Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:09,574 --> 00:00:11,533
Hey, Dave.
Oh, hey, buddy.
2
00:00:11,576 --> 00:00:12,882
Hey, this came
while you guys were out,
3
00:00:12,925 --> 00:00:14,449
so I just signed for it.
4
00:00:14,492 --> 00:00:15,537
Ah, thanks.
5
00:00:15,580 --> 00:00:16,538
No problem.
6
00:00:16,581 --> 00:00:18,061
It's just what neighbors do.
7
00:00:18,105 --> 00:00:19,106
Looks like you opened it.
8
00:00:20,368 --> 00:00:21,934
Again, it's what neighbors do.
9
00:00:23,588 --> 00:00:26,330
Calvin, this could have been
something personal or private.
10
00:00:26,374 --> 00:00:29,029
I know.
I was pretty disappointed.
11
00:00:30,378 --> 00:00:32,989
[rooster clucking]
12
00:00:33,033 --> 00:00:33,816
'Sup, dudes?
13
00:00:35,078 --> 00:00:37,559
Whoa, is that a rooster?
14
00:00:37,602 --> 00:00:39,735
Yeah, man, why are you
walking your dinner?
15
00:00:39,778 --> 00:00:42,999
This isn't dinner.
This is Beaker.
16
00:00:43,043 --> 00:00:44,957
I'm Wyatt. I just moved
in the house behind you.
17
00:00:45,001 --> 00:00:47,699
Oh, nice to meet you.
I'm-I'm Dave. This is Calvin.
18
00:00:47,743 --> 00:00:49,484
Welcome to the neighborhood.
19
00:00:49,527 --> 00:00:52,095
And welcome to the neighborhood
to you, little buddy...
20
00:00:52,139 --> 00:00:53,966
Ow! No!
21
00:00:55,577 --> 00:00:56,969
I get it.
22
00:00:57,013 --> 00:00:59,233
Threatened by
another alpha male.
23
00:00:59,276 --> 00:01:02,149
Yeah, seriously, though, man,
what's up with the rooster?
24
00:01:02,192 --> 00:01:05,108
Well, I'm what some might call
an urban homesteader.
25
00:01:05,152 --> 00:01:07,676
Oh, does that mean you
have a lot of wives?
26
00:01:08,938 --> 00:01:10,853
No. Calvin, an urban
homesteader is someone
27
00:01:10,896 --> 00:01:12,507
who lives in the city
but does things
28
00:01:12,550 --> 00:01:14,074
you'd normally do on a farm.
29
00:01:14,117 --> 00:01:16,163
[chuckles] Actually,
30
00:01:16,206 --> 00:01:19,209
it's a little more sophisticated
than that.
31
00:01:19,253 --> 00:01:22,473
See, I live a totally
sustainable lifestyle,
32
00:01:22,517 --> 00:01:25,128
only eating from
my organic vegetable garden,
33
00:01:25,172 --> 00:01:27,652
harnessing energy
from the sun and the wind.
34
00:01:27,696 --> 00:01:30,873
Basically, trying not to be
just another parasitic leech,
35
00:01:30,916 --> 00:01:32,831
sucking the life
out of Mother Earth.
36
00:01:32,875 --> 00:01:35,095
Okay, yeah, I get it.
[chuckles]
37
00:01:35,138 --> 00:01:36,879
This dude smokes a lot of weed.No.
38
00:01:38,707 --> 00:01:40,448
Don't listen to him.
39
00:01:40,491 --> 00:01:42,537
I think it's great that you're
trying to save the planet.
40
00:01:42,580 --> 00:01:43,625
CALVIN [chuckles]:
Forget the planet.
41
00:01:43,668 --> 00:01:44,887
You want to save that bird,
42
00:01:44,930 --> 00:01:46,758
don't walk him
down Third Street.
43
00:01:46,802 --> 00:01:48,673
It's a chicken joint
on the corner,
44
00:01:48,717 --> 00:01:51,285
and you walking a number
four combo plate.
45
00:01:51,328 --> 00:01:53,765
I know you think
that's funny,
46
00:01:53,809 --> 00:01:56,725
but if you ask us,
it's finger-lickin' rude.
47
00:02:01,556 --> 00:02:03,035
Well...
48
00:02:03,079 --> 00:02:05,473
congratulations, Dave.Well, for what?
49
00:02:05,516 --> 00:02:07,257
You're finally cooler
than a Black guy.
50
00:02:09,041 --> 00:02:10,521
♪ Welcome to the block,
welcome to the neighborhood ♪
51
00:02:10,565 --> 00:02:11,870
♪ Welcome to the hood.
52
00:02:18,964 --> 00:02:20,357
Hey, babe.
53
00:02:20,401 --> 00:02:22,490
Why you reading that fiction
54
00:02:22,533 --> 00:02:24,840
when you got a fantasy
right here?
55
00:02:26,407 --> 00:02:29,149
Oh, yeah?
Well, what is it about?
56
00:02:29,192 --> 00:02:32,021
Well, once upon a time,
57
00:02:32,064 --> 00:02:33,805
there was all this.
58
00:02:33,849 --> 00:02:35,720
Ooh.
59
00:02:35,764 --> 00:02:37,983
You get in here, my
knight in shining armor,
60
00:02:38,027 --> 00:02:39,768
and you storm my castle.
61
00:02:39,811 --> 00:02:40,899
[laughs]
62
00:02:40,943 --> 00:02:41,944
[Beaker crows]
63
00:02:43,206 --> 00:02:45,600
Oh, no, not again.
64
00:02:45,643 --> 00:02:47,341
Oh, b-babe, ignore it.
65
00:02:47,384 --> 00:02:48,907
O-Or make ita part of the fantasy.
66
00:02:48,951 --> 00:02:51,040
I'm a knightthat lives on a farm.
67
00:02:51,083 --> 00:02:52,955
[both chuckling]
68
00:02:52,998 --> 00:02:54,391
[Beaker crows]
69
00:02:54,435 --> 00:02:55,958
You know what?
That damn bird
70
00:02:56,001 --> 00:02:57,438
has been crowing for
the last three nights.
71
00:02:57,481 --> 00:02:59,527
Come on, Tina.
72
00:02:59,570 --> 00:03:01,964
I'm not trying to getrooster-blocked again.
73
00:03:02,007 --> 00:03:03,052
[Beaker crows]
74
00:03:03,095 --> 00:03:05,359
Uh, I-I'm sorry, Calvin.
75
00:03:05,402 --> 00:03:09,014
I can't do this to
animal sounds going on.
76
00:03:09,058 --> 00:03:11,016
I'm freaky, but not that freaky.
77
00:03:16,326 --> 00:03:18,850
[Beaker crows]
78
00:03:18,894 --> 00:03:21,505
Come on, Beaker. Knock it off!
79
00:03:23,986 --> 00:03:26,336
[quietly]: Hey. How are we
supposed to get any sleep
80
00:03:26,380 --> 00:03:28,251
with all that crowing going on?
81
00:03:28,295 --> 00:03:31,036
[snoring]
82
00:03:31,080 --> 00:03:34,866
Gemma. Gemma.
83
00:03:34,910 --> 00:03:36,912
Gemma.
84
00:03:36,955 --> 00:03:39,219
Huh? What?Oh, great.
85
00:03:39,262 --> 00:03:41,351
Now the rooster
woke you up, too.
86
00:03:43,135 --> 00:03:45,225
Dave, just ignore it.
87
00:03:45,268 --> 00:03:47,009
[Beaker crows]
88
00:03:48,228 --> 00:03:51,361
How can you possibly
sleep through that?
89
00:03:51,405 --> 00:03:53,276
I-I grew up in Hickory Corners.
90
00:03:53,320 --> 00:03:55,800
You learn real quickto sleep through animal noises,
91
00:03:55,844 --> 00:03:59,239
tractor engines and the
occasional exploding meth lab.
92
00:04:02,764 --> 00:04:04,940
Well, since we're both up,
93
00:04:04,983 --> 00:04:07,334
I do know one thing that'll
help me get back to sleep.
94
00:04:07,377 --> 00:04:09,466
[snoring]
95
00:04:09,510 --> 00:04:11,207
[Beaker crows]
96
00:04:11,251 --> 00:04:14,776
Shut up, Beaker.
Stop rubbing it in!
97
00:04:18,345 --> 00:04:20,303
Oh, hey, everybody.
98
00:04:20,347 --> 00:04:21,783
Uh, Mom, I got
some laundry for you.
99
00:04:21,826 --> 00:04:23,306
Okay, baby.Just leave it on the table.
100
00:04:23,350 --> 00:04:25,090
All right.
101
00:04:25,134 --> 00:04:27,571
Why can't Martydo his own laundry?
102
00:04:27,615 --> 00:04:29,834
He is a grown man, not a child.
103
00:04:29,878 --> 00:04:32,054
Plus, Mama,he ate the piece of pie
104
00:04:32,097 --> 00:04:33,751
that I hid in the back
of the fridge.
105
00:04:35,449 --> 00:04:37,668
I know he's not a child.
106
00:04:37,712 --> 00:04:39,931
But look at these cheeks!
Hey, aw, come on.
107
00:04:39,975 --> 00:04:41,629
[laughs]
108
00:04:41,672 --> 00:04:43,413
Hey, Malcolm, what
can I say, man?
109
00:04:43,457 --> 00:04:45,197
It ain't easy
being squeezy.
110
00:04:45,241 --> 00:04:47,374
[laughs]
111
00:04:47,417 --> 00:04:49,680
Well, I just don't know why you
let him take advantage of you.
112
00:04:49,724 --> 00:04:51,421
He's not taking
advantage of me.
113
00:04:51,465 --> 00:04:53,510
His apartment doesn't have
a washer and dryer.
114
00:04:53,554 --> 00:04:56,078
And I don't want him having
to lug all his dirty laundry
115
00:04:56,121 --> 00:04:58,210
to some sketchy Laundromat.
116
00:04:58,254 --> 00:05:00,604
Yeah, she's right, Malcolm.
Look at these cheeks.
117
00:05:00,648 --> 00:05:02,824
It ain't safe
out there, man.
118
00:05:02,867 --> 00:05:04,652
[chuckles]
119
00:05:04,695 --> 00:05:06,741
Well, I'm-a put these
in the washer right now.
120
00:05:09,134 --> 00:05:10,527
You have no shame.
121
00:05:10,571 --> 00:05:13,138
That's true.
But you have no pie.
122
00:05:13,182 --> 00:05:15,227
[laughs]
123
00:05:17,404 --> 00:05:18,753
Oh, hey, Calvin.
124
00:05:22,409 --> 00:05:24,454
Calvin?
125
00:05:24,498 --> 00:05:26,500
Hey. Calvin.[horn honks]
126
00:05:26,543 --> 00:05:28,763
Pick a lane, jackass!
127
00:05:31,548 --> 00:05:34,377
Let me guess: Wyatt's rooster's
been keeping you up, too?
128
00:05:34,421 --> 00:05:36,379
Every night this week.
129
00:05:37,685 --> 00:05:39,382
I'm so exhausted,
this morning,
130
00:05:39,426 --> 00:05:40,775
I put my phone in the toaster
and tried
131
00:05:40,818 --> 00:05:42,080
to call my mom on a bagel.
132
00:05:43,081 --> 00:05:44,561
[Beaker crows]
133
00:05:44,605 --> 00:05:46,563
You know what? That's it.
134
00:05:46,607 --> 00:05:48,130
I can't take it anymore.
135
00:05:48,173 --> 00:05:50,045
I'm going over there
to wring his damn neck.
136
00:05:50,088 --> 00:05:52,613
Okay, Calvin, you can't just
go over there and kill Beaker.
137
00:05:52,656 --> 00:05:55,398
Beaker?
I was talking about Wyatt.
138
00:05:56,443 --> 00:05:58,793
Calvin, just hold on.
139
00:05:58,836 --> 00:06:01,404
I know we're both
tired and grouchy--
140
00:06:01,448 --> 00:06:03,450
which, I know for you,
is business as usual...
141
00:06:05,713 --> 00:06:08,411
...but that doesn't mean
that violence is the answer.
142
00:06:08,455 --> 00:06:10,370
Then what is?
143
00:06:10,413 --> 00:06:13,198
We kill Wyatt with kindness.
144
00:06:13,242 --> 00:06:15,113
I like the first half of that.
145
00:06:15,157 --> 00:06:17,681
No, no. Calvin,
we're gonna go over there,
146
00:06:17,725 --> 00:06:19,074
we're gonna bring him
some homemade cookies,
147
00:06:19,117 --> 00:06:20,989
we're gonna say,
"Welcome to the neighborhood,"
148
00:06:21,032 --> 00:06:23,121
and then we're gonna
bring up the rooster,
149
00:06:23,165 --> 00:06:25,646
at which point, I'm sure
he's gonna be very reasonable.
150
00:06:25,689 --> 00:06:28,953
D-Dave, please.
He'd be a fool to fall for that.
151
00:06:28,997 --> 00:06:30,955
Would he? I got you
to stop mowing your lawn
152
00:06:30,999 --> 00:06:32,304
so early in the morning.
153
00:06:32,348 --> 00:06:33,784
Are you kidding me?
154
00:06:33,828 --> 00:06:36,352
I got to sleep in
and I got cookies?
155
00:06:36,396 --> 00:06:37,658
Who played who, Dave?
156
00:06:40,922 --> 00:06:42,227
[knock on door]
157
00:06:44,447 --> 00:06:46,014
Oh, hey, Mom. What
are you doing here?
158
00:06:46,057 --> 00:06:47,319
Well, I finished
doing your laundry
159
00:06:47,363 --> 00:06:49,017
and thought I'd bring it
over to you.
160
00:06:49,060 --> 00:06:51,411
Oh, Mama, you didn't have to
come all the way over here.
161
00:06:51,454 --> 00:06:53,978
I was gonna drop off
another load later tonight.
162
00:06:55,327 --> 00:06:57,765
Well, actually,
I was also thinking
163
00:06:57,808 --> 00:06:59,680
that maybe I could
take a nap here.
164
00:06:59,723 --> 00:07:01,203
I just can't get
any rest at home
165
00:07:01,246 --> 00:07:03,597
with that rooster crowing
all the time.
166
00:07:03,640 --> 00:07:06,121
Yeah, no problem.
But I was just on my way out.
167
00:07:06,164 --> 00:07:08,123
Some cast members from Star Trek
are doing a signing
168
00:07:08,166 --> 00:07:09,820
at my favorite comic book store.
169
00:07:09,864 --> 00:07:12,736
Captain's log: excited!
[chuckles]
170
00:07:12,780 --> 00:07:14,477
Okay, baby, well,
go have fun.
171
00:07:14,521 --> 00:07:17,088
And may the Force be with you.
172
00:07:17,132 --> 00:07:19,090
Eh, ooh, um,
173
00:07:19,134 --> 00:07:20,570
actually, that's Star Wars.
174
00:07:20,614 --> 00:07:22,006
See, Star Trektakes place
175
00:07:22,050 --> 00:07:23,268
in a completely
different universe
176
00:07:23,312 --> 00:07:24,618
where there'sa united federa...[snoring]
177
00:07:26,620 --> 00:07:28,273
[whoops] Look at that.
178
00:07:28,317 --> 00:07:29,927
I'm half asleep already.
179
00:07:31,189 --> 00:07:32,887
Point taken.
180
00:07:32,930 --> 00:07:34,497
Uh, sleep well and prosper.
181
00:07:39,633 --> 00:07:42,374
[sighs, groans] Thank God.
182
00:07:42,418 --> 00:07:45,726
All right, so where
does he keep his pillows?
183
00:07:46,727 --> 00:07:49,164
Pillows... Ah.
184
00:07:49,207 --> 00:07:50,339
Yeah.
185
00:07:54,386 --> 00:07:56,388
Oh, hell no!
186
00:08:00,697 --> 00:08:02,743
I'm-a beam my foot up his ass.
187
00:08:05,354 --> 00:08:07,443
Calvin, I'm telling you,
this is gonna work.
188
00:08:07,487 --> 00:08:09,706
Wyatt is gonna love
my ladyfingers.
189
00:08:09,750 --> 00:08:12,579
Yeah, I bet he's gonna
love your cookies, too.
190
00:08:15,364 --> 00:08:17,540
Oh, hey, guys.
191
00:08:19,890 --> 00:08:21,413
Hey, there, Wyatt.
[chuckles]
192
00:08:21,457 --> 00:08:23,459
What you doing there?
193
00:08:23,503 --> 00:08:26,984
Yeah, did we, uh,
catch you in a private moment?
194
00:08:27,028 --> 00:08:29,160
Oh, no,
just churning some butter.
195
00:08:29,204 --> 00:08:30,553
You want to take a tug?
196
00:08:30,597 --> 00:08:33,251
I most certainly do not.
197
00:08:33,295 --> 00:08:37,168
Uh, yeah, Wyatt, we just came by
to officially say
198
00:08:37,212 --> 00:08:38,605
welcome to the neighborhood.
199
00:08:38,648 --> 00:08:40,650
Oh, thanks, but no thanks.
200
00:08:40,694 --> 00:08:42,783
I don't know about you,
but my conscience won't allow me
201
00:08:42,826 --> 00:08:45,133
to support the sugar cartels.
202
00:08:45,176 --> 00:08:47,614
Oh, well, I-I've never
heard of the sugar cartels.
203
00:08:47,657 --> 00:08:49,659
And yet, you're a soldier
in their army.
204
00:08:49,703 --> 00:08:54,490
L-Look, man, your rooster
has been crowing every night,
205
00:08:54,534 --> 00:08:56,579
and no one around here
is getting any sleep.
206
00:08:56,623 --> 00:08:59,539
Yeah, I hear you.
Beaker's a bit of a night owl.
207
00:08:59,582 --> 00:09:02,454
Which is funny because my
night owl is a real early bird.
208
00:09:04,456 --> 00:09:06,023
Great, then you'll do
something about it?
209
00:09:06,067 --> 00:09:07,547
Oh, no.
210
00:09:07,590 --> 00:09:09,026
Getting rid of Beaker
would upset
211
00:09:09,070 --> 00:09:10,506
my delicate backyard ecosystem.
212
00:09:10,550 --> 00:09:12,116
I don't want to play God.
213
00:09:12,160 --> 00:09:14,728
That is his/her/their business.
214
00:09:14,771 --> 00:09:16,730
You know what?
215
00:09:16,773 --> 00:09:19,950
That's it. Old MacDonald is
about to get E-I-E-I-O'd.
216
00:09:19,994 --> 00:09:22,039
No, uh, Calvin, no.
217
00:09:22,083 --> 00:09:23,301
Hey, Wyatt,
218
00:09:23,345 --> 00:09:24,999
we all really appreciate
219
00:09:25,042 --> 00:09:27,654
what you're trying to do
for the planet, but, uh,
220
00:09:27,697 --> 00:09:30,265
a-around here, we look
out for our neighbors.
221
00:09:30,308 --> 00:09:32,136
[Beaker crows]
Mm.
222
00:09:32,180 --> 00:09:34,356
Oops, got to go.
223
00:09:34,399 --> 00:09:36,532
It's feeding time,
and Beaker hates to eat alone.
224
00:09:36,576 --> 00:09:38,490
[Beaker crows]
225
00:09:38,534 --> 00:09:40,188
Oh, keep your feathers on.
226
00:09:40,231 --> 00:09:42,233
I'm coming!
227
00:09:45,759 --> 00:09:48,631
You were right.
We got to whack that bird.
228
00:09:55,072 --> 00:09:57,901
All right. You ready to do this?
229
00:09:57,945 --> 00:10:00,687
Oh, yeah.
Let's choke this chicken.
230
00:10:01,775 --> 00:10:03,603
If we go to jail for this,
231
00:10:03,646 --> 00:10:05,474
you have got to stop
talking like that.
232
00:10:06,693 --> 00:10:08,608
All right, let's go.Hold on.
233
00:10:08,651 --> 00:10:10,653
Let me just get my pillow out.
234
00:10:10,697 --> 00:10:12,829
A pillow? W-Why a pillow?
235
00:10:12,873 --> 00:10:15,571
This is a bird-napping,
not a sleepover.
236
00:10:15,615 --> 00:10:17,094
It's a part of my plan.
237
00:10:17,138 --> 00:10:19,662
Look, if we just
steal the rooster,
238
00:10:19,706 --> 00:10:23,231
Wyatt is gonna know that
it was us, which is why...
239
00:10:23,274 --> 00:10:25,102
we're gonna make it look
like a coyote attack.
240
00:10:25,146 --> 00:10:27,844
Why would a coyote
be carrying a pillow?
241
00:10:29,193 --> 00:10:31,195
No. When we get into the yard,
242
00:10:31,239 --> 00:10:32,675
we're gonna rip open the
pillow and throw feathers
243
00:10:32,719 --> 00:10:33,676
all over the place.
244
00:10:33,720 --> 00:10:36,374
Then...
245
00:10:36,418 --> 00:10:38,289
we're gonna squirt this
fake blood everywhere.
246
00:10:38,333 --> 00:10:40,291
After that, the only thing
that's left to do is to
247
00:10:40,335 --> 00:10:42,424
grab the rooster, jam it in the
pillowcase, and then go home
248
00:10:42,467 --> 00:10:44,121
to a good night's sleep.
249
00:10:44,165 --> 00:10:46,776
Damn it, Dave.
250
00:10:46,820 --> 00:10:48,212
That's the most brilliant plan
I've ever heard.
251
00:10:48,256 --> 00:10:50,824
That's what I'm saying.
[shushing]
252
00:11:00,485 --> 00:11:02,705
[grunting]
253
00:11:13,847 --> 00:11:15,413
You knew there was a gate?
254
00:11:15,457 --> 00:11:19,504
Yeah. I was gonna say something,
but then I thought, "Why?"
255
00:11:22,159 --> 00:11:23,900
Okay, so where is he?He's right over there,
256
00:11:23,944 --> 00:11:25,859
on top of the chicken coop.Ah.
257
00:11:25,902 --> 00:11:27,948
Standing guard over the ladies.
258
00:11:27,991 --> 00:11:30,515
Respect, respect.
259
00:11:30,559 --> 00:11:33,344
Okay, you go grab him.
260
00:11:33,388 --> 00:11:34,911
I'm gonna frame a coyote.
261
00:11:36,696 --> 00:11:38,132
Okay, Beaker...
262
00:11:39,786 --> 00:11:41,352
...this is nothing personal.
263
00:11:41,396 --> 00:11:44,094
I just hate you
and I want you to die!
264
00:11:48,838 --> 00:11:50,361
All right.
265
00:11:50,405 --> 00:11:52,799
Get him, Calvin, get him!CALVIN: I'm trying.
266
00:11:52,842 --> 00:11:54,452
But this sucker's fast.
He must be free-range!
267
00:11:56,193 --> 00:11:57,934
Calvin, quit messing around.
Get him.
268
00:11:57,978 --> 00:11:59,675
Look, I'm trying.
269
00:11:59,719 --> 00:12:01,329
Okay, I got him, I got him.
270
00:12:01,372 --> 00:12:04,158
Ooh.Calvin, nice work.
That was amazing.
271
00:12:04,201 --> 00:12:06,421
I know. When it comes
to chasing chickens,
272
00:12:06,464 --> 00:12:08,249
it's all about the footwork.
273
00:12:08,292 --> 00:12:09,816
Come on. Let's get
out of here before, uh...
274
00:12:11,165 --> 00:12:12,122
...that happens.
275
00:12:12,166 --> 00:12:13,297
Go, go, go!
276
00:12:16,387 --> 00:12:17,649
Oh, hey, Mama.
277
00:12:17,693 --> 00:12:19,651
I'm surprised you're still here.Mm.
278
00:12:19,695 --> 00:12:22,045
Well, I guess that's
the thing about surprises.
279
00:12:22,089 --> 00:12:24,700
You never know when you're
gonna open a door and find one.
280
00:12:26,310 --> 00:12:27,659
So, how was
the comic book store?
281
00:12:27,703 --> 00:12:29,096
Oh, it was incredible.Mm?
282
00:12:29,139 --> 00:12:30,880
I got my shirt signed
by two Klingons,
283
00:12:30,924 --> 00:12:32,708
a Romulan and a Borg.
284
00:12:33,883 --> 00:12:35,189
Well, that's wonderful, baby.
285
00:12:35,232 --> 00:12:36,756
I'm glad you had fun.Yeah.
286
00:12:36,799 --> 00:12:38,322
How about you?
Did you have a good nap?
287
00:12:38,366 --> 00:12:40,498
Well, I ended up not taking one.
288
00:12:40,542 --> 00:12:41,761
Oh, why not?
289
00:12:41,804 --> 00:12:43,763
Well, you know, your
place is so nice,
290
00:12:43,806 --> 00:12:45,765
I just got caught up
doing other things,
291
00:12:45,808 --> 00:12:49,290
like watching your big TV and
enjoying your beautiful view,
292
00:12:49,333 --> 00:12:51,901
and finding you have
a damn washer and dryer!
293
00:12:55,818 --> 00:12:58,995
What? There's a washer
and dryer here?
294
00:13:00,301 --> 00:13:01,781
I can't believe you.
295
00:13:01,824 --> 00:13:03,391
Why would you lie to me?
296
00:13:03,434 --> 00:13:05,088
Uh, well, uh,
technically, I didn't lie.
297
00:13:05,132 --> 00:13:07,047
I just withheld the truth,
which, according to Dad,
298
00:13:07,090 --> 00:13:08,918
there's a big difference.
299
00:13:08,962 --> 00:13:10,833
All these years
I've been doing your laundry
300
00:13:10,877 --> 00:13:12,617
when you could've been
doing it your damn self?
301
00:13:12,661 --> 00:13:14,619
Actually, actually,
that's not true, either.
302
00:13:14,663 --> 00:13:16,012
See, 'cause I never learned
how to do my laundry,
303
00:13:16,056 --> 00:13:17,579
because you always did it
for me.
304
00:13:17,622 --> 00:13:19,799
So, if you think about it,
this is kind of on you.
305
00:13:19,842 --> 00:13:21,278
[clears throat]
306
00:13:24,281 --> 00:13:25,282
It's on me?
307
00:13:26,806 --> 00:13:28,677
No, no, no,
it's-it's on me.
308
00:13:28,720 --> 00:13:30,853
[mutters nervously]It's on me.
309
00:13:30,897 --> 00:13:32,550
Well, in that case,
310
00:13:32,594 --> 00:13:34,465
this is on you.
311
00:13:34,509 --> 00:13:36,511
Mama!
312
00:13:36,554 --> 00:13:38,861
Oh! Mama.
313
00:13:38,905 --> 00:13:41,951
This is a collector's item.
Why would you do that?
314
00:13:41,995 --> 00:13:44,258
To give you a reason to learn
how to do your own laundry.
315
00:13:44,301 --> 00:13:46,608
And you better do it quick
before that stains.
316
00:13:46,651 --> 00:13:48,523
Oh, mama's log:
317
00:13:48,566 --> 00:13:50,090
payback!
318
00:13:57,749 --> 00:13:59,447
Wow.
319
00:13:59,490 --> 00:14:01,536
I've never really seen
a rooster up close.
320
00:14:02,798 --> 00:14:03,973
Yeah, me, neither.
321
00:14:04,017 --> 00:14:06,410
They're weirdly
kind of beautiful.
322
00:14:06,454 --> 00:14:08,238
Yeah, really is.
323
00:14:08,282 --> 00:14:10,023
Okay, now, go ahead
and snap its neck.
324
00:14:12,590 --> 00:14:14,027
What?
325
00:14:14,070 --> 00:14:15,724
I can't do it. I'm not a killer.
326
00:14:15,767 --> 00:14:17,987
I can't, either. I caught him.
327
00:14:18,031 --> 00:14:20,163
He'd see it coming from me.
328
00:14:21,425 --> 00:14:23,558
Uh-uh. Not me.
I can't do it.
329
00:14:23,601 --> 00:14:25,560
Look, I know this is gonna be
hard for you to believe,
330
00:14:25,603 --> 00:14:27,997
but I'm not
as hard-core as I look.
331
00:14:29,390 --> 00:14:31,696
Okay. If you can't do it,
then I guess I'll do it.
332
00:14:31,740 --> 00:14:33,002
Stand back.
333
00:14:33,046 --> 00:14:36,614
Let me show you
how a gangsta takes out a bird.
334
00:14:36,658 --> 00:14:37,920
[chuckles]
335
00:14:38,965 --> 00:14:39,966
[grunts]
336
00:14:40,009 --> 00:14:41,402
Ah, ooh, ah.
337
00:14:45,710 --> 00:14:47,364
Ah...
338
00:14:47,408 --> 00:14:50,150
[The Good, the Bad and the Uglytheme playing]
339
00:15:03,990 --> 00:15:07,210
Ah, I can't.
Why not?
340
00:15:07,254 --> 00:15:09,691
We made eye contact.
I saw his soul.
341
00:15:11,171 --> 00:15:13,042
Saw whose soul?
342
00:15:13,086 --> 00:15:15,740
Uh, uh, Calvin's. By the way,
beautiful soul, Calvin. Really.
343
00:15:15,784 --> 00:15:18,482
[Beaker crows]
344
00:15:18,526 --> 00:15:22,269
Oh, my God. Did you two
steal that guy's rooster?
345
00:15:22,312 --> 00:15:23,966
Okay, look, I know,
I know it seems crazy,
346
00:15:24,010 --> 00:15:25,272
but we tried talking to Wyatt,
347
00:15:25,315 --> 00:15:26,534
and he wouldn't do
anything about it.
348
00:15:26,577 --> 00:15:28,405
Which is why we had to steal it.
349
00:15:28,449 --> 00:15:30,494
And now neither one of us
can bring ourselves
350
00:15:30,538 --> 00:15:32,975
to send him to the big
chicken coop in the sky.
351
00:15:34,020 --> 00:15:35,543
I can't believe you guys.
352
00:15:35,586 --> 00:15:38,328
You are two grown men,
353
00:15:38,372 --> 00:15:40,243
and you can't kill a rooster?
354
00:15:40,287 --> 00:15:42,115
Whoa! Whoa!
Whoa!
355
00:15:43,943 --> 00:15:45,727
Come on, it's no big deal.
356
00:15:45,770 --> 00:15:47,729
Back on the farm, I used to kill
chickens all the time.
357
00:15:47,772 --> 00:15:49,122
You did?
358
00:15:49,165 --> 00:15:50,993
Trust me,
once you've gone elbow-deep
359
00:15:51,037 --> 00:15:54,518
to inseminate a cow,
you can do pretty much anything.
360
00:15:54,562 --> 00:15:57,173
Wow.
361
00:15:57,217 --> 00:15:59,262
Tina won't even stick
her fingers in a bowling ball.
362
00:15:59,306 --> 00:16:01,177
Okay, okay, okay.
363
00:16:01,221 --> 00:16:03,310
Stop, please.
I-I know what we can do.
364
00:16:03,353 --> 00:16:05,573
We can drive him
out to the country
365
00:16:05,616 --> 00:16:08,184
and leave him
at a, at a real farm.
366
00:16:08,228 --> 00:16:09,577
You know what?
That's a great idea.
367
00:16:09,620 --> 00:16:12,145
Stay here.
I'm gonna go get a box.
368
00:16:12,188 --> 00:16:14,234
You... keep an eye on her.
369
00:16:16,453 --> 00:16:18,455
Come on, please,
come out, come out, come out!
370
00:16:19,891 --> 00:16:21,371
How's it going out here?
371
00:16:21,415 --> 00:16:24,244
Terrible. The stain's spreading.
372
00:16:24,287 --> 00:16:27,334
Oh, well, I am so glad
I switched from red to white.
373
00:16:27,377 --> 00:16:29,684
It pairs so much better
with revenge.
374
00:16:30,946 --> 00:16:32,426
You know,
how can you sit there
375
00:16:32,469 --> 00:16:34,384
and just watch me
suffer like this?
376
00:16:34,428 --> 00:16:36,038
You mean like
how you sat and watched me
377
00:16:36,082 --> 00:16:37,474
do your laundry for years?
378
00:16:37,518 --> 00:16:38,867
That's not true.
I never watched.
379
00:16:38,910 --> 00:16:40,216
I just dropped it off and left.
380
00:16:41,739 --> 00:16:43,437
[groans]
That's it.
381
00:16:43,480 --> 00:16:45,656
I give up.
The shirt's ruined.
382
00:16:45,700 --> 00:16:46,962
I hope you're happy.
383
00:16:47,006 --> 00:16:49,008
No, I am not happy.
384
00:16:49,051 --> 00:16:51,836
My own son lied to me
and treated me like the help
385
00:16:51,880 --> 00:16:55,231
just because he was too damn
lazy to do his own laundry.
386
00:16:55,275 --> 00:16:56,928
Mom, I didn't lie to you
because I was lazy.
387
00:16:56,972 --> 00:16:58,408
Then why did you?
388
00:16:58,452 --> 00:17:00,454
I don't want to say.
389
00:17:00,497 --> 00:17:02,238
It's embarrassing.
390
00:17:02,282 --> 00:17:04,110
Marty, you went out in public
391
00:17:04,153 --> 00:17:07,765
dressed as an imaginary
space captain.
392
00:17:07,809 --> 00:17:10,246
The embarrassing ship
has sailed.
393
00:17:12,553 --> 00:17:14,772
Fine.
394
00:17:14,816 --> 00:17:17,079
The truth is, the reason
I had you do my laundry
395
00:17:17,123 --> 00:17:19,125
is so I had an excuse
to come home.
396
00:17:19,168 --> 00:17:21,344
What are you talking about?
397
00:17:21,388 --> 00:17:23,738
You don't need an excuse
to come home.
398
00:17:23,781 --> 00:17:26,567
Yes, I do. Mama, I'm a grown man
living on my own.
399
00:17:26,610 --> 00:17:28,482
I'm not supposed to run home
400
00:17:28,525 --> 00:17:29,961
every time I get lonely
and miss you guys.
401
00:17:30,005 --> 00:17:31,746
How does that look?
402
00:17:31,789 --> 00:17:33,965
It looks like somebody
who loves his family.
403
00:17:34,009 --> 00:17:36,185
No, more like somebody
who can't live without them.
404
00:17:37,665 --> 00:17:39,797
Marty, that's a good thing.
405
00:17:41,495 --> 00:17:43,323
Too many kids can't
wait to grow up
406
00:17:43,366 --> 00:17:45,238
and get out of
their homes.
407
00:17:45,281 --> 00:17:47,109
And the fact
that you love coming back
408
00:17:47,153 --> 00:17:50,373
means that we have
something special.
409
00:17:50,417 --> 00:17:52,201
You should never
be ashamed of that.
410
00:17:55,030 --> 00:17:57,119
You're right, Mama.
411
00:17:57,163 --> 00:17:59,817
I'm sorry I lied to you.
412
00:17:59,861 --> 00:18:03,386
It's okay. I forgive you.
413
00:18:03,430 --> 00:18:05,214
That's why I'm
gonna do this.
414
00:18:05,258 --> 00:18:07,216
Ooh, ooh, ooh.
415
00:18:08,609 --> 00:18:10,524
Mama! Why'd you do that?
416
00:18:10,567 --> 00:18:11,960
You said you forgave me.
417
00:18:12,003 --> 00:18:13,788
I do forgive you.
418
00:18:13,831 --> 00:18:16,399
White wine is the only thing
that gets red wine out.
419
00:18:16,443 --> 00:18:18,575
Wait, so the shirt's
gonna be okay?
420
00:18:18,619 --> 00:18:21,317
Sure is.
Okay, awesome.
[laughs]
421
00:18:21,361 --> 00:18:23,319
That means I won't
look ridiculous wearing it.
422
00:18:23,363 --> 00:18:24,973
I never said that.
423
00:18:27,802 --> 00:18:30,500
How's Beaker doing in there?
He seems pretty quiet.
424
00:18:30,544 --> 00:18:33,634
He actually looks
pretty comfortable.
425
00:18:33,677 --> 00:18:36,724
I think he knows that
we're taking him to a good home.
426
00:18:36,767 --> 00:18:38,813
Hopefully, one without
someone like Gemma.
427
00:18:42,033 --> 00:18:44,906
All I know is I'm looking
forward to a good night's sleep.
428
00:18:44,949 --> 00:18:47,387
Yeah, me, too.
429
00:18:47,430 --> 00:18:49,780
You don't feel bad about what
we're doing to Wyatt, do you?
430
00:18:49,824 --> 00:18:51,956
Hell no.
431
00:18:52,000 --> 00:18:54,263
This guy gets what he deserves.
432
00:18:54,307 --> 00:18:58,528
Moving in with his stupid farm,
trying to save the Earth.
433
00:18:58,572 --> 00:19:00,574
I mean, if you ask me,
it's just plain selfish.
434
00:19:00,617 --> 00:19:02,184
Yeah.
435
00:19:02,228 --> 00:19:03,707
You know what?
You're right.
436
00:19:03,751 --> 00:19:06,145
He was driving everyone
in the neighborhood nuts.
437
00:19:06,188 --> 00:19:08,625
You're damn straight.
W-We're the good guys here.
438
00:19:08,669 --> 00:19:10,932
Good guys?
We're practically heroes.
439
00:19:10,975 --> 00:19:13,413
Yeah. I mean, I'm not saying
that we deserve a holiday,
440
00:19:13,456 --> 00:19:15,980
but I wouldn't be mad
at a parade.
441
00:19:16,024 --> 00:19:17,460
Yeah...
442
00:19:17,504 --> 00:19:20,115
I mean, seriously,
who keeps a rooster, anyways?
443
00:19:20,159 --> 00:19:21,899
Yeah. Get yourself a dog.
444
00:19:21,943 --> 00:19:23,727
That's a real pet.
[laughs]
445
00:19:24,554 --> 00:19:26,600
Did you ever have a dog?
446
00:19:26,643 --> 00:19:29,385
Yeah. Yeah, his name was Duke.
447
00:19:29,429 --> 00:19:31,518
Best friend I ever had.
448
00:19:31,561 --> 00:19:32,562
Don't you mean
second best friend?
449
00:19:32,606 --> 00:19:33,694
I said what I said.
450
00:19:36,523 --> 00:19:37,785
Well, what happened to him?
451
00:19:37,828 --> 00:19:40,788
He ran away.
452
00:19:40,831 --> 00:19:44,226
I left the gate open one day,
and when I came home,
453
00:19:44,270 --> 00:19:45,793
he was gone.
454
00:19:45,836 --> 00:19:48,230
Oh, man. That's awful.
455
00:19:48,274 --> 00:19:51,059
Yeah, broke my heart.
456
00:19:51,102 --> 00:19:53,627
Yeah, but this-this
is different.
457
00:19:54,628 --> 00:19:56,673
Yeah, no, totally.
458
00:19:56,717 --> 00:19:59,459
I mean, just 'cause
Wyatt took him for walks
459
00:19:59,502 --> 00:20:02,766
and cared for him and...
460
00:20:02,810 --> 00:20:04,638
gave him a name.
461
00:20:07,684 --> 00:20:09,382
We're monsters!What have we done?!
462
00:20:09,425 --> 00:20:12,298
I feel terrible.Yeah, me, too, man.
You know what?
463
00:20:12,341 --> 00:20:13,342
W-We got to get Beaker home.
464
00:20:13,386 --> 00:20:14,648
Yeah, turn the truck around.
465
00:20:14,691 --> 00:20:16,084
Hold onto the box.Okay.
466
00:20:17,781 --> 00:20:19,827
I miss you, Duke!
467
00:20:26,050 --> 00:20:28,139
This is great. I've always
wanted to make my own butter.
468
00:20:28,183 --> 00:20:29,315
You know what they say.
469
00:20:29,358 --> 00:20:32,056
Once you go churn,
you never return.
470
00:20:34,668 --> 00:20:37,888
Oh, hey, Calvin. Check this out.
471
00:20:37,932 --> 00:20:42,241
Dave, please don't say my name
when you're doing that.
472
00:20:42,284 --> 00:20:44,504
Hey, you know, I'm really
worried about my technique.
473
00:20:44,547 --> 00:20:46,201
Am I doing this right?
474
00:20:46,245 --> 00:20:48,812
Close. But do it like this.
475
00:20:51,032 --> 00:20:51,989
CALVIN:
Oh.
476
00:20:52,033 --> 00:20:54,775
That's it. Tina!
477
00:20:54,818 --> 00:20:56,342
Throw out the butter!
478
00:20:56,385 --> 00:20:58,300
From now on,
I'm eating my toast dry!
479
00:21:03,131 --> 00:21:07,091
Captioning sponsored by
CBS
480
00:21:07,135 --> 00:21:11,182
and TOYOTA.
481
00:21:11,226 --> 00:21:15,226
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org
34555
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.