All language subtitles for Mr. Iglesias S03E01.en

Mr. Iglesias was recorded
in front of a live studio audience.

So you guys excited
for the new school year?

Of course. It's such a blessing.

Well, at my age,

each new year is not just a blessing,
but a bit of a surprise.

When Gabe and I were students here,

we used to dream of tunneling out,
like El Chapo.

Yeah, then the bell would ring,

and we'd realize we could walk
right out the front door...

just like El Chapo.

Football season!

And you know what that means?

Bingo and Bango are back-o!

As long as Bingo and Bango
aren't borracho.

For your información,

I am on the wagon.

Every day.

Until after practice.

Hey, Coach,
how's the team looking preseason?

Like defending league champs.

Ready for this week's opener
against Milliken.

You're playing Lakewood.

Ah, I don't sweat the details.

That's the only thing on him
that doesn't sweat.

There they are!

The best principal in the district...

and her box carrier.

Joke's on you, Gabriel.
According to my new watch,

this anaerobic lifting
combined with the cardio has burned...

two calories.

A-boom.

Oh, time for a lap. Gotta get my steps in.

A-zoom!

Aw, this is the cutest time.

Right after they start walking.

Gabe, I got your students the tablets
you've been begging me for all summer.

They're right there in the box.

Oh, sweet!

Yeah, finally, my students won't be
on the wrong side of the digital divide.

I'm just happy to be
on the right side of the ground.

Uh-uh!

There's a delivery fee.

First, you gotta tell me
what's going on with Jackie.

No, nothing.

Jackie's been out of town all summer.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Yeah, fonder of someone who's not absent.
Hello?

Yeah, that's Tony's best quality.

He's here.

So, Gabe,
did you talk to Jackie at all this summer?

Uh, yeah, well, you know,
Text Gabe and Text Jackie

have become really good text buddies.

I'mma leave it right there.

Why? Now that you work together,
you'll really get to know her.

No, Abby, see that's the problem.

Uh, I'm... I'm...
I'm not falling for a coworker.

On the bright side, uh,
the school is overcrowded,

so I'll never have to be alone with her.

Way to go, Paula.

Gabe finally meets someone he likes,
and you ruin it by hiring her.

He never would have met her
if I hadn't hired her, dummy.

Wow, you let her call you "dummy?"

She could have called me "unemployed."

- Dummy it is.
- Yeah.

Whoo!

Dude, did you slide into Marisol's DMs
over the summer?

Oh...

Well, not exactly.

- But we really connected over text.
- Ooh, let me see! Let me see.

"Hi. "Hi." Nice.

"Hi. "Hi."

Slow burn. I like it.

"Hi. "Hi."

Dude, seriously?

All this, "hi, hi, hi"
is making me wonder "why, why, why?"

I didn't know what else to say.

How about, "How are you?
What are you up to?

- We should kiss again!"
- Mm-hmm.

But what if I text her that
and she ghosts me?

I can't handle that rejection.

Yeah, well,
you'd better do something soon.

Check out this last text.

"Hi," followed by a...

a period.

Punctuation only means one thing.
She's mad at you.

No, it's Marisol.
She's just being grammatically correct.

And then I used a period
so he'd know I was mad at him.

A... A period doesn't say, "I'm mad."
It says, "You're dead to me."

Oh.

Well, I made the first move,

and he had the whole summer
to do something about it,

but he just keeps texting me, "Hi."

Well, maybe he's one of those people
who's better at communicating in person.

- Hi.
- Hi.

Wow, get a room, you two!

Happy Junior year, everybody,
and welcome to world studies.

If you thought memorizing facts
about one country was fun,

get ready for 195.

We'll be down to 194
once Russia finishes annexing America.

You know, when I was your age,

my classmates
had these really fancy calculators,

and all I could do
with my bootleg knockoff

was flip it upside down and spell boobs.

Oh, uh...

b-o-o-b-s.

That's pretty good.
You weren't even upside down.

Now, listen, I don't want you guys
to be at a disadvantage the way I was,

so I got you a little something
to help you study.

Woo-hoo!

Tablets!

Aw, I thought
you were going to say Adderall.

All right.

Now, instead of, uh,
reading about Julius Caesar,

he's gonna be talking to you
directly from these screens.

Oh, sweet.
The long-lost recordings of Julius Caesar!

That's right. You get a tablet!

You get a tablet! You get a tablet!

Everybody gets a tablet!

Me, me, me! I want a tablet.

Ah, don't worry, 'cause everybody...

And we're out.

Yeah, Principal Madison
must not have ordered enough.

What? So some of us are gonna get
a tablet, and some of us aren't?

Ah, just like in life.

There are the have-nots
and the have-tablets.

We should treat them
like kids in a divorce.

You know,
some of us get them during the day,

the rest on nights and weekends.

And then, eventually, we could leave them
sitting on the curb after school

when it's our day to pick 'em up.

So am I the dad
who's never going to see his baby tablet?

Or the baby tablet
who's never going to see his dad? I...

Hey, neither, okay?

'Cause I'm gonna take this battle
all the way to the Supremes Court.

You mean Supreme Court.

No. Principal Madison thinks
she's Diana Ross.

Hey, Paula,
that box didn't have enough tablets in it.

Oh, Gabe, stop in the name of love.

You lucky you got anything.

I had to make cuts in every department.

Is that why Mr. Gomez is
out on the football field

trying to catch a frog
for his biology class?

That's also why my syllabus says,

"Find something free and read it."

Gonna be a lot of essays
on what Jehovah witnessed.

You see, Gabe?
We all have to make sacrifices.

Paula, these fancy new tablets
are freaking awesome!

Check it out.
I got a live feed right on the field.

Hey! That weirdo Gomez caught a frog.

So stupid.

So, clearly, the cuts didn't happen
in every department.

That's what you get
when you bring Mama home a trophy.

Mm-hmm!

What about my kids?
They won the Academic Decathlon.

Gabe, I gave 'em a pizza party.

Microwave pizza, but they had fun.

And that's the only party
they'll ever get invited to.

Nerds!

Coach out!

Well, technology makes kids weak.

Without phones, kids wouldn't be able
to eat, sleep, or drink.

Hey!

My Postmates are here.

Millennials. Am I right?

And this is the faculty lounge.

That's the faculty.

That's the refrigerator.

- Yup.
- Uh, that's a couch.

Abby, this is Jackie's first day
at the school,

not her first day on Earth.

And that's Gabe.

Remember Gabe?

You mean Señor Dimples?

That's how he comes up in my phone.

I don't hate it.

Oh, yeah.

'Cause it's adorable.

Gabe and I kept in touch over the summer,

while I was doing Guidance Counselors
Without Borders in Iraq.

Oh, thank you for your service.

I'm kidding.

I was visiting my mom in Reno.

Well, from those texts, it sounds like
you'd have been happier in Iraq.

It's nice to see you.

Nice to see you too.

It's nice to see you two, too.

You know,
I know I make more as a principal,

but the way I play matchmaker,

I really should be
head of the chemistry department.

Jackie, as the new guidance counselor,
can you please explain to Paula

why kids need technology in the classroom
to stay competitive?

Yes, by all means,

please lecture me
on the inadequacies of my school,

person I just hired.

Well, actually, a new study shows

kids thrive
when they take a break from tech.

I knew I liked you.

Poppycock.

Tech makes you smarter.

Watch and learn.

Siri, how long is the drive from here
to the Long Beach Airport?

The Long Beach Aquarium was built in 1998.

You see? She teaches me stuff
I didn't even ask her.

Wow,
they are gonna be so happy together.

You know,
a lot of entrepreneurs in Silicon Valley

actually send their kids
to tech-free schools.

So, wait, they protect their own children,

while selling other people's kids
their iCrack?

Yep. Turns out,
Silicon Valley is filled with monsters.

Who knew?

So, you mean to tell me the tablets
could actually be hurting my students?

Probably.

I find that kids always do better

after I encourage them
to do a digital cleanse.

Mm, I got a colonic yesterday.

I always like to start off the school year
spick-and-span.

Well, I like to start off the school year
not hearing about your ass.

But your skin does look great.

Well, half my students have tablets,
and the other half don't.

I'm thinking about giving them a quiz
to see who does better.

Treating your kids like lab rats?

I like it.

That's the fun part about being a teacher.

I learn, they learn, we all... learn.

Oh, they gone. Mm-hmm.

Yeah. Oh, we alone.

Yup.

You now, Gabe, I gotta say,
you have a lot to live up to.

Text Gabe was very fun.

Hey, well,
real-life Gabe is even more fun.

See you in a jiff.

So, does anyone have plans this weekend?

My Friday night is wide open.

Oh, mine too.

And... And so is the door.

Th... There's Mr. Iglesias.

Hey, guys, I know some of you were sad
about not getting a tablet,

but I think I solved it.

- You got some for the rest of us?
- No. I changed my mind about technology.

As it turns out, it's bad for you.

Well, I love my new tablet.

It's not very fast, but at least I don't
have to bring my nice one to school.

You know what? I don't need a tablet.

Okay? I've got a... a ruler,
and, uh, some glue,

you know, and... and a stapler,

and, uh, uh... my imagination.

It's not as sad as Lorenzo makes it sound.

You know, there are studies that show

that technology
should not be used in the classroom.

Were those published on a website?
Or did nobody read them in a newspaper?

If you don't believe me,
let's try a little experiment, okay?

Tomorrow, we're gonna take a quiz
on the origins of democracy.

Ooh, just in time
for the end of democracy!

Yeah. It had a good run.

So, look, those of you with tablets
get to use them to study.

Those without will get a secret weapon
to help them ace the quiz.

Adderall?

No.

And get ready for the best part.
You're all going on a digital cleanse.

I'm taking your phones.

Yay!

Well, you'll have to find it first.

- It's on your desk, Grace.
- Dang it!

Listen, your secret weapon is
those of you without technology

will get to study together!

That's not a secret or a weapon.

It's just messed up.

Oh, come on. It'll be great.

You'll talk to each other.

You'll share ideas.

You'll be... human beings.

Oh, boy, that sounds terrifying.

Look, I get it, but I promise you
the people that work together

will do better than the ones
stuck with technology.

I'll bet you my car you're wrong.

Wait, no. I don't want your car. Ew!

I'll take that bet.

You don't have a car, Walt.

Hey, she didn't know that.

Oh, she knew.

She knew.

But what she doesn't know

is that Team No-Tech is gonna blow
Team Tech out of the water.

Give me your babies.

Fine, I'll go first.

Eh?

I'm good. I'm good.
I'm not even gonna look.

I'm not even gonna check
to see if it's my new text buddy.

Okay, just a peek.

Ah, it's Tony.

No way. I can't give up my phone.

This is my lifeline
to everything I care about.

I'm in.

Me too.

See? That's not so bad, right?

Yeah. Not bad at all.

Okay, that was a fun experiment.
Can I have my phone back now?

Yeah, me too. I feel pretty cleansed.

I feel like I'm going to cry.

No, barf.

No, both.

Carf!

For the love of all that is good,
give us our phones back!

Relax. What? Are you worried
about what you're missing on social media?

Here, I got you.

Okay, Instagram.

Look, my life is perfect.

Twitter. No, you're wrong.

TikTok.

All caught up.

Okay, guys. This won't be hard.

It's just a quiz.
We've all studied before.

Speak for yourself, Hermione.

Wow.

Calling someone a nerd
by referencing Harry Potter. I mean...

Oh, hold on. I'm getting a text.

Oh, my God. I swear I felt it!

It's just a ghost vibration.

I'm having them too.

Great, now we got haunted pockets? Man!

Okay, okay. Look,
everyone just needs to chill, all right?

The world is not ending
just because we don't have our phones.

It could be.
How would we know without our phones?

Well, I am not missing
the constant notifications...

about nothing.

I agree. Now that I'm not staring
into my phone all the time, I feel better.

I'm starting to notice things.

Walt, did you always have red hair?

Yes, but I did do something
a little different with it today,

so thank you for noticing.

Marisol,
this lighting is really working for you.

Normally I would "like" this pic,
but I'll just tell ya.

You look good, girl.

Thank you, Grace. You look great too.

And I'm pretty sure it's not
the public school fluorescent light.

Yo, look at us, connecting IRL.

Why am I in such a hurry?

Connecting in real life.

Oh, my God. It is fun saying whole words.

Laugh out loud. Be right back.

I could do this all day.

I don't know what's going on,
but I kind of feel like... reading.

Ooh, five chapters?

Never mind!

We'll each read a chapter
and then just tell each other about it.

Yeah, it's like we'll all be sharing...

- One...
- Group...

Butt.

No, Walt, one group mind.

I'm sticking with butt.

Well, whether we're operating
with one hive mind or one...

hive butt,

this is gonna work.

It is gonna work.

Now that we are unfettered by technology,

I can forge in the smithy of my soul
the uncreated conscience of my generation.

And I'm going to be brave enough

to look the lunch lady
in her dead doll eyes

and demand more tater tots!

And I'll stop hiding my true feelings
behind jokes.

Just kidding. Farts.

Well, I'm going to be brave enough
to do something I should have done...

a long time ago.

Really?

What's that, Mikey?

Uh... I forget.

Oh, Walt,
weren't you saying something about farts?

Seriously?

Fine, let's just study.

Getting another ghost vibration.

Got to take it.

Make it quick. It's not a good time.

Walt.

Switch seats with me.

No, he's good.

I'll switch seats with you, Mikey.

What good would that do?

Hey, hey, hey, all this chatter's not
helping me average out these quiz scores.

Oh, how's it looking?
Is Team No-Tech gonna win?

Or did you lie to us?

You know what, Mr. Iglesias?

You don't even have to grade those
'cause I know we won.

Will you look at that? Lorenzo's right.

We all won.

What were the scores?

Ah, scores, s'mores.

Who won?

Okay, uh... you ready?

Team Tech did okay.

They got a 91.

But check this out,

I can't believe I get to say this,
Team No-Tech...

eighty-eight!

We did it!

Wait, 91 is higher than 88.

For once, I think I'm gonna have to...

ugh, agree with Whitney.

Ninety-one is higher than 88.

You know, a lot of times,
the higher score is worse.

Like in golf,

miniature golf,

disc golf.

Okay, mostly golf.

You lied to us!

Oh, liar, liar, cargo shorts on fire!

These shorts aren't on fire.

They are fire.

That's right. Werk it.

Yass, kween! What?

Twenty-three, 24, 25.

Aw, it's so cute when they start counting.

Just trying to keep my heart rate up.

Siri, what's my heart rate?

One fifty-four.

A-boom.

Opening Amazon. Purchasing a broom.

- No. Not another broom.
- Purchasing another broom.

No. Siri, darling, we discussed this.
We're not purchasing a broom.

He's a Renaissance man.

Vice-principal, theater teacher,
all-around weirdo.

Hey, every school has one eccentric.

These stupid robots made us lose the game!

Some schools have two.

Robots? Are you sure it wasn't
your old-school coaching style?

"Hey, Samoan guy!
Block for the black guy!"

No. Get this, the game is on the line.

It's first and goal,
and the Wi-Fi goes out.

Stupid machine keeps buffering...
and then I punched it!

And that doesn't help.

Why didn't you call a play from last year?

I don't remember 'em.
That's what these things are for.

And when they froze, I froze,
and we got four delay of games.

Four? Wow.

Bingo Bango!

No. We lost. No Bingo, no Bango.

- Whoo! Hey, guys.
- Hey, here you go. I'm done with these.

You can give them to your nerds.

Did you hear that, Paula?
He called my students nerds.

Barely offensive.

You know, he's actually come a long way.

Oh, before you give them to your nerds,
one of those might have

a photo library you should really delete.

Yeah, I take that back.

So, uh...

uh, Jackie, you are just the person
I need to talk to.

You heard him!

Gabe wants to talk to Jackie!

Let's go, single file!

Don't make me pull the fire alarm!

Whoa... alone again.

Yeah.

Hey, Jackster.

If I say, "hey" back,
are you gonna run away?

No. Uh, look, I need to talk to you.

Coworker to coworker.

Boring, but go ahead.

I did exactly what you said,
and it didn't work.

The students who had technology
did better on the quiz.

I said they would do better,
I didn't say anything about a quiz.

A grade is only one small measure
of well-being.

Damn.

You got me on a "tech" -nicality.

Did the kids seem happier?

Uh, you mean when they were yelling,
"Mr. Iglesias is a liar!"

I didn't ask.

Gabe, let me show you something.

Look what happens when I open my laptop.

I literally put a barrier up between us.

Jackie, where are you?

I can't see you.

Now, watch what happens
when I open an old-fashioned notebook.

Oh, that opened right up.

And when you open a notebook,

you're opening yourself
to the person in front of you.

Now you can connect, communicate,
ask someone out on a date.

Wow.
That opened right up.

You know what?
I'm gonna make this easy for you.

Let's go on a date.

Friday. Choose a spot you love.
And pick me up at 7:00.

A.m. or p.m?

I'm not picky.

Just don't take me to ampm.

Look, uh, Jackie, Jackie,

I do want to go out on a date with you,
it's just, ugh...

Doesn't it worry you that we're coworkers?

That'll give us something to talk about
on our date.

Great, okay.
I'll pick you up, uh, Friday at 7:00...

p.m.

Look, don't worry.
I'm good at keeping a secret.

This will just be our thing.

They did it! It's happening!

Oh, my God.

Bingo! Bango!

Emphasis on the bango!

Oh, man, I... I love secrets.

So fun.

If you say, "Hi,"

I am going to slam this locker on my hand.

Don't do that.

You're right. Give me your hand.

Marisol, after you kissed me,
I got all confused.

It's just that I like you,
and I'm scared of being rejected.

Like when you put a quarter
in the vending machine,

it spits it out at the bottom.

So you're saying I'm a vending machine?

Good start.

Look, all this "no technology" stuff

made me realize
that I need to talk to you face-to-face.

No matter what happens.

Marisol... will you go to the movies
with me this weekend?

I'm sorry, I'm busy.

I'm just kidding.

I would love to.

See, that wasn't so bad, was it?

That was the worst two seconds of my life.

Still want my hand?

What?

Baby boy's all grown up.

Now we get to sit
next to each other again. Oh, come here.

All right, everybody, take your seats.
I got some good news.

Oh, so do I.

In the spirit of being human
and sharing in real life,

Marisol and I are going on a date.

Yes!

All right.

We don't have to share everything
with everyone.

Well, that is gonna be
really hard to follow.

All right, drumroll, please.

I got the rest of you tablets!

Cut the drums.

Actually, I'm good.
I rocked a B-minus on that quiz.

That sucker went up on my fridge.

Yeah, and I feel more chilled
than I have ever been!

Ha ha! Whoo!

And the best thing in my life,

it didn't happen until you made us
give up technology.

Aw!

Yeah, keep your tablet.
I don't need anything but my girl.

Okay, stop.

So, what you're saying is,
you're happier without technology?

Happy. Unhappy.

I got 100 on the quiz,
that's all that matters.

You know what's better than technology?

Tater tots.

Yes!

Yes, tater tots are so much better
than technology.

I am not a tater hater.

So, are you guys enjoying
your digital cleanse so much

you'd be willing
to give me back your cell phones?

Oh, we would,
but we're on a school-wide text chain

about you and the new guidance counselor,
Jackie Ontiveros.

What?

Jackie O no, he didn't!

Looks like we both have big weekend plans.

Make smart choices, both of you.

Oh! Group chat says it's on you
to pick a place for Friday night.

What are you thinking?

I'm thinking technology sucks.

Hmm. All right,
who added me to this text chain?