looking at?

Get back to work unless you want to join this klutz on the soon to be unemployed line.

That's a lot of cookies.

Take it from an expert, the trees, much better than the candy canes.

I think you're going to be very happy with that choice.

I already am.

Hey. - Hey.

How's it going/

Okay, I guess. Christmas with Carol is not the most wonderful time of year.

Well working for Carol there is no most wonderful time of the year.

No, I'll get into the holiday spirit once I'm done with her and I can focus on it a little.

Well we're still going to the Christmas tree lot after the show, right?

-Oh I, I can't wait.

I am going to get you guys the biggest tree they have left.

I really appreciate all you do for us, Jimmy.

But Lily and I are going to buy a tree we can afford.

I'll let you buy your own tree.

But I can still get you guys a present to put under the tree, right?

Well ... - Let him, Mom.

I have to get back to Carol.

Mom, I want to come.

Hey Lily, maybe we should stay here, see if we can't do some

more damage to this cookie plate.

- Sounds good to me.

You want to share this with me?

Are you alone?

- Yes, ma'am.

Good. I didn't realize it was bring the Tiny Tim into work day.

-You know, I didn't think it would be a problem, it being the Christmas show and all.

Well you thought wrong.

Look, it's not that I hate kids.

Well, I'm not exactly fond of them.

But her being here keeps you from giving me your undivided attention.

That's not acceptable, okay.

- I'm sorry.

Apology accepted.

Here's your tea. And, uh, I'll just wrap up these gifts and I'll be on my way.

I want to rest now.

- But if I don't wrap the presents, you won't have

anything to hand out after the show.

Well you shouldn't have waited 'til the last minute.

- But we just finished the list ...

- You can wrap them after the show, and deliver them later on.

It's Christmas Eve. I'm supposed to be spending it with Lily.

You will, delivering gifts.

-You're the boss.

That's right. Now I want to get a nap in before the show. Don't wake me 'til 3:00.

Okay.

It's gotten so bad. You have to hold their hand every minute.

Fire, fire. Why didn't anyone wake me? I'm only the star of the frigging show.

Carol Cartman. Carol Cartman. Carol Cartman, what's the matter?

You don't recognize your favorite aunt?

What?

Aunt Marla, is that you?

The one and only.

I'm sorry. I didn't recognize you. -Thanks.

Well you do look kind of pale.

I'm dead. You'd look pale, too. Weee. I'm here to help you, lovey.

Excuse me?

Now listen carefully, I'm doomed to wander the earth like this

because of all the ill will I spread when I was alive.

Ill will?

My mistreatment of others. I'm here to warn you, Carol Cartman, and to spare you a similar fate.

You taught me how to treat others.

Hello, am I not making myself clear?

I was wrong.

About what?

About everything. I pushed you and pushed you and pushed you

and pushed you and turned you into, well, me.

- You made me a star.

I had another word in mind, but it rhymes with rich.

Look, sure, we had some good times. I mean, the money,

the houses, the extravagant lifestyle.

You make it sound so horrible.

The only thing horrible about it was how we did it.

We did it at the expense of friends, of family. Of love.

Well it's too late for me, Carol. But it's not too late for you.

You still have time to change your ways.

To save yourself. To redeem your life.

Be nice.

What? No. This, this goes against everything that you taught me.

I know. I know. Everything I did for you was wrong.

Which is why I'm here to warn you. You're being given a gift, Carol.

You will be visited by three spirits.

The first at the stroke of 12.

The stroke of 12. 12. 12 Heed my warning.

Heed my warning. Heed my warning. Heed my warning. Heed my warning.

Heed my warning. Heed my warning.

... so then she said she needed three more.

Quick.

Better safe than sorry.

What did Roberta put in that tea? Too weird, too weird.

I always loved that song.

Who are you?

I'm the Ghost Of Christmas Past. Didn't Aunt Marla tell you I was coming?

No, no, no, no. I recognize you.

You're the guy that used to have that TV show when you were a kid.

Little Pete. - Yeah. I used to watch that show.

You're a fan.

I said I watched it, I didn't say I liked it

How long did that Tilly's show of yours run?

Five years.

Mine ran for seven years. So drop the attitude.

What ever happened to you?

I grew up. Well, I grew older.

There's not much work for a middle aged actor who's even too small to be a jockey.

But enough about me, we're here to talk about you.

That's okay, not necessary.

- I said the same thing, but I got overruled.

It was a close vote, though.

All that matters is you've been given a great gift, Miss Cartman.

Look, I'm a little busy, so ...

Too busy to save your soul?

Okay, yeah, maybe I can give you a couple minutes.

That thunder thing always works. Take my hand, Carol Cartman.

Why?

In order to alter your future, we must go back to your past.

Please take my hand. Come. Come on, come on. Left, right,

that's it. We have a lot of work to do.

Oh my god,

that's Granny Greshwalk. That's my third grade teacher.

Hi, Mrs. Greshwalk.

Oh, she can't hear you. We're just spirits visiting the shadows of your past.

It's me.

Sorry I'm late.

Lovey, would you come here for a minute?

What are you holding? Myrrh? Outrageous. The least that old bag could have done was

give you the gold. Myrrh.

This is an insult I will not stand for.

I'd like a moment of your time. Oh, I can't believe this, Miss, Miss, uh, Grisbal?

Quite a character that Aunt Marla.

She was the only one who believed in me.

With her as an example, I could see why we're here today.

What is that supposed to mean?

Just watch.

What is she so sad about?

I was twice the Virgin Mary she could have been.

- You're right. But that little girl's mother died the year before.

Miss Greshwalk was just trying to give her a prominent

role to raise her spirits a little.

Oh.

Good news, sweetie. You're going to be the Virgin Mary.

- But Aunt Marla, Theresa's supposed to be the Virgin Mary. And, and she's crying.

- Oh, don't worry about that. Better she learns about disappointment early in life.

But I don't even know the part.

So we'll work on it after school today, for as long as it takes.

- But there's a Christmas party after school.

You'll have plenty of time for other parties, kiddo.

You do what I say, and your whole life will be a party.

I don't know.

Listen to me. I didn't want to tell you this,

but your mother and father told me that if you didn't get the

lead in the school play this time,

that they were not going to allow you to continue your acting lessons.

Mommy and Daddy wouldn't do that.

Oh yes they would. Now they don't believe in you the way I do.

They think it's a waste of time and money to allow you to pursue your dreams.

They do?

Now you are going to be the best Virgin Mary.

And you are going to go up there and prove to everyone

just how special you really are.

Okay? Go. Skedaddle.

- So, you were the big hit the night of the play.

I was great. Got a standing ovation.

- You liked that.

Liked it? I loved it. But the other kids didn't like what happened.

Well I'm sure you must have made your parents very proud.

They didn't come. They were working.

It sounds to me like they were busy providing you with the means to pursue your dreams.

Look, Aunt Marla was the only one who was always there for me.

And she was right to force Mrs. Greshwalk to make me the Virgin Mary.

If it was up to my parents, I would have been that lousy myrrh guy.

They were never there for me the way she was.

Look, they were only trying to make you happy, to help you succeed.

You know, they sacrificed a lot to make that happen.

Yeah. Like what?

- Well like letting the daughter they loved dearly go off and

spend more time with her aunt than with them.

That sounds pretty unselfish to me.

So, do you remember this place?

How could I forget it.

The Knollwood Community Playhouse. That's where I had my first professional acting job.

It was all part of Aunt Marla's plan. She'd get me in small theaters with big parts,

and then she'd get me noticed. - Ah

I see one thing she hadn't planned on.

That was the first time I laid eyes on John Joyce.

He came to pick up some old costumes the theater was

donating to the homeless shelter he worked at.

My friend Bridgette knew him from the shelter. She introduced us.

It looks like you two really hit it off.

You think?

He asked me out that day. And a lot of days after that.

I never met anyone quite like you.

Really?

Really. My whole life someone's been telling me what to do.

What class to take, what show to be in.

Let me guess, Aunt Marla.

You're the first person who has ever asked me what I want to do.

What I care about. And no one's ever asked me to help serve soup

to people who haven't eaten in days.

- Feels pretty good, doesn't it?

Not bad.

There's something else that I want to ask you.

Oh my god, look what time it is. I have to get to the theater.

Carol, I, I ...

I'm sorry. Um, can it wait?

Tonight there's a Christmas party after the show. I'd like you to come with me.

Then after that we'll have the rest of the night to ourselves.

Yeah. Sure, okay.

Okay.

I didn't know.

What would you have said?

Where have you been?

I'm sorry, we were out. Don't worry, I'll be ready.

You'd better be. This is a big night, sweetie.

This could be the night we've been waiting for.

What are you talking about? - Shh. I'll tell you after the show.

But tonight you've got to be not just good, but great.

I'm great every night. I'll see you after the show.

You've been spending a lot of time with my niece.

Your niece is spending a lot of time with me.

I just don't want to see you get hurt, that's all.

I'm a big boy.

It's never going to work out, you know.

Are you sure of that? - Oh yes. I know Carol.

She needs to be in the spotlight.

What can you offer her? The chance to hand out a blanket to

some guy who lives in a refrigerator box?

There are worse things in life.

Yeah, to be the guy living in the refrigerator box.

Enjoy your time with her while it lasts.

You're nothing more than a brief stopover on our way to the top.

Are you so cruel that you'd make her choose between us?

Merry Christmas.

Tough lady.

She was only trying to protect me. She didn't know what John and I had.

Did you?

Aunt Marla only wanted what was best for me.

I could tell. That our way to the top was a dead giveaway.

Hi, hey you. - Hi.

So, how'd you like the show?

The show was amazing.

And how was I?

- Mmm ... Oh.

-Fantastic. Oh, thank you.

So what did you want to ask me earlier?

We can't talk about it here. We're going to have to wait 'til we're alone together, okay?

- Where is that niece of mine?

- If it was up to me, 100 miles away from you.

Oh, stop it. I know she can be a little pushy, but she grows on you.

Oh, I'm sure she will.

- Lovey. You were fabulous. It was like you were the only one on stage.

- Well I'm sure the other actors would be tickled to hear that.

Carol, sweetie, there was a talent agent in the audience tonight.

You should have heard him raving about you.

His name is, uh, Mel Murray.

He and some other agents are having drinks at a bar down the street,

and he wants me to bring you over to meet him.

Really? That's great.

- He loved you, baby. He says you have real talent.

I think he wants to represent you.

- John, did you hear that?

Yeah, that's, that's great.

I told him we'd come by just as soon as you were changed.

Oh, um, but, but what about the party?

Carol, this is the break you've been waiting for.

This is why I've got you working in a hole like this.

Yeah, but my friends. We've been working really hard.

And there will always be another party, kiddo.

You do what I say and your whole life will be a party.

Come on. Who cares about you more than I do, huh?

Okay. I'll meet you outside.

Great.

Sweetheart, I'm sorry. I got to do this.

It's what Marla and I have been working for my entire life.

What you wanted to ask me earlier, can it wait?

I guess it'll have to.

Thanks.

I had to go with Marla. This was my future.

- Maybe what John was going to ask you was your future.

He never did ask me.

Maybe he's waiting for that other Carol he fell in love with to show up.

I wonder if that Carol ever did show up again.

Let's see, shall we?

The Tillys Of Bel Aire.

Everything Aunt Marla promised came true.

I was the star of my own TV show.

- Did you enjoy making all these people stand around for you?

Not really.

But Aunt Marla said, always keep them waiting.

You got to show them who's boss. The only way to gain respect in this business.

- Did it ever occur to you that Aunt Marla could be wrong?

Well she hadn't been wrong about anything up to this point.

- Nothing?

Hey, how's it going? All right.

Hey. Ladies, how are you? Good.

Please, Carol, everybody's waiting.

Let them wait. It's the only thing these idiots around here are any good at.

- Hey Rick, how's it going, buddy?

Waiting. As usual.

Hi, sweetheart.

Hi, honey.

Hello, Marla.

- Hey, get in here.

John.

- Hey, honey, I know you got to get going soon, but wow, you look great.

What are you doing here?

My meeting with the city finished early.

We got that building for the food pantry. And the kitchen is large enough

that we can get the Meals On Wheels program going as well.

That's great.

Yeah, whoopee.

So I was thinking maybe we could go out tonight and celebrate, you know?

Just you and me.

- She can't. She's got an interview later on, and then she has to go to a screening.

Can you skip this one screening, Carol? Please, this is a big deal for me.

Well, being seen at a screening is a big deal for her, too.

They forget about you in this business quicker than you can turn around.

That's pretty selfish of you to be thinking only of yourself.

I'm sorry, hon, Aunt Marla's right. Part of being a celebrity is being seen.

Marla, will you give us a minute, please?

-It's okay.

Okay. I'll, uh, I'll just go check on your low fat meal for lunch,

and then I'll come back and I'll get you when it's time to go to the set.

- Okay.

When it's time?

Carol, everyone is out there standing around waiting for you now.

I know.

But Aunt Marla says, the longer you make them wait, the more they respect you.

- And you believe her?

Well of course I do. I wouldn't be where I am without her.

- Okay. And what have you had to give up?

Nothing. I've given up nothing.

You're wrong. Carol, you're not the same person that I fell in love with.

That's right. I'm a star now.

And maybe that's what you're really having a problem with.

Aunt Marla told me.

What, what did Aunt Marla tell you? That I, I'm jealous of your fame and your money?

Well at least I'm not living in a dream world thinking I can really make a difference.

Is that how you really think of me?

- I don't think I can do this anymore.

Do what?

-I, I keep waiting for the Carol that I fell in love with to show up again.

I'm starting to believe that she's gone forever.

I suppose it just took me a long time to realize it.

- What are you saying?

I guess, goodbye.

That was so unfair of him to make me choose.

What did he want me to do?

Just drop everything and run after him?

She's all yours.

You know, I've got to admit, you hung around a lot longer than I thought you would.

But, and don't take this the wrong way, good riddance.

I really do love her, you know.

She doesn't need your love.

And I want what's best for her.

And I'm the one who knows what's best for her.

No, Marla, you only think you know what's best for her.

Sure, you got her here, but now what?

Are you going to keep pulling her strings for the rest of her life,

or are you going to let her live a little?

Maybe even let her love someone or some thing other than her career.

I guess you're not man enough to stick around and find out, are you?

Bye bye.

If he had loved me, he wouldn't have left.

Pop.

What was that?

Me bursting your bubble. Come on, you're going to like this.

Privacy please, driver.

- Yes sir.

What are we doing here?

Same thing we've been doing all day long. We are but flies on the wall.

Did you have to park so close to the studio?

It's too bad The Tillys was canceled.

I thought for sure it had a couple more years in it.

Well, all good things must come to an end, right?

- Hmm. Well with your brains and beauty, delivering queen of mean is no problem, right?

Oh, well, Carol will do what we tell her to do.

But remember the plan. We ease her into it.

Yeah, yeah.

We let her have her nice little talk show until she gets

comfortable with it, and then we gradually move her into

an area that really sells. Freaks.

- Well, you are going to be a producer on the show, Marla.

It's going to make you rich.

This is what I've been working for since she was a kid.

- Well it's nice meeting someone who always puts the welfare of

their clients first.

Yeah.

- We're going to take daytime TV and flip it on its ear.

I can't believe she would do something like that to me.

Well like you said,

she's the only one that actually knew what was best for you.

Seems like she knew what was best for her, too.

- That explains that freak Santa Hal's trying to put on the Christmas show.

He's trying to move the show into what he really wants it to be.

-pen, the pen Thank you.

All that time ... - It's going to be great doing this with you ...

... she was only out for herself.

-- Bye bye, kiss kiss. Ciao.

Marla's funeral.

- Good turnout.

I'm so sorry, Carol. Your aunt was an unusual woman.

Thanks, Hal.

I know she was a tough one for other people to get along with

- Oh man, she ...

She had my best interests at heart, though.

Of course. But, uh, just so you know, we're going to keep the

show going exactly the way your aunt wanted.

Thanks, Hal. I appreciate it.

- What a phony. Phony.

Yeah, I'm just as shocked as you are. Somebody who's in show

business that turns out to be a phony.

I was surprised there weren't more people at her funeral.

Actually for her, this is good.

What does that mean?

Hey, you live your life caring about no one but yourself, no one there to care about you.

I've seen enough. Take me back.

Yep, you live alone, you die alone.

Or maybe not so much alone as secluded, isolated,

detached, unloved ...

Take me back.

... unwanted. Take me back, take me back.

Well, that's it for today. And for another year

Oh, what a dream. ... ho, ho, ho ...

No more green tea. Ever.

And I want to you enjoy the holidays. And so should you.

Yes. And remember,

the holidays are not a time to wallow in pity.

It's a time to celebrate everything you have in life.

To celebrate and remember all the good things.

Ho, ho, ho, ho.

A very merry Christmas to you all.

You tell them, Dr. Bob. You tell them what they need to hear.

I'm not talking to them, Carol. I'm talking to you.

Dr. Bob?

Well, another time another place, Dr. Bob.

But for our purposes, the Ghost Of Christmas Present.

Oh, why am I not surprised?

You were expecting me?

Oh, I was expecting something or someone. But no, not, not you.

I'll be you weren't.

I mean, it must be scary faced with the prospect of seeing

things as they really are.

What was it you said about me?

- Uh, tell them what they need to hear?

That's it.

Well, Carol, you'd better face the music little lady.

You made your bed, now you got to sleep in it.

It's time to get out of your own way.

Do I always speak in cliches like that?

Pretty much.

You think someone would tell me what I need to hear? No.

Let's not get the big fellow mad.

Let's not upset the apple cart,

let, I'm doing it again.

Yeah.

I got to work on that. But this is your time, Carol. Let's go.

- Oh.

Ah, you, I just washed my hands

and I have this funny thing about touching people.

I know, I know, it's something else I got to work on.

I'll tell you what, grab a hold of this Santa Suit,

it's a rental. It should be okay.

Oh.

- Oh, sorry.

Don't tell me we're here to do a Christmas drug deal.

This is where your assistant Roberta lives.

You're kidding.

Yeah, I'm kidding.

She really lives in Beverly Hills, and I just like to come

down here on Christmas Eve and hang out.

- We don't have to go in there, do we?

I mean, look at that place.

You just know that there are cockroaches in there.

And rats. And I hate rats.

But a person has to do what a person has to do.

Every journey begins with the first step.

I'm doing it again, aren't I?

Let's go.

Mommy, do you think we're ever going to get a really big Christmas tree?

But we've always had a small Christmas tree, it's our tradition.

Yeah, well, I say it's time to start a new tradition with a really big tree.

You know what, sweetie? We can't afford a big tree,

so why don't we stick to our tradition, okay?

- That's okay, Mommy. As long as we're together.

We'll always be together, babe.

I love you, Mommy.

- Mmm.

How are those presents coming?

Are you sure you want me to wrap these?

You're just going to tear them apart anyway.

- That's half the fun.

- Right. But if I get a paper cut, I'm holding you accountable.

I don't know how I would have gotten all of Carol's presents

delivered if it wasn't for your help. Thank you.

The sooner we got that done, the quicker we could get our own

Christmas started.

Do you think these are going to fit under the tree?

I think they will fit under the table.

Technically they'll still be under the tree.

How could they be so happy?

Look at this place, they have nothing.

- No, but what they have is more valuable than gold.

Why doesn't Jimmy help them out? He makes a good living.

Well he's offered, but Roberta doesn't want to take charity.

What she wants is to prove that she can make it on her own.

Stand on her own two feet. Burn her own, darn.

Stand on her own two feet. Burn her own, darn.

Stand on her own two feet. Burn her own, darn.

It's really annoying...

But the operative word is earn.

If only someone would pay her what she's really worth.

I wonder who that could be? Maybe Santa's a little bit early.

He's never early. Let me put this one here ...

Frank.

Hi, Roberta.

Who's that?

Watch.

Can I come in?

Is everything okay?

This is Frank.

Hi Lily. I brought you something.

Thank you.

Hey, Lily,

why don't you say we go over to Mrs. Martel's and get some of that famous hot chocolate?

- That's a great idea.

What do you want, Frank?

I want to spend Christmas with my family.

And what family would that be?

The family that you left before Lily was even born?

Look, I admit I made a few bad choices.

I don't know what kind of guilt thing you have going on here,

but it's too late.

- Look at this place, Roberta.

Is this any way to bring up a child?

We're doing just fine, thank you.

Are you?

'Cause I don't think so. And I want to give my daughter some of the things that you can't.

Your daughter? You have no right to call her your daughter.

Look, Roberta, I've changed.

I'm married now, to a wonderful woman.

But we can't have children.

So I want to be back in my daughter's life.

I want her to be a part of my family.

You don't want Lily in your life for her sake,

you want Lily in your life for your sake.

I'm sorry, Roberta, but you may not have a choice.

What's this?

I'm taking you to court for custody of Lily.

I'm going to get her out of all this.

What?

You're just too stubborn to see that I can give her a better life than you can.

He can't do that, can he?

Maybe. Only the future can tell.

Pollen.

How could people live with such stinky grass, flowers and trees.

Wait a minute, this looks familiar.

This is my sister Beth's house.

- How long since you been here?

Too long.

- Come on, let's take a peek. What are you afraid of?

Well after what you showed me at Roberta's, who knows what you're going to show me next.

I'm showing you the impact that you have on other people's lives.

You know, there are a lot of people who get a great deal

of pleasure out of the simple things in life,

and believe it or not, they get along just fine without you.

Sorry. I promise you I will not show you anything bad this time.

Promise. - Promise, cross my heart.

Come on, Dad, please. Can't we open all our presents tonight?

You know our tradition, one on Christmas Eve and the rest on Christmas day.

- But Dad, how are we going to know which present Santa left behind?

Yeah, what if our regular presents got confused with his?

- Mm hmm. We can really make his presents special.

He did work all year to make them.

Nice try.

- What a warm and cozy room. I can almost feel the Christmas cheer out here.

They do look happy, don't they.

- They are happy.

For what? Small house, two kids to worry about, tons of bills to pay.

- Hey, Beth and Jerry may not be millionaires,

but there's more love in that house than money can buy,

and in the end, isn't that what's important?

Now how am I supposed to baste a turkey with all this laughter going on in here?

They were trying to get me to let them open all the presents.

Nope, nope, absolutely not. I, on the other hand, get to open all of mine.

It's a shame that you miss out on this sort of thing every year.

- Stop, stop, stop, stop, I give, I give, I give, okay.

All right, we get to open presents.

One.

It was worth a shot.

Okay, which one do you want to open up?

I want to open Aunt Carol's. -Me, too.

Aunt Carol's?

Yeah. Remember when Roberta dropped them by?

- Mm hmm. She said Aunt Carol picked them out especially for us.

We know her presents aren't that good, but she's pretty busy. - Pretty busy.

And if she can take the time to go out and get us something, we should appreciate it.

Yeah, appreciate it.

Well I am busy.

- Sure you are.

Not that busy.

Mom, did Aunt Carol like the presents we made her?

Oh, honey, she loved them.

She couldn't believe that you made them by yourself.

Tyler.

You don't suppose there's any chance she might be stopping by tonight?

- Wow, a Maggie Waggie doll. I wanted one of these.

Mom, Dad, look at this.

Oh, wow. -Those had to cost more than 20 dollars.

Roberta used some of her own money.

Why?

To protect you.

She didn't want the only family you have in the world to think

that you were cheap, or that you didn't care.

Hey kids, uh, what about reading a little bit of The Christmas Carol before dinner?

I'll get the book.

- I get to be Tiny Tim.

I love this story.

Here, Dad.

Shame, isn't it?

What?

There's still room on the couch.

Marley was dead to begin with.

There is no doubt whatever about that.

The register of his burial was signed by the clergyman..

I can't watch this anymore. It's too painful.

Look at them. They are so happy.

I know.

God bless you.

No we, we haven't got to that part yet.

Mind, I don't mean to say that I know

of my own knowledge what there is ... - Come on.

Watch your back, watch your back.

Oh, great, great, great, great. Excellent.

Uh, we need to get some more going right away.

How are the mashed potatoes coming?

- They're good.

Great.

You guys, thank you all so much for your help, okay?

We couldn't do any of this without you.

- Why are you showing me this?

Because you're depressed.

I thought it would cheer you up to see

your old friend John so happy.

- And this right here is why I love Christmas.

You were that happy once. Weren't you?

A long time ago.

And whose fault do you think it is that you aren't happy now?

Okay, fine. I could have made some different choices,

been nicer to a few people. But hey, you can't argue with the end result.

- Okay, if that's the way you feel about it.

No use living in the past, huh?

Get it, living in the past? Ghost Of Christmas Present.

Hello? Is this thing on?

We're almost through.

I didn't need to see all that. - Yes you did.

Where are we now?

We're at a parting of the ways.

Well hold on a second, aren't you supposed to bring me back?

No. You're supposed to find your own way back.

Hey, I'm a busy man, I've got things to do.

Do you think you're the only one who needs a visit from the Ghost Of Christmas Present?

Well, I thought ...

No, it's time for me to move on. No rest for the wicked.

Idle hands, you know,

I'm actually making myself feel nauseous.

It's like I can't control it.

- Wait, aren't you supposed to show me more?

I've shown you everything I can.

Now it's time for you to see for yourself what you'll become.

How am I supposed to get back?

Car, waiting for you.

Car?

Oh, thank god. Boy, am I glad to see you. Hi. Oh, yeah.

You probably heard stories about me from other limo drivers.

Doesn't like to talk, don't make eye contact.

Well they're all true.

No, I'm I'm kidding, I'm kidding. That's how I used to be

but this is the new me, so you can feel free to lighten up

and, are you the last spirit?

Nice trick.

Excuse me, can I ask you something?

You're the third spirit, right?

Am I right?

Okay, well so far I, I've had the past, and,

and then I had the present.

So, I mean, it doesn't take a genius to figure out that

you must be the Ghost Of Christmas Future.

Um, let, let me ask you something,

it's just a little something that's always

bothered me. Is it ghost or is it spirit?

'Cause I could never quite figure that one out.

I mean, some people say ghost, and some people say spirit. Is, is,

is there a difference?

Uh, do you guys like one over the other?

I mean, personally,

personally I think I like spirit. I mean, ghost is just,

it seems so pedestrian. But spirit, now that, that conjures

up some mystery right there. And ...

Hey, hey, hey, hey. Hey.

Hello? Hello? Anybody? Hello? Spirit?

You brought me back. You know, you weren't as bad as I thought

you were going to be.

So I guess my future's not looking so bad, huh?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't worry.

Don't have to tell me twice.

Thanks. Uh, that's okay,

I'm good. I think I know where I'm going.

I'm sorry, closed set. I'm sure you understand.

Come on, hello?

Come on.

Okay, now you're freaking me out. Help.

And now, life from Hollywood, California, it's the Carol Show's Holiday Special.

Hello, and welcome to the special Holiday edition of

The Carol Show. Today we have gathered a myriad of guests who

have chosen the most important holiday,

Christmas, to tell their family something. I hate you.

Coming up next on The Carol Show. Ho, ho, ho.

-That was great. I'm going to go talk to her.

-Yeah, yeah, that as nice, Carol.

-Now, the first guest is a young lady who's

going to drop the bombshell on her parents.

They've got no idea what's coming.

- Why does she hate them?

Something about they abandoned her, and it ruined her life or

some sort of nonsense like that. I cannot wait to see the look on

their faces when she says, they, they took my childhood from me.

This is going to be good.

I'm sorry Hal I, I can't do this. I can't do this show, not today.

What? Well why not?

Has it ever occurred to you just how painful this might be for them?

Well not any more painful than the guy on yesterday's show who

had five different wives in five different states.

You didn't have any problem doing that.

Yesterday's show wasn't about me.

Oh, poor little Carol. Had to grow up without her family.

Hey, take a look around you, sweetie pie,

you've done pretty well without them.

This isn't what I signed up for.

This, this has turned into some sort of freak show.

Well you didn't have a problem with this freak show

when it went number one in daytime. You loved it.

I just want my show back.

This is the show you are going to do.

You've got a contract, Miss Cartman, and either you will honor it,

or I will drag you into court,

sue you,

and take everything you've got.

Where are you going? You can't, where do you think you're going?

You walk off this show, you can kiss your career goodbye.

I've seen enough, I want to go back. Please, I've had enough.

Hi. What are we doing here?

Okay, see, this is why we have a smog problem in this city.

Oh my god. It's me.

Former?

Could be worse.

Personal appearances can bring in good money.

Is this what becomes of me?

Standing on street corners holding signs?

It's sad. She died completely alone.

-You can't say she didn't deserve it.

If she had chosen to be a different kind of person,

maybe things could have been better for a lot of people.

-Life is full of maybes.

-How's Lily?

She's okay, I guess. Married and living in Chicago.

She never forgave me for all the time I spent with Carol and not with her.

We don't speak that much anymore.

Things were never the same after I lost custody to

Frank and I could only see her every other weekend.

- She lost Lily.

- I thought there'd be more people here.

Did you?

-Not really.

Well, it's nice to see you.

Yeah, you too.

Bye, Carol.

Tell me, are these things that you've shown me,

are they shadows of what might be, or what will be?

Please. I'm a different person than I was before these visits.

I've got to believe that you wouldn't show me these things

if I had lost all hope.

I can change. I want to change.

I'm going to hold Christmas in my heart,

and I'm going to keep it there all year round.

Please, please. I'm going to change, I'm going change.

I'm going to change. I'm going to, please.

Please, I won't forget the gifts I've been shown tonight.

All the lessons I learned, please. I'm going to change, I can change, please.

Please. I'll change, I'll change.

I can change. I can change. I can change. I'll change.

Carol? Carol? Sorry, Carol, but we go live in 45.

I didn't miss it.

Uh, can I tell them you're coming?

Yeah, tell them I'm coming. I'll be right there.

I don't want anyone waiting for me.

And Jimmy, I know you want to help Roberta out.

Don't worry, you don't have to. It's all going to be okay.

Okay.

I'll be right there, I promise. But will you do me a favor?

Will you tell Roberta I want to talk to her for a second?

- Sure. Thanks.

They did it, Aunt Marla.

They did it in one afternoon. Thank you. Thank you.

Roberta, get in here.

Get in here and close the door.

I want to know exactly how much you spent on the gifts for my niece and nephew.

- Oh, I'm sorry Carol, I, I went a little over budget.

But I made up the difference, don't worry.

- Well I have something to say to you.

Thank you!

Excuse me?

Oh, thank you so much for making me look like a good aunt.

- You're welcome.

Roberta, you've always protected me, and I, I've never really

said thank you. But that's all going to change. First off,

I'm ashamed at what I pay you. And I want to double, no I,

I want to triple your salary.

- Are you feeling all right?

I have never felt this good in my entire life.

You know that rental house I have in the Valley?

- I know, I promise, right after the holidays

I'll find someone for it. It's just that you're so particular

about who you rent to, that ...

- No, I don't want you to rent it out.

I want you and Lily to move into it. Rent free.

It's about time you moved out of that tiny one bedroom place you have.

And, and in the meantime,

I want you and Lily to go buy the

biggest Christmas tree that you can find.

Wait, you'll need ornaments, here, and, well

lights of course. Oh, heck, just take the whole thing.

Get whatever you need. I want to make sure you get something

really nice for Lily from her Aunt Carol.

I got to go, supposed to be in make-up.

Oh, and in my wallet there's a, a card for my lawyer.

Take it in case something ever comes up where you need a lawyer.

Like, tonight for instance. Call him. He's good. He's really good

and I'll pay for everything.

Don't worry, it's all going to work out. It'll all work out.

He's my lawyer, he loves sticking it to people.

Oh and, and the gifts, don't, don't worry about delivering the gifts.

They're, they're junk. I don't know what I was thinking.

I have something better planned for the crew.

Besides, you should spent tonight with Lily.

And whoever else you might want to spend it with.

I got to go to make-up.

Hey, you, come over here.

I'm sorry Miss Cartman. I know you said that I wasn't ...

What do you have there?

Jimmy said to get the toys and, uh, stuff for the foster kids

and make sure they get them since you wouldn't let them on

the show today.

Really?

Yes, ma'am.

Well, first of all, you take those toys back to the studio.

Because today we're going to give them to the foster kids.

We are? - Yes we are. And then

I want you to go to the production accountant

and have him give you as much money as you need

to double what we have.

-What?

Now you get moving, before I decide not to give you that nice Christmas bonus.

Yes, ma'am. Hmm, joy to the world.

Morgan, we are so excited to have you on the show.

I can't wait to talk to you about all the wonderful charity work you do.

- It's one of the things that's truly brought me happiness.

You know, it's always really rewarding, and around the

holidays it just makes it extra special, you know.

- Well it's a good thing you're doing helping people.

- Thank you.

Now don't be surprised if from now on you see me down there lending a helping hand.

- Hey, I'm going to hold you to that. - Okay.

- Excuse me, Miss Maddox. Uh, Carol, we need you in wardrobe, we're live in 30.

Jimmy, tell them I'll be right there.

I don't want anyone waiting for me. I'm sorry, one second.

Jimmy, now I don't want to sound controlling or anything,

but I don't think we should use that Santa.

Why not?

'Cause it's not right.

It's not right to make fun of him, or this holiday.

- Well Hal's not going to be too happy about that.

You go tell Hal that we are

going to give him a fabulous show.

And we won't have to lower ourselves.

- Okay.

Thank you. Morgan, I'd love to talk to you more later about this.

- Yeah. see you out there. - Okay.

And we are back in five, four, three, two ...

Welcome back to Carol's Live Christmas Eve Special.

I got to tell you, up until a little while ago,

I didn't want to do this show.

But I have been given a gift.

I have been given the best Christmas gift ever.

I have been given the opportunity to hold

the spirit of Christmas in my heart.

Not just this time of year, but all year long.

I have also been given the opportunity to thank some people.

And I want to thank the people that have made this show so successful.

My wonderful, wonderful crew.

And to thank them properly,

I want to share my success with them.

So no soap and shampoo this year. As soon as we get our next break,

I am taking my entire crew, and staff,

and their families to Hawaii.

This is what this holiday is all about.

It's a time to help people who might be less fortunate than you.

It's a time to celebrate all the good things that you have.

And it's a time to be thankful for your blessings.

This feeling shouldn't just be this time of year, it should be all year long.

So I have a very special announcement to make.

I have been hounded for years from different companies wanting

to put my name on beauty products, and clothing lines.

Even kitchen ware. Which is pretty ridiculous since I don't

even know where the kitchen is in my house.

But the bottom line is, I didn't want to do it until now.

So I've decided I'm going to let them use my name.

And I've also decided that I want all the profits to be used to help people.

And I can't think of a better way to make that happen, then for the profits

to go to all the homeless shelters around the city

that my old friend,

Good Guy Of The Year, John Joyce has opened.

Have a wonderful Christmas, and be nice to each other.

Happy holidays.

That's a wrap, that's a wrap people.

- Nice job, kid. - Great show, Carol.

- Nice going, boss.

- It was beautiful, beautiful.

I think that was an okay show.

- That was the best Carol Cartman show ever.

Mmm, the best is yet to come.

Carol, that was fabulous.

Boy, you keep doing shows like this,

and you're going to be on for a long, long time.

Mmm, Hal, I plan on it. I'm sorry about the Santa.

- No, don't worry about it. You were right, I was wrong.

That kind of thing is not Carol Cartman Show material. Nice job.

Mommy, can Carol come over for Christmas tonight?

You know what? I think I, uh, I'll take a rain check.

There's somewhere else I really need to be tonight.

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas.

Come on, Dad, please, can't we open all our presents tonight?

- You know our tradition. One on Christmas Eve,

and the rest on Christmas morning.

Dad, how are we going to know

which presents Santa left behind?

- Yeah, what if our regular presents get confused with his?

Mm hmm.

We could really make his presents special.

He did work all year to make them.

Okay, which present do you want to open up?

Jerry, go see who that is.

And if it's Santa, tell him I have two very naughty

little kids in here.

Carol.

Hi.

- Carol? - Come on in.

Carol.

Merry Christmas.

Come in, come in.

- Aunt Carol.

Hi, guys. Hi. Aww.

Wow, who are those for?

These are for you.

But you already got us a present, it's under the tree.

Come here.

I'm going to tell you guys a secret that I'm not too proud of.

Those presents under the tree, I didn't buy them.

I had my assistant Roberta go get them.

I always thought I was too busy to buy my family presents.

But I was wrong, I'm sorry.

- Don't worry, we still love you.

Thanks, buddy. I hope I'm not too late for dinner.

I'm just so happy that you're here.

Thank you.

Merry Christmas, little sister.

Is that popcorn you guys are stringing?

Yeah, want to help? - More than anything, yes.

I'm going to go check on the turkey.

Aunt Carol, did you like the presents we made you?

Did I like them? I loved them.

I can't believe you guys made those all by yourselves.

You know, Dad, Aunt Carol brought all these presents,

and she's not going to be here tomorrow. So she probably wants

to watch us open them tonight, don't you?

Of course.

- Okay, but after dinner.

I'll get it.

John.

Jerry, how are you?

Good, yeah.

- John.

Hi, Beth. - Hi. How you doing?

- Good, come in.

Listen I am so sorry for intruding.

I saw Carol's show, and by the time I got to the studio

she was gone. And I was wondering if you knew where she,

- hi.

Hi.

Um, dinner won't be ready for a few minutes.

So if you two want to take some time,

you're welcome to stay for dinner, John.

Um, I, I should, I should probably get back

and help finish preparing the meals for tomorrow.

We could have dinner, and then

we could still get back in time to help out.

- We?

We.

I was hoping you'd be watching the show today.

Yeah? I'll let you in on a little secret. I rarely miss it.

What happened to you today to make you say what you did?

A few friends helped me realize I haven't been a very nice person.

But I want to change that.

I've always said,

all you have to do is let the real Carol come out.

The Carol that I fell in love with.

You once said the Carol you fell in love with had disappeared for good.

She didn't. She was just missing for a little while.

And to Tiny Tim, who did not die, he was a second father.

Scrooge was better than his word. He did it all, and infinitely more.

And it was always said of him that he knew how to keep Christmas well,

if any man alive possessed the knowledge.

May that be truly said of us, and of all of us.

And so, as Tiny Tim observed ...

Go ahead.

God Bless us. Everyone.

- So, do you really think we got to her?

Oh, I think we scared her real good.

You know, there's a lot of good in people,

and sometimes all they need is a little jolt

to get them back on track.

Well I hope we jolted her enough.

Oh, Carol's going to be just fine.

Maybe she'll make the world a better place for a lot of other people.

Amen to that.