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1
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3
00:02:25,913 --> 00:02:27,481
[car honking]
4
00:02:46,967 --> 00:02:48,469
[car honking]
5
00:03:18,466 --> 00:03:20,634
(Doris)
WELL, IT'S RAINING
AND I CAN'T GET A CAB,
6
00:03:20,634 --> 00:03:22,470
AND I HAVEN'T
ANY MONEY ANYWAY.
7
00:03:22,503 --> 00:03:23,571
[car door closing]
8
00:03:23,637 --> 00:03:25,506
AH, WHAT THE HELL.
9
00:03:25,573 --> 00:03:26,740
HE'S PROBABLY
JUST SOME NICE GUY
10
00:03:26,807 --> 00:03:28,342
WHO WANTS TO
HELP A GIRL OUT.
11
00:03:28,376 --> 00:03:31,545
JUST SOME RICH,
NICE-LOOKIN' GUY
12
00:03:31,579 --> 00:03:34,248
WHO'LL GIVE ME A LIFT HOME.
YEAH, THAT'S IT.
13
00:03:35,082 --> 00:03:36,717
NOPE, THAT AIN'T IT.
14
00:03:42,990 --> 00:03:44,492
[car honking]
15
00:04:04,745 --> 00:04:05,746
[door closing]
16
00:04:37,645 --> 00:04:39,980
[baby crying]
17
00:04:41,782 --> 00:04:43,317
(Rapzinsky)
SHERMAN!
18
00:04:45,619 --> 00:04:47,555
(Felix)
GOOD EVENING, MR. RAPZINSKY.
19
00:04:47,588 --> 00:04:48,922
WHAT IS?
20
00:04:48,956 --> 00:04:50,791
IS LETTER.
21
00:04:50,891 --> 00:04:52,893
(Rapzinsky)
PICK UP AND THROW IN GARBAGE.
NO THROW ON NICE FLOOR.
22
00:04:52,926 --> 00:04:54,895
I, RAPZINSKY, SAY THIS.
23
00:04:54,928 --> 00:04:56,229
[baby continues crying]
24
00:04:56,263 --> 00:04:59,600
I'M SORRY TO HAVE TAKEN YOU
AWAY FROM YOUR BASEMENT,
MR. RAPZINSKY.
25
00:04:59,667 --> 00:05:02,135
I KNOW HOW HARD YOU WORK,
26
00:05:02,169 --> 00:05:03,604
KEEPING THE BUILDING
ON HOUSE AND GARDEN'S
ALL TIME 10-BEST LIST.
27
00:05:03,637 --> 00:05:05,138
SHERMAN!
28
00:05:05,172 --> 00:05:07,775
YES, MR. RAPZINSKY?
29
00:05:07,808 --> 00:05:09,610
STILL MAKING THE NOISE.
30
00:05:09,643 --> 00:05:10,778
WHAT NOISE IS THAT?
31
00:05:10,811 --> 00:05:13,146
TICK TACK, TICK TACK.
32
00:05:13,246 --> 00:05:15,182
THAT IS THE SOUND
MY TYPEWRITER MAKES
33
00:05:15,248 --> 00:05:17,818
WHEN I PRESS
DOWN ON THE KEYS.
34
00:05:17,851 --> 00:05:21,489
THIS IS THE METHOD I USE
TO PRODUCE THE STORIES
AND THE NOVELS THAT I WRITE.
35
00:05:21,522 --> 00:05:22,590
I AM A WRITER.
36
00:05:22,623 --> 00:05:24,458
I GOT COMPLAINT AGAIN.
37
00:05:24,492 --> 00:05:25,759
FROM WHOM?
38
00:05:25,793 --> 00:05:27,661
NO MATTER. SHE SAY YOU
MAKIN' THE NOISE ALL NIGHT.
39
00:05:27,761 --> 00:05:29,196
DON'T MAKE NO MORE.
40
00:05:29,262 --> 00:05:31,098
I, RAPZINSKY, SAY THIS.
41
00:05:31,131 --> 00:05:32,500
IS THAT ALL?
42
00:05:33,166 --> 00:05:35,002
[muttering]
43
00:05:35,035 --> 00:05:36,870
THEN I WILL GO UP
TO MY APARTMENT,
44
00:05:36,937 --> 00:05:38,839
AND YOU CAN
GO BACK DOWNSTAIRS
AND SIT IN YOUR TIRE.
45
00:05:38,872 --> 00:05:40,374
[baby crying]
46
00:05:43,544 --> 00:05:44,545
*[music playing]
47
00:05:44,612 --> 00:05:46,714
[announcer chattering
on radio]
48
00:06:34,562 --> 00:06:35,729
[gun firing]
49
00:06:44,071 --> 00:06:45,506
[gunfire stops]
50
00:06:48,676 --> 00:06:50,177
[gunfire continues]
51
00:06:57,184 --> 00:06:58,952
[man on T.V.]
JUST ONE THING, LIEUTENANT.
52
00:06:59,019 --> 00:07:00,253
DO YOU THINK
VINCENT COLE DID IT?
53
00:07:00,287 --> 00:07:02,690
(Lieutenant)
COULD BE COLE.
I DON'T KNOW.
54
00:07:02,723 --> 00:07:03,757
I DO KNOW--
55
00:07:03,857 --> 00:07:05,092
[gunfire continues]
56
00:07:09,029 --> 00:07:10,564
(man on T.V.)
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
57
00:07:10,598 --> 00:07:12,032
YOU'RE SURROUNDED, VINCENT.
58
00:07:12,065 --> 00:07:13,066
GIVE UP!
59
00:07:13,133 --> 00:07:14,134
[gun firing]
60
00:07:28,716 --> 00:07:30,718
MR. RAPZINSKY?
61
00:07:30,784 --> 00:07:31,952
MR. SHERMAN.
62
00:07:32,786 --> 00:07:34,221
YES.
63
00:07:34,254 --> 00:07:35,956
I THINK THERE'S
SOMETHING YOU SHOULD KNOW.
64
00:07:38,058 --> 00:07:39,760
[knocking on door]
65
00:07:44,998 --> 00:07:46,133
(woman)
MR. SHERMAN?
66
00:07:46,166 --> 00:07:48,135
[knocking continues]
67
00:07:48,168 --> 00:07:49,637
MR. SHERMAN?
68
00:07:52,072 --> 00:07:53,941
MR. SHERMAN?
69
00:07:54,007 --> 00:07:56,076
[knocking on door]
70
00:07:56,109 --> 00:07:57,945
[dog barking on tape]
71
00:08:00,080 --> 00:08:01,749
MR. SHERMAN!
72
00:08:01,782 --> 00:08:03,283
WHAT DO YOU WANT?
73
00:08:03,350 --> 00:08:05,619
I HAVE TO SEE YOU,
MR. SHERMAN.
74
00:08:05,653 --> 00:08:07,020
WHO ARE YOU?
75
00:08:07,087 --> 00:08:08,922
YOU DON'T KNOW ME,
BUT IT'S TERRIBLY IMPORTANT.
76
00:08:10,658 --> 00:08:12,693
OH, PLEASE.
77
00:08:12,760 --> 00:08:15,262
WE MAKE IT A RULE
NOT TO OPEN THE DOOR
AFTER MIDNIGHT.
78
00:08:15,328 --> 00:08:16,697
WE?
79
00:08:16,764 --> 00:08:18,131
WOLF AND I.
80
00:08:18,198 --> 00:08:20,033
WOLF IS A DOBERMAN
PINSCHER.
81
00:08:20,100 --> 00:08:23,103
MR. SHERMAN, PLEASE.
IT'S A MATTER OF
LIFE AND DEATH!
82
00:08:23,136 --> 00:08:24,872
[barking continues]
83
00:08:24,938 --> 00:08:27,641
SIT, WOLF.
COME ON, BOY. SIT.
84
00:08:27,708 --> 00:08:30,010
SIT, WOLF.
SIT. SIT, WOLF.
85
00:08:30,043 --> 00:08:31,879
[tape clicks]
86
00:08:37,017 --> 00:08:38,886
IS SOMEONE CHASING YOU?
87
00:08:38,952 --> 00:08:40,788
(woman)
I CAN'T DISCUSS IT
THROUGH THE DOOR.
88
00:08:40,854 --> 00:08:41,855
IT'S EXTREMELY PERSONAL.
89
00:08:41,955 --> 00:08:43,123
ARE YOU ALONE?
90
00:08:43,123 --> 00:08:44,224
YES.
91
00:08:44,291 --> 00:08:45,626
SWEAR.
92
00:08:45,659 --> 00:08:47,194
YES, GODDAMN IT.
93
00:08:47,294 --> 00:08:49,663
SAY, AS GOD IS MY JUDGE,
I'M ALL ALONE.
94
00:08:49,697 --> 00:08:51,031
AS GOD IS MY JUDGE,
95
00:08:51,131 --> 00:08:53,066
I AM A LITTLE GIRL
ALL ALONE
HERE IN THE HALLWAY.
96
00:09:02,743 --> 00:09:04,244
HELLO, PANSY!
97
00:09:04,311 --> 00:09:06,013
YOU, FINK--FINK PANSY!
YOU, RAT! YOU, FRUITCAKE!
98
00:09:06,079 --> 00:09:07,080
YOU, RAT FINK
FRUITCAKE!
99
00:09:07,147 --> 00:09:08,348
YOU LIED ABOUT YOUR SIZE!
100
00:09:08,415 --> 00:09:10,718
YOU LIED ABOUT YOUR DOG!
101
00:09:10,751 --> 00:09:12,886
HOW DO YOU KNOW?
HE COULD BE HIDING, READY
TO SPRING AT YOUR THROAT.
102
00:09:12,920 --> 00:09:15,989
'CAUSE CREEPS SUCH
AS YOURSELF, MR. SHERMAN,
DON'T HAVE DOGS NAMED WOLF.
103
00:09:16,023 --> 00:09:18,258
WELL, CREEPS LIKE YOU
HAVE LITTLE FAGGY, HAIRY,
BITTY THINGS,
104
00:09:18,325 --> 00:09:19,727
WITH NAMES LIKE
POOKY AND DOODOO.
105
00:09:19,827 --> 00:09:21,929
LISTEN, I THINK YOU MUST
HAVE THE WRONG APARTMENT.
106
00:09:21,995 --> 00:09:23,831
DON'T TRY TO COP OUT ON ME,
YOU SLIMY WORM!
107
00:09:23,864 --> 00:09:26,099
I GOT THE RIGHT APARTMENT.
I GOT THE RIGHT FAIRY!
108
00:09:26,166 --> 00:09:29,102
YOU'RE OBVIOUSLY SUFFERING
FROM SOME AGGRAVATED
PARANOID DELUSION.
109
00:09:29,169 --> 00:09:31,104
WHAT DID YOU SAY?
110
00:09:31,171 --> 00:09:33,674
I'M SUGGESTING THAT YOU'RE
EXTRAPOLATING FROM YOUR
SORDID AND PATHETIC--
111
00:09:33,741 --> 00:09:36,243
YOU KNOW WHAT?
IF I WEREN'T SO REFINED,
I'D BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF YOU.
112
00:09:36,276 --> 00:09:37,845
YOU'RE INSANE!
113
00:09:37,878 --> 00:09:39,046
THAT'S PRETTY GOOD,
COMING FROM A QUEER,
114
00:09:39,112 --> 00:09:40,247
WHO PEEPS
IN GIRLS' WINDOWS.
115
00:09:40,280 --> 00:09:42,182
I DON'T KNOW
WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!
116
00:09:42,215 --> 00:09:43,951
I AM TALKING ABOUT
A DIRTY RAT
117
00:09:44,017 --> 00:09:45,786
WHO'S SO JEALOUS
OF WHAT THE BIG
BOYS ARE DOIN',
118
00:09:45,853 --> 00:09:47,254
THAT HE SQUEALS TO
THE SUPERINTENDENT,
119
00:09:47,354 --> 00:09:49,723
JUST 'CAUSE A GIRL
IS ENTERTAINING
SOME GENTLEMAN FRIEND.
120
00:09:49,757 --> 00:09:52,225
AND ACCEPTING A LARGE
TIP FOR HER SERVICES!
[shrieks]
121
00:09:52,259 --> 00:09:55,262
THAT'S A CONFESSION,
YOU WEASEL! YOU SPIED ON ME!
YOU'RE A PEEPING TOM!
122
00:09:55,295 --> 00:09:57,965
THERE'S ONLY ONE THING
WORSE THAN A PEEPING TOM,
AND THAT IS A SQUEALER.
123
00:09:58,031 --> 00:09:59,733
YOU'RE BOTH,
YOU 4-EYED FAG!
124
00:09:59,767 --> 00:10:02,402
LOOK, UH, I--I--I SENSE--
I SENSE THAT YOU'RE UPSET--
125
00:10:02,435 --> 00:10:04,404
OH! WHAT--WHAT--WHAT
KIND OF WEIRDO ARE YOU?
126
00:10:04,437 --> 00:10:06,106
YOU MUST HAVE
EYES LIKE A VULTURE.
127
00:10:06,139 --> 00:10:07,407
IF YOU'D CLOSE
YOUR WINDOW SHADES--
128
00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:09,209
I DON'T WANNA CLOSE
MY WINDOW SHADES!
129
00:10:09,242 --> 00:10:10,310
IT'S TOO DAMN HOT
IN THAT ROOM.
130
00:10:10,377 --> 00:10:11,444
FRICTION, NO DOUBT.
131
00:10:11,544 --> 00:10:13,213
WHAT'S THAT?
SO, W-W-W-WHAT IS THAT?
132
00:10:13,246 --> 00:10:15,749
SOME KIND OF
DIRTY JOKE, HUH?
133
00:10:15,783 --> 00:10:16,784
FRICTION AND...
134
00:10:16,884 --> 00:10:19,219
OH, YEAH. I GET IT.
135
00:10:19,252 --> 00:10:21,321
SOMETHIN' YOU PROBABLY
WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW ABOUT.
136
00:10:21,388 --> 00:10:23,724
I SUPPOSE ALL THE GUYS
YOU PICK UP ARE
AIR-CONDITIONED, EH?
137
00:10:23,791 --> 00:10:25,125
LOOK, I'M STARTING
TO GET ANGRY.
138
00:10:25,158 --> 00:10:26,927
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?
CLAW MY EYES OUT?
139
00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:28,829
I'M GETTING ANGRY.
140
00:10:28,896 --> 00:10:29,897
OR GET ONE OF
YOUR BOYFRIENDS
TO BEAT ME UP?
141
00:10:29,963 --> 00:10:31,799
I'M ANGRY.
WHERE YOU GOIN'?
142
00:10:33,967 --> 00:10:35,068
[chuckles]
143
00:10:35,102 --> 00:10:36,103
I'M CALLING THE POLICE.
144
00:10:43,977 --> 00:10:45,846
[phone dialing]
145
00:10:45,913 --> 00:10:47,180
[sobbing]
146
00:10:47,247 --> 00:10:48,248
[Doris sniffling]
147
00:10:49,516 --> 00:10:52,285
[Doris mumbling]
148
00:10:54,421 --> 00:10:56,256
LOOK, PLEASE
DON'T DO THAT.
149
00:10:58,125 --> 00:10:59,927
THERE'S NO POINT IN CRYING.
150
00:10:59,960 --> 00:11:01,128
CRYING DOES NOT
SOLVE ANYTHING.
151
00:11:01,194 --> 00:11:02,763
WHO'S CRYING?
152
00:11:03,463 --> 00:11:04,832
[sobbing]
153
00:11:04,932 --> 00:11:06,533
[sighing]
154
00:11:06,599 --> 00:11:08,936
WHY DON'T YOU JUST
RETURN TO YOUR APARTMENT,
GET A GOOD NIGHT'S--
155
00:11:08,969 --> 00:11:11,004
I DON'T HAVE ANY APARTMENT.
THAT SON OF A BITCH
THREW ME OUT.
156
00:11:11,104 --> 00:11:12,205
WHAT?
157
00:11:12,272 --> 00:11:13,473
THAT SON OF A BITCH
RASPIN ASKED--
158
00:11:13,506 --> 00:11:14,507
RAPZINSKY.
159
00:11:14,607 --> 00:11:16,176
YEAH, HE THREW ME OUT.
THREW YOU OUT?
160
00:11:16,209 --> 00:11:17,377
IN THE STREET.
IN THE STREET?
161
00:11:17,444 --> 00:11:19,212
BECAUSE YOU WERE GONNA
CALL THE COPS.
162
00:11:19,279 --> 00:11:21,281
I WAS GONNA CALL--
WHAT ARE YOU, A PARROT?
163
00:11:21,281 --> 00:11:23,784
NOW, LOOK, I SAID NOTHING
TO RAPZINSKY ABOUT THE POLICE.
164
00:11:23,817 --> 00:11:26,820
I MERELY WARNED HIM
THAT SOMETHING WAS GOING ON
IN ONE OF HIS APARTMENTS...
165
00:11:26,887 --> 00:11:28,221
OH, WHY ME? WHY ME?
166
00:11:28,288 --> 00:11:30,791
OR IS IT JUST GIRLS
IN GENERAL THAT YOU HATE?
167
00:11:31,458 --> 00:11:32,459
[sniffles]
168
00:11:32,525 --> 00:11:34,061
[sobbing]
169
00:11:34,127 --> 00:11:36,029
LOOK, COULD YOU
CRY SOMEPLACE ELSE?
170
00:11:36,129 --> 00:11:38,031
I'M NOT CRYING!
171
00:11:38,065 --> 00:11:39,566
COULD YOU NOT
CRY SOMEPLACE ELSE?
172
00:11:39,632 --> 00:11:41,468
YOU'RE GETTING
MY TYPEWRITER ALL WET.
173
00:11:41,501 --> 00:11:43,804
JESUS, YOU ARE
REALLY CREEPY.
THE KEYS WILL RUST.
174
00:11:43,837 --> 00:11:45,873
WHERE WOULD YOU
LIKE ME TO CRY?
HOW ABOUT DETROIT?
175
00:11:45,973 --> 00:11:48,308
OK, FINK. GIVE ME 5 BUCKS,
AND I'LL GO FIND
A ROOM SOMEPLACE.
176
00:11:48,341 --> 00:11:49,342
[sniffs]
177
00:11:49,409 --> 00:11:52,079
DON'T WORRY,
I'LL PAY YOU BACK!
178
00:11:52,145 --> 00:11:53,546
I DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY.
179
00:11:53,580 --> 00:11:56,316
I WAS PAID TODAY,
AND I DIDN'T CASH MY CHECK.
180
00:11:58,151 --> 00:11:59,853
THAT FIGURES.
181
00:11:59,920 --> 00:12:01,188
[sniffs]
182
00:12:01,221 --> 00:12:02,990
FINKS NEVER
HAVE ANY MONEY.
183
00:12:07,995 --> 00:12:09,930
[sighs]
184
00:12:09,997 --> 00:12:12,900
W-W-WHAT ABOUT THE MONEY
THAT YOUR, UH,
YOUR FRIEND GAVE YOU?
185
00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:15,535
RAPZINSKY-- WHATEVER
HIS NAME IS, HE TOOK IT.
186
00:12:15,568 --> 00:12:17,104
HE SAID THAT
IF I GAVE HIM THE MONEY,
187
00:12:17,170 --> 00:12:18,438
HE'D COVER IT UP
WITH THE COPS.
188
00:12:20,107 --> 00:12:22,509
THAT WAS
A DESPICABLE THING TO DO.
189
00:12:22,542 --> 00:12:23,543
YEAH.
190
00:12:24,344 --> 00:12:26,013
WHAT'S THAT MEAN?
191
00:12:26,013 --> 00:12:27,447
WHAT DOES WHAT MEAN?
192
00:12:27,514 --> 00:12:29,850
WHAT YOU JUST SAID--
"DESPICABLE."
193
00:12:29,917 --> 00:12:31,551
IT MEANS HE'S A NATURALLY
ROTTEN PERSON.
194
00:12:31,584 --> 00:12:33,553
THAT'S HIS EXCUSE.
WHAT'S YOURS?
195
00:12:33,586 --> 00:12:34,922
WHAT'S MY WHAT?
196
00:12:34,955 --> 00:12:36,957
WHY DID YOU DO IT?
WHY DID YOU RAT ON ME?
197
00:12:37,024 --> 00:12:39,259
WHY DID YOU COMPLAIN
TO RAPZINSKY ABOUT MY TYPING?
198
00:12:39,359 --> 00:12:41,428
THAT'S WHY YOU DID IT?
BECAUSE OF YOUR
GODDAMN TYPING?
199
00:12:41,461 --> 00:12:43,130
WELL, I WAS UPSET.
I--I HAD A BAD DAY.
200
00:12:43,196 --> 00:12:46,266
YOU HAD A BAD DAY?
I LOST MY JOB,
I DIDN'T GET PAID,
201
00:12:46,299 --> 00:12:48,135
I GOT THROWN
OUT OF MY ROOM,
202
00:12:48,201 --> 00:12:49,602
I GOT NO PLACE TO GO,
I'M FLAT BROKE,
IT'S RAINING,
203
00:12:49,636 --> 00:12:51,571
AND I'M STUCK IN A ROOM
WITH A PERVERT!
204
00:12:51,604 --> 00:12:53,540
ALL RIGHT. AT LEAST
YOU'VE GOT YOUR HEALTH.
205
00:12:53,573 --> 00:12:55,943
OH, VERY FUNNY.
BOY, YOU'RE ONE HELL OF...
206
00:13:00,981 --> 00:13:02,315
UH...
207
00:13:02,382 --> 00:13:03,383
UH...
208
00:13:03,450 --> 00:13:04,885
W-WAIT A MINUTE.
209
00:13:04,918 --> 00:13:05,919
UH... OH!
210
00:13:05,986 --> 00:13:07,320
L-L-LET...
211
00:13:07,387 --> 00:13:09,056
[shrieking]
212
00:13:09,089 --> 00:13:11,091
FOR GOD'S SAKE,
IT'S 3:00 IN THE MORNING!
213
00:13:11,158 --> 00:13:12,559
YOU WERE WATCHING ME
WITH THESE!
214
00:13:12,592 --> 00:13:14,494
YOU'RE NO AMATEUR PEEPING TOM!
YOU'RE A PRO!
215
00:13:14,561 --> 00:13:16,429
ARE YOU IN TRAINING FOR
THE PERVERTS'
OLYMPIC GAMES?
216
00:13:16,496 --> 00:13:18,165
NOT SO LOUD.
WITH THE NAKED EYE,
217
00:13:18,231 --> 00:13:20,500
IT'S JUST PLAIN DIRTY.
BUT WITH THESE THINGS...
218
00:13:20,567 --> 00:13:23,503
OH, MISTER, WHEN YOU HAVE
TO WORK AT IT THIS HARD,
IT'S FILTH!
219
00:13:23,570 --> 00:13:26,106
YOU'VE GOT TO BE ASHAMED!
YOU'RE A DISGUSTING PERSON!
220
00:13:26,139 --> 00:13:27,140
IT JUST SO HAPPENS--
221
00:13:27,240 --> 00:13:28,909
DID YOU TAKE
ANY PICTURES OF ME?
222
00:13:28,942 --> 00:13:30,944
IT'S PART OF MY WORK.
IT--IT'S PART OF MY STUDIES.
223
00:13:31,011 --> 00:13:32,645
YEAH? YOU STUDYING TO BE
A GYNECOLOGIST?
224
00:13:32,679 --> 00:13:35,015
I HAPPEN TO BE A WRITER.
I OBSERVE PEOPLE.
225
00:13:35,082 --> 00:13:36,349
THAT IS WHAT A WRITER DOES.
226
00:13:36,416 --> 00:13:37,918
HA! WHAT A WRITER DOES
IS WRITE.
227
00:13:37,985 --> 00:13:39,652
LOOKIN' THROUGH WINDOWS
IS WHAT A PEEPING TOM DOES.
228
00:13:39,752 --> 00:13:41,588
THIS IS INCREDIBLE.
229
00:13:41,621 --> 00:13:43,991
I'M KNEELING HERE IN
MY OWN APARTMENT BEING
LECTURED TO BY A WHORE!
230
00:13:44,091 --> 00:13:46,359
[phone ringing]
I'M NOT A WHORE!
I'M NOT A WHORE!
231
00:13:46,426 --> 00:13:48,528
I'M A MODEL!
AND AN ACTRESS!
232
00:13:48,595 --> 00:13:50,530
NOW YOU'VE DONE IT!
NOW YOU'VE DONE IT!
233
00:13:50,597 --> 00:13:52,332
WE'RE BOTH GONNA GET
THROWN OUT OF HERE.
234
00:13:52,365 --> 00:13:55,202
I HAPPEN TO HAVE APPEARED
IN 2 TELEVISION COMMERCIALS,
YOU KNOW.
235
00:13:55,268 --> 00:13:57,304
[groaning]
236
00:13:57,370 --> 00:13:59,539
AND ALSO, I--I'VE APPEARED
IN THE PAGES OF
MANY LEADING MAGAZINES.
237
00:13:59,606 --> 00:14:00,473
ALL RIGHT. SHUSH.
238
00:14:00,540 --> 00:14:02,609
AND NEWSPAPERS.
IT'S TRUE...
SHUSH, SHUSH.
239
00:14:02,642 --> 00:14:03,977
ALL RIGHT.
...I'M TELLING YOU.
240
00:14:06,013 --> 00:14:07,280
HELLO.
241
00:14:07,314 --> 00:14:08,982
HI, HELLO, MR. RAPZINSKY.
242
00:14:10,183 --> 00:14:12,619
YES, UH...
243
00:14:12,652 --> 00:14:15,022
I KNOW, I KNOW.
IT'S--IT'S 3:00.
244
00:14:16,156 --> 00:14:17,390
A FRIEND OF...
245
00:14:18,458 --> 00:14:19,659
YES, I WILL.
246
00:14:29,569 --> 00:14:30,570
[door slamming]
247
00:14:34,307 --> 00:14:35,642
WHERE'D YOU GO, TOOTSIE?
248
00:14:38,345 --> 00:14:41,014
HIDING UNDER THE COVERS
FROM THE BIG, BAD LADY?
249
00:14:41,081 --> 00:14:42,182
HMM.
250
00:14:48,088 --> 00:14:49,156
[water running]
251
00:14:49,189 --> 00:14:50,257
[knocking on door]
252
00:14:50,323 --> 00:14:51,524
OPEN THIS DOOR, PLEASE.
253
00:14:57,430 --> 00:14:58,731
WHO IS IT?
WHO'S OUT THERE?
254
00:14:58,765 --> 00:15:00,267
IT'S JUST ME,
MR. SHERMAN.
255
00:15:00,333 --> 00:15:01,568
WHO?
256
00:15:01,668 --> 00:15:03,403
SHERMAN,
FELIX SHERMAN.
257
00:15:03,436 --> 00:15:05,072
WHAT DO YOU THINK
YOU'RE DOIN' OUT THERE?
258
00:15:05,105 --> 00:15:06,439
I--I LIVE HERE.
259
00:15:06,506 --> 00:15:08,175
WHERE?
HERE, IN THIS APARTMENT.
260
00:15:08,175 --> 00:15:11,378
DON'T YELL AT ME, PUNK!
DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS?
261
00:15:11,444 --> 00:15:13,680
LOOK, UH, IF--IF I COULD JUST
CLIMB THROUGH YOUR WINDOW...
262
00:15:13,713 --> 00:15:15,048
(woman)
WATCH OUT!
WATCH OUT!
263
00:15:15,115 --> 00:15:18,685
STAY WHERE YOU ARE, MISTER!
DON'T COME ANY CLOSER!
I--I'VE GOT A BROOM!
264
00:15:18,718 --> 00:15:22,055
LOOK, I'VE--I'VE
LOCKED MYSELF OUT.
265
00:15:22,089 --> 00:15:24,224
[chuckling]
BELIEVE ME,
I'M COMPLETELY UNARMED.
266
00:15:24,257 --> 00:15:25,725
(woman)
HE'S GOING TO
EXPOSE HIMSELF!
267
00:15:25,758 --> 00:15:27,394
[door slamming]
268
00:15:27,427 --> 00:15:29,196
*[Doris humming]
269
00:15:29,229 --> 00:15:30,597
[banging on door]
270
00:15:33,133 --> 00:15:35,602
SHERMAN, WHERE ARE YOU?
271
00:15:35,635 --> 00:15:38,571
(Felix)
I'M OUT IN THE HALL.
272
00:15:38,605 --> 00:15:40,107
WHAT ARE YOU
DOIN' OUT THERE?
273
00:15:40,207 --> 00:15:41,541
I'M LOCKED OUT.
274
00:15:43,310 --> 00:15:44,577
YOU SURE IT'S YOU?
275
00:15:44,611 --> 00:15:46,079
(Felix)
POSITIVE.
276
00:15:46,113 --> 00:15:47,114
ARE YOU ALONE?
277
00:15:47,214 --> 00:15:48,415
OF COURSE I'M ALONE!
278
00:15:48,448 --> 00:15:49,482
(Doris)
SWEAR.
279
00:15:49,549 --> 00:15:50,617
WHAT?
280
00:15:50,717 --> 00:15:52,385
SWEAR TO ME YOU ARE
JUST A LITTLE FRUIT
281
00:15:52,419 --> 00:15:53,720
ALL ALONE
IN THE HALLWAY.
282
00:15:53,753 --> 00:15:54,988
HUH.
283
00:15:56,223 --> 00:15:57,390
[groans]
284
00:15:59,226 --> 00:16:01,461
DID YOU
HURT YOURSELF, HONEY?
285
00:16:01,561 --> 00:16:04,831
NOW, LOOK. I THINK
I'VE GOT ABOUT $1.50.
286
00:16:04,897 --> 00:16:06,566
I'M GOING TO
GIVE IT TO YOU,
287
00:16:06,566 --> 00:16:08,168
AND THEN YOU'RE
GOING TO GO AWAY.
288
00:16:08,235 --> 00:16:10,303
A WHOLE $1.50.
289
00:16:10,403 --> 00:16:12,239
ALMOST $1.75.
290
00:16:12,272 --> 00:16:14,307
GOSH, NOW I CAN TAKE
THAT TRIP TO EUROPE
I'VE BEEN DREAMING ABOUT.
291
00:16:14,407 --> 00:16:16,276
WHAT ABOUT THE Y.W.C.A.?
292
00:16:16,309 --> 00:16:18,611
FOR $1.75?
THAT CHRISTIAN
THE Y.W.C.A. IS NOT.
293
00:16:18,645 --> 00:16:20,480
NOW LISTEN,
IF "I, RAPZINSKY"
294
00:16:20,513 --> 00:16:22,249
FINDS OUT THAT YOU'RE HERE,
295
00:16:22,282 --> 00:16:24,317
HE'S GONNA THROW ME, SHERMAN,
OUT OF THIS APARTMENT.
296
00:16:24,417 --> 00:16:26,419
THAT WOULD BE
JUST TERRIBLE, WOULDN'T IT?
297
00:16:26,419 --> 00:16:29,656
TO GET THROWN OUT OF
YOUR APARTMENT IN THE
MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT?
298
00:16:29,756 --> 00:16:31,424
NOW, LISTEN,
I'M GONNA GO TO SLEEP.
299
00:16:31,458 --> 00:16:33,493
YOU'RE NOT GONNA HEAR
ANOTHER SOUND OUT OF ME.
300
00:16:33,593 --> 00:16:35,828
I'M GONNA BE OUT OF HERE
TOMORROW MORNING
BEFORE YOU GET UP
301
00:16:35,862 --> 00:16:39,099
BECAUSE I DON'T WANNA
LOOK AT YOUR FACE
ANY MORE THAN I HAVE TO.
302
00:16:39,132 --> 00:16:40,300
OK?
303
00:16:40,367 --> 00:16:41,434
OK.
304
00:16:41,468 --> 00:16:42,802
WHERE'S YOUR T.V.?
305
00:16:42,869 --> 00:16:44,504
I AM PROUD TO SAY
I DON'T HAVE ONE.
306
00:16:44,537 --> 00:16:46,139
YOU DON'T?
WHAT AM I GONNA DO?
307
00:16:46,173 --> 00:16:47,507
I CAN'T GO TO SLEEP
WITHOUT THE T.V.
308
00:16:47,540 --> 00:16:48,608
USE YOUR SET.
309
00:16:48,641 --> 00:16:50,810
I CAN'T.
HE BUSTED IT.
310
00:16:50,877 --> 00:16:53,480
HE CAME CHARGING IN
AND HE--AND HE
RIPPED THE CORD OUT
311
00:16:53,513 --> 00:16:55,815
WITH HIS BARE CLAWS.
312
00:16:55,848 --> 00:16:59,119
I HAVE HAD THIS SET 8 YEARS.
8 YEARS NEXT AUGUST.
313
00:16:59,152 --> 00:17:00,187
[door slams]
314
00:17:00,287 --> 00:17:01,621
IF HE HURT IT,
315
00:17:01,621 --> 00:17:04,124
OR IF ANY OF THOSE TUBES,
316
00:17:04,191 --> 00:17:06,659
OR ANYTHING ARE BROKEN,
317
00:17:06,693 --> 00:17:08,495
I SWEAR,
I'M GONNA MURDER HIM.
318
00:17:24,911 --> 00:17:26,579
WHAT'S THE MATTER?
319
00:17:27,480 --> 00:17:29,816
YOU EXPECTING COMPANY?
320
00:17:29,882 --> 00:17:32,352
THIS HAPPENS TO BE A VERY
EXPENSIVE CREATION, YOU KNOW.
321
00:17:32,385 --> 00:17:33,553
I HAD TO SEND AWAY FOR IT.
322
00:17:33,586 --> 00:17:35,555
DID IT COME IN
A PLAIN BROWN WRAPPER?
323
00:17:35,588 --> 00:17:37,424
IT'S ONE OF
MY MODELING OUTFITS.
324
00:17:37,490 --> 00:17:39,759
FOR WHOM DO YOU MODEL?
THE BOSTON STRANGLER?
325
00:17:39,826 --> 00:17:43,496
LISTEN, MR. SHERMAN,
IF YOU'RE NICE, I'LL LET
YOU TRY IT ON SOMETIME.
326
00:17:43,496 --> 00:17:45,365
ALL RIGHT, LET'S GET
ONE THING STRAIGHT,
327
00:17:45,432 --> 00:17:46,666
DORIS.
328
00:17:46,699 --> 00:17:47,767
(Doris)
HOW'D YOU KNOW MY NAME?
329
00:17:47,834 --> 00:17:48,835
IT'S WRITTEN THERE.
330
00:17:48,901 --> 00:17:49,769
[gasping]
331
00:17:49,836 --> 00:17:52,539
WHO GAVE YOU PERMISSION
TO READ MY PANTIES?
332
00:17:54,441 --> 00:17:55,608
GOOD NIGHT.
333
00:18:06,786 --> 00:18:09,722
HEY, UM, WHAT WERE YOU
GONNA SAY?
334
00:18:12,525 --> 00:18:13,593
HMM?
335
00:18:20,700 --> 00:18:23,270
CAN'T YOU JUST TALK TO ME
FOR A COUPLE OF MINUTES?
336
00:18:23,303 --> 00:18:26,639
I CAN'T-- CAN'T GO
TO SLEEP COLD TURKEY.
337
00:18:26,706 --> 00:18:28,375
WE HAVE NOTHING TO SAY
TO ONE ANOTHER.
338
00:18:28,441 --> 00:18:30,877
WE DO NOT SPEAK
THE SAME LANGUAGE.
339
00:18:30,910 --> 00:18:33,646
AW, COME ON.
I WON'T HURT YA.
340
00:18:35,748 --> 00:18:37,750
YOU DON'T HAVE TO
BE SCARED OF ME.
341
00:18:37,784 --> 00:18:39,319
DO YOU MIND?
[gasping]
342
00:18:39,386 --> 00:18:40,920
OOH!
343
00:18:40,987 --> 00:18:42,922
ALMOST CAUGHT YA,
DIDN'T I?
344
00:18:42,955 --> 00:18:45,292
WILL YOU JUST PUT DOWN
THE SHADE AND GO AWAY?
345
00:18:45,392 --> 00:18:46,759
WHY?
346
00:18:46,793 --> 00:18:48,961
YOU THINK YOU GOT
SOMETHIN' SPECIAL?
347
00:18:49,061 --> 00:18:51,398
YOU THINK YOU GOT SOMETHIN'
I HAVEN'T SEEN BEFORE?
348
00:18:51,431 --> 00:18:53,933
ONE OF THE VERY FEW,
NO DOUBT.
349
00:18:54,000 --> 00:18:57,570
YOU'VE GOTTA
GET OVER THIS TERRIBLE
FEAR OF THE OPPOSITE SEX.
350
00:18:59,606 --> 00:19:01,608
WILL YOU
GET OUT OF HERE?
351
00:19:01,674 --> 00:19:03,976
JUST 'CAUSE YOU LIVE IN
THE TWILIGHT WORLD,
SEXUALLY SPEAKING--
352
00:19:04,010 --> 00:19:07,347
LISTEN, GODDAMN IT,
I'M JUST AS NORMAL
AS YOU ARE.
353
00:19:07,414 --> 00:19:08,615
LET ME REPHRASE THAT.
354
00:19:08,681 --> 00:19:11,784
W-WHAT ARE YOU
SO ASHAMED OF?
355
00:19:11,818 --> 00:19:13,586
(Felix)
I'M NOT ASHAMED
OF ANYTHING.
356
00:19:13,620 --> 00:19:14,654
OH, YEAH?
357
00:19:15,922 --> 00:19:16,923
YEAH.
358
00:19:16,956 --> 00:19:18,291
YEAH?
359
00:19:18,825 --> 00:19:19,992
YEAH.
360
00:19:20,026 --> 00:19:21,194
YEAH?
361
00:19:26,366 --> 00:19:27,534
[laughing]
362
00:19:40,713 --> 00:19:43,516
[continues laughing]
363
00:20:05,505 --> 00:20:06,539
[hiccups]
364
00:20:06,639 --> 00:20:07,640
OH.
365
00:20:08,641 --> 00:20:10,310
[Doris hiccupping]
366
00:20:10,343 --> 00:20:11,378
[Doris laughing]
367
00:20:15,415 --> 00:20:16,516
[sighing]
368
00:20:16,549 --> 00:20:17,584
[hiccups]
369
00:20:17,650 --> 00:20:19,652
OH, GOD.
370
00:20:19,686 --> 00:20:21,554
[laughing]
THAT'S WHAT I GET
FOR LAUGHING SO HARD.
371
00:20:23,656 --> 00:20:24,657
[hiccups]
372
00:20:24,691 --> 00:20:25,725
HEY.
373
00:20:27,494 --> 00:20:29,429
(Doris)
I'M SORRY I LAUGHED.
374
00:20:29,496 --> 00:20:30,763
[Doris hiccupping]
375
00:20:32,432 --> 00:20:35,368
I MEAN, HONEST.
CRO-CROSS MY HEART.
376
00:20:35,402 --> 00:20:37,404
I WASN'T
LAUGHING AT YOU ANYWAY.
377
00:20:37,504 --> 00:20:39,839
[laughing]
I WAS LAUGHING AT
THE--THE SITUATION.
378
00:20:40,673 --> 00:20:41,941
[hiccups]
379
00:20:42,008 --> 00:20:43,376
[sniffles]
380
00:20:43,443 --> 00:20:44,444
I MEAN IT.
381
00:20:44,511 --> 00:20:45,512
[hiccups]
382
00:20:45,578 --> 00:20:47,514
OH.
383
00:20:47,547 --> 00:20:49,349
(Doris)
I MEAN IT, CROSS MY HEART.
384
00:20:49,382 --> 00:20:52,452
[hiccupping]
YOU'RE A PERFECTLY
NICE-LOOKING PERSON.
385
00:20:52,519 --> 00:20:53,853
NOTHING WRONG
WITH YOU AT ALL.
386
00:20:53,920 --> 00:20:55,555
[hiccupping]
OH.
387
00:20:55,588 --> 00:20:57,457
(Felix)
HOLD YOUR BREATH.
388
00:20:57,524 --> 00:20:58,791
IT NEVER WORKS.
389
00:20:58,858 --> 00:21:00,593
[hiccupping]
390
00:21:00,693 --> 00:21:01,928
[groaning]
391
00:21:01,961 --> 00:21:03,896
(Felix)
TAKE 10 SIPS OF WATER.
392
00:21:05,598 --> 00:21:07,767
NO GOOD.
YOU GOTTA SCARE ME.
393
00:21:09,068 --> 00:21:10,470
[hiccups]
394
00:21:10,537 --> 00:21:12,071
I'VE GOTTA
SCARE YOU?
395
00:21:12,138 --> 00:21:14,807
IT'S THE ONLY THING
THAT WORKS. COME ON,
COME ON. PLEASE.
396
00:21:14,874 --> 00:21:16,776
MAYBE YOU'LL HICCUP
YOURSELF TO SLEEP.
397
00:21:16,809 --> 00:21:19,946
LOOK, I GET THEM VERY DEEP!
IT'S A TREMENDOUS
STRAIN ON MY HEART!
398
00:21:19,979 --> 00:21:22,549
SO STOP FOOLIN' AROUND
AND SCARE ME,
OR I'LL SCREAM!
399
00:21:22,582 --> 00:21:23,583
COME ON!
400
00:21:23,650 --> 00:21:25,485
ARE YOU SERIOUS?
401
00:21:25,552 --> 00:21:27,420
YOU'RE SITTING THERE,
WAITING FOR ME
TO FRIGHTEN YOU?
402
00:21:27,454 --> 00:21:29,055
YOU GOTTA
PUT ME OFF MY GUARD.
403
00:21:29,088 --> 00:21:30,222
PUT YOU OFF YOUR GUARD?
404
00:21:30,256 --> 00:21:32,725
YEAH, OF COURSE, DUMMY.
CHANGE THE SUBJECT,
DISTRACT ME.
405
00:21:32,759 --> 00:21:33,993
[hiccupping]
406
00:21:34,060 --> 00:21:35,395
OK.
407
00:21:35,428 --> 00:21:36,963
NICE WEATHER WE'RE HAVING,
DON'T YOU THINK?
408
00:21:37,063 --> 00:21:38,465
[hiccupping]
IT'S RAINING.
409
00:21:38,498 --> 00:21:40,433
IT'S WARMER THAN IT WAS
LAST YEAR AT THIS TIME.
410
00:21:40,467 --> 00:21:42,635
I WAS IN CHICAGO
LAST YEAR AT THIS TIME.
411
00:21:42,735 --> 00:21:44,671
FASCINATING CITY.
HEY, IT STINKS!
412
00:21:44,737 --> 00:21:47,073
WILL YOU COME ON,
OR DO I HAVE TO
HICCUP TO DEATH?
413
00:21:47,073 --> 00:21:48,441
I'M PUTTING YOU
OFF YOUR GUARD.
414
00:21:48,508 --> 00:21:49,909
I AM OFF MY GUARD NOW!
415
00:21:49,942 --> 00:21:51,478
NO, YOU'RE NOT.
YOU'RE EXPECTING IT.
416
00:21:51,578 --> 00:21:52,745
I AM NOT EXPECTING IT!
COME ON!
417
00:21:52,745 --> 00:21:54,113
[hiccups]
418
00:21:54,180 --> 00:21:56,483
[shouting]
419
00:21:56,516 --> 00:21:57,850
[laughing]
420
00:21:58,851 --> 00:21:59,919
[hiccups]
421
00:21:59,952 --> 00:22:02,455
YOU'RE RIGHT.
I WAS EXPECTING IT.
422
00:22:02,489 --> 00:22:05,658
LOOK, I'M GOING TO SLEEP.
I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU DO.
I'M EXHAUSTED. GOOD NIGHT.
423
00:22:06,759 --> 00:22:08,761
[hiccupping]
424
00:22:08,828 --> 00:22:11,498
YOU DIRTY, HEARTLESS,
SON OF A BITCH!
425
00:22:11,531 --> 00:22:12,532
[hiccupping]
426
00:22:12,599 --> 00:22:13,600
[sighs]
427
00:22:14,701 --> 00:22:15,802
OUCH!
428
00:22:17,637 --> 00:22:18,938
[sighs]
429
00:22:23,510 --> 00:22:25,945
(Doris)
HEY, YOU GOT
ANYTHING TO DRINK?
430
00:22:25,978 --> 00:22:27,046
[Doris hiccups]
431
00:22:27,113 --> 00:22:28,448
[Doris sighs]
432
00:22:28,515 --> 00:22:29,882
YOU GOT
ANY COCA-COLA?
433
00:22:30,783 --> 00:22:31,784
[hiccups]
434
00:22:31,851 --> 00:22:33,820
HEY, TINKER-BELL!
435
00:22:33,853 --> 00:22:35,021
(Felix)
IN THE ICEBOX.
436
00:22:37,123 --> 00:22:39,526
I COULD DIE
FOR ALL THAT PERVERT CARES.
437
00:22:44,163 --> 00:22:46,165
[hiccups]
438
00:22:46,232 --> 00:22:49,469
NOBODY GIVES A DAMN
ABOUT ANYBODY ANYMORE.
439
00:22:49,502 --> 00:22:50,503
[hiccups]
440
00:22:50,570 --> 00:22:51,571
[growling]
441
00:22:51,638 --> 00:22:52,872
[screaming]
442
00:22:54,574 --> 00:22:55,908
[exclaiming]
[groaning]
443
00:22:56,809 --> 00:22:58,645
[dog barking on tape]
444
00:22:58,711 --> 00:22:59,879
[Felix groans]
445
00:22:59,912 --> 00:23:00,913
[screams]
446
00:23:02,649 --> 00:23:04,083
WHAT'S THE MATTER
WITH YOU?
447
00:23:04,150 --> 00:23:06,252
YOU CRAZY OR SOMETHIN',
FOR CHRIST'S SAKE?
448
00:23:06,318 --> 00:23:07,520
[Doris screaming]
449
00:23:07,554 --> 00:23:08,555
[Felix grunting]
450
00:23:08,655 --> 00:23:10,923
I TOLD YOU TO SCARE ME,
NOT GIVE ME A HEART ATTACK!
451
00:23:10,990 --> 00:23:13,593
(Felix)
STOP IT! STOP IT!
452
00:23:13,660 --> 00:23:14,694
[screaming]
453
00:23:14,727 --> 00:23:15,728
[dog barking on tape]
454
00:23:15,828 --> 00:23:17,096
[exclaims]
455
00:23:17,163 --> 00:23:18,164
[Doris shrieking]
456
00:23:39,051 --> 00:23:41,220
GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME,
YOU CREEP.
457
00:23:43,690 --> 00:23:44,957
[car honking]
458
00:23:47,760 --> 00:23:49,028
[whistling]
459
00:23:50,029 --> 00:23:51,230
GET HER.
460
00:23:51,263 --> 00:23:52,599
UP YOURS.
461
00:23:56,268 --> 00:23:57,269
[mumbling]
462
00:24:09,048 --> 00:24:10,883
* AT THE END
463
00:24:10,917 --> 00:24:15,588
* OF JACKSON HIGHWAY
464
00:24:19,058 --> 00:24:21,894
* WHERE THE WOODS
465
00:24:21,928 --> 00:24:26,633
* AND THE MOUNTAINS PART
466
00:24:30,136 --> 00:24:34,574
* LIVES A GAL I MET
467
00:24:35,407 --> 00:24:36,843
THIS MAKES 3.
468
00:24:38,077 --> 00:24:39,579
3 WHAT?
469
00:24:39,612 --> 00:24:41,514
3 TIMES
I'VE BEEN ON T.V.
470
00:24:44,951 --> 00:24:46,919
THIS COULD BE
YOUR BIG BREAK.
471
00:24:48,621 --> 00:24:50,590
[elevator door opens]
472
00:24:58,264 --> 00:24:59,265
[doorbell buzzing]
473
00:25:10,877 --> 00:25:12,679
[chuckles]
474
00:25:12,712 --> 00:25:14,113
[buzzing continues]
475
00:25:18,017 --> 00:25:19,686
WHAT HAPPENED?
476
00:25:19,719 --> 00:25:21,387
BARNEY, I REALIZE
THIS IS A TERRIBLE IMPOSITION.
477
00:25:21,453 --> 00:25:22,889
WHY? WHAT HAPPENED?
478
00:25:22,955 --> 00:25:24,891
BELIEVE ME, IF THERE WERE
ANY OTHER ALTERNATIVE...
479
00:25:24,957 --> 00:25:26,158
WHAT HAPPENED, FELIX?
480
00:25:26,192 --> 00:25:27,193
FELIX?
481
00:25:28,160 --> 00:25:29,829
WE'VE--
482
00:25:29,862 --> 00:25:31,297
WE'VE BEEN EVICTED.
483
00:25:31,330 --> 00:25:32,799
HELLO.
484
00:25:32,832 --> 00:25:34,634
HI, I'M DORIS.
PLEASED TO MEET YOU.
485
00:25:34,667 --> 00:25:36,135
I'M BARNEY.
486
00:25:36,168 --> 00:25:38,838
I PLAN, NATURALLY,
TO TAKE THIS TO THE COURTS--
487
00:25:38,871 --> 00:25:40,840
WHY DON'T YOU TELL ME
ABOUT IT IN THE MORNING?
488
00:25:42,341 --> 00:25:44,644
FELIX!
489
00:25:44,677 --> 00:25:46,378
THIS IS A MOST
PECULIAR SITUATION.
490
00:25:46,478 --> 00:25:47,747
ACTUALLY, WE, UH...
491
00:25:47,814 --> 00:25:49,048
DORIS AND I MET
492
00:25:49,081 --> 00:25:50,917
UH, THIS EVENING
FOR THE FIRST TIME,
493
00:25:50,983 --> 00:25:53,319
ALTHOUGH WE'VE BEEN OCCUPANTS
OF THE SAME BUILDING.
494
00:25:53,352 --> 00:25:56,355
I DIDN'T HAVE ANY CASH,
OR, OF COURSE,
WE WOULDN'T HAVE COME HERE.
495
00:25:56,388 --> 00:25:58,090
WE WOULD HAVE SIMPLY
GONE TO A HOTEL.
496
00:25:58,157 --> 00:25:59,225
TO SEPARATE HOTELS,
497
00:25:59,325 --> 00:26:01,027
TO--TO SEPARATE ROOMS
IN THE SAME HOTEL.
498
00:26:01,060 --> 00:26:02,662
YOU'RE STRAIGHT, HUH?
499
00:26:08,400 --> 00:26:09,902
BARNEY,
500
00:26:10,002 --> 00:26:12,772
YOU SHOULD HAVE TOLD ME
YOU WERE ENTERTAINING.
501
00:26:12,839 --> 00:26:15,007
I MEAN, UH, WE CERTAINLY
WOULDN'T HAVE, UH,
502
00:26:15,041 --> 00:26:17,710
IN-INTERRUPTED ANYTHING.
503
00:26:17,777 --> 00:26:19,679
YOU WANNA USE
THE BATHROOM?
504
00:26:19,712 --> 00:26:21,047
CERTAINLY NOT.
505
00:26:22,882 --> 00:26:24,283
THANK YOU THOUGH.
506
00:26:25,384 --> 00:26:27,053
THANKS FOR EVERYTHING.
507
00:26:29,421 --> 00:26:30,422
OH.
508
00:26:32,524 --> 00:26:33,726
[sighs]
509
00:26:42,034 --> 00:26:44,036
LISTEN, IF THERE'S
ANYTHING I CAN--
510
00:27:01,120 --> 00:27:02,121
FELIX.
511
00:27:02,221 --> 00:27:02,989
YES?
512
00:27:05,057 --> 00:27:07,760
I MEAN, THAT'S REALLY
YOUR NAME? FELIX?
513
00:27:07,794 --> 00:27:09,962
IS SOMETHING
WRONG WITH FELIX?
514
00:27:12,999 --> 00:27:15,101
KIND OF OOKY SOUNDING,
ISN'T IT?
515
00:27:15,134 --> 00:27:18,137
I'M NOT OVERLY FAMILIAR
WITH THE WORD "OOKY."
516
00:27:18,170 --> 00:27:21,507
PERHAPS IF YOU COULD
STRETCH YOUR MEAGER
VOCABULARY ENOUGH
517
00:27:21,573 --> 00:27:23,309
TO EKE OUT
A DEFINITION
OF THE TERM.
518
00:27:23,342 --> 00:27:26,913
I MEAN, I MEAN,
FELIX IS
A--A GOOD NAME
519
00:27:26,946 --> 00:27:29,348
FOR A PET SNAIL.
520
00:27:29,415 --> 00:27:31,751
THANK YOU. I KNOW YOU'RE
NOT PARTICULARLY WELL-VERSED
521
00:27:31,818 --> 00:27:33,319
IN ENTOMOLOGY, BUT--
522
00:27:33,419 --> 00:27:35,121
YOU BET YOUR ASS
I'M NOT.
523
00:27:35,154 --> 00:27:38,024
THE NAME "FELIX" MEANS
"HAPPY AND LUCKY."
524
00:27:38,090 --> 00:27:39,926
YEAH, THAT'S YOU.
A HAPPY, LUCKY SNAIL.
525
00:27:39,959 --> 00:27:41,861
THANK YOU, "DORIS."
526
00:27:41,928 --> 00:27:43,362
WHAT DO YOU MEAN "DORIS"?
527
00:27:43,429 --> 00:27:45,832
DORIS-- A HELPLESS,
HOPELESS HUSTLER.
528
00:27:45,932 --> 00:27:47,800
OK, BUSTER.
I GOT 2 THINGS
TO SAY TO YOU!
529
00:27:47,834 --> 00:27:51,103
ONE, I AM NOT A HUSTLER.
I'M A MODEL AND AN ACTRESS!
530
00:27:51,137 --> 00:27:53,305
I'VE APPEARED IN
3 TELEVISION COMMERCIALS,
YOU KNOW.
531
00:27:53,372 --> 00:27:55,441
3? OH, MY GOD,
THAT'S FANTASTIC!
532
00:27:55,474 --> 00:27:57,509
3, YOU MUST HAVE
MADE ANOTHER COMMERCIAL
IN THE ELEVATOR!
533
00:27:57,609 --> 00:28:00,046
OK, OK, MAYBE
IT WAS ONLY 2.
534
00:28:00,112 --> 00:28:03,482
BUT I'VE APPEARED IN
PAGES OF MANY LEADING
MAGAZINES AND NEWSPAPERS
535
00:28:03,515 --> 00:28:06,185
AND I HAVE
BEEN IN A MOVIE.
536
00:28:06,285 --> 00:28:09,989
AND IN BETWEEN ASSIGNMENTS
YOU'RE FOR RENT.
537
00:28:10,022 --> 00:28:12,191
I HAVE ONLY DONE THAT
A COUPLE OF TIMES,
538
00:28:12,291 --> 00:28:15,461
AND EVEN THEN
IT WAS WITH PERFECTLY
RESPECTABLE PEOPLE,
539
00:28:15,461 --> 00:28:18,230
YOU HEAR, UNDER
EMERGENCY CONDITIONS.
540
00:28:18,297 --> 00:28:20,199
AND IT'S SOMETHING
YOU PROBABLY
WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND.
541
00:28:20,299 --> 00:28:22,468
WHAT IS?
542
00:28:22,501 --> 00:28:26,472
(Doris)
THAT I MAY BE A PROSTITUTE,
BUT I AM NOT PROMISCUOUS.
543
00:28:26,505 --> 00:28:28,908
(Felix)
YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.
IT'S A SUBTLE DISTINCTION.
544
00:28:28,975 --> 00:28:30,476
I TAKE IT ALL BACK.
545
00:28:30,542 --> 00:28:33,379
YOU'RE A FINE
EXAMPLE OF CAPITALISM
AT ITS MOST EFFICIENT.
546
00:28:33,412 --> 00:28:35,081
YOU MERELY TAKE
NATURAL RESOURCES,
547
00:28:35,147 --> 00:28:37,049
ADD THE COST OF LABOR,
548
00:28:37,083 --> 00:28:39,485
AND SELL THE PRODUCT
FOR A REASONABLE PROFIT.
549
00:28:39,518 --> 00:28:40,352
I DIDN'T
FOLLOW ALL THAT,
550
00:28:40,386 --> 00:28:42,221
BUT I GET THE FEELING
IT WAS AN INSULT.
551
00:28:42,254 --> 00:28:43,856
NOPE.
552
00:28:43,890 --> 00:28:45,557
IT WAS JUST A STATEMENT
OF THE WAY THINGS ARE.
553
00:28:45,657 --> 00:28:47,026
HMM!
554
00:29:02,441 --> 00:29:04,276
*[humming]
555
00:29:20,559 --> 00:29:21,861
[clears throat]
556
00:29:33,439 --> 00:29:36,608
ARE YOU PLANNING TO
SLEEP IN THAT POSITION?
557
00:29:36,708 --> 00:29:39,378
IT'S A HABIT I GOT FROM
WATCHING T.V. AT NIGHT.
558
00:29:53,926 --> 00:29:56,062
YOU HAD 2 THINGS
TO SAY TO ME.
559
00:29:56,095 --> 00:29:57,263
I DID?
560
00:29:58,630 --> 00:30:00,132
OH, YEAH, YEAH!
561
00:30:01,633 --> 00:30:05,104
I JUST HAPPEN TO KNOW
WHAT THE NAME DORIS MEANS
562
00:30:05,137 --> 00:30:07,473
BECAUSE I LOOKED IT UP.
563
00:30:07,506 --> 00:30:09,075
[sighs]
564
00:30:09,108 --> 00:30:11,277
I GUESS YOU DON'T
KNOW EVERYTHING.
565
00:30:11,944 --> 00:30:13,245
[sighs]
566
00:30:16,515 --> 00:30:19,585
YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT
THE NAME DORIS MEANS,
DO YOU, DR. I.Q.?
567
00:30:24,957 --> 00:30:27,193
WOULD YOU LIKE--
WOULD YOU LIKE
ME TO TELL YOU
568
00:30:27,259 --> 00:30:28,594
WHAT--WHAT THE NAME
DORIS MEANS?
569
00:30:28,627 --> 00:30:30,496
I MEAN, WOULD YOU LIKE
TO LEARN SOMETHING?
570
00:30:34,166 --> 00:30:36,002
IF IT WILL HELP YOU SLEEP.
571
00:30:38,504 --> 00:30:42,441
THE NAME "DORIS"
MEANS "A DORIAN WOMAN."
572
00:30:43,642 --> 00:30:46,278
AND WHAT IS
A DORIAN WOMAN?
573
00:30:46,312 --> 00:30:49,315
BEATS THE SHIT OUT OF ME.
574
00:30:49,381 --> 00:30:52,551
VERY NICE. YOU WANNA
TURN OUT THE LIGHT?
575
00:30:52,618 --> 00:30:53,652
CAN'T GO
TO SLEEP YET.
576
00:30:53,685 --> 00:30:55,287
BUT I CAN.
577
00:30:55,321 --> 00:30:57,456
WELL, YOU'RE A VERY
FORTUNATE PERSON.
578
00:31:00,326 --> 00:31:01,327
*[humming]
579
00:31:07,066 --> 00:31:09,969
IT'S NICE TO BE ABLE
TO GO TO SLEEP
WHENEVER YOU WANT TO.
580
00:31:11,070 --> 00:31:12,671
[clears throat]
581
00:31:12,704 --> 00:31:13,705
[sighs]
582
00:31:13,805 --> 00:31:15,307
[coughs]
583
00:31:17,309 --> 00:31:20,646
ONCE I DO GO TO SLEEP,
I--I DO SLEEP
VERY SOUNDLY, YOU KNOW.
584
00:31:25,151 --> 00:31:26,485
LIKE A LOG.
585
00:31:28,487 --> 00:31:29,989
LIKE A CORPSE.
586
00:31:32,724 --> 00:31:36,062
BUT IT'S VERY HARD FOR
ME TO GET TO SLEEP
ONCE I'M AWAKE.
587
00:31:36,662 --> 00:31:38,264
[Doris sighs]
588
00:31:40,432 --> 00:31:42,268
I HAD THIS SHRINK ONCE
589
00:31:42,334 --> 00:31:45,104
WHO SAID IT WAS BECAUSE
I WAS AFRAID OF DYING.
590
00:31:46,672 --> 00:31:48,440
I DON'T KNOW, I...
591
00:31:48,507 --> 00:31:50,442
I THINK THAT, UM...
592
00:31:50,509 --> 00:31:52,011
I THINK THAT IT...
593
00:31:52,044 --> 00:31:53,512
I--I GOT THIS...
594
00:31:53,545 --> 00:31:56,415
TOO MUCH OF THIS, UH,
STUFF CALLED, UH...
595
00:31:59,085 --> 00:32:00,452
AD-ADRENALINED
596
00:32:01,620 --> 00:32:03,455
THAT I GOT,
YOU KNOW?
597
00:32:06,592 --> 00:32:08,260
*[whistling]
598
00:32:13,732 --> 00:32:15,301
[Doris sighs]
599
00:32:15,367 --> 00:32:18,370
SEE LIKE WHEN
I'M LYING VERY STILL,
600
00:32:18,404 --> 00:32:20,106
I CAN FEEL IT,
YOU KNOW,
601
00:32:20,739 --> 00:32:22,074
SORT OF
602
00:32:23,409 --> 00:32:25,077
GOING UP MY BODY
603
00:32:26,312 --> 00:32:27,646
IN ALL MY ORGANS.
604
00:32:31,250 --> 00:32:34,120
MY ARMS. MY LEGS.
605
00:32:35,787 --> 00:32:37,256
LIKE ENERGY.
606
00:32:38,557 --> 00:32:42,328
LIKE ELECTRICITY.
607
00:32:42,394 --> 00:32:46,265
LIKE LON CHANEY, YOU KNOW?
IN THE MAN MADE MONSTER?
608
00:32:46,298 --> 00:32:48,767
WHERE THEY--THEY
KEEP EXPERIMENTING ON
LON CHANEY
609
00:32:48,800 --> 00:32:51,470
BY GIVING HIM THESE
BIGGER AND BIGGER
HUNKS OF ELECTRICITY
610
00:32:51,570 --> 00:32:53,772
UNTIL HE DAMN NEAR GLOWS.
611
00:32:53,805 --> 00:32:55,474
SO, ONE DAY, AFTER HE
KNOCKS SOMEBODY OFF,
612
00:32:55,507 --> 00:32:58,144
THEY PUT HIM
IN THE ELECTRIC CHAIR,
613
00:32:58,177 --> 00:33:01,247
WHERE THEY--WHERE THEY
GIVE HIM ABOUT
50,000 VOLTS OF ELECTRICITY.
614
00:33:01,280 --> 00:33:03,282
WELL, THIS MAKES HIM
ABSOLUTELY MAD AS HELL,
615
00:33:03,315 --> 00:33:05,184
SO HE BUSTS LOOSE.
616
00:33:05,251 --> 00:33:07,353
AND YOU KNOW, WHEN THEY
TRY TO GRAB HIM,
617
00:33:07,419 --> 00:33:09,288
THEY REALIZE, MY GOD!
618
00:33:09,355 --> 00:33:11,157
ALL HE HAS TO
DO IS SLIP 'EM A GOOSE,
619
00:33:11,190 --> 00:33:13,159
AND THEY WOULD
FRY TO A CRISP.
620
00:33:13,192 --> 00:33:15,294
JESUS, CAN YOU IMAGINE
WHAT SOMETHING LIKE THAT
MUST BE LIKE?
621
00:33:15,327 --> 00:33:16,595
WHAT IS IT?
622
00:33:16,628 --> 00:33:18,597
WHY ARE YOU
DOING THIS TO ME?
623
00:33:18,630 --> 00:33:20,299
WHAT'S THE MATTER?
624
00:33:20,332 --> 00:33:22,801
I'VE BEEN UP SINCE
8:00 THIS MORNING,
YESTERDAY MORNING!
625
00:33:22,834 --> 00:33:25,837
MY BODY IS YEARNING
FOR SLEEP DESPERATELY.
626
00:33:25,937 --> 00:33:28,440
I HAVE THINGS
I HAVE TO DO TODAY.
627
00:33:28,474 --> 00:33:31,143
I WOULD LIKE TO BE AWAKE
WHEN I AM DOING THEM!
628
00:33:31,210 --> 00:33:33,779
I AM NOT BLESSED WITH
AN EXCESS OF ADRENALINE.
629
00:33:33,812 --> 00:33:37,149
I AM CURSED BY THE NEED,
ONCE EVERY DAY OR SO,
630
00:33:37,216 --> 00:33:40,152
TO CLOSE MY EYES
AND TO ACTUALLY SLEEP.
631
00:33:40,186 --> 00:33:41,320
[groans]
632
00:33:41,353 --> 00:33:43,122
OH, TO ACTUALLY SLEEP!
633
00:33:43,155 --> 00:33:45,357
[grunting]
YOU'VE GOT ME SO PUNCHY,
634
00:33:45,457 --> 00:33:46,692
I'M EVEN
SPLITTING INFINITIVES!
635
00:33:46,725 --> 00:33:48,560
MY MIND IS CRACKING!
636
00:33:48,627 --> 00:33:50,862
SOON I WON'T BE
RESPONSIBLE FOR MY ACTIONS.
637
00:33:50,962 --> 00:33:52,498
I'M WARNING YOU!
638
00:33:52,531 --> 00:33:53,832
YOU'RE A REAL TIGER
WHEN YOU'RE AROUSED!
639
00:33:53,865 --> 00:33:55,834
PLEASE! PLEASE, DORIS!
640
00:33:57,369 --> 00:33:58,737
I'M ASKING YOU,
641
00:33:58,804 --> 00:34:01,540
IN THE NAME OF EVERYTHING
WE HOLD SACRED,
642
00:34:03,175 --> 00:34:04,410
GO TO SLEEP.
643
00:34:04,476 --> 00:34:06,512
I'M VERY SORRY.
I WOULD LIKE TO
GO TO SLEEP,
644
00:34:06,578 --> 00:34:09,581
BUT I CAN'T FALL ASLEEP
WITHOUT THE T.V. ON.
IT KINDA SOOTHES ME.
645
00:34:09,648 --> 00:34:11,583
HOW ABOUT
A SLEEPING PILL?
646
00:34:11,650 --> 00:34:13,319
I NEVER TAKE SLEEPING PILLS.
THEY'RE TOO ENERVATING.
647
00:34:13,319 --> 00:34:15,321
[Felix sobbing]
648
00:34:15,387 --> 00:34:16,488
DID YOU HEAR
WHAT I SAID?
649
00:34:16,522 --> 00:34:18,157
WHAT?
650
00:34:18,190 --> 00:34:19,858
I SAID PILLS ARE
TOO ENERVATING.
651
00:34:19,891 --> 00:34:21,693
YES, I HEARD THAT.
652
00:34:21,727 --> 00:34:23,229
YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS,
ENERVATING?
653
00:34:23,262 --> 00:34:25,397
YES, I DO.
654
00:34:25,431 --> 00:34:27,599
MOST PEOPLE THINK IT MEANS
JUST THE OPPOSITE
OF WHAT IT MEANS.
655
00:34:27,666 --> 00:34:29,168
DO THEY?
656
00:34:29,201 --> 00:34:30,402
BUT IT DOESN'T.
657
00:34:30,502 --> 00:34:32,204
NO, WORDS RARELY DO.
658
00:34:33,004 --> 00:34:34,540
DO WHAT?
659
00:34:34,573 --> 00:34:35,907
MEAN THE OPPOSITE OF
WHAT THEY MEAN.
660
00:34:36,007 --> 00:34:38,344
MY GOD, I'M BEGINNING
TO TALK LIKE HER!
661
00:34:38,344 --> 00:34:40,746
[sobbing]
662
00:34:40,846 --> 00:34:43,515
HEY, MAYBE YOU COULD
BORROW A T.V. SET
FROM NEXT DOOR.
663
00:34:44,383 --> 00:34:45,551
[inaudible]
664
00:34:54,926 --> 00:34:57,929
WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'?
665
00:34:57,963 --> 00:35:01,467
[mimicking young man]
THEN THERE'S NO WAY
TO PROVE MY INNOCENCE?
666
00:35:01,533 --> 00:35:04,203
[mimicking old man]
DON'T WORRY.
JUST BEFORE HE DIED,
667
00:35:04,236 --> 00:35:07,373
THE OLD INDIAN CONFESSED,
HE TOLD US EVERYTHIN'.
668
00:35:07,406 --> 00:35:08,807
EVERYTHIN'?
669
00:35:08,874 --> 00:35:10,642
YES, YES, EVERYTHIN'.
670
00:35:10,709 --> 00:35:13,779
A-ABOUT THE MONEY,
UH, THEY FOUND IT
WHERE HE BURIED IT
671
00:35:13,879 --> 00:35:16,415
NEXT TO THE OLD CROSS
ON THE HILL.
672
00:35:16,448 --> 00:35:18,317
AND ABOUT LOUISE...
673
00:35:18,384 --> 00:35:20,219
[mimicking young man]
LOUISE? IS SHE...
674
00:35:20,286 --> 00:35:22,954
[mimicking old man]
YES, BUT SHE'LL
NEVER WALK AGAIN.
675
00:35:23,054 --> 00:35:24,756
NEVER?
676
00:35:24,790 --> 00:35:27,426
AT LEAST NOT
UNTIL NEXT WEEK
677
00:35:27,459 --> 00:35:30,796
WHEN SHE WALKS DOWN
THE CENTER AISLE OF
THE CHAPEL WITH YOU.
678
00:35:30,896 --> 00:35:32,731
BUT, DAD,
I--I THOUGHT...
679
00:35:32,764 --> 00:35:34,766
NO, NO, SON.
680
00:35:34,833 --> 00:35:38,670
YOUR MOTHER AND I
FOUND HER MANY YEARS AGO,
A TINY THING.
681
00:35:38,737 --> 00:35:41,573
SHE WAS HALF DEAD
WITH EXPOSURE
AND EXHAUSTION
682
00:35:41,607 --> 00:35:43,442
IN SAMSON'S GULCH.
683
00:35:43,509 --> 00:35:44,743
[mimicking boy]
THEN...
684
00:35:44,776 --> 00:35:48,280
THAT'S RIGHT, SON.
LOUISE IS NOT YOUR SISTER.
685
00:35:48,347 --> 00:35:50,816
BUT THAT'S ANOTHER STORY.
686
00:35:50,849 --> 00:35:54,286
* DA DA DA DA DA DA
687
00:35:54,320 --> 00:35:56,488
[mimicking announcer]
JUST TIME FOR A WRAP-UP OF
688
00:35:56,522 --> 00:35:59,358
THIS EVENING'S
LATEST HEADLINES
BEFORE WE SIGN OFF.
689
00:35:59,425 --> 00:36:02,428
THE BODY OF WRITER
FELIX SHERMAN WAS
FOUND EARLY THIS MORNING
690
00:36:02,461 --> 00:36:03,662
IN A NEW YORK APARTMENT.
691
00:36:03,762 --> 00:36:05,464
AUTOPSY REPORTS INDICATE
692
00:36:05,497 --> 00:36:08,634
THAT THE CAUSE OF DEATH
WAS AGGRAVATED EXHAUSTION.
693
00:36:08,667 --> 00:36:11,670
AND THAT'S
THIS EVENING'S HEADLINES.
694
00:36:11,770 --> 00:36:13,672
TONIGHT'S SERMONETTE DEALS
695
00:36:13,705 --> 00:36:16,308
WITH ONE OF GOD'S
GREATEST GIFTS TO MAN:
696
00:36:16,342 --> 00:36:18,477
THE POWER OF SLEEP.
697
00:36:18,510 --> 00:36:22,281
SLEEP THAT REFRESHES THE BODY
AND NOURISHES THE MIND.
698
00:36:22,314 --> 00:36:26,017
SLEEP THAT KNITS UP
THE RAVELED SLEEVE OF CARE.
699
00:36:26,117 --> 00:36:29,955
SLEEP THAT SEIZES MINISTER,
PRIEST AND RABBI ALIKE,
700
00:36:29,955 --> 00:36:33,459
WITHOUT REGARD FOR
COLOR OR NATIONAL ORIGIN.
701
00:36:33,492 --> 00:36:36,895
* LA DA DA DA
DA DA DA *
702
00:36:36,962 --> 00:36:39,698
* OH, SAY, CAN YOU SEE
703
00:36:39,798 --> 00:36:41,700
* AND THE ROCKETS'
RED GLARE *
704
00:36:41,733 --> 00:36:43,635
[mimicking explosion]
705
00:36:43,669 --> 00:36:47,639
THIS IS F-E-L-I-X-T.V.,
THE SHERMAN STATION,
706
00:36:47,673 --> 00:36:50,509
SIGNING OFF FOREVER.
707
00:36:53,879 --> 00:36:57,716
OH. OH, THAT WAS TERRIFIC.
THAT WAS REALLY TERRIFIC.
708
00:36:57,749 --> 00:36:58,817
YOU'RE NOT GETTING UP.
709
00:36:58,850 --> 00:37:00,352
DID YOU MAKE
ALL THAT STUFF UP?
710
00:37:00,386 --> 00:37:01,420
YOU MUST BE
A TERRIFIC WRITER.
711
00:37:01,487 --> 00:37:02,754
PLEASE DON'T GET UP.
712
00:37:02,821 --> 00:37:04,490
I'VE GOTTA
GET A DRINK OF WATER.
713
00:37:04,523 --> 00:37:06,358
WHAT DID YOU WRITE FOR?
FOR TELEVISION?
714
00:37:06,425 --> 00:37:07,759
MY GOD, SHE'S UP.
SHE'S UP.
715
00:37:07,826 --> 00:37:09,661
DID YOU?
DID YOU WRITE FOR T.V.?
716
00:37:09,728 --> 00:37:12,898
NO, I DID NOT EVER WRITE
FOR THE LOBOTOMY BOX.
717
00:37:12,998 --> 00:37:14,833
WHAT'D YOU WRITE FOR?
FOR--FOR MOVIES?
718
00:37:14,866 --> 00:37:16,502
NO, I DIDN'T
WRITE FOR MOVIES.
719
00:37:16,535 --> 00:37:17,869
OH, THAT'S TOO BAD.
720
00:37:17,936 --> 00:37:19,771
THEY DON'T
SEEM TO THINK SO.
721
00:37:19,838 --> 00:37:23,008
AH, I LOVE THE MOVIES.
I USED TO GO EVERY NIGHT
722
00:37:23,008 --> 00:37:25,076
TO 40, UH,
TO 42ND STREET,
723
00:37:25,176 --> 00:37:27,346
BUT, UM, TROUBLE IS,
THERE WAS ALWAYS
SOMEBODY, YOU KNOW,
724
00:37:27,379 --> 00:37:29,748
SITTIN' NEXT TO ME
TRYING SOMETHING WEIRD.
725
00:37:29,848 --> 00:37:31,450
DID YOU EVER
TRY READING?
726
00:37:31,517 --> 00:37:32,918
THAT WOULDN'T STOP 'EM.
727
00:37:32,951 --> 00:37:34,453
NO, I DON'T
MEAN IN THE THEATER.
728
00:37:34,520 --> 00:37:36,588
DID YOU EVER
TRY READING A BOOK?
729
00:37:37,856 --> 00:37:40,025
A BOOK!
OH, YEAH, YEAH.
730
00:37:40,091 --> 00:37:41,927
I USED TO READ
PLAYBOY ALL THE TIME
UNTIL I GOT MAD AT THEM.
731
00:37:42,027 --> 00:37:44,029
(Felix)
WHY?
732
00:37:44,062 --> 00:37:46,732
WELL, YOU KNOW,
I POSED FOR THESE,
UH, TERRIFIC, UH,
733
00:37:46,765 --> 00:37:48,467
PLAYMATE OF THE MONTH
THING, YOU KNOW?
734
00:37:48,534 --> 00:37:50,536
YEAH, WHAT HAPPENED?
735
00:37:50,602 --> 00:37:52,938
THEY SENT 'EM BACK.
736
00:37:52,971 --> 00:37:54,706
I KNOW THE FEELING.
737
00:38:05,884 --> 00:38:07,886
HEY, FELIX.
738
00:38:07,919 --> 00:38:08,920
HMM?
739
00:38:12,724 --> 00:38:14,393
WANNA FOOL AROUND?
740
00:38:16,762 --> 00:38:18,930
NO, I DO NOT
WANT TO FOOL AROUND.
741
00:38:20,566 --> 00:38:21,667
OK.
742
00:38:23,469 --> 00:38:25,571
WANT A DRINK OF WATER?
743
00:38:25,604 --> 00:38:28,440
DORIS, I KNOW THIS IS GONNA
COME AS A GREAT
SURPRISE TO YOU,
744
00:38:28,474 --> 00:38:30,108
BUT I THINK I WOULD LIKE
TO GO TO SLEEP.
745
00:38:30,141 --> 00:38:31,677
HEY, COULD YOU
TELL ME A STORY?
746
00:38:31,743 --> 00:38:33,645
IT'S IMPOSSIBLE.
747
00:38:33,745 --> 00:38:34,946
JUST TELL ME A STORY,
748
00:38:34,980 --> 00:38:37,983
AND I SWEAR
I WILL GO TO SLEEP.
749
00:38:38,016 --> 00:38:40,185
WHAT--WHAT KIND
OF A STORY?
750
00:38:40,251 --> 00:38:43,088
OH, YOU KNOW, LIKE
A--A--A--A GOOD MOVIE STORY.
751
00:38:43,121 --> 00:38:44,623
I'M EXTREMELY SORRY,
752
00:38:44,690 --> 00:38:46,958
BUT I DO NOT KNOW THE STORY
OF THE SOUND OF MUSIC.
753
00:38:46,992 --> 00:38:48,827
OH, NO, NOT THAT
TERRIBLE THING.
754
00:38:51,029 --> 00:38:53,198
YOU THOUGHT
THE SOUND OF MUSIC
WAS TERRIBLE?
755
00:38:53,264 --> 00:38:55,100
4 TIMES I SAW
THAT TERRIBLE MOVIE.
756
00:38:56,768 --> 00:38:58,203
YOU MUST'VE
REALLY HATED IT.
757
00:38:58,269 --> 00:38:59,771
DAMN NEAR
KILLED MY FRIEND ELEANOR.
758
00:38:59,771 --> 00:39:02,040
IT DID?
759
00:39:02,107 --> 00:39:03,775
IN THE BALCONY OF
THE R.K.O., 86TH STREET,
NOW TORN DOWN.
760
00:39:04,776 --> 00:39:05,944
YES?
761
00:39:05,977 --> 00:39:08,146
IT WAS PLAYING
CONTINUOUS.
762
00:39:08,179 --> 00:39:09,848
NO INTERMISSION.
763
00:39:10,716 --> 00:39:11,883
GET IT?
764
00:39:13,685 --> 00:39:15,687
NOT QUITE.
765
00:39:15,721 --> 00:39:17,022
HER BLADDER BURST.
766
00:39:20,191 --> 00:39:22,193
THERE'S A LESSON
THERE FOR ALL OF US.
767
00:39:22,293 --> 00:39:24,463
HEY, WHAT ABOUT MY STORY?
768
00:39:24,496 --> 00:39:26,865
I'M PLANNING TO
HAVE A NIGHTMARE.
YOU CAN LISTEN IN.
769
00:39:26,965 --> 00:39:29,167
WHAT ABOUT ALL THOSE
STORIES YOU GOT
IN YOUR SUITCASE?
770
00:39:29,200 --> 00:39:31,803
THEY ARE WORKS IN PROGRESS.
771
00:39:31,837 --> 00:39:34,205
WELL, LISTEN, READ ME SOME OF
YOUR WORKS IN PROGRESS.
772
00:39:34,305 --> 00:39:35,874
I'M INTERESTED.
I REALLY AM.
773
00:39:35,907 --> 00:39:37,876
YOU WOULD NOT
UNDERSTAND MY WORK.
774
00:39:37,909 --> 00:39:38,910
HOW YOU KNOW?
775
00:39:38,977 --> 00:39:40,646
IT HAS
NO BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE,
776
00:39:40,679 --> 00:39:42,681
NO HIT SONGS,
NO HAPPY ENDING.
777
00:39:44,650 --> 00:39:47,486
MAYBE I COULD SHOW YOU
WHERE YOU WENT WRONG.
778
00:39:47,519 --> 00:39:49,020
I KNOW WHERE I WENT WRONG.
779
00:39:49,054 --> 00:39:51,757
I WENT WRONG WHEN
I OPENED MY FRONT DOOR
AT 2:00 THIS MORNING.
780
00:39:51,823 --> 00:39:53,525
COME ON, READ ME
SOME OF YOUR STUFF,
781
00:39:53,592 --> 00:39:55,527
AND I PROMISE I'LL NEVER
ASK YOU ANYTHING AGAIN.
782
00:39:55,561 --> 00:39:56,995
LISTEN, I DIG
THE SOUND OF YOUR VOICE.
783
00:39:57,028 --> 00:39:58,029
HONEST.
784
00:39:58,096 --> 00:39:59,264
IT'S VERY ENERVATING.
785
00:39:59,330 --> 00:40:01,166
YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS?
786
00:40:01,166 --> 00:40:02,868
OH, I TOLD YOU.
787
00:40:02,934 --> 00:40:06,037
COME ON, READ ME A STORY.
788
00:40:06,071 --> 00:40:08,774
I DON'T WANT
TO READ YOU MY STORY.
789
00:40:08,840 --> 00:40:11,677
ISN'T THERE ANY OTHER WAY
YOU CAN FALL ASLEEP?
790
00:40:13,011 --> 00:40:14,045
I'LL READ YOU MY STORY.
791
00:40:14,112 --> 00:40:15,113
GREAT.
792
00:40:16,948 --> 00:40:19,250
I'M A TERRIFIC AUDIENCE,
YOU'LL SEE.
793
00:40:19,284 --> 00:40:21,753
I BET I'M ASLEEP
BEFORE PAGE 2.
794
00:40:21,787 --> 00:40:23,522
(Felix)
THAT WOULD
BE A COMPLIMENT.
795
00:40:33,765 --> 00:40:35,233
*[humming]
796
00:40:35,934 --> 00:40:37,102
[coughing]
797
00:40:39,237 --> 00:40:40,238
[sighs]
798
00:40:48,747 --> 00:40:52,584
"SCREAM, CHAPTER ONE,
THE CITY."
799
00:40:52,618 --> 00:40:55,587
SCREAM. OH, THAT'S
THE TITLE, RIGHT?
800
00:40:55,621 --> 00:40:56,788
SCREAM?
YES.
801
00:40:58,123 --> 00:40:59,290
"THE CITY."
802
00:40:59,390 --> 00:41:01,627
[sighing]
THAT'S A WILD TITLE.
803
00:41:01,660 --> 00:41:02,828
THANK YOU.
804
00:41:02,894 --> 00:41:05,230
"THE CITY CAME TO LIFE.
805
00:41:05,263 --> 00:41:08,600
"THE SUN SPIT MORNING
INTO JULIAN'S FACE.
806
00:41:08,634 --> 00:41:12,137
"TRAFFIC'S SYMPHONY
RESPONDED TO DAY'S DOWNBEAT.
807
00:41:12,237 --> 00:41:15,006
"AS A MILLION SOULS WRAPPED
IN THE COCOON OF SLEEP--"
808
00:41:15,073 --> 00:41:17,643
"SUN SPIT MORNING"?
809
00:41:17,676 --> 00:41:19,578
"AS A MILLION SOULS
WRAPPED IN THE COCOON--"
810
00:41:19,611 --> 00:41:21,146
WAIT A MINUTE,
WAIT A MINUTE.
811
00:41:21,246 --> 00:41:25,183
THE SUN SPIT MORNING
INTO THIS GUY'S FACE?
812
00:41:25,250 --> 00:41:27,252
THAT WAS THE IMAGE, YES.
813
00:41:27,252 --> 00:41:28,787
HIS FACE
814
00:41:28,854 --> 00:41:31,122
THAT MORNING
SPIT INTO IT.
815
00:41:31,156 --> 00:41:32,991
I TOLD YOU,
YOU WOULDN'T LIKE IT.
816
00:41:33,091 --> 00:41:34,926
NO, YOU DIDN'T. YOU SAID
I WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND IT.
WELL...
817
00:41:34,960 --> 00:41:37,663
I UNDERSTAND IT OK,
BUT I DON'T DISLIKE IT.
YOU DON'T?
818
00:41:37,763 --> 00:41:39,865
I HATE IT! WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
"THE SUN SPIT MORNING"?
819
00:41:39,931 --> 00:41:41,132
IT WASN'T WRITTEN FOR YOU.
820
00:41:41,166 --> 00:41:42,801
WHO WAS IT
WRITTEN FOR?
821
00:41:42,834 --> 00:41:44,302
YOU DON'T HAVE TO
RAISE YOUR VOICE.
822
00:41:44,335 --> 00:41:46,672
WHAT RIGHT HAVE YOU GOT TO SAY
A TERRIBLE THING LIKE THAT?
823
00:41:46,772 --> 00:41:48,607
"THE SUN SPIT MORNING!"
824
00:41:48,640 --> 00:41:50,976
CALM DOWN. WHAT ARE YOU
YELLING ABOUT? IT'S A VERY
SIMPLE METAPHOR.
825
00:41:51,042 --> 00:41:52,711
THE SUN SPIT MORNING,
THAT'S ALL.
826
00:41:52,778 --> 00:41:54,012
THAT IS NOT ALL.
827
00:41:54,045 --> 00:41:56,548
THE SUN SPIT MORNING
INTO THIS GUY'S FACE!
828
00:41:59,217 --> 00:42:01,720
BARNEY. WE DIDN'T
WAKE YOU, DID WE?
829
00:42:01,787 --> 00:42:04,890
OH, NO. NO, NOT AT ALL.
830
00:42:04,956 --> 00:42:07,959
WE THOUGHT WE'D GO DOWN,
AND WATCH THE GARBAGE
COLLECTORS AT WORK.
831
00:42:08,026 --> 00:42:11,296
GET A JUMP ON THE CROWD.
832
00:42:11,329 --> 00:42:14,332
I'M SORRY IF, UH,
WE--WE CAUSED YOU
ANY DISTURBANCE.
833
00:42:14,365 --> 00:42:16,167
NO, NO, REALLY.
834
00:42:16,201 --> 00:42:20,071
WE PLANNED TO TAKE A DRIVE
TODAY IN THE COUNTRY ANYWAY.
835
00:42:20,138 --> 00:42:22,641
AND SINCE THE SUN
HAS BEGUN TO SPIT,
836
00:42:22,674 --> 00:42:24,342
YOU KNOW, WE JUST THOUGHT
WE'D GET OUT THERE EARLY
837
00:42:24,409 --> 00:42:26,912
AND CATCH SOME OF
THE MORNING DROOL.
838
00:42:31,082 --> 00:42:32,383
[door closing]
839
00:42:36,421 --> 00:42:39,691
I SURE HOPE I DIDN'T
EMBARRASS YOU
WITH YOUR FRIEND.
840
00:42:43,328 --> 00:42:45,664
HEY, THAT'S NOT
HIS OLD LADY, IS IT?
841
00:42:48,233 --> 00:42:50,268
HE'S A VERY
NICE-LOOKING PERSON.
842
00:42:54,906 --> 00:42:57,876
YOU KNOW, YOU'RE NOT
SO BAD YOURSELF.
I'M NOT KIDDING.
843
00:43:00,511 --> 00:43:02,447
HEY, AREN'T YOU GOING TO
TALK TO ME ANYMORE?
844
00:43:02,513 --> 00:43:03,682
HMM?
845
00:43:04,883 --> 00:43:06,051
HELLO?
846
00:43:08,519 --> 00:43:11,890
LISTEN, I'M SORRY
IF I USED ALL THAT
VULGAR LANGUAGE,
847
00:43:11,923 --> 00:43:14,760
AND I'M SORRY THAT
YOU GOT BOUNCED OUT OF
YOUR PLACE AND EVERYTHING.
848
00:43:14,793 --> 00:43:17,295
IT'S JUST THAT
I WAS SO GODDAMN--
I MEAN, GOSH-DARN MAD.
849
00:43:17,362 --> 00:43:19,030
YOU HAD EVERY RIGHT
TO BE UPSET.
850
00:43:19,030 --> 00:43:22,033
CONSIDERING THE FACTS,
YOUR CONDUCT WAS EXEMPLARY.
851
00:43:23,534 --> 00:43:25,871
YOU SURE KNOW
SOME TERRIFIC, BIG WORDS.
852
00:43:25,904 --> 00:43:27,405
LANGUAGE IS MY BUSINESS.
853
00:43:27,438 --> 00:43:28,439
[screams]
854
00:43:28,539 --> 00:43:30,141
YOU OK IN THERE?
855
00:43:30,208 --> 00:43:31,209
YES.
856
00:43:33,378 --> 00:43:34,880
[water running]
857
00:43:36,381 --> 00:43:38,283
WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'?
858
00:43:38,383 --> 00:43:40,118
(Felix)
BRUSHING MY TEETH.
859
00:43:40,151 --> 00:43:41,319
[sighs]
860
00:43:41,386 --> 00:43:43,221
MAKE MUCH MONEY AT IT?
861
00:43:43,221 --> 00:43:46,057
[muffled]
BRUSHING--BRUSHING MY TEETH
IS--IS NOT THE ATTRACTION
862
00:43:46,091 --> 00:43:47,793
THAT IT USED TO BE.
863
00:43:47,893 --> 00:43:50,161
NO, DUMMY,
I MEANT WRITING.
864
00:43:50,228 --> 00:43:52,230
I DON'T WRITE
TO MAKE MONEY.
865
00:43:52,230 --> 00:43:54,833
(Doris)
BUT YOU'D TAKE IT IF THEY
GAVE IT TO YOU, WOULDN'T YOU?
866
00:43:54,900 --> 00:43:56,401
YES, BUT IT WOULD BE
INCONSISTENT
867
00:43:56,434 --> 00:43:59,270
WITH MY AESTHETIC
RESPONSIBILITIES.
868
00:43:59,337 --> 00:44:02,073
I UNDERSTAND
"WITH" AND "MY."
869
00:44:02,107 --> 00:44:05,276
THEY WOULD GIVE ME MONEY
TO WRITE THEIR WAY.
870
00:44:05,343 --> 00:44:07,979
I WANT TO WRITE MY WAY.
871
00:44:08,013 --> 00:44:10,481
WELL, I GUESS THEY FIGURE
IT'S THEIR MONEY.
872
00:44:13,351 --> 00:44:15,954
YES, I THINK
THAT'S THE WAY THEY FIGURE.
873
00:44:32,804 --> 00:44:34,272
GOOD NIGHT, DORIS.
874
00:44:37,375 --> 00:44:38,443
[door opening]
875
00:44:50,856 --> 00:44:52,023
[thudding]
876
00:45:01,632 --> 00:45:03,134
WHY DID YOU DO THAT?
877
00:45:03,134 --> 00:45:04,803
THIS IS A DOUBLE BED.
878
00:45:04,836 --> 00:45:07,338
I KNOW.
879
00:45:07,405 --> 00:45:10,408
I ALWAYS FEEL SO SELFISH
SLEEPING ALONE
IN A DOUBLE BED,
880
00:45:10,475 --> 00:45:13,311
WHEN THERE ARE
PEOPLE IN CHINA
SLEEPING ON THE GROUND.
881
00:45:13,344 --> 00:45:15,346
NOW I'LL JUST HAVE TO
MAKE IT UP ALL OVER AGAIN.
882
00:45:15,380 --> 00:45:16,481
I'LL DO IT.
883
00:45:16,514 --> 00:45:18,249
I'M QUITE CAPABLE
OF DOING IT MYSELF.
884
00:45:18,316 --> 00:45:21,920
LOOK, I UNMADE IT,
I'LL MAKE IT!
885
00:45:21,987 --> 00:45:23,521
I SAID I'LL DO IT,
AND I'LL DO IT.
886
00:45:23,588 --> 00:45:24,823
LOOK...
887
00:45:24,856 --> 00:45:25,857
[grunts]
888
00:45:25,924 --> 00:45:26,925
MMM.
889
00:45:27,558 --> 00:45:29,060
DORIS!
890
00:45:29,160 --> 00:45:31,096
OH, I GOTTA ADMIT,
YOU KINDA GET TO ME.
891
00:45:31,162 --> 00:45:32,163
COME ON, DORIS.
892
00:45:32,197 --> 00:45:33,932
OH, BABY, I AM COMING ON.
893
00:45:33,999 --> 00:45:36,501
I'M ABOUT TO GIVE YOU
A SOUND THRASHING.
894
00:45:36,567 --> 00:45:37,903
I DIG TOUGH GUYS.
895
00:45:38,003 --> 00:45:39,871
BUT VIOLENCE IS
AGAINST MY PRINCIPLES.
896
00:45:39,905 --> 00:45:42,007
I DIG GENTLE GUYS.
LOOK, BABY,
I KNOW YOU WANT IT.
897
00:45:42,040 --> 00:45:43,942
NO, DORIS,
I'M NOT AN ANIMAL.
898
00:45:44,009 --> 00:45:45,844
COME ON, SWEETHEART.
YOU'RE GONNA LOVE IT.
899
00:45:45,877 --> 00:45:47,345
I AM NOT GOVERNED
BY MY APPETITES.
900
00:45:47,378 --> 00:45:48,947
I AM INTELLECTUAL.
901
00:45:49,014 --> 00:45:51,449
MY LIFE IS
GOVERNED BY--BY MY MIND.
902
00:45:51,516 --> 00:45:52,951
(Doris)
LOOK, BABY.
903
00:45:53,018 --> 00:45:55,253
I AM NOT BABY.
I AM FELIX.
904
00:45:55,353 --> 00:45:57,622
I DON'T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT
WHAT YOU DID IN THE PAST.
905
00:45:57,688 --> 00:45:59,624
I'VE BEEN WITH GUYS
WHO WERE A.C./D.C.
906
00:45:59,690 --> 00:46:02,260
GODDAMN IT, DORIS,
I AM NOT A.C./D.C.
907
00:46:02,293 --> 00:46:04,462
CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT?
I AM TOTALLY D.C.
908
00:46:04,529 --> 00:46:06,597
LOOK, IF YOU WANT TO,
JUST GIVE ME YOUR HAND.
909
00:46:06,697 --> 00:46:08,366
IF YOU WANT TO
GIVE ME YOUR HAND.
910
00:46:08,366 --> 00:46:10,301
YOU CAN CLOSE YOUR EYES
AND PRETEND I'M A GUY,
911
00:46:10,368 --> 00:46:11,602
A GUY WITH
A SCREWED-UP SHAPE.
912
00:46:11,702 --> 00:46:13,204
MMM-MMM.
913
00:46:16,307 --> 00:46:19,044
OH, WOW!
THAT WAS TERRIFIC! MMM!
914
00:46:19,911 --> 00:46:21,279
[moaning]
915
00:46:25,083 --> 00:46:26,251
[both muttering]
916
00:46:27,585 --> 00:46:29,387
NO, I'LL GET IT.
NO, I'LL GET IT.
917
00:46:29,420 --> 00:46:31,289
I GOT IT!
NO, LET ME DO IT.
918
00:46:31,389 --> 00:46:33,224
(Felix)
LET ME UNTIE IT.
I CAN DO IT.
919
00:46:33,224 --> 00:46:35,894
(Doris)
LET ME DO IT. I'M USED TO
THIS SORT OF THING.
920
00:46:35,927 --> 00:46:37,095
LET ME UNTIE IT.
921
00:46:37,162 --> 00:46:38,296
LET ME HELP, BABY.
922
00:46:38,329 --> 00:46:39,330
LET ME HELP.
923
00:46:40,731 --> 00:46:42,133
OH, LET ME DO IT.
924
00:46:42,167 --> 00:46:43,935
YOU'RE MAKING IT TIGHTER!
925
00:46:43,969 --> 00:46:45,971
[Doris sighing]
926
00:46:47,472 --> 00:46:48,907
I GOT IT.
927
00:46:48,940 --> 00:46:50,976
[Doris panting]
928
00:46:51,076 --> 00:46:52,110
[Felix yelling]
929
00:46:53,078 --> 00:46:54,980
WATCH IT! WATCH OUT!
930
00:46:55,080 --> 00:46:57,115
OH, SHIT!
931
00:46:57,148 --> 00:46:58,316
[screams]
(Doris)
WAIT A MINUTE. JUST--
932
00:46:59,284 --> 00:47:00,451
OH, YOU MOTHER!
933
00:47:00,518 --> 00:47:02,187
(Felix)
DON'T POINT DOWN!
934
00:47:02,253 --> 00:47:03,621
WAIT A MINUTE!
935
00:47:03,654 --> 00:47:04,956
EASY. ALL RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT.
936
00:47:04,990 --> 00:47:06,091
ALL RIGHT. OK.
937
00:47:06,124 --> 00:47:07,158
AH, HERE IT IS.
938
00:47:07,258 --> 00:47:08,259
[shrieks]
939
00:47:10,028 --> 00:47:12,197
YEAH! MMM.
940
00:47:12,263 --> 00:47:13,298
MMM.
941
00:47:14,765 --> 00:47:16,601
NO, THAT'S NOT IT.
NO, THAT'S NOT IT.
942
00:47:16,634 --> 00:47:17,635
NO, NO, NO, YOU'RE...
943
00:47:17,702 --> 00:47:20,939
(Felix)
GIVE ME A HINT. A HINT.
944
00:47:20,972 --> 00:47:23,208
NO, YOU HAVE TO UNDO IT.
IT'S A--IT'S A...
945
00:47:23,274 --> 00:47:25,210
DOES IT HINGE OR SOMETHING?
946
00:47:25,276 --> 00:47:27,312
YEAH, YEAH.
NO, NO, THAT'S NOT IT.
COME ON, BABY. WILL YOU--
947
00:47:27,378 --> 00:47:29,214
WHAT DO I DO? DO I HAVE TO
SAY A SECRET WORD?
948
00:47:29,280 --> 00:47:30,548
LET ME HELP YOU, WILL YOU?
949
00:47:30,615 --> 00:47:31,950
CAN I HELP--
CAN I PLEASE HELP?
950
00:47:31,983 --> 00:47:33,284
LOOK, DON'T TEAR IT!
951
00:47:33,318 --> 00:47:35,153
WHAT IS THIS THING,
A DECAL OR SOMETHING?
952
00:47:35,186 --> 00:47:36,521
I'LL DO IT,
I'LL DO IT!
953
00:48:01,712 --> 00:48:03,214
(Doris)
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
954
00:48:04,582 --> 00:48:06,217
[sighing]
955
00:48:06,251 --> 00:48:08,086
MMM, YEAH.
956
00:48:08,153 --> 00:48:10,521
YEAH. MMM-MMM.
957
00:48:13,058 --> 00:48:14,559
OH, DO THAT SOME MORE.
958
00:48:14,659 --> 00:48:16,394
DO THAT SOME MORE.
OH, COME ON, BABY.
959
00:48:16,427 --> 00:48:18,029
OH, COME ON, BABY.
960
00:48:18,063 --> 00:48:19,664
NOT BABY.
COME, ON.
961
00:48:19,697 --> 00:48:21,599
OH, KEEP IT UP,
KEEP IT UP, LOVE.
KEEP IT UP.
962
00:48:21,666 --> 00:48:23,568
WELL, NO, NOT LOVE.
YEAH, OK.
963
00:48:23,668 --> 00:48:25,236
OH, YEAH.
964
00:48:25,270 --> 00:48:27,072
OH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
965
00:48:27,105 --> 00:48:29,074
OH, GOOD, GOOD, GOOD,
GOOD, GOOD.
966
00:48:29,107 --> 00:48:30,108
OH, ATTABOY! ATTABOY!
967
00:48:30,175 --> 00:48:31,409
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
968
00:48:31,509 --> 00:48:33,078
OH, VERY GOOD.
969
00:48:33,111 --> 00:48:34,012
OH, WAIT,
PUT YOUR HAND THERE.
970
00:48:34,045 --> 00:48:36,047
PUT YOUR HAND UNDER THERE.
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
971
00:48:36,081 --> 00:48:37,082
(Felix)
DORIS, PLEASE!
972
00:48:37,182 --> 00:48:39,517
OH, GOOD. WAIT, WAIT, WAIT,
LET ME GET MY LEG OVER.
973
00:48:39,517 --> 00:48:40,518
LET ME
GET THIS LEG OVER.
974
00:48:40,585 --> 00:48:42,220
(Felix)
DORIS.
YEAH?
975
00:48:42,253 --> 00:48:45,056
(Felix)
DORIS.
UH, OH, GOOD. OH!
976
00:48:45,090 --> 00:48:46,557
HOW DOES THAT FEEL?
977
00:48:46,591 --> 00:48:49,260
OH. HOW DOES THAT FEEL, HUH?
IS IT GOOD, GOOD?
978
00:48:49,294 --> 00:48:50,561
(Felix)
COULD YOU PLEASE
979
00:48:50,595 --> 00:48:53,264
REFRAIN FROM
TALKING SO MUCH?
980
00:48:53,364 --> 00:48:56,201
IT'S RUINING MY--
MY CONCENTRATION.
981
00:48:56,201 --> 00:48:57,402
WHAT AM I,
A CHESS PROBLEM?
982
00:48:57,468 --> 00:48:58,469
JUST SHUT UP!
983
00:48:58,536 --> 00:48:59,704
OK, OK, OK, OK!
984
00:49:00,538 --> 00:49:01,606
[grunting]
985
00:49:04,575 --> 00:49:07,412
(Felix)
DORIS, DORIS, PLEASE.
986
00:49:07,478 --> 00:49:09,047
PLEASE, DORIS.
987
00:49:09,080 --> 00:49:10,081
(Doris)
MMM.
988
00:49:10,148 --> 00:49:11,482
COME ON, DORIS.
989
00:49:14,085 --> 00:49:15,486
WHAT'S THE MATTER?
990
00:49:15,553 --> 00:49:18,056
JUST A SIMPLE
RESPECT FOR TRADITION.
991
00:49:19,124 --> 00:49:20,158
[laughs]
992
00:49:20,225 --> 00:49:22,060
ANYTHING YOU SAY,
MR. SHERMAN.
993
00:49:26,564 --> 00:49:27,565
MMM.
994
00:49:42,247 --> 00:49:44,115
WHAT'S YOUR LAST NAME?
995
00:49:47,918 --> 00:49:49,354
WAVERLY.
996
00:49:50,588 --> 00:49:51,622
(Felix)
ARE YOU SURE?
997
00:49:53,291 --> 00:49:55,260
SURE I'M SURE.
998
00:49:55,293 --> 00:49:57,462
IT'S JUST THAT
YOU--YOU ASKED ME
SO SUDDENLY.
999
00:49:59,430 --> 00:50:02,433
WELL, ACTUALLY,
1000
00:50:02,467 --> 00:50:04,635
I AM IN BETWEEN
NAMES RIGHT NOW.
1001
00:50:05,603 --> 00:50:07,372
I TRIED, UM,
1002
00:50:07,438 --> 00:50:09,774
WADSWORTH FOR A WHILE,
1003
00:50:09,807 --> 00:50:11,309
AND WELLINGTON,
1004
00:50:12,443 --> 00:50:14,279
BUT AT THE MOMENT IT'S--
1005
00:50:14,945 --> 00:50:16,847
IT'S WAVERLY.
1006
00:50:16,881 --> 00:50:18,783
WHY DO YOU
KEEP CHANGING IT?
1007
00:50:19,650 --> 00:50:22,120
WELL,
1008
00:50:22,153 --> 00:50:24,822
IT'S VERY IMPORTANT
FOR AN ACTRESS TO HAVE
A CATCHY NAME, YOU KNOW?
1009
00:50:24,889 --> 00:50:27,492
SOMETHING THAT
THE AUDIENCE CAN REMEMBER.
1010
00:50:27,525 --> 00:50:29,360
AND THAT SOUNDS
KINDA CLASSY,
1011
00:50:29,394 --> 00:50:30,695
DON'T YOU THINK?
1012
00:50:31,529 --> 00:50:33,464
WELL,
1013
00:50:33,498 --> 00:50:35,800
I THINK IT'S IMPORTANT
FOR AN ACTRESS TO
HAVE SOME TALENT...
1014
00:50:35,833 --> 00:50:37,135
I GOT TALENT,
BELIEVE ME.
1015
00:50:37,168 --> 00:50:38,403
OH, I DIDN'T MEAN...
1016
00:50:38,469 --> 00:50:40,305
I GOT PLENTY OF TALENT!
1017
00:50:40,371 --> 00:50:42,173
JUST 'CAUSE I DON'T
TALK AS GOOD AS YOU,
1018
00:50:42,207 --> 00:50:43,708
JUST 'CAUSE
YOU THINK I'M DUMB.
1019
00:50:43,741 --> 00:50:46,677
DORIS, I AM TELLING YOU,
YOU ARE NOT DUMB.
1020
00:50:48,813 --> 00:50:50,848
YOU'RE NOT JUST
BEIN', UH, POLITE?
1021
00:50:50,881 --> 00:50:52,550
NO.
1022
00:50:52,650 --> 00:50:56,321
WELL, YOU'RE WRONG.
1023
00:50:56,321 --> 00:50:59,357
HALF THE TIME, YOU KNOW,
I DON'T EVEN UNDERSTAND
WHAT YOU'RE SAYIN'.
1024
00:50:59,424 --> 00:51:01,359
ALL THOSE BIG WORDS YOU USE,
THEY REALLY BUG ME.
1025
00:51:01,392 --> 00:51:03,561
DORIS, BIG WORDS
ARE NOT INTRINSICALLY...
1026
00:51:03,661 --> 00:51:05,830
AH! YOU DID IT AGAIN.
YOU SEE, YOU JUST HIT ME
WITH ANOTHER ONE.
1027
00:51:05,863 --> 00:51:07,198
I DON'T KNOW
WHAT THAT MEANS.
1028
00:51:07,232 --> 00:51:08,233
WHY DO YOU GET ANGRY?
1029
00:51:08,333 --> 00:51:09,667
WHY DO I GET ANGRY?
1030
00:51:09,667 --> 00:51:12,170
LOOK, SUPPOSE
I SAID TO YOU
1031
00:51:12,203 --> 00:51:14,539
I SPENT A LOT OF TIME
STOOBULATING,
WHAT WOULD YOU THINK?
1032
00:51:14,572 --> 00:51:17,708
I WOULD THINK THAT THAT SHOWS
THAT YOU HAVE IMAGINATION.
1033
00:51:19,277 --> 00:51:20,778
YEAH?
YES.
1034
00:51:20,845 --> 00:51:23,581
NOT ANYBODY CAN MAKE UP
A WORD LIKE STUBULATING.
1035
00:51:23,614 --> 00:51:24,615
STOOBULATING.
STOOBULATING.
1036
00:51:24,682 --> 00:51:25,916
AND THE FACT
THAT YOU GET UPSET
1037
00:51:26,016 --> 00:51:28,253
WHEN--WHEN THERE ARE
THINGS YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND,
1038
00:51:28,286 --> 00:51:30,555
JUST SHOWS THAT
YOU HAVE CURIOSITY.
1039
00:51:31,522 --> 00:51:32,723
YEAH?
1040
00:51:32,757 --> 00:51:34,425
YEAH, THAT'S
A VERY GREAT ATTRIBUTE.
1041
00:51:34,459 --> 00:51:35,926
WATCH IT.
1042
00:51:35,960 --> 00:51:37,428
QUALITY.
1043
00:51:37,862 --> 00:51:38,863
OH!
1044
00:51:45,970 --> 00:51:48,639
HEY.
1045
00:51:48,706 --> 00:51:51,209
I REALLY DO LIKE
TALKIN' TO YOU, YOU KNOW?
1046
00:51:51,242 --> 00:51:52,610
THANK YOU.
1047
00:51:55,413 --> 00:51:56,414
I BET...
1048
00:51:58,449 --> 00:52:00,751
IF WE HAD A GOOD
CONVERSATION, SAY,
1049
00:52:01,386 --> 00:52:03,721
ONCE A DAY,
1050
00:52:03,754 --> 00:52:07,325
BET I COULD LEARN
A HELL OF A LOT.
1051
00:52:07,392 --> 00:52:10,728
WELL, I'M SURE THERE ARE
CERTAIN ASPECTS OF LIFE
I COULD LEARN FROM YOU.
1052
00:52:10,761 --> 00:52:12,430
YOU BET YOUR ASS.
1053
00:52:13,431 --> 00:52:15,400
[Doris chomping]
1054
00:52:15,433 --> 00:52:17,502
L-LISTEN, DORIS,
L-LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING.
1055
00:52:17,568 --> 00:52:18,769
(Doris)
HOW DO YOU
LIKE WASHINGTON?
1056
00:52:18,836 --> 00:52:19,837
WHAT?
1057
00:52:19,904 --> 00:52:22,440
WASHINGTON.
YOU LIKE IT?
1058
00:52:22,507 --> 00:52:23,941
WELL, IT'S AN EXCITING TOWN,
1059
00:52:23,974 --> 00:52:25,643
BEING THE SEAT
OF OUR GOVERNMENT--
1060
00:52:25,676 --> 00:52:27,678
WASHINGTON!
DORIS WASHINGTON.
1061
00:52:30,415 --> 00:52:32,917
OH, THAT'S VERY NICE.
1062
00:52:32,950 --> 00:52:35,786
LISTEN, DORIS WASHINGTON,
TELL ME SOMETHING.
1063
00:52:36,587 --> 00:52:39,324
(Doris)
WHAT?
1064
00:52:39,424 --> 00:52:41,692
I CAN'T HELP
BEING CURIOUS ABOUT...
1065
00:52:44,495 --> 00:52:45,763
NO, NEVER MIND.
1066
00:52:45,796 --> 00:52:47,798
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.
WHAT IS IT?
1067
00:52:47,832 --> 00:52:49,500
FORGET IT, REALLY.
IT'S NONE OF
MY BUSINESS ANYWAY.
1068
00:52:49,534 --> 00:52:51,769
I'LL TELL YOU IF IT'S
NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.
ASK ME. WHAT?
1069
00:52:53,638 --> 00:52:55,840
WELL, YOU, UH,
1070
00:52:55,940 --> 00:52:58,042
YOU-- YOU'VE BEEN
WITH A GREAT MANY MEN,
I SUPPOSE.
1071
00:52:58,108 --> 00:52:59,444
NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.
1072
00:52:59,444 --> 00:53:01,312
I UNDERSTAND.
YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT?
1073
00:53:01,379 --> 00:53:03,448
LOOK, I'M SORRY.
I DIDN'T MEAN
TO UPSET YOU.
1074
00:53:03,481 --> 00:53:05,983
WHO'S UPSET?
AH, YOU THINK A DUMB THING
LIKE THAT COULD UPSET ME?
1075
00:53:06,050 --> 00:53:07,051
WHAT ARE YOU
SHRIEKING FOR?
1076
00:53:07,117 --> 00:53:09,554
I DON'T SHRIEK.
I TALK LOUD,
BUT I DON'T SHRIEK.
1077
00:53:09,620 --> 00:53:10,621
OK, OK.
1078
00:53:10,655 --> 00:53:12,557
IT'S NOT OK.
1079
00:53:12,623 --> 00:53:14,559
OH, CHRIST. WHY DO YOU
HAVE TO GO AND ASK ME
1080
00:53:14,625 --> 00:53:15,960
A QUESTION LIKE THAT FOR,
ANYWAY?
1081
00:53:15,993 --> 00:53:17,628
LET'S FORGET
THE WHOLE THING.
1082
00:53:17,662 --> 00:53:19,797
I WAS CURIOUS,
THAT'S ALL.
1083
00:53:19,830 --> 00:53:21,966
IT'S A PRETTY PECULIAR THING
TO BE CURIOUS ABOUT,
ISN'T IT?
1084
00:53:21,999 --> 00:53:24,569
I MEAN, HOW WOULD YOU FEEL
IF I ASKED YOU
A QUESTION LIKE THAT?
1085
00:53:24,635 --> 00:53:26,971
I CERTAINLY WOULDN'T GET
SO DEFENSIVE ABOUT IT.
1086
00:53:27,004 --> 00:53:29,674
THAT'S PROBABLY BECAUSE
THE ANSWER WOULDN'T BE
VERY INTERESTING, RIGHT?
1087
00:53:29,740 --> 00:53:31,041
YOU'RE MAKING
THIS VERY PERSONAL.
1088
00:53:31,075 --> 00:53:32,510
HMM, I AM.
1089
00:53:32,543 --> 00:53:34,579
OH, JESUS,
I-- I'M SORRY ABOUT THAT.
1090
00:53:34,645 --> 00:53:36,414
I DIDN'T MEAN TO ASK YOU
A PERSONAL QUESTION.
1091
00:53:36,481 --> 00:53:38,549
AFTER ALL, THE QUESTION
YOU ASKED ME
WASN'T PERSONAL!
1092
00:53:38,649 --> 00:53:41,986
TELL ME ABOUT
THE 5,000 OR 6,000 GUYS
YOU SLEPT WITH?
1093
00:53:42,019 --> 00:53:43,654
BUT DORIS, IN YOUR CASE--
1094
00:53:43,688 --> 00:53:45,356
IN MY CASE? OH, YEAH.
1095
00:53:45,390 --> 00:53:47,658
I'M THAT--THAT SPECIAL CASE,
RIGHT.
1096
00:53:47,692 --> 00:53:50,495
AND I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING
ABOUT 5,000 OR 6,000 GUYS.
1097
00:53:50,528 --> 00:53:52,363
THAT'S WHAT
YOU WERE THINKING!
1098
00:53:52,430 --> 00:53:53,764
[truck honking]
1099
00:53:55,900 --> 00:53:57,735
RIGHT?
1100
00:53:57,835 --> 00:53:58,936
WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
1101
00:53:59,003 --> 00:54:00,738
NONE OF
YOUR GODDAMN BUSINESS.
1102
00:54:00,771 --> 00:54:01,772
IS THE TRUTH
THAT DISTURBING?
1103
00:54:01,839 --> 00:54:02,873
WHAT TRUTH?
WHAT TRUTH?
1104
00:54:02,940 --> 00:54:04,842
IF YOU'RE SO CONCERNED
ABOUT THE TRUTH,
1105
00:54:04,875 --> 00:54:06,877
WHY DIDN'T YOU ASK ME
WHAT YOU REALLY WANTED
TO ASK ME?
1106
00:54:06,911 --> 00:54:08,513
AND WHAT IS THAT,
PRAY TELL?
1107
00:54:08,546 --> 00:54:10,448
I'LL PRAY TELL YOU
WHAT THAT IS.
1108
00:54:10,515 --> 00:54:12,850
WHAT YOU REALLY WANTED TO KNOW
IS HOW YOU STOOD UP
TO THE COMPETITION.
1109
00:54:12,917 --> 00:54:14,919
HOW YOU RATED.
1110
00:54:14,952 --> 00:54:16,854
YOU WANTED TO KNOW IF
YOU PASSED THE COURSE,
RIGHT?
1111
00:54:16,887 --> 00:54:19,089
IF YOU SAY SO, TEACHER.
I DIDN'T REALIZE
YOU WERE GIVING LESSONS.
1112
00:54:19,189 --> 00:54:21,426
YEAH, WELL ORDINARILY
I DON'T HANDLE BEGINNERS.
1113
00:54:21,459 --> 00:54:23,628
NO, I IMAGINE A PRO
LIKE YOU WOULDN'T.
1114
00:54:23,694 --> 00:54:25,963
AND I KNOW
WHAT YOUR NEXT QUESTION
WOULD HAVE BEEN, TOO.
1115
00:54:26,030 --> 00:54:28,899
BECAUSE IT'S
THE SAME DUMB QUESTION
THAT EVERY TRICK ASKS.
1116
00:54:28,966 --> 00:54:32,069
YOUR NEXT QUESTION
WOULD HAVE BEEN, UM, UH,
1117
00:54:32,102 --> 00:54:35,940
DID YOU REALLY LIKE THAT?
I MEAN, UH, DID YOU ACTUALLY
GET A THRILL AND ALL,
1118
00:54:36,040 --> 00:54:37,542
AFTER ALL THE TIMES
YOU'VE DONE IT?
1119
00:54:37,575 --> 00:54:40,077
I MEAN, A PIECE OF WOOD
LIKE YOU, A--A THING LIKE YOU?
1120
00:54:40,144 --> 00:54:43,047
YOU REALLY COULDN'T ENJOY
DOING IT WITH AN HONEST,
CLEAN-LIVING,
1121
00:54:43,080 --> 00:54:45,816
UPRIGHT, HOTSHOT
CITIZEN LIKE ME! RIGHT?
1122
00:54:47,885 --> 00:54:48,886
WHY DON'T I KNOW BETTER?
1123
00:54:48,919 --> 00:54:50,921
HOW COME I NEVER LEARN?
1124
00:54:50,955 --> 00:54:53,891
I--I'M NOT GONNA BE
TREATED LIKE A THING.
I AM A REAL PERSON.
1125
00:54:53,924 --> 00:54:56,093
I AM A PERSON NAMED
DORIS WILGUS.
1126
00:54:56,827 --> 00:54:58,095
WILGUS?
1127
00:54:58,128 --> 00:54:59,430
[sighs deeply]
1128
00:54:59,464 --> 00:55:03,801
AND YOU CAN TAKE
YOUR BEADY EYES OFF ME
WHILE I TELL YOU SOMETHING.
1129
00:55:03,901 --> 00:55:06,070
LAST NIGHT--LAST NIGHT
I THOUGHT
1130
00:55:06,070 --> 00:55:07,938
SOMETHING REAL NICE
WAS HAPPENING.
1131
00:55:08,005 --> 00:55:10,675
I MEAN,
YOU--YOU REALLY SEEMED
TO BE A NICE GUY AND ALL.
1132
00:55:10,741 --> 00:55:13,077
BUT I'LL TELL YA--
I'LL TELL YA,
I FALL IN LOVE ALL THE TIME.
1133
00:55:13,143 --> 00:55:16,013
ALL THE TIME, YA HEAR?
SO IT'S NO BIG DEAL.
1134
00:55:16,080 --> 00:55:19,817
BUT, UH, YOU WERE VERY NICE
THERE FOR A WHILE, YOU SAID
SOME REAL SWELL THINGS.
1135
00:55:19,917 --> 00:55:21,619
SO I GUESS ALL IT GOES
TO PROVE
1136
00:55:21,652 --> 00:55:24,455
IS THAT YOU'RE A BETTER ACTOR
THAN I AM. I MEAN "ACTRESS."
1137
00:55:24,489 --> 00:55:26,491
WELL, YOU'D KNOW MORE
ABOUT THAT THAN I WOULD
1138
00:55:26,524 --> 00:55:28,826
SINCE MOST OF YOUR ACTING
HAS BEEN DONE IN BED.
1139
00:55:28,859 --> 00:55:32,096
AFTER ALL, MR. SHERMAN,
SOMEONE'S GOTTA LOOK LIKE
THEY KNOW WHAT THEY'RE DOING.
1140
00:55:32,129 --> 00:55:34,499
SORRY IF I DIDN'T MEASURE UP
TO YOUR HIGH STANDARDS.
1141
00:55:34,599 --> 00:55:36,100
DO I GET GRADED
ON A SCALE OF 10?
1142
00:55:36,133 --> 00:55:37,668
SURE, IF YOU ACCEPT FRACTIONS.
1143
00:55:37,768 --> 00:55:39,203
LISTEN,
YOU KNOW WHAT YOU NEED?
1144
00:55:39,269 --> 00:55:41,472
I'M NOT INTERESTED
IN WHAT YOU THINK I NEED.
1145
00:55:41,506 --> 00:55:43,841
YOU NEED THE SERVICES
OF A COMPETENT PSYCHIATRIST,
WHO MIGHT,
1146
00:55:43,941 --> 00:55:47,111
IF HE HAS UNLIMITED TIME,
BE ABLE TO ASSEMBLE THE PIECES
OF YOUR JUMBLED MIND.
1147
00:55:47,144 --> 00:55:48,479
BULLSHIT!
1148
00:55:48,513 --> 00:55:50,114
OH, THAT'S A TECHNICAL TERM
YOU PICKED UP
1149
00:55:50,147 --> 00:55:52,650
IN THE THEATRICAL PROFESSION,
NO DOUBT.
1150
00:55:52,683 --> 00:55:55,185
LISTEN, MR. KNOW-IT-ALL-
FROM-READING-A-LOT-OF-BOOKS,
I DID MY TIME ON THE COUCH.
1151
00:55:55,219 --> 00:55:58,222
WELL, IF A BED ISN'T HANDY...
HA, HA. VERY FUNNY.
1152
00:55:58,288 --> 00:56:01,526
ANYWAY, THAT SHRINK
WAS JUST LIKE YOU.
ALL TALK AND NO ACTION.
1153
00:56:01,559 --> 00:56:03,728
AND YOU KNOW WHAT HE SAID?
1154
00:56:03,794 --> 00:56:07,164
HE SAID, "DORIS, DO WHAT
YOU WANT, AS LONG AS
IT DOESN'T MAKE YOU UNHAPPY."
1155
00:56:07,231 --> 00:56:09,734
SO I DID.
I DIDN'T PAY MY BILL.
1156
00:56:09,800 --> 00:56:12,136
DIDN'T MAKE ME UNHAPPY AT ALL,
BUT IT SURE
MADE HIM MAD AS HELL.
1157
00:56:12,202 --> 00:56:14,004
WHY DIDN'T YOU LET HIM
TAKE IT OUT IN TRADE?
1158
00:56:18,843 --> 00:56:19,977
GIVE ME A DOLLAR, PLEASE.
1159
00:56:21,879 --> 00:56:22,913
IF YOU CAN MANAGE IT.
1160
00:56:25,583 --> 00:56:27,217
JUST SO I CAN GET
A CAB SOMEWHERE.
1161
00:56:31,522 --> 00:56:33,190
WHERE DO I SEND IT?
FORGET IT.
1162
00:56:33,223 --> 00:56:35,693
IF YOU WERE A MILLIONAIRE,
I WOULDN'T FORGET IT.
YOU WORKED FOR IT.
1163
00:56:35,726 --> 00:56:37,027
WHICH IS MORE
THAN YOU DID.
1164
00:56:37,061 --> 00:56:39,229
IF YOU PUT IN A FULL DAY,
YOU CAN EARN 9 OR 10 MORE.
1165
00:56:39,263 --> 00:56:42,567
I'LL JUST COME BACK HERE.
YOUR FRIEND BARNEY'LL TELL ME.
1166
00:56:42,600 --> 00:56:44,935
SEND IT TO DOUBLEDAY'S.
53RD AND 5TH.
1167
00:56:50,107 --> 00:56:52,009
IS THAT WHERE YOU WORK?
1168
00:56:52,777 --> 00:56:54,111
IN DOUBLEDAY'S?
1169
00:56:55,680 --> 00:56:56,847
IN A BOOK STORE?
1170
00:56:58,883 --> 00:57:00,885
WHAT ARE YOU, A CLERK?
1171
00:57:00,918 --> 00:57:01,952
HUH?
1172
00:57:03,554 --> 00:57:05,756
HEY, GET A LOAD OF THAT!
1173
00:57:05,856 --> 00:57:09,293
THE BIG-TIME WRITER
IS A BOOK CLERK.
1174
00:57:09,359 --> 00:57:11,195
OH, CHRIST,
THAT MAKES ME HAPPY.
1175
00:57:11,228 --> 00:57:12,930
I'M GLAD SOMETHING
CAN SATISFY YOU.
1176
00:57:13,030 --> 00:57:14,565
HAPPY BOOKSELLING,
MR. SHERMAN.
1177
00:57:14,599 --> 00:57:17,702
HAPPY STREETWALKING,
MISS WHATEVER-YOUR-NAME-IS.
1178
00:57:17,735 --> 00:57:19,269
MAYBE I'LL, UM,
1179
00:57:19,369 --> 00:57:21,639
I'LL COME INTO THE STORE
SOMETIME, AND UH,
1180
00:57:21,706 --> 00:57:24,041
TAKE A LOOK AT THE
2-BIT BOOK PEDDLER
1181
00:57:24,074 --> 00:57:26,243
WHO PRETENDS TO BE A WRITER,
BUT WHO NEVER WILL BE.
1182
00:57:26,276 --> 00:57:28,546
HOW WOULD YOU KNOW?
FIRST YOU HAVE TO LEARN
HOW TO READ.
1183
00:57:28,579 --> 00:57:30,080
I'LL TELL YOU HOW I KNOW.
1184
00:57:30,114 --> 00:57:32,550
I KNOW THAT
YOU WILL NEVER BE A WRITER
1185
00:57:32,583 --> 00:57:34,985
NO MATTER HOW HARD
YOU PRETEND, MR. SHERMAN,
1186
00:57:35,052 --> 00:57:36,887
BECAUSE GODDAMN IT,
1187
00:57:36,954 --> 00:57:39,790
THE SUN DOES NOT SPIT!
1188
00:57:40,891 --> 00:57:43,661
*[music playing]
1189
00:58:00,945 --> 00:58:04,014
[announcer
chattering on T.V.]
1190
00:58:04,081 --> 00:58:06,150
(announcer)
...THE 38-YARD LINE!
1191
00:58:11,756 --> 00:58:13,290
WHAT A BALL GAME!
1192
00:58:16,994 --> 00:58:18,663
3RD AND 7.
JONES TO PASS!
1193
00:58:18,696 --> 00:58:19,964
[crowd roaring]
1194
00:58:22,867 --> 00:58:24,334
[announcer
continues chattering]
1195
00:58:26,036 --> 00:58:27,538
[increasing volume]
1196
00:58:37,347 --> 00:58:39,016
(announcer)
NOW, DO YOU EAT UP
THE CLOCK
1197
00:58:39,049 --> 00:58:40,851
AND PLAY FOR
A SURE FIELD GOAL,
1198
00:58:40,885 --> 00:58:42,620
OR DO YOU GO ALL-OUT
FOR THE WINNING TOUCHDOWN?
1199
00:58:42,653 --> 00:58:44,154
THAT'S WHAT JONES
IS DISCUSSING NOW.
1200
00:59:26,396 --> 00:59:29,667
(announcer)
NOW THE CLOCK'S STOPPED WITH
LESS THAN A MINUTE REMAINING.
1201
00:59:29,700 --> 00:59:32,169
HOW'D YOU LIKE
TO BE IN THAT HUDDLE?
WOLVES, TRAILING BY 3,
1202
00:59:32,202 --> 00:59:33,270
HAVE A FIRST DOWN
AT THE 25--
1203
00:59:36,240 --> 00:59:38,275
[amplifier reverberating]
1204
00:59:38,342 --> 00:59:41,111
AAH! WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT,
YOU FUCKING LUG, YA?
1205
00:59:41,178 --> 00:59:43,948
(announcer)
ONE MORE TIME.
MY, OH, MY, IT'S BEEN A DANDY.
1206
00:59:44,014 --> 00:59:45,082
[glass shatters]
1207
00:59:46,884 --> 00:59:49,219
[screaming]
1208
00:59:52,256 --> 00:59:55,125
* WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'
1209
00:59:55,192 --> 00:59:57,194
* WHO DO YOU THINK
YOU'RE FOOLIN' *
1210
00:59:59,730 --> 01:00:02,232
* WHERE ARE YA GOIN'
1211
01:00:02,299 --> 01:00:04,635
* WHEN ALL THE FUNDS
AIN'T GROWIN' *
1212
01:00:07,805 --> 01:00:10,140
* NO ONE IS WAITIN'
1213
01:00:10,207 --> 01:00:12,409
* FOR YOU TO FIND YOUR WAY
1214
01:00:14,378 --> 01:00:17,882
* MAKE YOUR OWN LIFE
YOUR OWN WAY *
1215
01:00:20,550 --> 01:00:22,152
SCREW?
1216
01:00:22,219 --> 01:00:23,220
I BEG YOUR PARDON?
1217
01:00:39,069 --> 01:00:41,906
(Doris)
MAYBE I'LL JUST ASK HIM
FOR ONE DRESS.
1218
01:00:41,939 --> 01:00:44,474
AND I COULD EXPLAIN TO HIM
HOW I'M AN ACTRESS,
1219
01:00:44,574 --> 01:00:46,911
AND HOW IT WOULD BE GOOD
FOR HIS BUSINESS
1220
01:00:46,911 --> 01:00:48,746
FOR ME TO BE WEARING
ONE OF HIS DRESSES,
1221
01:00:48,779 --> 01:00:51,782
AND HE'LL GIVE ME
ONE ON CREDIT.
1222
01:00:51,816 --> 01:00:56,120
* YOU'VE BEEN ALONE
FOR SO LONG *
1223
01:00:56,153 --> 01:00:59,023
* AND IT'S TIME FOR A CHANGE
1224
01:01:02,860 --> 01:01:07,097
* YOU'LL BE ALONE
JUST AS LONG *
1225
01:01:07,131 --> 01:01:11,335
* AS YOU FIND
LOVE SO STRANGE *
1226
01:01:11,435 --> 01:01:13,537
* GET IT TOGETHER
1227
01:01:13,603 --> 01:01:16,974
* SEE WHAT YOU COULD SEE
RIGHT NOW *
1228
01:01:18,475 --> 01:01:20,144
* YOU BETTER LOOK UP
1229
01:01:22,279 --> 01:01:24,514
* BE WHAT YOU
COULD BE NOW *
1230
01:01:27,284 --> 01:01:28,786
I WONDER IF
YOU COULD TELL ME--
1231
01:01:28,819 --> 01:01:30,487
WHAT, MISTER?
1232
01:01:30,520 --> 01:01:32,356
COULD YOU TELL ME WHAT TIME--
1233
01:01:32,456 --> 01:01:33,457
WHAT, MISTER?
1234
01:01:38,128 --> 01:01:41,031
WHAT TIME DOES
CYCLE SLUTS GO ON?
1235
01:01:41,065 --> 01:01:42,066
WHAT, MISTER?
1236
01:01:43,968 --> 01:01:45,803
CYCLE SLUTS!
1237
01:01:45,870 --> 01:01:46,904
YES, YES.
1238
01:01:50,374 --> 01:01:54,311
I WANT TO SEE CYCLE SLUTS.
1239
01:01:54,344 --> 01:01:55,813
SLUTS NOW.
1240
01:02:02,987 --> 01:02:05,055
OVERCOAT?
I DON'T HAVE ONE.
1241
01:02:05,089 --> 01:02:06,223
YOU WANT TO RENT ONE?
1242
01:02:10,060 --> 01:02:11,896
[motorcycle revving]
(Doris on screen)
OH, TERRIFIC!
1243
01:02:11,929 --> 01:02:13,864
[man on screen laughs]
1244
01:02:13,898 --> 01:02:15,933
IF YOU LET ME PUT SOME MONEY
DOWN ON ONE OF THE DRESSES--
1245
01:02:16,000 --> 01:02:18,102
I DIDN'T COME DOWN HERE
TO SELL NO DRESS.
1246
01:02:18,168 --> 01:02:20,437
I DON'T KNOW
WHAT KIND OF CRAZY STUNT
YOU'RE TRYING TO PULL,
1247
01:02:20,504 --> 01:02:23,540
BUT IF YOU'RE LOOKING
FOR TROUBLE,
THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE GONNA FIND.
1248
01:02:23,607 --> 01:02:25,275
RELAX, RELAX.
DON'T GET SO TWITCHY.
1249
01:02:27,444 --> 01:02:29,279
[sighing]
1250
01:02:29,346 --> 01:02:31,248
WHERE DO YOU THINK
YOU'RE GOING NOW?
1251
01:02:33,217 --> 01:02:35,252
I THINK I'M GONNA GO
IN HERE FOR A SECOND.
1252
01:02:35,352 --> 01:02:36,353
OK?
1253
01:02:37,187 --> 01:02:38,856
OK, BUT I--
1254
01:02:38,889 --> 01:02:40,590
I'LL GIVE YOU 30 SECONDS
TO GET OUT OF THERE.
1255
01:02:40,690 --> 01:02:42,526
I MEAN, IT'S GETTING LATE,
YOU KNOW?
1256
01:02:42,526 --> 01:02:44,028
AND I'VE REALLY
GOTTA GET HOME,
1257
01:02:44,094 --> 01:02:45,262
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
ME TOO.
1258
01:02:49,099 --> 01:02:50,600
YOU'RE A VERY NEAT PERSON,
AREN'T YOU?
1259
01:02:50,700 --> 01:02:53,203
OH.
1260
01:02:53,203 --> 01:02:56,206
YEAH, WELL, I HAPPEN
TO BELIEVE A MAN'S CLOTHES ARE
HIS MOST VALUABLE POSSESSION.
1261
01:02:56,240 --> 01:02:57,574
(Doris)
OH, BOY.
1262
01:02:57,607 --> 01:02:58,943
(man on screen)
BRING HER IN HERE.
1263
01:02:59,043 --> 01:03:00,144
(Doris on screen)
NO, NO.
1264
01:03:00,210 --> 01:03:01,311
YEAH, TO THE ROOM.
1265
01:03:01,378 --> 01:03:03,047
NO, NOT TO THE ROOM!
1266
01:03:03,080 --> 01:03:05,582
DON'T TRY THAT,
YOU DIRTY LITTLE SLUT.
1267
01:03:05,615 --> 01:03:07,051
YOU WANT SOME OF THIS?
1268
01:03:07,084 --> 01:03:08,585
NO, NO. I BEG OF YOU.
1269
01:03:08,652 --> 01:03:11,621
HOLD HER WHILE I OPEN
THE DOOR TO THE ROOM.
1270
01:03:11,655 --> 01:03:13,323
NO, NO, PLEASE!
1271
01:03:13,390 --> 01:03:15,893
YOU'LL STAY IN THERE UNTIL
YOU LEARN SOME DISCIPLINE.
1272
01:03:15,960 --> 01:03:17,895
[panting]
(Doris)
OHH!
1273
01:03:17,928 --> 01:03:20,230
[door creaking]
1274
01:03:20,264 --> 01:03:22,099
(Doris)
WHAT--WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
1275
01:03:22,166 --> 01:03:24,434
WH-WH-WHAT'S THAT FOR?
1276
01:03:24,468 --> 01:03:26,170
WHAT--WHAT ARE YOU
GONNA DO WITH THAT?
1277
01:03:27,304 --> 01:03:29,339
WHAT-WHAT'S THAT THING?
1278
01:03:29,406 --> 01:03:30,908
AND WHAT'S THAT OTHER THING?
1279
01:03:30,941 --> 01:03:31,842
[man groaning]
1280
01:03:31,909 --> 01:03:33,610
WHERE DO YOU PLAN
TO PUT THAT?
1281
01:03:33,677 --> 01:03:36,413
WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE!
HOLD IT! YOU CAN'T DO THAT.
1282
01:03:36,446 --> 01:03:38,248
[Doris screaming]
NO, NOT WITH BOTH OF THEM!
1283
01:03:38,282 --> 01:03:39,283
[man moans]
1284
01:03:39,349 --> 01:03:40,284
YOU CAN'T, I TELL YOU.
1285
01:03:40,317 --> 01:03:42,987
YOU CAN'T! YOU CAN'T--
CAN YOU?
1286
01:03:43,020 --> 01:03:45,622
OH! MAYBE YOU CAN.
1287
01:03:45,655 --> 01:03:48,292
OH, MY GOD, YOU COULD.
1288
01:03:48,325 --> 01:03:50,094
[man laughs]
1289
01:03:50,127 --> 01:03:51,996
[toilet flushing]
1290
01:04:02,206 --> 01:04:03,307
I'VE GOT SOMETHING
TO TELL YOU.
1291
01:04:04,308 --> 01:04:05,442
WHAT?
1292
01:04:07,544 --> 01:04:11,215
I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU'RE GONNA
TAKE THIS, BUT, I MEAN,
1293
01:04:11,281 --> 01:04:12,950
I THINK YOU GOT
A RIGHT TO KNOW.
1294
01:04:13,617 --> 01:04:14,952
KNOW WHAT?
1295
01:04:19,623 --> 01:04:22,126
I JUST FLUSHED YOUR PANTS
DOWN THE TOILET.
1296
01:04:22,126 --> 01:04:23,293
[crying childishly]
1297
01:04:37,374 --> 01:04:39,509
WE CLOSE IN 5 MINUTES.
1298
01:04:39,543 --> 01:04:41,678
CAN I--CAN I HELP YOU
FIND SOMETHING?
1299
01:04:48,652 --> 01:04:50,587
ARE YOU SURE
I CAN'T HELP YOU?
1300
01:04:51,588 --> 01:04:53,690
WE CLOSE IN 4 MINUTES.
1301
01:04:53,723 --> 01:04:54,724
I'M ELEANOR.
1302
01:04:54,824 --> 01:04:56,660
I SEE.
1303
01:04:56,693 --> 01:04:58,428
DON'T MEAN MUCH
TO YOU, DOES IT?
NOT A GREAT DEAL, NO.
1304
01:04:58,495 --> 01:05:00,497
YEAH, WELL I DON'T THINK
TOO MUCH OF YOU, EITHER.
1305
01:05:00,564 --> 01:05:02,066
I MEAN,
TO BE PERFECTLY HONEST,
1306
01:05:02,099 --> 01:05:04,268
I DON'T EVEN BEGIN TO FIGURE
WHAT SHE SEES IN YOU.
1307
01:05:04,334 --> 01:05:06,236
ELEANOR, I CERTAINLY
APPRECIATE YOUR HONESTY BUT--
1308
01:05:06,270 --> 01:05:07,504
I THINK YOU'RE A DUMP.
1309
01:05:07,537 --> 01:05:09,373
A WHAT?
A DUMP.
1310
01:05:09,406 --> 01:05:11,575
AFTER THE WAY YOU TREATED HER.
1311
01:05:11,608 --> 01:05:13,177
NOW WAIT A MINUTE, AFTER
THE WAY I TREATED WHOM?
WHO IS HER?
1312
01:05:13,210 --> 01:05:15,045
DORIS.
DORIS?
1313
01:05:15,079 --> 01:05:17,414
I DON'T KNOW ANY...
OH, DORIS.
1314
01:05:17,447 --> 01:05:19,349
AH. I GET IT. DORIS.
1315
01:05:19,383 --> 01:05:22,119
WELL, LOOK, ELEANOR,
YOU'VE GOT THE WRONG DUMP.
1316
01:05:22,186 --> 01:05:23,753
YEAH, THAT'S WHAT
THEY ALL SAY.
1317
01:05:23,853 --> 01:05:26,190
WELL, THIS TIME, THEY'RE ALL
TELLING THE TRUTH.
1318
01:05:26,223 --> 01:05:27,624
YOU WANT FELIX.
1319
01:05:27,691 --> 01:05:29,259
YOU'RE NOT FELIX?
MMM-MMM.
1320
01:05:29,359 --> 01:05:31,095
YEAH, DOWNSTAIRS--
1321
01:05:31,128 --> 01:05:33,397
LISTEN, THEY SAID DOWNSTAIRS
THAT FELIX WAS UP HERE.
1322
01:05:33,430 --> 01:05:34,431
WELL HE IS.
1323
01:05:37,401 --> 01:05:38,568
THAT'S FELIX?
1324
01:05:38,602 --> 01:05:40,104
DISAPPOINTING, ISN'T IT?
1325
01:05:40,204 --> 01:05:42,372
WHEW. WHAT'S HE, SLEEPING?
1326
01:05:42,406 --> 01:05:44,241
UH, NO. HE'S DEAD.
AH, COME ON.
1327
01:05:44,308 --> 01:05:47,144
NO, HE PASSED AWAY
ABOUT 2 WEEKS AGO,
1328
01:05:47,211 --> 01:05:49,779
AH, BUT THE FOLKS
HERE AT THE STORE
WERE SO FOND OF HIM
1329
01:05:49,879 --> 01:05:53,550
THAT WE ALL GOT TOGETHER
AND WE DECIDED
TO HAVE HIM STUFFED.
1330
01:05:53,550 --> 01:05:55,319
HELL OF A GOOD JOB,
DON'T YOU THINK?
1331
01:05:55,385 --> 01:05:56,987
AH, CUT THE CRAP.
1332
01:05:58,155 --> 01:05:59,389
OH!
1333
01:05:59,423 --> 01:06:00,724
FELIX SHERMAN?
1334
01:06:02,126 --> 01:06:03,293
I THINK SO.
1335
01:06:07,731 --> 01:06:09,566
WHAT HAVE I DONE
TO DESERVE THIS?
1336
01:06:09,599 --> 01:06:11,601
NOT MUCH,
THE WAY I HEARD IT.
1337
01:06:13,437 --> 01:06:14,438
YOU'RE NOT--
1338
01:06:15,672 --> 01:06:17,341
A-ARE YOU...
1339
01:06:17,407 --> 01:06:18,808
I'M ELEANOR.
1340
01:06:18,908 --> 01:06:20,744
ELEANOR. YOU'RE ELEANOR.
1341
01:06:20,777 --> 01:06:22,579
BARNEY,
THIS IS ELEANOR.
1342
01:06:22,612 --> 01:06:25,282
DON'T TOUCH ME.
I GOT A CONDITION.
1343
01:06:25,349 --> 01:06:27,517
WHERE'S--WHERE'S DORIS,
ELEANOR?
1344
01:06:27,584 --> 01:06:30,487
ALL RIGHT,
I GOT THIS MESSAGE FOR YOU.
1345
01:06:30,520 --> 01:06:32,356
DORIS DOES NOT WANT
TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
1346
01:06:32,422 --> 01:06:33,823
THAT'S WHY I CAME INSTEAD.
1347
01:06:33,857 --> 01:06:35,692
SHE TOLD ME TO TELL YOU
1348
01:06:35,759 --> 01:06:37,761
THAT SHE DOESN'T WANT
TO TALK TO YOU AGAIN,
1349
01:06:37,761 --> 01:06:40,330
AND, UH, OR ANYTHING.
1350
01:06:40,430 --> 01:06:42,766
EVEN IF YOU SHOULD
SEE HER ON THE STREET,
1351
01:06:42,766 --> 01:06:45,202
OR IN A STORE BY ACCIDENT,
1352
01:06:45,269 --> 01:06:47,104
UH, INCLUDING
1353
01:06:47,137 --> 01:06:48,705
WHERE SHE IS
RIGHT THIS MINUTE,
1354
01:06:49,639 --> 01:06:51,375
WHICH IS, UM,
1355
01:06:51,441 --> 01:06:54,444
WHICH IS HAVING
A HAM SANDWICH
1356
01:06:54,511 --> 01:06:57,514
AT RIKER'S, ON THE CORNER
OF 6TH AVENUE AND 57TH STREET.
1357
01:06:57,547 --> 01:06:59,116
VERY GOOD.
YOU GOT IT ALL OUT.
1358
01:07:39,856 --> 01:07:41,658
YOU RAN ALL THE WAY, HUH?
1359
01:07:46,563 --> 01:07:48,732
I--I WAS WONDERING--
LISTEN, I--
1360
01:07:48,765 --> 01:07:50,367
WHAT--WHAT WERE YOU
GONNA SAY?
1361
01:07:50,400 --> 01:07:51,901
NO, NO, NO, YOU GO AHEAD.
1362
01:07:52,001 --> 01:07:55,839
I WAS WONDERING WHERE
YOU'VE BEEN STAYING
THIS PAST WEEK.
1363
01:07:55,872 --> 01:07:57,874
YEAH? THAT'S WHAT
I WAS GOING TO ASK YOU.
1364
01:07:57,941 --> 01:08:00,610
ARE YOU-- ARE YOU STILL AT,
UM, BARNEY'S PLACE?
1365
01:08:00,677 --> 01:08:02,846
NO, I'VE-- I'VE RELOCATED
TEMPORARILY.
1366
01:08:02,912 --> 01:08:04,614
SAME HERE.
1367
01:08:04,681 --> 01:08:06,850
I'VE BEEN STAYING WITH
MY FRIEND ELEANOR.
1368
01:08:06,883 --> 01:08:09,419
SHE'S GOT THIS PLACE
DOWN ON 14TH STREET.
1369
01:08:10,387 --> 01:08:11,688
SHE SEEMS, UH,
1370
01:08:12,689 --> 01:08:15,259
AGREEABLE.
YEAH, YEAH.
1371
01:08:15,359 --> 01:08:17,794
DORIS, I HAVE SOMETHING
TO SAY TO YOU,
1372
01:08:17,861 --> 01:08:19,396
AND IT CONCERNS
BOTH OF US.
1373
01:08:19,429 --> 01:08:20,430
(woman)
WHOO-WHOO.
1374
01:08:20,530 --> 01:08:21,765
AND IF IT'S NOT--
1375
01:08:23,600 --> 01:08:25,302
WHO WAS THAT?
1376
01:08:25,369 --> 01:08:26,703
GOT ME.
1377
01:08:26,736 --> 01:08:28,472
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
SHE SAID HELLO TO YOU.
1378
01:08:28,538 --> 01:08:30,374
NO, SHE DIDN'T.
SHE SAID, "WHOO-WHOO."
1379
01:08:30,407 --> 01:08:32,909
ARE TOTAL STRANGERS
IN THE HABIT OF SAYING,
"WHOO-WHOO" TO YOU?
1380
01:08:32,942 --> 01:08:34,211
NOT UNTIL TONIGHT.
1381
01:08:34,244 --> 01:08:35,245
[clears throat]
1382
01:08:35,312 --> 01:08:36,313
NOW, LOOK, DORIS--
1383
01:08:36,380 --> 01:08:37,914
YOU REALLY LOOK LOUSY,
YOU KNOW?
1384
01:08:37,981 --> 01:08:39,449
I DO?
1385
01:08:39,483 --> 01:08:41,485
YEAH, LIKE YOU HAVEN'T BEEN
SLEEPING TOO MUCH.
1386
01:08:41,551 --> 01:08:43,387
ACTUALLY, I HAVEN'T
BEEN SLEEPING TOO WELL.
1387
01:08:43,420 --> 01:08:44,654
HAVE YOU TRIED HOT BATHS?
1388
01:08:44,721 --> 01:08:47,924
YES, I HAVE.
I FIND HOT BATHS
TOO ENERVATING.
1389
01:08:47,991 --> 01:08:48,792
ENERVATING, HUH?
1390
01:08:51,828 --> 01:08:54,398
HEY, I MADE YOU LAUGH.
THAT'S ONE FOR ME.
1391
01:08:54,431 --> 01:08:57,301
DORIS, I WANT YOU
TO TRY AND UNDERSTAND
WHAT I'M GOING TO SAY.
1392
01:08:57,401 --> 01:09:00,570
I HAVE STRUGGLED FOR
31 YEARS TO ESTABLISH--
1393
01:09:00,570 --> 01:09:02,639
IS THAT HOW OLD YOU ARE? 31?
YES.
1394
01:09:02,739 --> 01:09:05,809
I HAVE TRIED
TO ESTABLISH THE SUPREMACY
1395
01:09:05,842 --> 01:09:09,313
OF THE INTELLECT OVER
THE PHYSICAL SIDE OF LIFE.
1396
01:09:09,346 --> 01:09:10,847
YOU MEAN TO TELL ME
1397
01:09:10,914 --> 01:09:12,982
THAT YOU RAN
ALL THE WAY TO RIKER'S
JUST TO TELL ME THAT?
1398
01:09:13,016 --> 01:09:15,352
I DIDN'T RUN ALL THE WAY.
I JOGGED.
1399
01:09:15,419 --> 01:09:17,254
YOU COULD HAVE
SENT ME A LETTER.
1400
01:09:17,287 --> 01:09:19,289
I DIDN'T KNOW YOUR ADDRESS!
1401
01:09:19,356 --> 01:09:21,458
YOU COULD HAVE
GIVEN IT TO ELEANOR.
1402
01:09:21,491 --> 01:09:23,327
I WANTED TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
1403
01:09:26,763 --> 01:09:28,932
I WANTED TO APOLOGIZE
FOR THE OTHER NIGHT.
1404
01:09:28,998 --> 01:09:31,268
NO, NO,
THAT WAS ALL MY FAULT.
1405
01:09:31,301 --> 01:09:32,636
I SHOULDN'T HAVE
GOTTEN SO MAD.
I GOT A TERRIBLE TEMPER.
1406
01:09:32,702 --> 01:09:34,504
YOU WERE PERFECTLY JUSTIFIED.
1407
01:09:34,538 --> 01:09:37,040
I HAD NO RIGHT IN--IN--IN
ASKING CERTAIN QUESTIONS--
1408
01:09:37,106 --> 01:09:39,543
SURE YOU DID, SURE YOU DID.
YOU'RE A WRITER, AREN'T YOU?
1409
01:09:39,609 --> 01:09:42,045
I MEAN, A WRITER'S
GOT TO FIND OUT STUFF.
1410
01:09:42,111 --> 01:09:43,813
AND IF YOU DON'T,
YOU KNOW,
ASK QUESTIONS,
1411
01:09:43,847 --> 01:09:45,782
HOW ARE YOU
GOING TO ASSIMILATE?
1412
01:09:47,817 --> 01:09:48,818
WHAT?
1413
01:09:50,119 --> 01:09:51,355
I SAID,
1414
01:09:51,388 --> 01:09:52,956
"IF YOU DON'T ASK QUESTIONS,
1415
01:09:52,989 --> 01:09:55,459
HOW ARE YOU
GOING TO ASSIMILATE?"
1416
01:09:55,492 --> 01:09:56,660
ASSIMILATE?
1417
01:09:57,727 --> 01:09:58,895
NOT BAD, EH?
1418
01:10:00,697 --> 01:10:02,532
"YOU AND YOUR VOCABULARY."
1419
01:10:02,566 --> 01:10:04,568
I GOT IT AT
THE CORNER APOTHECARY.
1420
01:10:04,634 --> 01:10:06,570
THE CORNER APOTHECARY.
1421
01:10:06,636 --> 01:10:08,305
PRETTY IMPECCABLE, HUH?
1422
01:10:09,573 --> 01:10:11,375
IT'S VERY IMPRESSIVE.
1423
01:10:13,009 --> 01:10:15,545
I TRY AND LEARN--
I MEAN, NO, I TRY AND--
1424
01:10:15,645 --> 01:10:18,415
AND ASSIMILATE
5 NEW WORDS A DAY.
1425
01:10:18,482 --> 01:10:19,983
AND THAT WAY, I FIGURE
1426
01:10:19,983 --> 01:10:22,552
PRETTY SOON I'LL BE ABLE
TO TALK AS GOOD AS YOU.
1427
01:10:22,652 --> 01:10:23,987
WOULDN'T THAT BE SOMETHING?
1428
01:10:24,020 --> 01:10:25,355
IT WOULD BE WONDERFUL.
1429
01:10:31,695 --> 01:10:33,997
IT'S--IT'S ALWAYS AN ADVANTAGE
1430
01:10:34,030 --> 01:10:36,400
TO--TO BE ABLE
TO EXPRESS YOURSELF CLEARLY.
1431
01:10:36,500 --> 01:10:37,834
[horn honking]
1432
01:10:37,867 --> 01:10:39,503
(man)
HEY, LADY!
WANNA GO FOR A RIDE?
1433
01:10:39,536 --> 01:10:41,037
[whistling]
1434
01:10:41,070 --> 01:10:42,906
AND I--I THINK
IT WOULD BE GOOD FOR ME
AS AN ACTRESS TOO.
1435
01:10:43,006 --> 01:10:44,508
DON'T YOU THINK?
RIGHT?
1436
01:10:44,541 --> 01:10:45,875
YES. LANGUAGE IS, UH--
1437
01:10:45,942 --> 01:10:48,111
HEY, BABY,
WHAT DO YOU SAY, HUH?
1438
01:10:48,177 --> 01:10:50,780
LANGUAGE IS ONE OF
THE PRIMARY TOOLS
OF THE--THE ACTOR'S ART.
1439
01:10:50,847 --> 01:10:53,417
GET RID OF THE 4-EYED FREAK,
AND WE'LL SHOW YOU
SOME ACTION.
1440
01:10:53,450 --> 01:10:54,718
[whistling]
1441
01:10:54,751 --> 01:10:56,620
I--I--I COULD DO THINGS
I COULDN'T DO BEFORE,
1442
01:10:56,686 --> 01:10:59,689
BECAUSE I--I WASN'T ABLE TO
EXPRESS MYSELF SUSSINTLY.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
1443
01:10:59,723 --> 01:11:01,791
SUCCINCTLY.
SUCCINCTLY, YEAH.
1444
01:11:01,858 --> 01:11:03,727
YES, REMEMBER THAT
LANGUAGE IS POWER.
1445
01:11:03,793 --> 01:11:05,529
I WILL. I WILL.
I'LL REMEMBER THAT.
1446
01:11:05,562 --> 01:11:07,631
(man)
HEY, SWEETHEART,
WE GOT SOMETHING FOR YOU.
1447
01:11:07,697 --> 01:11:09,399
WOULD YOU--WOULD YOU
EXCUSE ME FOR A MOMENT?
1448
01:11:09,466 --> 01:11:10,900
[men hooting]
1449
01:11:10,934 --> 01:11:12,769
JUMP IN.
COME ON.
1450
01:11:12,802 --> 01:11:15,639
I--I BEG YOUR PARDON,
BOYS, BUT, UM,
1451
01:11:15,705 --> 01:11:17,741
YOU ARE INTRUDING
ON MY PRIVACY.
1452
01:11:21,611 --> 01:11:23,447
FELIX! COME ON.
1453
01:11:30,787 --> 01:11:32,389
[screaming]
1454
01:11:55,512 --> 01:11:57,847
(Doris)
JESUS, YOU KNOW, PEOPLE ARE
SO TOUCHY THESE DAYS.
1455
01:11:57,914 --> 01:11:59,148
YOU GOTTA WATCH EVERY WORD.
1456
01:11:59,182 --> 01:12:00,684
[dog barks]
1457
01:12:00,750 --> 01:12:02,919
DORIS, WHAT IS IT ABOUT YOU?
HOW DO YOU MEAN?
1458
01:12:02,952 --> 01:12:04,954
IS YOUR LIFE ALWAYS
SO--SO VOLATILE?
1459
01:12:04,988 --> 01:12:06,956
WHO?
VOLATILE.
1460
01:12:08,992 --> 01:12:09,993
VOLATILE.
1461
01:12:10,660 --> 01:12:11,661
VOL...
1462
01:12:12,596 --> 01:12:14,764
VOL-A-TILE.
1463
01:12:14,831 --> 01:12:18,167
HERE IT IS, HERE IT IS.
"EXPLOSIVE--EXPLOSIVE,
FILLED WITH ENERGY."
1464
01:12:18,201 --> 01:12:21,438
YEAH, I GUESS SO.
I GUESS IT'S BECAUSE I'M REAL
TEMPERAMENTAL, YOU KNOW?
1465
01:12:21,471 --> 01:12:23,139
AND IT GETS ME
INTO TROUBLE.
LIKE, UM,
1466
01:12:23,172 --> 01:12:25,609
ONE TIME I HAD THIS
TERRIFIC FIGHT
WITH THIS GUY
1467
01:12:25,642 --> 01:12:27,644
'CAUSE HE WOULDN'T PAY ME
WHAT HE AGREED ON, SO--
1468
01:12:27,711 --> 01:12:29,713
PAY YOU?
IT'S NOT--IT'S NOT
WHAT YOU THINK.
1469
01:12:29,779 --> 01:12:32,449
ANYWAY, I GRABBED HIM
BY HIS SMOCK, AND--
SMOCK?
1470
01:12:32,516 --> 01:12:34,851
YEAH. I WAS READY
TO GIVE HIM HIS--
WHY WAS HE WEARING A SMOCK?
1471
01:12:34,951 --> 01:12:38,121
HE DIDN'T WANT TO GET
HIS SUIT MESSED UP WHEN
HE WAS LAYING ON THE FLOOR.
1472
01:12:38,121 --> 01:12:40,790
ANYWAY, I WANT TO TELL YOU--
WHY WAS HE LAYING
ON THE FLOOR?
1473
01:12:40,857 --> 01:12:42,992
SO HE COULD AIM BETTER, SEE?
SO ANYWAY, I GRABBED HIM--
1474
01:12:43,026 --> 01:12:45,462
HOLD IT, HOLD IT!
WHAT WAS HE AIMING AT?
1475
01:12:45,495 --> 01:12:47,163
AT ME, WHAT DO YOU THINK?
I'M TRYING TO TELL YOU.
1476
01:12:47,230 --> 01:12:48,798
DORIS, I'M GETTING VERY UPSET.
1477
01:12:48,832 --> 01:12:49,966
OK, ALL RIGHT!
1478
01:12:51,635 --> 01:12:54,638
OH, MY GOD.
WILL YOU LET GO?
1479
01:12:54,671 --> 01:12:58,141
OUCH! JESUS, YOU GOT
VERY STRONG HANDS FOR
A GUY WITH SUCH THIN WRISTS.
1480
01:12:58,174 --> 01:13:00,477
NOW, START AT THE BEGINNING
AND GO STEP BY STEP.
1481
01:13:00,510 --> 01:13:02,178
IT'S NOT THAT INTERESTING,
I'M TELLING YOU.
1482
01:13:02,211 --> 01:13:03,847
I'LL BE THE JUDGE OF THAT.
1483
01:13:03,880 --> 01:13:06,049
WELL, THIS GUY, YOU KNOW,
SOME KIND OF BUSINESSMAN,
1484
01:13:06,149 --> 01:13:07,917
ABOUT 50 YEARS OLD,
1485
01:13:07,984 --> 01:13:09,719
WITH THIS BIG OFFICE
ON MADISON AVENUE
1486
01:13:09,753 --> 01:13:11,755
THAT'S GOT THIS LONG HALLWAY
WITH A MARBLE FLOOR.
1487
01:13:11,821 --> 01:13:13,156
AND?
1488
01:13:13,189 --> 01:13:14,858
EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE,
HE GIVES ME $50
1489
01:13:14,924 --> 01:13:17,226
TO SIT IN A CHAIR
AT THE OTHER END
OF THE HALL.
1490
01:13:17,260 --> 01:13:18,828
JUST TO SIT IN A CHAIR?
1491
01:13:18,862 --> 01:13:21,998
YEAH, IN MY RAINCOAT.
1492
01:13:22,031 --> 01:13:24,033
YOU JUST SAT THERE
IN A CHAIR IN YOUR RAINCOAT?
1493
01:13:24,067 --> 01:13:26,235
YES, YES. WITH MY HANDS
TIED BEHIND ME, YES.
1494
01:13:26,335 --> 01:13:27,904
I SEE.
1495
01:13:27,937 --> 01:13:30,039
AND--AND WHAT WAS HE DOING?
1496
01:13:30,073 --> 01:13:33,910
HE-HE WAS IN HIS END
OF THE HALL
1497
01:13:33,943 --> 01:13:36,045
ON HIS HANDS AND KNEES
IN HIS SMOCK!
1498
01:13:36,079 --> 01:13:37,614
AND?
1499
01:13:37,681 --> 01:13:39,516
AND--AND I JUST HAVE
TO YELL "BOMBS AWAY"
1500
01:13:39,549 --> 01:13:41,618
WHILE HE ROLLED
HARD-BOILED EGGS AT ME.
1501
01:13:41,685 --> 01:13:42,919
SAY THAT AGAIN?
1502
01:13:43,019 --> 01:13:44,888
I SAID, "I--I--I HAVE
TO YELL 'BOMBS AWAY'
1503
01:13:44,921 --> 01:13:46,723
WHILE HE ROLLED
HARD-BOILED EGGS AT ME!"
1504
01:13:46,756 --> 01:13:48,191
HE ROLLED EGGS AT YOU?
1505
01:13:48,224 --> 01:13:49,793
HARD-BOILED.
I TOLD YOU IT WASN'T MUCH.
1506
01:13:49,859 --> 01:13:51,528
DORIS, THAT'S DISGUSTING!
1507
01:13:51,595 --> 01:13:52,696
WHY? WHY?
1508
01:13:52,729 --> 01:13:54,764
BECAUSE IT'S...
1509
01:13:54,864 --> 01:13:57,033
I--I CAN'T FIND
THE WORD. IT'S--IT'S--
1510
01:13:57,767 --> 01:13:59,202
[hyperventilating]
1511
01:13:59,235 --> 01:14:00,236
[Felix groans]
1512
01:14:00,303 --> 01:14:01,971
[running up stairs]
1513
01:14:05,909 --> 01:14:06,976
HEY, WHERE ARE WE, ANYWAY?
1514
01:14:17,721 --> 01:14:18,822
HEY, WHERE ARE WE?
1515
01:14:21,625 --> 01:14:23,793
WHO LIVES HERE?
1516
01:14:23,827 --> 01:14:26,896
WHAT IS--WHAT IS
THIS PLACE, HUH?
WHOSE PLACE IS THIS?
1517
01:14:26,930 --> 01:14:30,099
THIS IS THE HOUSE
OF MR. AND MRS. WEYDERHAUS.
1518
01:14:30,133 --> 01:14:33,069
THEY ARE, RESPECTIVELY,
THE FATHER AND MOTHER
OF MS. ANN WEYDERHAUS.
1519
01:14:33,102 --> 01:14:35,905
MS. WEYDERHAUS IS A,
UH, CONCERT PIANIST.
1520
01:14:35,939 --> 01:14:38,107
SHE IS ALSO MY FIANCEE.
1521
01:14:40,143 --> 01:14:41,310
YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED?
1522
01:14:41,344 --> 01:14:43,146
WE WENT TO SCHOOL TOGETHER.
1523
01:14:43,179 --> 01:14:45,181
WE DECIDED WE'D BE MARRIED
1524
01:14:45,248 --> 01:14:47,083
AS SOON AS
I SOLD MY FIRST NOVEL.
1525
01:14:49,252 --> 01:14:50,920
WHEN'S THAT?
1526
01:14:50,954 --> 01:14:52,789
AT THE RATE I'M GOING,
SOMETIME LATE IN
THE NEXT CENTURY.
1527
01:14:52,822 --> 01:14:54,157
AW, WHY DO YOU SAY THAT?
1528
01:14:54,190 --> 01:14:56,259
WHO AM I TO ARGUE WITH
EVERY PUBLISHER IN NEW YORK?
1529
01:14:56,292 --> 01:14:58,294
AW, HELL, FELIX,
WHAT DO THEY KNOW?
1530
01:14:58,361 --> 01:15:00,830
SOMETHING I DON'T, APPARENTLY.
1531
01:15:00,864 --> 01:15:04,200
HEY, YOU'RE AWFUL HOT,
YOU KNOW THAT?
HOW DO YOU FEEL?
1532
01:15:04,267 --> 01:15:05,935
I THINK MY HAIR IS ON FIRE.
1533
01:15:05,969 --> 01:15:08,638
COME ON.
YOU'VE GOT TO GO TO BED.
1534
01:15:08,672 --> 01:15:11,274
FELIX IS A BAD BOY.
FELIX HAS TO GO TO BED NOW.
1535
01:15:11,307 --> 01:15:13,176
OH, DON'T TALK WEIRD.
IT SCARES ME.
1536
01:15:13,276 --> 01:15:15,979
FELIX IS A WEIRD BOY.
HE SCARES PEOPLE.
1537
01:15:16,012 --> 01:15:18,347
KNOCK IT OFF, WILL YOU?
YOU DO THIS,
AND I'LL GET YOUR SHOES.
1538
01:15:18,381 --> 01:15:19,649
[gasps]
1539
01:15:19,683 --> 01:15:21,685
I'LL TELL YOU
THE TROUBLE WITH FELIX.
1540
01:15:21,718 --> 01:15:23,887
FELIX WENT TO A GOOD COLLEGE
1541
01:15:23,953 --> 01:15:25,722
AND HE TOOK A LOT
OF FINE COURSES
1542
01:15:25,789 --> 01:15:28,725
IN--IN MODERN LITERATURE
AND HE LEARNED A
LOT OF LONG WORDS.
1543
01:15:28,792 --> 01:15:31,160
BUT HE DIDN'T LEARN ANYTHING,
REPEAT, DID NOT LEARN ANYTHING
1544
01:15:31,194 --> 01:15:32,662
ABOUT ROLLING
HARD-BOILED EGGS!
1545
01:15:32,696 --> 01:15:36,032
JUST SHUT UP ABOUT THAT!
1546
01:15:36,065 --> 01:15:39,002
FELIX IS REGRESSING.
HE'S FORGOTTEN
HOW TO DO BUTTONS.
1547
01:15:39,035 --> 01:15:40,203
HERE, LIFT YOUR LEGS.
1548
01:15:40,303 --> 01:15:43,139
FELIX WILL NOW LIFT HIS LEGS.
1549
01:15:43,172 --> 01:15:46,242
HEY. IS THERE
A--A THERMOMETER
AROUND HERE?
1550
01:15:46,309 --> 01:15:48,044
UH, BATHROOM?
POINT!
1551
01:15:52,181 --> 01:15:54,684
HEY, ARE
THE WEYDERHAUSES RICH?
1552
01:15:55,752 --> 01:15:56,853
LOADED.
1553
01:16:04,694 --> 01:16:05,695
OPEN.
1554
01:16:06,395 --> 01:16:07,731
CLOSE.
1555
01:16:13,903 --> 01:16:15,371
THIS HER?
HMM?
1556
01:16:18,942 --> 01:16:20,777
THIS MS. WEYDERHAUS?
1557
01:16:20,844 --> 01:16:22,078
MMM-HMM.
1558
01:16:24,180 --> 01:16:26,182
SHE LOOKS
PARTIALLY ATTRACTIVE.
1559
01:16:27,350 --> 01:16:31,855
I MEAN, I CAN ONLY SEE,
UM, PART OF HER FACE,
1560
01:16:31,888 --> 01:16:33,923
BUT I GUESS SHE PLAYS
PRETTY GOOD, HUH?
1561
01:16:34,023 --> 01:16:37,426
SHE'S MAKING DEBUT WITH
BOSTON SYMPHONY LAST NIGHT.
1562
01:16:37,460 --> 01:16:38,962
THAT WHERE
THE FAMILY IS?
1563
01:16:40,730 --> 01:16:41,731
MMM-HMM.
1564
01:16:44,868 --> 01:16:46,035
HOW IS SHE IN BED?
1565
01:16:49,138 --> 01:16:50,239
I SAID, HOW IS SHE IN BED?
1566
01:16:51,274 --> 01:16:53,376
THAT IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.
1567
01:16:53,409 --> 01:16:55,078
NO GOOD, HUH?
1568
01:16:55,144 --> 01:16:57,246
THIS MAY BE DIFFICULT
FOR YOU TO UNDERSTAND,
1569
01:16:57,280 --> 01:16:58,948
BUT OUR RELATIONSHIP
IS NOT BASED ON THAT.
1570
01:16:59,048 --> 01:17:00,784
WHAT'S IT BASED ON?
1571
01:17:00,817 --> 01:17:02,886
A MUTUAL APPRECIATION
OF CERTAIN THINGS.
1572
01:17:02,919 --> 01:17:04,921
THE ARTS. LITERATURE.
1573
01:17:04,988 --> 01:17:06,222
SHE DOESN'T EVEN WANT TO?
1574
01:17:06,255 --> 01:17:08,157
MUSIC IS HER WHOLE LIFE.
1575
01:17:08,224 --> 01:17:10,226
SWELL. WHERE'RE YOU GONNA
HONEYMOON, SAM GOODY'S?
1576
01:17:10,293 --> 01:17:12,729
I DON'T WANT
TO TALK ABOUT IT.
1577
01:17:12,762 --> 01:17:14,831
THEY ARE VERY FINE PEOPLE,
THE WEYDERHAUSES.
1578
01:17:14,898 --> 01:17:18,735
THEY HAVE A VERY SINCERE AND
OLD-FASHIONED MORAL OUTLOOK.
1579
01:17:18,802 --> 01:17:19,936
YEAH, I KNOW THE TYPE.
1580
01:17:19,969 --> 01:17:21,437
I DON'T THINK YOU DO.
1581
01:17:21,470 --> 01:17:22,972
YOU'RE NOT NORMAL.
1582
01:17:23,072 --> 01:17:24,774
JUST WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT?
1583
01:17:24,808 --> 01:17:26,810
LOOK, 94.
1584
01:17:26,910 --> 01:17:28,077
YOU GOTTA GO TO BED.
1585
01:17:28,978 --> 01:17:29,979
[sobbing]
1586
01:17:30,079 --> 01:17:31,981
MY BODY HATES ME.
COME ON.
1587
01:17:36,185 --> 01:17:37,186
IN YOU GO.
1588
01:17:52,035 --> 01:17:53,803
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?
1589
01:17:53,837 --> 01:17:55,004
LIGHT A FIRE.
1590
01:17:57,306 --> 01:17:59,308
[sighs]
1591
01:17:59,342 --> 01:18:01,878
WHAT HAPPENS IF
MY TEMPERATURE
KEEPS GOING DOWN?
1592
01:18:01,945 --> 01:18:04,113
DON'T WORRY.
I'LL GET AN ICE PICK.
1593
01:18:06,382 --> 01:18:07,483
[whimpering]
EGGS!
1594
01:18:07,516 --> 01:18:09,018
WHAT?
1595
01:18:09,118 --> 01:18:10,186
WHAT DOES IT MEAN?
1596
01:18:10,219 --> 01:18:12,355
WHAT DOES WHAT MEAN?
1597
01:18:12,388 --> 01:18:14,157
[match lighting]
1598
01:18:14,190 --> 01:18:16,359
WHAT DID YOU THINK ABOUT
WHEN HE WAS ROLLING
THE EGGS AT YOU?
1599
01:18:16,392 --> 01:18:19,796
I THOUGHT ABOUT THE $50
I WAS GONNA GET.
1600
01:18:19,829 --> 01:18:22,365
SAME THING I THOUGHT ABOUT
WHEN I DID THAT COFFIN BIT.
1601
01:18:22,465 --> 01:18:26,535
WHAT, I AM HORRIFIED TO ASK,
IS THE "COFFIN BIT"?
1602
01:18:26,569 --> 01:18:28,337
WELL, UM,
1603
01:18:29,305 --> 01:18:31,407
SEE, I WALK INTO THIS ROOM,
1604
01:18:31,474 --> 01:18:33,977
AND TURN THE LIGHTS ON,
1605
01:18:34,010 --> 01:18:38,181
AND, UH, THERE'S THIS GUY
LYING IN A COFFIN, YOU KNOW.
1606
01:18:38,247 --> 01:18:40,917
HANDS FOLDED,
FACE ALL MADE UP.
1607
01:18:40,984 --> 01:18:42,819
TOTAL CORPSE TIME, SEE?
1608
01:18:42,886 --> 01:18:44,520
AND I WALK OVER TO HIM,
1609
01:18:44,553 --> 01:18:47,323
AND SUDDENLY HE OPENS HIS EYES
AND HE SAYS, "GOOD EVENING."
1610
01:18:47,356 --> 01:18:50,226
AND I, UM,
LET OUT A SCREAM AND...
1611
01:18:50,994 --> 01:18:52,328
THAT'S IT!
1612
01:18:53,863 --> 01:18:55,264
$50!
1613
01:18:55,331 --> 01:18:57,500
OR ELSE, THERE'S THIS
OTHER GUY THAT WANTS ME
1614
01:18:57,566 --> 01:18:59,368
TO WRAP HIM UP IN CELLOPHANE
AND CRINKLE HIM.
1615
01:18:59,402 --> 01:19:01,370
THEN THERE'S ONE THAT, UM,
1616
01:19:01,404 --> 01:19:04,373
LIKES ME TO WATCH HIM
THROUGH A KEYHOLE
1617
01:19:04,407 --> 01:19:06,109
WHILE HE EATS A CUCUMBER.
1618
01:19:06,175 --> 01:19:09,012
THEN THERE'S THIS GUY WHO
TAKES POLAROID SHOTS OF ME
1619
01:19:09,045 --> 01:19:12,115
WHILE I'M LYING ON A TABLE,
AND THIS PARAKEET'S
WALKING AROUND ON MY BACK.
1620
01:19:13,116 --> 01:19:15,051
[whispers]
DORIS?
1621
01:19:15,084 --> 01:19:17,053
YOU'RE A SEXUAL DISNEYLAND.
1622
01:19:19,055 --> 01:19:20,857
WELL, IT TAKES ALL KINDS.
1623
01:19:32,368 --> 01:19:34,070
I'M GOING TO L.A.
WHAT?
1624
01:19:35,238 --> 01:19:36,472
I'M GOING TO CALIFORNIA.
1625
01:19:37,273 --> 01:19:38,274
WHY?
1626
01:19:41,044 --> 01:19:43,880
WELL, I HAVEN'T BEEN DOING
TOO GOOD HERE, YOU KNOW?
1627
01:19:43,947 --> 01:19:46,049
AND THAT'S WHERE
ACTRESSES SHOULD GO,
1628
01:19:46,082 --> 01:19:47,884
'CAUSE THAT'S WHERE
ALL THE WORK IS.
1629
01:19:47,917 --> 01:19:51,587
JUST LIKE YOU GOTTA STAY HERE,
'CAUSE YOU'RE A WRITER.
1630
01:19:51,654 --> 01:19:53,890
WHAT'S THAT GOT TO DO
WITH STAYING HERE?
1631
01:19:53,923 --> 01:19:56,259
THE CITY IS WHAT
YOU WRITE ABOUT, ISN'T IT?
1632
01:19:56,325 --> 01:19:58,995
LIKE IN YOUR STORY SCREAM?
1633
01:19:59,062 --> 01:20:01,130
I REMEMBER
HOW MUCH YOU LIKED IT.
1634
01:20:01,164 --> 01:20:02,265
I KNOW.
1635
01:20:02,298 --> 01:20:04,633
NO, I--I'VE BEEN
THINKING ABOUT IT.
1636
01:20:04,667 --> 01:20:06,635
SEE, I DIDN'T GET IT AT FIRST,
YOU KNOW?
1637
01:20:06,669 --> 01:20:09,172
LIKE ABOUT THE SUN
"SPITTING MORNING"?
1638
01:20:09,238 --> 01:20:11,074
BUT I COULD...
I REALLY SEE IT NOW.
1639
01:20:11,074 --> 01:20:12,075
YOU CAN?
1640
01:20:12,141 --> 01:20:13,476
OH, YEAH. SURE.
1641
01:20:14,643 --> 01:20:16,279
SEE, THE SUN,
1642
01:20:16,312 --> 01:20:18,081
LIKE A BIG FACE--
1643
01:20:19,648 --> 01:20:21,350
HERE IT COMES,
HERE IT COMES,
1644
01:20:22,185 --> 01:20:24,253
REAL SLOW
1645
01:20:25,321 --> 01:20:27,323
OVER THE EDGE OF THE WORLD
1646
01:20:29,025 --> 01:20:32,461
AND IT LOOKS OUT
OVER THE CITY
1647
01:20:32,495 --> 01:20:33,997
AND IT GOES...
1648
01:20:35,999 --> 01:20:37,000
[spitting]
1649
01:20:42,605 --> 01:20:43,606
SEE WHAT I MEAN?
1650
01:20:50,679 --> 01:20:53,049
WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR?
1651
01:20:53,116 --> 01:20:54,117
I'M NOT SURE.
1652
01:20:56,052 --> 01:20:57,553
WELL, WOULD YOU MIND
DOING IT AGAIN?
1653
01:20:57,620 --> 01:20:59,622
I WASN'T READY
THE FIRST TIME.
1654
01:21:13,236 --> 01:21:15,371
IT DOESN'T BUCKLE,
IT SNAPS.
1655
01:21:19,642 --> 01:21:21,577
LISTEN, FELIX,
1656
01:21:21,644 --> 01:21:23,512
MAYBE YOU SHOULD TAKE IT EASY.
1657
01:21:23,546 --> 01:21:26,249
GET YOUR TEMPERATURE UP.
1658
01:21:26,315 --> 01:21:27,383
(Felix)
IT'S GOING UP.
1659
01:21:28,217 --> 01:21:29,986
I CAN FEEL IT.
1660
01:21:30,019 --> 01:21:32,188
YEAH, BUT YOU'RE EXHAUSTED,
REMEMBER?
1661
01:21:33,522 --> 01:21:36,059
PARTS OF ME ARE WIDE AWAKE.
1662
01:21:39,162 --> 01:21:41,497
(Doris)
THIS COULD BE
VERY DANGEROUS.
1663
01:21:41,530 --> 01:21:43,099
A PERSON AS SICK AS YOU.
1664
01:21:43,166 --> 01:21:46,035
I'M GONNA STOP ANY MINUTE NOW.
1665
01:21:46,102 --> 01:21:47,370
YOU DO,
AND I'LL KILL YOU.
1666
01:21:57,546 --> 01:21:59,182
*[piano playing]
1667
01:22:32,615 --> 01:22:34,150
DO YOU THINK SHE'S PRETTY?
1668
01:22:36,385 --> 01:22:38,054
MS. WEYDERHAUS,
THE CONCERT PIANIST.
1669
01:22:38,887 --> 01:22:40,423
[sighs]
1670
01:22:40,456 --> 01:22:41,790
*[playing off-key]
1671
01:22:46,495 --> 01:22:48,297
DOES SHE HAVE A NICE BODY?
1672
01:22:48,331 --> 01:22:50,166
SHE'S VERY DELICATE.
1673
01:22:50,233 --> 01:22:52,101
OH, YEAH?
1674
01:22:52,168 --> 01:22:54,137
SHE'S EXTREMELY FRAGILE.
1675
01:22:54,170 --> 01:22:57,140
SHE GOT A STICKER ON HER
THAT SAYS, "THIS END UP"?
1676
01:22:57,173 --> 01:22:58,174
NOT FUNNY.
1677
01:23:01,510 --> 01:23:02,511
YOU THINK I'M PRETTY?
1678
01:23:06,915 --> 01:23:08,117
YES.
1679
01:23:10,919 --> 01:23:13,256
I'M NOT REALLY.
I JUST MAKE YOU THINK I AM.
1680
01:23:14,257 --> 01:23:15,424
HOW DO YOU DO THAT?
1681
01:23:16,159 --> 01:23:17,660
IT'S A TRICK.
1682
01:23:17,693 --> 01:23:20,196
IT-IT'S, UH,
IT'S HARD TO EXPLAIN.
1683
01:23:20,263 --> 01:23:21,764
I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
1684
01:23:22,765 --> 01:23:24,100
WELL,
1685
01:23:25,334 --> 01:23:26,335
UH,
1686
01:23:27,870 --> 01:23:31,540
IT--IT'S KIND OF LIKE ACTING,
YOU KNOW?
1687
01:23:31,607 --> 01:23:33,776
I MEAN,
Y-YOU GOTTA ACT PRETTY.
1688
01:23:35,278 --> 01:23:36,879
I'LL SHOW YOU WHAT I MEAN.
1689
01:23:36,945 --> 01:23:38,114
WATCH THIS.
1690
01:23:44,887 --> 01:23:46,622
NOW I LOOK PRETTY, RIGHT?
1691
01:23:48,657 --> 01:23:50,159
RIGHT.
1692
01:23:50,193 --> 01:23:51,227
NOW, WATCH THIS.
1693
01:23:58,367 --> 01:24:00,703
OH, THAT'S AMAZING.
1694
01:24:00,736 --> 01:24:03,206
THAT'S 2 COMPLETELY
DIFFERENT GIRLS.
1695
01:24:03,239 --> 01:24:05,541
YOU'RE PUTTING ME ON.
1696
01:24:05,574 --> 01:24:07,243
NO, I MEAN IT!
IT'S FANTASTIC.
1697
01:24:07,310 --> 01:24:08,644
[giggling]
1698
01:24:10,313 --> 01:24:11,647
WH-WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
1699
01:24:11,680 --> 01:24:13,682
MMM, I'M GONNA
MAKE YOU FEEL GOOD.
1700
01:24:14,717 --> 01:24:16,519
I KNOW WHAT THAT IS.
1701
01:24:16,552 --> 01:24:18,354
IT'S GONNA PUT YOU
IN A VERY GOOD MOOD.
1702
01:24:18,387 --> 01:24:20,389
I DON'T--I DON'T WANT
TO BE A PARTY TO THIS.
1703
01:24:20,489 --> 01:24:21,690
OH, DON'T BE
SUCH A TIGHT-ASS.
1704
01:24:21,724 --> 01:24:23,326
I AM NOT A TIGHT-ASS.
1705
01:24:23,359 --> 01:24:26,529
I--I--I MERELY BELIEVE THAT
THERE ARE--ARE CERTAIN LIMITS.
1706
01:24:27,896 --> 01:24:29,232
I'LL MAKE YOU A DEAL.
1707
01:24:29,332 --> 01:24:31,167
ABSOLUTELY NOT.
1708
01:24:31,200 --> 01:24:33,536
LISTEN, A COUPLE
OF HITS ON THIS,
1709
01:24:34,937 --> 01:24:36,272
AND I...
1710
01:24:36,339 --> 01:24:37,440
[whispering]
1711
01:24:48,917 --> 01:24:50,586
OF COURSE,
IF YOU'RE NOT INTERESTED--
1712
01:24:50,619 --> 01:24:51,720
GIVE ME THAT. JUST GIVE ME.
1713
01:24:51,754 --> 01:24:54,790
THIS IS JUST--JUST
TO DEMONSTRATE
1714
01:24:54,857 --> 01:24:56,559
THAT I HAVE A CERTAIN
FREEDOM OF CHOICE,
1715
01:24:56,625 --> 01:24:58,294
THAT I AM NOT
A SQUARE PERSON,
1716
01:24:58,361 --> 01:25:01,930
AND I AM, IF I WISH TO BE,
PERFECTLY HEP.
1717
01:25:01,964 --> 01:25:03,399
MMM-HMM.
I'M HIP, YOU'RE HEP.
1718
01:25:03,432 --> 01:25:04,600
[inhales deeply]
1719
01:25:20,616 --> 01:25:22,751
HOW DO YOU FEEL?
1720
01:25:22,785 --> 01:25:26,722
HOW COME
YOU AND MS. WEYDERHAUS
DON'T MESS AROUND?
1721
01:25:26,755 --> 01:25:27,923
I TOLD YOU!
1722
01:25:27,956 --> 01:25:28,957
[chuckles]
1723
01:25:32,895 --> 01:25:33,929
HEY.
HMM?
1724
01:25:35,631 --> 01:25:37,966
HOW COME YOU
AND MS. WEYDERHAUS
DON'T MESS AROUND?
1725
01:25:39,335 --> 01:25:40,336
I TOLD YOU.
1726
01:25:41,904 --> 01:25:44,307
[giggling]
OH, BECAUSE SHE'S FRAGILE?
1727
01:25:44,407 --> 01:25:45,974
YEAH, SHE'S FRAGILE,
RIGHT?
1728
01:25:46,008 --> 01:25:49,312
NO, SHE'S WORRIED--
SHE'S WORRIED ABOUT HER HANDS.
SHE HAS...
1729
01:25:49,345 --> 01:25:51,514
SHE DOESN'T WANT
TO HURT HER HANDS.
1730
01:25:51,580 --> 01:25:53,482
SHE COULD WEAR
BOXING GLOVES.
1731
01:25:55,751 --> 01:25:57,586
THEY'RE VERY BEAUTIFUL,
HER HANDS.
1732
01:25:59,522 --> 01:26:00,623
SHE OILS THEM.
1733
01:26:01,490 --> 01:26:02,658
SHE OILS THEM?
1734
01:26:04,092 --> 01:26:05,761
LIKE THE TIN WOODSMAN?
1735
01:26:06,929 --> 01:26:08,864
EXACTLY. TO KEEP THEM SUPPLE.
1736
01:26:10,933 --> 01:26:14,303
SHE'S AN EXTRAORDINARY
HUMAN BEING.
1737
01:26:14,337 --> 01:26:15,871
SHE SOUNDS LIKE A DRAG.
1738
01:26:18,874 --> 01:26:20,643
YES, SHE DOES.
1739
01:26:20,676 --> 01:26:21,677
[door slams]
1740
01:26:24,613 --> 01:26:26,782
IS THAT A DOOR?
1741
01:26:26,815 --> 01:26:28,817
I THINK THAT WAS A DOOR.
1742
01:26:30,686 --> 01:26:32,655
DID, UH, SOMEBODY COME IN?
1743
01:26:34,790 --> 01:26:36,659
UNLESS ONE OF US WENT OUT.
1744
01:26:36,725 --> 01:26:38,327
(Mrs. Weyderhaus)
FELIX?
1745
01:26:39,628 --> 01:26:41,830
THAT IS A DEFINITE PERSON.
1746
01:26:42,798 --> 01:26:44,300
CORRECT.
1747
01:26:44,333 --> 01:26:47,670
(Mrs. Weyderhaus)
FELIX, ARE YOU THERE?
1748
01:26:47,736 --> 01:26:50,539
YOU ARE ABOUT TO MEET
MRS. WEYDERHAUS.
1749
01:26:50,573 --> 01:26:52,308
(Ms. Weyderhaus)
MOTHER, IS FELIX HERE?
1750
01:26:52,341 --> 01:26:53,642
AND MS. WEYDERHAUS.
1751
01:26:53,676 --> 01:26:55,644
(Mrs. Weyderhaus)
HIS CLOTHES ARE ALL AROUND.
1752
01:26:55,678 --> 01:26:56,879
COULDN'T WE PUT IT OFF
FOR A WHILE?
1753
01:26:56,979 --> 01:26:57,980
[knocking on door]
1754
01:26:58,013 --> 01:27:00,048
(Mrs. Weyderhaus)
ANYONE IN THERE?
1755
01:27:00,148 --> 01:27:03,552
THEY'RE REALLY
VERY UNDERSTANDING.
JUST BE YOURSELF.
1756
01:27:03,586 --> 01:27:05,421
(Mrs. Weyderhaus)
ANYBODY THERE?
I DON'T HAVE MUCH CHOICE.
1757
01:27:05,488 --> 01:27:07,490
[gasps]
1758
01:27:07,523 --> 01:27:08,757
(Felix)
MRS. WEYDERHAUS.
THIS IS DORIS WELLINGTON,
1759
01:27:08,824 --> 01:27:10,526
A FRIEND OF MINE.
1760
01:27:10,593 --> 01:27:12,395
HI, MRS. WEYDERHAUS.
1761
01:27:12,428 --> 01:27:14,062
MOTHER, MY BED IS BROKEN,
AND--
1762
01:27:14,096 --> 01:27:16,365
[gasps]
1763
01:27:16,399 --> 01:27:18,934
ANN WEYDERHAUS,
I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET
DORIS WASHINGTON.
1764
01:27:19,001 --> 01:27:23,005
HELLO, MS. WEYDERHAUS.
I'VE HEARD SO MUCH ABOUT YOU
1765
01:27:23,071 --> 01:27:25,408
FROM FELIX HERE.
1766
01:27:25,441 --> 01:27:27,410
(Mr. Weyderhaus)
WHAT'S GOING ON?
WELL, WHAT'S UP IN THERE?
1767
01:27:27,443 --> 01:27:28,444
(Felix)
MR. WEYDERHAUS.
1768
01:27:29,678 --> 01:27:31,380
(Felix)
ALLOW ME TO--
1769
01:27:31,414 --> 01:27:33,015
DORIS!
DORIS?
1770
01:27:33,048 --> 01:27:34,750
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
DORIS?
1771
01:27:36,685 --> 01:27:37,686
DORIS?
1772
01:27:37,753 --> 01:27:40,088
JESUS CHRIST!
1773
01:27:40,122 --> 01:27:42,458
THAT'S "BOMBS AWAY"!
1774
01:27:42,525 --> 01:27:43,759
THAT'S THE GUY WITH THE SMOCK.
1775
01:27:43,792 --> 01:27:46,429
YOU KNOW--YOU KNOW,
WITH THE HARD-BOILED EGGS!
1776
01:27:46,462 --> 01:27:48,063
[Felix and Doris laugh]
1777
01:27:48,096 --> 01:27:49,097
[shrieks]
1778
01:27:54,470 --> 01:27:55,471
(Doris)
WHERE ARE YOU RUSHING?
1779
01:27:56,872 --> 01:27:59,041
JESUS, YOU WALK SO FAST!
1780
01:27:59,041 --> 01:28:00,543
WHERE DO YOU THINK
YOU'RE GOING?
1781
01:28:00,609 --> 01:28:01,910
I DON'T KNOW.
1782
01:28:03,546 --> 01:28:05,748
PLEASE STOP FOLLOWING ME.
I'M NOT FOLLOWING YOU.
1783
01:28:05,814 --> 01:28:07,983
I JUST HAPPEN TO BE GOING
IN THE SAME DIRECTION YOU ARE,
1784
01:28:08,050 --> 01:28:09,818
BUT YOU'RE GOING
FASTER THAN I AM.
1785
01:28:09,885 --> 01:28:11,620
DORIS, I WANT
TO BE ALONE NOW.
1786
01:28:11,720 --> 01:28:14,657
WILL YOU PLEASE LET ME
EXPLAIN SOMETHING TO YOU?
1787
01:28:14,723 --> 01:28:15,891
WHAT IS IT?
1788
01:28:15,891 --> 01:28:16,792
YOU'RE JUST DEPRESSED
NOW
1789
01:28:16,892 --> 01:28:19,094
BECAUSE Y-Y-YOU'RE NOT USED
TO SMOKING GRASS.
1790
01:28:19,127 --> 01:28:20,796
YES, DOCTOR?
1791
01:28:20,896 --> 01:28:22,931
AND YOU GOT VERY HIGH,
AND NOW YOU'VE
COME DOWN REAL HARD.
1792
01:28:22,965 --> 01:28:24,967
THAT COULD BE
VERY DEPRESSING.
SEE WHAT I MEAN?
1793
01:28:25,067 --> 01:28:26,635
LISTEN, THE FIRST TIME
I GOT STONED,
1794
01:28:26,669 --> 01:28:28,771
I CAME DOWN SO HARD
I DIDN'T FEEL
LIKE A HUMAN BEING.
1795
01:28:28,804 --> 01:28:30,639
I FELT LIKE SOME KIND
OF COCKROACH OR SOMETHING.
1796
01:28:30,673 --> 01:28:31,674
KAFKA.
1797
01:28:31,740 --> 01:28:33,909
YEAH, LIKE A KAFKA.
1798
01:28:33,976 --> 01:28:36,979
YOU JUST NEVER KNOW
WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN.
YOU GOTTA BE CAREFUL.
1799
01:28:37,012 --> 01:28:38,981
I'M GOING TO BE CAREFUL
FROM NOW ON.
1800
01:28:39,014 --> 01:28:42,618
I'M GONNA BE EXTRA-CAREFUL
NOT TO BECOME INVOLVED
IN ANYBODY'S LIFE.
1801
01:28:42,651 --> 01:28:44,820
IT'S NOT GOOD FOR THEM,
AND IT'S NOT GOOD FOR ME.
1802
01:28:44,920 --> 01:28:47,590
WHAT ABOUT LAST NIGHT?
WHAT ABOUT LAST NIGHT?
1803
01:28:47,590 --> 01:28:49,758
WHEN WE MADE LOVE,
WASN'T THAT GOOD FOR YOU?
1804
01:28:49,792 --> 01:28:52,528
YOU'VE GOT YOUR
TERMINOLOGY CONFUSED, DORIS.
THAT WAS NOT MAKING LOVE.
1805
01:28:52,595 --> 01:28:54,997
WHATEVER IT WAS,
IT BEAT THE HELL OUT OF
DRYING THE DISHES.
1806
01:28:55,097 --> 01:28:56,765
WHAT WE DID WAS
TO GET A FAST THRILL.
1807
01:28:58,701 --> 01:29:00,769
ONE TIME IS A FAST THRILL.
1808
01:29:00,803 --> 01:29:03,472
6 TIMES IS MAKING LOVE.
1809
01:29:03,506 --> 01:29:04,940
YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT WE DID?
1810
01:29:04,973 --> 01:29:07,042
COME ON.
I'LL SHOW YOU WHAT WE DID.
1811
01:29:07,109 --> 01:29:08,444
WHAT? FELIX.
1812
01:29:08,477 --> 01:29:10,012
COME ON, I'LL SHOW YOU
SOMETHING. COME ON.
1813
01:29:11,514 --> 01:29:13,516
LOOK. LOOK OVER THERE.
1814
01:29:13,549 --> 01:29:14,650
[dogs yelping]
1815
01:29:14,683 --> 01:29:16,719
THAT'S WHAT WE DID.
1816
01:29:16,785 --> 01:29:18,120
WITH JUST AS LITTLE
SENSE OR PURPOSE.
NO.
1817
01:29:18,186 --> 01:29:20,022
OF COURSE,
MAYBE THAT'S WHAT YOU AND I
ARE ALL ABOUT.
1818
01:29:20,122 --> 01:29:21,557
MAYBE THAT'S WHAT
WE'RE GOOD FOR.
1819
01:29:21,624 --> 01:29:22,991
WHAT?
1820
01:29:23,025 --> 01:29:25,561
BEING EACH OTHER'S PETS.
WOULD YOU ENJOY THAT?
1821
01:29:25,628 --> 01:29:27,730
PEOPLE LOVE THEIR PETS.
1822
01:29:27,796 --> 01:29:29,665
YOU WANT TO BE MY PET, DORIS?
1823
01:29:29,732 --> 01:29:31,567
THAT'S NOT SUCH A BAD IDEA.
1824
01:29:31,634 --> 01:29:34,136
YOU COULD WEAR A NICE COLLAR
AND SLEEP
IN A CORNER IN A BOX.
1825
01:29:34,169 --> 01:29:36,539
OF COURSE, I'D HAVE
TO LOCK YOU UP AT NIGHT
IN THE BATHROOM.
1826
01:29:36,639 --> 01:29:38,541
WOULDN'T WANT YOU RUNNING
AROUND THE NEIGHBORHOOD.
1827
01:29:38,574 --> 01:29:40,576
I DON'T UNDERSTAND
WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.
1828
01:29:40,643 --> 01:29:42,678
AND I COULD WASH YOU,
AND BATHE YOU--
1829
01:29:42,745 --> 01:29:45,013
SAY, WE'VE ALREADY
DONE THAT, HAVEN'T WE?
1830
01:29:45,047 --> 01:29:47,883
I KNOW. I COULD
TEACH YOU SOME TRICKS.
DON'T TALK LIKE THAT.
1831
01:29:47,916 --> 01:29:51,086
YOU COULD LEARN TO SIT UP,
PLAY DEAD, ROLL OVER--
YOU'RE SCARING ME.
1832
01:29:51,153 --> 01:29:54,256
WHAT ABOUT RETRIEVING?
THAT'S AN EASY ONE.
RETRIEVING IS AN EASY ONE.
1833
01:29:54,322 --> 01:29:56,258
LET ME JUST... COME ON.
LET ME JUST GET A STICK.
1834
01:29:56,324 --> 01:29:58,160
STOP IT!
YEAH, HERE'S A STICK. OK?
1835
01:29:58,193 --> 01:30:00,195
STOP IT, FELIX.
STICK, STICK.
THERE'S THE STICK.
1836
01:30:00,262 --> 01:30:03,599
OK, OK! FETCH! FETCH!
GO AHEAD, FETCH!
1837
01:30:03,666 --> 01:30:05,167
[panting]
1838
01:30:05,200 --> 01:30:07,836
THAT'S TOO TOUGH, HUH?
IS THAT TOO TOUGH?
1839
01:30:07,870 --> 01:30:09,738
STOP IT!
SOMETHING REAL SIMPLE.
ALL RIGHT. COME ON.
1840
01:30:09,838 --> 01:30:11,940
GIVE ME YOUR PAW.
GIVE ME YOUR PAW.
1841
01:30:12,007 --> 01:30:13,275
I DON'T KNOW WHAT
YOU WANT FROM ME.
1842
01:30:13,341 --> 01:30:15,077
I WANT YOU TO BE
A GOOD LITTLE GIRL
1843
01:30:15,110 --> 01:30:16,745
AND GIVE DADDY YOUR PAW.
1844
01:30:16,779 --> 01:30:19,081
DON'T FORGET,
I ASSIMILATED IMPECCABLE.
1845
01:30:19,114 --> 01:30:22,084
RIGHT. THAT WAS A GOOD TRICK.
NOW I'M TRYING TO TEACH YOU
ANOTHER ONE.
1846
01:30:22,117 --> 01:30:23,552
IF YOU CAN'T LEARN IT
FROM ME,
1847
01:30:23,586 --> 01:30:25,721
I'M GONNA HAVE TO SEND YOU
TO OBEDIENCE SCHOOL.
1848
01:30:25,754 --> 01:30:26,755
NOW GIVE ME YOUR PAW.
1849
01:30:26,855 --> 01:30:28,123
WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?
1850
01:30:28,190 --> 01:30:30,025
PETS DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS.
1851
01:30:30,058 --> 01:30:32,127
THEY DO WHAT THEY'RE TOLD.
OTHERWISE THEY ARE GIVEN AWAY.
1852
01:30:32,194 --> 01:30:34,029
IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?
1853
01:30:34,096 --> 01:30:36,799
DO YOU WANT ME TO GIVE YOU
AWAY TO SOME POOR FAMILY
WHO'LL BEAT YOU?
1854
01:30:36,865 --> 01:30:39,267
NOW, JUST DON'T STAND THERE
LIKE A HUMAN BEING.
GIVE ME YOUR PAW.
1855
01:30:39,367 --> 01:30:41,269
IF I DO, WILL YOU QUIT
ACTING LIKE THIS?
1856
01:30:41,303 --> 01:30:43,305
WE MAKE NO DEALS
WITH PETS HERE.
1857
01:30:43,371 --> 01:30:45,574
I'M WARNING YOU.
THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE.
1858
01:30:45,608 --> 01:30:46,609
GIVE ME YOUR PAW.
1859
01:30:46,709 --> 01:30:47,976
[sniffles]
1860
01:30:57,219 --> 01:30:58,621
[children chattering]
1861
01:30:59,722 --> 01:31:00,889
[dogs barking]
1862
01:31:13,602 --> 01:31:14,970
[siren wailing]
1863
01:31:19,241 --> 01:31:20,242
[sniffles]
1864
01:31:23,411 --> 01:31:24,580
HEY, FELIX.
1865
01:31:26,281 --> 01:31:28,584
[dogs barking]
1866
01:31:28,617 --> 01:31:30,619
NAME'S NOT FELIX.
1867
01:31:30,653 --> 01:31:32,588
WHAT DID YOU SAY?
I DIDN'T HEAR YOU.
1868
01:31:34,356 --> 01:31:36,859
MY NAME IS NOT FELIX.
1869
01:31:36,925 --> 01:31:38,326
I DON'T GET YOU.
1870
01:31:39,161 --> 01:31:40,295
MY NAME IS FRED.
1871
01:31:42,931 --> 01:31:45,934
THAT'S RIGHT. THE PERSON
YOU ARE STARING AT
IS NAMED FRED SHERMAN.
1872
01:31:45,968 --> 01:31:48,136
NOT FELIX. FRED.
1873
01:31:48,170 --> 01:31:50,205
SHORT FOR FREDERICK.
1874
01:31:50,272 --> 01:31:53,308
JUST LIKE WASHINGTON,
WELLINGTON, WADSWORTH
AND WAVERLY,
1875
01:31:53,375 --> 01:31:56,011
"FELIX" IS JUST ONE MORE
POMPOUS, EMPTY NOTION,
1876
01:31:56,044 --> 01:31:58,180
ONE MORE HOPELESS PRETENSE.
1877
01:31:58,213 --> 01:32:00,182
"F" IS FOR FRED.
1878
01:32:00,215 --> 01:32:02,217
IT ALSO STANDS FOR
1879
01:32:02,284 --> 01:32:03,819
"FAKE"
1880
01:32:03,852 --> 01:32:05,654
AND "FRAUD"
1881
01:32:05,688 --> 01:32:06,989
AND--
PHONY?
1882
01:32:08,791 --> 01:32:12,160
AND "FAILURE."
THAT'S RIGHT.
1883
01:32:12,227 --> 01:32:15,998
THAT'S WHAT IT REALLY
STANDS FOR, THE GOOD OLD
AMERICAN FAILURE STORY.
1884
01:32:16,031 --> 01:32:18,701
OH, FELIX--
FRED, GODDAMN IT.
1885
01:32:18,801 --> 01:32:21,136
GIVE ME A CHANCE, WILL YOU?
I'M USED TO FELIX.
1886
01:32:21,169 --> 01:32:23,305
I CAN'T JUST ASSIMILATE
FRED ALL OF A SUDDEN.
1887
01:32:23,338 --> 01:32:25,007
STOP USING WORDS
YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.
1888
01:32:25,040 --> 01:32:27,042
USE WORDS THAT ARE INDIGENOUS
TO YOUR BACKGROUND.
1889
01:32:27,142 --> 01:32:29,311
YOU STOP USING WORDS
I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
1890
01:32:29,344 --> 01:32:32,347
THEN MAYBE I'LL UNDERSTAND
WHAT I'M NOT SUPPOSED
TO UNDERSTAND. UNDERSTAND?
1891
01:32:34,482 --> 01:32:36,018
WHERE'RE YOU GOING? HUH?
1892
01:32:41,824 --> 01:32:43,191
WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR?
1893
01:32:44,326 --> 01:32:46,729
IT WAS EITHER HIM OR ME.
1894
01:32:46,829 --> 01:32:49,364
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
THAT WAS YOUR TYPEWRITER.
1895
01:32:49,397 --> 01:32:51,834
SON OF A BITCH
WAS TRYING TO KILL ME.
1896
01:32:51,867 --> 01:32:54,703
WHO WAS? WHO WAS?
WHAT'RE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
1897
01:32:54,770 --> 01:32:57,072
WILL SOMEBODY PLEASE TELL ME
WHAT HE'S TALKING ABOUT?
1898
01:32:57,105 --> 01:32:59,074
DON'T TURN AROUND.
WHAT?
1899
01:32:59,107 --> 01:33:02,210
JUST STAND THERE.
STAND THERE AND COUNT TO 50.
UNDERSTAND?
1900
01:33:02,244 --> 01:33:03,946
ONE... I-I DON'T UNDER--
DO WHAT I SAY.
1901
01:33:04,012 --> 01:33:05,948
1, 2, 3, 4, 5,
6, 7, 8, 9, 10,
1902
01:33:06,014 --> 01:33:08,383
11, 12, 13, 14, 15,
16, 17, 18, 19, 20,
1903
01:33:08,450 --> 01:33:09,785
21, 22, 23, 24, 25--
1904
01:33:09,852 --> 01:33:11,086
JUST--JUST KEEP COUNTING.
1905
01:33:11,186 --> 01:33:12,755
26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31,
1906
01:33:12,788 --> 01:33:14,022
[inhales]
1907
01:33:14,056 --> 01:33:17,860
32, 33, 34, 35,
36, 37, 38, 39, 40,
1908
01:33:17,893 --> 01:33:21,229
41, 42, 43, 44, 45,
46, 47, 48...
1909
01:33:21,296 --> 01:33:23,131
NOW LISTEN VERY CAREFULLY.
1910
01:33:24,900 --> 01:33:27,803
MY NAME IS FRED.
FRED SHERMAN.
1911
01:33:27,870 --> 01:33:28,904
[sniffles]
1912
01:33:28,971 --> 01:33:30,138
WHAT'S YOUR NAME?
1913
01:33:32,908 --> 01:33:34,276
DORIS.
1914
01:33:34,376 --> 01:33:35,443
DORIS WHAT?
1915
01:33:36,244 --> 01:33:37,746
DORIS WAVERLY.
1916
01:33:37,780 --> 01:33:39,815
I'M SORRY, I DIDN'T--
I DIDN'T--I DIDN'T HEAR THAT.
1917
01:33:39,882 --> 01:33:41,884
LET ME--LET ME
ASK YOU AGAIN.
1918
01:33:41,917 --> 01:33:43,051
WHAT IS YOUR NAME?
1919
01:33:47,055 --> 01:33:48,223
DORIS.
1920
01:33:48,256 --> 01:33:49,257
YES?
1921
01:33:51,226 --> 01:33:52,327
WATCH IT.
1922
01:33:54,797 --> 01:33:56,298
YES? YES?
1923
01:33:58,133 --> 01:34:01,269
WILGUS?
WILGUS!
1924
01:34:01,303 --> 01:34:05,307
WHAT A NICE NAME.
IT'S--IT'S VERY REAL.
1925
01:34:05,407 --> 01:34:07,409
[chuckling]
YEAH, IT'S THAT,
ALL RIGHT.
1926
01:34:07,409 --> 01:34:11,413
UH, I WORK IN A BOOKSTORE.
I'M A CLERK.
1927
01:34:11,446 --> 01:34:14,449
ACTUALLY, I'M IN LINE FOR
THE ASSISTANT MANAGERSHIP.
1928
01:34:14,482 --> 01:34:16,151
NO KIDDING?
YEAH. YEAH.
1929
01:34:16,184 --> 01:34:18,086
WELL, I WORK NIGHTS,
AND, UH,
1930
01:34:18,120 --> 01:34:21,123
I THOUGHT I'D SPEND MY DAY
LOOKING FOR AN APARTMENT.
1931
01:34:21,189 --> 01:34:23,425
GEE, THAT'S A COINCIDENCE.
I DON'T LIVE ANYPLACE EITHER.
1932
01:34:23,458 --> 01:34:25,994
REALLY? WHAT DO YOU DO?
1933
01:34:26,094 --> 01:34:28,263
I'M A MODEL AND AN ACTRESS.
1934
01:34:37,205 --> 01:34:38,841
BUT I WAS FORMERLY A HOOKER.
1935
01:34:42,310 --> 01:34:44,980
BUT ALSO, I WAS IN
2 TELEVISION COMMERCIALS.
1936
01:34:45,047 --> 01:34:47,449
I THOUGHT
YOU LOOKED FAMILIAR.
1937
01:34:47,482 --> 01:34:49,151
[giggles]
1938
01:34:49,217 --> 01:34:51,987
HEY, I'M VERY PLEASED
TO ACTUALLY MEET YOU,
MISS WILGUS.
1939
01:34:53,521 --> 01:34:55,390
VERY NICE TO MEET YOU, FRED.
1940
01:35:04,867 --> 01:35:06,334
[dogs barking]
1941
01:35:12,074 --> 01:35:14,242
(Doris)
A-ACTUALLY,
1942
01:35:14,309 --> 01:35:16,979
THERE WAS ONLY ONE COMMERCIAL.
1943
01:35:17,012 --> 01:35:18,246
DO YOU STILL LOVE ME?
1944
01:35:20,215 --> 01:35:21,516
(Felix)
WHO KNOWS?
1945
01:35:21,549 --> 01:35:23,551
WE MIGHT EVEN FIND A PLACE
WITH A TELEVISION SET.
1946
01:35:23,651 --> 01:35:25,020
OH, I NEVER WATCH
TELEVISION.
1947
01:35:25,053 --> 01:35:26,388
REALLY?
1948
01:35:26,488 --> 01:35:28,556
YEAH.
IT'S TOO GODDAMN
ENERVATING.
1949
01:35:28,590 --> 01:35:32,160
* JUST WANT
TO MENTION IN PASSING *
1950
01:35:32,194 --> 01:35:34,329
* THERE'LL BE FOOD AND DRINK
1951
01:35:34,362 --> 01:35:36,999
* THERE'LL BE
MOONLIGHT DANCING *
1952
01:35:37,032 --> 01:35:40,068
* IF YOU COULD
SEE TO IT SOMEHOW *
1953
01:35:40,168 --> 01:35:42,337
* COULD YOU LEND YOUR PLACE
1954
01:35:42,370 --> 01:35:45,507
* OR A HOTEL ROOM NOW
1955
01:35:45,540 --> 01:35:50,012
* I WANT TO REMIND YOU,
MIND YOU *
1956
01:35:50,045 --> 01:35:53,849
* NOW'S THE TIME
YOU CAN CELEBRATE *
1957
01:35:53,882 --> 01:35:57,285
* I WANT TO IMPLORE YOU,
FOR YOU *
1958
01:35:57,352 --> 01:35:59,254
* JUST CAN'T WAIT
1959
01:36:09,031 --> 01:36:12,400
* JUST WANT TO MENTION
IN PASSING *
1960
01:36:12,467 --> 01:36:16,638
* THERE'S A BOAT THAT'S
LEAVING HERE FOR ROMANCING *
1961
01:36:16,704 --> 01:36:20,208
* LET'S JUST LEAVE IT
TO FATE, NOW *
1962
01:36:20,208 --> 01:36:22,310
* WE CAN ALL GO HOME
1963
01:36:22,377 --> 01:36:26,381
* TIME TO CELEBRATE
130742
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