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1
00:00:03,004 --> 00:00:04,309
Oh! So glad to see you.
2
00:00:04,483 --> 00:00:05,939
We've been out of TP
the last few days.
3
00:00:05,963 --> 00:00:07,704
People been using
the kid's menu to wipe.
4
00:00:07,878 --> 00:00:09,488
[chuckles]
And by people, I mean me.
5
00:00:09,662 --> 00:00:11,490
[groans]
6
00:00:11,664 --> 00:00:13,144
What's all this?
7
00:00:13,318 --> 00:00:14,885
Oh, I've had
my personal deliveries
8
00:00:15,059 --> 00:00:16,843
rerouted to work temporarily
9
00:00:17,018 --> 00:00:18,976
'cause some
nasty ole porch pirates
10
00:00:19,150 --> 00:00:21,022
have sailed
into my neighborhood.
11
00:00:21,196 --> 00:00:23,198
So silly. I don't even remember
12
00:00:23,372 --> 00:00:26,027
what I ordered, y'all.
You know how that is.
13
00:00:26,201 --> 00:00:27,724
Oh, sure.
[chuckles]
14
00:00:27,898 --> 00:00:29,528
Buying whatever you want
without thinking about the cost?
15
00:00:29,552 --> 00:00:31,380
[chuckles]:
Totally. That's my whole deal.
16
00:00:31,554 --> 00:00:33,469
- This bitch.
- LOUISE: Oh,
17
00:00:33,643 --> 00:00:35,297
look at this
little dealy-bobber, y'all.
18
00:00:35,471 --> 00:00:37,734
I totally forgot
I even got this.
19
00:00:37,908 --> 00:00:40,345
Oh, that's one of those
super expensive LED face masks
20
00:00:40,519 --> 00:00:42,739
that sets your face's clock back
five years.
21
00:00:42,913 --> 00:00:44,456
You ordered
something I would die to own
22
00:00:44,480 --> 00:00:45,829
and then forgot about it.
23
00:00:46,003 --> 00:00:49,093
- [laughs]: Literally forgot.
- This bitch.
24
00:00:49,267 --> 00:00:52,444
Y'all, online shopping
is my nightly ritual.
25
00:00:52,618 --> 00:00:54,925
It's not even about the stuff.
It's about the clicking
26
00:00:55,099 --> 00:00:57,319
and knowing something fun
is on the way.
27
00:00:57,493 --> 00:01:01,062
[laughs, gasps]
An Everlasting Rose.
28
00:01:01,236 --> 00:01:02,063
[grunts]
29
00:01:02,237 --> 00:01:03,890
This bitch.
30
00:01:04,065 --> 00:01:05,936
I must've bought this
when I closed my eyes
31
00:01:06,110 --> 00:01:07,764
and I just played that game
where I go
32
00:01:07,938 --> 00:01:10,897
"bee, boo, bee, boo, bop"
on the keyboard.
33
00:01:11,072 --> 00:01:14,553
The Summer Delight Frozé Machine
by Hoda Kotb that turns rosé
34
00:01:14,727 --> 00:01:16,990
into a delicious
alcohol Slusherito.
35
00:01:17,165 --> 00:01:19,341
[laughs, squeals]
36
00:01:19,515 --> 00:01:21,691
This $500 angel's
gonna help me fuel
37
00:01:21,865 --> 00:01:23,345
tonight's spree.
38
00:01:23,519 --> 00:01:25,434
I am so bad.
39
00:01:25,608 --> 00:01:27,088
Okay, well,
I'll see y'all later.
40
00:01:27,262 --> 00:01:29,002
Good luck
with your tips tonight.
41
00:01:29,177 --> 00:01:30,526
Doo, doo-doo-doo.
42
00:01:30,700 --> 00:01:33,442
I see some pretty great tips
right here.
43
00:01:33,616 --> 00:01:37,010
[whoops] We are gonna party
with this luxury item tonight.
44
00:01:37,185 --> 00:01:39,012
[whoops]
Yeah, we are.
45
00:01:39,187 --> 00:01:40,187
Huh?
46
00:01:40,231 --> 00:01:41,885
Oh, come on.
47
00:01:42,059 --> 00:01:44,061
♪
48
00:02:13,090 --> 00:02:14,613
[engine starts]
49
00:02:15,745 --> 00:02:16,746
[heavenly music plays]
50
00:02:16,920 --> 00:02:18,487
- Hey!
- Oh. Hey.
51
00:02:18,661 --> 00:02:20,924
Jesus, you know
how there's really cool stuff
52
00:02:21,098 --> 00:02:22,926
we all want,
the nonessential stuff
53
00:02:23,100 --> 00:02:24,260
that makes life worth living?
54
00:02:24,406 --> 00:02:25,929
[laughs]:
Yeah, totally.
55
00:02:26,103 --> 00:02:27,983
I have always wanted
a SodaStream, for instance.
56
00:02:28,105 --> 00:02:29,889
So we're on the same page. Good.
57
00:02:30,063 --> 00:02:32,383
Everyone deserves a windfall,
and that's where you come in.
58
00:02:32,544 --> 00:02:34,894
Okay, that's my cue.
I may hang out on the wall,
59
00:02:35,068 --> 00:02:36,592
but I am not an ATM.
60
00:02:36,766 --> 00:02:39,290
N-N-N-No, I'm not asking
for cash. [laughs]
61
00:02:39,464 --> 00:02:42,293
No, just a nudge in the,
in the direction of cash.
62
00:02:42,467 --> 00:02:44,208
You know, a little hint,
a little wink,
63
00:02:44,382 --> 00:02:46,582
- a little sign,
a little somethin' somethin'.
- Jenny...
64
00:02:46,689 --> 00:02:48,125
you know I cannot do that.
65
00:02:48,299 --> 00:02:49,755
No, no, no, don't you
get back on that wall.
66
00:02:49,779 --> 00:02:51,099
- [heavenly music plays]
- [clang]
67
00:02:51,215 --> 00:02:53,652
- Hey, is that the Rapture?
- Where?
68
00:02:54,784 --> 00:02:56,133
[grumbles]
69
00:02:59,180 --> 00:03:00,703
- [entry bell chimes]
- [sniffs deeply]
70
00:03:00,877 --> 00:03:03,793
Ah, sweet, sweet sawdust.
That's the smell of
71
00:03:03,967 --> 00:03:06,143
something's about to get built.
[chuckles]
72
00:03:06,317 --> 00:03:08,928
[inhales, exhales]
73
00:03:09,102 --> 00:03:11,540
Oh, thank God, Wayne.
74
00:03:11,714 --> 00:03:13,300
I was just wondering
if you could help me,
75
00:03:13,324 --> 00:03:15,544
'cause I can never find
an employee in this place.
76
00:03:15,718 --> 00:03:17,154
I'm trying to build a porch ramp
77
00:03:17,328 --> 00:03:19,025
for my mother's wheelchair.
78
00:03:19,200 --> 00:03:20,600
I can't tell you
how many times I've
79
00:03:20,679 --> 00:03:23,116
dumped her down those stairs
by accident.
80
00:03:23,291 --> 00:03:24,944
Well, we cannot have that.
81
00:03:25,118 --> 00:03:27,184
[chuckles]: You're gonna want
to head over to aisle 44
82
00:03:27,208 --> 00:03:29,166
for lumber,
then aisle 16 for concrete,
83
00:03:29,340 --> 00:03:30,820
then aisle 28 for your joists.
84
00:03:30,994 --> 00:03:32,430
Take a right at commodes.
85
00:03:32,604 --> 00:03:34,650
Oh, Wayne, hey, where's
the industrial strength
86
00:03:34,824 --> 00:03:36,347
anchor screws and plaster?
87
00:03:36,521 --> 00:03:38,456
Dawn's boyfriend broke up
with her before her shift,
88
00:03:38,480 --> 00:03:39,916
and she was dancing mad.
89
00:03:40,090 --> 00:03:41,690
Ripped the pole
right out of the ceiling.
90
00:03:41,831 --> 00:03:44,877
- Oh, shoot, plaster's aisle 60.
- MAN: You there!
91
00:03:45,051 --> 00:03:47,706
- No way...
- Who are you?!
92
00:03:47,880 --> 00:03:51,319
- Is that...?
- Oh, wow, looks like
Old Man Bigsby himself.
93
00:03:51,493 --> 00:03:53,234
I thought he died.
94
00:03:53,408 --> 00:03:58,064
The rumors of my death have been
greatly exaggerated. [coughs]
95
00:03:58,239 --> 00:03:59,501
[oxygen hissing]
96
00:03:59,675 --> 00:04:02,852
John Bigsby.
The John Bigsby.
97
00:04:03,026 --> 00:04:05,289
Wow. I grew up in your
hardware store, sir.
98
00:04:05,463 --> 00:04:07,552
This is where I learned
how to build stuff.
99
00:04:07,726 --> 00:04:10,207
And your commercials.
Oh...
100
00:04:10,381 --> 00:04:12,383
♪ There's no job
too big or small ♪
101
00:04:12,557 --> 00:04:14,211
♪ At Bigsby's
102
00:04:14,385 --> 00:04:17,040
Doorknobs, washer-dryers,
boxes and brackets.
103
00:04:17,214 --> 00:04:19,303
American flags.
Mowers.
104
00:04:19,477 --> 00:04:21,914
And this week only,
it's Dimmer Mania!
105
00:04:22,088 --> 00:04:24,613
ANNOUNCER:
Dimmer Mania!
106
00:04:24,787 --> 00:04:26,571
-♪ At Bigsby's
-That's me.
107
00:04:26,745 --> 00:04:28,051
That's right, Two-By-Four.
108
00:04:28,225 --> 00:04:31,533
Bigsby's prices are
out of this world.
109
00:04:33,056 --> 00:04:35,058
Houston, we have a solution.
110
00:04:35,232 --> 00:04:36,886
♪ There's no job
too big or small ♪
111
00:04:37,060 --> 00:04:39,367
♪ At Bigsby's
112
00:04:39,541 --> 00:04:40,890
♪ That's right.
113
00:04:41,064 --> 00:04:44,067
I love your whole vibe, Dad,
sir, Mr. Bigsby.
114
00:04:44,241 --> 00:04:46,112
Watching you talk to
my customers right now,
115
00:04:46,287 --> 00:04:49,072
well, you're more knowledgeable
than most of my paid employees.
116
00:04:49,246 --> 00:04:50,682
Thank you, sir.
117
00:04:50,856 --> 00:04:52,554
How'd you like to
come work here full-time?
118
00:04:52,728 --> 00:04:54,599
Work here,
119
00:04:54,773 --> 00:04:56,613
at the church where I grew up,
filling the hole
120
00:04:56,732 --> 00:04:58,081
left by my absent father,
121
00:04:58,255 --> 00:04:59,996
where I would come
to escape it all?
122
00:05:00,170 --> 00:05:02,409
Just walking down the aisles,
dreaming of building my way
123
00:05:02,433 --> 00:05:04,000
out of my difficult home life...
124
00:05:04,174 --> 00:05:06,742
Well, I don't have time
for your whole backstory, son.
125
00:05:06,916 --> 00:05:08,831
Grab an apron.
126
00:05:09,005 --> 00:05:10,615
This is a true honor, Dad.
127
00:05:10,789 --> 00:05:12,487
Sir. Bigsby Dad.
128
00:05:12,661 --> 00:05:15,403
You work on Christmas
or you're fired!
129
00:05:17,840 --> 00:05:19,320
Oh, we're taking this guy down.
130
00:05:19,494 --> 00:05:21,626
Agreed, homes.
131
00:05:26,109 --> 00:05:28,633
With just one scratch,
I could win a million dollars.
132
00:05:28,807 --> 00:05:30,853
That's why I would die
for this country.
133
00:05:31,027 --> 00:05:32,942
If you keep wasting money
on scratchers,
134
00:05:33,116 --> 00:05:34,944
we'll never get to waste it
on anything fun.
135
00:05:35,118 --> 00:05:36,772
Don't you besmirch
my occupation,
136
00:05:36,946 --> 00:05:38,948
you communist USA hater.
137
00:05:41,342 --> 00:05:43,431
Stupid scratchers.
138
00:05:44,867 --> 00:05:47,130
Why can't I have nice things?
139
00:05:47,304 --> 00:05:48,784
Oh, wait, wait,
wait, wait. What?
140
00:05:55,007 --> 00:05:56,748
Is this the sign
that I asked for?
141
00:05:56,922 --> 00:05:59,242
Seriously, Jesus, I've never
bought a scratcher in my life.
142
00:05:59,403 --> 00:06:02,014
[over stereo]:
♪ I saw the sign...
143
00:06:02,188 --> 00:06:04,626
Okay, that's a little crazy.
Oh, but you know what,
144
00:06:04,800 --> 00:06:06,671
I don't have any cash
on me, so...
145
00:06:06,845 --> 00:06:08,673
Whoa.
146
00:06:08,847 --> 00:06:11,328
Holy crud balls.
147
00:06:12,373 --> 00:06:14,070
Oh, I can't believe
I am doing this.
148
00:06:14,244 --> 00:06:16,028
Hi. Um, I would like to buy
one of those
149
00:06:16,202 --> 00:06:17,813
biblical-themed scratch-offs.
150
00:06:17,987 --> 00:06:19,989
[gasps]
My baby's first scratcher.
151
00:06:20,163 --> 00:06:22,818
Today's the day
I can finally accept you
152
00:06:22,992 --> 00:06:25,124
as my daughter.
153
00:06:25,298 --> 00:06:26,735
Jenny, wait.
154
00:06:26,909 --> 00:06:28,650
Now, don't scratch it
just yet, savor it.
155
00:06:28,824 --> 00:06:30,391
What you're experiencing
right now
156
00:06:30,565 --> 00:06:31,914
is called the "gambler's rush."
157
00:06:32,088 --> 00:06:34,133
It's the best feeling
in the world.
158
00:06:34,307 --> 00:06:37,354
And it has no downsides.
159
00:06:40,009 --> 00:06:41,314
Okay, now.
160
00:06:41,489 --> 00:06:44,187
♪
161
00:06:45,928 --> 00:06:47,495
[gasping]
162
00:06:50,715 --> 00:06:53,065
Mother... I won!
163
00:06:53,239 --> 00:06:54,719
We won. I'm feeling faint.
164
00:06:54,893 --> 00:06:56,068
[groans]
165
00:06:56,242 --> 00:06:57,548
Thank you, Jesus.
166
00:06:57,722 --> 00:06:59,724
High kick!
167
00:07:02,205 --> 00:07:04,076
- [laughter]
- Whoa.
168
00:07:04,250 --> 00:07:06,905
Are y'all drinking wine
from a bottle? What happened?
169
00:07:07,079 --> 00:07:08,690
Did y'all win the lottery
or something?
170
00:07:08,864 --> 00:07:10,518
Well, Wayne,
as a matter of fact,
171
00:07:10,692 --> 00:07:11,997
- We...
- I...
172
00:07:12,171 --> 00:07:14,100
...won $2,000.
173
00:07:15,174 --> 00:07:17,438
No way.
174
00:07:17,612 --> 00:07:19,352
Oh, my God. Jenny!
175
00:07:19,527 --> 00:07:23,052
[cheering and laughing]
176
00:07:23,226 --> 00:07:25,097
Hey, are you wearing
a Bigsby's apron?
177
00:07:25,271 --> 00:07:26,359
I got a job today.
178
00:07:26,534 --> 00:07:27,970
[gasps]
At Bigsby's?
179
00:07:28,144 --> 00:07:29,774
Well, that is your
favorite place on Earth.
180
00:07:29,798 --> 00:07:32,409
Oh, Wayne, congratulations.
181
00:07:32,583 --> 00:07:35,543
Look at us.
We are in the money, y'all.
182
00:07:39,416 --> 00:07:41,723
♪
183
00:07:46,379 --> 00:07:48,077
Damn.
184
00:07:50,775 --> 00:07:51,907
[groans]
185
00:07:52,081 --> 00:07:53,125
[gasping]
186
00:07:54,953 --> 00:07:56,912
[cheering]
187
00:07:58,391 --> 00:08:00,829
♪
188
00:08:01,003 --> 00:08:02,265
[gasps]
189
00:08:05,224 --> 00:08:06,051
[woman cackles]
190
00:08:06,225 --> 00:08:07,749
[others exclaim]
191
00:08:09,141 --> 00:08:10,969
Could one of you push me
that stray cart?
192
00:08:12,754 --> 00:08:14,233
[car alarm blaring]
193
00:08:14,407 --> 00:08:15,931
What the hell?
194
00:08:17,933 --> 00:08:19,978
[laughing, squealing]
195
00:08:22,938 --> 00:08:25,027
Aw, look at that, the family
196
00:08:25,201 --> 00:08:26,481
financial planners hard at work.
197
00:08:26,637 --> 00:08:27,420
BOTH:
Hmm?
198
00:08:27,595 --> 00:08:29,031
I am begging you guys,
199
00:08:29,205 --> 00:08:31,120
go straight to the bank
with this money.
200
00:08:31,294 --> 00:08:33,731
Do not pass mall,
do not spend $200.
201
00:08:33,905 --> 00:08:36,691
We have to break the cycle
of barely scraping by.
202
00:08:36,865 --> 00:08:39,520
Ugh, all right,
I'll go to the stupid
203
00:08:39,694 --> 00:08:43,741
butt-nerd Ebenezer
Snoozeville-no-fun money jail.
204
00:08:43,915 --> 00:08:46,527
- You mean the bank?
- Yes. That's what I said,
Violet.
205
00:08:46,701 --> 00:08:48,311
Let's work on our listening.
206
00:08:48,485 --> 00:08:49,791
- [spray hisses]
- Ah!
207
00:08:49,965 --> 00:08:51,619
Dude, you blinked.
Crotch swat!
208
00:08:51,793 --> 00:08:53,751
I swear to God, dude... Ow!
209
00:08:53,925 --> 00:08:56,145
- Aah, aah...
- NORMA: Is this line open?
210
00:08:56,319 --> 00:08:58,887
Do y'all even work here?
211
00:08:59,061 --> 00:09:01,019
Norma, I'm open over here.
212
00:09:01,193 --> 00:09:03,979
They are a couple of clowns.
213
00:09:04,153 --> 00:09:06,721
And I want to feed those clowns
to the lions.
214
00:09:06,895 --> 00:09:10,159
Okay, you know what,
let me help you with that.
215
00:09:10,333 --> 00:09:12,161
Nice customer service, Wayne.
216
00:09:12,335 --> 00:09:14,555
See that, you lazy
pile of turds?
217
00:09:14,729 --> 00:09:16,165
Wayne here has fire.
218
00:09:16,339 --> 00:09:18,428
He's a real Bigsby's man.
219
00:09:18,602 --> 00:09:20,996
It just makes me so angry
thinking about you
220
00:09:21,170 --> 00:09:23,825
good-for-noth--
[groaning, coughing]
221
00:09:26,871 --> 00:09:29,918
Hey, Bigsby's butt boy,
why you working so hard?
222
00:09:30,092 --> 00:09:32,355
Looks like you might need
to take a snack break.
223
00:09:32,529 --> 00:09:34,531
- [blower whirring]
- What?
224
00:09:34,705 --> 00:09:38,709
Okay, the "haze the new guy"
routine is getting a little old.
225
00:09:38,883 --> 00:09:41,494
Yeah, open your mouth
and just let it happen, Wayne.
226
00:09:41,669 --> 00:09:44,323
[laughing, choking]
227
00:09:44,497 --> 00:09:45,673
[coughs]
228
00:09:45,847 --> 00:09:48,371
[laughs]
We got you, bro.
229
00:09:50,634 --> 00:09:52,593
Lord, I wish we could
buy ourselves
230
00:09:52,767 --> 00:09:54,116
just a little something.
231
00:09:54,290 --> 00:09:56,031
I know, Mother.
Me, too, but Vi's right.
232
00:09:56,205 --> 00:09:58,033
We gotta be responsible.
[gasps]
233
00:09:58,207 --> 00:09:59,382
- Mother...
- Pulling in.
234
00:09:59,556 --> 00:10:02,254
- ♪
- Oh, my God...
235
00:10:02,428 --> 00:10:05,214
I've never seen one in person.
236
00:10:05,388 --> 00:10:07,259
It's the height of luxury.
237
00:10:07,433 --> 00:10:08,826
Pure class.
238
00:10:10,219 --> 00:10:12,961
I've only seen shoe chairs
in magazines.
239
00:10:13,135 --> 00:10:14,789
Saw Kirstie Alley
sitting on one once,
240
00:10:14,963 --> 00:10:18,096
smoking a cigar,
looking like a boss.
241
00:10:18,270 --> 00:10:20,751
♪
242
00:10:25,321 --> 00:10:27,715
Okay, well, it's fun to dream.
[chuckles]
243
00:10:27,889 --> 00:10:29,325
Let's get to the bank.
244
00:10:29,499 --> 00:10:32,154
- We had to, right?
- No choice.
245
00:10:32,328 --> 00:10:34,088
Now get your flat butt out
of that gorgeous shoe chair.
246
00:10:34,112 --> 00:10:35,592
It's my turn.
247
00:10:39,509 --> 00:10:40,878
All right, get up.
Violet's coming home soon,
248
00:10:40,902 --> 00:10:42,077
and this beauty needs to be
249
00:10:42,251 --> 00:10:43,644
in my bedroom,
where she belongs.
250
00:10:43,818 --> 00:10:45,404
- It's from my winnings!
- I gave you the idea!
251
00:10:45,428 --> 00:10:47,778
Oh. My disc is bulging.
252
00:10:47,952 --> 00:10:49,475
It needs the firm,
luxurious support
253
00:10:49,650 --> 00:10:50,888
- of that shoe chair.
- [grunts]
254
00:10:50,912 --> 00:10:52,174
Stop faking, Mother.
255
00:10:52,348 --> 00:10:53,630
No. Not till you
give me that chair.
256
00:10:53,654 --> 00:10:55,090
All right,
how about you luxuriate
257
00:10:55,264 --> 00:10:56,787
in the chair
Monday through Wednesday,
258
00:10:56,961 --> 00:10:59,001
and I'll bask in its majestic
wonder the other days.
259
00:10:59,094 --> 00:11:01,052
No way!
That gives you the weekends.
260
00:11:01,226 --> 00:11:03,141
Ah. Well, why don't we just
swap every other day
261
00:11:03,315 --> 00:11:04,771
- until somebody dies?
- Oh, you're just counting
the seconds
262
00:11:04,795 --> 00:11:06,077
to my death
so you can have that chair.
263
00:11:06,101 --> 00:11:07,501
I'm gonna have
to get a food taster.
264
00:11:07,668 --> 00:11:10,627
[shrieking]
265
00:11:12,498 --> 00:11:14,979
I am guessing
you didn't get that giant shoe
266
00:11:15,153 --> 00:11:16,633
for opening up a bank account.
267
00:11:16,807 --> 00:11:19,810
Ruh-roh. The other
shoe chair has dropped.
268
00:11:23,118 --> 00:11:24,118
[engine running]
269
00:11:24,162 --> 00:11:25,947
♪
270
00:11:27,600 --> 00:11:29,428
Guys, come on.
271
00:11:29,602 --> 00:11:31,343
Just let me do my job.
272
00:11:31,517 --> 00:11:33,117
Look, you need to know
something, friend.
273
00:11:33,171 --> 00:11:34,825
You're getting in the way
of our plan,
274
00:11:34,999 --> 00:11:37,523
which is come to work
and not work. Or else!
275
00:11:39,787 --> 00:11:41,310
You're gonna kill me?
276
00:11:42,877 --> 00:11:44,139
Wait, are we gonna kill him?
277
00:11:44,313 --> 00:11:45,140
Probably not.
278
00:11:45,314 --> 00:11:47,055
Put it to a vote later.
279
00:11:47,229 --> 00:11:49,549
Meanwhile, we don't need you
around here doing a "good job"
280
00:11:49,710 --> 00:11:51,750
'cause then Bigsby's gonna want
that from all of us.
281
00:11:51,886 --> 00:11:53,626
And that is no bueno.
282
00:11:53,801 --> 00:11:56,760
We were never here.
283
00:11:56,934 --> 00:11:59,154
We're supposed to do
our cool exit right now.
284
00:11:59,328 --> 00:12:00,808
- Go, go, go.
- Copy.
285
00:12:01,983 --> 00:12:04,072
[grunts]
286
00:12:04,246 --> 00:12:05,900
♪
287
00:12:06,074 --> 00:12:07,597
She's done with us.
288
00:12:07,771 --> 00:12:10,469
Well, it's the same way
Whoopi looks at Megan McCrain--
289
00:12:10,643 --> 00:12:11,819
pure rage.
290
00:12:11,993 --> 00:12:13,168
VIOLET:
Guys, shut up.
291
00:12:15,648 --> 00:12:17,346
I love it.
292
00:12:17,520 --> 00:12:20,044
But you said you didn't want us
buying anything frivolous.
293
00:12:20,218 --> 00:12:21,524
Yeah, frivolous.
294
00:12:21,698 --> 00:12:24,353
But this shoe chair is
magnificent.
295
00:12:24,527 --> 00:12:26,398
I didn't know I needed it
until I saw it.
296
00:12:26,572 --> 00:12:28,574
It is the most beautiful...
297
00:12:28,749 --> 00:12:31,055
dumb-butt,
glittering monstrosity
298
00:12:31,229 --> 00:12:32,578
I've ever seen.
299
00:12:32,753 --> 00:12:34,755
- I love you, baby!
- It's always that way
300
00:12:34,929 --> 00:12:36,341
- with shoe chairs.
- This shoe chair is a dream.
- Shoe chairs heal.
301
00:12:36,365 --> 00:12:37,888
Well, I just hope
you ladies are ready
302
00:12:38,062 --> 00:12:40,412
for the life overhaul
this chair demands.
303
00:12:40,586 --> 00:12:41,892
What do you mean?
304
00:12:42,066 --> 00:12:44,025
We can't sit around
looking like this
305
00:12:44,199 --> 00:12:46,244
now that we have a shoe chair.
306
00:12:46,418 --> 00:12:48,594
We need to up
the wow factor in our lifestyle.
307
00:12:48,769 --> 00:12:50,901
Hashtag agree, backslash MeToo.
308
00:12:51,075 --> 00:12:52,816
No, Mother.
309
00:12:52,990 --> 00:12:55,099
I know it's gonna be painful,
but we gotta be responsible
310
00:12:55,123 --> 00:12:57,057
and take whatever money's left
and put it in the b...
311
00:12:57,081 --> 00:12:59,562
♪ Wild women do
312
00:12:59,736 --> 00:13:02,739
♪ And they don't regret it
313
00:13:04,393 --> 00:13:05,176
♪ Whoo!
314
00:13:05,350 --> 00:13:07,396
♪
315
00:13:08,701 --> 00:13:10,225
♪ Here I come, baby...
316
00:13:12,705 --> 00:13:13,924
We look great.
317
00:13:14,098 --> 00:13:16,405
[sighs] That felt great.
What a rush.
318
00:13:16,579 --> 00:13:18,842
But this is it.
The end of the line, okay?
319
00:13:19,016 --> 00:13:21,453
The shoe chair
and the outfits and we're fin...
320
00:13:21,627 --> 00:13:23,716
♪ Wild women do
321
00:13:23,891 --> 00:13:27,416
♪ And they don't regret it
322
00:13:28,591 --> 00:13:31,768
♪ Wild women show
323
00:13:31,942 --> 00:13:34,249
♪ What they're
going through... ♪
324
00:13:34,423 --> 00:13:36,251
Now we're talking.
325
00:13:36,425 --> 00:13:38,253
That shoe chair
is really in its element.
326
00:13:38,427 --> 00:13:40,559
Hmm. I know, but...
327
00:13:40,733 --> 00:13:42,083
What?
328
00:13:42,257 --> 00:13:43,887
Eh, we were happy
for a second, but now...
329
00:13:43,911 --> 00:13:45,608
[slurping]
330
00:13:45,782 --> 00:13:47,262
...we're just not feeling it.
331
00:13:47,436 --> 00:13:49,133
Yeah,
something's killing my buzz.
332
00:13:49,307 --> 00:13:50,589
Y'all, I know what
you're feeling right now
333
00:13:50,613 --> 00:13:51,677
'cause I'm feeling it, too.
334
00:13:51,701 --> 00:13:52,701
But we are out of money.
335
00:13:52,833 --> 00:13:54,138
If we got anything else,
336
00:13:54,312 --> 00:13:55,463
we'd have to put it
on a credit ca...
337
00:13:55,487 --> 00:13:57,663
♪ Wild women do
338
00:13:57,838 --> 00:14:00,144
♪ What you think
they'll never... ♪
339
00:14:01,754 --> 00:14:03,800
[electricity buzzing]
340
00:14:10,676 --> 00:14:12,461
♪ Wild women do
341
00:14:12,635 --> 00:14:13,766
♪ What you think...
342
00:14:13,941 --> 00:14:15,464
[engine idling]
343
00:14:17,205 --> 00:14:19,468
Oh, man, those dipwads just left
344
00:14:19,642 --> 00:14:21,774
a running forklift
in the middle of an aisle?
345
00:14:21,949 --> 00:14:23,037
What the-- Whoa, whoa,
346
00:14:23,211 --> 00:14:24,299
whoa, whoa, whoa!
347
00:14:24,473 --> 00:14:25,473
I can't brake!
348
00:14:25,604 --> 00:14:26,779
What's wrong with this thing?
349
00:14:26,954 --> 00:14:29,347
Oh, Lord!
Oh, what is all that?
350
00:14:29,521 --> 00:14:31,001
[shouts]
351
00:14:31,175 --> 00:14:33,003
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
352
00:14:35,092 --> 00:14:37,529
Aw, Mr. Bigsby,
look what Wayne did.
353
00:14:37,703 --> 00:14:39,401
No, Mr. Bigsby,
I swear, they did this.
354
00:14:39,575 --> 00:14:41,620
They sabotaged
this poor forklift.
355
00:14:41,794 --> 00:14:42,970
It wasn't me, I-I swear.
356
00:14:43,144 --> 00:14:44,797
- Slander!
- I'm yelling!
357
00:14:44,972 --> 00:14:46,495
Oh, you disappoint me, Wayne.
358
00:14:46,669 --> 00:14:48,018
No, no, no!
Don't say disappoint.
359
00:14:48,192 --> 00:14:50,673
Say a different word.
Uh, happy-point?
360
00:14:50,847 --> 00:14:53,806
It doesn't have to be that.
Just say, "I love you, son."
361
00:14:53,981 --> 00:14:55,983
I only have one son,
362
00:14:56,157 --> 00:14:58,811
and unfortunately, that's Peter.
363
00:14:58,986 --> 00:15:00,901
What? Really?
364
00:15:01,075 --> 00:15:02,903
Anyway,
the other unfortunate fact
365
00:15:03,077 --> 00:15:06,689
is that forklift accidents
are a fireable offense.
366
00:15:06,863 --> 00:15:08,343
You heard him, Wayne-O.
367
00:15:08,517 --> 00:15:10,867
Take your hardworking ass
on out of here.
368
00:15:11,041 --> 00:15:14,871
♪ There's no job too big
or small ♪
369
00:15:15,045 --> 00:15:17,352
♪ At Bigsby's.
370
00:15:17,526 --> 00:15:19,397
You know what?
Screw this place.
371
00:15:19,571 --> 00:15:21,182
I'm never coming back!
372
00:15:25,926 --> 00:15:27,188
[phone alarm chirping]
373
00:15:27,362 --> 00:15:28,363
It's the "get up" alarm.
374
00:15:28,537 --> 00:15:30,147
It's my turn.
375
00:15:30,321 --> 00:15:32,410
My turn in this chair is over
when I say it's over.
376
00:15:32,584 --> 00:15:34,238
- Actually, it's our turn.
- DAVID: Yeah.
377
00:15:34,412 --> 00:15:35,563
We've been at school all day.
378
00:15:35,587 --> 00:15:37,111
That's on you.
379
00:15:37,285 --> 00:15:38,851
[yelling, grunting]
380
00:15:39,026 --> 00:15:41,158
Don't you smudge my turq-waz.
I will stab you all!
381
00:15:41,332 --> 00:15:43,117
- Ow!
- Unhand my caftan,
you elderly banshee!
382
00:15:43,291 --> 00:15:45,380
Get off my chair now!
383
00:15:45,554 --> 00:15:46,914
Or I'm gonna roll you
into a ditch!
384
00:15:47,034 --> 00:15:49,079
BETTY:
Warrior cry!
385
00:15:49,253 --> 00:15:50,385
[shouting continues]
386
00:15:51,429 --> 00:15:53,692
Who am I?
387
00:15:53,866 --> 00:15:55,738
♪
388
00:15:55,912 --> 00:15:57,914
[distorted shouting]
389
00:16:01,004 --> 00:16:04,181
Stop! Stop!
Look at what's happening!
390
00:16:04,355 --> 00:16:06,575
This stuff is
turning us into monsters.
391
00:16:06,749 --> 00:16:08,925
Y'all, we are better than this.
392
00:16:10,405 --> 00:16:12,320
- Nice try, loser.
- [grunting]
393
00:16:12,494 --> 00:16:13,930
Y'all, I mean it.
394
00:16:14,104 --> 00:16:15,627
We went too far.
395
00:16:15,801 --> 00:16:17,521
- All this stuff
needs to go back.
- Hell no!
396
00:16:17,629 --> 00:16:19,980
You'll take this chair
from my cold dead butt.
397
00:16:20,154 --> 00:16:22,417
Make that two cold dead butts.
398
00:16:22,591 --> 00:16:25,463
Mother, I'm sorry,
but I'm doing this.
399
00:16:25,637 --> 00:16:27,248
Then I renounce you as my kin,
400
00:16:27,422 --> 00:16:29,293
and I hereby
legally adopt David.
401
00:16:29,467 --> 00:16:30,599
Squee!
402
00:16:37,084 --> 00:16:38,607
- [sighs]
- [door opens]
403
00:16:38,781 --> 00:16:40,870
Oh, Wayne, this day.
404
00:16:41,044 --> 00:16:44,265
Oh, Lord, did the lottery really
ruin our lives that quickly?
405
00:16:44,439 --> 00:16:46,267
Yes, Wayne, it did.
406
00:16:46,441 --> 00:16:47,984
Now please tell me
about your day at work.
407
00:16:48,008 --> 00:16:49,183
I need some good news.
408
00:16:49,357 --> 00:16:50,967
Well, how do I say this?
409
00:16:51,141 --> 00:16:53,361
I got framed
for forklift malfeasance,
410
00:16:53,535 --> 00:16:57,104
and now I... don't work
at Bigsby's anymore.
411
00:16:57,278 --> 00:16:58,975
Oh, Wayne...
412
00:16:59,149 --> 00:17:00,779
Also, do you know that they
charge an apron rental fee?
413
00:17:00,803 --> 00:17:02,283
I had to write a check
on my way out.
414
00:17:02,457 --> 00:17:05,112
Oh, no. I'm so sorry, Wayne.
415
00:17:05,286 --> 00:17:06,765
But could I ask you to help me
416
00:17:06,939 --> 00:17:08,699
- load the shoe chair
into your truck?
- What?
417
00:17:08,811 --> 00:17:11,857
Take it back? Aw, no, Jenny.
You love that chair.
418
00:17:12,032 --> 00:17:14,295
No, it's going back.
That shoe chair is a curse.
419
00:17:14,469 --> 00:17:16,819
It needs to be
in all our rearviews.
420
00:17:17,820 --> 00:17:18,821
[gasps]
421
00:17:18,995 --> 00:17:20,823
Oh, what? They took the chair?
422
00:17:20,997 --> 00:17:23,739
You three sneaky Judases.
423
00:17:23,913 --> 00:17:25,697
VIOLET:
Make that two sneaky Judases.
424
00:17:25,871 --> 00:17:28,787
Can someone come
in here and untie me?
425
00:17:28,961 --> 00:17:30,746
Oh, my Lord, Violet!
426
00:17:30,920 --> 00:17:32,680
Where in the hell did Bonnie
and Clyde take the shoe chair?
427
00:17:32,704 --> 00:17:35,403
All I heard was that they were
gonna cross state lines.
428
00:17:35,577 --> 00:17:40,016
When Mother crosses state lines,
she always stops at one place.
429
00:17:41,713 --> 00:17:43,367
You look amazing, Betty.
430
00:17:43,541 --> 00:17:46,153
What brings those hot buns
of yours to the Virginia border?
431
00:17:46,327 --> 00:17:48,590
I'm starting anew with my son
432
00:17:48,764 --> 00:17:51,506
and a life-changing
piece of furniture.
433
00:17:51,680 --> 00:17:54,248
Son? [laughs]
434
00:17:54,422 --> 00:17:55,771
- Is he mine?
- Mama Betty.
435
00:17:55,945 --> 00:17:57,425
Your old family. Now o'clock.
436
00:17:57,599 --> 00:17:59,340
Damn it! Get your little
heinie in the car.
437
00:17:59,514 --> 00:18:02,256
♪
438
00:18:02,430 --> 00:18:04,519
[tires screeching]
439
00:18:06,738 --> 00:18:09,524
Mother, if you don't pull over,
I will call the church
440
00:18:09,698 --> 00:18:10,898
and tell them your birth year!
441
00:18:11,047 --> 00:18:12,047
You don't know it!
442
00:18:12,179 --> 00:18:13,397
Well, I'll make one up,
443
00:18:13,571 --> 00:18:14,877
and I'll really lowball it.
444
00:18:16,183 --> 00:18:17,358
Look out!
445
00:18:19,708 --> 00:18:22,363
ALL:
No...!
446
00:18:24,539 --> 00:18:26,541
[sobbing]
447
00:18:29,109 --> 00:18:30,458
Like Anna Nicole Smith,
448
00:18:30,632 --> 00:18:33,809
you were just too beautiful
for this world.
449
00:18:33,983 --> 00:18:37,160
And the worst part is...
is now we can't even return it.
450
00:18:37,334 --> 00:18:39,815
Y'all, I think I can put this
mess back together, but...
451
00:18:39,989 --> 00:18:41,686
it's gonna take a pitstop
back at Bigsby's.
452
00:18:41,860 --> 00:18:44,733
Oh, Wayne, I don't want you
to have to go back in there.
453
00:18:44,907 --> 00:18:47,083
Don't worry about it, Jenny.
454
00:18:47,257 --> 00:18:48,737
I'm not gonna let those turds
455
00:18:48,911 --> 00:18:50,739
take my favorite place
away from me.
456
00:18:50,913 --> 00:18:52,219
Can I still be your son?
457
00:18:52,393 --> 00:18:54,221
Mm. Baby, that ship has sailed.
458
00:18:57,746 --> 00:19:00,401
Wayne! There he is.
Glad you're back.
459
00:19:00,575 --> 00:19:02,098
No, no, no. I'm not back.
460
00:19:02,272 --> 00:19:04,753
I'm just here to get stuff
to repair a chair.
461
00:19:04,927 --> 00:19:07,973
Wayne, I never realized
what sad shape this store was in
462
00:19:08,148 --> 00:19:09,932
until you came and went.
463
00:19:10,106 --> 00:19:12,978
This is the last day
of Bigsby's Hardware!
464
00:19:13,153 --> 00:19:14,937
- What?
- He's gonna blow it up.
465
00:19:15,111 --> 00:19:17,287
Yep. When I started
this company,
466
00:19:17,461 --> 00:19:19,421
I knew one day I would
either pass it on to my son
467
00:19:19,594 --> 00:19:21,030
or blow it up.
468
00:19:21,204 --> 00:19:22,945
And I'm not passing it
to this turd.
469
00:19:23,119 --> 00:19:25,426
So explosion it is.
470
00:19:25,600 --> 00:19:27,689
Mr. Bigsby, no.
I-It's an institution.
471
00:19:27,863 --> 00:19:30,170
You don't have any other family
you could leave it to?
472
00:19:30,344 --> 00:19:31,867
Well, yes.
473
00:19:32,041 --> 00:19:33,347
I do have a daughter, Amy,
474
00:19:33,521 --> 00:19:35,784
who is chief operations officer
of Home Depot.
475
00:19:35,958 --> 00:19:37,699
But sadly, she's a girl,
476
00:19:37,873 --> 00:19:40,073
so I'm afraid the only real
solution here is explosives.
477
00:19:40,136 --> 00:19:42,312
Dad, I bet
if you hired Wayne back,
478
00:19:42,486 --> 00:19:44,227
he could help me
make it wonderful again.
479
00:19:44,401 --> 00:19:46,447
Well, I suppose
that's up to Wayne.
480
00:19:46,621 --> 00:19:48,362
Whatcha gonna do, Wayne?
481
00:19:48,536 --> 00:19:52,148
I got an itchy finger and
a family history of Parkinson's.
482
00:19:52,322 --> 00:19:55,195
Well, I really think you should
consider the daughter thing,
483
00:19:55,369 --> 00:19:56,631
but yeah.
484
00:19:56,805 --> 00:19:58,546
I'd be honored to work here.
485
00:19:58,720 --> 00:19:59,808
[snoring]
486
00:19:59,982 --> 00:20:01,984
Aw, would you look at that...
487
00:20:04,552 --> 00:20:06,467
[distorted]:
No...
488
00:20:06,641 --> 00:20:08,643
Don't hit that button!
489
00:20:14,475 --> 00:20:15,998
I got it.
490
00:20:16,172 --> 00:20:19,480
Hang on. This is just
a garage door opener.
491
00:20:19,654 --> 00:20:21,090
Which one of you took him?
492
00:20:21,264 --> 00:20:23,658
- Never. Take. Him.
- Go!
493
00:20:27,923 --> 00:20:29,925
So you think
they're gonna take it back?
494
00:20:30,099 --> 00:20:32,338
If they don't, we'll claim
there's a death in the family.
495
00:20:32,362 --> 00:20:33,885
Then they have
to waive the cost.
496
00:20:34,059 --> 00:20:35,713
That only works with airlines.
497
00:20:35,887 --> 00:20:38,194
All right. Looks good enough.
Refund or exchange?
498
00:20:38,368 --> 00:20:40,022
Refund.
499
00:20:40,196 --> 00:20:43,199
Did you just say ex-shange?
500
00:20:43,373 --> 00:20:45,854
Do you, um, have the same
return policy for...
501
00:20:46,028 --> 00:20:48,509
this pirate ship chandelier
made of crystals?
502
00:20:48,683 --> 00:20:49,923
Yep. Three days with a receipt.
503
00:20:49,988 --> 00:20:51,338
What about...
504
00:20:51,512 --> 00:20:52,861
this jumbo art deco poster
505
00:20:53,035 --> 00:20:54,732
- of a martini glass?
- Yes.
506
00:20:54,906 --> 00:20:57,344
JENNY: And this monkey dressed
as a bartender side table?
507
00:20:57,518 --> 00:20:58,649
Again, everything.
508
00:20:58,823 --> 00:21:00,303
So you're saying
we can take turns
509
00:21:00,477 --> 00:21:02,305
owning every item
in this store for three days
510
00:21:02,479 --> 00:21:04,307
and eventually get
all our money back?
511
00:21:04,481 --> 00:21:06,483
Our official return policy
says you could.
512
00:21:06,657 --> 00:21:09,443
But basic human decency
says you shouldn't.
513
00:21:09,617 --> 00:21:11,532
♪ Wild women do...
514
00:21:11,706 --> 00:21:14,361
See you in 72 hours, my friend.
515
00:21:21,063 --> 00:21:23,065
- [meows]
- [horn honks musically]
36776
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