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All language subtitles for The Second Tragic Fantozzi (Il secondo tragico Fantozzi) (1976) IT WEB 720p

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:45,300 --> 00:00:48,030 Hello, good night, ahem... good morning Mrs... 2 00:00:48,210 --> 00:00:50,400 Mrs. Earl-Duke Margherita Semenzara! 3 00:00:50,730 --> 00:00:54,610 How did I know it was you? I didn't. I could swear it was you. 4 00:00:54,870 --> 00:00:57,520 I recognized you by your noble voice. 5 00:00:57,610 --> 00:01:00,980 You'd like to speak with your noble husband? 6 00:01:01,370 --> 00:01:05,660 He's in Standing Commettee since last night in the "Great Council of the 10 Absentees". 7 00:01:05,840 --> 00:01:08,590 I have precise orders not to put anyone through... 8 00:01:09,240 --> 00:01:10,880 But if you really insist... 9 00:01:10,900 --> 00:01:12,420 Oh, you're not insisting? You're... 10 00:01:12,540 --> 00:01:13,470 ...commanding me? OK. 11 00:01:13,640 --> 00:01:16,520 In that case, hold on I'll put you through to the Council. 12 00:01:16,980 --> 00:01:18,080 Just a moment. 13 00:01:18,230 --> 00:01:20,630 Hello? Council of the Ten Absentees here. 14 00:01:20,850 --> 00:01:24,350 I have a call for Earl Semenzara, from Mrs. Earl... Earl-Duke. 15 00:01:24,540 --> 00:01:26,120 Please wait. 16 00:01:26,230 --> 00:01:29,070 Please wait Mrs, while I put your husband through. 17 00:01:33,150 --> 00:01:38,830 Hello! Here I am, my jealous dearie. Did you think I was out boning whores? He-he 18 00:01:39,400 --> 00:01:42,690 Semenzara doesn't fool around. Semenzara works even at night... 19 00:01:42,700 --> 00:01:44,610 to sustain you and the family. 20 00:01:44,770 --> 00:01:46,610 He's not afraid of being checked upon. 21 00:01:46,660 --> 00:01:49,300 Now forgive me but I must go. We've got a voting. 22 00:01:49,300 --> 00:01:50,440 Bye, bye... 23 00:01:52,950 --> 00:01:53,840 What did you say? 24 00:01:53,870 --> 00:01:58,430 Nothing, he just sped up a bit because he had to go voting. 25 00:01:59,360 --> 00:02:02,650 He said to rest easy. 26 00:02:03,020 --> 00:02:08,140 Alright, goodnight... good day... ahem... bye, Mrs. Earl-Duke. 27 00:02:32,210 --> 00:02:39,420 - Who goes there? - Fantozzi Ugo, accountant, ID 7829/bis. I was doing overtime. 28 00:02:39,450 --> 00:02:41,160 You could have warned me! 29 00:02:41,960 --> 00:02:46,280 Sorry if I startled you, Mr. Night-watchman. 30 00:02:53,930 --> 00:02:58,290 Thank you, good day and goodnight. Goodbye, Mr Night-watchman. 31 00:03:14,220 --> 00:03:15,400 Good morning, madam. 32 00:03:22,840 --> 00:03:26,800 No, please! Your colleague upstairs shot me already! 33 00:03:27,120 --> 00:03:31,970 Apologies. Maybe the next time. Good... good day! 34 00:03:44,850 --> 00:03:47,570 - We're waiting for you. - We're waiting for you. 35 00:03:50,320 --> 00:03:52,090 WE'RE WAITING FOR YOU 36 00:04:42,330 --> 00:04:43,710 Let me through! 37 00:04:46,030 --> 00:04:48,660 Please! They are awaiting me at home. 38 00:04:51,180 --> 00:04:53,180 Coward! Leave the windscreen alone! 39 00:04:53,180 --> 00:04:56,330 - Take this! - Miserable rascal! 40 00:04:56,330 --> 00:05:00,270 Who do you think you are with that old wreck? You think you own the road? 41 00:05:35,410 --> 00:05:40,130 How many times do I have to tell you that I must, I should... 42 00:05:40,550 --> 00:05:44,920 go home because I just finished work...iiiiing? 43 00:05:55,830 --> 00:06:01,030 ITAL-PETROL-CEMENT-THERMO-TEXIL- PHARMA-METAL-CHEMICALS 44 00:06:35,950 --> 00:06:38,580 For you, accountant. It's very urgent! 45 00:06:38,800 --> 00:06:41,700 Surveyor, are you ready? F-7. 46 00:06:42,150 --> 00:06:44,020 Damn! Hit at the first go! 47 00:06:44,110 --> 00:06:46,600 - You hit a cruiser. - Good! 48 00:06:47,480 --> 00:06:50,800 - Today I would begin with 27. - Very well, and you? 49 00:06:50,820 --> 00:06:53,110 The series from 5 to 8 for 100,000 Liras. 50 00:06:53,200 --> 00:06:54,160 Let's proceed. 51 00:06:59,650 --> 00:07:02,790 In order to choose the employee who would follow 52 00:07:02,800 --> 00:07:08,430 the Almighty Sensational Director Sir Earl-Duke Pier Carlo Semenzara... 53 00:07:08,600 --> 00:07:13,650 to gamble at Monte Carlo, a terrible draw was arranged in the canteen. 54 00:07:13,710 --> 00:07:17,230 Even the Internal Committee was involved in this. 55 00:07:18,270 --> 00:07:23,690 The ceremony organizer was accountant Filini, from the Accidents Department. 56 00:07:24,990 --> 00:07:26,400 Attention! 57 00:07:33,910 --> 00:07:36,350 - Let's proceed. - Yes, Your Excellency. 58 00:07:36,420 --> 00:07:37,600 Miss Silvani! 59 00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:39,750 Beg your pardon! 60 00:07:39,970 --> 00:07:42,150 Mrs. Silvani-Calboni! 61 00:07:42,490 --> 00:07:44,060 - Me? - Yes. 62 00:07:44,090 --> 00:07:48,240 The person choosen to draw the name of the elect was Mrs. Calboni... 63 00:07:48,250 --> 00:07:50,180 former Miss Silvani. 64 00:07:50,260 --> 00:07:52,870 and former Fantozzi's unfortunate true love. 65 00:07:53,050 --> 00:07:58,140 whom since her marriage he hadn't dared touching even in his dreams. 66 00:07:58,170 --> 00:08:01,210 - Excuse me if I have my back to you. - I must blindfold you. 67 00:08:01,480 --> 00:08:03,870 - Pardon. - Easy. 68 00:08:05,610 --> 00:08:07,230 - Can you see? - No! 69 00:08:09,780 --> 00:08:12,460 It was a truly monstrous occasion... 70 00:08:12,480 --> 00:08:15,940 Three days in Monte Carlo to watch Semenzara gamble. 71 00:08:16,400 --> 00:08:19,680 and if the escort was suspected of bringing good luck... 72 00:08:19,790 --> 00:08:21,860 he would have been sorted for life! 73 00:08:25,710 --> 00:08:27,370 Sweet Heart of Jesus, source of love and mercy... 74 00:08:27,470 --> 00:08:30,530 Kyrie Eleison, Christi Eleision... 75 00:08:30,520 --> 00:08:32,840 Virgin Mary of the Snow, Saint... 76 00:08:33,260 --> 00:08:34,280 Silence! 77 00:08:34,980 --> 00:08:36,060 Who's praying? 78 00:08:40,700 --> 00:08:41,590 Thank you. 79 00:08:55,680 --> 00:08:59,550 ID 7829/bis. 80 00:09:04,870 --> 00:09:09,670 Fantozzi was mistakenly declared dead for over 4 hours! 81 00:09:10,300 --> 00:09:14,080 - Congratulation accountant Fantozzi! - Well done "pumpkin"! 82 00:09:14,080 --> 00:09:16,020 Three cheers for accountant Fantozzi! 83 00:09:16,090 --> 00:09:20,060 Hip, hip, hip, hurray! Hip, hip, hip, hurray! 84 00:09:22,380 --> 00:09:23,810 Congratulations! 85 00:09:23,920 --> 00:09:26,960 Thank you! Thank you! Drinks are on me. 86 00:09:26,970 --> 00:09:28,540 At least thank me. 87 00:09:28,860 --> 00:09:29,580 For what? 88 00:09:30,420 --> 00:09:33,430 It's all thanks to my lady, Silvani-Calboni. 89 00:09:33,510 --> 00:09:36,450 Let's say that I've been your lucky charm, Fantozzi. 90 00:09:36,990 --> 00:09:40,250 Let me repay you. A drink? 91 00:09:40,290 --> 00:09:45,210 No, thank you. In return, do me a favour. Come, come. 92 00:09:45,590 --> 00:09:46,820 Yes, where? 93 00:09:48,090 --> 00:09:49,960 Lucky bastard! Makes me sick! 94 00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:52,190 - He has been kissed by Fortune. - I hate him! 95 00:09:53,060 --> 00:09:55,930 Here! 96 00:09:56,140 --> 00:09:57,880 Do you want me to change it? 97 00:09:58,330 --> 00:10:01,950 No, Fantozzi. Play Roulette... 98 00:10:03,100 --> 00:10:04,060 ...for me. 99 00:10:05,180 --> 00:10:08,650 Yes but, is your husband OK with that? I mean, does he know? 100 00:10:08,750 --> 00:10:11,610 We are a modern couple. Open-minded. 101 00:10:13,080 --> 00:10:14,500 Bet it on number 27, Fantozzi. 102 00:10:15,210 --> 00:10:16,610 Yes. 103 00:10:16,660 --> 00:10:18,250 When you feel inspired. 104 00:10:19,230 --> 00:10:23,610 27, just like my age. 105 00:10:26,370 --> 00:10:31,500 To think that I would have played number 14 at the most, or even 4. 106 00:10:32,850 --> 00:10:34,500 Goodbye Pina! Goodbye Mariangela! 107 00:10:34,670 --> 00:10:37,060 Here's the trai... trai... train. 108 00:10:38,130 --> 00:10:44,700 I must admit we are quite early. 109 00:10:44,870 --> 00:10:48,030 The train for Montecarlo was scheduled at 11:37 PM. 110 00:10:48,400 --> 00:10:51,860 Fantozzi showed up on the platfom at 4:12 PM. 111 00:10:52,110 --> 00:10:53,600 7 hours earlier! 112 00:10:53,620 --> 00:10:55,620 Mrs. Pina and Mariangela were there... 113 00:10:56,030 --> 00:10:58,350 to witness his triumphant departure. 114 00:11:01,510 --> 00:11:03,700 THERE HE IS! The Earl-Duke. 115 00:11:04,800 --> 00:11:06,590 Good evening, Sir! 116 00:11:06,670 --> 00:11:09,690 Make room! Clear the way for the Earl-Duke. 117 00:11:11,080 --> 00:11:12,900 Clear the way for Earl-Duke Semenzara! 118 00:11:13,540 --> 00:11:17,720 Sir Earl-Duke, allow me the honor to present you... 119 00:11:18,930 --> 00:11:22,320 Who are those two jinxes? Who do you want present me? 120 00:11:22,850 --> 00:11:29,070 Nobody! I want to present my humble apologies if I accidentally touched your elbow. 121 00:11:29,410 --> 00:11:31,340 So you have no relation with those two things? 122 00:11:31,930 --> 00:11:34,900 Absolutely not! Never seen them in my life! 123 00:11:35,430 --> 00:11:37,570 - Don't look at them! - I won't! 124 00:11:37,570 --> 00:11:39,470 - Touch balls for luck. - I will! 125 00:11:41,170 --> 00:11:42,920 I hope they are not on our train. 126 00:11:43,130 --> 00:11:44,600 No, I don't think so. 127 00:11:49,330 --> 00:11:51,810 I think they are leaving. Yes, they are. 128 00:11:52,590 --> 00:11:54,150 They are leaving. 129 00:11:56,080 --> 00:11:58,190 That's it, they're gone. 130 00:11:58,820 --> 00:12:01,170 - Thank goodness! - Indeed, indeed! 131 00:12:02,070 --> 00:12:04,680 Excuse me, I get my... 132 00:12:05,600 --> 00:12:09,360 They even had a purple suitcase, the colour of bad luck! 133 00:12:10,630 --> 00:12:12,910 By the way, don't you have any luggage? 134 00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:15,940 No! No, I don't. 135 00:12:16,930 --> 00:12:18,180 Not even a small suitcase? 136 00:12:18,780 --> 00:12:21,880 I had a nice big suitcase, full of stuff... 137 00:12:22,320 --> 00:12:24,430 but I don't bring it to stations... 138 00:12:25,180 --> 00:12:26,390 too many thieves around. 139 00:12:26,980 --> 00:12:31,000 But I'm wearing everything: 5 shirts, 12 pairs of pants... 140 00:12:31,030 --> 00:12:32,190 and 16 pairs of socks. 141 00:12:32,830 --> 00:12:34,560 Very well. Here comes the train. 142 00:12:34,740 --> 00:12:36,290 Please let me, Earl-Duke! 143 00:12:37,990 --> 00:12:39,570 Halt! Just a moment! 144 00:12:40,850 --> 00:12:44,050 - What is this about? - He's mine, keep your hands off! 145 00:12:45,090 --> 00:12:46,440 The Earl-Duke is mine! 146 00:12:47,780 --> 00:12:48,970 I'll take the seats! 147 00:12:50,010 --> 00:12:52,540 Taken, taken, taken, taken, taken, taken! 148 00:12:53,850 --> 00:12:56,250 It's all taken! The whole car! 149 00:12:56,790 --> 00:12:59,100 Young man, have you ever been on a sleeping car before? 150 00:13:03,520 --> 00:13:05,650 No, sorry... I admit it. 151 00:13:06,150 --> 00:13:08,470 I have reserved room 18. 152 00:13:09,010 --> 00:13:10,000 18?! 153 00:13:11,270 --> 00:13:12,650 Sir Earl... 154 00:13:13,140 --> 00:13:15,520 Come, Earl-Duke. Room 18. 155 00:13:15,790 --> 00:13:17,480 Come, come! At your disposal. 156 00:13:18,160 --> 00:13:19,270 A little shine here. 157 00:13:19,680 --> 00:13:21,290 What the heck are you doing? 158 00:13:21,860 --> 00:13:24,540 Here I think we have... 159 00:13:24,610 --> 00:13:25,900 ... the bidét. 160 00:13:26,560 --> 00:13:27,320 What? 161 00:13:27,410 --> 00:13:28,450 What is this then? 162 00:13:32,390 --> 00:13:34,060 - Did you hurt yourself? - It's nothing, nothing... 163 00:13:34,120 --> 00:13:36,790 I only lost the use of the first two phalanxes 164 00:13:36,980 --> 00:13:40,700 of the pinky and the ring-finger. Excuse me while I retrieve my hand. 165 00:13:42,880 --> 00:13:49,580 And here is your glass for drinking. 166 00:13:49,640 --> 00:13:50,980 - Bah! - No, what is it? 167 00:13:51,830 --> 00:13:55,480 No, of course! This is your noble chamber pot. 168 00:13:55,860 --> 00:13:57,830 May I undress you, Sir Earl-Duke? 169 00:13:58,090 --> 00:13:59,980 No, no, no! Go to your room. 170 00:14:00,060 --> 00:14:03,190 But I don't have a room. In order to avoid economical burden to the Company... 171 00:14:03,680 --> 00:14:07,000 I dared booking in 2nd Class since 3rd Class has been abolished. 172 00:14:07,460 --> 00:14:09,620 If regulation allows it, I could sleep... 173 00:14:09,640 --> 00:14:10,940 crouched here. 174 00:14:10,950 --> 00:14:12,740 It's not allowed, it's not allowed! 175 00:14:14,180 --> 00:14:16,060 Well, then if you allow me I'll retire to my car. 176 00:14:19,620 --> 00:14:23,110 Go to 2nd Class, I'm sure you'll find it very comfortable. 177 00:14:23,110 --> 00:14:23,730 Goodnight. 178 00:14:31,630 --> 00:14:34,270 Tickets please. Tickets. 179 00:14:40,620 --> 00:14:42,570 I hope you slept well, young man. 180 00:14:42,670 --> 00:14:45,410 I spent a sleepless night on that bloody train. 181 00:14:45,430 --> 00:14:48,610 - I was right on the wheels. - I slept very well. 182 00:14:48,650 --> 00:14:50,160 - Good evening! - Hi there! 183 00:14:50,530 --> 00:14:54,270 The Earl-Duke, like any other gambler... 184 00:14:54,310 --> 00:14:58,230 was a victim of superstition and odd rituals. 185 00:14:58,290 --> 00:15:01,020 Ah-Weh-Wee, good luck come to me. 186 00:15:01,080 --> 00:15:04,060 Wee-Weh-Weir, good luck cometh here. 187 00:15:04,130 --> 00:15:06,860 Ah-Weh-Wim, good luck is not with him. 188 00:15:10,380 --> 00:15:11,430 Sorry. 189 00:15:12,310 --> 00:15:13,530 Chips! 190 00:15:18,110 --> 00:15:21,610 Wait, I wasn't placing a bet. 191 00:15:24,870 --> 00:15:26,190 Here, Duke! Sir Earl-Duke. 192 00:15:27,890 --> 00:15:28,970 Sit down! 193 00:15:31,960 --> 00:15:35,920 Excuse me, Sir Earl-Duke, but there is no chair. 194 00:15:36,230 --> 00:15:38,220 - Sit down anyway! - Alright then. 195 00:15:39,670 --> 00:15:40,970 Here, done. 196 00:15:41,140 --> 00:15:42,370 And touch my buttocks! 197 00:15:43,410 --> 00:15:45,680 Excuse me... but how? 198 00:15:45,840 --> 00:15:48,270 Put your hand under it. Come on! 199 00:16:15,160 --> 00:16:16,670 Nine! 200 00:16:17,640 --> 00:16:18,720 What happened? 201 00:16:19,140 --> 00:16:21,190 My foot was under yours, Sir Earl-Duke. 202 00:16:21,370 --> 00:16:24,360 Put your foot back under mine. Don't interrupt the flow. 203 00:16:24,710 --> 00:16:26,620 Everything must remain the same. 204 00:16:27,060 --> 00:16:29,060 - And keep touching my buttocks. - Touching the... 205 00:16:29,060 --> 00:16:30,280 ...buttocks, yes. 206 00:16:31,310 --> 00:16:32,180 Un millón. 207 00:16:42,540 --> 00:16:44,410 Eight! 208 00:16:47,430 --> 00:16:50,320 A horrible but short-lasting suffering... 209 00:16:50,430 --> 00:16:53,860 because within two rounds, Semenzara lost everything... 210 00:16:53,920 --> 00:16:56,870 and went under for 48 lbs of chips. 211 00:17:04,290 --> 00:17:06,220 And you... stop touching my ARSE! 212 00:17:17,310 --> 00:17:22,150 Around 3 AM, the Earl-Duke got damn lucky... 213 00:17:22,150 --> 00:17:24,530 banking big time. 214 00:17:27,340 --> 00:17:28,950 What are you doing there? 215 00:17:29,650 --> 00:17:32,350 Me? I dared drinking a sip of mineral water. 216 00:17:32,890 --> 00:17:35,360 Good, good! Keep on drinking! 217 00:17:35,500 --> 00:17:39,830 Valet, bring 25 more bottles of mineral water... 218 00:17:39,820 --> 00:17:40,860 ...of that brand. 219 00:17:41,020 --> 00:17:43,650 It was the infamous Bertier water. 220 00:17:43,730 --> 00:17:45,850 The most fizzy on Earth. 221 00:17:47,320 --> 00:17:48,610 Nine! 222 00:17:50,270 --> 00:17:51,730 Keep drinking! Keep drinking! 223 00:17:52,330 --> 00:17:53,180 Sorry. 224 00:18:04,140 --> 00:18:09,540 - What's your rank in the Company? - Me? 12th level, the lowest. 225 00:18:09,830 --> 00:18:11,500 You're promoted to 11th level. 226 00:18:11,960 --> 00:18:15,980 11th? Entitled to personal desk and imitation suede armchair! 227 00:18:16,090 --> 00:18:17,970 Yes, of course. But keep drinking! 228 00:18:19,820 --> 00:18:23,980 In the next 2 hours Fantozzi drank 4 crates of Bertier water... 229 00:18:24,230 --> 00:18:27,010 The equivalent of 4 cubic yards of compressed air. 230 00:18:27,600 --> 00:18:30,730 Therefore he had to anchor himself like a weather balloon. 231 00:18:41,560 --> 00:18:43,070 No, no. Give me the chair. 232 00:18:44,200 --> 00:18:46,810 - Give me the chair! - Stay calm. 233 00:18:49,070 --> 00:18:51,310 It may fall and hurt somebody. 234 00:18:52,480 --> 00:18:54,360 The chair belongs to the Casino. You may go. 235 00:18:55,480 --> 00:18:57,530 On the other hand, during those 2 hours... 236 00:18:57,520 --> 00:19:01,100 he climbed nearly to the top of the Company's org chart... 237 00:19:01,170 --> 00:19:03,020 even three steps at a time... 238 00:19:03,090 --> 00:19:04,420 Employee of 7th level: 239 00:19:04,570 --> 00:19:07,690 mahogany desk, imitation-suede armchair... 240 00:19:07,950 --> 00:19:10,580 telephone and ficus tree, the symbol of Power! 241 00:19:10,670 --> 00:19:14,700 Employee of 5th level: opaline desk lamp, glass top... 242 00:19:14,710 --> 00:19:18,200 Yugoslavian naïve art on the wall, two ficus plants. 243 00:19:18,390 --> 00:19:19,720 Employee of 1st level: 244 00:19:19,990 --> 00:19:23,430 four ficus plants, three telephones, dictaphone... 245 00:19:23,420 --> 00:19:26,580 six naïve paintings, rug over floor carpeting. 246 00:19:26,600 --> 00:19:29,330 He was on the threshold of presidency... 247 00:19:29,330 --> 00:19:32,000 meaning: private ficus greenhouse... 248 00:19:32,390 --> 00:19:34,310 and human leather armchair... 249 00:19:34,670 --> 00:19:38,920 when luck turned its back on Semenzara. 250 00:20:02,340 --> 00:20:04,520 You ruined me, jinx! 251 00:20:04,700 --> 00:20:06,120 Go away! Get lost... 252 00:20:06,600 --> 00:20:10,500 ...before I sack you! Nothing but a jinx! 253 00:20:36,810 --> 00:20:39,770 Hey, hey, hey! Put down the ash tray! 254 00:20:39,810 --> 00:20:42,730 It belongs to the Casino! Where are you going? Bring it back! 255 00:21:09,320 --> 00:21:10,460 Pardon me! 256 00:21:19,280 --> 00:21:22,430 "Bet it on number 27 when you feel inspired" 257 00:21:22,450 --> 00:21:25,450 "27, just like my age". 258 00:21:26,680 --> 00:21:30,170 "Daddy, will you bring me back a gift?". 259 00:21:33,790 --> 00:21:37,930 Excuse me, I put it here! 20,000 Liras on number 27. 260 00:21:57,400 --> 00:21:59,370 27, red and even (in French) 261 00:21:59,370 --> 00:22:01,360 Here! 262 00:22:02,410 --> 00:22:04,550 - Excuse me! - Whose money is this? (in French) 263 00:22:04,970 --> 00:22:06,290 It's mine! (in French) 264 00:22:08,860 --> 00:22:14,630 Yes, of course. Oui, it's Earl-Duke's money. 265 00:22:14,660 --> 00:22:19,370 I would never dare playing sir, let alone win. 266 00:22:21,300 --> 00:22:24,700 Excuse me, how much would the winning be? 267 00:22:24,780 --> 00:22:27,030 - 700,000 Liras. - Ah, nice! 268 00:22:29,990 --> 00:22:31,970 With that dirty money 269 00:22:31,970 --> 00:22:35,100 Semenzara paid the Grand Hotel suite... 270 00:22:35,300 --> 00:22:39,620 some extras, two whores and the return trip. 271 00:22:40,460 --> 00:22:43,910 Fantozzi instead had to find other ways. 272 00:22:52,460 --> 00:22:54,640 Poor Ugo, what happened to you? 273 00:22:54,960 --> 00:22:56,710 You are all frozen. 274 00:22:59,360 --> 00:23:00,940 You can't even speak. 275 00:23:02,320 --> 00:23:05,580 I'll fix you up with old remedies... 276 00:23:05,860 --> 00:23:07,680 like flax seed soups. 277 00:23:08,610 --> 00:23:11,180 - Are you happy? - (No, no!) - Hold on, I'll be right back... 278 00:23:17,620 --> 00:23:19,480 Here it is, just mildly warm! 279 00:23:19,580 --> 00:23:22,360 I'll get you an even warmer one soon. 280 00:23:24,540 --> 00:23:28,700 At that temperature, Fantozzi always had mystical raptures. 281 00:23:45,750 --> 00:23:52,090 This time Archangel Gabriel appeared to him announcing the forthcoming pregnancy. 282 00:24:14,050 --> 00:24:15,860 Hunting season opening! 283 00:24:16,680 --> 00:24:19,410 This year, overwhelmed by the relentless Filini who was... 284 00:24:19,510 --> 00:24:21,800 always frantically pushing for new tragic initiatives... 285 00:24:21,890 --> 00:24:24,380 even Fantozzi decided to join in. 286 00:24:24,820 --> 00:24:26,820 Filini's outfit: 287 00:24:26,830 --> 00:24:30,130 Sherlock Holmes cap with Robin Hood-style feather... 288 00:24:30,650 --> 00:24:35,930 his rich auntie's Argentinian poncho, tennis shoes with galoshes... 289 00:24:36,000 --> 00:24:37,430 topographic maps... 290 00:24:37,420 --> 00:24:39,890 and Calabrian bandit blunderbuss. 291 00:24:39,920 --> 00:24:41,170 Fantozzi's: 292 00:24:41,240 --> 00:24:44,340 white beach hat belonging to his daughter Mariangela... 293 00:24:44,750 --> 00:24:47,820 Pitiful ordinary jacket, fastened on the hips... 294 00:24:47,810 --> 00:24:52,030 by a massive machine gun cartridge belt, a WW2 surplus. 295 00:24:52,030 --> 00:24:55,850 A sling, viper's poison antidote around his neck... 296 00:24:55,850 --> 00:24:59,910 a bird cage containing a decoy canary and a retreiver stray cat... 297 00:24:59,910 --> 00:25:02,600 which unfortunately had escaped during departure operations. 298 00:25:03,840 --> 00:25:05,960 How wonderful! 299 00:25:06,490 --> 00:25:08,760 This is Heaven on Earth! 300 00:25:08,880 --> 00:25:12,330 Take deep breaths! What a pity though. 301 00:25:12,360 --> 00:25:13,130 What is? 302 00:25:13,200 --> 00:25:15,410 A pity you didn't bring your Barbary ape along. 303 00:25:15,580 --> 00:25:18,090 - Barbary? - I meant Barbara, your baboon... 304 00:25:19,030 --> 00:25:20,720 ahem... I mean, your baby. 305 00:25:20,870 --> 00:25:23,990 - Ah, my daughter, Mariangela! - Yes, of course. 306 00:25:24,060 --> 00:25:27,000 Imagine how much fun for her jumping between trees. 307 00:25:27,010 --> 00:25:29,580 - Jumping between trees? - I meant, between meadows! 308 00:25:29,570 --> 00:25:31,620 We're really away from everything, where are we? 309 00:25:31,620 --> 00:25:34,000 We are exactly here, you see? 310 00:25:34,220 --> 00:25:36,970 - Ahem, I can't see... - You see it? Here. 311 00:25:37,370 --> 00:25:41,620 I can't see, the feather is perforating my cornea. 312 00:25:41,620 --> 00:25:43,940 Look, here's that hill I told you about. 313 00:25:43,950 --> 00:25:47,510 Practically no man has ever set foot on it. 314 00:25:47,510 --> 00:25:50,140 A spot that NO-BO-DY knows! 315 00:25:51,260 --> 00:25:56,480 620 hunters in 150 square feet! 316 00:26:23,760 --> 00:26:26,330 My catch! Mine! I've seen it first. 317 00:26:26,350 --> 00:26:28,880 Mine! Whatever it is, it's mine! 318 00:26:29,240 --> 00:26:32,700 It was Sir Margheriti from the Council Housing Institute. 319 00:26:33,070 --> 00:26:36,450 Former Pipit whistle-calling regional champion. 320 00:26:36,620 --> 00:26:38,080 It's mine I said, leave it! 321 00:26:43,040 --> 00:26:45,850 Six minutes later, Engineer Carletti... 322 00:26:45,860 --> 00:26:49,320 also known as "Harelip" due to a congenital deformity of his upper lip... 323 00:26:49,770 --> 00:26:53,990 realized that he was being insistently watched. 324 00:27:03,520 --> 00:27:07,250 You're not human... you're a hyena! 325 00:27:08,490 --> 00:27:10,910 A hyena? Yeah, a hyena indeed... 326 00:27:11,840 --> 00:27:13,580 and a beautiful specimen too! 327 00:27:27,010 --> 00:27:30,750 Let's not get confused. We'll split up in two groups. 328 00:27:30,870 --> 00:27:33,710 Let's see... married men upstream and bachelors downstream. 329 00:27:34,100 --> 00:27:36,140 Yeah Let's go! 330 00:27:39,390 --> 00:27:40,580 Any photographers around? 331 00:27:53,560 --> 00:27:54,830 Keep your hands off! 332 00:27:55,350 --> 00:27:57,220 Excuse me but the rifle is mine, you have your sling! 333 00:27:57,860 --> 00:27:58,870 Don't you have your sling? 334 00:27:59,080 --> 00:28:02,530 Excuse me but we're the only ones who haven't shot once yet. 335 00:28:03,020 --> 00:28:04,600 What seems to be the problem? 336 00:28:04,950 --> 00:28:05,870 What's the problem? 337 00:28:06,080 --> 00:28:06,800 Good morning, sir. 338 00:28:06,840 --> 00:28:09,980 I haven't... He hasn't... We haven't shot anything yet. 339 00:28:10,400 --> 00:28:11,230 Let me see... 340 00:28:11,300 --> 00:28:12,400 - Are you expert at this? - A little. 341 00:28:12,510 --> 00:28:16,140 - Can you see what's wrong with it? - Well, obviously! It's completely unloaded! 342 00:28:20,120 --> 00:28:24,730 Excuse me accountant, have you brushed against the trigger by any chance? 343 00:28:24,990 --> 00:28:25,850 I don't recall... 344 00:28:26,370 --> 00:28:29,190 Do you mind if I leave this here and I take yours? 345 00:28:31,680 --> 00:28:33,350 Well then, have a nice day and happy hunting! 346 00:28:34,180 --> 00:28:36,350 See you. Take care! 347 00:28:37,050 --> 00:28:41,130 The wealthy ones made use of armoured vehicles and tanks along with orderlies. 348 00:28:42,550 --> 00:28:44,630 Great shot, Marquis! 349 00:28:50,960 --> 00:28:54,220 A megalomaniac even hired a bomber aircraft! 350 00:29:07,340 --> 00:29:11,930 For a perfect sling shot: take the aim... 351 00:29:11,930 --> 00:29:15,870 placing your target at the center of the fork... 352 00:29:15,870 --> 00:29:19,740 stretch the extensor up to ear level... 353 00:29:19,760 --> 00:29:21,820 and then LET G-! 354 00:29:32,340 --> 00:29:36,910 The have-nots fought back with the not-less-effective guerrilla tactics. 355 00:29:47,050 --> 00:29:49,700 Help! Help me, please! 356 00:29:59,930 --> 00:30:03,910 I bagged a nice gun myself. See? 357 00:30:04,320 --> 00:30:05,630 How marvellous! 358 00:30:06,260 --> 00:30:10,700 No more sling now. I can shoot too! 359 00:30:15,030 --> 00:30:16,780 Accountant, are you feeling alright? 360 00:30:17,750 --> 00:30:21,260 Absolutely... It's only... a little... 361 00:30:21,850 --> 00:30:24,200 I need a urologist, quick! 362 00:30:29,150 --> 00:30:33,910 Look, in exchange for two left earlobes I may offer you the right index finger... 363 00:30:34,770 --> 00:30:36,580 - from a lawyer. - Nail included? 364 00:30:36,650 --> 00:30:40,690 - Yes, it's complete. Look how nice it is. - Morning... 365 00:30:41,770 --> 00:30:43,460 - Excuse me, have you got a light? - Morning sir. 366 00:30:43,610 --> 00:30:45,330 Morning, how are you doing? 367 00:30:45,840 --> 00:30:48,320 So and so, I have like a heartburn. 368 00:30:51,050 --> 00:30:53,840 - Must be stress-related. - Must be. 369 00:30:55,340 --> 00:30:58,190 Sometimes the stress... 370 00:30:58,850 --> 00:31:01,520 By the way, accountant, where is your gun? 371 00:31:01,630 --> 00:31:03,740 My gun? I always keep it h---! 372 00:31:06,240 --> 00:31:08,360 Come on, come on! Be a man! 373 00:31:24,400 --> 00:31:26,190 Come on accountant, throw one too! 374 00:31:30,730 --> 00:31:33,640 The bomb is in his sleeve! Bomb in the sleeve! Run! 375 00:31:48,710 --> 00:31:50,610 Let's go! 376 00:31:51,280 --> 00:31:54,320 Accountant, have you found it? 377 00:31:54,650 --> 00:31:56,620 How do you feel? 378 00:31:57,370 --> 00:31:58,450 - Great. - Good! 379 00:32:09,160 --> 00:32:11,210 Hostilities ceased at dusk. 380 00:32:11,830 --> 00:32:15,960 Everyone returned home with their quarries and trophies... 381 00:32:15,970 --> 00:32:19,150 just in time to watch the football results. 382 00:32:19,860 --> 00:32:22,350 Next sunday we'll kick their arses. 383 00:32:22,600 --> 00:32:26,520 We can't. We have that company trip to Genova for the launch of their new boat. 384 00:32:26,910 --> 00:32:29,670 - You can't miss it! - But I have a commitment with my brother-in-law... 385 00:32:29,980 --> 00:32:33,470 I already enlisted you. Speaking of which... you owe me 5,000 Liras. 386 00:32:52,670 --> 00:32:57,150 The godmother of the christening was Countess Serbelloni Mazzanti Viendalmare... 387 00:32:57,750 --> 00:32:59,710 great shareholder of the Company. 388 00:33:04,670 --> 00:33:06,320 Hurray! Hurray! 389 00:33:07,110 --> 00:33:09,590 - Hurray! - Hurray! 390 00:33:21,400 --> 00:33:23,350 Here Countess. It's your moment. 391 00:33:25,790 --> 00:33:29,610 From 35 yards she goes, Serbelloni Mazzanti Viendalmare! 392 00:33:35,900 --> 00:33:38,290 Master of Ceremonies, may I launch? 393 00:33:38,870 --> 00:33:40,350 Launch, Countess, launch! 394 00:33:54,030 --> 00:33:55,630 - Here Countess. - Another bottle? 395 00:33:55,790 --> 00:33:56,850 Yes, please! 396 00:33:58,810 --> 00:34:03,050 From 50 yards she goes again, Serbelloni Mazzanti Viendalmare! 397 00:34:06,580 --> 00:34:09,990 Master of Ceremonies, may I retry? 398 00:34:10,110 --> 00:34:12,480 Retry, Countess! But more to the center. 399 00:34:22,470 --> 00:34:27,690 Fantozzi this time awaited the end of the ceremony in the water. 400 00:34:31,170 --> 00:34:35,040 Master of Ceremonies, may I re-retry? 401 00:34:35,180 --> 00:34:38,830 Re-retry, Countess! But a bit more to the right! 402 00:34:40,460 --> 00:34:42,400 He was followed in the water by: 403 00:34:42,630 --> 00:34:44,150 Mayor with tricolor sash... 404 00:34:45,840 --> 00:34:47,350 Merchant Navy Minister... 405 00:34:49,790 --> 00:34:54,200 102 years-old Baroness Filiguelli de Bonchamp, the Company's mascot. 406 00:34:54,210 --> 00:34:59,100 All other authorities were covertly launched later. 407 00:35:02,350 --> 00:35:07,060 When all the Champagne had run out, it was decided that the ritual would be changed: 408 00:35:09,540 --> 00:35:15,160 A metal wire would be cut, automatically starting the launch. 409 00:35:15,350 --> 00:35:20,360 From 83 yards she goes once again, Serbelloni Mazzanti Viendalmare! 410 00:35:21,290 --> 00:35:22,900 Go Countess, go! 411 00:35:23,960 --> 00:35:27,820 I cut... in the name of God! 412 00:35:29,030 --> 00:35:32,180 Archbishop's pinky with pastoral ring! 413 00:35:32,620 --> 00:35:35,130 Damn that whore of the Virgin M... 414 00:35:44,080 --> 00:35:50,930 The ship was launched in late afternoon when the Cardinal's murderous frenzy had eased. 415 00:35:53,200 --> 00:35:57,760 At night, the celebration continued with a great party at the... 416 00:35:57,760 --> 00:36:00,450 Serbelloni Mazzanti Viendalmare's mansion. 417 00:36:00,650 --> 00:36:03,790 Aside from the usual Princes and other Mighties... 418 00:36:03,790 --> 00:36:06,440 the invitation was extended to all the employees... 419 00:36:06,450 --> 00:36:11,180 even to the most humble ones, in light of the upcoming Union contracts. 420 00:36:11,760 --> 00:36:15,480 It's a Brandebourg Dane. Look, Archduchess. 421 00:36:15,560 --> 00:36:18,040 It scares me a bit though. 422 00:36:20,870 --> 00:36:26,060 Fantozzi and Filini showed up with two terrible rented tailcoats. 423 00:36:26,160 --> 00:36:31,130 Filini looked like an amputee. Fantozzi was basically in Bermuda shorts! 424 00:36:35,330 --> 00:36:37,220 What's there? A calf? 425 00:36:37,330 --> 00:36:39,280 No, no, no! It's a horse! 426 00:36:39,900 --> 00:36:42,870 - It would be a... pooch. - A pooch? 427 00:36:43,080 --> 00:36:45,750 A little on the big side maybe. A 2-tons pooch. 428 00:36:47,660 --> 00:36:51,950 - It's staring at us. It looks very humane though. - Really? 429 00:36:52,200 --> 00:36:53,430 You see? It's purring. 430 00:36:54,860 --> 00:36:56,000 Excuse me. 431 00:36:56,860 --> 00:36:59,780 Excuse me Doc, we have valid invitations. 432 00:36:59,820 --> 00:37:03,160 If you would gently move the paw, we may join the party. 433 00:37:15,550 --> 00:37:18,700 Where are Filini and Fantozzi? I haven't seen them. 434 00:37:19,020 --> 00:37:20,630 Maybe they weren't invited. 435 00:37:20,740 --> 00:37:23,110 Impossible! Everyone has been invited! 436 00:37:23,100 --> 00:37:27,720 Even the delivery boys! Even the pen-pushers, everyone! 437 00:37:27,730 --> 00:37:29,360 - Very well, very well. - Why, is anyone missing? 438 00:37:29,360 --> 00:37:34,080 Only two boors, Mrs. Countess. They think it's chic to be late. 439 00:37:34,180 --> 00:37:37,200 - Don't worry about them Mrs. Countess. - Oh, I do worry very much... 440 00:37:37,520 --> 00:37:40,860 I'm worried sick about two dear employees that are still missing. 441 00:37:41,480 --> 00:37:43,280 - Help! - Help, please! 442 00:37:44,110 --> 00:37:47,830 - Help! - Countess, help! 443 00:37:49,360 --> 00:37:51,000 Watch it, be careful! 444 00:37:51,400 --> 00:37:53,290 It was humane, you said! 445 00:37:53,730 --> 00:37:55,580 It was purring, you said! 446 00:37:57,040 --> 00:37:58,380 I admit I was wrong. 447 00:37:58,530 --> 00:37:59,470 Stay, Fido! 448 00:38:00,220 --> 00:38:01,730 Try with Foofy! 449 00:38:02,030 --> 00:38:03,080 Stay, Foofy! 450 00:38:03,820 --> 00:38:04,940 Try with Boby! 451 00:38:04,950 --> 00:38:05,940 Stay, Boby! 452 00:38:07,930 --> 00:38:08,550 Friedman! 453 00:38:08,760 --> 00:38:12,420 -Friedman is not a dog's name! -What the hell could it be then? 454 00:38:12,620 --> 00:38:15,920 His name was "Ivan the Terrible XXXII" 455 00:38:16,030 --> 00:38:18,700 Discendant of "Ivan the Terrible I"... 456 00:38:18,710 --> 00:38:20,650 that belonged to Tsar Nicholas. 457 00:38:20,760 --> 00:38:23,680 Legendary paesant-hunting champion... 458 00:38:23,670 --> 00:38:29,160 executed as enemy of the people in the Red Square during the October Revolution. 459 00:38:29,360 --> 00:38:31,800 Here we come! We are here to help. Slowly, careful now... 460 00:38:31,800 --> 00:38:34,700 - Don't fret, dear. - Here we are! 461 00:38:36,290 --> 00:38:39,210 - No, I'll take the ladder. - Don't overstrain yourself, please. 462 00:38:43,010 --> 00:38:44,740 I'm sorry, employee! 463 00:38:46,840 --> 00:38:49,140 So sorry, employee! Did I hurt you? 464 00:38:49,640 --> 00:38:53,450 It's nothing! Only a compound fracture of the skull. 465 00:38:54,400 --> 00:38:57,190 To apologize for for the unfortunate accident... 466 00:38:57,400 --> 00:39:00,640 the Counts Serbelloni, with a clever move... 467 00:39:00,750 --> 00:39:04,100 invited Fantozzi and Filini to the table of honor. 468 00:39:04,200 --> 00:39:05,730 - Take it there. - Employee! 469 00:39:06,050 --> 00:39:07,630 - It's Fantozzi. - Employee! 470 00:39:08,150 --> 00:39:11,680 Let me introduce you to some of our friends: 471 00:39:12,620 --> 00:39:16,200 Excellency, His Eminence De Vetanza. 472 00:39:16,740 --> 00:39:19,600 - Dona Miniaz De Coral. - Sorry... 473 00:39:19,700 --> 00:39:21,510 my hands are a little sweaty. 474 00:39:21,510 --> 00:39:25,410 Air Force General Ernesto Maria Lampioni. 475 00:39:26,490 --> 00:39:29,100 The young Marquise Giava delle Corte. 476 00:39:31,810 --> 00:39:34,630 You know the rules, Fantozzi! 477 00:39:34,650 --> 00:39:38,350 You know how to behave in high society, right? 478 00:39:38,390 --> 00:39:40,840 What to do, what not to do. 479 00:39:41,350 --> 00:39:44,370 - Yes, yes! - We'll see, we'll see! 480 00:39:44,370 --> 00:39:47,690 What do you mean "we'll see"? It's just that I had sweaty hands. Sorry. 481 00:40:03,830 --> 00:40:05,890 - Your shoes. - Thanks, it must be delicious... 482 00:40:09,170 --> 00:40:12,500 The cocker took them before. The pooch, you know? 483 00:40:40,910 --> 00:40:45,450 Employee! Do you know our German Ambassador... 484 00:40:46,320 --> 00:40:50,390 Count Otto Von Uber Steiber? 485 00:40:50,700 --> 00:40:52,340 Heil, Hitler! Sorry! 486 00:40:52,560 --> 00:40:54,280 You may call me just Otto. 487 00:40:54,280 --> 00:40:55,330 Please, at least Nine! 488 00:40:55,960 --> 00:40:57,940 - Ten! - Eleven! - Twelve! 489 00:40:58,140 --> 00:40:59,810 Fantozzi got the better of it. 490 00:40:59,910 --> 00:41:01,080 Thirty "cum laude"! There! 491 00:41:08,550 --> 00:41:11,990 How tasty! Delicious! 492 00:41:17,460 --> 00:41:23,710 The glasses! A row of 5 on the right. 5 more on the left. 493 00:41:24,020 --> 00:41:25,810 Which one to drink from? 494 00:41:26,020 --> 00:41:27,400 Aren't you thirsty, employee? 495 00:41:27,610 --> 00:41:30,490 I'm slightly short on saliva. 496 00:41:30,500 --> 00:41:31,530 Then drink! 497 00:41:39,390 --> 00:41:40,270 What are you doing? 498 00:41:41,670 --> 00:41:43,590 I'm reading... I'm reading my palm... 499 00:41:43,900 --> 00:41:46,960 See? The line of fate is a little... 500 00:41:55,550 --> 00:41:56,650 What day is today? 501 00:41:56,860 --> 00:42:00,940 - Sunday! - Sunday! - You said it at the same time! 502 00:42:00,980 --> 00:42:03,070 Jinx! Let's link the pinkies! 503 00:42:04,410 --> 00:42:07,400 The middle fingers then... the ring fingers perhaps? 504 00:42:13,110 --> 00:42:16,950 THRUSH! The most difficult thing in nature! 505 00:42:53,860 --> 00:42:55,020 Cheers! 506 00:43:11,120 --> 00:43:13,940 - Have you finished it already? - Indeed! I devoured it. 507 00:43:21,360 --> 00:43:22,680 How am I doing? 508 00:43:22,730 --> 00:43:24,160 Bad, goddammit! 509 00:43:36,760 --> 00:43:40,630 At last, a drastic decision: Thrush... whole! 510 00:43:54,580 --> 00:43:56,180 (How tasty!) 511 00:44:01,090 --> 00:44:06,520 Fantozzi's colours: red. Pompeian red. Lobster-orange. 512 00:44:07,140 --> 00:44:11,640 Violet. Funeral ornament-violet. Gloomy blue! 513 00:44:12,300 --> 00:44:16,210 At gloomy blue Fantozzi fell in a comatose state. 514 00:44:20,730 --> 00:44:23,950 Baked rice with tomatoe garnish. 515 00:44:24,260 --> 00:44:27,580 The tomatoes have this tragic peculiarity: 516 00:44:27,880 --> 00:44:33,160 Cold on the outside. 18,000°F fireball on the inside! 517 00:44:33,350 --> 00:44:36,590 This... I wolf it down! 518 00:44:46,450 --> 00:44:48,070 You won't spit it here, will you? 519 00:44:48,380 --> 00:44:49,590 No, no. 520 00:44:53,240 --> 00:44:57,450 You won't spit it here, will you? You wouldn't dare, would you Fantozzi? Go out! 521 00:45:01,890 --> 00:45:04,060 Fantozzi! Maybe he knows... 522 00:45:04,270 --> 00:45:07,000 what's the name of that dumb-faced delivery boy? 523 00:45:59,210 --> 00:46:00,290 Uh, a little tomato. 524 00:46:04,800 --> 00:46:06,000 - Fantozzi? - Yes? 525 00:46:06,070 --> 00:46:07,800 Open your mouth and close your eyes! 526 00:46:15,980 --> 00:46:18,880 - Fantozzi! - Fantozzi! 527 00:46:21,410 --> 00:46:24,900 He had fallen right in Ivan The Terrible's clutches... 528 00:46:25,230 --> 00:46:28,230 who, after dragging him in a corner of the garden... 529 00:46:28,240 --> 00:46:33,290 began to dig a pit of unsettling proportions: 4 feet by 6! 530 00:47:15,570 --> 00:47:16,640 Pass, will you? 531 00:47:20,910 --> 00:47:23,950 They weren't the beams of an overtaking car. 532 00:47:37,550 --> 00:47:40,110 The beast besieged him for a week... 533 00:47:40,420 --> 00:47:44,200 which was obviously counted as spent holidays. 534 00:47:46,070 --> 00:47:49,420 Ugo? Is it warm enough? 535 00:47:52,510 --> 00:47:55,740 An injustice that Fantozzi could not bear... 536 00:47:55,740 --> 00:47:57,970 so much so that for the very first time... 537 00:47:57,970 --> 00:48:00,720 he pretended to be ill and used the sick leave. 538 00:48:05,150 --> 00:48:06,150 The doctor! 539 00:48:11,230 --> 00:48:14,470 Wait, don't open! Don't open! 540 00:48:26,920 --> 00:48:30,330 It's not the doctor. It was Mr. Bonetti, our neighbour. 541 00:48:31,600 --> 00:48:33,220 What happened to the Virgin Mary? 542 00:48:36,310 --> 00:48:39,200 Our neighbour Bonetti? What the hell did Bonetti want... 543 00:48:39,210 --> 00:48:41,350 ...to give me a heart attack? 544 00:48:41,610 --> 00:48:44,960 No. He had to leave unexpectedly with all his family. 545 00:48:44,970 --> 00:48:47,810 Who gives a damn if he had to leave with all his family? 546 00:48:48,000 --> 00:48:51,960 He had three free tickets for the American Circus. 547 00:48:52,260 --> 00:48:54,830 Since he had to leave, he kindly gave them to us. 548 00:48:55,500 --> 00:48:56,500 Free tickets! 549 00:48:57,110 --> 00:48:59,140 He couldn't sleep all night. 550 00:48:59,460 --> 00:49:00,840 The risk was insane. 551 00:49:01,250 --> 00:49:05,730 If caught outside, the punishment was public flogging in the canteen, at the very least. 552 00:49:05,960 --> 00:49:10,600 But it was the first time in his life that Fantozzi had free tickets. 553 00:49:11,310 --> 00:49:13,250 - What is it? What's up? - I decided. 554 00:49:13,570 --> 00:49:14,540 - We're going. - Where? 555 00:49:14,540 --> 00:49:15,870 To the circus. 556 00:49:16,820 --> 00:49:18,570 - Cautiously... - Oh, Lord! 557 00:49:18,650 --> 00:49:19,470 but we will go. 558 00:49:34,710 --> 00:49:36,180 - Ugo, is that you? - Yes. 559 00:49:38,250 --> 00:49:39,300 - It's daddy! - Daddy! 560 00:49:39,600 --> 00:49:40,880 Put your scarf back on. 561 00:49:41,540 --> 00:49:43,290 Come on, let's go! 562 00:50:15,820 --> 00:50:18,880 The t-, the t-, the tickets! Oh my goodness! 563 00:50:20,320 --> 00:50:21,890 Here they are! Luckly. 564 00:50:22,180 --> 00:50:23,380 Come, Mariangela. 565 00:50:27,240 --> 00:50:31,900 And now ladies and gentlemen, our wise chimpanzees! 566 00:50:33,600 --> 00:50:35,110 Don't pull, honey. 567 00:50:35,430 --> 00:50:37,810 Daddy! I'm over here! 568 00:50:40,110 --> 00:50:47,070 Good morning, madam. See, the dress is identical... 569 00:50:47,080 --> 00:50:49,500 so there was a misunderstanding. Bye and have a nice day. 570 00:50:49,660 --> 00:50:51,620 "Come on, darling". 571 00:50:53,840 --> 00:50:55,700 Come, Cheeta... ahem, Mariangela. 572 00:51:00,080 --> 00:51:02,690 Did you see Pina, how cute that monkey was? 573 00:51:03,540 --> 00:51:07,130 You know Mariangela, monkeys are really superior animals. 574 00:51:07,130 --> 00:51:13,600 Excuse me... by any chance, is it you the one who was supposed to be sick? 575 00:51:13,840 --> 00:51:16,530 Me? You are mistaken. 576 00:51:17,360 --> 00:51:20,800 And now comes... 577 00:51:20,830 --> 00:51:23,420 the great Hungarian performer. 578 00:51:23,710 --> 00:51:26,110 - Take this krapfen! - What are you doing here? 579 00:51:27,150 --> 00:51:28,190 Take this! 580 00:51:40,030 --> 00:51:41,160 Go get him immediately! 581 00:51:43,130 --> 00:51:44,290 Go get him! 582 00:51:44,850 --> 00:51:46,940 Look at this clown! 583 00:51:47,620 --> 00:51:49,780 How about this? 584 00:51:50,920 --> 00:51:54,660 And now ladies and gentlemen, our "Wild Horse". 585 00:52:26,340 --> 00:52:28,630 The great performer says goodb-argh! 586 00:52:39,340 --> 00:52:42,180 I'm accountant Ugo Fantozzi, ID 7829/bis... 587 00:52:42,590 --> 00:52:47,150 Please understand my situation! Hold me tight! My hands are swea-ahhh! 588 00:52:52,200 --> 00:52:53,240 - Ugo! - Daddy! 589 00:52:54,090 --> 00:52:57,190 So it is you! Accountant Ugo Fantozzi! 590 00:52:57,650 --> 00:53:00,710 No, no! No! I insist! No! 591 00:53:01,390 --> 00:53:02,530 It's not me. 592 00:53:09,960 --> 00:53:13,680 And now ladies and gentlemen, The most sensational part of the show... 593 00:53:14,960 --> 00:53:18,180 Mr. Super Flight. The human projectile. 594 00:53:21,680 --> 00:53:23,100 Halt! Quiet everyone! 595 00:53:23,800 --> 00:53:26,080 Accountant Fantozzi! 596 00:53:26,620 --> 00:53:28,220 Come out! 597 00:53:30,080 --> 00:53:35,650 I know full well you're in there! Come out, I said! 598 00:53:37,630 --> 00:53:38,340 Is that so? 599 00:53:38,550 --> 00:53:39,640 I'll take care of it! 600 00:53:51,410 --> 00:53:55,270 He was found several days later in surroundings of Agrigento... 601 00:53:55,430 --> 00:53:57,320 by Archangel Saint Michael. 602 00:54:00,110 --> 00:54:04,210 The divine messenger reminded him that he was nine months pregnant... 603 00:54:04,290 --> 00:54:08,280 and recommended him to go immediately to the delivery room. 604 00:54:09,210 --> 00:54:12,590 Excuse me Doc, didn't we agree for Bethlehem? 605 00:54:14,250 --> 00:54:16,400 Well, if you say so... Alright then, nevermind. 606 00:54:25,130 --> 00:54:28,700 MATERNITY WARD 607 00:54:43,260 --> 00:54:47,140 BATTLESHIP KOTIOMKIN 608 00:54:51,680 --> 00:54:55,020 Many years ago, Fantozzi was hired in the Almighty Company... 609 00:54:55,210 --> 00:54:58,720 with the role of "stamping sponge". 610 00:55:03,700 --> 00:55:07,200 He succeded in the aptitude test... 611 00:55:07,370 --> 00:55:10,090 –thanks to a tip-off from a corrupted usher– 612 00:55:10,200 --> 00:55:15,250 by answering two weird questions from the President of the Board. 613 00:55:20,840 --> 00:55:22,920 Do you like German expressionist cinema? 614 00:55:24,430 --> 00:55:26,040 It's the greatest love of my life! 615 00:55:26,120 --> 00:55:29,290 I would like to remind the great masters: Murnau... 616 00:55:29,340 --> 00:55:30,580 and Robert Wiene... 617 00:55:30,790 --> 00:55:35,340 whom nobody could do without his masterpiece "Das cabinett... 618 00:55:35,340 --> 00:55:37,310 der Doktor Caligarisss". 619 00:55:38,100 --> 00:55:39,820 CA-LI-GA-RI! 620 00:55:41,710 --> 00:55:44,860 And who is David "Yourrrgryfth"? 621 00:55:47,770 --> 00:55:48,490 I didn't... 622 00:55:48,740 --> 00:55:51,120 - "Grifth"! - I didn't hear. 623 00:55:51,530 --> 00:55:56,180 - "Grfth"! - Griffith! The father of American cinema! 624 00:55:56,180 --> 00:55:59,200 I adore him, he's like a father to me. 625 00:55:59,380 --> 00:56:03,130 Very good, young man! You are hired! 626 00:56:06,540 --> 00:56:10,060 The powerful Professor Guidobaldo Maria Riccardelli... 627 00:56:10,060 --> 00:56:13,110 was a fanatic enthusiast of Art Cinema. 628 00:56:13,420 --> 00:56:17,610 Once a week he forced his employees and their families... 629 00:56:17,850 --> 00:56:20,800 to endure the Classics of cinema. 630 00:56:21,100 --> 00:56:24,360 In 20 years Fantozzi was made to watch over and over again: 631 00:56:24,360 --> 00:56:28,550 "Dies Irae" by Carl Theodor Dreyer, 6 hours! 632 00:56:28,660 --> 00:56:32,170 "Man of Aran" by Flaherty, 9 parts! 633 00:56:32,280 --> 00:56:35,160 But above all, the most classic of the classics... 634 00:56:35,160 --> 00:56:38,770 ..."Battleship Kotiomkin"! 18 reels... 635 00:56:39,000 --> 00:56:44,610 of which Professor Riccardelli, owned a rare private copy. 636 00:56:45,370 --> 00:56:47,360 Excuse me! What's on tonight? 637 00:56:47,370 --> 00:56:50,460 - "Battleship Kotiomkin"! - (...Again!) 638 00:56:51,910 --> 00:56:55,050 - Go! Go! - Very well. 639 00:56:55,360 --> 00:56:56,710 - "Battleship... Kotiomkin"! - Ughino, cheer up. 640 00:58:33,250 --> 00:58:35,110 Excuse me, let me pass! 641 00:58:36,420 --> 00:58:40,530 - Ugo, wake up! - Gotcha "Fantocci"! You are sleeping! 642 00:58:40,530 --> 00:58:44,070 No, Professor. It's a fainting fit! 643 00:58:44,070 --> 00:58:46,420 No, madam! He's sleeping like a turd! 644 00:58:46,910 --> 00:58:50,380 - Get up! - Is it 7:00 already? The alarm... 645 00:58:50,380 --> 00:58:52,930 - coffee, newspaper, the mail! - Ugo! 646 00:58:53,060 --> 00:58:55,300 Good morning, Professor. Is it over yet? 647 00:58:55,300 --> 00:58:57,880 - Nope, you would like that, wouldn't you, turd? - No, no, no. 648 00:58:57,880 --> 00:58:59,690 Still three parts to watch. 649 00:58:59,700 --> 00:59:01,530 Still three parts! Very good! 650 00:59:01,520 --> 00:59:03,300 And you'll watch them on your knees! 651 00:59:03,300 --> 00:59:05,090 On the knees is even better... 652 00:59:05,090 --> 00:59:11,030 - ...as you wish. - Not here. Come, follow me! 653 00:59:13,320 --> 00:59:17,070 He's a turd. That's the best way to describe him... a TURD! 654 00:59:18,930 --> 00:59:20,440 Here! On the chickpeas! 655 00:59:21,060 --> 00:59:23,390 Let's see if you fall asleep now. 656 00:59:23,590 --> 00:59:27,340 For 20 years Fantozzi had been publically humiliated... 657 00:59:27,430 --> 00:59:29,450 during and after the viewings... 658 00:59:29,680 --> 00:59:33,110 when Riccardelli opened the debate on the film. 659 00:59:34,180 --> 00:59:38,700 And now, as usual, I invite you to share your opinion. 660 00:59:39,300 --> 00:59:40,880 It's a great film! 661 00:59:41,760 --> 00:59:44,070 - Permission to speak! - Please. 662 00:59:44,130 --> 00:59:46,580 - It's a masterpiece! - The mother's eye! 663 00:59:46,580 --> 00:59:49,720 - ... the pram with the baby! - You, Filini? 664 00:59:49,880 --> 00:59:53,430 I go into raptures when I see the soldiers' boots! 665 00:59:53,430 --> 00:59:54,350 Yes? 666 00:59:54,470 --> 00:59:59,240 Tonight the "analogic" editing blew me away! 667 00:59:59,540 --> 01:00:02,800 And... and... the soldiers' boots, but above all the pram with the baby! 668 01:00:02,970 --> 01:00:05,420 Yes, of course. Yes? 669 01:00:05,560 --> 01:00:09,690 The pram with the poor baby falling down the stairs. 670 01:00:09,700 --> 01:00:12,410 Professor, couldn't we watch it again? 671 01:00:12,800 --> 01:00:14,960 I wish we could, my friend... but the time. 672 01:00:17,910 --> 01:00:21,440 And you, "Fantocci"! Do you only open your mouth to yawn? 673 01:00:21,860 --> 01:00:23,190 Have you got nothing to say? 674 01:00:23,230 --> 01:00:24,630 What do you have to say? 675 01:00:25,780 --> 01:00:30,030 My husband, accountant Fantozzi, is speechless. 676 01:00:30,360 --> 01:00:34,500 No Mrs. "Fantocci", your husband is a turd! 677 01:00:34,570 --> 01:00:36,340 Is he or is he not? 678 01:00:37,170 --> 01:00:38,430 Yes. 679 01:00:44,220 --> 01:00:48,590 On Saturday the 18th at 20:25, live from Wembley... 680 01:00:48,600 --> 01:00:51,880 the match England Vs. Italy, qualifying for the World Cup. 681 01:00:52,240 --> 01:00:55,100 Fantozzi had a formidable plan: 682 01:00:55,090 --> 01:00:59,930 thick socks, pants, flannel gown, tea-table at the TV... 683 01:00:59,930 --> 01:01:02,840 large onion omelette, which he loved... 684 01:01:02,840 --> 01:01:05,690 six-pack of cold beers, wild supporting shouting... 685 01:01:05,700 --> 01:01:07,110 and free burping! 686 01:01:08,150 --> 01:01:11,800 "We are about to go live from Wembley, broadcasting in Eurovision"... 687 01:01:11,800 --> 01:01:14,240 "the running commentary of the match"... 688 01:01:14,250 --> 01:01:17,480 "Italy Vs. England, qualifying for the World Cup". 689 01:01:19,880 --> 01:01:25,600 Ugo, look at her, doesn't she look like an angel? 690 01:01:26,590 --> 01:01:30,420 Yeah, yeah, sure! Leave me alone now, I don't want to hear a pin drop. 691 01:01:30,420 --> 01:01:32,840 Pina, the pepper! The pepper! 692 01:01:33,260 --> 01:01:36,550 Pina, also don't forget to disconnect the teleph--! 693 01:01:36,590 --> 01:01:42,840 "In a few moments we will hook up to Wembley, to broadcast in Eurovision the match"... 694 01:01:42,840 --> 01:01:45,940 "Italy Vs. England, World Cup qualifier". 695 01:01:46,880 --> 01:01:47,740 Hello? 696 01:01:49,310 --> 01:01:51,120 Oh, it's you accountant Filini! 697 01:01:51,120 --> 01:01:54,210 A-ha! Filini! I'm already in line. 698 01:01:54,220 --> 01:01:58,930 I'll bet against the treacherous Albion. 10 coffees to 1. Italy! Italy! 699 01:01:58,920 --> 01:02:00,100 Did you hear? 700 01:02:02,000 --> 01:02:03,260 What? 701 01:02:04,510 --> 01:02:08,340 OK, accountant. We shall obey. 702 01:02:08,330 --> 01:02:11,340 "Ladies and gentlemen, this is Wembley... " 703 01:02:11,340 --> 01:02:13,270 Italy! Italy! 704 01:02:13,270 --> 01:02:17,040 "...the teams are lining up for the national anthems". 705 01:02:20,500 --> 01:02:25,090 Ugo! I don't think you can watch the match tonight. 706 01:02:25,080 --> 01:02:26,210 Why? 707 01:02:26,500 --> 01:02:28,340 - We have to go out. - Who? 708 01:02:28,530 --> 01:02:30,040 Professor Riccardelli. 709 01:02:30,170 --> 01:02:30,710 No! 710 01:02:30,720 --> 01:02:36,830 Accountant Filini told me we have to go to watch... a Czechoslovak film. 711 01:02:36,870 --> 01:02:37,900 Noooooooo! 712 01:02:37,900 --> 01:02:39,710 It's subtitled in German though! 713 01:02:39,820 --> 01:02:42,390 - No! - Ugo! - Daddy! 714 01:02:42,850 --> 01:02:44,480 Ughino, don't act like this. 715 01:02:45,520 --> 01:02:50,200 "We are now at the epic moment. Italy and England will compete, in this historical match... 716 01:02:50,210 --> 01:02:52,830 "for the qualification to the World Cup finals". 717 01:02:53,280 --> 01:02:56,430 "They check the stop-watches. The referee blows the whistle"... 718 01:02:56,430 --> 01:02:57,460 It's the kick-off. 719 01:02:58,000 --> 01:02:59,450 Sorry. 720 01:02:59,490 --> 01:03:05,070 "Kick-off. Capello, Pulici, Antognoni. Antognoni sprints to the left, dodges the English defender. And again! 721 01:03:05,060 --> 01:03:08,150 - "And again. Back-heeled to Rocca". - Ugo, we're going to be late. 722 01:03:08,910 --> 01:03:12,240 "Rocca shoots. The English goalie saves it". 723 01:03:12,570 --> 01:03:15,970 "Throw in for Italy. Benetti controls and passes the ball to Pulici on the left". 724 01:03:16,200 --> 01:03:19,570 "Formidable sprint of Pulici, he blasts the ball but grazes the post!" 725 01:03:19,560 --> 01:03:24,370 "Now Bellugi on the ball. Bellugi to defender Capello". 726 01:03:24,370 --> 01:03:28,330 "He dodges McKinley who tries to bite him". 727 01:03:28,330 --> 01:03:31,550 "He kicks it and hits the English defender in the neck, Capello's shin, neck again". 728 01:03:31,550 --> 01:03:35,000 "Terrible scrum! Nose, neck, shin, neck, ear"... 729 01:03:35,010 --> 01:03:37,300 "Pulici intercepts the ball and saves it!" 730 01:03:38,120 --> 01:03:42,180 "Forgive my emotion, all of you sitting comfortably at the TV none excluded..." 731 01:03:42,180 --> 01:03:46,480 "but I hadn't seen such a start in 170 years!" 732 01:03:46,490 --> 01:03:51,420 "Tardelli holds now the ball and sprints. He eludes McKinley..." 733 01:03:52,660 --> 01:03:56,430 "To Savoldi now. Savoldi shoots and hits McKinley's neck, Savoldi's shin, Antognoni's nose". 734 01:03:56,430 --> 01:04:01,960 "Neck of the English goalie, McKinley's nose, Benetti's shin, neck, nose again." 735 01:04:06,380 --> 01:04:09,130 - Direct the aerial! - I am! 736 01:04:09,410 --> 01:04:11,590 - Ughino, calm down for Heaven's sake. - I couldn't hear. 737 01:04:21,650 --> 01:04:25,450 "Wonderful kick... but hits the goal post!" - Goal post! Goal post! 738 01:04:29,240 --> 01:04:32,140 - Ugo, where are you going? - Will you return daddy? 739 01:04:32,130 --> 01:04:35,230 "The Azzurri go again. They approach the penalty area". 740 01:04:35,240 --> 01:04:40,110 "The Azzurri attack. Antognoni hops and almost climbs over McKinley". 741 01:04:41,740 --> 01:04:43,500 Excuse me! Who hit the goal post? 742 01:04:44,790 --> 01:04:46,150 "McKinley hits it!" 743 01:04:46,270 --> 01:04:49,410 "The English goalie falls dreadfully on his back". 744 01:04:49,930 --> 01:04:52,640 "The 120,000 spectators at Wembley and you, millions of lucky ones"... 745 01:04:52,640 --> 01:04:55,830 "whom nothing in the world could tear away from the TVs"... 746 01:04:56,040 --> 01:05:00,180 "can easily recognize that Italy tonight overshadows the memory"... 747 01:05:00,180 --> 01:05:03,880 "of the legendary extra time of Italy Vs Germany, in Mexico". 748 01:05:11,550 --> 01:05:13,200 Nothing? 749 01:05:15,120 --> 01:05:15,640 The tie. 750 01:05:20,710 --> 01:05:24,690 Breast pocket. Perfect! 751 01:05:26,530 --> 01:05:28,790 Very good! Thank you. 752 01:05:29,550 --> 01:05:30,520 The mouth? 753 01:05:33,470 --> 01:05:35,950 9 inches pregnant? Congratulations! 754 01:05:36,110 --> 01:05:37,620 See? How embarassing! 755 01:06:03,170 --> 01:06:07,790 Much to my regret, due to a little inconvenience... 756 01:06:08,380 --> 01:06:11,960 the print of the Czech film didn't arrive in time. 757 01:06:12,650 --> 01:06:15,240 Therefore the screening cannot take place. 758 01:06:15,250 --> 01:06:17,050 BEAT IT! 759 01:06:17,920 --> 01:06:19,580 Where are you going? Everybody freeze! 760 01:06:23,140 --> 01:06:29,580 Instead, we will project the immortal masterpiece of the great Serghei M. Einstein... 761 01:06:29,720 --> 01:06:31,370 "Battleship Kotiomkin". 762 01:06:49,760 --> 01:06:54,730 I notice a certain vibe tonight. They take interest and exchange comments. 763 01:06:54,730 --> 01:06:56,810 Yes, yes. They are involved, Professor. 764 01:06:58,290 --> 01:07:01,430 They weren't exchanging comments. In the darkness of the hall... 765 01:07:01,430 --> 01:07:04,180 unascertained and unlikely rumors were spreading. 766 01:07:04,180 --> 01:07:07,480 It was said that Italy was winning 20 to 0... 767 01:07:07,750 --> 01:07:11,970 and that even the goalkeeper Zoff had scored a head goal on corner kick. 768 01:07:23,130 --> 01:07:25,330 (Twenty-one!) 769 01:07:49,500 --> 01:07:52,980 Well, let's open our usual debate. 770 01:07:53,670 --> 01:07:55,050 Who wants to start? 771 01:07:56,770 --> 01:07:59,900 You, Filini? Calboni? 772 01:08:03,990 --> 01:08:07,710 Excuse me! May I say something? 773 01:08:08,020 --> 01:08:09,970 Ah, our dear turd! 774 01:08:10,270 --> 01:08:13,190 Come here, come here "Fantocci"! Make yourself comfortable. 775 01:08:13,340 --> 01:08:15,900 You found the words at last. 776 01:08:16,260 --> 01:08:21,380 I wonder what deep aesthetic opinion you must have developed throughout all these years. 777 01:08:21,790 --> 01:08:23,770 Please, say. 778 01:08:24,300 --> 01:08:25,340 Well? 779 01:08:25,850 --> 01:08:30,030 In my opinion, "Battleship Kotiomkin"... 780 01:08:31,010 --> 01:08:33,120 ...is an UNBELIEVABLE LOAD OF CRAP! 781 01:08:33,110 --> 01:08:35,500 HURRAY! 782 01:08:37,180 --> 01:08:38,210 Bravo! 783 01:08:46,200 --> 01:08:47,330 Bravo! Bravo! 784 01:08:47,320 --> 01:08:50,280 92 minutes-long ovation! 785 01:08:53,730 --> 01:08:56,590 You got that? TURD! 786 01:09:09,970 --> 01:09:12,990 Burn! Burn! That's your soldiers' boots! 787 01:09:14,530 --> 01:09:16,740 First of all they destroyed... 788 01:09:16,750 --> 01:09:16,960 the damned private copy of the damned "Battleship Kotiomkin". First of all they destroyed... 789 01:09:16,960 --> 01:09:20,080 the damned private copy of the damned "Battleship Kotiomkin". 790 01:09:21,030 --> 01:09:24,070 On the chickpeas! On the chickpeas! 791 01:09:27,240 --> 01:09:30,650 - Watch! - Look at your "mother's eye"... 792 01:09:30,640 --> 01:09:32,830 and the pram with the baby! 793 01:09:34,250 --> 01:09:36,400 That's your "analogic" editing! 794 01:09:36,840 --> 01:09:38,440 Halt! Enough! 795 01:09:38,660 --> 01:09:41,110 Now the projections! 796 01:09:44,610 --> 01:09:47,750 For two days and two nights nonstop, Guidobaldo Maria Riccardelli... 797 01:09:47,760 --> 01:09:51,800 was forced to watch over and over again: 798 01:09:51,890 --> 01:09:56,540 "Giovannona Long-Thigh", "The Exorcist: Italian Style" and "The Police Gets Pissed". 799 01:10:01,820 --> 01:10:04,080 - Some coffee? - Would you like some coffee? 800 01:10:06,930 --> 01:10:08,740 Stay up, turd! 801 01:10:08,920 --> 01:10:10,520 - Some coffee Ugo? - No, no. 802 01:10:11,350 --> 01:10:13,020 What a hero Fantozzi! 803 01:10:13,020 --> 01:10:18,090 Until at the beginning of the 3rd day the police got pissed for real. 804 01:10:21,750 --> 01:10:24,560 You have nowhere to run! You are surrounded. 805 01:10:25,180 --> 01:10:26,370 Surrender! 806 01:10:28,040 --> 01:10:29,950 - Never! - Never! 807 01:10:31,290 --> 01:10:34,830 Fantozzi! It's the Director of Directors speaking. 808 01:10:34,830 --> 01:10:39,110 I suggest you to free the hostage at once and give the order... 809 01:10:39,110 --> 01:10:40,350 of unconditional surrender! 810 01:10:40,450 --> 01:10:42,970 You won't have us! Understood? Never! 811 01:10:43,380 --> 01:10:45,640 Ok... maybe you will. 812 01:10:46,650 --> 01:10:47,800 Enough! 813 01:10:49,180 --> 01:10:51,680 To make up with Professor Riccardelli... 814 01:10:51,810 --> 01:10:55,460 for the irreparable loss of his precious film... 815 01:10:55,470 --> 01:10:58,910 the mutineers were condamned to a horrible punishment... 816 01:10:58,900 --> 01:11:00,840 in the style of Dante's infernal circles. 817 01:11:01,070 --> 01:11:06,020 They had to reenact the main scene from the lost masterpiece... 818 01:11:06,060 --> 01:11:10,670 every saturday afternoon until retirement. 819 01:11:11,780 --> 01:11:13,290 We may begin. 820 01:11:28,710 --> 01:11:29,960 Die, Filini! 821 01:11:32,580 --> 01:11:34,900 - Damn you! - We will get our revenge! 822 01:11:35,140 --> 01:11:36,540 The boy falls down! 823 01:11:39,950 --> 01:11:41,340 Now the mother's eye. 824 01:11:53,480 --> 01:11:54,720 Soldiers, open fire! 825 01:11:55,420 --> 01:11:56,980 Murderers! 826 01:11:56,990 --> 01:11:58,800 Go with the pram! 827 01:11:58,790 --> 01:12:00,920 - Please, push gently. - Yes, accountant. 828 01:12:00,920 --> 01:12:02,850 This is the fourth time today. 829 01:12:08,890 --> 01:12:11,230 Oh, God! Oh, mama! Oh, God! 830 01:12:18,450 --> 01:12:19,860 Very good, "Fantocci"! 831 01:12:20,360 --> 01:12:23,780 And you're so perfect, chubby like a toddler. 832 01:12:23,840 --> 01:12:26,660 Have no worries, no one will ever replace you. 833 01:12:26,990 --> 01:12:29,570 You have what they call "fisique du rol". 834 01:12:29,620 --> 01:12:31,670 Now we do it again. 835 01:12:31,910 --> 01:12:34,170 - Again? - Yes indeed, again. 836 01:12:36,900 --> 01:12:38,360 - We do it again? - Yes, again. 837 01:12:38,360 --> 01:12:40,660 Very well. Did you see the analogic editing? 838 01:12:40,660 --> 01:12:42,640 Almost better than the original. 839 01:12:43,880 --> 01:12:46,750 Let's do it again. Everyone in position! 840 01:13:02,590 --> 01:13:05,600 - Ugo! - Bye, daddy! 841 01:13:07,290 --> 01:13:11,090 One sad morning, the wife Pina and Mariangela departed... 842 01:13:11,090 --> 01:13:15,210 to attend the obsequies of a distant second cousin from Pescara. 843 01:13:16,900 --> 01:13:20,520 They left Fantozzi alone with his grief. 844 01:13:25,470 --> 01:13:28,260 For the first time, after a lifetime of conjugal slavery,... 845 01:13:28,270 --> 01:13:32,030 he was free! With the house all to himself! 846 01:13:32,240 --> 01:13:34,260 Calboni took the situation in his hands... 847 01:13:34,260 --> 01:13:37,440 and dragged him into the most despicable of cheating schemes. 848 01:13:37,460 --> 01:13:39,690 I bet you need to tell me something... 849 01:13:40,610 --> 01:13:44,280 something unpleasant and you can't pluck up the courage to tell me, is that right? 850 01:13:44,380 --> 01:13:46,110 - No... - Yes! - No... yes. 851 01:13:46,630 --> 01:13:49,720 Could it be that sir Cominetti Massela... 852 01:13:49,730 --> 01:13:52,080 wants the budget report by tomorrow morning... 853 01:13:52,070 --> 01:13:55,240 and that me, you and accountant Filini... 854 01:13:55,260 --> 01:13:58,350 need to work all night perhaps at your house, yes? 855 01:13:58,340 --> 01:14:00,640 - Yes? Yes! - Yes. 856 01:14:01,370 --> 01:14:03,500 Just tonight that I was going out... 857 01:14:03,510 --> 01:14:05,620 for dinner with my wife. 858 01:14:06,460 --> 01:14:08,630 No worries dear, if you want... 859 01:14:08,700 --> 01:14:10,210 I can come too, to keep company. 860 01:14:10,290 --> 01:14:11,050 Of course! 861 01:14:11,160 --> 01:14:13,340 - No! - Eh... no? No. 862 01:14:13,730 --> 01:14:14,860 Alright. 863 01:14:15,210 --> 01:14:17,470 - I was gonna sit... - No, it's taken. 864 01:14:19,300 --> 01:14:21,230 - Here then? - No, that's taken too. 865 01:14:23,130 --> 01:14:27,620 - All taken then? - Come on, go in the back, there's so much space. 866 01:14:27,620 --> 01:14:30,040 With your leave, Mrs... Enjoy your lunch. 867 01:14:30,210 --> 01:14:31,250 See you, Fantozzi. 868 01:14:39,160 --> 01:14:42,000 Vivi, what do you say then? You can't? Ok. 869 01:14:42,700 --> 01:14:45,960 The rendevouz had been set for 9:30 PM at the telephone booth... 870 01:14:45,960 --> 01:14:47,120 in Garibaldi Avenue. 871 01:14:47,530 --> 01:14:50,630 Once there, Calboni made 126 calls... 872 01:14:50,730 --> 01:14:53,310 to such many unknown citizens... 873 01:14:53,300 --> 01:14:56,000 pretending to speak with starlets and models. 874 01:14:57,140 --> 01:15:00,240 Hello, Zizi. You recognized me? 875 01:15:00,450 --> 01:15:03,190 Yes, yes. I've got two friends with me. 876 01:15:04,800 --> 01:15:07,110 Middle-aged. 877 01:15:07,360 --> 01:15:10,890 One of them is short and fat. The other is slim but short-sighted. 878 01:15:11,180 --> 01:15:13,800 Thick glasses. Owl-like, you know? 879 01:15:14,780 --> 01:15:17,100 What? Ah, I understand. 880 01:15:17,780 --> 01:15:20,970 OK, bye Zizi. 881 01:15:21,780 --> 01:15:23,160 This one is busy too? 882 01:15:23,280 --> 01:15:25,800 Not at all, they would have all come... 883 01:15:25,900 --> 01:15:27,890 but they all find an excuse after I describe you. 884 01:15:28,120 --> 01:15:29,930 Well, obviously! You describe us like that... 885 01:15:30,140 --> 01:15:31,670 "Owl-like" you say! 886 01:15:31,820 --> 01:15:34,070 I can't damage my reputation. 887 01:15:34,100 --> 01:15:35,890 I can't swindle people. 888 01:15:36,270 --> 01:15:39,720 Excuse me Calboni, can't you just describe us less sensationally... 889 01:15:39,730 --> 01:15:42,830 - ... to the next one? - There's no next one, Zizi was the last one. 890 01:15:43,880 --> 01:15:47,530 - Careful now, an accident could happen. 891 01:15:49,830 --> 01:15:50,610 Hey! 892 01:15:54,850 --> 01:15:56,860 My girls are finished. What about yours? 893 01:15:56,910 --> 01:15:58,680 - No, no, no, wait a moment. 894 01:16:00,200 --> 01:16:03,370 - We agreed that accountant Fantozzi shares... - Oh my God! 895 01:16:03,360 --> 01:16:06,390 - What's up with you "pumpkin"? - I lost...! I lost...! 896 01:16:06,450 --> 01:16:10,230 My God! I lost my money! 897 01:16:10,640 --> 01:16:11,790 My savings. 898 01:16:12,950 --> 01:16:15,690 So we said: accountant Fantozzi shares his house, 899 01:16:15,680 --> 01:16:19,020 I brought the liquor, the rest is up to you. 900 01:16:19,400 --> 01:16:21,850 OK, OK! Let's see a moment. 901 01:16:22,530 --> 01:16:25,240 What an idiot! Why didn't I think of it before? 902 01:16:26,130 --> 01:16:28,150 - Who? - The Hippo! 903 01:16:28,550 --> 01:16:31,550 Is that a girl who's a little too... 904 01:16:32,160 --> 01:16:33,250 No, it's a club! 905 01:16:33,500 --> 01:16:38,050 A club attended by many lonely women seeking for some companionship. 906 01:16:38,140 --> 01:16:39,650 Let's go! Taxi! 907 01:16:39,700 --> 01:16:41,980 - Which ones are the first three? - Why taking three taxis? 908 01:16:41,980 --> 01:16:44,390 One each, of course. You only live once, right? 909 01:16:44,380 --> 01:16:45,350 Taxi! 910 01:16:51,620 --> 01:16:52,470 Hi, doll. 911 01:16:55,370 --> 01:16:57,190 My apologies, doll... ahem, madam. 912 01:16:58,090 --> 01:17:00,290 - Is it busy tonight? - You're the first customers. 913 01:17:01,020 --> 01:17:05,580 She meant that they were the first customers in three months! 914 01:17:06,540 --> 01:17:09,200 - Someone's coming. - Come on girls, get up! 915 01:17:20,640 --> 01:17:22,940 These are all women from the upper middle-class aristocracy. 916 01:17:23,090 --> 01:17:25,070 There are even some big names. 917 01:17:25,450 --> 01:17:26,450 No, I don't know them. 918 01:17:26,540 --> 01:17:29,720 Incognito is the rule here though. 919 01:17:30,130 --> 01:17:34,440 No names, only telephone numbers. People choose and phone each other... 920 01:17:34,800 --> 01:17:36,160 An aperitif, gentlemen? 921 01:17:37,770 --> 01:17:38,840 Would you like to drink something? 922 01:17:39,150 --> 01:17:40,660 Oh, yes! 923 01:17:40,710 --> 01:17:43,180 We brought a bottle of "Prunella Ballor". 924 01:17:44,110 --> 01:17:47,310 What's wrong with you? We're bringing home-food now? 925 01:17:48,280 --> 01:17:50,410 We will have three "Scotch-s", thank you. 926 01:17:51,650 --> 01:17:52,730 What are we having, Calboni? 927 01:17:52,740 --> 01:17:53,790 Three "Scot-ch-s". 928 01:17:53,990 --> 01:17:55,080 In the meanwhile, I'll go for it. 929 01:17:55,170 --> 01:17:56,250 "Scot-ch". 930 01:17:59,150 --> 01:17:59,820 Yes? 931 01:18:00,260 --> 01:18:04,240 Miss 10, would you meet me, let's say... 932 01:18:04,240 --> 01:18:08,410 on the dance floor in... let's say, 5 seconds? 933 01:18:08,430 --> 01:18:09,990 - OK. - See you soon. 934 01:18:11,780 --> 01:18:14,660 See? Come on, give it a try. 935 01:18:17,170 --> 01:18:21,290 Thank you, Countess. Thank you, dear. You're looking beautiful. 936 01:18:21,930 --> 01:18:24,020 Come on, choose. 937 01:18:24,090 --> 01:18:25,520 - Me? - Yes. 938 01:18:27,010 --> 01:18:30,830 Filini, number 3 is looking at us. 939 01:18:31,220 --> 01:18:34,030 So is number 12... and number 7... 940 01:18:35,130 --> 01:18:36,350 even number 1! 941 01:18:37,980 --> 01:18:38,950 - and number 5 too! - and number 5 too! 942 01:18:39,670 --> 01:18:42,660 Accountant... they are all looking at us. 943 01:18:42,810 --> 01:18:44,810 Accountant, say a number. 944 01:18:44,960 --> 01:18:46,240 - Me? - Yes. 945 01:18:46,490 --> 01:18:48,300 Ahem... 180! 946 01:18:48,500 --> 01:18:51,120 Don't exaggerate, they are only 12. 947 01:18:53,250 --> 01:18:55,700 Well, I like number 5. 948 01:18:55,870 --> 01:18:58,410 Goodness! I also liked number 5. 949 01:18:58,410 --> 01:19:00,950 - I'll leave her to you. - No, no, no, she's yours! 950 01:19:00,960 --> 01:19:03,230 No, please! Dial. 951 01:19:06,860 --> 01:19:08,890 - Don't sweat. - My palms are a bit sweaty. 952 01:19:09,270 --> 01:19:12,250 Here. I'll dial it for you. 953 01:19:14,790 --> 01:19:17,590 - Hello? - Hello? Who's speaking? 954 01:19:17,700 --> 01:19:20,250 - It's Olga, darling. - This is not Cometti's residence? 955 01:19:20,840 --> 01:19:22,840 Sorry, wrong number. 956 01:19:22,990 --> 01:19:25,390 - Wrong number, right. - It's your turn now. 957 01:19:25,970 --> 01:19:27,210 I'll give it a go. 958 01:19:27,300 --> 01:19:28,790 You called me, darling? 959 01:19:29,710 --> 01:19:31,740 - Hello. Did you call the lady? - To be honest I... 960 01:19:31,790 --> 01:19:35,570 So why did you call? Do you mind if I sit? 961 01:19:36,150 --> 01:19:40,300 - Must be a wire contact... - Do you mind if I bring a friend? 962 01:19:40,540 --> 01:19:44,310 - Do you mind if I order Champagne? - Of course not! Waiter, take away this junk. 963 01:19:44,310 --> 01:19:46,340 Away, away! Garçon, Champagne! 964 01:19:48,150 --> 01:19:50,000 They did everything that could be done... 965 01:19:50,010 --> 01:19:51,950 to get robbed in a night club. 966 01:19:52,540 --> 01:19:55,470 Two crates of Dom Perignon made with baking soda. 967 01:19:58,420 --> 01:20:00,410 Midnight flambé dinner. 968 01:20:04,530 --> 01:20:06,520 Tragic souvenir photos of the night. 969 01:20:06,830 --> 01:20:09,160 Calboni ordered 40 copies. 970 01:20:10,360 --> 01:20:14,270 Plus three monstrous plush toys gifted to the ladies. 971 01:20:16,340 --> 01:20:19,130 Gypsy violins on the dance floor. 972 01:20:19,990 --> 01:20:20,830 If only I could have... 973 01:20:22,170 --> 01:20:23,210 the opportunity... 974 01:20:25,510 --> 01:20:26,560 to find... 975 01:20:28,220 --> 01:20:31,180 a person who could understand me, I would be willing to do anything. 976 01:20:32,470 --> 01:20:36,110 - How is it going with yours? - Mine is a bit too tall. 977 01:20:36,800 --> 01:20:40,320 Good. I think it's time to bring them to your house. 978 01:20:40,530 --> 01:20:41,590 Oh, yes? 979 01:20:43,310 --> 01:20:46,190 Bravo! Bravo! Thank you, guys! 980 01:20:46,470 --> 01:20:48,180 Goodnight! Let's go then. 981 01:20:50,450 --> 01:20:52,080 - The bill, sir. - Sure. 982 01:20:55,100 --> 01:20:56,550 Well, put it on my tab. 983 01:20:57,590 --> 01:20:58,360 What tab? 984 01:20:59,760 --> 01:21:00,790 Send the bill to me. 985 01:21:01,340 --> 01:21:02,580 To which address? 986 01:21:03,850 --> 01:21:05,800 You deal with this. We square up later. 987 01:21:05,800 --> 01:21:08,320 - In the meanwhile I talk to the ladies. - You fix this then? 988 01:21:20,590 --> 01:21:21,910 Excuse me. 989 01:21:26,890 --> 01:21:29,370 649,000 Liras! 990 01:21:30,230 --> 01:21:32,530 Plus 18% service charge! 991 01:21:33,870 --> 01:21:36,840 Four years of sacrificed savings. 992 01:21:41,850 --> 01:21:47,160 Furthermore, Calboni finally revealed the true identity of those "ladies". 993 01:21:48,560 --> 01:21:52,210 I agreed on 50,000 Liras per girl. A bargain, right? 994 01:21:53,390 --> 01:21:55,240 What? They want money? 995 01:21:55,320 --> 01:21:58,280 Yes, why? How much have we got left? 996 01:21:58,970 --> 01:22:02,040 With accountant Filini's 8,000 Liras we have... 997 01:22:02,480 --> 01:22:06,080 - 52,000 Liras. - Gee, it's just enough for my girl. 998 01:22:06,180 --> 01:22:08,530 Well, give it to me because mine wants to be paid in advance. 999 01:22:10,490 --> 01:22:12,920 Sorry girls, they are stingy. A pair of scroungers. 1000 01:22:13,100 --> 01:22:14,880 Come. Let's go. Taxi! 1001 01:22:15,490 --> 01:22:18,080 How does one get a taxi around here? Taxi! 1002 01:22:18,590 --> 01:22:20,530 This time he called nine of them. 1003 01:22:21,110 --> 01:22:23,850 An average of two and a quarter each. 1004 01:22:36,800 --> 01:22:38,300 - Calboni? - You fix this... 1005 01:22:38,300 --> 01:22:41,170 - ...we square it later. - But how? They want to be paid. 1006 01:22:41,220 --> 01:22:42,880 How do I fix this? Calboni? 1007 01:22:43,030 --> 01:22:46,620 - I have no more m... - Hey, who's paying here? 1008 01:22:46,890 --> 01:22:48,330 Just a moment. 1009 01:22:48,850 --> 01:22:49,830 Filini? 1010 01:22:49,850 --> 01:22:51,180 Yes, accountant? 1011 01:22:52,280 --> 01:22:54,810 - You fix this. - Me? 1012 01:22:54,840 --> 01:22:58,690 - Yes, we'll square it... later. - How? 1013 01:22:58,710 --> 01:23:01,870 Accountant Fantozzi, don't leave me like this. 1014 01:23:01,860 --> 01:23:04,880 Filini spent the rest of the night in the Emergency Room... 1015 01:23:05,040 --> 01:23:07,650 of "Our Lady Immaculate" hospital. 1016 01:23:14,240 --> 01:23:17,970 Instead, Fantozzi spent the night on his own doorstep. 1017 01:23:27,960 --> 01:23:31,380 It's 7 already! Pina, hurry! Coffee, newspapers, the mail! 1018 01:23:32,250 --> 01:23:34,490 Good morning, Mrs. Silvani-Calboni... 1019 01:23:34,700 --> 01:23:37,190 - What brings you here? - Where is my husband? 1020 01:23:38,750 --> 01:23:40,940 Eh... ah... eh... ah... 1021 01:23:41,280 --> 01:23:42,950 I didn't understand the question. 1022 01:23:42,990 --> 01:23:44,850 Where is my husband, the swine? 1023 01:23:45,240 --> 01:23:46,720 - The swine? Surveyor Calboni? - Exactly. 1024 01:23:47,320 --> 01:23:52,990 Surveyor Calboni did a whole detour... and left. 1025 01:23:53,080 --> 01:23:53,540 - Is that so? - Yes. 1026 01:23:53,750 --> 01:23:57,040 Why were you laying here like a watchdog then? 1027 01:23:57,480 --> 01:24:00,830 Because each saturday it's my turn. 1028 01:24:01,010 --> 01:24:05,660 - In this building we draw names and... - Stop playing the fool, Fantozzi! 1029 01:24:06,110 --> 01:24:07,950 You know fine well that he's in there with a woman. 1030 01:24:08,220 --> 01:24:12,600 And you're helping him. You're a pander! You rent by the hour! 1031 01:24:12,760 --> 01:24:14,200 - By the hour? - Yes, by the hour! 1032 01:24:14,430 --> 01:24:19,380 "Fantocci" don't be a fool and open this door! 1033 01:24:19,880 --> 01:24:21,610 Ma'am, I don't have the keys. 1034 01:24:22,230 --> 01:24:23,290 Isn't this your apartment? 1035 01:24:23,430 --> 01:24:27,300 This one? No, it was... I mean... I... 1036 01:24:28,220 --> 01:24:30,620 He bolted the door. 1037 01:24:34,300 --> 01:24:36,110 - Swine! - You're a swine, Calboni! 1038 01:24:36,400 --> 01:24:39,240 You made her cry. Open up! 1039 01:24:39,850 --> 01:24:41,470 You made her cry. Swine! 1040 01:24:43,180 --> 01:24:44,720 - "Fantocci". - Fantozzi. 1041 01:24:45,380 --> 01:24:46,550 - "Fantocci". - "Fantocci". 1042 01:24:46,740 --> 01:24:51,630 "Fantocci", be a man and break through that door. 1043 01:24:54,130 --> 01:24:54,960 I will. 1044 01:24:59,670 --> 01:25:03,050 Wait, it did't come out good. I'll try again. 1045 01:25:06,030 --> 01:25:08,110 - What are you doing? - The door is brand new. 1046 01:25:08,340 --> 01:25:10,720 Break through the door properly! Start from up there... 1047 01:25:11,120 --> 01:25:12,370 - ...and give it a good push. - Yes. 1048 01:25:13,770 --> 01:25:17,710 Take a flying jump, come on! Come down like a battering-ram. 1049 01:25:21,910 --> 01:25:22,810 Banzai! 1050 01:25:24,010 --> 01:25:25,340 Ok, ok, I'm opening. 1051 01:25:32,870 --> 01:25:36,800 He fell right on the 5:26 bus. The number 77... 1052 01:25:37,460 --> 01:25:40,680 returned him home at 6:13... 1053 01:25:41,040 --> 01:25:44,400 after completing the whole Ring Road around the city. 1054 01:25:53,860 --> 01:25:54,480 Swine! 1055 01:25:56,360 --> 01:25:57,720 Oh, it's you accountant Fantozzi? 1056 01:25:58,270 --> 01:25:59,600 I thought it was that swine. 1057 01:26:00,460 --> 01:26:02,600 Besides, you sneak in like that. No warning or anything. 1058 01:26:02,950 --> 01:26:04,680 Sorry, I didn't mean to upset you, madam. 1059 01:26:05,570 --> 01:26:07,720 Why that face? I didn't kill you, did I? 1060 01:26:07,910 --> 01:26:08,630 It was so light. 1061 01:26:09,120 --> 01:26:12,840 Indeed, it was my wife's precious Murano blownglass vase. 1062 01:26:13,160 --> 01:26:15,670 Do not worry though, Luckily we have two... 1063 01:26:16,080 --> 01:26:17,250 Mrs. Silvani-Calboni. 1064 01:26:17,680 --> 01:26:19,830 Don't call me that! I don't want to hear that name! 1065 01:26:19,920 --> 01:26:21,610 I'm sorry, I won't call you that again. 1066 01:26:21,650 --> 01:26:23,630 It's the last one you know? 1067 01:26:23,830 --> 01:26:26,190 It's safer if I put it away. 1068 01:26:29,520 --> 01:26:31,300 Luckily, I saved it. 1069 01:26:36,300 --> 01:26:37,580 So can I return... 1070 01:26:38,020 --> 01:26:40,840 to call you Miss Silvani... 1071 01:26:41,050 --> 01:26:42,150 like in the good old days? 1072 01:26:42,580 --> 01:26:43,580 - You know what he did? - No. 1073 01:26:43,810 --> 01:26:46,230 You want to know? Not only he cheated on me... 1074 01:26:46,400 --> 01:26:48,160 but he ran away, the coward! 1075 01:26:48,180 --> 01:26:49,570 He left me alone with that beanpole. 1076 01:26:49,830 --> 01:26:51,020 You know what she did? 1077 01:26:51,320 --> 01:26:52,850 She broke an umbrella on my head. 1078 01:26:53,890 --> 01:26:56,340 It was my wife's umbrella. The only umbrella. 1079 01:26:57,250 --> 01:26:59,310 The straw that broke the camel's back. 1080 01:26:59,390 --> 01:27:02,170 You already broke everything. And here's me thinking... 1081 01:27:02,260 --> 01:27:05,440 that you were a happy couple. 1082 01:27:06,400 --> 01:27:07,940 It was the biggest mistake of my life. 1083 01:27:10,240 --> 01:27:11,330 A tragedy. 1084 01:27:12,130 --> 01:27:14,030 - A failure. - Madam! 1085 01:27:15,080 --> 01:27:16,430 Madam! 1086 01:27:17,490 --> 01:27:18,480 What are you doing? 1087 01:27:19,030 --> 01:27:21,440 I was kissing my... your hand. 1088 01:27:22,960 --> 01:27:25,570 Luckily I'm still young and good looking... 1089 01:27:25,560 --> 01:27:26,670 to start over again. 1090 01:27:26,760 --> 01:27:28,430 You're beautiful. 1091 01:27:28,480 --> 01:27:30,910 It's over! It's over! You know what I'll do now? 1092 01:27:30,900 --> 01:27:33,670 - No. - I'll sleep in a hotel tonight. 1093 01:27:33,760 --> 01:27:35,210 - Good! - And then you know what I'll do? 1094 01:27:35,560 --> 01:27:38,970 I'll quit work, get my severance. And I'll run off with whoever is at hand. 1095 01:27:39,140 --> 01:27:40,880 Why with whoev... ev... hand? 1096 01:27:40,960 --> 01:27:41,980 What did you say? 1097 01:27:42,160 --> 01:27:43,990 Why run off with whoever is at hand? 1098 01:27:44,890 --> 01:27:45,470 Madam... 1099 01:27:46,920 --> 01:27:48,720 I'm also tired of this life. 1100 01:27:49,310 --> 01:27:51,270 I can get severance too. 1101 01:27:51,460 --> 01:27:54,390 I'm young and good-looking enough too. 1102 01:27:58,150 --> 01:28:00,640 Madam, just say one word. 1103 01:28:01,010 --> 01:28:02,730 No wait, not even that... 1104 01:28:02,890 --> 01:28:04,710 because silence gives consent. 1105 01:28:05,020 --> 01:28:07,330 Madam, let me hug you! 1106 01:28:12,620 --> 01:28:16,620 This time it was the bus number 102 from the hills. 1107 01:28:16,720 --> 01:28:20,320 So Fantozzi had all the time to go through... 1108 01:28:20,310 --> 01:28:23,100 all possible solutions for his new life. 1109 01:28:23,520 --> 01:28:26,770 "Croupier" in Casablanca. Drummer in Harlem. 1110 01:28:26,780 --> 01:28:31,870 Hippie in Nepal. At last, he let her decide... 1111 01:28:32,170 --> 01:28:33,350 her mate. 1112 01:28:34,140 --> 01:28:35,850 - Let's go to Capri. - To do what? 1113 01:28:36,330 --> 01:28:37,540 I don't know. Like a honeymoon. 1114 01:28:38,860 --> 01:28:40,130 We'll see from there. 1115 01:28:42,390 --> 01:28:45,120 Accountant Fantozzi, what's the matter? Come on! 1116 01:28:45,900 --> 01:28:48,790 It was the last punch of his life. 1117 01:28:49,070 --> 01:28:53,540 Fantozzi did it with indifference... as usual. 1118 01:29:03,750 --> 01:29:07,200 In the same style, trying... 1119 01:29:07,200 --> 01:29:11,570 not to give away any emotion, he had his last meal with the family. 1120 01:29:25,010 --> 01:29:26,260 Well... 1121 01:29:28,130 --> 01:29:30,640 I'm going out... 1122 01:29:30,740 --> 01:29:32,230 to buy cigarettes. 1123 01:29:37,200 --> 01:29:37,940 Yes, Ugo. 1124 01:29:38,720 --> 01:29:39,840 No, it's OK. 1125 01:29:44,620 --> 01:29:47,720 - I'll be back soon. - Yes. 1126 01:29:52,430 --> 01:29:54,380 Cigarettes? Dad has never smoked. 1127 01:29:56,240 --> 01:29:58,380 He decided to try. 1128 01:29:58,870 --> 01:30:00,090 Let's hope he decides to quit soon. 1129 01:30:15,650 --> 01:30:18,470 Imagine that in 11 hours... 1130 01:30:18,890 --> 01:30:20,740 11 hours and 40 tops... 1131 01:30:21,170 --> 01:30:22,880 we'll be in Naples. 1132 01:30:23,850 --> 01:30:27,040 In my honeymoon it took us 1 hour and 20... 1133 01:30:27,560 --> 01:30:30,040 with a Mercedes spider 2800. 1134 01:30:30,510 --> 01:30:33,850 Calboni was what he was but he knew cars. 1135 01:30:34,260 --> 01:30:37,080 For your honeymoon with Calboni you went to... 1136 01:30:37,460 --> 01:30:38,420 Capri? 1137 01:30:39,350 --> 01:30:42,050 That's where people usually go for a honeymoon, isn't it? 1138 01:30:43,790 --> 01:30:46,370 I don't know, Venice? 1139 01:30:47,030 --> 01:30:49,070 Venice! So ordinary. 1140 01:30:49,540 --> 01:30:52,420 It doesn't matter. What matters... 1141 01:30:52,570 --> 01:30:54,470 is to make a clean break with the past. 1142 01:30:54,500 --> 01:30:57,170 No, what matters is to be on time to catch the last ferry. 1143 01:30:59,300 --> 01:31:01,210 Speed up, Fantozzi! 1144 01:31:01,320 --> 01:31:02,570 We're going to miss it. 1145 01:31:02,970 --> 01:31:05,250 Faster! Turn that wheel come on! 1146 01:31:06,310 --> 01:31:07,780 Accelerate! 1147 01:31:08,980 --> 01:31:10,800 Brake! Brake! 1148 01:31:11,660 --> 01:31:12,490 Brake! 1149 01:31:19,610 --> 01:31:21,420 Calboni was what he was... 1150 01:31:21,530 --> 01:31:23,620 but when I travelled with him weather was great. 1151 01:31:23,830 --> 01:31:25,450 As hot as Africa! 1152 01:31:26,610 --> 01:31:28,570 Well, excuse me madam... 1153 01:31:29,220 --> 01:31:31,330 but you went in July... 1154 01:31:32,110 --> 01:31:34,140 and today is the 20th of December. 1155 01:31:36,810 --> 01:31:39,800 I bet Calboni didn't even feel seasick. 1156 01:31:40,200 --> 01:31:42,790 Oh well, you can say anything about that swine... 1157 01:31:43,060 --> 01:31:44,700 but he's as seaworthy as a battleship. 1158 01:31:48,020 --> 01:31:49,770 Why? You won't vomit here, will you? 1159 01:31:50,050 --> 01:31:51,180 No, no, no! I'm... 1160 01:31:51,580 --> 01:31:53,390 I'm an aircraft c... An aircraft carrier! 1161 01:31:53,860 --> 01:31:55,090 An aircraft carrier! 1162 01:31:57,970 --> 01:31:58,820 Excuse me! 1163 01:32:02,740 --> 01:32:05,340 Oi! Man overboard! Man overboard! 1164 01:32:15,620 --> 01:32:17,020 To top Calboni... 1165 01:32:17,290 --> 01:32:20,580 Fantozzi chose the most expensive hotel in Capri. 1166 01:32:21,210 --> 01:32:24,030 Also because it was the only one open in winter. 1167 01:32:27,050 --> 01:32:29,070 - Your luggage, please. - Who's this? 1168 01:32:29,510 --> 01:32:31,100 - The luggage. - Get your hands off. 1169 01:32:31,510 --> 01:32:33,790 Son...! Son of a gun! 1170 01:32:33,990 --> 01:32:36,610 - Thief, hands off! - Please, leave your luggage to me. 1171 01:32:40,870 --> 01:32:42,560 Sorry. I'm very sorry. 1172 01:32:42,600 --> 01:32:44,210 You're so rough with the subordinates, Fantozzi. 1173 01:32:44,710 --> 01:32:47,460 I'll sit down a moment while you go to the reception. 1174 01:32:47,840 --> 01:32:48,790 At your order, madam. 1175 01:32:53,620 --> 01:32:55,440 Good morning, excuse me... 1176 01:32:55,970 --> 01:32:59,200 do you have two single rooms by chance? 1177 01:33:00,090 --> 01:33:01,490 We only have suites, sir. 1178 01:33:04,080 --> 01:33:05,410 How much are they? 1179 01:33:05,880 --> 01:33:07,520 - 60,000. - That's all? 1180 01:33:07,620 --> 01:33:09,570 Fantozzi thought 60,000 a month. 1181 01:33:10,700 --> 01:33:12,180 This is low season, sir. 1182 01:33:12,860 --> 01:33:15,980 The sea-view suite is 80,000, sir. 1183 01:33:17,470 --> 01:33:20,100 If you would like something better we have the Royal suite... 1184 01:33:20,100 --> 01:33:20,900 100,000. 1185 01:33:21,340 --> 01:33:23,640 - I'll take it! - Very well, sir. 1186 01:33:23,890 --> 01:33:25,170 It's mine! Don't give it to anyone else! 1187 01:33:25,490 --> 01:33:27,920 I'll give you the documents imediately. 1188 01:33:28,580 --> 01:33:31,960 This is the lady's passport... 1189 01:33:32,430 --> 01:33:34,250 ahem, the madam's passport. 1190 01:33:34,580 --> 01:33:36,980 And this is my bowls club card. 1191 01:33:37,220 --> 01:33:40,760 - I'll pay you now. - There's no rush sir, you can pay later. 1192 01:33:40,810 --> 01:33:42,590 Follow me. 1193 01:33:42,660 --> 01:33:44,560 - Here. - Thanks. 1194 01:33:45,780 --> 01:33:47,810 - You're welcome. - The key? 1195 01:33:48,790 --> 01:33:52,610 A suite like this for 100.000 sounds like something out of a fairytale. 1196 01:33:53,110 --> 01:33:54,650 It's even too much. 1197 01:33:54,950 --> 01:33:57,280 - This is the bedroom... - Not bad. 1198 01:33:57,850 --> 01:33:59,750 - ...with two bathrooms. - Yes, of course. 1199 01:34:01,300 --> 01:34:03,490 This is almost boorish. 1200 01:34:09,150 --> 01:34:10,390 What happened now? 1201 01:34:11,100 --> 01:34:12,540 - The key on my foot. - Good. 1202 01:34:12,700 --> 01:34:15,230 - What you mean "good"? - Do you prefer to have dinner downstairs... 1203 01:34:15,230 --> 01:34:17,360 or in your room? 1204 01:34:17,760 --> 01:34:20,910 Here! Here! With candles! A cosy dinner in the room. 1205 01:34:21,370 --> 01:34:23,420 No way! Neither here nor downstairs... 1206 01:34:23,460 --> 01:34:25,550 I couldn't eat a caper tonight. 1207 01:34:25,990 --> 01:34:28,970 My only dream is to get into this bed. 1208 01:34:29,720 --> 01:34:31,280 Into the bed? No capers! 1209 01:34:31,270 --> 01:34:34,440 I'm not hungry either. Get lost! 1210 01:34:35,350 --> 01:34:36,840 Madam. 1211 01:34:39,170 --> 01:34:41,720 Ugo Fantozzi, what's on your mind? 1212 01:34:41,970 --> 01:34:44,030 Calboni was what he was... 1213 01:34:44,480 --> 01:34:46,290 but on the first night he had the tactfulness... 1214 01:34:46,280 --> 01:34:48,680 ...of sleeping in the other room. Won't you do the same? 1215 01:34:48,780 --> 01:34:50,420 No, ahem... yes. 1216 01:34:50,510 --> 01:34:52,670 - Then go sleep in the other room. - Yes. 1217 01:34:53,120 --> 01:34:54,540 - Go already! - Yes, yes. 1218 01:34:56,090 --> 01:34:58,660 - Goodnight. - Goodnight. 1219 01:35:07,560 --> 01:35:10,270 - What's the matter now? - My... my hand! 1220 01:35:10,370 --> 01:35:13,640 - What? - I left my hand... 1221 01:35:14,090 --> 01:35:15,240 in your room! 1222 01:35:16,270 --> 01:35:17,660 I can leave it to you... 1223 01:35:17,660 --> 01:35:20,600 - ...if you like. - No, no. Take it back... 1224 01:35:20,700 --> 01:35:22,430 and stop harassing me. 1225 01:35:23,660 --> 01:35:28,530 First day, morning. Tragic shopping with frantic search for the infamous... 1226 01:35:29,010 --> 01:35:32,870 Caprese fishermen clogs, which suited Calboni so well. 1227 01:35:33,820 --> 01:35:35,580 I love 'em! 1228 01:35:35,900 --> 01:35:38,070 They make you look thinner. Can you walk? 1229 01:35:38,330 --> 01:35:41,820 Yes, yes, madam. I can walk... so-so. 1230 01:35:43,390 --> 01:35:45,380 I can walk... I can almost... 1231 01:35:45,580 --> 01:35:47,310 HOLY SHIT! 1232 01:36:19,990 --> 01:36:22,080 How am I doing? 1233 01:36:23,060 --> 01:36:25,360 Good. Very good. 1234 01:36:40,400 --> 01:36:41,500 Fantozzi! 1235 01:36:42,170 --> 01:36:44,400 Why don't you go through the famous stacks? 1236 01:36:44,560 --> 01:36:46,020 Calboni used to do it all the time! 1237 01:37:20,150 --> 01:37:21,340 Is this thing yours? 1238 01:37:21,970 --> 01:37:24,260 Yes, yes. Carry him to the Royal suite. 1239 01:37:31,410 --> 01:37:34,370 What...? Where am I? 1240 01:37:36,590 --> 01:37:38,240 I'm on the double bed. 1241 01:37:38,910 --> 01:37:40,360 - Ma'am? - Yes? 1242 01:37:40,680 --> 01:37:42,070 - Where are you? - Here. 1243 01:37:42,560 --> 01:37:43,560 What are you doing? 1244 01:37:43,600 --> 01:37:45,000 Reddening my lips. 1245 01:37:45,050 --> 01:37:46,230 You cracked your lips? 1246 01:37:46,330 --> 01:37:48,520 No, Fantozzi. I meant painting my lips. 1247 01:37:51,000 --> 01:37:52,490 Madam... 1248 01:37:52,650 --> 01:37:54,790 Did I sleep on the... Good morning. 1249 01:37:55,660 --> 01:37:58,920 Did I sleep in the double bed? 1250 01:37:59,100 --> 01:38:00,770 - Yes, yes. - Sorry? 1251 01:38:01,000 --> 01:38:02,350 Yes, Fantozzi. 1252 01:38:03,600 --> 01:38:05,170 - And what did I do? - Everything. 1253 01:38:05,610 --> 01:38:09,000 - Sorry? - Everything, Fantozzi. 1254 01:38:09,480 --> 01:38:10,750 Madam... 1255 01:38:10,840 --> 01:38:13,250 I feel like angels are flying. 1256 01:38:14,630 --> 01:38:17,070 Always so poetic, Fantozzi. 1257 01:38:19,330 --> 01:38:21,130 Although, madam... 1258 01:38:21,170 --> 01:38:24,150 I can't remember anything at all. 1259 01:38:24,620 --> 01:38:25,840 It's for the best, Fantozzi. 1260 01:38:26,630 --> 01:38:29,840 Let's go, let's go. Calboni was what he was... 1261 01:38:30,240 --> 01:38:31,730 but at this time he was already swimming in the pool. 1262 01:38:32,450 --> 01:38:33,860 Let's go. 1263 01:38:34,620 --> 01:38:36,000 To the swimming pool then! 1264 01:38:42,270 --> 01:38:44,880 Madam, here's a nice swim in the teeth of Calboni. 1265 01:38:45,600 --> 01:38:47,550 Excuse me waiter, how's the water in the swimming pool? 1266 01:38:47,800 --> 01:38:48,720 What water? 1267 01:38:55,680 --> 01:38:57,690 Fantozzi! What are you doing? 1268 01:38:57,980 --> 01:39:05,030 Come in madam, don't be afraid, it's not deep. 1269 01:39:05,860 --> 01:39:09,200 In the evening Fantozzi attempted a desperate recovery. 1270 01:39:09,760 --> 01:39:11,450 I can hear the sea! 1271 01:39:12,720 --> 01:39:14,540 You're hearing it and I'll go in it. 1272 01:39:14,740 --> 01:39:16,890 I bet Calboni never attempted... 1273 01:39:16,980 --> 01:39:19,780 an Acapulco-style dive like this. 1274 01:39:20,590 --> 01:39:23,130 Isn't it a bit too high? 1275 01:39:25,910 --> 01:39:28,390 No worries, madam. I've got a boat there... 1276 01:39:28,390 --> 01:39:30,300 waiting for me. I'm going then. 1277 01:39:31,750 --> 01:39:33,110 Bless the Virgin Mary protector of divers. 1278 01:39:52,970 --> 01:39:54,820 I see you had a nice day, sir. 1279 01:40:08,560 --> 01:40:10,320 This is my stuff. 1280 01:40:11,050 --> 01:40:13,960 And those shoes? 1281 01:40:14,470 --> 01:40:17,250 Excuse me, whose shoes are those? 1282 01:40:17,480 --> 01:40:21,140 They're her husband's. He arrived an hour ago to spend the holidays with her... 1283 01:40:21,740 --> 01:40:23,130 and they are already partying. 1284 01:40:23,870 --> 01:40:25,960 They're already... partying. 1285 01:40:26,040 --> 01:40:28,540 You took so long to find me. 1286 01:40:28,850 --> 01:40:31,770 I couldn't wait any longer. Cheers, my love. 1287 01:40:32,310 --> 01:40:34,960 Cheers my arse. You swear that... 1288 01:40:34,970 --> 01:40:37,010 the cockroach never touched you! 1289 01:40:37,480 --> 01:40:39,370 Of course I swear it. 1290 01:40:40,040 --> 01:40:43,280 I only let him think that. He fell for it like an idiot. 1291 01:40:43,620 --> 01:40:44,920 I almost pity him. 1292 01:40:54,770 --> 01:40:58,100 "Swimming pool repairs, restoration of the main stack... 1293 01:40:58,160 --> 01:40:59,700 compensation... 1294 01:41:00,650 --> 01:41:03,550 compensation for destruction of furnishings... 1295 01:41:03,710 --> 01:41:06,440 four stretcher-bearer calls, one for recovery room... 1296 01:41:06,810 --> 01:41:08,840 pre-owned boat completely destroyed... 1297 01:41:08,890 --> 01:41:12,810 tourist tax and full board for Mr. and Mrs. Calboni until Epiphany day". 1298 01:41:13,970 --> 01:41:15,640 Is this all the cash? 1299 01:41:19,230 --> 01:41:20,450 Promissory notes! 1300 01:41:20,490 --> 01:41:24,950 2 lbs and 3/4 of them, to be paid within three months. 1301 01:41:26,430 --> 01:41:29,340 Fantozzi signed them with cold indifference... 1302 01:41:29,780 --> 01:41:33,170 because he had already planned to kill himself... 1303 01:41:33,180 --> 01:41:35,050 by jumping off from Tiberius's Leap. 1304 01:41:40,780 --> 01:41:44,480 Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelp! 1305 01:41:55,400 --> 01:41:58,660 He was later caught by a fishing boat from Torre Anunziata... 1306 01:41:59,340 --> 01:42:02,150 resold to "Findus" and then put on the market... 1307 01:42:02,150 --> 01:42:03,910 as frozen grouper. 1308 01:42:08,510 --> 01:42:09,900 Merry Christmas, madam. How may I help you? 1309 01:42:09,960 --> 01:42:13,810 - Merry Christmas. I would like... - That one? 1310 01:42:14,330 --> 01:42:15,340 Two nice slices? 1311 01:42:15,490 --> 01:42:17,830 No, no, no! I want it in one piece. 1312 01:42:18,340 --> 01:42:19,800 All of it, whole! 1313 01:42:20,810 --> 01:42:21,890 How much per pound? 1314 01:42:40,990 --> 01:42:42,180 Ugo... 1315 01:42:43,100 --> 01:42:44,320 everything will be fixed. 1316 01:42:45,980 --> 01:42:48,310 Even at the office. 1317 01:42:49,240 --> 01:42:50,480 If not, who cares. 1318 01:42:51,180 --> 01:42:52,460 What matters is that you love us. 1319 01:42:55,170 --> 01:42:56,080 Do you love us? 1320 01:42:57,060 --> 01:42:58,000 Do you love us, daddy? 1321 01:43:04,230 --> 01:43:05,650 Yeah, after all... 1322 01:43:06,330 --> 01:43:07,570 who cares! 1323 01:43:09,920 --> 01:43:10,840 Good heavens. 1324 01:43:11,560 --> 01:43:12,870 Ugo, are you alright? 1325 01:43:15,210 --> 01:43:16,480 Ugo, dear. 1326 01:43:24,500 --> 01:43:26,350 - Merry Christmas! - Merry Christmas! 1327 01:43:36,810 --> 01:43:39,830 Hello? Yes, that's me. Who's speaking? 1328 01:43:41,880 --> 01:43:42,560 Who? 1329 01:43:43,950 --> 01:43:45,330 Is this a prank? 1330 01:43:45,760 --> 01:43:46,670 It was not. 1331 01:43:46,880 --> 01:43:50,910 On the phone it was indeed the Mega President himself. 1332 01:43:51,340 --> 01:43:53,620 Dear Fantozzi, first of all, Merry Christmas. 1333 01:43:54,080 --> 01:43:56,710 I have here your re-instatement request and your file. 1334 01:43:57,530 --> 01:44:00,660 I apologise for disturbing the privacy of your home in this Holy night... 1335 01:44:00,660 --> 01:44:04,150 but I put up at my office because for me work... 1336 01:44:04,150 --> 01:44:05,200 is prayer. 1337 01:44:05,730 --> 01:44:07,590 I need to talk to you for a moment... 1338 01:44:08,030 --> 01:44:09,630 so sit down and listen... 1339 01:44:32,370 --> 01:44:34,170 So, dear Fantozzi, do you accept? 1340 01:44:34,340 --> 01:44:34,960 Yes! 1341 01:44:36,140 --> 01:44:38,880 Fantozzi! Here already? 1342 01:44:39,390 --> 01:44:42,030 - I accept everything! - But... 1343 01:44:42,120 --> 01:44:44,120 you didn't even hear what I'm offering. 1344 01:44:44,610 --> 01:44:46,060 I accept anyway. 1345 01:44:46,140 --> 01:44:48,450 I surrender unconditionally. 1346 01:44:50,270 --> 01:44:53,860 Come here then, dear Fantozzi... 1347 01:44:54,750 --> 01:44:56,700 What's the matter? Are you afraid? 1348 01:44:57,120 --> 01:44:58,740 But we love you so much. 1349 01:44:59,060 --> 01:45:01,580 That's why I'm afraid. 1350 01:45:02,230 --> 01:45:05,060 Come, come... 1351 01:45:05,350 --> 01:45:07,650 Let's kill the fattened CALF! 1352 01:45:07,730 --> 01:45:08,690 Me? 1353 01:45:09,130 --> 01:45:12,390 Not you, of course. You're the prodigal son. 1354 01:45:12,920 --> 01:45:16,910 The lost sheep that returns to the FOLD! 1355 01:45:17,970 --> 01:45:20,890 And we say: "welcome back"! 1356 01:45:21,130 --> 01:45:23,040 Thank you. So you're taking me back? 1357 01:45:23,090 --> 01:45:24,070 Of course. 1358 01:45:24,480 --> 01:45:26,350 Will I get my old job back? 1359 01:45:27,110 --> 01:45:29,820 No. Not exactly. 1360 01:45:30,620 --> 01:45:33,140 But we give you something more. 1361 01:45:33,600 --> 01:45:35,170 - Meaning? - Meaning... 1362 01:45:35,300 --> 01:45:36,940 that aside from our forgiveness... 1363 01:45:37,150 --> 01:45:41,390 we're also offering you the purifying joy of deserving it. 1364 01:45:42,210 --> 01:45:48,220 You will start from zero, Fantozzi. From the lowest rank. 1365 01:45:48,480 --> 01:45:51,950 We hire you back as... 1366 01:45:51,950 --> 01:45:54,790 ...lightning rod. 1367 01:45:56,000 --> 01:45:58,620 Fantozzi! 1368 01:45:59,140 --> 01:46:01,120 I wish you a good day... 1369 01:46:01,270 --> 01:46:02,880 my dear accountant! 1370 01:46:03,630 --> 01:46:06,220 Please, don't be so sad! 1371 01:46:06,870 --> 01:46:10,710 Laugh! Laugh! Because work is joy! 1372 01:46:10,820 --> 01:46:13,120 Work is mirth! 1373 01:46:14,530 --> 01:46:17,050 Yes, that's the spirit! 1374 01:46:19,870 --> 01:46:21,950 And now, get to work! 1375 01:46:24,480 --> 01:46:27,910 Excellent! Good luck, Fantozzi! 1376 01:47:05,720 --> 01:47:11,970 Fantozzi Ugo, accountant. ID 1001/bis. From the accidents department. 1377 01:47:14,570 --> 01:47:20,820 Get over here. (Yes Director!) Go over there. MOVE IT! 1378 01:47:22,380 --> 01:47:24,980 Uhh, there's a new glass wall here! 1379 01:47:26,030 --> 01:47:33,320 Time to get up, eat and dress up... hope I can catch the bus. 1380 01:47:35,920 --> 01:47:41,650 If I'm too late, for punching my card... FANTOZZI! 1381 01:47:43,220 --> 01:47:46,870 Please, don't crucify me in the canteen. It's embarassing. 1382 01:47:47,900 --> 01:47:52,070 This is some public humiliation! It gets my fingers all tangled up! 109448