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Previously on "Young Sheldon"...
2
00:00:02,038 --> 00:00:03,126
Do you know
if he'll be doing
3
00:00:03,210 --> 00:00:05,008
the full color octet
calculations?
4
00:00:05,093 --> 00:00:06,203
- I do not.
- Do you know
5
00:00:06,287 --> 00:00:08,110
how to differentiate
under the integral sign?
6
00:00:08,195 --> 00:00:10,523
- No.
- Do you know anything?
7
00:00:10,734 --> 00:00:13,429
Anyone know
what happens to baryons?
8
00:00:13,546 --> 00:00:14,813
Yes, Paige.
9
00:00:14,898 --> 00:00:16,353
We can ignore
the particle masses
10
00:00:16,437 --> 00:00:18,094
at the individual quark level.
11
00:00:18,178 --> 00:00:20,204
- Correct.
- A unique child
12
00:00:20,289 --> 00:00:21,835
can require
a lot of attention.
13
00:00:21,920 --> 00:00:23,098
Try all the attention.
14
00:00:23,183 --> 00:00:24,774
Well, I think my parents
are getting a divorce.
15
00:00:24,858 --> 00:00:26,969
- Why?
- They fight all the time.
16
00:00:27,054 --> 00:00:29,210
- About what?
- Mostly me.
17
00:00:29,295 --> 00:00:31,461
- I guess I'm lucky.
- Why?
18
00:00:31,546 --> 00:00:34,197
I'm the glue that holds
our family together.
19
00:00:34,414 --> 00:00:36,766
- Hi, Sheldon.
- What did you do to your hair?
20
00:00:36,851 --> 00:00:39,126
Is this because your parents
got divorced? -
21
00:00:39,210 --> 00:00:41,695
You're so smart.
Why are you acting like this?
22
00:00:42,578 --> 00:00:44,312
My mom is going on dates,
23
00:00:44,397 --> 00:00:46,890
and my dad is acting
like a child.
24
00:00:47,164 --> 00:00:50,601
It's just
hard to care.
25
00:00:52,865 --> 00:00:55,117
Can I offer you
a hot beverage?
26
00:00:57,309 --> 00:00:59,227
"Surfin' U.S.A."
by the Beach Boys playing...
27
00:00:59,312 --> 00:01:00,743
* If everybody had an ocean...
28
00:01:00,828 --> 00:01:02,311
Children everywhere
29
00:01:02,396 --> 00:01:04,401
are excited by summer vacation,
30
00:01:04,485 --> 00:01:06,171
and I was no exception.
31
00:01:06,256 --> 00:01:08,795
Because instead
of vacation Bible school
32
00:01:08,880 --> 00:01:12,062
with my sister, I was headed
to the local library
33
00:01:12,179 --> 00:01:14,796
for a fun-filled week
of postal delights
34
00:01:14,881 --> 00:01:16,992
otherwise known as
stamp camp.
35
00:01:17,077 --> 00:01:19,676
In 1989,
they released dinosaur stamps.
36
00:01:19,761 --> 00:01:21,546
- No one cares.
- Come on, now.
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00:01:21,631 --> 00:01:23,592
He's excited.
And that gets
38
00:01:23,677 --> 00:01:25,247
my stamp of approval.
39
00:01:25,461 --> 00:01:26,680
I'm using that.
40
00:01:26,765 --> 00:01:28,507
It's going to kill
at stamp camp.
41
00:01:28,592 --> 00:01:30,937
Oh, sorry.
It was canceled.
42
00:01:31,694 --> 00:01:33,168
What? Why?
43
00:01:33,253 --> 00:01:34,648
Not enough interest.
44
00:01:34,732 --> 00:01:36,382
Not enough interest
in stamps?
45
00:01:36,467 --> 00:01:39,094
It's the fastest-growing hobby
in people 70 and over
46
00:01:39,179 --> 00:01:40,785
according to Reader's Digest.
47
00:01:40,869 --> 00:01:42,134
Sorry, sweetie.
48
00:01:42,218 --> 00:01:43,831
Well, what am I
supposed to do now?
49
00:01:43,916 --> 00:01:45,875
Ha! You have to
go to Bible camp.
57
00:02:07,323 --> 00:02:10,312
* Fly me to the moon,
and let me... *
58
00:02:10,397 --> 00:02:12,657
Come on, Shelly.
It's a space theme.
59
00:02:12,742 --> 00:02:13,973
Isn't that fun?
60
00:02:14,058 --> 00:02:16,977
Jesus was a carpenter,
not an astronaut.
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00:02:17,210 --> 00:02:18,578
Maybe he built the rocket.
62
00:02:18,699 --> 00:02:20,269
What would he use for fuel?
63
00:02:20,593 --> 00:02:22,312
Ooh, doughnut holes.
64
00:02:23,140 --> 00:02:24,654
Can I please wait
in the car?
65
00:02:24,739 --> 00:02:26,453
No. I want you to be here.
66
00:02:26,610 --> 00:02:28,528
I'll be fine.
You can crack the back window.
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00:02:28,710 --> 00:02:29,960
Hi, Sheldon.
68
00:02:30,109 --> 00:02:33,289
- Paige. What are you doing here?
- My mom made me.
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00:02:33,374 --> 00:02:34,953
See? She doesn't want
to be here either.
70
00:02:35,038 --> 00:02:36,869
I'm gonna go say
hi to your mom.
71
00:02:37,625 --> 00:02:39,187
Why did your
mom make you?
72
00:02:39,308 --> 00:02:41,492
Punishment.
I got caught with cigarettes.
73
00:02:41,577 --> 00:02:42,668
Why would you want
to smoke?
74
00:02:42,752 --> 00:02:43,800
To look older.
75
00:02:43,926 --> 00:02:46,210
My meemaw smokes.
I guess it works.
76
00:02:46,476 --> 00:02:48,157
So, why are you here?
77
00:02:48,648 --> 00:02:49,962
Do you believe
in this stuff now?
78
00:02:50,047 --> 00:02:51,929
No. Stamp camp
got canceled.
79
00:02:52,070 --> 00:02:53,835
Further proof
there is no God.
80
00:02:57,179 --> 00:02:58,812
I did it.
I bought a car.
81
00:02:58,897 --> 00:03:00,379
Really?
You got the Mustang?
82
00:03:00,519 --> 00:03:01,654
I was fixing to,
83
00:03:01,739 --> 00:03:03,613
but then something else
caught my eye.
84
00:03:03,698 --> 00:03:04,906
You did something dumb.
85
00:03:05,593 --> 00:03:07,446
Now, it needs a
little bit of work,
86
00:03:07,531 --> 00:03:08,984
but once I'm done,
87
00:03:09,069 --> 00:03:10,703
- it's gonna be amazing.
- No.
88
00:03:11,593 --> 00:03:12,920
What do you mean?
89
00:03:13,085 --> 00:03:14,618
It's got low mileage,
90
00:03:14,851 --> 00:03:16,315
great stereo.
91
00:03:16,461 --> 00:03:18,071
Check this out.
92
00:03:21,187 --> 00:03:22,453
Look at all the room.
93
00:03:22,952 --> 00:03:24,121
Hell no.
94
00:03:24,514 --> 00:03:25,653
Why?
95
00:03:25,738 --> 00:03:28,396
This isn't a car.
It's a motel room on wheels.
96
00:03:28,850 --> 00:03:30,539
Is that how little
you think of me?
97
00:03:30,624 --> 00:03:33,023
Yes. Maybe less.
98
00:03:33,108 --> 00:03:34,246
George, your mother works
99
00:03:34,331 --> 00:03:36,249
for the church.
This doesn't look good.
100
00:03:36,796 --> 00:03:38,189
I don't know,
looks pretty good to me.
101
00:03:38,273 --> 00:03:41,101
Please, listen to me.
Come on.
102
00:03:41,186 --> 00:03:43,670
If I drive Sheldon to college,
he can sleep back there.
103
00:03:44,460 --> 00:03:46,044
So, you saw that couch,
104
00:03:46,129 --> 00:03:47,953
and the first thought
you had was,
105
00:03:48,070 --> 00:03:49,945
"My brother can sleep
on that"?
106
00:03:50,851 --> 00:03:52,398
Not my firstthought.
107
00:03:52,483 --> 00:03:54,744
* Now I've read my Bible
108
00:03:54,829 --> 00:03:56,660
* And I can't understand
109
00:03:56,744 --> 00:03:58,053
* How folks can think
110
00:03:58,137 --> 00:03:59,625
* That Jesus was...
111
00:03:59,710 --> 00:04:01,492
This licorice tastes terrible.
112
00:04:01,577 --> 00:04:02,973
It's plastic.
113
00:04:03,225 --> 00:04:04,507
You use it to weave
a lanyard.
114
00:04:05,429 --> 00:04:07,515
No, it's licorice.
115
00:04:09,699 --> 00:04:11,546
Your mother
lets you wear lipstick?
116
00:04:11,631 --> 00:04:13,546
- Of course not.
- Interesting.
117
00:04:13,882 --> 00:04:15,804
Does she know
you're leading a double life?
118
00:04:15,889 --> 00:04:17,155
Grow up.
119
00:04:17,866 --> 00:04:19,476
Why do you think
you're rebelling
120
00:04:19,561 --> 00:04:20,984
against parental authority?
121
00:04:21,069 --> 00:04:23,110
Isn't it obvious?
I'm having a textbook reaction
122
00:04:23,195 --> 00:04:24,382
to their divorce.
123
00:04:24,467 --> 00:04:27,070
What textbook?
Did you get it from the library?
124
00:04:27,401 --> 00:04:30,171
Hello, Biblenauts!
125
00:04:30,256 --> 00:04:32,398
Gather round.
126
00:04:33,410 --> 00:04:35,654
Now, who's ready to find
127
00:04:35,739 --> 00:04:39,015
space
for Jesus in our hearts?
128
00:04:40,380 --> 00:04:41,781
I can't hear you!
129
00:04:41,905 --> 00:04:44,098
Perhaps that's because
space is a vacuum
130
00:04:44,183 --> 00:04:45,665
where sound doesn't travel.
131
00:04:45,750 --> 00:04:47,008
Nicely done.
132
00:04:47,093 --> 00:04:48,880
You're not the only rebel
around here.
133
00:04:49,429 --> 00:04:51,106
I thought
he had stamp camp.
134
00:04:51,398 --> 00:04:53,499
Just go get your money back
and buy a different car.
135
00:04:53,583 --> 00:04:54,674
No.
136
00:04:55,148 --> 00:04:56,593
Georgie, I'm not playing
around.
137
00:04:56,678 --> 00:04:58,671
Neither am I.
I bought it with my own money,
138
00:04:58,756 --> 00:04:59,742
and you don't get a say.
139
00:04:59,827 --> 00:05:01,093
As long as you live
under my roof,
140
00:05:01,177 --> 00:05:02,312
I get plenty of say.
141
00:05:02,503 --> 00:05:03,899
Fine. I'll move out.
142
00:05:03,984 --> 00:05:05,379
And where you gonna go?
143
00:05:05,464 --> 00:05:06,729
I'll live in the van.
144
00:05:06,890 --> 00:05:08,678
You know what?
145
00:05:08,763 --> 00:05:09,844
It was only a matter of time
146
00:05:09,928 --> 00:05:11,802
before you lived in a van.
Have at it.
147
00:05:12,529 --> 00:05:13,890
Scooby-Doo lived in a van,
148
00:05:13,975 --> 00:05:15,687
and he turned out fine.
149
00:05:15,772 --> 00:05:18,958
* I'm a rocket man
150
00:05:19,043 --> 00:05:20,309
* Rocket man
151
00:05:20,393 --> 00:05:23,046
* Flying up to heaven
with the Lord *
152
00:05:25,371 --> 00:05:28,406
* And I think it's gonna be
a fun old time. *
153
00:05:30,904 --> 00:05:33,266
All right. Amen.
154
00:05:33,351 --> 00:05:35,062
Sing "Ice Ice Baby."
155
00:05:35,382 --> 00:05:37,953
- Don't know it.
- How about Paula Abdul?
156
00:05:38,038 --> 00:05:39,180
- Nope.
- Ooh!
157
00:05:39,265 --> 00:05:40,689
- The Teenage Mutant Ninjatheme.
- Mary,
158
00:05:40,773 --> 00:05:41,992
what is that I'm hearing?
159
00:05:42,241 --> 00:05:43,531
Oh! Right.
160
00:05:44,676 --> 00:05:47,421
It's the prize bell!
161
00:05:47,544 --> 00:05:48,984
What do you think
the prize is?
162
00:05:49,201 --> 00:05:50,466
We get to go home?
163
00:05:50,757 --> 00:05:53,472
Is the joke that leaving
would be a reward?
164
00:05:53,781 --> 00:05:54,821
Yes.
165
00:05:54,906 --> 00:05:56,137
I get that joke.
166
00:05:56,222 --> 00:05:57,414
Now,
167
00:05:57,499 --> 00:05:59,906
for a psalm 100 bookmark,
168
00:06:00,242 --> 00:06:01,976
who can name
the 12 apostles?
169
00:06:02,296 --> 00:06:03,569
Billy.
170
00:06:03,653 --> 00:06:06,242
Sleepy, Grumpy, Doc...
171
00:06:06,327 --> 00:06:07,820
Those are dwarves.
Anyone else?
172
00:06:07,905 --> 00:06:10,656
Look at these suckers trying to
compete for a stupid bookmark.
173
00:06:10,741 --> 00:06:12,906
They probably
don't even know psalm 100.
174
00:06:12,991 --> 00:06:14,399
Or what a book is.
175
00:06:14,484 --> 00:06:16,663
How about six apostles?
176
00:06:16,802 --> 00:06:18,421
Just give me six.
177
00:06:18,647 --> 00:06:20,570
I'll settle for three,
and I'll spot you Judas.
178
00:06:20,663 --> 00:06:23,273
I don't even care about church,
and I can name them all.
179
00:06:23,358 --> 00:06:24,710
So can I.
180
00:06:25,414 --> 00:06:26,601
No, you can't.
181
00:06:26,807 --> 00:06:28,031
Yes, I can.
182
00:06:28,430 --> 00:06:30,565
I can even do it
in alphabetical order.
183
00:06:30,665 --> 00:06:32,618
Well, I can name them
in the order they appear
184
00:06:32,703 --> 00:06:34,242
in the Book of Matthew.
185
00:06:37,156 --> 00:06:38,532
Paige, yes.
186
00:06:38,617 --> 00:06:41,024
Peter, Andrew, James,
son of Zebedee,
187
00:06:41,109 --> 00:06:42,930
John, Philip,
Bartholomew,
188
00:06:43,015 --> 00:06:44,349
Thomas, Matthew,
189
00:06:44,433 --> 00:06:47,695
James, son of Alpheus,
Thaddeus, Simon and Judas.
190
00:06:48,007 --> 00:06:50,421
And that's the order that they
appear in the Book of Matthew.
191
00:06:51,035 --> 00:06:52,821
Fantastic!
192
00:06:52,906 --> 00:06:55,839
You just won yourself
a psalm 100 bookmark.
193
00:06:55,923 --> 00:06:57,734
Thank you.
I love that psalm.
194
00:07:00,023 --> 00:07:01,345
You would think winning
195
00:07:01,429 --> 00:07:02,846
a Nobel Prize in Physics
196
00:07:02,938 --> 00:07:05,234
would make this moment
meaningless to me,
197
00:07:05,413 --> 00:07:09,890
but all these years later,
it still burns my butt.
198
00:07:14,781 --> 00:07:17,265
Why would Paige get competitive
over Bible trivia?
199
00:07:17,349 --> 00:07:18,953
She doesn't care
about that.
200
00:07:19,038 --> 00:07:20,999
Maybe she just wanted
that bookmark.
201
00:07:21,095 --> 00:07:22,429
Yeah. I wanted
202
00:07:22,521 --> 00:07:24,439
this "what would Jesus do?"
slap bracelet.
203
00:07:24,836 --> 00:07:26,243
Ow.I liked it better
204
00:07:26,328 --> 00:07:28,126
when she and I
were making fun of everything.
205
00:07:28,211 --> 00:07:31,468
You might have more fun
if you participated, too.
206
00:07:31,710 --> 00:07:32,868
Oh, I'll participate.
207
00:07:33,148 --> 00:07:36,712
Great. If Paige wants to go
head-to-head on Bible trivia,
208
00:07:36,797 --> 00:07:39,266
she picked the wrong fact-filled
atheist to mess with.
209
00:07:39,351 --> 00:07:40,399
Great.
210
00:07:40,484 --> 00:07:42,047
Ow.
211
00:07:42,664 --> 00:07:43,823
Well?
212
00:07:44,023 --> 00:07:46,844
It's very... colorful.
213
00:07:46,929 --> 00:07:49,234
Not just colorful.
Patriotic.
214
00:07:49,828 --> 00:07:51,336
It's also a little gross.
215
00:07:51,421 --> 00:07:54,394
It just needs a little shampoo.
But check out the best part.
216
00:07:59,021 --> 00:08:00,588
Want to try it out?
217
00:08:01,445 --> 00:08:03,243
In front of
your parents' house?
218
00:08:03,328 --> 00:08:05,814
That's what's so great.
We can drive it anywhere.
219
00:08:05,899 --> 00:08:08,054
Empty field,
abandoned parking lot.
220
00:08:08,436 --> 00:08:10,092
Wherever love takes us.
221
00:08:10,437 --> 00:08:13,188
What is that smell?
222
00:08:14,866 --> 00:08:17,398
There was a mouse
in the mini fridge.
223
00:08:17,788 --> 00:08:19,008
Ew!
224
00:08:19,093 --> 00:08:20,196
Did you hear me?
225
00:08:20,281 --> 00:08:22,304
There's a mini fridge!
226
00:08:24,250 --> 00:08:26,173
You're really making him
live out there?
227
00:08:26,258 --> 00:08:28,828
He's not gonna last one night
in that nasty thing.
228
00:08:29,211 --> 00:08:30,718
Have you seen that boy's room?
229
00:08:30,803 --> 00:08:32,062
Judah was the father
230
00:08:32,147 --> 00:08:34,243
of Perez and Zerah
by Tamar,
231
00:08:34,328 --> 00:08:35,719
Perez was the father
of Hezron,
232
00:08:35,804 --> 00:08:37,298
and Hezron was
the father of Ram.
233
00:08:37,383 --> 00:08:38,610
Why's he reading the Bible?
234
00:08:38,695 --> 00:08:41,579
To humiliate and destroy Paige
at Bible camp.
235
00:08:41,664 --> 00:08:42,664
That.
236
00:08:45,023 --> 00:08:46,469
Missy doing anything stupid?
237
00:08:46,554 --> 00:08:48,359
No.
238
00:08:48,531 --> 00:08:51,164
One out of three.
Not bad. Hey!
239
00:08:51,648 --> 00:08:53,250
Where do you think you're going?
240
00:08:53,335 --> 00:08:54,493
Bathroom.
241
00:08:54,578 --> 00:08:56,274
No, you're not.
You don't live here.
242
00:08:56,359 --> 00:08:59,445
George. You want him
making grandkids in that van?
243
00:09:00,117 --> 00:09:01,961
You heard him! Get!
244
00:09:02,254 --> 00:09:03,664
Dang it.
245
00:09:07,164 --> 00:09:08,548
Can I use your bathroom?
246
00:09:08,633 --> 00:09:10,857
Your dad wants
to talk to you.
247
00:09:11,468 --> 00:09:12,532
Hello.
248
00:09:12,617 --> 00:09:14,353
You can't use her bathroom either.
249
00:09:14,437 --> 00:09:15,751
Dang it.
250
00:09:15,836 --> 00:09:17,790
There's a bucket in the garage.
251
00:09:27,308 --> 00:09:28,399
Hey.
252
00:09:28,484 --> 00:09:29,583
Brought you some food.
253
00:09:29,668 --> 00:09:30,843
Don't tell your father.
254
00:09:30,928 --> 00:09:32,008
Thanks.
255
00:09:32,094 --> 00:09:33,034
Want to come in?
256
00:09:33,119 --> 00:09:34,992
It smells less disgusting now.
257
00:09:35,406 --> 00:09:37,858
I'm... really good here.
258
00:09:38,327 --> 00:09:39,941
Georgie, um,
259
00:09:40,026 --> 00:09:42,205
this is a... nice van,
260
00:09:42,289 --> 00:09:44,211
but why don't you think
about selling it
261
00:09:44,296 --> 00:09:46,040
so you can come back inside?
262
00:09:46,125 --> 00:09:48,898
No. I'm not letting him
win this one.
263
00:09:50,253 --> 00:09:52,084
You know you can't live in here.
264
00:09:52,378 --> 00:09:53,597
Why not?
265
00:09:54,625 --> 00:09:56,140
It's hot out.
266
00:09:56,346 --> 00:09:57,786
The windows roll down.
267
00:09:58,375 --> 00:10:00,005
How are you gonna
take a shower?
268
00:10:00,164 --> 00:10:01,572
It's supposed to rain
this weekend.
269
00:10:01,937 --> 00:10:03,356
What about a bathroom?
270
00:10:03,843 --> 00:10:05,097
See that bucket?
271
00:10:05,195 --> 00:10:06,588
Good night.
272
00:10:12,125 --> 00:10:14,193
Ask me what
the fruits of the Spirit are.
273
00:10:14,277 --> 00:10:16,164
- I'm sure you know them.
- Of course I do.
274
00:10:16,389 --> 00:10:18,588
Love, joy, peace,
patience, kindness,
275
00:10:18,673 --> 00:10:21,287
goodness, faithfulness,
gentleness and self-control.
276
00:10:21,371 --> 00:10:22,633
Then why do I have to ask?
277
00:10:22,718 --> 00:10:24,549
So I can improve
my hand-raising technique.
278
00:10:24,766 --> 00:10:26,023
Fine.
279
00:10:26,189 --> 00:10:28,125
What are
the fruits of the Spirit?
280
00:10:28,210 --> 00:10:29,377
Good. We done?
281
00:10:29,469 --> 00:10:30,961
No, you have to call on me.
282
00:10:32,055 --> 00:10:33,189
Sheldon.
283
00:10:33,539 --> 00:10:35,179
Love, joy,
peace, patience,
284
00:10:35,264 --> 00:10:36,415
kindness, goodness,
faithfulness,
285
00:10:36,499 --> 00:10:38,199
gentleness and self-control.
286
00:10:38,284 --> 00:10:41,026
Now ask me to name
three wicked women of the Bible.
287
00:10:41,865 --> 00:10:43,218
Can I ask you a question?
288
00:10:43,381 --> 00:10:45,321
If it's "Who are three
wicked women in the Bible?,"
289
00:10:45,405 --> 00:10:46,625
then go ahead.
290
00:10:47,023 --> 00:10:48,633
Why don't you believe in God?
291
00:10:50,304 --> 00:10:51,726
Sheldon.
292
00:10:51,811 --> 00:10:53,449
Because science explains
the universe
293
00:10:53,534 --> 00:10:55,859
without the need of inventing
a supernatural being.
294
00:10:55,944 --> 00:10:57,992
But how do you know for sure
he doesn't exist?
295
00:10:58,171 --> 00:10:59,698
Ooh. Stop that.
296
00:11:00,273 --> 00:11:02,281
The burden of proof
isn't on me.
297
00:11:02,421 --> 00:11:04,976
If I said there was an invisible
monkey in the room with us,
298
00:11:05,077 --> 00:11:06,439
you shouldn't believe me
just because
299
00:11:06,523 --> 00:11:07,943
you can't prove me
wrong.
300
00:11:08,027 --> 00:11:09,601
Why is the monkey invisible?
301
00:11:09,686 --> 00:11:10,690
I don't know.
302
00:11:10,775 --> 00:11:12,127
Is it a ghost monkey?
303
00:11:12,212 --> 00:11:13,279
Sure.
304
00:11:13,364 --> 00:11:14,601
Then why isn't he in heaven?
305
00:11:14,686 --> 00:11:15,789
Because there is no heaven.
306
00:11:15,874 --> 00:11:17,052
What about monkey heaven?
307
00:11:17,137 --> 00:11:18,328
There is no monkey heaven.
308
00:11:18,413 --> 00:11:19,722
There is no regular heaven.
309
00:11:19,807 --> 00:11:22,073
When we die, we cease to exist.
That's it.
310
00:11:22,257 --> 00:11:23,789
You better hope
you're right.
311
00:11:23,951 --> 00:11:26,827
'Cause if I end up in regular
heaven and you end up in hell,
312
00:11:26,959 --> 00:11:28,390
I'm gonna laugh.
313
00:11:28,783 --> 00:11:30,562
But if you end up
in monkey hell,
314
00:11:30,647 --> 00:11:32,130
I'm gonna laugh
even harder.
315
00:11:32,215 --> 00:11:33,484
Just paint your nails.
316
00:11:34,836 --> 00:11:36,648
God, when Sheldon dies,
317
00:11:36,733 --> 00:11:38,359
please send him
to monkey hell.
318
00:11:38,545 --> 00:11:39,676
Amen.
319
00:11:57,554 --> 00:11:58,680
Get it off! Get it off!
320
00:11:58,764 --> 00:12:00,421
- What was that?
- It's in my hair!
321
00:12:00,506 --> 00:12:01,779
Not my problem.
322
00:12:01,864 --> 00:12:03,313
It's in my hair!
323
00:12:03,398 --> 00:12:04,530
It's in my hair!
324
00:12:09,610 --> 00:12:10,788
For your information,
325
00:12:10,873 --> 00:12:12,640
not only am I going
to show you up today,
326
00:12:12,725 --> 00:12:15,035
I've also prepared
some biblical trash talk.
327
00:12:15,128 --> 00:12:16,524
What is he talking about?
328
00:12:16,616 --> 00:12:18,422
He stayed up
all night studying.
329
00:12:18,761 --> 00:12:19,983
Why?
330
00:12:20,068 --> 00:12:21,681
To beat you at Bible trivia.
331
00:12:21,858 --> 00:12:24,281
Just like the prophets of mercy
beat the priestly cult
332
00:12:24,366 --> 00:12:26,154
and its emphasis
on ritual purity.
333
00:12:26,292 --> 00:12:27,750
Was that the trash talk?
334
00:12:27,898 --> 00:12:30,000
Was Zacchaeus
a tax collector?
335
00:12:30,085 --> 00:12:31,633
Was Nicodemus
a Pharisee?
336
00:12:31,718 --> 00:12:33,201
Just hit him.
337
00:12:33,317 --> 00:12:34,750
Okay, campers!
338
00:12:34,835 --> 00:12:36,383
Bible trivia time.
339
00:12:36,468 --> 00:12:37,959
For a Noah's Ark
340
00:12:38,044 --> 00:12:39,679
rain poncho,
341
00:12:39,764 --> 00:12:42,071
what was Peter's original name?
342
00:12:43,157 --> 00:12:45,423
- Sheldon.
- Peter's original name was Simon.
343
00:12:45,508 --> 00:12:47,992
- Correct!
- You didn't know that one, did you?
344
00:12:48,077 --> 00:12:49,250
Yes, I did.
345
00:12:49,335 --> 00:12:50,731
He was also known as Cephas.
346
00:12:50,932 --> 00:12:52,687
Then why didn't you
raise your hand?
347
00:12:52,865 --> 00:12:54,133
'Cause I don't care.
348
00:12:54,218 --> 00:12:55,695
Next question.
349
00:12:55,780 --> 00:12:58,699
For a John the Baptist
pencil topper,
350
00:12:58,962 --> 00:13:02,009
where did Jesus perform
his first miracle?
351
00:13:06,677 --> 00:13:07,637
Sheldon.
352
00:13:07,722 --> 00:13:08,883
A wedding.
353
00:13:08,968 --> 00:13:10,078
Correct!
354
00:13:10,483 --> 00:13:12,125
Aren't you even going to try?
355
00:13:12,210 --> 00:13:13,265
Nope.
356
00:13:14,089 --> 00:13:16,268
Why won't you
compete with me?
357
00:13:16,414 --> 00:13:19,159
Because it's fun
watching you get upset.
358
00:13:19,484 --> 00:13:21,097
What's fun about it?
359
00:13:21,182 --> 00:13:22,617
Everything.
360
00:13:29,669 --> 00:13:31,078
Morning, sunshine.
361
00:13:31,248 --> 00:13:32,976
What do you want?
362
00:13:33,061 --> 00:13:34,640
Oh, just to see
how you're doing.
363
00:13:34,859 --> 00:13:35,933
I'm fine.
364
00:13:36,018 --> 00:13:37,258
Thanks for the juice.
365
00:13:37,343 --> 00:13:38,913
Oh, this isn't for you.
366
00:13:39,750 --> 00:13:40,957
Mmm.
367
00:13:41,586 --> 00:13:42,664
Mmm.
368
00:13:44,632 --> 00:13:46,028
Cold and refreshing.
369
00:13:46,859 --> 00:13:48,126
So, how'd you sleep?
370
00:13:48,211 --> 00:13:49,375
You look terrible.
371
00:13:49,460 --> 00:13:50,768
- Are you done?
- Depends.
372
00:13:50,988 --> 00:13:52,547
You ready to return the van?
373
00:13:52,689 --> 00:13:54,539
This van's not going anywhere.
374
00:13:56,368 --> 00:13:58,086
Don't you have to work
this morning?
375
00:13:58,555 --> 00:13:59,711
Crap.
376
00:14:04,898 --> 00:14:07,398
Yep, it's
not going anywhere.
377
00:14:09,724 --> 00:14:10,946
Paige,
378
00:14:11,031 --> 00:14:12,818
a sprig of my hair is askew.
379
00:14:12,903 --> 00:14:14,603
Upsetting, isn't it?
380
00:14:14,872 --> 00:14:16,051
No.
381
00:14:16,136 --> 00:14:17,836
But it's going
a different direction
382
00:14:17,921 --> 00:14:19,099
from all the other hairs.
383
00:14:19,184 --> 00:14:20,367
So?
384
00:14:20,736 --> 00:14:22,406
You think it's fun
irritating me?
385
00:14:22,491 --> 00:14:24,365
I'm giving you a taste
of your own medicine.
386
00:14:24,450 --> 00:14:25,672
Ha.
387
00:14:34,465 --> 00:14:36,205
Hey.
388
00:14:37,621 --> 00:14:39,508
I'm on medication,
you know.
389
00:14:39,593 --> 00:14:41,695
Wh-What are you
doing in there?
390
00:14:41,780 --> 00:14:42,959
Just washed up in your sink.
391
00:14:43,044 --> 00:14:44,613
Don't want to offend
the customers.
392
00:14:45,074 --> 00:14:46,132
Why?
393
00:14:46,217 --> 00:14:48,070
My dad's mad
'cause I bought a van,
394
00:14:48,155 --> 00:14:49,725
and he's not letting me
use the house.
395
00:14:49,810 --> 00:14:52,294
Oh. So that's your old
Chevy parked out front?
396
00:14:52,379 --> 00:14:53,861
Pretty sweet, right?
397
00:14:54,028 --> 00:14:56,500
- You have a clean title on it?
- Pretty much.
398
00:14:56,585 --> 00:14:58,329
I think
it's registered in Mexico.
399
00:14:59,148 --> 00:15:00,359
Well, that's something.
400
00:15:00,444 --> 00:15:02,948
But it's got a bed
and a mini fridge.
401
00:15:03,033 --> 00:15:04,839
Wow. Sweet.
402
00:15:04,924 --> 00:15:06,203
I'm gonna hang
some twinkle lights
403
00:15:06,287 --> 00:15:07,708
and maybe get a lava lamp.
404
00:15:09,323 --> 00:15:10,958
Georgie, did I ever...
405
00:15:11,467 --> 00:15:13,602
tell you why I got
married so young?
406
00:15:14,023 --> 00:15:15,333
You were in love?
407
00:15:15,546 --> 00:15:17,364
No, because,
when I was your age,
408
00:15:17,449 --> 00:15:19,302
I bought a similar vehicle.
409
00:15:20,845 --> 00:15:22,505
Cool. What was it?
410
00:15:23,813 --> 00:15:24,861
Just get dressed.
411
00:15:24,946 --> 00:15:25,946
Okay.
412
00:15:27,332 --> 00:15:29,317
"Moovin' 'N' Groovin'"
by Duane Eddy playing...
413
00:15:31,052 --> 00:15:32,144
Paige,
414
00:15:32,229 --> 00:15:34,755
look how close this pushpin is
to this balloon.
415
00:15:34,942 --> 00:15:35,989
Mm-hmm.
416
00:15:36,136 --> 00:15:37,575
It could pop
at any moment.
417
00:15:37,660 --> 00:15:39,012
I bet
that drives you cra...
418
00:15:43,783 --> 00:15:44,961
Hello.
419
00:15:45,092 --> 00:15:46,825
- What now?
- What now?
420
00:15:47,182 --> 00:15:48,863
- What are you doing?
- What are you doing?
421
00:15:49,366 --> 00:15:51,139
- Are you just gonna repeat everything I...
- Are you just gonna repeat
422
00:15:51,223 --> 00:15:52,445
everything I say?
423
00:15:52,697 --> 00:15:54,864
- I, Sheldon Cooper...
- I, Sheldon Cooper...
424
00:15:54,949 --> 00:15:56,483
...accept Jesus Christ
as my Lord and Savior.
425
00:15:56,567 --> 00:15:58,020
...accept Jesus Chr...
426
00:16:03,990 --> 00:16:05,723
Go get me a beer, woman.
427
00:16:06,051 --> 00:16:07,062
What?
428
00:16:07,146 --> 00:16:09,238
It infuriates my mom
when my dad says it.
429
00:16:09,565 --> 00:16:10,796
Sheldon, stop.
430
00:16:10,949 --> 00:16:12,851
- You can't upset me.
- Why not?
431
00:16:12,935 --> 00:16:15,106
Because there are things
in my life that are way worse
432
00:16:15,191 --> 00:16:17,246
than anything
that you can come up with.
433
00:16:18,019 --> 00:16:19,552
You mean your parents splitting up.
434
00:16:19,637 --> 00:16:21,012
Obviously.
435
00:16:22,184 --> 00:16:24,043
I think I know how
to irritate you.
436
00:16:24,402 --> 00:16:26,489
I bet you think
the divorce is all your fault
437
00:16:26,574 --> 00:16:28,379
and now your family
is torn apart forever.
438
00:16:29,637 --> 00:16:30,825
Did I do it?
439
00:16:30,910 --> 00:16:32,476
Did I get under your skin?
440
00:16:33,573 --> 00:16:35,825
I can still hear the sound
of her fist hitting your face
441
00:16:35,910 --> 00:16:37,699
and your head
bouncing off the floor.
442
00:16:37,784 --> 00:16:38,902
That is enough.
443
00:16:38,987 --> 00:16:39,904
It was like, "Thwack,"
444
00:16:39,989 --> 00:16:42,395
- and then, "Kathunk."
- I said enough!
445
00:16:42,987 --> 00:16:44,879
And there were doughnut holes.
446
00:16:44,964 --> 00:16:46,269
What a great day.
447
00:16:49,794 --> 00:16:51,988
* Heartbeat...
448
00:16:52,550 --> 00:16:55,450
That night,
my brother turned a ratty old van
449
00:16:55,535 --> 00:16:57,629
into his chariot of love.
450
00:16:58,512 --> 00:17:00,941
* Heartbeat
451
00:17:01,238 --> 00:17:02,677
* I'm looking for a...
452
00:17:02,762 --> 00:17:04,598
Romance was in the air.
453
00:17:06,191 --> 00:17:08,728
- * Beating like...
- Hey.Oh. - Hey, Mr. Boggs.
454
00:17:08,976 --> 00:17:10,978
I-I'm just here
to pick up Jana.
455
00:17:11,808 --> 00:17:13,699
You think you're taking
my daughter out in this?
456
00:17:14,098 --> 00:17:16,214
No worries.
I'll have her home by 11:00.
457
00:17:17,996 --> 00:17:20,523
Ooh. I wouldn't open that.
458
00:17:21,427 --> 00:17:23,299
Move.
459
00:17:31,706 --> 00:17:33,276
It's got a mini fridge.
460
00:17:35,335 --> 00:17:36,817
I thought about what you said.
461
00:17:36,902 --> 00:17:38,150
I'm returning the van.
Good night.
462
00:17:38,234 --> 00:17:40,065
This is the kind of weather
463
00:17:40,149 --> 00:17:41,840
that makes you want to stay at home.
464
00:17:41,924 --> 00:17:44,031
If you don't have
to go out today, don't.
30917
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